LI E> R.AFLY 
 
 OF THE 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 Of ILLINOIS
 
 ^^
 
 i 
 RANK AND FASHION! 
 
 Oil THE 
 
 MAZES OF LIFE; 
 
 A NOVEL, 
 
 IN THREE VOLUMES. 
 
 "SATIRE — NOT MALEVOLENCE." 
 
 BY MR. FRERE. l 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON: 
 PRINTED FOR WILLIAM FEARMAN, 
 
 LIBRARY, 170, NEW BOND-STREET, 
 
 J82J.
 
 Printed by C. HANDY 50, Brewer Street, Golden Square
 
 
 
 TO THE 
 
 AUTHOR OF WAVERLY, 
 
 Sir, 
 
 When you, as a 
 Novel Writer, became a can- 
 didate for literary fame, I 
 rejoiced in the vast encrease 
 of entertainment, derivable
 
 H 
 
 from your productions. But 
 having, since, set up in the 
 same line, I most cordially 
 wish that your Manuscripts 
 had undergone a sort of 
 Ostrascism, ere their publi- 
 cation had been allowed ; and 
 that the casting shell had 
 devolved on me. — It would 
 have been so disposed of, as 
 to excite the heart-felt, though 
 silent, thanks of my Brethren 
 of the quill.
 
 Ill 
 
 Indeed, Sir, the fecundity 
 of the produce, together with 
 its goodness, has made the 
 Public so very fastidious, that 
 the mental provender of other 
 Growers find but few Con- 
 sumers : and Publishers aver, 
 in the language of the Trade, 
 that no other Novelties will 
 now go down> maugre all 
 their attempts at puffing them 
 up. 
 
 However, Sir, since it is
 
 not in my power to efface the 
 impression of your Writings 
 from the memory of your 
 Readers, I politically adopt 
 the modern method of con- 
 cealing the smart of envy un- 
 der the affectation of praise ; 
 although constitutionally in- 
 clined to indulge in the blunt, 
 old practice — of giving it vent, 
 through the channel of vitu- 
 peration. I, therefore, go 
 along with the stream of Eu-
 
 logists ; and, in order to make 
 a fuller display of my candour, 
 I hereby profess to shel- 
 ter these pages under the 
 sanction of your name, ex- 
 claiming with the Poet : 
 
 Say, shall my little Bark attendant sail, 
 Pursue thy triumph and partake the gale? 
 
 Having thus publicly de- 
 clared myself the ardent Ad- 
 mirer of your literary talents, 
 (would to Heaven they had 
 been piled upon the shelves
 
 tl 
 
 of the Alexandrian Library) 
 I beg the honor of sub- 
 scribing myself, with more 
 politeness than truth, 
 
 Sir, 
 Your very humble, 
 very obsequious, 
 devoted Servant, 
 
 B. Frere,
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 CHAPTER L 
 
 AN INVITATION. 
 
 THE season for fashionable amusements 
 in the Metropolis had expired. In every 
 direction were hurrying from the plodding 
 haunts of trade, honorables, right honora- 
 bles, baronets and commoners, either to 
 continue the same round of dissipation at 
 watering places, or to recruit their health 
 and finances by a few months' residence at 
 their respective seats, that they might open 
 the next winter campaign with greater 
 probability of success. 
 VOL, I. B
 
 2 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 The Earl of Piercefield had been emi- 
 nently successful in most of his gambling" 
 ventures. He had well matched his race 
 horses at New Market, well matched his 
 own skill at Brookes, and pitched upon the 
 right man in both his boxing matches; so 
 that from these sources of emolument he 
 had gained a sum little short of £40,000, 
 nearly amounting to the whole rental of his 
 numerous estates. 
 
 On the borders of North Wales, in the 
 county of Salop, his lordship possessed a 
 splendid mansion, surrounded by an exten- 
 sive demesne. Thither he invited a nume- 
 rous and select party to spend a few weeks, 
 and to enjoy the diversion of grouse shoot- 
 ing on the lofty and dreary hills of the 
 principality. Whether the invitation arose 
 from the noble earl's good-natured disposi- 
 tion, or whether his pride was merely
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 3 
 
 desirous of commemorating his success, in 
 the presence of those at whose cost it had 
 been obtained, the 'historian is unable to 
 decide. However, as the invitation pro- 
 mised pleasure and was considered an 
 honor, it was warmly accepted and faith- 
 fully attended to. 
 
 In consequence, on the first of August 
 1810, Piercefield Castle, however spacious, 
 could hardly contain the concourse of 
 youthful noblemen and commoners with 
 their menials that obtained admittance. 
 
 The genius of the place might at first 
 assume that the feudal times, at their 
 proudest aera, were returned. But the lists 
 of folly are now-a-days open to pursuits 
 so widely different, that the mistake could 
 be but momentary. The baronial hail, 
 still adorned with the mail c'ad portraits of 
 the noble lord's progenitors, now, in the 
 M 2
 
 4 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 dead of night, only resounded with the 
 rattle of the dice box, and in each recess a 
 partie quaree was silently plotting, not the 
 downfall of the reigning" monarch, but more 
 loyally intent upon winning the odd trick; 
 contending, not for the honors of the state, 
 but for the four honors. A sight suffi- 
 ciently provoking to make each full-length 
 portraiture start from his frame, indignant 
 at the degradation ; but, in these degenerate 
 days, symptoms of shame from a painted 
 canvas cannot be more reasonably expected, 
 than commiseration for his creditors in the 
 breast of a losing gambler. 
 
 The countess dowager, mother of the 
 present earl, (who was still a bachelor) and 
 her two unmarried daughters, with their 
 train of maidens, had sufficient employ- 
 ment in attending to the accommodation of 
 the guests ; and they succeeded : for the
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 5 
 
 festivities of Piercefleld Castle were con- 
 ducted in a manner becoming* the hospital- 
 ity of the noble owner, and his urbanity was 
 highly gratifying to the feelings of his noble 
 friends, — so, at least, the newspapers of the 
 day phrased it for the information of the 
 titled idlers not present. But, in plain 
 truth, from morn till sun set, as there was 
 very little to be done, save the business of 
 the toilet and table with a few matches at 
 billiards, time hung "confoundedly" heavy 
 on their hands. Small talk with the ladies 
 was found too fatiguing to be long endured. 
 However sweetly Lady Clementina sang, 
 however delightfully Lady Olivia played, 
 as music hath no charms to sooth the 
 gamester's breast, from the music room, as 
 soon as — nay, oft sooner than politeness 
 would allow, they instinctively strolled to 
 
 the dog-kennel and thence to the stables. 
 B 3
 
 6 MAZES OP LIFE* 
 
 But alas, the shooting season was not yet 
 begun, and riding and driving about the 
 grounds, after a few days, was pronounced 
 quite " a bore." Even wine had lost its 
 stimulus: their spirits flagged as with 
 more noise than g]ee they joined in the 
 chorus of any bacchanalian song, and each 
 in his heart, cursing the dulness of the place, 
 condemned it as unfit for a gentleman to 
 reside in. If any of the party happened to 
 wonder what o'clock it was, every one glad 
 to have something to do, would, as if by 
 word of command, grasp the chain, and, in 
 an instant, twenty watches were released 
 from their fobs. However this act once 
 or twice proved the father of some sport, to 
 all but the losers at least ; as betts were laid 
 on disagreeing time-pieces, reference being 
 made to, and decided by, the sun-dial in 
 front of the house. Yet, notwithstanding
 
 MAZES OF LIFE* 
 
 this resource and other relieving incidents, 
 the last ray of the setting sun was watched 
 with as much anxiety and hailed with as 
 much fervor, as was the first dawn of its 
 orient beams by the aucient Peruvians, 
 worshippers of that planet during the 
 reign of their Incas. However, the gentle- 
 men found their spirits invariably revive 
 with the exclusion of lingering day-light, 
 and the admission of candles on the green 
 cloth. Tbey, then, immediately entered 
 upon the business of the night.
 
 $ MAZES OF LIFE, 
 
 CHAPTER II, 
 
 A PROPOSAL. 
 
 " Confound you, Domviiie, said hi* 
 
 neighbour to him, as the party was still at 
 their wine, endeavouring- to shake off his 
 own dulness, by arousing a peaceful friend 
 from his. \\ You have neither sung* nor 
 drank —come, let me fill for you. You are 
 just a glass too low." 
 
 " If I am dull," replied Domviiie, check- 
 ing the hand that was pouring him out a 
 bumper. M If we all are dull, the fault 
 must be chiefly ascribed to our hospitable 
 entertainer."
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 9 
 
 This unexpected declaration drew the 
 stare of the company, first on the speaker, 
 next on the noble earl at the head of the 
 table, to see in what manner the latter 
 would resent this seemingly implied censure. 
 But before his lordship had fixed upon his 
 mode and manner of reprisal, Domville 
 went on. 
 
 M My friend here ascribes my revery to 
 dullness ; yet I can, with truth, assure trim 
 that the train of thoughts I was pursuing*, 
 afforded me the greatest satisfaction I have 
 had this day. And gentlemen, added he, 
 turning to all present, as they concern you 
 as well as myself, allow me to unfold them 
 to you." 
 
 Their curiosity being somewhat excited, 
 they listened with the more attention, as 
 nothing in their conception worthier to 
 engage it was then going on. 
 
 B O
 
 10 MAZES OF LIFE 
 
 " I did accuse my lord Piercefield of 
 being the cause of that ennui, that depres- 
 sion of spirits, that seems to benumb every 
 faculty of our bodies and minds, and with 
 reason, — His lordship leaves us nothing" to 
 desire, we have no motive for exertion ; 
 yet, if we wish to enjoy, our exertions alone 
 can confer the blessing : for, as sure as 
 polished steel, unrubbed by friction, be- 
 comes encrusted with rust, so sure our 
 limbs will be palsied with torpor, and our 
 minds with apathy, if we suffer both to 
 remain thus inert." 
 
 Here a short silence ensued, which was 
 broken, by one of them exclaiming, " what 
 the devil will you have us do ?" 
 
 The inquirer, by his stupid stare, bore 
 sufficient conviction that his conceptions, 
 poor man ! could not help him to a solution, 
 were he nailed to his seat till doomsday.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 11 
 
 " Nothing easier, resumed Domville, for 
 the preventive is within ourselves, and, 
 thank God, we have yet the power of using 
 it." 
 
 " How, Charles ? would you have us run 
 foot races in this hot, broiling, sun ? I, for 
 one, am not quite so mad." Unheeding 
 this interruption, Charles proceeded. — 
 
 " I have devised a plan for our health 
 and diversion. It has novelty besides to 
 recommend its adoption ; it will make some 
 noise in the world, and, if we go through it 
 with spirit, we shall obtain considerable 
 applause for our resolution and perse- 
 verance." 
 
 Diverson, novelty, and applause were 
 promises too tempting not to obtain a patient 
 hearing, and thus further Domville : — 
 
 " 1 propose that the remainder of this 
 evening be devoted as a trial, to see what
 
 12 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 we can hereafter achieve. . If our -exertion* 
 give me reason to suppose we can attempt 
 my plan with any probable prospect of 
 success, to-morrow morning I will unfold 
 it to you." 
 
 " In the devil's name, keep us not upon 
 tenter-hooks : let us know the scheme, and 
 then, if we like it, we-r 
 
 " No Gentlemen, no ; if my secret be 
 not worth purchasing, it shall never be 
 told." 
 
 Here Piercefield interfered. — " Well, 
 let Domville have his own way. There is 
 no dealing with these queer geniuses other- 
 wise. But if he distrusts our game and 
 bottom, I can tell him he is mistaken most 
 egregiously. For did'n't you, Clavering, 
 and George Bevereux here, and I, with 
 Phillip Pom fret, poor fellow ! now dead and 
 gone; did'n't we four, I say, make one
 
 MAZES OF I.IPE. IS 
 
 sitting of six and thirty full hours at hazard ; 
 so that when we broke up, on the shutters 
 being thrown open, so dazzled were we 
 with the glare of day-light, that we could 
 hardly see our way down stairs. If you 
 want resolution and perseverance, here are 
 both for you with a vengeance !" 
 
 " And I my lord, " cried another,'* why 
 did I lose that wheel-race against time, and 
 some thousands to boot? Why? Not be- 
 cause I had not spunk to go through it : 
 but because the near horse fell and broke 
 his wind, damn his body ; and what is 
 more provoking, I was within a hundred 
 yards of the running post and full two 
 minutes within my time." His concluding 
 with a passionate blow on the table, was the 
 signal for a third to take up the cudgel." 
 
 " And in that drinking match that is 
 still talked of, did 1 not win and pocket the
 
 14 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 stakes, although the odds ran in favour of 
 Tom Sackville at setting* to. Yet I don't 
 know what the plague ails me; but I have 
 never been my own man since. — Come, 
 push the bottle round." 
 
 " And did'n't I," vociferated a fourth. 
 
 But here it were impossible to narrate 
 every particular feat; for too impatient 
 any longer to listen, they, all seized with a 
 fit of boasting-, became both the heroes 
 and historians of their own tales. 
 
 « And thrice they vanquish'd all their foes, 
 *'* And thrice they slew the slain." Dryden. 
 
 This ebullition having at length sub- 
 sided, they, conceiving they had now fully 
 established their pretensions to manhood, 
 desired DomvilJe to state what was further 
 required at their hands. 
 
 It was simply this.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 15 
 
 That they would forthwith arm them- 
 selves with pikes, not military but agri- 
 cultural, and rakes, straightway repair to 
 a field of Farmer Stubble, about two miles 
 distant, and there assist his men in getting- 
 in his crop of barley !!!!!!!! 
 
 In some grassy enclosure, which the 
 horned tribe — (I crave their lordship's 
 pardon for this ignoble simile, which, after 
 all, is somewhat analogous to the errand 
 Domville would dispatch them upon.) — 
 In some grassy enclosure, which the horned 
 tribe is quietly depasturing, should the 
 sound of flute, or fiddle, or drum from the 
 pathway affect their auricular sense, sud- 
 denly the necks downward stretched, as- 
 sume an elevated curve, presenting the 
 broad fronts and fierce aspects of the asto- 
 nished animals, with staring eye-balls, 
 distended nostrils, and ears erect, these
 
 10 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 latter contending* to rival in stiffness the 
 pointed horns that tower above them.— Bat, 
 should the strain be haply renewed, away 
 scampers the senseless herd, snorting", 
 prancing, kicking", roaring, bellowing, 
 and, with tossing of heads, awkward 
 gambols and twisted tails, galloping in wild 
 confusion around the mead. 
 
 The first limb of the above simile is in- 
 tended as typical of the stare of astonish- 
 ment, excited by a proposal so derogatory 
 to their rank and station. Merciful 
 heaven ! A British senator, a British no- 
 bleman, be seen abroad, shouldering pike 
 or rake!. ...The second part illustrates not 
 inapt iy the bursts and repeated peals of 
 laughter, the stamping of boards and strik- 
 ing of tables, the cries of bravo, bravo, 
 hear him, silence, encore, winch assailed 
 the luckless wight on his asseveration of . 
 being in earnest.
 
 MAZES OP LIFE* 17 
 
 *< Surely my lords and gentlemen, pur- 
 sued the undaunted, the unruffled, Dom- 
 ville, as soon as he could be heard, It 
 were doing ye injustice, in supposing 1 ye 
 indued with less sagacity and foresight than 
 even your grooms and jockies are wont to 
 possess/' 
 
 u Aye, how is this?" 
 
 " When any horse of your studs is 
 matched for a race, they never omit sub- 
 jecting the animal to a course of training, 
 ere they bring him to the starting post." 
 
 " Very true, very true ; but what, in 
 the name of common sense, have our horses 
 and jockies to do with Farmer Stubble's 
 barley crop ?" 
 
 " The principal motive assigned by my 
 lord Piercefield, in the invitation he has 
 honoured us with, is the opportunity af- 
 forded for the diversion of grouse shooting
 
 18 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 among' the hills. You all know that this 
 diversion, to be enjoyed, requires consider- 
 able bodily exertions. What preparations 
 have yet been made, in order to cope 
 with the hardships we are to encounter.-— 
 Hardships that cannot be sustained by 
 substitutes, but must devolve on ourselves. 
 Can the extensive, elevated, pathless, 
 boggy regions we must explore in search of 
 game be mastered by men, who habitu- 
 ally divide the twenty-four hours thus. 
 In bed ten, lounging three, at table five, at 
 cards six. Most assuredly not. Then, 
 gentlemen, either give up the undertaking 
 at once, or advance to the contest duly 
 prepared for the victory." 
 
 This conclusion a la militaire seemed 
 to electrify the more vivacious of the party. 
 • — " Faith, there is some reason in this, 
 and a great deal too.— Suppose we try. —
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 19 
 
 But hang 1 it, can't we put it off to ano- 
 ther day," 
 
 " My friends, the time for procrastina- 
 tion is gone by. In five days hence the 
 season commences. We must be ready to 
 take the field. Not a moment should be 
 lost. — Come, let us, by one heroical effort, 
 break asunder the slavish bands of sloth, 
 and thus become our own masters. My 
 Lord Piercefield, we want but a leader : 
 set us the example, and we follow." 
 
 "Mr. Domville, replied his lordship 
 with a smile, I should be proud to lead 
 where you direct ; but, as I am not in- 
 vested with any command, I can only put 
 it to the vote." — 
 
 To the vote — to the vote — was echoed 
 around. 
 
 " Those gentlemen, cried the earl, who 
 chuse to become, for the evening, the as-
 
 20 MAZES OF "LIFE. 
 
 sistants to Farmer Stubble, let them stand 
 up." 
 
 The whole party rose. 
 
 " Those gentlemen who still prefer 
 keeping table, let them resume their seats." 
 
 None offered. 
 
 " Then we are all agreed." 
 
 Agreed, agreed, was the general cry, 
 and out of the house they sallied, voci- 
 ferating for pikes and forks. Furnished 
 with these, they, with the eagerness of 
 school-boys just released from discipline, 
 hastened to the scene of action.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 21 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 AN EXPEDITION. 
 
 W ELL might farmer Stubble be asto- 
 nished at the sudden invasion of his field 
 by the noisy, disorderly, panting, well- 
 dressed crew, now making towards him, 
 brandishing their agricultural implements 
 with violent gesticulations. All labour im- 
 mediately ceased and every eye was fixed 
 on the adventurers. The farmer at first 
 inferred, from their appearance, that they 
 were a hostile force, intent upon giving him 
 battle for the possession of his barley ; but,
 
 22 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 though he dismissed that apprehension on 
 perceiving 1 his landlord at the head of the 
 party, so struck was he with wonder and 
 anxiety at this singular visitation, that he 
 was utterly disabled from doing the honors 
 of the field: and, with pitchfork erect, he 
 stood stock still on the waggon he was 
 then loading*. 
 
 '* Master Slubhle, cried his lordship 
 jocosely, I have brought with me a few 
 friends, who are desirous of affording you 
 some assistance in your labours. I hope 
 you will not spare them. I am accused of 
 having kept them too well ; on you they 
 call to repair the mischief I have com- 
 mitted." 
 
 " My lord you and the gentlemen dome 
 
 too much honor ; but I cannot think" 
 
 " Very true, as yon were going to say ; 
 but with your permission, since here we
 
 MAZES OF life. 23 
 
 are, 'here we work. — Come, gentlemen, 
 be doing- — Qui inaime, inimile." 
 
 So saying-, the noble earl very gallantly 
 struck his pike into a small heap of bar- 
 ley, in order to lift the said heap into the 
 waggon, and they all followed the example 
 of their leader. But alas, the aggregate 
 amount of their labour but slowly filled the 
 bed of the vehicle. Some, having piked 
 more than they could well raise, spent 
 themselves in bootless exertions ; others, 
 collecting but scanty forks Full, pitched it 
 away with such violence that, flying over 
 the intended receptacle, it fell scatteringly 
 on the other side, over the heads of their 
 companions, who were not slow in returning 
 the compliment, whilst others,, having suc- 
 ceeded in lifting up a heavy load, over- 
 balanced themselves, and with their pikes, 
 burden and all, tumbled backwards. The
 
 21 MAZES Of T/tFE. 
 
 real workmen, in respect to their honors, at 
 first stood aloof, hats off, content to become 
 spectators of the scene. The oft repeated 
 miscarriages of their new allies, at first ex- 
 cited their surprise, then produced a smile, 
 then knowing winks were exchanged, then 
 they grinned, and finally the feats of the 
 noble squad brought their risible faculties 
 into play. Stubble by this time discovered 
 that, though he had received an increase in 
 numbers, he had gained no accession of 
 strength. He also found to his cost that 
 his elevated station, being the post of honor, 
 proved, as it should be, the post of danger. 
 For the pikes of the more successful, who 
 had contrived to throw their mite into the 
 waggon, more than once drew blood from 
 the honest farmer's legs, who now exhibited 
 much alertness in nimbly skipping away 
 from the well-meant offering.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 2& 
 
 At length, seeing much bustle and little 
 work, in his own defence he called on his 
 men to direct and assist their lordships. 
 With their help, the waggon was soon 
 sufficiently filled, and, being replaced by 
 an empty one, it drew off the field at- 
 tended by the master, who was desirous of 
 superintending its unloading upon the rick. 
 On his return, he " full surely" relied, 
 " good easy man," on an equal quantity 
 being ready to take the same direction ; 
 but, to his vexation, espied the vehicle in 
 statu quo and his whole strength, effective 
 as well as nominal, quietly laying under 
 arms, awaiting his approach. The fact 
 was, that a contention of much importance 
 had arisen in bis absence among the gen- 
 tlemen, which contention, as it was usual 
 with them, merged into a wager. 
 
 To beguile the time till sufficient means 
 
 VOL. I. C
 
 26 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 could be obtained for its decision, they, in 
 imitation, we will suppose, of Homeric and 
 Virc/ilian games, during a suspension of 
 hostilities, amused themselves, some in 
 tumbling the raking lasses upon the bar- 
 ley-cocks, others in exhibiting their agi- 
 lity in leaping over them; these were 
 hard at hop, skip and jump, and others 
 contended who could fling their rakes 
 and pitchforks to the greatest distance ; 
 whilst a few were spouting to the star- 
 ing rustics whatever classic lore they 
 still retained from their university edu- 
 cation. 
 
 But sure my lord Piercefield was more 
 decorously employed. — Not he; he was 
 as mad as the rest. And Mr. Dom- 
 ville ? Not a whit wiser. — But here I 
 beg leave to recal that expression. 
 Then they were all wise, or, at least,
 
 MAZES OF LIFF. 27 
 
 wisely employed. For I define wisdom 
 enjoyment of any kind, taken without 
 injury to one's self and without detri- 
 ment to others. 
 
 From those sports, however, they de- 
 sisted as the farmer and his team re- 
 turned into the field. Stubble was 
 about to rebuke his men for the loss 
 of that time, of which he 9 at least, well 
 knew the value. But the earl gener- 
 ously interposed, took the whole blame 
 on himself, and concluded by request- 
 ing the loan of both waggons and team, 
 merely to decide a trifling wager of half 
 a thousand pounds sterling. 
 
 Such deference the laborious classes 
 
 of society pay to those whom they 
 
 falsely call their betters, that honest 
 
 Stubble, though at that time in a dis- 
 
 c 2
 
 28 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 position somewhat gruff, answered with 
 complacent alacrity. 
 
 " Yes, sure, My lord, and welcome." 
 Equally accommodating 1 , I believe, he 
 would have proved, had he not been at 
 that time in treaty for a renewal of the 
 lease. 
 
 Immediately an equal number of 
 horses were harnessed to each vehicle, 
 manned by an equal number of rakers, 
 fillers and loaders (I mean those of gen- 
 tle blood). A gold stop watch was 
 placed in the hands of master Stub- 
 ble, with an injunction to hoist signal 
 at the expiration of thirty minutes; and 
 to work both sides fell, with as much 
 fury, as if their very existence depended 
 upon the issue of the contest. Though 
 several ancles were sprained, though
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 29 
 
 their toes were oft alarmingly threatened 
 by the carriage wheels, though there 
 happened a few tumbles from the wag- 
 gons, and though the tumblers bled in 
 the same manner as farmer Stubble 
 had done, no serious accident oc- 
 curred. 
 
 The time being expired, Stubble was 
 desired to ascend each wasfgfon and to 
 declare, after a close inspection, which 
 contained a greater portion of the crop, 
 and which was loaded in the more hus- 
 band-like manner. 
 
 The farmer gravely complied, whilst 
 they stood around the teams in breath- 
 less expectation : minutely examined each, 
 too cautious to decide hastil , aware 
 that the fate of five hundred pounds 
 hung on his lips; perambulated wiihin 
 the extent of each waggon, felt with his 
 c 3
 
 30 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 feet, looked about hi in, stroked his chin, 
 smoothed his hair, hemmed and hawed, 
 and pondered, at length pronounced him- 
 self unable to determine which deserved 
 the preference, at the same time declared 
 the work preliy well done on both sides, 
 all things considering. 
 
 The decision was received with loud 
 cheers from each party. The shouts, 
 however, imparted rather defiance to 
 their opponents than satisfaction at the 
 verdict. 
 
 This vociferation having subsided, Stub- 
 ble thought it high time to attend to 
 his own concerns. He cooly ordered the 
 waggons to be drawn along side of 
 each other, threw into one the contents 
 of both ; and with the addition of a few 
 more cocks made up a load, gave it in 
 charge to some of his men, and, in order
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 31 
 
 to prevent farther mischief, politely and 
 politically invited the gentlemen to walk 
 in and refresh themselves after the fa- 
 tigues of the day. Thirsty, panting, 
 and wearied, in they went nothing 
 loth. 
 
 The good woman and her two buxom 
 daughters aware of their approach, for 
 they were heard almost as far off as seen, 
 were ready to receive them. She did 
 the honours of her house with that sort 
 of friendly, untaught, courtesy, which, 
 to those only accustomed to the glossy 
 urbanity of the higher circles, was the 
 more gratifying. For the same reason, 
 they relished the plain food set before 
 them, and glibly down their parched 
 throats went each goblet of the farmer's 
 home-brewed beverage. I must also re- 
 cord for the credit of the gentlemen, 
 c 4
 
 32 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 that the blushing damsels were suffered 
 to wait on them without molestation, in 
 the performance of their hospitable of- 
 fice. It is true that a few liberties 
 would have been taken, but, as the girls 
 were really modest, these were soon re- 
 pressed. 
 
 Sol was now fast sinking in the West. 
 They arose to depart. Stubble, though 
 he made several attempts to detain them, 
 was not sorry to see them outside his 
 precincts; for, in the busy time of har- 
 vest as in the heat of a general engage- 
 ment, the place of honour for both farmer 
 and commander is in the midst of their 
 men. 
 
 Their lordships' spirits were up; in- 
 deed most of them somewhat tipsy. Un- 
 used to liberal potations of strong malt 
 decoction, their heads owned the potency
 
 MAZES OF LIFE 3S 
 
 of the quantum they had swallowed. In 
 consequence they felt themselves in a 
 right cue for adventures; though alas 
 but few occurred, and those of a very 
 trifling cast. 
 
 On their return, a bevy of maidens, 
 vulgo wenches, were stepping towards 
 them, each carrying a couple of wooden 
 bottles. These bottles were on their way 
 to the replenishing tap, acting from morn 
 till night as conveyancers of the hogs- 
 head's contents to the living receptacles, — 
 
 Who toil'd and drank, and drank and toil'd, and when 
 Their toiling ended, would be drinking still. 
 
 A few gallant or gallant volunteers now 
 detached themselves from the van, in 
 order to intercept their progress and 
 thus cut off the intended supply. But 
 so alarmed were the fair opponents at the 
 boldness of this attack, that, without wait- 
 c 5
 
 34 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 ing* for close quarters, they took flight 
 with the velocity of birds, discharging 
 however at their pursuers the round mis- 
 siles they carried; one of which hit the 
 foremost just on his pericranium, and, 
 from the concussion, both substances emit- 
 ted a hollow sound. The assailant, though 
 not a little staggered, still kept in pur- 
 suit. But this modern Daphne proved 
 herself an over-match for her contem- 
 poraneous Apollo, who, finding that the 
 longer he ran the further he was from the 
 object, at length desisted and regained 
 the main body, who diverted with the 
 attack and pursuit, now laughed heartily 
 at his mischance. 
 
 One of his companions thus gravely 
 moralized on this adventure. " To suc- 
 ceed with the fair sex, high or low, 
 there is but one method, which is pithily
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 35 
 
 compressed into the Latin adage. — Sua- 
 viter in modo, for titer in re. Now, as 
 far as the modus, you reversed the maxim 
 and, by so doing", lost the chance of prov- 
 ing what could be done ad rem. I wish 
 to God, Gentlemen, another opportunity 
 would occur, merely to afford you a prac- 
 tical illustration of my theory. " 
 
 His prayer was heard. At that very 
 moment the blithe carol of a milk-maid 
 saluted their ears. She was nimbly trip- 
 ping* along towards a stile that led into 
 the lane in which they were, steadily car- 
 rying on her head a pail, nearly brimful 
 of the lacteous juice. 
 
 " Thou art in luck's way," said one. 
 " Here is as fair a chance as heart can 
 wish. —Now Harry — now Harry," cried 
 the rest in tones of encouragement. 
 
 "Hush! hush!" — replied Sir Harry
 
 36 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Offham ; " be still, stand at bay and mind 
 
 me." 
 
 By this time, the heedless nymph got 
 from the stile into the lane, and, to her 
 disquietude, found her path impeded by a 
 score of dashing bucks, wild as their pro- 
 totypes in the season of love. From out 
 of the herd our practical Theorist exhi- 
 bited himself, and softly advancing with 
 amorous visage, low bowing, gentle de- 
 meanour, well counterfeited wooings, and 
 " sighing like a furnace," down on his 
 knees he dropped before the fair one, 
 tenderly exclaiming with clasped hands : 
 
 " My love — my life — my angel — my 
 goddess — my Dulcinea I Pity — oh have 
 pity on the throbs of thy hapless, help- 
 less, heartless, swain ; who — who — who 
 loves thee, doats on thee, burns for thee,
 
 MAZES OF LIFE 39 
 
 and, if thy cruelty so ordain it, dies for 
 thee." 
 
 Having sufficiently plied her with the 
 Suaviter, he now thought it expedient to 
 try the efficacy of his Fortiter. 
 
 " But by Venus (passionately vociferat- 
 ing and flinging his arms round her 
 waist) I can hold no longer. Thy sweet, 
 lovely, beauteous self is the only cooler 
 that can quench the blaze of this com- 
 bustible frame/' 
 
 During the first part of this address, 
 the astonished maid with a sort of hys- 
 terical giggle kept fidgeting, now on one 
 foot, then on the other; but becoming 
 terrified by the sudden vehemence of his 
 manner, she attempted to spring from him: 
 when, alas, in the struggle caused by her 
 detention, the dairy utensil above, reeling to 
 and fro, at length lost its equipoise, and
 
 38 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 receiving" an additional tilt from the very 
 hand that even in her trepidation was 
 dispatched to its assistance, it up-set and 
 in its descent fairly capped the love-burnt 
 swain, proving with the help of its con- 
 tents an instantaneous extinguisher of his 
 flame. 
 
 The nymph, thus released, lost no time 
 in seeking" her safety in flight, screaming 
 as she sped in woeful accents for the loss 
 of her milk, and in terror for the conse- 
 quence to herself from m e Stubble. 
 She was out of sight in an instant. — Not 
 so her pail-crowned gallant. 
 
 From his genuflections up he started 
 in darkness, and, with arms outstretched, 
 he spun several times round, till in a fit 
 of rage he struck the pail from off his 
 bead, jumping about with antic gesticu-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 39 
 
 lations, and exhibiting' himself to the de- 
 lighted spectators, his hair and clothes 
 completely saturated with the unctious 
 liquid, the excess whereof, streaming 
 down every way from top to toe, tracked 
 him on the ground wherever he moved. 
 
 " D n, hell and the furies/' 
 
 was his first exclamation amidst the 
 shouts of all present; but soon ashamed 
 of his disaster, aware of the ridiculous 
 figure he cut, enraged at the merriment 
 he excited, and feeling no predeliction for 
 the comforts of his shower -bath, he ab- 
 ruptly left his scoffers, with intent of pur- 
 suing* his way alone ; but being over- 
 taken, he was with much entreaty per- 
 suaded to return in their company, on 
 the suggestion that his woeful pickle 
 would be better concealed in the midst
 
 40 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 of the rest, whose apparel, more or less 
 discomposed, tended to keep his own in 
 countenance. 
 
 As they approached the house, my 
 Lord Piercefield intent on another species 
 of frolic, had the malice to introduce the 
 whole party plump into the tea-room, 
 wherein my lady dowager and her two 
 daughters with some female visitors of 
 distinction were sitting, wondering at 
 the abrupt departure and long absence of 
 the gentlemen. 
 
 Their wonder arose to astonishment 
 when in they all stumbled in wild dis- 
 array. Hats awry and crushed, hair dis- 
 ordered, cravats loose, frills out of plait, 
 breasts bare, coats torn, hose falling, 
 shoes soiled, legs bleeding, hearts panting, 
 and flushed faces, appeared still more 
 strikingly incongruous in the presence of
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 41 
 
 the rich, elegant, well-regulated, dresses 
 of the stately, dignified, fair beholders. 
 A sensation of awkwardness kept the 
 gentlemen stationary in the centre of the 
 apartment, looking disconcerted at each 
 other; bnt this sensation was rapidly sub- 
 siding, when some, on casting their eyes 
 on the rueful aspect of Sir Henry, their 
 pointing at the object created a tittering, 
 this tittering soon rose to an ill con- 
 strained laughter, which exploded in 
 bursts of merriment : the infection became 
 irresistible; and a general chorus of laugh- 
 ter, in which the baronet himself joined, 
 set them all at their ease. These con- 
 tinued peals were the longer kept up, as 
 they attempted to narrate to the ladies 
 the cause and effects of their long ab- 
 sence ; exhibiting in triumph for the
 
 42 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 greater credibility of the tale, the wooden 
 bottles and milk pail they had carried 
 home, in exchange, I suppose, for the 
 pikes and rakes left behind. 
 
 At length they withdrew to qualify 
 themselves by a change of dress for seats 
 at the tea-table. As they successively re- 
 entered the apartment, the assumed gravity 
 of every in-comer was soon compelled 
 to give way to the laughter which his 
 presence excited. Indeed, though some 
 complained of fatigue, some of concus- 
 sions, some of contusions, some of lacera- 
 tions, and some still felt the prickly beards 
 of barley grating their skin, they kept it 
 up till late in the night before cards 
 were mentioned. Even then the proposal 
 met with so faint a reception, that only 
 one table could be formed. The play
 
 MAZES OW £!FE. 43 
 
 proved so languid, the fits of yawning so 
 frequent, that the party soon broke up ; 
 and, following' the example of the re- 
 mainder, they retired to their places of 
 repose, now not nominally but really so ; 
 no longer restless on their downy pillows 
 in feverish repinings at their losses,or at the 
 small quantum of their gains ; they, like 
 the toiling labourers whose vocation they 
 had assumed, in sound sleep closed at 
 once their eye-lids, in which state the 
 morning- far advanced found them ; so 
 did their servants, who came to inform 
 them that Mr. Domville was waiting 
 for their appearance in the drawing 
 room. 
 
 This summons reminds me of a sin of 
 omission I have committed. But, if the 
 critical reader objects to its being no- 
 ticed here, he has my assent to trans-
 
 44 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 pose the passage to whatever part of 
 the last page or two his acumen may 
 point out. 
 
 The omitted passage is this : 
 
 " Now Domville," cried one of the gen- 
 tlemen, ere they broke up for the night, 
 " honestly declare, how did we behave 
 in this our arduous trial ? Are we fit to be 
 trusted with this your mighty secret?" 
 
 (( As to behaviour, I shall reply in 
 the words of farmer Stubble, pretty well, 
 all things considering.''' 
 
 •' This won't do; come, no equivoca- 
 tion. Speak out." 
 
 " Well," said Domville, with great 
 gravity of tone and manner, " to those 
 gentlemen who so far feel an interest in 
 its disclosure as to shew their morning 
 faces at ten instead of the wonted hour
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 45 
 
 of twelve, I will impart it ; but from the 
 inveterate sluggard it shall be with-held 
 as useless, not possessing sufficient in- 
 ducement to reclaim him from his ig- 
 noble sloth." 
 
 They all promised to appear at the ap- 
 pointed hour, and gave directions to 
 their servants to be called up accord- 
 ingly.
 
 46 MAZES OF LIFE 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 C'est un homme isole, qui vit en Volontaire ; 
 Qui n'est Bourgeois, Abbe, Robin, ni Militaire: 
 Qui va y vient, veille, sue, et se tourmentaut bien, 
 Travailie jour et nuit, et jamais ne fait rien. 
 
 Pi RON. — MeTROMAJsJE. 
 
 ^^ 7 HILST the gentlemen are busily em- 
 ployed in preparing themselves for their 
 morning appearance, we will bring the 
 Reader to a more intimate acquaintance 
 with Mr. Domviile, who has hitherto 
 figured as the principal personage in this 
 narrative. 
 
 Tht Honorable Charles, Nayland, Doni-
 
 MAZES Of life. 47 
 
 ville, was or is the son of the late viscount 
 of that name by a second marriage. His 
 lordship's first lady brought him that 
 which all the world covets : a consider- 
 able influx of wealth with noble and 
 powerful connexions. Mr. Domville's 
 mother by no means ranked so high, she 
 Mas only an actress; nor did she long 
 move in the splendid circle traced by this 
 dignifing alliance. She died a few years 
 after the birth of her son. Her early 
 dissolution failed, however, to assuage 
 the displeasure of her husband's titled 
 relations occasioned by so ignoble a con- 
 nexion. Whatever they had to bestow 
 was conferred on the eldest son to the 
 utter exclusion of Charles. The former 
 in consequence became at the demise of 
 his father, who died intestate, the 
 "wealthiest and most powerful adherent
 
 48 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 to the then ministry. Indeed, so grateful 
 were they for his endeavours to strengthen 
 the hands of his majesty's government^ 
 that they exalted his peerage to an earl- 
 dom. This young nobleman was haughty 
 and obstinate, and when afterwards con- 
 tending with his equals for pre-eminence, 
 his own selfishness made him cunning, 
 acute and active. 
 
 In the son of the actress, a fanciful 
 assertor of the influence of breed might 
 trace the cross of plebeian admixture with 
 patrician blood. In his character were 
 blended qualities nearly opposite. Proud, 
 yet condescending, resentful, yet forgiv- 
 ing, fastidious, but not contemptuous, rest- 
 less, yet fond of ease, careless, yet not in- 
 considerate, dissipated, yet thoughtful. 
 Now at the very top of fashion, both in 
 dress and amusements, then a sloven and
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 49 
 
 a recluse. In town be sighed after the 
 sweets of retirement, in the country longed 
 for the dissipation of the metropolis. His 
 ardent imagination allowed but a scanty 
 scope for tbe operations of judgment. 
 xt Why, Sir," would he say with self com- 
 placency, " I always make it a rule to 
 act upon the feelings of the moment." 
 No wonder then that the horse at times 
 ran away with the rider, instead of the rider 
 directing his horse. He did not fully enjoy 
 the pleasures that fell in his way, because 
 he knew that better were to be had ; 
 not\ was he satisfied with his then situa- 
 tion, because he felt conscious that he had 
 neglected the means of improving- it. 
 He might boast of a mind excursive, even 
 vigorous, yet too often unsteady and un- 
 persevering. He was one of those whom 
 the wonders of art and nature could 
 
 VOL. I. D
 
 50 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 delight but not overpower. Of a palace, 
 he would remark that it could have been 
 more stately, of a mountain, that a higher 
 might be found. Against real misfortunes 
 he bore up manfully ; but would childishly 
 fret at petty vexations. He had a real 
 taste for the three sister arts but excelled 
 in neither. Yet, though not quite a Lord 
 By on in poetry, the short-winded effu- 
 sions of his muse obtained currency among 
 the fashionable amateurs. Nay, in his 
 attempt at an epic poem, he had got as 
 far as the invocation, had finished one 
 scene of a tragedy, courted the comic 
 muse even to the conclusion of one act, and 
 actually completed one farce in two. In 
 this as in other pursuits, his attempts 
 were too desultory or too multifarious to 
 be successful. Thus he failed to gratify 
 his desire of distinction, an ambition most 
 young men of genius ieei, because his
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 51 
 
 indolence or impatience precluded the 
 requisite perseverance. In more figura- 
 tive language, that fortress of which, in 
 all probability, he would have become 
 master in the course of a regular siege, 
 he was compelled to retire from, having 
 exhausted his strength in fruitless attempts 
 at storming it. He had nevertheless ac- 
 quired a sort of ascendency over his youth- 
 ful equals, from the consciousness of su- 
 periority that gave him a tone of deci- 
 sion : — it fixed the wavering and awed 
 the timid. He was, upon the whole, one 
 of those numerous characters, whom the 
 smiles of fortune deteriorate and the frowns 
 of adversity improve. 
 
 In the qualities of the heart, it cer- 
 tainly could not be said of him as Sallust 
 observes of Cato : 
 
 " Esse quam videri." 
 
 2d
 
 52 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 But he might, with truth, apply to 
 himself the well known line of Terence: 
 
 a Homo sum : liumani nihil a me alienum puto." 
 
 That his pride did not divest him of 
 humanity the following anecdote will shew. 
 
 Having successfully contended with a 
 Duke in embrio for the honour or com- 
 fort of a back-seat, he afterwards had the 
 carriage stopped, in order to cover the 
 postillion's jacket with his own great coat 
 from the pelting of a cold, merciless, 
 -winter storm* He got laughed at for 
 his pains by the unfeeling, warmly clad, 
 companions of his journey, and more 
 than repaid by a thankful stooping of 
 the head, even to the horse's mane, 
 from the lad, as he, alighting, left the 
 vehicle. 
 
 When our Hero grew up to man's estate,
 
 MAZES OF T.IFE. 53 
 
 many and excellent were the plans h 
 Jaid~dowji for the regulation of his con- 
 duct : though but little wisdom was yet 
 apparent in his intercourse with the 
 world. This the following incident will 
 illustrate. — 
 
 A duel between two great political 
 leadeis, was at that time the prevailing 
 topic of conversation. Domville was loud 
 in his censures of both. 
 
 " It is a shameful weakness," cried he' 
 " in men who are acknowledged and 
 act as Leaders, to be led by an absurd 
 custom, begotten in the dark ages. Cou- 
 rage indeed ! It is downright pusillanimity. 
 Believe me, Sir, it requires much greater 
 courage to decline a challenge than to ac- 
 cept it. And were the case mine, I trust 
 I should shew a fortitude, unaffected by 
 the clamour of the unreflecting, servile 
 D 3
 
 54 MAZES OF L.IFE. 
 
 herd, blind imitators of the follies of our 
 gothic ancestors.' 1 
 
 These observations drew upon him ia 
 satirical remark ; Domville's reply was 
 to the full as keen ; his opponent tartly 
 replied, he angrily retorted : the alterca- 
 tion grew warmer and warmer, and soon 
 became a downright quarrel. A chal- 
 lenge given and accepted was the con- 
 sequence; the parties met : and Mr. Dom- 
 viJle had a full month's leisure, under swrv 
 ifical hands, to reconsider his system of 
 ethics, to which sundry weighty improve- 
 ments were doubtless added during the 
 tedium of his long confinement. Amongst 
 others, it is presumed, two maxims were 
 not forgotten, namelv — 
 
 A dogmatical tone hardly ever becomes 
 erring man, and still less inexperienced 
 youth: and censures, publicly and harshly
 
 i MAZES OP LIFE. 55 
 
 delivered, must expect retorts equally un- 
 sparing". 
 
 " L: matin je fais des projets, 
 " Le reste du jour des Sottises." 
 
 Says Voltaire pleasantly of himself; he 
 might have with equal truth included the 
 whole civilized race in the satire. 
 
 His first political act was a glaring" in- 
 fringement of that constitution, to defend 
 which in all its purity, he was about to 
 take a solemn oa h before the Speaker of 
 the House of Commons. He was returned 
 a member for one of his father's boroughs, 
 before he had attained the age prescribed 
 by law. Two or three fluent speeches, 
 more remarkable for a vivacity bordering 
 upon brilliancy, than for any acute rea- 
 soning or reach of thought, gave the 
 ministry some hopes of his becoming a 
 
 D4
 
 56 MAZES OV LIFE. 
 
 useful 1 ally in their cause, and created a 
 proportionate degree of alarm in the op- 
 position; if we are to judge of their effect 
 by the quantum of praise and blame con- 
 tained in the Courier and Chronicle of 
 the day. But Mr. Domvillle 
 
 " Too fond of the right to pursue the expedient/' 
 
 Goldsmith. 
 
 Could never become a blind adherent to 
 either of the ruling parties : and a sub- 
 sequent and more intimate acquaintance 
 with both had only the effect of cooling 
 his zeal. 
 
 " // entendit des mavimcs nouveaux; il vit des 
 
 mceurs encore phis nouvellcs." 
 
 Rousseau. 
 
 However, he still retained his seat in 
 parliament, but the borough he repre- 
 sented had become, by his father's death, 
 the property of his brother. The sub-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 57 
 
 mission in all political matters, required 
 by the one, could not subsist with the in- 
 dependance asserted by the other. An 
 open rupture ensued. Through the inter- 
 vention of friends, an interview was brought 
 about, from which they parted sworn foes. 
 Of the censures this incident called forth, 
 Domville, whether more blameable or 
 only less considered, bore, by far, the 
 the greater share. The young man in- 
 dignant turned from those worshippers of 
 power, and, now fired with the example 
 of Greek and Roman worthies, he longed 
 to emulate their deeds: — thus he set 
 about it. 
 
 Giving to his private wrongs the im- 
 portance of a national grievance, he threw 
 himself into the arms of the opposition 
 and commenced patriot, to serve his coun- 
 try and to spite his brother. " The Gcn- 
 c5
 
 58 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 tlemen opposite" hailed him with as much 
 semblance of exultation, as if the defec- 
 tion of one individual had broken the 
 ministerial phalanx. Chief of all, my 
 lord Piercefield, having- the good of his 
 country much at heart, received him with 
 the most flattering marks of distinction. 
 But, alas, we are compelled to admit 
 that this display of patriotism was solely 
 prompted by an eagerness to mortify 
 Domville's brother, to whom the earl bore 
 an irreconcileable grudge, because the for- 
 mer had defeated him in a late electioneer- 
 ing contest. 
 
 Our Hero was in consequence invited to 
 the festivities of the castle. Thither he 
 repaired, but soon weary of a repetition of 
 the same scenes, he already wished him- 
 self away. 
 
 One morning, he left his chamber full
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 59 
 
 four hours before any of his companions 
 were stirring, in order to rid himself of 
 an acute head-ache brought on by the 
 over night's intemperance. Strolling from 
 the park into the fields, he came to farmer 
 Stubble's barley piece. The laborious 
 strength, useful activity, and unaffected 
 gaiety of the men at work, forcibly struck 
 him as contrasted with the dull, unpro- 
 fitable, rounds of pastime in which he 
 had so often borne a share. He returned 
 to the castle, his mind fraught with fresh 
 schemes of improvements^ romantic no- 
 tions of setting a glorious example, of 
 discarding prejudices, of honoring merit 
 for merit's sake : thence, ascending to the 
 origin of society, he broached strange 
 doctrines of right and wrong. Lord pro- 
 tect us ! Had he dared to give publicity 
 to his then thoughts, His Majesty's Attor-
 
 60 MAZES OF LJfE. 
 
 ney General would have probably dogged 
 his heels Ex officio. The result would 
 have been, a crowed trial, materials for 
 the newspapers, one thousand pounds to 
 the king, and twelve calendar months in- 
 carceration of the daring criminal. 
 
 I here close this long, but very imper- 
 fect account of the Hero I have chosen, 
 with the addition, that an alliance is in 
 contemplation Tbetween that gentleman and 
 the fair lady Olivia, whom he is become 
 the avowed, but not very sedulous, ad- 
 mirer. 
 
 But, ah me! On a re-perusal of this 
 chapter, I find that I have omitted the 
 most essential part. Not one word is de- 
 voted to the description of his person ! 
 Haw can I hope to excite the sympathy 
 of the fair sex in the perusal, unless I sup-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 61 
 
 ply the omission. — I will set about it forth- 
 with. 
 
 Upon second thoughts, however, I find 
 it more adviseable to leave the subject open 
 to each lady's fancy ; the chasm will be 
 then filled up to the satisfaction of all. 
 Yet, in three points, two negatives and 
 one affirmative, I must request their agree- 
 ment with me, and from the well known 
 benignity of their dispositions I hope that 
 each will be conceded : Namely — 
 Mr. Domville, whether of complexion dark 
 or fair, waswo£ red haired — was not bandy 
 legged — but was most elegantly gifted 
 with the fashionable elongation of limb.
 
 62 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 A PROJECT. 
 
 UUR Projector, as he paced up and down 
 the spacious saloon, had sufficient leisure 
 to digest his plan and arrange his thoughts 
 ere his audience could be collected. With 
 the help of such very imperfect instruments 
 as the present inmates of Piercefield Castle 
 afforded and himself no very expert work- 
 man, the simple youth, in the warmth of 
 his cogitations, fancied he could bring 
 about a reformation ; to effect which, the 
 press and the pulpit have hitherto wrote 
 and preached in vain. For a time self-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 63 
 
 delusion was complete. The air-built 
 castle, fully blown, floated aloft; let it but 
 alight solidly upon earth, and the task is 
 done. 
 
 " Da mihi punctum terrain movebo" 
 Exclaimed Archimedes. 
 
 This phrase, as translated by our 
 Dreamer, runs thus : Give me hearers, and 
 I will mend their manners. 
 
 The hearers were at hand, they now 
 claimed a right, earned by their toils of 
 yesterday, to a disclosure of his secret. 
 
 " Gentlemen," exclaimed Domville with 
 emphasis, jumping upon a chair, the better 
 to be heard and seen, important indeed is 
 the subject that — — 
 
 "A speech ! a speech !" was the interrupt- 
 ing cry -a set speech! a royal speech! — 
 a speech from the throne ! shouted Pierce- 
 field, improving upon the idea. — Done,
 
 64 MAZES OF T.IFE. 
 
 done, done! vociferated the rest, clapping 
 their hands and stamping the boards to 
 express their applause. 
 
 Immediately, they lifted up and placed 
 
 upon a table a huge, crimson, velvet, 
 chair, in which they fain would have 
 
 seated the intended orator. Whilst he was 
 declining the proffered honor, the earl 
 re-entered, dragging after him his grand- 
 father's robe of state ; an immense flowing 
 perriwig of the 17th century was carried 
 by a second, whilst a third held a well- 
 plumed cocked hat of the same period. 
 Our Hero beheld the regalia advancing 
 with a satirical smile that threatened retali- 
 ation; he very good humouredly ascended 
 the table, was soon arrayed in his robe and 
 seated on his throne. Sir Henry Oifham, 
 whose talent for drollery revived as he 
 recovered from the effects of the late mis-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 65 
 
 chance, perceiving" that some fun was 
 going forward, naturally volunteered him- 
 self as the Jack-pudding of the farce. 
 
 His Majesty gravely waited till the 
 clamour of applause excited by his 
 royal presence had subsided, he then ma- 
 jestically arose and awfully waving his 
 sceptre, Alias, the butt end of a cue pur- 
 loined from the billiard room, thus 
 addressed his loving subjects : — 
 " My lords and Gentlemen." — 
 Hem! affectedly coughed the baronet— » 
 a I have called you round my person, at 
 this unwonted season, in order to devise and 
 adopt the means necessary for the preser- 
 vation of the realm, at the present alarm- 
 ing crisis. — Alarming not so much on 
 account of the continued success of the foe, 
 as from the absence in my nobility of that 
 spirit, which, if evinced by them, would
 
 66 MAZES OF I.IFE. 
 
 electrify the whole population to repel, as 
 become Englishmen, the threatened in- 
 vasion. But, when I look about me for 
 the chief supporters of the Throne and the 
 defenders of their own inheritance, what 
 do I find? Bodies without strength,— 
 minds without energy, — souls without 
 stamina,— and hearts without daring. Mer- 
 ciful heaven i musi I hail such the Barons 
 of England ! That honourable appellation, 
 when applied to you, sounds as the bitterest 
 irony, and you ought to feel it as the most 
 cutting satire. Ye Nevils, ye Percies., )e 
 Howards, ye Russells and Sydneys, whose 
 greatness proclaims our littleness, where 
 are ye ? 
 
 Dead and gone, my Liege. 
 
 "Gone, indeed ! and not one spark of their 
 better part have they transmitted to their 
 descendants. Rank and the choicest gifts
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 67 
 
 of fortune are conferred on you ; and 
 where is the return ? —What have )ou 
 done for the nation? 
 
 Mortgaged my estate. 
 " What have you done for yourselves ? 
 
 Lead a jovial life. 
 " What have you done for posterity ? 
 
 Presented it with three chubby brats, ant 
 please your Majesty"'' 
 
 This last sally excited a general laugh, 
 even the Orator's rifrid features relaxed into 
 a smile, but reassuming all his sternness, he 
 proceeded. 
 
 " Posterity, I fear, will find these brats 
 just such as is now their progenitor, — not 
 a benefit but an incumbrance." 
 
 This retort turned the tables on the 
 interrupter. 
 
 u A smart rap on the knuckles, faith ! — 
 Egad, Sir Harrv, he has ^ot vou on the
 
 68 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 hip." Doniviile, however, as if unconscious 
 of the smartness of the rap, proceeded. 
 
 " Alas ! what are we all, but incum- 
 brances, and the worst of incumbrances, 
 occupying the most important stations in 
 life to the exclusion of those much better 
 qualified. Nay, we are fraudulent debtors, 
 who, with full means in our power, with- 
 hold the payment of a debt, the most 
 sacred that can be contracted.— Yet we 
 dare boast of our honor-- honor indeed ! 
 It is a gross delusion. Were we not as 
 blind to our dearest interests, as we are 
 supine in the execution of our duties, we 
 should know — we should feel — that, in the 
 punctual discharge of that very debt, real 
 honor, true glory consists. 
 
 Hang glory, says my tailor, give me cash 
 instead, or a hill for my bill. 
 
 " What is then that mental disease that
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 69 
 
 benumbs our faculties, degrades our nature, 
 assimilating us more and more to the 
 brute creation ? It is Selfishness — 
 downright selfishness ; not the loftier sort 
 that prompts ambition and leads through 
 dangers to aggrandizement. A man in- 
 fected with that vice may be criminal, yet 
 is not mean. But our selfishness is a gro- 
 velling passion, begotten by indulgence, 
 fortered in indolence, and fed with lux- 
 uries. It enervates the body and kills the 
 soul." 
 
 Shades and shadows all. 
 " Are ye earnestly desirous of fuelling 
 your high destination, of dignifying your- 
 selves and your country, of rivaling your 
 ancestors in deeds of pith, ye must re-trace 
 your steps, and endeavour to match the 
 glory of those days long past. 
 
 " This paper contains the plan I would
 
 70 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 submit to your approval. Let no one 
 deride the feebleness of the means contained 
 therein for so arduous an undertaking. — 
 View it but as the spring-head of a mighty 
 stream. The means are intended but to pro- 
 mote the first trial, and it were defeating 
 my own purpose, to subject you to a 
 trial, beyond \our present strength. 
 
 Wooden swords for babes — hem ! 
 
 " Gentlemen, as 1 pass in review the 
 various epochs recorded in history, it is not 
 on the sera of Greece and Rome that I 
 love to dwell with most complacency : I 
 own, I prefer to those the days of chivalry." 
 
 Oh ' Oh ! joults, tilts, and tournaments. 
 Broken bones and bloody pates. 
 
 Here the countess dowager and her fair 
 daughters stole from behind the screen, 
 under whose shelter they had hitherto 
 listened.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 71 
 
 * Oh, what an association of swelling 
 sensations — of lofty sentiments, the very 
 name begets. Love and Glory, the two 
 sublimest inciters to magnanimous actions 
 are coupled with that name. Oh, my 
 friends, as in the days of yore, let love 
 lead to glory, and glory crown love. 
 Happily for us the British fair are still 
 worthy the homage paid to the charms, 
 to the virtues of their high-minded pre- 
 decessors. Let us, then, look around us — 
 let each select the dame of his thoughts. — 
 Let— let— let— " 
 
 Here our Orator perceived the unex- 
 pected addition to his auditory. He was 
 at a stand, but soon recovering his presence 
 of mind. 
 
 "My Lords and Gentlemen, my chancellor 
 will tell you the remainder" 
 
 Then throwing off the incumbering robes
 
 72 M^ZES OP LIFE, 
 
 and leaping' from the table, be harried to 
 lady Olivia and laid at her feet, himself 
 kneeling", both thf wooden sceptre and 
 plnmy hat, fervently exclaiming — 
 
 •' O fairest of the fair." Accept me for 
 your Chevalier, and by those heart-en- 
 thraling charms, by the purity of that 
 bosom, I swear to attempt, at your bidding 1 
 such deeds of heroism, as when achieved, 
 Will entitle me to claim ygcj as mine own." 
 
 The plaudits excited by this effusion of 
 words and gallantry of action were raptu- 
 rous and continued. The lady, round 
 whom the gentlemen crowded, felicitations 
 in their looks and voices, behaved prettily. 
 She blushed, and smiled, and fanned, and 
 ogled, and bridled, and, with a graceful 
 concession, held out her lily hand on 
 which a thousand kisses were imprinted. 
 In an instant, sir Knight was seated
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 7$ 
 
 beside his Fair one receiving", with all the 
 modesty he could display very many 
 compliments on his oratorical talents. 
 But, alas! the value of such compliment* 
 the Ileceiver himself could but hold very 
 cheap, when he beheld the attention of 
 the Bestowers attracted by a species of 
 entertainment infinitely inferior, in his 
 estimation, to the one he had afforded. 
 
 Sir Henry Off ham, who had absented 
 himself, re-entered. He was seen strid- 
 ing with great bustle towards the table 
 which he ascended ; not satisfied with that 
 commanding 1 eminence, he exalted him- 
 self upon the chair of state on which he 
 now stood erect, his body clad with the 
 regal gown, on his head he affixed a huge 
 conical tin-pudding frame, fresh scowered ; 
 around the summit of which was strapped 
 the collar with many bells, that was wont 
 
 VOL. I E
 
 74 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 to compass the sleek neck of the coun- 
 tess dowager's lap-dog. In his dexter he 
 held a coiled up paper, indeed the iden- 
 tical one containing the wonder working* 
 project, which he had snatched oat of the 
 orator's pocket, as the latter, hastily pas- 
 sing him, was making towards his lady, 
 and his left hand was affectedly stuck in 
 his bosom. The baronet's long sallow face, 
 large black eyes and coarse features, stared 
 so ruefully and so comically under his 
 fool's cap, that it was impossible to with- 
 hold the tribute of laughter he expected 
 from the exhibition. He now indulged 
 the spectators' and his own propensity 
 with a variety of antics, nods, contor- 
 tions, grimaces and quaint sounds : Punch 
 himself could not have better performed. 
 These being only intended as a prelude 
 to the farce, he now unrolled the precious
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 75 
 
 document, and, in a voice similar in tones 
 to those of the droll gentleman last named, 
 proceeded to impart as much of its con- 
 tents as he could himself peruse : but 
 short was his progress therein. The honor- 
 able writer unhappily was one of those 
 geniusses, who flatter themselves that the 
 valuable matter they commit to paper, 
 needs not the ornament of fair inditing. 
 His characters became in consequence 
 downright hieroglyphics to the eye of an 
 unskilful decypherer. 
 
 The baronet, to use an expression of 
 one present, " boggled most confoundedly," 
 and the laugh, which at first had been 
 for the exhibitor, was now turned against 
 him, intermixed with hissings and hootings 
 and cries of — 
 
 Away with him. — To school — to his 
 horn book — Off — Off ham off. 
 E 2
 
 76 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Sir Henry awhile withstood the storm ; 
 but at length his patience giving way, 
 he threw his fool's cap into the midst of his 
 tormentors, exclaiming. — " Here, I be- 
 queath this amongst ye. Get each one 
 made after the same ashion — then ye'll be 
 all fitted." 
 
 This [ebullition of folly over, they 
 crowded round Domville, requesting him 
 to impart to them the contents of his 
 paper : but our Dreamer was by this time 
 awake, or nearly so; and sobered by the 
 buffoonery just witnessed, faint were the 
 hopes he entertained of his intended coad- 
 jutors. He now viewed his plan with 
 nearly as much indifference as if it had 
 been the conception of another : never- 
 the'ess he complied and this was the sub- 
 stance. 
 
 For the five days that remained to be
 
 MAZES OF LIFE, / / 
 
 got over till the shooting season should 
 begin, it proposed the adoption of bodily 
 sports to the exclusion of sedentary games. 
 This first clause was only intended as a 
 probationary ordeal, the strict compliance 
 with which alone could qualify any can- 
 didate for admission into the newly insti- 
 tuted order, to be called The Toilers, or 
 Knights of the Tent \ because, during the 
 fortnight that the exercise of grouse 
 shooting was to last, the only canopy 
 allowed betwixt them and the sky would be 
 a tent. It was presumed that under such 
 a covering, pitched in the very centre of 
 the area, intended for their daily, labori- 
 ous, sports, and in which spot little more 
 than the bare necessaries of life could well 
 be gathered, a habit of early rising and 
 hardihood would be contracted, and the 
 knights gradually weaned from those in-
 
 78 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 dulgencies that tend to debilitate the frame. 
 It was moreover declared that the scope 
 and tendency of the association was not 
 only to qualify its members for sportsmen ; 
 but to enable sportsmen to become real 
 soldiers, inured before hand to the priva- 
 tions and hardships incident to a military 
 life. — Then followed a variety of well- 
 digested regulations for the well-being of 
 the society, with penalties attached to the 
 infraction of each. 
 
 The whole concluded with an address 
 to the countess dowager and her two 
 daughters, requesting the former to honor 
 the infant institution so far, as to become 
 its Lady Patroness : the two ladies were 
 besought to give it also their sanction, by 
 permitting each knight to wear their favo- 
 rite colours entwined, and by selecting a 
 suitable dress^ as a uniform for the corps,
 
 MAZFS OF LIE. 79 
 
 during 1 the whole time of its being upon 
 duty. 
 
 Such were the feeble means by which 
 our Projector had hoped to achieve an 
 alteration in the rooted dispositions of a 
 score of thoughtless young men, with a 
 view that their example might influence 
 numbers of their rank and, in time, effect 
 a reform, where a reform is certainly most 
 wanted. 
 
 Beings all corporeal, such as your plod- 
 ding men of business, hold, I know, in 
 utter contempt the gay creations of the 
 lively and fanciful. The poet's pathos 
 and harmonious numbers never reach their 
 heart nor even affect their ears. These 
 sticklers for mere matters of fact in their 
 gloomy wisdom have no conception of in- 
 tellectual enjoyments, and, like the oyster, 
 e 4
 
 80 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 they contract the universe within the limits 
 of their own shells. 
 
 But the Writer of these pages is him- 
 self too great a dreamer, not to make com- 
 mon cause with his Hero in this instance. 
 Truth compels him to acknowledge that 
 the main business of his whole life has 
 hitherto been a scries of visionary pro- 
 jects without having yet made one step 
 towards either fame or fortune. And yet 
 so constantly infatuated is he with his de- 
 lusions, that it is only at the birth of a 
 fresh scheme, he begins to wonder at the 
 miscarriage of the former one. — Well, be 
 it so — since the joys he derives from 
 expectation greatly exceed the bitterness 
 of disappointment, he hopes to dream 
 on to the end of the chapter. 
 
 Mr. Domville's plan, however, met with
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. $1 
 
 a better reception than he had anticipated; 
 it contained two ingredients, each suf- 
 ficient to ensure a temporary adoption — 
 Novelty and Notoriety — So the party 
 broke up, each individual determined to 
 go to the probation in such a manner, as to 
 intitle him to an admission into the noble 
 order of the Tenters. 
 
 e 5
 
 82 MAZES OF LIFE 
 
 CHAPTER VI, 
 
 PREPARATIONS. 
 
 PlERCEFILD Castle was now the scene 
 of additional bustle ; the ladies had full 
 range for the display of their taste. In- 
 deed a no less weighty employment fell 
 to their share than that of selecting such 
 a dress for the intended knights, as should 
 indicate both the sportsman and the mili- 
 taire, the gentleman with the man of 
 fashion : close yet degage, spruce and 
 elegant; neither plain nor showy, but 
 tasteful, genteel, and befitting their rank.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE 83 
 
 The consultation was deep and prot- 
 racted. 
 
 A man and horse had been dispatched 
 after the tailor of the family, reckoning 
 that by the time of his arrival the selec- 
 tion would be made. The tailor found 
 them still debating on the subject, and, 
 indeed, it afforded sufficient scope to exer- 
 cise the ingenuity of a whole divan of 
 female heads. 
 
 Let us enumerate some of the moment- 
 ous topics under discussion. 
 
 First, the upper covering — after what 
 fashion or cut should it be made up : whe- 
 ther coat — frock — or jacket; with or 
 without trimmings, — with or without fac- 
 ings, — straight or lapelled, — high or low 
 collared, — and chiefly of what colour — 
 whether of one or more. 
 
 Next the under garment y'clept waist-
 
 84 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 coat, — whether of satin, kerseymere or 
 marcella. — straight, striped or zigzaged. — 
 Whether double or single breasted, — high 
 or low pocketed, — color, of course, to 
 match. Then came the nether covering, — 
 whether inexpressibles or pantaloons should 
 be adopted, — of what materials these and 
 how worked, — whether plain or embroi- 
 dered^— to hang loose or set close. Merciful 
 Heaven ! after they had discussed these 
 knotty points, (settled they could not) 
 "besides the addenda of hose, leggings or 
 gaiters, — nay, down to the very shoes, 
 there remained an article of no less im- 
 portance than the shape, form or figure of 
 the hat, — whether round or cocked, — with 
 or without cockade, — whether high or low 
 crowned,-*-narrow or broad brimmed, — 
 well plumed or featherless, — with gold or 
 silver lace, or tassels, or without either
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 85 
 
 A quarto volume could not contain the 
 multitudinous remarks that were urged on 
 this single topic. 
 
 Several ladies dropping in, they were 
 appealed to and their appeal led to fresh 
 discussions ; or rather they, like Milton's 
 Chaos, by their decision the more em- 
 broiled the subject. — At length the knight, 
 I mean him of the thimble, who stood 
 aloof at a respectful distance, ventured on 
 a nearer approximation in the most ob- 
 sequious manner. In order to secure 
 favour for his boldness, and engage the 
 attention of the fair debators he spread 
 out, at full length, his card of patterns. 
 This display of gay colours of every hue 
 caught every eye, and, for a time, put 
 an end to the consultation. The witchery 
 it operated was such, that honest Snip, 
 who had hitherto been viewed as a remote
 
 86 MAzES OF LIFE. 
 
 planet of an inferior system, became at 
 once the centre of attraction. 
 
 This man was a clever contriver; in 
 other words knew how to promote 
 his interest by all the art and cunning of 
 the fraternity. Being appealed to for his 
 opinion respecting cloth, colour and cut, 
 he gave it so cautiously, assented or dis- 
 sented in so qualified a manner, listened 
 to objections with so attentive a deference, 
 re-appealed in his turn so insinuatingly, 
 with a voice softened down almost to a 
 whisper, and with such a pliability of atti- 
 tudes, that, by degrees, he inclined a 
 majority of the suffrages in favour of his 
 purpose, and finally contrived to obtain an 
 order for the precise cloth he had most to 
 dispose of, and for those other articles he 
 could more easily procure. He departed, 
 boldly promising to have the clothes made
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 87 
 
 up and delivered within a time, less by 
 one half, than he knew it was practi- 
 cable for him to accomplish the task. 
 
 The tailor dismissed, the hatter, who 
 had been long in attendance, was now ad- 
 mitted in. This man proved a fool, and 
 thus he betrayed his folly : Lady Cle- 
 mentina, who had seen a Spanish dress 
 at some masquerade, had become in par- 
 ticular enamoured with the hat and its 
 appendages : it looked so smart, so gen- 
 teel, so natty, so spruce, bespeaking both 
 the gallant man and the cavalier. She 
 now undertook to make the fellow sensi- 
 ble of its form, by telling him that the 
 hat was neither round nor cocked -, but 
 only one side of the brim turned up, and 
 so secured by means of a gold button and 
 loop, with a white ostrich feather wav- 
 ing above. Master Woolly listened with
 
 88 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 all the wisdom a stupid face could assume, 
 but when she added that all the hats, 
 twenty-one in number, must be produced 
 in five days ; the hatter, as timorous in 
 making* promises as the tailor was daring 
 in breaking them, lifted up his hands in 
 piteous intreaty, protesting that it would 
 nearly take that space of time to pro- 
 vide himself with a block for the pur- 
 pose. 
 
 That unlucky word was his condemna- 
 tion. " In that case, my good fellow, 
 keep the block as a substitute for your 
 head, and you will then have what you 
 are. — You may leave the room.'' 
 
 The loss of so profitable a job made 
 him smartly feel the whole extent of his 
 disgrace ; his clenched fist was dispatched 
 upwards to punish the offending cause. — 
 It now appeared that the substitution had
 
 MAZES OF LIFE gQ 
 
 been made, for his knuckles were worsted 
 
 in the encounter. 
 
 Now poured in pieces of cloth intended 
 for the construction of three tents or mar- 
 quees : whereupon the ladies fell to mea- 
 suring, the maids to cutting out, and all 
 the sempstresses of the neighbourhood 
 were put in requisition. 
 
 While the ladies are thus laudably em- 
 ployed, turn we to the gentlemen. 
 
 The whole length of their morning, dat- 
 ing from ten till two (a couple of hours 
 in each period earlier than usual) was 
 tolerably well got through with the help 
 of billiards, some gymnastic games and 
 shooting at a mark. The latter recrea- 
 tions were several times renewed and pro- 
 secuted with a keenness that might have 
 afforded some hope, had not that keen- 
 ness been mostly excited by the rage for
 
 90 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 betting*. As for Mr. Domville, who bad 
 suggested the sports, he thought proper 
 to remove bis person from the scene. 
 
 The truth was that he happened, at that 
 juncture, to be seized with the furor poe- 
 tica : the irresistible impulse brought 
 him within the more retired spot' of the 
 park. His resolution was no less than to 
 commemorate in along poem of imperish- 
 able verse, the new project and its future 
 consequences, to be, of course, inscribed 
 to Lady Olivia Piercefield. Upon second 
 thoughts, however, this epopeia he would 
 endeavour to confine within the limits of 
 two cantos; which afterwards was only to 
 find matter for an epistle; and finally he 
 reduced it to a sonnet, which sonnet he 
 contrived to accomplish. Not a litt'e 
 elevated with the production, he hurried 
 to his chamber, in order to write it out
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 91 
 
 fair and to see how it looked. But 
 the next morning", on a re-perusal, he found 
 reason to abate much of the encomium 
 he had bestowed on the lines, and the day 
 after they were thrown by as a poor thing. 
 For this reason it shall not be inserted 
 here, as I ought not to suppose the Pub- 
 lic less fastidious than its author. 
 
 The evening of this day also proved a 
 period of bustle and activity. All the 
 apparatus for a tea party and collation 
 was boated over in vessels, manned by the 
 gentlemen themselves, from the castle to a 
 beautiful temple, erected on an island in 
 the centre of a lake. Thither the ladies 
 and their friends were conveyed by the 
 same means and the same rowers. The 
 interval between the meals was enlivened 
 by boat races. Much gallantry was eli- 
 cited from the honourable contenders.
 
 92 MAZES OF L.TFE. 
 
 spirited on by the fair beholders who were 
 both the awarders and bestowers of the 
 prizes. They strove for victory with as 
 much apparent exertion as if some hun- 
 dreds of pounds depended upon the issue, 
 and we are not quite sure that some such 
 motive was not the principal incentive. 
 Nor did their gallantry cease at the close 
 of the nautical games. A dance seeming 
 to meet the wishes of the ladies, a chosen 
 number were dispatched to convey over 
 lady Clementina's harp. On their return, 
 each gentleman, his fair partner in hand, 
 stood up. The hearts of both sexes beat 
 high in expectation of a pleasure that was 
 so soon to be realized. The harp struck 
 up a lively tune, and their feet, in sprightly 
 mazes, moved in unison with the animat- 
 ing sounds. 
 
 It was one of those treats that are
 
 MAKES OF LIFE. 93 
 
 relished with the greater zest for being en- 
 joyed on the moment of its proposal. For 
 often the mind, wearied in the contem- 
 plation of a promised indulgence, be- 
 comes languid when the hour for its gra- 
 tification is arrived. 
 
 The last rays of the setting sun beheld 
 the dance going on with unabated spirit, 
 and the moon shone high in the heavens 
 before it was relinquished. 
 
 On their stepping into the boats to effect 
 their return, the night was so beautifully 
 serene, the vast expanse of waters, fringed 
 all round with a rich variety of foliage, 
 appeared so lovely, so novel to their sight, 
 in its present moony aspect, that, in order 
 to prolong the contemplation of the scenery, 
 they were several times rowed round the 
 lake. 
 
 The animation excited by the dance
 
 94 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 gently subsided, all harsher feelings were 
 hushed, and the mind reposing, as it were, 
 on the tranquil bosom of nature, felt sensa- 
 tions so refreshing, so benign, so religious, 
 so philanthropic, that one of the party, and 
 he not the least callous, and an epicure to 
 boot, was heard to exclaim: — 
 
 " Oh, what a luxury I have hitherto 
 missed" 
 
 The pleasure they had derived from this 
 extempore ball was too keenly felt not to 
 wish for a repetition. My lord Piercefield 
 who, in consonance with the amplitude of 
 his means, did every thing upon a grand 
 scale, issued cards of invitation to all 
 the nobility and gentry, residing within an 
 extensive circuit of his mansion. In ad- 
 dition to this, Domville's suggestion, first 
 hinted to lady Olivia and warmly taken up 
 by her ladyship, prevailed. The invitation
 
 MAZES OF LTFF. 95 
 
 in consequence also reached the principal 
 tenants of his lordship, and, through them, 
 the more respectahle part of their neigh- 
 bours, amongst the former, farmer Stubble, 
 his dame and blooming family were of 
 course included. 
 
 O the influence of French names, when 
 timely sounding on congenial ears ! Lady 
 Olivia was listening to her admirer's 
 remark with a sort of playful indifference, 
 more intent upon displaying the turns of 
 her pretty neck, than upon reaping any 
 benefit from his remark; when, in conclu- 
 sion, he happened to say that the entertain- 
 ment won'.d then become what the French 
 term— La fete da chateau. — Instantaneous 
 was the effect of these magical words. 
 
 " It shall be done, cried she, rising. 
 I'll go to my brother this very instant, and
 
 $6 MAZES OF LIRE. 
 
 give orders for the necessary arrange- 
 ments." 
 
 Thus were the parties concerned in- 
 debted to her successful application for 
 additional pleasure, and that more widely 
 diffused. Although short was the notice 
 given, (the day appointed for the shooting 
 expedition being too near at hand to allow 
 a greater latitude) numerous and diversi- 
 fied was the party assembled on the time 
 fixed for their appearance. But the enter- 
 tainment derived by the various ranks was 
 by no means proportionate to their re- 
 spective consequence; in this, as in all 
 other treats, the greater share of enjoyment 
 fell to the less fastidious. It is true that the 
 ostentatious had full scope to display his 
 grandeur, the wealthy his acquisitions, the 
 ladies their finery, the sarcastic to vent his
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 97 
 
 malignity, and the quizzer to introduce his 
 substitute for wit. But enjoyment, much 
 less embittered and more lasting", the good 
 naturedpart of the fashionable groups de- 
 rived from their condescension and urban- 
 ity; for the pleasure given is generally 
 returned with usury to the bestowers. 
 
 The awe and restraint to which the 
 tenantry were at first subjected, gradally 
 wore off. — They laughed, — they quaffed, — 
 they feasted, — they caroused; but most of 
 them preferred the steward's hospitality to 
 the grand banquetting room. Their ruddy 
 complexioned daughters too ! how the eye 
 wandered over the costly furniture of the 
 apartments; with what delight they be- 
 held and admired the elegant, the splen- 
 did dresses of the ladies— their own, alas, 
 how inferior! How cordially they gave 
 themselves up to the exhilarating spirit of 
 
 VOL. I. F
 
 §9 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 the dance ! How trilling- was the touch, 
 perhaps the squeeze of some first-rate 
 beau. I beg his pardon — Exquisite*. — 
 True it was that, when comparing their 
 lowliness with such altitudes, they jfelt 
 the sting of envy, and that rivalship and 
 disappointment now and then marred their 
 pleasures ; but still they pursued the re- 
 creation with keener relish and more last- 
 ingly, and morning broke in upon them be 
 fore the thoughts of giving over ever 
 occurred to their minds. At length they 
 departed, and then such an alteration took 
 p^ace in the respective situations of these 
 returning parties, that the ladies were ge- 
 nerally obliged to lead home the gentle- 
 men who had escorted them thither. 
 
 * The learned Antiquarian is requested to ascertain 
 whether that fashionable expression, already growing 
 obsolete, can he used, without an anachronism, so far 
 back as the year 1810.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. £9 
 
 CHAPTER VII, 
 
 A GRAND ATTEMPT. 
 
 i\.T length the great the important day ar- 
 rived, when, according to the previous 
 conception of Mr. Domville, the first step 
 was to be made that would ultimately lead to 
 the consummation so devoutly to be wish- 
 ed, namely, the improvement, both moral 
 and physical, of the higher classes ; the 
 effects of which would, of course, be be- 
 neficially felt by the lowest cottager in the 
 realm, 
 
 A couple of waggons had started before 
 dawn and conveyed with the tents every 
 F 2
 
 100 »JAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 other requisite. A few hours after, the 
 courteous knights with mighty bustle, in 
 high glee and in spruce attire, being all 
 mustered, took their ceremonious leave of 
 the ladies of Piercefield castle and sallied 
 out upon their adventurous expedition. 
 
 According to the regulations laid down, 
 it was enjoined that every member of the 
 society should become, as much as pos- 
 sible, his own helper ; in consequence one 
 servant only was allowed for five knights. 
 Thus attended, forth they proceeded in 
 regular order two by two, each Cavalier 
 carrying his own fowling-piece and am- 
 munition, the servants bringing up the 
 rear. 
 
 As the tailor had failed in providing 
 them with the uniform dress according to 
 his promise (possibly he may have been, 
 fust then, compulsively employed in the
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 10 1 
 
 furnishing' of a large funeral,) they were 
 fain to equip themselves in the sporting 
 jackets they had previously provided for 
 the occasion. These jackets of various 
 colours, all gay and even splendid, at- 
 tracted the sight and excited the curiosity 
 of every one they met. The labour of the 
 hind and the tittle-tattle of the gossip were 
 suspended: beldames bending under their 
 burdens of stolen sticks, now unheeding 
 the danger of detection, tarried on the 
 road agape, till their sight failed them ; 
 and the procession, as it passed, collected 
 the whole population of every hamlet. 
 At first, the novelty of their situation, 
 the buoyancy of youth, and the bracing 
 effects of the morning air, kept them in 
 good humour; and jokes passing to and 
 fro excited their merriment : but the ride 
 was long, and its tedium unrelieved by any 
 F 3
 
 102 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 droll incident, they in consequence soon 
 began to feel weary and discontented. 
 
 Thus on they journeyed, staring and 
 stared at — now finding the sun confound- 
 edly hot, or the breeze cursed cold, or the 
 roads devilishly broken, or their gnus 
 plaguily heavy, or their saddles damnably 
 hard ; and as they ascended the more ele- 
 vated regions, the keenness of the air 
 excited a corresponding keenness of appe- 
 tite ; which, alas, they had not for the pre- 
 sent any means of gratifying, and they 
 stared at each other in utter astonishment, 
 at having for once missed a meal. 
 
 In that emergency they halted for the 
 purpose of holding a consultation. Mr. 
 Domville being naturally applied to as the 
 original contriver of the expedition, la- 
 mented that he had omitted to provide the
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 103 
 
 party with sumpter mules, as practised in 
 days of yore. 
 
 " Damn the mules," cried Sir Henry 
 Offham, " a jack ass with a brace of weii 
 stored panniers would have answered the 
 purpose well enough ; but not one of us 
 has had the good sense to be his own jack 
 ass except myself: in proof of which here 
 is my provender." 
 
 So saying, he pulled out a liberal allow- 
 ance of cold tongue and a proportionate 
 quantum of bread. — "Now, Gentlemen, 
 in me behold the Performer, as Spectators, 
 nothing will I charge ye for the exhibi- 
 tion." But finding by their urgency to 
 become sharers, they were likely to annoy 
 him in his masticating performance, lie 
 looked about him, espied a convenient spot, 
 leaped from his steed, ran up a stiff accli- 
 F 4
 
 104 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 vity, and reaching a projecting rock that 
 overhung the road, down he squatted him- 
 self, while the gaping hungry cavalcade 
 formed a semi-circle beneath. Sir Henry 
 without loss of time fell unmercifully upon 
 his stores, every fragment of which he de- 
 voured, unheeding the taunts, muttering*, 
 and curses, that 
 
 Innocuous yet sonorous were, from empty mouths, 
 GrowFd forth below. 
 
 Never did grim Hunger catch the gentle- 
 men in such a situation before. 
 
 From a limpid spring he quaffed where- 
 with to slake his thirst, a gratification the 
 other knights were debarred from, as they 
 had not stowed within themselves any pro- 
 vocatives that called for such a supply. 
 However, a hamlet they soon after reached, 
 afforded them that sort of homely fare they
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 105 
 
 hardly knew of but by accidental hear- 
 say. Though the baronet's provender 
 was a luxury compared with their present 
 food, such a havock did they commit on 
 the cottager's stores, that these found 
 themselves in the same state of dearth, as 
 a small island in the West Indian Archipe- 
 lago is reduced to, after a visit from a 
 fleet of twenty British men of war. 
 
 Towards evening", harassed and way- 
 worn, they reached the place of their des- 
 tination : and soon after they were cheered 
 by the sight of the waggons, that had 
 taken a more circuitous road in order to 
 gain the same spot. The knights would 
 gladly have fallen at once on their evening* 
 repast • but labour and time were requi- 
 site before the tents could be unpacked, 
 and before their alimentary stores could be 
 disencumbered from other luggage, every 
 f 5
 
 106 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 one was called upon to help. At length, 
 by dint of great, and to them unusual 
 exertions, prolonged as these were by 
 their own inexpertness, the tents were 
 pitched, accommodations within and the 
 requisites for a good substantial repast 
 placed before them. This being enjoyed 
 
 in full, CARDS ! No, sleep was the 
 
 next call, and so sound was their repose, 
 that the privations and fatigues of the day 
 were for many successive hours quite buried 
 in oblivion. 
 
 It were not difficult however to predict 
 that, of an assemblage composed of the 
 afore described materials, the component 
 parts would be speediiy disunited. — The 
 novelty of their situation, with the pleasure 
 of the sport, held them together for two or 
 three days; the shame of betraying a lack 
 of bottom spirited them on to the con-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 107 
 
 elusion of the fourth ; but on the fifth, 
 tones of dissatisfaction, followed by com- 
 plaints and murmurs, broke forth against 
 the unlucky promoter of the expedition, 
 who, fortunately for himself, happened to 
 be absent at that juncture. They cursed 
 and damned him in round set terms, for 
 a visionary projector, and called them- 
 selves so many fools, for suffering their 
 wisdom to be led astray by his folly. 
 Without beat of drum, sound of trumpet, 
 or any other military notification, they 
 would have forthwith ridden back to the 
 castle, had not one of the party, more 
 provident than the rest, attracted their 
 attention by producing and unpacking 
 two and fifty layers of neat paste-board, 
 all of equal dimensions and of an oblong 
 form ; white, smooth and plain on the 
 outside, but the insides of some were
 
 108 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 party coloured, red or black, those of 
 others richlv emblazoned with various cuts 
 of every gay hue. This plaything for 
 full grown babies, bears in its aggregate, the 
 name of — a Pack of Cards. 
 
 The success of so glaring an infraction 
 of the established rules induced Sir Henry 
 Offham to cry out, " 1 can match 
 that." 
 
 In proof of which, within rattled and 
 out rolled, from a hollow, ligneous cylinder, 
 three small, cubicular, osseous, white, sub- 
 stances, similarly dotted with black round 
 cavities, from one to six, inclusive, de- 
 noting the number of its faces. This 
 time-killing instrument bears the name of 
 Die in the singular, but in the plural is 
 distinguished by the appellation of Dice.— 
 Lexicon. 
 
 Both these were received with an eager-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 109 
 
 ness proportionate to their long" abstinence 
 from them ; and their sojourn on the 
 mountain was in consequence prolonged. 
 But the next day (Sunday) without strik- 
 ing" their tents, or even evincing- any reli- 
 gious care for their household goods, and 
 though in a most disorderly array, shew- 
 ing their total relaxation from all disci- 
 pline, rapidly and safely did the knights 
 contrive to effect their retreat to the castle, 
 their former and more convenient head- 
 quartels. 
 
 By Adventurers so very spirited it is pre- 
 sumed that more would have been achieved, 
 had their heroical ardour been kept from 
 cooling by the blazing sight of their regi- 
 mental dress ; but unfortunately for the 
 elucidation of that point, the uniforms 
 came on the very day they had departed, 
 with complimentary notes from the ladies,
 
 110 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 wishing the gentlemen success in their 
 sports and arduous career, intimating an 
 intention of soon paying them a visit, and 
 hoping at the same time they had escaped 
 catching cold. 
 
 The clothes were escorted by master 
 Snip in propria persona. He arrived in 
 the heat of the day, panting, bustling, and 
 sweltering, his head filled with lying ex- 
 cuses for the delay, his tongue ready to 
 deliver them and his impudent face unable to 
 betray any sense of shame in the delivery. 
 Acute was his regret at their unlooked for 
 departure, and his subsequent vexation 
 much more so. For, after a number of 
 calls on his quondam customers, to induce 
 them to try the clothes in hopes of pay- 
 ment, they did not even allow him a 
 chance of displaying their attractions, but 
 with a view to elicit some fun out of
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. Ill 
 
 this knight of the shears, consigned him 
 over to the merciless baronet, who dis- 
 patched him to a variety of places for 
 payment, where no payment was to be 
 had ; and the well sealed epistolary dis- 
 patches of so incensing a nature, as to 
 subject the bearer to a caning or horse- 
 whipping. At length, poor Stup, find- 
 ing out that they were only hoaxing him, 
 was obliged to put up with the loss of 
 time, the whole of his profit, and with a 
 considerable part of the prime cost. An 
 awful and, we hope, a deterring warning 
 to such gentry, against their too common 
 practice of extending their promises be- 
 yond the possibility of their performance. It 
 is true, honest Woolly, the hatter, gained 
 nothing for his blunt declaration excepting, 
 what he gave himself — a Knock on the pate— 
 but this rascally tailor was very properly
 
 112 MAZES OP L.IFE. 
 
 punished, in a manner more acute than 
 bodily castigation could inflict, for having 
 thus wantonly sported, in a matter of such 
 infinite importance, with the sacred majesty 
 of truth. 
 
 Thus terminated this silly expedition, 
 the only permanent result of which was, in 
 due time, commemorated in the rate-books 
 of the surrounding* parishes, entry being 
 therein made of an increase of popula- 
 tion to be hereafter maintained at the ex- 
 pence of said parishes, owing to the frailty 
 of sundry damsels, which frailty, to judge 
 by the coinciding time of their accouch- 
 ment, must have been accelerated by their 
 lordship's incontinency. 
 
 It remains for us, however, to record 
 the very characteristic manner in which 
 the penalties that were at first enforced 
 for the infringement of regulations were
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 1 13 
 
 disposed of : it amounted to a pretty large 
 sum. Domville proposed to bestow the 
 money on some charitable institution ; 
 Piercefield wanted to make it the prize 
 of some race or shooting match ; a steady 
 worshipper of the blind goddess was for 
 committing' the a ward to Dame Fortune 
 through the medium of a lottery ; but the 
 generality of suffrages was decidely in 
 favour of a boxing match. In consequence, 
 a couple of countrymen, endued with more 
 strength than brains, agreed to maul each 
 other for the sum and the spectator's 
 diversion. What diversion was obtained, 
 let those who beheld the fight declare ; bu£ 
 the consequences to the combatants can 
 be soon told. — The vanquished did not 
 long survive his defeat, the conqueror 
 elated with his wealth forsook his former 
 occupation, took to hard drinking and
 
 114 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 was shortly after laid in the same church- 
 yard, side by side with his unsuccessful 
 opponent, as the inscription on the tomb- 
 stone, placed over his grave, records to the 
 present day, in these elegant and melli- 
 fluous lines. 
 
 Greg Scroggins pitch'd for cash 'gainst Gawler Dick,, 
 To church-yard sent him, thump'iJ all o'er; 
 
 Then Scroggins drank the tap dry, then fell sick : 
 To Gawler now he lies next door.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 115 
 
 CHAPTER V£II. 
 
 AN ADVENTURE. 
 
 X>UT other scenes are now opening; for 
 
 Domvilie to perform in; from out of 
 other ranks of society he will have diffe- 
 rent characters to contend with, and the 
 trials that await him will decide his fate, 
 according to the wisdom and fortitude with 
 which he will sustain them. 
 
 On the fifth day of the knights' sojourn 
 on Moel y Cynghorion * — read it w'io can, 
 our Hero, in order to gratify a rambling 
 
 * The Hill of the Counsellors.
 
 116 MAZES Of LIFE. 
 
 disposition he had often felt, started early 
 from his tent, for the purpose of exploring' 
 the more remote and solitary parts of these 
 wild regions. He rode to a farm house, 
 erected a considerable way within the 
 mountains, and thence proceeded on foot 
 over hill and dale ; but chiefly directing 
 his steps where vvildness and abruptness of 
 ascent seemed to forbid the approach of 
 man. 
 
 The morning was warm, the air still. 
 About noon, lassitude and excessive heat 
 induced him to look out for some shady, 
 resting place : — that shelter he would have 
 reached in a much more precipitous 
 manner than he intended, had he not 
 luckily cast his eye that way, before he 
 made another step, for he then stood on 
 the verge of a huge, jutting, stone, that 
 overhung a sort of abyss, very irregular in
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 1J7 
 
 its circumference of above three hundred 
 yards, and not lessthan thirty feet 
 deep. He had a bird's eye survey over the 
 extent, and descried in its centre a small 
 pool; the depth of which gave its waters so 
 dark a hue, that Domville hailed it by the 
 name of lake Avernus. Not a weed fringed 
 its margin; indeed no signs of vegetation 
 were perceptible within the area, except a 
 few thorny'shrubs that grew 7 here and there 
 within the clefts of the surrounding- rocks. 
 
 Our Adventurer still remained on the 
 brink, struck with the silentious gloom of 
 their nether scenery ; but the clouds, that 
 had been for some time gathering, began to 
 dissolve, at first in a few very large drops ; 
 these as they smote the waters of the lake, 
 gave a disturbed, speckled, aspect to its 
 hitherto smooth, death like placidity • and 
 when gusts of wind pressed on its surface,
 
 1 IB MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 it curled r-p vi angry waves, like a grin oil 
 the midnight ruffian's countenance 
 
 Such was the repulsive aspect of this 
 gloomy recess, that Domville, a solitary 
 being on the whole extent of the mountain- 
 ous wasteland exposed to the sudden burst 
 of the storm, collected over his head, hesi- 
 tated to accept the shelter afforded under 
 its projecting rocks. His resolve was 
 determined by a gust of wind which blew 
 off his hat ; it fell into the lake below. The 
 privation of that covering was now too 
 keenly felt, not to endeavour its recovery 
 at some risk : he stepped into a ravine or 
 deep channel, by which his descent was 
 considerably lessened and, by means of 
 hands, knees and feet, judiciously and 
 carefully p'aced, he found himself at the 
 bottom, and soon recovered his strayed 
 property.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 119 
 
 Domville hastened to discover what 
 shelter the jutting 1 rocks and bushes could 
 afford him. On the west side of the coomb, 
 he met with a snug recess just under the 
 wind* Now came the tremendous visita- 
 tion forth in its full fury. The dark clouds 
 poured their contents on the earth, the 
 wind raged, the lightning flashed and the 
 thunder roared. 
 
 Amidst the turmoil of the conflicting 
 elements, Man, who proudly calls himself 
 the Lord of the creation, is humbled by the 
 consciousness of his impotence. As in the 
 hour of death, the petty distinctions of rank 
 fade before him. A welcome sharer of his 
 situation he hails his fellow sufferer, whom, 
 at all other times, he would have spurned. 
 Domviile had not even that consolation. 
 As he cast an anxious look around, he felt 
 he was alone, and on himself alone must
 
 120 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 re! j for the care of his being*. Bui from 
 that depression the mind by degress 
 recovers its loftiness. In watching the 
 progress and declension of the storm, he 
 also marked its desolation with a firmer 
 eve. Even a proud satisfaction is derived 
 by daring to contemplate, with a heart, 
 though dismayed, yet unsubdued, the 
 sublime grandeur of the conflict. It was 
 one of those thunder storms, whose rage is 
 in an inverse proportion to its short 
 duration, and the small extent prescribed 
 to its ravages. Nature had collected its 
 destroying energies to hurl them with 
 greater effect on one devoted spot. The 
 earth smoked as the rain struck upon it, 
 the wind with sudden gusts forced in the 
 cavities of the rocks, or raging unimpeded 
 in its career, hissed, roared, or howled, or 
 mournfully sighed, as apparently spent, it
 
 MAZES OF LI#E. 121 
 
 'gave a momentary pause : — the shrubs 
 exposed to the blast, were dashed against 
 the rocks and, recovering", indignant shook 
 off the feculent drops from their shattered 
 foliage. With soul appalling vividness 
 the flashing lightning glared in the dark 
 sky, and the rattling peals of thunder, 
 reverbrating in quick succession from hill 
 to hill, might well be supposed the ex- 
 ecuting ministers of an offended Deity. 
 
 Now the rain waters from the heights 
 around poured into the glen ; the turbid 
 streams swelled and discoloured the con- 
 tents of the lake which overflowed its 
 banks, and, though a vent there was for 
 their emission, the torrents that continued 
 to flow nearly deluged the whole level of 
 the en closure. 
 
 When the rain had abated, Domville left 
 his station, endeavouring to find a way riut 
 
 VOL. I. G
 
 122 MAZES OF 1FE. 
 
 of the glen. The only outlet discoverable 
 was a rough, winding", passage that parted 
 the rocks., but so narrow, that in its tor- 
 tuosities he found his progress often im- 
 peded. 
 
 Within an angle of this passage a low, 
 rudely-shaped, door struck his sight. As- 
 tonished at the unexpected discovery, some 
 time elapsed ere he called out: but hear- 
 ing no answering voice he tried the door. 
 It was much decayed, and as he pressed 
 his strength against it, a staple fixed in- 
 side gave way, and a room of a low dimi- 
 nutive size, coarsely hewn out of the rock, 
 appeared before him : a broken table and 
 chair with a truckle bed, its only furni- 
 ture. After another fruitless attempt at 
 giving notice of his approach, he resolved 
 further to trj the adventure, he ven- 
 tured to turn the knob of a wider door
 
 MAZES OF LIE. 123 
 
 which easily opened. To his utter asto- 
 nishment and, as if by enchantment, he 
 beheld, and stepped into an airy, modern 
 apartment, not inelegantly furnished. 
 
 A door window facing the south opened 
 into a lawn, and through its panes he be- 
 held a most singular sight. 
 
 At the extremity of the lawn, on the 
 very verge of a precipice, stood a man 
 motionless, dressed in a blue uniform faced 
 with red, a regimental cocked hat covered 
 his head, and in his dexter glittered a 
 sword. The storm had partially renewed 
 its fury ; just after a loud clap of thunder, 
 the report of a pistol was heard ; the sol- 
 dier received the bullet in his breast — 
 he was seen to stagger but fell not; and 
 now a youth, a meer stripling, brandishing 
 a dagger, another pistol in his belt, rushed 
 G 2
 
 124 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 upon him, and struck him several times 
 with his weapon, and then hurled him down 
 the precipice! ! f 
 
 Hardly was the murderous deed com- 
 mitted, when an elderly man, sheltered by 
 a huge umbrella, having* a youthful dam- 
 sel under his arm, hastened to the spot; 
 the umbrella was committed to the lady's 
 care, and he, holding forth his open arms, 
 the boy rushed into them. 
 
 After an effusion of the fondest parental 
 caresses, the party was seen directing their 
 steps to the dwelling, now solely occupied 
 by Mr. Domville who, to tell the truth, was 
 rather in an awkward predicament. Stand- 
 ing within an angle of the room, he 
 anxiously eyed them, awaiting detection, 
 desirous, yet ashamed, of retreating the 
 way he came. 
 
 Never was a stronger contrast exhibited
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 125 
 
 than the appearance and demeanour of 
 the young female with the atrocious deed 
 of which she had been a witness ; nor 
 could he ought discover in the youthful 
 perpetrator but what was rather pre- 
 possessing than otherwise : but the senior's 
 person — chiefly his fierce., vindictive fea- 
 tures accorded but too well with the 
 horrible scene. He was straight, tall, and 
 well proportioned, yet much of the alarm 
 excited by such a figure was lessened by 
 evident marks of age on his frame. 
 
 The party was, by this time, close to the 
 glass door, and made their entrance one 
 by one — first the elder who, on perceiving 
 the intruder, retreated a step and with 
 arms extended, stared motionless in silent 
 astonishment; the youth and maiden now 
 appeared within. The youth, the swell of 
 whose features excited by his late exploit 
 63
 
 126 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 had not yet subsided, as if ready for a 
 second encounter, hastily grasped the 
 pommel of his sword in a very determined 
 and hero-like manner. His sister, for so 
 we will suppose her, as quickly placed her 
 hand upon his arm ; thus checking" his 
 motion, and the look of female benignity 
 extremely engaging, she gave him, assured 
 the stranger of personal safety. 
 
 The father, in the mean time, gave signs 
 of animation by a countenance expressive 
 of alarm, anger and irresolution. His glar- 
 ing eye ball rolled from Domville to the 
 window, then to the door, then round the 
 apartment, then again was fixed on the 
 stranger, who attempted rather hesitatingly 
 an apology for his appearance, which the 
 other stopped short by crying out in an 
 agitated, broken, manner:— 
 
 C'est ttrange ceci, Ires Hrange! — Corn-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 127 
 
 ment Diable a-t-il pu? — Cet tiourdi tie 
 Blondin — oit est il ? — nest-il pas encore 
 revenu ?" 
 
 Our Englishman, perceiving they were 
 foreigners, assured the gentleman in 
 French that chance alone had brought 
 him to the spot, that the fierceness of the 
 storm had compelled him to shelter with- 
 in his dwelling, and now, that the rain had 
 ceased, he would take his leave. 
 
 " Ecoutez, Monsieur" said the foreigner., 
 stepping up to him with an anxious tre- 
 pidation in his voice and manner. " Y 
 a-t-il long-tems que vous etes ici £" 
 
 " Hardly a minute," was the reply with 
 some violation of truth. 
 
 This assurance gave some satisfaction, 
 
 and in order to increase it, Domville 
 
 added that he had been almost the whole 
 
 time stationed in the back room, through 
 
 g4
 
 128 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 which he gained admittance and which he 
 had but just left. 
 
 " Si cela est, vous riavez done rien vu?" 
 Here he stopped and looked as if he 
 wished to recal the question, as it might 
 lead him to betray his secret. The Eng- 
 lishman, perceiving his embarrasment, 
 thought it more prudent to remove the 
 cause by calmly saying : " that the room 
 was too dark for him to distinguish any 
 object.' ' 
 
 Though all suspicion was not yet 
 dispelled, and though a longer stay 
 still subjected him to personal dan- 
 ger (for the young man's unloaded pistol 
 remained yet in his belt) he could not pre- 
 vail upon himself to make his parting bow ; 
 but detained by curiosity, or perhaps by 
 another motive, tarried a little longer and, 
 professing himself a stranger in these parts, 
 enquired the shortest way for David
 
 MAZES OF I>TFE. 129 
 
 Morgan's farm. — The old gentleman could 
 give him no information on that head. 
 Blondin — his man Blondin could tell. 
 But Blondin was absent. 
 
 Here the young lady interfered, and with 
 a voice the influence of which no heart 
 could resist, and an earnestness of manner 
 to set him right on his track, lest any 
 harm should betide him, partly in broken 
 English and partly in good French, de- 
 livered her directions. 
 
 Her speech had ended, yet some mo- 
 ments elapsed ere Domville, recovering 
 himself, returned her thanks in his most 
 graceful manner, which thanks were as 
 gracefully received; then bowing to the 
 senior and not forgetting the weaponed 
 youth, for whom, notwithstanding his sis- 
 ter's superior attractions, and 'spite of the 
 deed he had just witnessed, ne could nor 
 g5
 
 130 MAZES OF LIFF. 
 
 help feeling a lively interest, he in good 
 earnest took his leave. 
 
 The track indicated to him went across 
 the lawn : he longed to step aside towards 
 the precipice, that he might have another 
 view of the murdered individual; but for- 
 bore, aware that his every motion was 
 narrowly watched. So he pursued his jour- 
 ney, his mind intent upon the recollection 
 of the late event, endeavouring to ac- 
 count for the singular transaction, and 
 to frame for himself a proper line of con- 
 duct. 
 
 A considerable time elapsed before he 
 reached the hospitable farmer's dwelling, 
 upon whose stores he made ample amends 
 for so long and so arduous a fasting. The 
 call of hunger silenced, he cautiously in- 
 terrogated his host respecting the strange 
 inhabitant of the glen, but scanty was
 
 MAZES OF LIFK. 131 
 
 the information obtained ; all he could 
 collect was, that an outlandish family had 
 arrived in these parts, about the beginning 
 of spring", and had taken up their resi- 
 dence in the dwelling in the rock, known 
 by the name of the Hermit's Cave ; but 
 greatly enlarged since the time it was ac- 
 cupied by the Anchorite: that the servant 
 often called at the farm for provisions, 
 which he paid for as he obtained them ; 
 but as he did not pry into his concerns, 
 honest David thought it unmannerly to be 
 inquisitive about theirs. 
 
 Domville had some thoughts of impart- 
 ing all he knew of the transaction to a ma- 
 gistrate ; but desisted on a surmise w* ich, 
 as he reconsidered the subject, bordered 
 upon a certainty: namely, that this supposed 
 murdered man was only the effigy of one. 
 He at all events determined on visiting the
 
 132 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Coomb next day, ere he took further steps 
 in this mysterious affair; with this intent 
 he took up his night's lodging at the farm, 
 instead of returning to his tented com- 
 panions. The same conjectures still pur- 
 sued him in bed, and weary as he was 
 from the effects of his pedestrian excur- 
 sion, they kept him long awake. 
 Thus he reasoned with himself: 
 If shooting at a mark was the sole mo- 
 tive, surely the midst of a storm was a 
 strange time chosen for the sport; what 
 sport besides could result from murdering 
 the object? That this was a lifeless ob- 
 ject must be obvious. No human being, 
 having the free use of his limbs, would 
 stand motionless, like a target, to be shot 
 at and then stabbed. On the other hand, 
 the old gentleman's agitation and his
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 133 
 
 anxiety for concealment betrayed other sen- 
 sations than those that would be excited, by 
 being* detected in an innocent recreation. 
 But again, per contra, it was morally impos- 
 sible that the beautiful young" foreigner 
 could hold kindred with murderers; and 
 yet she bore a striking family likeness with 
 the youth, which likeness cou'd even be 
 traced in the elder. The recollection of 
 this lovely Angel (for so he rapturously 
 called her) brought before him as in a 
 vision, her figure, her dress, her voice, 
 her gait — all was rehearsed. On that sub- 
 ject he dwelt till exhausted nature closed 
 his eye-lids late in the night; in conse- 
 quence the morning was far advanced 
 towards noon, ere he departed for the 
 glen. 
 
 Had he set out as early as he intended,
 
 134 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 he would have caught the family in the 
 bustle or act of departure ; but when he 
 reached the spot, the dwelling only re- 
 mained, carefully locked up and fastened 
 inside ; and the staple which he had forced 
 out replaced with additional securities. 
 He then repaired to the precipice down 
 which he had seen the soldier hurled. 
 Nought could he trace except the rem- 
 nants of a late fire ; the ashes were still 
 warm, and the blaze was further attested 
 by some loose straw and fragments of half 
 burnt sticks. 
 
 Thus baffled in all his attempts to come 
 at the truth of this singular transaction, 
 and perceiving no sign of habitation near, 
 he was induced to retrace his steps to 
 the farm and thence to the camp, which 
 he reached a few hours after his com-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 135 
 
 panions had forsaken it, on their return to 
 Piercefield castle, whither he followed 
 them, not a little indignant at their so soon 
 relinquishing an expedition, from which 
 such mighty results were expected.
 
 136 MAZES OF LIFE 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 A PORTRAIT. 
 
 DOMVILLE had the good sense to 
 forbear imparting to any of his present 
 companions the event recorded in the 
 last chapter ; there was too little conge- 
 niality of mind between him and such 
 mere sensualists, the love of pleasure the 
 only cement ; that being removed, the re- 
 mainder was easily severed. Indeed the 
 whole party, a few days after, dispersed 
 themselves in various directions, in quest 
 of that pleasure they easily found but
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 137 
 
 scantily enjoyed. Thus Piercefield castle 
 from a thronged mansion became again a 
 solitude. 
 
 But ere we dismiss for some time, per- 
 haps for ever, the late inhabitants of the 
 Coomb, the Reader, wejpresume, will 
 not be sorry to peruse Domville's descrip- 
 tion of the lovely stranger, recorded in a 
 letter thus indited to an intimate ac- 
 quaintance. 
 
 ■ 
 " Dear L angle y, 
 
 * After having heard my account of the 
 mysterious sight I beheld in North Wales* 
 you particularly wish for a circumstantial 
 description of la belle Fran$aise, and say 
 you will not rest till you have obtained 
 it from me. I feel no difficulty in oblig- 
 ing you. Take then, as it comes, what
 
 138 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 both my memory and my heart sug- 
 gest. 
 
 " As she approached the house., the 
 cast of her countenance struck me forci- 
 bly : the impression more owing to mind 
 than beauty. I thought her interesting, 
 but not beautiful then : the effect of her 
 charms was lessened by an ample shawl and 
 other sheltering apparel. But her features 
 seemed to express distinctively, though still 
 with the mildness of resignation/a disapproval 
 of the savage scene she had been compelled 
 (I suppose) to witness. I fancied I could 
 further discern what I have not yet met 
 with — an elevation of mind under the most 
 attractive, female, gentleness. 
 
 " But when she appeared before me not 
 four yards apart; her face as handsome as 
 we can conceive nature to form it, — when 
 with the umbrella she laid aside the cover-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 139 
 
 ing that concealed her neck and the most 
 beautiful fall of shoulders ever beheld, 
 many beauties of both, though still curtained 
 by a triple row of frill were visible, when her 
 elegant form and upright figure, with such 
 symmetry as we would ascribe to Venus, 
 were displayed before my ravished senses, 
 I felt all their loveliness — all their witch- 
 ery. — 1 owned the presence of real beauty, 
 and could have worshipped it. — Wish you 
 for a more particular account ? I will en- 
 deavour to gratify your wish. 
 
 Her age does not, I believe, exceed six- 
 teen; yet some indications would induce one 
 to think her older. — Her dress, the color of 
 which I forget or never knew, though not 
 quite fashionable, was highly becoming, 
 because it fitted her shape ; it seemed some 
 how to denote purity of mind as well as 
 cleanliness of person: — her profuse light
 
 140 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 brown hair was gracefully ttirbaned round 
 her head, the Lumber of natural ringlets 
 showing its soft suppleness : — her com- 
 plexion fair, although a faint tinge from a 
 more southern climate might be traced 
 upon it : —her forehead rather large than 
 otherwise, and exactly of that shape which 
 your cranialogists describe as indicative of 
 sense -, that and the expressive brilliancy 
 of her dark brown eyes, together with the 
 bold arch of her brows, would proclaim 
 majesty and even imperiousness, were they 
 not tempered by her sweet pretty mouth, 
 her moist coral lips, (somewhat parted)— 
 her dimpled cheeks — all denoting gentle- 
 ness, benevolence and benignity. — The 
 nose, that feature which often mars the 
 effect of an otherwise handsome counte- 
 nance, blended the two desperate charac- 
 ters of her own, and made one harmonious
 
 MAZES OP LIFE, 141 
 
 whole. From an indentation scarcely 
 perceptible it smoothly rose to a due 
 proportion, reminding' me of that of 
 Canova's Venus. The only reason that 
 prevents me from believing he took her's 
 as his model, arises from the suggestion 
 that, had he known this young lady, one 
 feature would not have satisfied him. — 
 She must have sat for the whole figure. 
 
 " There were traces of a melancholy 
 smile still on her lips and, youthful as she 
 is, it is plain that she must have known 
 misfortune, and that she has profited 
 bv it. 
 
 " I can describe her neck but by a con- 
 tradiction in terms. It was so delicately 
 well contoured, that it seemed artificially 
 made, yet perfectly natural and unaffected 
 in all its motions. I have often admired
 
 142 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Lady Olivia's, yet really — But let us pro- 
 ceed. 
 
 u Her bosom the nascent throne of 
 love, though by the modesty of dress con- 
 cealed and, though her youth forbade a 
 full development ■*- 
 
 Here the honorable writer's too warm 
 colouring requires us to omit some of that 
 part of his narrative. 
 
 " Her arms swelling and tapering to her 
 finger's ends, according to the strictest 
 rules of symmetry, bespoke the same pro- 
 portion for her other limbs, which were 
 besides made sufficiently apparent by the 
 shape of her pretty foot and ankle. On 
 reading this description, I know you will 
 exclaim with your wonted incredulity. — 
 u This paragon is then a perfect beauty." 
 
 Upon my soul I think she is.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 143 
 
 " But the more powerful charm of this 
 lovely creature, that which produced the 
 most striking effect, was the tone of her 
 voice. How its sound bespoke a soul 
 worthy to animate that lovely frame! — 
 How it harmonized with the hearer's every 
 better sensation, — how it told of a mind 
 fraught with the best attributes of her sex. 
 It was ethereal, — yet it was feminine. My 
 ear yet retains the notes, and my heart will 
 never forget them. The effect was indeed 
 irresistible. — Thus delicious, thus sanctify- 
 ing, is the influence of real heauty, when 
 it respects itself. — It purifies the very 
 desires it excites. 
 
 " Let a materialist but behold her person 
 and hear her voice, he must allow that 
 thought is not matter, recant his former 
 doctrine and become a convert to spirit- 
 ualism.
 
 144 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 " From the warmth of my expressions you 
 will doubtless conclude that lam over 
 head and ears in love and, of course, reft of 
 my right senses : and your conclusion will 
 be erroneous. Love at first sight I always 
 did deride as a false notion.— The heart 
 may be moved, nay, strongly excited, 
 during a short interview; but a further 
 intercourse with the object is indispensible 
 for the existence of real love. As well 
 assert that seed by merely touching the soil 
 will grow up a plant. Indeed I have now 
 proved to conviction, that if any mortal 
 could have performed that prodigy, it must 
 have been the lovely stranger: and, as her 
 charms have failed on a heart so suscept- 
 ible as mine of female beauty, I conclude 
 the thing impossible.-— I finally conclude, 
 remaining your's, &c. "' bn *
 
 HAZES OP LIFE. 145 
 
 This missive had been given in charge 
 to the footman ; it was however recalled 
 for the insertion of the important infor- 
 mation contained in the subjoined Post 
 Script urn. 
 
 i( I re-open this letter to say that I 
 have been endeavouring to ascertain, whe- 
 ther her face is round or oval -I am rather 
 inclined to think the latter." 
 
 vol. i U
 
 146 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 DEBITS AND CREDITS. 
 
 SORRY are we that Mr. Domville is 
 compelled to descend from such visionary 
 altitudes to particulars much more per- 
 sonal, and those of daily occurrence. It 
 behoves him to ascertain the amount of 
 his present stock of cash, whence can 
 further supplies be derived, and how in 
 other people's books (for he, good easy 
 man, kept no such register) he stands in
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 147 
 
 the double character of debtor and cre- 
 ditor. These particulars, but slightly 
 mentioned in novels, are among- the most 
 momentous transactions in real life, and 
 so will our Hero find them. In one in- 
 stance his conduct had been most uu- 
 fashionable ; he had hitherto contrived to 
 discharge his debts, therefore few were 
 the outstanding ones. As for his credits, 
 with the exception of some gambling 
 claims of a very precarious payment, he 
 could not muster up any. The money in 
 hand was not inconsiderable, but the 
 sources whence he drew his supplies threat- 
 ened suddenly to become dried up. To 
 account for this lamentable state of pecu- 
 niary affairs in the son of a wealthy 
 British nobleman, of habits not very ex- 
 pensive, is the chief purpose of the pre- 
 sent chapter, 
 
 H 2
 
 148 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 It must be recollected that his mother 
 brought no accession of wealth to the 
 family, that his father's relations entirely 
 disregarded him, and that the viscount 
 dying intestate, the whole landed pro- 
 perty devolved on his brother, with whom 
 he was now on terms of sworn foeship. 
 A dissolution of parliament was shortly to 
 take place ; for the seat he held, being his 
 brother's property, he had not any chance 
 of re-election. His friend Piercefield, it 
 is true, had promised him adequate in- 
 demnification by means of one of his 
 own boroughs; but an unfortunate cir- 
 cumstance is impending, sufficient to cool 
 the ardour of a friendship much warmer 
 than any in the power of that nobleman to 
 feel. 
 
 Some years back, Mr. Domville had for a 
 distant relation, by the mother's side, a
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 149 
 
 West Indian planter who had realized a 
 considerable property. The old gentle- 
 man's pride was so much gratified in be- 
 ing allied to one, to whose name the word 
 Honourable was prefixed ; and in the few 
 visits paid to him, so completely won by 
 the blandishments of his manners, that 
 onr Hero, oh his demise, found himself the 
 sole executor and legatee of property 
 amounting to upwards of £40,000, to the 
 utter and unjust exclusion of the planter's 
 nephew, against whom no serious charge 
 could be substantiated. It was latterly 
 with the means of this property, curtailed 
 however of two thousand pounds, which 
 sum Mr. Domville had presented to the 
 disinherited nephew, that our Hero kept 
 up the figure which gave him a passport 
 into the higher circles. But on his ar- 
 rival in town from Piercefield castle, he 
 H 3
 
 150 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 received a letter of very unpleasant con- 
 tents penned by his solicitor ; the purport 
 was, that a law-suit had been instituted 
 against him as heir of the planter, in order 
 to recover the sum of £30,000 with in- 
 terest. 
 
 About ten years back the old gentle- 
 man had consented to become sole trustee 
 to a minor, whose property was to that 
 amount. This property had been, with 
 the best intentions, placed in a concern 
 deemed perfectly secure. However, by a 
 series of misfortunes in the extensive trad- 
 ing speculations of the firm, the Gazette 
 had to record its failure. Domvilie, as 
 sole inheritor of the trustee, was called 
 upon to refund the property thus lost, or 
 abide the event of a law-suit. Any fears 
 he entertained as to the result were 
 dispelled by the assurance of his legal
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 151 
 
 counsellor, who asserted that the adverse 
 party had not a leg to stand upon. 
 
 It were to be wished in affairs of this im- 
 portance that the learned gentlemen of the 
 long robe would entirely discard metapho- 
 rical language and express themselves 
 with legal precision. It happened, how- 
 ever, that the plaintiff contrived to stand 
 firm upon both his legs, and the defendant 
 was reft of his own ; a verdict to the full 
 amount being given in favour of the 
 former. Mr. Domville became in conse- 
 quence a ruined man, as the world empha- 
 tically calls it ; and the more so, as re- 
 ly ing on the assurance of his legal ad- 
 viser, he had not provided by any re- 
 trenchment for the worst that might hap- 
 pen. 
 
 Although I have in the extent of a cou- 
 ple of pages dispatched the causes and 
 h4
 
 152 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 result of this trial, three years elapsed 
 before its final conclusion ; yet, even while 
 it was pending, the young man could not 
 but remark in his friend Piercefield, unusual 
 reserve and distance; indeed, amongst by 
 far the majority of his companions it was 
 deemed advisable to cut Mr. Domville's 
 acquaintance. He had, in his turn, de- 
 termined to forbear his visits to the fair 
 lady Olivia, most heroically bent upon 
 resigning her hand, rather than she should 
 unite her destiny with one, now in point of 
 fortune so greatly below her expectations. 
 The lady seemed to view the subject in the 
 same light, and to convince him how con-' 
 sonant their sentiments were on that 
 subject, she, after a short siege, surrendered 
 herself in matrimonial bands to a colonel of 
 of the Guards.
 
 MAZES OF LIFF. 153 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 A TRANSFER OF PROPERTY. 
 
 VV HAT will become of our Hero in his 
 present straitened circumstances? He 
 must now discard the luxuries, the plea- 
 sures, the occupations, the attendants and 
 all the trappings of fashionable life ; they 
 are deemed absolutely indispensiblc re- 
 quisites : how then can he exist without 
 them ? Yet he will soon find with what 
 ease the stern decrees of necessity renders 
 feasible the impossibilities, conjured up by 
 the prosperous for their own annoyance. 
 H 5
 
 154 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Three ways lay before him. — First, to 
 live as long as he could upon his remnant 
 of credit ; self expatriation or a prison 
 the closing" scene. — Secondly, to throw 
 himself upon the commiseration of friends 
 and relatives, and thus live in idleness 
 upon the cold pittance of charity ; — or, 
 lastly, to provide for his maintenance by 
 his own efforts, securing thereby the salu- 
 brious independance both of body and 
 and mind. Had he made any other selec- 
 tion than the latter, his present historian 
 would have chosen a worthier subject for 
 his pen. 
 
 But indecision and dilatoriness, backed 
 by a consciousness of present cash, kept 
 him long inert, idiy expecting that chance 
 would throw in his way tho.se means, almost 
 ever more solidly procured by individual 
 exertions. True it is, that many offers
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 155 
 
 of friendship were at first tendered, and 
 some actually performed, yet the contents 
 of his purse became more and more re- 
 duced ; and, though he had gradually 
 weaned himself from his expensive habits, 
 some time must elapse before true eco- 
 nomy can be well practised. Yet how 
 shall I relate his gradual descent from 
 luxury to penury ! bis places of resort de- 
 clining from mansions to hotels — to taverns 
 —thence to coffee-houses ; at length, Lord 
 help us! to a chop-house -and lower still, 
 perhaps, down into a cellar ! 
 
 It was high time that something should 
 be done. 
 
 " Poh," said he to himself, one morn- 
 ing, in a tone of bravado, " nothing easier. 
 I am well known to possess some literary 
 talent; surely my poetical genius has not 
 departed with my equipage. At all events
 
 156 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 I have already by me an abundance of 
 small pieces; a selection will be soon 
 made; any publisher will give me a round 
 sum for the copy-right, — I'll set about it 
 directly." 
 
 So saying, he bestirred himself, collected 
 together as much as with the modern art 
 of expanding a little over a wide com- 
 pass, would make up a neat volume duo- 
 decimo, sent the manuscript to a dashing 
 publisher and, with his compliments, ap- 
 prising him that he would call to-morrow 
 for his opinion of the work. 
 
 On his waiting on this Accoucheur des 
 Muses, he was received in the most 
 respectful, obsequious, manner. The man 
 was in raptures at the beauties, the many 
 striking beauties of the performance. 
 
 " It will be sure to sell ; it will go off
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 15/ 
 
 rapidly. — It cannot fail of running through 
 several editions.** 
 
 The pleasure our Poet felt at these 
 praises so liberally bestowed was con- 
 siderably damped, when by entering into 
 details, it appeared evident that the en- 
 comiast had not even perused the manu- 
 script* In other respects his conduct as a 
 dealer and chapman was very singular. — 
 To expose faults and conceal beauties be- 
 ing, it is well known, the general practice 
 of purchasers. 
 
 " Well, Mr. Margin, as I gave yon the 
 first offer in the disposal of these pieces, 
 what is the sum you can afford for them ?*' 
 
 This home-put question somewhat stag- 
 gered the bookseller, he stammeringly re- 
 plied : 
 
 " Why, as to that, Sir — to be sure, Sir, 
 some price must be set on the poems —
 
 158 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 but then it would be found, I fear, inade- 
 quate to their value I thought, Sir, — 
 I thought — But I suppose it was a mis- 
 take of mine." 
 
 " What do you mean r ' 
 
 " I thought, Sir, you wished an ex- 
 pensive edition made at your own cost, 
 for the gratification of your many noble 
 friends ; in that case I should be happy in 
 the honour — M 
 
 " By no means, nothing further from 
 my thoughts, I assure you. My noble 
 friends, as you call them, must purchase 
 copies if they wish any." 
 
 " True, Sir, true; it is very fitting they 
 should. Well then, Sir, suppose, Sir, 
 suppose we contrive it differently. — Hem — 
 What say you to my undertaking the 
 printing, publishing, advertising of the 
 same, and after those charges are reim-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 159 
 
 bursed from the sale, suppose we equally 
 divide the profits." 
 
 " That may be fair enough for aught 
 I know to the contrary ; but the misfor- 
 tune is that I am in want of an imme- 
 diate supply of cash. What sum can you 
 afford to pay down ?" 
 
 " Why, Sir," pursing up his mouth 
 and looking* very grave, u money is rather 
 a scarce article at the present time, and 
 trade is dull." 
 
 " If so," said Domville, hastily taking 
 up the manuscript, I see we cannot agree. 
 I wish you a good morning, Sir." 
 
 Though practice had not made him ex- 
 pert in striking bargains, this straight for- 
 ward way of dealing was well calculated 
 to elicit the highest offer from the intended 
 purchaser. 
 
 " Stay, Sir, I beseech you — Since you
 
 160 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 set your face against any other way, I 
 must submit. Well then, Sir, if so, Sir, 
 suppose I venture to offer you the sum of 
 twenty pounds for these few poems." 
 
 " Twenty pounds/' cried the seller in- 
 dignantly, u they are surely worth much 
 more than double that paltry sum." 
 
 " indeed, Sir, I cannot afford you 
 more." 
 
 (e Then there is an end to all further 
 discussion, I know those that will/ 
 
 " I am sorry, Sir, that the price should 
 part us. Will twenty-five pounds do?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 " How much, Sir, do you then ex- 
 pect?'* 
 
 " I will not take less than fifty." 
 
 " Then, Sir, we cannot agree. Yet I 
 am willing to bid as high as thirty." 
 
 " No, Sir, thirty j pounds and fifteen
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 161 
 
 more to boot will not purchase them. 
 Adieu, Sir." 
 
 The bookseller ceremoniously con- 
 ducted the book writer to the outer door, 
 but, as he forbore offering a higher price, 
 the other departed with wide hasty strides, 
 and a certain bustling manner, denoting 
 discontent and wounded pride. Many 
 more and deeper wounds were to be in- 
 flicted on that pride of his ere the day 
 closed. Most publishers, to whom our 
 author was a stranger, declined the pur- 
 chase at any price. The highest sum 
 offered amounted to only five pounds; 
 even then, fears were expressed of its turn- 
 ing out a losing concern. 
 
 Strange, thought he, in the midst of 
 his vexation, strange that the first ap- 
 plied to^ and he a close griping rascal, is
 
 162 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 beyond all proportion the most liberal in 
 his offers. 
 
 The second interview he had with this 
 man accounted upon rational grounds for 
 the yet unaccountable generosity of his 
 conduct. Domville slowly retraced his 
 steps to the shop, crest fallen, and not 
 without some apprehension of a lower 
 price being now tendered : his fears were 
 well grounded. He had, he said, just con- 
 cluded a bargain with an eminent writer 
 to a considerable amount, and repeating 
 his usual cant about money being scarce, 
 trade slack, and so forth, he could not, 
 so circumstanced, afford so much as thirty 
 pounds, but twenty were at his service, if 
 that would suit. 
 
 "Well, Sir, I dislike higgling; let me 
 have that sum, and the papers are yonrs. ,, 
 
 " Oh, yes, Sir, certainly, this minute.—
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 163 
 
 But before we finally conclude, we'll 
 agree, if you please, on the title-page." 
 
 " The title-page is already made 
 out. —Look here — THE POETICAL 
 WREATH, being Selections from the 
 Port-Folio of— Four * * * *. — You will 
 not wish to alter that, surely." 
 
 " With your permission, I conceive a 
 material improvement could be made." 
 
 « As how?" 
 
 " Instead of the four stars you must 
 permit me to insert your name and title at 
 full length." 
 
 " As to that, Sir, I will by no means 
 agree. My wish for the present is not to 
 be known as the author." 
 
 " Then, Sir, you must excuse me. If 
 you are positive on that head; I am com- 
 pelled to decline the purchase." 
 
 " Suppose you insert my initials, CD,
 
 164 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 or even H. C. N. D. will not that answer 
 your purpose ?" 
 
 " Oh, Sir, that device will be deemed 
 a mere trick, long exploded. I consider 
 your name distinctly mentioned, as indis- 
 pensible for the sale of the work." 
 
 " Why, the intrinsic merit of the per- 
 formance, I should think, would prove the 
 best recommendation. " 
 
 "Oh, by no means; the name is every 
 thing in these matters." 
 
 " Well, then, be it so. — Now for the 
 cash, if you please." 
 
 " We will also add Son to the late Vis- 
 count of that name" 
 
 " Why, in the name of justice, should the 
 ashes of my father, who, God knows, never 
 wrote a line in his life, be made answer- 
 able for the poetical sins of his descendant."
 
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 165 
 
 Still, sir, you must allow me in these 
 matters of trade to be the best judge." 
 " Well, then, I see I must comply. — 
 
 Now nothing remains but 
 
 " We will also add, with your leave — 
 
 and Brother to tlie present Earl. " 
 
 "No, by heaven ! — Never will I submit, 
 on any account, to such a degradation. — It 
 will look as if I thought the sanction of his 
 name a needful passport to the public favor. 
 No, not one word more on the subject, or 
 we part for ever." 
 
 Here our Poet, whose acute feelings 
 had been much irritated bv many a rough 
 tongue in the course of his search, deeming 
 this a proper vent for their utterance, 
 pranced, stamped, stormed and raged about 
 the room, as if he felt a score of needles 
 piercing his skin. The publisher, however, 
 contrived to pacify him, by agreeing to 

 
 166 MAZES Of life. 
 
 wave the insertion of the offensive clause, 
 and by paying down the twenty pounds. 
 The transfer being made in due form, 
 Domville returned home, still evincing his 
 discontent in muttering fits: yet, after all, 
 not a little pleased with having, by means 
 of the purchase money, so materially re- 
 cruited his finances.
 
 MAZES OF :life. 167 
 
 CHAPTER XIL 
 
 A REMITTANCE. 
 
 O^ the appearance of this elegant trifle, 
 elegant as paper, type, hotpress and 
 vignettes could make it, it soon became 
 manifest that the publisher was right in 
 his prognostics. It really had a rapid sale; 
 three editions having gone off in less than 
 three months. The chief, and perhaps 
 only cause, may fairly be attributable to Mr. 
 Margin's amendment in the title page. 
 Even the censuring strictures of the 
 Reviews, however judicious, by diffusing 
 its fame, gave their helps to the product.
 
 168 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Although the author's profit remained at 
 twenty pounds, the next supply of verses he 
 brought to market reaped the benefit due to 
 their elders : the bookseller, conceiving 
 himself fully warranted by prudence to 
 advance a no less sum than one hundred 
 pounds for the copy-right. The tables 
 were now turned in favour of our Poet : in 
 as much as many of those, who with a super- 
 cilious air averted their faces from the 
 tendered copy of his first production, now 
 courted the honour, as they termed it, of 
 becoming his publishers ; but Domville 
 remained steady to his old friend. It were 
 also to be wished that he had remained 
 steady to his much better friend, namely, 
 the practice of ceconomy he had so wisely 
 adopted in his more penurious state. But 
 misfortune had not dwelt with him long 
 enough, completely to chasten and establish
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 169 
 
 his principles. The public applause and 
 the profit it produced him were gleams of 
 sun-shine, that had only the effect of relax- 
 ing his stoicism and expanding his heart 
 for the indulgence of expensive amuse- 
 ments : the natural result was that he 
 devoted less time to his studies. First he 
 slackened, then entirely remitted the 
 exertions, necessary for the production of 
 other and better works. So that, when the 
 scantiness of his finances compelled him 
 again to make some fresh attempt, he was at 
 a stand — found himself out of tune, — was 
 not in the humour, — could not, for the soul 
 of him, proceed — and, satisfying himself 
 that inspiration is at no man's call, left his 
 study in the pursuit of some undetermined 
 object. 
 
 Luckily for his precarious situation, a 
 supply arrived from a certain quarter he 
 
 VOL. I. I
 
 170 MAZES OF !LIFE. 
 
 certainly did expect to hear from; but the 
 amount remitted was considerably less than 
 the sum he expected to receive. — To tell 
 the truth, this expectation was probably the 
 principal cause, perhaps unknown to him- 
 self, of his present supineness. 
 
 We'll first see how this turns out, ere 
 we submit ourselves to the drudgery of 
 application, is the mode of proceeding 
 adopted by the greater number of ex- 
 pectants. 
 
 In relating the opulent period of Mr. 
 Domville's life, we slightly mentioned a 
 generous act of his, which really deserved 
 the approbation of the humane and con- 
 siderate. We allude to the two thousand 
 pounds he presented to the nephew of the 
 testator, as some indemnification for the 
 disposal to his detriment of a property, 
 the greater part of which, as heir at law,
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. J71 
 
 he naturally considered himself entitled to. 
 This man had a large family and was then 
 in no very prosperous circumstances. 
 The sum remitted proved so powerful an 
 assistant that, by judiciously laying it out, 
 he was rapidly becoming a wealthy mer- 
 chant. 
 
 Our Hero one morning, among other 
 projects that passed through his mind, 
 determined on applying to him for a re- 
 turn of at least part of his liberal remit- 
 tance, alledging with equal truth and 
 justice that, as the law's decision had com- 
 pelled him to refund every shilling of (he 
 bequeathed property, the two thousand 
 pounds received from him were out of hw 
 own separate purse; he therefore fully 
 relied that now, when their circumstances 
 were reversed, he should meet from Mr. 
 12
 
 172 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Sandhurst with the same liberality Mr. 
 Sandhurst had experienced from him. 
 
 In a double letter, post paid, the answer 
 ran thus : 
 
 " Honoured SIR, 
 " Duly received yours of the 20th ult. Cannot say 
 as to the matter contained therein, — Enclose a fifty 
 pound Bank of England Note. — Hope it will prove ser- 
 viceable. — Wish to hear it came safe to hand. 
 " Remain, honoured Sir, 
 " Yours, &c 
 " PETER SANDHURST." 
 
 So nearly destitute was Domville of cash 
 that, had he been called upon at that time 
 for the payment of some trifling debts, 
 he would have remained quite pennyless; 
 yet so high did he suffer his expectations to 
 soar, that he had made sure the letter 
 contained an order for the payment of 
 £500 at least. No wonder then that he
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 173 
 
 stared with a contemptuous astonishment 
 threatening rejectionat, a paper, represent- 
 ing* a sum of ten times less value. 
 
 In his first paroxism of indignation, 
 down into the fire he filing both letter 
 and its contents: luckily, although a chilly 
 morning, no fire glowed within ; his 
 knowledge of that circumstance was per- 
 haps the cause of their being consigned 
 to that quarter. The delusion we prac- 
 tise on others we often extend to ourselves. 
 He then threw himself on a seat oppo- 
 site, both his feet stuck on the bars, his 
 elbows resting upon his thighs, his open 
 palms supporting his head, and with a 
 vacant stare kept his eye fixed on the 
 objects of his wrath : when, struck with 
 a sudden thought, he arose, snatched up the 
 papers, and pacing the room with rapid 
 I 3
 
 174 MAZES OF LIE. 
 
 strides, cried out with rageful exulta- 
 tion :— 
 
 " Yes, I will make the rascal feel for bis 
 niggardly ingratitude. I will straight re- 
 turn his shabby fifty pounds ; it shall be done 
 in a blank sheet too. It were a dishonour 
 for me to hold henceforth the slightest 
 communion with so despicable a wretch. ,, 
 
 And, chuckling at his own silly con- 
 ceit, he selected a folio sheet of the am- 
 plest dimensions, carefully depositing with- 
 in its folds both the offensive note and 
 letter ; and on the cover, affixed the im- 
 pression of a large seal in three thick 
 layers of molten wax. 
 
 The direction being written out, he rung 
 the bell for the errand-boy to deposit the 
 packet in the post-office. Fortunately 
 the lad not being then within call, our 
 fiery gentleman had time to cool. The
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 175 
 
 tamer, Poverty, soon brought him down 
 from his lofty flight, he was easily per- 
 suaded to concede that a recovery of part 
 of his property was better than none, and 
 that a receipt of fifty pounds by a person 
 in his pennyless state, was a windfall of 
 no daily occurence. The consequence is 
 easily guessed. The seals were broken 
 open before they were quite cold — the 
 wrapper unfolded — the bank note care- 
 fully taken thereout — and the affront quietly 
 pocketed. 
 
 14
 
 170 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 FEMALE FRIENDSHIP. 
 
 .F RESH tenders of service and those 
 upon a much more liberal scale are now 
 made. — A lady appears foremost in the 
 list of our Poet's friends. 
 
 Lady Eizabeth Wells was not yet, 
 strictly speaking", a demirep, but the re- 
 petition of the same acts, a little more 
 glaring", would not fail to earn for her 
 that honourable appellation. Domville 
 had known her in the purer period of her
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 1*77 
 
 repute : she even then hinted to him her 
 no very great dislike to a matrimonial 
 connexion in terms as plain as decency, 
 in its laxest mood, would allow ; yet he 
 had been some how dull of comprehen- 
 sion. The fair one since thought it was 
 high time her fame should acquire the 
 protection of a creditable husband against 
 the daily inroads of the malignant, and 
 she naturally concluded that, though she 
 was sunk lower in the public estimation, 
 her former favourite had sunk still lower 
 in pecuniary qualifications; so that the 
 chances of matrimony were more than 
 ever in her favour. Her former ardour 
 rekindled at the blaze of his fame ; his 
 address she contrived to learn by an in- 
 quiry at his Publisher's. An invitation to 
 dinner on Tuesday next, at half past five, 
 I 5
 
 178 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 was the consequence of the information 
 gained. 
 
 In gallant terms and not without a 
 shrewd guess at her motive, he accepted 
 the invitation, and was punctual to a mi- 
 nute : she no less punctual in receiving 
 him, dressed out in ail the charms raan- 
 tua-makers, milliners, jewellers, her maid's 
 and her own well practised skill, could 
 bestow on her person. The interview 
 passed away to the tolerable gratification 
 of both ; something was done and no- 
 thing concluded : more interviews suc- 
 ceeded. The gentleman was profuse in 
 gallant flowery speeches ; the lady w 7 ou!d 
 have preferred something more substantial. 
 In proportion as his shyness made him 
 recede for fear of committing himself too 
 far, the bolder her advances to bring the 
 negociation to a conclusion, fully convinced
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 179 
 
 that, if a wedding was to take place, to 
 the altar she must lead instead of being 
 led. 
 
 To bring about the desired event, her 
 matchless female art did not desert her. 
 The violation of the strict rules of pro- 
 priety was ascribed to her excessive fond- 
 ness of him, to a wish nearest her heart 
 of seeing the object of her affections happy 
 and in affluent circumstances. She loved 
 him for his own sake ; and— and— and. — 
 In short, she carried the romantic warmth 
 of her expressions to such an extreme, as 
 if she had been conning over for the oc- 
 casion " La Carte du Tendre" 
 
 The gentleman was certainly not taken 
 by surprise; yet, although prepared for 
 the attack, we can not say that his 
 defence was conducted with much skilful
 
 180 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 effrontery. Instead of carrying 1 it on and 
 himself off with evasive, rapturous speeches, 
 he hemmed and stammered, and knew not 
 what to say — looked very foolish, rallied a 
 little, then slackened again, returned cold 
 thanks, requested time to consider, promised 
 an answer tomorrow — and arose to depart. 
 
 The lady, with her face dressed in 
 smiles of ineffable tenderness, felt the cho- 
 ler rising" in her throat. — " Well, till then, 
 my love,'' she said in sweetest tones of en- 
 dearment. " Adieu, Madam,' at first re- 
 plied the solemn blunderer ; but correcting 
 himself, cried out in a gayer tone, " Fare- 
 well, my dear, dear lady Elizabeth," — 
 and smiling waving his hand, departed. 
 
 The next morning, ere he began dress- 
 ing himself, he had determined upon break- 
 ing up the intimacy, lest it should at 
 length lead to the conclusion desired by
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 181 
 
 the lady and dreaded by the gentleman. 
 He considered that his youth, his talents, 
 his connexions, afforded him many chances 
 of bettering his fortune ; besides his affec- 
 tions were but very slightly involved in 
 the intercourse and his principles fully 
 against it; and when the figure of his 
 adorable Julie 9 as he fondly called the fair 
 stranger of the Glen, recurred to his mind, 
 her ladyship appeared so completely des- 
 titute of every female attraction, that he 
 felt no difficulty in penning the following 
 letter; yet he with-held it in hopes that his 
 silence would sufficiently intimate his in- 
 tention, but the lady's repeated messages 
 leaving him no option, it was at length 
 sent. 
 
 i{ I indulge a hope, my Lady, that you 
 will consider an honest declaration of my 
 sentiments the most proper return for the
 
 182 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 honour you intend me. My heart is not 
 at my disposal. — The tender of my hand 
 alone were an offer unworthy your accept- 
 ance. 
 
 " I have the honour to remain, &c." 
 
 This laconic epistle brought down upon 
 him her maid of honour. She hurried 
 in, woe and consternation in her face, and 
 the usual exclamations on such occasions 
 burst forth. 
 
 " Good God, Sir ! what have you done ? 
 Sir, you have killed my lady. She has 
 been in fits and swoonings ever since. — 
 She knows not of my coming here. In- 
 deed, poor thing, she is gone past her 
 senses. I beseech you, Sir, return 
 with me — The doctor is now with her: 
 but you alone can restore her." 
 
 Domville was not such a coxcomb as 
 to believe that any woman, still less lady
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 183 
 
 Elizabeth, would die of love for him, yet 
 he was persuaded to accede to the request, 
 deeming* probably that, as the story re- 
 quired confirmation, it was most fitting 
 he of all others should ascertain the fact. 
 On their wa} r , he now and then cross-exa- 
 mined the damsel 3 in this however he so 
 far failed, as his suspicions were neither 
 confirmed nor dispelled. To prevent how- 
 ever the chance of further collusion, he 
 dispatched the maid after some other 
 doctor, on pretence that a consultation 
 might be deemed advisable, reached the 
 house alone — gave a gentle rap — was ad- 
 mitted and suffered to proceed ; softly step- 
 ped up stairs towards the sitting room- 
 was on the landing place — took breath and 
 listened — was proceeding — saw the door 
 opened a little— stood still — heard a well
 
 184 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 known, female, voice in the most im passion- 
 ate tone — 
 
 " And will you leave me so soon. Then 
 once more, my Love, ere we part — once 
 more" 
 
 A smacking buss was now given, fervent 
 as that which St. Francis beheld bestowed 
 and returned in some recess, when the 
 good Saint, in the innocence of his heart, 
 lifted up his hands to heaven, thanking 
 God that so much Christian charity was 
 still left in the world. 
 
 A gentleman now came out, the door 
 closed again ; and they stood before each 
 other face to face. 
 
 11 Well, Doctor," cried the one sneeringly, 
 " how fares the lady." 
 
 " The lady, Sir, is well enough, that I 
 can tell you, although no doctor." 
 
 The sound of the voice helped Domville
 
 MAZES OF LrFE. 185 
 
 to a recognition of the features which his 
 sight failed to trace, as the thick crimson 
 curtains darkened the light from the 
 window. —Here exclamations like those in 
 the skreen scene in the School for Scandal 
 burst forth. 
 
 " Sir Henry Offham, by all that is 
 wonderful!" 
 
 •< Charles Nay land Domville, by all that 
 is welcome!" 
 
 "Hush, Offham, Hush, you speak too 
 loud, recollect that lady Elizabeth is 
 dangerously ill — is dying." 
 
 " Who told you such a story ? She was 
 never better in her life; that I can tell yon ; 
 and will undertake to prove immediately. " 
 
 And with the air of a master he tried to 
 re-open the door, but it was made secure ; — 
 he then rapped gently at first, but after- 
 wards louder and louder, crving out: —
 
 18© MAZES OF LIFT!;. 
 
 " Let ns in, my dear lady Wells : — it is 
 only Mr. Domville, a particular old friend 
 of mine." 
 
 But aware of the explanation that must 
 ensue, her ladyship very wisely, having 
 made sure her outer bulwark, retired, 
 cursing her unlucky stars, into her boudoir, 
 which we may well term a lady's citadel. 
 
 The noisy baronet fancying himself 
 slighted, would have created a further 
 disturbance, but Domville besought his 
 attention and related the occasion of his 
 visit ; the other in return was to the full 
 as communicative, when after all, it only 
 appeared that the lady wanted two strings 
 to her bow. Sir Harry who had the 
 happy disposition of viewing every thing 
 on the laughable side, unheeding his share 
 in the transaction, gave way to loud 
 bursts of merriment.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 187 
 
 In the midst of his glee, a servant stepped 
 up, announcing' the doctor's arrival. 
 
 " Bid him come up, said the baronet, we 
 shall have some more sport." 
 
 Here a pause of expectation ensued, 
 whilst the limb of the faculty, with be- 
 coming gravity, ascended towards them, 
 step by step, in measured succession. He 
 was received most ceremoniously on the 
 landing place, and was equally ceremoni- 
 ous in his greetings. 
 
 " Ah Doctor, said the baronet, length- 
 ening out his face to the utmost stretch of 
 a woeful aspect, — the lady, — she is, — it 
 shocks me to mention it, — but she is at 
 death's door." 
 
 " At death's door ! — Good God, sir, 
 (pushing onwards) not a moment should be 
 lost. ■!
 
 188 MAZES OF LIFE, 
 
 But his progress was arrested by the bolt 
 within. 
 
 t( My good sir, we cannot enter : — she 
 is not yet in a state to receive company. 
 It is a most lamentable case, but in the 
 mean time I'll submit to your considera- 
 tion every symptom of her disorder." 
 
 Although this exordium was not exactly 
 consonant with medical phraseology, the 
 doctor assumed his usual attitude of intense 
 listening, pursed up his mouth, contracted 
 his eyebrows, leaned his head on one side, 
 whilst the knob of his cane pressed hard 
 upon his right cheek. Sir Harry cleared 
 his throat, made the usual preparations for 
 a learned delivery ; but as grimaces, not 
 words were the baronet's forte, he could 
 proceed but a little way before his 
 ignorance of the subject betrayed him 
 into such glaring incongruities, that
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 1 89 
 
 the doctor's cheek was released from the 
 knob and facing the narrator, broke 
 through the latter'.? assurance by the 
 solemn gravity of his staring. Sir Harry 
 rallied his impudence under the shelter of 
 boisterous merriment, which was evinced 
 by long and repeated peals of laughter : 
 these and the doctor's wrathful seriousness 
 also excited Mr. Domville's risible 
 faculties; whilst the medical gentleman, 
 with increased astonishment, stared at one 
 and then at the other in vain for an ex 
 planation. 
 
 " Strange, — very strange,— a person of 
 my professional consequence to be thus 
 treated, It shall not rest here, I promise 
 you." 
 
 Our hero now thought proper to check 
 his mirth, and partly pacified him by the 
 assurance that no disrespect had been in-
 
 190 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 tended; it was all owing* to a mistake, 
 but, since he was called in, he begged 
 leave to tender him his fee : In that view 
 was proceeding to open his pocket-book, 
 but the merciless baronet interfered, and 
 with violent gesticulations and loud pro- 
 fessions of liberality, insisted upon his 
 having that pleasure himself. Domville 
 caught the wink the other gave and had 
 the malice to act upon it: for, no soonerwas 
 the baronet ready with his tender, than he 
 threw himself between the parties, pro* 
 tested that on him alone that honour 
 devolved, which honor he would not concede 
 to any prince on earth. We need not add 
 that similar protestations were vociferated 
 by sir Henry, when it became his turn to 
 advance to the charge. 
 
 This ridiculous debate lasted long
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 191 
 
 enough to convince the doctor they were 
 bantering* him, he broke loose from them 
 in such a passion, that when they overtook 
 him at the street door and offered to pay 
 him in good earnest, he ascribed their offers 
 to a continuation of the same sport and 
 departed indignant, rageful, threatening 
 and unfee'd. 
 
 Lady Elizabeth, who had been an ear 
 witness to the greater part of this noisy 
 altercation, had now the good sense to con- 
 sider her case hopeless with either of her 
 former admirers, she in consequence made 
 to herself| what amends she could, by 
 bestowing on some [needy adventurer her 
 hand and fortune. 
 
 Giving my hero full credit for the 
 delicacy of his sentiments, I have my doubts 
 whether he would have extricated himself
 
 102 MAES OF LIFE. 
 
 with so much promptitude of decision from 
 that dangerous pass, had he not felt his 
 resolution, backed as it were, by Mr. Sand- 
 hurst's fifty pounds bank note. 
 
 The moral I would deduce from this 
 latter observation is, that a good action is 
 often beneficial to the Doer, not only in its 
 immediate, but in its remote consequences 
 also. 
 
 The process of my narrative suggests 
 another ethical apophthegm : namely — 
 as from one vice others spring up, so one 
 act of duty is the parent of more. The 
 remark is thus illustrated : — 
 
 Domville thought it now incumbent on 
 him to supply, without loss of time, by his 
 own industry the lack of those pecuniary 
 helps he could have derived from so impure a 
 source. Aware that he had nothing more
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 193 
 
 to expect from Mr. Sandhurst, and that on 
 his pen alone he must henceforth rely for 
 food, shelter and raiment, he set about 
 another literary production in good earnest, 
 and became once more equally economical 
 of his time and money. 
 
 VOL. Ii K
 
 194 MAZES OF LIFE 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 AN ANNUITY. 
 
 JjUT the Tempter, who is indefatigable 
 for the increase of his proselytes, laid 
 another trap for our incautious hero. 
 
 Three month's steady application had 
 brought him pretty forward in his literary 
 labours, and regular habits were in some 
 degree contracted ; when compliments 
 were presented to him in a note from 
 counsellor Cranbourne, requesting at one 
 o'clock, next day, the favor of some con- 
 versation with him in his chambers.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 195 
 
 Thither the young man went at the 
 appointed time, wondering" what could be 
 the motive for this singular summons. 
 
 He was shewn into the counsellor's study 
 who, after a sort of a circuitous, parading, 
 preface, agreeably surprised him with the 
 information that he (the counsellor) had it 
 in commission from a very highly respect- 
 able quarter — (here the learned gentleman 
 so reverently bowed his head, that the row 
 of curls on the back of his well-powdered 
 perriwig could be plainly seen Iri front) 
 that he had it in commission, from a very 
 highly respectable quarter to pay Mr. 
 Domville, for an indefinite space of 
 tiina, in quarterly payments, the first 
 quarter to be paid in advance, which would 
 be now disbursed, the sum of — four hun- 
 dred pounds sterling per annum. 
 
 The counsellor was as good as his word : 
 
 K 2
 
 196 MAZES OF LIFE, 
 
 Amongst law books, law cases and loose 
 papers, one hundred pounds worth of bank 
 notes were spread upon the table for Ins 
 acceptance. Our Hero's fingers titilated 
 with impatience to secure the needful, re- 
 collecting, we suppose, the old proverb, 
 " between the cup and the lip, &c." — 
 Yet he checked any outward symptom 
 and with apparent self command, assum- 
 ing an air of proud reserve, inquired, be- 
 fore he ventured to accept that sum, to 
 whom he was indebted for so liberal a 
 favour, and what was in consequence re- 
 quired of him. 
 
 Counsellor Cranbourne assured him that 
 the only act required was his acceptance 
 of the annuity ; but as to his Principal in 
 the transaction (here he assumed an air 
 of state mystery) he begged not to be
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. J97 
 
 further pressed on that head, as he was 
 bound in honour to secrecy. 
 
 No sacrifice of principle or of honour 
 being demanded, Domville felt little re- 
 luctance in accepting- the obligation ; he 
 without further delay took up the notes, 
 deposited them in their intended receptacle, 
 and making a bow of acknowledgement 
 was for taking his leave, without even 
 thinking of giving a receipt for the same. 
 My learned friend, however, with a smile 
 besought a longer stay for that purpose. 
 In his hand he put a pen, and placed be- 
 fore him a ready drawn up receipt, his 
 signature only lacking ; it was thus worded. 
 
 Received of Counsellor Nathaniel Cranbourne the 
 sum of one hundred pounds, being the first instalment 
 out of four hundred pounds, which latter sum the coun 
 sellor engages to disburse yearly in equal quarterly 
 payments, to the Honourable Charles Nayland Domville 
 ©r his order. 
 
 K 3
 
 198 MAZES OF JilFE. 
 
 The gentleman was now suffered to de- 
 part. With nimble steps and a joyful 
 heart he hied him home — to resume his 
 lucubrations, it may be supposed. — Oh no, 
 his nerves were too much hurried for that 
 purpose — but to count his treasure over 
 and over again, secure the major part, 
 with the remainder of Mr. Sandhurst's 
 fifty, and then to dress, to dinner, to wine, 
 to the opera, and what not. During the 
 pauses of these enjoyments he tried, and 
 with success, to trace up the gift to the 
 real giver. His first and last conjecture 
 rested on his brother. 
 
 Here we will endeavour to account 
 rationally, that is to say politically, for 
 the noble Earl shewing thus suddenly 
 proofs of kindness, after years of total 
 neglect, if not of active hostility. 
 
 Our author's poetical productions brought
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 199 
 
 hiin once more to the notice of the higher 
 classes. His proud aHd well kept determi- 
 nation of concealing from the public his 
 private wrongs, now that he had obtained 
 celebrity in another way, was deemed noble 
 and praiseworthy, even by those who du- 
 ring his obscuration had not even deigned 
 to inquire after him. It was besides hardly 
 possible for the most indifferent not to cry 
 shame on a nobleman of such powerful and 
 extensive influence, for suffering his own 
 brother to sink into a mere pamphlet wri- 
 ter, to become a bookseller's hack, as the 
 phrase is, in order to gain a scanty and 
 precarious livelihood, whilst he wallowed 
 in riches ; and this unnatural desertion ow- 
 ing probably to some trifling offence, hardly 
 Worth remembering after the hourithad been 
 committed. The noble Earl had of course 
 many enemies, whose malignity well knew 
 K 4
 
 200 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 how to place his unbrotherly conduct in 
 the most aggravated point of view; but 
 he, in return, was well skilled in the art of 
 counteracting the intended effect. Coun- 
 sellor Cranbourne had orders to exhibit in 
 confidence the receipt obtained in proof of 
 his lordship's bounty; the newspapers in 
 his lordship's interest were instructed to 
 refute their adversary's assertions, which 
 they did, introducing the subject in their 
 usual, hacknied, manner. — they being cre- 
 dibly informed — having it in their power 
 to state — being enabled to vouch from au- 
 thority : and so forth, intimating also, but 
 in guarded expressions, that they were 
 happy ^to inform the public of a reconci- 
 liation being in contemplation from a cer- 
 tain highly respectable quarter, and that it 
 was not improbable but that the Senate would 
 have once more the benefit of the honorable
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 20i 
 
 Mr. D— 's talents and eloquence. At 
 
 all events, in some way or another, his 
 Majesty's Government will be strengthened 
 by his re-accession to their cause. 
 
 These insinuations had the effect of 
 sinking" the young* man in the public esti- 
 mation. Some deemed it a meanness to 
 accept any pecuniary favor after such stu- 
 died insults and neglect : they, forsooth, 
 would rather starve a thousand times over 
 than submit themselves to such a desrada- 
 tion. Others judging (we suppose from 
 themselves) that the acceptance would 
 close follow the offer, accused him rather 
 too hastily of political apostacy ; whilst the 
 majority seeing their client provided for 
 in some sort, and not stopping to enquire 
 further, held their peace and were satisfied. 
 
 In order to silence such inuendoes, Mr. 
 Domviile transmitted the following letter
 
 202 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 to the Editor of the Morning Chronicle for 
 insertion. 
 
 Sir, 
 " I have a right to complain of the injustice many 
 persons have done and are doing me, by their ready 
 credulity in adopting, without inquiry, the unfounded 
 aspersions of my enemies. To all such I beg leave to 
 say that, they are mistaken who think me capable of 
 political apostacy. lam one of those who will not ac- 
 cept of any situation, however advantageous, that 
 would be the means of checking the freedom of thought 
 and action. This averment I make public as the test 
 of my political creed. Let my past, and henceforth, let 
 my future conduct be tried by that rule. " 
 
 Surely, the honorable writer of this letter 
 must have forgotten upon what slight cause 
 he forsook his former political friends and 
 sided with their opponents. After all it 
 was hardly worth while to notice such an 
 every day's occurrence. The slight buzz 
 this affair created was soon silenced, it
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 203 
 
 shared the fate of many more of equal im- 
 portance that daily rise and sink, pro- 
 duced by the numerous clashing interests 
 of this busy, feverish, race.
 
 204 MAZES OF LIFE, 
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 A JOURNEY. 
 
 ABOUT this time, his friend and former 
 correspondent, Mr. Langley, surprised him 
 with an agreeable and unexpected visit. 
 This gentleman had been for some time 
 absent, as envoy to one of the German 
 courts. During their conversation, he 
 invited our hero to accompany him to 
 Florence, whi her he was about to be dis- 
 patched in a diplomatic capacity. The 
 ofler would have been accepted, had he
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 205 
 
 not had at that time much at heart a travel- 
 ling project, which he soon after put in ex- 
 ecution. He, therefore, could only thank 
 his friend for his kind offer, promising, 
 however, to accept it, should another op- 
 portunity occur. 
 
 Domville thought, and in our opinion 
 very justly, that before we venture abroad 
 to view foreign countries, a personal sur- 
 vey of our own should be first undertaken. 
 With that intent he took a seat in a stage- 
 coach travelling to the North. A motive 
 dear to a sentimental tourist induced him 
 to prefer that direction. He wished after 
 the lapse of so many years to revisit the 
 place, not exactly of his birth, but where 
 he had been nursed and breeched into boy- 
 hood. He still retained some very endear- 
 ing recollections of his mother, and of the 
 friendly woman who had nursed him in
 
 206 MAZES OF UFE. 
 
 sickness and cheered him in health. 
 There was besides in his heart an attachment 
 to the particular scenes of bis youthful 
 sports, and to well remembered objects, 
 in the proximity of which, the dawn of 
 reason, by some more lucid conception, 
 had given him the first intimation of his 
 being a rational creature. 
 
 This place, the original seat of the 
 family, contained its burial vault. Thither 
 the day after his arrival he repaired — ap- 
 proached with filial piety and awe the 
 tomb of his parents ; but he chiefly and 
 instinctively turned to the spot where his 
 mother was laid : the sight affected him 
 even to tears. She had been an indulgent 
 yet considerate parent; she loved him as 
 her son, and he felt within him that re- 
 verential gratitude, a sure indication that, 
 had she been living, her chief source of
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 207 
 
 felicity would have been derived from the 
 impulses of his filial heart. Of his father's 
 memory he retained fewer sentiments of 
 tender regard: as the partialities of na- 
 ture has been faint in the parent, the at- 
 tachment returned could not be very 
 fervid. 
 
 To the habitation of his old nurse he 
 next repaired, directed by the well re- 
 membered foot-way. She was yet alive, 
 but memory had lost its seat ; age had 
 brought on a second childhood; yet, even 
 in that helpless state, by the placid resig- 
 nation of her countenance, by the expres- 
 sions that fell from her lips, and by many 
 other tokens, could be traced the former 
 worth of that friendly creature ; that worth 
 was also well remembered by those on 
 whom it had been chiefly bestowed. All 
 about her was neat and clean: The high
 
 208 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 backed chair in the chimney corner, her 
 prescriptive right, the waywardness of age 
 allowed, and all its calls attended to. She 
 had reared np her family to moral and 
 industrious habits, and the debt was amply 
 repaid by the daily soothings of those filial 
 attentions which they, in their turn, might 
 reasonably expect from their children. — 
 Thus beneficial to all is the interchange of 
 nature's kindly offices : unlike the traders 
 of a bartering world, there are no losers in 
 the transaction. 
 
 He had also the pleasure of meeting with 
 some of his playmates, now grown up to 
 man's estate. He did not give them a few 
 hasty greetings and depart, he tarried with 
 them, listened with interest to their 
 domestic concerns, and felt a pleasure in 
 their pride at his enquiries. The sundry 
 helps his discernment justified, afforded him
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 209 
 
 delight at the moment he bestowed them, 
 and the remembrance proved a solace to his 
 heart, in the hours of depression and ad- 
 versity. It is gratifying to experience 
 how bland and genial it is to one's feelings 
 even the delineation of this very slight and 
 imperfect sketch. The boisterous and angry 
 scene that is to follow, although the execu- 
 tion of it, so as to produce effect, requires 
 humour and elaborate skill, afforded the 
 author much less satisfaction in the com- 
 position.
 
 210 MAZES OF LIFE, 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 A NOCTURNAL EXHIBITION. 
 
 AFTER the expiration of a few days' 
 he found himself towards evening", the 
 sixth well squeezed individual, stowed with- 
 in a heavy stage coach journeying north- 
 wards. If peace and concord dwelt with 
 the families he had lately visited, within 
 this vehicle, anger, spite and brawling, in 
 most discordant notes had raged, and were 
 now on the point of bursting forth afresh. 
 Never perhaps did the freaks of chance
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 211 
 
 collect together a more heterogeneous 
 crew. 
 
 From out of one of the back corners 
 projected the dark, lengthy, rawboned 
 figure of a French Esprit fort who, how- 
 ever incredulous in other respects, had 
 without much investigation taken for 
 granted that, within the celluece of his 
 skull, resided a very considerable portion 
 of the reasoning faculty allowed to the 
 human intellect, The other angle was 
 tenanted by a squat, chubby, methodist 
 Parson, who found his present call a snug 
 wav of working out comforts for his body 
 in this world and salvation for his soul 
 in the next. The space occupied by those 
 gentlemen allowed rather too narrow a 
 space for the embonpoint of a Lady, more 
 bulky than beseems the fair, who indeed 
 protested and declared that, within the
 
 212 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 whole range of her experience, she had 
 never been so squeezed before. The esti- 
 mate she had formed of her acquirements 
 fell very little short of the standard of per- 
 fection at which the Frenchman rated his 
 own : her pretensions rested chiefly upon 
 the strength of her having read every novel 
 of late appearance, by means of which, 
 she fancied herself conversant in matters 
 of high life and of fashionable impor- 
 tance. 
 
 The opposite side of the carriage held a 
 less obtrusive trio who, however, had their 
 full allowance of vanity, as their several 
 vocations will prove. 
 
 A Painter who had left town on a tour, 
 in order to import therein on his return 
 views of hills, castles, meres and churches. 
 A spruce Dancing-master, who during the 
 summer vacation had hied to London, and
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 213 
 
 was returning 1 to resume his periodical 
 rounds, his feet in the possession of a new 
 step, then in the rage of fashion; and last 
 and least, our unassuming Hero who, never- 
 theless, as a poet , cannot be supposed to 
 lack any of the essentials of that quality, 
 which so powerfully bolstered up the self 
 importance of the other five. 
 
 The whole crew may well be termed 
 a set of Idlers, who consume the good things 
 of this world and produce nothing in re- 
 turn. We venture upon this remark, be- 
 cause it is not likely that any political eco- 
 nomist would waste his precious time in 
 the perusal of these trifling pages ; else we 
 might be told or reminded, that a society 
 is always well constituted, when the num- 
 ber of consumers is adequate for a con- 
 sumption of produce, that affords a remu- 
 nerating price to the growers : ergo, no
 
 214 MAZES OF Lli^E, 
 
 invidious epithet can attach to any of the 
 members that perform their part in the 
 machinery of the social frame. 
 
 If we were modestly to intimate that the 
 remark is made in a moral point of view 
 only, we should be thus silenced. " Mora- 
 lit}', sir, is a chimera ; practicable utility is 
 all in all." 
 
 The three first inside passengers had been 
 the lady, the painter and the dancing" mas- 
 ter. The knight of the brush tried to en- 
 gage the lady's attention by such gallant 
 speeches as his memory supplied him with, 
 but his rival's fluency of delivery and per- 
 haps, personal appearance, had obviously 
 obtained for him the greater portion of the 
 fair one's smiles. When the coach stopped 
 to give the horses water, the two gentle- 
 men tempted by the fineness of the sky, 
 stormed at the same time the coachman's
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 215 
 
 seat in order to ride outside. There was 
 choice of room upon the imperiel, but both 
 ambitioned the honour of sitting with the 
 driver. After some altercation, to him re- 
 ference was made : the adjudication was 
 again in favour of the son of Terpsichore : 
 the decision was probably influenced by 
 sundry indications which gentlemen of the 
 long whip seldom fail to notice ; namely, 
 the one appeared much more free with 
 his cash than the other. For these two 
 very slight causes, our sketching tourist 
 had suffered himself to be miserable for so 
 many hours. 
 
 A heavy storm coming on, compelled 
 them both to take she-ter inside, but in the 
 interval their vacant seats had been occu- 
 pied by the Parisian and the Parson. The 
 appearance of these checked the propensity 
 of the irritated gentleman to endeavour a
 
 216 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 retaliation on his opponent for both his 
 repulses; and the mighty feud which soon 
 after broke out between the new comers, 
 hushed every suggestion of his spleen. 
 As the tootling of a flute is silenced amidst 
 the loud blasts of a couple of trumpets. 
 
 There had been a litle angry sparring 
 before : it was thus resumed. 
 
 " Then, sir, you do not believe in 
 miracles." 
 
 " I believe in noting I don't understand." 
 
 "Then your belief must be very much 
 circumscribed indeed ! — But, what, for 
 instance, have you to say against the 
 miracle of Jonah and the whale.'* 
 
 " Vhat Jonas and dee vale ! — Oh, tear, 
 vhat can dee matter be !" 
 
 4< A song is no answer." 
 " No more is de vale swallowing Jonas 
 a miracle ; dee vonder vould be for Jonas 
 to swallow dee vale."
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 217 
 
 This reply was sufficiently incensing, it 
 received a further aggravation from the 
 lady's applauding burst of laughter, who 
 protested that, within the precincts of her 
 intercourse with the world, she had seldom 
 hea'rd any thing so smart, so witty — 
 and so truly original. 
 
 The parson collected all his powers for a 
 thundering reply, but the pouring out of 
 of the phial of his wrath was/for the 
 present, checked by the stopping of the 
 coach for the admission of our Hero. 
 
 Domville disliking the narrow limits 
 allowed for his limbs, would willingly have 
 indulged the passengers with the vacuum 
 his removal would have caused, mansfre 
 the rainy state of the atmosphere; but that 
 the male occupiers of the back seats held 
 out great promise of sport, to the beholders 
 at least. An angry swell of countenance 
 
 VOL. I. I,
 
 218 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 occasional growls of discontent, looks of 
 hostility and other tokens of defiance 
 threatened a renewal of the storm. All 
 these were evident symptoms that they had 
 not well digested the matter and manner of 
 the late altercation. 
 
 An innocent question of the lady to the 
 Parisian, like Doctor Franklin's conductor, 
 directed on which topic the conflicting 
 elements should now rage. 
 
 " I hope, Monsieur, that you allow there 
 are many very great writers in this coun- 
 try. For instance, I may truly assert, 
 that within the whole course of my read- 
 ing— ' 
 
 •' Oh out, Madame, your Thomas Paine 
 is a very — very great man indeed : but den 
 he borrowed all his opinions from the 
 French Philosophes . ' ' 
 
 Any downright John Bull would have
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 219 
 
 vented his disapprobation and exhausted 
 his spleen by merely crying* out — Damn 
 Tom Paine and the French Philosophers. 
 
 But our P^eligionist adopted expres- 
 sions in his opinion more warrantable, be- 
 cause more consonant with scriptural phra- 
 seology, although, perhaps, not so conform- 
 able to the mild spirit of Christian charity, 
 by which he consigned them all to the same 
 implied quarter, not forgetting far famed 
 Voltaire in the sweeping condemnation. 
 
 This wounded the Frenchman in the 
 tenderest part ; because to his friend Vol- 
 taire he allowed a superiority of intellect 
 above every other human being, himself 
 not excluded. He gabbled out a reply, 
 which rage, bad English, and an admix- 
 ture of French, made nearly unintellgible. 
 Sufficient however was made out to 
 provoke a retort from his wrathful 
 £2
 
 220 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 opponent, and on they proceeded in a 
 louder key and with increased vehemence 
 of manner and invective, when a respite 
 was given to their lungs by the final stop- 
 ing of the carriage for the day. 
 
 As soon as the coach door was open, 
 Domville glad of a release, jumped out; 
 the painter and dancing-master followed 
 him and made for the house, so did the 
 parson. 
 
 " Les Sauvages! Quelle grossierett! lis 
 manquent absolument cle polllesse. Permettez, 
 Madame. — And finding himself safe on solid 
 ground, Monsieur helped out Madame with 
 a parading air of gallantry quite Parisian, 
 and handed her, he squaring, she bustling, 
 into the apartment allotted to them. The 
 Company sat for some time looking at each 
 other in a sort of stupid, sulky, silence. 
 
 " Well, Madam, how did you like the
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 221 
 
 face of the country we passed through," 
 said Domville, wishing" to elicit something 
 worthy of note from his companions. 
 
 " I assure you, Sir, in the whole ex- 
 tent of my observations, I never beheld a 
 finer." 
 
 l( It appeared to me quite tame and 
 uninterestingf. I did not observe one 
 group of objects worth the pencil's selec- 
 tion." 
 
 " Yet there stands a very magnificent 
 seat three miles hence — quite a new built 
 mansion. V* hen it was completed, a grand 
 ball was given under my direction, in 
 which I officiated as Master of Ceremo- 
 nies. " 
 
 " If you vish to see superb edifice, you 
 must go to France. Noting in this country 
 like our chateaux." 
 
 " As far as I could discern, there seemed 
 L 3
 
 222 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 a lamentable deficiency of chapels for the 
 godly." 
 
 " Ma chapelle est dans le Temple de 
 la Raison. Je n en reconnais point a" autre 
 except^ turning to the lady; his stiff de- 
 clamatory manner relaxing into a bow and 
 and a smile quite irresistible — excepU celle 
 de la beaut e. 
 
 The fair one bridled and nodded assent — 
 Qui, oui, vest bien observe; and whilst the 
 gentleman, now drawn up in full length, 
 snuff box in hand, was enjoying the 
 consciousness of having elicited, in rapid 
 succession, a deep philosophical thought 
 and delivered a compliment quite original, — 
 the conversation proceeded. 
 
 " For my own part, resumed Domville, 
 a country is always interesting to me, on 
 the face of which the promise of abundant
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 223 
 
 crops denotes industry and a right mode of 
 cultivation." 
 
 " True, Sir, and I may be permitted 
 to add, that it never occurred otherwise to 
 me, within the whole compass of my know- 
 ledge." 
 
 " But yet you catch nothing grand, 
 nothing striking — all too monotonous — too 
 sleek, for either pencil or brush. North 
 Wales for the picturesque.' ' 
 
 " Poh," cried the dancing-master, pleas- 
 ed with his own conception of a truism. 
 " I prefer good living in a valley to starv- 
 ing on a mountain." 
 
 " You talk of mountains and Nort 
 Vales ; vat is all that to the Alpes and the 
 Pyrenees : mere taiqnnieres ! — vat you call 
 hills of mole " 
 
 " Mount Ararat is, I believe, the highest 
 mountain in the world." 
 14
 
 -24 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 " Mount Arat ! Vere is that pray ?" 
 
 " Seek and you will find." 
 
 The reply was to the full as contemp- 
 tuously delivered as the question was 
 put. 
 
 " I tell you vat, mister Parson — " 
 
 But the entrance of supper restored the 
 equilibrium of peace, likely to be again 
 disturbed by a further prosecution of the 
 dialogue. 
 
 The lady of course was placed at the upper 
 end of the table, the dancing-master 
 figured at the bottom, the others occupied 
 the sides; the two former disputants, pos- 
 sitively and figuratively stationed them- 
 selves opposite each other : but however 
 inveterate their hostility, the calls of hun- 
 ger most effectually produced a cessasioa 
 for the time being. The contention seemed 
 now which should devour the greater por-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 225 
 
 tion of food ; even in this respsct their 
 national characteristics were apparent. 
 Had the wager been confined to a short 
 space of time, the dispatehful voracity of 
 the Frenchman would have won ; but let 
 them grind and masticate till one is com* 
 pelled to give over, we rather think that 
 the quantity destroyed by him of England 
 would have established his pretensions to 
 his being the better man. Even Mon- 
 sieur le Philosophe was amazed at the 
 potentiality of his antagonist in convey- 
 ing into his mouth, and dispatching pieces 
 of meat of enormous dimensions. 
 
 " Ah, comme il avale, /" cried he, giving 
 almost at the same time a practical illus- 
 tration of the feat, by one of equal mag- 
 nitude. 
 
 The supper ended, a short pause suc- 
 lu 5
 
 226 MAZES OF !LTFE. 
 
 ceeded ; during which every one was left 
 to his own thoughts and digestion. 
 
 Whenever Domville had put up at an 
 inn for the night, by a strange perversion 
 of taste, not however more peculiar to 
 himself than to his historian, he repined 
 at the order and regularity that in these 
 modern times, so much to one's comfort, 
 pervade every department ; in as much as 
 ihey prevent the possible occurrence of 
 Adventures, such as we read in our earlier 
 novel writers. He much wished to witness 
 similar ones, were it at some inconveni- 
 ence and even risk to himself. Casting a 
 glance at the company, he fancied they 
 were fit materials (other causes concur- 
 ring) for the production of some droll 
 incident. 
 
 In that frame of mind, a waiter informed
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 227 
 
 hm that his master, as a particular favour, 
 requested to speak with him. This leads 
 me to state the predicament in which mine 
 host of the Red Bull is placed at the pre- 
 sent juncture. 
 
 The inn in his occupation stood at the 
 edge, of an extensive heath close by the 
 road side, being what is termed a half- 
 way-honse. Owing 1 to an increase of cus- 
 tom, it had been deemed a good specu- 
 lation to pull down the old, inconvenient, 
 building, and to erect a new one on the 
 same scite. The arrival of the present 
 passengers happened when the greater part 
 of the new erection was completed, and 
 only three rooms, great and small, of the 
 old remained fit for use. Now, all the 
 modern sleeping apartments had been put 
 into requisition by a sudden and unex- 
 pected influx of Carriage Company, whose
 
 228 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 bearing promised to afford much larger 
 profits, than what was likely to be gathered 
 from the purses of the stage coach passen- 
 gers. He therefore wanted to gain 
 the ear and, through that medium, the 
 favour of one of those whom he intended 
 to consign to the back settlements, in order 
 that it might be intimated to the remain- 
 der in terms, likely to win their compli- 
 ance. Our Victualer proved himself a 
 skilful Phisiognomist, by pitching upon 
 our Hero for his negociator in this delicate 
 emergency. 
 
 Requesting a sight of the apartments, 
 he followed the landlord through the pas- 
 sage that led to the old building : it was 
 almost a hopeless case. Only one apart- 
 ment and two beds for four sleepers, a 
 small closet for the lady, and one of equal 
 dimensions tendered for his own separate
 
 MAZES OF LIFE 
 
 229 
 
 use, the acceptance of this bribe he, how- 
 ever, had his reasons for declining; yet he 
 readily agreed to befriend the publican, 
 as there appeared a chance of bringing 
 about, in some shape, the event he so ardently 
 wished. 
 
 Furnished with this information, he re- 
 turned to his company, but delayed a dis- 
 closure till symptoms of drowsiness inti- 
 mated a speedy call for the chamber- 
 maid ; our Contriver then availed himself 
 of the temporary absence of the oppugners 
 to impart, in conciliatory terms, what kind 
 of accommodation awaited them for the 
 night, exonerating, as weil as he could, 
 the landlord from all blame. The lady 
 was induced with sou.e difficulty to 
 occupy the closet, although she averred 
 that, within the whole scope of her life's 
 transactions, she was never before reduced
 
 230 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 to such a situation ; and the two gentle- 
 men after sundry grimaces submitted to 
 share the same bed; their own dislike, 
 however, considerably reduced in expec- 
 tation of witnessing" a greater dislike evinced 
 by others. But the main difficulty still 
 remained; how was it possible to induce 
 the two hostile champions, spite of their 
 acrimonious hatred, to lay themselves down, 
 side by side, perhaps cheek by jowl, within 
 the narrow precincts of one couch, just as 
 if they were of the same kidney. 
 
 As he rightly conjectured that no per- 
 suasion of language could remove that ob- 
 stacle, they were kept ignorant of their 
 destination, till all the men were mustered 
 in the sleeping room. The two more 
 peaceable travellers betook themselves : to 
 their own nook and doffed their clothes : 
 Bomviile, with the help of some blankets,
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 231 
 
 his own great coat and his port-mantua for 
 a pillow, formed a tolerable place of re- 
 pose upon an old sofa, whilst the remaining" 
 two stood inactive in astonishment, stared 
 about them, then at their companions, then 
 at the bed, then at each other, haughtily 
 demanding an explanation which was now 
 given to them. 
 
 Their reluciance to the proposed 
 arrangement was expressed with great 
 vehemence of manner and symptoms of 
 mutual disgust; they threatened, stamp- 
 ed, nay, they both swore that they would 
 much rather lie in a ditch than occupy the 
 same bed : but there was no other for 
 them, no human habitation near, the 
 night far gone and most inclement, for it 
 rained in torrents. Now our hero adduced 
 the best palliative he had in store, alledge- 
 ing that the inconvenience could be but of
 
 232 MAES OF LIFE. 
 
 very short duration, as to-morrow, by four 
 in the morning", they must be again on their 
 journey. 
 
 What could be done. — No option left. — 
 The necessity of the case at length bent 
 their stubborn wills to acquiesence, but 
 with a very ill grace. Grumbling and 
 growling, they doffed their clothes, when, 
 in the act of depositing their carcases 
 within the sheets, a fresh altercation arose ; 
 they both strenuously contended for the 
 right side of the bed. This point was 
 warmly and angrily debated, and nearly 
 produced a breach of the peace ; however 
 the Parson gained it, upon a reference to 
 the company ; he having alleged as being 
 the best reason either party adduced for 
 the preference, that he was a married man. 
 
 Behold then the lights put out and all 
 still around, when the silence was disturbed
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 233 
 
 by the reverend gentleman's large inflated 
 nose, singing a snoring tune in the deepest 
 bass, —the usual proclamation he generally 
 gave out of having enjoyed a hearty 
 evening meal. The philosopher, who 
 began to feel the pressure of Morpheus 
 upon his eyelids, by no means relished, the 
 melody of this music, it partook besides too 
 much of the nasal twang of psalm singing 
 to suit his taste. He was also dissatisfied 
 with his share and side of the bed allotted 
 him. 
 
 To remedy these inconveniences by one 
 contrivance, he ventured to press his knees 
 against the distended abdomen of his sleeping 
 partner, intending, by continued and increas- 
 ing pressure, to shove him by degrees to the 
 extremity of the bed ; that point gained, 
 a fall on the boards were an easy matter to 
 accomplish, by which means he would at
 
 234 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 once get rid of the musician and his 
 thorough bass. 
 
 This wise manoeuvre was however 
 frustrated — Our parson awoke when very 
 near the fatal brink. As if by inspiration 
 he dived into the enemy's mode of warfare ; 
 immediately, like a hedgehog, he collected 
 himself into a rotund mass, and, by grasping 
 with both hands the sheet and mattrass, 
 prevented a further loss of territory. The 
 Frenchman perceived the enemy upon the 
 alert, yet resolved to persevere, and with 
 an appearance of gaiety cried out: — 
 
 " Allons, Monsieur le Saint, il faut, 
 demenager. — Vite, denichez d'ici. — Oh, 
 Parbleu, je vons ferai deguerpir" And 
 renewed the attack with greater fierceness. 
 
 The national characteristics of the two 
 combatants may again be traced by their 
 adoption of a different system of tactics.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 235 
 
 The French Hero, still upon the offensive, 
 hoped to win the night by sudden jolts or 
 jerks against the embodied strength of his 
 antagonist. But the English commander, 
 having stood his ground against the first 
 dreadful shock, quickly occupied the space 
 left vacant by the other, who gave way some 
 little, in order to renew the attack with 
 greater vigour. The same manoeuvres 
 were repeated with the same results, till 
 the assailant baffled, exhausted, and breath- 
 less had been driven, inch by inch, to the 
 outer limits of his dominions. It was now 
 that our Gideon found his voice — 
 
 " Avaunt! Satan, I defy thee and thy 
 works." 
 
 This solemn objurgating command, 
 backed by a timely and forcible push, 
 fairly ejected the Frenchman from the bed,
 
 236 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 and down on the boards this bag of bones 
 rattled in its fall. 
 
 At that moment, the moon herself 
 desirous of witnessing a scene that promised 
 such excellent sport, peeped through the 
 clouds and curtainless windows, indulging- 
 at intervals the spectators with the benefit 
 of her nocturnal light. 
 
 The discomfitted son of Belial, not at all 
 relishing the effect of this retributive justice 
 that subjected him to the very disaster he 
 had striven hard to inflict upon another, 
 arose furious and seizing his cane, retali- 
 ated, without mercy, on the parts exposed 
 to its descending fury, in the foulest 
 language reproaching the saint with being 
 no gentleman, else, instead of the bastinado, 
 he would punish him with sword and pistol. 
 
 *' Since thou provokest me, with the
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 237 
 
 arm of flesh will I fight thee, and the 
 Lord have mercy on thy sinful soul.'* 
 
 So saying", he flung" off the clothes, leaped 
 out of bed and like a bulldog, flew at the 
 throat of his foe, becoming in his turn the 
 assailant in good earnest. They met, they 
 closed and struck and struggled, and on 
 the floor they fell, and rolled, and stamped, 
 and kicked, and rose again, and fought 
 and wrestled afresh. — The jabbering gib- 
 berish of the one, the sonorous intonations 
 of the other, were the accompanying 
 music to this dreadful affray. 
 
 The Gallic champion, finding himself 
 worsted in the engagement, had tried the 
 virtue of another set of weapons : his 
 nails had traced many a bleeding track on 
 the face and even on the more fleshy region 
 of the parson's rear. Now, as his last
 
 238 M^ZES OF LIFE. 
 
 resource, in order to tear the laurel from 
 the Briton's brow, he sought to tear: — 
 
 Not a moment had he to lose. Our 
 countryman had at length contrived to 
 confine him within (he gripe of his sinewy 
 arms, (it had the effect of a straight waist- 
 coat) and was indulging him with such a 
 fraternal hug, as a bear would bestow on a 
 monkey, — when, unluckily, by a dexterous 
 snap, he felt within the Frenchman's tusky 
 grinders his wide proboscis squeezed to the 
 flatness of a pancake, and in our opinion 
 with strict poetical justice, that organ being 
 deservedly punished, as the trumpet that 
 gave the signal for battle. In vain did the 
 methodist with arms extended and fists 
 cenched in dolorous agony, release the 
 philosopher from his confinement, evidently 
 soliciting by that act a cessation of hostili- 
 ties, the Frenchman was by no means
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 239 
 
 induced to follow his example, be kept a 
 tight hold, thus making- his teeth perform 
 that tweaking operation, usually assigned 
 to the fingers, and seeming to take a pecu- 
 liar delight in the roaring notes of distress 
 and in the writhing contortions of his 
 sensitive foe. 
 
 At this period of the battle, Domville 
 almost suffocated with laughter, dreading 
 some serious injury, arose and called for 
 lights. They were soon at hand, for the 
 uproar was summoning to the spot landlord, 
 landlady, servants and helpers. They 
 beheld, on one side, the philosopher, his 
 shirt of late none of the soundest, han<rin£" 
 down in tatters, front and rear, through 
 the gaps of which was exposed his tawny 
 hide, hairy as a baboon's; the similitude 
 was stiil more striking from the grins, 
 grimaces and antic gestures, which rage
 
 240 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 and pa'ii extorted from his limbs and 
 features. On the other, our preacher just 
 released from the homicidal fangs of a 
 graceless infidel, limping about the room, 
 roaring out by fits for every pain, one hand 
 pressed on the bleeding wounds, the other 
 contracted into an enormous fist, threat- 
 ening further application on the already 
 well-belaboured carcase of his opponent, 
 moreover venting his wrath in loud denun- 
 ciations, partly religious, partly profane. 
 It appeared however evident that the result 
 of the fight proved so very unsatisfactory to 
 both sides, that neither was inclined to 
 sing the Te Deum of victory. 
 
 More adventures occurred, but they are 
 such as the chaste muse is unwilling to 
 record. The dancing master was some 
 how missing. — The curiosity ascribed to 
 the fair sex failed to bring out the literary
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 241 
 
 lady from her closet, were it merely to 
 inquire after the occasion of this dreadful 
 affray : she probably acquired more than 
 an equivalent by her seclusion ; yet she 
 subsequently complained that, within the 
 whole pale of her conception, she could not 
 have been more unpleasantly disturbed. 
 The Painter had a full view of the combat 
 ants as they were above described ; pant 
 ing, discomposed, bruised, excoriated and 
 bleeding from the fight. It is to be hoped 
 that his pencil will gratify the Town with 
 at least a sketch of the scene, in which he 
 will have full scope to indulge his love 
 for the picturesque. 
 
 The Frenchman had sneaked to his re- 
 cess, the landlord could now find another 
 bed for the Parson, whither he was led, 
 and the landlady prepared a hot plaister 
 for the dental wounds inflicted on his nose. 
 
 VOL. I. M
 
 242 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Silence again reigned in the dwelling, and 
 those went to sleep that could. 
 
 The next morning when they w 7 ere again 
 collected within the vehicle, a sort of 
 awkwardness fettered the tongue of each 
 inmate. The champions, their heads ban- 
 daged and well plaistered, were heartily 
 ashamed of the late specimen of their 
 prowess, and brooded in silence over the 
 past transaction. The others checked 
 the rising laugh, humanely aware that 
 their mirth would too roughly lacerate the 
 feelings of the sufferers ; only when the 
 fit was too violent for suppression, they 
 would thrust their heads out of the car- 
 riage, pretending to look at some object, 
 and thus indulge the propensity without a 
 witness; in that manner they reached the 
 next town : here they all parted, taking 
 different directions.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 243 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 THE FAMILY OF THE WRONGHEADS. 
 
 OUR Tourist having* now means and 
 leisure, and amusement being his pursuit, 
 the length of stay at places was deter- 
 mined rather by inclination or the caprice 
 of the moment than by any regular sys- 
 tem. He proceeded and returned on horse- 
 back, in a carriage, and even on foot, 
 just as he felt himself disposed; met with 
 .such accidents as generally betide other 
 M 2
 
 244 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 people, and therefore not worth record- 
 ing; improved his health, enlarged his 
 heart, gained some practical knowledge of 
 men and manners, and acquired an acces- 
 sion of ideas that would bestow additional 
 value on any new work, he should hereafter 
 be disposed to treat the Public with. 
 
 The transactions of one night, however, 
 we cannot forbear recording : our Hero 
 will witness sundry adventures without 
 being at any trouble in producing them. 
 
 In one of his rides towards London, the 
 only inside companion of his journey was 
 a bustling, well fed, middle aged, gentle- 
 man, fond of his ease and hearing him- 
 self talk, which he did in rather an autho- 
 ritative manner : that habit he had so 
 much contracted at home, that he could 
 not well divest himself of it when abroad. 
 On every topic, religious, moral or poli- 
 tical, however intricate, he had made up
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 245 
 
 his mind ; it was so and so ; and those were 
 fools or knaves who thought otherwise. 
 In his domestic arrangements he fancied 
 himself an excellent manager, yet no 
 master's commands were disregarded with 
 more impunity. His error arose from his 
 mistaking boisierousness for decision and 
 threats for action, the exertion of the 
 lungs being all the exertion he deemed 
 requisite ; yet some decision was clearly 
 evinced by his imprudence in forming 
 new acquaintances, which, during the 
 fervor of the novelty, he would call con- 
 tracting a friendship. In a short conver- 
 sation with a stranger and, fo very slight 
 causes, should he then happen to be in the 
 humour, he would pronounce him to be a 
 
 d clever, honest, fellow; no every 
 
 day acquaintance. — " Sir, I rate very 
 
 highly both his character and intellect: 
 
 M 3
 
 246 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 yet, such a man might pass before a fool 
 and not be noticed." 
 
 To prevent therefore himself from rank- 
 ing in that class, he would often go much 
 further than the cautious policy of the pre- 
 sent generation, for reasons best known 
 to themselves, deems it at all prudent. 
 He proceeded on the warrantry of such 
 an inference as this : — Since he felt himself 
 so extremely happy in the society of his 
 new acquaintance, it was, by all means, his 
 interest to cultivate a further intercourse. 1 
 
 i( The gentleman would surely indulge 
 him with his company to-day to dinner; 
 indeed he must not be denied : it would 
 also prove a high treat to Mrs. Westloe 
 and daughter. — Come, Sir, let us disre- 
 gard ceremony ; fools may entrench them- 
 selves behind etiquette, but the discerning 
 need no such shelter."
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 247 
 
 But he who trusted to such glowing- 
 protestations would soon find, that the 
 sudden fervor of this man's friendship was 
 nothing but a straw fire, producing a great 
 blaze of short duration, and leaving little 
 or no warmth behind. 
 
 Our Traveller happening to utter a re- 
 mark that pleased Mr. Westloe, he arouzed 
 himself from a dozing propensity that 
 was stealing upon him : and they entered 
 into conversation, in which the latter bore 
 an animated share. 
 
 In the very height of his satisfaction, 
 the coach, the slowness of whose progress 
 had been a short time before the theme of 
 his vituperation, made a stand before a 
 genteel looking' house, about a mile dis- 
 tant from the town of .The name is 
 
 here purposeiy omitted, in order to prevent 
 
 malignant imputations : although, at times, 
 
 m4
 
 348 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 we indulge in general satire, we never in- 
 tend that our shafts should be aimed against 
 individuals. The coachman opening the 
 door, asked him whether he would not be 
 pleased to alight, as they had now arrived 
 before his house. 
 
 " What, already ! — 'Tis my home sure 
 enough. — Now, Sir, (to Domvilie,) take 
 your mutton and spend the day with us. 
 To-morrow early, a coach starts for town ; 
 your obliging us will only occasion the loss 
 of half a day." 
 
 The very reflection that would have in- 
 duced another person to decline the honour 
 was, with our Hero, an inducement to 
 accept it. The distant reserve that in 
 this country one stranger preserves to- 
 wards another, -a'ihough perhaps fully jus- 
 tified by prudence, was not suited to his 
 generous, unsuspecting, disposition ; he
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 249 
 
 construed such a reserve into a mean sus- 
 picion harboured by those who, judging 
 of others by themselves, were for keeping 
 any casual acquaintance at arms' length. 
 It was obvious however, that the present 
 hospitable entertainer, who freely opened 
 his door to an accidental fellow-traveller, 
 was not of that class, he therefore deserved 
 from him a similar return of confidence. 
 Desirous of shewing the gentleman that 
 his civility was not unworthily bestowed, 
 and further encouraged by the respectable 
 appearance of the house, he accepted the 
 invitation. Both then made for the en- 
 trance hall, and in compliance with Mr. 
 Westloe's directions, Domville's luggage 
 followed. 
 
 When the Owner had introduced his 
 guest into a parlour, after a short convex 
 sation, he pulled out his watch. 
 M 5
 
 250 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 '' Dinner by this time must be ready — 
 I ordered it to be upon the table at three 
 precisely. ,, Here he rung- the bell, but 
 as the summons produced no immediate 
 attendance, the gentleman had full leisure 
 to proceed. •< Believe me, Sir, nothing 
 like punctuality and regularity in a house. 
 Though my friends style me an easy, 
 good-natured, fellow, what the French 
 call debonnair, at home, I am a Discipli- 
 narian I assure you. "■ 
 
 By sundry indications our Hero was 
 already led to entertain a suspicion that 
 there must be some discrepance in the 
 assumed and in the real fact, and that to 
 use the expression of a corrector of Errata, 
 for Disciplinarian read Latitudinarian : the 
 sequel proved that his suspicions were 
 grounded in truth. 
 
 No servant answering the call, the bell
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 251 
 
 was applied to with such violence that, at 
 last, it compelled the appearance of one, 
 
 " Yon, fellow, why did'nt yon attend 
 my first call ? — Yon deserve to be turned 
 away for that neglect. — Where was yon ?" 
 
 " Sir, I was up stairs. 5 ' 
 
 " How dare you be any where but in 
 attendance ?" 
 
 " I was in attendance upon young- Mis- 
 tress." 
 
 " Your attendance on me is what I prin- 
 cipally require — Is dinner ready ?" 
 
 " No, Sir, not quite." 
 
 M How is that ? It is now ten minutes 
 beyond the time I ordered it." 
 
 " Young Mistress ordered it to be put 
 off to four." 
 
 " The Devil she did ! — It seems young 
 Mistress is Mistress and Master too. — An 
 unfledged Chirpling to rule the roost * — this
 
 252 MAZES Of T.IFK. 
 
 will never do. — By the Lord, I will look 
 to it and shortly too. Go, Sir, and tell 
 Mrs. Westloe that I have a Gentleman to 
 dinner here to-day, and that I expect — 
 but the fellow is sure to commit some blun- 
 der. I'll go myself." 
 
 After a slight apology to his guest, 
 he departed on that hopeful errand. As- 
 cending the stairs towards his wife's apart- 
 ment, he determined to prevent the ex- 
 pressions of her expected anger for his 
 incautious invitation, by a loud inquiry 
 respecting the dinner's delay, rightly pre- 
 suming that the first blow is half the bat- 
 tle : but the gentleman's politics were 
 baffled by the lady's similarity of maneu- 
 vering. Her officious maid had already 
 <riven all the information in his power to 
 bestow: thus he met her fully prepared to 
 act on the offensive. His wrath was
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 253 
 
 however somewhat assuaged by his daugh- 
 ter's more ardent reception, after ^the ab- 
 sence of two days; — a few filial kisses, 
 even a hearty shake of the hand, and u I 
 am glad to see you back, Pa," was the 
 welcome. 
 
 Then, whilst the Master was clearing 
 his voice and mustering up resolution for 
 the intended attack, thus begun the Mis- 
 tress. 
 
 " Mr. Westloe, I'm quite surprised at 
 you." 
 
 " At me, Madam ! On what account, 
 pray. I rather think I have a light to ex- 
 press my astonishment — " 
 
 " How could you, Sir, think of introduc- 
 ing here a stranger, a mere coach-passen- 
 ger, of whom nobody knows any thing." 
 
 " / Madam, know and can affirm that 
 he is a gentleman. 1 fancy that I am
 
 254 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 seldom mistaken in that particular/* 
 
 " No one more so." 
 
 " I say, Madam, and repeat that my 
 notions on that head are unerring." 
 
 " Why, it was but the other day, that 
 you took upon yourself to introduce, at your 
 card-club, another of your picked up gen- 
 tlemen who turned out, after all, to be a 
 downright sharper." 
 
 " I desire, Madam — " 
 
 " Bless me, don't bawl out so loud : it 
 flurries one so. — The fellow contrived to 
 receive his winnings in good bank bills and 
 to pay his losses in forged ones." 
 
 " The whole club is a set of shallow 
 pated ninnies to have made such a rout 
 about it, they only got laughed at for their 
 pains, and fhey richly deserved it. — Besides 
 the fact was never proved against him." 
 
 " Nay, your new friend proved it him-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 255 
 
 self, by absconding with his booty, and 
 now we are to entertain another gentleman 
 of the same kidney, who, for aught I know, 
 may be worse than the first. — Some high- 
 wayman, possibly, who may let in his 
 confederates to cut our throats, this blessed 
 night. — Indeed you have no sort of con- 
 sideration for one's nerves ." 
 
 Mr. Westloe replied to his lady's appre- 
 hensions by a loud burst of laughter. 
 " Liddy, my dear, hand me your salts : 
 this boisterousness is unbearable/' the 
 further progress of the debate was prevented 
 by the young lady's inquiry 
 
 " And pray, Pa, what sort of a personal 
 appearance has this incognito of yours ?" 
 
 "Why, Girl, such a personal appearance 
 as your spouting captain can't match, with 
 all his theatricals."
 
 256 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 " One of your old musty politicians, I 
 suppose." 
 
 " I don't know what you mean by old 
 musty politicians ; this gentleman, how- 
 ever, is young and handsome, can talk 
 small talk with the ladies, I warrant him, 
 and coax their silly hearts to mistake 
 tinsel for gold too." 
 
 " Here Mrs, Westloe, who was quite a 
 Pessimist, suffered her suspicions to take a 
 different direction. 
 
 " So much the worse. The more 
 blamable you for subjecting your family 
 to the schemes of a fortune hunter." 
 
 But the daughter expressed a different 
 opinion ; the information received induced 
 her to throw her all efficient weight into 
 her father's scale, 
 
 •' I protest, Mamma, you are by much
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 257 
 
 too timorous. I am for venturing' a little; 
 } on square prudential folks are not to my 
 taste. I like to be now and then a little 
 dashing: and eccentric." 
 
 Aye, but remember, Liddy, repentance 
 ever follows rashness," 
 
 l * Poh, — you remind me of Miss Philpot, 
 who was so afraid that every body would 
 run away with her that, at last, she was 
 fain to run away with her footman." 
 
 " This timely interference put her father 
 in good humour, who pinching her cheek 
 and tapping her on the neck, called her 
 his dar ing — his own daughter." 
 
 Previous to this, however, Miss Westloe 
 in order to ascertain whether she ought to 
 honour the stranger with her company, had 
 commissioned her maid to obtain a sight of 
 the gentleman and to report progress. Jn 
 consequence, she was hastily summoned
 
 258 MAZES OF LIFK 
 
 into the back room, where she had a full 
 view of their guest, who was then pacing 
 up and down the garden walk, her fair self 
 concealed behind the window curtain, 
 whence she could securely peep. 
 
 Mrs. Westloe, whom a similar motive 
 called to the same spot, rather reluctantly 
 acknowledged that his person had not 
 much the appearance of a cut-throat 
 robber., bat added, in order to abate the 
 value of the concession, that the more 
 favorable the appearance the greater the 
 danger; whilst the gentleman taking her 
 first declaration as an acknowledgment of 
 his discernment, boldly asserted, that he 
 would stake all he was worth on the 
 respectability of his guest. 
 
 What impression was made on Miss 
 Westloe, her next speech will evince.— As
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 259 
 
 they were still scrutinizing Mr. Domville, 
 the dinner bell rung. 
 
 " Lord, cried she, dinner time already ! 
 Dear Mamma, have the dinner put off a 
 little longer, — 1 can't think of coming down 
 in such a figure" 
 
 Her father, in gratitude for the benefit 
 of her assistance, was now for indulging 
 her in this wish, although the concession 
 militated against the very motive that 
 summoned him to the conference room. 
 
 The young lady and her maid hastily 
 withdrew ; Mr. Westloe went down to his 
 guest, and after a further delay of half an 
 hour, a third notification for dinner being 
 given, the latter was ushered into the eating 
 room, wherein the ladies in becoming cos- 
 tume awaited his appearance. The usual 
 exchange of bows, courtesies, smiles and 
 apologies being made, they sat down to their
 
 260 31AZES OF LIFE. 
 
 meal, the various dishes whereof were 
 carved, recommended and discussed, and 
 the time passed away agreeably enough. 
 
 On the removal of the cloth, Mr. West- 
 loe began to make free with the bottle, 
 laid down the law on this and on that 
 subject, although several times called to 
 order by his lady, who desired him not to 
 be so vehement, it shook her nerves so ; for 
 the which rebuke he called her a silly, 
 timorous creature: — his dear little puss. 
 Lydia also chided her mamma, saying, 
 she loved to see a gentleman warm, — that 
 it became him. Mr. Domville moderately 
 pledged his challenger, and contrived to 
 entertain the ladies till they withdrew. 
 
 His open hearted Entertainer, now, by 
 the influence of wine made more communi- 
 cative, entered into family details, which 
 we* will spare the reader, except what goes
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 261 
 
 to illustrate the purpose of the present 
 chapter. 
 
 " Sir, allowing* for every drawback, 
 and every individual is cursed with some, 
 be the same more or less, I have reason to 
 consider myself, on the whole, a fortunate 
 mortal. — To be sure my servants are the 
 plague of my life, — for all I can do, no 
 gentleman is worse served thae I am : how- 
 ever I will soon make a clearance, that I 
 am determined. — Then, again, my tenants, 
 whether the rents be high or low, their 
 grumblings are incessant; however there 
 remains one remedy : a fresh set I will 
 have; my attorney shall give them all 
 notice to quit, that is resolved upon. — I am 
 also bored through and through with the 
 gentry, as they are called, of this neighbour- 
 hood ; a more stupid set of drivellers exist 
 not on earth, not one idea have they of
 
 262 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 their own, — I have a great mind to cut 
 them all, — 1 shall certainly do so, one of 
 these days. —Now to come nearer home. 
 There is this solemn rib of mine : she is 
 perpetually annoying me with her prog- 
 nostics, her suspicions, her silly tremors : 
 it is hard that my strong nerves should be 
 discomposed by the weakness of her 
 nervous system. But the whole sex are 
 become hippish, and even our gentlemen 
 are womanized with similar fancies. — They 
 also must have their blue devils, forsooth. 
 A scrubbing brush into the hands of the 
 one, and a spade into the hands of the other, 
 would soon drive these devils into smoke. 
 Indeed, my good sir, we are degenerating 
 very fast : a melancholy consideration this! 
 But what was I talking about?" 
 
 " Mrs. Westloe's nerves was the subject 
 you introduced'"
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 263 
 
 " Very true, — do you know that she is a 
 sedulous reader of the newspapers ; but 
 what vexes me most is that the leading 
 topics, religion, politics, the national debt, 
 debates in parliament, letters from Civis to 
 Philopatria, and the replies thereto, go for 
 nothing* with her; her whole attention is 
 absorbed in accounts of births, marriages 
 and deaths. — 0ne cur is born and the other 
 dies — a pretty subject this for the attention 
 of a rational creature ! But what is most 
 palatable to her taste is the black cata- 
 logue of murders, executions, and night 
 robberies : here her soul revels on the 
 luxurious repast ; they have the same 
 effect on her trembling nerves, as stories 
 of spectres and apparitions had on our 
 credulous forefathers. So baneful the 
 perusal becomes that, towards evening, 
 every knock at the outer door is construed
 
 264 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 into an attempt at breaking into the house. 
 No newspaper shall henceforth enter my 
 doors, except for my own private perusal; 
 I will most assuredly see to that: — one 
 plague will be then removed. — Come, Sir, 
 fill your glass. — But then another plague 
 starts up. — My Liddy is really a good girl; 
 she has a splice of the father in her, yet 
 she gave me some uneasiness. Confound 
 these theatricals ! They are only traps for 
 girls of fortune. Here I am daily pes- 
 tered with the visit of a spoutin Captain 
 on half pay : I know he has an eye to my 
 daughter; I taxed her with it, and 
 I positively declared to her, that I set 
 my face completely against any connec- 
 tion of that nature — that 1 would not hear 
 of it, on any account, and there is an end 
 on't. However, I should have shewn 
 him the outside 01 the door, long ago, but
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 265 
 
 the fellow, some how, contrives to be 
 useful during' these long 1 winter nights : 
 a few hits at backgammon are indispen- 
 sible to go through them, without dozing" 
 away the hours till bed-time; but for all 
 that, I am resolved the Captain shall march 
 off. " 
 
 He had hardly done speaking, when the 
 gay, identical, Man of War made his ap- 
 pearance. 
 
 '• Ah Captain ! Are you come ? Sit down, 
 man, to a glass of wine. — Mr. DomvilJe, 
 Captain Baldrick — Captain Baldrick, 
 Mr. Doinviile. — Now, Gentlemen, fill 
 your glasses, I will give you a toast." 
 
 However the Wee use of the bottle was 
 not allowed to become an orgie, as it was 
 too often the case with the master of the 
 house. Miss Westloe, on perceiving- from 
 her watch-tower, I mean her chamber 
 
 VOL. I. N
 
 266 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 window, the entrance of the Captain, 
 g:ave orders for the evening meal to be 
 brought into the tea-room, whither the 
 gentlemen were summoned, to which sum- 
 mons the two younger readily complied; 
 but the elder thus disturbed, demurred, 
 growled out his dissent, would have tea- 
 parties interdicted, and would remain to 
 the last true to the bottle; however, find- 
 ing himself in a minority, he took a part- 
 ing glass and followed the same direc- 
 tion, mumbling curses against petticoat 
 government, to which he, for one, would 
 never submit. 
 
 During the meal, Domville saw enough 
 to ascertain the good understanding that 
 prevailed between the Captain and Miss 
 Westloe ; yet it will soon appear that the 
 young lady fancied herself in love only 
 H because she was idle*." 
 * Rasselas.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. £§7 
 
 The father, in order to make himself 
 some amends for his dereliction of the bot- 
 tle, challenged the Captain to a hit of 
 backgammon ; but the other excused him- 
 self, alledging that he had business of im- 
 portance to transact that very night, the 
 truth of which averment was subse- 
 quently established, in a sense quite diffe- 
 rent from the meaning he intended to con- 
 vey. With this excuse he, without in- 
 dulging the company with even one speech in 
 the character of Romeo, departed or pre- 
 tended to depart. 
 
 Our Hero seeing the old gentleman out 
 of humour at his disappointment, good- 
 naturely offered to supply his place ; this 
 ready offer revived the suspicions of Mrs, 
 Westloe, which Domville's gentlemanly 
 behaviour had lulled to rest. But the 
 young lady who perhaps had her reasons 
 N 2
 
 268 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 for wishing' her father stationary at the 
 backgammon table, encouraged the amuse- 
 ment. When she saw the parties deeply 
 engaged in the play, she left the room ; 
 her mother however remained to watch 
 the stranger. It would have been more 
 to the purpose had she watched her daugh- 
 ter's steps. 
 
 Hit succeeded hit, without much loss on 
 either side, and the lady seeing that the 
 dice were not more subservient to her 
 guest than to her husband, entered with 
 with due composure, upon the perusal 
 of the newspaper, then just brought in. 
 
 Its columns this time happened to be 
 more than usually prolific in robberies and 
 murders ; these tales by ministering to her 
 weakness increased her terrors to such a 
 degree, that every sudden exclamation 
 from her husband's well known voice, a
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 269 
 
 louder knock with the dice-box on the 
 board, made her start and utter ejacula- 
 tions of the Lord have mercy on her ! 
 Her face appeared to have lengthened out 
 from the perusal. 
 
 Fortune had prepared a snug birth for 
 this lady, nature intended that she should 
 lay down in it, but not make it her con- 
 stant abode : she suffered however every 
 faculty for exertion to lay dormant. Her 
 favourite maid was her agent ; on her de- 
 volved every thing that was to be done : 
 the mistress in consequence became lan- 
 guid and spiritless; her mind partook of 
 the weakness of her frame and, having 
 no real calamity to contend with, she be- 
 came the prey to imaginary ones. It may 
 be laid down as a general maxim that, as 
 the luxuries of society increase, so do the 
 N 3
 
 270 MAZES OF :life. 
 
 mental tortures of those who indulge in 
 them to excess. 
 
 It growing late, Mr. Domville arose to 
 depart : his entertainer made several at- 
 tempts to detain him to supper, even the 
 the lady earnestly besought his stay ; for 
 entertaining now no longer any dread of the 
 stranger, she sought to convert him into 
 a protector against those whom her 
 fears had magnified into disturbers of her 
 peace. 
 
 On opening the house door, it rained 
 in torrents, the distance to the Inn was 
 considerable, the offer of a bed was ten- 
 dered in so hearty, so hospitable a manner 
 by both man and wife that, having de- 
 livered the usual apologies for the trouble 
 it would give and so forth, Mr. Domville 
 accepted the offer.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 271 
 
 Miss Westloe, however, who returned 
 for supper, her face dressed in smiles, 
 suffered some of them to evaporate on be- 
 ing* informed of this further extension of 
 hospitality ; but too well bred to let any 
 inward discontent transpire, she acted her 
 part becomingly, and whatever cause she 
 had for thought, suffered not the sad group- 
 ings of care to settle on her brow, but 
 laughed, sang, and even romped away the 
 time, till the party broke up for the 
 night, each retiring to his place of re- 
 pose. 
 
 Mr. Domville, who had a comfortable 
 bed to repose in, soon sunk into a pro- 
 found repose, but out of which, however, 
 he was aroused in a very unpleasant man- 
 ner. A number of voices, over which 
 Mr. Westloe's loudly predominated, called 
 N 4
 
 272 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 upon him to unlock his chamber door 
 instantly, else it would be burst open. 
 It was in vain that he assured his dis- 
 turbers that the door was not locked; the 
 assurance had only the effect of inciting 
 them to put their threats into immediate 
 execution. 
 
 Ere his nether covering was properly 
 adjusted, the whole posse rushed in, call- 
 ing upon him to restore the young lady, 
 who was missing, or he would be taken 
 before a magistrate, and the law should 
 have its course. 
 
 Whilst some were rummaging the closet, 
 looking under the bed, or peeping up the 
 chimney, our Hero cooly remarked that, 
 if he had eloped with Miss Westloe, a 
 lady whom he had never seen before, it 
 was very unlikely that he should be quietly 
 found in this apartment.
 
 MAZES OF LIFF. 273 
 
 " But why did you tell us a falsehood ?" 
 cried the injured father warmly. 
 
 " Sir, I feel for your situation, else 
 that imputation should not go off unre«- 
 sented. I told you no falsehood." 
 
 " You assured us the door was not 
 locked ; yet we found the bolt completely 
 drawn." 
 
 " All that I can aver is, that I did not 
 draw it. But, Mr. Westloe, have you 
 sent to Captain Baldrick's lodgings ?" 
 
 " True — that should have been first 
 done; but who can think of every thing? 
 I am the only one here able to act. You, 
 you and you haste, run, speed, fly; and if 
 you find him, force him hither at all 
 events. If he is guilty of so flagrant a 
 breach of trust, I'll move heaven and 
 earth but I will have him hanged for it. 
 As for that ungrateful hussy, she shall 
 N 5
 
 275 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 Starve upon bread and water, and break 
 
 her heart and be d , for what I care. 
 
 Sir, (to Domville) 1 thought you a man of 
 honour, and relying upon my own dis- 
 cernment I think so still ; but for all that, 
 somebody has broken open my bureau and 
 robbed me of cash to a considerable 
 amount, and I am also told that a part of 
 my plate is gone." 
 
 " And Mistress has also lost her jewels/' 
 cried a bye-stander. 
 
 " There, there — there — nothing but 
 plagues. An Argus could not prevent such 
 accidents ; yet all the care and vexation 
 devolve on me." 
 
 Here a female came hurrying in with 
 the afflicting intelligence that Mrs. West- 
 loe was in fits. 
 
 " The Devil is in the sex, I believe. 
 A pretty time she has pitched upon to be
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 275 
 
 in fits, It is enough to drive mad the 
 soundest intellect in Christendom/' 
 
 He went a little way, then returned, 
 and so on several times, in evident irre 
 solution. 
 
 " What can I do ? How am I to act ? 
 pulled about in every direction ; here am 
 I robbed of plate, cash, jewels and daugh- 
 ter, and perhaps of my wife — 
 
 " And of your garden fruit," cried a 
 voice. 
 
 " Well done ! worse and worse. I wish 
 to God I were quite destitute, then surely 
 I should enjoy some quiet. Mr. Domville, 
 if you are an innocent man, as I believe 
 you to be, I crave your assistance ; I am 
 incumbered with a parcel of idiots about 
 me, and not one efficient person. " 
 
 Our Hero enquired whether all the ser-
 
 276 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 vants could be mustered up. Not one 
 was missing, he replied, except the jade 
 that attended his daughter. 
 
 " Who informed you that Miss Westloe 
 had absconded ?" 
 
 " I received the first intelligence from 
 my gardener." 
 
 The fact was, that whilst this son of 
 Adam was stripping the garden of its 
 valuables, to be disposed of on his own 
 account ,he beheld a gentleman not unlike, 
 he thought, Mr. Domville,whom be bad seen 
 yesterday, meet his youg lady at the back 
 door, and both step into a post chaise that 
 drove them away. Having completed his 
 job by the safe removal of the fruit, he 
 gave the alarm, rightly conjecturing that 
 the smaller loss would be absorbed in the 
 magnitude of the greater one. 
 
 Here a second summons called on Mr.
 
 MAZES OP LIFE. 277 
 
 Westloe to attend his fainting lady ; and 
 he bustled away, although as useless about 
 her person as he was to repair every other 
 disaster of the present emergency. 
 
 Our Hero availtd himself of the leisure 
 now afforded him to complete his dress; 
 on consulting his watch, he found that he 
 had hardly sufficient time to reach the 
 office, ere the morning coach was ready to 
 start ; but the present distracted state of 
 the family made it imperative on him to 
 put off his journey, and the more so, as 
 his absence, at that juncture, would not 
 fail being ascribed to the consciousness of 
 guilt. 
 
 By this time, the messengers dispatched 
 arrived breathless from the Captain's lodg- 
 ings, with the information that he had not 
 slept at home and was not to be found : 
 upon this information every voice pro-
 
 278 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 nounced him the culprit. Domville ad- 
 vised Mr. Westloe, who now re-appeared, to 
 dispatch persons on horseback in every 
 direction after the fugitives. 
 
 Whilst orders were given to that effect, 
 news arrived that the lady was returned 
 and the gentleman also, but the latter in a 
 predicament not quite so gallant, as when 
 he handed his fair partner into the post- 
 chaise that was to carry her away from 
 parental thraldom to connubial freedom. 
 
 The parties had little difficulty to en- 
 counter in the attempt: the lady having 
 the command of every outlet. To pre- 
 vent however the chance of obstruction, 
 the maid turned the lock of Mr. Dom- 
 ville's room and took away the key. In 
 addition to the contents of her purse, Miss 
 Westloe was bearer of her mamma's 
 jewels as well as her own. They might
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 279 
 
 be found serviceable, as she conjectured that 
 the Captain was not overstocked with the 
 needful. 
 
 We must however exonerate the young 
 lady from breaking open her father's 
 bureau ; that act is to be ascribed to the 
 footman. This fellow had long watched 
 for an opportunity, and having overheard 
 their plan and time of escape, he con- 
 ceived that a fair chance was now offered 
 him to become rich with impunity, as the 
 theft would naturally be imputed to the 
 absentees. 
 
 Thus far every thing went on pros- 
 perously with the Plotters, but lo ! — Here 
 upstarts a Marplot, in the shape of a 
 dashing London Tailor, after this guise. 
 
 A bill to the amount of £120 (we will 
 omit shillings and pence) was due from 
 Captain Bald rick for a plentiful supply
 
 280 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 of clothes- of the fashionable cut : he had 
 been dunned for the payment of the same, 
 but fancied that he had averted the im- 
 pending calamity of a writ, by having 
 given an assurance of a speedy discharge, 
 upon the strength of his going to marry 
 a rich heiress. But our experienced Tailor 
 construed this information into a mere 
 jetch, fit only to gull Tyros in the trade. 
 A Sheriff's substitute, previously well ac- 
 quainted with our captain's person and 
 furnished with the legal instrument, was 
 the agent dispatched in behalf of the 
 Creditor. 
 
 As ill luck would have it, the coach on 
 which our eagle-eyed catchpole was hoisted, 
 happened to stop before the inn, at the 
 very time the lady and her paramour were 
 alighting from their vehicle, to take some 
 refreshment, whilst horses were changing.
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 281 
 
 Without loss of time, the civil officer 
 presented to the military one his unwel- 
 come credentials, the potentiality whereof 
 proving an overmatch for the stock of cash 
 in hand, the fugitives, fain to admit 
 the company of their now legal Gustos, 
 were brought back to the same town they 
 had started from, four hours before. 
 
 Mr. Domville now conceiving that 
 his presence could be dispensed with, 
 was for making his parting bow, when 
 loud and hurried raps at the outer door, 
 gave so electrifying a shock to tottering 
 Mrs. Westloe, that she had only strength 
 to ejaculate a faint shriek ; and the gen- 
 tleman, with the alacrity usual on such 
 occasions, had hardly time to place her 
 on the sofa — when — with the bold, deci- 
 sive step of both Queen and Heroine, en- 
 tered somewhat flurried, the fair cause of
 
 282 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 all this confusion. Resentment settled on 
 her brow, indignation scowled from her 
 eye, her bosom heaved and her face glowed 
 with contending emotions, of which she 
 appeared to wait for an abatement, ere 
 she trusted herself with giving utterance 
 to the passionate strains ready to burst from 
 her lips. 
 
 At this period, our Disciplinarian could 
 only stare in utter astonishment, undecided 
 in what tone and words his rebuke should 
 be conveyed. The mother however, went 
 so far as to utter, — " Oh, Liddy, Liddy ! 
 How could you have been so naughty ?" 
 
 " Now, Mother, you are beginning as 
 usual. — I proiest, it is enough to provoke a 
 saint. — Never was a young creature so ill 
 treated as I have been." 
 
 M And really, Girl, you deserved it all," 
 was the father's intended reply, but, dashed
 
 MAZES OF LFFE. 285 
 
 by her Amazonian air, the latter part of the 
 phrase was supplied by a throat-clearing — 
 hem; whilst Miss Westloe, with mien 
 erect, and with animated, haughty, demea- 
 nour, expressive of anger and wounded 
 pride, whether really felt or politically 
 assumed, was pacing up and down the 
 apartment, shaking and even smacking at 
 times her slender whip. — Thus she other- 
 wise evinced her resentment, authorita- 
 tively assuming the tone and manner of an 
 injured person. 
 
 " Never was one so deceived, — never did 
 any body witness so sudden a change. — A 
 paltry fellow with all his pretensions! — • 
 Mean and dastardly. —At first no fault 
 could be found with the man : his manner 
 of carrying me off was well enough, and 
 so forth. But, when some shabby, vulgar, 
 ill looking wretch presented him with a 
 dirty piece of paper, I never beheld
 
 284 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 such a sneaking, sniveling', alteration. 
 Instead of soundly horse-whipping the 
 fellow for his impudence, and kicking him 
 round and out of the room, he hemmed and 
 hawed, and begged and prayed, aud 
 wheedled and coaxed to no purpose. Well, 
 hardly were we re-seated in the post-chaise, 
 but in steps the odious creature, as if in his 
 own right. — Only conceive, Mother, how 
 distressing ! — There was I, for miles, 
 obliged to bear this man's presence : his 
 coarse, rugged, black-bearded, visage 
 facing me, his dirty clothes defiling mine, 
 and I inhaling the fumes of gin, beer, and 
 tobacco, that this delectable personage had 
 collected from every pot-house. — I loudly 
 called on the captain to order or throw him 
 out of the carriage. — He could only shrug- 
 up his shoulders, look pitiful, and hang 
 down his head. How I do detest him ! 
 $ay, he had the meanness to inquire whe-
 
 MAZES OF LIFE. 285 
 
 ther our joint purses could not satisfy the 
 demand. — Now, though I would have 
 given the world to be rid of the intruder, I 
 replied that I would not be one shilling 
 towards thus compounding for his removal. 
 — He a captain ! there's not a drummer 
 in auy British regiment, but would have 
 acted more manfully. I am really under 
 some obligation to the man for having thus 
 detected the Impostor. Only think, Pa, — a 
 sword and pistols at hand, and not used ! By 
 nay troth, I now entertain so mean an opi- 
 nion of this captainBaldrick,that of the two, 
 I had rather run away with the catchpole." 
 As our Virago delivered this voluble, 
 impassionate, strain, she really looked very 
 interesting. She was dressed in a light 
 blue riding habit that much became her : 
 her hat saucily thrown backwards, over 
 which waved a well-supplied ostrich fea- 
 ther curving elegantly downwards, her
 
 283 MAZES OF LIFE. 
 
 raven locks in graceful confusion sporting 
 about the skirts of her plump, rosy, round, 
 visage ; some, as she indignantly tossed her 
 head, bobbed the frowning brows of her 
 full, black, sparkling eyes; the disorder in 
 her dress well accorded with her glow- 
 ing features and the vehemence of her ac- 
 tion, which was further attested by the 
 frequent smacking of her whip. 
 
 Domville longed to be the happy mor- 
 tal that was to pacify her. The mother, 
 whose nerves had been excessively flur- 
 ried, dreading some tragical termination, 
 sat in stupid amazement and in tremors. 
 But the silly father, enraptured at witness- 
 ing such undeniable symptoms of her be- 
 ing a chip of the old block, caught her 
 in his arms, crying out, " A brave Wench ! 
 by all that is gamesome ! ! !"* ******* 
 ****#**### *********
 
 MAZES OF LIFE 287 
 
 We shall not proceed any further, ex- 
 cept just to state, that it was however 
 deemed advisable to consign the young 
 lady to an aunt of her's residing in town, 
 till other follies, from other quarters, had 
 cast over the present a faint shade of obli- 
 vion. The Captain regained his release, 
 upon mortgaging twenty-five pounds per 
 annum out of his half pay, until the whole 
 claim, with cost, be liquidated. The maid, 
 sheltering herself under the protection of 
 her young mistress, in spite of the Elders, 
 retained her situation ; the footman wisely 
 absconded with his booty, on miss West- 
 loe's re-appearance; but that some poe- 
 tical justice be done, the gardener was 
 turned adrift, mulct of his wages, a year 
 of which Was nearly due. 
 
 We may, however, be allowed to re- 
 mark that, tho' poetical justice does not al-
 
 288 MAZES OP LIFE. 
 
 ways attend the more striking" incidents on 
 the stage of life ; yet, by daily, hourly, 
 vexations, it seldom fails to extort a severe 
 retribution from those Performers, who 
 have dared to violate its integrity. 
 
 We here close this Volume, indulging a 
 hope that the perusal of its contents will 
 induce the Header to take up the second : 
 and we venture to promise him that we 
 have (so Vanity whispers us) something 
 better in store. 
 
 END OF THE FIRST VOLUME.
 
 r- t( r\ 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOI9-URBANA