FUNNY FOREIGNERS 

ECCENTRIC ENGLISH
ALPHABETICALLY AND GEOGRAPHICALLY 
ARRANGED BY 
Clifford Merton
LONDON: SAMPSON LOW, MARSTON, SEARLE & RIVINGTON.
CROWN BUILDINGS, 188 FLEET STREET, EC.Funny Foreigners
AND
Eccentric English,
Alphabetically and Geographically Arranged
By Clifford Merton.
FRONTISPIECE----THE WORLD.
“ Let contemplation with extensive view Survey Mankind from China to Peru ”—
So says the Poet—Need our pencil roam When much absurdity is found at Home ? Yet travel has its charm for many folks, So I apologise for far-fetched jokes.
London :
Sampson Low, Marston, Searle, & Rivington,
CROWN BUILDINGS, 188, FLEET STREET, E.C.
(All Rights Reserved.)A BADEN Student, so misled
By too great love of Black and Red,
Used all his art and all his means In picturing the Kings and Queens; To pasteboard gave his kind regards, And thought the World was made of Cards.LAND of Lanterns and of Tea, China on this plate you see— Why at such a fashion stare ?
It is only China wear,IN the old country town of Devizes, There are children of all shapes and sizes—
But their noise is so great,
Papa murmurs at fate,
And says, “ Marriage a thing most unwise is.”IN merry England beauty glows With tint of artificial rose ;
And freckles, when they’re past all healing,
We whitewash like the kitchen ceiling.SAID an old man in Formosa,
“You adulterating Grocer,
No longer will I stand,
Havinsf Sugar mixed with Sand !
At your wickedness I mean to strike a blow, Sir ! ”
Said the tradesman with a frown, “You shall have superior brown,
If you only pay the small account you owe, Sir! ”A shocking Defaulter
Enticed to the altar
A Maid of Gibraltar
Both wrinkled and old:
For money can banish His scruples, which vanish When charmed by her Spanish All powerful Gold!A single old Lady of Hanover, The News Matrimonial ran over,
Of Marriage she thought every plan over,
For tis folly to throw any man over.TWO Lady Gossips of Japan,
 Strolling by the river, Exchange (as only neighbours can) Words that make one shiver.IF I were a bird or beast, Likely to provide a feast,
I should think it most unlucky Were I native of Kentucky.L A N A R K ! Land of cakes and thistles !
How my indignation bristles At thy droning melody!
For such a tune Would very soon
Make an English fellow die.A Wicked old Man of Manilla
Had a Wife, but he wanted to kill her;
So he forced her to eat Salts and Senna for Meat, And to drink only Sarsaparilla!BIDDY Nolan, born in Newry, In the dock, and in a fury, Shakes her fist at Judge and Jury.A Vocalist, of Oldham, see,
Who flings about her upper G; She sings not piano—Is it naughty To hint the Lady’s over forty f'“TWINKLE, twinkle, little Shah! Oh, how bright your diamonds are!
I should never feel the worse, Shah! If I had so long a purse Shah!A Hungry Mosquito
I've read of in Quito,
Once ate an old Crone’s Wig, body, and bones, Leaving only the nail of her wee toe.WHEN to Egypt the prize was awarded
Of being most wisely School-boarded, Can we wonder this scholar of Rameses
Would eagerly Sum book and Gram-.mar seize Till she looks on the strictest Exam.
as ease.WANDERERS in Siberia’s snows
Thaw the frost bites on the nose, And warm their fingers (so the tale is)
At the Aurora Borealis!TWO hungry Cannibals of Tim-
BUCTOO,
The best of appetites who boasted,
Surveyed their victim from each point of view,
And one said “ Boiled ! ”—the other, “ Roasted ! ”A Gentleman of old Verona
Of so much money was the owner,
It burned his fingers, as they say, And so he threw his coin away;
And children, short of bread and butter,
Picked up a living in the gutter.LONG live all Heroes! Here are two
Who fought in youth at Waterloo; But, being not in battle slain,
In age they live to light again.THIS excellent Sherry of Xeres So old, and so dry,
I advise you to buy,
And warrant it wholesome as beer is!YEN I KALE boasts a steed
Of the untamed fiery breed— His poor legs, as on he jogs,
So like going to the dogs,
Make the cats along the street Hungry for their coming meat.SUN so hot, O !
Take it easy! That's the Motto
In Zambesi!
.PRINTED IN COLOURS BY EMRIK AND BINCjF.R, 15, HOLBORN VIADUCT, LONDON, E.C.FUNNY FOREIGNERS 

ECCENTRIC ENGLISH
ALPHABETICALLY AND GEOGRAPHICALLY 
ARRANGED BY 
Clifford Merton
LONDON: SAMPSON LOW, MARSTON, SEARLE & RIVINGTON.
CROWN BUILDINGS, 188 FLEET STREET, EC.