3 le iilGRACE ABOUNDING To THE CHIEF OF SINNERS, IN a FAITHFUL ACCOUNT of the LIFE and DEATH oF JOHN BUNYAN ; oR, A Brief RELATION of the exéceding Mercy of g J GOD in Curist to Him: NAMELY, ' In his taking hin a out of the Dungh 7 and converting of him to the Faith of his bles sed $ n JESUS CHRISTY. Here is also particularly shewed, What Sight of, and what Trouble he had, for Sin; and als0Os what variou mp oS he hi meh: met with’; and how GOD. i carried him through them all. ie eee .e Author, for the Benefit 1Christaans. SLL LL IIL IIIT Corrected and much enlarged by the of tempted and dejecte: ee FA IO LAT AS, Cod, and Ff wiil declare whut Come and hear, all ye that fear he hath done far vy Soul. Psaim layseFe: ie —— LONDON: PRPREF ACE; OR, A Brief Account of the publishing this Work. Written by the Author thereof, and dedicated to those whom GOD hath counted him worthy to beget to Faith, by his Ministry in the Word. Z CHILDREN, grace be with you. Amen. ¥ have been taken from you in presence, and so tied up that I cannot perform that duty, that from God doth lie upon me to you ward; for your father edifying and building up in faith and holiness, &c. yet, that you may see my soul hath fatherly care and desire after your spiritual and everlasting wel- fare, I now once again, as before from the top of Shemir and Hermin, so now from the Lion’s Den, and from the mountain of the Leopards, (Songiv.8.) do yet look after you all, greatly longing to see your safe arris al into the THE Desired Haven. I thank God upon every remembrance of you ; and rejoice, even while I stick between the teeth of the lions in the wilderness, that the grace and mercy, and knowledge of Christ our Saviour, which God hath bestowed upon you, with abund- ance of faith and love; your hungerings and thirst- ings after farther acquaintance with the Father, in the Son, your tenderness of heart, your troubling at sin, your sober and holy deportment also, before both God and men, is a great refreshment to me; for you are my glory and joy. 1 Thess. i. 20, I have sent you here inclosed, a Grop of that honev that [ have taken out of the carcase of a lion, Judges xiv. 5, 6, 7, 8. I have eaten thereof myself, and am much refreshed thereby. (Temptations when we meet with them at first, are as the lion that roared upon Sampson; but if we overcome A 2 \Vv PREFACE, them, the next time we see them, we shall find a nest of honey within them. ) The Philistines un- derstood me not. It is « something of a revelation of the work of God upon my Soule even from the very first, till now, wherein you may per ceive my castings down, ba risings up; for he woundeth, and his hands make whole. It i is written in the Seripture, Isaiah xxxviii. 19. The father to the hildren shall make known the truth of G od, Yea, if was for this reason | | tay so long at Sinai. Lev. IV. 10,11, to see the fire, and the cloud, and the ; that"! might fea the Lord all the da 2yS es life upon earth, and tell of his wo cl vorks to my ch ieee Psal. Ixxviti. 3 A, 5. Moses, N umb. x SEXY, 2, writ of the jour ney- ings of the ¢ children of Israel, from Egypt to the land of Canaan: and comm: mded als, That they did remember thei forty years travel in the wil- derness. of hou shalt ness all the ways which the Lord tl Ge leads thee these fort ty years in the wildern es, i bur file Whéee dul to prove thee,and to know what was in thiue heart, whetherthout wouldst keep his commandments or no, Deut. vii. 2.18: ni T have endeavoured to de; and not : to publish it also; that ?f God will, other Smay be put in remembrance of what he hath é heir souls It is prof a to’ mind ‘t Wheref re this’ + u OF 3 only so, but ! , by readin g his work x upon me. itable for ( Ch ristians to be often calling he ver 4 beginning of grace with their souls. Jt is 4 night to be rae observed to the Lord, for brin ging them out of the land of F “SyPt. This is bbe it night of the Lord to be observed of al] on of Israel, in their generation, ae j God, saith David; xiii, 6, my soul i cast down within me: but I will remember thee. OoPREFACE. from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar. He remembered also the lion and the bear, when he went to fight with the giant of Gath, 1 Sam. xvii. 36, 37. It was Paul’s accustomed manner, Acts xxil, and that when tried for his life, Acts xxiv. even to open before his judges the manner of his conver- sion‘ He would think of that day, and that hour, in which he did first meet with grace: for he found it supported him. When God had brought the chil- dren of Israel out of the Red Sea,far into the wilder- ness, yet they must turn quite about thither again, to remember the drowning of their enemies there, Numb. xiv. 26, forthough they sang his praise be- fore, yet they soon forgothis works, Psal.exvi.11,12. In this discourse of mine, you may see much: much I say, of the grace of God towards me: I thank God I count it much, for it was above my sins and Satan’s temptations too. I can remember my fears and doubts, and sad months, with com- fort; they are as the head of Goliah in my hand. There was nothing toDavid likeGoliah’s sword,even that sword that should have been sheathed in his bowels; for the very sightand remembrance of tliat did preach forth God’s deliverance to him. Oh! the remembrance of my great sins,of my great temptati- ons,and of my great fear of per#hing for ever! They. bring afresh into my mind the remembrance of my great help, my great supports from Heaven, and the wreat gracethatGod extended to such a wretch as I. \ My dear children, cail to mind the former days, and years of ancient times: Remember, also, your songs in the night, and commune. with your own heart, Psal. Ixxill. 5, ©, 7; 3,9, 10,11, Laue Yea, lock diligently, and leave ng coyne therein usa fi 3PREFACE. 1, for that treasure hid, even the treasure of your eR and second experience of the grace of iS you. Remember, T cay, the word ud hold upon you: Remember your ter- rors of orice ce, and fear of Death and Hell: Oe: ae your tears and prayers to God; » how you siglied under every hele of mercy. hve you never an hill Mizar toremember? Have you forgot the close, He milk-house, the a Ef the barn , and the oy here God did visit souls? Reh 1em ae ae the ee the wor 1, 1 say, upon which th rd hath caused you to hope: If rou have inten against hes it you are ceuiited aspheme, if yc ou are drowned in despair if 5 ul 1S w ] air, think God fights against you, or-if Heaven from your eyes, remember it was thus with male father: but out of thera all the Lord del livered me. I could have enlarged much in this my di e emptations and troubles for sin i kin hifees and workine : As eb) Ya ie an Ne Cs Lil ee os S oO“ ponsd us f£ could also have stepped into a style much higher than this, in which I have here discoursed, and could have adorned all th ings more than here [ have oo. to do; ae I dare not: YT ther did eit vit, when ( Pyar EDN: ceoae ceeds wes ee oe ., play, wien *£ sunk into a Gatiomiess pit icy I 1 awnine Pe AR ett me! Re pyre Bee as asta uie tne peness or Heil ¢. volt hold en me; whererore Ratan nee: ee eat on Baad: n f } iu be a Re I may not play in relating of them, but be plain Incl eit Sigh eee ee et 4145 yey ft senneice Be and Simpr:e, and lay acown the thine as it was. He ° CO 4} Pelee He Geo dese ane. nf =e rt Acad ‘ that liketh it, let him recéive it: and he that eee a oR Bars rasa ee ates ats ; doth not, let him produee a better, Farewell. n O ? « . XY A{BOUNDING TO. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS; OR, A Brief Relation of the exceeding Merey of Gon in uRIS?T, lo hts poor Servant, JoHn Bunyan. ~ Y Iw this my relation of the merciful working of God upon my soul, it will not be amiss, if in the first place, I do, in afew words of my pedigree and manner of i ip thereby the goodness and bounty of God towards me may be the more advanced and magnified be- fore the sons of men. 2, For my descent then, it was, as ig well known by many, of a low and } inconsiderable generation ; my father’s house bei ing of that rank that is mean- est.and BAe ipeies fall the families of thedand. t Wherefore I have not here, as others, noble blood and any high-born state, according to the flesh: though, all things considered, nify th heavenly 1 majes ty, forshat bytGEACE ABOUNDING To children ; though, to my shame, I confess I did soon lose that I had learned, even almost utter] y; and that long before the Lord did work his graci- ous work of conversion upon my soul. 4. As for my own natural life, for the time that I was without God in the w rid, it was indeed ac- cording to the course of this world, and the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience. Eph, ii. 2, 3. It was my delight to be taken cap- tive by the Devil at his will, 2 Tim. ii. 26, being filled with all unrighteousness: The which did also so strongly work, both in my heart and life, that 4 had but few. equals, both for cursing, swearing, tying, and blaspheming the holy name of Ged. 8. Yea, so settled and rooted wes I in these hings, that they became as a second nature to me; the which, as I have also with soberness consider-~ ed since, did so offend the Lord, that even in my childhood he did scare and terrify me with fear- ful dreams and visions: For often, after I had spent this and the other day in sin, I have been greatly afflicted, while asleep, with the apprehen- sion of devils and wicked spirits, who, as I then thought, laboured to draw me away with them, of which 1] could never be rid. ' 6. Also I should, at those years, be greatly troubled with the thoughts of the fearful torments of Hell fire: still fearing that it would be my lot to be found at last among these devils and hellish fiends, who are there bound down with the chains 2nd bonds of darkness Great Day. 7. Thesesthings, I say, when I was but a chilc but mise or ton years old, did ge or aa bene Mn ade ts ‘doc batal) { sO QiSth Ess wy OU » unto the judgement of the ned 5 » ~THE CHIEF OF SINNER, — ) that then, in the midst of my maay sports and childish vanities, amidst my vain ompan ions, I was often much cast down and afflicted in my mind therewith, yet could I not let go my sins; yea, was also then so overcome with des spair ae life and. Heaven, that I should often wish, either that the had been no Hell, or that I had ee 1 a Devil, sup- posing ee were onh 7 tormentors:; that if it must needs.be that I went ‘thither, I might rather be a thai tha an to be tormented ne yself. 8. A W hile after these terrible dreams did leave me, which also I soon forgot ; for my | sogrunes did pect a3 quickly cut off the smembrance of them, asif they had never been: W vhe ore with more ent ness, according to the strength of nature, I did still let osse the reins of my lust, and dehghted in « ansgre essions against the Law of G od: So ‘that until I came to the state of marriage, Twas th ringleader in all manner of vice a ungodliness. g. Yea, such prevalency had the lust of the fle on my poor soul, that had not a miracle of preciou grace prev ented, I had net enly perished by a stroke of sca l justice, but also laid ny self open te the stroke of sasclan ws which bring some to dis- grace and shame before the face of the world. 10. In these days the thoughts of religion were very grievous tome; 1 could neither enduyed it my- self, nor that any either should; so that when f have seen some read in those bool s that concerned an piety, it would be as it were a prison to Then 1 said unto God, “ Depart from me, sire not the knowledge of thy ways!’ Jeb xx. 14, 1d... a was now void of “all good co Bae i both out of sight and Seep et a}GRACE ABOUNDING Tv mind ; and as for saving and damning, they were least in my thoughts. “ O Lord, thou knowest my life, and my ways are not hid from thee.” 1i. But this I well remember, that though I could myself sin with the greatest delight and ease, yet, even then, if I had at any time seen wicked things, by those who professed “goodness it would make my spirit tremble. As once above all the rest, when I was in the height of vanity, yet hear- ing one to swear that was reckoned fora religious man, it had so great a stroke upon my spirit, that it made my heart ache. 12. But God did net utterly leave me, but fol- lowed me still, not with convictions, but judge- ments, mixed with mercy. For once I fell into a creek of the sea, and hardly escaped drowning. Another time I fell out of a boat into Bedford River, but mercy yet preserved me: besides, ane- ther time, being in the field, with my companions, it chanced that an adder passed over the highway, so I having a stick struck her over the back: and having stunned her, I forced open her mouth with my stick, and plucked her sting out with my fingers ; by which act, had not God been merci- ful to me I might, by my desperateness, have brought myself to my end. 13. This also I have taken notice of with thanks- giving: when I was a soldier, I, with others, were drawn out to go to such a place to besiege it ; but when I was just ready to ko, one oF the company desired to go in my room: to which, when I had consented, he tock my place, and coming to the siege, as he stood centinel, he was shot into the head with a musket-bullet, and died,THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 14, Here, as I said, were judgments and mercy, but neither of them did awaken my soul to righte- ousness ; wherefore I sinned still, and grew more- and more rebellious against’ God, and careless of my own salvation. 15. Presently after this, I changed my condi- tion into a married state, and my mercy was to light wpon a wife whese father was counted godly. This woman and J], though we came together as poor, as poor as might be, (not having as much household stuff as a dish or a spoon betwixt us both) yet this she had for her part, The plain Man’s Path-way to Heaven; andthe Practice of Piety; which her father had left her when he died. In these two books I sometimes read, wherein I feund some things that were somewhat pleasing to me; (but all this while I met with no conviction.) She also often would tell me what a godly man her father was, and how he would reprove and cor- rect vice, both in his house, and among his neigh- bours; and what a strict and hely life he lived in his days, both in word and deed, | 16. Wherefore these books, though they did not: reach my heart, to awaken it about my sad and sinful state, yet they did beget within me some desires to reform my vicious life, and fall in very eagerly with the religion of the times; to wit, to go to church twice, and there very devoutly both say and sing, as others did, yet retaming my wicked life; but withal was so overrun with the spirit of superstition, that I adored, and that with great de- votion, even all things (both the’high place, priest, clerk, vestment, service, and what else) belonging to the church; counting all things holy that were49 ‘GRACE ABOUNDING TO ° t therein contained, and especially the priest and clerk ae happy, and, without doubt, greatly blessed, because they were the e servants, as I then tho Set of God, and were principal in the holy ten ue to do hic work therein. This conceit grew so strong upon my spi- ns that had I but seen-a priest (thoug gh never so sordid aed debauched in his life) I should find my spirit fall under him, reverence him, and knit un- to him ; yea, I thought, for the love I did bear unto them, (sitpposiue th 1ey were the ministers of God) i nie have laid down at their feet, and have been trampled 4 upon by them; their name, their garb, and aide: did so intoxicate and bewitch me. 18. After I had been thus for some considera- ble time, Bre thought came intomy mind ; and that was, Whether we were of the Israelites, or no? For fmding in the Scripture they were once the peculiar people of Ged, thought IL, if I were one of this race, my soul must needs be happy. Now again, I Pound within me a great. longing to be Pesoly at about this question, Bad could Gt “tell how I should. At last I asked my father of it; who told me, No, we were not. Wherefore then I felt in my spirit, as to the hope of that, and so remained, 19. But all this while, I was not sensible of the danger and evil of sin; I was kept from consider- ing that sin would donna me, what religion soever : followed, unless I was found im Christ: 2 Nay, I ever theught whether there was such a one or no. I This man, “while blind, doth wonder, for he know- eth not the way to the city of Ged, Eccles. x. 15. 19. Cut one day (amongst all the sermons our eea Trpere VRCYEL oe eS (ey a! ymead ae ae eect 3 OUL, O11. one fi rom mm oO eo Ti of ae). AT VV AT Ee ABOUND Hl hasthe good Orme oy é ee fn 4 4} ag ES 95. And Iam very connaent,that thi of the Devil is more usual among < tha > nV g ea yr Ot r A Ae sy mah Maw ir uware Of 3 y et UicyY CULE o 2 anyrat . Vives ee ay a secret ce melusion within them, tha hones ar them: for th vy i AV e lov C709 £UL CHC 5 101 th ave oved mate zB ee an rey will 0, Jel. TH: Sea and xvii. 12. 25.’Now therefore I went onin sin ing that I could not be satisfied wi eh it This did continue with me about more; but one day, as I was standin; 7 We EY eee aap shar 1&1 bour’s shop window, and there cursing QO me; she was a very i and anaaly wre exh mae protested that I swore and cursed at a most fear~ ras made to tremble to pe ar me : ther, that I was the ungodiest fellow for Sabie - that she ever heard in ‘all her W m a UL € 3 YVuoat life; and that I, by thus doing, was able to spe or allthe youth in the whole town, if they came but lenced, and put to aes before ile I cea there, ish al that Lmight be PINES im LS 1 ¥ a little shild again, that my father might learn me cc é o 0 speak without this. wi we way of sw caring y Tam so accusto iad to’it,; that it is in vain to think of a refor mation, for that could 28. But how it came to pass I know not, I did from this time forward so leave my swearing, that B216 GRACE ABOUNDING TO at was a great wonder to myself to observe it; and wwhereas before I knew not how to in unies mt ut an oath before, ai ‘ds another palit |, to make ny words have ie tority ; now I could without it speak better, and with more Pleasantness¢ chan ever i could before. All this while 1 knew not Jesus rs Christ, neither did leave my sports anc } 29. But, quickly after this, obrfell Gide ) company with one peor man that made profession ‘of reli- gion; who, as I then t ought, did talk pleasantly of the Scriptures, oh of Religion ; wherefore liking what he said; J betook me to my Bible, and \3 ble besan to take great pleasure in reading, especi- ally with the historical part thereof; for as for Paul’s Ep yistles, and such like Scriptures, I could not away with them, being as yet ‘ign 1orant either of my nature, or of the want and worth of Jesus Christ to save us. 30. Wherefore I fell to so tion both in my words a oamandments before meTHE CHIEF OF SINNERS, Lf ior grace, nor faith, ner hope; for, as I have since ear Taek Tea ee if ‘; Bd . seen, pad L then died, my state nad been a phaneness, to something like a moral ie and a so~ ber man. Now therefore they began to praise, to commend and to speak well of me, both to my face and behind my back. Now I was, as they BEL ERR BONE : ao Vat a ct ii ~¥ 4 wy ce eye IN r MINMIETOWYHWLeL taken much delight in ringing, but my conscience cq 4 jc of Fg ie } Bed LT tho } 201 Ce beginnine to be tender, | thou actice pace es rand w > ~p m Om pee D pred bw oo v An Oo bund b ao prmed Px 7 - Q ¥ ew ~ oe peed 2) er» ww) a e nvr Vs pane ~ ‘ne r c hen I thought again, u ] 1+ a) +t na aa a ere he Reece the bell fall with a swing, it might first hit | t 1 3 + 2 i ie ite oy the wall, and then rebounc me 7 onme, might kill his mede me stand in theary ALLL3*79RT744 aig, a antness Gr oe es ey INNERS. <3 “yO es succest! Xu &vlovy Se £ ER A ait wes } t aneCt away ; and the more [ went among th pa a } : ng them, the a PG i, Seve a peng as al Tatas more I did question my condition: and. as I stil] £ L i i that it lay lik ine out, (p kingdom of though as ye MOULD as VE neither wleasuves “wor week ik. ) a pleasures, noi pronts, nor persuasions, nor hreats, co he it eats, co le it’s hol I speak it Ty Eleaven.TAT RT SINN ERS. ‘7 +h ye y ore! 3 t with 4 some ranters’ eem by several old , but was 1 3 chem; where! wn. blindness, mn this dectrine ; if if it be of the I lay my soul me not be de« Be Vas aGRACE ABOUNDING TO all exhortations to sobriet rebuke his wickednes and pretend ee he had g and could never hit v Wherefore abomina ting th left his company forthv great a nee As ~ wULil 7 €S eee wi de we 21 " ; 144 Aetie 41 Eee } eae and dark ; pretending that they only ha ned to perfection, tl C E xy eava ls ‘ y a a f ue a of W vould! and not sit Oh - these temptations were orn Leet. es suitable to my flesh, I being but a young man. and my nature m Be prim but G O oF Ay bed @§ x 477. And as I went on and reed, I hit upon that passege ‘ ‘To one is given by fh e Spirit the word of wisdom; te another the word ek no} wledge by } I > Bs y be fh ¥ ie. he okt 7 3 ¥ pe Ta ae no; but I was loth to conelude I had no faith: es -f oy < 41 7 eee ey a 3 for if I do so, thought I, then I shall count my- - g Ee XYTEFRIT QOH _ ORT OXY +7 Anaad seik a vet y CaSt-away indee Ch. ECO) ere ee sae are ] ’ ; tO. INOW, Salt Y am an f know-; S 7 a : . + Inds PAX 4490 ~e “7 rAKRir NVIwWA A Tm ee? é but by. ti y in Ss tO -work some miuiracies: } miracle; E re aeY Pe ee aaa 2 must say to the puddles t! pads, be ¢ Tae ih ies: and tru in Apne Whiurt gisek a4 1 aa IACEa F PUL ee as Was thought came into my mi fA EAD Ce Cen y onde e “hedge, a an dp ray first that God would make } 4. “ luded to pray, er pease — pe o>) > £ 5 D imap ° =< = ro 2 po —_ a c ne 4 did i othing came again and od to do it, and vet di notwithst: then to be sure I had no faith, sut was ES ck acct e : but was a cast-away, and lost. Nay, thought I, if it be so, I will not try yet, but will stay a little longer,THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 25 52. So I continued at a great loss; for I thought if they only had faith whi ue coulc ful hale ‘then I concluded, that I neither eat ae 20r yet were ever like to aie it. * Thus’ 1’ was tossed betwixt the Jevil and my own ignorance and so perplexed that I could not tell what to do. 53. About this time, the state of happiness of ec poor peop le at Bed ford was thus, in a kinc of a vision, presented to me. I saw, as if they were on the sunny side of some hich mountain, there refreshing themselves with the pleasant Oo rid 7 é 2 &. beams of the s ee mise I wass a and shrink- ing in the cold, < icted with frost, snow, and dark clouds: ae i also, betw cn me and them,. [ saw a wall that did encompass about this moun- . now through this wall my soul did gre atly desire to pass ; concluding, that if I could, Iw ald there also comfort myself with the heat of their sun. 54. About this wall I bethought myself to go again and again, still eS | as I went, to see if } 1 could find some way cr passage by which Im ig ht enter therein ; but none could I find for some time: at the last, I saw, as it were, anarrow gap, if like a little door-way in the wall, through which I ay now tie passage being very strait and narrow, I made many offers to get in, ut all in vain; at last, with great striving, me tous ht at first t did get in my hea m and after iving, my shoulders, and my whole hate ie I wa is exceeding glad. and went and sat down in the midst of them, and so was comforted by the une. and heat of their su 4 55. Now this mountain and wall was thus made out te me: the mountain signified the church or g.Rae 1 Li YX GRACE ABOUNDING T 60n mM S pate 7 Es eg: thought wa: d 4} eae es - the acher e passage wa 2 JANSALY © Wa \ iF t - v that ] eoiii¢A ; ta Couiad i Nn the 2A + oie oh , RELTear, iv. St COL LO “ 1 sr ee Bore life, but ti whright oC ae Re Oe te) 1 g and left th them ; eLivazi ; 3 1 ee v Bin FeuRHR on Rahat ro ae = i THE CHIEF OF SINNERS, _ ar if Ne epee Bae et a q f 1 7 4hrc c Nee : s x ise wis yO Wea and vuilere iS room LUKe Xiy a 3 5 ARnW “EE 2 89 9 TRaca wards And rat tf 7 1,2 = 4 3 f at 1oOr . ee ten A, weve Liese Weras, ANG yet there 1s roam ’ ee SS Sabel Ley €€ et eee el ain of such as Now I resai ee nn ay ear enya mentite. SS : ? ater Ms ° . (my wic ked heart. lusts and corrupt ‘ = aes Lz A ¢ ; me, in wicked t 4 7 f not regard bef o = CUS ‘ | Life began to fail; ie y Aoi y rt 4 | fore my soul, was PS ees egan to Nanker Fa. in | Hell. I could not3 Ai hear Hear C ee ee in iy , how cai. z awiye tat aa ViGOarve i iLee 86 GRACE ABOUNDING TO (fe - a ofessors much distressed and cast down, oe met with an onged losses; as of hus- I foun d prc when th atte car nal aa by some, and what grief in others for the loss of them! If they so MU ante ibour after, and shed se many tears for the t! set this present life, how am I to be be- , pitied, and pra ayed for! My soul is dying, my sol al is damning. Were my soul but ina good condition, and were I but sure of it, ah! he ey should I esteem ae! self, though blessed a with bread and water! I aHeuld cant these but small afflictions, Ba. ahoald bear them as little burdens. A wounded spirit a can bear ! 86. And though I was much troubled and eet ees with the ‘sight and sense of my own wick- dne ee I was a apiaigl to let this sight and sense go te off my mind: for I found, that unless guilt of conscience was taken off the right way, that is by the blood of Christ, a man grew rather worse tor the loss of his trouble of mind: and if it was going off without it (for the sense of sin would be poe ince as if it would die, and zo quite ar way) then I would also strive: to Pouch it upon 1 my heart again, by bri Inging the punishment of sin in Hell- fc upoh my spirit; and would cry, Lord let it not go off my heart b ibs ut by the right way, by the} Hlocd of Christ, and the application of thy mercy, throuch him, tom y oh for bes Scrip- ® hike did lay much wy pon me, ‘without she dding of blood there is no reden se tion,” --He re Xil. And that which made me the more afraid of this, was, becouse I had seen some w ae though when they were und er the wounds of conscience, would eryTHE CHIEF CF SINNERS, - 1an pardon for ce sin, care dy not how Goris lost their guilt, so they got it out of the mind: now havinp > got it off the wrong Way, t was not sanctified unto them; but they grew ‘harder and blinder, and more wicked after their trouble. a hades me afraid, and made me cry to God the more, that it might not be so with me, 87. And now I was sorry that God had made me man, for ] feared I was a reprobate; I counted man as unconverted, the most delet of all creas tures. Thus being afflicted and tossed about in my sad condition, I counted myself alone, and above the most of men unblessed. 88. x ea, I thought it impossible that ever I ttain to so much godliness of heart, as to a od that he had made me a man. Man, ndeed e the most noble by creation of all crea- tures in the visible world: but by sin he had made himself the most ignoble. The beasts, birds, fishes, &c. I blessed their condition ; for they had not a sinful nature: they were not ob-« noxious to the wrath of God: they were not to go to Hell-fire after death; I could therefore have re- joiced had my condition been as many of theirs. 89. In this condition I went a great while; but when the comforting time was come, I hear 7 one preach a sermon on these words in the Song,(Song ive l.) 7 Behold, thou art fair, my love ; behold, thou art fair:” But at that time he made th ese two words, my love, his chief and subject matter ; from which, after he had a little opened . text, he ob- ser ver these several conclusions: That the chureh, andso every saved soul, is Christ s love,DE aiee a TI Sart vi ett ened aR tee cav Se. toe of the inder tenn ptation ae from first hm! ie the wes ‘temptation aud co saptation fs , and the | io uid at pre- ation AF the saidic ** Tt, ove, when hen, poor vd aff icted face. Ver one unto hi ae nn ace ane the pres r make t} is art my love, parate thes Ea was 10w I could° Was Now a ta 1 > rath hh Was TOW So KEN With the 1a 7 a ree God, that I remember I could not tell } tai ain till I got home: I Bagh I could ie e spoken ot his lore and ha ave told of his mercy to me, even to the very cro me sat- upon the ploughed lands before me, hz a ae been capable to have under- ~~ Fou re SO Gee eo ae Wait ae Re eee ee re 4s x Stood me: wherefcre I said in my seul with muc gladness, Wel I, would I had a pen’and ink here, | would write aa down before I go any farther ; icr surely iw I not forget this forty years nee but, alas! within Fes than forty days, I began to ques- te OS 1 - > tion all again; which made me eins to question all stl ul. 93. Yet still at times I was help o to believe that it was a true manifestation of erace w St 1 d soul, though I had lost much of the 1i . and favour of it. Now abouta week ora for thigh afier this, I was much followed by the Scripture, “ Simon, Simon, behold Satan hath desired to have you.” Luke xxii. 31; and sometimes it would sound so loud ae me, that once, above all the rest, I urned my | ba over my shoulder, thinking verily that some man had, behind me, called me; being at a great distance, methought he called so loud. It came, as I have thought mince, to have stirred me up to prayer, and to watchfulness; it came to acquaint me, that a cloud anc ‘alls a storm was coming down upon me; but I understood it not. 94. Also, as I remember, that time that it called to me so loud, was the last time that it sounded in mine ears; but methinks I hear still withwhat a loud voice these words, Simon, Simon, sounded in ‘mine ears; and although that was not my name, D2INDING TO suaden ly look oe ind me, beheving eporant, that 05. er SO Toth was L poe i ¢ which as I knew not the reason of this sound tq did both see and — soon after, was sent from Heaven as an alarm, to awaken me to pt rovide for | what was coming) oul i would muse and wonder im my ceenel to think what should be es reason of this Script ure, and that at this rate it shos Se still be sounding and rattling in mine ears: but as I said before, I soon after perceived the end of God herel ens as whether the era fable, and cun- and pure word of God? ter would also much assault me Ho: v can you tell Lee that the Turks of ures to prove their Mahomet the we have to prove our eee VIOUT as And, could { think, that so many ten - usands, In sO many countries and kingdoms, should be without the knowledge of the right way to Heaven; is there a Hea wen) and that we only, who liveim a corner of the earth, tee alone be blessed. therewith? Every one doth think his own re ligion rightest, both Jews, ‘and Moor rs, and Pagans; and Ho w if all our faith, and Christ, and Scriptures, should be but a thmking so too.” 98. Sometimes I en: deavoured to argue agains these suggestions, and to set some of the sentences of blessed Paul against them ; but, alas! I quickly felt su oH arguings as these would return agam upon me, “* Tho ough we made so great amatter of Paul, and of his v rords, yet how could I tell, but that in very deed, he being a subtle and cunning man, mis A give himself up to deceive with strong delusion and also take He pains aud travel to undo an ae oe his fellews.” 99. These su soestic ms (with many others which at this elite 1 may not, nor dare not utter, neither by bide nor pen) did make such a seizure upon my spirit, both with their number, continuance, and fie ry srs ‘e, that I felt nothing else but these from morning to night within me ; and as though indeed there could be room for nothing elses and also con cluded, ‘I That Ged had, in very wrath to my soul, given me up to them, to be carried away with th nen as with a mighty whirlwind. 100. Only by the dislike that they gave unto my spirit, I felt there was something i in me, that refused toembrace me. But this Boncideeaane I then only had when God gave me ete to swallow my spittle: otherwise the noise, and : pbs and feck: of these temptations \ onl ‘drs wn and over- flow, and as it were, bu A ti remembrance of any such 1 thing! W hile i4 s in this temptation, I eften found my mind teen > bo S S S 5 owewesc GRACE ABOUNDING T& put upon it to curse and swe ar, er to speak some grievous thins against God, or Christ his Son, and of Mie 8 Scripture es 101 ! OW I th Gi 1e Devi t other Ses but heard him Sy horrible blasph out of my hear did think that God such a child : taken up in her arms, and country; kick shriek and cry ; but of the emptation, away I tho 3 have he 9S if mw moanuth w Wid hare AVE OCC as i my RAOUL Would giaveeect ee THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 2 to ‘Bs word, whether I would or no: and in so strong 2, measure was the temptation upon me, that often Lk have been ready to clap my hands under my chin, to k ep my mouth fren opening ; > at other times, to leap Ww ith my head downward into some muck« hill hole,’ to keep my mouth from speaking, 104. Now agam I cated the estate of every thine that God ee state of mine was: yea, giauly would J have been in the condition of a dog or a horse ; for I knew the ey had no souls to. perish under the everlasting weight of Hell, or sin, as mine was like todo. Nay, thoug h [ saw this is, and felt this, yet that which added ta my sorte was, that I could not find, that with ail my soul I did desire de. tiie nade far better than this liverance. That Scripture ad also tear and rend my seve in the midst. of these distractions, «Phe 174 74 wicked are like the troubled sea,which cannotrest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt. There is na peace to the ried anit hmy God,” Isa. lvii. 20,21. 4 L 105. And now x ay heart was, at times, exceed- ing hard: if I would have given a thou: sand pounds for a tear [ could not shed one; no nor sometimes me 2 ? scarce desire te shed one. I saw some cou Me mourn and lament their sin; and sifase again, could re- joice and Digs God for Christ; and oth ers again, 7 I © = fea ed fC pated ~ a Ey pee @ on eee EP 4 ct pay} piel od ry cs coat > 1 wit! gladness 1 remember only was in the storm or Eee. This smueb ae me, | thoag! L gut my con- Oo oe dition was atone, but get out of, or set rid o ai gi Vict Gat By JUL stv 3 i Ss Ae, a these thines, I could not. VA ial eet ty Bp: ~ > 106. While this temptation lasted, which was tos eee A Be ee Cee one ApS pr s eS 2 yeal i come attend upon hone of the ora 4 oe ~eoat eS eA , but with sore and-ereat afflictionwe cee GRACE ABOUNDING TO Yea, then was I most distressed, witl Be asphemies: if t had been hearing the word, the eee blasphemies and de: spair would ho aptive 201 a m there; if I had beak reading, then sometimes I bad sudden thoughts to question allt ad ; again re 2 my mind would be so art gely snatched away, that I have neither known, regarded, nor remem- bered, so me as the sentence that bu t just now { the La rea 107, In pray et also I have been preatly troubled at this time; sometimes I have thought I have felt im behind me, pull my clothes ; nye would be also continu ally at me in time of pray er, to have done, break off make haste, you have prayed enough, and stay no longer ; Gat draw ng my mind away. Sometimes also, he would cast in such wicked thoughts as these, That I m t pray to him, or for him: I have thought sometimes of that he Pall dewn, or, if thou wilt fall ei oe worship me.’ Matt. i iv. 9. 108. Also, when I have had wande ring houghts IT have jabe) ure to compose my mind, and fix it AGL, aliu upon God; then with great force hath the tempter laboured tc to distr set and confound me, and to turn away my mind, by presenting to my heart and fancy, the cnn of a bush, a bull, a pesom, or the like, as if I should pray. to these: to these he would also (at sometimes especially) so hold my miind, that | was.as-if I could think of nothing else ) eae regeeae LATO) Sp ee or pray 10thing else but to these, or such as they. 100. Yet at times I should have some strong § and heai cting apprehensions of God, and the reality of the truth of his G spel: but, oh! how would my heart, at such times nut forth itself with 4« THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. AS unexpressible groanings. My -whole soul was then in every word; I should ery with pangs after God, that he would be merciful unto me: but then I should be daunted again with such conceits as these. I should think that God did mock at these my prayers, saying, and that in the audience of the holy angels, “ This poor wretch doth hanker after me, as if | had nothing to do with my mercy but to bestow it on such as he. Alas! how art thou deceived! It is not fer such as thee to have favour with the Highest.” 110. Then hath the tempter come upon me also with such discouragements as these; “ You are very hot for mercy, but I will cool you; this frame shall not last always: many have been as hot as you for a spirit, but I have quenced their zeal ;” (and with this, such and such, who were fallen off, would be set before mine eyes.) Then I would be afraid that I should do so too: bnt thought I, Vell, I will watch, and take what care Pvearm «“ Though you do (saith Satan) I shall be too hard for you: I will cool you insensibly, by degrees, by little and little. What care I, (saith be) though I be seven years in chilling your heart, if 1 can do it at last? Continually rocking will lull a crying child asleep: I will ply it close, but I will have my end accomplished, Though you be burning, yet I can pull you from this fire; I shall have you cold before it be long.” 111. These things brought me into great straits, for as I could not find myself fit for present death, so I thought, to live long, would make me yet more unfit; for time would make me forget all, even the remembrance of the evil of sin, the worthGRACE ABOUNDING To f Heaven, and the need I had of the blood of “hrist to oat me: but, I thank Christ Jesus, these th ings did not make slack m ay crying, but rather did put me more upon it, (like her who met with the adulterer, Deut. xxii. 96. In which d K lays that was a good eit to me, after T had suffered . rese thi uungs a while; I am persuaded that neither or nor depth, death nor life, &c. shall's rate us from the ive of’ God, w hich isin C] Jes ne vil. 39. And now I hoped long Wen v auld not destroy me, nor make f Heaven. 2. Yet I had some supports in this tempta- ieee that in Jer. iii. at the first was som eh Ing to 3 me; and so was verse o, of that chapter ; that though we have spoke nN and done as evil th al ungs a6 we could, yet we shall cr y unto God, “ My Fa. ther, thou art the guide. of my youth,” aa shall return unto him. 113. I had also once a eet clance from that in 2 Cor.v. 12. “ For he ‘ath made him to be sin Let for us, whe knew no sin, that we micht be made the righ 1teousness of Goal in’ him.” 1 remember that one day, as I was ages very sa pice of my m any sD whe nies : d ying in my mind, OW he a ‘ound ice i! Ae at Tw ho have e been so vile and ab er inherit eternal life?” That word came snd. deny upon me, “ What shall-we say to these things? If God be for us, who cz an be against us?” Rom, Vili. 18; That also was an help to me » Be- caus se J oe tee shall live als nckCHIEF OF SIN ’NERS. lasted not: pa “ like to Peter’s shet, of a sud- den were caugl t up from me to Heven again ACtS XD. 114. But afterwards the Lord did, more fully and oi iclously discov ee self unto me, and in- deed did quite, not only deliver me from the euilt that by hee things was laid upon my gons science, but also from the very filth therec of; foy the ten np- tation was removed. and I was ae coke my right mind again, as other Christians were ct 115. £ remember that one ie as I was musing f my heart, and bonsi dering the enmity that was in me to God, that Seri ipture came into my m 2 blood of 5S ‘ to see, bo were frienc ind, “ He hath made qeace by t @ } took part of the s: = ? 1 7 ? > xr c ¢ ‘Wed +4 likewise } ame, that through deat Want atc etl Raa as TS Ei he meht destroy him that had the power of death, that is the Devil; < who, through the fear of death, were en Tiek: jie subject to bondage.’’. Heb. ii. 1 15. I thowght that the glory of these words was then sc weighty. on me, that I was bot b once. or twice rea ede wy ret Reker ee aes oD i in Sz a yet not with grief and trouble, bu olid ‘ . / Ca 117. At this tmme I also sat under’ the m’ nistry48 { Grace sBouNDING To AS of holy My. Gifford, whese doctrine, by. God’s | jy. is " eee, Gan oe f grace, Was; huch for my stability. This man made it much his business to deliver the people of God from all tijuse false and unsound tests, that by na- ture we afe prone to. He would bid us take spe- cial heed that we took not up any truth upon trust; but try .nightily to Ged, ‘that he would convince us of the/reality thereof, and set us down therein by his ovhn spirit in the holy word: for, said he, if you do Stherwise, when temptation come, if strongly upon you, you not having received them with evidence from Heaven, will find you want that help and strength now to resist that once you thought ypu had. 118. ‘I'fis was as seasonable to my soul as the former angl latter rains in their seasons; for I had found, and that by sad experience, the truth of these hisjwords: wherefore I found my soul, through gyace, very apt to think in this doctrine and to inciine to pray to God, that in nothing that pertained to God’s glory, and my own eternal hap-« piness, he- would suffer me to be without the con- firmation ‘thereof from Heaven; for now 1 saw clearly, the difference betwixt the notion of the flesh and blood, and the revelation of God in Hea~ ven: also a great difference betwixt that faith that is feigned, and according to man’s wisdom, and of that which comes by a man’s being born there- unto of God,,Matt. xvi. 15, J John v. 1. 119. But, oh! now, how was my soul led from truth to truth by God! Even from the birth and cradle of the Son of God, to his accession, and second coming from Heaven to judge the world, 190 120. Truly, T then found, upon this account, 1 | | | | |THE CHIEF OF SINNERS, AQ rod was very ¢ gzood untome; for, to my X emen mbrance, there wasmot any thing that I them z j Be age one A ES : cred pe c God t to make known, and reveal untae ] ] PAsress Te es a eo y me, put he was pleased to do it for me: I mean. iat 3 { sau Oti= o 4 re fa ae

Wy a Sy 1 + © woud be ture or that, for relief, still that sentence wouid be =p Soi know how that after g ling in me: “ For ye know (hat aver ted the! blessingGRACE ABOUNDING T 146. Sometimes, i indeed, [ Should have a touch from that in Luke xxii. 3. ‘ I bave prayed for thee that thy faith fail not -” Ns it would not abide upon me; neither could I, indeed when I con- sidered my state, find ground to oe in the least, that there should | be the root of tha grace in me, ae ving sinned as [ had sabe Nii was I tore and rent in an he: avy case for many days together, 147. Then began I, with sad and careful heart, to consider of the nature and ! and to a into the word o an aie place 17 flees} piace more fully, I £0 > rks twas rat er os Oo UE rc Pot alt 20 Fr al > ta ce NOU Ss iu it Was ra th d 6 be UyL 1ueTSstood, any F Cialis to those who had, while in a natu state ritted such things as there are ment!oned,but not to me, who had not o1 nly received light and mercy but oe had both after ; and aiso contrary to that, 1 4 7 a Ss ; os se ec Bo Oye oy ee mine, ene e he sin unpardonable of which he + 15 } 1, } cetl ut he that shall bl x poeky: ) ee et OL . a ee pheme ag ala at ‘hig Lioly Ghost, hath never fo; 3 ras d gly os ness, but is in danger of eternal damnation, Mark ui. And I did the rather give credit to th because of that sentence in the Hel yews: “« ties you know how that 2 afterwards, when he would have inher te the wrens he was ihe for i he found no opTHE CHIEF OF SINNERS. it carefully with tears.” And this stuek always with me, 149. And now was I both a burden and a ter- ror temyself; now was I -w cary of my. life, anc yet afraidto d ce. On! how glac thy now would Lhave been any body but myself! any thing but a man, and in any condition but x myown ! ! f or there was 1 nothing did pass more freq yuently over my mind, than that it was impossible for me to be Ris ven my trans- Oo gression, and to be saved from the wrath to come, 150. And now J Sen to Hie ack time that 7 1 e day was past; wishine a thousa me times that th ] ae a sin; cantatas both agal Vv nst my heart,and all assaults, how I would rather have been torn inpieces than be found a consenter thereto, But, alas: these wishings and & resolvings were now too late te hel ! this thought had passed my heart, Ged hath let me 8°, and I am fallen. Oh! thought I, “that it Dy sin those me es ae 4 se aide as celved : laa ; a: race rec > by consid i that his transgressions were only such t the law of Moses, *hrist could, with the con- but mine was against ‘avtor thereof, I had s if racked upone ra c he a ¢ € onsid Beh oth ance } tat Bis rts hel ip, Vet y consnere denial his master, aviour. W herefor me nearer° FA Awe his care, } at oe Pa! ul , becau »ye 4.1 sufie i 7 ‘ them et fallDES ver be pass sed 62 GRACE ABOUNDING T but he would not let them fall in 1€ sin Un- pardonable, nor into Hell for sin. O! thought I, these be the me t ¢ :d: these | the men that God, thoug > lf yr ga Oe 3 4 j ‘h he istiseth them, ss 41 Cd: ate Pies ra Pec keeps them in safety by him. But all these 7 4 . thoughts added sorrow, grief, and horror to me and was iting to me. If I thous kept his ewn, that was killing to me; if I thought : of how | was fallen myself, that was killing tc * 7 eC oboe : 4 As all u Ling 2S SNE ugh ey ee the best, and to see) a 5 2 al) Cm « Judas prayer a with much de ry on a sudc fro’ like thie | TOW ; nearh eae Y et was, for a w saw I had gressed so fal again, fond, t more ways sin; wh es f this iniquity of mLEC emp at there 46 would yield you e ever torment yourself be- Ce Poe) eR oa 1 amning out of g anes At Se Te eee LRG W ith SUCH \« £actsea have led hin a st YR i) oS bot je oO Qa poral k now to pray to ey; swallowing me HIV RTA eit) V¥ as xI } hCHIER LRS JO 165. I feared also that this was the mark that God did set on Cain, even continual fear and [ 1€2 4Lat ny laa and ae that 5 loc el. Thus did I twine and shrink un tits tHe 1 e, so that L could neither ier at rest or qu iet. ne would sometimes come 7 le hath received gifts for th ere is < Vi Che rebellious, thou fre such as those w oo sworh subjecticn to his government i against him; = th ng ht I, is my very condition; I once leved ve im now I am a “ Let him go has gifts fie rebels; and bed o ae ~~ (say o 5 nw ™ ee fer) pon! 0 pe he °C pected “ "~ ot a A ® — Se D jon! own! jet 0 & = rod ~ cH \ u “ a way at 4 GA Qo bem = permed 4 Pp vat oer fart 9 pute bento ° > uel OD ° 5 ba. of ci afte ee ee eo er baal & oo ¢ y uetimes I thought on, and should old thereof; but in this also I re; I was driven with force be- ce a man going to execution, ce where he wotlk | fain creep in ut may not frey { had ilar considered the in ‘particular, and found mine hen ry began to think with put all theirs toge. them, might «I not r if mine, though be but e equal a at blood that hath way all theirs, hath away mune, though. aor ROUIGi: DMN SiCLE ‘ 22 Vino 3 a 2) CLS ES | 1} YI 3 Tears Vi LLEPeELOLe 2 UU AAY vy 2Ua Vs ee SUERTE ES wae mot 3 atitebeme ee ge Save “ : PRIS k : :68 GRACE ABOUNDING To a refrain, but fled, though at times it cried, Return, return, as it did halloo after me: but I feared to close in therewith, lest it should not come from God ; for that other was still sounding in my con- science, “ Fer you know that afterwards, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was re- jected, &e. 174, Once as’I was walking, emoaning my sad and dolefunl state, afflicting myself with self-abhor- rence for this wicked and ungedly thoug menting also that I should commit so prea in, greatly fearing I should not be pardoned; praying also, that if this sin of mine differed from that against the Holy Ghost, the Lord would show it me: and being now ready to sink with fear, sud- denly there was, as if there rushed in at the win- dow, the noise of wind upon me, but very plea. ¢ “hte. J ht; iad< roa & ta sin 2 3 2 sant, and as if I heard a voice speaking, “ ‘Didst thou ever refuse to be justified by the blood of Christ?” And withal, my whole life of profession past was in a moment opened to me, wherein I was made to see, that, designedly I had not: so my heart answered groaningly, No. Then fel with power, the word of God upon me, “ See that 2 s 3 era \ CE. UDA ye refuse not him that seeketh,” Heb, xii, 25. This made a strange seizure upon my spirit; it brought light with it, and commanded. a silence in my heart of all those tumultuous ¢ ghts, that did before use, like masterless hell-hounds, to roar and bellow, and make an hideous noise Within me, It showed me also that Jesus Christ v 2) © S J =f on 5 et op ‘> € ~ had yet a word of grace and mercy for me, that he hed not as I had feared, quite forsaken and-cast off my soul; yea, this was a kind of check for my proneness to haxABOUNDING To face to prav to this Christ for mercy, against whom I had thus most vilely sinned: ’twas hard work, I ssay, to offer to look him insthe face, against whom. I had so vilely sinned; and indeed have found j 4 . ¥ € cult to come to God by prayer, after back iding from him, as to do any other thing. Oh e shame that did now attend me! especially wher | thought, I am now a going to pray to him for mercy, that I had so lightly esteemed but a while ve before! I was ashamed; yea, even confounded, because this villainy had been committed by me: but I saw that there was but one way with me; I must go to bim, and humble myself unto him, aud beg that he, of his wonderful mercy, would shew pity to me, and have quercy upon my wretch- ed sinful soul. 176. Which, when the tempter perceived, he strongly suggested to me, “ That I ought not to pray to God; for prayer was not for any in my case; neither could it do me good, because I had rejected the Mediator, by whem all prayers came with acceptance to God; and without whom no prayer could come into his presence: wherefore new to pray, seeing God has cast you off, is the next way to anger and offend him more than you ever did before.” v7. “ Bor God (saith he) hath been weary of you for these several years already, because you are none of his; your bawlings in his ears Kath been x10 pleasant voice to him; and he let you sin this sin, that you might be quite cut of ; and will yon pray still?” This the Devil urged, and set forth that in Numbers, when Moses said to the children of Israel, “ That becaase they would not go.up toTHE CHIEE land, when God w ever after-he did bar them out Beteetd > 7 oe prayed they might with tears,’ ee ae ‘Ol ugh ae in another rr Ae, Exod. xxi. 14. . Ay shall be taken th Be He may ae. even as Job Solomon, when he thought to find ed Kings 1. 2, 28. eae eee a me very sore; yet I theught with die; and if it must be ae it shall such an ene died at the foot This I did, but with great h know; Habe use that saying ould be set at my heart, even dike ea to keep the way of the tree of life, cake iieroe and live. O! who a thing I found it, to come to elin - iha12 GRACE ABOUNDING TO break my mind to an ancient Christian, and told him all my case; I told him also, ae I was afraid hat I had siwned a sin against th e Holy Ghost ; and he told me, /1/“ hought so too. Here thené: fore I had bet 4~ comfort; but talking a little more with him, | ound ane tho aueh 2 ood man, a stranger to ees combat witht the Devil. Where- fore I went,to God again, as well as I could, for mercy still. 181. Now also did the tempter begin to mock me, saying, ‘ That seeing I had thus Meee hye the Lord Jésus and provoked him to displeasure, who would hae stood, between my sou | and the flame of devouring ‘fire, Se e was now btit one way, and that was, “ To pra that Ged the Father would be the ee betwixt his son and me; “ that we might ‘be reconciled again, anc might have that blessed benefit in ae that his blessed saints enjoyed.” 182. Then did that ee seize upon my soul, “ He is of one mind, and who can turn him?” Oh! I saw, ’twas as easy to persuade him to make a new orld, a new covenant, or new Bible, be- sides that we have already iy, as to pray for such a thing: anc then would that saying asunder, ‘* Neither is there salvation in any other; for there is none Ce name under Heaven Cee Vi } il od aN posed @ a o ) te } 1 83. Now the most free, and ft words of the Gospel, were the greate: st torment to me; yea, nothing so ance oe as the thoughts of Jesus Christ, ‘the remembrance of a Saviour ; very thing that "W¢ j Ce tH Teen, e every thing that I thought of of thie Lord Jesus, ofTHE CHIEF OF SINNERS. ‘ his grace, love, goodness, kindness, meekness, death, blood, PEO and blessed exhortations, comforts, an mc consolations, if went to my soul like a sword ; stil i unto these my cons side rations aE of the fa Jesus, these thoug hts would make place for themselves in my heart; ‘‘ Aye, this 1s the Jesus, the loving Saviour, the Son of God, whom you have-parted with, whom you hav slichted, despised, and ab masa This is the only Savio ur, the only Redeemer, the only one that could so love singers, as to wash them from their sinsin his own most preci ous blood; but you have no part nor lot in this Jesus; you have put him from you; you have said in your heart, Let him go if he will. Now, therefore, you are severed from hin ; you have severed yourself from him: fen | his poodne ess, but yourself to be no parta ker of it!” Oh! th ought I, what have I lost! What have I parte with! What has disinherited my poor soul! Oh! ’tis said t o be destroyed by the grace an id mercy of € led a have the lamb, the Saviour, ‘turn. lion and destroyer , Rev: vi. i ane trembled, as I have said, at the ee ht of the saints of God, especially at ae that greatly loved hin. and that made it their business i walk continu- ally with him in this word; for they did, both in their words, their carriage, and all their expres- sions of tenderness and fear to sin against their precious Saviour, condemn, la eit upon, and add continual. affliction and hatte unto my soul, « The dread of them was upon me, and I trembled at God's Samuels,” 1 Sam. xvi. 4. 184. Now also the tempter began afresh to mock my oe another way, saying, “ That Christ in G Sls xAMA oy Danae Gy R A CE ABOUNDING To deec a8 pity my case, and was sorry for my loss; asmuch as [ had i sinned and transgressed hd done, he could by no means help me, nor save me, from what I fear Ad for my sin was not of the nature of tl 1eN's for whom he had bled and died; neither was it counted with those that were laid to his charge, when he hanged on a tree: therefore, unless fhe should come ae wn from Hea. ven, and ‘die anew for this sin, though indeed he did greatly pity me, yet I could have no benefit of him.” These things may seem ridiculous,. but to me they were mos etonneinih g cogitatiol ns; every one of them dn fitiesicell my misery, that Jesus Christ should have so much Jove as to pity me, when yet he could not help me too; nor did { think that the reason why he could not help me, was because his merits were weak, or his grace and Saivation spent on others s already, py heb dus se aa faithfulness to his threatenings, would not let him extend his mercy to me. Besides, } th ought re at ny sin Was not within the bounds of that pardon that was wrapped up in a promise; and if not, then I knew surely, that it was more easy for n end earth to pass away, than for me to have efernal life. So that the CYA A of all these fears i ehef I had of , and also from ea of the nature of m Ly sin. 5. But oh! hew this would add to n ny afflice at 1 should be gui ity of such a sin, for which he did not die. test se thoughts (2 mé up from faith, that VY it, oh! thought I, that he would come OW? Omity | Oh! that the vork 2 > 1 stan ++ s4 arise from a steadfast b 7. a yan x7 . ~ S holy word of God : ; we bo 4 & jot tae a ~~ -| How would I pray him and intreat him to rec - and count this sin among the rest for which he — PE NS Na > =— — ae ae eee, ~ See. ef man’s redemption was yet to be done by Christ! died! But this Scripture would str as dead! “ Christ being raised fro dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him,” Kom. vi. 9. 186. Thus, by the strange and unusual assaults of the tempter, my soul was like a broken vessel driven as with the winds, and tossed sometimes headlong into despair ; sometimes upon the cove- nant of works, and sometimes to wish that the new covenant, and the conditions thereof, might | so far forth as I thought myself concerned, be turned another way, and changed. ‘“ But in all these, I was as those that jostle against the rocks; more broken, scattered, and rent.” Oh! the un- thought of imaginations, that are affected by a thorough application of guilt yielding to despera- tion! “ This is the man that hath his dwelling among the tombs with the dead; that Is always crying out, and cutting himself with stones,” Mark v. 1, 2, 3. But, | say, all in vain, desper- ation will not comfort him, the old covenant will not save him; nay, “ Heaven and earth shall pass away, before one jot or tittle of the word and law of grace will fail or be removed.” ‘This I saw, this I felt, and under this { groaned: yet this advan- tage [ got thereby, namely, a farther confirmation of the certainty of the way of salvation; and that the Scriptures were the word of God. Oh! i cannot now express what J then saw and felt of , the steadiness of Jesus Christ, the rock of man’s ike me down m Ba 7 salvation: what was done, could not be undone, G 2 AGRACE AB 3 i é aac 3 e added to, not altered. I saw, indeed, that sin might drive the soul beyond Christ, even the'sin which is unpardonable: but woe to him that was c so driven, for the word would shut him out. Thus was I always sinking, whatever | did So one day I walked to a neighbour- town, and set down upen a settle in the street, and fell into a very pets pause about the most state my sin } aad brought me to; and ae } pea I lifted up my a ad, but methought pe as if the sun that shineth in the Heavens x or do ALi eo om os pwd 3 ch ee pm OC = nm 4 L = i L . did to give light; and as if the very stone in the street, and tiles upon the houses, did bend themselves against me. O how 7 happy now was Pees Se Catal aR every creature Wn SU, ’ ere I was! For they stood fast Mae hed ee at DRO oe ‘yy and kept their station, but I was gone aud lost. ¢ mR 3 Se heen ae SE 1 sittern 188. Then breaking out in the bitterness of my oo soul, I said ‘to myself, “ How ean God cbhitod I had no sooner said it, but this Q 3 ean . ~ Ea ay oe St Gx? ode , return pon me, as an echo doth answer a voice, Fe ae are ety aed eee ae a et 2 a SAE no *“ bis sin is not unto death. At which I was rah ! x i} I oS ARR We la eee Des en we or Caiacl Alas ait he a word as this?” For I was filed with admiration Rant Peace oe q a a i > 54) at the mtness, and at the unexpectedness of ‘the f Gnaety wee He q gh nd ] S€Meence = the p UWEeEr ana sweetness TG ight : > and glory that came with it also; was MEETS to find: I ( was now, for the time, out of coubt, as to that about w Wich I so mue aH was in 1 el ce ue C Pe ne doubt before; my fears before were, that my sin was not pardonable, and so that [I hed no right to pray, to repent, &c. or that 1f I did, it w ould’ be of no ad\ antage or prot fittome. But no ow, th ought Ba ie cerns OL tH ERE ae Ganon i, 44 ULELS Slit Ds: 120T unto de at ity tk Cri ye is pa GongsTHE CHIEF OF SINNERS, ble; therefore frem this I have encouragement to come to God by Christ for mercy, to consider, the promise of forgiveness as that which stands with open arms to receive me as well as others. This therefore was a great easement to my mind, to wit, that my sin was pardonable, that it was not sin unto death, 1 John v. 16, 17. None but those that know what my trouble (by their own xperience) was, can tell what relief came to my soul by this consideration: it was a release to me from my former storms: I seemed now to stand upon the same ground with other sinners, and to have as good right to the word and prayer as any of them. 189. Now, I say, I was in hopes that my sin was not unpardonable, but that there might be hopes for me to obtain forgiveness. But, oh! how Satan did now lay about him for to bring me down again! But he could by no means do it, neither this day, nor the most part of the next, for this sentence stood like a mill-post at my back: yet towards the evening of the next day, I felt this word begin to leave me, and to withdraw its sup- portation from me, and so I returned to my old fears again, but with a great deal of grudging and peevishiness, for I feared the sorrow of despair ; nor could my faith now long retain this word. 190. But the next day at evening, being under many fears, I went to seek the Lord, and as I prayed, I cried, and my soul cried to him in these words, with strong cries: “‘O Lord, I beseech thee, shew me that thou hast loved me with everlasting love,” Jer. xxxi. 8. I had no sooner said it, but with sweetness this returned unto me, as an echo, G3 adhe aig sealant eect Mag SSR ga xdid bear me from : eee ee £ my sim most : } - now fk PIE y ~rann 5 mts tens rot.re 8 NU Eh tS THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. how to love the Lord, and to e press my love to him, that saying came in upon me, “If thou, Lord st mark iniqu uities, O Lent who should i 5 ge ae the 3 fol giveness with thee, that be . he * © fonds 7h were goo thex ee te wit, Tha Lord, that he might 4 L a es i upon the love of his poor creatures, tha ther 7 * ay qi ce = than he would go without their love, he would N 3 rT > - now was that word fulfilled on me, lso refreshed by it; “ a i L y Pod atl nd CQaMrounce } i a femacia ree 4} 1S any more pecause of the mouths an) irs a, am pacitied tow ards them for all that they have done saith the Lord God,” Ezek. xvi. 86. Thus was my soul, at this time (and as l then did think for ever) set at liberty from being afflicted with my former guilt and amazement. 195. But before many weeks to despond again, fearing les and cere) ed at the last; fo 1ALSOe VEL COM- > = EE ete eee ait ess fe. g ae houeht I mignat have from the fort and word of t ve Poe i ne promis se of | 1 In my re pel oust a cone find no oe cannot pe prokeGRACE ABSOUNDING TO 196. Now began my heart again to ache, and fear J might meet with a disappointment at last. Wherefore I began to examine my former coms fort, and to consider whether one that had sinned as | had done, might trust upon the faithfulness of God, laid down in these words, by which I had been comforted, and on which I had leaned my- self: but now were brought these sayings to my mind, “ For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, if they should fall away, to renew them again unto repentance,” Hieb. vi.“ For, if we sin wilfully, after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remains no more sacrifice for sin, but a certain fearful look- ing for of judgment, and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries,” Heb. x. even as Esau, who, for one morsel of meat sold his birth- right. ‘ For ye know how that afterwards, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was re- jected ; for he found no place of repentance,though he sought it carefully with tears,” Heb. xii. 197. Now was the word of the Gospel forced from my soul! so that no promise or encourage- ment was to be found in the Bible for me: and how would that saying work upon my spirit to afuict me, ‘ Rejoice not, O Israel, far joy, as other people,” Hosea ix. 1. For I saw, indeed, there was cause of rejoicing for those that held to Jesus; but as for me, I had cut myself off by my transgressions, and left myself neither foot hold, ner band hold, amc st s y neat - + 1g ail the stays and props ia i 4 yO Rte ees BY eek the precious word of |THE CHIEF OF SINNERS, $l 198. And, truly, I did now fe 1 into a gulf, as an house whose foundation is de- stroyed; I on d a ken myself in this condition, unto the case of a child: that was fallen in ' © et pond aed <4 A oO peed Py ot © A od mat wend who, though "t could make some shift to. scrabble and sprawl in the water, yet because it could find neither hold for hand nor foot, therefore at last it must die in that condition. So soon at. this fresh assault had fastened on my soul, that Scripture came into my heart,.< This for man y. days,’ Dan. x. 13.% And indeed I found it was so; for [could not be delivered, and brought to peace again, until well nigh two years aud a half were completely finished. Wherefore, these words, though in them- selves they tended to no discouragement, yet to me, who feared this condition wot ald be eternal, they were at sometimes an help and refreshment to me. 199. For, thought I, many ae are not for ever, many days will have an end: therefore, seeing i ot a few, but many days, yet I { Ih att C was to be afflicted 1 Ly VW 1s but for many days. hus, 1 say, I could recal myself sor netimes, and give myseit an help for as soon as ever’ the wo ord came into my mind, at first, I knew my trouble would be A, bhi aia. Can ae 1 ; would be but sometimes; for I could 4 b 1 rer be hel ped by 36, ae oh I Vaid. 200. ‘e ow while these Sex that saying in Luke xvui. . a” vith athens 2 Oo ; aera RUE ae yer ; then the tempter ag i 93 Megs me to pra} at me very sore, sugcesting of God, nor yet the blood of Gans cern me, ies could they help me from my_sin : therefore it was but in vain to pray. Yet though Ca A82 GRACE ABOUNDING TO I, I will pray, “ But, (said the tempter) your sin is unpardonable.” <* Well, (said I) I will pray.” “It is in no boot,” said he, “ Yet (said I) I will pray.” So I went to prayer to God; and [ ut- tered words to this effect: “ Lord, Satan tells me that neither thy mercy, nor Christ’s blood, is suf- ficient to save my soul: Lord, shall I honour thee most, by believing thou wilt and canst? or him by believing thou neither wilt nor canst? Lord, I vould fain honour thee by believing thou wilt and canst.” 201. As I was thus before the Lord, that Scrip- ture fastened on my heart, ‘“ O man great is thy faith!” .Matt. xv. 28, evem as if one had clapped me on the back, as I was on my knees before Ged: yet I was not able te believe this, that this was a prayer of faith, till almost six months after: for I could not think that I had faith, or that there should be a word for me to act faith on; therefore ¥ should still be, as sticking in the jaws of despe- ration, and went mourning up and down ima sad condition. . 202. ‘There was nothing now that I longed for more than to be put out of doubt, as to this thing in question ; and as I was vehemently desiring to know, as there was indeed hope for me, these words came rolling into my mind: “ Will the Lord cast off fer ever? And will he be favourable no more? Is his merey clean gone for ever? Doth his promise fail for evermore ? Hath Ged forgotten to be gracious? Hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies?” Psal. xxvii. 7, 8, 9. And all the while they run in my mind, metheught I had still this as the answer. “ Tis a question whetherih ed pcan CORI er ccc! ’ Gorse esha ae THE CHIEF OF SINNERS, 83 he hath or no: it may be he hath not.” | Yea, the inter rogatory seemed to me to carr y in it a sure affirmation that he had not, hor would so cast off, but would be favorable: that his promise doth not fail, and that he hath not forgotten to be gracious, nor would in anger shut up fender merey: some- thing also there was upon my heart at the same ide. which I cannot now call to mind, which, with this text did sweeten my heart, anal thal me conclude that his mercy might not be quite gone, ner gone for ever. 208. aes another time, I remembered, I was again 1 nueh under this question, a8 Whether the blood of Christ was suffici ient to save my soul?” In whieh dou bt I continued from morning till about seven or eight at night; and, at last, w rhen J was, as it were, quite worn dub with fear, lest it should not Jay held on me, the words did sound suddenly within my heart, flp'i is able; but methought, this word able, was a unto eternal life. Secondly, I confessed that I had put Jesus Christ to shame by my sin, but not te ope n shame; I did not deny hi ore him, nor condemn him as a fruitless one before the world. Thirdly, Nor did I find that God had s up, or semied me to come (though I found i work indeed to come) to him by sorrow and re- pentance: blessed be God for unsea chab € away * that is, from the profession of tuit thin Jesus eo LaUAN at a9 ae fe 994. Then I considered that in the ! 0th chapter <3 Peas) eit & . k of the I Hebrews, and found that the wilful sin there “3 ] } + 2 ethers is not every wilful sin doth throw off Christ, and then his commandments too. Secondly, that must be done also openly, before two or ti 2c witnesses, to answer that of the law, verse 28. Thirdly, This sin cannot be committed, a with great despite done to the spirit of grace; despising both the dissuasiens from that sin, mee the persuasions to the contrary But the Lord knows, though this my sin was de- s . e . Z S vilish, yet it did not amount to these 225. And.as touching that in the 12th chapter of the Hebrews, about Fsau’s sel : 3 night ; though thi us was that which killed me, and stood like a spear against me, yet now I did con= der, First, That his was not a hasty thought against the continual labour of his mind, but a thought consented to, ara put in practice likewise, und that too after some deliberation 1, Gen. xxv.— Secondly, It was a public a trom his brother, if not eines made his sin of a S mor otherwise it would have ee en, ThyYHE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 93 tinued to slight his birth-right : he did eat and drink, and went his way; thus Esau de espised his birth- right ; yea, twenty years after he was found to despise it still. And Esau said, “ T have enough, my brother, keep that thou hast thyself. Genesis XRS Ge 226 Now as touching t ii place of re pentance; thus I thought was not for the birth-rig ht, but tah 1e blessing. This is clear from the Apostle, and is distinguished by 'sau himself, “* He hath taken away my cs he ae and now he hath taken away my blessing Sa 7 Iso,” Gen. xxviil. a. Secondly, Now this Beirie die considered, I cime ag: an to the Apost tle, to a see what might be i ie mine of God, in a Nev Testament stile and sense, concerning Esau’s sin; and so far as I could epcei ve, this was the mind of God, That the birth 1-right signified regeneration, and the blessing the eternal ier inices for so the Apostle seems to hint. Lest there be any pro- phane person, as Esau, who, for one mor sel of reat, sold his birth-right. And if he should say, That shall cast off all those blessings of God that at present are upon him, in order to a new birth; lest they aca; me as Esau, even he rejected a after- wards, when they should inherit the blessing. oA7.) For many there are, who in the day of grace and mercy despise those things which are i sages the birth-right to Heaven, who yet, when he deciding day appears, will cry as loud as Esau, ord, ord, open to us; but, then, as !saac would not repent, no more will God the Father, but will ay, “ I have blessed these, yea. and they shall be bie: but as for you, Depart, you are the work-GRACE ABOUNDING TO rte es 2D k OF ers ae Gen. xxvii. 32.. Luke xin 25, | aoe When I had ae considered these Scrip- . se 1 ait tures, and touna that tous to underste ne st em, was pot egainst, but : ccording to other Scriptures: eg this still added further to my encourageme) t and comfort. and also gave a great blow to that i eC- tion, to wit, “ That the Scriptures cou ld not agree in the ae of my soul.” Ag d now remained only the hinder part of the tempest, or the thuner we gone beyond me, only seme drops ¢ did stil remain, that now and then would fall wpon me bu: because poy former frights and angt Very sore and deep, therefore it oit befe as it befalleth ou that have | Oa ] thought every voice was Fire! Fire! every little touch dhuld hurt my tender conscience. ny But one Gay as I was passing into the f Tete antl FY oe CD on G1 and toat too wit SOM Gasvncs ON yy con ENCE, fearing lest yet all was not right, rane ly a sentenc? fell apan my soul, “ Phy righteousness isin Heaven;” and methought withal, I saw, with the eyes of my seul, Jesus Christ at God’s righ hand; there, I say, was my righteousness, so that wherever C went, or whateve: I was doing, (sod could not say ag cn He wants my righteousness ; for that was just before him. | ae saw, mé¢re- over, that it was not my good frame of heart that made iy righteousness better, nor yet my bad + . ~ a frame that made my righteousness worse; for my righteousness was Jesus Christ himself, o¢ ge ine same yesterday, to-day, and Heb. xii. 8. 230. Now did my ¢ for e€ver.”THE CHIEF OF SINNERS, O§ a4 abr wo T was loosed from my afflictions and irons ; my femptat tions also fled away ; so that from t! at tume those dreadful Scriptures s of xen off to trouble + roo me; now went J also home re ejoicing, for he € grace and love of Gods so when I came hone, T Joak ced 3 i "2p Req - to see if ff conid fing that sentence eras in Heaven,” but could n c > c fobs hy rizhte. ot find such a ? ore my heart ee to sink “cam, : a * 7 : YY Y : srougut tomy remembrance, |} Cor. s made nnto us of God, Wisdom, t> on, and tedemption ;” saw the o:her sentence true. rae norpia ire T saw tha t the ma nh is he is distinc s touching role and efore (God: he eB therefore T liv ed, 4 ? very sweetiy at pesee ww ith God t from us, 1 ; 4 RES On! methougsht Christ! Christ! ie but Christ. thet was be gon e my WAS not IE faniy 4 Fe iF Tea? Or Wh t! Oe eA Sh Otay POF OOK NS on 11S > ws / 3 r benefits of Christ apeite | as of his u, oF resurrection, but considering him as a whole Christ! as he in whom all these. and all other his virtues, relations, offices, and operations, met tovether, and that he sat on the richt hand of God in Li auies a) 4 loriotis to me'to see % fa ee 232. Twas glori his exaltation - ; 73 caw Ree as Se and the worth and nrevalen cy of all his benefits j + f and that becanse now could look from myself to 1 7 7 A an as him, and should reckon, that all these graces 9 : eet Ged weed how were freen on me, were yt but like those: aay greats and fonrpence ha! fpennies men carry in their purses, wien t efi ks at Home: Oh! I saw myas 96 GRACE ABOUNDING TO + ek : 1A was in my trunk at home! In. Carist any Now Christ was all; all my all my sanctification, Soil Lord anil Saviour. wisdom, allmy rig htecusness, and all my redemption. 933, Further, the Lord did also lead me into the mystery of anion with the Son of God; that I was joined | to him, that I was flesh of his flesh, and bone of his bone; and now was that a sweet word to me; in Ephes. v. 30. By this also was my faith in him, as my righteousness, the more con- firmed in me; for 1 ie and I were one, then his righteousness: was mine, his merits mine, his vic~ tory also mine. Nowc¢ ould I see myself in Heaven and earth at once; in Helvet by my Christ, by my head, by my Be ess and life, though on ne by my body or person. 234. Now I saw Cl ist Shai was looked upon of God; and should also be looked upon by us, as that common or public person, in w hom all the whole body of his elect are to be considered and ene that we fulfilled the law by him, died by h m, rose from the dead by him, got the victery over sin, death, the Devil, and Hel by him; when | SS died we died, and so of his ee nD IF dead men shall LK together, with my dead sh Isa. xxvi. And 3? body all they arise, aith he, again, -§ After | two days abe waits revive us, and the third day we shall live in = sight,” Hosea vi. 2s Which is now fulfilled by the sitting down of the Son of Man on the right hana of his Majesty m al a the Heavens, ae to that of the Ephesians, és He hath raised us up together, ~and made us sit together in heave! nly places in Christ Jesus,” ee Eph. i ‘ph. is. 0.THE CHIEF OF SINNERS., Q7 235. Ah! these blessed considerations and Scriptures, with many others of like nature, were in those days made to spangle in mine eyes, so that I have cause to say, “ Priiee ye the Lord God in his sanctuary ; praise him in the hrmament of his power ; praise him for his mig ty acts; pt raise him according to his excellen nt greatness,” dy Gved. 9: 236. Having thus in a few words given you taste of the sorrow and affliction that my soul Wen — by the guilt and terror that these my w ick~ 7 1 thoughts did | tay me under; and having given a also a touch of my delivera ive therefrom, and of the sweet and blessed comfort that I met with afterwards, which comfort dwelt about a twelve- month with my heart, to my unspeakable admira- tion; I will now, (God willing) before I pro oceed any fart! her, give you, in a word or two, what, as J concei ve, was the cause of this temptation ; and also, after that, what advantage at the last, it be- came unto my soul, 237. For the causes, I conceived they were wo: of which two also I was deeply as time this trouble 2 ‘upon me, was, For that | did not, when I was deli- 2 fi rom the temptation that WEnE hey x stil pray to God to keep me from the tempt ugieue that were to come ; for though, as I can say in truth, 7 . ; ? Z 2 7 my soul was much in prayer, Hefate this trial : ] A 7 eG seized me: vet then I pray a re ) ‘incipally, for the removal of the present : : i 4 pru | 1 roubles, Be (> ge ex 5 Vasey and for fresh GISCOV eries ot his love in nee ‘> r y 3 roa t 7 waich aw atterwards. was not enough to ¢ iGRACE ABOUNDING TO also should have prayed that the great God wou a pme from the evil that was to come. 238. Of this I was made deeply sensible by th prayer of holy David, who, when he was under present mercy, yet pray red th at God would held asians Irs "race abine ro NRE him back from sin and temptation to come; “ For then, saith he, shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the ¢ xix. 13. By this very word was I galled’ and } 1 ae Ne sy sti condemned quite in rough his long temptation. 239. That was also another word that did much oe : pte eo el ] Sia condemn me for Hct in the neglect of this duty, Heb.iv. 16. “« Let } 1 . Ina: thean ine Awe unto tne throne of rrace, t : ; ES 2 7 lyte5 + hat we may obtain mer- } 1 ° ° es ei and A an - 3 Liss ry ee cy, and find ¢ help in time of need.” J his had not ¢ inand £5] POrAl 7} ; 5 in and fall, according to what is written. Pray Liat + Cre get setae: , +4 7 that ve enter not into temptation. And truly this ry eye 1 7 4 q > } 7 } very tuning is to this day of such weight and awe ( y me, that I dare not, when I come before the Dg oe ‘s or ro myxt iepnanad Tike os Bre be Lord, go off my knees, until I entreat him for b Ixy 9 ; hy YH vy ayns ielp and:merey against a ert si Sued 1 evil me; and I do beseech ¢ . ‘ ; } im s€arn fo rewarea of mir rac) T mn Cat UA IO Wale mv Hecti+rmenna VU C f WaLE Ot ede) Lit VAlMence, D y the ait a7 2 ts . : pi ctea sig sc ae x tuat tor tnis fhine t cia tor qau< nea 7 215 Clay CALL | t AUTO aQHe ea yy" , i AXUA PU qaays, aru IWMOiGIS, andTHE CHIEF OF SINNER §9 strongly tempted to question the being of -God; wherefore, as my wile lay crying by me, I said, but with all secrecy imaginable, even thi nking in my heart, ‘* Lord, if now thou npcmove this sad affliction from my wife, and cause that .she be tro ubled no more therewith this nek (and now were her pangs just.u pon her) then I shall know that thou canst discern the most secret thoughts . I had no-soaner. said it in ny heart, but her pangs were taken from her, and she was cast into a deep sleep, and so continued till morning ; at this I greatly marvelled, not knowing wiiat to but aiter | had-been awake a good while; re r sleep also; so ar che Ne it. Came upon me nt oO posed, her ery n week y rey ery 10 © ROE, if: when i Waked In ; ee Soe be se si, 4 agali, even v t.44 said lui my Heart the last that wicked sinful thought, of which Luave Sepkeh f before, went through my wicked heart, even this christ go if he will: so when I wa i fer ce Ee bt Li i Be AE se Ae ere eS Se and erect thereof, would 2 also COM Ch. / ws - gee oe ~F ele * a 1 eo Te With this retort, Waich 2:50 carried oi 24} J i aot! >i ee yee i ee 66. Shay: TON} NSV 22 é & Ait oti &ioius With It, iw OW yeu may s { ce shat : 3 ? coe i gl > ec 3 know the most secret thougnts one Neary. - x 5 } 1 } . (> t > acres 9 943. And with this, that oi/tac [passages that wh od es sepy ait “Cre x 1} 7 euuse that Gideo 4 7 a } : 4 ry : 10 ¢ . - TE ays , tempted God with his fleece, Leth wet rant re 7 q H a é ; t i - as c i YRS D UV! ntwyvrer non DA t y ~ Jha TE VEG chee y CN Luz LA Ui we USGRACE ABOUNDING TO his words: therefore the Lord did. afterwards so try him, 2s to send him egaimst. an innumerable company of enemies, and that too a3 to outward , without any struggie or help, Jueges Vi. Ng Thus he served me, and that justly, for I should have believed his word, and not save e put an af upon the all-seeingness of God. 244. And now to shew you something of the advantages that [also have gained by this tempta- tion: and, first, by this I was made continually to as in my soul a very wonderf: ] sense both of the blessing and glory of God, and of his be- loved Son: in the te emptation that went before, my soul was perplexed with unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, stions about the being of God, Christ, the Le of the w ord, and cer tainty ot the world to come: 1 say, the; n 1 Was gy eatly 7 aioe sauited and tormented with atheism, but now the G2se was otherwise ; now was Ged anil Christ con- appea anee tinually before my fae . though not in the w ay. of cou nfort, but in the w ay of excees ding dread and terror. The glory of the holi ness of God did xt z times break me to ae s; and the bowels and compassion of Christ did Decals me ason the wheel: for I could not a it consider him es a lost and re ea Jecte d Chri ist, he remembrance the ecntinua ne aking of my bone QD, The § Scriptures also were won ee rful things unto 16 I saw th iat the truth ; and verity o f them were the keys of the Kj; igo Jom of Heaven ; thos tha he Scripture favour, Vy must inher ah bi ne but those that they oppose anc La Henin ae bs oa ee oe POSE anc ideMP must pe-~ vermore: Oh! thi us Wot rd, For the Scrip- tures cannot be broken, would rend the caw] of & oot : WHICH Was as Cy oyTHE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 107 CGuVAlide ma x YvVrloSse Sins my heart: and so would that othe ‘ye remit, they are remitted ; but tain, ee are retained.” Now I saw the Apostles the elders of the city of refuge, Joshua xx. 4. l tna that they were to receive in, were received ut those that they shut out, were to be slain by the avenger of blood. r, ms ae hose sins Ve Lct= OAM Tee Oe be ee ‘ O47. By this temptation ye was made to see more : a £ deck a 8A a 4 ae ee es Beak : I ee nto the nature of the promises than ever I had bes “Ny See ae Ee Aree s ot oe were tay TY 1 +h, rd Gye ore; tor 4 iying Now trembling under the HSS } 4nwnt 1c i y torn and rent Ey the s4 +43 é thia mene s in > it} va x Liss Litt . tlies Lhiauld LE Wi i Ca C= vy Revi fact rk eye > Lev an atchful eye, with great fearfulness } ce 25 eee h wre leaz, ania with mt uch A lig rence, wmiiing +¢ LAK . : 3 nouns, tO Co isider e eVe!r ry 8 rit cliCe, heer op "CK } . 7 tural torece anu aia: ptaticn also Iwas greatly holden off trom my former ioclish practice of putting b of promise when it came into my mind ; for now, though I ceuld not suck that comfort and sweetness fro:n the promise, as I had done at other times, yet, like toa man sinking, I should ; formerly 1, th ought I might ee — ya © aA << ao Xe = Qu not meddle-with the promise, unless i felt its com- fort, but now it was no time thus to do; the aven- ger of blood too hardly did pursue me. 249, Now therefore.was I gis ad te catch at that [3 dm SF102 GRACE ABOUNDING TO b ee word which yet I feared I had no ground or right to own; and even to leap into the besom of tha promise that yet I feared did shut his heart against me. Now also ! would labour to take the word as God hath Jaid it down, without restraining the na- tural force of one sylla ible thereof! O! what did I see in that blessed 6th chapter of. St. John: * And him that cometh to me [I will in no wise cast out,” John vi. 30. Now [ began to consider witly my- self, that God hath a bigger mouth to speak with than I had a heert to conceive with; I thought also with myself, that he spake not his words in haste, or in an unadvised hea , but with infmite wisdom and judgment, and in very truth and faith- fulness, 2 Sam. ili. 28. 250. I would in these days, often in my greatest agon ‘ies, even flounce tow ee the vromise, asthe horses do towards sound ground, that ye stick in the mir e) concluding (though as one almost } of his wits through fe: ar) on this will [ rest ae rd I Teay at e e fulfilling of it to the Ged of de it. Oh! many apull hath my Sata for that blessed 6th chente John: 1 did not now as at other tia es. principally for comfort, (though, O haw welcome ICCA unto me !) But now 2 Wo} 3 would j it have b PC word to lean a ee ‘y soul upon, + 1 €} es | that it migh sink for ever! ’twas that t hunted for. 261. Yeas nh when I]; : ‘NM when | have been making tot promise, ] kn i 2 o tO t | nave seen as if the Lo ord w ould refuse = ee Laue i Wk for ever; T was often as if I hed run wpon he pikes, and as if the L. ord had thrust at me. to keen mn e f; , be ‘ a aiationg bef r Cin. gee as W ith a flaming sword qa. "Pay en Qi G LIK 41x er WO re & 4232 of da th ty Vy ho W ern t to petition she A1 bomen go A ms S king ee to the law, Esthe : also of Behadad’s servants, who went with ropes upon hoe heads to t Kings xx. 31,-&c. The woman of ¢ pes also, rat not be daunted, though called Dog by Christ, Matt. xv. 29, &c. oe the man that went to borrow bread at midnight, Luke i. 3, 6, ifs unto me. rts a oo in and mercy, as I saw after tls reat sins draw out great grace ; and terrible and fierce, there the tan Chri en sHexad to the Gk Oe f5 DO; (WU. grace, a loy temptation : wliere ble is aa ‘ot Gox oO \ a ~~ oe om \ fa pence po! or about my deliverance from t ‘his temptation, st strange apprenensions of the grace of God, that-I , L : could hardly ae up under it. [t was so Gut of measure amazing, when | thought it could reach me, that I do ee if that sense of it had abode long upon me, it would have made me- incapable for business. ll go forward to give you a reia- he Lord’s ag ha os with me, at tion of other of t mpta itions | thon t} nary otier seasons, anc . 7 did meet W ith: vl. I shal with v¥ dated fits? I lid104 | GRACE ABOUNDING TO + people of God in Bedford. pets I had propound- ed to the church, that my desire was to walk in the order and ordinances of Chr AS with them, and was also admitted by them: white I thought of that blessed ordinance of Christ, which was his last supper a his disciples before his death, that Scripture, “ Do this” in remembrance of me,” Luke xxi. 1G, was made a very precious word urito me: for "iy it the Lord did d come down upon my conscience with the Riccoycity of his death for my sins, and as 1 then felt, did as if he plunged me in i the virtue of the same. But, behold, [-had not been long a partaker at the Bites ce, but sucl flerce andl sad temptation did attend me at.all time therein, Voth to blaspheme the or Ngee and to wish some deadly thing to those that then did eat 29 thereof: that lest I should at any time be guilty of consenting to these wicked and fearfu ; or I was forced to bend myself all the while, to pra y to God to keep me from such blasohemies: and also to cry to God to bless the cup a y bread to them, as it were from mouth to mouth. T : son of this temptation, I have thougl because I did not with that reverence me at first, approach to partake the 254, Thus I continued for tired quarters of a year, and could never have rest nor ease: but at the last the Lord « care in upon my soul with tha same Scripture, by which my soul was visited be- fore: and, | after that, I have been usually very we and comfortable in the partaking of that blesse ordinance; and have, } trust, therein discerned t Lord’s body, as broken for my sins; and that his precious b blood hath been shed for m sions, ¢ &THE CHIEF OF SINNERS, 1G35 O35 4 WIhrnan a time ] Was cc 3 nN] 220. Upon a time I was somewha t inclining to - w\ ti, > Consumption, W herewith ab Out the Spring l Was BC suddenly and violently seized, wit] zed, with much weak. ness in my outward Man 5 insomni ~ ed on { ; could not live. Now began I afresh to self up to a serious examination after m condition for the future, and of mye a f¢ that blessed word to oui e: for it hath, I bless the name of God, been my usua! course, as sal Ways so especially i in the day of affliction, to endeavour keep my interest in the life te come, blear eiore mine eyes, 256. But I had no sooner began to recall to mind my former experience of the ecodness of Ged to my soul, but there came flocking into my mind an innumerable company of my sins and transgres- sions ; amongst w hich these were at this time Tost to my afiliction, namely, my deadness, duln esnand coldness in holy Gatos my wa inderings of heart, of my wearisomeness in all good things, my wants of love to God, his w and people, vith this at the end of all, ‘‘ Are e the fruits-of Chr istian< = ol O a a ays ~ th th ity P°.+ 2 these tokens of a blessed man?’ 257. At the apprehensions of these things my sickness was double upon me, for now | was sick in my Inward man, my soul was elenged Wi ae guilt ; now also was my former experience of God’ goodness to me quite taken out of tua mind, and hid as if tl 7 he d never been, or seen : now wasmy soul greatly pitched between these tw sidera- gr . ¥ = : a + .« Ve Fa tions, Live I must not, die [ dare not: no oe fe “ * -« - P. aa o 1 2 and fell in my spirit, ai nd wa § giving up oe for lost; butas I was walking in the house, as a man seers + Se vex £4 sic f cs in a most woeful state, that word.of God took holdbo © a wz, So pad A cep) 4 Oo 106 GRACE of my -heart, 1 4 a4 grace, through the redemption that 1 5 ; be neo 4 r> 3 wie = i 2 Rom. ii. 24 But oh! what a turn it { gee ee justified freely by his | = ; s 2% Jesus, made upon me 258 Now was ] as one awaked out of some troublesome sieep and ee and listening to this heavenly sentence, I was as if I had canes i kest ei spoken to me; “ Sin ee thou thinke pe that be- j ans toa: $h cause of thy sins and infirmities, 1 cannot save thy soul ; but behold my Son is by me, and upen hin I look, and. not on thee, eed shall deal with thee according as I am pleased with him.” At this I was fuprentiyi.e nlight tened in my mind, and made to lerstand, that God could justify a sinner at any time; 1t was but his looking x aDPw Christ, and im- puting of his benefits to us, and the work was forthwith done, 259, And as I was thus in a muse, that Serip- ture also came with gre a power er upon my spirit, Vr e “Not by works of righteousness that we have ? : ‘ , = : done, but according to. his mercy he hathosaved us, ie; 2 Lim, 1705 Tt. ine: Now swab Sd sot rare ’ . sy rrr CIN KET. Doyen erie OV high, I Saw SHR \ self Wi at thi 11n t] 1; AYS of ee ace : 5 i t y mercy; and though I was before afraid of » bes a dying hour, yet now I cried, Let me die: now death was lovely and beautiful in-my sight, for I saw we shall nave live indeed till we be gone to be va . ° a S ° the othez worl ld. Gh! met hought this life is but as lu eed ro os ‘ j 2 shun ube in Comparison of that < nbove. At this a also Ts saw more iy ese words: # os iG oe a th Cin the : oa Us: fleirs O} God, Re oe ill an ever U shall be able te express while | oe is worl Heirs of Godi G bal * in this wor ld: £2 ears of God ! God himself is the port tion of the saints Tl i and wondered at, but cannot 110TT) Sgr eer > 260. Again, é and weak, all that me strongly, (for t find } dine ism rah for as the soul ; when it begins to approach towards th grave, then is his opportunity) labouring to hid from me my former experience of God’s goodness : also setting 2 me tke terrors of death, and the judgement of God, Imsomuch that at this time, ny fais of mi pee dae g for ever (should I as one dead be shire death come, and had felt x saved OQ ° 2 aa 4 x y ¢ was as f already des cending i into the pit; methought I said, T fate e was no way, but to Hell ' IT must: but, behold, just as I was in the midst of those fears, these words of the Angel’s r0som darted in j upon me, : as who should say, “So it shall be with thee when thou dost leave this world.” This did sweetly revive my spirits, and help me to hope in God; which when I had with comfort mused on a while, that word fell with great weight upon my mind, “ © death where is thy sting! O grave where is thy vict tory! PCot. av. SHO MM this : q became bot] re}] at a 1x; mind at one for ecame both well in body and mind at once, for 3: x Dice ey Gare VE. my sickness \did presently a and I walked comfortably in my work ra] 261. At another time abana just before T wa: pretty well and savoury in my spirit, yet suddenly there fell upon\me a‘*great: cloud of dark z se ce 3 } t nings of Ged and . 7% > f- es > ist, that [| was as if I had never seen or known iso so over-run in my de me from aa hs > : Fest y rear a tnem.-im my lite: | ‘was-a . < : > x op ep Se soul withesenseless, heartless frame or spirit, that AO oe Lyi cio Soh tes 5 “a asa & xy ; ot¢{ sya rea J] contd not feel my soul to move or stu after grace 2 7 ¥ re brosen, > ff 4 42 . life lear Chrict ame ALLO FEV aR LOU ¢ ai ~< % ri tr Q wn ond ib ~ 2 pS) ed ~ ey oy ed ed i) ( A * en108 GRACE ABOUNDING TO or as if my hands and feet had been tied or bound with chains. At thistime also I felt some weak~ ness to seize upon my outward man, which made still the other affliction more heavy and uncomfort- able to me. ie 962, After I had been in this condition some three or four days, as I was sitting by the fire, I suddenly felt this word to sound in my heart,/ must go to Jesus: at this my former darkriess and athe- ism fled away, and the blessed things of Heaven i were set inmy view. While I was on this sudden " thus overtaken with sur rprise, Wife, said I, is there ever such a script ure, J ust goto Jesus 2? She said she could not tell ; therefore I sat musing still, to see if I could remember such a place: I had not 4 sat above two or three minutes, but that came boit- | ing inupon me. And to an innumerable company of angels ; and withal the xiith chapter of Hebrews, about the Mount Sien, was set before mine eyes, Heb. xi. 22, 23, 24. 263. Then with joy I told my wife, Oh! now I know! I know! But that night was.a good night to me, I never had but few | better ; I longed for the company of some of God’s people, that I might have imparted unto them what God had shewed me. Christ was a precious Christ to my soul that night! { could scarce lie in my bed for joy, and p peace, an triumph through Christ This great g ol } -iyn pm, continue ppow me until morning, ae th itl chapter of the Epistle to the Hebr ews , Heb.xii. 22, 23, was a blessed Scripture to mei ReaeA! days tozether after this, : 204. The words are these: “Ye are Mount Sion, to the elty of the livi:CHIEF OF SINNERS., heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable compa- ny of angels, to the general assembly and church of the first-born, which are written in Heaven ; to God the judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect, and to Jesus the mediator of the New ‘Testament, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.” Through this sentence the Lord led me over and over, first to this word, and then to that; and shewed me wonderful glory in every one of them. ‘These words also have oft since that time been great re- freshment to my spirit ; Blessed be God for having mercy on me! A Brief Account of the AuTHoR's Cau to the Work of the MinisTRY. 265. Anp now lam speaking my experience, I will in this place thrust ina word or two concern- ing my preaching the word, and of God’s dealing with me in that particular also. After I had been about five or six years awakened, and helped to see both the want and worth of Jesus Christ our Lord, and to venture my soul upon him ; some of the most able among the saints with us fer judg- ment and holiness of life, as they conceived did perceive that God counted me worthy to understand something of his will in his holy word, and had given me utterance to express what I saw to others, for edification! therefore they desired me, With much earnestness, that 1 would be willing, at some- times, to take in hand, one of the meet.ngs, to speak a word of exhortation unto them. i110 GRACE OUNDING TO wD 65, The which, though at the first it did much dash and abate my spirit, yet being still by» them desired and intreated, I consented, ‘and did twice, at two several assemblies, (but in private) though with much weakness, discover my gift amongst them ; at which they did solemnly protest as in the sight of the great ae they were both affected anil cdmafoited : and gave tnanks to the Father of Mercies, for the tice a wed on me. 267. After Hix sometimes, when some of them did go into the country to teach, they would also that I should go with them ; where though, as yet I durst not make us of my, gift im an anen way, vet more privately, « s I came amongst the good people in those places, I did sometimes speak a word of admonition unto them also: ; the which they received with rejoicing at the mercy of God to me-ward, professing their souls w ere edified thereby. 268 W herefore, to be briefs, at last, being still xy the church, I was more particularly orth, and a appointed to a more ordina ary a vd public preaching of the word, not only to and amongst them that believed, but also to offer the Gospel to those who had not received the faith thereof ; about which time I did evidently find in oe ine a secret pricking forward thereto - ; though at that time I was most. sorel iy afflicted athe the hery d arts of the Devi ileoncerning my eternal state, 269. But I could not be content, U nless ] was found in the exer cise of my eft, but by that s say~ oe ele fovimne on inthians; o Dbésec ech you, bre- a - ae we es ern ichold of st teph 1anus, that ay Its of Ach Ua, é and that they lave ad- aU ‘ted th - ve = lnemselyes = the sstgiiale of the saints) that 2 oO oD oO © hr aTHE CHIEF OF SINNERS, 114 ye submit yourselves unto such, and to every one that helpeth with us, and laboureth,” 1 Cor, xvi. 85018. 270. By this text I was made to see that the Holy Ghost never intended that men who have gilts and abilities should bury them in the earth, but ra- ther did stir up such to the exercise of their gift, and also did commend those that were apt and ready so to do. They have addicted themseives to the ministry of the saints: this seripture did conti- nually run in my mind, to encourage and strenth- en mein this my work for God. 1 have also been encouraged from other Scriptures, and examples of the godly, both specified in the word, and cther ancient histories, Acts vill. 4. and xvii. 24, 20. 1 Pet. iv. 10. Rom. 6. Fea’s Acis and Monuments. 971. Wherefore, though of myself, of all the saints the most unworthy, yet 1, with great fear and trembling at my own weakness, did set upon the werk, and did according to my gift, preach that blessed Gospel that God hath shewn me in the holy word of truth. Which when the country un- derstood, they came to hear the word by hundreds and that from all parts, though upon divers and sundry accounts. 279,’ And I thank God he gave unto me some measure of bowels and pity for their souls, which also put me forward to labour with great earnest- ness, to find out such a word as might, if God would bless it, awaken the conscience, which also the good Lord had respect to the desire of his servant ; for I had not preached long before some began to be ereauy eet in their minds, at tne K211°? GRACE ABGUN JDING TO sreatness of their sin, and of their need of Jesus Christ. 273, But I first could not believe that God should Speak by me to the heart of any man, still counting myself unworthy ; yet those who were thus Louie ed would have a particular respect for me ; and though I did put it from me that they should be awakewed by me, still they would affirm it before the saints of ‘God: they would also bless God for me, (unworthy wretch that [ am!) and count me God’s instrument, that shewed to them the way of salvation. 274. Whereforeseeing them in both their words and deeds to be so constant, and earnestly pressing, utter the knowledge of Jesus Christ , rejoicing that ever God did se = me where they were; then a be- gan to conclude t at God had owned in his work such a foolish one as I: and then came that word of Goc d to my weraeh ait much sweet refreshment, “The blessing of them that were ready to perish, is come “ble pie ; yea, T caused the widow’s heart to sing for joy,’ Feb KR EG: ; ite At: this ae refore I rejoiced ; yea, the tears of those whom God did awaken by my pre: o would be both solace and mieeel ‘cient eee thoug rht on those sayin as, £6 WI ee sayings 10 1s he that mak- . ran gla, bat - * une tI that is ae 6 orry by AO at biiiege mi ee Though | i not an dies Maher: udtiess | am unto you ; for 2 Cor, vi. 0. Th 7a Coie ee 5 - the Lox wil ment unto me in this oes ke ase A. 76. Inj my preaching of the word, I took snecial m¢ oti ¢ ctice of this one thi ly hi ung, namely, that the Lod didieee THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 113 lead me to begin where his word begins with sin- ners; that is, to condemn all flesh, and to open and alledge, that the curse of God by the law, doth be- long to, and lay hold on all men as they come into the world, because of sin. Now this ‘part of my work I fulfilled with great sense ; for the terrors of the law, and guilt for my transgressions, lay heavy on my conscience ; I preached what I felt, what I smartingly did feel! even that under which my poor soul did groan and tremble to astonishment. 277. Indeed I have been as one sent to them from the dead ; I went myself in chains, to preach to them in chains ; and carried that fire in my own concience, that I persuaded them to be aware of. I can truly say, and that without dissembling, that when I have been to preach, I have gone full of guilt and terror, even tothe pulpit door, and there it hath been taken off, and I have been at liberty in my mind until [ have done my work ; and then immediately, even before I could get down the pul- pit stairs, I have been as bad as { was before; yet God carried me on, but surely with a strong hand, for neither guilt nor hell could take me off my work, 278. Thus I went on for the space of two years, crying out against men’s sins, end their fearfal state because of them. After which the Lord came in upon my own soul, with some sure peace and comfort through Christ : wherefore now i altered in my preaching, (for still I preached what } saw and felt) now theretore J hid much labour to hold with Jesus Christ in all his odices, relations, and benefits unto the world, and did strive also to con- demn and remove those false supporters and props K.3114 GRACE ABOUNDING TO on which the world doth lean, and by them fall and perish. On these things also I staid as long as on the other. 279. After this, God led me into something of the mystery of the union of Christ; vherefore that I discovered and shewed to them also. And, when I had travelled through these three points ae the word of God, about the space of five years or more, I was caught in my present pr actice, and cast into prison, where I have lain above as long again to confirm the bath by way of suffering, as I was before in testifying of it according to the Scriptures, in ¢ ad of preaching. 280. When I have been preaching, I thank God, my heart has often, with great earnestness, cried to God that he 1 would par the work effoetti ul to the salvation of the soul: stil] being grieved lest 1 the enemy should take the wort d aw ay from the conscience, and so it shall become unfruitful: wherefore T shall labour to nen the word, as that ae if it were ee the sin and person wilty might} be particularized by it. ” asi. And ie ie have done the exere} ses, it hath gone to my heart, to think the word should now fal! as rain on stony places; still wishi ing from my heart, Oh! that ¢ hey who awe neard me » speak this day, did bit it see as | do, what sin, death, Hell aitd the curse of God js is; and what the grace, and love, and mercy ot God 1S, through Christ, to men m such a case as they are, who are. yet estranged coe we Indeed, I did often say in my heart bef sor dP hatat Maye hanged up presen y betore their eyes, it would be ameans to% any ee ae mM, and confirm them in the truth, i Shalt > > C yy yey RQ Xx JX wy GLY EOE ent te Ya 0 401] vo 282. For Ihave been in my preaching, es speci- ally when I h: ave a engag edt the doctrine of life by Chri st, without w Sica, as if an angel of God had stood at n ry back to encourage me! oh! it hath been with such power and heavenly evi. dence upon my soul, while I have been Jabour- ing to unfold it, to demonstrate it, and to fasten upon the conscience of others, that | could not be contented with saying, J believe and ain sure: methonght I was more than sure (if it be lawful so to express myself’) that those things: which I then asserted were true. 28S. When first. I went to preach the word abroad, the doctors and priests of the country did open wide againt me; but I was persuaded of this, Not to render oe for railing; but to see how many of their carnal professors I could convince of théir miserable state by the law, a of the want and worth of Christ: for, thougl nt Bo] answer for me in time to come, hee they shall be for my Inre Sas their face,” Gen. xxx. 33. 284. I never cared to meddle with things ats it, were controverte sy andin dispute among the saints especially things of the low est nature; eu it pleased me ertiteh to contend with great earnest- ,ess for the word of faith, and the remission of sins by the death aoe sufferings of Jesus: but I bay,eas to other things, I would let them alone, because I saw they ens eendered strife; and because that they ncit her in do ing nor leaving undone, did Comet! us to oe to a his: besides, I saw my work before me did run into another e! neal’ even to carry an awakeni ig waves ‘to tiiat therefore did stick and adhere. oh we ei r A116 GRACE ABOUNDING TO 2035. 1 never endeavoured to, nor durst make ase of other men’s lines, Rom. xv. 18. (though 1 condemn not all that do) for I verity thought, and tuund by experience, that what was taught me by the word onal spirit of Christ, could be spoken, yaintained, and stood to, by the soundest and best established conscience ; and though I wil not now speak all that [ knew in this matter, yet my expe- rience hath more interest in that text of Scripture, Gal. i. 11, 12,than many amongst men are aware. 285. If any of those who were awakened by my ministry, did after that fall back, (as sometimes too many did) I can truly say, their loss hath been more to me than if my own children, begotten of my own body, had been going to their grave: I think, verily, I may speak it without any offence. to the Lord, nothing has gone so near me as that; unless it was the fear of the loss of the salvation of my own soul. I have counted as if I had goodly buildings and lordships in those places where my chi ldten were born: my heart has been so w rap- ped up in the glory of this excell ent work, that I counted myself more blessed and honoured of os by this, than if he had made me the er eror he Christian world, or the Lord of the glory of the earth without it! Ohy these -worde:* “ He that converteth a sinner from the error of his way, Goth save a soul trom death, 2 James v.20. * Whe trusts of the righteous as ie tree of life: and he that winineth souls is wise,” Proy. xi. 80, « They that he Wise shall shine as the brightness of the firma- a and they that ~_ many to righte the stars for ever and ever,” Dan. xii. what is our hope, our of OuUSNneESS As 2 ¢ > iY Joy, ou crown of rejoicing? PE cee sian i hls = ili er a eoTHE CHIEF OF SINNE} Ele Are wea ye even in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his noming: For ye are our glory and joey,” 1 Thess. 1.19, 20. These, with many ethers, have been great Sean, to me. 987. I have ek ved, That where I have had a work to de for God, I have first; as it were, the going of God upon my spirit, to desire I might preach there: I have also observed, that such and such souls, in particular, have be n strongly set upon my heart, and I stated up to wish tox thats salvation ; and that these very soul sha ve, after this een given in the fruits of my ministry. I have obsei soe that a word cast in by the bye hath done more execution in a sermon, than all that was spoken besides: sometimes also, when I have though t I did no ak then I did the most of all; and, at other times, when I thought I could catch them, { have fished for nothing. 288. I have also observed, that where there has been a work to do upon sinners, there the Deval hath begun to roag in their hearts; yea, oftentime: when the wicked w ee nath raged most, ther hath been souls awakened by the werd: I oie instance particulars, a I forbear. 289. My great desire in my fulfilling my minis- try, was to get.into the darkest places of the country, even monices those } reople that were farthest off of profession: yet wa pecause I could not endure the light, (for I feared not to shew my Gospel to any) but because I found my spirit t-did leam most after awakening and converting wors, and the word that I carried did lean its elf most that way also: “ Yea,.so es I en red to preach the Gospel, not v vhere Christ was oes _ tienNise GRACE ABOUNDING TO lest T should build upon another man’s founda- tion,” Rom. xv. 20. : 290. Inmy preaching I have really been in pain, and have, as it were, travailed to bring forth chil- dren to G ‘aie neither could I be orn unless me fruits did appear inmy work: 1f I were fruit- i it mattered not who cath ara) me; but if | were fruitful, I cared not whe did condemn, I have thought of that, “ Lo! children are an heri- tage of the Lord; and the fruits of the womb is his reward, As arrows in the hand of a mighty nau, so are children of the pelts Happy is the man that hath filled his quiver full of th em; they shall not be ashamed,. but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate,” Psal. exxvii. 3, 4, 2 OO%, okt mere me nothing to see a drink in opinions, if they seemedign iorant of Jesus Ch - and the worth of their own ¢ salvation, found convi tion for sin, especially unbelief, and an heart set o1 fire to be dashed by Christ, with strong breathing atter a truly sanctified soul: that it was tha ae lighted me ; those were the souls I counted blessed. 299. But in this work, as in all others, I had my temptations aitending me, and that of divers kin rds; as sometimes I 5 hould be assar ulted with oreat de couragement therein, fearing that I should not be able to speak a w see at all to edification ; ; hay, that sl ond not it be aH le to nse ak sense to the people ; mech pay iy aes ee able e a _ 5 aie eae my legs ay e scarce i place ot exe ‘Ise, 208 ‘ay 4) ae ,aeetn etimes, when I have Nidahes preach ing, - Haile peen, violently assaulted with thoughts of dlasph and strongly asphemy, aud strongly ter npted to speak th ce + LIS beTHE CHIEF OF SINNERS. words with my mouth before the con 1eTegation. J have also at times, even when I have mh to speak the word with much clearness liberty of speech, been, before the aan ing "of that epportdaniiys so blinded, and so estranged from the things I have been spea king, and have been also So str aitened in my speech, as to. utterance before the people, that I have been as if Thad not known what I have been about : or as if my dead had been in a bag all the time of my exercise. 294. Again, when as sometimes J have been about to preach - some smart and searching portion of the word, I have found the ten ipter sug. gest, “What! will you preach this! This con- dems yourself; of this your own soul is guilty ; wherefore pr eaeh not of this at all; or if you do, yet so mince it, as to make way for your own escape ; lest, baeteadl of aw akening others, you lay that guilt wpon your own soul that you will never get from under.” 295. But, I thank the Lord, I have been kept from consenting to these so horrid suggestions, and have rather, as Sampson, bowed myself with all my mi ght, “6 condemn sin and transgression, w! herever. - i found it; yea, though therein also I did bring guilt upon my a conscience; Let mi die, thought I with the Philistines, Jud: ges Xvi. 29, 30, rather than deal Soneaptl with the b seaceal word of God. - ‘Thon ‘that teachest another, teachest not thou thyse] LP” |¢ is far better then c i > others, than that thou, to save thyself, imprison + 4 . > the truth in unr, shtcousness: biessed be Gad for acd a] ee Lis Bop als so in this, to judge thyself, even by preaching plainly unto120 GRACE ABOUNDING TO j Y 1 . ¥ yiGae 296. I have also, while found ut this ee 5 re ~ . 3 a ‘ ie pS a es ; : Fe work of Christ, been often tempted to pride a | liftings up of heart ; and, though I dare not say have not been affected with this, yet truly the * P| Lord, of his precious mercy, hath so carried it to= | wards me, that I have had small joy to give way to such a thing: for it hath been my every day’s yortion to be let into the evil of my own heart, and til] made to see such a multitude of corruptions ond infirmities therein, that it hath caused hanging i down of the head under all my gifts and attain- - | ments: I have felt this thorn in the flesh, (2 Cor. xii. $, 9,) the very mercy of God to me. 297. | have aleo had, togetier with this, some notable place or other of the word presented before me, which word hath contained in it some sharp and piercing sentence concerning the perishing of the soul, notwithstanding gifts and parts: as for instance, that hath been of greatuse to me, ‘‘ Though | speak with the tongues ef men and angels, and have not charity, I am become as soundmg brass, and a tinkling cymbal,” 1 Cor. xii. 1, &. 208. A tmklng cymbal is an instrument of music, with which a skilful player can make such iuelodious-and heart inflaming music, that all whe — hear him play can scarcely hold from dancing ; und yet behold the cymbal hath not life, neither comes the musie from it, but because of the art of - iim that plays therewith; so then the instrument il last may come to nought and perish, though in times past such music hath been made upon it. L0G. Just thus I saw it was, and will be, with thom that have gifts, but want saving vrace ; they te | t Kh hs ) ¢ , Wal 173 he 7 Eniey CEMEEH CC Me 10° a nernciRal banishment, becaus ; . ‘ . o ~THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 127 I refused to confor m. So being again delivered up " the gaoler’s hands, I] was had to prison, and ere tau da com a ete twelve years, W aiting to see WwW as it Ged would i suffer these men to do w ith me. 520, likes which condition | have continued wi ith much content, through g orace, but have el with many turaings and goings upon my heart, both from the Lord, Satan, and my own corrup ties by all which (glory be to Jesus Christ) | bays also received much conviction, instruction, and under- standing, of which | shall not here discourse; only baa you a hint or two, that ma Ly 8 stir up » the g godly Vv bless God, aud to pray for me; and atk to take should the case be their own, vw to ess § encouragemenD .; ~ 7 y y J Not to fear what MAR CAR do gee thei. 39}, T had never in alimy life, so great an inlet into che word of God as now: those Scriptures that [ saw nothing shine ype mn me; vesus Christ apparel st than now; here have nace 1d: Oh! that ee : Kati you, cunnl inely and that “ God ee Chri gave him glory, that our itl in Geds?d Pet. d, Sr were e8Se in this imprison ned eondition. 399, These three or four Serrpt ture been great refreshments im this ape to Joun as 1 2e55 A, Jobn XVI Col anes; Heb. xii. 22, 23, 24- So that sox aol anes when I have been inthe favour of them, I have been able to laugh at destruction, and to fear 1 either os horse nor his rider. have had sweet sights 0 : eee ¥ 1p nd of i the forgiveness of my eins in this place, 4 A OL way in before, were now mace m Christ also was never mo seen and felt him ae preache ed a: Petea Te, som _ deal) am a“ oP) Sy} pared i) w we oJ) 4 oO < rl . bee &h cD hi a Fomor re - \ ht at pet oD wn w CR a) fresnel a 5 < oO QO Oo —_ ~ a oo “ie @ oh © jes bad Co Wee 1, SA» pl yo pee ra an aGRACE ABGUNDING TO being with Jesus in artother world! I have seen that here, that I shall never, while in this world, be able to express: I have seen a truth in this Scripture, “ Whom having not seen, yet love: in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable, and full of glory,” 1 Petciz 8; 323. Inever knew what it was for God to stand by me at all turns, and at every offer of Satan to afflict me, as I have found since I came in hither: for as fear have presented themselves, so have sup- ports and encouragements; yea, when I have start« ed at nothing else but my shadow, yet God hath not suffered me to be molested, but would with one Scripture or another strengthen me against all ; In- somuch that I have often said, “‘ Were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater.com- fort’s sake,” Eccles. yii. 14. 2 Cor. i. 5. 524. Before I came to prison, I saw what was coming, and had two considerations warm n pon my heart: the first was, How to be able to encounter death, should that be my portion. For the first of these, that Scripture, Col. i. 11, was great infor- mation to me, namely, to pray toGod to be strength- ened with all might, according to his glorious pow- er, unto all patience and long-suffering with - fulness. I could seldom go to prayer, but this sey- tence, or petition, would thrust itself in upon my mind, and persuade me, That if evey l would oo through long-suffering, I must have patience, espe- cially if I would endure it joyfully, FOV —- JO) oO 2c) 5 . te +h, > MAR AY A > ¥ ; c 3 7 3 a 325. As to the second consideration, that saying (9 ; var e ghee v oO } Wood nt HOD ah Wade wy a ie . (2 Cor. i. 9.) was of great use tome, “ But we had the sentence of death in ourselves. th Lo) o Asav 1 ot c es ’ - 2 " x oO nN yer exiled condition rt ere exposed to hunger, pastels + piss rece A eal : jes anda to cold, to periis, to naxeaness, to enem and a a z*F i] re ‘ } le } y AY lh ota VF thousand calamities; and at last, it may = to aie ] ina ditch, like a poor and d a But I thank God, hitherto I have not been moved by these most delicate reasonings nN - and prepare his father enue to receive ‘him ; anc he, i . to do any g od office, rea “dil y under took it. So riding to Readi r in Berkshir e, he used such pre ng arguments ee reasons € ack anger and passion,.as also for love and recone eden that the father reconciled to his son. But Mr. Babes returning to London, being overtaken with excessive rains, and coming to his lodgings extremely wet, fell sick of a violent fever, which he bore w bi much constancy and pacence, and expressed himself as if he decreed nothing more than to be ed. and b case esteeming death as ga m and life only tedious delaying of felicity y expected ; and finding his vital rongth de cone ‘having 1g settled his mind and affairs, as well as the shortness of time and the violence of his disease would permit, with a con- stant and Christian patience, he x resigned his seul e with Christ, in that |F OF SINNERS,, 3. | "fA a into the hands of his most merciful Re. deemer, followi ing ‘his Pilgrim rome the pe of Destriction to the New Jerusalem; his t part having been all alon Pic in holy co ns mplation, pantings and Bie things after the hidden manna and watey se = rT e the house of one Mr. Strud- dock, a Codes at the Star, on Snow-hill, in the be (es St. Sepulchre’s, London, on the 12th of in the sixti jeth year of his age, afte y an days sickness; and was buried in the Ne Ww Burying Place, near the Artille; ry eau where he sleeps till the morning of the resui ‘rection, in hopes of a glorious rising t to an incorruptible im- mortality of joy age ha ae in rere no more | trouble and sorrow shall afflict um, but all tears be | wiped away; vee be in oe ae ;-aS members of Christ t | him as kings and priest ry} ? (Rs nr Pe ye ri aae A Briof CAraracier OF VET. JOHN DUNYAN, He appeared i in countenance to be ofa stern and rou ugh temper, But in his conversation mild and affable; not given to 0 legiacity er much discourse in company, unless séme urgent occasion required it; observing never to boast of himself or his parts, but rather seem low in his own eyes, and submit himself to the judgment of others, ah horring lyin 1s and swearing, being just in all that lay in his L power to his word, not seeming to revenge injuries, loving to reconcile CECT em eee, and make friend- ip with all; he had a sharp quick eve, accompa- ed with an ‘excellent discerning of persons, be- He of good judgment and guick wit. As for his on, he was of tall stature, strong-bo nace though + ers il pGRACE ABOUNDING, &c. not corpulent, somewhat of a ruddy face, with sparkling eyes, weaving his hair en the upper lip, after the old British fashion; his hair reddish, but in his latter days time had sprinkled it with grey 3 his nose well set, but not, declining or bending, and his mouth moderate large ; his forehead some- what high, and his habit always plain and modest. And thus we have impartially described the inter. nal and external parts of a person, whose deatli has been much regretted; a person who had tried the smiles and frowns of time; not puffed up in prose perity, nor shaken in adversity ; always holding the golden mean. In him at once did Three great Worthies shine Historian, Poet, and a choice Divine: ‘hen let him rest in undisturbed dust, Until the resurrection of the just. . rs POSTSCRIPT.. ; In this his pilgrimage, God blessed him with four children: one of which, named Mary, was blind, and died some years before: his other chil- dren were Thomas, Joseph, and Sarah; his wife, 2 bh: Elizabeth, having lived to see him overcome his labour and sorrow, and pass from this lite to re- ceive the reward of his work, long survived, him. not; for in 1692 she died, to follow hex faithful Pilgrim from this world to the other, whither he: was gone before her: whilst his works, which consist of sixty books, remain for the ed edifying of. the Reader, and praise of the Author, | | THE END, CL Sar -2 J. 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