F74» 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 BY 
 
 JAMES FORBES 
 
 SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th St., New York 
 
THE REJUVENATION OF AUNT MARY. 
 
 The famous comedy in three acts, by Anne Warner. 7 males, 3 
 females. Three interior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2%. hours. 
 
 This is a genuinely funny comedy with splendid parts for “Aunt Mary,” 
 “Jack,” her lively nephew; “Lucinda,” a New England ancient maid of all work; 
 “Jack's” three chums; the Girl “Jack” loves; “Joshua,” Aunt Mary's hired 
 man, etc. 
 
 “Aunt Mary” was played by May Robson in New York and on tour for over 
 two years, and it is sure to be a big success wherever produced. We strongly 
 recommend it. Price, 60 Cents. 
 
 MRS. BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 
 
 A pleasing comedy, in three acts, by Harry James Smith, author of 
 “The Tailor-Made Man.” 6 males, 6 females. One interior scene. Cos¬ 
 tumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 
 
 Mr. Smith chose foi< his initial comedy # the complications arising from the 
 endeavors of a social climber to land herself in the altitude peopled by hyphenated 
 names—a theme permitting innumerable complications, according to the spirit of 
 the writer. 
 
 This most successful comedy was toured for several seasons by Mrs. Fiske 
 with enormous success. Price, 60 Cents. 
 
 MRS. TEMPLE’S TELEGRAM. 
 
 A most successful farce in three acts, by Frank Wyatt and William 
 Morris. 5 males, 4 females. One interior scene stands throughout the 
 three acts. Costumes modern. Plays 2 l / 2 hours. 
 
 “Mrs. Temple's Telegram” is a sprightly farce in which there is an abund¬ 
 ance of fun without any taint of impropriety or any element of offence. As 
 Noticed by Sir Walter Scott, “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we 
 practice to deceive!” 
 
 There is not a dull moment in the entire farce, and from the time the curtain 
 rises until it makes the final drop the fun is fast and furious. A very exceptional 
 farce. Price, 60 Cents. 
 
 THE NEW CO-ED. 
 
 A comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of ‘Tempest and 
 Sunshine,” etc. Characters^ 4 males, 7 females, though any number of 
 boys and girls can be introduced in the action of the play. One interior 
 and one exterior scene, but can be easily played in one interior scene. 
 Costumes modern. Time, about 2 hours. 
 
 The theme of this play is the coming of a new student to the college, her 
 reception by the scholars, her trials and final triumph. 
 
 There are three especially good girls’ parts, Letty, Madge and Estelle, but 
 the others have plenty to do. “Punch” Doolittle and George Washington Watts, 
 a gentleman of color, are two particularly good comedy characters. We can 
 •trongly recommend “The New Co-Ed” to high schools and amateurs. 
 
 Price, 30 Cents. 
 
 (The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
 
 SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
 
 Hew and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free on Request 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 A FARCICAL SATIRE IN FOUR ACTS 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
 Especial notice should be taken that the possession of 
 this book without a valid contract for production first 
 having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right 
 or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play 
 publicly or in private for gain or charity. 
 
 In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading 
 public only, and no performance, representation, produc¬ 
 tion, recitation, or public reading, or radio broadcasting 
 may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel 
 French, 25 West 45th Street, New York. 
 
 This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment 
 of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars for each perform¬ 
 ance, payable to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, 
 New York, one week before the date when the play is 
 given. 
 
 Whenever the play is produced the following notice must 
 appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the 
 play: “Produced by special arrangement with Samuel 
 French of New York.” 
 
 Attention is called to the penalty provided by law for 
 any infringement of the author’s rights, as follows. 
 
 “Section 4966:—Any person publicly performing or rep¬ 
 resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which 
 copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the 
 proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his 
 heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, such 
 damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less 
 than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for 
 every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear 
 to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation 
 be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be 
 guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction shall be im¬ 
 prisoned for a period not exceeding one year.”*— U. S. 
 Revised Statutes: Title 60, Chap. 3, 
 
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY 
 
 Sadie 
 
 Wilbur Tompkins 
 Jerome Belden 
 Max Rosenbaum 
 Effie Brinkley 
 Johnny Brinkley 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Bettina Dean 
 A Night Clerk 
 Mr. Billings 
 Granby Smith 
 A Scene Painter 
 Maginnis 
 Goldman 
 Hickson 
 Steve 
 
 Miss Donahue 
 Miss Farrington 
 Js^Miss Toby 
 Monk 
 fcj Walters 
 
 The Scenes of the play are laid in the office of Max 
 Rosenbaum, New York City, the parlour of the Palace 
 Hotel, Punxatawney, the stage of a Broadway Theatre and 
 the appartment of Jerome Belden. 
 
 The action covers a period of time from August to Octo¬ 
 ber, a month intervening between the first and second acts, 
 six weeks between the second and third, and fourteen hours 
 between the third and fourth. 
 
 <si 
 
 o , 
 
 CO 
 
 h 
 
 O 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 Original cast, as first presented at the Hudson Theatre, 
 New York, December 31, 1914. 
 
 It is arranged in the order in which the characters first 
 appear. 
 
 Sadie. 
 
 Wilbur Tompkins 
 Jerome Belden . 
 Max Rosenbaum . 
 Effie Brinkley . 
 Johnny Brinkley 
 Mrs. Dean . . . 
 Bettina Dean . . 
 A Night Clerk . 
 Mr. Billings . . 
 Granby Smith . . 
 
 A Scene Painter . 
 Maginnis . . . 
 Goldman .... 
 Hickson . . . . 
 
 Steve . 
 
 Miss Donahue . 
 Miss Farrington . 
 Miss Toby . . . 
 
 Monk. 
 
 Walters . . . . 
 
 Edna Aug 
 Ned A. Sparks 
 Douglas Fairbanks 
 George Sidney 
 Olive May 
 William Sampson 
 Zelda Sears 
 Patricia Collinge 
 Sam Coit 
 Stapleton Kent 
 Felix Krembs 
 William Butler 
 Harry G. Bates 
 George Colt 
 Walter Young 
 Charles Emerson 
 Lillian Tucker 
 Rhy Alexander 
 Becky Bruce 
 Al Gilmore 
 Edward Moore 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 THE FIRST ACT 
 
 The private office, in a Broadway theatre building, of Max 
 Rosenbaum, theatrical manager. On the right of the 
 room is a door opening on a hall that leads to a private 
 entrance to the stage, on the left a door to the office of 
 Rosenbaum's stage director, Wilbur Tompkins, and 
 at the back another door to the outer offices and the 
 waiting-room . At the left of the room are several 
 chairs and a table on which stands a scenic artist’s 
 model of a stage setting, on the right a flat-topped desk 
 and a swivel chair . Against the walls are filing cabinets 
 and above them, encircling the room , is a row of framed 
 “flashlights” of scenes from a Rosenbaum production . 
 In the most prominent position, over the centre door, 
 is a large framed photograph of Rosenbaum. Tacked 
 to the walls are several “half-sheets” to be used in 
 advertising Rosenbaum's forthcoming production, “The 
 Wallop.” 
 
 It is eleven o’clock of a morning in August. On a bench in 
 the waiting-room is the usual row of patient and eter¬ 
 nally hopeful actors and actresses, seeking positions . 
 They exchange greetings with Sadie, Rosenbaum's 
 secretary, as she comes through the waiting-room into 
 the private office. She closes the door. 
 
 Sadie is pretty , quick-witted, clever-tongued, apparently 
 bored with life yet incurably romantic. She takes a 
 passionate interest in the affairs of the office, waging 
 an eternal feud with Tompkins, the stage director; in 
 fact, assuming a proprietary attitude toward the busi¬ 
 ness, and, while admiring Rosenbaum enormously, does 
 93 
 
94 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act I 
 
 not hesitate to criticise even him. She is carrying the 
 morning’s mail, several telegrams, a manuscript of a 
 play and a set of “parts.” As she moves about the 
 room she sings a popular, sentimental ballad of the day. 
 
 Sadie. [Singing.'] “You made me what I yam today -” 
 
 [i She picks up a newspaper, looks at it, smiles scornfully. 
 
 Has she got her picture in the paper again? [She throws 
 it down .] 
 
 [Singing.] “I hope you’re satisfied, 
 
 You dragged me down, and down and down, 
 That cannot be deny-ed.” 
 
 [Laying the parts on the desk. 
 “I hope I’ve copied these parts all right, and 
 
 now that we must part- 
 
 [She slams the manuscript on the desk. 
 I wish you all kinds of good luck. 
 
 [Singing.] “ ’Tis the coise of an achin’ heart, 
 
 ’Tis the coise-” 
 
 [The telephone bell rings sharply. She picks up the re¬ 
 ceiver. Sure, I want it. 7776 Bryant. [Wearily.] 
 7-7~7-6 Bryant. [ Freezingly .] I beg your pardon; I gave 
 you the right number. [She listens impatiently, then pas¬ 
 sionately exclaims.] As Heaven is my judge, I gave you 
 the right number. [She waits.] As woman to woman. 
 [She listens again, then grows furiously angry.] Well, 
 Madam, if you’ll give me a chance I’ll explain. I called up 
 Central and said I wanted the box-office and wanted to 
 
 speak to the Treasurer, please- Yes, that’s right- 
 
 Yeppie. Three sevens and a six. [Laughs affectedly.] Oh, 
 that’s all right, dearie. Yes, I’ll hold it. [She stands wait¬ 
 ing, shifting from one foot to another, and changing the 
 receiver from hand to hand. She sighs and perches on the 
 end of the desk and, presently, to relieve the tedium, begins 
 to sing the. ballad again, emphasising its pathos.] Hello. 
 [Crossly.] Hello! [Smiling coyly.] Oh, is that you, 
 Harry? This is Sadie. What did the manager say about 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 95 
 
 *ACT i] 
 
 letting Mr. Rosenbaum have your stage for rehearsal today? 
 From eleven till one? Much obliged. Say, Harry, I’d like 
 a couple for tonight. Selling out! Is that so? Ah, go on, 
 Harry, slip me a couple and mark ’em “Press.” What! 
 Take me home after the show? Sure, if anybody’s got to 
 stand on my feet in the subway I’d just as lief it’d be you, 
 darling. 
 
 [As she replaces the receiver Tompkins, a lean , lank 
 individual of saturnine appearance , the incarnation 
 of pessimism , enters from his office . 
 
 Tompkins. Hello, Sadie! Have the scene models come? 
 
 Sadie. No. 
 
 Tompkins. Get on that phone to that scenic artist. 
 
 Sadie. Hello, give me 261 Greeley, and don’t keep me 
 waiting like the last time. 
 
 Tompkins. Give him my love and ask him how in thun¬ 
 der I’m going to put on a show without scenery. 
 
 Sadie. 261 Greeley? I’m speaking for Mr. Tompkins, 
 Mr. Rosenbaum’s stage manager. 
 
 Tompkins. [ Indignantly .] Director! Director! 
 
 Sadie. What about those models for our new play, “The 
 Wallop”? [To Tompkins.] Some title! 
 
 Tompkins. Some play! 
 
 Sadie. Mr. Rosenbaum thinks it’s a masterpiece. 
 
 Tompkins. It’s a mess. 
 
 Sadie. What? All right! [To Tompkins.] Be right 
 over. 
 
 Tompkins. Got the script and parts ready? 
 
 Sadie. [Giving him the manuscript and the parts.] 
 There’s your copy. Take ’em away and chloroform ’em. 
 I’ve had to copy the parts for this show, but you bet your 
 life I’ll never go to see it. 
 
 Tompkins. There’s going to be a whole lot of people side¬ 
 step this. Where’s the fourth act? 
 
 Sadie. Hasn’t been handed in yet. I dread it. 
 
 Tompkins. Cheer up, sister; it can’t be any worse than 
 these. 
 
96 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act I 
 
 Sadie. Well, if it is, it’s going to make those three acts 
 awful envious. Oh, here’s a couple of letters for you. 
 
 Tompkins. [Opening the letters.'] Where’s Rosie? 
 
 Sadie. Over to K. & E.’s, battling for a route. [She 
 sings.] “You made me what I yam today.” 
 
 Tompkins. [Wearily.] Must you do that? 
 
 Sadie. I can’t help it if I have an ear for music. 
 
 Tompkins. [Reading the letter.] Gillette’s thrown up 
 her part. 
 
 [Disgusted, he throws the letter on the desk. 
 
 Sadie. Isn’t that the limit! I told Mr. Rosenbaum who 
 to get for that part. She’s coming in to see him today. 
 
 Tompkins. Who is she? 
 
 Sadie. Bettina Dean. 
 
 Tompkins. Huh! 
 
 Sadie. Best-looking girl that has been in this office this 
 season. 
 
 Tompkins. Huh! 
 
 [He reads the second letter. 
 
 Sadie. The only thing that worries me is, if Mr. Rosen¬ 
 baum doesn’t like her, I’m afraid I’ll have to play the part 
 myself. 
 
 Tompkins. You hate yourself, don’t you? This letter 
 means we lose Gilmore, too. 
 
 [He throws it on the desk. 
 
 Sadie. Are Gillette and Gilmore married? 
 
 Tompkins. Yes, poor Gilmore. 
 
 Sadie. What was he going to play? Who is he, anyhow? 
 
 Tompkins. Some truck-driver Rosie engaged to play a 
 man about town. 
 
 Sadie. Lucky it’s a small part. So hard to get leading 
 men. All of them dancing at the cabarets. 
 
 Tompkins. [Going.] Time some of the bluffs in this 
 business were doing something. 
 
 Sadie. There are a lot of actors waiting out there to see 
 you. 
 
 Tompkins. Actors! There are none. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 97! 
 
 ACT i] 
 
 Sadie. What’ll I do? 
 
 Tompkins. Get rid of ’em. 
 
 Sadie. How? 
 
 Tompkins. Tell ’em I’m dead. 
 
 Sadie. That’s going to keep them happy all day. 
 
 [Tompkins turns, glares at Sadie, then goes into his 
 office, slamming the door. Sadie is laughing when 
 the door from the waiting-room is thrown open and 
 a breezy, good-looking type of the wealthy American 
 youth of today comes in hurriedly. It is Jerome 
 Belden. Sadie rises majestically, walks over to him 
 and points to the letters on the door. 
 
 Sadie. “Private” isn’t painted on the other side of the 
 door just to make it look stylish, 
 
 Jerome. I’m looking for Mr. Rosenbaum. 
 
 Sadie. That doesn’t give you any license to crowd your 
 personality into his private office. 
 
 Jerome. I’m sorry. I saw the door open and just blew in. 
 Sadie. The wind’s shifted; blow out. 
 
 [She turns away. 
 
 Jerome. [Following her.] I want to see Mr. Rosenbaum. 
 Sadie. You want to see an oculist. There’s a sign out 
 there—“No Vacancies for Actors.” 
 
 Jerome. I’m not an actor. I’m a business man. 
 
 Sadie. What’s a business man doing in a theatrical office? 
 Who are you? 
 
 Jerome. Jerome Belden. 
 
 Sadie. Jerome Belden! That’s a swell name, but it 
 means nothing in my young life. Did you have an appoint¬ 
 ment? 
 
 Jerome. No, but I must see him. 
 
 Sadie. [ Sarcastically .] Sorry, but he isn’t in. 
 
 [She moves to the chair at the desk. 
 Jerome. When will he be back? 
 
 Sadie. When he returns, fair stranger. 
 
 Jerome. Don’t you keep tabs on Mr. Rosenbaum? 
 
 Sadie. I’m his stenographer, not his wife. 
 
98 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act I 
 
 Jerome. Oh! Has Miss Dean been here? 
 
 Sadie. What Miss Dean? 
 
 Jerome. Bettina Dean! 
 
 Sadie. I’m not allowed to divulge office secrets. 
 
 [She sits. 
 
 Jerome. [ Offering a bill.] Here. 
 
 Sadie. [ Waving it aside.] Nothing doing. 
 
 Jerome. [Smiling.] Oh, go on, run up to Huyler’s. 
 
 Sadie. [Taking it.] That’s different. Mother told me I 
 was never to take money from a strange gentleman. But, 
 gee, none of the fellows I know have any. 
 
 Jerome. [Sitting across from her.] Let’s get down to 
 cases. Have you ever seen Miss Dean? 
 
 Sadie. Best-looking girl that has been in this office this 
 season. 
 
 Jerome. [Offering another bill.] Go on, get another box. 
 
 Sadie. One box a day is my limit. 
 
 Jerome. Look here, have you ever been in love? 
 
 Sadie. [Sighing.] It’s chronic with me. 
 
 Jerome. That’s the way I feel about Miss Dean. I want 
 you to help me. 
 
 Sadie. I’m no first aid to stage-door Johnnies. 
 
 Jerome. Johnnies? I want to marry her. 
 
 Sadie. What? My, how romantic! 
 
 Jerome. I want her to marry me and give up the stage. 
 Her mother can’t see that at all. I heard last night that 
 Mr. Rosenbaum is to see her today. If she gets this engage¬ 
 ment it’s all off. 
 
 Sadie. Oh, I see. [Sympathetically.] Then you’ll be 
 parted. 
 
 Jerome. Now you see what we’re up against. 
 
 Sadie. Isn’t real life just like the stage? 
 
 Jerome. Now come on; be a good fellow. Tell me, has 
 she been here? 
 
 Sadie. Not yet. Her appointment’s for twelve today. 
 
 Jerome. Good! [He rises and goes to the door.] That 
 gives me a chance to see her before she gets here. Say, 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 ACT i] 
 
 what’s your favourite brand of flower? [Sadie smiles.] No? 
 Well, I’m just going to smother you in violets. 
 
 [He leaves hurriedly. 
 
 Sadie. [Wistjidly.] Some girls have all the luck. 
 
 [Tompkins bursts in from his office. 
 
 Tompkins. Where’s that script? 
 
 Sadie. I gave it to you once; if you’re going to mislay it 
 like that I’ll put a bell on it. 
 
 [She rises and gives the manuscript to him. 
 
 Tompkins. What was it I wanted to ask you? 
 
 Sadie. How should I know? I’m no mind-reader. 
 
 Tompkins. Can the persiflage. Oh, yes, what theatre 
 did Rosie get for rehearsal today? 
 
 Sadie. You can have the stage downstairs from eleven 
 till one. 
 
 [Max Rosenbaum, a jovial embodiment of his race, 
 enters briskly from the outer office. He carries a 
 theatrical “route” book. 
 
 Sadie. Good morning, Mr. Rosenbaum. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Hello, Sadie. [To Tompkins.] Hello, 
 Sunshine. We’ve got to slam this show through. We open 
 in two weeks. Sadie, has the printer sent the proof of that 
 three-sheet? 
 
 Sadie. It’s right outside. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Bring it in. 
 
 [Sadie goes. 
 
 Tompkins. Get a good route? 
 
 Rosenbaum. A pippin! 
 
 [He opens the book. 
 
 Tompkins. [Sarcastically.] Well, what burgs did you 
 horn out of them? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Reading.] We open in Toronto, jump to 
 Washington- 
 
 Tompkins. Jump! It’s a leap! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes, but if I can get the President to see 
 the show. 
 
 Tompkins. What have you got against Wilson? 
 
100 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act I 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ll get him to endorse it. 
 
 Tompkins. Why should he? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Didn’t I vote for him? 
 
 Tompkins. Where do we scatter after Washington? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Montreal, then Wilmington, Schenectady, 
 Hartford, Rochester, New Haven, Troy and Punxatawney. 
 
 Tompkins. Just hitting the high places. What are you 
 doing, booking “The Wallop” with a ouija board? 
 
 Rosenbaum. And a week in Philadelphia. 
 
 Tompkins. This is a healthy show to wake up Phila¬ 
 delphia. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Say it will wake ’em up so hard, it’ll give 
 ’em insomnia. 
 
 [He places the route book on the desk . Sadie enters, 
 carrying a roll of paper. 
 
 Sadie. Here’s the proof of that three-sheet. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Here, Sadie, stand up. [Rosenbaum places 
 a chair . Sadie stands on it and holds up the three-sheet. 
 Rosenbaum reads.] “Max Rosenbaum politely proffers 
 The Wallop,’ by Edgerton Porter, staged under the direc¬ 
 tion of Max Rosenbaum and Wilbur Tompkins.” 
 
 Tompkins. [ Satirically .] Couldn’t you work your mon¬ 
 icker in some place else? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I might make it, “By Max Rosenbaum 
 
 and-” [Tompkins laughs .] Well, I gave the author 
 
 the idea and a lot of the dialogue. 
 
 Tompkins. Why pay him royalties? Why didn’t you 
 write it yourself? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I haven’t time to do the hack work. Sadie, 
 tell the printer to put Max on one line and Rosenbaum on 
 the other, and cut down the size of the author’s name. 
 Who is he, anyway? 
 
 [Sadie, agreeing, goes . 
 
 [Rosenbaum puts on his office-coat, then sits, reading 
 his mail. 
 
 Tompkins. Got a minute? 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 101 
 
 ACT i] 
 
 Rosenbaum. I haven’t a thing to do but listen to your 
 troubles. What’s on your mind? 
 
 Tompkins. [Sitting.] Oh, nothing! First rehearsal at 
 eleven, no last act, no scenery, no leading woman- 
 
 Rosenbaum. Gillette quit? 
 
 Tompkins. [ Sarcastically .] She’s ill. 
 
 [He hands Rosenbaum a letter. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Reading it.] She’d had a better offer. 
 
 Tompkins. It’s like her to wait till the first rehearsal. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I was afraid she’d throw us down. I’ve 
 got just the girl. I told her that if anything happened to 
 Gillette, I’d give her the first chance. I’ve an appointment 
 with her today at twelve. 
 
 [He presses the buzzer on his desk. 
 
 Tompkins. [Handing Rosenbaum the other letter.] 
 Gilmore’s quit, too. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Reading.] Well, you didn’t like him. 
 What kind of a type do you want? 
 
 Tompkins. He ought to look like a clubman, wear his 
 clothes well. He sings a song in the first act, dances a 
 tango- 
 
 Rosenbaum. For sixty dollars a week, you want a cross 
 between John Drew, Caruso and Vernon Castle. That’s 
 easy! [Sadie rushes in.] Sadie, telephone Miss Dean, over 
 to the St. Agnes: tell her not to wait until twelve o’clock, 
 but to come right over. 
 
 Sadie. [Disconsolately.] Right over? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes, and make out a couple of contracts 
 and leave the salary blank. 
 
 [Sadie rushes out. 
 
 Tompkins. Is it Bettina Dean? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes. 
 
 Tompkins. Oh, Lord! 
 
 Rosenbaum. What is it? 
 
 Tompkins. Has a mother, hasn’t she? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Must have had a father, too. What’s the 
 matter with mother? 
 
102 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act I 
 
 Tompkins. If Mamma Dean is going to be on this job, 
 you won’t want a stage manager for this show, you’ll want 
 a lion tamer. 
 
 [He goes into his office. Sadie enters. 
 Sadie. Mr. and Mrs. Brinkley calling. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Show ’em in, show ’em in. Come in, Effie. 
 Effie. [Entering.] Well, Rosie? [Sadie goes. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Shaking hands.] Where’s Johnny? 
 
 Effie. Somewhere in the rear. That man’s always leav¬ 
 ing Buffalo just as I’m pulling into the Grand Central. 
 Johnny. [Entering.] Who are you knocking now? 
 Rosenbaum. [Shaking hands.] Well, well, Johnny! 
 [Effie Brinkley is a plump, pretty, jolly woman of 
 thirty-five, her bleached hair, too youthful hat, and 
 gown, indicating clearly the passe soubrette. Her 
 husband, Johnny, a small, spare man in the fifties, 
 has the gloomy manner and dejected appearance that 
 is so often characteristic of the comedian in private 
 life. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Here, sit down, sit down. 
 
 Effie. Didn’t I tell you he’d be the same old Rosie? 
 Rosenbaum. Why not? 
 
 Johnny. You’re a great manager, now. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Anybody who’s had one success is a great 
 manager. 
 
 [Effie and Johnny sit. Rosenbaum gets a box of 
 cigars. 
 
 Effie. Johnny didn’t want to come. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Reproachfully.] Johnny and you knew me 
 when I- 
 
 Johnny. I never bank on that “I knew him when” thing. 
 
 [He takes a cigar. 
 
 Effie. The sight of you, Rosie, takes me back to ’Frisco. 
 Johnny. Remember that joint we all lived in? 
 Rosenbaum. The House of a Thousand Prunes. 
 
 [They laugh. Rosenbaum sits at his desk. 
 
act i] the SHOW SHOE 103 
 
 Effie. My, but five years makes a big difference in this 
 business! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Effie, you don’t look a day older. 
 
 Effie. It’s my grand new liquid rouge. 
 
 Johnny. And I just paid three dollars to regild her 
 dome. 
 
 Rosenbaum. How’s the world using you? 
 
 Johnny. We’re still among the deserving poor. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Where have you been keeping yourself? 
 
 Effie. Hiding out in the alfalfa. 
 
 Rosenbaum. You ought to be on Broadway. 
 
 Johnny. We haven’t a look-in. I haven’t that sex appeal. 
 
 Effie. Isn’t it funny some New York manager doesn’t 
 take a violent fancy to Johnny? 
 
 Johnny. Hush, Effie, you make me feel like an aban¬ 
 doned woman. 
 
 Rosenbaum. What can I do for you? 
 
 Effie. Well, a couple of jobs would come in handy. 
 
 Johnny. Anything in this play you’re putting on? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ll see, Johnny. {He looks at the “cast 
 sheet” on his desk .] There’s a bit in the last act. 
 
 Johnny. One of those bad butlers? 
 
 Rosenbaum. No, a chauffeur. 
 
 Effie. Anything for me? We always go together. He’s 
 too darn attractive to leave lying around loose. 
 
 Rosenbaum. There’s a housekeeper. But, oh, you 
 couldn’t afford to play them. 
 
 Effie The only thing an actor can’t afford to be is idle. 
 
 Johnny. We’re eating on the last link of my gold watch 
 and chain. What do they pay? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Hold fast. 
 
 Johnny. [ Clutching his chair.'] Spring it! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Seventy-five dollars for the two of them. 
 
 Johnny. {Gasping.] Air! I want air! 
 
 Rosenbaum. I tell you what: we’ll make it a hundred. 
 
 {He presses the buzzer. 
 
 Effie. Now, Rosie, we don’t want to work you. 
 
104. 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act I 
 
 Rosenbaum. What’s money between friends? [Sadie 
 bustles in.] Sadie, make out a contract for Effie and John 
 Brinkley at One Hundred. [To Effie.] I’ll mail it to you. 
 
 Sadie. Mrs. Dean and Miss Dean are waiting to see you. 
 
 Rosenbaum. When I ring, show them in. [Sadie goes.] 
 
 Effie. Is Betty Dean to be in the company? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’m figuring on her for the lead. Do you 
 know her? 
 
 Effie. Know her? Many’s the two weeks’ notice her 
 mother and I have read off the same call-board. Haven’t 
 seen her for years until she turned up this summer. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Can the girl act? 
 
 Effie. She should if she’s anything like her mother, 
 Matilda Kent. You’ve heard of her. Used to play leading 
 business. 
 
 Johnny. I thought that Betty was going to marry that 
 young fellow who’s been hanging around. 
 
 Effie. Oh, no; he insists that Betty give up the stage. 
 Matilda gave up a big career to marry. She won’t let Betty 
 make the same mistake. 
 
 Johnny. Jerry is one of the idle rich, but he’s a nice kid. 
 
 Effie. Yes, but when you think of the late Mr. Dean, 
 you can’t blame Matilda for being something of a pessimist 
 when it comes to love. She’s devoted her life to Betty and 
 she’s determined to get her on Broadway. 
 
 Johnny. Then no man, woman or child will stop her. 
 She’s some warrior, is Matilda. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Johnny, you’re throwing an awful scare into 
 me. 
 
 Effie. Don’t mind Johnny. He always was an artist 
 with a hammer. I like Matilda. You take Betty. She’s a 
 find for some manager. Where are the parts? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Here. 
 
 [Effie and Johnny rise. Rosenbaum hands a part 
 of two “sides!” to Effie and another of three “ sides’’ 
 to Johnny. They look at them, then at Rosen¬ 
 baum, who smiles apologetically. 
 
act i] THE SHOW SHOP 105 
 
 Effie. All of this? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, that’s all right, Effie, you can build 
 it up. 
 
 Effie. Are you engaging me as an actress or an architect? 
 
 Johnny. Cheer up, Effie; if anyone in the audience winks, 
 they’ll miss me. 
 
 Effie. Where are we rehearsing? 
 
 Rosenbaum. We’re using the stage downstairs. You can 
 go out that way. 
 
 [He indicates the door at the right of the room. 
 
 Effie. Good-bye, Rosie. 
 
 [She shakes hands and starts to go. 
 
 Johnny. [Shaking hands.] Rosie, you’ve been immense 
 to us. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, that’s all right. 
 
 Effie. Come over to see us. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Sure. 
 
 Johnny. We’ll have some prunes. 
 
 [Johnny and Effie leave. Rosenbaum pushes the 
 buzzer and then, sitting at the desk, assumes a man¬ 
 agerial attitude, affecting to be very busy in order 
 to impress Mrs. Dean and Betty, who are shown 
 in by Sadie. Mrs. Dean is a woman of fifty, shrewd, 
 capable, dominated by one idea only, and that the 
 furthering of her daughter’s success on the stage; in 
 a word, the typical “stage mother,” the terror of 
 managers and the despair of stage directors. Her 
 nondescript bonnet and her shabby blue serge suit 
 are in striking contrast to the exquisitely charming 
 attire of her daughter, Bettina, a -very pretty girl 
 of twenty, who bows shyly to Rosenbaum, on whom 
 her mother advances with an air of grim determina¬ 
 tion. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Rising.] Good morning, Miss Dean, Mrs. 
 Dean. Sit down, please. [They sit.] Well, Miss Dean, 
 are you at liberty to consider an offer? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Interposing.] That depends. 
 
106 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act I 
 
 Rosenbaum. What did you do last season? 
 
 Betty. I played Mary Turner in “Within the Law.” 
 
 Mrs. Dean. She was the original, in the number 13 com¬ 
 pany. 
 
 Betty. Oh, I hope it isn’t another crook. I’m So sick 
 of crime. 
 
 Rosenbaum. There isn’t a crook in the play. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Why, Mr. Rosenbaum, what a daring de¬ 
 parture! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, I’ve got a novelty. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Don’t tell me you’ve found a playwright 
 with a new idea! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, no; everything in it has been done a 
 thousand times, but it’s got a new twist and a good religious 
 punch. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Complacently. Betty was wonderful in 
 “The Christian.” 
 
 Betty. What sort of a part is this? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Pathos, comedy, emotion, the whole bunch 
 of tricks. Do you think you can handle it? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Mere child’s play for Betty? 
 
 Betty. [ Protesting .] Oh, Mother! 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Drily.] You’re not at all prejudiced. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Taking press notices from her bag.] Mr. 
 Rosenbaum, I don’t ask you to take a mother’s word for 
 her daughter’s ability. Listen: [Reading.] “The comedy 
 of a Mrs. Fiske, the emotion of a Duse, the grace of a 
 Pavlowa and the charm of an Ethel Barrymore.” That’s a 
 slight tribute to Betty from the Oscaloosa Eagle. The Waco 
 Argus says- 
 
 Betty. Oh, mother, Mr. Rosenbaum doesn’t want to hear 
 my press notices. 
 
 [She rises, embarrassed, and moves away. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I’m only trying to prove to Mr. Rosenbaum 
 that you can act circles around any of these Broadway 
 favourites. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Broadway doesn’t want acting. 
 
act i] THE SHOW SHOP 107 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Beaming.] Mr. Rosenbaum, it’s a pleasure 
 to meet a manager who knows the New York public. 
 
 [She rises and sits across the desk from Rosenbaum. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Whispering.] Mrs. Dean, has she any per¬ 
 sonality? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. That, perhaps, is Betty’s greatest charm. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Has she any mannerisms? They like them, 
 too. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. She’s full of mannerisms. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Shaking hands across the desk.] You’re a 
 woman after my own heart. What’s her salary? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Two hundred dollars a week and her clothes. 
 
 [Rosenbaum draws his hand away quickly as if stung. 
 Betty, who has wandered to the other side of the 
 room, turning quickly in surprise, meets the warning 
 look of Mrs. Dean. 
 
 Rosenbaum. For an unknown actress? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Unknown! I’ve never noticed your portrait 
 in any Hall of Fame. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ll give you one hundred dollars. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Rising.] Betty, wasn’t that appointment 
 with Mr. Belasco for today? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Laughing.] Belasco! Now we’ve both had 
 our little joke. Let’s talk business; one hundred dollars. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Quite a comedian, aren’t you? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’m sorry. Maybe we can do business some 
 other time. [Betty comes toward Mrs. Dean. Rosen¬ 
 baum “sizes” her up.] Well, what do you say to one hun¬ 
 dred and twenty-five? It’s a great part. 
 
 [Mrs. Dean’s back is toward Rosie. She smiles tri¬ 
 umphantly at Betty, then turns to Rosenbaum with 
 gradates dignity. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I hope you get someone to play it. Come, 
 Betty. 
 
 [They start to go. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Following them.] One hundred and fifty, 
 [Mrs. Dean turns] but you buy the clothes. 
 
 HS 'TY of 
 
 Ll8R Af(Y 
 
 ^UNOti 
 
108 THE SHOW SHOP [act i 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Suspiciously .] Will we come into New 
 York? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Worse plays have. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [All smiling graciousness.] Betty, dear, how 
 would you like to work for Mr. Rosenbaum? 
 
 Betty. [ Indifferently .] I’d just as soon. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Well, as Betty feels so strongly about it, I’ll 
 take it. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Before I engage her, I’d like to have her 
 read a speech or two. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Certainly. 
 
 Betty. Oh, I couldn’t. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ve got to get some idea of what you can 
 do before I sign you up. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. It’s the nervousness of the artist. She in¬ 
 herits it. I felt exactly the same way when I had to read 
 the Portia speech for dear Mr. Booth. [With a gesture, 
 reciting.] “The quality of mercy is not strained.” 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Stopping her.] It’s your daughter I’m en¬ 
 gaging. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Roguishly.] Ah, yes, of course. [SAe 
 giggles.] If you give Betty a moment to look it over. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Sure. Take this speech. 
 
 [He hands Mrs. Dean a part and goes into the wait¬ 
 ing-room. Mrs. Dean turns joyously to Betty. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, Betty, my darling, you’re going to get 
 your chance; you’re going to be on Broadway. 
 
 Betty. Maybe I can’t play the part. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Matilda Kent’s daughter can play anything! 
 
 Betty. But for $150 he’ll expect so much of me. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. My dear, the more a manager pays you the 
 better he thinks you are. [She looks over the part.] This 
 speech isn’t bad, but I’ll see that it’s rewritten to give you 
 something to get your teeth in. 
 
 [She hands the part to Betty, then, crossing to the 
 desk, picks up first act of the manuscript of the play . 
 Betty sits wearily at the left of the room. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 109 
 
 ACT ij 
 
 Betty. What’s it about? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Never mind what it’s about. When you 
 read it, just fix your thoughts on something sad. 
 
 Betty. I’ll think of poor, dear Jerry. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Drily.] Yes. Now, about the clothes. 
 [She looks at the first page of the manuscript.] Four acts! 
 That means four dresses. 
 
 Betty. How will we get them? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. We’ve got to get them. I’ll make them. 
 
 Betty. [ Rising , goes to her.] Oh, Mother, I’m so tired 
 of seeing you work yourself to death for me. I’m ashamed 
 of going around dressed like this and you so dingy. 
 
 [She puts her head on her mother's shoulder. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Embracing her.] You just wait, my dear, 
 until you make your big success! Then watch mother 
 flounder around in the lap of luxury. 
 
 Betty. [Drawing away.] But we needn’t wait. I could 
 give you everything you wanted, if you’d let me marry 
 Jerry. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Now, Betty, you’ve known Jerry only two 
 months. We won’t discuss that infatuation again. 
 
 Betty. It’s not infatuation. It’s love. And he says I’m 
 “the love of his life.” 
 
 Mrs. Dean. That’s a mossy old line. 
 
 Betty. It sounds convincing the way he says it. 
 
 [i She moves away. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. It sounded convincing when your father said 
 it. [She goes to Betty.] Oh, Betty, I’ve nothing against 
 Jerry, but when I was your age I was swept off my feet just 
 like this. I don’t want you to make my mistake. All I ask 
 of you is to wait until you’ve had a taste of success; then, 
 if you want to give it up, that will be a horse of another 
 colour. Now, where’s that speech? [She takes the part.] 
 See, Betty, tears in your voice there, look wistfully here, 
 make your lips quiver. Trick it. 
 
110 THE SHOW SHOP [act i 
 
 Betty. Oh, I’m sick of the tricks of the trade. I don’t 
 want to act. 
 
 [.She throws the part on the table. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Reproachfully .] If you felt all this about 
 the stage, why didn’t you tell me? You knew I was only 
 living for the day to see you take a curtain call on Broad¬ 
 way, living only for that one thrill of mother’s pride. I’ve 
 never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do, and 
 I won’t now. You’re free to make your choice. 
 
 Betty. [ Turning to her.'] I’m not free to make my 
 choice. [ She throws her arms around her mother.] I love 
 you. You know I do. No girl ever had a better mother. 
 Do you think I want to disappoint you? But I love Jerry, 
 too. Oh, what can I do? 
 
 [She is at the point of tears, Mrs. Dean at her wits’ 
 end, when they are interrupted by the return of 
 Rosenbaum with the contracts. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, are you ready? Are you set? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Bewildered.] Why — Mr. Rosenbaum— 
 I- 
 
 [Betty turns, sees the disappointment in her mother’s 
 eyes, then, sighing, picks up the part, takes a few 
 steps toward Rosenbaum, who is seated at the desk, 
 and begins to read, her mother watching anxiously 
 the effect on him. 
 
 Betty. [Reading.] “I’ve been lonely, too, Mr. Craig— 
 lonelier than you, for you’ve had your son, and for years 
 I’ve had no one who really belonged to me. I’ve tried to 
 forget that loneliness with the thought that some day this 
 wandering would be over, that some day I’d have a home, 
 a husband, and now you want to take the man I love away 
 from me.” 
 
 [The concluding lines are so applicable to her own 
 situation that she is overcome and, throwing herself 
 into the chair, buries her head in her arms and breaks 
 into wild sobs. Mrs. Dean, understanding, goes to 
 her quickly, but Rosenbaum, thinking it a bit of 
 
act i] THE SHOW SHOP 111 
 
 acting, jumps to his feet excitedly and claps his 
 hands in applause. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Great! Great! You’ve got the sob stuff 
 all right. Here’s your contract; one hundred and fifty 
 dollars. 
 
 [He holds out the pen to Betty, who continues to cry. 
 Mrs. Dean is torn between her joy at the offer and 
 her fear that Betty will refuse it. There is a pause. 
 Rosenbaum looks at them bewildered. 
 
 Aren’t you going to sign it? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Why, I don’t know. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Here you are, Miss Dean. 
 
 [Betty looks at her mother, who is watching her with 
 tears in her eyes. Betty braces up, walks across to 
 the chair, sits at the desk and takes a pen. Mrs. 
 Dean gives a sigh of relief, goes to the table and 
 gets the part. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Hadn’t you better read the contracts? 
 Betty. [Signing them.] They’re all alike. If you want 
 me you’ll keep me. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Yes. It was a wise man who said that a 
 theatrical contract was an evidence of mutual distrust. 
 [Betty gives one contract to her mother, who looks it 
 over, verifies it, then folds it and puts it in her bag. 
 Betty. Where is the rehearsal? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Downstairs—this way. 
 
 [He opens the door that leads to the stage. Betty 
 starts to go, but Mrs. Dean, victorious, resumes her 
 aggressive mood. Tompkins comes in, unobserved. 
 Mrs. Dean. I suppose your stage manager is the ususal 
 fiend in human form. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Turning, sees Tompkins.] Here he is. 
 Mrs. Dean, Miss Dean, Mr. Tompkins. I think you’ll find 
 him amiable. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. We shall see. 
 
 [She looks at Tompkins coldly, then strides haughtily 
 
112 THE SHOW SHOP [act i 
 
 to the door . Betty smiles shyly at them as she 
 follows her mother out of the room . 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Excitedly .] Well, what do you think about 
 the little lady? 
 
 Tompkins. I’m not worrying about the little lady; it’s 
 the old lady who’s got me winging. 
 
 [Sadie enters, wearing a large bunch of violets. 
 Sadie. Here are the Brinkley contracts. 
 
 Tompkins. Rosie, come out and take a flash at these 
 scene models. 
 
 Rosenbaum. What’s wrong? 
 
 Tompkins. Everything! 
 
 [He slams into his office. 
 Rosenbaum. Sadie, I’d rather have a thousand dollars 
 than that man’s disposition. 
 
 [He wearily follows Tompkins. Sadie places the 
 Brinkley contracts on the desk and is about to 
 return to the outer office when Jerome Belden 
 rushes in. 
 
 Jerry. I missed her! Has she been here? 
 
 Sadie. Yes. 
 
 Jerry. Has Mr. Rosenbaum seen her? 
 
 Sadie. Yes. 
 
 Jerry. Where is she? 
 
 Sadie. I think she’s downstairs, rehearsing. 
 
 Jerry. He’s engaged her? 
 
 Sadie. I’m afraid so. 
 
 Jerry. Then I’ve got to see Mr. Rosenbaum. Where is 
 he? 
 
 Sadie. He’s busy. 
 
 Jerry. Very well. I’ll wait. 
 
 [Sadie goes . Jerry is sitting at the desk when Tomp¬ 
 kins, coming in, sees him, stops and clutches Rosen¬ 
 baum, who is following him. 
 
 Tompkins. [In a hoarse whisper .] Look! For the man 
 about town. Pay him anything. He’s it. Heaven has 
 heard my prayer. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 ACT i] 
 
 113 
 
 Rosenbaum. God’s good to His chosen. 
 
 [He runs over past Jerry to his chair at the desk. 
 Tompkins brings a chair and places it so as to block 
 the way should Jerry try to leave. Jerry, seeing 
 them, rises. 
 
 Jerry. Mr. Rosenbaum? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes, yes. [Jerry offers his card. Rosen¬ 
 baum takes it.'] Well, young man, do you sing? 
 
 Jerry. [ Bewildered .] A little. Why? 
 
 Rosenbaum. What’s your voice? 
 
 Jerry. [More bewildered.] Why— I don’t know. 
 Tompkins. That’s all right. He can talk the song. 
 Rosenbaum. Do you tango? 
 
 Jerry. A little, but isn’t it- 
 
 Tompkins. That’s all right; he can fake it. How about 
 the uniform? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Stand up, please. 
 
 Jerry. [Rising.] Really- 
 
 Rosenbaum. He can let down the pants. Can you act 
 at all? 
 
 Jerry. No. 
 
 Tompkins. I’m glad you realise it. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Pushes buzzer.] All right, Mr. Belden. 
 I’ll give you seventy-five dollars a week. [Sadie enters. 
 Rosenbaum gives her Jerry’s card.] Here, Sadie, make 
 out a contract for seventy-five dollars. Come back this 
 afternoon. Take him, Tompkins. 
 
 [He rises. Tompkins advances, seizes Jerry by the 
 arm, and is starting to drag him toward the door to 
 the stage when Jerry throws him off. 
 
 Jerry. Wait a minute. Damn it, I tell you I’m not an 
 actor. 
 
 Tompkins. Didn’t you come here about a part? 
 
 Jerry. No. I came here to see him on business. 
 Rosenbaum. Well, why didn’t you say so? 
 
 Jerry. I didn’t get a chance. 
 
 Tompkins. [Bitterly.] Everybody’s hand’s against me. 
 
 ^Usity of 
 
 LWRARY 
 
 iLUttUti 
 
114 THE SHOW SHOP [act i 
 
 [To Rosie.] Send up to the Winter Garden and get me one 
 of those men about town. 
 
 [He goes into his office. Sadie bursts into laughter, 
 which Rosenbaum resents. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Sadie, no laughing in business hours. [Sadie 
 goes. ] What do you want to see me about? 
 
 Jerry. A matter of business. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Are you an architect? 
 
 Jerry. No. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Someone’s always trying to wish a New 
 York theatre on me. What is it? 
 
 Jerry. [ Threateningly .] You’re coming between me and 
 the woman I love. 
 
 Rosenbaum. What? Who is she? 
 
 Jerry. Bettina Dean. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Frightened.'] I’ve only seen the woman 
 twice. 
 
 Jerry. That was enough. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I didn’t say half a dozen words to her. 
 
 [Jerry comes toward the desk. A chair is in his way; 
 he throws it aside violently and leans over the desk, 
 his doubled fist within an inch oj Rosenbaum’s nose. 
 Rosenbaum is terrified . 
 
 Jerry. You’re deliberately ruining her life’s happiness. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Rising indignantly.] It isn’t so. Her 
 mother was in this office all the time. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, I don’t mean that. 
 
 [He turns away. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, what in blazes do you mean? Talk¬ 
 ing of life’s happiness and women you love like a—like a 
 problem play. 
 
 Jerry. You thought I meant that she was in love with 
 you? [He laughs.] With you? [He laughs.] That’s 
 funny. She wouldn’t look at you. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Is that so! See these grey hairs? That’s 
 what I get for being fascinating to women. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 115 
 
 ACT i] 
 
 [Rosenbaum sits at the right of the desk. Jerry 
 brings a chair and sits across from him. 
 
 Jerry. Betty ’phoned me this morning. Said you’d sent 
 for her. Now what do you want to butt in like a fat¬ 
 head— 
 
 Rosenbaum. One of us is nutty! 
 
 Jerry. Betty says this means good-bye. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Rising.] Come on; let’s you and me go 
 up to Matteawan. 
 
 Jerry. [Rising.] No, sit down. 
 
 [He tries to push Rosenbaum into the chair. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Placing both hands on Jerry’s arms.] 
 Just a minute. Give me a chance to duck when you throw it. 
 
 Jerry. Throw what? 
 
 Rosenbaum. The bomb. 
 
 Jerry. Sit down. I haven’t any bomb. Let’s talk 
 money. 
 
 [He sits. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Money? He’s got a lucid interval. Have 
 you got money? 
 
 Jerry. Lots of it. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Excuse me a minute. [He rushes up to 
 the door, opens it and calls.] Sadie! 
 
 Sadie. [Outside.] What? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Go to lunch. 
 
 Sadie. [Outside.] All right! 
 
 [Rosenbaum stands for an instant, looking at Jerry 
 speculatively, then, smiling, brings a chair and places 
 it beside him. 
 
 Jerry. Now, I don’t know anything about this theatrical 
 business. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Don’t let that stop you from going into it. 
 There’s a mint in it for the right fellow. 
 
 Jerry. I don’t want to go into it. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Disappointed.] Oh! 
 
 [He sits. 
 
116 THE SHOW SHOP [act i 
 
 Jerry. Now I want to fix up a deal with you. How 
 much do you want? Write your own ticket. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Come on; we’ll begin all over again. [They 
 rise. Rosenbaum takes Jerry’s hand, shakes it effusively.] 
 How do you do, Mr. Belden? 
 
 Jerry. How do you do, Mr. Rosenbaum? Oh, sit down! 
 
 [They sit. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Now, there’s you and Miss Dean and me 
 and a deal and some money you want to force on me. 
 
 Jerry. I want to marry Bettina Dean. ! 
 
 Rosenbaum. If you want to commit suicide, I’m not 
 stopping you. 
 
 Jerry. Why? Haven’t you engaged her? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Sure! She’s signed the contract. 
 
 Jerry. [Dejectedly.] That settles it. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Surprised.] How? 
 
 Jerry. We could have been married if you hadn’t given 
 her this engagement. I wanted her to give up the stage. 
 Betty is willing, but Mrs. Dean won’t hear of it until Betty’s 
 had her chance in New York. We’ve promised to wait. 
 Now, what’ll you take to fire her? 
 
 Rosenbaum. What good will that do? 
 
 Jerry. We can get married. Don’t you see, no other 
 New York manager wants her. i 
 
 Rosenbaum. My God, have I got a lemon and a lion 
 tamer? I 
 
 [He rises. 
 
 Jerry. [Following him.] Oh, Betty can act, all right. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, can she? Well, you can get a wife 
 anywhere, but where’ll I get a leading woman? 
 
 Jerry. You’ve never been crazy about a girl. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Worse than that! I’ve married ’em— three 
 of ’em. One was a leading woman, one was a heavy woman, 
 and one was an ongenoo. She was the business woman., 
 She gets alimony. 
 
 Jerry. No use appealing to you for sympathy. You’re 
 soured on married life. 
 
act i] THE SHOW SHOP 117 
 
 Rosenbaum. Not at all. You’ve got my sympathy. I 
 know what it is. These ongenoos do get you. 
 
 Jerry. This one has got me, you bet. 
 
 [Rosenbaum and Jerry are standing side by side, lost 
 in thought. Rosenbaum looks at him sympatheti¬ 
 cally. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Honest, if I’d known, I’d have been tempted 
 to help you. [He pauses as if struck with an idea.] Look 
 here, have you ever acted? 
 
 Jerry. I’ve fluffed around in college plays. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Why don’t you take this part of the man 
 about town. I’ll give you thirty dollars a week. 
 
 Jerry. That won’t be necessary. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, come on and take it. 
 
 Jerry. I couldn’t act. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Anybody can act. You’d be in the company 
 with Miss Dean, see her every day, dance a tango with her 
 every night. 
 
 Jerry. I couldn’t go on the stage. My friends would josh 
 the life out of me. 
 
 [Their argument is interrupted by the entrance of 
 Mrs. Dean, followed by Betty. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Mr. Rosenbaum, that man Tompkins is 
 simply impossible. He—— [She sees Jerry.] What are 
 you doing here? 
 
 Jerry. I came to buy Betty’s contract. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. What? 
 
 Jerry. I don’t want her to go on the road. I hate travel¬ 
 ling. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. It’s too bad about you. It isn’t necessary 
 for you to travel. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, yes, it is! I’ve got to see Betty. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Do you think I’d allow you to trapse around 
 the country after my daughter? Travel on the same train, 
 stop at the same hotel? Do you think I’m going to have 
 Betty compromised by the attentions of an idle rich young 
 man? 
 
118 THE SHOW SHOP [act i 
 
 Jerry. Compromised? That’s so. [To Rosenbaum.] 
 Say, what do you do to go on the stage? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Just go. 
 
 Jerry. I’ll take that part. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Quickly .] Twenty a week? 
 
 [Jerry and Rosenbaum shake hands on the bargain, 
 to the astonishment of Mrs. Dean and to the joy 
 of Betty, who runs across to Jerry’s outstretched 
 arms. 
 
 curtain 
 
THE SECOND ACT 
 
 The parlour of the Palace Hotel, Punxatawney—a large room 
 with the dingy aspect and notable lack of comfort so 
 characteristic of the “one-night stand” hotels in Amer¬ 
 ica. At the right of the room is a large window with 
 “stringy” lace curtains over which are faded green rep 
 hangings, at the left a fireplace and, towering above it, 
 a black walnut mantel cluttered with garishly coloured 
 bric-a-brac, and at the back and to the left a large 
 opening, showing a hall and a flight of stairs. A round 
 table with a spotted chenille cover stands in the centre 
 of the room with chairs at the right, at the left and at 
 the back of it, all of them of different periods, alike in 
 that they are equally uncomfortable. A rocking-chair 
 at the fireplace, a horsehair sofa at the right of the 
 room, and, near the window, a table on which, in a 
 glass case, is a moth-eaten stuffed bird, complete the 
 furnishings of the room. The wall-paper in an intricate 
 design of green and purple “cabbages,” and fly-specked 
 engravings of historical incidents, preferably those de¬ 
 picting death, enhance the general gloom which is in¬ 
 tensified rather than mitigated by the light of a pon¬ 
 derous chandelier. It is half-past eleven of an evening 
 in October, six weeks having elapsed since the events 
 of the preceding act. 
 
 Rosenbaum, his hat pushed down over his forehead, a 
 partially smoked cigar hanging from the corner of his 
 mouth, his hands in his pockets, slouches in the chair 
 at the right of the table, a picture of utter and aban¬ 
 doned despondency. The Night Clerk, a tall, raw- 
 boned Yankee with hair plastered in deep curves on 
 119 
 
 UNiVt 
 
 HS,T y of ILU 
 
 nsfiAur 
 
120 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act II 
 
 his brow, a heavy, drooping moustache, and dressed in 
 the height of small-town fashion, “featuring” a plaid 
 waistcoat and a made-up four-in-hand tie in which is 
 a cluster scarf-pin of imitation emeralds and diamonds, 
 enters and approaches Rosenbaum, who turns and 
 regards him gloomily. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, Mr. Night Clerk? 
 
 Night Clerk. Can’t find a room. House is chock-a- 
 block. Got two drummers sleepin’ on the billiard-table and 
 four old ladies in the bridal soot. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Glad somebody’s selling out. What’s the 
 attraction? 
 
 Night Clerk. This is Old Home Week in Punxatawney. 
 Rosenbaum. Any other hotels? 
 
 Night Clerk. Everythin’s full but the jail. Guess from 
 the carryin’s on tonight, it’ll be full tomorrow. 
 
 Rosenbaum. What about that drummer who is going out? 
 Night Clerk. He ain’t fit to go on the midnight. He 
 took in a couple of acts of that show, “The Wallop,” at the 
 Opera House, and ever since he’s been drinkin’ somethin’ 
 terrible. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Where is he? I’ll join him. [He rises. 
 Tompkins enters .] Hello, Tompkins. 
 
 Night Clerk. Will I fix a cot in here? 
 
 Tompkins. [To Rosenbaum.] Can’t you get a room? 
 Rosenbaum. No, the hotel has a hit. 
 
 Tompkins. Go over and take mine. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ll take a chance on the cot. 
 
 [He sits. 
 
 Tompkins. You’ll never sleep. 
 
 [He sits on the other side of the table. 
 Rosenbaum. Yes, I will. I’ve got some plays to read. 
 Night Clerk. Want anythin’ else? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes, a lot of poison. 
 
 Night Clerk. [Smiling.] Rye or Scotch? 
 
act n] THE SHOW SHOP 121 
 
 Rosenbaum. Bring us a couple of slugs out of that drum¬ 
 mers bottle. 
 
 [The Night Clerk goes . 
 
 Tompkins. I didn’t know you were in front tonight. 
 When did you get here? 
 
 Rosenbaum. 7 : 30 . I went straight to the theatre. 
 
 Tompkins. Well, what do you think of the show? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I hate to tell you. 
 
 Tompkins. As bad as that? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Worse. 
 
 Tompkins. Is it the performance? 
 
 Rosenbaum. No. As the saying goes, “You put it over, 
 but it lay there and it died.” 
 
 Tompkins. You saw it with a cold house. 
 
 Rosenbaum. We’ve had three weeks of cold houses. 
 
 Tompkins. You got my letter about young Belden? 
 You’ve got to let him go if you’re going to take this show 
 into New York. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’m taking it into New York—to Cain’s 
 storehouse. 
 
 Tompkins. Then we blow up? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Tomorrow night. 
 
 Tompkins. [ Laughing bitterly. ] I picked it for a flivver. 
 
 Rosenbaum. You were a good picker. 
 
 Tompkins. Well, why did you produce it? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I wanted to do something for art. 
 
 Tompkins. Seems to me the minute you managers collect 
 a little loose change providing entertainment for the tired 
 business man, you go bugged producing something for the 
 highbrows. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’m cured. A small cast and one set of 
 scenery: that’s going to be my idea of art. 
 
 Tompkins. [ Picking up the manuscript.'] Is this it? 
 [Reading the title.] “A Drop of Poison!” 
 
 Rosenbaum. No, that’s worse than “The Wallop.” Give 
 it to me. I’ll bury it. 
 
 [He rises , takes the manuscript and puts in his travel* 
 
122 THE SHOW SHOP [act ii 
 
 ling bag which is on the sofa. The Night Clerk 
 returns with a tray containing the drinks. 
 
 Night Clerk. Here you are, gentlemen. [Rosenbaum 
 pays for the drinks.'] Thank you, Mr. Tompkins, for them 
 passes. “The Wallop” is some showl 
 
 Rosenbaum. Did you like it? 
 
 [He sits again. 
 
 Night Clerk. Immense. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Tompkins, give it to him. 
 
 Tompkins. No; he may have a wife and family. 
 
 Night Clerk. Of course, I don’t set up to know much 
 about shows. But you take it from me- 
 
 Rosenbaum. He wants to give it back to us. 
 
 [Tompkins and Rosie drink. 
 
 Night Clerk. Maybe you don’t want me to say what 
 I think? 
 
 Tompkins. What you think is going to make a whole 
 lot of difference to us. 
 
 Night Clerk. Your first act’s punk. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Tompkins, make a note of that. 
 
 Night Clerk. And I don’t like your leadin’ man. 
 
 Tompkins. Shake, brother, shake! 
 
 [He rises, grabs the Night Clerk’s hand and shakes 
 it, then sits again. 
 
 Night Clerk. The audience would a liked it better if 
 there was more to laugh at. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Bring ’em around and let ’em look at me. 
 
 Night Clerk. There’s a lot of other things I can’t think 
 of just this minute. 
 
 Tompkins. [Imploringly .] Try! Won’t you? 
 
 Rosenbaum. But don’t give yourself a headache. 
 
 Night Clerk. Oh, pshaw, thinkin’ don’t bother me. I’m 
 used to it. Always help all the managers fix up their shows. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Tompkins, he’s a lovely fellow. If it 
 won’t interrupt you, bring up some sandwiches and some 
 beer. 
 
 Night Clerk. How many of you’s going to celebrate? 
 
act n] THE SHOW SHOP 123 
 
 Rosenbaum. There’ll be six pallbearers. 
 
 Night Clerk. Ain’t you show folks the kidders? 
 
 [< Chuckling, he goes. 
 
 Tompkins. Going to break the sad blow to the bunch 
 tonight? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes. I left word for Effie and Johnnie, 
 the Deans and young Belden to see me here. I didn’t want 
 to break it to Mrs. Dean alone. 
 
 Tompkins. Well, Mathilda’s going to emit a yell that 
 would make the roar of a Bengal tiger sound like the voice 
 of a cooing dove. 
 
 Rosenbaum. If she assaults me I have witnesses. 
 You’ll join us? 
 
 Tompkins. [Rising.] I’ve got to go back to the show 
 shop. See that the scenery gets out. Want me to tell the 
 working staff? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes. I’ll tell the rest of the company. 
 Where’ll I find them? 
 
 [He rises . 
 
 Tompkins. Across the street at the cheap hotel. 
 
 [He goes. Rosenbaum is following him dejectedly 
 when Betty appears in street attire. She shakes 
 hands with Rosenbaum. 
 
 Betty. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Rosenbaum. Do you 
 want to see me? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes. Where is your mother? 
 
 Betty. She stopped at the telegraph office. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Will you wait here? I’ll be right back. 
 
 Betty. Certainly. 
 
 [As she moves towards the fireplace, Jerry enters 
 breezily. 
 
 Jerry. Well, Rosie, how do you feel? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Like someone pushed me off the Singer 
 Building. 
 
 [He goes . Jerry, laughing, follows him to the door, 
 looks out to see that no one is coming, then rushes to 
 Betty, grabs her and kisses her. 
 
124< 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act II 
 
 Betty. Jerry! 
 
 Jerry. It’s the first chance I’ve had in six weeks, and I 
 may not get another, so I’ll take a few more now before 
 mother gets on the job again. 
 
 [He kisses her again . 
 
 Petty. Poor old Jerry! To be near his Betty did he 
 have to be an actor? 
 
 Jerry. This consoles me. 
 
 [He tries to kiss her again . Betty evades hint and 
 moves away. 
 
 Betty. You won’t have to be one much longer 
 
 Jerry. [Following her.] What do you mean? 
 
 Betty. We’re going to close. 
 
 Jerry. Close what? 
 
 Betty. The play’s a failure. 
 
 Jerry. Who told you? 
 
 Betty. No one. I know the symptoms. Mother will 
 be furious. 
 
 Jerry. Going back to New York! Great! Come on 
 now, hip-hip- 
 
 Betty. I haven’t a “hip-hip” in me. Oh, I wish this 
 beastly play had gone to New York and failed, satisfied 
 mother and set me free. 
 
 Jerry. Free! Won’t you marry me now? 
 
 Betty. No, I can’t go back on my promise to mother. 
 I said I’d wait until I had my chance on Broadway. It 
 will be a case of look for another engagement. 
 
 [She sinks wearily onto the sofa. 
 
 Jerry. What! Me have to act again? 
 
 [He falls into a chair. 
 
 Betty. I’m afraid you wouldn’t get the chance, dear. 
 Not if they saw you. 
 
 Jerry. Have I made this tour of darkest America, en¬ 
 dured all the horrors of those one-night-stands, no decent 
 beds, food that’s a crime, all that for nothing? 
 
 Betty. I didn’t ask you to do it. 
 
 Jerry. You might have told me I wasn’t going to have 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 125 
 
 ACT ll] 
 
 a minute alone with you. Can’t sit in the same seat with 
 you on the train, can’t go for a walk, can’t sit at the same 
 table, can’t even carry your grip for fear of compromis¬ 
 ing you. 
 
 Betty. I’m not responsible for the etiquette of this pro¬ 
 fession. 
 
 Jerry. Can’t even see you at the theatre. The only 
 minute I get with you is dancing that darn tango, and they 
 won’t let us take an encore on that. 
 
 Betty. I’m not running the performance. 
 
 Jerry. Have to stand around and see that goggle-eyed 
 leading man mauling you all over the stage. [He rises and 
 goes to her.] One thing I’ll do before we close. I’ll take 
 a punch at him. 
 
 Betty. And how do you think I like it? 
 
 Jerry. Well, you act as though you enjoyed it. 
 
 [He walks away, sulkily. 
 
 Betty. [Rising.] Enjoy itl I’ve had a lovely time on 
 this trip. It’s so comfortable to play a love scene with 
 you in one entrance glaring at me if I play it well and 
 mother in another entrance glaring at me if I don’t. 
 
 Jerry. I suppose I am a little jealous. 
 
 Betty. A little? You’re full of it. 
 
 Jerry. [Going to her.] Don’t you understand? Betty, 
 don’t you love me? 
 
 Betty. I don’t love anybody, I just want to get mar¬ 
 ried. 
 
 [She turns to Jerry, and puts her head on his shoulder . 
 
 Jerry. [Putting his arms around her.] Come on, let’s 
 find a minister. 
 
 Betty. I’ve just told you I’ve got to wait till mother 
 gets me on Broadway. [Disgustedly.] Broadway! When 
 all I want is a farm and chickens and a little calf. 
 
 Jerry. I’ve only twenty thousand dollars a year, Betty, 
 but I guess we could run a little farm on that. If you 
 ever do give up the stage, you won’t want to act again. 
 
 Betty. Every wife has to act a little. 
 
126 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act II 
 
 [She kisses him. The Night Clerk enters with a 
 tray on which are bter and sandwiches . They jump 
 apart. 
 
 Jerry. [ Embarrassed .] We—we were rehearsing. 
 
 Night Clerk. Oh, don’t mind me. I ain’t no scandal 
 monger. 
 
 [He puts the tray on the table . 
 
 [Enter Effie and Johnny in rather dingy attire. 
 
 Effie. Hello children. Where’s Mr. Rosenbaum? 
 
 Night Clerk. He said not to wait. You can wade 
 right in. 
 
 [He goes . 
 
 Jerry. Shall I open these now? 
 
 [He indicates the bottles. 
 
 Johnny. I’ll never have a worse thirst. 
 
 [Jerry sits at the right of the table opening a bottle 
 of beer; Betty takes a sandwich and sits on the 
 couch. Effie sits at the left of the table and begins 
 to munch sandwiches. Johnny goes over to the fire¬ 
 place. 
 
 Effie. Why the feast? 
 
 Johnny. I hate to be the one to spread the pall over 
 this merry gathering, but it looks to me like a two weeks’ 
 notice in disguise. 
 
 Betty. Me too! 
 
 Jerry. What makes you think we close? 
 
 Johnny. My boy, a bad play playing to worse busi¬ 
 ness, and a sudden visit from the manager—well, when 
 you’ve been in the business as long as I have, you’ll be able 
 to put that two and two together without straining your 
 psychic powers. 
 
 Effie. I’ve been expecting it. We opened on Friday 
 the 13th. 
 
 Johnny. There was a peacock on that garden drop. 
 
 Betty. I always hated that business of my opening ar 
 umbrella. 
 
 Jerry. I didn’t know that actors were superstitious* 
 
act ii] THE SHOW SHOP 127 
 
 Betty. We’re not. 
 
 Johnny. Somebody’s been stringing you. 
 
 Jerry. Well, thank the Lord, no more dressing in the 
 flies for me. 
 
 Johnny. It’s so long since I dressed anywhere else. 
 That’s one of the beauties of this profession, the older you 
 grow the more stairs you climb. 
 
 Jerry. Cheer up, Johnny, we only live once. 
 
 Johnny. And if you’re an actor you only live half the 
 time. 
 
 Effie. [ Tearfully .] Oh, what will we do? 
 
 Johnny. Oh, why worry, when you can be buried for 
 twenty-five dollars? 
 
 Effie. Oh, Johnny, don’t. 
 
 [She begins to cry . Johnny goes to her quickly and 
 puts his arms about her. 
 
 Johnny. Oh, Effie, old girl- 
 
 Effie. What would happen to me, if anything happened 
 to you? Life’s hard enough together. Oh, curse this 
 business! 
 
 Jerry. It’s a dog’s life. 
 
 Betty. [Rising and going to Jerry.] Oh, no, all a dog 
 has to do is lie around and get fat. We don’t dare do 
 that. 
 
 Johnny. Got to begin all over again. The heart-break¬ 
 ing hunt for a job! If you get it, rehearse for weeks with 
 nothing coming in, and your last bit of savings going out 
 for wardrobe. Then the suspense! Will it go? Will it 
 fail? It’s tough enough when you’re young, but it’s a hell 
 of a trade when you’re old. 
 
 Betty. [Tenderly.] Not when you grow old together, 
 Johnny. That’s all we ask, isn’t it, Jerry? 
 
 [She puts her hand on Jerry’s shoulder; Jerry pats 
 it and kisses it. 
 
 Johnny. Jerry’s different. I had no right to marry 
 Effie when I couldn’t support her. 
 
128 THE SHOW SHOP [act ii 
 
 Effie. A lot you had to say about it. I saw that you 
 were my happiness and I grabbed you. 
 
 Johnny. [Very tenderly.'] You’ve never regretted it, 
 have you? 
 
 Effie. Sometimes when you row about the breakfast 
 coffee. 
 
 Johnny. Stung! 
 
 [He sits at the back of the table. 
 
 Jerry. Have some beer, Mrs. Brinkley? 
 
 Effie. What do you think, Johnny? You know how I 
 take on weight. 
 
 Johnny. [Handing her a glass of beer.] Aw, go on! 
 The more there is of you, the more I love you. 
 
 Effie. Johnny, I think you’re the nicest husband in the 
 world. 
 
 Johnny. Effie, if I told you what I think about you it 
 would sound like Romeo at his frothiest. 
 
 Effie. [Giggling.] Aren’t we a couple of old sillies? 
 
 Betty. We think you’re a couple of old dears, don’t we, 
 Jerry? 
 
 Jerry. Are you going to stick to me like that? 
 
 Betty. If you’re as nice as Johnny. 
 
 Effie. Hush, Betty, he’ll get so puffed up, there’ll be 
 no living with him. 
 
 [Betty laughs and moves to the couch. Jerry fol¬ 
 lows her. Rosenbaum appears. Johnny, Effie 
 and Betty knowing what is coming, settle them¬ 
 selves for the blow which Rosenbaum hates to de¬ 
 liver. He hesitates , coughs and then begins . 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, children, in this business, we’ve got 
 to be good gamblers. This is a very painful moment. 
 I- 
 
 Jerry. Oh, they all know you’re going to close. 
 
 Betty. Oh, Jerry, let him read his speech. 
 
 Rosenbaum. What’s the use? He stole my climax. 
 I’m sorry, people. You’ve all worked hard to help me put 
 “The Wallop” over. If the show had a ghost of a chance, 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 129 
 
 ACT II] 
 
 I’d stick. But you’ve seen the business. After I give you 
 two weeks’ salary and get you home, I won’t be able to 
 pay the first installment on a two cent stamp. 
 
 Betty. Oh, Mr. Rosenbaum, I’m so sorry. 
 
 [She goes to him and gives him her hand . 
 
 Jerry. Me too. If I can help you out, old man. 
 
 Effie. Oh, Rosie, are you broke? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, that’s all right. I didn’t have money 
 long enough to get intimate with it. 
 
 [He sits at the right of the table . Betty returns to 
 the couch beside Jerry. 
 
 Jerry. It always struck me that the only wallop in the 
 show was in the title. 
 
 Effie. Of course, if there had been more of Johnny and 
 me in the piece. But our scene in the last act came too 
 late to save it. 
 
 Johnny. Yes, and when I showed the author where he 
 could slide us in here and there, he handed me a lot of 
 junk about “construction.” The poor nut! 
 
 Effie. [. Indignantly .] Yes, and instead of thanking you, 
 you’d have thought Johnny was trying to tamper with his 
 deathless English prose. 
 
 Rosenbaum. He doesn’t know that plays may be writ¬ 
 ten but that successes are rewritten. 
 
 Johnny. Yes, by actors. 
 
 [Rosie turns and looks at Johnny. Effie nods an 
 assent to the statement . 
 
 Betty. He was awfully nice to me. 
 
 Jerry. Why not? You were the best thing in his play. 
 
 Effie. Rosie, what’ll you do? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I guess I’ll tackle the ten cent movies. If 
 I can’t be the Erlanger of the drama, I’ll be the Wool- 
 worth. 
 
 Johnny. We might try the movies, Effie. 
 
 Effie. Why, Johnny, I can’t fall off the Brooklyn 
 Bridge at my time of life, at least, not gracefully. 
 
ISO THE SHOW SHOP [act ft 
 
 [Mrs. Dean appears, unobserved, in the door dressed 
 as in the previous act . 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Good evening, everybody. There you are, 
 Betty. It’s bedtime for my little girl. 
 
 [Jerry, at the sound of her voice, jumps quickly from 
 the sofa where he has been seated, his arm around 
 Betty, who rises in confusion and goes to Mrs. 
 Dean. The others are surprised at Mrs. Dean’s 
 cheerful mood . 
 
 Effie. [ Whispering across the table to Rosenbaum.] 
 Have you broken the news to Mathilda? 
 
 [Rosenbaum shakes his head. 
 
 Johnny. [Whispering.] Go on. Get it over. 
 
 [Rosenbaum rises, fearing the task ahead of him, and 
 walks slowly towards the fireplace . Johnny and 
 Effie wait for the explosion from Mrs. Dean. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, Mrs. Dean. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Joining him.] Yes, Mr. Rosenbaum. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Beginning his set speech.] In this busi¬ 
 ness we’ve got to be good gamblers. This is a very pain¬ 
 ful moment. I- 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Yes, we close. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Greatly surprised .] You knew? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Very pleasantly .] Yes. It’s too bad. 
 We’ve been such a happy family. 
 
 Johnny. Yes, just like a Zoo. 
 
 [Mrs. Dean glares over her shoulder at Johnny. 
 Effie reproves Johnny with a glance. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ve fallen down on my promise to take 
 your daughter into New York. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, I understand perfectly, Mr. Rosenbaum. 
 It’s hard enough to get New Yorkers in to see a good play. 
 You can’t drive them in to a bad one, unless you send a 
 taxicab with every pass. 
 
 [Rosenbaum, bewildered, looks at Johnny and Effie 
 who are equally taken aback, then sits again at the 
 right of the table . 
 
\ct II] THE SHOW SHOP 131 
 
 Betty. [ Going to her mother.] Oh, mother, I thought 
 you’d be annoyed. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, my dear, to have been associated with 
 a failure on Broadway, would have been death to your 
 career. 
 
 Jerry. What do you mean? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. You’ll all be so glad to know that Betty’s 
 future is assured. 
 
 Jerry. Do you mean-? 
 
 Betty. Oh, mother, am I going to be married? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Firmly.] No. [Beamingly.] You’re go- 
 ing with Belasco. 
 
 Jerry. Belasco! 
 
 Betty. What! 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Yes, I just sent a wire accepting a part in 
 a new production. To be sure it’s only a bit, but better 
 a bit on Broadway than a great part in Punxatawney. 
 Good night everybody. Come, Betty. 
 
 [She and Betty start to go. Jerry follows them to 
 the door. 
 
 Jerry. Betty! 
 
 [Mrs. Dean glares at Jerry and leads Betty away. 
 Jerry moves slowly down to the fireplace where he 
 stands the picture of defection. The others look at 
 him in sympathy. 
 
 Johnny. Isn’t she the fox? She felt this coming and 
 laid her pipes. 
 
 Effie. [Rising.] She’s right to think of her girl. I wish 
 she would think a little more of you, boy. [She goes to 
 Jerry and puts her hand in his.] Good night. Don’t 
 worry. God bless you. I’ve handed that line across so 
 often, but this time no stage manager could say I didn’t 
 have real feeling back of it. 
 
 Jerry. And it never landed harder. 
 
 [Moved, he puts his arm around Effie, who is 
 crying, and takes her to the door. Johnny joins 
 
132 THE SHOW SHOP [act ii 
 
 them and puts his arm about Jerry’s shoulder in a 
 sympathetic hug. 
 
 Johnny. Good night, son. Take my advice, go out and 
 put some vine leaves in your hair. 
 
 [They go, leaving Jerry standing at the door lost in 
 thought . He is seized suddenly by an idea and runs 
 quickly to Rosenbaum who is seated, a prey to 
 despondency . 
 
 Jerry. Rosie, do you want to make some easy money? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Startled.] Where is it? Who’s got it? 
 
 Jerry. I have. I want you to put on a play for me. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, no, Jerry. I’m too fond of you. 
 
 Jerry. Then you’ll do this for me. I’ll guarantee all 
 expenses. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Pinch me! Pinch me! 
 
 Jerry. You get the play and star Betty on Broadway. 
 Are you on? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Turning to Jerry.] Wait a minute. Isn’t 
 there a kick in this? 
 
 Jerry. No, and what’s more, I’ll give you $5,000 cash 
 for yourself if- 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Disgustedly.] If! Always there’s an 
 “if.” Sometimes I think it’s my middle name. 
 
 Jerry. Five thousand dollars, Rosie, if you’ll guarantee 
 me a—sure fire failure! 
 
 Rosenbaum. He’s got his brain turned. 
 
 Jerry. Never saner in my life. Didn’t you hear Betty’s 
 mother say a moment ago that to be associated with a fail¬ 
 ure would be death to Betty’s career? Well, all I want to 
 do is to cover up that career with a couple of “ Rests in 
 Peace” and a nice big “Gates Ajar.” 
 
 Rosenbaum. I don’t get you. 
 
 [He rises, dazed, and goes to Jerry. 
 
 Jerry. Betty’s promised her mother that she won’t marry 
 me until she’s had a chance on Broadway. We furnish 
 the chance. A failure for mother would mean wedding 
 bells for Betty and me. Now do you get me? 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 133 
 
 ACT II] 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Eagerly.] If you want a failure, why not 
 buy “The Wallop”? 
 
 Jerry. Oh, no, mother’s on to that, and Betty’s part’s 
 not big enough. Come on, we’ve got to cinch this thing 
 tonight. I want quick action. 
 
 Rosenbaum. You got the play? 
 
 Jerry. No. You’ve got to get it. You’ve got to work 
 for that money. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I don’t believe I’d know how to pick a fail¬ 
 ure. 
 
 Jerry. [Laughing.] Kind regards to “The Wallop.” 
 
 Rosenbaum. Suppose Mrs. Dean won’t fall for it? 
 
 Jerry. All you got to do with Mrs. Dean is to murmur 
 the word “Star.” I’ll send for her. 
 
 [He presses the push button. 
 
 Rosenbaum. But we haven’t a play. 
 
 Jerry. None kicking around any place? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Recollecting.] Sure, I got a grip full of 
 ’em. 
 
 [He gets his travelling bag, places it on a chair beside 
 the table, opens it and begins to lay the manuscripts 
 on the table. The Night Clerk enters. 
 
 Jerry. Will you go up to Mrs. Dean’s room and tell her 
 Mr. Rosenbaum would like to see her here immediately? 
 
 Night Clerk. [Demurring.] It’s pretty late. 
 
 Jerry. That won’t make any difference. 
 
 [He gives him a liberal tip. 
 
 Night Clerk. Well, if you insist. I hope being actresses 
 they won’t get the idea that I’m try in’ to make improper 
 advances. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, you get out! [He goes.] Here, Rosie, 
 spread ’em out. Now pick one! 
 
 Rosenbaum. What? 
 
 Jerry. Here, I’ll show you. Go it blind. 
 
 [He stands at the back of the table on which the manu¬ 
 scripts are now spread out. He puts his hand over 
 his eyes . Rosenbaum looks at him and chuckles . 
 
134 THE SHOW SHOP [act ii 
 
 Rosenbaum. By Jiminy, it’s as good a way to pick ’em 
 as any. 
 
 Jerry. Eeny, meeny, miney, mo. [On “mo” he grabs 
 a manuscript.'] There you are. [He picks it up and reads 
 the title “A Drop of Poison.” Rosie roars with laughter. 
 Jerry is bewildered.] What is it? Is it a comedy? 
 
 Rosenbaum It’s a freak. 
 
 Jerry. Have you read it? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Taking it.] Some of it. Listen to the 
 note in red ink. [Reads.] “NOTE: The last act— [he 
 roars] the last act takes place —[he roars again] the last 
 act takes place eight years before the opening of the 
 FIRST.” 
 
 Jerry. It listens like a sure fire flivver. 
 
 [Jerry and Rosenbaum are hanging on to each other 
 weak from laughter when the Night Clerk returns. 
 
 Night Clerk. Mrs. Dean will be right down. 
 
 Jerry. [To Rosie.] “A Drop of Poison.” 
 
 [They both laugh. 
 
 Night Clerk. She asks you to excuse her kimony. 
 
 Jerry. Kimony! 
 
 [They howl with laughter again, to the intense an¬ 
 noyance of the Night Clerk, who goes. 
 
 Jerry. I’ll get out and let you handle it. 
 
 Rosenbaum. All right. When I ring you’ll know it’s 
 settled. I’ll set the stage. 
 
 Jerry. And say, I’m not in on this. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Don’t you want to be in the company? 
 
 Jerry. I should say not. I’m fed up on this acting 
 game. “A Drop of Poison.” 
 
 [He laughs and disappears. 
 
 [Rosenbaum has hastily put the other manuscripts in 
 the bag which he conceals underneath the table. 
 Then sitting , he takes out his pocket handkerchief 
 and opening the script of “A Drop of Poison” at ran - 
 dom, waits for the arrival of Mrs. Dean. Pres¬ 
 ently there is a knock. Rosenbaum is convulsed 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 135 
 
 ACT II] 
 
 with silent laughter, as he pretends to be engrossed 
 in the play. Mrs. Dean knocks again. Then she 
 enters, attired in a faded pink kimono, Rosenbaum 
 watching her out of the corner of his eye. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Sobbing.) Oh, what a great play! My, 
 what a pathetic climax! 
 
 [He sobs again, covers his eyes with his handkerchief. 
 Mrs. Dean coughs . Rosenbaum wipes his eyes, crosses 
 to Mrs. Dean, takes her by the arm, leads her to a chair, 
 then stands beside her . Mrs. Dean is surprised by his 
 actions. Rosenbaum smiles at her ingratiatingly.'] My 
 dear Mrs. Dean, I have a proposition to make you. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Bounding out of her chair.] Sir! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, this is strictly business. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Then, come to the point. I don’t care to 
 have any prying eyes see me in a man’s room at the dead 
 of night in my dishabilly. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I have to see you. I just found the most 
 marvellous play for your daughter, the most wonderful 
 part. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Sneeringly .] Pardon me, Mr. Rosenbaum, 
 but you wouldn’t recognise a wonderful part if it came up 
 and kissed you. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ll give Betty anything she wants. I’ll 
 take her to New York. I’ve got the backing. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I listened to your siren song once, and it 
 landed me in Punxatawney. Good evening. 
 
 [She starts to go. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Too bad. I was going to star Bettina. 
 
 [He sits in the rocking chair. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Stopping.] What did you say, Mr. Rosen¬ 
 baum? [Rosenbaum laughs quietly. Mrs. Dean comes 
 to him.] What did you say, Mr. Rosenbaum? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, excuse me. I was just thinking how 
 Bettina Dean in red and yellow electric lights would look. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Wistfully.] In one row across the front 
 of a Broadway theatre. 
 
136 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act II 
 
 Rosenbaum. Two rows would be more imposing. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Perhaps it would. [She sits at the left of 
 the table .] I thought you were broke? 
 
 Rosenbaum, [j Rising.] I can always get backing for a 
 good play. I’ll give you a guarantee. I’m only producing 
 this to take Betty into New York. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. What is the play? Of course, there’s no use 
 my considering it unless Betty has all the situations and all 
 the climaxes. If anybody else in the play has anything to 
 do, why be a star? 
 
 Rosenbaum. We’ll make it a monologue. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Picking up the manuscript from the table .] 
 Is this it? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Hadn’t you better wait until I have it re¬ 
 vised according to your ideas? 
 
 [He tries to take the manuscript. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I’ll attend to that. Is the author amenable? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I think he’s an American. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. What is the part? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Puzzled, then taking a chance.] An un¬ 
 happy wife. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Haven’t they been done? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I never heard of one being done. 
 
 [Mrs. Dean laughs , but her laugh dies as she sees the 
 title. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. “A Drop of Poison!” 
 
 Rosenbaum. Don’t you like it? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Impossible! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Change it. Change it. 
 
 [He sits at the right of the table. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. The title should include the name of the star 
 part. [She looks at the manuscript.] Dora Chapman. Let 
 me see. Of course, being the heroine, she’s in trouble. 
 I’ve got it. “Dora’s Dilemma.” 
 
 Rosenbaum. What’s a Dilemma? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Another name for trouble. 
 
 Rosenbaum. That’s a great title for any play. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 137 
 
 ACT II ] 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Is Mr. Tompkins going to stage this piece? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Under your direction. You might as well 
 do it first as last. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. We’ll do it together. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Then the deal’s on? 
 
 [He rises, reaches his hand to her across the table. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Wait a minute. [Rosie sits again.'] Of 
 course, Betty will have the usual privilege of a woman star, 
 no actress younger than herself in the company? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Certainly. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. No member of the supporting cast to be 
 mentioned in the newspapers. Of course, if one of them 
 should die, we couldn’t prevent a slight obituary. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Anything else? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Yes, the salary. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’m listening. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Two hundred dollars a week, all dresses 
 and 51% of the profits, the real profits. I’ll look over the 
 accounts myself, and remember, Mr. Rosenbaum, I won a 
 prize at school for arithmetic. 
 
 Rosenbaum. My, what a head for a Christian! 
 
 [Mrs Dean rises, smiling effusively, and shakes hands 
 with Rosenbaum, who rises. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. How fortunate for you that we’ve met— 
 we’ll make a lot of money for you. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Sapiently .] You’re going to make $5,000 
 for me, anyway. 
 
 [Betty enters. 
 
 Betty. Mother, what are you doing? Aren’t you ever 
 coming to bed? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Rushing to her.] Oh, Betty dear, the most 
 wonderful news! You’re going to be a star! 
 
 Betty. [Indifferently .] Am I? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. But, darling, aren’t you excited? 
 
 Betty. No, I’m sleepy. Who’s going to star me? 
 
 [She sits in the rocking-chair. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Me. 
 
138 THE SHOW SHOP [act ii 
 
 Betty. [Rocking.] I thought we were going with Be- 
 lasco? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. When you can go with Mr. Rosenbaum? 
 The ideal 
 
 [Rosenbaum smiles conceitedly. 
 
 Betty. [Yawning as she rocks.] It’s all the same to me. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. You’re going to have everything you want. 
 
 Betty. [Hiding a smile.] Oh, I am? Will I have my 
 say-so about who’s in the company? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Certainly. Certainly. 
 
 Betty. Then I want Effie and Johnnie. 
 
 [She rocks. Mrs. Dean looks at Rosie, who nods 
 assent. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. If there’s a place for them. 
 
 Betty. [Firmly.] I’ll make one. And I want Jerry. 
 
 [Mrs. Dean, dismayed , turns to Rosie, who signifies 
 consent. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Of course, if there’s a very small bit. 
 
 Betty. No bits. He’s going to play the lead. 
 
 [Mrs. Dean and Rosie are paralysed. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Recovering .] Do you want to handicap 
 your career? 
 
 Betty. If any other man makes love to me on the stage 
 it handicaps me in real life with Jerry. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Betty, listen to reason. [To Rosenbaum.] 
 This isn’t like my little girl. 
 
 Betty. Your little girl’s enough like you to put her foot 
 down and put it down hard. You want me to star and I 
 want to marry Jerry. He is either going to be my leading 
 man or my husband. You can take your choice. 
 
 [She rocks. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Mrs. Dean, come here a moment. 
 
 [Mrs. Dean goes to him. He takes her aside . 
 
 Betty. You two needn’t try to put up any schemes. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Whispering .] Why not let him play it? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Whispering.] Have you gone crazy, too? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Don’t you see, if she has a good leading 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 139 
 
 ACT II] 
 
 man, it won’t be such a walk-over for her. The worse he 
 is, the more she’ll shine. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Smiling.] You’re a very bright man, Mr ; 
 Rosenbaum. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes, I think so, but maybe I’m partial. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Going to Betty.] It’s all right, Betty; 
 you shall have your wish, but it’s a frightful risk. 
 
 Betty. [Rocking.] I’ll teach him to play it. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Vindictively .] And I’ll rehearse him in it 
 until he drops. 
 
 [Jerry, entering y stops at the sight of them. Rosie 
 and Jerry exchange glances. Betty rises and runs 
 to Jerry. 
 
 Betty. Oh, Jerry, we’re not going to be separated! I’m 
 going to star [Jerry smiles] and you’re going to be my 
 leading man. 
 
 Jerry. What! 
 
 [Amazed, he looks at Rosie, who moves away . 
 
 Betty. My leading man! 
 
 Jerry. [ Furiously.] Me? I am not! 
 
 [He turns away. 
 
 Betty. Why, Jerry! 
 
 Jerry. Not by a darn sight. 
 
 [He starts angrily for Rosenbaum, Betty towards 
 the door , followed by Mrs. Dean and Rosenbaum. 
 
 Rosenbaum. There goes my $5,000. Wait, wait! 
 
 [Mrs. Dean brings Betty back and Rosenbaum 
 returns to Jerry. 
 
 Betty. I won’t star for anybody, unless he plays the lead. 
 
 Jerry. No, sir; not on your life. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Dramatically.] This is the man who pre¬ 
 tends to love my daughter, and yet he spurns the great 
 honour that is being thrust upon him. 
 
 Jerry. I do love your daughter. I’m willing to do any¬ 
 thing in reason to make any sacrifice to prove that love, 
 but act again! No! There are limits even to my en¬ 
 durance I 
 
140 THE SHOW SHOP [act ii 
 
 Mrs. Dean. You love her and yet you stand by and see 
 her refuse a great opportunity! The opportunity for which 
 I’ve spent years of watchful waiting. You’ll ruin a great 
 career, ruin all my hopes, my dreams, because of a childish 
 prejudice against the noble art of acting. If you have no 
 thought of her, have pity on me, her mother. For God’s 
 sake, be her leading man! 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Whispering .] Go on, do it, and we’ll have 
 a sure-fire failure. 
 
 Jerry. [Grasping the idea.] Mrs. Dean, if I do this for 
 you, if I beat a lot of fool lines into my brain, if I go on 
 painting my face like a chorus girl, what will you do for 
 me? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Try and make an actor of you! 
 
 Jerry. Oh, my God! 
 
 [Aghast, he jails back against the table . 
 
 curtain 
 
THE THIRD ACT 
 
 Scene One: The Dress Rehearsal. 
 
 The stage of a Broadway Theatre at four a. m. of a Mon¬ 
 day in October during the dress rehearsal of -‘Dora’s 
 Dilemma,” which began at eight o ? clock of the previous 
 evening and is still in progress. The scene when com¬ 
 pleted is to represent a handsomely decorated and fur¬ 
 nished library, the ivalls panelled in wood to a certain 
 height, above which is a frieze of tapestry. It is now 
 partially finished. At the back is an opening obviously 
 designed to contain a large window in several sec¬ 
 tions as one of them with leaded glass panes is in place. 
 Through this opening can be seen a garden back drop, 
 lowered only half way, an electric light border, and 
 beyond and below them the back wall of the theatre. 
 Against this wall are stacked several pieces of scenery, 
 the unpainted side turned towards the spectators and 
 stencilled with the words, u Bettina Dean Co” At the 
 rear and at the left of the window is a door leading 
 to a hall. The backing to represent the hall is not 
 in place. At the lower left is a door, the frame and the 
 door are unpainted. At the right of the stage is an 
 opening for a fireplace in which a fire is lighted, but 
 there is no backing, andirons nor logs, so that the 
 u baby” spot which furnishes the effect of a fire-glow 
 is plainly visible. There is a door at the upper right 
 of the room. The ceiling of the room is not in place, 
 the (< lines” holding it plainly visible. There is a large 
 couch placed at right angles to the fireplace, on the 
 opposite side of the room a table desk with a desk 
 chair, its back to the spectators. Another chair is at 
 the right of the desk. Below the door at the left, 
 141 
 
142 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act in 
 
 against the wall, is a high-backed chair and one similar 
 in style at the right of the room below the fireplace. 
 These chairs are in the process of upholstery, the ma¬ 
 terial applied on the arms and the backs, but the seats 
 are still in muslin. An arm-chair, covered in velvet, 
 stands at the right of the window. There are no dra¬ 
 peries and the cushion of the window seat has not been 
 covered. 
 
 Before the curtain is raised there can be heard a confused 
 murmur of voices as though an act of a play was in 
 progress. When it is raised the room is dimly lighted 
 as though by the effect of lamplight and firelight. The 
 people on the stage are made up as the characters they 
 represent in “Dora’s Dilemma”: Johnnie Brinkley 
 as Chapman, wearing a moustache, a grey wig and a 
 morning coat, vest and striped trousers; Jerry as Dick 
 Bennett, in dinner clothes and cap; Billings, a stocky 
 individual in a policeman’s uniform, and Betty as Dora 
 Chapman, in an evening gown. Tompkins as Hen¬ 
 derson, the butler, in livery but in his shirt-sleeves, 
 
 - leans against the door at the back. He is holding the 
 prompt copy of “Dora’s Dilemma” with which he is 
 following the action of the play. Johnny is standing 
 in front of the desk, Billings at the right of it. Jerry 
 in the centre of the room, facing Johnny; Betty be¬ 
 hind the couch, on which is Jerry’s overcoat. Their 
 attitudes are tense, their speech excited, as they are 
 at the climactic moment of the third act of “Dora’s 
 Dilemma.” 
 
 Johnny. [To Henderson.] “Turn on those lights.” 
 [To Billings.] “Search him!” 
 
 Billings. [Advancing to Jerry and threatening him 
 with a pistol.'] “Hold up your hands! Hold up your 
 hands!” 
 
 Betty. Rushing down between Billings and Jerry, 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 143 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 holding aloft the papers.'] “Stop! Here are the bonds. I 
 am the thief! ’’ 
 
 [Tompkins gives the signal for the curtain. Betty, 
 Billings and Johnny hold the pictur% which, to 
 their disgust, Jerry breaks by pivoting to the front 
 and smiling. Betty hands the bonds to Johnny 
 wearily. He puts them on the desk as the curtain 
 falls. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [At the rear of the auditorium.] Take your 
 curtain up. 
 
 [There is a pause. 
 
 Tompkins. [Behind the cutrain, and in a loud tone.] 
 Say, you, come on up with that curtain. 
 
 [The curtain rises slowly, then Mrs. Dean enters from 
 the door at the left and, coming to the footlights, 
 shades her eyes from their glare and peers out into 
 the auditorium . 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, Mr. Rosenbaum! 
 
 Rosenbaum. What is it? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Take one good look at this scenery and then 
 come on the stage, please! 
 
 [Johnny and Billings exchange glances, then go. 
 Tompkins moves down to the chair at the right of 
 the desk, and sits, looking at the manuscript. Betty 
 is pinning up her train with a long safety-pin. 
 
 Betty. Mother, how was the climax that time? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Electrical! 
 
 [She puts her arm around Betty’s shoulder and starts 
 to the couch. 
 
 Jerry. [To Mrs. Dean.] How was I? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. You were awful! 
 
 [She crosses to the couch . Betty sits at the left end 
 of it. Mrs. Dean stands beside her. Enter, from 
 the door at the left, Granby Smith, the author, a 
 tall, harassed-looking individual in a lounge suit , 
 outing shirt and soft hat. He comes to Jerry. 
 
 Smith. Mr. Belden! 
 
144 THE SHOW SHOP [act hi 
 
 Jerry. [Going to him.] Yes, Mister Author. 
 
 Smith. Are 3^0 u deliberately trying to kill my play? 
 
 Jerry. Am I as bad as that? 
 
 Smith. Bad! [He groans and, going over to Tompkins, 
 jerks the manuscript out of his hand.] Let me look at 
 what’s left of my script. 
 
 [Tompkins looks at him sneeringly. Smith glowers 
 at him and sits on the edge of the desk, poring over 
 his play . Rosenbaum enters, passing Smith, who 
 glares at him, and goes to Jerry, who leads him out 
 of the others’ hearing . 
 
 Jerry. Oh, Rosie! How is “Dora’s Dilemma”? 
 
 Rosie. It’s a crime. 
 
 [They laugh. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Mr. Rosenbaum, that act ought to make 
 them sit up and take potice. 
 
 Rosie. It’s great! Great! [Turning to Smith.] Eh, 
 Smith? 
 
 Smith. It’s a great act, if it’s acted! 
 
 [He throws the manuscript on the desk, takes a chair, 
 places it below the tormentor at the left edge of 
 the proscenium arch, where he sits, his head buried 
 in his hands . Rosenbaum and Jerry laugh. Mrs. 
 Dean starts to the left . Jerry turns and bumps 
 into her . 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Exasperated.] Mr. Belden, will you sit 
 down? [Jerry crosses and sits on the floor below the tor¬ 
 mentor at the right edge of the proscenium arch.] Mr. 
 Tompkins, get that scene painter! 
 
 [Tompkins looks at Mrs. Dean disgustedly, then turns 
 in his chair at the desk and yells. 
 
 Tompkins. Painter! Painter! 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Mr. Rosenbaum! This scenery is in awful 
 shape. We’ll never be ready for tonight! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, you wanted a new production for New 
 York and you got it. 
 
 [He joins Smith. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 145 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 [Enter from the rear door the Scene Painter, an 
 emaciated, dejected-looking person, carrying a paint 
 pail, a colour sheet and a brush. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Yelling.] Oh, Scene Painter! [He comes 
 down wearily and stands beside her, looking at her va¬ 
 cantly.] I wish to remind you that we open tonight. That 
 door isn’t painted. We have no back drop. [Very sarcas¬ 
 tically .] Mere details. 
 
 [He looks at her slowly, then yawns in her face. Mrs. 
 Dean, furious, is about to address him violently, but 
 her words are lost in the noise of a loud hammering 
 begun at the rear door by Maginnis, a burly stage 
 carpenter, wearing overalls and a cap. Mrs. Dean 
 brushes the Scene Painter aside impatiently and 
 begins yelling at Maginnis, who pays no attention 
 to her. The Scene Painter goes up to the door at 
 right, looks at it, then places his pot of paint and the 
 colour sheet on a chair by the window, selecting, 
 naturally, the only chair that has been covered with 
 velvet and that might be damaged. Then he walks 
 out of the door at the right, wearily. Mrs. 
 Dean continues to try to make herself heard above 
 the din of the hammering. Tompkins finally comes 
 to her rescue. 
 
 Tompkins. Maginnis! 
 
 Maginnis. [ Truculently .] Well? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. If that door squeaks tonight in my daugh¬ 
 ter’s big scene, tomorrow I’ll be sending you a wreath of 
 Immortels. 
 
 Maginnis. [Getting paper of tobacco out of his pocket 
 and taking a chew.] Don’t worry; it’ll be all right to¬ 
 night. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Bitterly.] Everything’ll be all right to¬ 
 night! 
 
 Maginnis. Yes’sum, I hope the play will. 
 
 [He winks at Tompkins as he goes. 
 
 [Mrs. Dean turns and sees Jerry sitting beside Betty. 
 
146 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act III 
 
 She glares at him. He rises quickly and, going to 
 the window-seat, lies on it. Mrs. Dean having 
 settled him, turns and sees Ike Goldman, the Elec¬ 
 trician, entering at the lejt door. He is tall and 
 rather pleasant-looking. His shirt-sleeves are rolled 
 up, showing that his hands and arms are stained yel¬ 
 low and red by the dyes in which he has been dip¬ 
 ping the electric light bulbs that he is carrying. He 
 starts to talk to Tompkins when Mrs. Dean inter¬ 
 rupts him. 
 
 Mrs. Dean* [Severely .] Electrician! The stage was 
 much too dark in this act. More light, please. 
 
 [She turns and joins Betty. 
 
 Goldman. [To Tompkins.] I should think she’d want 
 to hide this act. 
 
 Tompkins. Don’t worry; it’ll be buried tonight! Give 
 us your foots. 
 
 Goldman. [Calling off left.] Oh, Jimmy, come on up 
 with your foots! 
 
 [He goes. 
 
 Hickson, the Property Man, a stout young man with 
 a disagreeable cast of countenance and an overbear¬ 
 ing manner, comes in the door at the right, followed 
 by his assistant , Steve, a small, slight , meek youth. 
 They are wearing sack suits and soft hats. Hickson 
 goes quickly to the window-seat where Jerry is ly¬ 
 ing. Hickson unceremoniously brushes Jerry off 
 the seat and climbs on it. Jerry picks himself up 
 and bows elaborately to Hickson, who sneers at him, 
 then begins to take a measurement of the window 
 with a foot-rule which his minion, Steve, has car¬ 
 ried on. Mrs. Dean, turning, sees him. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, Property-man! Property-man! 
 
 [Hickson pays no attention to her . 
 
 Tompkins. Hickson! 
 
 Hickson. [Measuring the window.] Well? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Where are the pictures for this act? 
 
act hi] THE SHOW SHOP 147 
 
 Hickson. [To Steve.] Six foot, four inches. [To Mrs. 
 Dean.] What pictures? 
 
 Tompkins. The ones I ordered. 
 
 [Hickson jumps off the window-seat , grabs the prop¬ 
 erty list from Steve’s hand and gives him the ruler. 
 He comes down to Mrs. Dean. 
 
 Hickson. [Insolently .] Anyone show me any pictures on 
 that list, I’ll give ’em a nice little kiss. What pictures do 
 you want? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Placating him.] Can you get me a few fine 
 old masterpieces? 
 
 Hickson. Sure! The property room is just full of ’em. 
 Come on, Steve. 
 
 [Steve goes out the door at the right . Jerry is stand¬ 
 ing there . Hickson, following Steve, throws Jerry 
 out oj the way. Jerry shakes his fist at Hickson, 
 follows him , but returns immediately. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Mrs. Dean, the author has an idea. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Let me get it before he loses it. 
 
 [She joins Rosenbaum and Smith at the proscenium 
 arch at the left. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Tompkins, call the company. 
 
 Tompkins. Everybody on stage, please. 
 
 [He rises wearily . 
 
 Betty. [Rising.] Jerry, how do you like my dress? 
 
 [She unpins the train , letting it fall on the floor , and 
 walks up and down. 
 
 Jerry. Immense! 
 
 Betty. I’m just mad about the train. 
 
 [She moves to the right. Jerry follows her. 
 
 Tompkins. [Yelling.] Everybody on stage, please! 
 [The members of the company appear at the various en¬ 
 trances.] Oh, come on! 
 
 [He glowers at them , but it has no effect. They stroll 
 on. Miss Donahue, a tally beautiful blonde in an 
 elaborate and extremely decollete dress; Miss Far¬ 
 rington, a red-headed divinity , gorgeously attired; 
 
148 THE SHOW SHOP [act iii 
 
 Miss Toby, a pretty , girlish brunette in a maid's 
 costume , and Effie, looking remarkably well in a 
 dark blue velvet evening gown , advance to the foot¬ 
 lights and, placing their hands below their eyes, look 
 out over them into the auditorium. Jerry comes 
 over to them. 
 
 Jerry. Girls, you look great 1 Effie, if Ziegfeld ever sees 
 you, you’re gone! 
 
 [Billings comes hurrying in from the door at the left , 
 followed by Johnny. They join the group. Jerry 
 goes over to Betty, whispers to her. She turns and 
 sees that Mrs. Dean is busily engrossed with 
 Rosenbaum and Smith, then, taking Jerry’s arm , 
 they run out through the door at the right. Effie, 
 Miss Donahue, Billings, Miss Toby, Johnny, 
 Miss Farrington and Tompkins, who is leaning 
 against the desk, are lined up from right to left. 
 They shift wearily from one foot to another , yawn¬ 
 ing. 
 
 Effie. [Yawning.] What time is it? 
 
 [Billings shoves up the sleeve of his policeman's 
 uniform and looks at his wrist watch. 
 
 Billings. [In a pronounced English accent .] A bit after 
 four. 
 
 Farrington. If I’m going to keep this job, my dressing- 
 room ought to have a cot and a kitchenette. 
 
 Miss Donahue. My Gawd, and there are people who 
 want to go on the stage! 
 
 Tompkins. [Sarcastically .] Where do you horn in? 
 
 Miss Donahue. Mr. Rosenbaum insisted that he needed 
 my personality to put this piece over. 
 
 Tompkins. [To Mrs. Dean.] Who do you want in this 
 act? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Over her shoulder .] I have suggestions for 
 all of you. 
 
 [She turns again to Smith. 
 
ACT III] THE SHOW SHOP 149 
 
 Johnny. She’s the woman who put the hearse in re¬ 
 hearsal! 
 
 [He sits in the chair at the desk. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Tompkins, fetch the script. 
 
 [Tompkins takes the manuscript to Rosenbaum, who 
 abetted by Mrs. Dean begins to browbeat the 
 author. 
 
 Miss Toby. What are they going to do? 
 
 Effie. [ Sarcastically .] I suppose they’re going to rewrite 
 the piece again and give Dora another dilemma. 
 
 Miss Donahue. If it isn’t right now, with three weeks’ 
 rehearsal and two weeks on the road, I can see where I 
 go back to manicuring. 
 
 [Effie goes up to the couch and puts on Jerry’s over¬ 
 coat , which is thrown across it. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [To Smith.] Just let that suggestion pene¬ 
 trate, if it can. 
 
 [She crosses over and stands in front of the company. 
 In her hand are slips of paper on which she has made 
 memoranda. 
 
 Tompkins. Now, children! 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Following Mrs. Dean.] Mrs. Dean has 
 some valuable suggestions. 
 
 [The company look at one another disgustedly. Tomp¬ 
 kins sits on the left end of the desk. Smith, in his 
 chair at the proscenium arch , groans loudly. Every¬ 
 one looks at Smith. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [To Smith.] Mr. Smith, are you in pain? 
 
 Smith. Would it matter to anybody if I were? 
 
 [Hickson and Steve return through the door at the 
 right, carrying the “masterpieces.” Steve comes 
 down between Effie and Miss Donahue. Hickson 
 comes down between Miss Farrington and Miss 
 Toby. They push the actresses aside rudely. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Going to Hickson.] What is it? 
 
 Hickson. Here’s your masterpieces. Show ’em, Steve! 
 
 [Steve turns the picture face out to the audience. It 
 
150 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act in 
 
 is a badly painted watermelon with a slice cut out 
 of it. Hickson turns the picture he is carrying . 
 It is a plate of lemons . 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Pointing to Hickson’s picture.'] Say, 
 what is that? 
 
 Hickson. [To Rosenbaum.] A plate of lemons. [Look¬ 
 ing at Smith.] I thought it was appropriate. 
 
 [Smith rises and rushes to the centre . Rosenbaum 
 stops him. Steve and Hickson look indifferently 
 at Smith. 
 
 Steve. Who’s the string-bean? 
 
 Hickson. [Indicating Smith.] That? It’s the author, 
 the poor simp! Come on. 
 
 [Rosenbaum takes Smith back to the chair, while 
 Hickson and Steve push their way between the 
 actresses again and go. Effie settles herself com¬ 
 fortably in the comer of the couch . 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Advancing.] Attention, please. Now 
 Mrs. Dean—— 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Consulting notes.] Oh, where was I? Oh, 
 yes, Miss Toby! [Miss Toby, who is made up like a 
 “vamp” with very red lips and a very white face, walks 
 down centre . Mrs. Dean leads her down to the foot¬ 
 lights. ] My dear, more red on your cheeks, and less on 
 your lips. I know that your home life is beyond re¬ 
 proach, but if you’re going to look like that, no one in the 
 audience will believe/it. [Miss Toby shrugs her shoulder , 
 goes up and sits on window-seat .] Miss Farrington. 
 [Miss Farrington, who is talking to Billings, pays no 
 attention to Mrs. Dean.] Miss Farrington! [Miss 
 Farrington walks down left of Mrs. Dean in a very in¬ 
 solent manner.] When you’re introduced to the gentlemen 
 in this act, smile pleasantly. Don’t try to lure them to 
 destruction. [Miss Farrington is furious. She joins Miss 
 Toby on the window-seat I] Oh, Miss Donahue! Step 
 down, please! [Miss Donahue walks down to the foot¬ 
 lights.] Now, would you turn around, please? [Mias 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 151 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 Donahue turns. She is in an evening dress, which is cut 
 to the “limit” in the back.\ Are you dressed for the opera, 
 or exposed for an operation? 
 
 Miss Donahue. [Very languidly .] My public is used 
 to seeing a great deal of me. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Winking at Tompkins.] They’re not go¬ 
 ing to be disappointed. 
 
 [Miss Donahue smiles at Rosenbaum. Billings 
 puts his monocle in his eye and, staring at her, fol¬ 
 lows her up to the window-seat. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, Effie! Effie! [Effie, rising, drops the 
 overcoat from her shoulders and walks down to Mrs. Dean, 
 who turns to Rosenbaum.] Don’t you think she looks a 
 little young? 
 
 Effie. It’s not my fault if I’ve retained my youth and 
 beauty. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Snapping at her.] Mr. Belden is supposed 
 to be your son. 
 
 Effie. I could have been married when I was sixteen. 
 
 Rosenbaum. It’s my fault. I told her to cut out the 
 grey hair. Who wants to look at an old woman, if they 
 don’t have to? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Satirically.] You seem to forget that she’s 
 a broken-hearted mother. Trouble seems to make her hair 
 grow brighter. [Effie looks at her indignantly, and walks 
 away. Mrs. Dean goes towards Johnny. She beckons 
 to Rosenbaum.] What’s the matter with Johnny’s nose? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I don’t know. Let’s look at it. [Calling.] 
 Johnny! 
 
 [Johnny, who has been asleep in the chair beside the 
 desk, rouses himself, then comes down to Rosen¬ 
 baum and Mrs. Dean. They look at him. Tomp¬ 
 kins rises and comes down to the left of Johnny. 
 Effie turns and comes to the right of him. Smith 
 moves impatiently in his chair. 
 
 Johnny. What is it? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Your nose. 
 
152 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act III 
 
 Mss. Dean. If you could make it recede a little. 
 
 Johnny. I’m no Doctor Woodbury. 
 
 Effie. Looks all right to me. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Maybe it’s the moustache. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Perhaps if you wore a bow tie. 
 
 Tompkins. Have you tried white grease paint? 
 
 Johnny. I’ve tried everything but putting a ring in it. 
 
 [. Everybody, even Mrs. Dean, roars with laughter, 
 which maddens Smith who rises and rushes over to 
 them. 
 
 Smith. Great Heavens! Do you people realise that we 
 open tonight? 
 
 [.Everyone stops and looks in surprise at Smith. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Sure, we realise it. 
 
 Smith. Then why don’t you get down to business, get 
 to something important? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Important? These things are vital. 
 
 Smith. Vital! Is his nose vital? 
 
 Johnny. I can’t get along without it. 
 
 [Everybody laughs again. 
 
 Smith. [Furiously.] You’ve seen him wear it every 
 night for two weeks. Why wait until the last minute to 
 attend to such fiddling details? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Angrily] If we hadn’t had to “fiddle” so 
 much with that ill-constructed mass of verbiage, you call a 
 play. 
 
 [She walks away to the right. Smith to the left. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Come, come, children, this is a rehearsal, 
 not a prize fight. [He runs to Mrs. Dean and whispers .] 
 After all, he is the author. Humour him now. We’ll do 
 what we like afterwards. [He runs over to Smith, whis¬ 
 pers.’] Humour her. She’s a bear. 
 
 [He puts his arm through Smith’s and drags him over 
 to Mrs. Dean, then putting his arm through Mrs. 
 Dean’s, he stands between them smiling. They 
 are the personification of dislike and antagonism. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 153 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 Rosenbaum. Now, we’re all friends again, see. [To 
 Mrs. Dean.] Now, what next? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Witheringly.] Oh, no, let’s straighten out 
 Mr. Smith’s little worries. 
 
 [She moves away to the right and leans against the 
 proscenium arch. Johnny and Effie, who is again 
 wearing Jerry’s overcoat, are seated on the couch, 
 Tompkins beside the desk, the others in the window- 
 seat . 
 
 Rosenbaum. [To Smith.] Now, what’s on your mind? 
 
 Smith. [Impressively .] Well, I’ve always thought that 
 if Mrs. Brinkley and Mr. Belden played their scene on 
 that side of the stage [indicating right], instead of on this 
 side [indicating left], it would improve it wonderfully. 
 
 [He smiles in self-satisfaction . 
 
 Effie. More study. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. My dear, let’s do anything that will im¬ 
 prove it. 
 
 [Smith glares at Mrs. Dean and walks away to the 
 left . 
 
 Rosenbaum. Tompkins, we’ll take Mrs. Brinkley’s and 
 Belden’s scene. 
 
 [Enter the Scene Painter with a ladder. He rests it 
 against the frame of the door at the right, then get¬ 
 ting the paint pail from the armchair, climbs up on 
 ladder . 
 
 Tompkins. [Calling.] Mrs. Brinkley and Belden! Clear 
 everybody! 
 
 [Miss Toby, Miss Farrington and Billings exit 
 hurriedly and then reappear at the door at the left, 
 to watch the rehearsal of the scene. Johnny and 
 Miss Donahue drag themselves off wearily not in¬ 
 terested in anything. Mrs. Dean goes to the pro¬ 
 scenium arch at the right, Rosenbaum, to it at the 
 left. Tompkins turns and sees the Scene Painter. 
 
 Tompkins. [Furiously.] Painter! I said clear. 
 
1 54 THE SHOW SHOP [act hi 
 
 [The painter pays not the slightest attention. There 
 is a pause. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, let him paint. 
 
 Effie. [Wearily to Mrs. Dean.] Where do you want 
 me to begin? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Ask the author. 
 
 Smith. From Belden’s entrance. [Effie starts to walk 
 over to the desk at the left. Smith rushes to her.] And 
 we’re going to play it over there. 
 
 [He points to the right. 
 
 Effie. [Angrily.] It’s a fine time to fuss me in the only 
 scene I have in the play. [Smith strides away furiously. 
 Effie, thinking she i( has him ” points to a photograph on 
 the desk.] [Innocently.] How do I get that photograph? 
 
 Smith. [Sarcastically.] Don’t you think- 
 
 Effie. [Sweetly.] I have been engaged to act, not to 
 think. 
 
 [Smith gives it up in despair and goes to his chair at 
 the proscenium and sinks into it wearily. Rosen¬ 
 baum tries to console him. Mrs. Dean looks over 
 at them in sarcastic pity. Jerry and Betty, un¬ 
 seen by anyone , do a fox trot back of the window 
 from the right to the left and disappear. Effie 
 stands victorious in the centre. Tompkins is de¬ 
 lighted with her. 
 
 Effie. [Patiently.] Well? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, take it with you. 
 
 Effie. [Getting the photograph from the desk.] Is this 
 supposed to be my son’s photograph? 
 
 Smith. Certainly, certainly. 
 
 Effie. Well, I might have something to get me into a 
 sentimental frame of mind. This is Lillian Russell. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Taking it, hands it to Tompkins.] 
 Tompkins, make a note of that. 
 
 Tompkins. Hickson! 
 
 [Hickson appears at the door at the left, 
 
 Hickson. [Snarling.] What do you want? 
 
act m] THE SHOW SHOP 1 55 
 
 Tompkins. [ Handing the photograph to Hickson.] 
 Strike Russell! 
 
 [Hickson takes the photograph and goes. 
 
 Effie. M-m-m-m-m-m-m—long speech ending with 
 [very sweetly\ “overflowing with tenderness.” [Jerry and 
 Betty fox-trot across back of the window left to right, and 
 disappear. There is a pause. Acidly.] “Overflowing 
 with tenderness-” 
 
 [A pause . 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Irritated .] Where’s Belden? 
 
 [Betty and Jerry, still unobserved, trot back of the 
 window, doing a back and forward step. 
 
 Tompkins. [At the desk.] I called him. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Viciously calling .] “Overflowing with 
 
 tenderness——” 
 
 Tompkins. Oh Belden! 
 
 Betty. [Off stage.] Jerry, your cue! 
 
 Jerry. Coming! 
 
 [In crossing to the right at the back of the window, he 
 knocks a large tray off the top of a bunch light, then 
 he appears at the door where the Painter is on the 
 ladder . 
 
 Everybody. The ladder! The ladder! Don’t walk un¬ 
 der the ladder! 
 
 [Jerry disappears, then is seen running past the win¬ 
 dow to the door at the rear, from which he enters 
 breathlessly. 
 
 Jerry. I’m sorry. [He walks down to the chair at the 
 desk, turns and sees Effie on the couch.] What are you 
 doing over there? 
 
 Effie. Don’t ask me. 
 
 Jerry. How do I get there! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Walk. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Unless you’ve developed locomotor ataxia. 
 
 Effie. [Crossly.] Oh, come on. [She rises, goes to 
 Jerry, and puts her hands on his shoulder and in the char - 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 156 
 
 [act III 
 
 acter of Mr. Bennett, speaks tenderly .] “My son! My 
 son! ” 
 
 [She is interrupted by the crash of a falling object off 
 stage. 
 
 Tompkins. [Yelling,] Quiet off stage! 
 
 Effie. “My-” 
 
 [Again she is interrupted by a similar sound. 
 M’Ginnis. [Off stage.] Hey Monk, keep quiet. 
 
 Jerry. “Mother—mother—you- ” 
 
 Monk. [Off stage.] Damn slave driver! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Quiet off stage! 
 
 Effie. “Promise me you’ll never do this again— or -” 
 
 M’Ginnis. [Off stage.] I’ll cave in yer dome! 
 
 [Jerry laughs. Effie moves away in disgust . 
 Smith rises and rushes to Rosenbaum. 
 
 Smith. [Bitterly.] Marvellous discipline! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, cut to the exit. 
 
 [Effie goes to Jerry, places her hands on his shoul¬ 
 ders, looking up into his face with a sweet, motherly 
 expression. 
 
 Effie. “You’ve made me so happy! My son!” 
 
 Jerry. Do you want me to move away from here now? 
 Effie. [Grabs him by the shoulder, very angrily .] You 
 stand still until I get through with you. [Tenderly.] “My 
 
 son, my son.” Kiss. Bing- 
 
 [She makes a motion oj kissing him on the left cheek, 
 then on the right . 
 
 Jerry. Bing- 
 
 Effie. Let me see. I turned that way, now I turn this 
 way. [She starts for the rear door, scowling at Smith.] 
 Well, I hope I get off, it’s a mile up to this door. 
 
 [She meets Johnny, who is waiting for her with a cup 
 of coffee. They both disappear off left, Effie talk¬ 
 ing angrily. 
 
 Rosenbaum. What else? 
 
 Smith. [Coming to the centre.] The love scene. 
 
act in] THE SHOW SHOP 157 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Moving toward him.] Do you think it’s 
 necessary? 
 
 Jerry. Oh sure, I’d like to. [He dashes up to the rear 
 door and calls off stage.] Oh, Betty! 
 
 Betty. [Off stage.] In a minute! 
 
 Smith. [To Mrs. Dean.] Belden is the limit in that 
 love scene! 
 
 [Betty, appears at the rear door carrying two cups oj 
 coffee. She comes down to her mother. 
 
 Betty. Here mother. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Taking the cup.] Thank you, darling. 
 
 Betty. [Offering the cup to Smith.] Mr. Smith. 
 
 Smith. Oh, no. 
 
 [He waves it aside impatiently and goes to the couch 
 where he sits. Betty gives the cup to Jerry, who 
 puts it on the stand in the left corner of the window. 
 
 Jerry. [Eagerly.] Come on, the love scene. 
 
 [Miss Donahue appears at the back of the window 
 and sits on the off stage side of the window-seat. 
 Betty and Jerry take positions at the centre, 
 Betty at the right of Jerry. Mrs. Dean stands 
 at the proscenium arch, at the right. Tompkins 
 is seated on the desk with the manuscript. Rosen¬ 
 baum stands beside him. 
 
 Jerry. Are you set? 
 
 Betty. [Striking an affected attitude.] Uh huh! 
 
 Jerry. Oh, excuse me a minute. 
 
 [He crosses to Betty and they try three positions of 
 the arms in an embrace, and each time Jerry kisses 
 her. Smith looks at Mrs. Dean imploringly. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Wearily.] We’re waiting, Mr. Belden. 
 
 Jerry. Just getting the finish right. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Well, we won’t overdo it. 
 
 [She puts her coffee cup on the mantel. Betty, her 
 back towards Jerry, re-assumes her pose. Jerry 
 goes to the left of her. 
 
158 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 {act III 
 
 Jerry. Ah—ah—m-rn-m-m-m-m - 
 
 [He turns and looks at Tompkins. 
 
 Tompkins. [Prompting him.] “Oh my -” 
 
 Jerry. “Oh my -” [He looks at Tompkins again.] 
 
 Oh my what? 
 
 Tompkins. [Prompting.] “Adored-” 
 
 Jerry Adored. “Oh, my adored one.” [He goes to 
 Smith.] Say, can’t we can that “adored one”? 
 
 Smith. [Jumping up.] Why? 
 
 Jerry. I’d never say that. 
 
 Smith. [To Mrs. Dean.] He f d never say that! [To 
 
 Jerry.] You’d never - Do you realise I’ve worked 
 
 d&ys and nights to find that phrase? 
 
 Jerry. [ Laughingly .] Did you? Well, I can find a 
 whole raft of things to say to her and not half try. Can’t 
 I, Betty? 
 
 [Smith jails back on the couch. Jerry goes up to 
 take Bett\ in his arms . 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Furiously .] Mr. Belden, this is a re¬ 
 
 hearsal ! 
 
 Jerry. Oh, excuse me! [He takes his position at the left 
 
 of Betty.] Ah—m-m-m-m-m-m-m- [Laughing, he 
 
 looks at Tompkins for assistance.] Isn’t that a funny 
 thing? 
 
 Tompkins. [Angrily.] The same. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, yes. [Very amateurishly .] “Oh, my adored 
 one. I love you with a fever-” 
 
 Smith. [Jumping up from the couch distractedly.] 
 Fervour! Fervour! 
 
 Jerry. “I love you with a fervour that’s undying. [He 
 advances one step awkwardly toward Betty.] Can’t you 
 [another step], won’t you [another step] love me just a 
 little in return?” 
 
 Betty. [Passionately.] “I love you now.” 
 
 [She turns and throws herself into his arms. 
 
 Jerry. [Casually.] “And I love you.” 
 
 [Smith looks at him in disgust, then throws himself 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 159 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 upon the couch. Mrs. Dean, overcome by the hor¬ 
 ror of his acting, bows her head on the mantel-piece . 
 Rosenbaum shivers, then looks at Tompkins, whose 
 expression is one of pain. Betty moves away 
 wearily and sits beside Miss Donahue on the win¬ 
 dow-seat. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, it’s so tame! 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Despairingly .] I give it up. 
 
 [She joins Smith on the couch . 
 
 Rosenbaum. What do you think, Tompkins? 
 
 Tompkins. [Rising.'] If he got a little, a little- 
 
 [He tries to illustrate “pep” by a movement of his 
 hands. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Yes, that’s a good idea. Oh Jerry. 
 [Jerry joins them .] Now, what you want in this scene 
 is a little- 
 
 [He imitates Tompkins’ gesture . 
 
 [Smith, afraid that they are going to do something 
 else to his play, rushes down to the group . Tomp* 
 kins and Rosenbaum repeat their gesture. Jerry 
 watches them utterly bewildered, then imitating 
 them, turns to Smith. 
 
 Jerry. What does that mean? 
 
 [Rosenbaum and Tompkins look despairingly at 
 Jerry, then shaking their heads despondently, move 
 away, Rosenbaum sitting in the chair at the pro¬ 
 scenium arch at the left, Tompkins on the desk, his 
 back to Jerry. 
 
 Smith. I suppose he means to put in a little pep! 
 
 Jerry. Mrs. Dean asked me to tone it down. 
 
 Smith. No, no! And Miss Dean [going up to her\ , get 
 a little abandon into it. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Jumping up.] Betty! Some chaste aban¬ 
 don. 
 
 [She goes to the proscenium arch at the right. Smith, 
 hopeless, sits on the couch. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Impatiently .] Oh go on, take the finish. 
 
160 THE SHOW SHOP [act iii 
 
 [Betty rising, comes toward Jerry. He puts his 
 arms around her. 
 
 Jerry. [ Indifferently .] “I love you.” [ Passionately .] Oh 
 Lord! How much I love you! 
 
 Smith. [Rising.] That last line isn’t in the part. 
 
 Jerry. It just slipped out naturally. 
 
 Betty. Oh say it, Jerry, it sounds awfully sweet. 
 
 Smith. Oh, are you going to re-write my piece, too, Miss 
 Dean? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Everybody else has, why discriminate 
 against my daughter? 
 
 [Smith rushes to leave the stage . Rosenbaum rises 
 and grabs him. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, what makes you authors so sensitive? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Now, if Mr. Smith has finished- 
 
 Smith. Oh, I’m through, I’m through. 
 
 [He sits on the chair from which Rosenbaum has 
 risen. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Taking command .] Then we’ll take the 
 third act climax. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, the one I’m punk in? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. That designation would fit any of your 
 scenes. 
 
 Jerry. Will you tell me what you want me to do? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Do you know what Dora’s Dilemma is? 
 
 Jerry. No, do you? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. You’ve been playing in this piece for two 
 weeks. 
 
 Jerry. You could play in this piece for two years and 
 not know what it’s about. 
 
 Smith. [Rushing at Jerry.] Oh, is that so? 
 
 Jerry. I beg your pardon. Where am I worst? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Words fail me! [To Rosenbaum.] You 
 talk to him. \ 
 
 [She sinks on the couch, utterly worn out. Smith 
 joins Miss Donahue on the window-seat. She 
 tries to console him. Betty sits in the chair be - 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 161 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 side the desk on which Tompkins is seated. Miss 
 Farrington, Miss Toby and Billings leave their 
 post of observation at the door at the left. Effie 
 appears yawning, and goes to the chair where Smith 
 has been seated and huddled in Jerry’s overcoat, 
 falls asleep. Jerry, eager to do what is asked of 
 him, stands at the centre. Rosenbaum advances on 
 him belligerently. 
 
 Rosenbaum. You’re afraid your firm will miss the bonds. 
 You’ve come here to Chapman’s library to get them. You’re 
 desperate. 
 
 Jerry. Why am I desperate? 
 
 [Rosenbaum looks at him . He gives it up and joins 
 Mrs. Dean on the couch . Smith rushes down to 
 Jerry. 
 
 Smith. Great Heavens! Didn’t you tell your mother 
 earlier in this act that if you didn’t get the bonds you’d 
 commit suicide? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Bitterly.\ Sometimes I wish he had. 
 
 Betty. [Rising impatiently, goes to Jerry.] Oh, never 
 mind what it all means. It’s a part, Jerry,—act it. 
 
 [She returns to the chair wearily. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Rising.] We’ll take the scene from “Be¬ 
 hind the curtain.” 
 
 [Miss Donahue leaves the window-seat and disap¬ 
 pears to the right, Miss Toby and Miss Farrington 
 appear at the back of the window going towards the 
 left. Smith takes a position at the back of the 
 couch. Rosenbaum remains seated on it. Mrs. 
 Dean goes to the right to watch the scene. Jerry 
 goes up to the window-seat, Tompkins to the door, 
 Betty following him. 
 
 Tompkins. Oh, Billings, Brinkley! On stage. 
 
 Billings. Coming. 
 
 [Billings and Johnny enter. 
 
 Tompkins. Ready everybody. The struggle in the dark. 
 
 [Betty takes her position at the door, her back to the 
 
162 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act III 
 
 spectators, her hand outstretched towards the button 
 that is supposed to switch on the electric lights. 
 Billings stands behind the desk, Johnny in front 
 of it. 
 
 Johnny. [Very dramatically .] Bla-bla-bla—long speech 
 ending in “Behind the curtain-” 
 
 Jerry. [Standing on the window-seat.] Where’s my 
 overcoat? 
 
 [He jumps off the seat . 
 
 Mrs. Dean. How should I know? Ask the stage man¬ 
 ager. 
 
 Tompkins. Now I’m the coat room boy. 
 
 Johnny. Heaven preserve us from these amateurs. 
 
 [Smith looks for it at the back of the couch, Rosen¬ 
 baum underneath it, Mrs. Dean under the chair at 
 the right, Tompkins behind the window-seat. 
 Betty, Billings and Johnny wait, resignedly. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I paid sixty dollars for that coat. 
 
 Betty. [ Impatiently .] Jerry, where did you put it? 
 
 Jerry. I don’t know. 
 
 Smith. Is there any damn thing you do know? 
 
 Betty. Effie’s got it on. 
 
 Johnny. That woman would sleep anywhere. [He goes 
 to her and shakes her.] Brooklyn! All out! 
 
 Effie. Why did you wake me? I dreamt the play was 
 a hit! 
 
 [Everybody is disgusted. Jerry laughs, but subsides 
 as they all turn and stare at him witheringly. Effie 
 rises, Johnny grabs the coat and takes it to Jerry 
 who puts it on. Effie, yawning and shivering with 
 the cold, starts for the door at the left. Smith 
 crossing to the chair where Effie has been seated, 
 glowers at her. Effie tosses her head and goes. 
 Mrs. Dean is leaning against the proscenium arch 
 at the right, Rosenbaum beside her. Betty, Bil¬ 
 lings and Johnny take their places . Tompkins 
 
act hi] THE SHOW SHOP 163 
 
 stands in the door at the left, holding the manu¬ 
 script . Jerry starts for the window 
 Jerry. [Stopping.] Where are the bonds? 
 
 Johnny. [Giving him the bonds which he has taken 
 from the desk.] You ought to have a nurse! 
 
 Tompkins. [Wearily.] Ready, ready! 
 
 [Jerry gets up on the window-seat. 
 Johnny. [Very dramatically.] Bla-bla — long speech, 
 
 ending with “Behind the curtain”- 
 
 Jerry. Where’s the curtain? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. We will simulate the curtain. 
 
 Jerry. What do I do to the curtain? 
 
 Betty. Oh, pretend there’s one there. 
 
 Tompkins. [Despairingly.] Ready! 
 
 Jerry. Now wait a minute, there’s going to be a cur¬ 
 tain? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Fiercely.] Of course, of course! 
 
 Jerry. No harm in asking. I was only introduced to 
 this window tonight. 
 
 [He gets in position to leap from the window-seat. 
 Tompkins. Ready, Johnny? 
 
 Johnny. Wait a minute. [To Jerry.] Have you got 
 everything? 
 
 Jerry. [Feeling in the pocket of his overcoat.] Yes. 
 Johnny. Bla-bla-bla long speech ending with “behind the 
 curtain.” 
 
 Betty. [At door.] Business. Button. Lights out— 
 bing! 
 
 [On the word “bing” she presses the button on the 
 right side of the door. The lights do not go out. 
 Everybody on the stage looks up to see what is the 
 matter with the lights. Betty comes down impa¬ 
 tiently. 
 
 Betty. Oh mother, why don’t the lights go out? 
 Rosenbaum. Call the electrician! 
 
 Tompkins. [Calling.] Goldman! 
 
164 THE SHOW SHOP [act iii 
 
 Hickson. [Appearing at the rear door.] The electri¬ 
 cian’s gone to breakfast. 
 
 [He goes. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Mr. Belden, we’ll- 
 
 Jerry. We will simulate the darkness. I get you, I 
 get you. 
 
 Betty. [Betty returns to the door, repeating the busi¬ 
 ness of pushing the button.] Business, button, lights out, 
 bing! 
 
 [Billings starts for the window. Jerry springs off 
 the window-seat. They seize each other fiercely, and 
 struggle. Betty rushes behind them to the back of 
 the couch, and begins, apparently, to look for some¬ 
 thing. She is being very dramatic. Suddenly she 
 stops and runs toward Mrs. Dean. 
 
 Betty. [Shrieking.] Mother! Mother! He’s got on 
 the overcoat. [She rushes at Jerry in a fury.] Jerry Bel- 
 den, if you forget to take that overcoat off tonight, behind 
 that curtain and leave it there for me [pointing to the back 
 of the couch] I’ll die right here. 
 
 [She sits on the couch, her head buried in her hands. 
 
 Jerry. [Going to her.] That’s all right. I won’t forget 
 it, but if I do, don’t worry! 
 
 [Billings is standing by the desk. Jerry leaps 
 through the air and lands on him. They begin to 
 struggle fiercely. Rosenbaum rushes and grabs 
 Jerry; Mrs. Dean, following him, tries to get to 
 Jerry Smith runs up and seizes Billings. They 
 try to stop tfte struggle, but as it is the one thing 
 that Jerry can do well, he continues and pulls 
 everybody to and fro in the room. Finally it pene¬ 
 trates to him that they want to tell him something, 
 so he stops. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Shrieking at Jerry.] It’s her stealing the 
 bonds out of your overcoat when you are being searched 
 that is the big moment of the act. 
 
act m] THE SHOW SHOP 165 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Raging.] If you have the coat on, how 
 is she going to get them? 
 
 Smith. [Wildly.] The overcoat’s the plot of my piece. 
 
 Jerry. [Placidly.] All right, all right! No need to get 
 excited. I’ll take it off. 
 
 [He takes off the overcoat, puts it on the back of the 
 couch and starts for the window-seat. Mrs. Dean, 
 very much shaken, moves away, supported on one 
 side by Rosenbaum, and on the other by Smith. 
 It is the one moment in which the three are in ac¬ 
 cord. 
 
 Smith. Can you beat it! Forgot to take off the over¬ 
 coat! 
 
 Rosenbaum. You’ll never get your curtain down tonight 
 if he does it. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. If I had the strength to do it, I’d strangle 
 him now. 
 
 Tompkins. [Resignedly.] Ready! Ready! 
 
 [Betty, Billings and Johnny *gain take their posi¬ 
 tions. Rosie and Mrs. Dean go over to the right. 
 Smith to his chair at the left. They wait. Jerry 
 starts to get on the window-seat, stops and comes 
 down. 
 
 Jerry. Excuse me, I’ll tell you what rattles me. It’s 
 just going over bits of the scene. I don’t know where I’m 
 at to have somebody say—“bla-bla-bla—long speech end¬ 
 ing in 'Behind the curtain.’ ” It gets my nanny. Now if 
 we could only go over the whole thing once. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Well, I suppose- 
 
 Betty. [Coming down angrily.] We haven’t done the 
 last act yet. I want a few hours’ sleep before the per¬ 
 formance. 
 
 [She returns to the door. 
 
 Jerry. It’s easy enough for you people, but I’m not an 
 actor. 
 
 Smith. I should say not! 
 
166 THE SHOW SHOP [act hi 
 
 Jerry Say, you’re not any more stuck on me than I am 
 on myself. 
 
 [Magginis enters from the rear door yawning. He 
 looks up at the ceiling and then calls to the men in 
 the “flies” 
 
 Maginnis. Hey you, come on down with yer back lines, 
 yer back lines, you dope! 
 
 Jerry. [Turning to Maginnis.] Are you talking to me? 
 
 Magginis. No, I don’t talk to actors! 
 
 [The ceiling is lowered into place with a rush, and 
 Magginis goes. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, let her go! 
 
 Betty. Business —door— button—lights out—bing! 
 
 [Jerry dashes out from the window and throws the 
 overcoat on the back of the couch . Betty runs to 
 get the bonds from the pocket. Billings rushes at 
 Jerry, who grabs him and they begin to rehearse in 
 plain view an old fashioned “struggle in the dark” in 
 which violent noise is more important than violent 
 action. With Jerry’s assistance, Billings vaults 
 lightly in the air and Jerry holds him above his 
 head y then falls slowly backward with Billings on 
 top of him, both grunting loudly. 
 
 Billings. Are you all right? 
 
 Jerry. Yes. Choke me. 
 
 [Billings does so and Jerry emits sounds of stran¬ 
 gling. They roll over. Jerry, who is on top, rises 
 and standing over Billings, takes him by the shoul¬ 
 ders and slams him gently up and down two or three 
 times as Billings groans and imitates the sound of 
 a falling body by knocking loudly on the floor with 
 his heel. 
 
 Jerry. Are you comfortable? 
 
 Billings. Oh, very! 
 
 [Jerry pulls Billings up on his feet, then turns him 
 around, his back to the desk, and begins to back him 
 towards it. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 167 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 Jerry. One—two—three—slap! 
 
 [He slaps Billings' open hand which Billings holds 
 up to the left side of his face . Billings groans. 
 
 Jerry. One—two—three—slap - [The same “busi¬ 
 
 ness” is repeated. Billings groans very loudly. They 
 back to the right of the desk. Jerry, holding Billings up 
 very carefully, pushes a desk blotter and the phone out of 
 the way, then lays Billings very gently on the top of the 
 desk.] I’m not hurting you? 
 
 Billings. Not at all, old dear! 
 
 [Jerry slaps the desk loudly with his right hand. Bil¬ 
 lings groans frightfully. Jerry pulls Billings up 
 on his feet. Billings pushes Jerry lightly away. 
 Jerry staggers backwards wildly to the right. 
 Johnny points at him dramatically. 
 
 Johnny. “Search him!” 
 
 Billings. “Put up your hands! [Jerry hesitates. Betty 
 gets the bonds out of the overcoat pocket.'] Put up your 
 hands!” 
 
 [He points the revolver at Jerry, who puts up his 
 hands. Betty rushes down between Jerry and 
 Billings to the centre, making a picture with the 
 bonds held high over her head in her right hand. 
 
 Betty. “Stop! Here are the bonds! I am the thief!” 
 
 Tompkins. Curtain! 
 
 [He imitates with a downward motion of his hand the 
 falling of the curtain. Betty, Johnny and Bil¬ 
 lings “hold the picture ,” tensely dramatic in their 
 attitudes and expressions. Jerry turns to the front 
 and grins idiotically, destroying the effect of the 
 climax. The others see him and “break the pic¬ 
 ture,” Betty sitting in the window-seat, Johnny in 
 the chair, in front of the desk, Tompkins on the 
 desk, Billings in the chair at the right of the desk, 
 Smith slumps despairingly in his chair at the left, 
 Mrs. Dean on the couch and beside her Rosen¬ 
 baum holding her hand. Their backs are turned fa 
 
168 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act III 
 
 Jerry, who is so awful they cannot bear to look 
 at him. Jerry looks at them, smiling a little wist¬ 
 fully. There is a pause, then Jerry worried, al¬ 
 most frightened, joins Betty on the window-seat. 
 She refuses to talk to him. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Rising, beckoning to Smith.] Well, what 
 do you think? 
 
 Smith. [Meeting him.] Terrible! 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Going to them.] I don’t believe we can 
 open with him. 
 
 Smith. Every time he comes on he takes the child of 
 my brain and simply chokes it to death. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Let’s take it from his first entrance. Maybe 
 he can work into it. Children, we’ll take it over from 
 Jerry’s entrance. 
 
 [Smith, Rosenbaum and Mrs. Dean return to 
 their places at the left and at the right . Johnny 
 sits in the chair in front of the desk. Billings 
 goes. 
 
 Betty. Oh dear! 
 
 Jerry. Now wait a minute. This is the place that I 
 wear the overcoat? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Angrily.] Yes. 
 
 Jerry. Good. 
 
 Tompkins. [Calling.] Oh, Hickson, ready with your 
 door slam. 
 
 Hickson. [Off stage.] All right. 
 
 [Tompkins goes out the rear door 9 shutting it. 
 
 Betty. [Indifferently.] Business — bonds — door. [She 
 opens the rear door. As she does so “a door slam” is 
 heard off stage.] [Dramatically.] “My God! Henderson!” 
 
 [She looks around wildly, then running to the desk, 
 sits beside it and falls forward across it as though 
 fainting. 
 
 Tompkins. [Entering as Henderson looks at her, then 
 rushes off', crying.] “Help! Help! Help!” 
 
act hi] THE SHOW SHOP 169 
 
 [Jerry enters from the window, wearing a light over¬ 
 coat. He sees Betty. 
 
 Jerry. “Dora! Dora! What’s happened?” 
 
 Betty. [Rushing to him wildly .] “Dick! Dick! Here 
 are your bonds!” 
 
 [i She puts the bonds in the pocket of Jerry’s overcoat . 
 Jerry puts his arms about her carelessly. 
 
 Jerry. [In a spiritless sing-song.] “Oh Dora, you have 
 saved my honour.” 
 
 [Betty pushes Jerry away from her and sits on the 
 desk, her back to him. Johnny throws himself 
 disgustedly in the chair at the front of the desk. 
 Tompkins enters the rear door and falls in the arm¬ 
 chair at the left. Smith collapses utterly. Rosen¬ 
 baum staggers to the proscenium arch at the right, 
 burying his head in his arms. Jerry, bewildered, 
 walks to the door at the right. Mrs. Dean rises, 
 staggers towards Rosenbaum, who has turned and 
 advanced to meet her. Rosenbaum supports her in 
 his arms. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. This is awful! Awful! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Can’t you show him? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I’ll try. Mr. Belden, stand down, please. 
 See if you can get a faint glimmering by watching me. 
 [Jerry, frightened by her tone, comes down, giving her a 
 wide berth and in doing so stumbles into the footlight trough. 
 He scrambles out and stands watching her.] Ready, 
 Betty. 
 
 Betty. [Turning around.] Oh, let Mr. Tompkins stand 
 for me. I’m so tired. 
 
 Tompkins. I can’t and give the cue. 
 
 [He goes. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’ll do it for you, Betty. 
 
 [Betty starts towards the right . Jerry meets her . 
 
 Jerry. I’m awfully sorry, Betty. 
 
 Betty. [Stamping her foot.] You didn’t even try. 
 
 [She sits in the chair near the fireplace. 
 
170 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act III 
 
 Jerry. [Following her.] Well, I knew the words. 
 
 [Betty turns her back to him. Jerry leans against 
 the proscenium arch, utterly disconsolate. The com¬ 
 pany and stage hands, learning that Rosenbaum and 
 Mrs. Dean are going to rehearse the scene y take 
 points of vantage to see them. Miss Toby and Miss 
 Farrington enter at the right. Miss Toby sits on 
 the table below the door, Miss Farrington lean¬ 
 ing against it. Miss Donahue sits on the window- 
 seat, M’Ginnis, Hickson and Steve stand at the 
 back of the window . Effie, Goldman and Bil¬ 
 lings appear in the door at the left . Smith re¬ 
 mains seated in his chair, Johnny at the desk. 
 Tompkins is in the wings at the left waiting for his 
 cue to enter as Henderson. Mrs. Dean in 
 Jerry’s part of Dick, climbs on the window-seat, 
 Rosenbaum in Betty’s part of Dora, gets the 
 bonds. Both of them are very serious in their in¬ 
 tention but highly ludicrous in the result as they are 
 naturally quite unfitted physically for the hero and 
 the heroine of “Dora’s Dilemma.” Rosenbaum, 
 forgetting the cigar in his mouth, imitates Betty’s 
 stage “business” at the desk, then backs up towards 
 the rear door. He opens it. The necessary “cue” 
 of a closing door is not heard. 
 
 Rqsenbaum. [Irritably.'] Where’s that door slam? 
 
 [Hickson rushes off right. Maginnis rushes off left. 
 Immediately there are two door slams heard off left 
 followed by two off right. 
 
 Rosenbaum. My God! Four Hendersons! 
 
 [He staggers down to the table, falls into the chair, 
 still imitating Betty. 
 
 Tompkins. [Entering the rear door, sees the “situa¬ 
 tion.”] “Help! Help!” 
 
 [The first “Help” is given loudly, the other two die 
 away as Tompkins, wishing to see the scene, does 
 
act in] THE SHOW SHOP 171 
 
 not go as demanded by the “business,” but remains 
 in the doorway . 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Rushing down from the window.] “Dora! 
 Dora! What's happened?" 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Rising, and meeting her at the centre .] 
 “Dick! Dick! Here are your bonds!" 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Dramatically .] “Dora! Dora! You have 
 saved my honour!" 
 
 [Mrs. Dean clasps Rosenbaum in her arms fer¬ 
 vently, crushing his hat over his eyes, forcing it to an 
 angle of 45 degrees. Rosenbaum blindly tries with 
 his left hand to find the pocket in Mrs. Dean’s 
 clothes in order to imitate Betty’s “ business” of 
 placing the bonds in Jerry’s overcoat. The com¬ 
 pany, stifling their laughter, fall out of the room . 
 Smith is almost fainting with horror. Betty, stuf¬ 
 fing her handkerchief in her mouth, rocks with mirth . 
 Jerry is not so discreet, for shrieking with laugh¬ 
 ter, he advances to Rosenbaum and Mrs. Dean, 
 who at the sound of his glee have started apart . 
 
 Jerry. You see, you forgot the overcoat altogether—oh, 
 I beg your pardon, but you were so funny. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Angrily.] Funny! You ought to see your¬ 
 self! 
 
 Smith. [Rushing to Jerry.] Funny! You hold my 
 play up to ridicule, kill it, and think it’s funny! 
 
 [He starts to the door at the left 4 
 
 Rosenbaum. Where are you going? 
 
 Smith. Home. Will you do me one favour? 
 
 Rosenbaum. What? 
 
 Smith. Take my name off the programme. 
 
 [He goes, slamming the door . The noise of the row 
 attracts the notice of the company, who come run¬ 
 ning back to their former positions in time to hear 
 Smith’s farewell speech. There is a pause. Mrs. 
 Dean, at first speechless with rage, breaks into a 
 fierce tirade. 
 
172 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act III 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Indignantly .] The base ingrate! He 
 ought to be on his knees to me. To think how Fve worked 
 on his piffling play! I ask you all, could anybody who 
 heard him read it, recognise it now? [ Tearfully .] If it 
 hadn’t been for me, this play would never have seen New 
 York. Nobody believes in it but me. I’ve worked myself 
 into an untimely grave to give you all a season’s run, and 
 you’re all against me. [Crying.] You’re all against me, 
 every last one of you! I’m just one lone woman against 
 a band of pessimistic knockers. I can’t stand any more! 
 
 [She goes , sobbing. Betty rises to follow her but is 
 stopped by Effie, who runs out calling “Matilda , 
 Matilda.” The company, who have all been unani¬ 
 mous in their dislike of Mrs. Dean, have a revulsion 
 of feeling now that she is apparently at the end of 
 her endurance. Talking quietly and sympathetically 
 everyone disappears , leaving Betty almost in tears 
 and Jerry remorseful. 
 
 Betty. Poor mother! She’s utterly worn out! 
 
 Jerry. I never thought she’d take it so much to heart. 
 
 Betty. It will just about kill her if it doesn’t get over! 
 
 Jerry. Oh don’t, Betty, you make me feel like a dog! 
 
 [He moves away. 
 
 Betty. [Following him.] Why, Jerry, you’re doing the 
 best you can. It isn’t your fault! I thought the play 
 was awful when we read it, and when it didn’t go on the 
 road, I begged mother not to let Rosie bring it in, but she’s 
 mad about it. Of course, she can’t see any further than 
 that my part is good. Poor mother! 
 
 Jerry. [Turning to her and taking her hands.] Look 
 here, Betty, if you ever heard that I’d done something that 
 was—rotten—would you love me just the same? 
 
 Betty. But you couldn’t. Besides, I’d love you what¬ 
 ever you did! 
 
 Jerry. You’ll remember that, won’t you? Promise. 
 
 Betty. Cross my heart! [She does so.] But why are 
 you so serious? 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 173 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 Jerry* Oh, it’s nothing! We’ll make it up to her. 
 
 Betty. To mother. Make up what? 
 
 Jerry. We’ll be mighty kind to her if anything happens 
 to disappoint her, won’t we? 
 
 Betty. Why, of course! But you are always kind to 
 her. I’ll go to her now. 
 
 [She kisses him and starts to the door. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Entering.] Are you two scrapping now? 
 
 Betty. No. Jerry’s worried for fear the piece may fail. 
 
 [She goes . 
 
 Rosenbaum. What? Say, what’s happened to you? 
 
 Jerry. Mrs. Dean’s got me going, that’s all. I almost 
 wish it wasn’t going to fail! 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, you’ll lose your wish. 
 
 Jerry. Looks like a sure-fire failure, eh? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Smiling.] I made arrangements today to 
 invest that five thousand dollars. 
 
 Jerry. I didn’t know. You seemed so interested to¬ 
 night. I thought perhaps you liked it. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I can’t help it. I seem to like anything 
 when it gets as far as the dress rehearsal. 
 
 Jerry. [Starting to follow Betty.] Well, I’m going to 
 make a clean breast of my scheme to Betty. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Stopping him.] Don’t speak to her, not 
 before we open! She’ll make a hit. That’s all her mother 
 wants. She’ll blame the play. And just think of the 
 things she’ll say about the author! 
 
 [Mrs. Dean returns, wiping her eyes, Betty and 
 Effie accompanying her . Tompkins appears at the 
 rear door . 
 
 Betty. Now, mother, what do you want us to do? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. We’ll rehearse the curtain calls on this act, 
 
 Tompkins. Everybody on stage, please. First call, 
 everybody. [Mrs. Dean goes to the right and Rosenbaum 
 to the left. Betty and Jerry take their positions in the 
 exact centre, Jerry to the right of her. Johnny enters and 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 174 
 
 [act hi 
 
 comes to the lejt of Betty.] [ Irritably .] Miss Donahue, 
 you’re over there. 
 
 [He pushes her into place next to Johnny, shoves 
 Miss Toby next to her. Mrs. Dean is arranging 
 the other end of the line. Billings gets into the 
 wrong place. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Impatiently to Billings.] Haven’t you 
 any dramatic instinct? 
 
 [She grabs Billings and puts him next to Effie, 
 then returns to the extreme right. Tompkins takes 
 his place. The line-up for the “call” from left to 
 right is Miss Toby, Billings, Effie, Jerry, Betty, 
 Johnny, Miss Donahue, Tompkins and Miss 
 Farrington. 
 
 Tompkins. Curtain up! [He gives the signal for the 
 imaginary curtain. Everybody bows and smiles .] Cur¬ 
 tain down! [Everybody looks bored. This business is re¬ 
 peated for all the curtain calls.] Second call—Principals. 
 
 [All run off excepting Johnny, Effie, Jerry, Betty 
 and Billings, and Tompkins, who joins Rosen¬ 
 baum. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Mr. Billings, we said— principals! 
 
 Billings. Quite so. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Get off, you’re a “bit”! 
 
 [Billings goes grumbling. 
 
 Tompkins. Curtain up! [They repeat the bowing and 
 smiling.] Down! Third call. Miss Dean, Mr. Belden and 
 Brinkley. [Effie runs off quickly.] Up! [Business as 
 before .] Down. Fourth. Miss Dean and Belden [Johnny 
 goes.] Up. [The same business.] Down. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Proudly.] And now—Betty. 
 
 [Jerry runs out the rear door. Betty goes up the 
 centre carrying her train. She starts down stage to 
 the left , dropping her train carefully. Then Betty 
 stops as though surprised by a burst of applause. 
 She bows. 
 
act hi] THE SHOW SHOP 175 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Shrink, darling, shrink! [Betty goes up 
 the stage shrinking .] Hold out your hand. 
 
 [Betty holds out her hand as though desirous of 
 bringing someone to share her triumph. When she 
 gets to the rear door , Jerry jumps on and takes her 
 outstretched hand. Betty is annoyed * 
 
 Betty. [ Complainingly .] Mother! 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Furiously .] Get off! Get off! [Jerry 
 hurries out.] Now darling, if those ushers earn their 
 money, drag on the company one by one. Save Effie until 
 the last. I’ll show you. Oh Effie! [Betty moves away 
 and watches Mrs. Dean, who, smiling sweetly, gambols 
 across to the door at the right . Effie is a trifle slow in 
 coming on. Mrs. Dean jerks her through the door.] Oh, 
 hurry up! [She takes Effie, who is very sulky, to the 
 centre, makes a deep bow to her, then putting her arm 
 around Effie, turns to Betty.] See, dear, this is always 
 good for another one. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Smile, Effie, smile 1 
 
 Effie. Do I have to rehearse the smile? 
 
 [She smiles stagily, looks angrily at Mrs. Dean, then 
 stalks off. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Now, darling, look for the author. [She 
 trips around from left to right looking off in the wings for 
 an imaginary author, then advancing to the footlights, 
 smiles coyly at on imaginary audience.] I don’t know 
 where the author is. [To Betty in a business-like tone.] 
 Try it, darling. 
 
 [Betty imitates the “business” of looking for the au¬ 
 thor and in doing so sees Rosenbaum. 
 
 Betty. Do I look for Rosie, too? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Disgustedly.] No. He’ll be out in front 
 applauding. And now the speech. 
 
 Betty. [Betty, advancing to the centre, smiles very 
 brightly .] I don’t know where the author is. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Very kittenishly .] Be coy, Betty, be coy! 
 
 Betty. [Imitating her.] I don’t know where the author 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 176 
 
 [act hi 
 
 is. I can’t make a speech, except to say that we’re all very 
 happy and we’ve worked very hard- 
 
 Rosenbaum. Cut that out. They don’t give a damn 
 how hard you’ve worked. 
 
 Betty. We’re all very happy. [Very brightly'] and I 
 thank you. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Tearfully.] Cry, Betty, cry. 
 
 Betty. [Crying.] I thank you. I thank you. 
 
 [She backs up the stage bowing. 
 
 The curtain is lowered to indicate a lapse of time. 
 
SCENE TWO: The First Night 
 
 After the curtain falls there is an instant of time, then 
 Rosenbaum appears in the left upper stage box of the 
 theatre . He looks over its railing at the audience, 
 then sits with his back to the stage mentally (i counting 
 the house” Mrs. Dean, following him, looks over the 
 railing at the audience and then seats herself facing the 
 stage. Smith comes in and, sitting between them, 
 nervously crumples a programme . Rosenbaum is in 
 a dinner jacket, Smith in evening clothes, Mrs. Dean 
 in a wrap and over her head a scarf which she removes . 
 The idea sought to be conveyed is that the curtain is ris¬ 
 ing on the final scenes in the third act during the first 
 performance of u Dora y s Dilemma ” 
 
 The curtain rises to disclose a completely furnished stage 
 setting representing the library in the Robert Chap¬ 
 man home . Effie, as Mrs. Bennett, is seated on 
 the couch . Betty, as Dora Chapman, is speaking 
 to her . 
 
 Dora. But, Mrs. Bennett, has the firm missed the bonds? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. Not yet, but if Dick does not restore 
 them by ten o’clock tomorrow morning their loss will be 
 discovered, and my son will be arrested and branded as 
 a thief! 
 
 Dora. My God! But why did Dick give those securities 
 to my husband? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. Mr. Chapman said he wanted the use of 
 ten United States bonds for just twelve hours. He prom¬ 
 ised faithfully to return them to Dick tonight. He’s failed 
 him again. Now Dick has gone home hoping to find them 
 there. 
 
 177 
 
178 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act III 
 
 Dora. How did you learn all this? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. Dick's been anxious all the evening. 
 You noticed it. I saw him come in here, followed him and 
 found him ransacking that desk. Then I made him tell me. 
 
 Dora. But why should Dick run this risk? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. Because of you. 
 
 Dora. Because of me? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. Your husband threatened him! 
 
 Dora. What about? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. A divorce suit, naming Dick as co-re¬ 
 spondent. 
 
 Dora. That's absurd. He knows it isn't true. 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. The coupling of your names would be 
 enough to ruin you both. 
 
 Dora. The beast! To think of all the wrongs and humili¬ 
 ations that I have suffered in silence and then to threaten 
 to drag me down, to ruin the man I love! Oh, I’ll confess 
 it. I do love your son. But you don't believe this of Dick 
 and me? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. [ Taking Dora's hands .] No, no, I've 
 suspected that my son loved you, and that you loved him. 
 That's why I waited here after the others had gone, to 
 implore you to save him. 
 
 Dora. I will. I must! I'll find some way to get those 
 bonds. 
 
 [Enter quickly Johnny, as Chapman, from the rear 
 door. He wears a business suit and carries a bag . 
 He stops at the sight of the women. 
 
 Chapman. Oh, good evening. [Mrs. Bennett rises.] 
 Oh, don't let me drive you away. 
 
 [He goes down to the desk and puts the bag on the 
 end of it. 
 
 Dora. Mrs. Bennett was about to leave. Will you ring 
 for Henderson? 
 
 [Chapman pushes the button on the desk . It rings off 
 stage. 
 
act hi] THE SHOW SHOP 179 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. My son has been looking for you all 
 evening. 
 
 Chapman. [ Frightened .] Is he here? 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. No, he’s gone home. 
 
 Chapman. [Relieved.] Make my apologies. Tell him I 
 was delayed unexpectedly. That I’ll see him in the morn¬ 
 ing. 
 
 Mrs. Bennett. [Eagerly.] Early? 
 
 Chapman. [Opening the bag.] Nine o’clock at my office. 
 
 [Tompkins enters as Henderson, 
 ^ora. Henderson, Mrs. Bennett’s carriage. 
 
 [Mrs. Bennett goes, followed by Dora. Chapman 
 crosses to the window where he stands beside the 
 drawn curtains looking out. Dora returns. 
 
 Chapman. Dora, Dora, come here quickly. [Dora 
 crosses in front of Chapman to the window.] Do you see 
 anybody out there? 
 
 Dora. A policeman I 
 
 Chapman. Does he seem to be watching the house? 
 
 Dora. No. 
 
 Chapman. Anyone else? 
 
 Dora. No. 
 
 Chapman. Sure? 
 
 Dora. Yes. 
 
 Chapman. [Going to the desk quickly .] Dora, you’ve 
 got to help me. 
 
 Dora. Help you? How? 
 
 Chapman. Someone I can trust must sail on the Mau¬ 
 retania tonight with this. 
 
 [He indicates the bag on the desk . 
 
 Dora. What have you done? 
 
 Chapman. Unless late tonight when I give the alarm 
 with this [He takes a revolver out of his pocket ], I can 
 be found here chloroformed [He takes a bottle out of his 
 pocket and puts it on the desk], the safe in this desk opened, 
 robbed, they can send me up. 
 
180 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act in 
 
 Dora. Oh, Bob! Bob! 
 
 Chapman. I was going to make a getaway, but I can’t. 
 The secret service men are watching me. Will you go? 
 
 Dora. I can’t. I can’t! 
 
 Chapman. You’ll be all right. I’ll join you as soon as I 
 can. There’s plenty of money in that bag, and these ten 
 United States Bonds are as good as cash. Will you go 
 through with this for me? 
 
 [Dora recognises the bonds which he displays to her 
 as those Dick has given Chapman. 
 
 Dora. Yes, yes. 
 
 Chapman. Good. 
 
 Dora. [ Falling into the chair at the desk, as though 
 fainting .] Oh, oh, oh. 
 
 Chapman. What is it? 
 
 Dora. I feel faint—the shock—some water—downstairs 
 —the dining room. [ The moment Chapman goes she shows 
 that the faint was pretended and stealthily rising gets the 
 telephone .] Central, central; get me 84 Bryant, quickly, 
 quickly. [ She waits anxiously .] Hello, 84 Bryant? Oh, 
 is that you, Dick. Can you hear me? I’ve got your bonds. 
 Come here at once, come through the garden to the library 
 window! 
 
 [As Betty is replacing the receiver, Chapman enters. 
 
 Chapman. To whom were you telephoning? 
 
 Dora. [ Frightened, then recovering .] A wrong number! 
 
 [She goes slowly up to the window to open it. 
 
 Chapman. [Watching her suspiciously .] What are you 
 doing? 
 
 Dora. It’s so close in here. 
 
 [She opens the window. 
 
 Chapman. [Going to the desk.] Wrong number, eh? 
 [Dora watches him anxiously. He picks up the telephone.] 
 Central, what was that number just called from here? [Dora 
 starts from the window to him.] 84 Bryant! [Dora gives 
 faint cry.] Huh—I thought so. [He replaces the receiver.] 
 
act in] THE SHOW SHOP 181 
 
 What did you have to say to Bennett? Come, out with 
 it! 
 
 Dora. [Hesitatingly .] Nothing. I simply telephoned 
 good-bye. 
 
 Chapman. I wonder if you’re putting up a job on me? 
 
 Dora. Don’t be absurd. I must hurry. [ She starts to 
 the door.] We’ve no time to lose. 
 
 Chapman. You’re anxious to go, aren’t you? Maybe 
 Bennett’s waiting for you? Is he? 
 
 Dora. Of course not. 
 
 Chapman. What did his mother tell you tonight? 
 
 Dora. [Hesitatingly .] What could there be to tell? 
 
 [She comes down to the back of the desk. 
 
 Chapman. By God, that’s why you gave in! His 
 mother told you about the bonds. You’re going to give 
 them to him. 
 
 [He makes a rush for her. 
 
 Dora. [Picking up the revolver from the desk.] Yes, I 
 am. Give them to me. 
 
 [She points the revolver at him across the desk. 
 
 Chapman. [Backing away a step or two.] What? 
 You- 
 
 Dora. I’m not afraid of you, I mean this. 
 
 [Chapman opens the bag which is on the desk, takes 
 out the package of United States Bonds, and throws 
 them on the desk. As she reaches for them he 
 jumps, grabs her wrist, gets the revolver, then takes 
 the bonds forcibly from her, and puts them in the 
 bag. Dora sinks on the chair at the desk. 
 
 Chapman. I might have known I couldn’t trust you, 
 I’ll take a chance. I’ll go myself, and you’ll go with 
 me. 
 
 Dora. I won’t. I won’t. 
 
 Chapman. Oh yes you will, or I’ll stay here and when 
 
 Dick Bennett comes through that window- [Dora 
 
 gasps.] Oh, that’s why you opened it! I’ll shoot him 
 dead. 
 
182 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act hi 
 
 Dora. You wouldn’t dare. 
 
 Chapman. Dare? Invading the sanctity of my home. 
 It mightn’t be a bad idea at that. Wonder I didn’t think of 
 it instead of that chloroform stunt. 
 
 [,Sitting in the chair in front of the desk , he leans over 
 and opens the safe, and begins to empty it of its 
 contents . 
 
 I could plant the robbery on him. How would you like 
 that for your lover? [He laughs .] You thought you had 
 me beat! Me! That’s funny. That’s damn funny. 
 
 [He laughs, leaning back in his chair. At the mention 
 of the word “chloroform” Dora takes the bottle from 
 the desk and empties it on her handkerchief . Chap¬ 
 man roars with laughter and says “Damn funny ” 
 Dora thrusts the handkerchief over his mouthy grabs 
 his right arm and brings it up back of the chair. 
 Chapman struggles. 
 
 Dora. You’ll go? You’ll stay here and be caught like 
 a rat in a trap. You can disgrace me, shame me, but you 
 won’t make the man I love a thief! I’ve beaten you, do 
 you hear? You beast! I’ve beaten you! 
 
 [Chapman’s hand falling limply on the desk presses 
 the button. The bell rings off stage . Betty 
 
 alarmed, listens, then dropping the handkerchief, 
 she gets the bonds from the bag, and starts to leave 
 when a door is heard to slam. 
 
 Dora. My God! Henderson! 
 
 [She looks wildly about, holding the bonds in front of 
 her, and runs down to the chair at the desk and falls 
 forward as though in a faint. 
 
 Henderson. [ Entering, sees the situation, then goes 
 quickly, calling .] Help! Help! Help! 
 
 [Jerry, as Dick, rushes in through the window. 
 
 Dick. Dora, Dora! what’s happened! 
 
 Dora. O Dick, here are your bonds. 
 
 Dick. O Dora, you have saved my honour. 
 
 Dora. He was going to run away, leave the country. I 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 183 
 
 ACT III] 
 
 chloroformed him. [She puts the bonds in his overcoat 
 pocket .] Now, go, go. 
 
 [A police whistle sounds faintly. 
 
 Dick. Leave you? No. 
 
 Dora. You must. There are the police. They’ll never 
 suspect me. Oh go, for God’s sake go. [She pushes him 
 towards the window. The police whistle is heard nearer .] 
 No, no, get behind that curtain. 
 
 [She pushes Dick behind the curtain at the window 
 and starts for the door. 
 
 Henderson. [Entering.] Oh, Ma’am, are you all right? 
 
 Dora. Oh yes, yes. 
 
 [Enter Billings as a Policeman. 
 
 Policeman. What is it? 
 
 Dora. Help me out of here. 
 
 [Henderson leads her towards the door. Chapman 
 has been coming out of his daze. 
 
 Chapman. Stop her. She robbed me! 
 
 Policeman. Wait! 
 
 Dora. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. I’m his wife. 
 
 [She tries to go. 
 
 Chapman. [Rising.] Stop her. Search her. She chloro¬ 
 formed me, robbed me. [He turns toward the window and 
 sees the curtain move.] And get that man behind the cur¬ 
 tain. 
 
 [Dora, who is at the door, turns off the lights. Dick 
 rushes out. He and the Policeman struggle 
 
 Chapman. Turn on those lights. 
 
 [When the lights go up Dick is discovered wearing 
 the overcoat with the bonds sticking out of the 
 pocket, in plain view. Dora is at the couch looking 
 wildly for the overcoat. 
 
 Chapman. Search him! 
 
 Policeman. Put up your hands! Put up your hands! 
 
 [Billings sees the overcoat, and the bonds. He is 
 paralysed. A stage wait occurs. 
 
184 THE SHOW SHOP [act hi 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [From the stage box.] Great Heavensl 
 He’s got on the overcoat I 
 
 Smith. [From the stage box.] I’ll kill him! 
 
 [Billings, Johnny, Tompkins and Betty become 
 panic-stricken, losing their characterizations com¬ 
 pletely. Jerry suddenly realises what he has done 
 but is unabashed. 
 
 Jerry. Come on, search me. [Billings looks again at 
 Jerry, then at Johnny.] Come on, you big boob, search 
 me! 
 
 [He hesitates. Jerry jumps jor him, knocks him 
 down. 
 
 Betty. [Wildly.] What will I do? What will I do? 
 
 Jerry. Do. You’ll come with me! 
 
 [He dashes at Johnny who rushes oft below the 
 tormentor. Jerry then jumps on the desk, and leaps 
 at Tompkins, who dodges. Then he grabs Betty 
 who has fainted and jumps out of the window. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [From the box.] Ring down, Ring down! 
 
 Tompkins. [Rushing oft below the tormentor.] Ring 
 down! 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
THE FOURTH ACT 
 
 Jerry’s apartment in a Studio building in New York,—a 
 simply and attractively furnished room with a door 
 at the left to the bedroom and another at the back to 
 the hall. There is a fireplace at the right and extend¬ 
 ing from it into the room, its back to the spectator is 
 a large couch covered with corduroy . Facing it is a 
 comfortable wing chair and a table with a reading 
 light. At the left is a window with a cushioned seat 
 and in front of it a handsome table with writing ma¬ 
 terials, a lamp, a rack of books and silver boxes con¬ 
 taining cigarettes. Behind the desk is a chair, in front 
 of it a bench with a cushion of corduroy. Against the 
 back wall is a Jacobean cabinet and a table with a 
 lamp. Another table for newspapers and magazines 
 stands at the left end of the couch. There are framed 
 photographs on the walls, the mantel-piece, the tables 
 and the desk, all of Betty in various poses. Bright 
 sunlight is streaming through the windows. 
 
 Walter, Jerry’s man-servant, has placed the morning 
 papers and the mail on the desk and is starting for the 
 bedroom carrying the coat of a suit when the door 
 opens and Jerry appears. 
 
 Jerry. Good morning, Walters. What time is it? 
 
 Walters. Eleven o’clock. [Offering Jerry his coat.'] 
 Will you have your coat, sir? 
 
 Jerry. Yes. [Taking off his lounging jacket.] Did you 
 get all the morning papers? 
 
 Walters. They’re on the table, sir. Mr. Rosenbaum has 
 been phoning. He’ll be over later. [He takes the loung¬ 
 ing jacket and starts to go. At the door to the bedroom he 
 
 185 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 186 
 
 [act it 
 
 stops.] Beg pardon for mentioning it, sir, but I hope 
 “Dora’s Dilemma” was a success last night. 
 
 Jerry. [ Angrily .] Don’t talk about it. 
 
 Walters. Oh no, sir. Thank you, sir. 
 
 [He goes. Jerry takes a cigarette from a box on the 
 table, and is getting a match, when there comes a 
 knock at the door. 
 
 Jerry. Come in. [Jerry is lighting his cigarette, his back 
 to the door, and does not see Betty entering, carrying a 
 suit case. She places it beside the door, then with a little 
 sob comes towards Jerry, who, hearing the sound, turns 
 and goes to her quickly.] Betty! Good heavens, Betty, 
 what’s happened? What are you doing here? Where’s 
 your mother? 
 
 Betty. Oh, stop asking me questions and kiss me. 
 
 [Jerry takes her in his arms and kisses her. 
 
 Jerry. There! Now tell me, what’s happened? 
 
 Betty. [ Surprised .] Haven’t you read the papers? 
 
 Jerry. I haven’t had time. 
 
 Betty. [Crying.] Mother will never let us get married 
 now. 
 
 Jerry. Why? 
 
 Betty. The play’s a hit. 
 
 Jerry. [Staggered.] Whatl 
 
 Betty. Look at the papersl 
 
 [She gets a paper from a table at the end of the couch 
 and hands it to him. 
 
 Jerry. It can’t be true! [Reading.] “The dramatic 
 sensation of the century.” 
 
 Betty. What did I tell you? 
 
 [She sits on the couch, her back to the spectators. 
 
 Jerry. It can’t be a success! Your mother had hys¬ 
 terics after I bawled up that third act finish. 
 
 [He begins to read the review. 
 
 Betty. [Crying.] I know. She scolded me, too. I went 
 home so happy. Then this morning the first paper I looked 
 at said: “Not since Maude Adams took New York by storm 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 187 
 
 ACT IV] 
 
 has any actress won such instant favour as Bettina Dean.” 
 I’d like to boil that man in oil. 
 
 [She cries again. 
 
 Jerry. [ Gloomily, from behind the newspaper.'] I was 
 a hit too. 
 
 Betty. The critics must be crazy. You were awful. 
 
 Jerry. But you saw what they wrote about me. 
 
 Betty. Yes, one of them said—“Where has Jerome 
 Belden been? Why have we been deprived of him all these 
 years?” 
 
 Jerry. Listen to this son-of-a-gun— [Reading] “Not in 
 the memory of the oldest playgoer has the New York stage 
 given to us so charmingly unconventional an actor as 
 Jerome Belden. Even the baldly melodramatic climax of 
 the third act was handled by Mr. Belden with such utter 
 disregard of conventional method and technique. . . .” 
 What’s technique? 
 
 Betty. Something you struggle all your life to get, that 
 makes the public tired when you give it to them. Oh, dear! 
 
 [She sobs. 
 
 Jerry. Don’t, Betty, don’t. 
 
 [He sits on the couch beside her his back to the audi¬ 
 ence and takes her in his arms. 
 
 Betty. How can those critics be so kind when they can 
 be so mean? 
 
 Jerry. Oh, maybe this is just newspaper talk. 
 
 Betty. [Releasing herself.] Oh, I’m afraid they liked it. 
 [They turn, their arms on the back of the couch, looking 
 directly at the spectators.] I saw all the first-nighters ap¬ 
 plauding. 
 
 Jerry. Yes; the whole lodge was there. 
 
 Betty. What lodge? 
 
 Jerry. The Ancient Order of Grave Diggers. 
 
 Betty. They gave us fifteen curtain calls. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, that’s just first-night stuff. 
 
 Betty. No, if those Grave Diggers like a thing, they go 
 out and rave about it. 
 
188 THE SHOW SHOP [act iv 
 
 [She cries. Jerry turns and takes her in his arms, 
 both again with their backs to the spectators. 
 
 . .Jerry. Well, maybe it won’t draw. 
 
 Betty. Draw? Mother says it will run all season. 
 Jerry. Some plays run in New York for two years. 
 Betty. Don’t, Jerry, don’t. 
 
 [,She sobs. 
 
 Jerry. Look at Monte Cristo! 
 
 Betty. [ Sobbing wildly.'] And Rip Van Winkle! 
 
 Jerry. Oh, who’d pay to see this show? 
 
 Betty. Go call up the box-office. 
 
 [Jerry rises and goes to the telephone on the table 
 at the lejt of the room. Betty wipes her eyes. 
 Jerry. Never thought of that. What’s the number? 
 Betty. 68o Bryant. Mother was ’phoning this morning. 
 
 [She rises and follows Jerry. 
 Jerry. Give me 680 Bryant. 
 
 Betty. [Crying.] I’m the most miserable woman in the 
 world. 
 
 Jerry. Don’t take it so much to heart. 
 
 Betty. Mother says it’s absurd to talk of marriage in 
 the face of this success. 
 
 Jerry. What? Busy? Call me. 
 
 [He places the telephone on the table. 
 Betty. [Despairingly.] Surely they can’t be telephoning 
 for seats already? 
 
 [She sinks on the bench beside the table. Jerry gets 
 a chair and brings it towards her. 
 
 Jerry. It’s a judgment. 
 
 Betty. What do you mean? 
 
 Jerry. Betty, I’ve a confession to make. 
 
 [He hangs his head guiltily . 
 Betty. [Alarmed.] Jerry, don’t tell me you’ve learned to 
 like the stage. 
 
 Jerry. [Despairingly sitting in the chair.] No, worse 
 than that. 
 
 Betty. Nothing could be worse. Go on, tell me. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 189 
 
 ACT IV] 
 
 Jerry. [ In the manner of a stage confession.] You re¬ 
 member the night Rosie made the proposition to star you? 
 
 Betty. Yes, I’ll never forget it or forgive him. 
 
 Jerry. Don’t say that! I was responsible. 
 
 [In deep despair he bows his head in his hands . 
 
 Betty. What? 
 
 Jerry. Yes. I furnished the backing. 
 
 Betty. To make me a star? Why? 
 
 Jerry. [Seriously.] Because I loved you. 
 
 Betty. [ Indignantly.] Well, you had a nice way of 
 showing it. 
 
 Jerry. Your mother had said it would be death to your 
 career to be associated with a failure—well, I made up my 
 mind you’d fail. 
 
 Betty. You darling. 
 
 Jerry. Rosie had a lot of plays in his grip. I hadn’t 
 read any of them. I just picked this one out blindly, think¬ 
 ing, of course, that I’d pick a failure. 
 
 Betty. Oh, Jerry, why didn’t you leave the choice to 
 Rosie? 
 
 Jerry. Why? 
 
 Betty. It takes someone who knows about plays to pick 
 a failure. 
 
 [The telephone bell rings sharply. 
 
 Jerry. [Rushing to the telephone.'] Hello, 680 Bryant? 
 I want a couple of seats for tonight. What? One in the 
 fifteenth row. Four weeks from Monday I Oh, this is 
 awful! [Betty sobs aloud.] I’ll never be able to live this 
 down. I’ll never dare to show my face at the Club again. 
 
 Betty. And I’ll never be Mrs. Jerome Belden now. 
 
 [Jerry in his irritation is walking up and down; he 
 stumbles over Betty’s suit case, and gives it a 
 vicious kick. 
 
 Jerry. What the devil’s that? 
 
 Betty. [Sniffling.] That’s mine. 
 
 Jerry. Oh, excuse me. [He picks up the suit case, puts 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 190 
 
 [act IV 
 
 it tenderly and puts it on the chair beside the bench.] 
 Yours? Where are you going? 
 
 Betty. Nowhere. I’ve come to stay. 
 
 Jerry. Here? 
 
 Betty. Yes. 
 
 Jerry. You can’t do that. I’d forgotten. You oughtn’t 
 to be here now. How did you get up here? 
 
 Betty. I gave the elevator boy five dollars. 
 
 Jerry. [Growing agitated .] Good Lord, did anyone 
 downstairs see you? 
 
 Betty. Yes, a lot of hall boys. 
 
 Jerry. I’ll fix them. They didn’t recognise you? 
 
 Betty. I didn’t wear a veil on purpose. 
 
 Jerry. [Very agitatedly .] Come, Betty, you must get out 
 of here. Your mother might miss you, begin to look for 
 you. 
 
 Betty. She knows I’m here. 
 
 Jerry. What? Did you tell her? 
 
 Betty. No, she went out early this morning, but I left 
 a note. 
 
 [Jerry frantic, takes Betty’s hands and tries to draw 
 her to her feet. 
 
 Jerry. Then come on; if she finds you here, it will be 
 terrible. 
 
 Betty. [Impatiently, pulling her hands away.] I want 
 her to find me here. 
 
 Jerry. She mustn’t, Betty. Oh, I can’t put it into words, 
 but it’s impossible. This is a bachelor apartment. Don’t 
 you appreciate the situation? 
 
 Betty. Perfectly, I’m trying to be compromised. This 
 is our only chance. 
 
 Jerry. Have you gone insane? I must take her to an 
 alienist. 
 
 Betty. [Indignantly.] If you loved me, you’d take me 
 to a minister. 
 
 Jerry. I will, Betty, I will, after we see your mother. 
 We played the game squarely, we won’t sneak now. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 191 
 
 ACT IV] 
 
 Betty. [Crying.'] You don’t love me any more. 
 
 Jerry. [ Taking her in his arms.] I do, Betty, I do. I 
 love you too much to let you marry me on the sly. Now, 
 come on, dry your eyes, powder your nose, I’ll order the 
 car, we will drive to the Claremont, have some luncheon, 
 then fortified, we’ll call on mother, and read the riot act. 
 [The telephone rings.] Hello, Mrs. Dean calling? Tell her 
 I’m not in. 
 
 Betty. [ Running to him.] No—no. [ She speaks into 
 the telephone .] Ask her to come right up. [Jerry tries 
 to talk into the telephone. Betty puts her hand across the 
 mouthpiece.] Say one word and I’ll never speak to you 
 again. 
 
 Jerry. This is going to take some explaining. 
 
 Betty. Leave it to me. 
 
 Jerry. Your mother has every right to be furious. Every 
 right to suspect me. Every right to prevent our marriage 
 now. 
 
 Betty. Just let her try it. [There is a knock at the 
 door.] Quick, Jerry. [ She grabs him, throws herself into 
 his arms, puts his arms around her . Jerry struggles . Betty 
 holds his H,nds firmly.] Come in! 
 
 [Mrs. Dean comes in, smilingly, arrayed in a gor¬ 
 geous gown, a fur trimmed wrap of brocade, and a 
 befeathered picture hat. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Good morning, children. Gaze on your 
 mother—“Success,” Herald. 
 
 [She sweeps across in front of them to display her 
 clothes. 
 
 Betty. Mother, don’t you see us? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. There’s nothing the matter with my eye¬ 
 sight. 
 
 Betty. Mother, don’t you see us? I’m compromised. 
 
 Jerry. No— no! 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Graciously.] Bless my little girl. Your 
 mother’s here. I came as soon as I found the note. [She 
 strokes the fur on the sleeve of her wrap.] Isn’t it a lovely 
 
192 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act IV 
 
 piece of fui»? They say it’s sable, but I believe if you 
 stroked it the wrong way, it’d put up its back and spit at 
 you. 
 
 Betty. Mother, will you pay attention to us? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Parading across the room.] My dear, 
 don’t be selfish. Let me enjoy my glad raiment. After 1 
 read the papers and ’phoned to the box-office, I said, 
 “Matilda, go out and squander.” 
 
 Jerry. The hit’s gone to her head. 
 
 [He sits on the bench. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I went straight to the dressmaker’s. He 
 says, I’m a perfect 40, the rascal. [She giggles.] Betty. 
 [Betty goes to Mrs. Dean, who takes her aside and whis¬ 
 pers .] Everything underneath this is embroidered crepe, and 
 I wish you could see the lilies of the valley on my corsets! 
 
 Betty. You look lovely. You know how glad I .am that 
 at last I see* you looking- 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Rich and recherche. 
 
 Betty. But it would have been more profitable and more 
 to the point if instead of visiting the dressmaker’s you had 
 spent the time at the dramatic agencies. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [ Majestically .] My day for bending the 
 knee to the dramatic agents is over. In future, they’ll 
 salaam to the mother of Bettina Dean. [Betty, shaking 
 her head hopelessly, joins Jerry on the bench.] I don’t 
 mind telling you two in strictest confidence that I’m going 
 to be a power in this business. You saw what the news¬ 
 papers said about my prediction of this play. I’ve always 
 thought I could do a few things to Ibsen. 
 
 Betty. [To Jerry.] Oh, it’s hopeless! 
 
 [Mrs. Dean pays no attention to him. She takes off 
 her wrap and throws it over the couch on which she 
 poses, then smiles in a stagey way at Jerry. 
 
 Jerry. [Coming to her.] Mrs. Dean, this is serious. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Contentedly .] What’s “serious”? 
 
 Jerry. On Saturday night Betty and I say a fond fare¬ 
 well to Dora and her Dilemma. 
 
THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 193 
 
 ACT iv] 
 
 Mrs. Dean. What? Are you going mad? 
 
 Betty. Yes, if being married is going mad. 
 
 [She rises and goes to Jerry. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Married? Utterly impossible. 
 
 [Betty starts to talk; Jerry quiets her. 
 
 Jerry. Let me talk, Betty. [Betty retires and sits on 
 the bench by the table.] Now, Mrs. Dean, you’ve kept us 
 apart on the plea that you wanted to see Betty on Broad¬ 
 way. You can take a long lingering look at her for five 
 more nights, and, of course, the usual matinees. 
 
 [He sits on the bench beside Betty. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Rising.] What do you mean? 
 
 Jerry. Sunday we’re married! 
 
 Betty. No. today; I’ll take no more chances. 
 
 Jerry. Suits me, darling. Then on Sunday we start on 
 a still hunt for that farm with the chickens and the little 
 calf. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I won’t permit it. 
 
 Jerry. Then I’m afraid we won’t wait for the permit. 
 
 [Rosenbaum bursts in. He, like Mrs. Dean, exudes 
 prosperity in every line of the palpably new morning 
 coat, silk hat, boutonniere and gloves . He is 
 beaming. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Well, we put it over. Didn’t I always say 
 it was a great play? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Oh, Mr. Rosenbaum, I’m so glad you’ve 
 come. 
 
 Rosenbaum. I’d have been here before, but I was look¬ 
 ing over the plans for the Rosenbaum Theatre. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Talk to these children. I can’t do anything 
 with them. They’re impossible. 
 
 [She sits on the couch . 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Going to her.] You’ve got to make allow¬ 
 ances after the hit they made last night. It’s the artistic 
 temperament. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. It’s rank nonsense. 
 
 Rosenbaum. It’s the same thing. [He goes to Jerry 
 
194 
 
 THE SHOW SHOP 
 
 [act IV 
 
 and sits on the chair beside the bench .] Jerry, didn’t I always 
 say it took just one fat part to make a Broadway star? 
 Find out what they like in your personality and hand it to 
 them. When you get old you keep on handing it to them 
 and they think it’s character acting. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. We’ve no time to listen to your theories of 
 acting, even if you had any. They threaten to stop acting 
 altogether on Saturday night. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Rising.] What? 
 
 Jerry. That’s right. 
 
 [He rises and goes to Rosenbaum. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Never. 
 
 Jerry. [Threateningly.] Who’s going to make me act? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Nobody can do that, the critics notwith¬ 
 standing. 
 
 Rosenbaum. You don’t dare quit. 
 
 Jerry. Don’t I? You forget I own this show. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. What? You? 
 
 [She rises. 
 
 Jerry. Yes. I put up the money for “Dora’s Dilemma.” 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Indignantly.] Why wasn’t I told? 
 
 [She glares at Rosenbaum, who sneaks away. 
 
 Jerry. Because I didn’t want you to feel under obliga¬ 
 tions to me. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Obligations? To furnish a few paltry thou¬ 
 sands to put my daughter where she belongs? It was a 
 privilege. Nevertheless, it was very generous of you. Betty, 
 why don’t you thank this noble-hearted man for all he 
 has done for you? 
 
 Betty. Thank himl 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Going to Mrs. Dean.] Listen to her, 
 she’s as bad as Belden. But why expect gratitude from 
 actors? 
 
 Jerry. Gratitude to you? [He goes to him furiously.] 
 A. fat lot you’ve done for us. Where’s that failure you guar¬ 
 anteed me? 
 
ACT IV] THE SHOW SHOP 195 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Handing him a check .] Here’s your $5,000. 
 I don’t need it. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. What’s this I hear about failure? 
 
 [Rosenbaum moves away again 0 
 
 Jerry. He promised me that it would fail. I relied on 
 him. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. So, young man, you were going to put one 
 over on mother? 
 
 Jerry. You’ve put it all over us. Let that satisfy you. 
 But don’t waste your time gloating. You’d better bend all 
 your energies to finding two people to play our parts, and 
 finding them quickly. 
 
 [He picks up Betty’s suit case . Betty joins him , 
 and they start toward the door . Mrs. Dean rushes 
 to intercept them . 
 
 Mrs. Dean. You children don’t realise what you’re doing. 
 You can’t leave this cast. You’re both necessary to the 
 success of the play. 
 
 Rosenbaum. You leave it and it won’t draw a cent. 
 
 Jerry. We don’t need the money. 
 
 Rosenbaum. What about me? 
 
 Jerry. Oh, you! 
 
 Mrs. Dean. What about the others? You can’t stop the 
 run of this play, throw all these people out of employment. 
 Think of Effie and Johnnie. Would you take away their 
 livelihood? Drive them back to a life of care and worry? 
 You can’t do that unless you’re both marked with a wide 
 streak of yellow. 
 
 Betty. Jerry, I suppose we must think of the others. 
 
 [Jerry throws down the suit case in disgust . There is 
 a slight pause , then he advances on Rosenbaum in 
 a jury. 
 
 Jerry. Why didn’t you tell me if this was a success I 
 could not get out of it without hurting other people? You 
 promised me faithfully that my acting would kill it. Why 
 didn’t you warn me that I was in danger of making a hit? 
 
196 THE SHOW SHOP [act iv 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, how did I know you had what gets 
 across, whatever the damn thing is. 
 
 Jerry. [Going to Mrs. Dean.] If I stick to this thing- 
 
 [Betty protests .] I don’t say I will. I’ll do it on one con¬ 
 dition, Mrs. Dean, that you withdraw your opposition to my 
 marriage with Betty. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Going to Jerry.] You marry Betty over 
 my dead body. 
 
 Jerry. [Shaking his fist in Rosenbaum’s face.] Oh, I’d 
 go to the chair for you. 
 
 [He goes and sits on the table, his back to them. 
 
 Betty. I’ll play Dora and her old Dilemma with a wed¬ 
 ding ring or not at all. 
 
 [She joins Jerry and sits with her back to them. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Mrs. Dean, are you going to stand there 
 and see them ruin me? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. Ruin us? 
 
 Rosenbaum. Who’s going to pay $2 to see a man make 
 love to his own wife? [He runs across.] Oh, Betty, be rea¬ 
 sonable. I’ll make a great actress of you. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. I’ve done that already, Mr. Rosenbaum. 
 
 Rosenbaum. Oh, Betty, don’t do this! Stick to me! To 
 show you the kind of fellow I am, I’ll let you both do 
 Shakespeare. 
 
 Jerry. [Furiously, jumping off table and going to Rosen¬ 
 baum.] Shakespeare! You’ve done enough for me. Don’t 
 you think you can put me in tights. 
 
 Betty. I have an idea. Why couldn’t we be married 
 quietly? 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Scornfully.] Quietly? What can you do in 
 New York quietly? 
 
 Betty. No one need know. 
 
 Rosenbaum. The reporters would get it in a minute. 
 There’s a bunch of them downstairs now. 
 
 Jerry. Why? 
 
 Rosenbaum. I brought them around to interview you. 
 
 Jerry. [Going quickly to the telephone at the end of the 
 
act iv] THE SHOW SHOP 19? 
 
 desk.] Hello, is this the office? Send those reporters up to 
 Mr. Belden’s room at once. Yes, at once. [Betty looks at 
 Jerry bewildered, Rosie and Mrs. Dean, horrified. Jerry 
 goes over to them.] Now you listen to me. I’m willing to 
 think of you and Effie and Johnnie and the others. I’m 
 willing to go on acting and acting and acting, to serve my 
 sentence, so that you can go on producing and producing 
 and producing. You can do your Shakespeare and you can 
 do your Ibsen provided we can get married. Oh quietly— 
 I’ll keep the marriage a secret. Either you do this or I’ll 
 give that bunch of reporters a story of our engagement that 
 will spread over the front page of every paper in this town. 
 Now, it’s up to you. [ There is a knock at the door. He 
 lowers his voice.] There they are. Now think and think 
 fast. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [ Whispering .] What will we do? 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Whispering.] What can we do? 
 
 Jerry. [Whispering.] Come with us. 
 
 Mrs. Dean. [Whispering.] Where? 
 
 Jerry. [Whispering.] To the Little Church Around the 
 Corner. 
 
 Rosenbaum. [Getting Mrs. Dean’s coat from the 
 couch, gives it to her, whispering.] For God’s sake go, but 
 go quietly. 
 
 Jerry. [Reaching out his hand to Mrs. Dean.] Come, 
 mother. 
 
 [Betty, Mrs. Dean and Jerry start to the door at 
 the left, walking on tiptoes. Rosenbaum tiptoes to 
 the other door. The knocking becomes louder. He 
 motions to them to hurry and they go smilingly as 
 he is about to admit the reporters. 
 
 THE END 
 
JUST PUBLISHED 
 
 Nothing But the Truth 
 
 A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts 
 By 
 
 James Montgomery 
 Cast of Characters 
 
 Bob Bennett 
 B. M. Ralston 
 Clarence Van Dusea 
 Bishop Doran 
 Dick Donnelly 
 Gwen 
 
 Mrs. Ralston 
 
 Ethel 
 
 Mable 
 
 Sable 
 
 Martha 
 
 SCENES 
 
 ACT 1. A Broker's Office 
 
 ACT 2. Parlor of a Country Home 
 
 ACT 3. ** ** ** ** 
 
 TIME: The Present 
 
 “Nothing But the Truth" is built upon the simple Idea 
 of its hero speaking nothing but the absolute truth for a 
 stated period. He bets a friend ten thousand dollars 
 that he can do it, and boldly tackles truth to win the 
 money. For a very short time the task is placidly easy, 
 but Truth routs out old man Trouble and then things be¬ 
 gin to happen. Trouble doesn’t seem very large and 
 aggressive when he first pokes his nose into the noble 
 resolve of our hero, but he grows rapidly and soon we 
 see our dealer in truth disrupting the domestic relations 
 of his partner. In fact. Trouble works overtime, and 
 reputations that have been Unblemished are smirched. 
 Situations that are absurd and complications almost 
 knotted, pile up, all credited to Truth, and the result of 
 the wager to foster and cherish that great virtue from 
 the lips of the man who has espoused the cause of truth 
 to win a wager. 
 
 It is a novel idea and so well has it been worked out 
 that an audience is kept in throes of laughter at the 
 seemingly impossible task to untangle snarls into which 
 our hero has involved all those he comes into contact 
 with. It is a clean bright farce of well drawn character* 
 and was built for laughing purposes only. 
 
 William Collier played "Nothing But the Truth” for a 
 year at the Longacre Theatre, New York, and it has been 
 on tour for over two seasons. 
 
 After three years continuous success on the profess¬ 
 ional stag*e we are now offering "Nothing But the Truth” 
 for amateur production. It is one of the funniest and 
 brightest farces ever written, and it is admirably suite* 
 ts> amateur production. 
 
 Price 6o Cents 
 
BILLETED. 
 
 A comedy in 3 acts, by F. Tennison Jesse and H. Harwood. 4 males, 
 5 females. One easy interior scene. A charming comedy, constructed 
 with uncommon skill, and abounds with clever lines. Margaret Anglin’s 
 big success. Amateurs will find this comedy easy to produce and popular 
 with all audiences. Price, 60 Cents. 
 
 NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. 
 
 A comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery. 5 males, 6 females. Cos* 
 tumes, modern. Two interior scenes. Plays 2J4 hours. 
 
 Is it possible to tell the absolute truth—even for twenty-four hours? It i«— 
 *t least Bob Bennett, the hero of “Nothing But the Truth/* accomplished the 
 feat. The bet he made with his business partners, and the trouble he got into— 
 with his partners, his friends, and his fiancee—this is the subject of William 
 Collier’s tremendous comedy hit. “Nothing But the Truth** can be whole-heartedly 
 recommended as one of the most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies that 
 this country can boast. Price, 60 Cents. 
 
 IN WALKED JIMMY. 
 
 A comedy in 4 acts, by Minnie Z. Jaffa. 10 males, 2 females (although 
 any number of males and females may be used as clerks, etc.) Two 
 interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Plays 2 l / 2 hours. The thing into 
 which Jimmy walked was a broken-down shoe factory, when the clerks 
 had ajl been fired, and when the proprietor was in serious contemplation 
 of suicide. 
 
 Jimmy, nothing else but plain Jimmy, would have been a mysterious figure 
 had it not been for his matter-of-fact manner, his smile and his everlasting 
 humanness. He put the shoe business on its feet, won the heart of the girl 
 clerk, saved her erring brother from jail, escaped that place as a permanent 
 boarding house himself, and foiled the villain. 
 
 Clean, wholesome comedy with just a touch of human nature, just a dash of 
 excitement and more than a little bit of true philosophy make “In Walked Jimmy** 
 one of the most delightful of plays. Jimmy is full of the religion of life, the 
 religion of happiness and the religion of helpfulness, and he so permeates the 
 atmosphere with his “religion** that everyone is happy. The spirit of optimism, 
 good cheer, and hearty laughter dominates the play. There is not a dull moment 
 fin any of the four acts. We strongly recommend it. Price, 60 Cents. 
 
 MARTHA BY-THE-DAY. 
 
 An optimistic comedy in three acts, by Julie M. Lippmann, author of 
 the “Martha” stories. 5 males, 5 females.' Three interior scenes. Cos¬ 
 tumes modern. Plays 2 y 2 hours. 
 
 It is altogether a gentle thing, this play. It is full of quaint humor, old- 
 fashioned, homely sentiment, the kind that people who see the play will recall 
 and chuckle over tomorrow and the next day. 
 
 Miss Lippmann has herself adapted her very successful book for stage service, 
 and in doing this has selected from her novel the most telling incidents, infectious 
 comedy and homely sentiment for the play, and the result is thoroughly delightful. 
 
 Price, 60 Cents. 
 
 (The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
 
 SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
 
 Hew and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Nailed Free on Request 
 
FRENCno 
 
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 describing thousands of plays. 
 
 SAMUEL FRENCH 
 
 Oldest Play Publisher in the World 
 25 West 45th Street, NEW YORK CITY