Yale University Library

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YALE UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY

In Memory of
JOY CURTIS BOURNIQUE
Yale 1918
from the fund established in 1924
by his father
EUGENE A. BOURNIQUE

F. T. Ives.

Yankee Jumbles
or, Chimney Corner Tales of igth
Century Events, Comprising
Subjects of Fact, Fun and Fiction.
By F. T. IVES

BROADWAY PUBLISHING
COMPANY : : NEW YORK
AT EIGHT THIRTY - FIFE
BROADWAY ::::::::

Copyright, 1903.
BY
F. T. IVES.

All rights reserved.

G\4-3.\i5

INTRODUCTION.
Thinking it possible that an apology may be due
to the public for imposing upon them such a work as
is to follow, a brief explanation is perhaps in order
for doing so. The present generation talk of the great
dhanges and improvements that have occurred in t3ie
last fifty years, which is about as far as the general
public can make comparison. It is not the purpose
here to review and recount the numerous inventions and
discoveries of the last half century, but, to go back one
hundred years and compare the customs and habits of
the people with the present condition of the country,
the character of its population, the way they lived and
the various odd and quaint characters so common the
early part of the last century. A brief notice of In
dian remnants and last traces of negro slavery, a
casual review of the social, religious, political and mili
tary habits of seventy-five to one hundred years past,
it is hoped will furnish a few hours' enjoyment to peruse.
The state of society and methods of living, the com
mencement of the nineteenth century were as different
from the present as the use of the scythe and cradle
were to the modern mowing machine and reaper.
The percentage of men living whose memories run back
approximately three score years and ten is very small,
and rapidly growing less. It will be but a few years

iv Introduction.
when a large part of the precious information gained
from reading this book would be lost, if the present
is not employed to preserve such a heritage to the hu
man race. Genealogies are mostly of local interests,
unless the subjects are of world wide notoriety like
Adam, Moses, Samson, Mark Twain, Carrie Nation
and others of like repute. It is hoped this work will
not be confined by lines of latitude or longitude, but
that instructive food may be gathered from these pages
in all climes, and light be shed to illumine a world ly
ing in darkness. There is to be no windup with a
wedding or funeral ; there are no tales of woe, intended
to lacerate hearts or to fill eyes with scalding tears.
While there may be many silly things to incur the dis
approval of some, it is hoped there may be enough of
interest to encourage the reader to give the work as a
whole a merciful criticism. While some may enjoy
this and others that, it must take its chances as did the
specimen work of the painter, that pleased nobody and
everybody. It is the writer's firm belief that with the apparent
lack in those times of what are now esteemed comforts
and luxuries, people enjoyed more of life to the
square inch than at the present day. Those who live in
our back hill towns and valleys are to-day happier as
a class, with less anxieties, rivalries, jealousies and per
plexing cares than the residents of Fifth Avenue in
New York, or the proud tenants of Beacon Hill in Bos
ton. With a comparatively new country covered largely
with its virgin forests abounding in game, and streams
alive with the choicest fish, with the finest sea food in

Introduction. v
abundance close at hand, a profusion of staple fruits
and nuts, with a strong, hardy population of men and
women, rearing large families to mingle, and looking
out over a field offering new enterprises in every direc
tion, there is little doubt that the opening of the nine
teenth century had a greater measure of hope and en
joyment, than it is reasonable to expect with the
crowded and conflicting interests that confront us at
the threshold of the twentieth.
It is not presumed these tales will take a place in
classical literature, as that is not the aspiration of the
writer, or that Shakespeare, Milton, Holy Writ or Gul
liver's Travels will be entirely discarded for the truths
abounding in this volume. Like the ones mentioned
there may be some chronicles that to those skepti-
tically inclined may look slightl}' fictitious. As we are
told that variety is the spice of life, it is hoped the
reader may find enough in the succeeding pages to re
lieve any charge of monotony, with the diversity of
Indians, negroes, characters, history, biography, poetry,
anecdotes and general assortment of subjects good, bad
and indifferent to make up this conglomeration of
"Sense and Nonsense."

YANKEE JUMBLES

INDIANS.

During the first quarter of the nineteenth century
there were a few straggling Indians left of the old tribes
roving about the state, very few of them single, but
generally an Indian with his Squaw, and frequently
with some Indian boy with a bow and arrow. This boy
served somewhat the purpose of a monkey with an or
gan-grinder to aid them in obtaining resources to sup
ply themselves with rum, or eider, the more common
drink of the day. This was done by standing up a
stick about a yard long stuck into the ground a few
yards off with a four pence, ha'penny, or nine pence,
in the slot, and sometimes good luck of a quarter at
perhaps a greater distance, which the youngster was
to shoot at and knock out of the slot, thus winning the
money. They were expert enough to hit the slot with
more than half the shots they made.
When only the Indian and his Squaw were roving
about, the Squaw always went ahead several rods.
She stopped at the houses in quest of food, and to beg
cider, and usually to offer for sale some fancy-made,
or useful baskets. If any trade was negotiated or not,
she usually got the food and cider, but Mr. Indian was
always there with her in time to share it.

2 Yankee Jumbles.
The only burden he tasked himself with was a good
ax to come in service when they discovered in some
swamp or wood-lot a black ash or oak tree suitable for
basket splints.
In those times any man's liking for cider was likened
to that he loved cider as well as an Indian.
The only Indians in the memory of the writer were
Sobuc and Sequonk. They were both innocent when
not filled with eider or some stronger drink. On one
occasion, Sequonk was discovered annoying a man's
wife to make her draw him some cider. He had her
backed into a corner of the room, keeping his arms
spread on each side of her so she could not escape un
til she should promise to draw the cider. Fortunately
her husband unexpectedly returned and Sequonk took
a well-deserved thrashing.
Sobuc was once employed to skin a dog that had been
put out in the field; taking the butcher knife he went
to skin the dog, and was gone for a long time, when
he came back and complained of the job being unpleas
ant, and asked for a drink of rum to brace his stomach,
when he would go back and give the finishing touches.
Getting his rum he returned to his task, but being gone
so long the man suspected the dog's skin was stolen,
and going to investigate, he found the knife stuck in
the dog's haunches, and the skin untouched.
They were about the only Indians that tarried over
the territory occupied by some of their ancestors, but the
stragglers with their Squaws were roving all over the
state.

Yankee Jumbles. 3
NEGROES IN CONNECTICUT.
Until nearly 1800 slavery had existed in Connecti
cut, as the writer can remember some who had been
slaves, and many children and grandchildren of former
slaves. These all proved to be an honest and trusty
people, and of their posterity scarcely a remnant ex
ists in the state. The negroes of the present day in our
state are almost entirely importations from the South
since the war. In certain ways they are a distinguish
able type from the old stock of negroes. The old class
settled more or less on farms, and were more generally
mixed up in country than in town life. Many iden
tified themselves with their former owners. They
were of a very gregarious nature, fond of music, social
occasions and dancing. As late as the middle part of
the nineteenth century you would see an annual order
published in several newspapers, noticeable by the pic
ture of a militia man with his gun and accoutrements,
underneath which you would read in large letters,
"Attention, Battalion, Company so and so, you are
hereby ordered to appear on such a day and date, at
such a time and place designated, fully armed and
equipped with side-arms (which meant the fair sex),
for inspection and drill." This meant a general call for
the colored community in all directions to gather at
the time and place designated with all sorts of instru
ments of music, refreshments in the way of eatables and
drinkables, with their wives and children, for a day of
great enjoyment, and winding up with a dance at night,
which to witness was worth a trip across the continent,

4 Yankee Jumbles.
These dances, or heel and toe performances, on these
festal occasions, might properly be classed under the
head of genuine "shindigs," being well prepared for
with full libations of cider-brandy and Santa Cruz rum
during the day. Their programme was not made up of
round dancing and quadrilles, as of later years, but of
what was termed "country dances," such as Money
Musk, Virginia Reel, or the Fisher's Hornpipe, and
any style of music that would admit of a regular "hoe-
down." Their dancing, too, was no walking around
through figures to display elegant dresses or to show
off graceful movements, but it was a drumming of
heel and toe and a twirling around of big wenches,
who were whirled as if they were animated tops. Oc
casionally an interval would be given to a dozen or
more of their experts, both young and old, in which a
spirit of rivalry would be exercised to see which could
cut up the greatest amount of capers on the floor.
These interludes were many times performed for the
edification of spectators.
An old negro fiddler of those early days, who fre
quently fiddled for such occasions, used to remark that
after two or three figures the hall smelled like a boar's
nest. Such a condition may be the source of a conundrum
that used to be put in the early burnt cork concerts.
"Why is a negro never dead broke?" After many
guesses, and being given up, the reply was, "Because
ihe always has a scent about him." After the smiles
of the audience, some other member of the troupe would
say the answer was not correct. Not being able to guess

Yankee Jumbles. 5
why, the answer was, "The scent was not a good one."
For a long time, until recent years the colored com
munity recognized the authority of one of their num
ber whom they called "Governor," selected for his
wisdom and physical strength. Whether this test was
made the same as with mules when brought together
into an enclosure, settling the question of which is the
best mule by several hours spent in kicking each other
to ascertain which is the best kicker, is imknown. It
does not take long for the best mule to develop, when
he can walk serenely through the drove and all who
have had a taste of his heels pass complacently out of
his way.
So this "Governor" dictated from his headquarters
which for many years was in the town of Derby, where
these military demonstrations were to be performed.
This order of negroes having become almost entirely
extinct, such a call for such a training has not been
issued for nearly fifty years.
Among the slaves in Connecticut were two negroes
by the name of Chatham Freeman and Cato Barker, the
former, I just remember, was always known as Chat and
the latter Cato. Both were bom in Africa and cap
tured by slavers when young and brought to this coun
try. Chat claimed to remember distinctly the day he
was stolen, and how he begged to be released to his
mother, being only about five years old. He promised
if they would let him go to bring his playmate Cato,
which he did, expecting thereby to gain his own liberty,
but failed to obtain the freedom of either. He used
to tell that for awhile they expected they would be

6 Yankee Jumbles.
killed and eaten as he had seen boys devoured by the
cannibals, and cautioned Cato not to eat enough to get
fat so that they would be in any condition for roast
ing, but after awhile he found that instead of being
fattened they were more likely to be starved, and had
to set their wits to work to satisfy their pangs of
hunger. On board the ship were large coops of chick
ens which were so located that Chat could get to them
occasionally, and bethinking himself (as many of his
successors have), that there was a good relish to chicken,
he would slip his hands through the slats and occasion
ally get a chicken by the head and choke it to death.
This dead chicken being found in the coop the next
morning, orders would be given to throw it overboard.
Chat would make pleas to let nigger eat it, which the
officers of the ship readily consented to, saying if nig
ger wanted to eat dead chicken let him have it.
Chat became quite a favorite aboard ship for his
apt and cunning ways. After landing in this country
he came into the possession of a family by the name of
Yale, and Cato was bought by a Barker family in
Wallingford. At the time of the Revolutionary War
one of the Yale family was drafted to go into the
army, and as a substitute Chat's master promised him
if he would take his son's place and serve until the end
of the war he should have his freedom. This offer Chat
accepted, and served until the termination of the war,
after which he returned to Meriden to spend the rest of
his days.
A slave girl by the name of Rhea obtained a warm
spot in Chat's heart, and to obtain her freedom he

Yankee Jumbles. 7,
served a second term similar to that of Jacob in ob
taining Rachel. But there was no kind mother in
Rhea's case to ameliorate Chat's waiting years by the
substitute from time to time of maid-servants as a
reward for Chat's faithfulness and patience. After
serving his time for Rhea, they were duly married and
lived happily together to quite extreme old age. The
fruit of this marriage was one daughter, whose name
was Katherine, who on maturity married a colored man
by the name of Robert Prinn, the pair being familiarly
known as Robin and Katy.
Chat used to entertain his friends by telling some of
his army experiences, how when in battle the bullets
would come fiying through the air "whish, whish," "and
make nigger dodge." "When the bullets began to whish
faster, some of the white men they dodge, too. General
Washington (he said) would ride along and say, 'No
dodgey on parade.' " Soon as the bullets began to come
again nigger could not help dodging for all General
Washington. Chat was an entertaining character with
the farmers among whom he worked, usually taking
his pay in some product of the farm. When they were
measuring out grain on the barn floor, to pay him for
threshing, when putting his grain in the measure Chat
would begin to hop around on the floor so as to shake
the measure down, always asking if they didn't want
to see nigger dance ? It was generally submitted to for
the pleasure of seeing him take a double shuffle, in
which performance he was quite expert.
Chat had a peculiar experience with a deacon who
had volunteered to help him in the purchase of his

8 Yankee Jumbles.
supplies under the pretence of guarding him against
being cheated or being taken advantage of. One sea
son after Chat had performed considerable labor for
the deacon, he was to receive his pay in pork, which the
deacon was to pack for him and deliver in Chat's cel
lar. When Chat began to use his pork, he found the
first layer quite satisfactory, the next layer was very
much poorer, and the third made up of feet, skirts, and
hocks, and all the poor pieces of the hog, at which
discovery Chat became very angry towards the deacon
to see how he had deceived and cheated him in his
representation of the quality of the pork, so the next
morning he hurried to interview the deacon, and arriv
ing at his house, he found the deacon just ready to en
gage in family devotions, and without any hesitation
or delay for the deacon's family devotions, he abruptly
inquired of the deacon "where he expected to go to when
he died?" The deacon replied that he hoped and ex
pected to go to heaven. "No," said Chat, "Deacon
Mitchell (which was the man's name), you will go to
hell sure," and then came an explanation about the
pork : "any man who packed pork in that way was sure
to go to hell." As all slaves who lived in old orthodox
families were taken into the church. Chat before the war
was enrolled as a member in the same church in which
the deacon officiated. Chat made the case so public
that the church proposed to him that they have a meet
ing of the members for the reconciliation of Chat and
the deacon, which meeting was held and the hatchet
agreed to he buried, after which one of the members
of the peace conference remarked to Chat as the diffi-

Yankee Jumbles. 9
eulty between him and Deacon Mitchell was all settled^
"and now you promise, don't you, to forgive and forget
all that has transpired?" Chat had a little impediment
of speech in the way of stuttering and replied that "he
w-would p-promise to f-forgive Deacon Mitchell, b-but
it w-was m-more than he was able to d-do to f-forget it."
One year the crops were very poor and Chat raised
scarcely enough to carry him through the winter and
tried to purchase of several neighbors enough to piece
out his supplies, but nobody seemed willing to sell. At
last he appealed to a man by the name of Yale, known
as Uncle Isaac, but Uncle Isaac .had no corn to sell;
then Chat said to Uncle Isaac, "Supposing you hadn't
anything to eat, and you couldn't buy, borrow or beg,
would you consider it wicked to steal?" After Uncle
Isaac reflected on that question a few minutes he decided
to sell Chat enough to help out his wants.
As Chat served as substitute in the Revolutionary
War, he became entitled to a regular soldier's pension
of $96 a year. One year on receipt of the $96 in sil
ver he put it in a bag. On his return home he laid
this bag down by the side of a curbless well while he
stopped to get a drink of water. Abel, a brother of the
Isaac Yale who sold him the corn, was nearby, with
whom Chat engaged in a short conversation, during
which an old sow (according to the usual custom run
ning at large) discovered the bag of silver dollars in
which the pension was put and tried to satisfy her curi
osity by rooting it over, in doing which she rooted it
into the well. The jingle of the money attracted Chat's
attention and the man with whom he was talking, who

lo Yankee Jumbles.
went at once for the rescue of the money. After a long
effort spent with poles and pails and various other de
vices they succeeded in recovering ninety-four of the
silver dollars, the other two remaining a loss, still prob
ably in the bottom of that well.
Chat's daughter, Katy, was a member of the Baptist
Church. On the road to town from Chat's home lived
a woman known as "Old Chicken," and as "Granny
Guy," who was also a member of the same church. In
those times it was customary for the sewing societies to
be held at the residences of the families belonging to
the church, and all who were so circumstanced as to be
able to accommodate a liberal attendance were expected
to take their turn in having the society at their house.
This Granny Guy was an eccentric character and lived
in rather a shiftless, untidy manner, but had a reputa
tion for a great deal of low cunning and diplomacy, so
one day when Katy was on her way to market the Granny
called her in for an interview. She said, "Katy, you
know you and I both belong to the same church, and
other people have the sewing societies at their houses.
Now I have been thinking it over that perhaps we were
not doing our duty as Christians, and, knowing that
you could not very well have the society at your house,
I have thought that we might join together and have
it here as yours and mine." The plan looked plausible
to Katy and from a sense of Christian duty she fell
into the trap. The plan was for Katy to come and help
Granny put her house in order for the occasion, which
Katy consented to do and spent several days in cleaning
out all the dirty and filthy holes with which the

Yankee Jumbles. 1 1
Granny's house abounded, and after getting everything
once more in respectable shape, with encouragement
constantly held out of the credit it would be to them,
the whole scheme ended and the society was never held
at the Granny's house. This same Granny frequently
complained of lack of attention from her minister and
of some of her neighbors, and at times on retiring to
her bed, she would write on the floor, "I died in a fit,"
to give evidence of her neglect by friends. One morning
her minister made her a brief call while she was pre
paring her breakfast, which consisted of buckwheat
cakes. The minister seeing she was about taking her
breakfast, excused himself as soon as he reasonably
could on that account. As he was about to depart.
Granny said, "Why, parson, you are not going without
praying with me, are you?" "Oh, certainly not, cer
tainly not. Sister Guy," turning back from the door
to perform his parish duty. After reading a brief
portion of the Bible, as he was about to kneel in prayer,
the Granny remarked that as she had just got her cakes
fried, she thought she would eat them while they were
hot, and he could engage in prayer at the same time,
which arrangement was conformed to, he praying while
she ate her slap-jacks.
One amusing feature connected with Katy was her
ailments. For several years she was somewhat dis
abled from performing much labor, her trouble being
generally described by Robin as "wandering gout." As
Robin worked and visited about the neighborhood,
people would invariably inquire how Katy was ? Robin
would describe her pains and troubles as best he could

12 Yankee Jumbles.
and return the compliment, inquiring for the neigh
bor's health. The neighbor would have pains in the
chest, in the side, weak back, headache and various
other complicated troubles, and as each one was named
over, Robin would say, "Yes, Katy is just so, Katy is
just so." Calling on another neighbor and inquiring
after her health, the ne.xt neighbor perhaps would be
troubled with dizziness, nausea, crick in the back, limbs
paralyzed, and so on, to every one of which ailments
"Katy was just so," and so it would go ; no matter how
many pains or aches would be enumerated, Katy was
always "just so."
The other hoy, Cato, captured with Chat, assumed the
name Cato Barker from his owner, but was always
known as Cato. After obtaining his freedom, Cato mar
ried a wench named Mary, who evidently did her full
share of the courting. After living some years with
Mary, and having no olive branches added to their house
hold, Cato became dissatisfied, and found out that Mary
was much older when he married her than she repre
sented, as was evidenced by her having lost most of her
teeth, as he claimed, so Gate's affections grew cold
towards Mary, and he never shared his bitter bottle nor
any other thing which he esteemed to any extent with
Mary, who, more or less from his neglect, after a few
years died.
Cato had a cabin and several acres of land, and near
his cabin was a very large natural apple tree, which was
a profuse bearer of apples of good quality and long
keepers. This tree was grafted from for a good many
years, for quite a section around about, and the name

Yankee Jumbles. 13
of the Cato apple became as familiar as a Greening or
Baldwin. Cato's resources were not very large, and in
raising a pig he was as limited in his supply of food
to the pigs as he was to old Mary his wife, and would
always complain how "rabbenus" the pig was, would
eat a whole green pumpkin at a time and would still
squeal and not grow any. When he came to kill him
he had not learned the philosophy of sticking a pig so
as to cut his jugular vein, and he thought that stabbing
him in the side would perform the execution just as
well, so he would take it down and stab him anywhere
in the belly, and the pig, he said, would squeal the same
as he did in the pen, and get up and run. After several
attempts by stabbing him, he put an end to that exercise
by putting him in a tub of scalding water, drowning
him and scalding him at the same time.
After old Mary's death, another wench, known as Nab
Grifiin, having an eye on Cato's estate, coaxed him into
another matrimonial alliance. Nab began to be a terror
to Cato, and soon began to tease him to make his will
in her favor. After haunting him beyond all endurance,
Cato consented to make his will in accordance with her
wishes. Going with Nab to a justice of the peace in
the neighborhood, he informed the justice that he had
come to make his will. Justices in those days were called
squires, so the squire asked Cato what disposition he
wanted to make of his property. Cato stated that his
house and land he wished to give to his dear wife
Abigail, and after adding several other small bequests
of different articles, called on the squire to read it over.
The squire read the different bequests all through down

14 Yankee Jumbles.
to the point of signing the will. Cato said : "That's all
right, squire ; done pretty well, squire, done pretty well,"
and got up to go. "Well, but," said Nab, "you haven't
signed it yet, Cato." "Well," said Cato, "done pretty
well this time, done pretty well ; I'll come again." But
Nab repeats, "You haven't signed it yet, Cato ; the will
isn't good for anything until you sign it." Cato re
peated that it was all right; had done pretty well this
time, and would come again, all the time moving off,
and Nab had to go off with him, cursing and scolding
him as they returned home. Every few months they
would return to complete that will; the squire would
get out the same copy, read it over as before, Cato would
pronounce it all right, with the same assertion that they
had done pretty well that time, he would come again,
and start for home. After all the attempts of that kind
that were ever made, the will was never signed, and
Cato's estate reverted to the town.
An old darky by the name of Moseley, who prided
himself as Col. Abel Pomp Moseley, used to work about
among the different families, and was a first-class cider
drinker. When well filled with this beverage it was a
great pleasure to him to enumerate his names, making
up the diversity of A. P. Moseley, Abel Pomp Moseley,
Col. A. P. Moseley, and so on, with a dozen or more
variations. It seemed to be a great satisfaction to him
that he had such a diversified name. When he went to
hoe corn he always placed the jug of cider in the middle
of the field to insure a drink on every row.
Another descendant of the old slave stock was Philip

Yankee Jumbles. 15
Samson, of Waterbury, Conn., a very honest and trust
worthy man, difficult to engage in a quarrel, or to anger
in any way, but in case he were so disposed, would have
been a very dangerous antagonist. He used to put
his hands at each end of a barrel of fiour and raise it
up to his breast, turn the barrel up endways and balance
it on one hand. A conceited fellow, doubting Samson
could throw him in a "collar and elbow" wrestle, chal
lenged him for a hold. Samson took hold of him, lift
ing him up at arms' length, and held him nearly a foot
above the ground, kicking the air for the crowd to laugh
at for some minutes, then swung him around like an
empty pair of pants, finally putting one arm around
him, laid him softly on the ground as a gentle nurse
would a baby.
A funny old darky was Jim Robinson, who lived on
the mountain between Meriden and Middletown, in a
group of huts known as Fiddle City.
On town meeting and training days Jim was always
the center of a circle of men and boys, listening to his
stories and laughing at his mimicry. One day he put
a drove of mules into utter confusion by his decep
tive he haws, as they were passing through town. He
used to tell of once being on a wolf hunt on the moun
tain when they found a big hole in which his party felt
quite sure was a nest of young ones. One nigger de
cided to crawl in and get the young whelps, but when
he got to them they raised a cry that the mother wolf
heard, and came rushing past them and into the hole
after the intruder. As she went in another nigger

i6 Yankee Jumbles,
grabbed her by the tail and held on. The nigger inside
became blinded, and sung out, "What's that darky
the hole so?" To which the holding nigger replied,
"Gorry, I guess you find out if this tail comes loose."
Jim soon got hold of the wolf's hind leg and the whole
litter was captured.
Then Jim passed the hat for an offering.
A clever darky was old John Cambridge, familiarly
known as Uncle Jack. In the school district where he
lived was a teacher one season by the name of Richard
son, who gained quite a reputation as a mathematician.
Uncle Jack heard of so many difficult problems be
ing solved by teacher Richardson that it created a de
sire to see where his limit in solutions ended. So Uncle
Jack evolved the following problem for the trial.
Meeting Mr. Richardson a few mornings after, he
says : "Good morning, Massa Richardson ;" with the time
of day pleasantly returned by the teacher.
Uncle Jack says : "Massa Richardson, I hear you are
great in figures and I got a sum I wants to ax you."
"Ah, ha," says Mr. R., "what difficulty have you en
countered that you can't solve ; let me hear it and I will
try to help you out."
"Well," says Uncle Jack, "it is just this: suppose in
that lot," pointing over the way, "there is 9 acres of
land, and in the lot is 9 rows of apple trees, and 9 trees
in a row ; now under every tree is 9 sows, and every sow
has 9 pigs."
The multiplication table seemed competent to handle
the problem thus far.

Yankee Jumbles. 17
"Now," says Uncle Jack, "the question's just begin to
come : How many boar pigs would there be ?"
Massa Richardson was floored.

FORESTS.

The forests covered a large extent of the country, and
wood was the only fuel in use; the timber being made
up mostly of hard woods — of hickorys, maples, birches,
beeches, chestnuts, butternuts, etc. The nut bearing
trees always produced in the greatest profusion, so much
so that after the frosts the ground under the oak, wal
nut, chestnut, butternut and beech trees would always be
well paved with a great supply for the people, pigs and
squirrels. The people used the shag bark or rough bark
walnuts, and the smooth bark trees bore a walnut known
as the pig walnut, which was left for their use.
Pigs were allowed to run during the autumn through
the woods, in which they obtained their entire living,
although it used to be said that some seasons when
shack was scarce, the pigs would come in so poor that
before they began to feed them for the winter they
would have to be soaked a day or two before they would
hold swill.
The beechnuts were the favorite nuts of the wild
turkey, and from which nut their flesh obtained a very
delicate and fine fiavor. From the lack of other
trees of this species to produce fertilizing blossoms, the
beechnut has not for many years filled out its kernel
and has greatly depreciated in quality and abundance.

1 8 Yankee Jumbles.
GAME.
The first part of the century a large proportion of the
country was covered with its primeval forests. Many
thousands of acres that are now cultivated fields had
then never known the stroke of an ax. Connecticut
was then a paradise for game. The woods were alive
with partridge, woodcock, wild pigeons and various
other wild game, and the fields were alive vrith quail,
plover and every variety of singing bird known in this
country. There is no State in the Union that has afforded
better cover for these games mentioned, that most
delight the sportsman, than has existed in Connecticut.
In those early days there was no need of dogs to stalk
your game, for a man could alone tramp up dozens and
scores of partridges, woodcock and quail in the bushes
in a few hours. The woodcock were then considered of
little importance as a game bird, and were called snipe,
while the real snipe, which always lives in the open,
living on the marshes and lowlands, was called the shad
spirit. Shooting game on the wing was a diversion
almost unknown. Partridge were almost invariably
caught in snares. This was done by breaking down a
lot of bushes and constructing a low hedge several rods
long not more than a foot high, and at intervals of two
or three rods a clear space made large enough for the
bird to run through, and in that space hung a snare
braided from the hair of a horse's tail, of which every
boy would avail himself of getting a supply when ihe
came across a good long-tailed horse. The partridge

Yankee Jumbles. 19
would follow this hedge, never jumping over it, until
he came to the open spot in which hung the fatal snare.
The flint lock gun of those aays did not cultivate the
practiced markmanship that has grown up since the
days of percussion locks and breech loading guns.
The other great feathered game for the sportsman up
to the middle of the century was the wild pigeon, now
entirely extinct throughout the United States. It then
abounded in millions all over the country, and its roost
ing and nesting places often breaking down and seriously
injuring large tracts of forests.
A very vivid description of their great numbers and
how they congregated and their daily flights for
hundreds of miles around, in quest of food, darkening
the sky like clouds, is given in Audubon's Ornithology.
These pigeons in their extended flights each day
would find some new feeding ground. If it ohanced to
he of rye or buckwheat they would fill their crops with
what they found first. If on their flights homeward they
passed over a field of wheat or any food that they liked
better than what they had already taken in, they would
stop and disgorge their crops and fill up with preferable
food. The markets all over the country would he sup
plied in the fall season with pigeons more than any
other game. The favorite method of capturing them
was to clean off a spot of ground two or three rods long
and a rod wide, which would be strewn with grain for
two or three days, attracting several flocks to feed upon
it. When they came in such numbers as to cover this
spot almost solid with pigeons, men in ambush would
.spring a net arranged on one side of this feeding plot

20 Yankee Jumbles.
over the whole swarm of pigeons, in which case they
would have to jump on to the opposite side of the net
with extra weight to prevent the pigeons lifting the net
and escaping. In this way, thousands or more would
be taken with one spring of the net. Another cruel
method when they had no net to spring, was to arrange
two rows of poles parallel with each other, about eight
inches apart, two or three feet from the ground. The
ground being baited as before to attract them, the birds
would come and alight on these poles, filling them as
thick as they could set, always facing' from one pole to
the other, so that their heads would cross in the center
in a perfect mass. When all the poles were thus filled,
the men would be in ambush with their guns in range of
this compact line of heads. One firing would commit
a terrible slaughter of the poor birds.
Usually, in the month of April, enormous flocks would
come from the west, going eastward to the shores of the
salt water. For days at a time, flocks of birds, appar
ently a mile in length, formed in line, would come so
rapidly that before one flock was out of sight another
would appear to follow.
Men and boys used to go on top of ledges in our
mountain ranges during these flights, and shoofat them
with their flint lock guns as they passed over their heads
in such quantities as to seem almost impossible to miss
them, but owing to their rapid flight, their shots would
go behind them, not bringing down a bird scarcely once
in a dozen times.
This favorite game, once so abundant, owing to the
murderous habit of men and boys intruding upon thar

Yankee Jumbles. 21
nesting and roosting places, and slaughtering them par
ticularly at nesting time, when the firing of guns would
not disturb them, and they could even be knocked down
with poles in great numbers ; and when squabs, from in
creased weight, would often break down great branches
of trees, they would be picked up for marketing by
wagon loads. This murderous business has resulted ap
parently in the retirement, of this favorite bird entirely
from our country.

BIRD HABITS OF COURTSHIP.
Every game bird has its peculiar habit of courtship.
The male partridge in our woods attracts the attention
of its mate by getting on to some large log lying on the
ground, and running from one end of the log to the
other at the same time giving his wings a rapid motion
on his sides, making a drumming noise that can be heard
for quite a long distance in the woods, thus inviting the
presence of his lady friends.
The quail has his season of courtship, and makes his
announcement of being ready to receive visits from his
feminine friends by sitting on the fences and repeating
his favorite note of "Bob White," by which name he is
familiarly known.
The woodcock has the most peculiar habit of all.
While always living in the bushes and under cover, in
its mating season in early spring, just before nightfall
they will fly out into the open. After alighting on a
smooth pasture ground for a moment they utter a pout
ing sort of noise sounding like "Woork-wape" a dozen

22 Yankee Jumbles.
times, then they start on an eccentric fiight, making a
regular spiral circle, twenty-five or thirty rods in
diameter, soaring so high until the chickering of their
wings cannot be heard. Then they commence a descent,
diving in zig-zag directions, at each one of which they
utter a peculiar noise like "weecher, weecher, weecher,
weecher," the noise increasing in volume as they come
back, scarcely ten feet from where they started.
Then uttering the same note of "Woork-wape" a few
times, as when they came out, and repeating those
same eccentric flights several times. This habit of com
ing back used to be taken advantage of by b^ys and pot
hunters to shoot them on the ground till darkness pre
vented them from seeing them, as the bird's habit was
to return to the bushes after a few flights.
The last bird to notice will he the jack snipe, whose
mating and nesting habits are somewhat similar to the
wood^EOck, which bird, having an exceedingly long bill,
evidently confounded one for the other in name.
Their habit was to fly high in the air from marshy
grounds at nesting time during dark and foggy days.
After attaining a great height in the air they would
make a succession of plunges in which their wings would
make a noise similar to the whinneying of a young
colt; not usually being visible, and from the fact that
they appeared in the shad season, they were called shad
spirits. Aside from these game birds named, the woods and
fields abounded with hawks, crows, owls, pigeons, wood
peckers of various kinds, yellow hammers, or high-hoes.

Yankee Jumbles. 23
larks, herons, cranes, bittern, shikepokes, kingfishers,
and a great variety of smaller songsters.
The clearing up of the country by cutting down f 0: -
ests and clearing up hedges, together with the destruc
tive work of mowing machines in our meadows and
fields in their nesting seasons, the shot gun employed
diligently at all times and seasons, and the demand
trimming ladies' hats, has resulted in an almost com
plete extermination of all this variety of game birds
and songsters.
About the only thing left to command the attention
of the present generation are the English sparrows,
potato bugs and microbes.
Aside from the feathered game, our woods and fields
abounded in game chiefly useful for its fur — the fox,
the raccoon, mink, muskrat, some otter, and squirrels
of all kinds, skunks and woodchucks. Scarcely a stump
existed in the woods but what was the residence of a
nest of chipmunks or striped squirrel, which is a
species of gopher, and has the habit of digging a bur
row in the ground with no particle of dirt outside
the hole. This is the source of an old story that used
to be told of a company of convivial fellows when
it was proposed by one of their number that any one
asking a question that he could not answer, should
pay for the treating of the crowd. Soon one asked
the question, "How does a chipmunk dig his hole and
leave no dirt outside?" He was called upon to an
swer it himself. Replying, "The chipmunk began at the
bottom of the hole." Another member of the company
then asked him, "How did the chipmunk get there?"

24 Yankee Jumbles.
That question was left at his disposal to answer, which
not being able to do, resulted in his being obliged to
pay for the drinks.

SNOWBIRDS.
In Audubon's, and I believe in Wilson's Ornithology, a
description is given of the snowbird, assuming that such
a specie exists. With all deference to such high author
ity, this kind of bird must be ignored. The claim that
such birds nest and breed in the far north, and make a
migration south, to spend the winter in this latitude, is
entirely erroneous. In fact, very few small birds exist
north of New England.
Fifty years ago and earlier the so-called snowbird
could be seen during early winter in large flocks whirling
about like the gusts of snow, alighting on the fences and
top of drifts. For the last thirty years they are rarely
to be seen. You will ask what were those birds. They
weie our common tree and ground sparrow, or chipping
birds of the summer, and the common bluebird, with
some other varieties, all of which, in accordance with
the habits of every species of birds at certain seasons,
gather into flocks. The flocks were always noticeable
as being of different sizes and notes.
The reason why snowbirds are so scarce now is the
rarity of the aforementioned birds in summer. That
the bluebird remains with us through the winter good
evidence is in the fact that nearly every year during
warm, bright days in February, bluebirds may be seen
and heard on trees in the old orchards, but with the

Yankee Jumbles. 251
return of a cold wave will go back to their holes in the
trees where they had moulted and changed their plumage
from snowbirds to bluebirds. This second hibernation
will usually keep them from showing themselves again
till the warmth of April will allow them to appear in
full force to stay and commence early nesting. The
reason there are so few snowbirds now is the scarcity
of all these small varieties in the summer. Why is this
so ? I will ask. Nobody kills them for game, and birds
of prey grow less and less. With the absence of such
agencies to exterminate, why don't small birds increase
instead of becoming almost extinct?

FISH.
The streams of Connecticut were probably as prolific
of fish food for the table as any part of the country.
Every small stream abounded with trout, suckers, eels
and smaller fish. Every pond was alive with perch,
pickerel, bullheads and sun fish. The rivers were alive
with salmon and shad and other numerous small fish.
The shad were so plentiful and so cheap that almost
every family would buy from one to six or eight dozen
fine, large shad, costing five to ten cents apiece to salt
down. The favorite Sunday dinner with farmers was
a big salt shad, freshened over night, then broiled and!
served with cream and other trimmings.
Transportation not being as convenient as in more
recent times, people would come from quite long dis
tances to the river on horseback, filling large bags with
shad and tying the mouths of sacks together and hanging

zS Yankee Jumbles.
them across their horses' backs to carry home. It used
to be related of men coming from the northern part of
the state from the town of Canton, when they were on
the way in the spring to the shad fisheries, after the
long cold winter with short supplies, people on the way
would ask them where they were from. Their reply was
given very faintly, "Canton, good Lord." They would
spend a few days at the river eating plenty of shad, and
on their way home, when questioned in regard to where
they were from, they would answer in a very bold, em
phatic voice, "Canton, G  d  you."
Salmon were very plenty in the Connecticut River,
so that for several years when they were hauled in with
the shad in the seines, the fishermen would insist that
the purchaser of the shad should take for a specified
number a portion of salmon, which condition has not
existed for a good many later years.

HOUSES.

The houses of these days were of a very uniform
appearance, mostly two-story fronts and an entrance
in the center of the front, with a large front room on
each side of the entrance hall. Back of the two front
rooms were usually two bedrooms, between the bed
rooms was a long hack kitchen. In each front room and
in the kitchen were large fireplaces. From the front
entrance was a zig-zag fiight of stairs landing in a small
hall overhead, each side of which was a large front room.
Back of these were usually two chambers and a big mid
dle room, which would be over the kitchen. The rear

Yankee Jumbles. 27
roof usually ran down to one-story, admitting paiitrie-,
cheese room and wash room. This style of house wni
known as a lean-to roof. The fireplaces in the kitchen
were many of them of immense proportions, runni'ajx
from six to eight feet wide. At one side of these, built
in some three or four feet from the floor, was a big brick
oven with a door large enough in front to put in an
abundance of wood for heating it. From this oven a
flue went up to connect with the main chimney. To
heat this oven, a special pile of wood was always pre
pared of hickory, maple or beech. After filling the oven
with wood, and the fire had burned it down to a mass
of coals, these would be spread over the bottom of the
oven, then it was ready to receive a baking for the
family, which would generally be a half dozen loaves of
bread, as many or more pies, a pan or two of pudding, a
pan of baked beans and various other things to supply
the appetites of the large families that prevailed. The
fireplaces were so large as to adirit of wood and logs
four to six feet long. In fact, it was not uncommon in
those old-time fireplaces to receive back logs hauled into
the house by horses, logs from a foot to two feet in
diameter. In front of this log would be set great iron
dogs or andirons. On these dogs would be piled smaller
wood, which, when well under way in burning, produced
the most cheerful fire that ever a family sat by.
In the ends of the fireplace would usually be hung
strings of red peppers, dried apples, with bellows and
peal and tongs for light fire work. Set into the jamb
at one side were staples, in which swung a crane, on
which hung pot hooks and trammels on which to hang

28 Yankee Jumbles.
pots and kettles over the fire. Each could be swung to'
and fro by the crane. Above the crane was usually a
bar of iron running across just under the' throat of the
chimney, called the chimney pole. This was a conven
ient place for hanging various things to dry, boots,,
shoes and various other articles.
In those times a friction matdh, which is now so in
dispensable an article in kindling a fire, was unknown.
The only substitute when fire was lost was a tinder box,
a small box adjusted with a flint and steel, with tinder
in the box under it, when a stroke of the flint on the
steel would throw a spark into the tinder, which for a
moment would hold fire. To transfer this to the kin
dlings was done with strips of pine split up like coarse
matches with one end dipped in sulphur. This touched
to the live tinder was the first inception of a match to
kindle a fire.
In order to preserve fires when the big back log was
all aglow and nearly a mass of coals, as it would be
about retiring time, the abundance of live hot ashes in
the fireplace would be heaped over this log, which would
almost always keep an abundant supply of live coals to
kindle with in the morning. If this precaution failed
to keep the fire, and no tinder box was at hand, the only
recourse was to go to a neighbor's and borrow fire. This
was usually done in one of the old perforated foot stoves,
or between two large chips, between which a good draft
would keep a fire long enough to get home with.
Another method of baking was in a tin oven placed
in front of one of these glowing fires, in which most of
the roasting of sparerib, beef, geese and turkeys was

Yankee Jumbles. 29
done. In fact, anything roasted in this way had a
superior relish to any other method ever known. In the
ceilings of these kitchens were driven large hooks
through which were laid poles. These were for hang
ing up dried beef, strings of apples, chains of sausages
and sometimes hams, and were also a convenient place
for drying clothes. Cooking stoves were unknown ar
ticles, the first being introduced about 1825. The only
thing called a stove prior to this time was a plain box
stove for mere heating purposes, in stores, schools and
saloons. Cook stoves had, when first introduced, no
ovens, merely a fire-box with four holes on top, two di
rectly over the fire and two further back. To improve
this arrangement was invented a rotary stove which had
a fire-box and a revolving frame of iron for the top, in
which were four holes varying from six inches to a foot
in size. On one side of the stove was a crank attached
to a ratchet which ran in cogs on the underside of the
stove rim. When they wanted a change of holes or to
turn an article away from the fire or onto it, the turn
ing of this crank would revolve everything on top of
the stove.
In the construction of these houses the native timbers
were almost entirely used, particularly for the frames,
which were selected from the woods, scored and hewed
by the joiners into sills, beams, posts, and various tim
bers needed for the construction of a house. Posts and
beamj were so large as generally to need casing over in
the comers of the rooms and crossbeams overhead.
Floor boards, clapboards, mouldings, doors and shin
gles were nearly all sawed out and planed by hand work.

30 Yankee Jumbles.
The cellar walls of the house were rarely laid in mortar,
thus exposing the cellar to the cold winter. This was
guarded against every fall by banking up the house to
the baseboard with leaves, straw and dirt. The c'him-
neys were on a foundation of stone and timber in the
center of the cellar, from eight to twelve feet square,
and on this foundation the chimneys and fireplaces
above were built. The chimney thus being so large
took up a large space of the best part of the house.
These great chimneys were great breeding places for
chimney swallows, who would take quarters in them
by the dozen every season.
When their nests became heavy with the young, or
from some drenching storm, they would become loosened
from the inside wall and fall down into the fireplace,
when the greatest pandemonium of noise behind the
fireboard would be heard of the chirping and squeal
ing of both young and old.
The fireboard was a battening of boards together and
fitted to fill up the fireplace during the summer or its
disuse. When a stove invented by Benjamin Franklin
was introduced, called the Franklin stove, but merely
an iron fireplace set out into the room, the pipe run
ning back through the fireboard was about the first
economy of heat in a room.
THE HOUSE FURNISHINGS.
These were of the plainest character. Very few
rooms were carpeted and these were home-made almost
without exception. A Brussels, tapestry, or ingrain car-

Yankee Jumbles. 31
pet was almost unknown except in the cities and among
those considered rich. Almost everybody in the country
spun their flax and prepared their wool for making
their carpets. These were all made in stripes, and
looms were common in many of the houses for weav
ing them. The colors for the stripes were all prepared
at home. The yellow stripes were all colored with yel
low oak bark, the black with log-wood, the red with
Nicaragua wood, pink with cochineal, green with cop
peras, and these all arranged in stripes to suit the dif
ferent fancies. Some were filled with coarse yarn and
some with rags, cut up in strips and sewed together for
a cheaper use. One method of coloring, now quite ob
solete, was in what used to be called the dye-pot. This
was done in a large earthen pot holding four or five
gallons. The dyeing preparation was made up of urine,
copperas, and indigo for coloring blue, for which rea
son this receptacle was usually known as the bbie-pot,
and was commonly covered with a square board, thus
making one seat in the chimney comer for some member
of the family and at times would send forth quite a
noticeable fragrance. This was the favorite method of
dyeing stocking yam, after being braided tight, when
it would come out mixed and mottled blue and white.

WOOD PILES.

The universal fuel being wood, every home had what
was termed the wood yard, in which great piles of wood
were cut and split and piled up to season in advance
for many months' use. This was a necessary precau-

32 Yankee Jumbles.
tion to make quick fires in houses that during the
severe winters would be intensely cold in the morning.
The sleeping rooms were mostly like going into ice
houses and to relieve some of the misery of crawling
into cold beds quite a free use of warming pans was
resorted to. These were commonly made of brass about
the size of a domestic tin pan, with a lid, and handle
about three feet long, and this pan filled with live coals
of fire with the lid closed would be shoved between the
sheets long enough to make it feel warm and nice get
ting into bed.

FIREPLACE FURNITURE.
Several articles were in household use for managing
the fires. Every fireplace had its peel and tongs. The
email peel was for general use in the fireplace and the
big peel was mostly for covering the back log with ashes
at night and for putting in and taking out bread, pies,
and cake from the brick oven. The big peel, so called,
was a fiat piece of iron about the size of common letter
paper with a handle three or four feet long with which
one could reach the further part of the oven.
The frying pan was nearly like the common tin pan
with a handle three feet long. In this was done most of
the frying of meats, which had to be held over the fire
by the long handle. After the meats, eggs, etc., were
fried it was then used to fry buckwheat cakes, known as
"slap jacks." These were not cooked in small cakes as in
later days, but poured in so as to cover the whole bottom
of the pan, which would be as large as the largest dinner

Yankee Jumbles. 33
plates. The turning of these "slap jacks" was ordina
rily done with a broiad knife, but many cooks became so
expert in tuming them that they would toss them up a
foot or two high above the open kitchen fire with the re
verse side up as the cake came down into the pan. These
tricks some became so dexterous in performing that they
could toss the cake up over the chimney pole, catching
it as it came back.
These pans were a favorite receptacle in which to
pop com. A lump of butter about as large as a butter
nut and about a pint of corn poured into the pan with
a tin pan inverted over the whole, then held over the
fire until the butter melted and the com was shaken
until it popped so full as to raise the pan. This pro
duced the finest effect in taste of any way that corn was
ever popped.
Another important article in the fireplace furniture
was the flip-iron. Flip used to be a very favorite drink,
being composed of about two-thirds of a glass of beer
that had become old and stale with an addition of brandy
or Santa Cruz rum to suit the taste.
The flip-iron was a piece of iron half as big as an egg,
attached to an iron handle a foot or so long, in the end
of which was a ring to hang it up by on one of the
jambs of the fireplace convenient when wanted. The
flip-iron would be thrust into a bed of coals when needed
and heated nearly red hot, when it was plunged into
this mixture of beer and rum which would be com
pounded as the occasion required, by the glassful or
pitcherful. The hot flip-iron would set it into a de-

34 Yankee Jumbles.
licious foaming condition, at the same time blending
the flavors of the mixture.
It used to be told of a man who was arrested for
drunkenness, when brought into court, he was asked if
he got drunk on brandy, rum, or gin, and if so, where
he got the liquor? Giving a negative reply to all the
catalogue of liquors named, the justice asked him, "What
did you get drunk on?" The man replied it was flip.
The justice responded, "Oh, well! That is not so bad;
I get drunk on that sometimes myself."

THE MODE OF LIVING.
The table fares were of a very plain, substantial
character. The leading article among meats might be
said to be pork, which was always packed down by the
barrel and considered the standby of the family. Beef
was also packed down by quarters and halves, to last
through the winter and into the summer, and would
consequently be pretty salt and rank before the supply
was gone. The other staple salt food was shad.
Speaking of pork being a staple article of food needs
perhaps a passing attention. It was considered by many
people who were great pork eaters, that hogs raised in
this section of the country were superior in eating quali
ties to such as were raised in the West. Evidence of
scrofulous consumption that has wiped out a large por
tion of the old New England families would hardly
justify such a claim for some of the reasons which fol
low.

Yankee Jumbles. 35
It is claimed by authorities that fat pork is the
equivalent of scrofula, and that the analysis of the scrof
ula glands of a consumptive's neck and that of a large
piece of fat pork were almost identical. The hogs raised
in New England, having but little out-door exercise,
were at an early age enclosed in pens of small area, al
lowing little exercise. The hog-pen is the general re
ceptacle for garbage, dead cats and hens and any offal
to be got out of the way. Frequently the privy will be
standing on the edge of the pen, and many horse
stables were so adjusted as to have their out-heavals
into the hog-pen. Here a hog is kept from six to
twelve months in a small, filthy pen, with rains pour
ing into the combination of filth outside in which the
hog has to wallow during his whole life. His sleeping
accommodations were usually equally limited, and he
is fed from a trough in which he gets a combination of
sour milk and sloppy dish water, with mixtures of poor
brans and grains, many times musty and unfit for any
use, scarcely ever seeing or tasting a drop of clear water
or having a chance to root in any clean earth; he is
stuffed from three to five times a day with all that can
be got into him, in strife often with neighbors to see
how fat and heavy he can be made. For lack of exer
cise he has no muscle any more than a cucumber. His
blood becomes stagnant and thick as molasses so that
when let out of the pen, he often has to be chased around
for a time to make a successful flow of blood when they
stick him. Many are fed until in their pens they cannot
rise on their feet to get to the trough, but swing them-

36 Yankee Jumbles.
selves around on their haunches. Nine out of every
ten of such hogs twelve months old. When butchered
will show ulcerated livers, and it was quite common to
see a half dozen ulcers cut out of the liver before send
ing into the house for the families to eat the rest of it.
That anybody can conceive of anything more unfit for
the human stomach to digest, and expect to be healthy
on a large amount of diet of this sort, seems im
possible. Western pork has this great advantage: hogs
run in the fields nearly their whole life, like sheep
and cattle, have plenty of fresh earth, fresh air, and
fresh water. They have plenty of exercise, feed on
roots, and in fields of clover and during the last of
their fattening ramble in grain and corn fields. Com
pared with the Eastern hog, enclosed in pens and
crammed until he becomes nothing more or less thian
a mass of disease, and would die of an ulcerated con
dition of the liver in. a short time without being killed,
Western pork has great preference over our Eastern
method of production.
In the country where pork is a staple article of food,
men are afflicted with face and lip cancers. Shin or
fever sores, so called, abscesses in their hips, backs and
pidpc, and during the winter season when eating freely
of fresh pork, the farmers used to be rotten with
boils. These seem to be the developments of pork eating
with men. With women scrofulous sores and tendency
to consumption or resulting in breast or ovarian tumors
and cancers. If properly grown, pork may be safe to
eat in moderate quantities, but the less the better.

Yankee Jumbles. 37
DINNER TABLES.
Such a thing as a table cloth was rarely seen ex
cept among the best livers and in time of company. A
favorite dinner would be called potluck, made up of
a liberal piece of pork or corned beef with a large kettle
of potatoes, turnips or other vegetables; rye or corn-
meal bread with a dessert of apple or "punkin" pies.
All liberally washed down with good Connecticut cider
with which every cellar was supplied.
Bean porridge was considered one of the most health
ful dishes that children could be brought up on. After
the first meal had been taken from the pot of beans,
water would be added to the remainder and so on for
several subsequent meals. One of the evening diver
sions indulged in was for a couple of boys and girls to
sit down facing one another and slapping their hands on
their knees, then slapping their hands together, repeat
ing this rhyme :
"Bean porridge hot.
Bean porridge cold;
Bean porridge in the pot;
Nine days old."
The bread of New England in the "bea^ ;porridge"
time was made almost entirely of rye, wheat flour bC'
ing used chiefly for pastry, and goodies for company.
Sweet cider was boiled down as a substitute for molasses
in preparing apple sauce, which was stored in tubs or
barrels.

38 Yankee Jumbles.
DRINKING HABITS.
While cider was the most common drink in the
country, yet distilled liquors being very cheap were
freely indulged in. Cider mills were very plentiful,
there being a dozen where there is one to-day. From
the surplus of cider was made cider brandy, which was
sold for twenty-five and thirty cents a gallon. Santa
Cruz rum was the next common liquor and cost only
fifty cents a gallon. The above liquors were of better
quality and purity than anything to be obtained at the
present for ten times the cost. Everybody drank on
all occasions, at weddings the wines were freely served,
at the raising and moving of houses and barns, liquors
and refreshments were always in order.
An old Baptist minister used to provide for a dona
tion party two vials, as he called them, which were
five-gallon demijohns, one with cider brandy and the
other with Santa Cruz rum. This old elder did farm
work outside during the week, and dispensed the bread
of life to a hungry congregation on the Sabbath. He
had a sen who became a favorite preacher whom the
older people used to admit that in preaching he went
far ahead of his father, but not so solemn in prayer.
The rendezvous for the older class of men was at
lihe country hotel in the bar-room, where many very
jolly and convivial events took place, to be noticed later.
In every house was kept a bitter bottle made up of ram
and flavored with orange peel, fennel seed, juniper,
cardamon, and often a mixture of tansy or wormwood.
The habit of treating was so universal that the parson

Yankee Jumbles. 39
in making parish calls would feel neglected if the bit
ter bottle was not frequently set out, in which case he
would go home quite well fuddled.
As a universal beverage, cider was the favorite driuK
of the country. For the table, for evening entertain
ments, with walnuts and apples or pop-corn, and for
the field hands. Boys would be sent from the fields
to get pitchers or jugs of cider during the day's labor,
and were taught one lesson when in case the cider was
all drank up in the fields by the men so that none was
left for the boy, he would be reminded that his place
was to drink at the tap.
Some farmers in order to economize the quantity
their men would drink would water their cider at the
mills. One good deacon who used often to apologize
when treating his friends that his cider lacked body, had
a very peculiar remedy for this weakness contributed
one night by some young men who had been hunting
skunks. Having captured four or five small ones, and
being near the cider mill where the deacon had several
casks in fermentation, one of the young men, knowing
the deacon's excuses for the weakness of his cider and
lack of body, thought best to prevent such difficulty
that season by inserting a young skunk into each cask.
A man who was an inveterate cider drinker incurred
thereby a weakness of the eyes. He consulted an old
physician of the times to know what he should do for
his eyes and the doctor told him it was the result of
drinking so much cider, which if he would leave off, his
eyes would be well again. His cider drinking con
tinued, however, and again he consulted the doctor for

4© Yankee Jumbles.
his eyes, from whom he got the same advice as before.
After several interviews, he finally, by the doctor's in
sistence, agreed to leave off the habit. Meeting the doc
tor a month or two later, the doctor inquired of him
how his eyes were. He replied that they were no bet
ter. The doctor asked him if he had left off drinking
cider. He said he did. Asked if he was drinking any
then. Said he was. He asked how long ago he left
off. He said more than a month. Asked how long he
went without drinking ; he said he didn't drink any for
two hours, and made up his mind at the end of that
time that eyes that would not stand cider were no eyes
for him.
Among early cider drinkers was one incorrigible char
acter whom no persuasion could induce to leave his
chronic habit. His friends, thinking to frighten him
out of it when he got drunk on cider, threatened they
would bury him and get such a repulsive character out
of the community. The threat did not induce him to
quit, and soon being drunk as usual, they enclosed him
in a coffin inside a very dark cellar. About the time
they thought he might recover his senses, a movement
was heard in the coffin by a watcher near at hand.
Soon a rap was heard on the lid of the coffin and then a
voice asking, "Children of this world, have you here any
good cider?"
This experience in burying a lover of cider was some
what duplicated in another case when the victim was
as before placed in a coffin and left one very dark night
in a graveyard, surrounded by stones and monuments.
On his recovery from his debauch, he pushed off the

Yankee Jumbles. 41
coffin-lid and raising himself from his coffin, looked
about him. Seeing no signs of animation, he rubbed
his eyes and spoke so as to be heard by a listener : "Well,
this is d  strange, I must be the first that has riz
or else am most cussedly belated."
Uncle Bill Ives was an eccentric man of North Farms.
He could tell stories from morning till night, quote more
Scripture than Moody, and was always a jovial addition
to a crowd.
One day some friends dropped in for a neighborly
call, when he soon, in the absence of his boys and con
forming to the time's custom, lit his tallow dip and took
his pitcher to draw some cider.
Going down the cellar stairs, he stepped on a loose
board and fell headforemost to the bottom, the noise at
tracting his good wife's attention. Hurrying to the top
of the stairs, she excitedly asked: "Husband, have you
fell?" To which she got an affirmative reply, accom
panied with most profuse embellishments. Then she
anxiously inquired : "Did you break the pitcher?" "No,"
he says, "but I swear I will ;" and in his pain and wrath
smashed it against the cellar wall.

WELLS AND METHODS OF DRAWING WATER.
The methods of drawing water one hundred years ago
are seldom in use now. Wells were fitted up with sweeps
which are rarely seen except in the most remote places.
This was done by setting a tall crotch or post in the
ground, the crotch being twelve or fifteen feet high.
Laid up through this crotch would be a long slim pole

42 Yankee Jumbles.
some twenty-five feet long with the butt end on the
ground on which would be put weights to balance the
weight of the small slim pole or chain with a bucket
on the other end, which would be pulled dovni into the
well and haul up the bucket of fresh water. This is
no doubt the origin of:
"The old oaken bucket.
The iron-bound bucket.
The moss-covered bucket."
The latter of which can never be found except in wells
that never fail.
Rain water was all gathered in hogsheads setting un
der the eaves, or in large wooden cisterns made to hold
thirty or forty barrels.

SOAP-MAKING.

The fancy brands of modem soap for toilet or wash
ing purposes were very little known. Barbers' soap
was usually in the form of balls, and the story is told
of an Irishman who went into a barber shop and asked
to be served. The barber after receiving the fee of ten
cents in advance, took his shaving cup with the soap
ball in it and poured in the water, filling it with lather,
which he set on the stand in front of Pat. Stepping
into another room to get his razor, on his return he met
Pat going out, at the same time remarking that the
soup was very good, hut his turnip was not quite boiled.
The ashes for soap-making were reserved from the
great fireplaces. These were kept in bins and boxes

Yankee Jumbles. 43
until the soap-making season, then big barrels or tanks
were filled and set up on a tight platform with holes in
the bottom of the casks, then water poured in, which
leaking through, produced lye, the substitute for the
modern potash for making soap. Then big kettles
were hung on the crane in the fireplace, into which
were put the reserves of grease and bones of several
months, and a certain proportion of the lye mixture, and
after some hours' boiling became soap. It was considered
correctly made when a broomstick was set up in the mid
dle of the kettle after it was cooled and would stand
erect. This was about the universal washing soap of the
country for a great many years and used to be peddled
about the streets by soap-makers, taking their pay in
money or old grease and bones, which to some extent is
done now.
Often in soap-making, when apparently the right
proportion of lye and grease had been used, the proper
results were not obtained. This disappointmnt would
try to be remedied by a council of old women in advis
ing to add more lye, or more grease, as the case seemed
to require and then boiled down with similar results,
sometimes ending in a complete failure to get soap of
the required quality. This led to the old woman's trite
remark 'which is often applied to the failure of en
terprises that, "Soap will bile so sometimes."
As soap would sometimes come unexpectedly and at
other times go back vVhen apparently right, another max
im was bom, "Comes and goes like the old woman's
soap."

44 Yankee Jumbles.

LIGHTS.
About the most primitive light for a great many
years in hotels and dwelling houses was what was called
the petticoat lamp, filled with whale oil, commonly not
holding over a gill. These were usually served to 'hotel
guests, largely to prevent the undue burning of oil in
their rooms. The petticoat lamp was a small tin affair
with a fount about the size and shape of a goose egg,
the big end down, and around this a skirt of tin about
an inch and a half deep for it to stand on. This was
japanned over, with a small ring soldered on one side
for a handle, and was used to a great extent for many
years. Its contemporary would be the tallow dip. In
every house where whale oil was not in use would be
a bunch of candle rods. These were sticks about two
feet long, about the size of one's little finger. About
each stick were doubled a bunch of candle wicks, some
eight to ten in number, to hang down the desired length
of the candle. These would be placed across two poles
with their ends resting on chairs, then dipped into
kettles of melted tallow being kept the right consis
tency by pouring in hot water. The wicks when dipped
were laid across the poles. After dipping them through
once, they would repeat the same process, till the cool
ing tallow had built up the wicks to the proper size of
the candle. This was the universal candle until the
modem process of running them into moulds came into
practice. While the light from these candles was dim,
yet it was better for people's eyesight, preserving the
same to a greater extent than modern illuminations.

Yankee Jumbles. 45
The next advance in lights was with fluid lamps, a
mixture of alcohol and turpentine, which in these days
would be the most expensive light that could be used.
The tallow candle made an ideal light for courting by,
as, unless frequently snuffed, it would make a very dim
illumination. Snuffers were used to cut off the wick when get
ting too largely burnt. They are made on the plan of
lamp-trimming shears with a box above the blades to
hold what was cut off and prevent dropping. This was
the origin of the riddle : "What kind of snuff, the more
you take the fuller the box is?"
A pleasant courting experience under the tallow dip
light was carried on by twins by the name of Morse.
They looked so much alike that very few of their most
intimate friends could tell which they were talking to
when seen apart. A very bright girl that they took a fan
cy to play a joke upon, consented to keep company with
one of the twins for the season. One would go to visit
her of a Sunday evening and talk up the usual impor
tant matters that are discussed during courtship,
and what was going on around about in society. Re
turning home he would inform his brother twin of the
subjects that had been discussed the previous Sun
day. The next Sunday the other brother would pay
the visit to the young lady and talk about things that
were apparently discussed the previous Sunday, without
exciting any suspicion in the young lady's mind that
she was entertaining a new lover. The next evening
the alternate brother would visit her, and by keeping
up this process of informing each other on topics of

46 Yankee Jumbles.
the previous evening, they continued to visit alternately
for several months, enjoying the joke themselves and at
the same time the young lady had nothing in her mind
to mar the pleasure she supposed she was enjoying with
only one of them. After she discovered the cheat, they
were both, of course, readily dropped from her atten
tion, and she afterward became the landlady of one of
the oldest and most popular hotels in Saratoga.
A neighbor of early days, a very bright young woman,
telling of one of her courting experiences, told of one
persistent lover before she was married. A young man
of very good character and fine business prospects was
very ardent in his attentions, which on her part were
very slightly reciprocated. Coming to see her one
evening in early summer, he thought to give a pleasant
surprise by bringing her half a dozen fresh cucumbers.
These she knew if exposed to her brothers and sisters
and let them know the source they came from would be
a subject of ridicule for a long time, so to avoid that
unpleasantness, before retiring, she went out to a deep
well back of the house and threw them in. It was the
habit of people, before refrigerators and the use of ice
was common, to hang their meats, butter and some vege
tables in the Bottom of the cool wells for preservation,
The season of the year being warm enough to commence
that practice, within a day or two the well was resorted
to for to hang something in. Looking into the bottom
some one discovered what they thought looked like cu
cumbers; the appearance was so strong that a pail was
lowered and being dipped out proved to be fresh cu
cumbers. This led to a current report over the neigh-

Yankee Jumbles. 47
borhood of how to preserve cucumbers over winter, as
such a thing had not been thought of anywhere about
that season, and no other solution could be thought of
why they were there, but that they must have remained
over from the year before. Further experiments in after
years failed to prove successful and the reason was un
known until the young lady's marriage.
Next followed coal oil as it was made from coal be
fore the discovery of petroleum, from which followed
kerosene, wihile gas has been more or less in use in the
larger cities for a much longer time.

HUSKING, PARING AND SPINNING BEES.
Husking, paring apple and spinning bees were oc
casions of a pleasant nature to young and old. The
husking would be arranged for by pulling the ears of
corn off the stalks with the husks on and put in a large
pile on the barn fioor. Then invitations would be sent
out quite extensively inviting the young people to par
ticipate in the husking. As there were no glass lanterns
in those days, the lights were furnished by tallow dips,
and perforated tin lanterns with a door on one side,
which afforded very little light unless the doors were
open. The tallow dips were many times inserted in
a piece of pumpkin, or a large turnip, and aside from
this a profuse furnishing of what was termed "Jack o'
Lanterns." These were made by hollowing out the
pumpkin and cutting holes in the side to represent
some grotesque face, with a tallow dip set inside to
cast a light out through the hideous eyes, mouth, and

48 Yankee Jumbles.
nose. These were good substitutes for the modem
Japanese lanterns. In every pile of com to be husked
was expected to be a small percentage of red ears. Any
boy finding a red ear was privileged to kiss any girl
in the party; when the girl found one she was subject
to grant kissing privileges to any of the young men. It
is easy to imagine with what zeal red ears would be
sought for. After the husking exercises, the usual
collation of sweet cider and "punkin" pies would be
administered. The paring bee was for the preparation of dried apples
for a season's supply when the fresh fruit was. out of the
market. Being before the day when paring machines
were much in use, the work was done almost entirely ¦
by hand.
A good deal of rivalry would be displayed in tak
ing off the parings and young ladies, when obtaining a
fine whole specimen, would whirl it around their heads,
then casting it on the floor; then an interpretation
would he called for, and what initials it resembled on
the floor, assuming that such initials would be those
of a lover or future husband. Apples in those times
were usually quartered and cored, then strung on strings
so that they could be hung on the south side of the build
ing in the sun, and during the unfavorable weather
could he brought into the house and hung on hooks
driven in the kitchen ceiling, or in the ends of the fire
place until they were dry enough to safely put away for
future use in making pies and apple sauce.
Spinning bees were usually gotten up by older people,
particularly the women, for the benefit of some poor f am-

Yankee Jumbles. 49
ily or to help any family that had had such necessities
delayed by sickness or some misfortune by fire, or to help
some contemplated bride in getting her marriage out
fit. These bees would be in the nature of wool spinning
to which each woman attending would contribute a
certain amount of wool rolls. This work was per
formed on a large wheel, which was done by walking
to and fro from the spindle pulling out the threads with
the left hand and tuming the big wheel with the right,
in which hand was usually what was called a wheel-
boy, to relieve the pressure on the hand, made very much
like a toddy stick used in hotel bars or in saloons.
The linen wheels were small enough to be carried from
house to house almost as easily as an umbrella. This
wheel was propelled by a crank connected with the pedal
on which the foot produced the motive power. Standing
in an upright frame was what was called the distaff,
made frequently of a young tree or bush, where four
or five branches came together, and tied at the top,
around this distaff were spread the hanks of fine flax,
and this was drawn out by the spinners into the fine
ness of thread required onto a spindle around which
were called flyers turning at a rapid rate to twist the
thread and at the same time to wind it on the spindle.
A very curious old woman of those times known as
Molly Besto used to tell many queer stories to interest
children and grown people. She told how she was once
at a spinning bee and a cyclone of the most frightful
nature came up. She said there were over a dozen
spinners at work spinning linen. The wind struck the
house and took it up from the ground and whirled it

50 Yankee Jumbles.
around in the air without a jar to interfere with their
work. She said they sailed through the air without
a shake, any more than if they had been asleep on a
feather bed. They kept right on spinning and the
house finally landed in a new place which on coming out
of doors they found to be several miles from where they
had started out, and to thoroughly impress the wonder
ful part of the story, she always asserted that they
never stopped spinning a single "minuet." She was also
a great gatherer of herbs, of which most families were
in the habit of laying in a good supply in case of ail
ments during the winter and in consideration of the
long distances usually required to find a doctor. The
rafters in most farmers' attics would be filled with
pennyroyal, liverwort, hysop, boneset, spearmint, worm
wood, and various other herbs adapted to any complaint
that might befall their commonly large families. Molly
told her experience in gathering herbs on the mountain
side, how becoming very tired she sat down to rest on
what she supposed to be a log, and falling asleep did
not awaken until almost night, when she found herself
at the foot of the mountain, and to her surprise in
stead of being on a log, she found herself on the back of
a large snake. Molly used to be very fond of cider and
of telling stories to compensate for this beverage, and
when entering a house where there were several chil
dren who would expect her to tell some wonderful stories
would appear to be in a great tremor. When inquired
of as to her health she would explain that she was so
"narvous" it seemed as if she would fiy all to pieces. As
the people were familiar with what was needed for her

Yankee Jumbles. 51
recovery, a pitcher of cider would be suggested which
she always thought worth trying. The mug of cider be
ing brought she would take a good drink and soon call
the attention of her friends to see how wonderfully it
had quieted her "narves," and then she was prepared
to relate her interesting experiences.

COURTSHIPS AND WEDDINGS.
Less than 100 years ago the prevailing religious habits
in Connecticut were the keeping of Saturday night as
an introduction to the Sabbath. From Saturday, sun
set, to Sunday evening, a pall was spread over the com
munity, and nothing of a worldly or frivolous nature
to be tolerated. Family devotions and church attend
ance were the only duties to perform, and preparing
meals beforehand was the custom of many. Sunday at
sundown the clouds of orthodoxy rolled by, and the world
breathed afresh. The parlors were lighted by the gen
tle misses and if the weather required, the fireplace put
forth a cheerful blaze of wood, which in many cases af
forded all the light the occasion required for lovers to
court by. If the tallow dip was in use for the evening
introduction, it was not often snuffed to increase the
light, and the dimmer it grew the better excuse for court
ing at close range.
In the town of Waterbury lived a young man who,
— later became one of its most prominent citizens as
well as a deacon — while courting a young lady in an ad
joining town, had an experience, it used to be told, of
a failure of both fireplace and candle light.

52 Yankee Jumbles.
At this quiet juncture the young lady's father unex
pectedly entered the room and found the lovers on the
sofa in a peculiar position to prevent taking cold, when
the surprised parent exclaimed : "Aaron, Aaron, are you
going to have that girl ?" To which Aaron calmly and
coolly replied, "Haven't I got her !"
The later marriage of this couple produced the heads
of some of the finest families in that now thriving city.
Old-time engagements were usually announced some
two or three weeks before the nuptials, from the church
pulpits where the lovers attended, and was called pub
lishing the betrothed.
Weddings were nearly all at the homes of the brides,
and invitations to the mutual friends of bride and
groom generously sent out.
Instead of the modern church weddings, made up
largely of guests expected to contribute a general out
fit for housekeeping, together with a profusion of mixed
goods enough to fit up an ordinary fancy store, presents
were rare, except the presence of a jolly company. A
bountiful supply of wedding cake of the same style
known as Election or a straight old-fashioned raised
loaf cake, well filled with raisins and ornamented with
sugar sand of various colors. Plenty of old Madeira
wine and sometimes heavier drinks were freely supplied.
After the wedding ceremony, running found the big
chimneys, and other common evening amusements were
indulged till breaking up at a reasonable hour.
Bridal trips were rare and the happy couple com
menced their matrimonial experiences usually at the
bride's home. There were no showers of rice, or throw-

Yankee Jumbles. 53
ing of cast-off foot-wear, but sometimes kind sugges
tions were given by elderly people, and at times the help
of friends would be tendered to aid the new couple in
their retirement and ample adjustments of furniture
insistently be made. But those were days of happy
marriages, lots of olive branches, strong men and
women, few divorces, and Connecticut was filled with
swarming, bustling and prosperous homes, which now
in the country towns are rare to find.

EVENING ENTERTAINMENTS AT HOME.
The old-fashioned houses with their plainness of ar
chitecture and lack of rich furnishings, and anything
in the way of the conveniences of the present day, still
were the scenes of as much merriment and enjoyment of
life as it is possible for anything modem to claim. About
the wide and spacious fireplaces where blazed the big
logs and wood, the families would gather for their
evening entertainments and diversions. Neighbors both
old and young would come in from long distances. Boys
and girls would amuse themselves with the old games
of "Three and Twelve Men 'Morris," and "Fox 'and
Geese,"' "Hull Gull Hand Full, Guess How Many,"
checkers and dominoes.
My first experience at cards was at a resort some miles
away in a negro's cabin for a chance to play cards. The
first point learned was in the game of "High, Low,
Jack," in those days known better as "Old Sledge," or
"Seven Up." My antagonist played an eight spot of
hearts which was promptly covered with a ten of clubs ;

54 Yankee Jumbles.
to my surprise my opponent hauled in the trick, to
which I demurred, claiming to have played a higher
card. "Yes," said he, "but you didn't follow suit."
Thus the first point in card playing was learned.
In those large kitchens, blindman's buff was a fa
vorite amusement, kitchen furniture change places, and
in front of the fire a string of boys and girls would seat
themselves, when at the end of the line one would pick
up a fire-brand or a stick with one end burned to a
live coal. This he would shake in his hand and repeat
these lines:
Robin's alive, and alive like to be.
If he dies in my hands, you may saddle hag mt.
He 'hands it to the next one, who must repeat the
same distich and pass it. Whoever the last one was who
took the stick and had the last spark give out
was the subject of being saddle bagged or any sort of
pranks the rest of the company chose to play on him.
The common refreshment of the evenings consisted of
sweet cider, apples, walnuts, pop-corn, with an occasional
treat of pumpkin pies. EVENING PARTIES.
Aside from the ordinary family and home enter
tainments, of course, special parties must be given for
getting together the boys and girls in the surrounding
districts. Young men would drive long miles to collect
their lady friends for an evening party. Many of tie
girls were brought in on horse-back and both rode on

Yankee Jumbles. 55
a single horse. It was expected of every young lady
to be prepared with what was called a pillion. This
was a sort of a cushion adjustment to the back part of
the saddle. When the young gentleman had received
the pillion from the lady and got it properly attached,
^e was assisted on to the same. When he mounted
into the saddle and she with one arm around him, they
enjoyed a very pleasant ride to the scene of the evening's
entertainment. The same method was quite universal in
taking a partner to a ball or any other dance. At their
evening entertainments, one of the particular diver
sions was running around the chimney. The construc
tion of the houses was such as to admit of this cir
cuit, around through the front hall and two front rooms
and the long kitchen. When the game commenced, the
course around was kept clear ; some gentleman would, as
they called it, snap his finger at some lady in the com
pany, so they called it "snapping up." She was ex
pected to respond by chasing him and catching him.
All sorts of subterfuges and dodges and running back
wards and any method was allowed to catch the fugitive,
which when accomplished, the lady, of course, was re
warded with a sweet, juicy kiss. The next in order
was for the lady to snap up some gentleman to catch
her. These games used to be the most exciting of any
thing in an evening party, often leading to collisions
of 'a more or less serious nature. The old-fashioned
doors were all fastened by what were 'termed thumb
latches with somewhat pointed hooks driven in to catch
the latch. On this 'a great many fine dresses were
caught and sadly torn.

56 Yankee Jumbles.
One evening a lawyer, who was noted for his ex
tremely homely features and awkward manners, yet
in mind and practice was decidedly smart, was at a
party in full dress and was chasing his lady victim
around the chimney, when he caught one side of his
swallow-tail and tore it entirely off on the latch hook.
The appearance of the gentleman after this disaster,
you could only imagine by the amusement it furnished.
The principal feature of enjoyment with the young
folks just budding into society was their kissing games.
These were indulged in forming rings and singing
amorous ditties as an accompaniment to the osculations.
A few of these might be given in order to refresh the
minds of the passing generations. All gathered in a
circle these favorites would be sung:
"Here we stand in a ring so straight.
For you to choose while others wait;
Choose the one you love the best.
And I'll be bound it will suit the rest.
"Oh! What a wretched choice you've made.
You'd better in your grave be laid;
Sing a song, we cannot stay.
Give her a kiss and send her away."
Another one:
"There stands an old maid, forsaken.
She is of a contented mind.
Although her lover has left her.
She'll find some other as kind.

Yankee Jumbles. 57
She'll find some other as hind, sir.
Therefore, I'd have you know.
She is ever so well provided for.
She has twenty-five strings to her bow."
Another :
"Very well done, said Johnny Brown,
Is this the way to London town ?
Stand you still and stand you high.
Until you see your love pass by.
Down upon the carpet kneel.
While the grass grows in the field.
Rise and stand upon your feet.
And kiss your true love all so sweet."
Another :
"There she stands, such a handsome creature.
Who she is I do not know,
I'll go court her for her beauty.
Let her answer yes or no.
Now, kind Miss, since I've gained your favor.
Tell me, tell me, tell me true,
Would you call it rude behavior.
Just to give you a kiss or twof

Another :

"Green grow the rushes 0'
Green grow the rushes 0'
Choose your true love now for to be.
Come and stand by the side of me.

5? Yankee Jumbles.
"Green grow the rushes o'
Green grow the rushes o'
Kiss her quick and let her go.
Never mind the mitten o.' "
Another :
"Molly, put the kettle on, kettle on, kettle on;
Molly, put the kettle on, we'll all take tea.
Gut your bread and butter fine.
Cut enough for eight or nine;
Choose you one from the ring.
Kiss her right away."
These osculatory performances would send a young
man home feeling as though he had spent an evening
drinking nectar and rolling in honey, so surfeited with
sweets, he would be almost unfitted for business for
a day or two.
Another play was by all hands forming a chain around
the chimjey. A gentleman and lady standing at one
door holding their hands together over the chain that
was passing under, singing this refrain to the tune of
"Primrose Hill:"
"The needle's eye that doth supply
The thread that's passing through.
It hath caught many a smiling lass.
And now it has caught you.
And now it has caught you."
This was done by dropping their arms to intercept
the line which privilege was given to the first lady to

Yankee Jumbles. 59
stop the gentleman she preferred to have kiss her,
and next the privilege was for the gentleman to stop
the lady he wished to bestow a kiss upon. The tune
to which these words were sung is known to almost
everybody, but doubtful if its origin is known to a dozen
people in this country. An age before knew it as the
tune of "Primrose Hill," a sweet little love ditty which
the writer doubts if another person in America knows
at this day, and for its preservation will here insert it :
On Primrose Hill there lived a lass,
A sweet and lovely maid.
Not Venus could give more delight.
When you her charms surveyed.
For the roses dear, and the lilies fair.
They both combined and so inclined.
To form her beauties rare.
This fair maid many a suitor had.
And treated them with scorn.
Until at last young William Grey,
Came tripping over the lawn.
He was dressed so neat and he sang so sweet.
The ladies fair did all declare.
They loved young William Grey.
"Fair maid of Primrose Hill," he said,
"I've come a courting here.
So do not treat me with disdain.
Nor use m.e too severe.
For my love 'tis true and 'tis fixed on you.
Constant I'll be to only thee.
Thou fiower of every few."

6o Yankee Jumbles.
This fair maid gave her head a toss.
Returned a scornful air,
"I wonder that you dare to me.
Your fruitless love declare,
For nobles great, both of land and state.
Have offered me their bride to be.
Sir, you have come too late."
Then with a sigh he took his leave.
Saying, "Proud girl, adieu,
I'll quit thy charms for war's alarms.
And glory I'll pursue;
For love must yield to the martial field.
The fife and drum invite to come.
I'll march with sword and shield."
Then with a smile she called him back.
Saying, "Dear William, stay,
I did it but to try your love.
So don't you go away.
For there's none so dear, nor yet so fair."
She did agree his bride to be.
And married thus they were.
Then to the church without delay.
They tripped with speed away.
And joined their hands in Hymen's bands.
And hailed the happy day.
Now they love each day and are always gay.
And who so happy, happy can be.
So happy, happy as they.

Yankee Jumbles. 6i

FARMING TOOLS.
To see modern farming machinery and appliances for
tilling the soil, makes it appear almost a miracle how
our early agriculturists cleared up the country, re
moved the forests and stumps and monstrous burdens of
rocks from the soil.
Until into the nineteenth century plows were made
with wooden mold boards. This was a very rudely
made plow in its workmanship, with the plow-share
made of wrought iron and when dulled would be taken
off and carried to the blacksmith's shop to be resharp-
ened the same as is done with picks, drills and other
tools. How such a plow with a strong team of oxen
drawing on it through ground filled with stones of all
sizes, through roots of stumps left standing, and not be
broken to pieces in short order, seems a mystery.
Axes with their helves were rudely and coarsely
made, shovels thin and soft, hoes with an eye in the top
of the blade through which a handle was pushed, like
what was later called a "nigger cotton hoe," and badly
tempered tools of all kinds either too soft or too hard
so as to either batter or break. In field work for corn,
turf ground was plowed into ridges by turning two fur
rows together and planting the corn on the ridge. In
most cases it would be difficult to get dirt enough to
cover with, and when it came to hoeing, every ridge
would be green with grass. After running through
these rows with a pair of cattle or horses and trimming
the ridges with a plow, then hoeing began. Any hoe
would do for a boy, and he must hoe and skip three hills,

62 Yankee Jumbles.
in order to keep up with the men. An old darky who
used to take his jug of cider into the field with him when
hoeing corn, found it a long time between drinks when
he had to hoe clear around his two rows, so instead of
placing his jug at the end of the rows, he always began
at the middle of the field, thus getting his drink on
every row he hoed.
In haying and harvesting time, all the mowing and
cradling was done by hand. Boys, when they com
menced, were generally put off with some old scythe
and snath that had been cast aside as unfit for a man to
use. This was considered all right for a boy to learn
to mow with. A scythe snath was always made from
some limb of a tree and not as of later make, being
steamed and bent into form, so that every pear tree,
peach tree and other trees of eccentric crooks were al
ways carefully examined to get one of the right bend
for a snath. For some time after bent snaths came into
use many mowers would stick to their old natural crooks,
so that this expression became a by-word of a man who
proved successful in his business transactions, he was
defined as a "natural crook." Many of these expres
sions were in common conversation like: "The little
value of a tinker's d — ^n," and when some enterprise
had failed in its expected results it was said to have
"fiashed in the pan." This phrase was in reference
to a flint-lock gun missing fire when the flint struck
the steel lip over the pan in which the powder for
the priming was placed. The spark might ignite the
powder in the pan and fail to fire the gun.
These guns were of the same rade nature as the farm-

Yankee Jumbles. 63
ing tools and generally known as the King's arms, so
named from revolutionary service by the British, weigh
ing about ten to twelve pounds with a stock running
out nearly the whole length of the barrel clasped with
iron bands with thimbles underside, through which
was run an iron ram-rod as long as the barrels. They
were too heavy for boys to hold at arm's length and
usually had to be rested on a fence or against a tree in
hunting ; powder was carried in a large ox-horn, scraped
and prepared with a great deal of care for such a pur
pose, the big end of the horn being stopped with a piece
of wood nicely fitted in. A cord tied to a peg at the bot
tom and the other around the small top of the horn
allowed the horn to be hung over the shoulder of the
sportsman. Shot pouches were made in many rude ways.
When loading the gun the powder was poured loosely
into the hand, guessing the amount for a charge, and
from the hand poured into the muzzle of the gun.
These guns were so long that a boy would almost need
to get on top of a fence in pouring in the charge of
powder to have it run down to its chamber in the barrel.
Wadding was an article of some account, as news
papers, in fact all kind of paper was scarce. The country
people were obliged to lay in a stock of various kinds
of wadding, which was often made up of swingling tow,
hornets' nests, and sometimes punk. Some of these ar
ticles would be on top of the powder, rammed down
with an iron ram-rod and the shot measured out, guess
ing according to the quantity needed for the game to
be shot at, with a small ramming top of them. Then

64 Yankee Jumbles.
from the powder horn the pan would be filled and the
gun ready for business.
Speaking of hornets' nests introduces an experience
of two Irish greenhorns.
In our primitive forests, the large paper-like nests
of the big striped hornets were quite common, being
in bulk as large as a ten-quart pail, somewhat pear-
shaped, with a hole in the pointed bottom through which
the hornets entered. By careful work the boys would
often stop this entrance with a bunch of moss or grass,
and the hornets were all made prisoners, and then the
limb on which the nest hung could be cut off, and the
whole carried away.
On one such capture of a nest to carry home, a boy
was met by two young Irishmen, just over, and their
curiosity was aroused to know what it was. Being in
formed that it was a humming-birds' nest, they at once
were anxious to buy it, as they had some idea of those
little birds being very pretty and quite a novelty.
They had no difficulty in negotiating a trade and
after obtaining the prize, wished to know the best way
to care for and handle the birds. The boy told them
they had best take the nest into a tight room to avoid
their escape when they let some out. In letting them
out for inspection they had only to remove the plug
and there would some of them at once put in an appear-
ance. After examining and admiring them as much as they
wished, and wanting to send them back, they could do so
by rapping on the nest for the birds to retvirn.

Yankee Jumbles. 65
Jim and Pat hurriedly sought a favorable room in
which to inspect their treasure in ornithology.
Getting a close room, with much secrecy and high an
ticipations of pleasure, they proceeded to open up the
show by pulling out the plug of grass, thus setting the
birds free.
The first that came out lit on Jim's hand, who at
once gave forth expressions of admiration of his ex
quisite stripes and other lines of beauty, at the same time
remarking : "Lord Jesus, how hot his little feet is !"
Others followed in rapid succession and went for Pat,
lighting on his hands, neck, face and nose, but before he
could discover and admire their beauty of colors and plu
mage he was so impressed with the hotness of their
feet that he wished to defer the exhibition by appealing
to Jimmy to "dhroom on the hive, dhroom on the hive,
Jimmy ;" when, of course, they were soon assailed by the
whole swarm and driven out of the room stung half to
death.

WAGONS AND CARTS.
Wagons and carts were built in a very substantial
manner for the heavy work required on a farm. Carts
were made with only two large heavy wheels with a long
neap and strong body for use with oxen. An ox-cart
usually weighed from twelve hundred to fifteen hun
dred pounds, their strength being required for hauling
heavy stones for building walls and carrying wood to
market. Some boys one night for amusement, took a neigh-

66 Yankee Jumbles.
bor's cart and dragged it into a field where there was
an old well, putting the neap down into the well, and
leaving the cart body standing over the well. The far
mer needing his cart the next day, found it in the morn
ing in the predicament named. He required the help
of nearly a dozen men to lift it out, and after his suc
cess, coming home, told what a heavy job they had to
lift the cart out of the well. A boy living with him,
after hearing him tell of their serious job, asked him
if they took off the wheels, which were more than two-
thirds the weigiht of the whole. This inquiry made the
farmer suspicious that the boy helped to put it in,
which proved to be a fact, hut he was so ashamed to
think the men had not been wise enough to lighten their
work by so doing, that the boy escaped any punishment.
Haying seasons called for a large amount of hand
labor, which in modem times would seem very cheap;
the best able bodied men would leave the shops for the
harvesting seasons, working twelve and fifteen hours
for a dollar or a dollar and a quarter a day. It was
expected of them to be up soon after daylight, dull
scythes to be ground, during which many a boy has spent
a sorry hour turning the grindstone. If in a little
hurry, an hour or two would be put in before breakfast,
as grass cut easily when the dew was on it. It was a pre
vailing custom for men to have a glass of bitters com
pounded with Santa Cruz rum, mixture of rue, tansy,
or wormwood, as an appetizer. After breakfast, if in
a religious family, the devotions would be duly per
formed, in which the hired men were privileged
to participate. One farmer who usually employed five

Yankee Jumbles. 67
or six men was in the habit of having family prayers.
One of his employees, who was a conspicuous charac
ter during revival seasons and at prayer and confer
ence meetings, enhanced to be with him one season.
When the proprietor finished his brief reading of the
scripture, followed with a briefer prayer, this revival
ist, who preferred praying to mowing, was always moved
by the Holy Spirit to invoke favors from the Throne of
Grace. He would therefore follow up the prayerful
exercises for nearly an hour, to which pious duty his
employer could not consistently object.
In these old 'haying times, meadows and fields were
alive with quail, larks, robins, brown thrashers, and
all sorts of favorite songsters. Turtles of every kind
were found in great numbers in all the low meadows.
One known as the box turtle would shut himself up so
closely that the point of a knife could not be stuck into
him at any place. It was a pleasant custom for men
to mark their initials with the date cut with a knife into
the bottom shell of the turtle. These turtles lived to a
great age. The writer once found a turtle marked in
1754, another in 1795, fifty years later in 1845. A
brother, he recollected the time of his marking one in
1833, the place under a small apple tree, and never saw
the turtle afterwards until the year 1861, when plow
ing the same field, picked up the same turtle, under
the same tree, within two feet from where he saw his
brother mark it, 28 years before. For such reasons a
man scarcely ever passed a box turtle without picking
it up to see if it had the marks to indicate the work of
some friend dead or 'alive inscribed in years gone by.

68 Yankee Jumbles.
Besides the profusion of birds and turtles, snakes
of various kinds were numerous in the meadows. Black
snakes were almost as plentiful as mice, and in the
spring of the year when they first began to crawl out
from llieir winter quarters, to sun the south side of
stone walls and in other warm places, there was little
difficulty in capturing dozens of them in a day if one
wished to hunt for them. Of course when they first
came out of their winter hibernating, they were a
little numb and clumsy in their movements, but as
warm weather limbered them up, there were very few
specimens of animate nature any livelier than a black
snake. To find them six to eight feet long was nothing
uncommon. Although harmless in their bite and other
wise, they were a subject to intimidate from their size,
blackness and their agile motions.
There seems to be a peculiar dread of black snakes by
the colored race. Knowing this to be the case, a party
of men mowing some meadows found a black snake
and killed him. One of the men, thinking to have some
sport with the colored fellow who was tending the hay,
carried the snake to a tree under which was a spring,
around which was the hay that had been mowed. Un
der the hay they concealed the snake, around the neck
of which they tied a string. Wherever a spring oc
curred in a meadow was always the place for deposit
ing the bottle of mm which was expected to be par
taken of between ten and eleven o'clock. If they were
far away from the house, a luncheon would be served
with it. During this lunch time, when the company
were all together and lunch was about through one of

Yankee Jumbles. 69
the men observed that he had the biggest ankle in the
party. Being understood, this was disputed by two or
three others, and so seeming to pull a string from his
pocket, the fellow took the string, the other end of which
was tied around the snake's neck. After measuring three
or four ankles he said to the darky whose name was
Jube, "Let's see how big an ankle a nigger has, Jube."
Jube put his foot down for the measure, and one end
of the string was put around it and was deftly fastened.
At the same time the snake was jerked out from under
the grass where it was hidden and all appeared to jump
in fear of the snake with loud exclamations. Jube,
of course, jumped with the rest and the string being
fastened around his ankle to the snake soon jerked
the snake around his heels, which in his fright set him
running around the meadow, and he was so thoroughly
frightened, that it was with much difficulty the whole
party succeeded in catching him to relieve him from his
fright. Households during harvesting time almost amounted
to a hotel. The requirements for feeding the help were
made up of five meals a day, breakfast about six o'clock,
luncheon at ten, dinner at twelve, luncheon again at
four and supper at seven or eight o'clock. If near
at home a spread would be set for all these meals in the
house, if at a distance in the fields, a luncheon would
have to be prepared for the usual times.
One of the seasons near the time of the snake epi
sode, a girl, some dozen years old, who afterwards
became one of the first ladies of the town, was sent to
the field with the lundheon for the men. Getting over

70 Yankee Jumbles.
a fence through a bunch of bushes with quite a growth
of high weeds, she jumped off among what she supposed
to be an old cat and a nest of kittens. They were all
very handsome black and white kittens and looked so
pretty she thought she must catch one or two of them
for pets. As soon as she picked up one of the kittens,
the old cat commenced a broadside of very pungent
perfume, filling her face and eyes with a liquid that
produces a pain as intense as would be inflicted by a
charge of tincture of capsicum. Instead of being as
she supposed a domestic cat and kittens, her presumable
pets were pole-cats.

TOWN POOR.

Instead of town houses in these days the town pau
pers were put out among families by auction. Differ
ent classes of paupers would be bid on by some man who
would keep them the cheapest for what seemed to be
a system of slave trade. Some men would be able to
render slight service to the ones who bid them in, and
consequently would be kept very cheaply. Women, of
course, cost more as a rule and many of them had to
have supplies of opium in order to keep them in a
quiet, peaceable condition. Opium was furnished by
rations allowed by the town, and if the ration did not
prove sufficient to keep the woman as quiet as was
desirable for those entertaining her, they would some
times contribute an extra quantity.
One of these paupers was known as Granny Parker.
Whoever got her on their hands had to invariably in-

Yankee Jumbles. 711
crease her supply of opium. It was difficult to keep it
hidden from her if in the house in case the family
should absent themselves for a time. On one occasion
when opium had been secreted so as to be thought en
tirely out of possibility for her to find, the family on
their return from church one Sunday discovered some
of the pills of opium that had been so deftly hidden
were gone. Of course there was nobody to suspect of
stealing but Granny. She made it a subject for several
days, protesting her innocence and expressing the dis
tress of her mind that such a thing should be sus
pected of her as stealing the opium. Not being able to
convince her accusers of her innocence, th? subject was
dropped for a few days, when one morning rising a
little later than the rest of the family she came into
the room where they were all together and said her
innocence had been vindicated.
Lying in great agony of mind during the night, not
being able to get a wink of sleep tossing in her bed in
perfect misery, all at once a still, small voice spoke to
her from overhead, saying, "Be quiet. Miss Parker, be
quiet. Miss Parker, you're an innocent pairson."
This so disgusted the man of the house that he told
her if she ever alluded to the subject again, he would
pitch her out of the house head first.
This Granny Parker had seen some queer experiences,
one of which she related was at a place in the town of
Wallingford, then called Old England, on account of
the number of English families that had settled in the
neighborhood. These families were in the habit of meet
ing together in one of the old-fashioned lean-to-roof

72 Yankee Jumbles.
houses, which was the best adapted to accommodate one
of their festal occasions. It had been observed by a man
living in the neighborhood on various occasions when
these families met, that he had wood missing in gener-
ous quantities, frequently logs of good dimensions. Hav
ing one or two logs left near this rendezvous he thought
he would try to obtain good evidence of where his
wood went to, thinking that the log would be likely to
find its way to the next gathering; so he bored a large
hole in the end of this log, and put in nearly a pound of
coarse powder, filling up the hole over the powder with a
plug, leaving it so as not to attract the attention of who
ever would be likely to take the log away. The time came
for the usual festivities, to which all brought contribu
tions of chickens, turkeys, goslings, spare-ribs, and vari
ous vegetables, a great majority of which were stolen
goods, and the log was missing. They had certain ones
delegated to prepare the different contributions for a
grand supper. The old-fashioned fireplace was hung full
of pots and kettles and with meats and vegetables cook
ing in tin ovens set in front of the fire, with roasts of
pork and beef. The company were in the front rooms
having a very jolly time.
The tables were arranged in the big back kitchen,
filled with dishes of everything, nearly ready for the
guests to come to. When this prepared log, that had
been stolen for the back log, had become burned
down to the powder, an explosion occurred that upset
their tables into a total wreck, blew pots and kettles out
of the top of the chimney, the roof being spread with

Yankee Jumbles. 73
chickens, meats and vegetables in a conglomerated
mass. This was the last grand feast gathering in Old Eng
land. In speaking of town poor, the writer spent a season
in the customary beginning of the young business man
in peddling tin. Travelling among the hill towns of
the state in his time for peddling, paupers had begun to
be taken care of altogether, in some house kept by the
town, or by some individual who took them for a stipu
lated price. Calling one day at a house to offer some
tin-ware in exchange for rags or old metals, a little,
short, dumpy, insignificant looking woman came to the
door. After making the usual inquiry if any goods could
be sold there, and getting a negative reply, it was noticed
that a large room opened up with quite a variety of
old and superannuated people. The remark was made
to the little woman, "Is this the house where the town
poor are kept?" She drew herself up with a desperate
effort, trying to make herself appear of as much con
sequence as possible, and exclaimed with some empha
sis, and repeating to make sure of being understood,
'TTes, I keep the town poor." It would not have been
suspected if she had not explained it so emphatically.
Seeing so many of these groups of paupers in dif
ferent towns amoD'5 the hills, a noticeable feature be
ing quite a percentage of idiots in every outside lo
cality, the question used to arise, "What is the cause of
so many fools in these country towns?" The person
asking himself this question sought in his own mind for
a reply, which was this : "These fools represent the f mits

74 Yankee Jumbles.
of intermarriage of near relatives." In most back
towns families for several generations have intermarried,
cousins marrying cousins and near blood relatives. The
mixture for a series of years produces these freaks both
in their intellectual and in their physical structure. In
the eily, an idiot is a rare production, as a matter of
choice in matrimonial selection has so much more
generous scope than in the country.
This is a subject to commend a crossing of native-
bom Americans with any good foreign blood, producing
a healthier and brighter progeny than to marry some
debilitated growth brought up in the same locality
with themselves. It seems reasonable that this Should
be as good policy with human kind as with the import
ing of foreign blood in horses, cattle and dogs. It
has been a question in former times whether this country
was adapted to the healthy growth of the white race
and whether without a constant flow of foreign blood
in it, the white would not ultimately become degenerate
and extinct. There are certainly, evidences in New Eng
land that such might be the case.
In looking back three or four generations we would
see the very large families that were so common
throughout New England; families of ten to fifteen
children were nothing noticeable, but rather common.
In one district school adjoining the one in which the
writer was bom only one generation before him had
within its borders ten families, numbering one hundred
and ten children all at home, an average of eleven ; the
largest family was fourteen and the smallest nine, all

Yankee Jumbles. 75J
boys, the writer's wife being the daughter of the oldest
one. In the days of those great families, the public school
would have an attendance of seventy-five to a hundred
scholars, including some smaller families. Within the
last thirty years, the native-bom children have been
reduced as low as six of all ages in the same district,
not enough to scarcely keep the school alive within
these limits.
In the time of these large families a raca of very
strong able-bodied men, numbering about forty, or
ganized themselves into a body known as the "Plump
Guards." Regimental trainings were in order calling
together some ten companies of militia to what was
called a general muster, these musters bringing to
gether a motley crowd of gamblers and fighters and all
sorts of crooked characters from the ten or twelve towns
from which the companies came to make up a regi
ment for inspection.
On such occasions a great diversion was wrestling
matches in which a deal of science and great strength
would be displayed. With a plentifulness of cheap
liquors, more or less bad blood would be heated up and
rough and tumble fights and knock-downs were con
sidered one of the requisites to make up a good day's
entertainment among the crowds. The "Plump Guards"
was organized for mutual protection, any member of
which getting into any difficulty or quarrel was to be
sustained and defended by other members of the guard,
whether his case was right or wrong. They considered
themselves invincible against any body of opponents

76 Yankee Jumbles.
they were likely to encounter and always proved their
powers and success on all occasions but one, that one
not being of a belligerent character.
It was their boast that they could endure any hard
ship and partake of any kind of fare that any man could
endure or eat. A donbt being expressed by one of their
number of their ability to eat crow, a number of them
expressed an opinion that they could all eat crow well
cooked with a relish. To test the matter, a dozen of
them decided to have a crow supper, each man to
eat a whole crow and any one failing to eat his bird
should furnish a gallon of rum for the benefit of the
rest. The crows were captured in a day or two and a Mrs.
Captain Morse, quite a celebrated cook, was selected to
cook the crows. They were all prepared in the best
manner and the twelve members of the club met to
partake of their supper. As they entered the dining
room all expressed admiration and delight at the de
licious and appetizing smell of the crows and were eager
to get to work at them. Each man sat down with a crow
on his plate and the feast began. Each one praised
the rich and delicious flavor of the meat, all the time
chewing the piece he had in his mouth. After ex
tolling the exquisite flavor for a few minutes, one man
took out his quid of crow and threw it under the table,
soon another followed suit, the result being that not
one man of the party swallowed any, and acknowledged
one grand defeat of the Plump Guard.
Another curious episode happened at the same house
some years later. Mrs. Morse had invited in quite a

Yankee Jumbles. ']']
party of her lady friends to partake of a fine dinner.
A conspicuous feature of the same was to be a nice roast
pig. The pig was duly roasted and placed on the table
with the rest of the preparations for dinner. Just a
few minutes before the guests were invited out, the
central figure of the table, the piece de resistance, the
pig, was missing. A search was at once made and
much curiosity expressed as to where it could have gone
to, as it was leaving a very serious blank to the en
tertainment. A simple-minded fellow by the name of
Jep Lunnon lived with Captain Morse, and anxious in
quiry was made to find Jep to see if he knew anything
of it. After serving the rest of the dinner, and giving
up the search for the lost pig for a time, Jep suddenly
appeared on the scene, picking his teeth. Inquiry be
ing made of Jep where he had been, he quietly replied,
"I don't know nothing about your baked pig," al
though no reference had been made to the loss. Some
weeks after, the bones of the pig were found in an ob
scure place under the bam. Jep's having no knowledge
of the baked pig was for a great many years made use
of in the way of evasive replies.
While the appetites of the Plump Guard for crow
proved too dainty to enjoy such a meal, some feats of
eating were performed by others.
A man by the name of Sam Botsford, weighing over
three hundred pounds, went out riding along the road,
fell in with some acquaintances who were pulling down
an old stone wall. As the foundations were being pulled
up, quite a sizable black snake ran out, and was
killed by a man named Clem Thomas. After killing the

78 Yankee Jumbles.
snake and holding it up to exhibit him, he remarked,
"Here, Sam, I wish you had to eat him," to which Sam
replied, "I'll eat him if you will pay for a gallon of
rum," which Clem agreed to, but Botsford said, "I've
just eaten my breakfast, and not being very hungry for
snake, the whole of him would be more than I would
want to eat, but I'll eat half of him," to which compro
mise Clem agreed. Botsford took the snake, sitting
in his wagon, took out his jack-knife, cut off the snake's
head, skinned him half way down and ate him accord
ing to contract. Clem had no recourse but to pay for
the rum.
A man by the name of Sam Anthony, rather a thin,
spare man, had the peculiar habit of going for a week
at a time without eating and feeling no serious yearn
ing for food during that time. He wore a broad leather
belt about him, which as he grew gaunt, he would
buckle up from day to day. After his fast of several
days, when he had the chance to wood and water his
system again, he would set down and eat greedily for
an hour or two, every few minutes letting out a hole
in his belt until he was full. Travelling one time in
Massachusetts with a friend, they stopped for dinner
at a hotel and Sam had a good ordinary meal but not
filled up to his full capacity. At the bar he inquired
for some apples to eat. The bartender set out a plate
with two or three good fair sized apples on it, when
Sam inquired if that was all he had. Sam remarked
that such apples as those he could eat two dozen of
and that he thought that those offered were small al
lowance. The bartender doubted his ability to eat

Yankee Jumbles. 79
twenty-four such apples, when Sam offered to wager
the drinks for quite a large party who were present in
the bar-room. The bartender accepted the proposition
and the twenty-four apples were selected and put on
the counter for Sam to dispose of. He made short work
of the first dozen, and the next half dozen, and after
eating the twenty-third apple, he picked up the twenty-
fourth and said to the bartender that he could eat a
dozen more but that he didn't need that one and being
a nice apple, if the bartender was satisfied what the re
sult would be he could save the last apple or have it
eaten, just as he chose, leaving it to the bartender to
decide, who being a little penurious, received back the
apple, accepted defeat by treating the crowd, after
which Sam got up and very graciously said to the com
pany that if he had been ordered to eat that last apple
he couldn't have done it to have saved his life.
Sam had a son, Philemon, who was a lazy, shiftless
fellow, getting quite a large family on his hands, who
were very poorly provided for. Phi's wife one very
stormy day reminded him that there was nothing in
the house for dinner and that if he did not get out to
get something the family would go hungry. Phi looked
out of the window into the storm and said he didn't
think he should get out on such a day as that to get
anything for his family to eat as long as he had a cat
on the premises. So Puss, who was calmly lying by
the fireplace, was taken out and had her head chopped
off and prepared into a soup for their dinner.
The importance of owning a watch in his time was
displayed by the evidence of a neighbor who went to

8o Yankee Jumbles.
get Phi to do some work. Phi had obtained a very
cheap old bull's-eye silver watch a few days before town
election was to occur. The neighbor as he approached
Phi's house heard loud conversation. Halting a little
to see what it was about, he noticed Phi through an
open window walking to and fro in his room with the
watch fob prominently exposed and suddenly stopping,
as if greeted by some acquaintance, when this colloquy
seemed to occur: "How do you do, Mr. Anthony P'
"How do you do, Mr. So and So?" "Fine day, Mr.
Anthony?" "Yes, indeed." "What is the time of day,
Mr. Anthony?" (Pulling out the bull's-eye): "Four
o'clock by G— ."
In this community of great families were many odd
and eccentric characters. One, Asa Horton, was noted
for his fishy stories. He was a great brag about his
strength, and claimed to have been picking apples one
day, when a companion picker, who was several feet
above him in the same tree, fell, calling to Horton to
save him. He was a man weighing over two hundred
pounds, according to Horton's story, who said he put
out one hand and grasped him by the leg, his fingers
going through his overalls, pants, drawers and even
through the flesh to the bone, but he stopped him and
set him back upon the limb, admonisihing him to he
more careful in the future, as he could not always be
with him. His controversies were always with the big
fellows, one of whom at a time insisted upon fighting
with him. However, he didn't want to hurt the fellow.
who persisted in thrusting himself upon him. He
only used one hand with no unusual effort, giving

Yankee Jumbles. 8i
a back-handed stroke to throw the fellow back and
teach him to mind his own business. He found that
his hand had gone into the fellow's bowels, and, with
drawing it, it was bespattered with blood and cov
ered with bits of the man's liver. He just told the
man he had better let him alone or he would get
hurt. Asa was full of such experiences when you let him
tell them. He was a joiner by trade and used to tell
of shingling a barn on North Farms when the fog was
so thick that he did not know when he got to the top of
the barn and shingled on four or five feet onto the fog.

TANNING INDUSTRY.
A very eccentric man was Dr. David Hall, bright,
well-to-do, shrewd in business, and very hard to get
ahead of. While he was fond of his glass, he always
knew enough when he had taken a drink or two to let
trade and business operations take care of themselves.
A tanner in Wallingford by the name of Munson leamed
that Dr. David had a fine grove of hemlock trees un
der the east mountain, whidh will be referred to later
on in this work as the Besek or Turkey Range. In
quiring of Dr. David if he would sell them he recieved
an affirmative reply and was invited to go and look
them over, setting a day to do so. Mr. Munson, know
ing that the doctor liked a drop, provided himself with
a pint of Santa Cruz rum for the trip. Going to the
doctor's house they proceeded together to the grove of
hemlock trees to look them all over carefully together.

82 Yankee Jumbles.
At the foot of the mountain was a fine spring which
Mr. Munson knew about and suggested going there for
a drink of water. The doctor of course knowing the
location of the spring piloted him to it. Arriving at
the spring, Mr. Munson took out his bottle of Santa
Cruz, saying that he sometimes thought best in going to
the foot of the mountain to be prepared for snake bites,
as this was a prolific ground for red adders. At the same
time knowing the doctor's respect for Santa Cruz, he
asked him if he would participate, which the doctor very
promptly did. After imbibing a reasonable quantity
of the fluid, Mr. Munson introduced the subject of the
trees, saying, "Well, Mr. Hall, how much are you going
to ask me for these trees that we have been looking
over?" The doctor promptly replied, "I haven't any
trees to sell," and that was the end of it, Mr. Mun
son having defeated his own case by treating the doctor
at the spring.
The tanning industry was such as to make a good
demand for all hemlock and white oak bark that was
available in Connecticut of that growth of timber, and
considerable bark and tanning material was brought in
more or less from other states. With the deprecia
tion of forests, the tanning industries have nearly all
died out in Connecticut, and gone to other states where
resources of tanning material are more available.
After hides have been through certain processes in
tan vats, they require some treatment to take out lime
and other material used in the tanning process. The
use of hen and pigeon dung used to make these two
articles a very salable commodity in the vicinity of

Yankee Jumbles. 83
tan yards and such materials are quite extensively
used now in tanneries elsewhere in the country. The
writer during wartime gathered a great many sheep
skins which were very marketable at large tanneries
such as J. S. Rockwell & Co., of Brooklyn, N. Y., and
T. P. Howell & Co., of Newark, N. J. Having occasion
to visit the great tannery in Newark in the sale of
several thousand skins, a book of samples was exhibited,
showing the preparation of goods designed for their
various uses which were more numerous than any
body would possibly conjecture. These samples were
made from three grades of skins or parts of skins. The
sheep skin is split by a machine into three thicknesses,
the outside is called a roan, the middle a skiver, and
the inside a fiesher. Mr. Howell proposed to show the
machine for doing this delicate work, and going through
a variety of rooms and buildings connected with the
tannery to where the machine was, one large storage
room had nearly a hundred old sugar hogsheads
standing on end. The contents looking like dog manure
were noticed and an inquiry made as to what the ma
terial was. Mr. Howell replied that it was just what
it appeared to be, and said he must tell a story about
it. During the war this material became quite scarce
and dear, ordinarily it was worth less than a dollar a
bushel, it then rose to three times that cost. It was no
ticeable, he said, that their leather was not coming out
in its usual condition and the tanners were much at
a loss to account for the lack of success in their work.
Various experiments were tried to detect the fault.
While there seemed to be no lack of the supply furnished

84 Yankee Jumbles.
by the dogs, suspicions were aroused as to the quality
of the goods, and detectives were put out into the
suburbs of the city to see how their supply was obtained.
They succeeded in making the very interesting dis
covery that among the colored people, the sheeneys, and
other parties of whom they were purchasing, all had
establishments in active operation making counterfeit
goods. Mixtures of clay, mortar and hair and other in
genious devices of all colors and sizes to accommodate
that of the dogs were produced by molding and shov
ing through tubes and old bottles with their bottoms
broken off, and this material pushed through their
necks, thus producing a great variety of designs and
forms which were impossible to detect from the genu
ine article. This discovery revealed why the addi
tional quantities had not produced favorable results
as formerly. It seemed that the higher the cost of
material they were using they were getting more un
favorable results.
This business has been sometimes recommended to
young men out of employment as a means of earning
an honest dollar.
After enjoying this revelation in tanning the ma
chine was exhibited that cut sheep skins into three
thicknesses, rarely making a hole or blemish.
In the West and South cattle were branded so as to
be detected when found, and in case of cattle having
been stolen and butchered the tan yard was the resort
to find their hides and examining for branding marks,
thus hoping to trace the thief. Being a good many years
ago at an evening party, in one of the Western states, a

Yankee Jumbles. 85
couple of old acquaintances met after an interval of
twenty-five or thirty years. The gentleman expressed
surprise that the lady should have known him so
readily. "Bless your soul," she said, "I should have
known your hide in a tan yard." It was conclusive
proof of her good memory.
Speaking of barks for tanning purposes, they thus
become a matter of merchandise, and forests of hemlock
and oak had a special value for their woods and on
account of the price of their bark. The white oak tim
ber of Connecticut also was in high demand for ship
timber. The ship-yards along the coast sought for all
the large white oaks for quite a distance inland from
whidh to cut knees, which would be taken from the roots
as well as from the branches. The logs or bodies of the
trees were sawed into wide planks in the woods, thirty,
forty and fifty feet long for ship siding, and long tim
ber bottoms for keels, beams, stems, futtocks and every
other appliance made of wood in the construction of a
vessel. Another very current use of white oak was be
ing split into staves for sugar, molasses and rum hogs
heads. These staves were cut out and packed at home
in shocks so called, each one fitted and prepared for a
hogshead when set up. Hoop-poles were also greatly
in demand from which hoops were split out, shaved,
and ready for the same uses. These bundles of shocks
and hoop-poles were sold in New Haven mostly and
at some other sea-ports. To connect with this history
must be included another variety of goods which was as
sociated with this trade with the West Indies. New
Haven was until 1850 the largest receiving port of sugar.

86 Yankee Jumbles.
molasses and Santa Cruz rum of any in the country. At
that time mules were brought from Kentucky, Ten
nessee, Western Pennsylvania and some other states
to Connecticut to be shipped from New Haven. They
were raised quite largely in Connecticut for the same
market. These mules, shocks and hoop-poles for hogs
heads were large commodities for exportation to Cuba
and other West India islands. These all found a ready
market there in exchange for sugar, molasses, and rum
for the return cargo, such articles being mostly
handled in New Haven by the old houses known as the
Towners, Trowbridges and Hotchkisses, who obtained
a great portion of the wealth accruing to these houses
from that source.
This transfer of mules from the Western states named
would seem at the present day to be very much out of
the channel of trade, not more so really than has been
the change in the marketing of cattle in the same
time. Cattle for farm work were universally employed
and for eating purposes were all raised and slaughtered
by home butchers, making meats of a much finer relish
than those which come from the West in refrigerator
ears, and with preparations used to preserve their con
dition. Every autumn large droves of cattle were
brought in to Connecticut from Northern New Eng
land and from New York state for the supply of the
manufacturing districts. These droves of cattle to
furnish butchers and winter's stock for farmers have
become about as extinct as the great Auk.
A custom used to prevail of Yankees going out into
the border counties of New York state to buy horses

Yankee Jumbles. 87
of some of the old Dutch residents. Some of the
traders after getting acquainted with the old Dutch
farmers, introduced a credit system by buying their
horses, and giving their notes for them. After the
preliminaries of trade were completed, the notes made
out and signed, in order to make assurance doubly
sure, the Yankee would take the note home with him
in order to be certain when it came due. This sys
tem worked well for a time, but did not prove to be
eternal, as some of the purchasers failed to remember
even with such a wise precaution.
A friend who had been on one of these trips to York
state to buy horses of the Dutch farmers, used to tell a
pleasant story of a scheme he saw an old man adopt for
breaking a colt of shying. This story carries with it
a warning to young men not to overdo in their en
deavors in morals and business. The old man (to teach
his colt steady habits) instructed his son, Hans, to se
crete himself behind a tree while he rode the colt down
the street quite a little distance, and was to tum about
and come back on a good gallop and when passing the
tree, Hans was to jump out and "pooh" at the colt.
The arrangements all being made, the old man mounted
the colt and rode a distance down the street and came
back at a good lively gait, passing the tree. Hans
jumped out and made one of his greatest efforts in
"poohing" with the result that the colt jumped with
all his might, throwing the old man heels over head
into the gutter, nearly breaking his neck and bones, the
colt going on up the street having it all to himself.
It was some little time before the old man recovered

88 Yankee Jumbles.
his senses to get up. Slowly raising himself in a dazedl
way, he said to Hans, "Py Gott, Hans, that vas too
pig a 'pooh' for the colt. It was big enough for the
old horse."
It used to be a favorite custom with the farmers par
ticularly (although others joined them to a consider
able extent) after haying and harvesting to make trips
to the sea-shore. They would go in companies of twenty
to thirty wagons; this trip was considered a great
stimulus to pushing through harvesting exercises in
order to be ready to join the crowd for the shore, for
clamming, fidhing, bathing and a general "blow-out."
Provisions were largely carried, on which to subsist,
outside of what they would gather from the salt water.
A few would get accommodations for their meals and
lodging in the limited number and accommodations
of the sea-shore houses, the rest would sleep in bams,
in their wagons and if necessary out of doors under
the trees. These companies used to be called by the
sea-shore people, "Portuguese Emigrants," and for
a time while they were there it was wise to look out
for their hen roosts, melon patches, and green cornfields.
The drink habit would incite these parties to all sorts
of mischief and carryings on as such a motley crowd
would be likely to invent.
On one of these Portuguese excursions, were two
young men from Wallingford, Ives Martin and William
Carrington, the former always ready for some innocent
fun, and the latter, an amiable, polite and popular
bachelor, very quiet and reserved in his habits. While
most of the party were spending their evening in jollity,

Yankee Jumbles. 89
playing cards, smoking, drinking, and telling stories,
Carrington quietly retired to bed in a room to be oc
cupied in common with Martin. During the evening,
Martin patronized a nearby barber shop and took a clean
shave, which called forth some comments from his
jovial friends that he looked like a young woman in
male attire. At this suggestion Martin proposed to
go to bed with Carrington and try a little piece of de
ceptive work on his modest friend.
Going stealthily into the room he luckily found Car
rington sound asleep, and, disrobing himself, deftly
opened the bed and at once threw his legs over his bed
fellow, clasping his arms around his neck and began to
imprint most fervent kisses and affectionate embraces.
Carrington, awaking and finding himself involved
in such a new experience, began in his bewilderment to
offer apologies by exclaiming, "Madame, madame, ex
cuse me, there must be some mistake about this, ex
cuse me," and with a desperate effort extricated himself
from the embrace of one whom he suspected was inclined
to tum his feet from the virtuous path they had so
long and faithfully trod and jumped out of bed. Be
fore leaving the room, the familiar and audible smiles
of Martin revealed the wretch in his base attempt to
pollute a heretofore unsullied life.
The hot summer season was the favorite time for
black fishing and catching round clams, both of which
were very abundant. Every wagon would go home well
laden with such stocks of sea food. In the spring time
the festive soft clam was in season. At Indian Neck
lived a quiet couple who were well-known by some old

90 Yankee Jumbles.
acquaintances inland, and men were in the habit of
visiting there to get a few meals of sea food and to visit
them as old friends. The matron of the house was
known as Aunt Eliza, a very kind and amiable woman.
She used to allow her hens the privilege of the house
almost as much as herself. In her sitting-room stood a
bureau of drawers, in which one of her favorite hens
sought a nest, and when she felt inclined to contribute
to Aunt Eliza's store of eggs, she would walk demurely
into the sitting-room and by gentle squawks would call
Aunt Eliza's attention to her design, when the kind
Aunt would open the drawer for her, into which she
would jump, and, after a reasonable time spent in medi
tation, would leave her contribution. She was also al
lowed to hatch one or two broods in this same comfort
able location. This amiable habit of Aunt Eliza's will
give some idea of her general habits of housekeeping. A
couple of her old acquaintances from Wallingford made
a trip down one spring in the shad season, and, as was
natural, called on Aunt Eliza, she being an old friend
of their youth. The day was raw and chilly, and they
were glad to sit by her large open fireplace to warm
themselves after their chilly ride from Wallingford. It
was nearly dinner time and Aunt Eliza had just put
a half of a nice shad onto the gridiron and placed it
over the coals in the fireplace for broiling. These two
friends chewed tobacco and as they sat and talked witii
Aunt Eliza about old times, they would expectorate
their tobacco juice on the shad, keeping it well basted.
When the shad was turned to broil the other side, they
continued to administer the same dressing of tobacco

Yankee Jumbles. 911
juice. The shad was finally taken up after this de
lectable treatment while broiling, and placed on the table
for her husband's dinner. He soon came in and this ap
petizing meal was set before him. As soon as he be
gan to eat he criticised the seasoning on account of
there being too much pepper on it, which Aunt Eliza
was at a loss to understand, thinking she had prepared
the meal in her usual way. The friends were invited
to dine, but courteously declined.
It was quite customary in days before the canning
industry became so general for people to preserve frnit.=
and vegetables by drying. As pumpkins were so perish
able an article to keep and made so popular a pie f^r
families, one old lady was in the habit of preparing quite
a stock to last through the winter in this way. This
was mostly done by spreading soft boiled pumpkin on
sheets of tin, in tin pans or pie plates to dry. Having
a large family of small children they would of course
be cutting up a great many antics about the room,
climbing into chairs and on to the tables and every other
place where they could scramble for amusement. In one
of their pleasant little diversions a stand was upset on
which were several dishes of boiled pumpkin in the proc
ess of drying, which by the upset of the table was
scattered over the floor.
The mother, anxious to retrieve her loss, saw no other
way than to gather up and save what she could from the
wreck scattered over the floor. As she began to scrape
it up into the pan some of the children would remark,
"That ain't pumpkin, mother," and they would have
regular disputes as to the purity of the pumpkin she was

92 Yankee Jumbles.
gathering up. In order to be more positive, the mother
would taste of the specimen gathered, and when she was
in doubt about its entire purity, she would console her
self by the assurance that "there was some pumpkin
in it," so that this expression for many years became a
byword in speaking of the character of some young
man, if not specially smart — "He was some pumpkin.'-

NEIGHBORHOOD EXCHANGES.
Before there were any regular butchers or market-
men, families had to depend upon exchanges of food.
When one of the farmers was out of fresh meat in the
summer he would butcher a calf. This would be divided
up among his different neighbors in quarters and halves.
The neighbors were expected in time to return by
butchering a calf or lamb, whichever the exchange
might be. The same thing in making cheese, a neigh
borhood would join all their milk for a certain num
ber of days, according to their number of cows, in order
to produce a desirable size.

AUNTIES AND GRANNIES.
In the country districts, a great many elderly women
were known as "aunties" and a large percentage of the
old women were called "grannies." Firm in memory
are "Aunt Sally," "Aunt Lucy," "Aunt Hopey," and
"Aunt Tentie." Then there were "Granny Morse,"
"Granny Mix," "Granny Francis," "Granny Parker,"
"Granny Guy," and so on. The aunts were generally

Yankee Jumbles. 9g
favorite elderly women and were looked upon with a
spirit of admiration and love. The grannies were almost
universal snuff takers. The taking of rank yellow snuff
by the old women was quite as general as the chewing
of plug tobacco by the men. They commonly carried a
handkerchief in their pocket with which to absorb
the mucus from their profuse use of snuff. It was
common to see them kneading dough with a pinch of
snuff between their fingers, taking up meats and vege
tables from dinner-pots, and making frequent use of
the delectable handkerchief of apparently several days'
use. One of these grannies about a hundred years ago,
used to live near where the First Baptist church com
menced business. She was accustomed to entertaining
one of their early ministers when he came to break
the "Bread of Life" to the new congregation. The
elder's name was Wheat, and in case of an invitation
from a brother in the society to tarry over Simday
with him, he always declined on account of a previous
invitation from "Granny Francis." This caused a great
deal of talk among the good women of the parish. One
Sabbath, after a sojourn over night with "Granny Fran
cis," Elder Wheat took for his text the passage in Solo
mon's Song, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come
away." The granny was seated near the pulpit, and
this text was so often repeated, at the same time the
elder looking down so affectionately towards the granny,
that it became the source of so much amusement that
people laughed outright.
In Wallingford, nearly one hundred years ago, the

94 Yankee Jumbles.
old Presbyterian church had a stalwart parson by the
name of Noyes. Elder Noyes had occasionally missed
some of his chickens while counting them up mornings.
One night, at latish bedtime, some of his family
thought they heard the squawk of a hen, and called the
Elder's attention to it, when he stepped out of doors
to listen.
He soon thought he heard some disturbance among
his poultry, and stepped softly under a shed, in a room
above which his fiock roosted. As he got into the shed,
he noticed two chickens lying on the ground in the cold
embrace of death. Halting to listen, soon two more
came down, when he called out, "There, I guess that
is enough, you had better come down." There being
no other recourse, the party overhead descended, when
it developed to be a neighbor not far away, by the name
of Cook.
The Elder greeted him very courteously, passing upon
the nature of the evening, etc., and invited him into the
house. Mr. Cook was very loath to accept the in
vitation, but knowing the parson's traits of character,
dared not positively decline. Entering the house, family
greetings were as familiar as usual, the health of his
home cirtle as anxiously inquired about. The Elder,
as was the custom of those days, brought out the usual
bitter bottle and invited Mr. Cook to partake; but Mr.
Cook insisted he was not dry, and begged to be excused,
but after many protestations of not being dry was not
allowed to avail himself of any excuse and took his
medicine with the Elder. \
"Now," said the parson, "we'll divide the chickens,

Yankee Jumbles. 95
you taking half, and I will take half." Mr. Cook was
most strongly opposed to taking the chickens, not caring
for them at all, but the parson would not dismiss him
till he accepted half the chickens to take home.
For many years after in declining a drink, the formu
la was, "Mr. Cook ain't dry."
During the common habit of letting cattle, hogs, geese
and stock forage in the road, two or three men every sea
son had running at large several old mares with their
colts of different ages from one to four years old. For
a pleasant exhibition of speed, this drove of young horses
would be driven by men and boys in the neighborhood
into some back yard, and there prepared for a race with
strings or more commonly strips of green elm bark,
which was stronger. One end would be tied to each
colt's tail, the other to some old tin pail or pan or any
other similar article that would make a noise. These
articles were carefully hoarded by the boys for the
races. They were then started out into the highway
in a bunch, and whatever the missile that was attached
to their tail was kept in hand until the ponies were
got into the street and could have a fair start, with
out the usual delay at races of scoring up, which was
avoided by the collection of missiles being thrown si
multaneously against their hind legs. As they went
off, the aggregation of old pails, pans, teapots, etc.,
would be jerked on to their heels, and then on to their
backs, thus stimulating them to their speediest efforts.
There may have been better time made by Dexter and
Eclipse, but no horseflesh ever put forth more honest
endeavors for speed than these un-thoroughbreds tq

96 Yankee Jumbles.
get away from the adornments of out-of-date tinware.
Their attention being on things behind rather than
before, would frequently result in some of the larger
colts running over the smaller ones, and like blind
leaders of the blind, be precipitated heels over head
into some fence or gutter. No circus ever afforded
the pure and unadulterated amusement furnished by
one of these old tinware races.
Another pleasant diversion with the horse was prac
ticed by a man by the name of Bull. His method was
to take a split stick of wood and place it cross-ways
in the horse's mouth, with a strip of bark over the horse's
head and attached to each end to keep it in place. This
used to be conducive of many smiles from people meet
ing this drove of horses, each with a big stick in its
mouth. This proved such a success that the owner of
the drove of young horses said they brought home
nearly a hundred sticks one summer.
A man by the name of Foster was rather slow in pay
ing his bills, but nevertheless was a man of good in
tegrity. He lived nearly three miles from the center
of the town. A man whom he thought was crowding him
unduly sent a collector one moming to his home to
present his bill and urge a prompt payment.
Handing the bill to Mr. Foster, he was told that he
had not funds sufficient in his pocket to pay it, but if
the collector would sit down and read the paper, he
would go out and see what he could do. The collector
seated himself to peruse the paper, while Mr. Foster
went out and harnessed up his horse and drove to town,

Yankee Jumbles. 97
where he spent the day seeing what he could do, leav
ing the collector to a day's work of getting news.
Some men have a particular hobby to talk about. I
once knew a man by name of Moore who could not be
engaged in conversation for five minutes any time or
anywhere but what he would succeed in the introduction
of horse talk in some manner.
Loyal Booth would do the same thing in gun talk.
Sitting in a room with company, perhaps the subject of
discussion might be on the tariff, free trade or protec
tion. He would produce some noise by a stamp on the
floor or some other way, and exclaim at once, "What
was that? It sounded like a gun." From this starter
he would go on, thus diverting. the whole theme of con
versation in the room.
Bill Cornwall was always bragging about his wife,
never losing an opportunity to exalt her rare qualities
and gifts. Some of his chums, having heard of Bill's
wife to a surfeit, thought they had heard enough, and
as Bill's wife was not considered by the community
as entirely above reproach, one fellow says to Bill, after
listening to a fresh eulogy : "Bill, how is it you are al
ways boasting about your wife as a model of perfection ?
Isn't she a little too familiar with other men than a
perfect woman should be ?" "Wall," said Bill, "perhaps
she is, but that's her only fault."
A queer fellow by the name of Jason Durrow was a
sort of stroller about, never having any special home,
but working a short time and after getting a little pay
would shift his quarters. He was witty and had some
thing of a gift in making rhymes and sometimes com-

98 Yankee Jumbles.
posed epitaphs. His compensation for composing epi
taphs was a meal of food, a drink of cider, or sometimes
cast-off clothes. In his town was a Doctor Potter, who
one day offered to treat him for a sentiment in the way
of diversion. He would usually insist upon getting
part or all of his pay before he delivered his com
position. The doctor got the following sentiment :
"Doctor Potter's fat as butter.
Cheeks as red as a rose.
He can give a glyster
And draw a blister.
And that is all he knows."
On another occasion, Jason called at a house, being
thirsty, and suggested writing an epitaph for the lady
of the house, for which she promised him his usual
drink of cider, but wanted him to write it before she
gave it to him. After some little bantering, he con
sented to write half of it, which was agreed to. He
started off as follows :
"Good old Sarah died of late.
And safely arrived at Heaven's gate."
Thus far the epitaph seemed very satisfactory and
a generous pitcher of cider was furnished to further
inspire Jason's muse; when he was called upon for the
other two lines he continued thus:
"There Gabriel met her with a club.
And drove her down to Beelzebub,"

Yankee Jumbles. 99
Another time Jason happened in one morning at a
neighbor's house before breakfast, just as the family
were seating themselves at the table. The family con
sisted of a man and his wife^ a son and daughter. Jason
came in rather cold, and was given a seat in the chimney
corner, while the family sat down to breakfast. As soon
as they were all located at the table, the man of the
house said, "Well, Jason, what's the news down the
road ?" At first Jason didn't think of much, but finally
starting upon a new thought, remarked that one of Col.
Andrew's cows that morning had had five calves. "Well,
well !" said the man, "that is news ; never heard of such
a thing before, five calves at once ! What can the fifth
calf do?" Jason said, "It can set and look on like a
d — n fool, same as I do." This, of course, led to a very
prompt invitation to breakfast.
An epitaph written for a maiden lady by the name
of Charlotte  :
"Beneath this stone lies one named Charlotte,
She was born a virgin, but died a harlot.
Till the age of eighteen, she kept her virginity.
Which was doing well for this vicinity."
On a woman who died of wind colic :
"Wherever you be, let your wind go free.
For holding it back was the death of me."
Many old sayings are passed about by people who have
a very vague knowledge of where they originated, All

'loo Yankee Jumbles.
over the country the expression of "Even Stephen" is
frequently heard. Being in a business office in Cleveland
some years ago, a large iron manufacturer, speaking of
the different mixtures of ores for making a certain
quality of iron, remarked that a little of this and a
rttle of that of another kind of ore would make an
"even Stephen," which to him or anyone else there meant
nothing but that it would make it come out all right.
He was asked if he knew the origin of the expression,
to which he said no, but being Connecticut bom, he hai
always heard it. He was informed why. A man by tke
name of Peter Hall had a son Stephen. The old man
was horribly close and penurious in all his habits. He
doled out his food on the table in the most stingy man
ner. One day, having a dish of pot-luck for dinner, in
which was a liberal piece of pork, he served out his usual
scrimpy ration to his wife and son, Stephen. Stephen
soon dispatched his piece of pork and proceeded to help
himself to more, cutting much deeper than his father
liked to see him. The old man exclaimed emphatioally,
"Stephen ! Stephen ! cut it even," to which Stephen very
promptly replied, "Even or odd, I'll have a good slice,
by G-."
In the old-time houses the best front room usually
had a cupboard built across one corner known as a
"boofat," meaning a buffet in which the bitter bottle,
loaf sugar, and goodies were commonly kept for com
pany. It was not considered a cordial reception of a
friend without setting out some kind of liquors, wines
or cider. At weddings, raising or moving of buildings,
liquors and wines were profusely drank, and any man

Yankee Jumbles. loii
within the circuit of invitation would consider himself
greatly slighted if not invited to a raising or with his
teams of oxen to hauling a building.

THE HABITS OF DRESS AND HOUSEHOLD
LIVING.
A congregation of people during the first half of the
century in dress, and the habits of living would be
about as unlike those of the latter half of it as the con
trast in almost any other feature of life that could be
given. About the only thing known for men's wear in
the place of store clothes would be broadcloth, cassi-
mere and a fabric called satinet, the latter a cotton
warp wool filled which after a few months' wear would
develop white spots at the knees, seats and elbows.
Broadcloth was the dress for the clergy and usually for
wedding outfits. Aside from these, almost everything
else were home productions. Nearly every farmer kept
a flock of sheep, the wool being washed at home and
taken to a carding machine and there worked into rolls
about two feet long and the size of one's flnger.
A spinning wheel was in every house for spinning
wool. This wool yarn was woven into homemade cloth
for men's and women's wear. Some went into carpets,
some for sheets and bedding, underwear and various
other things. The next staple article for home produc
tion was linen made from flax. Every farmer would have
a small patch or a whole acre of flax. This on a rich
piece of ground was sown very thickly to insure a
fine fibre. When grown and the seed was ripe, it was all

I02 Yankee Jumbles.
pulled by hand, bound in bundles and after the seed
was taken out, it was spread on a smooth piece of field
to rot the stem and make it brittle preparatory to
breaking and dressing, as they called it. After two
or three months of this treatment, it was again bound
up and taken to the bams.
During the winter, men were employed in taking
this in handfuls and laying across the top edge of four
or five boards arranged in a form called a break, with
three or four more with the end enclosed in a heavy
block to drop across it, bringing the two sets of edges
together, thus breaking every inch of it. Then it was
shaken out to separate what was called the shives and
the remainder in large hanks was taken over the end
of a board, set upright in a heavy block, and with a
wooden instrument, called a swingling-knife, about two
feet long, the coarser parts were whipped out. Then
it was drawn through a coarse hatchel, taking out the
coarser fibre, called swingling-tow.
This was separated and worked into coarse towels,
coarse shirting and for various other similar uses on
the farm. The next treatment of the flax was on a fine
hatchel. This last treatment took out every coarse
particle of the flax, and left a material to be worked
into thread, fine table linen, fine underwear, sheets
and pillow cases, and anything that could be produced
from linen fabric. This work was a preparation for
any young lady anticipating marriage. It was expected
that she should have all of 'her necessities provided for
furnishing the new home, with the materials above
named, with her own hands as far as possible. Whereas

Yankee Jumbles. 103
the spinning of wool was always done with the large
wheel, the spinning of flax for these household purposes
was done on a small wheel known as a Dutch wheel
run by a treadle.
Many of these later specimens of wheels are still pre
served in the 'country, the relics of a past generation,
as bric-a-brac. These latter wheels were so portable
that women could transfer them by hand with little
trouble from one house to another; thus a number get
ting together to spin for the benefit of a -special neigh
bor, or for a social entertainment, was the origin of
spinning bees. The styles of wearing apparel were very
different from those adopted in later days, conform
ing to those of New York or Paris. Ready-made cloth
ing worn into town by country boys and girls would be
a very attractive sight in these later days. To see the
economy in the use of wearing apparel would be both
a surprise and an amusement in our times. Men and
boys were patched from head to foot. Elbows, knees,
seats of pants and every spot of wear was covered with
some piece of material without any regard to color or
fitness. A boy's coat in those times would give a very
good idea of the one worn by Joseph, who, a long time
ago, was reputed to have spent quite an adventurous
time in Egypt.
A very good illustration of the patching habit was
given by a good old lady who fitted out her son, John,
for a trip to visit his uncle, who was a man of some
importance. She brushed up his clothes, patched the
knees of his pants, and put a pair of her own gloves on
his hands. John went to his uncle's residence out of

I04 Yankee Jumbles.
town and put in his appearance, announcing himself
as a nephew, the son of a sister of the uncle. The
uncle looked him over somewhat critically and said,
"You are John, are you ? Mary Ann's boy," at the same
time remarking how 'well she had got him up for the
visit, with this observation — "Patch on both knees, and
gloves on."
The hats of those times were usually for Sunday wear
and very important occasions. They were made of felt
instead of silk as now, and were very stiff, heavy and
uncomfortable for the head.
The boots were for special occasions made of calf
skin kept polished with Day & Martin's blacking. The
above named hat and boots were to be worn only at
church or for some very special occasion, and would
do service from ten to twenty years.
Boots made of cowhide were more generally worn
than shoes, both of which styles were made straight,
not right and left as now. These straight boots and
shoes were a prolific source of corns and bunions, a cure
for which is worth the price and reading of this book.
A corn is caused by a pressure on the spot that stops
circulation. An infallible cure is to soften with oil and
pinch the com till it is loose, which by a little persist
ence is easily done ; soon as circulation' is restored, the
corn is done for. Future watchfulness will prevent a
recurrence. While these fashions prevailed throughout all New
England for half a century, the country west repeated
very much the same style of dress and habits, appear
ing to be using up the out-of-style ready-made clothing

Yankee Jumbles. 105
thirty to fifty years later, in evidence of which will be
introduced one or two bits of correspondence vmtten
to a young lady as late as in the sixties.*
Another essential with girls providing for matri
mony, was the preparation of feather beds ; such a thing
as a mattress in those times was unknown. Nearly
every farmer kept a fiock of geese, being necessary to
produce feathers for their beds, pillows and similar
uses. The geese ran freely in the streets and to most
farmers were an intolerable nuisance, crawling through
fences and barways into their fields of grain, and wad
dling down the grass in their meadows. To avoid this
trouble, it was the custom to yoke the geese, which was
done by cutting a crotched stick with each prong about
a foot long (just across which was placed a stick with
holes bored) to receive each of these prongs. This
cross stick was shoved up so as to form a triangular
spot large enough for the goose's neck and fastened
in place. It would seem like an easy matter to get
crotched sticks enough with the abundance of bushes
that existed, to yoke a flock of geese at short notice,
but to get evenly balanced crotches was not so easy
a matter as one might suppose. Therefore crotched
sticks were generally kept on hand in some out build
ing, as it was the motto, "The time to cut a goose yoke,
is when you can find it."
The picking of geese was always an interesting ex
ercise for boys to witness and participate in by catching
the geese for their mothers to pick. While goslings at

* See poems under "Correspondence." — addressed to "Sweet
Ella" and "Prime Ella."

io6 * Yankee Jumbles.
their first picking would be gentle and tame, the older
geese and ganders would resent the performance by a
most vigorous biting, to prevent which the old women
generally pulled a stocking over their heads. In the
absence of goose yokes being on hand to keep geese
out of neighbors' fields, some people would resort to
catching their neighbors' geese and goslings and tying
strings around their necks just above their crops, after
which performance the goslings would fill up their necks
with green grass which could not go any farther down
than the string, thus presenting much the appearance
of a flock of pelicans with their pouches filled. A
string thus covered is a source of a great deal of trouble
to remove.
Other street nuisances were hogs, cattle and 'horses
running at large. With hogs the same trouble was more
or less experienced as with geese of getting into neigh
boring fields, and they, like geese, had to be yoked to
prevent their depredations. If they were kept in fields
they had to be caught and the rim of their noses per
forated with an awl and a piece of wire twisted in it
to prevent their damage by rooting. A much easier
remedy has been leamed since then than that quite cruel
process. Riding on a western train a few years ago,
with a man who was returning from Chicago, after the
sale of a big lot of hogs, the train passed near a large
farm in Missouri owned by this drover and leased to
a party for raising hogs on. He said he had recently
been on this farm and was taken out to the large
fields in which the hogs ran, some two thousand in num
ber, and remarked that there was no rooting done in the

Yankee Jumbies. 107
fields. He suggested to the man who owned the hogs
that he must have quite a job ringing his hogs, to which
the man replied with a sense of surprise that he never
rung any hogs to prevent rooting. When asked how he
prevented it, he replied, "By giving them all the salt
they want," of which he convinced the man by showing
him troughs of salt scattered in various places.

APPRENTICESHIPS.
Until the last thirty or forty years, it has been the
custom for most trades to be leamed through an ap
prenticeship. Joiners, tailors, shoemakers, blacksmiths
and tinners, in fact, nearly every kind of trade was
learned by young men starting in at the ages of six
teen or seventeen years and serving with master work
men until they were twenty-one. After that time
they were considered competent to work as journeymen
and receive regular wages as such. During their time
of apprenticeship they were required to work from ten
to twelve hours a day, and when the days shortened
from the 20th of September to the 20th of March,
during these six months, shoemakers 'and such other
trades as did work by lamp and candle light, were re
quired to work till nine o'clock in the evening. Appren
tices were usually, as they called it, bound out by their
parents, under a written stipulation to serve their time
in learning their trade, and were expected to be sub
ject to all the rules and regulations under those who
gave them employment. They must conform to the
household regulations, attending morning devotions, and

io8 Yankee Jumbles.
in many cases where they lived, as was usual, with
their employers in the absence of whom temporarily,
the oldest apprentice was expected to ask the blessing
at the table. A very interesting case of this kind
happened in the family where the proprietor and his
wife were extremely economical and miserly in their
habits of living. During a severe storm, a nearly full-
grown turkey was blown from off a tree on their premises
into a pond nearby and was drowned. It was not dis-
covereid until nearly a week afterwards, when the lady of
the house had it dressed and served for the apprentices.
The man of the house happening to be absent when the
fowl was served, it devolved as usual upon the oldest
apprentice to ask the blessing. As the boys were aware
of the nature of the feast prepared for them, the senior
apprentice delivered himself of the following blessmg:
"Good Lord of love, look down from above upon this
turkey hen; which has been dead and buried and now
has rose again." Then all left the table in disgust,
leaving the landlady to dispose of her turkey as she
thought best. As another specimen of economy in this
same family, it may not be out of place to record the
most economical method in the use of tobacco. The man
of the house chewed plug tobacco and after chewing his
cuds until he had extracted all of their soothing juices,
he then laid the quids on the mantel over his fireplace
to dry, after which he supplied his pipe with the sane
for smoking. After smoking the same he reserved the
ashes from his pipe for snuff, and it was told by his
neighbors that he claimed the snuff produced snot
enough to grease his boots with.

Yankee Jumbles. 109
In the days mentioned, the tinning industry was the
leading business in the neighborhood of Meriden. In
the eastern part of the town, where many apprentices
were employed and large quantities of tin were made for
peddlers and for jobbers, was a locality known especially
as "The Devil's Half Acre." This Devil's Half Acre
was a sort of trade center for many years although nearly
three miles from the real center of the town. From the
stock produced in the shops standing on this ground,
probably more Yankee peddlers were sent to the South
ern states than from any other place in Connecticut. A
large portion of the future successful business men of
the town started in business from this point. For a
time they would peddle tin about the state, taking, when
they could not get money, such substitutes in exchange
as old rags, geese and hens' feathers, old metals of all
kinds, copper, pewter and lead, old gum shoes, butter,
cheese and eggs, and at times various other kinds of pro
duce. Their next advance would be to engage for a
Southern trip ; most of the peddlers from this region se
lecting Alabama as their field of trade. They would,
with the aid of some friends to start them off, buy their
dry-goods and Yankee notions in New York, commonly
in the months of May and June, have them shipped
through by water to Charleston, Savannah, Augusta,
Mobile and any port from which they could be trans
ferred overland by teams to the destination in some
county where they took license to peddle. In the
month of September, they would start out with a new
outfit of horses and covered wagons in strings of 'half
a dozen or more teams, requiring a drive of several

'iio Yankee Jumbles.
weeks to get to the locality of their winter's work.
Their goods would not much more than arrive in time
for them to commence their sale in the fall, the means
of transportation were then so slow. They would spend
the winter months peddling, selling their goods to the
planters, getting what pay they could down and taking
notes for the balance. They returned in the spring
to purchase a new stock of goods, spending the summer
months north, and repeating the same migratory trip
the following seasons. This history is given to Show
a great contrast in business between then and now.
These goods were bought and shipped on individual
credits to these young men on from six to eighteen
months' time, which in these days would be an absurdity
for anybody of however good credit to attempt to do
business on such terms. To the credit of these young
men they almost invariably paid their bills and turned
out business successes in later life at home; it was rare
that any of them ever betrayed the confidence of their
creditors. Among the apprentices of this tin-ware manufacture
was one young man known as "Teenter Booge," who
in settling up with his employer, a man very exacting
of his apprentices, thought that he had been unjustly
deprived of one dollar due him. He also took a trip
south peddling. In those times, people receiving letters
were expected to pay the postage; postage was charged
according to the size of the package and the distance,
ranging from 12J to 25 cents. So Teenter Booge made
up several packages and mailed them to his old employ
er, writing some indifferent matter in all but the last, in

Yankee Jumbles. 1 1 1
which he put these couplets which became public prop
erty: "Old Noah Perkins, I am well.
Pay the postage on this letter and go to h — .
You owe me a dollar, d — n you;
This is the way I'll get it out of you."
Another rather eccentric young man used to be em
ployed on "The Devil's Half Acre" by the name of
Tenant. If any piece of trickerj' was to be performed,
Tenant was usually looked to engineer it. If a man
came to the factory with a load of melons or other fruit.
Tenant would be delegated to the man's wagon to di
vert his attention for a while in purchasing a small
amount and then invite him into the shop to get his
pay, when on his return he would generally find his
wagon emptied of its contents. The horses used for
fitting out tin peddlers from this establishment dur
ing the summer usually becoming poor and thin were
disposed of in some way, before wintering. In the fall,
the proprietor one season was applied to by Tenant for
the privilege of selling his run-down peddling horses
on commission. This was agreed to and Tenant took
several of the horses to a neighboring town and notified
the horsemen and others of the contemplated sale. The
horses were well groomed and brushed up for the mar
ket. Tenant being very active about the horses, apolo
gizing for their bad looks on account of their summer
usage, but insisted on having them hitched up and
driven to show the intending purchaser that while they

112 Yankee Jumbles.
were poor and thin, they were high lived and ambi
tious horses. When the horses were harnessed it was
a surprise to all to see what wonderful life every horse
showed. Their heads and tails were high, and every one
appeared to be a regular star gazer. After the horses
were all sold at very fancy prices, it leaked out that
Tenant had had his pockets fiUed with Cayenne pepper
with which every horse was well anointed while put
ting on his cruppers.
In those days toll gates were general all over the state
and everybody seemed to think it legitimate if they
could beat a gate-keeper out of a fee when they were
on the road.
In the old-fashioned vrinters, sleighing parties were
common. Thirty or forty sleighs in a turnout to drive
to some popular place fifteen or twenty miles away
and have a big supper, frequently winding up with a
dance in one of the old hotel ball-rooms. On one oc
casion, this same Tenant was in the party and as there
were three or four toll gates on the circuit, he suggested
that they were to make it a rule of the party to save
trouble and time, that one should pay the toll for the
whole, and that when they drove through the toll
gate, the forward team should inform the gate-keeper
that the person in the rear sleigh would pay, which rule
all understood and would drive through without delay.
In the rear sleigh would be Mr. Tenant and his lady.
He took as much time as he saw fit in getting out the
usual fare of six and one-quarter cents for a single
team, handing the same to the gate-keeper, and prepared
to drive along when the gate-keeper informed him that

Yankee Jumbles. 113
the first team going through told him that the rear team
would pay. At which Tenant, in apparent rage, ex
claimed, "Haven't I paid you, you d — n thief ?" and go
ing on, indulged in most abusive language, uttering re
proof for this dishonest attempt to defraud and take
advantage of an innocent man whose chief pride was in
paying his honest debts and who felt that when his
integrity was gone, life was a blank. After a profuse
shower of invectives, indulging in the most abusive
language, mixed with loud profanity, he whipped his
horse to catch up with the rest of the party now a mile
or more away.
Prom the center of town the Devil's Half Acre was
some three miles away. At this location for many
years, 'hunting matches used to be made up by a party
of twenty-four with twelve on each side. These would
be selected something like the choosing of players in
an old-fashioned baseball game, two men alternated
in selecting a hunter for each side. The game was
counted by numbers, a robin or a red squirrel four,
grey squirrel or partridge ten, hawk or crow fifteen, fox
fifty, small birds like the blackbird, chipmunks, etc.,
perhaps two apiece, and so on through a long list of dif
ferent game. At night they would all be brought to
these big tin shops by the bushel and counted and the
side having the largest pile won a supper from the losers.
Very few percussion lock guns were in use and a double
barrel gun was rare.
On North Farms was a man by the name of Hall,
who had several sons. It was a habit in the early spring
as soon as the frost was out of the ground for farmers

114 Yankee Jumbles.
to go off to their distant pastures and mend up the fences
preparatory to turning out stock for the summer. As
their pastures were under the mountain more than a
mile away, they took their dinners, which in the shad
season consisted of fresh shad and a large wooden bottle
of cider, usually a gallon or more. After their fore
noon's work they went to a warm comer in the field
and ate their dinner, washed down copiously with good
hard cider. No narcotic can be given to induce a de
sire for sleep more than a plentiful drinking of cider
in the spring, and fresh shad is a good accompani
ment. Por their nooning they all laid themselves out
for a nap, and after a good refreshing sleep, all woke
up about the same time and proceeded to their after
noon's work. Before night they felt unusually faint
and hungry and quit work somewhat earlier than was
thcilr usual habit for home. Arriving at home the
mother of the boys exclaimed as they came in, "Why,
boys, where have you been ? We didn't know what had
become of you." The boys looked at their mother with
surprise. She asked John, "Where were you with the
boys last night ?" John says, "Here at home and abed."
"No, yon weren't," says the old lady; "we were worry
ing ourselves almost to death about you." For a time
explanations seemed fruitless but finally the evidence
was made conclusive that they were not at home and the
cause of their faint and hungry feeling was from the
fact that their noon nap had extended over night and
into the next afternoon before they waked.
A quaint character was Enos Mix. In many ways he
was very cunning and yet grossly illiterate. He always

Yankee Jumbles. 115
spelled his name 0 S, Enos, 0 X, Mix. For evening
amusements young people would amuse themselves
around the old fireplaces in making rhymes, each one
in turn composing some couplet. The following speci
mens are credited to Enos' turn in composing; the first
effort was :
"A burr and a rush chestnut burr
Turn which way you will and get out as you can."
Another: "Well, well, well, crotch
Old Widow Mix and his wife, Wyndam cheese."
Fishing for suckers by torch light was a favorite
night sport. Torches were made with a roll of white
birch bark, which, rolled compactly and lighted at one
end, made a very brilliant light, and with a few extra
rolls for substitutes a fishing trip in those times could
be made quite successful, as the lights shining in the
brooks and holes under the banks would expose the fish
to sight plainer than by daylight. A man with a spear
could make a very nice catch by thrusting at them in
the brook by aid of the torch light.
This used to be a favorite duty for Enos to carry
the torch. It would frequently be the case that Enos
and his brother Tom on a trip for suckers, would both
be pretty full of Santa Cruz rum and Enos would be
a little careless in holding the light; sometimes from
such neglect Tom would fail to hit his fish and always

ii6 Yankee Jumbles.
laid the blame on Enos, and when he missed his fish,
would exclaim fifty times in an evening, "Hold the
torch, Enos ; who the d — 1 can see to sucker."
Soon after 1800, England offered quite an induce
ment in the way of free lands for settlers from New
England to locate in Canada, and for some inscrutable
reason several colonies from Connecticut migrated over
the line above Vermont, settling in the border of
Canada just over the line. This oddity, Enos Mix,
was one of a company of over forty, among which were
two uncles of the writer, with the different families,
making up over forty people, who moved into that in
hospitable climate, where many of their descendants
reside to this day.
The means of transportation when they went there
to take up lands was by means of horses and some by
ox teams. Their supply for clothing, medicines, grocer
ies, agricultural implements, nearly all were obtained
from Boston and Hartford and New Haven, and hauled
hundreds of miles by horses. This colony settled on
the east shore of Lake Memphremagog. On one of
their trips to Connecticut in the winter, a sled with a
span of horses was loaded with supplies consisting of
warm clothes and summer dress goods, sugar, salt, and
among their variety of wants was a barrel of rum. Be
ing rather late in the season when they reached the
head of the lake on which they made their winter's
travel over the ice, this season the ice had become ten
der, and when getting some twenty or thirty miles down
the lake, their load broke through the ice and only
by expert work in cutting the traces the horses were saved

Yankee Jumbles. 117
while the load sank in a hundred feet of water. This
of course was felt as a serious loss to the colony, and
by laying poles across the broken space of ice, fish
ing with ropes with hooks attached was kept up as long
as it was safe to remain on the lake, with efforts to
hoist up such a precious load of freight. This proving
fruitless, they made land marks from which they could
locate the spot exactly where the load went down and
for three successive seasons, the efforts were continued to
reclaim this load of goods, which at last proved success
ful. When raised to the surface and brought out onto
the ice, the sugar and salt of course were worthless
as well as many other things, but the barrel of rum
was found to be in first-class condition, and most of the
dre§B goods were saved in good order, and many of them
worn for years after to Connecticut and exhibited as
those which had lain for three years at the bottom of
Lake Memphremagog.
These were migratory days, for the very crowding
population that was accumulating in Connecticut
through these great families whidh were almost as pro
lific as the French families in some parts of Canada
are reputed to be. Two other uncles with a similar
company of about forty people migrated to the Black
River country in New York State, north of Utica, and
were the first white settlers that planted their, cabins
there. This colony located in a much better country
than those going to Canada, the Black River locality
becoming a very rich farming section, filled up with a
prosperous and thriving population.
During the early part of the century, Connecticut

ii8 Yankee Jumbles.
owned a valuable possession in thte state of Ohio,
known as the Western Reserve or as New Connecticut.
This consisted of the nine northwestern counties of that
state granted to Connecticut by Congress for her extra
amount of contribution to the war expenses of the Revo
lution. This valuable possession (which includes the
present city of Cleveland) was finally sold to the state
of Ohio for $2,000,000, which is the source and origin
of the Connecticut common school fund. The state
of Ohio was a very inviting field for emigrants from
Connecticut, its attractions being published in papers
and sung at evening entertainments for young people
who had expectations of marrying and moving out
into that new country. Lands along the Ohio River
were reputed as very rich and attractive. Among the
diversions of the young class of people around the old-
fashioned chimneys, marches would be instituted, start
ing off by some young man selecting a partner for the
march, and leading off by singing this refrain :
"Rise up, my tru^ love, and give me your hand.
And away we will go to some far distant land.
To some far distant land, my true love and I will go.
And we'll settle on the banks of that pleasant Ohio.
Ohio! Ohio! My true love and I will go.
And we'll settle on the banks of that pleasant Ohio."
The first selection of a partner by some young man
would of course be followed by all the others and then
all in unison would sing the following:

Yankee Jumbles. 119
"There is all sorts of game, boys, a fitting for our use.
Besides the lofty sugar tree which yields us of her
juice.
And if you will spin cmd weave, love,
'Tis I will plow and sow.
When we settle on the banks of that pleasant Ohio.
Ohio! Ohio!" {refrain repeated.)
Then the march would break up into a dance or some
kissing performance.
Somewhat later on, the state of Michigan, then a
territory and occupied largely by Indians, was con
sidered an attraction to which to migrate, especially
the southern part of the state, which was nearly allied
to the state of Ohio. It may be well to relate here
why the present city of Toledo is in Ohio. The original
boundary line of Michigan was from the south shore
of Lake Erie to the south end of Lake Michigan. The
city of Toledo becoming settled was of course north of
this line as well as many other towns west of it, and be
came identified with the state of Ohio before any con
troversy occurred about the state line of Michigan.
Michigan, when becoming a state, laid claim to all from
one lake shore to the other. As Toledo and other towns
had become identified with the state of Ohio, they wished
to remain, and to settle the dispute and pacify Michigan
Congress gave her all that part of the state reach
ing to Lake Superior, now known as the Peninsula, and
then considered almost valueless only for lumber, but
the mining properties have since made it one of the rich
est legacies any state has ever obtained.

120 Yankee Jumbles.
At this point a character included in one of the pro
lific families of North Farms in the town of Walling
ford must be noticed. His name was Eldridge Morse.
In the thirties he with an uncle, Albert Ives, the oldest
banker, afterwards in Detroit, left North Farms where
they were born, for the city of Detroit. The trip
then was entirely by stages and was a long, slow and
tedious journey. This was considered at that time the
far West, as nearly everything beyond that was in the
possession of the Indians. The uncle, Albert Ives,
lived through the century and in conversation with the
writer but a few years before his decease, told of staging
it between Cleveland and Toledo, and the roads being
so heavy and the stages so loaded, that he with several
others walked a good share of the way, letting the stage
carry their baggage, thus relieving the load and making
much better time than if they rode.
This man Morse went into business in Detroit, keep
ing a diversified stock of goods. At that time in Michi
gan were several tribes of Indians, the Winnebagoes,
Chippeways and others who came to Detroit to re
ceive annuities from the government which were paid
mostly in silver dollars and halves. Morse could adapt
himself to any society or occasion, and soon cultivated
the acquaintance of the Indians. When they came to
Detroit, he very hospitably furnished them with plenty
of free whiskey, thus obtaining much of their love and
friendship. As they were in the habit of spending much
of their money for supplies to take back to their damps,
it was very natural that their liberal entertainer, Morse,
should get a good diare of their trade, which he didj

Yankee Jumbles. 121
filling his coffers for the time quite freely with their
silver which he would only take for goods, but whiskey
was as free as salvation. He was invited by the chiefs
to visit their tribal camps and he accepted their invi
tation. The highest compliment in entertaining among
the Indians was to kill and roast some favorite dog, as a
piece de resistance for a festal occasion. The Indian
sets no table for his guests and asks no blessing at
his meals, but whatever the collation is to be is served
on the ground, the guests seating themselves on mats
of buffalo robes and bear or wolf skins or other furs of
a similar nature. Knives and forks not being in com
mon use, the chief tears his game, or joints of dog,
apart by main strength, passing portions about to his
honored guests first. This was the first time, as Morse
tells it, that he had ever had the pleasure of dining on
dogs, but he said it didn't seem to kill Indians and he
thought he could stand it, so he helped to eat their
d — ^n dogs with very good relish. This of course made
him sound and fast in the affections of the Indians,
and in their future trips- to Detroit, he would have a
barrel of whiskey on the dock, ready tapped on their ar
rival, and putting himself in some conspicuous position
he was the most attractive object the Indians would see
from the boat when coming down the river, and such
a shouting and cheering as would be set up by the whole
tribe was enough to frighten a city.
About this time in several western states were a great
many what were called "Wild Cat Banks," which were
started on a very insignificant capital and put out a
large circulation of bills with very little reserve for their

122 Yankee Jumbles.
redemption. As a matter of course many of them proved
to be such swindles on the community that legislative
proceedings were resorted to prohibiting their business
and continuance. Morse having gone into a heavy
steamboat enterprise failed to make it a success and
had to retire from business. Wild cat banks also hav
ing to quit operations and putting out circulation had
on their hands a large amount of paper money already
printed ready for signing and scattering among the
people which then became useless. One of these was
the Chippeway County Bank and Morse availed him
self of getting hold of what would represent some
$200,000 of this Chippeway currency. Packing a trunk
with sheets of it and cutting up enough to fill a capa
cious pocket-book, he started on a trip back to Con
necticut. The ride by stages being slow and tiresome,
with his affable manner he would get the privilege of
riding on the seat with the driver most of the way,
which is generally considered to be the favorite seat for
riding through the country. During his ride with the
driver he would ask him how much time he could gain
between different points on his route, as he had impor
tant business in New York and wished to make every
minute count, money being no object to him, and when
being told by the driver how much quicker he could make
his route, Morse would pull out that pocket-book and
take out a five or ten-dollar Chippeway bill, handing it to
the driver and telling him to make his best time. The
long whip would soon begin to crack, the stage to bound
over the corduroy roads and through the mud and over
the hubs and whatever obstructed them on the roads,

Yankee Jumbles. 123
to the bewilderment and wonder of the passengers as to
what the driver was up to. Hills were apparently
levelled down on the way, and at the different stations
the horses would come in smoking and steaming like
coal pits. Great hurry and haste were manifested in re
lays of new teams and no time lost in the new start,
and speed kept up to the highest point. In this way
probably the closest time was made through Pennsyl
vania and Ohio that was ever known by the various
disbursements of Chippeway bills amon;^ the different
drivers along the road.
On Morse's return to Connecticut, he looked about
his native town of Wallingford. This was soon after
the time of the Hartford and New Haven railroad
being built. The road layout was half a mile west of
the center of the town on the sand plains, where no
body had ever located any buildings of consequence.
Morse conceived the idea that a factory should be lo
cated near the new depot, thinking it would be a good
nucleus for business to gather aroimd. He therefore
contracted with different builders of the town to erect
quite a spacious building for factory purposes, the reason
and its intended use being kept secret. During the con
struction of this factory, Morse spent most of his time
in New York City, coming up to his Wallingford home
every Saturday night, and at all places making a con
spicuous exhibit of his big pocket-book filled nearly
two inches thick with Chippeway bank bills. After
the building was well towards completion, rumors were
passed about that Morse never would pay and the fact
that he had not paid anything created uneasiness among

124 Yankee Jumbles.
the contractors, who became so alarmed that a general
strike was made on the job. Morse was notified in
New York and came home in high dudgeon. Morse
was a man that had few peers in Connecticut in scien
tific swearing. His denunciations of people who made
such reports about his inability to pay and the scor
ing he gave the contractors in leaving their job before
completed was a most fearful ordeal as reported by, all
who heard it. While denouncing their actions he
would take out his big pocket-book, stuffed almost to
bursting, run his fingers over the ends of the bills,
showing twenties, fifties and hundreds, apparently
enough to buy c^nt the whole town, the sight of which
very soon brought out apologies from the builders for
leaving and profuse promises were made to finish the job,
which were all ultimately carried out. At the conclu
sion of the work on the factory, a grand ball was
given for the benefit of the contractors and the dedi
cation of the building. As far as pay was concerned,
Morse never liquidated one dollar. During its con
struction, Morse being present one day, a stranger who
was passing, saw him standing out and inspecting the
progress of the work, chanced to ask Morse what was the
object of such a factory there and what was to be
manufactured, to which Morse promptly replied, "Itch
ointment, and fine tooth combs." The stranger re
marked to Morse that if he was a fair specimen of the
people about there they ought to enjoy an active trade.
This reply suited Morse quite as well as if it had been
on some other fellow, and when asked how and why
he planned to build this factory with no purpose in

Yankee Jumbles. 125
view, he said that they would need one there after
awhile and somebody ought to set the thing off.
In his own business transactions he bought on credit
large amounts of goods of about every conceivable na
ture in different parts of the country, and they had been
shipped to New York for him to handle and a great
variety of goods came to Wallingford to his old home
stead. For years, creditors from various directions
would visit him, hoping to collect something on their
accounts. Whoever they were, on arriving at Morse's
home, they would be received as cordially as if they were
princes, treated and entertained in the finest manner
and enjoyed the visit so well in Morse's company that
they would rarely make any mention of any claim on
him and go away seemingly pleased that they had con
tributed a bill of goods to such a genial entertainer.
This Chippeway money after the completion of the
factory was quite generously given away to boys and
any friend who wished to make a display of twenty or
fifty dollars in something that had the appearance of
money in their pockets, so that Chippeway money
became as familiarly known for a time as modem
greenbacks. Morse was a brother of the twin Morses who courted
a young lady alternately during several months. It
seemed that one of the twins had sold a cow to a man
in Meriden by the name of Lawrence, known as Uncle
Sile Lawrence, who was among the first stage drivers
and teamsters on the Hartford and New Haven turn
pike. In the center of Meriden was one of the old
turnpike taverns. This hostelry was the headquarters

126 Yankee Jumbles.
for the older men of leisure to meet and spend their
odd time exchanging stories and absorbing liquors from
the bar. This old tavern stand bar-room was the scene
of a great many jolly occasions and was not torn down
for more improved property till nearly the year 1900.
The old bar-room rarely lacked a convivial company of
friends and one cool day Morse dropped in among them
and among other introductions, was presented to Uncle
Sile Lawrence as Mr. Morse, formerly of Detroit, more
recently of Wallingford, North Farms, so called.
"Morse, Morse," said Uncle Sile. "Is he any rela
tion of Harley Morse ? If so, I do not care to cultivate
his acquaintance." Morse stepped back with one of
his unique expressions of surprise at Uncle Sile's re
mark, exclaiming, "Why, my dear Mr. Lawrence, what
do you mean by such an insinuation concerning my
brother?" Uncle Sile explained that he had bought a
cow of his brother, Harley, on which very flattering
representations had been made to him of her fine
qualities in producing milk and butter, all of which he
found after his purchase to be utterly false, and he
proceeded to denounce Morse's brother, Harley, in the
severest terms. Morse put on an air of grief and
wounded pride and proceeded to assure Uncle Sile
that there must be something utterly out of the usual
order of things in this case with his brother. He
represented his brother as the soul of honor, one of the
last things that he could be induced to do would be to
misrepresent any article he had for sale with the in
tention to defraud. It was beyond his ability to express
bis grief and surprise. Every form of apology that he

Yankee Jumbles. 127
could make on his brother's account was offered to as
sure Uncle Sile of his sincerity, and wishing to have
his brother's reputation for integrity restored, he pulled
out his big pocket-book and generously presented
Uncle Sile with a fresh ten-dollar Chippeway bill,
begging him to forgive and to forget this transaction
with his brother, that he knew was made with the most
innocent intentions. As soon as Uncle Sile received the
bill, he made profuse acknowledgments and promised
never to entertain the least unkind feeling towards
Morse's brother and expressed much sorrow and freely
apologized for what he had said.
The friends in the bar-room who had listened to this
transaction, remarked to Uncle Sile after Morse left
that for such a profitable interview, it would be no more
than rational to expect him to "set 'em up" for the
crowd. To this Uncle Sile could not reasonably ob
ject and invited up all the party in the room to take
something appropriate to such pleasant results. Af
ter all had taken their libations. Uncle Sile, being
short of other funds, presented the Chippeway ten,
which the bar-keeper informed him was of no value.
When the facts in the case dawned upon Uncle Sile
that he was in for paying the bills with other money,
it was claimed by those present that nothing in the
way of strong language expressing Uncle Sile's views
of the Morse family was ever heard in that bar-room.
After a season spent east at his old home, Morse made
a return to Detroit to finish up some business affairs.
Passing over the same stage route on which he came
east, he noticed very few of the old drivers that he came

128 Yankee Jumbles.
on with. Making inquiry what had become of some of
the pleasant acquaintances he had made coming east,
he learned that the majority of them were then serving
time in jail, having signed several of those Chippeway
bills and passed them on innocent people. One of
Morse's pleasant diversions after his return West, was
during a trip to New Orleans, being before any rail
road facilities were known and nearly all travel went
down the Mississippi from various points by steamboats.
On one of these trips, which took several days, Morse, in
loitering about the deck of the boat, observed a busy
little man going to this one and that and engaging in
short chats, who after awhile presented himself to
Morse, excusing himself for so doing, by remarking
that a trip on the boat was rather long and somewhat
tedious without an acquaintance and that he always
liked to make new acquaintances and gratify his curi
osity by knowing where they were from, where they were
going, and if they had no objection, to know something
of their business ventures. This seemed to exactly
• suit Morse, and this little stranger was received in
the most respectful manner and treated at once like
long acquaintance. His ideas exactly suited Morse,
and when business matters were led to, and Morse
was requested to divulge the nature of his business,
he remarked that he was engaged in an enterprise of
rather a novel nature, which was dealing in dogs.
Being asked what kind of dogs he dealt in, he said it
did not make any difference, watch dogs, bird dogs,
coach dogs, or any dog that could bark or bite he had a
market for, was ready to buy or sell any dog that couId_

Yankee Jumbles. 129
stand on four legs. His new acquaintance seemed
pleased to have found such a new source of business,
and after passing a few words more excused himself
to pick up other acquaintances. This interview dropped
out of mind with Morse until some three or four days
later when the boat had gone down to some of the river
landings for wood in Arkansas, being in the spring,
when the country was quite wet and the black soil
was like a bed of tar. The boat stopped at a land
ing to wood up, where on the banks was the usual
swarm of niggers. The boat had been at the pier but a
few minutes when Morse, who was standing on the
deck seeing them load the wood, was approached by
a darky with a big shaggy dog. Cuffy said, as he
came up to Morse, "Massa, you de man buying dogs?"
"Yes," said Morse, "have you a dog to sell?" "Yes,
Massa, here he is ; what you pay for such dogs ?" Morse
commenced the most serious inquiry as to what the dog
could do, but before the darky could answer, another
came and then another until in less than ten minutes
from a dozen to twenty darkies and their dogs were
tracking this black Arkansas mud on the decks, look
ing for the man who was buying dogs. 'Morse met them
all with apparently the most honest intention of buy
ing the whole lot; during the negotiations the deck
hands of the boat called the captain's attention to
this intrusion of both dogs and darkies, neither of
which were allowed on the decks of a boat. To see
such a swarm of intruders, the captain at once caught
up a large piece of rope and proceeded to cut right and
left among the new comers, exclaiming, "Where in

130 Yankee Jumbles.
h — did all the d — n niggers and dogs come from?"
The slashing of the captain's rope on the deck soon
cleaned out the dogs and their colored owners. When
the decks were all clear, Morse cast a look across the deck
to a small man who was laughing until it seemed
as though he would die. After that Morse and this
small man were very close friends, Morse admitting
that the little man had got his part of the joke on him
that time.
The Morse family were somewhat noted for their
eccentricities; and another brother, Elkanah, some
times traveled with him. On one occasion putting up
at a hotel, they had a room with two beds in it.
Eldridge had gone to bed and learned from Elkanah
that another guest was to occupy the other bed with
them, so it was arranged that Eldridge should be sound
asleep and that Elkanah should sleep with the stranger,
as they were anxious to transact some business by them
selves, so on retiring, Elkanah gave the stranger a little
warning information which he said he always did in
sleeping with a new acquaintance. He informed his
expected bed fellow in a very serious way that in
early years he had been bitten by a mad dog, and that
sometimes, when retiring very weary from his day's
work, he became so restless that he was liable to bite
!his bed fellow, but it was only of very rare occur
rence and not at all liable to happen that night, but he
merely mentioned it in order to prepare his friend if
it should happen that he chanced to bite him during
the night. He told him his name was Elkanah Morse
and in case pf his biting to speak bis name, when be

Yankee Jumbles. 131
always waked immediately and the trouble would be
over. With these directions they retired together and his
bed fellow's fears being allayed by the apparent ease
with which he could arouse his mate. Seemingly El
kanah soon fell asleep as did also his comrade, but in
the course of an hour or so, Elkanah gave a fearful
snarl and growl, turned over and grabbed his bed fel
low in the shoulder with a good set of double teeth,
biting him nearly to the bone. The man waking sud
denly yelled with pain, but forgetting the name he was
to call. The noise woke Eldridge in the other bed and
he sang out, "Elkanah, the devil's in you, you are biting
that man, you will kill him," when, of course Elkana.h
suddenly woke up. The man commenced rubbing his
shoulder in pain and Elkanah to make most profuse
apologies, excusing himself with the fact that when
they went to bed together he was so tired that
it made him give the usual precaution, but assured
the stranger that he rarely ever bit more than once in
a night and that he need not fear a repetition of it
again that night, but the stranger concluded to take
no further risks and went to the office for another
room, leaving the two brothers to enjoy their room
to themselves.
Elkanah was a peddler for a long time, peddling tin
and Yankee notions. He had a sister, Lois, who had a
friend in an adjoining town to whom she wished to
send some remembrance in the way of a present. In
those times a tin teapot used to be made holding just
about a pint, known as an old maid's teapot. It had a

132 Yankee Jumbles.
broad fiat bottom and tapered to the top, similar to an
oil can, with a small handle on one side and a spout
running from the opposite side from near the bottom
nearly as high as the pot. This was a very handy little
teapot to brew a small drawing of tea in on the coals
before the old fireplaces and later on the stove. The re
tail cost was ten cents. Lois purchased one of these
teapots and sent it to her friend by Elkanah, and when
it was presented it was a subject of the greatest ad
miration. Her friend on receiving the pot, exclaimed,
"Did Lois send that to me? That is just like Lois,
what a good soul she is!" At the same time holding
up the teapot to admire it and wiping it over with
her apron, continued to exclaim, "What a good critter
Lois is," and bursting into tears, said, "How could
Lois be so good as to send me that teapot, it's just like
Lois, she always has to do something for somebody,"
and the tears continued to fiow. Setting it up in the
cupboard she went on with her eulogy of Lois and then
would go to the cupboard and take down the tea
pot, brush it off with her apron, burst into a new
flood of tears, exclaiming, "That was so good in Lois,
just like her, how could she be so good!" This ex
ercise would continue, alternating between praising Lois,
wiping the pot off with her apron, setting it up in the
cupboard, taking it down again with a new gush of tears,
at the thought of Lois being so good as to send her that
teapot. This was kept up for half an hour or more,
wondering how Lois could be so good !
At an evening's entertainment on North Farms, quite
a company of married people, meeting together for

Yankee Jumbles. 133
diversion, they adopted some of the plays of the younger
sets, in which judgments were passed to satisfy cer
tain forfeits in their play. A namesake was judged
to kiss a married woman, who in his attempt to exe
cute his judgment met with rather unusual resistance
for such an effort. The lady was not considered a
very inviting morsel for any man to kiss, and getting
a little impatient after several efforts to imprint the
osculation, he exclaimed, "Well, seeing I've undertook
to kiss you, I'll be d  if I don't do it if I puke for
three weeks."
Another character known as Old Put lived in this
section for a good many years. Where he came from no
body could ever find out. A tall, venerable, stalwart
man with a large head and red face and seemingly
with but one eye. He seemed illiterate in everything
but one trait, that was his wonderful memory and power
of imitation. He rarely attended church or any public
functions, unless an occasional political speech, when on
his return home to the man he lived with nearly all
his life, he could repeat almost verbatim any sermon
or speech he had listened to, with gestures and style
of delivery, retaining a store of such things for months
and even years. His pretension of having but one
eye was an eccentricity that very few understood, al
ways seeing him with one eye closed and the other
open ; but this order of things was changed every month ;
the eye that was open one month was closed the suc
ceeding month and the other eye put into service, thus
alternately resting one eye every month.
Another queer man in early days was Siah Francis.

134 Yankee Jumbles.
He was a man of phenomenal strength and very odd in
all of his habits. Being one time very sick and given up
by his physicians in an old-time case of lung fever,
after all hope seemed to be gone for his recovery, he
would ask in whispers for pepper and cider, which used
to be a great antidote for colds. The doctor being con
sulted to know if it was safe to give it to him, said it
(iidn't matter what he took, he was sure to die, so to
every inquiry made of Uncle Siah if he wanted any
thing to take for his relief he gave the whispering
response of "pepper and eider." This was given to
him in plenty, with the result of a perfect cure. This
circumstance led to nearly the whole community around
there becoming Thompsonians.
In his day wrestling being one of the favorite ath
letic performances, on public occasions like town meet
ing and general musters, there would always be some
diampion wrestlers challenging all comers either for
sport or for betting. On one occasion a fellow who had
never been defeated gave out a challenge in Walling
ford and the friends of Uncle Siah, knowing his pro
digious strength, selected him for a hold with this
fellow, who boasted of never having been thrown. As
they entered the ring together Uncle Siah remarked in
his flat expression of language to a friend standing
by, "I guess the boy will have to take it this time,"
and taking hold in their usual way, the word being
given. Uncle Siah lifted his man into the air and
flung him on the ground by main strength with as
much apparent ease as if he had been an empty pair
of breeches.

Yankee Jumbles. 135
Uncle Siah had a nephew, although not much his
junior, known as Uncle Sam Francis. He was a very
bright, genial man, always had plenty of leisure to see
his friends and entertain them v/ith his fund of anec
dotes and good cider.
He had a fine farm and was a generous liver. As
has been heretofore remarked about geese, nearly every
body had a flock of them running in the streets. For
a good many years Uncle Sam had three large brown
geese and a gander and only an occasional year would
they ever be seen with more than one gosling to their
credit. Once perhaps in four or five years they would
appear with two. Any one coming along and meeting
Uncle Sam for a few minutes' talk, if they chanced to
comment on the times in the season when these three
geese and a gander had two goslings. Uncle Sam
would speak very encouragingly of the prospects, and
sometimes being asked what he saw to give him so
much hope, he would remark that his three geese that
year had got twins.
Uncle Sam's wife had one of the old-fashioned names.
Hopeful, familiarly known in the neighborhood as Aunt
Hopey. She also had a sister. Content, known as Aunt
Tenty, and a sister. Patience, known as Aunt Patty.
One of Uncle Sam's enjoyable occasions was entertain
ing a tmnk peddler over night by the name of Caleb
Austin. A great share of the Yankee notions and small
articles, handkerchiefs, pins, thread, combs, thimbles,
Jew's-harps and a variety of other things used to be
largely dispensed by trunk peddlers. They carried two
tin trunks of the capacity of nearly a bushel each.

136 Yankee Jumbles.
Straps like a surcingle belt ran over their shoulders
with stout double hooks on each end to catch into the
handles an top of the trunk to relieve the hands. In
this way quite a varied stock of small articles could
be carried about the country. The peddlers' habit was
to stop over night with country people and pay their
charges for keeping them with something out of the
trunks. This Caleb Austin used to carry only one trunk
and on the opposite side to balance it was a basket con
taining extract, essences, etc. He had one peculiar
trait in his trade, that he would never sell the last of
any article in his trunk down to a pocket-comb or a jew's-
harp, however urgent a customer was to buy. Asked
for his reason, with lisp that always accompanied his
talk, he said, "He didn't withe to break hith athort-
ment." Caleb was a bachelor and after getting well along in
years, women used to ask him why he didn't marry?
He said that he had not got quite ready yet, and had
not found the right one. His lady customers would
suggest certain maiden ladies and widows as suitable
companions for him, none of whom would ever meet
his approval. When giving a reason it would generally
be that they were too old, and that when he got
married he wanted a young wife. To his friends' in
quiry why, he said that "chickens were sweeter than
old hens."
To return to his staying over night with Uncle Sam,
where everybody was sumptuously entertained. In the
morning he opened his trunk, exhibiting his goods
and inquired of Uncle Sam how much was to pay?

Yankee Jumbles. 137
Uncle Sam referred him to his wife in such matters,
as he never set prices for keeping people over night.
So Caleb directed his attention to Aunt Hopey to know
what she needed. She replied that she had no price to
name and he could give her what he was a mind to.
Being very stingy and tight in his dealings, the terms
being left to himself, he looked over his stock to see
what he could find for her. He finally asked her how
she was fixed for darning needles, which were sold
two for a cent. She said she could use some darning
needles, when he presented her with a couple, asking
how that would do. She said that was all right and
very satisfactory, which was apparently concluding the
bill. Uncle Sam, sitting by his fireside, seeing the con
clusion of the trade, very readily interfered, saying,
"Hopey, that's too much," he repeated, "that's too much,
don't you take but one." He insisted upon her re
turning one, which she did and Caleb accepted it, thus
closing the bargain. This to Uncle Sam was much more
satisfactory than if he had received +en dollars in any
large transaction. It was a comfort to him to tell
of the pleasure and profit he had in keeping Caleb over
night, giving him two good meals and lodging for half
a cent. Uncle Sam was a Universalist and in his day looked
upon by orthodox people with a good deal of distrust,
although in every other particular was as honest a man,
as good a citizen, and as popular with all his acquaint
ances as any man that ever lived in the state. He looked
upon all kinds of religion as a subject of priest-craft,
and most forms of gaming in the way of betting or

138 Yankee Jumbles.
gambling he disfavored. The game of backgammon
was somewhat of a mystery to him, which he always
called blackgammon. The district school-house was used
for a variety of different religious exercises and com
monly well attended, either through interest, or from
curiosity to see what new novelty was to be presented.
Uncle Sam, being an agnostic, rarely attended, but when
he did he would report to his friends that there were
two things he had never been able to master and see
through, and these were blackgammon and North Farms'
religion, as North Farms was good ground for any new
religious fad or ism to take root.
Another deal that pleased Uncle Sam to relate was
concerning an acquaintance by the name of Baldwin,
who was a bachelor and quite a wealthy farmer. When
in the fall leaves were off the weeds and bushes,
he discovered about his fences and odd comers several
nests of hens' eggs which had most of them been de
posited through the summer, many having been set
on and failed to hatch, and others had lain through
the hot weather until they were mostly all stale. With
out any reference to their age or condition, they were
gathered up to the extent of nearly half a bushel and
taken to the store to exchange for groceries. This ma'n,
Baldwin, had a very dignified manner of speech and way
of doing business. Coming into the store kept by a
Mr. Birdsey, after the usual salutations and time
of day passed, he asked Mr. Birdsey if he was buying
any eggs? Certainly, he dealt in eggs. Mr. Baldwin
said he had got a basket full, fresh brought in, that he
thought he would like to exchange for a few groceries.

Yankee Jumbles. 139
Being requested to bring them in, he did so and Mr.
Birdsey commenced to count them out. It was soon
observed in handling them that they were very smooth,
and in shaking them, nearly every one would serve as
a good rattle box. Mr. Birdsey remarked that he was
afraid they would not suit his customers, as so many of
them were bad. Mr. Baldwin expressed much surprise,
as they were all fresh brought in, he assured him, that
day. Mr. Birdsey counted a few more, they appeared to
grow worse, and Mr. Baldwin kept reiterating his sur
prise and the fact that they were all fresh brought in,
but Mr. Birdsey finally decided that he should not dare
offer them to his customers, and, expressing regret, de
clined to receive them. "Well," says Mr. Baldwin,
"I cannot understand why the eggs should be in such
a condition, as they were all fresh brought in, and
as I have brought them down I hope you will consent
to take them even if at a little less price." The pleasing
feature of this proposition to Uncle Sam was what re
duction would be fair and proper to be made on rotten
eggs?

SLOW POWDER.
An indolent, lazy character by the name of Bill Lun
non lived on a back street near a mill pond. He had
quite a large family and his tumble-down dwelling was
quite a resort for boys to visit and spend evenings
hearing him tell stories of fishing and hunting, at both
of which he devoted a good share of his time. His
hunting days were with the old-fashioned flint lock

140 Yankee Jumbles.
gun loaded from a big powder horn, shot poured out
into his hands and the charges rammed down with wads
of hornets' nests or swingling tow. On one of these
boys' visits of an evening quite a vigorous discussion
sprang up among the boys as to the relative merits of
slow and quick powder, the latter being a fine grain
and used chiefly in rifles and by some considered too
quick for good results, in shot guns and liable to scatter
the shot too much. While this debate could not be
settled with definite results among boys, Bill, who had
sat in the chimney corner smoking his pipe, had been
a silent listener and, knowing of his varied experience
in hunting, the question was finally left to him to decide,
which they all agreed should be final. After his usual
yawn before telling a story. Bill said, "Well, all I've
got to say about slow or quick powder is the luck I
have had with slow powder, which I have never had with
quick powder. I was chopping wood down here in the
wood-yard, three or four years ago, and saw a nice flock
of black ducks fiy over. There was about twenty of
them and they all lit right down there in the pond.
I had my old King's Arm all loaded for ducks lying up
in the buckhoms in the kitchen. I looked and saw
the ducks settle in the pond, came in and took down
the old gun, and crawled down behind the bushes to
the edge of the pond. I got a good spot where I thought
they would come around and give me a good shot. Pretty
soon they all came around just where I wanted them
all in as pretty a bunch as you ever see. I took good
aim on them right in the middle of the bunch and pulled
the trigger, when the old gun snapped and, by gosh,

Yankee Jumbles. 141
she didn't go off, the powder just 'fooshed' up in the
pan and no noise from the gun. I never was madder
in my life, but I see the ducks didn't fly, they being
pretty tame ones, so I thought I would go back to the
house and prime the old gun up again. When I got
back to the house I looked down to the pond and see the
ducks were all there. I went into the house and before
I poured the priming into the pan, I thought I would
see if she was loaded all right so I pulled out the ram
rod and shoved into the barrel to see how much I had
got in. By gosh ! the rod went down not more than half
way in the barrel which surprised me to see what an
all-fired load I had got in. I stopped and scratched my
head a minute and while I was doing it I see that rod
was moving a little and I made up my mind the charge
was coming, so instead of priming the gun again, I
looked down to the pond and see the ducks was there,
I crawled down back again, got the same spot where I
was before, the ducks came around just as good as they
did the first time, I got a good sight on them right in
the center of the bunch and in less than half a minute
the old gun went off like Vesuvius, and I killed every
darn duck in the pond. That's what I did with slow
powder, and if anybody can beat it, they are welcome to
use all the fine powder they can get hold of."
Bill used to entertain the boys about one of his
hunting trips with his old King's Arm, in which he said
he used to shoot bullets as well as shot. One day going
along the banks of the Quinnipiae River, he saw a
big fiock of pigeons sitting on the limb of a large
tree where the limb reached out over the water. The

142 Yankee Jumbles.
pigeons were just as thick as they could sit on the
limb, and he thought he would try an experiment, so
he put in one of his big bullets that would weigh about
an ounce into the old King's Arm and shot at the
limb and split it so that it let in the toes of three
or four dozens of the pigeons, and as the limb sprung
back it caught all their toes and held them fast; then
the thing was to get the limb down, so he climbed
the tree and weakened it enough with a jack-knife so
that the weight of the pigeons broke off the limb and
it fell into the river. Then he came down and waded
into the water to pick the pigeons off from the limb. He
brought out as many as he could "lug" onto the bank,
and found himself so heavy when he got there that
he could only just climb up the bank. His weight
seemed to be largely in his pants, and after laying his
pigeons down on the ground, he put his hands into his
pants and found he had got about two dozen big
suckers that had run into his pants while he was in the
river, making about as good luck as he ever had on one
trip after pigeons.
He used to tell another trick he did with the old
King's Arm shooting blackbirds. One year, he said,
the blackbirds came by thousands to pull up his corn
and they would light on the rail-fences around the lot
so thick that they would almost break it down. He
thought one day that 'he would see what he could do
shooting them, so he went out and banged away at
them, killing three or four at a time on the fence, and
after he saw that that did not thin them out much,
he tried a new plan ; so putting in a good big grist of

Yankee Jumbles. 143
powder and shot, he took aim at a spot where they sat
pretty thick for twenty rods on the fence. He aimed
at one end of the bunch and pulled the old gun off,
and gave her a swing and swept that fence clean the
whole distance, killing every blackbird on the fence for
the twenty rods. In that way he said he soon thinned
them out so that he saved his corn and had a pretty
good crop at last.
Bill Lunnon said he got 'his first idea on slow powder
being the best from shooting at a mark with his brother,
Sam. Sam claimed just as the boys did that quick
powder was the best, so he and Sam tried, Sam shoot
ing quick and he slow. They put up their mark, a two-
foot circle, ten rods off, both using the same sized shot.
Sam shot his quick powder and they went to see how
many shots were in the ring. They could not count
more than a dozen, the rest all having gone outside.
They marked each spot with chalk where Sam's shot
struck, then he loaded up with his slow powder, put
in just the same charge of shot and drew a bead on the
center of the ring. He blazed away and hurried to
se3 how many shot he had put in. When they got
there they didn't find a new shot in the ring. Said
Bill, "I felt darned ashamed and began to claim that
I guessed I forgot to put in the shot. While we both
stood looking at the mark, something began to pepper
us from behind. I says, 'Get out of the way, Sam,
I believe those shots are coming; you know the powder
was slow.' We both jumped aside, and for five minutes
they kept coming in, and I am ready to die if every
shot in that charge didn't seem to strike inside that

144 Yankee Jumbles.
ring just as even as a pepper-box cover. That gave
me an idea on slow powder and I have never quit on it."
Bill had a large family, mostly boys. One day a
neighboring woman called on Mrs. Lunnon and dur
ing her visit observed what a prolific family she had
and how bright and smart her boys seemed to be, and
the girls, too, she thought were uncommonly smart.
Mrs. Lunnon says, "Yes, they be all smart children,
but Sam, named after his uncle, is the cutest one in
the lot." The neighbor wanted to know why ? "Why,"
she says, "Sam has been under the bed for a convenience
all winter and we never found him out till spring."
While on the subject of hunting powder and guns,
it may be timely to relate a funny experience of one
Tom Mix, during his first experience in military duty.
Tom had never had much practice with a gun and
was somewhat timid in its use, and his mother, known
as Granny Mix, was always fearful that Tom would
have some mishap either by an explosion or shooting
himself and was always cautioning him in the use of
fire-arms. Being summoned to do military duty, he,
of course, had to respond to the call for military dis
cipline, and, fitting out with an old King's Arm and
cartridge-box and rude uniform, he started out for the
parade ground. It was customary during their exer
cises of drill and parade to wind up with a series of
firing several shots, for prskctice in loading and dis
charging their guns, as if in battle. Tom, being short
handed for wadding, substituted punk, the use of which
his mother feared might be somewhat dangerous, so
with her usual precaution, advised Tom when he loaded

Yankee Jumbles. 145
not to prime. When called on to fire, with the rest
of the company, there should be no discharge from his
piece, and, among so many, his would not be missed.
As they were all flint-locks it would only be attributed
to a misflre, so Tom following his mother's advice,
loaded the gun with powder, and no balls being required,
put his piece of punk on top of each successive charge
of powder, and in accordance with his mother's advice
did not fire the gun off during the day. After the com
pany was discharged, Tom with his companions started
for home, all having their guns over their shoulders. It
happened that during the day, fire-crackers were in
use, which were quite a common diversion among the
boys on training days. It happened that one of these
boys stuck a smouldering fire-cracker into Tom's gun-
barrel just before leaving for home.
Before Tom reached home, walking with his chums
and gun over his shoulder, the fire-cracker had set
fire to the punk, and, the punk reaching the powder,
a very unexpected discharge of the gun took place,
much to the surprise of Tom and his companions. Af
ter the first surprise was over and Tom got home, he
set his gun up in the corner of the kitchen. The
family sitting down to supper, were soon greatly sur
prised by another explosion of the gun, from the first
discharge setting fire to the next order of punk. This
proved a serious alarm to his mother, and the whole
family thought the gun bewitched and possessed of
some strange freak, not suspecting the cause and Tom's
method of loading. Thinking the trouble was all over,
the gun was set away in the closet. About bed-time the

146 Yankee Jumbles.
family were again frightened nearly out of their wits
by another report of the old gun in the closet. The
gun was again put in a new place in the sink-room,
not being considered worthy of being retained in the
house of a well-regulated family. About midnight, an
other report took place, arousing the whole family,
and again it was put out of doors and there it continued
to report about once in two hours the rest of the night
until the last piece of punk reached the original charge
and all was quiet henceforth.
Tom had a brother Eli who was quite an accomplished
drummer. He could play his drum in a hall or room
for better effect, keeping up a perfect, continuous roll
of the drum and interspersed with blows, giving the
effect of single, double and triple shots of a musket,
with no apparent interruption to the roll of the drum.
Eli was as odd as any of the odd Mixes that ever were
bom. In his day the political parties were Democrats
and Whigs. In 1840 the election of President Harrison
by the Whigs was considered favorable to the estab
lishment of a national bank, but the early death of
Mr. Harrison allowed the presidential chair to be taken
by John Tyler. When Congress passed measures fa
vorable to the establishment of a national bank, to the
great disappointment of the Whigs, President Tyler
vetoed the bill. This, of course, was a subject of great
delight and satisfaction to the Democrats, and Eli, be
ing a disciple of democracy, shared in the general re
joicing of his party. The day he received the news, he
bought a gallon of rum and a pound of powder. Get
ting such good news, which he very little understood.

Yankee Jumbles. 147
only from pleasing evidences of his Democratic friends,
he thought best to express his joy in getting well filled
with Santa Cruz, and firing a few appropriate salutes
to let, as he said, the d — n Whigs know what had hap
pened. This pound of powder was all in one big pow
der horn. He fired one charge to the north, holding the
gun over his head ; this charge he put in himself, when
a young man, just the age of the writer, appeared on
the scene with full approval of having his intentions
carried out. The young man offered to load the gun
for Eli the second time while he partook of another
drink. The powder was poured out about what would
be called two or three crow charges. This Eli held over
his head and fired to the west. After this discharge
Eli, with his silly laugh, said he guessed that would
wake up the d — n Whigs, and while taking another
drink of Santa Cruz the gun was being loaded again,
this time with nearly double the second charge. This
was fired to the south, and jerked Eli nearly a rod as
he held the gun over his head and fired it off. That
brought forth expressions of pleasure from Eli, think
ing the Whigs must have heard that all over the town.
The young man who was doing the loading suggested
that the firing should be to the four cardinal points
of the compass, so while Eli took his fourth drink,
the generous loader applied the nozzle of the horn of
powder to the big muzzle of the old King's Arm and
let it pour in without any restraint or measure. Think
ing there must be enough in for a generous charge, a
piece of wadding was applied and shoved down with
the old iron ram-rod. It didn't go down half the

148 Yankee Jumbles.
depth of the barrel, and shaking the horn was a scanty
allowance of powder left for priming. This created
some little fear on the part of the young man as to
what would be the result of a charge of powder, which
must have been something more than half of the whole
pound purchased in the moming, but he thought best
to let Eli fire it off as a final wakeup to be produced by
his four grand salutes. Eli took the gun to the street,
nearly four rods from where the young man stood in
the doorway looking around the comer of the door
to see the result. Eli raised the gun over his head,
putting his thumb into the guard as usual, and pulled
it off. No cannon of ordinary calibre could have made
a greater noise. The yard was filled with smoke and
past the door where this nice young man stood came
the gun, the butt striking against the well-curb under
a wood-shed a few feet further on and smashing in
one side bounded back, sticking the muzzle into the
ground. After about a minute, the smoke cleared enough
to show Eli getting up off the ground in a dazed con
dition, coming along towards the young man, holding
up his thumb from which the skin had been shaved
clean on the back side as the guard of the gun flew
out of his hands, and inquiring, "Where the h  is
the gun?" Being shown where it was planted in the
ground, he gathered up his gun and thus was Tyler's
veto of the national bank most worthily celebrated.
Eli Mix was a member of one of the ten large families
of North Farms. One of his brothers, William Mi.^.
was probably about the first man in the state to cast

Yankee Jumbles, 149
pewter spoons. This used to be done in single molds
for the different patterns of large and small spoons,
the pewter being melted in a large cauldron made for the
purpose of melting such stock, and a man sitting down
with his single mold and with a. ladle from the kettle
poured in the material for the spoon. After a pro
cess of the spoon mold, through which metal was
poured in, then scraped, buffed, and polished by hand,
which made a very slow process compared with later
methods in producing a very cheap and inferior spoon.
Eli always claimed to be fearless of God, man or the
devil, and some of his comrades, thinking to test his
bravery, tried a little experiment. Overhead above
his kettle of stock in the easting house was a small
attic-like room for storage, and in this room they
secreted a young fellow with a fiask of powder. Eli
in order to make good pay was in the habit
of working nights, frequently until quite late. One
of these nights, when they knew Eli to be casting,
the young fellow placed himself on the floor overhead
and every few minutes would sift down a few kernels
of the powder into the kettle of melted pewter. There
was not enough to create a flash but it would merely
melt and bum blue in specks, imparting quite a sug
gestive smell of brimstone which to Eli proved quite
a mystery. He would take the ladle and stir it in, when
the trouble would cease. As soon as he resumed his
casting, he would discover the top of the kettle covered
with blue spots and a fresh smell of brimstone. While
he had always asserted a disbelief in any devil, this
phenomena of brimstone burning during his night's

150 Yankee Jumbles.
work was too much for him and so disconcerted his
nerves that he very soon put out his fires, and quit
casting operations at night in the future, until he
found out some time later the joke that had been played
on him. '
In the composition of these spoons was a mixture
of tin and lead, lead being much the cheaper metal.
As the trade in spoons increased, competition began,
and reduced prices would increase the amount of lead
in their spoons. A man by the name of Merriam,
when he found that the market was running against
him in prices, would instruct his casters that they must
put in a little more lead so as to be able to meet the
market, as others were cutting under him in prices.
After adopting this method on several occasions, in
returning from market with the same cut in prices
confronting him, he rushed into his shop and remarked
to the head caster as usual, "John, we have got to put
more lead into our spoons." "Well," John replied,
"if that is so, you've got to get a bigger set of molds."
A familiar character for quite a long life was a
man known as Uncle Josh  , a very honest,
hard working but illiterate man. His voice was very
hard, hoarse and husky, and generally pitched on quite
a high key. In talking, he had the habit of clearing his
throat with a sort of spasmodic cough before uttering
what he had to say. He was very much in the habit of
using high sounding words, but he did not always
get the word to produce the meaning intended. In
summer, for several seasons, one of North Farm's re
ligious habits was to have preaching in a grove The

Yankee Jumbles. 151
supply of preaching talent was for some time fur
nished from the Wesleyan University of Middletovvii,
by students training themselves for future "sky pilots."
A young man by the name of Adams guided their
thoughts in holy things one season very acceptably
to all his hearers. Failing to come one Sunday, he
sent a supply in his place who proved to be a faint
and feeble ray in dispensing religious light. Uncle
Josh being a hearer was quite busy the next day in
expressing his criticisms, saying that Mr. Adams had
sent over a "destitute," which everybody acknowledged
to be one of the best hits by mishap he had ever made.
He worked out among farmers a good share of his
life and a good appetite was one of his greatest bless
ings. He never refused the offer of a dish of sweet
meats, remarking in his husky manner when taking a
liberal quantity that he was always very fond of "de-
sarves." Starting out one day to visit a neighbor only
about a mile away, he stopped in at two houses inter
vening. It was about twelve o'clock when the family
first called on were just sitting down to dinner, and
Uncle Josh was asked if he would not sit up and partake
with them. Clearing his throat as usual, he made
a very common remark, when asked to do anything,
"I don't care if I do." After disposing of a good
hearty meal, he started out on his intended neigh
borly call. Going not over forty rods, he came to
another neighbor whom he thought he would stop and
speak to. Their dinner being a little late, they were
just ready to sit down to enjoy the same. As Uncle
Josh came in so timely they asked him if he would not

152 Yankee Jumbles.
sit up with them. Clearing his throat as usual, he
replied, "I don't care if I do." After getting outside
of a second good meal he departed for his original
destination. Arriving there, their dinner being a little
late, and just ready as he entered, he was asked if he
would not sit down and eat with them. With the
usual throat clearing, he "didn't care if he did." There
he concluded his third good square meal inside of an
hour and a half, in all of which his generous friends
said he did himself proud.
He had a peculiar reputation of a sweet tooth,
and could drink a quart of clear molasses at one draught,
and his children were said to have inherited this taste
to such a degree that the offer of all the molasses they
wanted to drink proved a good inducement for their
good behavior and for extra exertions in the perform
ance of any service required. As the marketing in those
days was largely done in New Haven, one fall he offered
the premium for industry and good behavior on the
part of his family (which he used frequently to ad
dress as his little fatherless and motherless children,
although with both parents living), that they should
be taken to New Haven in the winter and have all the
molasses they wanted to drink. As winter set in with
a good fall of snow, making excellent sleighing, he
fitted up a large square box-sleigh and with some ar
ticles of barter to sell in the city, he took the whole
family for his long promised trip. Arriving in New
Haven, he went to a grocery store where he had been
in the habit of trading and told the proprietor that he
had brought all his little fatherless and motherless

Yankee Jumbles. 153
children to New Haven with the promise to give them
all the molasses they wanted to drink, as pay for being
such good children. The proprietor learning the de
sire of his customer, asked him how much he would
have? "Well," says he, "give the children a pint, and
me a pint." Not having dishes in which to serve to
so many guests. Uncle Josh suggested that he tum
'¦o the barrel and pour the molasses on the head for the
children, which was done, then he addressed them, say
ing, "Now come up, all you little fatherless and mother
less children, and drink all the molasses you want. I
promised I would give you all you wanted when you
came to New Haven if you would be good, and now when
you lick this all up you can have more if you want it."
So the little fatherless and motherless ones grouped
themselves around the barrel, wiping up the molasses
with their fingers and licked it off until the barrel
head was clean, Uncle Josh drinking his meantime
from a measure. This process being repeated several
times during the day, in the afternoon they started
for their home in Wallingford. After getting just
outside of the city, as Uncle Josh related to his friends,
one of the children wanted to stop, so he let the child
get out, and by the time he was ready to get back into
the sleigh another wanted to stop, and soon another,
which led him to the conclusion that with these special
delays he would not get home until midnight, so he re
sorted to a piece of ingenuity to economize time by
taking up a board in the bottom of the sleigh and ar
ranging the children each side and then he said he
drove on, and there was nothing but a stream of molas-

154 Yankee Jumbles.
ses all the way home. In a team a little ways be
hind, two gentlemen drove out from New Haven on the
same road. One remarked, seeing the evidence on the
snow, that somebody must be losing a large share of
their molasses on the way home, seeing it so plentifully
scattered along the way, but his companion doubted
its being molasses, as it did not seem as though any
body could overlook such a copious leak. As the dis
pute went on as to the character of the stains on the
snow, one of the men concluded to settle the question
definitely by getting out and tasting of a small puddle,
to which he called the attention of the other to satisfy
himself that it was molasses, and after the second man
tasted, he was forced to confess that it had the appear
ance of molasses, but if so, it had been kept in a hor
ribly musty cask.
In his declining years. Uncle Josh became quite poor
and decrepit and became a charge of the town. This
was when he was over seventy years of age. Sleeping
in a room in which was another bed, occupied by an
old man, named Beadles, who had been in Indian war
fares and was in the habit of sometimes rising in his
sleep and wandering about, one night came across the
room and made a somewhat serious attack on Uncle
Josh in his bed, striking him and upsetting his bed,
which, of course, was excusable only on account of
Beadles' habits, but Uncle Josh was unforgiving and
swore revenge on old Beadles, if it took him fifty years
to carry it out.
As he hobbled about the neighborhood he used two
staves, which made a sort of four-legged animal. Go-

Yankee Jumbles. 155
ing to a neighbor's, near the house where the town sup
ported him, he started to cross a barnyard to see the
proprietor of the place, who was in the barn at work
with his boys. As he crawled through the bar-way
and was making his way towards the bam, a large ram
which was under an adjoining shed with a few sheep,
espied him and taking him. for some new kind of
enemy, made a quick assault on Uncle Josh, striking
him in the rear and knocking him heels over head. A
favorite exclamation of Uncle Josh's then came forth,
"Oh, God! What in h— 1 was that?" And attempting
to get up he had barely got on all fours, when the
ram struck him again, knocking him endways. Then
he yelled still louder, "Oh, God! Now I am
killed! What in h — 1 was that?" Lying on the
ground and looking up he discovered the ram, then
he cried out, "Is that that d — ^n ram? D — n the d — n
critter." And after one or two more repetitions of the
same treatment of the ram and exclaiming loudly to
his Maker as before, the man he was going to see and
his boys came to his rescue.
Uncle Josh at one time, while laying a stone wall,
in rolling over a big stone had the misfortune to have
it drop on one of his big toes and crushed it quite
seriously. It became exceedingly sore and made him
lame for a long time. This big sore toe was a theme
of conversation with him to everybody he met and being
in such a condition that he could not wear a shoe on
it, without having a place cut out to avoid any pressure
and bandaged up, it was a conspicuous object. At one
of the special religious meetings, held as usual at the

156 Yankee Jumbles.
school-house, Uncle Josh was present, as was his usual
habit to attend meetings of any kind at the school-
house in order to have something to comment about
the following days. After the meeting had got well
under way and some pious member of the congregation
was deeply engaged in prayer, a very wicked boy in
the neighborhood came in, and passing through be
tween the rows of persons in attendance, sitting on
the long benches of the house, he had to pass in front
of Uncle Josh, and observing Uncle Josh's toe as he
passed along, tried the experiment of stepping on it,
the result of which brought out a most uproarious ex
pression from Uncle Josh of "Oh, God ! you have killed
me !" repeating it half a dozen times, jumping up and
tuming aroimd in his pain. This interruption rather
put a damper on the fervency of the prayer and led to
a general expression of sympathy for Uncle Josh.
Uncle Josh felt a very deep underlying moral life
and always expressed a warm desire to do right, but in
case he ever neglected his duty and did anything wrong,
he said he was always willing to be "recommended."
He had a son, William, familiarly known for some
cause as "Bill Turkey." Bill raised a great many
chickens and one day, being called on by the minister,
after a short interview, the clergyman, on leaving,
observed large docks about his place and remarked to
Bill, "You seem to have a very fine place to raise
poultry." "Yes," says Bill, "I can raise most anything
around here if I didn't have so many d  chickens."
Bill was more or less trouble to his father, and one day
made very serious threats upon the old man's life, when

Yankee Jumbles. 157
the old man called the attention of a neighbor, saying:
"Uncle Sam ! Uncle Sam ! Come here ; Bill is threaten
ing my death !"
Until nearly 1900 Connecticut had two capitals, alter
nating their legislative sessions between Hartford and
New Haven. The yearly inauguration of governor was
an occasion to draw together a large delegation of
people from all parts of the State. At whichever city
this ceremony was to be, were called out one or two mili
tary companies, and large processions of citizens in
their best turn-outs made an escort for the Governor in a
grand parade through the principal streets of the city,
during which time all the church bells would be rung,
making one of the worst pandemoniums and bedlams
of noise that it is hardly possible to conceive of.
Before relating an experience of Uncle Josh in Hart
ford, it may be well to mention an incident occurring
at an election parade some years before 1850. The
writer, in company with another young man, each with
a lady friend from the country, young and unsophisti
cated in the naughty things of the world, were standing
on the abutments the west side of the entrance to the
old State House in New Haven. The Governor and
staff, led by bands of music, and the procession were
coming up Chapel Street and heading across the Green
for the State House entrance. Just at that point a
colored wench standing behind us had something about
her bonnet interfered with by some young man standing
back of her, who was probably an acquaintance. The
wench turned around on the meddler with her head
gear and wanted to know what in h — ~~ this fellow was

158 Yankee Jumbles.
poking her bonnet for? She continued with a profuse
volume of swear words, which the fellow rather en
couraged. One of the young ladies with us, who had
never heard a woman swear, turned to listen to this
colloquy between the wench and the meddlesome fellow.
During this time the bands of music and the Govern
or with his suite and a large share of the procession
passed into the State House, when the young lady with
drew her attention from the wench's profanity, turned
about and inquiringly asked, "Where is the Governor
and the procession?" they having passed within twenty
feet of her entirely unobserved while her attention was
absorbed with the wench's swearing.
Before the Hartford & New Haven Railroad was con
structed, the principal conveyances to Hartford from
the south were either by stage or by boat up the Con
necticut River. The boat trip was the cheapest, and
Uncle Josh wishing to attend the annual inauguration
and see the parade, concluded to attend one ceremony
in Hartford, and to economize, walked from Walling
ford to Middletown, where he took passage by boat to
Hartford. Arriving at Hartford, as soon as the pas
sengers were ashore they were, of course, confronted by
a swarm of hackmen and other parties offering trans
portation into and about the city. One hackman
approached Uncle Josh and asked him if he would have
a carriage. Uncle Josh did his usual clearing of the
throat and said he didn't care if he did. The hackman
asked him where he wanted to be carried, but Uncle
J8.«h's ideas being vague as to location, he could not
think of any direction to give only as something con-

Yankee Jumbles. 159
nected with members of the legislative body, so he be
thought him to say he wanted to go to Senator street,
which in his very hoarse manner of speaking after
expressing it two or three times, the hackman concluded
to be "Insane Retreat," asking Uncle Josh if that was
not the place. He cleared his throat, as usual, and said
he guessed it was, so the hackman told him to get in,
and drove off with him to the Insane Retreat, which
was two or three miles from where he wanted to be,
where he announced to Uncle Josh, "Here you are at
the Insane Retreat." Uncle Josh got out of the car
riage, told the driver he was very much obliged, but
the hackman said, "It costs a dollar to bring a man
down here," which seemed to confuse Uncle Josh for
the moment, not understanding that there was anything
to pay, and started to walk off. "But," said the hack-
man, "hold on ; I want my dollar." "What in h  do
you want a dollar for?" said Uncle Josh, "didn't you
invite me to ride down here? Any man is a d  ^n
scoundrel to invite me to ride when I didn't care any
thing about it, and then charge me a dollar for it."
The result was the driver lost his fare, and Uncle Josh
had to find his way back to "Senator Street" as best he
could. Uncle Josh's oldest son, William, familiarly known
as "Bill Turkey," invited one of the town clergymen to
attend the funeral of his father. The clergyman, whose
name was Dennison, came into the house at the ap
pointed time for Uncle Josh's funeral obsequies. "Bill"
invited the minister into the room to see the corpse,
where "Bill" made a very polite and formal introduc-

i6o Yankee Jumbles.
tion, saying: "I make you acquainted with my father,
Mr. Dennison." A piece of etiquette that was al
ways pleasant for the parson to relate as being the only
time he ever had formal introduction to a corpse.
A neighbor of Uncle Josh, by the name of Hull, came
to his demise, who with his wife had led a somewhat di
versified life. After his being laid out preparatory to the
funeral was a niatter of much pride to his wife, who
was anxious to have all the .neighbors view the silent
remains, and was profjig^in expression of her admira
tion as to how well he looked, insisting that he had
never looked so weWin his life.
Mrs. Hull, on occasion of "a journey several years be
fore, stopped /at a way station "for a meal," and as she
seated herself at the table, placed her satchel beside
her in a chair. It was the rule at this eating place that
if a chair was occupied at a table that its occupant was
responsible for a meal. Accor'dih^ly, when Mrs. Hull
paid her bill while at the table, the price of two meals
was extracted, to which she demurred. They explained
their rules and that her satchel had occupied a place
at their table. "Oh!" she said, "if that's it, it's all
right." Then turning to the satchel she said: "Well,
little fellow, if you have to pay, you must eat" ; and she
immediately proceeded to cram the satchel with every
choice viand that she could reach on the table, and in
this way she got more than even with the establish
ment. A shoemaker by the name of Sam Dutton, a neighbor
of the Hulls, a free and easy character, was always
very systematic in all bis business plans and wanted

Yankee Jumbles. i6i
everything done by rule, or, as he frequently expressed
it, "according to Hoyle." He was very fond of fish
ing, and one day, feeling more like indulging in that
diversion than he did in mending shoes, he suggested
to some of his comrades that it was a good day to go
down the Quinnipiae River and draw the seine for
suckers. This invitation was favorably received. Going
to the river where they drew in their net from a favorite
hole, they found it well filled with suckers and about
a dozen of fine pickerel. As soon as the net was
drawn on the bank, Sam began to grab the pickerel
and throw them back into the river. "Hold on," they
said, "Sam, what the devil are you doing with those
pickerel?" Sam replied, "I am putting them back
where they belong. We are after suckers to-day."
A man by the name of Fairchild was a very shrewd
dealer in cattle, eccentric in various ways, always wear
ing a tall bell crowned white hat, while one could be
bought in the market, and in build and manner as good
a representation of the "Brother Jonathan" of our
newspapers and magazines as could probably be found in
the country. He was polite and affable in his manner,
a trait that would generally disarm a customer of any
suspicion of anything being wrong with the stock that
he was selling. He never told any lies, never made any
fiagrant misrepresentations. One instance might be re
lated to show something of his methods. He had a very
fine looking pair of oxen. They attracted the attention
of a prospective buyer, and in praising their qualities,
Mr. Fairchild put his hand on the nigh ox and fond
ling him over, told the contemplated purchaser that

i62 Yankee Jumbles.
he was the best ox he ever saw in his life or that ever
put his neck through a yoke, as his looks gave evidence.
Then putting his hand on the off ox, he said, "I don't
know why this one isn't just as good." On this recom
mendation he sold the cattle for a good price. Not
long after the customer came back and told him what
he said about the nigh ox was true, but that the off one
was not worth the hay to keep it over night, and
accused Fairchild of misrepresentation. "Why, no,"
said Mr. Fairchild, "I told you the truth, every word of
it; I told you the nigh ox had no superior, and I
didn't know why the off one wasn't just as good, and I
never could make out to save my life."
Some people are always complaining of the adverse
treatment of Providence and seem to take pleasure
in recounting their woes to their neighbors. Such was
a man by the name of Sam Baldwin. He was telling
how much he had lost that year. After trying to excite
all the pity and commiseration he could in the breast
of his hearers, they would ask him the cause of his
misfortune. He would explain that turnips that fall
were worth 50 cents a bushel, and that he had intended
to have sown an acre or more, which he neglected to
do, and was obliged to submit to going without the in
come which he might have had.
The Hartford & New Haven Railroad was completed
for travel about the year 1840. The first track was
laid with long timbers lengthwise with strips of iron
about three inches wide and an inch thick spiked onto
them. By the cars running over them, the ends of these
rails would lift up, so that they used to be called

Yankee Jumbles. 163
"snake heads." They would frequently lift so high
that instead of the wheel running over them, they
would run up over the face of the wheel, through the
bottom of the car, thus creating lots of serious trouble.
These rails were, of course, in time substituted by the
present steel rails.
The first whistle the writer ever heard was when on a
high hill one frosty morning after cattle, having started
up the cattle from where they had lain during the night
and standing in that place to warm my feet.
The whistle was construed to be the cry of some
wild animal. It was more shrill and excruciating
than at the present time, and the old revivalist. Elder
Swan, used to use it as an illustration of the scream of
an old sinner when the devil pounced upon him.
Before the construction of the railroad, the turn
pike from New Haven to Hartford was a great passen
ger route by stage as a connecting link in travel from
New York to Boston. Country hotels were located at
intervals of four or five miles on the whole route.
Being so thickly located was chiefly to accommodate
teamsters hauling the various kinds of merchandise from
tidewater up into the country. In the winter the
river being frozen, there was no other communication
and every one of these hotels would be nightly filled
with teamsters, the roads full of standing loads of mer
chandise over night. Large loads of cotton predom
inated during the winter. As the country was so gen
erally covered with a native growth of forests, there
used to be frequent talk of robbers lying in ambush
along the stage route.

164 Yankee Jumbles.
About 1835 quite an excitement prevailed in Meriden
through thfe report that robbers were lying in wait in the
woods knoAvn as Berlin Woods north of Meriden. Quite
an expedition of some fifteen or twenty men were fitted
out one day after the report that the stage in passing
through there the night before had been fired upon
with the probable attempt to waylay and rob. This
expedition to capture the robbers is well remembered as
being equipped with several old fiint lock guns and a
number of what was known as horse pistols, which used
to be carried in holsters by cavalry, also a generous
display of swords and butcher knives. With this for
midable equipment, Berlin Woods underwent a thorough!
search during most of the day, during which time
the citizens in Meriden were in a great state of anxiety
to see how large a bag of game in the shape of blood
thirsty robbers would be brought in at night, but some
what to their relief and disappointment, this valiant
set of robber-hunters returned without their game.
The old stage driver. Uncle Sile Lawrence, sometimes
got terms as badly mixed as Uncle Josh. Some crooked
transactions by a, man well known in New Haven led
to his arrest. This manj being also well known in Meri
den, Uncle Sile reported the same on the return trip
of his stage. Driving up to the old Central Hotel he
stood up in his seat before dismounting from the stage,
the usual crowd being in waiting, and loudly exclaimed,
to give them a fresh surprise, "Tom Collins has been
arrested for swingling."
On this route in Yalesville, the hotel was kept by
one Bill Hall, a very easy, careless man in his methods

Yankee Jumbles. 165
of business. Cider brandy and Santa Cruz rum was,
of course, freely sold at every stopping place. In Yales
ville was a factory which employed several men, among
whom was a fellow by the name of Green. He was in
the habit of going to Bill Hall's hotel to buy rum,
and for quite a time bought on credit, until his account
got so large that Bill got waked up enough to deny him
any more indulgence. Green wanted the rum but he
wanted to devise some way to get it without paying
for it, so for a time he would take two bottles of the
same type in his pocket, filling one with water and the
other empty. Calling on Bill for a quart of rum with
the understanding it was to be paid for. Bill would fill
the bottle. As soon as the bottle was presented to Green
he would go through his pockets and discover that he
had left his wallet over in the factory and promised
Bill to bring it in the afternoon or next day. Bill
had been disappointed so many times he would decline
to wait any time and saying if the money was not ready
to leave the rum until he brought the money, at which
Green, with a show of offence, would hand him the
bottle of water and say, "If you cannot trust me two
or three hours, take your d — n rum back." After Bill
had emptied the bottle of water back in the hogshead.
Green would walk off with his bottle of rum. This
worked occasionally but Bill soon cut off that process.
Green's next exploit was in the fur trade. In those
days all kinds of furs were very plentiful and taken in
exchange at stores and hotels. Bill kept in connec
tion with his hotel a small stock of groceries and other
mixed goods and was in the habit of taking in various

i66 Yankee Jumbles.
kinds of skins. Green one day found in the factory an
old musk-rat skin, which the moths had eaten almost en
tirely up, the tail being about the only evidence as to
what animal it came from. The factory being some
what alive with rats. Green succeeded in catching a
big one and skinned it. He then took the tail from the
old musk-rat skin, and sewed it onto the common
rat skin, telling his chums in the factory he was
going to sell that skin to Bill Hall, so after a day
or two, he happened into Bill's store and bar-room and
said to Bill, "Buying any fur now. Bill?" Bill said,
"Yes." "What do you pay for musk-rat skins?" "I
give a shilling apiece for them," said Bill, which meant
sixteen and two-thirds cents. "Give me a quart of rum
for a good skin?" Bill said he would and Green told
him he had a nice one over to the factory that he
would bring over. Bill said, "All right."
Bill kept his furs in a pile promiscuously thrown
in behind his counter. The next day Green came in
with his rat skin and holding the head part in his
hand showed the fur end with the musk-rat's tail and
said, "Here is the musk-rat skin. Bill, I have brought
in for that quart of rum you promised to give me ; shall
I throw it in that pile of fur here ?" "Yes," said Bill,
and at the same time. Bill took the bottle to fill. Green
got his rum and went back to the factory very happy
with his exchange.
Every two or three months somebody would come
along on this route, buying up the furs at different
stations. Green made his reckoning that when the fur
dealer came along, in looking over the pile of fur the old

Yankee Jumbles. 167
rat skin would be discovered and very likely be thrown
out the back door, so Green with his companions in
this scheme kept a watch to see when the pile of fur
was gone; then, in accordance with their plans, they
would take a look out the back door and, as they ex
pected, would find the old skin. After a few days. Green
would call on Bill again, greeting him in a very
friendly way and inquiring, "Bill, are you buying any
fur now?" Bill would acknowledge that he was; Green
would inquire the price as usual and inform Bill that
he had a nice skin over to the factory, and would like
to bring it over and get a quart of rum. Bill would agree
to the trade and Green would soon come again with the
same old rat skin, throw it in the same pile again, get
his bottle filled with rum and retuiin as before. The
same watch was kept up for the fur dealer and the rear
of the house after his visit, and another inquiry would
be made of Bill, after each sale he had made, "If he was
buying any more furs?" The same old rat did ser
vice to buy rum for a year or two, until finally Bill
burned it up, or it might otherwise have been con
tinued indefinitely.
This combination skin is a reminder of a political
speech delivered by Truman Smith in the forties, dur
ing the time when the Democratic and Free Soil parties
ran a fusion ticket. At this time Mr. Smith was in
one branch of Congress and was electioneering for the
old Whig party. Alluding to this fusion ticket, he told
a story during his speech which he deemed applicable
to this duplex arrangement of parties. He said that an
old neighbor of his had a boy who put up a sort of

i68 Yankee Jumbles.
puzzle for his father in the way of a combination skin.
He had an old skunk skin, devoid of tail, and as a sub
stitute, he sewed on an old mink skin, making a rather
strange compound of the two. Taking this to his father
he submitted it for a name; somewhat, it is presumed,
as the Creator brought all the animals of the earth be
fore Adam to be named. He claimed to his father
that it was a new specimen and was very curious to know
if his father could tell what sort of animal it came
from? The father looked it over carefully and said
it was what he should call a skunky-minky. This com
bination he considered applicable to the arrangement
between the Democratic and Free Soil parties.
The next evening. Lawyer Blackman, of Waterbury,
followed with a Democratic speech and told in a pre
vious campaign of going to a place in the western
part of the state to make a speech, and driving across
country with a team he pulled up at a hotel in the place
where he was to deliver his speech. He was met by a
colored man, quite an inferior looking specimen, who
took his horse and received directions for its care dur
ing the night. Going into the hotel, he registered,
and at the same time met a very nice, sensible looking
woman of whom he inquired for the landlord. She said
he was out taking care of the gentleman's horse. "Why,
no," said the orator of the occasion, "that nigger out
there took my horse." "Well," said the lady of the
house, "that was my husband, the landlord." With
great surprise he looked at the woman, who was more
than ordinarily attractive, and said, "Do you mean to
say that that nigger who took my horse is your hus-

Yankee Jumbles. 169
band ?" "Certainly," she said. "How is it possible that
so likely a looking a woman as you could marry a
nigger?" "Well," she said, "it may seem strange to
you, but I had a sister that did so much worse than
I did that I felt well satisfied with what I got." "For
heaven's sake," I inquired, "whom did your sister mar
ry?" She said that her sister married a Whig.
The style of campaigning and speech making were
somewhat different in their methods from the present
day. An instance is the election of the first President
Harrison. It is doubtful if such a campaign is ever re
peated in this country. It would certainly be quite a
novelty for the present day. General Harrison's chief
qualifications for the presidential chair were that he
had been an Indian fighter, gaining a decisive victory
over the Indians in the battle of Tippecanoe, by which
name he was christened in connection with the candi
date John Tyler for vice-president, as "Tippecanoe and
Tyler too." Harrison's other qualifications were that he
lived in a log cabin, drank hard cider and hunted coons.
During this presidential canvass all the club rooms
consisted of log cabins, in imitation of Harrison's home,
the sides of which were profusely adorned with coon
skins, or any other imitation, to embellish the outside.
Inside was invariably a barrel of hard cider, which in
those times could be and was plentifully supplied for
the refreshment of all members of the clubs. In their
Whig processions the log cabin, on wheels, adorned with
coon skins and the representative cider barrel, were
always to the front. With such attractions and brilliant

170 Yankee Jumbles.
qualifications for a candidate, of course. General Harri
son was overwhelmingly elected.
Peter Corrigan claimed to have been born in Canada,
evidently of Irish descent. He was a resident in Con
necticut for a great many years. As is common with the
Irish, he was fond of hearing stories, and when in any
company where stories of various character were being
related, after listening to several without any relevance
to the character of the last story, Pete would interpose
to tell one, always introducing it by saying, "That puts
me in mind of an Irishman who went into a butcher's
shop, and looking about he saw half a fine hog hanging
on one of the hooks. He steps up to the marketman and
says, 'Mister, what do you ask for that half a hog hang
ing up there?' The butcher informed him that it was
sold. 'Indade,' says Pete, 'is that so? When will you be
after killing the other half ?' " Relieving himself of
that effort he became a listener again, and after a few
more stories were disposed of, with his lack of relevancy,
he would again remark, "That puts me in mind of the
Irishman walking down the street in the city one day,
looking into the stores and shops, and soon stopped in
front of a lawyer's office. Looking in he saw the lawyer
sitting in his chair. 'Good morning,' says Pat. 'Good
morning,' says the lawyer. Pat says, 'What have you
for sale here, sir?' 'Logger-heads,' says the lawyer.
Says Pat, 'Begad, you have had good sale ; you have only
one left.'"
These two stories during more than twenty years'
residence, were the only stock in trade in that line that
Pete was ever known to tell. In after years the writer

Yankee Jumbles. 1711
engaged for some time in merchandising with a partner.
Drummers travelling about the country soliciting trade
are generally loaded with a fund of stories, which they
pick up at the various points which they visit, and by
swapping with each other as they meet at hotels.
Whenever a drummer came to our store and went to
firing off a grist of his stories, either new or old chest
nuts, one of us would he very soon reminded of one of
Pete's stories, and whichever took it up would perhaps
for the first one be reminded of the Irishman's going
into the butcher's shop. Several of our near neighbors,
together with the clerks in our own establishment, grew
to understand this habit of our being reminded of Pete's
two stories, so with a little notice, which could be readily
given, they would gather in for a little temporary amuse
ment. After the drummer had got himself tolerably
emptied of material, one of us, as said before, would
be reminded of the Irishman and the butcher's shop, to
which all, of course, contributed the most hilarious
laughter. This would call forth an extra effort on
Mr. Drummer's part to try and produce something as
interesting. After a few more efforts, the other one
would be reminded of the Irishman walking down ihe
street and looking into the lawyer's office, which would
again result in bringing down the house. These two
stories were the only ones ever allowed to be told in
our store by the proprietor or any employee, and these
two stories succeeded in making weary every drummer
that ever attempted to entertain our crowd with their
old chestnuts. Of course, our neighbors and friends
invited in with ourselves enjoyed the absurdity of this

172 Yankee Jumbles.
method of tiring out drummers better than anything
fresh that could possibly be introduced.
Abe Potter was a curious fellow, spending most of
his time loafing, hunting and fishing. Quite a large
percentage of meats for his family was made up of
rabbits and woodchucks and by the snaring of partridge.
A man by the name of Larkins was one of the greatest
wall layers of this time, when stone walls in Connecticut
were the most common method of fencing, thus accom
plishing two purposes, making a fence and clearing up
the fields for cultivation. It used to be a common re
mark that every man kept a dog, and every poor man
two or three. Such was the case with Abe, his dogs
contributing largely to his livelihood. When rambling
about the fields it was an easy matter for the dogs to
run a woodchuck into some stone wall, which he would
announce by loud barkings to lead Abe to the place
where he had the victim mn in. Abe, of course, was
soon on hand, and the woodchuck was done for. Uncle
Sam Francis had a great deal of fine stone fence on his
farm, and used to be much annoyed in finding here and
there large gaps where Abe had pulled out stone to get
his woodchuck ; so it used to be remarked by Uncle Sam
that he didn't know which had done the most work,
Larkins in building walls, or Abe Potter in tearing thc-m
down. Abe told of one of the greatest disappointments
that he ever met in hunting when one day he ran a
rabbit into a big wall. After pulling out a rod or two
of wall, the dog being the other side, sprang in to catch
the rabbit, the rabbit running towards Abe. Abe
stamped his foot dov,-n against the rabbit's nose, thus

Yankee Jumbles. 173
interrupting his progress, when the rabbit, in his bewil
derment, shoved his face into the bottom of Abe's pants,
thus running up his trousers leg. Abe said he grasped
about the bottom of his trousers leg and says, "Ah, old
fellow, I have got you now, sir," not thinking of a large
hole in the seat of his pants through which the rabbit
made a ready exit, and was three rods away before Abe
thought he ought to have put one hand on the back
as well as on the bottom of his pants.
A fellow by the name of Hubbard, a painter, worked
for years for a man by the name of Bates, who lived
outside of town two or three miles. He had a habit
of going to town frequently, and would return very late
at night, but would come into the house and go to his
room upstairs so stealthily that they never would hear
him when he entered the house. He felt quite proud
to think he was so sly in his movements, and claimed
he could come in for any indefinite time and they never
would know it. This Bates family being neighbors of
the writer when young, induced him to ask the privilege
of putting up a little job on Hubbard, so that they
might know when he came home, to which they readilly
assented. The chamber stairs, which Hubbard must
ascend to get to his room, ran up on the side of the
room in which Mr. Bates and his wife slept. A large
brass kettle such as were used commonly in earlier times
for boiling clothes on washing days, and for soap-mak
ing, etc., was placed at the top of the stairs. This kettle
was filled with a string of bells, a lot of promiscuous
tin and iron ware, and placed on the top stair on a
balance so close that the pulling of half a pound weight

174 Yankee Jumbles.
would tip it off the top and down stairs. To the bail
of the kettle was attached a string and extended down
to the latch of the door at the bottom of the stairs, which
had to be left slightly ajar. Hubbard returned after
midnight, and, as usual, took off his shoes and crept
slyly into the house. Going to the chamber door it
only took a very slight pull to upset the big kettle at
the top of the stairs, which, with its contents, came
thundering down the stairs, scaring the fellow half to
death, and making a noise as bad as thougih the whole
house had tumbled in upon him. This awakened Mr.
Bates and his wife, so that they knew that night what
time Hubbard got home. He was so mortified and mad
over the arrangement that he quit the premises for good.
With this same man Bates, who was a neighbor, lived
a man for several seasons by the name of Hiram Basley,
¦who was not a man of very strong mind or nerve.
Having read (during the time that Hiram lived with
Mr. Bates) about men being frightened nearly to death
and into fits of sickness and high fevers by other persons
making them think they were sick, and men who were
made to believe they were bleeding to death and actually
dying by surgeons pretending they were tapping a vein,
and in place of blood running, had substituted warm
water to run into a dish, which the victim could hear,
thinking it was his own blood, and graduating the
apparent fiow of blood down minute by minute until
the victim was dead, when his skin had not been
punctured at all, the writer thought he would test it.
Thinking of such oases as this, the writer took it
upon him one day to experiment upon Hiram's credulity

Yankee Jumbles. 175
and fears. Hiram was plowing in the fields with a yoke
of oxen, and being approached for a short chat, during
the conversation Hiram was suddenly asked what was
the matter with him? He said he didn't know, and
asked why? "Why," said I, "you look pale as death,
do you feel well?" He replied that he had a little bad
pain in his head in the moming, but that he was all
right since. He was asked to show his tongue, which
he did, the same being pronounced very thickly coated
with fever symptoms; his head was felt of and pro
nounced very hot, and he was advised to at once quit
plowing and go right to the house and go to bed as
soon as he could get there, as all his symptoms indicated
a dangerous condition and approach of severe sickness.
He was told to leave the cattle in my care and lose no
time in getting to the house and into bed, where, as
soon as I had unyoked the cattle I would come at once
to administer relief, if it was not too late. The cattle
were turned out, and, going to the house, Hiram was
found in bed as advised. The situation was explained
to Mrs. Bates, telling the cause of Hiram's sudden sick
ness. She being a person who enjoyed a joke, fell into
the arrangements for trying to save his life. The newly
fledged doctor went to the patient's room and felt of
his pulse, examined his tongue again and pronounced
it growing worse, head hot as a fire brand and every
thing looking precarious. Mrs. Bates was requested to
prepare a dose of medicine, which consisted of a teacup
of milk and water well sweetened with molasses, and a
generous amount of ginger stirred in. This preparation
was administered every few minutes to Hiram for an

176 Yankee Jumbles.
hour or so, his pulse and tongue very closely watched
during that time until indications were that the progress
of the disease was somewhat checked and the situation
began to look hopeful. After nearly another hour's
dosing with various innocent medicines, the coating
seemed to be leaving the tongue, the high fever indicated
by the head was reduced, and the pulse gave promise of
a restoration of health. The cure was about as rapid
as the approach of the disease, the disease commencing
about two o'clock in the afternoon, and at a little past
four Hiram was again pronounced able and safe to be
out and was in the field plowing as at the time when
discovered, and felt as though he had had a very narrow
escape from the jaws of death.

SMALL CHANGE.
Before the establishment of our decimal form of
currency, the making of change could never be complete
or exact on account of fractional coins below twenty-
five cents, as the Spanish currency was in very general
use, and the small pieces below a quarter of a dollar
for a long term of years were twelve and a half and
six and one quarter cents, known as nine pence and four
pence half penny pieces. These were the principal small
coins in use before the adoption of dimes and half dimes,
but for a good many years both of these kinds of coin
were in circulation, until finally the Government made
regulations that the old Spanish, and English coin
should conform to the decimal rates, and the old Spanish
quarters were reduced to twenty cents, and the nine

Yankee Jumbles. 177
pence and four pence half penny to ten and five cents.
It was very common in pieces of dollars and halves to
have holes bored in them, which were often strung about
children's necks to chew during teething time. This
habit of boring the coin was said to have originated
among jewelers to obtain the borings for soldering pur
poses in their business; therefore, such coin as was
bored became subject to a discount, since which time
there has been no bored coin in circulation. This small
fractional currency was taken advantage of by many
tradesmen, and particularly in bar-rooms.
In many of our country hotels, which were more
generally distributed on turnpike lines than to-day for
the accommodation of the great number of teamsters
and people travelling by stages, it used to be the habit
of landlords' wives to accommodate guests at the bar,
and many times the small advantages in making change
in gaining the quarter and half cents would give them
quite a little amount of pin money, as the drinks were
six and one quarter cents apiece.
A genial toper of those times who patronized the old
Central Hotel in Meriden, having abused his credit for
drinks, was denied any further indulgence without ready
cash. Being hard pushed one day for a drink, he begged
the loan of a nine pence from an acquaintance in the
bar-room, with which he presented himself before the
bar, for his drinks. The bar-keeper knowing he was in
funds, without hesitation, set out the bottle for him.
This man was familiarly known as Judge Dagget. Tak
ing the bottle, he poured a very generous drink, remark
ing that a judge should do honor to the liquor. After

178 Yankee Jumbles.
drinking down his draught, he stood for a moment to
feel the happy effects, and turning to his friend from
whom he obtained the nine pence and haniing it to
him, under the protest of the bar-keeper, when he re
marked that he always made it his principle to pay
borrowed money before he did his grog bills.
At this same hotel some years later the landlord pur
chased a load of hay from a farmer, the price of which
was twenty dollars a ton. The farmer brought the hay,
which was weighed on a set of public scales near by,
and weighed two thousand and one pounds. The hay
was put into the hotel barns, and being rather a raw,
chilly day, the farmer was invited into the hotel to
receive his pay, and at the same time was asked if he
would not take a glass of something to counteract the
effects of the weather, to which he very readily assented ;
at the same time, while taking a good, liberal dram, the
landlord handed him a twenty-dollar bill. After partak
ing of the liquor, the farmer stood around for some little
time as if waiting for something. The landlord fiinally
inquired of him if that change was not all right. The
generous farmer reminded him he guessed there was
another cent his due.
Another farmer of the same name was of a very
similar nature. A man by the name of Perkins kept a
store in the village of Yalesville. These were days of
rather cheap prices in farm produce as well as many
other commodities. This farmer's name was Lounsbury.
Entering Mr. Perkins' store one day he inquired the
price of eggs. The price named was nine pence a dozen.
Standing around awhile, he inquired the price of clay

Yankee Jumbles. 179
pipes, which were told to be two for a cent. He looked
over the box of pipes, selecting a couple that he thought
would suit, said he guessed he would take those two,
and putting his hand into his pocket took out what Mr.
Perkins pronounced "one of the d  est little eggs
he had seen in ten years," and wanted to know where
he got it, and did he lay it himself? The same man
had a feeble wife, who, during her last sickness, became
so extremely low that the doctor ordered some tonic for
her, some nourishing food that would brace her up under
such an ordeal, something that she would relish, and
advised Lounsbury to get some appetizing food as soon
as possible. He went to this same store kept by Mr.
Perkins and bought a most luxurious pound of soda
crackers, and took them home to produce new vitality
in his declining wife's condition. Her debility was such
that she died before consuming half of them, the re
mainder of which he took back to the store with the re
quest that he would exchange them for other goods. Af
ter his wife's death, in the village of Hanover, was a
large factory for the manufacture of ivory combs, whose
proprietor's name was Pratt. One day just before clos
ing time, Mr. Lounsbury came into Pratt's office, and, be
ing an acquaintance, chatted with him about the times
and weather for a few minutes, and finally said, "Mr.
Pratt, you have a good many girls working in your fac
tory, haven't you ?" Mr. Pratt said he had. Lounsbury
said he had lost his wife and was thinking about getting
another, to which Mr. Pratt replied that he thought he
might find some one among the number of girls in the
factory who would suit him, and mentioned over some

i8o Yankee Jumbles.
that he thought well of. Lounsbury said he would like
to see them when they went out of the factory, to which
request Mr. Pratt assented. As they passed out under
review, Lounsbury pointed out occasionally one to know
who they were, but none were those whom Mr. Pratt had
recommended. Mr. Pratt inquired what objection he
could have to some of the girls he had named to him.
Well, Lounsbury said they were not the right size, that
his wife had left several dresses, which he thought if
he got another woman about the same size she could
wear. On this declaration Mr. Pratt subsided in his
attempts to select Lounsbury a wife out of his stock.
Another man, by the name of Morse, living in East
Wallingford, accumulated quite an estate by exact busi
ness habits. In cider making time he employed a boy
to drive the horse hitched to the end of a sweep in an
old-fashioned cider mUl, which revolved sonae rollers be
tween the cogs of which the apples were smashed
preparatory for the press. He was paying the boy the
munificent sum of fifteen cents a day for driving the
horse around, during which time something about the
harness gave away and required some thirty minutes to
repair. In settling with the boy at night he reminded
him of the half hour lost time as an excuse for deduct
ing one cent from his wages, which, of course, was busi
nesslike and honorable.
As late as 1871 small change was in little use in the
Far West and South. The dividing line for many years
was at Salt Lake City and Ogden, on the Union Pacific
road. West of these places everything was payable in
specie, and gold and silver at that time was at a pre-

Yankee Jumbles. ;i8i
mium of about 20 per cent. A few days was spent in
Salt Lake City, during which time the acquaintance of
Brigham Young and several other Mormon dignitaries
was made. Their temple was just in process of con
struction, the tabernacle was completed and capable of
seating several thousand people. In this structure was
the second largest organ in this country, which was
played for the special edification of our eastern party.
Zion's great co-operative store, under the management
of John Q. Cannon, was visited, and all the productive
resources of Utah were exhibited. Everything in that
establishment required for the wants of the population
of that territory, at the time was a native production of
the state, with the exception of part of the leather
goods, and implements made of cast iron, leather not
being made in sufficient quantity for all the people's
wants, and no ore in Utah was suitable for making cast
iron, while all other grades of iron ore were in great
abundance. On taking leave of Salt Lake City, on the platform
of the depot some boys were peddling apples, and offer
ing for sale, payable in pennies. The writer bought a
few for his party and in the change some pennies were
passed, no sooner done than he was touched on the
shoulder by a man asking if he didn't pay that boy some
pennies. Being told he did, the gentleman remarked
he was not a beggar, but had lived in Texas more than
fifty years and had never seen one, and asked if one
would be given him, to which request half a dozen were
offered, of which he would take only one, with thanks.
From Salt Lake City to San Francisco specie was the

1 82 Yankee Jumbles.
only currency in use. Riding in a. street car a day or
two after arriving there, as the conductor passed around
the car to collect his fares he was asked how much it
was, to which he replied, "six cents." He was offered
a nickel and penny for the fare, which he declined.
Being reminded that the price was six cents, he was
asked what other way he could be paid, when he said,
"By a bit or dime." "Well, but," said the passenger,
"that is more than six cents a good deal, and with the
premium on silver, would be twelve cents." "Well,"
said the conductor, "you can buy four tickets for a
quarter or two bits" (as they rendered it). "Yes," was
the reply, "but that is more than six cents a ticket,"
to the amusement of a car full of passengers listening
to the dispute. To liquidate the fare a dime was given,
and the conductor proceeded to collect his fares of the
rest of the passengers, after taking all of which he
returned to the writer. Standing in front of him, he
said, "Mister, won't you show me that d  ^n thing
again?" to the great amusement of the rest of the car,
which, of course, was readily exhibited to. his curioug^"
eyes, as being something that he had never seen in all
his street car experience.
That was a time in San FVancisco for instituting
stands in various parts of the city for selling small
articles varying from a cent to twenty-five cents and
giving exact change, which would have been certainly
adopted by the writer only for other profitable business
enterprises at the time. A stick of candy, an apple, or
any piece of fruit, in fact, anything of .iny accourt
could not be bought for less than a bit; with fruit -ss

Yankee Jumbles. 183
abundant as air in the market, a man would be obliged
to buy a great deal more than he wanted, and conse
quently would pass it for lack of small change. For black
ing your shoes it was a bit, for which amount a dime was
recognized, but a boot-black would resent it unless you
gave him a quarter and let him pay you back a bit or
a dime, which would make the blacking of your shoes
cost you eighteen cents with silver at a premium.
Several years before this time in San Francisco, the
prices of everything were er^orbitant. Very poor meals
were from seventy-five cents to a dollar, the same with
the meager lodgings, so that men coming in stranded
from the mines, from the ranches, and prospectors from
the mountains or the sea, had to pay the most outra
geous prices for what they needed to live on. In the out
skirts of the city were some gardens laid out, known as
the Botanical Gardens, in which were aquariums, a large
skating rink, and various other attractions. Adjoining
these gardens was a circus ground and menagerie, con
taining a very ordinary collection of birds, animals, rep
tiles and some other features. To these gardens was a
street car line, with the usual six-cent fare, admission to
the garden was fifty cents, and fifty cents more to go
into the circus and menagerie, costing a dollar and
twelve cents for the round trip. The garden was not
very liberally patronized, costing too much for the show.
A man by the name of Woodward, who proved to have
a level head, seeing this condition of high prices for liv
ing in the city, and to see the show grounds, conceived
the generous idea of doing something that would be
within the reach of the people's necessities, so on Jackson

184 Yankee Jumbles.
Street he established a hotel and christened it the "What
Cheer House." He established a large dining room, and
filled the house with small beds. At the office a man
could go and buy a card at a price anywhere from ten
to fifty cents, and on the ten-cent card he would have
a liberal slice of meat and bread and some vegetable, and
on a twenty-cent card he would have as much more in
proportion, and if he paid up as high as fifty cents it
would include wine and fine desserts, in fact, a first-
class meal. These cards would be bought and paid for
at the counter and when a man went into the dining
room, he knew just what his meal was to be and that
he would have the full value of his money. The same
arrangements as regarded lodgings. He bought his
card for his room and bed, the highest cost of a bed waa
fifty cents, from that down to one bit for a cot on Which
he could rest himself comfortably.
This business proving profitable and the Botanical
Gardens not paying their expenses, by the original man
agers were put on the market for sale, of which Mr.
Woodward availed himself by purchasing and subse
quently the street railroad leading to the gardens. In
place of a six-cent fare he adopted five, and in place of
a dollar for the two shows, he gave the whole for two
bits, and every few weeks of a Saturday, he would give
a free ride and exhibition to the Sunday school of some
church in the city, all of which methods gave the great
est abundance of advertising to the What Cheer House,
and the gardens, which were soon christened Wood
ward's Gardens. For many years these gardens became
the most popular resort probably of any place in the city,

Yankee Jumbles. 185
nobody would think of visiting San Francisco without
paying a visit to Woodward's Gardens.
The result of this system of doing business was that
in a very few years, Mr. Woodward became a million
aire.

THE OLD CENTRAL HOTEL IN MERIDEN.
This old holstery stood in the town of Meriden half
way between the court-houses of Connecticut. It was
headquarters for stages for a great many years, when
they ran between Hartford and New Haven. As there
were no railroads vmtil about 1840, this house as well
as many others was largely patronized by teamsters haul
ing freights from tide-water up into the country. Great
loads of baled cotton, wool and general merchandise
passed up and down this old thoroughfare, known as
the Hartford and New Haven turnpike.
In those days these old hotels were headquarters for
business men and men of leisure to congregate. The
bar-rooms were scenes of revelry and free use of ardent
spirits. In the Old Tavern, over the bar-room and ex
tending over several other rooms was a hall appropri
ated for dances and occasional public meetings. This
hall was forty feet in length and about twenty-five
feet in width. It accommodated Meriden people for
over fifty years and a large portion of the older resi
dents of Meriden have "tripped the light fantastic toe"
to the tunes of "Money Musk," "Fisher's Hompipe,"
"Irish Washerwoman," "Hull's Victory," and "Virginia
Reel" and all those old country dances, which were the

i8S Yankee Jumbles.
only ones indulged in in those days. Such a diversion as
the quadrille was unknown. There mijht be one waltz
in the middle of a programme, but scarcely half a dozen
couples would indulge in this. One violin usually con
stituted the music played by some colored musician.
For quite a term of years which came into the mem
ory of the writer, the old hotel bar-room had become the
meeting place of a number of men of leisure, some of
the names of which it may not be out of place to men
tion. There were Farrington, and Miller, and Butler,
known as Gen. Pickins, and Lawrence, Colonel Seymour,
Uncle Ben Upson, Captain Collins, Levi Yale, known as
"Old Beal," Uncle Sam Yale, Abel Yale, known as
Captain Cook, Bronson Curtis, known as Judge Dagget,
Charles Paddock, Ralph Childs and several others of
quite uniform t; pe of men in age and tastes. This was
about the make-up of the crowd present when it was pre
sumed that Ralph Childs had the delirium tremens.
Captain Collins was a large land holder in the village
and was a close descendant of one of the old slave-hold
ing families, and the captain liked the society of the
old bar-room with its congenial friends better than he
did hard work. His habits were always matter of fact
and he had little admiration of sham or anybody's put
ting on frills. On one occasion in this old dancing hall,
although in the dancing season, the room was in
tolerably hot. Among the party was a dudish character
of the day who assumed some exquisite airs. He took
pains to remark how very exceedingly and excruciatingly
warm the hall was and that he was perspiring with the

Yankee Jumbles. 187
greatest profusion. The captain replied, siv.i-,,':, : ""I'c-,
it's hot ; I'm sweating like a horse."
Colonel Seymour had at one time held the oifice
from Which he received his title, and during a public
parade after the noon intermission, he came back to
the hotel bar-room to look for some of his minor officers
to call the companies together. Opening the door and
thrusting his head in, he inquired somewhat hastily if
any of his inferior officers were in there, to which a
stranger, standing by, replied : "For the Lord's sake, he
hoped not, judging from his appearance." Some one else
remarked he had just seen one officer ascend up one
of the fiights of stairs and if he went up the same way
he might find him.
A very good joke occurred on Levi Yale at butcher
ing time. Uncle Ben Upson was a butcher by trade and
always helped "Old Beal" when he butchered. When
they had got a pig butchered and all dressed off com
plete and just as they had ascertained the weight, they
saw Captain Cook, ivho was one of their intimates, com
ing across the field. "There," says "Uncle Ben" to
"Beal," "there comes 'Cook'; now let's mark with him
and see who will pay when we go down to tha bar
room, and if he agrees, you mark one pound over and
I'll mark one pound under, so as not to create any sus
picion." The proposition to mark on the weight of the
'hog was accepted. "Uncle Ben" as agreed upon marked
one under, and "Beal" one over, but "Captain Cook"
marked the exact weight, beating them both at their
own game.
Another character who used to patronized the bar-

i88 Yankee Jumbles.
room was a Spaniard by the name of John Antoine,
who had a mouth running nearly from ear to ear, and
when he drank a big mug of cider he never seemed to
take more than a swallow for its contents. So for di
version some one of the men would agree to pay for
all the cider that John would drink, provided he would
drink ten mugs and only take one swallow to a mug.
John was always ready to accept the offer, rarely ever
failing to get down the ten mugs and often two or three
more with only the stipulated number of swallows.
In Middletown, until recent years has been something
like such a group of men, who have congregated in the
Old Farmers' and Mechanics' Hotel, but their amuse
ments have been more in the line of card playing, partic
ularly the old game of "seven up," for drinks to be paid
for by some one of the party at the end of each rubber.
A number of the frequenters of this house lived several
miles out in the country, but no matter how cold and
stormy the weather it had nothing to do towards closing
their sessions. It was frequently near midnight before
they would quit the enjoyment of their games. They
were all men "well to do," and one man was quite proud
of his easy circumstances ; he being one of a quartet that
most frequently met to play together. He remarked
with some pride one day, that it was quite rare that
four men so well "fixed" financially as they, met to pass
away their time at card playing, to which one of the
others responded that it might be true, and that he
thought, furthermore, it was as rare to find four men
that could get outside of more rum in the same time.
Another amusing occurrence in the old Meriden bar-

Yankee Jumbles. 189
room. A man by the name of Williams was always
bragging about his horse, claiming it was one of the
most remarkable beasts that ever stood on all fours, and
that if it were possible to find a horse that would mate
thoroughly, he would give $500 for it, as such a pair
would be almost priceless. He had so frequently bored
the company with these remarks about this remarkable
piece of horseflesh that one sceptic remarked that if
the horse had on a different harness and were hitched
to a different wagon, its owner would not know it. He
didn't think that Williams' horse was anything to brag
about, and he didn't believe that Williams was anything
of a judge of horseflesh. Some one suggested an ex
periment to be tried, so the first opportunity when
Williams' horse was under the shed, a committee was
appointed to take his horse out, reharness it and put
it into a different wagon and hitch him to a post down
the street. Then two or three were delegated to go in and
inform Williams of their discovery. Addressing Wil
liams, one of them said: "We have heard you say you
would like a mate to your horse, and for a good one you
would give $500 ; we think we have seen just what you
want out here on the street." Williams was incredulous,
but they all insisted that they had looked it over and
that it was a complete match, and advised him to go out
and inspect it, to which he consented. Approaching the
horse, he looked it over critically, not making a remark
for some time. Finally he gave vent to his disgust and
contempt for their opinion, thinking that horse would
match his. "He didn't have such a head, or shoulders,
or limbs or tail. He wasn't as heavy. He was goose

190 Yankee Jumbles.
Tumped. He wouldn't match him in color, and after
driving such an animal as. he had been accustomed to,
he would be ashamed to be seen with such a frame as
that driving in the street and would not accept him
as a gift." He then pronounced them all a pack of fools
in the matter of judging a piece of horsefiesh. He would
rather have his horse than a drove of such camels. On
return to the bar-room he expressed his contempt and
disgust for the rest of the party, but when the truth
dawned upon Mr. Williams later on, it cured him of ever
making any more mention of his Bucephalus.

RALPH CHILDS FOLLOWS.
Ralph Childs was very much given to the playing of
practical jokes. He spent much of his time in the old
Central Hotel of the town, where were generally con
gregated a number of old settlers, spending their leisure
time in a socfal way and drinking their toddies. Be
hind the old box stove in the bar-room was usually a
large pile of wood, which was the universal fuel at that
time. Ralph, while sitting one day by the stove, began
to act strangely, so much so as to attract the attention of
the bar-room attendants. Some one asked Childs what
was troubling him. He replied that there were so many
d — ^n snakes in the room that he felt almost afraid to
stay there. This was construed to mean that Ralph
had the delirium tremens coming on. As he appeared
to grow worse, the room became quite excited. They
advised him to go home. He declined to do so as long
as there were so many snakes in the room. They called

Yankee Jumbles. 191
in the doctor, who diagnosed his symptoms, and advised
him that he had better go home ; all of which suggestions
Ralph emphatically declined to conform to unless they
would kill all the snakes in the room. When they asked
him where the snakes were, he told them that the wood
pile was full of them, and that if they would overhaul
the wood and kill the snakes, he would go home. This
being a task that required only a few minutes' work, a
hotel porter was ordered to do it. Coming to about the
last stick in the pile, they found what was known as
a small ground snake not much larger than an angle
worm, which Ralph had discovered, attracted out by the
warmth of the stove. Everybody who had been so much
interested in the case felt that they had got left, while
Ralph sat and laughed at the whole crowd. Ralph
used to take great delight in playing jokes on what he
termed greenhorns, just coming into town to serve ap
prenticeships and clerkships. He would assume an in
terest in them and make himself their apparent friend.
Some day he would ask one of them to do him the favor
of going to a friend's house at some extreme part of the
toAvn and bring him back fifteen or twenty pounds
of borum junk. At another time he would send a green
horn on a long journey to borrow a round file or a
set of jew's-harp moulds. The borum junk would be
made up of a large package of stones, which the fellow
would lug back for a mile or two. Ralph would swear
that his friend had played a joke on him, so as to relieve
himself of the position. The round file was usually a
length of six-inich stove pipe filled with sand and
wrapped in paper.

192 Yankee Jumbles.
People are apt to forget freaks of weather that come
unexpectedly. In 1854, in the month of April, occurred
a phenomenal snowstorm. From the fifteenth to the
eighteenth snow fell two feet deep on a level. This
snow was disastrous to thousands of birds that had al
ready returned from their southern migration. This
snow was followed on the twenty-eighth by a rain storm
which poured down continuously for some three days.
This great body of snow and protracted rain caused
the greatest fiood known in New England by its oldest
inhabitants. This flood has probably more records for
high water than any which ever occurred in the Con
necticut Valley.
In Middletown at that time was the firm of Hub
bard Bros., large dealers in lumber and manufacturers
of doors, blinds and many other articles for building
purposes. Their office bidlding was over a very high
stone basement and stood near the water, and for many
years it had been their custom during the spring floods
to draw a line on their building where high water had
reached. This flood was at its highest May 4, 1854, and
one of the firm, Gaston Hubbard, drew the line, which
was so far above all other lines as to attract much at
tention. Soon after the water had subsided, Mr. Hub
bard, thinking this fiood must have beaten all previous
occasions, not excepting Noah's, but wishing to be fair,
as he was a very fair-minded man, drew the line about
six inches below, crediting that to Noah's flood of some
what doubtful authenticity.
Two or three seasons later, a convention of ministerr>
was held in the city and after the conclusion of their

Yankee Jumbles. 193
session, they were taken about the city to see some of the
places of interest. About half a dozen of them went
to Hubbard Bros.' works, through their planing mills
and various shops, when their attention was called to the
water marks and dates on the building. One of them,
seemingly more interested than the rest, noticing the
highest mark and then the one six inches below it
credited to Noah's flood, expressed great indignation to
his brethren and surprise that men like the Hubbards
should allow such sacrilegious evidences of disrespect
for holy and sacred things to be posted on their build
ing, and expressing such a serious shock to his religious
feelings that some of his associates thought that Mr.
Hubbard's attention ought to be brought to the matter.
Mr. Gaston Hubbard very freely acknowledged that the
record was made by his authority and placed to the best
of his knowledge and that if it wasn't right he was very
sorry ; if it was wrong, he was willing to make any con
cession to the aggrieved gentleman's wishes and would
place the line for Noah's flood at any other point he
would suggest, and thank him for the correction.

RELIGION.

In the first half of the nineteenth century, the re
ligious views of the community were not very materially
changed from those of the century before, but the people
were beginning to get their eyes opened in different di
rections to other views. The writings of Thomas Paine
in the last part of the eighteenth century had sowed a
great deal of seed, jnnch of which had fallen in good

194 Yankee Jumbles.
ground. The people began to take the liberty of think
ing for themselves, instead of relegating all their re
ligious views and hopes into the hands of the priests.
There began to be a feeling that we had a God of Love,
and that instead of an angry God, He was of a peace
ful and amicable nature. The doctrine of eternal dam
nation began to grow obnoxious in the minds of the
people. For the first half of the century, the steam was kept
up from the pulpit motors to a strong belief in an eternal
hell of fire and torment for the wicked, or such as did
not belong to the church, or made confession of faith, or
went through the formulas required by the church. The
promises were held forth for those who performed the
ceremony of believing, or professing to believe, and
adopted the church formulas, who were to inherit a life
of joy and bliss, to walk through the pearly gates and
streets of gold, singing hallelujahs forever and ever.
Thomas Paine's "Age of Reason" somewhat shook the
faith of those who had courage to read it.
Evangelists of a very ordinary type of intellect
traversed the country from one end to the other, start
ing revivals and getting up religious excitement. The
men and boys did not seem to manifest so much interest
in the church during the pleasant seasons when it was
more enjoyable for many of them to go fishing or on ex
cursions. When the nights grew longer and the weather
was not so conducive for these outdoor sports, a new in
terest was likely to arise in the church and protracted
meetings began to be held in the evenings, and young
people susceptible to the fears of hell and eternal damna-

Yankee Jumbles. 195
tion, had these doctrines thoroughly infused into their
minds. They were urged on by their parents and the
clergy and became anxious about their souls and went
forward for prayers, and during the winter were pre
pared and coached for the final exercise of being baptized
and joining the church. Some of the clergy of those
days were very poorly educated. Among the founders
of one of the principal churches in Meriden was a shoe
maker, who worked out for his farmer neighbors dur
ing the week when cobbling was dull.
He had a son, who in later life became quite a
talented preacher. It used to be said by the older people
that the father was more solemn in prayer, but that the
son could beat him at preaching. Another prominent
light was a shad fisherman from the town of Haddam,
who used to take horseback rides of twenty and thirty
miles on Sunday moming or any other time to con
tribute his labors to a revival and preach the comfort
ing doctrine of eternal damnation.
Parish calls were much more faithfully attended to
than at the present day. One great inducement to look
tenderly after their docks was plenty of good bitter bot
tles and good dinners. One of this whangdoodle type of
clergy used to come to Meriden from Berlin. The head
of one of the houses where he was always treated hos
pitably used to remark that he could always tell five
minutes after "Old Bentley" left Berlin to come to
Meriden, for every chicken on his premises took to hiding
just as fast as they could find shelter. He preached
through the early days of slavery agitation, and was in
the habit of expressing his contempt of the "abolion-

196 Yankee Jumbles.
ists." The church at that time approved of slavery, as it
was thoroughly justified in the Bible. In his views about
the Indians, he used to express himself as somewhat in
sympathy with the "abigones."
Among these evangelists was an elder named Swan,
who was about as eccentric and fanatical as Sam Jones
of Southern fame. One evening when Elder Swan was
preaching to a large congregation, and as usual mak
ing most radical statements, a tall, lank youth in the
audience got up and walked down the aisle to leave.
Elder Swan paused in his discourse, and pointing his
finger at him, said, "Go, you stackpole of hell."
One of his illustrations concerning an old sinner was
that when the devil caught him his yell was likened
to the shrill scream of the whistle to a locomotive.
One of his brother preachers, by the name of Jen
nings, abandoned preaching and went to manufactur
ing bits and augers. In one of the ministerial con
ventions, this Swan alluded to Jennings' desertion of
the ministerial ranks, and prayed that the Almighty
would take him in hand and shake him over the pit
of hell until every bit and auger had dropped out of
him, and then send him back to his legitimate calling.
Another pious brother came into town, and putting up
with a member of the church where the revival was in
progress, requested one of the brethren to get him some
carpet tacks, some shingle nails, some six- and eight-
penny nails, some twenty-penny nails and a few spikes.
The brother was much mystified to know what he wanted
them for, but the evening exercises disclosed their use.

Yankee Jumbles. 197
THE TEXT: "SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN TO
COME UNTO ME."
The subject was chiefly on the necessity of children
and youths coming to Jesus. Aiming to impress the
danger of putting off the vi^it to later in life, when the
obstacles seemed more difficult to overcome, he took out
the assortment of nails and spread them on the pul
pit, then drawing from his pocket a magnetic tack ham
mer, he proceeded to demostrate how much easier it
was for the children to come to Jesus than for the old
sinners. He put the hammer into the little bunch of
tacks, when a dozen or more attached themselves to the
magnet. Then, holding up this illustration to the au
dience, he said, "See ! see ! this tack hammer represents
Jesus, and these tacks little children, and see how easily
they come to Jesus." He next applied the hammer to
the shingle nails, and of these he could get but one or
two. "Now," he said, "my dear hearers, these nails
represent children of twelve or fourteen ; you see it
catches them, but they do not come in groups." He next
applied the hammer to the adults, or the eight-penny
nails, but they were only slightly attracted by the mag
net. "You see," he said, "they require more magnetism,
more persuasion, more prayer; and now, I will try the
effect on the old sinners." Then he applied the hammer
to the twenty-penny nails and then to one of the spikes ;
the latter, he said, represented the old sinner of fifty or
sixty years, to move which would require a loadstone,
the tack hammer showing no more effect than a ball of
putty. "So," he said, "you see, my dear hearers, the ne-

198 Yankee Jumbles.
cessity of getting children to come to Jesus as soon as
possible." The same illustration was used in San Francisco dur
ing one of the writer's later trips west, and drew out con
siderable comment from the city press.
During another revival meeting in the Naugatuck
Valley, the whole community became quite exercised
as to the safety of their souls. Living among the hills
was a Captain Stannard, one of the most staunch, pa
triotic, honorable and honest of men in that whole re
gion. He was almost alone in not attending these meet
ings. Some of the prominent men of the church thought
it a pity not to have such a man as Captain Stannard im
prove such an auspicious chance to get into the fold of
Christ. Their anxiety impelled them to have a com
mittee appointed to visit Captain Stannard, and to in-
formi him what a "shower of grace" was falling upon
them. To insure success in this effort, the parson and
one of the deacons, by the name of Chipman Smith,
known familiarly as Deacon "Chip," were delegated to
visit the captain. They called on him and told him the
object of their visit and expressed their wish to have
him come in and have his soul saved before it was too
late. They used all the persuasion they could, but the
captain politely declined to attend the meetings and was
so religiously wicked as to pronounce the whole thing a
"humbug." They then requested the privilege to pray
for him before leaving. He consented to the arrange
ment, so they both approached the throne of grace in
prayer, presenting his case as strongly as their words
could express, and calling down all the blessings they

Yankee Jumbles. 199
could think of on the captain, and wound up with wishes
for his final conversion. When they got through the cap
tain thanked them for their kindly intentions and told
them they had made very good prayers, and tuming to
the parson, said, "Parson So and So, you made a very
good prayer, but I rather think 'Chip' beat you." This
was the conclusion of their efforts for the conversion of
Captain Stannard. The captain afterwards gave his rea
sons to a friend why he had no use for the church, the
following being a partial list remembered as related:
He did not believe that the world was made in six literal
days, that grass and vegetables grew before the sun ex
isted, that God had Adam name all the animals, that
woman was created from the rib of man, that a serpent
ever walked on his tail, that God ever repented that He
made man, that the earth was covered with water to the
depth of several miles, that Noah could have put one-
tenth of the stock claimed to have been taken into the
ark, carried and sustained them 150 days, nor that they
could have lived for lack of ventilation and accumula
tion of filth. He did not believe that Joseph was ever
sold into Egypt, that Moses and Aaron ever turned day
into darkness that could be felt, nor filled the country
with frogs, lice, locusts, etc., so thick that the people
could not stir around. That two million of people could
have congregated from over all Egypt without de
tection until ready to make their escape over the Red
Sea, that the waters of the Red Sea opened and formed
two walls to allow the Israelites to pass through on
dry ground, that when they clamored for meat that
quails were sent in from the sea to the depth of three

200 Yankee Jumbles.
and one half feet around the camp for thirty miles,
and that the man gathering the least quantity had 150
bushels of quail in his larder, and when they had them
gathered, were not allowed to eat a mouthful of them.
He did not believe that two she bears ever made a meal of
forty innocents, that the trick of testing the power of the
gods of Baal was done only by Elijah substituting lime
for wood, thereby requiring an ample supply of water.
He did not believe there was any meaner man in Sodom
than Lot, Hi the story were true. That Samson ever
killed thousands of Philistines with the jawbone of an
ass, then found water in it with which to quench his
thirst. That he ever caught 300 foxes and tied their
tails together and fastened torches to them and then
burned the Philistines' vineyards by this means. He did
not believe that a whale or other fish ever swallowed
Jonah, nor that he could have composed the prayer at
tributed to him while inside of the fish. That God ever
told the Israelites to kill and rip up all the women that
had ever known men, and save all the virgins for the
lust and ravishment of the soldiers. He did not be
lieve that such a character as Christ ever lived. That
it was necessary, on account of God's love for the world,
to adopt such an expedient as having a son born for
ntian's redemption. He thought the Creator of the uni
verse capable of a simpler and more rational method,
clear and convincing to every mind as that air is air, and
water is water. He did not believe that Lazarus was
raised from the grave except by a trick, if indeed it
ever occurred, as there was only one evangelist who told

Yankee Jumbles. 201
the story, and then there was no evidence that Lazarus
was really dead.
From a religious standpoint, Captain Stannard would
appear to be a very wicked man, to have doubts about
all these precious questions ; but in the community where
he lived he was recognized as a man of strict integrity
and moral character, which from an orthodox standpoint
would hardly seem possHble.
These religious revival seasons were necessary for men
to polish up and revise their orthodoxy, as a large per
centage of those showing the most zeal during these oc
casions were the most liable to be backsliders at an early
day. Several of such cases were familiarly known. One
prominent tobacco dealer in the town of Suffield used to
have a reputation of experiencing religion on an average
of three or four times a year, but a large share of the
intervals would be filled up with all sorts of dissipations.
A man in the town of Woodbury, by the name of Jim
Russell, had some difficulty with a neighbor by the name
of Munson. During revival seasons Russell was in the
habit of breaking forth in frequent supplications to the
throne of grace, on which occasions he would go to a
place in the corner of one of his lots near the Munson
residence. He would pray so loudly as to be heard quite
a distance about the neighborhood. He prayed for
everybody else as well as himself, excepting Joe Munson,
and in winding up his appeal, would always close with
the invocation: "God bless Jim Russell and God d — n
Joe Munson."
The belief that all the wicked were to be burned in
eternal fire led to the construction in the city of Phila-

202 Yankee Jumbles.
delphia of a sort of patent hell. This miniature hell
was got up by a series of rooms that appeared to be paved
with beds of live coals. Subjects were selected as poor
and emaciated as possible, and were placed quite freely
through the different rooms to show people the condi
tion of a sinner after a long season in Satan's king
dom. The subjects would lie and roll about in apparent
agony, emitting groans of misery and torment. They
would ask each other questions as to what brought them
there. Perhaps one of them would say he came there
for telling lies, and being asked how long he had been
there, would answer, "Ten thousand years." Another
would he interrogated as to his reason for attendance,
and he perhaps might reply : "For committing adultery."
Another would be present for stealing sheep, and had
been there for fifteen or twenty thousand years. And
so every sin in the catalogue was enumerated to Show
what brought them there. This was considered instruc
tive to those who were walking the paths of sin in this
life. This was a sort of camp-meeting age. The colored
people also held meetings and for several years, Meri
den was favored with these gatherings of the "sable
clan." During these meetings, particularly on Sundays,
there would be a gathering of every class of low and
drinking society about their camp; while they were
strictly orderly themselves, it required the attendance
of sheriffs and special police to protect them from annoy
ance. In one of the large towns, an effort was made to
establish a colored Zion, and contributions were solicited
to build their church. Very few gifts were larger than

Yankee Jumbles. 203
$5, until an eccentric fellow by the name of Childs
subscribed $100 on condition. For such a munificent
gift he received most profuse thanks and assurances of
a great deal of prayerful consideration. After a time
collections were being made on these subscriptions, when
on going to Mr. Childs he asked them if they were ready
to comply with the condition. "Oh ! yes," they said, "dat
would be all right." But he said that he would like
to have something in writing to insure the carrying out
of such a provision as he wanted. "Oh ! yes, dat could
be fixed up ; no trouble 'bout dat." They told him that
if he would tell them the condition they would have it
provided for. It being a Baptist society, Childs in
formed them that the condition was arbitrary that every
convert made after the church was established should
be baptized in boiling hot water.
In the early part of the nineteenth century, the only
method of heating the churches was by means of large
box stoves. One of these stoves would heat but a small
part of the edifice, and to keep themselves warm during
the service, the people provided themselves with foot-
stoves, which were small perforated tin affairs, about ten
inches square.
Nearby many of the churches were built small houses
known as Sabba' Day houses. They were used for the
comfort and convenience of the people from the country.
They would drive in with their families several miles,
and leave their family at the Sabba' Day house, some one
of which would build a roaring fire with fuel kept there
for the occasion. When the fire had got under way,

204 Yankee Jumbles.
they filled the little foot-stoves with live coals and then
proceeded to the church.
Each pew generally had a door at the entrance. When
all were seated in the pew, this foot-stove became of
general use to the family to keep their feet warm on the
icy cold fioor by being passed from one to the other. The
minister's only recourse for warmth was to exercise him
self by getting up as much excitement as possible ; "hol
lering," and pounding his pulpit, in order to keep up
circulation. The sermons were rarely less than two
hours long and there were two services during the day,
as quantity seemed more essential than quality. At the
noon intermission, the families from outside would re
pair to the Sabba' Day houses to partake of the luncheon
they had brought with them and left there to keep
from freezing.
It was related by an old acquaintance that at a baptis
mal service, it was customary for one of the deacons to
provide the bottle of water to pour into the baptismal
font. On one occasion the good deacon brought two bot
tles, one of water and one of cider. When he went to
prepare the baptismal font, he poured in the cider in
stead of the water. The candidate who was to be bap
tised on that Sunday was always recognized as having
been baptised lin cider. Different denominations have
different methods of baptising. The Baptists used to im
merse their converts in ponds or some stream of water,
where there was a sucker hole. Sometimes they were
baptised through a hole in the ice; frequently when it
was nearly a foot thick. Later baptistries were placed
in the church where this rite was performed. In one

Yankee Jumbles. 205
of these baptistries, not many years ago, several can^
didates had been immersed, when one of the converts
declined to take her tum. The minister assured her
that it was all right as so many had gone in before her,
to which she replied she should think from the appear
ance of the water that they had.
A common formula of baptism is : I baptise thee in the
name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy
Ghost. An old friend, several years ago, related an ex
perience of one of her daughters, who had seen the
baptismal service in a Baptist church. Being of a pious
turn of mind, on the daughter's return home, having
several dolls, she thought it would be a good plan to
have a revival and to have them experience religion-
After a certain amount of good advice and placing them
on an anxious seat for prayer, she assumed that they had
obtained hope, and after arranging them in an atti
tude of devotion, she considered them fitted to receive
the last ordinance of baptism before entering the church.
So she arranged them around a good sized wash-tub
filled with water. The mother, looking on with a great
deal of interest to see the result of her daughter's re
ligious work, was, to say the least, much astonished to
see her small daughter hold one of the dolls over the
tub and repeat this formula : "I baptise thee in the name
of the Father and of the Son, and into the hole you go."
In these early church attendances, perfumeries and
confections were rarely ever used, but a substitute was
made up of orange peel, caraway and fennel seed. Look
ing about a congregation, a large percentage of the
women could be seen nibbling their orange peel and

2o6 Yankee Jumbles.
chewing their caraway and fennel as composedly as the
Western girls of the present day chew gum.
In the first quarter of the nineteenth century, a great
excitement overran New England, under the name of
Millerism. A fanatic by the name of Miller predicted
that the end of the world would occur in 1843. Great
crowds of people flocked to the meetings, which were
generally held in tents, to hear the advocates of the uni
versal wind-up of earthly affairs give their reasons why
it must be so. Pictures of all the animals and mon
strosities which Daniel saw in his visions, and canvases
covered with figures enumerating days and hours and
times, and all other vagaries that the human mind
could invent were exhibited and figured out to a nicety,
demonstrating that the "jig" would be up, beyond all
doubt, with sublunary affairs in 1843. Some very
penurious and close-fisted men were so positive and such
ardent believers in the tmth of these things that they
gave away thousands of dollars, who afterwards lived to
see pressing need of this money.
Some time after this Miller excitement, which did not
close up affairs as expected, an impostor by the name of
Spayth, of New Jersey, came to Connecticut, represent
ing himself as a kind of second Christ. It is claimed
by many of the orthodox belief that the mere fact of
Christ getting so many followers should be taken as
conclusive proof that he was of divine origin, not think
ing that one or more, of modem times and denounced
as rank impostors, have had thousands of followers.
John Smith has obtained hundreds of converts in this en
lightened age, where Christ had one in an age of ignor-

Yankee Jumbles. 207
ance. This man, Spayth, in a very few months succeeded
in enticing from the towns of Wallingford and South-
ington five married women who had families of children,
to gather up aJl the earthly effects they could lay their
hands on, instead of taking up a cross, and then follow
this feUow to Canada. Here they stayed until their
resources were exhausted and then, abandoned by this
scamp, they returned home, trying to restore their fam
ily relations, which m nearly every case, they failed
to do. Besides these women, quite a number of prud
ish old maids became so infatuated with the views and
teachings of this rascal that they would appear before
him nude without a blush, feeling so free from sin.
The maimer of preparing young ministers for service
in the cause of Christ was to have evening practice
meetings. There were two such young men coached for
the ministry in the house next to where the writer was
born. The mother of these young hopefuls used to express
dissatisfaction for the lack of attention by the clergy, in
her church'. She thought she ought to be visited more
by the parson, as, having raised two ministers for service
in the church, she was entitled to more recognition,
My mother set up a claim that she was entitled to as
much consideration, having raised two fiddlers, one of
whom played in the church choir and the other at dances
and other social occasions with quite as much success
as the other two preached. When these young men
returned from the seminary where they were preparing
for their future work, during vacations, meetings would
be held at the sohoolhouse for them to show off their ac
complishments. At these meetings would be a general

2o8 Yankee Jumbles.
turn-out of not only the older folks, but the younger
people, who were well acquaiinted with these young
preachers. At one of these evening meetings, the girls
decided that they would play a joke on their beaux, who
as usual wdth good young men, were very punctual in
performing the duties of seeing them home. By a pre
concerted move, the girls slipped out in advance of the
boys and running down the road were soon out of sight.
When the boys came out there seemed to be no girls for
them to go home with. One of the boys said that if
the "darned fools" wanted to go home alone, let them
go. A short distance down the road was a thick bunch of
cocum bushes under which the girls were hid. The
boys came along, expressing their contempt and dis
gust for the girls and just by this bunch of bushes
they came to a halt.
There was an occurrence similar to the one related
in Judges, sixth chapter, thirty-seventh verse, where
Gideon, not having implicit faith in God's promises,
asked for manifestation of having dew fall profusely on
a fleece of wool and that the ground around it should be
dry. Not being satisfied with that manifestation, which
seemed entirely successful, he asked that the operation be
reversed and that the ground be wet and the wool dry,
which God very obligingly did to convince Gideon that
he was no humbug. In this case the bushes and the
girls underneath were wet and the ground around re
mained dry. The girls lay still and the boys never knew
until later years, until many of them were married, that
Providence is not partial in its mysterious manifesta
tions. 

Yankee Jumbles. 209
SOME FAVORITE HYlMNS SUNG AT THE CON
FERENCE MEETINGS.
Broad is the road that leads to death.
And thousands walk together there ;
But wisdom shows a narrow path.
With here and there a traveller.

My thoughts on awful subjects roll.
Damnation and the dead.
What horrors seize the guilty soul
Upon a dying bed.

With holy fear and humble song.
The dreadful God our souls adore ;
Reverence and awe become the tongue
That speaks the terrors of his power.

Far in the deep where darkness dwells.
The land of horror and despair;
Justice has built a dismal hell
And laid her stores of vengeance there.

A PEN PICTURE OF GOD IN SOME SIMILAR
STANZAS.
His nostrils breathe out fiery streams
And from his awful tongue,
A sovereign voice divides the fiames
And thunder rolls along.

2IO Yankee Jumbles.
All supposed to be comforting and for the good of
souls.

Up to the first quarter of the nineteenth century, the
Presbyterian church was recognized as the most promi
nent, and enjoyed the name of the Standing Order. The
laws of the church were such that if any one seceded and
went to another order, he was still held responsible for
church tax, having once been enrolled as a member of
their society. The laws of the state were such as to en
force collection. If children were sprinkled, which was
an alternative to get their names on the roll, in time
they were considered members of the church. Later
on they were put through a system of revival training to
have them make a formal connection with the church,
which was by baptism and subscribing to certain formu
las. In time other denominations springing up, like the
Baptists, Methodists and Episcopalians, many seceded
from the old Standing Order.
The political parties of those times were the Demo
crats and Whigs. The Democratic party rather took
sides with those who wanted free religious toleration,
and consequently the old church would be made up
mostly of the Whig element, while the other denomi
nations were almost universally Democrats. So to find
a Baptist, Methodist or Episcopalian a Whig, would be
about as easy as to look up a white crow.
A movement was made to abolish this taxation by
those who went from the old church, but it was quite
awhile before anything could be accomplished.

Yankee Jumbles. 211
The law at that time for debt allowed the debtor to
tum over such property as he could best spare without
embarrassing his wants. While many were being taxed
after affiliating themselves with other churches. One
man, who was well conversant with the law, who chanced
to be an uncle of the writer, objected to the payment of
the tax and challenged them to collect it by legal
process. It happened about that time that there was a
gjrocery store in the place which had suspended busi
ness. In closing up affairs, several dozen commodes
were sold at auction which this man bought and kept
in storage preparatory to a call from the sheriff. The
church had a writ of attachment made out to collect
her back tax. When the sheriff called to serve his
writ, the debtor took advantage of that feature of the
law to turn over property which he thought would
least embarrass his financial affairs and, therefore,
presented his stock of commodes, remarking at the same
time if their value was not enough to satisfy the claim,
that he might take his little outhouse. The officer
reported to the church the kind of goods that would
have to be taken. As all goods had to be sold at
public auction, the church authorities decided to aban
don the idea of collecting that tax. It proved to be the
last church tax payment tried to be enforced so far as
known from that time.
In speaking of my uncle, it may be proper to mention
that he served as county sheriff for several years, which
proved a very thorough schooling in the minor details
of the law. At that time, there was but one lawyer in
Meriden, by the name of Andrews. He transacted a

212 Yankee Jumbles.
large share of the legal business of the town in the
way of making out writs, deeds, leases for people, etc.
When frequent petty cases in law came up the plain
tiff had no other alternative, except to go out of town,
than to employ Lawyer Andrews. In such cases it
was quite common for the defendant to employ the ser
vices of "Uncle Levi," who was recognized as being
-well informed on all critical law points as well as be
ing something of a wit. So during legal arguments
in cases that came up. Lawyer Andrews was very much
given to quoting "Blackstone" and "Coke upon ittle-
ton," and other celebrated legal writers. As an offset
to this, "Uncle Levi" would quote correct law and
give as his authority "Mother Goose" and "Bluebeard's"
narratives. These methods were so disconcerting to
Lawyer Andrews, and m'ade so much amusement in
the court-room, that "Uncle Levi" almost invariably won
his case.

WHEN I WAS A BOY.
Seventy-five years ago, boys in Connecticut had very
different experiences from the boys commencing the
twentieth century. In the country the families were
larger than to-day and the conditions were more of a
"get up and get" character than now.
The greater part of boy life was spent on the farms, a-^
our towns and cities were very little developed in the
way of manufacturing. The boy was an all-round
useful member in making up the complement of labor
on the farm. He was the fellow to bring in wood,

Yankee Jumbles. 213
pick up chips, pull fiax, bring in hens' eggs, feed
the chickens, fetch the cows, tend hay, rake after the
cart, turn grind-stone, hoe three and skip three to keep
up with the men in the field, bring up the old mare,
go after the oxen, drive plow, ride the horse in plow
ing and harrowing, ride him to water, pick up po
tatoes and small stones in the fields, chop brush,
pile up wood, hold the light when pork was being cut
up, and when pork and beef were being packed in
the barrel, pick over apples evenings, cut and drop
potatoes, plant beans between the hills of com, stick
pumpkin seeds in the rows, drive geese and pigs out of
the meadows and corn fields, draw cider for all comers,
and dozens of other things of a similar nature; in
fact, there was considered no limit to the capacity
of a boy's legs and endurance for running and doing
chores. This was about the order of my early ex
perience on the farm and that of most boys of the time.
The dress of nearly all boys was of the home-spun
order, produced on the farms from crops of fiax and
the growth on sheep's backs. When garments became
worn they were patched with almost anything, regard
less of match in color. Boots and shoes were only worn
against the severity of weather; the prevailing fashion
for the summer season from early spring until late
in the fall was to go barefoot, and many a time, in the
late fall, when I have been sent into the field for
the cattle, where they had been lying over night, I
would take advantage to stand on the place they had
got up from for quite a time to warm my feet; but
with all the diversity of labor, compared with the

214 Yankee Jumbles.
present day, I may assert there was more real en
joyment for boys in the country then than now. The
fields were alive with game and every boy had a dog,
and when sent into the fields after horses and cows,
or on any other errand, his invariable companion would
be his dog Bose. The fences were mostly large stone
walls, which made good shelter for skunks, Wood
chucks, squirrels and black snakes. If the boy heard
Bose barking on. one of these trips after cattle, he be
came so familiar with his dog's language that he
could invariably tell what kind of game Bose was
barking at. If it were a chipmunk or red squirrel, it
would be a sort of whining peep, not at all em
phatic or loud; if it was a black snake it would be
barks at intervals which would not mean game of any
importance ; if it were a skunk or woodchuck, the bark
ing was emphatic enough to mean business and that
the case was one of great importance. A boy hearing
that kind of barking is sure to forget his mission after
stock and to be rather late and disappointing in his re
turn on time, and apt to have some inquiry as to where
he was gone so long.
Two boys, named Ansell and Joel, were sent one
spring into the fields with a cart body of potatoes
to be dropped into the rows, and, discovering a red squir
rel in a tree one side of the field adjoining a swamp,
they thought it necessary to capture the squirrel before
dropping the potatoes. Their dog had got the squirrel
treed and they soon besieged the squirrel with all the
loose femall stones they could pick up near at hand.
They would almost hit him, but had not quite sue-

Yankee Jumbles. 215
ceeded until they had exhausted all the small stones
convenient to throw. They thought the chances to hit
him so near that they commenced with the potatoes.
The result was that they threw the whole cartload
of potatoes at the squirrel and were imder a high
degree of excitement. When the last potato had gone
into the swamp, Ansell sang out to Joel as if the fate
of a nation depended upon the issue, "Joel, climb,
let's have the cuss anyway." Joel climbed the tree,
shook the squirrel off into the swamp, where he was per
fectly safe from any further danger. The boys re
turned home with their empty cart minus the squirrel.
There was a dearth in the way of toys, except some
few rude things which they made themselves, as kites,
bows and arrows, rude sleds, elder pop-guns, and such
things as these, which were of a very inferior character
compared with the toys and various things for amuse
ment in the present day. In the winter skates were as
often tied on with tow strings as any other way, the
skates themselves being of a very inferior make. There
was more pleasure for boys in getting together in the dif
ferent farm houses than most any other feature of their
lives. Their evening amusements for outside, when the
evenings were pleasant would be made up in the game
of "I spy the wolf," playing bye or tag, and play
ing a game called "Free come fetch," which would
be played in the street, restricted between the fences
on each side. One boy would be selected to stand in
the middle of the street, the rest, a dozen or more, all
going to one side. He would then sing out "Free
come fetch," and they must all rush by him to the oppo-

2i6 Yankee Jumbles.
site side of the street, and he was to catch as many as
he could in their passing and each one that he caught
and spit over his head must join with him in help
ing to catch the rest. After catching two or three,
if he was a small boy, his force would be so augmented
that they could join together in catching a bigger one,
thus they would capture an increased number of catch
ers until they were reduced down to two or three
of the largest boys. The capturing of these last big
boys of course made lots of excitement as they tried
to break through the crowd. When it was a big boy's
tum to stand of course he made quick work in cap
turing the best of them.
In playing "I spy the wolf," they usually stood
around in a ring and the wolf was selected by re
peating one of these lingoes, commencing with some
boy in the ring and touching them as repeated go
ing around; one familiar one was this:
"Iry, ery, ichery, an,
Fillisy, follisy, Nicholas John,
Qwevy, Quavy, English marish,
Strinhalum, strankalum^ buck.
You're out."
and so on to the last; or this one:
"Onesol, two sol, ticker sol tan,
Fillisy, follisy, Nicholas John,
Harem, scarem, bob-tail vinegar,
Strinkalum, strankalum, back."

Yankee Jumbles. 217
The last boy was to be the wolf and he would go and
hide while the rest waited for him to be well se
creted; after thinking he was properly hidden, they
would sing out, "All ready, say nothing :" if he was not
ready, he would say "no," but if he kept still that was
evidence that the wolf was hidden; then they all
scattered to hunt him up, and whenever anybody found
him, he would yell, "I spy the wolf." At this sig
nal the wolf would spring out and catch the one who
spied him, if possible, before he could get back to the
station they all started from; if he did not succeed in
catching that supposed sheep, he had the chance to
catch any other that had not succeeded in returning to
the goal. In this way the band of wolves was aug
mented to go out and hide and ultimately pick up the
rest of the straggling sheep.
Sometimes a diversion from these amusements about
home would be indulged in by visiting some neigh
bor's early apple trees, pear trees or peach orchard.
One particular instance was in giving attention to
an old fellow's watermelon patch. This old chap was
very stingy of all his fruit, and one season had
a watermelon patch on a very steep side of a hill
with a southern exposure to insure an early crop. Pre
suming that the boys might want to sample his goods
some night when they ripened, he thought he would lay
in wait for them, and adopted what he thought was a
very cunning plan to catch them. He located his
two-wheeled cart near the upper side of the patch,
throwing two or three bundles of straw into the cart
body, under which he concealed himself to wait the ex-

2i8 Yankee Jumbles.
pected call, it being Saturday night and a favorable
time for the boys to get out to make such a visit. The
boys being late in their arrival, the old fellow getting
tired and sleepy, he dropped off into a sound doze.
When the boys arrived, they came stealthily into the
patch, and as they approached the cart 'heard a noise
which one of them soon discovered to be that of a man
snoring. No movement being made the boys at once
took the hint that the old man was concealed in the
straw, and by his long waiting had gone to sleep. So
they soon concocted a plan to give him a little sur
prise party. This was in the days of Millerism, when
a great many people were looking for the second coming
of the Saviour; among such believers was the pro
prietor of the melon patch. The boys, to carry out their
scheme, arranged some half dozen of them to hold
the neap of the cart, while one ring leader, as they
turned the neap of the cart uphill and the tail of
it down, struck a match and set fire to the straw,
while the boys gave the cart a push down the hill
and yelled like demons. This aroused the old fellow
in the midst of fiames and gave him the most fear
ful scare of his life, exclaiming that his fears had
finally come to pass that he should some day wake up
and find himself in hell.
While boys do a great many good things, the old say
ing is yet true that "boys will be boys." A rather un
popular man one winter season, 'as was the custom in
earlier days, did a great deal of hauling wood to market
on a sled, as the winters then usually afforded a long
term of snow for sleighing and sledding. As he hauled

Yankee Jumbles. 219
his wood a long distance, he usually loaded it in the
afternoon and hauled it to his house, ready to take
a very early start in the morning. The loading and
packing for market of a cord of wood is quite a heavy
task, and one night when this man was to take an early
start with team and load to New Haven, the boys
visited his load of wood and throwing it all off, turned
his sled over and put the tall stakes back into the
same holes as when the sled was right side up, and
then reloaded the wood in about as good order as it was
the first time. This man was not a regular fre
quenter of prayer conferences, and it was said that if
he had been his remarks on driving his team to the sled
to hitch on for the morning's journey would have been
very inappropriate for any church member to utter.
Aside from all these outdoor diversions either in
nocent or naughty, the evenings about the old fire
places had many charms. The evening entertainments
are things that everybody is likely to remember in
after life. The days of youth, naturally surrounded
and under the patronage of parents and older con
nections of the family, were the times to be enter
tained by stories of their parents and elders. In olden
times boys and girls would sit many an evening listen
ing to songs and stories, exploits of war, hunting and
fishing stories, but about the most captivating and in
structive, to keep ears in listening, and put a young
man into the most pleasurable condition to retire in
a dark chamber, or go into a distant comer of some cel
lar to draw cider or get apples, or to be sent out to the
bam with or without a lantern to obtain some in-

220 Yankee Jumbles.
different article, were the beautiful ghost stories. Af
ter an evening's entertainment of this nature, the
rustle of every leaf was a spook, every shadow made by
a candle or by the moon was the flitting of some
ghost. Apparitions were discussed and talked about as
freely by the old aunties land grannies, as the pulpit
would discuss the subject of the angels or devils, all of
which agencies would seem to fill the air and all space
after listening to the tales of some of these good old
believers in supernatural agencies.
In these times all the political and historical events
of the country were largely preserved in songs, and
pieces of poetry written to commemorate such events
as victories on land or water. Such happenings would
be rehearsed at our fireplaces in song all over the
country. The capture of Quebec by General Wolfe, his
heroic end. Perry's victory on Lake Erie, the naval ex
ploits of Paul Jones, the capture of Burgoyne and Com-
wallis, with scoreii of similar events were preserved and
rehearsed in song by songsters all over the nation.
Aside from political songs, were love songs, some silly
and some pathetic. Among this class may be named
William Riley's "Courtship," "Black-eyed Susan," "The
Factor and Lady," "The Old Man's Dream," and the
most pathetic of all, Campbell's "Wounded Hussar,"
It may be well here to recall two or three of the old
songs that were the entertainment of our youthful days.
These are from memory, before twelve years of age,
heard sung many a time by my mother to entertain a
group of children at home and from the neighbors.

Yankee Jumbles. 221
The music of all these songs is of a pleasing charac
ter and well remembered.
One was "The Old Man's Dream," and is as follows :
Good moming, good fellows; pray, how do you do?
Come, tell me, I pray thee, and what's all the news ?
For trading it is low and I'm sorry for it.
And that's what makes me feel worse than I used.
I've nothing to do, for I have no money,
I have no way for to get a penny.
And charity is not used by many.
I've nothing to lend, I've nothing to spend;
I've nothing to do but to stay at home.
A-sitting in my chair, drawing nigh to the fire,
I fell asleep like an idle drone.
And as I slept I dreamed a dream,
I saw a play acted without any scene ;
But I could not tell what this play did mean.
At length I perceived what this play did mean.
As they acted it out, it was all mankind.
There was something peculiar in it to be seen
Concerning this world which we are in.
And when the play was ended down the stage did fling.
There was no difference to be seen
Betwixt a beggar and a king.
The first that mounted the stage I protest
Was Time with a scythe and a glass in his hand.
He'd the circle of the globe marked upon his breast
To show the world he had in command.

222 Yankee Jumbles.
There's a time for to get and a time for to spend,
A time for to borrow and a time for to lend.
And a time when all things must have an end.
Truth, she came in, she was clothed in wool.
She says this world it is full, full, full.
Truth, she came in and talked calmly and cool.
She says this world is full, full, full.
The country's full of poverty, the city's full of pride.
Such underhanded dealing I never saw beside.
But the usurer's bag is well supplied.
Charity came in, she looked wondrous old.
And she was shivering with the cold.
She was dressed like a lady in Holland sleeves.
Said this world's full of rebels worse than thieves.
For I've been in the city and in the country.
Among the nobles of every degree.
But I find no room for Charity.
Conscience came in with his hat in his hand.
He looked like some gentleman.
The lawyers they laughed and jeered at him.
And pointed their fingers with their hands.
For he would be telling them of thie latter age.
Which put all the lawyers in such a rage.
That they kicked poor Conscience down the stage.
Hark ! Hear the Babylonians, the drums they did sound.
As they came rattling through the town.
Hark ! Hear the Babylonians with noise to confound,
Enough to shake our chimneys down.

Yankee Jumbles. 223
Then in stepped Mars, the great God of War,
And ordered them to face about and be as they were.
And when I awoke I was sitting in my chair.
And when I awoke, I was sitting by the fire.'
The next is a humorous song on the supposed visit
of an Englishman to France, who took a Frenchman's
replies of misunderstanding to be an individual's name.
JOHN BULL'S VISIT TO FRANCE.
John Bull for pastime took a prance.
Some time ago to peep at France,
To talk of sciences and arts.
And knowledge gained in foreign parts.
Monsieur Obsequious heard him speak.
But answered John in heathen Greek,
About all he asked, about all he saw.
Was "Monsieur Je ne comprends pas."
John saw Marseilles from Marley's height.
And cried enchanted at the sight:
"Whose fine estate do I see here ?"
"State ? Je ne comprends pas. Monsieur."
"What, his the land and houses, too?
He must be richer than a Jew.
No doubt he's plenty for the maw,
I'd like to dine with this Comprong paw."
John saw a lady to admire,
A beauty clothed in grand attire.
"Whose lovely wench do I see here?"
"Wench? Je ne comprends pas. Monsieur."

224 Yankee Jumbles.
"What ! his again. Upon my life.
Houses and lands and such a wife.
His happiness must have no flaw.
I'd like to see this Comprong paw."
The next he saw in sad array,
A train of mourners come his way.
"Whose funeral is that?" cries John.
"Je ne comprends pas." "What, is he gone ?
Wealth, fame and beauty could not save
Poor Comprong paw from the grave.
But since he has chosen to withdraw.
Good night to you, Mr. Comprong paw."
The third is Shakespeare's "Seven Ages."
Our immortal poet's page
Says that all the world's a stage.
And that men with all their airs are nothing more thkn
players. Each using skill and art.
In tum to play his part;
All to fill up this farcical scene.
Enter here, exit there, stand in view, mind your cue.
Hey down. Ho down, derry derry down,
All to fill up this farcical scene.
First the infant in the lap, mewling, pewling with its pap
To please the puppet tries, it giggles and it cries.
Like a chicken that we truss as it waddles by its nurse,
All to fill up this farcical scene,

Yankee Jumbles. 225
Hush a bye, wipe an eye, kissy pretty, sucky titty.
Hey down, etc..
All to fill, etc.
Next the pretty babe of grace, with its smiling moming
face.
With a satchel on its back, to school at last must pack.
And like a snail he creeps and for bloody Monday weeps.
All to fill up this farcical scene.
Mischief plying, laughing, crying.
Fretting, snarling. Mother's darling,
Hey down., etc..
All to fill, etc.
The lover next appears, soused over head and ears.
Like a lobster on the fire, sighing ready to expire.
With a big hole in his heart, through which you might
drive a cart.
All to fill up this farcical scene.
Love it spurns him, passion burns him.
Like a wizard outs his gizzard.
Hey down, etc..
All to fill, etc.
Next the soldier full of plunder, breathing slaughter,
blood and thunder.
Like a cat among the mice cuts a dust up in a trice.
Talks of scattered brains, shattered limbs and stream
ing veins.
All to fill up this farcical scene.
Longs for glory, struggles gory,

226 Yankee Jumbles.
Prittle prattles about battles.
Hey down, etc..
All to fill, etc.
Next the justice in th'e chair with his broad and vacant
stare.
With a wig of formal cut and a belly like a butt,
Well lined with turtle hash, calipe and calipash,
AU to fill up this farcical scene.
Smooth bald pate, looks sedate,
At his nod, go to quod.
Hey down, etc..
All to fill, etc.
Next the slippered pantaloon in life's dull afternoon.
With voice once large and round, now whistling in its
sound.
With spectacles on nose, shrunk shank and youthful hose.
All to fill up this farcical scene.
Body bent, vigor spent.
Shaking noddle, widdle waddle.
Hey down, etc..
All to fill, etc.
At last to end the play, second childhood leads the way.
And like sheep that have the rot, all our senses go to pot,
And death amongst us pops and down the curtain drops.
All to fill up this farcical scene.
Then in the coffin, we jog off in.
While the bell tolls the knell.
Heigh down, low down, in the cold ground.
All to finish this farcical scene.

Yankee Jumbles. 227
With the various patriotic songs the evenings were in
terspersed for the edification of young and old. Such
thrilling events as Perry's Victory, commencing with
these thrilling lines:
Ye tars of Columbia, give ear to my story.
Who fought with brave Perry, where cannon did roar.
Whose valor it gained him an immortal glory.
Whose fame it shall last till time is no more.
Also, the old Revolutionary song of some forty verses,
commencing :
Old England, forty years ago, when we were young and
slender.
She aimed at us a mortal blow, but God was our de
fender ;
She sent her fleets and armies o'er to ravage, kill and
plunder.
Our heroes met them on the shore and beat them back
wif3i thunder.
Jehovah saw her awful plan, great Washington he gave
us;
His holiness inspired a man with power and skill to save
us.
And so on, rehearsing the exploits and victories dur
ing the Revolutionary War and War of 1812.
Aside from such instructive exercises, riddles, conun
drums, puzzles and games filled up the evening enter
tainments. An interesting diversion is recollected of a
case on shipboard with a crew of thirty men, half black

228 Yankee Jumbles.
and half white, resources becoming so scanty, in order
to save part of their lives it was decided to cast lots
for half the crew to be thrown overboard. They were to
stand in line, and commencing at one end, every tenth
man to be thrown over. The arrangement could be
described in this jingle :
Two before one, three before five.
Now two, then two, and save four alive.
Now one, and then one, and three to be cast.
Now one, and twice two, and whip Jack at last.
Expressed in figures it commenced this way:
wbwbwbwbwbwbwb
21352241131221
When these are counted, every tenth man struck out
until fifteen remained, it will put all the blacks over
board. A puzzle that taxed the ingenuity of boys then and
will some now, was placing ten pennies in a row, jump
ing one penny over two pennies either single or in a
pile and making them into five piles.
Besides patriotic and pathetic songs, many love songs
can be remembered of a humorous character, one of
which was called "Biggie's Courtship," starting off with
this charming stanza:
There was a lady loved a swine,
"My honey, dear," says she,
"Piggy, hog, will you be mine?"
"Ough," said he.

Yankee Jumbles. 229
The large families of boys and girls it is regretful
to say, were not all as tidily kept as they should have
been. The use of fine tooth-combs was necessary to
a liberal extent in a large percentage of the families.
The maufacture of such combs, made of ivory was
quite a profitable industry in those times.
A large establishment making those combs some fifty
years ago existed in Meriden, at the head of which was
Julius Pratt, who was a very practical Abolitionist.
On a certain occasion, when he was expressing himself
very freely against the institution of slavery, some
friend hinted to him that it might be well for him to
be a little more reserved in his comdemnation of that
Southern institution, as it might prejudice the people
in the South against buying his combs. He very
promptly replied, "They can do as they choose about
that, buy my combs or go lousy-"
Scarcely a house could be found where mothers did
not find active employment for a fine tooth-comb. An
other thing about as common as lice was the prevalence
of itch. It was presumed to be a disease of the blood
until revealed by the microscope as being an insect.
The treatment used to be in taking liberal doses of
sulphur and molasses, and in large families of boys and
girls, blankets would be hung in front of the big fire
places, the boys stripped naked and anointed with sul
phur mixed with grease behind their ears or under their
arms, between their fingers, and every place where this
insect located, and before the blazing fire roasted it in
to the different localities and were then sent to bed. Af-

230 Yankee Jumbles.
ter the boys were disposed of the girls were given a treat
ment of the same nature.
Compared with New Year's and Christmas gifts of
the present time, children used to be diverted by a very
limited supply. Comic papers and periodicals were
almost unknown, about the only anecdotes that were
published were at the bottom of the pages in the al
manacs. Almanacs were preserved by families for a
long series of years, filed away for future reading of
the anecdotal features. About the first edition of
nursery rhymes came out about 1830, under the title
of "Old Mother Hubbard and Her Dog." Many of the
rhymes in that old edition have been preserved in later
works, but some that were thrilling in those days have
been lacking in later editions. Like this in part, which
was fully illustrated then: ^
They had not all been drowned.
There were two blind men went to see
Two cripples run a race ;
A bull he fought a bumble-bee.
And scratched him in the face.
There were some children sliding went.
All on a summer's day.
The ice grew thin.
They all fell in,
The rest did run away.
Now had these children been in school.
Not sliding on dry ground,
Ten thousand dollars to one cent.

Yankee Jumbles. 231
Here was another hair elevator:
There was a man, he had a house.
And robbers came to rob him.
He climbed up to the chimney top.
And then they thought they'd got him.
But he crawled down on t'other side.
And then they could not find him.
He ran fourteen miles in fifteen days
And never looked behind him.
About the time of these nursery rhymes appearing in
print was the dawn of negro minstrelsy. The first
book remembered in putting out minstrel songs was pub
lished about 1830, called the "Pickaninny Warbler; or.
Little Nigger Roarer." This was the introduction of
such songs as "Old Zip Coon," "Jim Brown," "My Long-
tail Blue," and a very popular melody rendered on the
stage with a refrain as follows:
"I tum about and wheel about and do just so.
And every time I wheel about I jump Jim Crow."
These performances were copied and taken up largely
from slave characters, then existing abundantly in the
South. Southerners coming to New York and to our
northern cities and seeing these burnt-cork characters
imitate plantation habits, would go into raptures, as
it is generally admitted that the "white darky" can
entirely outdo one of genuine color on the stage. As
this style of amusement became more and more popular.

232 Yankee Jumbles.
the country was filled with minstrel troupes ; all that was
required was to pick up one or two good fiddlers, a flute
or cornet, and two end men, one with bones or cas
tanets and the other with a tambourine. An inter
locutor would make up a company that would draw a
paying audience almost anywhere in the country. The
bone and tambourine men or end men were expected
to work all the jokes. Aside from this combination,
there was little else for the stage performance, unless
an occasional clog or jig dancer. The performance
always opened with an overture accompanied by the
most extravagant gestures and absurd attitudes by the
bones and tambourines. Then would follow the old
songs of "New York Gals," "Oh, Susannah," "Dandy
Jim," and many others of kindred nature. The song
of "Dandy Jim" was so popular an air as to be sung and
whistled by everybody that had a musical ear in the
country. To preserve a relic of the past a few verses
of "Dandy Jim" might be well to record:
"I have often heard it said of late.
That South Carolina was the state,
Where handsome nigs were bound to shine.
Like Dandy Jim of Caroline.
Chorus.
"My old massa told me, 0,
I was the best looking nigger in the county, 0,
I looked in the glass and found it so,
'Twas just what massa told me, 0.

Yankee Jumbles. 233
"I went down town the other day.
To hear the preacher preach and pray.
But nothing came across his mind.
But Dandy Jim of Caroline.
Chorus.
"I dressed myself from top to toe.
And courting Dinah I did go.
With pantaloons strapped down so fine.
Like Dandy Jim of Caroline.
Chorus.
"Miss Dinah, she wrote me a letter.
And every word she spelled the better.
But at the end of every line.
Was Dandy Jim of Caroline.
Chorus.
"When married every nig she had.
Was a perfect image of his dad.
Their heels struck out three feet behind.
Like Dandy Jim's of Caroline."
Chorus.
Instead of the gorgeous stage display of the present
time, everything was made up of the old plantation
style, all the conversation and jokes were told with the
best effect in counterfeit of negro dialect, and for many
years this style of entertainment was a great success,
leading up to the formation of such troupes as Christy's
Minstrels, Haverley's, Primrose and West, up to our

234 Yankee Jumbles.
last performances by Hi Henry, and Primrose and Dock-
stader, all of which later troupes have no more resem
blance to original negro minstrelsy than the Jersey
Lily Langtry has to a Piute Indian squaw.

SCHOOLS.

The methods of education for the greater part of the
nineteenth century were as different from modern meth
ods as th'e age has been in any other enterprise.
School-houses were as nearly one pattern as the style
of dwellings. It was rare to find a school-house in city
or country of more than one story in height, usually
about thirty feet in length and twenty in width, the
only entrance being through a side door near enough!
to one corner to admit of a hall or passage-way across
one end, the farther end of which was frequently
used to store wood. The walls were allotted to the bang
ing up of the scholars' extra clothing, the girls on one
side and the boys on the other.
The schoolroom arrangement was with counters run
ning around the entire lengtJh of the room, except the
teacher's end near the entrance, where a small table
was used for his accommodation, on which to write
copies for the pupils. The table contained a small
drawer in which to keep the ferrule, which was one of
the principal moans of chastisement and was also used
to rule off the blank paper for beginners in writing.
For large boys' flagrant offences, the oil of blue beech
was freely applied with coats off.
Following the counters around the room were long

Yankee Jumbles. 2351
rude benches, frequently made from large slabs taken
from the saw-mills of those times. These slabs had the
advantage of being thicker in the middle than common
planks. Large holes were bored through them to take
in the legs on which they were to stand. The edges
of the slabs were, of course, trimmed to uniformity
so as not to wear and tear the clothes of the children
seriously. They were generally left movable and so
high as not to allow common scholars' feet to reach
the floor.
Until near the middle of the century a. large propor
tion of schoolrooms were warmed by a large fireplace
in one end of the room, which would naturally make
th'at end somewhat comfortable, while the farther end
of the room would be in a freezing condition. After
awhile large box-stoves were instituted, in which four-
foot wood could be placed. These stoves were set in the
middle of the room and benches placed around them for
the accommodation of the smaller children.
The girls in order of their ages and acquirements
would be seated along one side of the room from the
head, which was the teacher's end, and the boys of the
first class on the other side in the same order.
At the farther end of the room would be what was
termed the second classes of boys and girls. As the
pupils came into the room, they had to swing their
feet over the benches to take their seats, and when
called upon for recitation, would have to repeat the
same operation in order to face the teacher.
Instead of the modern system of grades for different
teachers, the one schoolroom in those days included all

236 Yankee Jumbles.
grades, from children learning their A, B, C's, to those
in their last term of school.
The morning exercises opened with a reading of a
chapter or two of the New Testament by the first and
second classes. In some schools the pious tendencies of
the teachers induced them to follow the reading with
a service of prayer. For some time after the eigh
teenth century, readings were kept up in the Old Testa
ment until so many passages were found too objection
able to be read by the young that the Old Testament
readings were abandoned and nothing but the New per
mitted to be read. Both these readings and prayerful
exercises of such religious character have become objec
tionable to a large percentage of the people who
patronize the schools, particularly Agnostics and Free
thinkers, and such as do not recognize the inspiration
of Scripture or the efficacy of prayer as a healing or sav
ing agency. So that those services have been largely
abandoned through this state and largely through the
country. In some of the schools the writer taught in his earlier
days, some rather curious readings occurred by scholars
not very proficient. On one occasion in reading of where
Christ was lost and his parents set out to find him
among their kinsfolk and acquaintances, the youth
rendered it among their knives and forks and ac
quaintances. In John's spiritual visions and revela
tions, some minds have been exercised to know what
kind of spirits he could have been drinking to have
seen such sights. Where John speaks of seeing locusts
with stings in their tails, one boy created a laugh

Yankee Jumbles. 237
by saying John saw locusts with strings in their tails.
The passage of sitting on twelve thrones to judge the
twelve tribes of Israel was rendered, "sitting on twelve
thorns," to which the writer remarked: "It must have
been quite an uncomfortable seat." In the Old Testa
ment, in the passage where Satan smote Job with sore
boils, the boy rendered it, "Satan shot Job with four
balls." In one of the towns where I taught was a Morse
family in which were two boys named Alpha and
Ozias, who had a sister, Patty. They were well known to
all thfe scholars. One boy rendered this passage in
Revelation of Alpha and Omega: "I am Alpha and
Ozias," and John in the Isle of Patmos as the Isle of
Pat Morse.
In one of the reading books was the passage, "The
tongue of the viper is no more harmful than the tongue
of a slanderer." The pupil, having snakes in mind,
read it, "The tongue of the viper is no more harmful
than the tongue of a sissing adder."
To show the duties required to be performed by the
teacher during the six school hours : The following pro
gramme was carried out. In the moming. Scripture read
ing by the first and second classes. Then the first class
took their writing lesson, for which copies had to be
written at the head of the page for each pupil by the
teacher. For the first half of the century very few pens
were used except those made of quills. These the teacher
had to prepare, with the exception of an occasional
steel pen. The awkward beginner would bear too hard
on his pen and thus it would soon have to be mended.

238 Yankee Jumbles.
While the writing was going on, the time was filled by
hearing some of the smaller children in some primary
exercise, in words of one syllable, followed in some
schools by teaching the alphabet. This lesson would be
constantly interrupted by, "Please, sir, mend my pen."
So the teacher had to be provided with a penknife.
After going through this routine with the smaller
classes then began the first and second class arithmetic
lesson, followed by geography lessons for two or three'
classes. Then another round with the primary de
partment, winding up with a spelling lesson for all
classes. An intermission of an hour at noon, the same
routine was then gone through with in the afternoon,
with the exception of the Scripture reading, for which
was a reading in some book selected by the school au
thorities, with lessons in history and grammar to fol
low. These reading books were graded somewhat in
accordance with the capacity of the scholars, the first
part of the book being of prose reading, then a series
of dialogues, the book concluding with selections of
poetry. The calling of the roll as a record of daily attendance
concluded the school session. The daily attendance of
each pupil had to be recorded in order that the tuition
for their schooling could be correctly adjusted at the
end of the term. Then one of the girls and one of the
boys were selected to bring in the "things" from the en
try preparatory to going home. This was a duty very
eagerly sought and appreciated by all. After all were
equipped ready for departure, the boys were usually
"let out" first, every one in passing out the door was ex-

Yankee Jumbles. 239
pected to make his obeisance to the teacher, the girls
following and all curtesying as they passed out.
The male teacher was usually employed for the winter
term and the female teacher for the summer term, when
very few of the older scholars attended.
The term was about five months and the uniform
wages ranged from $15 to $20 a month. Twenty-
two full days constituted a month, the teacher board
ing around the district with each family in proportion to
the number of children sent to school. The teachers
had to make their own fires, wood being the only
fuel, and that rarely ever seasoned to bum freely, so that
with mndh difficulty could the schoolroom be made com
fortable for the scholars on the outside of the room
in the forenoon.
In boarding around the distrct one week a good
table and comfortable bed would be enjoyed, the next
very poor fare and very cold room and lack of bed
covering. This state of things would alternate all over
the district. It was the desire of most parents to have
fresh meat when the school teacher boarded with them,
so that it became a current sign that when a hog was
heard to squeal in the district, it led to an invitation
for the teacher's next boarding place.
The writer of these precious scraps of history com
menced business on the first day of August, 1828. It
will be more convenient to pursue these narratives
somewhat under the first person in subsequent pages,
and introduce boyhood and aftergrowth in the war,
and silly realities of life.
My father died in my sixth year and I was left to

240 Yankee Jumbles.
the care of a kind and indulgent mother, who possessed
a phenomenal memory, and to whom credit is due for
many details in this noble work.
Until thirteen years old, I remained on the farm where
I was bom. At fourteen obtained work outside at $6
per month, and the first thing received in compensation
was a fiddle at $1.75. The fifteenth year got a better
one and played in the Baptist Church in Waterbury,
Conn., for two years.
The same year spent learning to draw wire and mak
ing tin and sheet-iron ware, and with an old horse
took a loa.d of pipe to Naugatuck and fitted up the first
rooms for annealing rubber shoes for the Goodyear
Rubber Co. The seventeenth year spent in peddling
tin through the hill towns of Litchfield, Fairfield and
New Haven Counties.
The following winter commenced teaching school,
which subject will receive special attention later on.
From this time the reader may at times need an oc
casional sniff of camphor and a fan, but in order to
give deacon's measure all the poetry is thrown in at
no increase of cost, only time.
When a teacher was ehgaged for a school, he had to
appear before a board of examiners in order to obtain
a certificate approving his ability for the position. My
first experience teaching a winter school, after a summer
spent in peddling among the hills of Litchfield and Fair
field, occurred at the mature age of seventeen in a farm
district of Waterbury. Not having attended any school
after my fifteenth year would naturally have made some
thing of a blank in my recollections and knowledge of

Yankee Jumbles. 241
all the nice points required. As luck would have it,
to relieve my youthful embarrassment, I appeared before
a committee composed of the principal of the Academy,
two doctors and four clergymen. This was somewhat
the order of the examination: First write my name,
and some other specimen of my writing. Next a short
exercise in reading. Then a test in orthography, which
is still fresh in mind. This was the sentence required
to be written out: "Preferring the Camelian hues and
separating the innuendoes, I do declare that the peddler's
gray pony ate a potato out of the cobbler's wagon which
the sibyl had gauged." Out of this three words were
at fault by using 0 in Camelian and misplacing y in
sibyl and a in gauged.
Next in geography, asking the location and boundaries
of several states and countries, capitals of different
states, and random questions on the locations of capes,
rivers, lakes, etc. One examiner asked where the Isle
of St. Anne was on the map of South America, which
question, to his great amusement, was answered cor
rectly. (The finding of this island would prove a very
good diversion for any scholar.) In arithmetic, such
simple examples as how much is one-third and one-
half of one-third of five. Another simple question in
complex fractions was to solve ¦^~ into simple form.
They all seemed desirous not to produce any confusion
in the mind of a young candidate, so one of them gave
this problem: "In each corner of the room sits a cat,
facing each cat are three cats, on each cat's tail sits a cat.
How many cats in the room?" This being answered
correctly, was a source of much amusement to the com-

242 Yankee Jumbles.
mittee. A parsing exercise in grammar was this: "The
string let fly twanged short and sharp like the shrill
swallow's cry." This in substance was about the whole
sum of the examination. After a few minutes' retire
ment of the candidate, he was informed that he was well
qualified to teach in the East Farms' district, euphoni
ously known as the "Hog Pound" district.
The first winter was passed with much enjoyment in
the old school-house, with a box-stove at one end of the
room and a huge fireplace at the other end. In the
severe cold weather of that time nearly half a cord of
wood would be consumed in a day.
Several scholars in attendance were older than the
teacher. Among the pleasures of the season were hold'
ing spelling and writing schools one evening in each
week. Many outside of the school attended these ses
sions and contributions were brought in of apples, hick
ory nuts, butternuts, chestnuts, and in those days
beechnuts, popping corn and an occasional jug of sweet
cider, all of which were much relished and enjoyed
when the evening's work was over.
After this winter's experience in teaching, the win
ters for ten or twelve succeeding years were spent in like
manner in Meriden and Wallingford. During these
winter seasons, in after school hours much time was
passed in writing copies for pupils, and for diversion
in the writing of poetry or jingles. Specimens of which
are more or less interspersed in this valuable narrative.
The eighteenth year commenced farming on the old
homestead on my own account. After passing through
all the vicissitudes of youth, including the diversities

Yankee Jumbles. 243
of scarlet fever, whooping cough, chicken pox, measles
and mumps, this season wound up with quite a severe
attack of eighteen-year-old-fever. This is one of the
most serious of all this string of ailments for a young
man to get over and leave his blood clear from taint.
This is the rock on which thousands of young men have
become stranded and thus these words are written for
a warning. One of the strongest symptoms that such
a malady is coming on, is manifested by a young man
commencing to write poetry. This inclination began
to develop itself at this time of life and proved to be
somewhat chronic, as will be shown by quite a volumi
nous amount of evidence to follow.
To show the pious tendency of this youthful mind,
it is thought best to introduce the first poetic effort,
which was written in a young lady's album.
To Miss J. B.
May thy days be spent in pleasure.
Holding fast a sacred treasure.
One that may lead thee to possess,
A future life of happiness,
A place where all is an Elysian,
Enclosed in seas of full fruition.
Where God's good will may be with you.
And guide with love thy pathway through.

The next was a valentine the same season, showing
that the fever was increasing, written to a girl whose
first name was Hannah,

244 Yankee Jumbles.
Dear Hannah.
Oh ! could you hear these lips of mine.
Express to you their love :
Then could I hear those lips of thine.
Their little tale approve.
Sure you in me, and I in thee.
Could satisfaction find :
Since Cupid's darts are flying free.
Let's be to love inclined.
As o'er the world my thoughts have roved.
They've found a home in thee ;
Now think of one by whom thou'rt loved.
And thinking, think of Me.

Another valentine to an amiable young lady dated
from the old homestead :
My dear one, my fair one, pray how do you do ?
We're just out of an old year and into a new,
I have long felt anxious to hear from thee.
Thou sweetest and fairest that ever I see.
For no custard or pie that e'er flattered my eye.
To my heart and hand could so welcome be.
Oh ! hast thou not left me to wander in grief.
And wish not to stay and render relief?
If not give a balm to my bleeding breast.
And from heaven's store thou shalt be blest ;
You shall have a man that knows beans from bran
And can eat onions and whistle as well as the best.

Yankee Jumbles. 245
A Pilgrim I am in love's weary stride.
With no sweet place for my heart to abide.
But if on my way I should reach thy hand,
I kinder believe I should feel real grand.
For, by golly, you're neat as a pussy's feet.
And your eyes are as bright as a pile of sand.

The next year, at the mature age of nineteen, was
written an assumed reply to an anonymous missive pre
suming to be answering the right author.
Dear J.
Your line I have received with pleasure,
I've stored it up for future view.
And when that I peruse that treasure.
Fresh fonts of love will flow for you.
When I look o'er sweet memory's page.
And think of those I once have loved.
My thoughts they burst oblivion's cage.
And mourn that they so long have roved.
My fond affections I've not yet
Unchained to woman's lovely charms.
But still I never can forget
The days I've wished you in my arms.
I have regretted much the day.
When social ties with us did sever.
But yet the time will come, I pray.
That we in bands may join forever.

246 Yankee Jumbles.
Hath C. G. and thyself dissolved.
That partnership once so connected?
If so, I firmly am resolved.
That thy sweet charms shall be protected.
Now tell me true if thou hast parted.
To seek in single paths a blessing?
He, who was once so tender-hearted.
That longed thyself to be caressing.
If so, I'm free, my mind is clear,
I've naught to worry on the morrow.
If but from thee I'm sure to hear,
A word that shall not cause me sorrow.
Dear J., howe'er thy lot be cast.
With pleasures may thy path be strown.
And may I say as time rolls past.
Some future day thou art mine ovm.

A young lady who wore a very conspicuous bustle
requested a composition to be written for her to read
in school. Bustles being then in fashion, the subject of
the composition covered the evolution of arts and
sciences back from the days when Adam and Eve were
sojourning together, the subject being, "Creation."
When dame Creation first her course begun.
And took her yearly circidt round the sun,
Earth was a vacuum and nowhere to be found
Was man or animal above the ground.

Yankee Jumbles. 247
But soon new sights there quickly did appear.
And Eve and Adam up their heads did rear ;
Snakes, toads and lizards shortly did abound.
And various reptiles did infest the ground.
The Arts and Sciences began to flourish.
And all things curious men began to nourish.
In course of time, amongst the curious rabble.
The women all did learn the act to gabble.
Brooms were invented and their various sweeps.
Piled men about the floors in shocking heaps.
Inventions numerous have graced each age.
Of mortal creatures that have filled the stage.
Fair knowledge has o'er earth flowed far and wide.
And buried all beneath its swelling tide.
Hens, geese and turkeys, monkeys, cats and dogs.
Birds, insects, fish, and turtles, toads and frogs.
Each in their turn obeyed man's separate will.
Till all submitted to his wondrous skill.
Some walked, some ran, some crawled, some hopped,
some fiew.
And every creature had its work to do:
At last the world through all this mighty hustle.
Has finished off the heap — with what? — why, a bustle.

Another valentine, at the age of twenty-two, dated
Charity Street, February 14th.
Jemima, dear, thy sympathy engage.
And here bestow its favor on a friend.
With mind unprejudiced, peruse a page.
That here, by one who loves thee well, is penned.

248 Yankee Jumbles.
One who among lif e'^ busy social scenes.
It is his lot to change from place to place;
And see the difference that intervenes.
Amongst the creatures of the human race.

And as amongst life's creatures thus I rove.
Acquaintances I make — some good and kind;
While yet there's others who disgust one's love.
And kill each fond regard within the mind.
But thou, Jemima, thou dost fill a place.
Within my heart that causes warm desires;
That gives me joy when I behold thy face.
And in my heart a flame of love inspires.
I oft have seen thee at thy daily task.
Plying with readiness thy willing hands ;
And is thy work well done? I need not ask,
For everything in perfect order stands.
Thy heart is bountiful, thy soul sincere.
Thy mind is filled with tender sentiment.
To misery thou wilt give the grateful tear.
And melt in love the heart of Adamant.
Thy care extends o'er all domestic things.
Thou seest the needy when they're in distress;
Thy charity it sails on tireless wings.
And each afflicted soul thy charms caress.

Yankee Jumbles. 249
Thy sparkling eye, thy stratagem unfurls.
And still thy face is pretty, too, 'tis said;
But yet the best of all those beauteous curls.
That hang in graceful ringlets round thy head.

But from vain flattery I will withhold.
From thy tme merits I will not depart;
With candor now, I will my tale unfold,
And tell the truthful secrets of my heart.
I have a heart within my bosom bums.
With fervent love for thee, I now declare ;
And when I think of thee, fresh hope returns.
To cheer my heart from sadness and despair.
Not rich or poor, I live in easy state.
With thee alike I would each bounty share;
And joy within my heart could ne'er abate.
If thou in confidence wert trusting there.
And thus of thee I would this boon implore.
Thy kind return of answers, speaking love?
Oh! grant me this, and I will ask no more,
That thou to me a faithful heart wilt prove.
I love thee well, my heart 'tis true and free.
And all that's lacking to my earthly peace.
Is thy sweet heart, with mine in unity.
Oh ! were it so, 'twould give my mind release.

250 Yankee Jumbles.
And have I hope that thus it yet may be ?
To think it may be so, my mind is prone ;
Thoughts spring like this: to sweet futurity,
I yet may fondly say, "Thou art my own."
In love and bliss we would our course pursue.
Along the quiet gentle stream of peace.
And as in constancy its waters flow,
So might our joys invariably increase.

Another valentine headed,
"A TEXT AS LONG AS A SERMON."
Apologies are waak and fickle things,
A covering for some fraud or dark deceit;
A wounded bird may flit its crippled wings.
Yet not conceal the fault once seen complete;
Whereas, I'll squander not away my time.
To make excuses of exquisite mold,
But let heart, hand and soul, in one combine.
And let my tale be short and frankly told:
Therefore, with patience lend a willing ear,
And truth and candor you will surely hear.
The "Book of Nature" spreads an ample page,
Rich with the spoils of time, each leaf unrolls;
It tells the character of youth and age.
Makes idiots wise men and some wise men fools:

Yankee Jumbles. 251
It well defines the passions of mankind.
From childhood's days to age's last decline;
And in its precepts seek and you shall find
That all's not gold that doth most brightly shine.
Thus one and all, their errors strive to hide.
Beneath fair looks some danger may reside.
Fair Nature's work I often have perused,
Observed with care its language plain and wise.
And studying, I'm perplexed, vexed and confused.
To find the source whence comes Dame Nature's
prize.
But there's a hope dwells in each human breast,
A lamp to lighten and a rod to guide ;
When minds become bewildered or oppressed,
Hope's compass stems the storm and swelling tide.
Wherefore, I've hope that yet my lot may be.
To draw a prize of sweet felicity.
Each individual of the human race,
Hath some fond heart on which their thoughts incline,
Which with their own could gain a welcome place,
And each their thoughts in harmony combine
And I, in seeking one sweet heart to gain.
Have marked my ticket to be lost or won.
And on it is inscribed in letters plain,
Cecilia E., 'tis marked prize No. 1,
Propitiously may Fortune's wheel roll round.
To pay good fortune, I'd be strictly bound.

252 Yankee Jumbles.
Although' not rich in gold or silver store,
To pay the claims that fortune may demand.
Yet grant success, I will not ask for more,
I'll pay with kindness from a willing hand.
The sum, I'll draw from rich Affection's purse.
The interest with Devotion I will pay,
I'll give a blessing where it needs a curse,
I'll love and serve and reasonably obey.
Then pray by me let No. 1 be drew,
Joy then will be complete with No. 2.
The text now drawn, I'll tell you my desire.
May love my heart and truth my hand inspire ;
And may my mind be pliable and willing.
Whilst I am here a few facts plainly telling.
There is on earth for thee one faithful heart.
Of which, if thou wouldst, thou mightest take a part,
True to thy welfare it can never swerve,
'Twill thee protect and dutifully serve,
'Tis no false heart that uses base deceit.
That smiles to entice and uses art to cheat.
But one that cherishes a friendly love,
One that of truth and constancy will prove ;
Though thou art young and in thy youthful prime.
Yet fastly forward roll the wheels of time:
Time brings us changes every day anew.
Which need some guidance to conduct us through.
So then, 'tis sweet to have some constant friend.
With whom our joys and sorrows we can blend.
Perchance, there's many who thine eyes might pleas^
With fair exterior, airs of graceful ease.

Yankee Jumbles. 253
Who might delight the fancy; yet within.
May lie concealed maliciousness and sin ;
Then be discreet where thou thy hand bestow.
Choose a fond heart and not an outward show,
I would this favor thou'dst confer on me.
My life, my all, I'll consecrate to thee.
Now do not think that I presumptuous be;
To talk with such excessive liberty.
For when the bowl holds all it can enclose,
O'ertum the cup and free the liquid flows.
'Tis thus with me when I sit down to write,
My heart is free the subject to indite.
So then, pray pardon me, for I confess.
Though I could say much more, I could not well say
less.
But may the future grant me time and space.
That will permit me plainly face to face.
To say, "I love thee," and may thy reply.
Be a response of cordiality.
I'll now conclude with wishing you much joy.
May pleasures crown each day; sweet be thy dreams;
May Charity and Love thy time employ;
Peace be to thee in everlasting streams.
This from your true and abiding friend,
Whose devotion will last until life shall end.
Anonymous.

254 Yankee Jumbles.
Another is an application for marriage:
Ho ! hum ! here I be, poor sorrowful me,
I feel like a gizzardless goose.
My heart's run away, my mind's gone astray.
My senses are miserably loose.
But never mind, I guess you'll flnd,
I shan't kick the bucket just yet.
For bless the good luck, I've yet got a pluck,
If mind, heart and brains take their exit.
Now on some charming gal, I've resolved that I shall
Tum my fate in that woeful direction.
I think I'll go courting and trust to dame Fortune,
To preserve me with her gracious protection.
Now courting's like a lottery.
You may and may not draw a prize.
Each gal's tongue is pointed with flattery,
That will cheat you quite out of your eyes.
So it stands, each chap in hand, to look well to the land,
And the thing that he puts his cap onto.
Or his brains may leak and run off so sleek.
That he soon will not know where they've gone to.
Then I'd warn the boys from connubial joys.
Unless they will take in due season.
This precious advice, 'tis given without price.
To get a gal full of besom and reason.
It is no matter how the deuce she looks.
If she is only healthy, wealthy, wise and smart.
If she can use swill-pails, washtubs, pots and pothooks,
And is constructed firm as a new cart.

Yankee Jumbles. 255
She should be of good age, there's reasons why.
Because that then she'll treat you motherly.
Her teeth should all be good and white and clean.
Her tongue should be as any razor keen,
Her visage should be long and thin and spare.
But mind you this, she should not have red hair.
Of words no lack of nature bold.
Then she'll be competent to scold.
Long legs, on no account would I erase 'em.
For then whten rogues disturb, she'll out and chase 'em ;
A horse to mill she then could ride astraddle.
And be not half so apt to fall from the saddle,
A nose that turns up like the toes to sandals,
'Twill make a glorious place to hang up candles.
Then if the mice to eat them should determine.
She, with her mouth, could catch the pesky vermin.
These are the qualities a wife should claim,
And to get such a one will be my aim;
And if, my dear, you answer this description
To marry you — you have my proposition.
If you will have me tell me quick and plainly.
Then words and tears and sighs, I'll not spend vainly.
But if you won't, I think I'll cut my throat.
And kick the bucket, just like any shoat or goat.
Now will you be so cold-hearted and wicked.
As to let me deliberately be slicked?
Oh! if you do, you'll through life wretched feel.
By night and day you'll hear my dying squeal ;
Much better it will be, if you'll comply.
And say you'll be my loving wife, bimeby,

256 Yankee Jumbles.
Then I should feel — Oh ! glory, tongue can't tell;
As happy as a clam, snug in his shell.
If you will have me, I myself will bind.
To do all things agreeable to your mind,
I'll be a tool for you to knock about.
And when I need it, you may twist my snout.
Do with me aught that will thyself delight.
Administer a blow, a scratch, a kick or bite,
If I neglect the pretty little dears.
Tell me the error and just box my ears.
You needn^t wash or bake or broil or stew,
I'll hire a paddy girl the work to do,
I want you to sit down and look as sweet.
As a molasses cup or sugar beet.
I want you to resign all care and strife.
And try to live a real lady's life.
Now say you'll have me, do, I'll be uxorious ;
Just say the word, and won't I feel most glorious I
From Your Melted Heart.
P. S.
I'd like to have you tell me pretty soon.
If you will have me, then my fears once o'er,
I'll go right off and hire a little room.
Where we can live as snug as "Pigs in clover."

In an album:
To wish is vain, 'tis folly's blank,
'Tis luck and chance if Fortune's crank.
Should e'er resolve to gratify our wishes.
It's Just like angling in the brook for fishes,

Yankee Jumbles. 257
Yet they, who have a friend, 'tis very clear.
If they respect them, wish them merry cheer.
And therefore, I, with most sincere intention,
To make a wish will tax my brain's invention.
So, then for you, I'll make the wish, friend Mary,
Hoping that from it you'll but little vary.
And if you should digress to left or right,
I hope 'twill be to add some new delight.
My wish, then, is that all your days may be
A sea of pleasures, sparkling, pure and free.
And every day that swells its fiowing tide,
May each joy by itself be multiplied.
But that your earthly joy may be complete.
Your friends augmented and your home made sweet.
There's just one thing to fill the cup of bliss.
Just lend your ear, I'll tell what it is.
You want, (what maiden all this wide world through.
Who does not want?) a husband kind and tme.
And such a prize, I hope ere long, you'll gain.
To ease each burden and soothe every pain.
And when in love's soft net you've caught him fast,
In peace may you enjoy each day's repast.
May love in one your hearts together blend.
Until your earthly days shall have an end.

258 Yankee Jumbles.
May spiritual and temporal wealth be stored.
And sons and daughters grace the smiling board.
To bear your toils, your comforts to increase.
And let you from life's scenes depart in peace.

Another valentine, dated 1825, to Jemima:
Beneath yon hill that lifts its towering height.
Above the humble valley at its base.
Where every prospect charms the wondering sight.
And Nature's clothed with all her robes of grace.
Where pleasure dwells to give the heart delight.
Where bliss spreads out in one eternal green.
Where happiness remains forever bright,
Angels might smile upon the lovely scene.
There in that vale of joy and peace and love.
And bliss and ease, and comfort and repose,
There in her beauty, dwells Affection's dove,
A balm to soothe and heal poor human woes.
The dazzling sun that crowns the happy hill.
Nor the fair moon, night's most illustrious queen.
Nor the bright stars that shine with lustrous skill.
Can rival her, who lives this vale within.
For others' woes, her heart in sympathy.
Melts like tlie snow beneath the torrid sun.
She smooths their pillow, bids each sorrow flee.
Caresses, cheers and tells each grief begone.

Yankee Jumbles. 259
Tongue cannot tell, no pencil can portray.
Pen cannot make the letters to describe.
Her loveliness or wisdom, for they say.
That things inanimate her charms imbibe.
The mountains melt in rivers of delight.
And flll the spacious valleys, far and wide.
Earth, air and sea, their voices all unite.
And on each tongue her praise is multiplied.
Her soul is soft and gentle is her tongue.
Her words are kindness and her looks so sweet.
That all exclaim, who view her matchless form.
That by no thing that lives can she be beat.
As doth the needle to the magnet turn.
So do the beaux around her congregate.
Like flies around a sugar hogshead swarm.
So come they all to this delicious bait.
For her sweet charms they surely are bewitching.
They make a fellow feel all over curious.
They give him such a most tormenting itching.
That scratching to cure, to flesh might prove injuri
ous.
And I am bound to say no greenhorn living,
Unless his heart is tough, as owl or wizard,
Could view her beauteous form, so sweet, life giving.
Without its melting out his very gizzard.

26o Yankee Jumbles.
The next is a song, "I've been down to Uncle Sam's,"
sung to the tune of "Captain Kidd :"

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below.
Where there's people thick as rats.
Hungry dogs and hungry cats.
And windows filled with hats, down below.
And windows filled with hats, down below.
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been dovm to Uncle Sam's, down below.
Where each house is made of logs.
And the people live like hogs.
And they hunt among the bogs, down below.
To catch the toads and frogs, down below.
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below.
Where the cattle are quite small.
And so poor, they scarcely crawl.
And they eat them, horns and all, down below,
And they eat them, horns and all, down below.
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been down to Uncle Sara's, down below,

Yankee Jumbles. 261
Where the turkeys all are white.
And eggs, they lay a sight.
And hatch 'em over night, down below.
And hatch 'em over night, down below.
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below.
Where mosquitoes, bugs and flies.
Are thick as lawyers' lies.
And they roost in folks' eyes, down below.
And they roost in folks' eyes, down below.
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below.
Where the squashes grow on trees.
And toadstools high as your knees.
And old maids as thick as bees, down below.
And old maids as thick as bees, down below.
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below,
Where, when children leave their dams.
They wean them off on clams.
This is done to Uncle Sam's, down below.
This is done to Uncle Sam's, down below.
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down
below,
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below.

262 Yankee Jumbles.
Where the people do not know
Enough to last a crow.
Over night, 'tis truly so, down below.
Who wants to, they may go down below.

Another valentine to J. F.
Hail ! darling, hail ! my jewel, hail ! my dear ;
Listen awhile and give attentive ear.
And ponder well that which thou readest here.
Where honesty shall in each line appear.
Some years ago old Cupid aimed his dart.
To strike a fatal blow upon my heart,
Alas ! the arrow sped, I felt its smart.
My single life I felt must then depart.
The wound was deep, distressing was the pain.
My heart in agony it heaved amain.
But Cupid tied it with its tender chain.
So fast, I think 'twill ne'er get free again.
First with his golden chain he fenced it round.
And then with silken threads each nerve was bound,
With silver cords each limb was snugly wound.
How 'twill escape, the plans my thoughts confound.
Upon this heart there stands a little tower.
And in its garden is a lovely bower,
Affection's vines entwine, and many a flower.
Feasts the glad eye and cheers the passing hour.

Yankee Jumbles. 263
Within this tower, I often have been told.
There has been placed a sentry, brave and bold.
Who is beyond the bribe of paltry gold.
And in his hand a pearly key doth hold.

This sentinel was stationed there to wait,
Until some one should seek the bower's gate.
And he is to decide each pilgrim's fate.
Whose destinies he tells with looks sedate.
This sentry is not free to ruortal gaze.
None can approach the consecrated place.
Whereon he stands, to view he but displays
His band and key, a veil obscures his face.
Many there are who 'have this castle sought.
And some have almost took the key, they thought.
But ah ! none brought the passport that they ought.
And all their labors have availed them naught.
At length war was declared with good intent,
Arrows in clouds were at the castle sent.
One pierced the secret veil, a hole was rent.
It struck the sentry and his life's blood spent.
Alas! like ancient Tyre, that proudly stood
In the Levant amid the Islet brood,
That felt secure from all who dared intrude.
This tower, I think, at last will be subdued.

264 Yankee Jumbles.
That which so long hath made its haugthy boast,
And bravely challenged every warring host.
That ever yet invaded its stern coast.
If not already conquered, 'tis almost.
For lo! as if by providence 'twas willed.
Some spirit the besiegers hath instilled,
A shaft was sent, the sentinel was killed.
With strangers' steps the halls must soon be filled.
Fidelity (this was the sentry's name).
Received the blow as it had been a flame.
Sent from above ; with mighty force it came.
And laid him low ; he fell a child of fame.
And he who owns the tower must bewail
One thing, which is the secret of my tale.
When poor Fidelity's life breath did fail.
He dropped the key which fell outside the veil.
Now Cupid and his troops are not aware.
That this important trust is lying there.
But there it is, now listen with much care,
I'll whisper in your ear the whole affair.
Adorable and beauteous fair maid.
If you would but enjoy this bower's shade.
Come hither now, I pray, be not delayed.
And you shall see what eye hath ne'er surveyed.

Yankee Jumbles. 265
But first of all pick up this precious key.
Then lift thine eye and you shall quickly see,
A little gate, step there with footsteps free.
Unlock, and you'll behold a mystery.
But ere the gate will open unto thee.
Remember this, that it is held by three
Bright locks of gold : Truth, Love and Charity ;
Tum each of these and welcome thou shalt be.
Happy thy lot, for once inside the door.
Thy life will change from what it was before.
Into thy hands the castle's wealth will pour.
All its bright pearls and all its golden store.
There from its tables with its bounties spread.
Thou shalt partake without a fear or dread.
Not like weak Damocles, of whom 'tis said,
A glittering blade hung pendant o'er his head.
But thou shalt be the queen of this fair tower.
And be admitted to its secret bower.
Where lies a treasure which shall be thy dower.
Of far more worth than Fortune, Fame and Power.
Within this bower thy soul may find repose,
'Tis strongly shut against intruding woes,
A safe retreat whereof no mortal knows.
But thee, to whom the secret I disclose.

266 Yankee Jumbles.
Devotion's roses in this arbor bloom.
The air is loaded with their sweet perfume.
One joy departs to give new pleasures room.
And peace and happiness make this their home.
And now, fair J  , I pray thee tell,
Will thou come hence in this repose to dwell?
Ah ! come ; my hand shall guide and my heart's cell
Shall open wide, and say, "I love thee well."

In an album:
This little book I have now placed before me.
Wherein each friendly hand shall sketch a line.
Wakes a desire which quietly steals o'er me.
Where others offer gifts that I may mine.
Whereas, I hope that now while in thy youth,
Thou'lt give thyself to honorable pursuits.
Cherish with care, fidelity and truth,
And as you live you'll gather of their fruits.
Be to your friends obliging, true and kind,
Be prudent, humble, virtuous and discreet.
For evil render good, and then thy mind.
Clothed with sincerity will be complete.
Till Time blot out these few recorded names,
'Tis sweet to think when they have passed away.
This brief memorial of them still remains.

Yankee Jumbles. 267
To a short girl by the name of Dorothy:
Dorothy, Dorothy Dump,
Fat, rosy, jolly and plump.
Going with a hop and a jump.
Run up against a stump.
And gave herself a bump.
Which knocked her all in a hump.
Onto the ground, kerthump.
And seriously hurt her rump.

Another one to an old man named Onderdonk:
Christopher Onderdonk,
He was no hermit or monk.
But a man of fiery spunk.
And oftentimes got drunk.
And then crawled into his bunk ;
One day old Peter Fonk
Called Christopher a skunk;
Christ, rolled his fist in a junk
And hit old Pete a tunk.
In the lower part of his trunk.
Which knocked him down kercbimk.
And Pete lay there till he stunk.

Another valentine:
Hallo ! how der ye do, my pooty crutter.
My pot of honey and my bread and butter,
I'm stuffed so full of love 'tis hard to utter.
Although it makes me walk a little strutter.

268 Yankee Jumbles.
Old Love has pounded me with his darned flail.
And hung my heart I think upon a nail ;
Love's pains dart through my body thick as hail ;
I feel one now down in my big toe nail.

With his old rusty knife he come and stuck
A great big hole almost square through my pluck.
He did, and more'n that blast the luck.
He jammed his fist against my heart kerchuck.
My innards now with Cupid's hands are scarred.
My respiration it is growing hard.
And lest I grease my throat with oil or lard,
I think of breathing I shall be debarred.
My heart swells up the way it is a sin,
My chest is puffed out nearly to my chin.
At such a sight I think you fain would grin;
Oh ! horrors, what a pickle I am in !
I've strained myself to breathe till both my eyea
Are swollen to four times their natural size.
They're big around, I think, as pumpkin pies.
And every one that sees me laughs till he dies.
My mouth is stretched to be an awful sight;
I cannot even shut it up to bite ;
The rats (were they disposed) I'm sure they might
Dance a cotillion in it every night.

Yankee Jumbles. 269
Oh, dear ! to think of it affects my marrow,
I feel as gaunt as if I had run farrow ;
Time fastly flies, and rapidly doth narrow.
Till Cupid o'er my pluck will draw his harrow.

I hope he will not sow it o'er with weeds,
I'd sooner have it grow to honest deeds
Of some pure kind ; I don't like mixing breeds
Of any thing, things animate or seeds.
Hold on ! just now I felt an idea hunch.
Right under my short rib it give a punch.
And said just this, think of it when you lunch.
That hearts should always grow two in a bunch.
Alas ! for my poor heart, it's all alone.
Just like the man that sat on a cold stone ;
It wanders here and there, unseen, unknown,
E'en like some dog that's looking for a bone.
Is there no power of water, wind or steam
To help me through life's solitary dream?
If you and I were yoked it now doth seem
To me that we should make the very team.
We'd want a harness made of good strong leather.
And one that wouldn't crack in stormy weather;
Oh! I should feel as proud if bound together
With thee as our old rooster's big tail feather.

270 Yankee Jumbles.
Now I do wish that we were putting through.
And pulling in the harness good and true (by Jo) ;
If any one should meet us and say : "You
Don't love the gal," I'd say, "You lie, I do, too" (and
so).
And I do love you, too, I tell you what,
I always go to your house on a trot ;
But if you don't love me, I'll tell right on the spot
That I'll stay to home with ma, and you may go to pot.

An anonymous poem, by request, written to a notori
ously loud alto singer :
Miss G., give ear and listen here.
And be kindly inclined.
And if you please I will give you a piece
Of my mind.
And a slice of advice
Which you'll find
To be quite tender about the line;
But to begin, pray do excuse
My sad attempt to court the muse.
As feeling just now a little poetic,
I think I will give my brains an emetic
And see what's in 'em — ah — ^now, here it comes.
Guns, thunder and lightning, tin whistles and drums,
And loud screaming voices I hear therewithal ;
Which interprets my subject to be musical,

Yankee Jumbles. 271
Wherefore, as I'm driven to take Hobson's choice,
I'll proceed to consider your great, big, large voice.
Your voice, my dear jewel, by some means has grew well ;
It's round as a pumpkin, and deep as an earthquake;
I thought when I last heard its clarion blast.
What a glorious voice it would be to eat beefsteak ;
I doubt if another in creation there be.
Can roll out such cartloads of big melody.
Could those old blind heathen that lived long ago.
Who tramped seven times round about Jericho,
Have had but one thundering voice like your own.
Their rams' horns would never have had to be blown ;
Let you gin 'em one blast, the old walls would come down
And the people all heeled it like rats out of town.
Perhaps you may think that this sounds rather queer.
But don't feel uneasy about it, my dear;
The idea I would come at is this, that when you sing
You give us entirely too much of a good thing !
Or another trope I will use (if you're willing).
It's what I should call too much pork for a shilling.
On Sundays when up there with those jolly souls.
That set round in rows like hens roosting on poles.
And a music machine for grinding out notes.
Which stands right between the sheep and the goats ;
Where each pealing anthem you help to prolong
And squander your soul in the rapture of song,

272 Yankee Jumbles.
And your mellowest tones I'm delighted to hear
As they stealthily come and crawl into my ear;
But such notes are too few and far between.
Though to "holler," I'll say you're a dabster. Miss Green.
And now I will ask you in kindness, my love.
My deary, my dumpling, my darling, my dove.
My sparrow in daytime, my cuckoo at night.
My thoughts' sweetest food, and heart's fondest delight.
Thou gem of my eye, my "Huckleberry" pie.
And every nice thing I could call thee by.
Won't you please to leave off making such a great noise.
To frighten the g'hals and astonish the b'hoys?
0 loved one ! I'd have thee pour out a mild strain.
As soft as the zephyr that breathes o'er the plain.
And forth from thy chest of deep melody sing.
As nightingales chant their sweet love song in spring;
And then you will please me, you music will ease me,
'Twill make me feel happier far than a clam.
And others there be who think just like me.
Whom, do as I tell you, with joy you can cram.
But if "holler" you must, you most surely will vex us.
And for one I shall wish you were living in Texas ;
So be prudent ; or else spare not parson or people.
But blow off the shingles and tear down the steeple.

Another valentine:
Oh, Elvira ! Elvira ! for you I am dyin'.
Through the locks of my hair the soft winds am
a-sighin' ;

Yankee Jumbles. 273
Oh ! I'm goin', I'm goin', there's nothin' can save,
I'm sinkin' far down in Love's fathomless wave.
Oh, Elvira ! Elvira ! Do save me, I pray.
Oh, pilot me into some sheltering bay.
For, Ob ! sweet Elvira, I'm goin', I'm goin'.
Where no more I shall wake at my old rooster's crowin'.
Oh, Elvira ! Elvira ! thou beautiful creature.
There's beauty and life glow in every feature.
You're a big dictionary of humor and wit
And made of clear honey you be every bit.
0.h, Elvira ! Elvira ! you don't know how I love you ;
I love the ground under and umbrella above you,
I should covet the rat that was ca.ught in your trap.
And the cat that so happy sits and purrs in your kp.
Ob, Elvira ! I fear I can never be cured.
And the pangs through my gizzard can't long be endured.
Oh ! give me your heart, do, you beautiful laes.
And then my darned gizzard, let that go to grass.
Oh, Elvira ! the thought of you is veo-y revivin'.
Into your dear affections how I wish I was divin'.
If you will but marry me, gracious St. Peter
I should have such a wife that nobody could beat her.
Ob, Elvira ! Elvira ! forever I am thine.
And, Oh ! dear Elvira, won't you but be mine,
I'll love you and kiss you, and richly I'll feed you.
And when you are sick, I will physic and bleed you.

274 Yankee Jumbles.
Oh, Elvira ! I hope you'll rest well every night.
And when you get up have a good appetite.
And when we are married, we'll laugh when we're glad.
And dance when we're merry and fight when we're mad.

Another one to Loisa:
Miss Kitty O'Dumaoh had a delicate stomach.
And her appetite it was genteel.
So whatever she eat, unless 'twas complete.
Her stomach would squirm like an eel.
I've heard of this Miss that receiving a kiss
Would very near kill the sweet creature.
But could she receive one, and then but just give one.
It seemed to agree with her nature.
Now all the young fellows that lived in Dumbrellows
Of course they thought much of dear Kitty
For whoever she found, on whom sorrow had frowned
She gave them a vial of pity.
Her heart soft as butter, and such soft words she'd utter
They would melt down a mountain of ice.
There's naught to compare beside Kitty so fair,
I think, but a bundle of spice.
But Kitty is dead, peace remain on her head.
And sweetly repose may her ashes.
For Kitty, the dove, her life was all love,
And her eyes grew between bey eye laShes.

Yankee Jumbles. 275
Since Kitty she has died and from us gone.
We've had a doleful, dark and lonesome night.
But now another day begins to dawn.
Since thou art born to give us new delight.
Most lovely maid ; welcome as Flowers of May,
Thrice welcome to our ball of rolling clay.
With rapture now, thy beauty I behold,
Lo ! I see. Loisa to charm my soul.
Like darling Kitty full of life and love,
I think in candor, you're one notch above;
The roses they would blush if they should be
With thy fair cheek brought into company.
Long have I sought a jewel of thy kind.
To grace the ring that circles in my mind.
I think the ring is gold, but time, alas !
May tarnish it till it will look like brass.
But stop — I am not going to rack my poor brain.
To measure you out such a sorrowful strain,
So here I'll just tell you right square on the spot.
What 'tis that I want, and what 'tis I want not.
I want a wife, by golly, one plump, rosy and jolly.
One that can run, kick up and hop,
One as spry as a cricket; them's the kind that's the
ticket.
That can fly round as quick as a top.

276 Yankee Jumbles.
I will not have a wife hitched on to me.
That always wants to be a-guzzling tea.
Should she want drink, why, then, I'll give her some ;
I'll give her cider or I'll give her rum.
She should not stuff herself up on sweet cake.
Perhaps once in a month I'd let her bake,
She might bake beans or Johnny cake or bread.
But if she baked a pie, I'd break her head.
If I get me a wife, I never mean
To run my legs off for her till I'm lean.
If she wants shoes and other things to wear.
Then work and get her clothes, for what I care.
She needn't think that she's a-going to shirk.
And poke around and not do any work.
For when I'm gone from home she'll have to learn
To feed the pigs, and milk the cows and chum.
At evening when I'm ready I'll retire.
And she, what wants doing may set up and do.
At daylight she may rise and make the fire.
And when it's warm enough, I'll get up, too.
If she behaves well maybe I will let
Her with me at the breakfast table set.
But if she don't behave, then, I'll tell you
That she'U just have to wait till I get through.
Whenever I am harnessed to a wife,
I want her for the comfort of my life.
And when we launch the matrimonial bark
You may depend she'll have to toe the mark.

Yankee Jumbles. 277
So in good faith I here have straightly told
You all these things ; and may I now make bold.
To offer you my heart and hand and pluck.
Which you can have if you're in want of truck.
My heart and pluck, it is my true belief.
Are each one worth a dozen pounds of beef;
My hands a cord of wood a day can saw.
Carry a hod or paddy handcart draw.
My house in size is 14 feet by 10
With two nice rooms as ever yet was seen,
A woolen blanket hung from side to side.
The kitchen and the sleeping room divide.
My chambers are not yet done off at all.
Because my family has been so small.
So at one end of them I've cut some holes,
Through which the hens go in and roost on poles.
I think when I am married I shall make
Some new arrangements for appearance' sake.
With prospects of improvement I now stand
A candidate for Hymen's holy band.
If you refuse my suit 'twill end my life,
I'll cut my head off with my old jackknife.
But if you'll have me, tell me quick, I pray.
And when we shall unite ; just name the day.

An anonymous letter to a bright, witty noan in the
habit of using meaningless foreign phrases, which was
a success in confusing and puzzling him :

278 Yankee Jumbles.
Op gi fat rotundum fudge mi gudgy
Ne filly diffy triekerdom must budgy
You Diabolus sacre demus squirtim
Mick fardon tupperfuddle pistom shurtim,
Sacre mush dab, dis furdulum gurdy munge
Shek si Diabolus mon Leplunge.
La petite, sacre stingum p arde furt
Gush ti van strandum dis de pimpus squirt,
Le diable ; mic f arly sacre troonk
Un sacre, menus, Diabolus, schoonk.
Op si don illimus de trembus tone
I'll catapultus sacre dorsal bone
Oh, Joel, Joel, si le diable
De oyster pay I cum reliable
Des furly mangum brakus darlos grunge,
Mus very mincum dat sacre Leplunge.
The recipient took much pains to get an interpreter.

TO A BACHELOR FRIEND.
Friend Fred well said ;
Not married yet?
That love of thine
Quite cold must get.
Ah ! Fred ; — Celibacy is but a cup
From which thou drinkest only bitter waters;
Not such the draughts that from the wells come up
Of Adam's line, of long descended daughters.

Yankee Jumbles. 279
Fm fearful, Fred, my labor will be vain.
If my advice I venture to impart.
Although I hope to harrow in a grain.
That may take root upon thy stony heart.

That you with joy may rear the tender plant
And be not overborne with growing sadness.
The cultivation I will now descant,
That you may nourish it and till with gladness.
Anti-Celibacy's an herb, you see ;
That groweth only in the "Married State,"
And you are but a "neuter verb" to be
A citizen if you will emigrate.
Anti-Celibacy ! plant of celestial birth.
Descended from a mansion in the skies.
Thou takest root when planted here on earth.
Most beauteous flower, that bloomed in Paradise.
Now hie thee, Fred, to Hymen's blissful clime.
Where wine and milk and honey all abound.
And happily wilt thou enjoy the time
To feed the flock and cultivate the ground.
Anti-Celibacy ; if thou wouldst raise a shoot,
'Twill most remarkably in hot beds grow.
Prepare thy bed and then set in thy root
Near some warm spot where gushing waters flow.

280 Yankee Jumbles.
A little shoot will soon come forth anew
And to the sun raise up its modest head.
Ah ! then, no tongue can tell, no eye can view
The sweet sensations that reside in Fred.
When to thy daily toil thou dost away.
The moments seem like hours, the hours like weel^,
How gladly, then, wilt thou at close of day
Seek thy sweet home and kiss that flower's cheeks.
And Fred, when thou art old, and when thy hand
Hath lost its strength, and sickness wastes thy frame,
That flower by thy bedside then may stand.
And with its branches feed thy vital flame.
Then go, I pray thee, to the married state.
And spend thy days in peace and harmony,
But ere you go, permit me to relate
A word or two about celibacy.
Celibacy is but a useless weed.
It never blossoms, or produces seed.
It has two different stalks, or worthless blades,
One called old Bachelors, the other Maids.
I think the Maid plants early in the season.
Might be made to produce ; and what's the reason
They don't produce, is very strange to me.
For all their flowers are pistillate, I see,
I therefore think the subject soon discussed,
Tbey only want the fertilizing dust,

Yankee Jumbles. 28 ii
And on the Bachelors of course the blame ends,
Because they've got no pollen in their stamens.
Old maids, therefore, are hardly worth remark;
I don't think Noah had one in the ark.
They're worth no more than some old caged up parrots
And live a lifetime on a peck of carrots,
And when they're old, some dry and windy day.
They'll wither up and all be blown away.
And now, old bachelors, 'tis your turn next ;
I deem you hardly worthy for a text,
I'd rather save my breath to cool my broth.
Because on life's great wave you're but the froth,
You're like a wagon running without grease.
Or like a flock of ganders without geese.
To think of any good thing you are like, my mind
Wanders through space, but can no object find.
But when transplanted to the married state,
Of which I've known few instances of late
They soon become a thrifty growing tree
And recommend Anti-Celibacy.
But you who will old bachelors remain
Your wretched end I think I can explain.
Some Satan uses on his hook for bait,
And some are guards at the celestial gate.
Those are but few, the rest upon a pole
Are carried off and flung into a hole.
So, Fred, beware ! That you may not be took:
iTo fill a hole, or bait Old Scratch's book.

282 Yankee Jumbles.
Delivered in debating society on the subject "Does
Married Life Conduce More to Happiness Than
Single?" A bachelor the happiest of all men.
How happy is a bachelor, how very much a? ease.
He has a right to go out nights and come home when
he please.
And when he gets back home again, and turns bis guar
dian keys.
He meets no wife, who has for hours set up to raise a
breeze ;
'And finds no children, their papa for sugar things to
tease;
Through this dark world his single team with skill he
haws and gees
With a good soul and heart so warm that it will never
freeze.
In acts of charity and love and generous deeds there he's
One of the first among the poor their sorrows to appease ;
He rests at night, no brats in bed to harass him like fleas.
There Morpheus within his arms our bachelor doth seize
And soon in dreams he joins some lodge and goes
through the degrees.
By lily hands he's led away through smooth and grassy
leas
Along the little streamlet's bank, and 'neath the shady
trees.
Where flowers grow and the sweet air is charmed with
birds and bees.
He feels some sweet emotion upon his heart disseize.

Yankee Jumbles. 283
The bliss that's streaming through his soul with every
nerve agrees
And in an ocean of delight he's wading to his knees.
His dream flies na':t, but when he wakes 'tis not for
warming teas
Or hears his wife's alarming words, "How hard the baby
breathes !"
Rises at mom, goes to the door, and gives his lungs a
wheeze.
Gapes, rubs his eyes and clears his brains with one pro
digious sneeze.
And after flnishing a few performances like these
He crams himself with victuals as full as he can squeeze.
Eats, drinks and lives as happy as a skipper in a cheese.

A WINTER NIGHT'S DREAM.
Some few nights since while sitting by the fire.
And for the cold than usual I sit nigber,
Miss Pussy jumped into my lap to purr.
And I for her soft music sleeked her fur.
The room was warm, although without 'twas cold,
A dreary time for the infirm and old.
But though without the wintry winds did sweep,
A-sitting by my fire I fell asleep.
While in my sleep or that which thus did seem,
I had a dream, which was not all a dream.
And 'twas so odd you could not guess the theme
With which my thoughts in that strange sleep did teem.

284 Yankee Jumbles.
I seemed to wake within a spacious house
And by my side there smiled my gracious spouse,
A bouncing child sit laughing on each knee.
And pulled my nose and hair in playful glee.
Others at play, were tumbling round the floor.
Or playing hide and seek behind the door;
Four rosy girls each handsome as a queen.
And twelve fat noble boys made up sixteen.
I asked my wife or she who thus did seem.
If the time past did not seem like a dream ?
Dating the time back to the auspicious mom
When we with mutual joy hailed our first bom.
Here I was dry and told my oldest son.
Who after me was named Sam No. 1
To go and bring me up a quart of cider.
Which I would take to make my thoughts range wider.
My vrife then answered the grave question which
I just proposed ; I see it made her twitch
All over, because I suppose her mind —
Just then we heard an awful scream behind.
Sam No. 5 had got my wife's big shears
And robbed our old gray cat of tail and ears;
My wife she saved the tail, I'll merely mention.
And sold it for a shaving brush of new invention.

Yankee Jumbles. 285
Now I'll go back once more unto my story.
My wife she thus replied to my interrogatory —
Says she — ^just then something went bang.
Slam, bump, thump, ram, jam, kerwhang,
And then rose up a most tumultuous yell.
My second daughter down the stairs had fell.
Trying to climb and steal a few dried pears.
She'd tumbled headlong dowa the chamber stairs.
Poor little thing, she looked just like her mother.
She was most awfully bruised from one end to t'other;
We washed her bruises over with some gin
And by this time I was quite dry again.
A little more cider I thought would do no harm,
'Twould quench my thirst and keep my stomach warm ;
I drank a quart or so, — My wife replied —
She'd scarce begun — the door flew open wide
And in stepped No. 3 ; says he, "I'll tell you what.
If I hain't had some fun, then I'll be shot.
I've set Tray on to Granny Benom's cow
And he's 'bout killed old Hopkins' spotted sow,
And chased off old aunt Prindle's bobtailed mare.
And killed her cat (I wish you'd heard her swear).
And Tray killed eight of mother Wiggins' geese.
As clean as you could lick a spot of grease.
And now he's chasing up a horse and wagon —
The horse and dog they both run like the Dragon."
When he'd told this, says I, "You dirty brat,"
Then hit him a good swipe and knocked him flat ;

286 Yankee Jumbles.
Told him he was a little ugly villain
That such a wicked wretch he wanted killing.
Here wife she interposed, "Wa'n't it too bad !"
She said he always was just like his dad.
Oh ! lightning on a limb, then wa'n't I mad ?
I doubled up my fist, says I, "Wife, look here."
She grabbed the pudding stick. Says she: "Old man,
look here."
Says I, "Wife, what are you going to do with that pud
ding stick?"
Says she, "If you touch me I am going to hit you a lick."
"Now," says I, "Wife, it's foolish for us to go to fighting
And kicking and scratching and pulling hair and biting
And hurting each other and then again maybe
Before we get through we might smash the baby."
I softened, she softened, our wrath was soon missing
And the battle was turned into hugging and kissing.
Wife here made her mind up to answer once more,
The question I put to her some time before.
Says she, — and at that instant No. 4
Jammed No. 11 headlong out the door.
Son No. 5 and daughter No. 1
Were pulling hair and fighting just for fun.
Thirteen and fourteen they were pulling hair.
Seven and eight were practicing to swear.
Six threw the coffee pot at No. 4,
Twelve turned a pot of cream upon the floor.
Nine come in with his pocket full of frogs.
Ten brought my hat in full of pollywogs,

Yankee Jumbles. 287
And what the rest were doing, I've forgot.
I put my foot down somewhere 'bout this spot
And brought the house to order, so that I
Could give attention to my wife's reply.
I had another quart of cider drawn.
Drank and then said: "Wife, now you go on," —
Says she, — says I — "Young 'uns, now be still."
A half dozen answered: "Pa, we will."
"Yah," cried the baby, another one did cry.
Four threw a frog and hit me in ihe eye.
One used a tin pan for a tambourine.
The table was turned over by thirteen.
My eldest daughter got pricked with a pin.
Says I: "Young 'uns, stop this infernal din."
They stopped quicker'n lightning, there never was a dad
Possessed better government over a family than I had.
Now says I, "Go out of the house and play.
And don't you stop till I call you away."
It was most dark, but out the door they flew,
A jolly, laughing, mischievous, happy crew.
Then I drew nigh unto my own dear wife
She was the joy and comfort of my life.
And asked her if the days that we'd passed through
Were not delightful to her mind's review ?
And although she had many cares to vex
With sixteen noisy children to perplex
And whether she would not much rather fae
Rid of all these but perhaps two or three?

288 Yankee Jumbles.
My wife replied: "My days have passed in peace.
And with my children all my joys increase.
Sweet little things, they are my heart's delight.
My life by day, my comfort through the night,"
But here she stopped and bitterly she sighed
(If I'd not kissed her I believe she'd cried)
She said 'twas for the four sweet babes that died.
^ly wife she was divine to look upon.
She shared my kisses with the Demi-john,
Although we never either one got drunk
Yet drinking would sometimes warm up our spunk.
Then she would scold, and I would walk the room.
And swing my fists and she would swing the broom.
When my dear wife was young she was a lass
In size amongst the girls, 'bout common class.
But age, and other incidents forsooth
Had changed her looks and added to her growth;
For now instead of at an earlier date.
Weighing but ninety pounds, she weighed 200 weight.
Her looks in youth I cannot here portray.
But you can view her features any day.
Look in the glass, as true as I'm a biped
There you can see her looks daguerreotyped.
As wife and I talked on of happy days.
Of our dear children and their pretty plays,
How lonesome we should be if they were gone.
How innocent, kind and loving they were, and so on,

Yankee Jumbles. 289
A mass of something down the chimney came.
The room was quickly filled with smoke and flame.
The boys had put old Tray into a sack.
And down the chimney they had thrown him, whack,
I darted up and thought I would go out.
And see what my wife's darlings were about;
Opened the door — earthquakes and gingerbread !
If I'd not dodged, I'd got a broken head.
There were set up against the kitchen door.
Hoes, rakes and ladders, kettles, tubs and more.
Than half a dozen barrels, wood and stones.
Made up the trap set there to smash my bones.
"Now," says I, "Wife, let's both of us get out.
And see what them dam young 'uns are about."
I took her by the hand and we marched straight.
Out into the yard and headed for the gate;
We didn't get half way into the street.
Before new troubles we were doomed to meet.
Across the path were tied two young trees,
A rope that came up nearly to our knees.
We run against it, quicker than a flash.
We both were pitched upon the ground, kersmash.
The young 'uns on the house top raised a yell.
Tickled to death to see how slick we fell.
The fall awakened me out of my dream.
During my sleep, (or that which thus did seem,)

290 Yankee Jumbles.
But not to find a wife, fat girls and boys.
To trouble me with mischief, traps and noise.
But in their stead the fire had all gone out.
The wintry winds were blowing hard without,
And I, to tell the truth and nothing more.
Had fell as flat as a pancake on the floor.
I got up, lit my light, for that had fled.
Drew me some cider and then went to bed;
And 'twas so cold that night, 'twixt me and you.
When I got in, I wished my dream was true.
I soon got warm in bed and slept again.
And dreamt another dream — ^but I'll refrain.
As I am tired of thinking words to rhyme:
I'll tell that dream to you some other time.
But to conclude, kind Miss, pray answer me.
If in your mind there's a possibility.
That this strange dream may be reality?
Or shall I keep on dreaming through my life,
Without those sixteen children and a wife?

CORRESPONDENCE. New York, May 15, 1869.
F. T. Ives, Esq.,
Dear Sir : — As you propose coming down on Monday
and will expect to see Mr. Brown, this is to inform you
. that he is out of town. Yours,
Walter Brown & Co.,
 By Gerrish,

Yankee Jumbles. 291
Meriden, May 16th, 1869.
Messrs. Walter Brown & Co.,
Gents :
Yours, 15th May, arrived to-day;
Its contents I shall cherish.
For telling me that Mr. B.
Is out of town — by Gerrish.
If Mr. Brown is out of town.
To come down will be folly;
So I'll delay until Thursday.
Yours, Frank T. Ives,
By Golly.

New York, May 18tb, 1869.
F. T. Ives, Esq.,
Dear Sir :
As Mr. Brown is out of town.
It falls to me to write.
And to you say that on Wednesday,
He will be home at night.
Your little rhyme came in due time.
And set us in a roar.
That F. T. Ives should think it wise.
To write poetic lore.
And now to-day just let me say.
These contents also cherish.
This other folly to Ives, by Golly,
Was also writ By Gerrish.

292 Yankee Jumbles.
Meriden, May 19th, 1869.
Messrs. Walter Brown & Co.,
Gentlemen : Your chain of rhyme
Came in due time. It was very sublime.
And nobody hurt.
'Twas sweet as May bees sing.
What my wife calls pleasing. So soothing and easing.
Such a grateful Squirt.
It does seem to me,
Your Gerrish must be a prodigy;
Does he yet endure? If not yet dead.
Please put him in bed and rub his head
With a hornicure. On the 20th day
Of this month of May, 10 a.m., I will say.
You may lay your plan
At your business place.
To behold the face, the beauty and grace
Of a nice, young man. Respectfully yours,
F. T. Ives.

Yankee Jumbles. 293
A letter to two nieces :
Dear El and Sue, how do you do?
You cannot tum and say
We are quite well, and prithee tell
Us how are you to-day.
But never mind, I feel inclined.
Now to communicate.
So lend an ear and you shall hear.
How I have been of late.
Of first rate health, I've had much wealth,
If health may be called riches.
But I'U be sworn that gold's not torn
The pockets in my breeches.
The mother she, and nephew he.
Are living snug as rabbits.
With hearts as light, as cake is quite.
Made with that stuff of Babbitt's, (saleratus.)
Whilst like a bug, they're living snug,
I, like a stupid fool.
Amidst the charms of old North Farms,
Am shut up keeping school.
Here, 'mong the hogs and dogs and bogs.
And frogs and pollywogs.
The stupid sogs have need of jogs.
Gin 'em by Pedagogues.

294 Yankee Jumbles.
The young 'uns all, both great and small.
For knowledge each is yearning.
They ope their mouths and with a souse,
I just pour down the learning.
The little brats, as thick as rats.
Come flocking in together,
Fine boys and girls, with glossy curls.
Make storms seem pleasant weather.

As nice a green as e'er was seen.
We have whereon to frolic.
And there to see the jollity.
Would cure you of the colic.
Some run and prance, some hop and dance.
And some do this, some that,
Some wrestling, fall, and some at ball.
Are playing two old cat.
The girls all sweet, look most complete.
Some fair and green as yew trees,
I think, 'tis rare that anywhere.
You'll find such perfect beauties.
To give the names of these fair dames.
Would kill me to repeat 'em.
No cannibal shall I e'er tell
Their charms for fear he'll eat 'em.

Yankee Jumbles. 295
And when they come beneath the dome.
Of old North Farms' Sanctorum,
'Tis a delight, that charms the sight.
When you are looking o'er 'em.
Thus you can see quite easily.
That my condition's blest,
I've naught to do, 'twixt me and you.
But roll in happiness, (or hornets' nest) rhymes
better.
Perhaps you'll choose to hear some news.
If so, I'd fain indulge you.
Although 'tis true there's nothing new.
Which I can now dirulge you.
The world is round, as has been found.
And folks therein are wicked.
And horses hired when they get tired.
Why, then they must be licked.
But this ain't news which you'll peruse,
I think, to your instraction.
So I'll digress from this I guess.
And rake some new production.
When you wrote last, some four weeks past,
(Or when your mama wrote).
No doubt that El remem.bers well.
She sent a little note.

296 Yankee Jumbles.
The which we read, and there it said.
That she had been to ride.
With Mr. Heyes — and "pumpkin pies,"
For them she'd almost died.

These words she wrote, which I will quote,
I want a piece this minute,
Just then our table, could you been able,
Your heart would leaped to seen it.
For there then stood a lovely brood.
Of nine big pumpkin pies.
And would you not most surely thought,
That this was Paradise ?
But sad to tell, like grass they fell.
And soon we slew the last.
And now their names, like all of Fame's,
Are numbered with the past.
But if you sigh for pumpkin pie.
Come over here some time;
The widow'U bake for your dear sake,
A few that shall be prime.
I'd have you. Sue, one favor do.
Allow me here to ask it.
This is my wish, I'd have a dish.
Made which you'd call card basket.

Yankee Jumbles. 297
If you will get the stuff for it.
And make it as you will,
I'll raise the jink as quick as wink.
And settle up the bill.
So now I'm done, my song is sung,
I'll bid you all good-bye.
Respects to all, both short and tall.
Sue Joy — El Pumpkin Pies.
P. S.
Old Tige is gone, peace to his bones.
Or else his bones to pieces;
A little spot on Burdiek's lot
Tige's mortal body greases.
Burdick he took a club, and struck
Poor Tiger on the head ;
With dying yell he prostrate fell
At Burdiek's feet quite dead.
Tiger had been quite free from sin.
In him there was no evil;
But strange to tell, when Tiger fell.
He went right to the Devil.

To A. E. T.

My Dear:
Your attention give here.
To these few lines I'm inscribing.
And do not at once pronounce me a dunce.
Nor consider that I've been imbibing,

298 Yankee Jumbles.
For it would somewhat detract from my merits
To allow that my mind is directed by "Sperrits."
I do not propose in abandoning prose.
To rise quite out of sight,
Not much higher than a skylark goes.
This fine bird has long known the secret of song.
And much to her powers of wing do belong
The force of her notes, for the higher she floats.
And warbles her music in loftiest sphere,
The softer her melody falls on the ear.
I'll not try to surprise you with eloquent showers.
Nor flgures of speech nor rhetorical flowers.
Or give you a show of political views.
For with such abstrase subjects I could not amuse,
You'll therefore permit me to merely resign
Myself to dropping a plain simple line.
And if not provided with delicate bait.
Pray pardon the angler for weakness of pate.
There's a chapter of life connected with fishing.
It has its uncertainties, like unto wishing.
Some fellow may sit him all day on a log.
And look like a mammoth unsanctified frog.
There wait for a bite, and but for the flies.
That longed for delight, he'd not realize.
And when at last he must quit his log,
To travel towards home with weary jog.

Yankee Jumbles. 299
He'll nearly give vent to his wicked wishes,
That the very Old Nick had the flies and fishes.
The next time, perchance, he will follow some brook.
And drop his hook in some shady nook.
As the line twirls round in some giddy stream.
He feels a thrill of joy supreme;
With a nervous pull at his bending rod.
He lands his prize on the bank's green sod.
Then oh, what a pride his breast inflates.
His brain is delighted, his heart palpitates.
Like a lover accepted, 'tis little he waits.
Till newly his glittering hook he baits.
And feels well paid if he pulls out.
Bullhead or shiner, sucker or trout.
Now with poets it is always the law.
From all our writings a moral to draw.
And that this subject may be well impressed.
The following moral I would suggest.
Young people, when fishing in life's mighty ocean.
Are always encouraged with some very high notion,
And nine times in ten, will provide them a dish.
By far too large to carry their fish.
And when they anticipate trout for their meals.
They're as likely to breakfast on catfish or eels.
Thinking, perhaps, your patience I'm tiring.
And as I'm from great mental effort perspiring,
I'll try to write something to suit you better.
Lest you pronounce this a scaly letter.

300 Yankee Jumbles.
Yours of the 15th was received last Friday noon.
Its contents were sweeter than "Balm from a spoon,"
And the kind words and feelings its lines did convey.
Were grateful as odors of that lovely bouquet.
'Tis a truth you may search among earth's brightest
bowers.
The fragrance is sweetest exhaled from the flowers
That bloom in the heart, and their beautiful shade
In sunshine or storm the least likely to fade.
To divert the subject a little
And hang over another kettle
Of fish to fry.
In all goodness and love allow me to reprove
Your bigotry!
In seeing you class a Universalist Church next
To a theatre, I must say made me feel rather vexed.
For of this one thing, I'm sure, there's as good Chris
tian people.
As e'er collected beneath a church steeple,
Who sincerely believe that God's creatures he loves.
And all of their sins in this world he reproves.
And when they cross o'er to eternity's shore,
Their sins and their sorrows shall trouble no more.
'Tis a most pointed truth, we're the work of his hands,
Acting out not our own, but His mighty commands,
And is it a sin to believe that above.
We all shall be saved in the "Ark of His love ?"
'Mongst wrangling sects there's such disparity.
We should employ our largest charity.

Yankee Jumbles. 301
And ere we put our armor on to fight.
Be sanguine which we strike for, wrong or right.
Trusting you will agree to this moral creed.
With something else I now will proceed.
Permit me next, if you please, to speak
Of the pleasant scenes I enjoyed last week.
Four evenings at home with my friends I spent.
With chatter and music they merrily went.
On Wednesday eve, if you vsdll believe,
I went to the sewing society.
And saw the compound, which is usually round.
Of frolic and sobriety.
Some women troubled, 'bout who's to be doubled,
And doubting the propriety.
Some men distressed, with tightness of vest.
After eating to satiety;
And perhaps an old maid, uncommonly stayed.
Distressed, she thinks, with piety.
A sewing circle is a lovely scene.
Embellished with its shades of light and green,
A place for gossipers to ply their trade,
A sort of nest, where gossip's eggs are laid.
And these are eggs that e'er so big a batch,
'Mongst setting women never fail to hatch.
With little feed the chicks are sure to grow.
The pullets cackle and the roosters crow.
If you have time, my dear, please take my arm.
And we will look in upon this buzzing swarm.

302 Yankee Jumbles.
Here are three rooms : the first contains the men.
Talking of crops and stocks and wondering when
'Twill rain or come off fair or whether this or that.
Will run up high or fall down very flat?
They talk of business and express their views.
About the politics and general news.
In fact, it may be said of them, that when
They finish up, they've acted much like men.
Next come the young folks in the largest room.
Here youth and beauty bud and blush and bloom.
Stand in a ring so straight and laugh and sing.
With hearts as gay and light as birds in spring.
Enraptured, lost in bliss, the younger sips
The melting kiss from forty honeyed lips.
Until from sheer exhaustion he retreats.
Like loaded bee, half surfeited in sweets.
The little maiden feels supremely blest.
To "Go and choose the one she loves the best."
I think the world ought to show the deference.
To give the ladies larger rights of preference,
And yet I should not dare to trust the day
When "women's rights" held universal sway.
The next room, somewhat smaller than the rest.
Contains the women huddled in a nest.
With heads and faces drawn quite close together.
Discussing every why and what and whether.
One wonders if Joe Smith admires Kate Stokes,
And how the match would set on the old folks ?

Yankee Jumbles. 303
Old Mrs. Brovra tells how her Polly Ann,
Is "gunter" marry a rich "gintleman,"
And then "they say" that Sally So & So
Has been out west and really got a beau.
And Mr. Vine and wife, a happy pair.
After these dozen years have got an heir;
Some married, some are born, some sick abed.
Some mn away, some courting, some are dead.
Their tongues ring all these changes, till their breath
Exhausts the stock of courtships, births and death;
But only stop, when the bold summons comes.
From their dear husbands to go to their homes.
This is a picture which no doubt that you
Can quite indorse as being very true.
And now to switch off on another train,
With a clerical tum of the subject.
Again.
On Friday eve I attended a party
At Dr. Davis'. We all had a hearty
Good time — music, singing and dancing,
Card playing and puzzles, kissing, flirting and prancing,
Shrewd speeches, smart sayings, sharp shots and keen
jokes,
(But free from all gossip about other folks,)
And many amusements our time did beguile.
To gladden the heart and encourage a smile,
I must own that I kissed so many sweet women.
That I felt like a bee in a honey-pot swimmin'.

304 Yankee Jumbles.
For these kind of sociables we have a good reason.
And this was the first of the series this season.
Most of the ladies who attend these festivities.
Are very fat, and to avoid these proclivities.
Go to these assemblies, where they have a chance
To lessen their burden in the maze of the dance.
'Twould do you good to bear the great clatter
They make to shake off their oleaginous matter.
If ever you chance to come over this way,
I'll show you the beauties of such a soiree.
Where lean folks can laugh themselves jolly and fat.
And fat ones can dance themselves lean as a cat.
Last night, Sunday eve, I passed four pleasant hours,
At the town hall — Parson WoUey's oratorical powers.
Were applied in behalf of the temperance cause.
And a warning to drunkards in their habits to pause.
The choir sang some verses, denouncing their sins.
And we accompanied with three violins,
A big bass viol and a well-played piano.
Sustaining all parts from bass to soprano.
Your short interview with friend Putnam, I find.
Sent him away with a gratified mind.
But then it seems wicked almost, you should call
The fat jovial fellow a specimen small, —
I should hate to believe that this could be,
A slight backhanded thrust at me.
I must measure myself, but not by myself.
Lest perchance that my size may lay me on the shelf.
But if your ideal of beauty is height,
Why, just get me mad and I'm high as a kite.

Yankee Jumbles. 305
Just imagine a big fleshy man, six feet high.
With a woman but four feet, quite shrivelled and dry,
Now doesn't it seem decidedly queer,
For one to embrace such an " 'orrid highdear ?"
'Tis not with the adage of "Birds of a feather,"
But peihaps it's all right when "extremes meet together."
It seems that our Governor B. postpones
Thanksgiving one week, so the turkeys' bones.
With geese and ducks and nice spring chickens.
Will have a chance to defer their pickings;
The pantries of puddings and pies 'twill relieve.
With only a brief seven days' reprieve.
Then all kinds of poultry that through life have hobbled,
Witlh turkey gobblers will have to be gobbled.
The chickens, poor things, give my feelings a shock.
When I think of their flutters and terrifled squawk.
Now as to your visit I have only to say.
You must not expect to go back the same day.
There's no danger at all on the boat at night.
You'll be all safe and the boat won't bite.
And Mrs. H. says if you'll be good,
A visit of several days won't intrude.
And as she remarked, it would be quite befitting
To bring along your sewing and knitting;
Or to sum up the matter, she expects you to stay.
And make a good visit when you come this way.
Therefore make such plans if it meets your notion,
And to try your mind, I'll second the motion.
The vote being taken I hear from the chair.
That the ayes have it I'm bound to declare.

3o6 Yankee Jumbles.
It's most ten o'clock and my sleepy head
Is getting tired ; I must go to bed.
So with love to all, let this rhapsody end.
And awaiting your answer, believe me your
Friend, F. T. Ives.

The following are a series of light correspondence
sent to Miss Ella C. Birdsey during my trips through
the west, summer of 1869.
Indianapolis, June 6th, 1869.
Sweet Ella: Charming little girl.
Does this make you feel better?
I am going to give my pen a whirl.
And write you a beautiful letter.
You see at the top of the page,
I'm in the state of Indiany,
Feeling quite well for one of my age.
But for some days past have felt like an old gi
This is a very nice country, indeed.
Fine weather seems to prevail;
But it may surprise you to read.
That they ride me around on a rail.
The fields are green and beauteous to the view.
These adjectives describe the boys and girls as true,

Yankee Jumbles. 307
If you should move from old Connecticut
Into this state, you'd be a buttemut;
If in Ohio, when you chance to cry.
Your tears would then fiow from a sad buckeye,
So to avoid pain, trouble, grief and sin.
You'd better stay in the state you now are in.
I write this caution as so many young women
Get thoughts in their heads that set 'em a-swimmin';
And make them feel anxious to wander astray.
And leave their good homes for some other way.
Perhaps on the banks of the 0 high Ob,
Where in anguish and sorrow, they'll cry 0 ! dear 0 !
I hope this subject will seem clear to you,
(Although I present but a bird's-eye view,)
And that you'll discard all Persimmons and Murdocks,
And Griswolds and Catswolds and Catnip and Burdocks,
Assume a calm feeling, become sober and staid.
And resolve that you'll be a contented old maid.
I expect to travel some two weeks longer.
And by change of climate hope to feel stronger.
Since I saw you I've been in Cuba awhile,
But at Oil Creek was where I first saw the He,
In the course of this week, if my way I pursue,
I expect to inhale the fresh air of Peru.
Even in this day of rapid travel.
You may depend one has got to scratch gravel.

3o8 Yankee Jumbles.
To see all these countries with speed of balloon.
Can only be matched by "the man in the moon."
Next in my travels I propose to wander
And become for a time a Michigander,
And if while there some bird should me choose.
She would make of herself a Micberable goose.
I guess when I get there I shall feel homesick.
And if I do I shall beat time double quick.
And put for Meriden, that lovely, lively city.
Where I address this amiable ditty.
To let you know I'm yet alive.
And if you behave well, until I arrive.
As a reward to balance the account,
I'll treat you well at Marvin's Polar Fount.
Addressed : Miss Ella Birdsey, Meriden City,
nere the boys are honest, the girls are pretty.
In Connecticut, that model state,
In which women are lovely and the men are great,
(I won't say what, it matters not).

Chicago, III., June 10th, 1869.
Prune Ella :
How does this title suit ?
Prunes, you know, are delicious fruit;
Are sweet and nice, so you'll pardon me.
For using this Ella-gant simile.

Yankee Jumbles. 309
Xi) doubt, ere this, my pretty little letter
Of last week, you've received, read, and feel better.
Since then I have enjoyed some pleasant views.
Which may your mind instruct, if not amuse.
I'll state, in brief, a few outlines and features
Of Indiana lands, its folks and creatures.
There is, where'er you go, on every hand.
Big towering trees, big swamps and lots of land.
The people are a sort of general mixture
Of everything ; but an important fixture
Throughout the state is droves of spotted pigs.
Large herds of mules and just the blackest nigs.
Where'er you go, in every public street
Or in the byways, you are sure to meet
Great broods of pigs with their indulgent mothers.
And all seem friendly as a band of brothers.
Another feature, which I would note down.
Is how the country people come in town.
To bring their produce, butter, eggs and cheese.
And get their drygoods and their groceries.
Ofttimes I wish that I was born a painter.
But as an artist in that line, I ain't a
Very scientific character; if I could,
I'd draw some views, to see would do you good.
Their wagons have a box some ten feet long.
Four wide, two deep and everything made strong.
Their team is always made up of a span.
They come in strings just like a caravan.

3IO Yankee Jumbles.
The wagons have no seats nor steps, but chairs
Are used to substitute these small affairs.
The old man rides in front, when they've got him in,
The space behind is partly filled with women.
The balance of the space is packed in full
With hay and grain and packages of wool.
Hides, beeswax, chickens, pelts and various bags.
Of feathers, ginseng, dried apples and rags.
I think that every land and every age
Has scenes of oddities upon the stage.
And if they do, I'm sure, this is the day.
In this queer state for one to see the play.
Suppose we walk upon the public street
For twenty rods and see what we will meet.
If I was to make up an inventory,
I should call this an average category.
One hundred people come from out of town.
One hundred poor, lean pigs running up and down.
The women look like fits; the pigs all colors;
The men a hard, rough looking set of fellows.

Here are a dozen sitting round the door
Of a Jew's clothing or a grocery store;
Eating their lunch of corn bread, eggs and bacon ;
How oft I wished their picture could be taken.

Yankee Jumbles. 311
But after all, in candor I must say.
These people's lives are happier day by day.
Than those Who trade and travel on Broadway,
Indulge in gluttony and fine array.
To moralize a little in conclusion.
These people have contentment in profusion.
And their continual feast in comfort finds
Its source to be in well-contented minds.
So let us be content that we were put
Down in the state of old Connecticut,
Nor turn our noses up in scornful manner.
Towards the pigs and folks in Indiana.

Elkhart, July 15th, 1869.
Miss Ella C. B. :
Please listen to me.
While I rehearse a ditty.
About country life, away from strife.
Outside of bustling city.
I daily think how you must shrink.
Pent up 'mid bricks and noise.
While I expand and feel so grand.
Among the country boys.
The air so pure, 'tis very sure
'Twould make you grow to breathe it;
So that your gown to get around
Your waist, you'd have to squeathe it.

312 Yankee Jumbles.
Your pallid cheeks in a few weeks.
Would blush like damask roses.
Your form and face have style and grace.
Like the aforesaid posies.
The country air would make you fair.
Fat, happy, good and witty.
Your rarely find folks of this kind
Brought up in any city.
Pestilence crawls 'mid city walls.
And pounces on its victim.
Laughs at his groans, plays with his bones.
When of their meat he's picked them.
There, darks and damps, robbers and tramps.
Assail in street and alley.
The brawls and fights and noises nights
Would frighten your aunt Sally.
There's few believes what horrid thieves.
In cities play their part.
Unless you keep one eye from sleep.
They'll steal your precious heart.
They are so bold, it has been told,
Ofttimes without refiections.
They boldly stalk or slyly walk.
Right into your affections.

Yankee Jumbles. 313
They flatter misses with sugar kisses.
With winning smiles they greet them;
Girls not discreet, think they're so sweet.
These cannibals would eat them.
These shocking features, these wicked creatures,
Who have no sense of pity.
Shrewd, foxy chaps, with snares and traps.
Abound in every city.
Not so in country where the verdant fields.
The fertile valley and the meadow yields
The lavished bounty of the fruitful soil.
To compensate the laborers' hardy toil.
Here Nature opens out her bounteous hand.
And spreads content and sunshine o'er the land.
She gives the sturdy yeoman joy and health,
A rich exchange 'gainst cities' crime and wealth.
In country, fathers work and earn the bread.
With which their offspring daily must be fed.
Their lives are humble and each goodly liver.
Acknowledges with gratitude the Generous Giver.
The mothers make a home and teach the girls
To keep things straight instead of making curls.
They teach their boys to go where'er they send 'em.
And if their pants get torn, the mothers mend 'em.
The boys grow up strong, healthy and robust.
Trained to be honest, virtuous, noble, just,

314 Yankee Jumbles.
Devoted hearts, brains filled with common sense.
Hands large for good as that of Providence.
The girls in health and beauty naught surpasses
They are superlatively the sweetest lasses,
Joy of their parents, brothers, friends and lovers,
No spot on earth but their affection covers.
The contrast now shown between city and town,
I'll promenade round and conclude.
And hope that each word to your mind will afford
A soothing and nourishing good.
Although 'tis a pity you are squoze in a city.
Just try and breathe free as you can.
Much in firmness depends, tell your feminine friends.
To stick and hold fast to a man.
And don't let this story that I've placed before ye
Oblige you to lose any sleep.
On retiring at night just lock the door tight,
And you'll wake up as safe as a sheep.
Life in the city lasts but scarce a day.
Like hot-bed plants, quick growth and quick decay.
The country is the garden fair and wide.
Where life and peace and sunshine can abide.
With great tenderness in my breast.
And concern for your interest,
I remain. Yours tridy.

Yankee Jumbles. 315
Plymouth, Indiana, August 23nd, 1869.
Miss Ella: Miscellaneous news
Sometimes instructs, if it does not amuse.
And as of late, my joumeyings have been
Mixed up somewhat of dangers now and then,
I feel constrained to trespass on your leisure.
To grant me the felicity and pleasure.
Of telling some of my hairbreadth escapes.
Of shunning pain in many direful shapes.
Some few weeks since I left my peaceful home.
With cheerful hope o'er this fair land to roam ;
The days passed off securely and serene.
As free from trouble as a courting scene.
When suddenly four miles from Titusville,
Occurred a scene which gave my blood a chill.
The soil upon a lake had made a cover.
Across this lake the railroad did ran over.
And just the day before we came along.
This upper crust, not being very strong.
Three cars sank through into the lake's calm bosom,
(Which made the company feel bad to lose 'em).
But .as the road sank down from mortal eyes.
It railly carried all its earthly ties;
And down in mud and water fathoms deep,
'Mongst eels and pollywogs must ever sleep.
Now if the train that I embarked upon.
Into this hole the day before had gone.
No doubt that I and all the rest within it.
Would have been drowned and strangled in a minute.

3i6 Yankee Jumbles.
But we escaped from cooling off our blood.
In that big slough of water, bogs and mud.
Other escapes to which I would refer.
Are such as do not frequently occur;
Though not from being sunk in dangerous bogs.
They were from jaws of aggravated dogs.
As we were swiftly riding o'er a plain,
A savage dog came rushing at the train.
His looks were wild, and anger filled his eye,
His bark was loud, his tail he flourished high.
The train and passengers seemed doomed to be
Destroyed as quick as you could kill a flea.
Just as this monster was about to pitch
Upon the train, he fell into a ditch.
And while upon his back in reeds and grass.
The train in safety was allowed to pass.
Imagine now the sense of great relief.
To get away from this bloodthirsty thief.
And safely go upon our fleeting passage.
And not be stock for "goot bologna sausage."
Our next great fright was at Kalamazoo,
Where for a time we didn't know what to do.
While coming in, the train was slacking speed.
We were exposed unto the wrath and greed
Of still another dog, whose anger boiled.
And yeamed to 'have us of our lives despoiled.

Yankee Jumbles. 317
From a small house that stood back from the street.
He wildly rushed — madness impelled his feet.
Upon his back the bristles stood erect.
This was, no doubt, done muchly for effect;
His eyes flashed fire, his jaws extended wide.
With hideous teeth showed they were well supplied.
There seemed no way his anger to evade.
But to submit and helplessly be slayed.
What wild emotions gathered in each breast,
The women screamed and were with fears distressed.
Some were hysteric, many of them fainted.
And all were pale as ghosts but those who painted.
And in their panic and extreme alarms.
The women for protection rushed to arms.
The suddenness and force of the attack.
The men caused for a time to sally back.
But tbey worked calmly and kept self-possessed.
Assuaged the women's fears, calmed and caressed.
Used camphors, cordials, ointments, antidotes
Of various kinds upon their necks and throats.
Embraced them, kissed them, squeezed their nerveless
hands.
Pressed lips to lips and cooled their brows with fans.
Called them endearing names, breathed in their ears
The softest words to dissipate their fears.
But all to no avail, this would not do.
The women still more scared and fainter grew.
What might befell us all cannot be told.
But for a woman eighty-nine years old,

3i8 Yankee Jumbles.
Who during all this most tumultuous scene.
Had kept from fainting and was all serene.
She told the men instead of their caresses.
To just unloose their waterfalls and tresses.
And then instead of kisses and embraces
To pour a cup of water in their faces.
Magic effect ! soon as the water poured
Most perfect quiet was at once restored.
All were delighted and the wonder grew.
To think how much that good old woman knew
Now to resume about that awful dog.
Who for the train was rushing down good jog.
Across the master's yard, and in his heart
Anger was sharp as Satan's fiery dart.
Thirsting for blood, with murder on his brain.
He seemed resolved to swallow up the train.
And when we seemed abandoned to our fate.
And must be gobbled like a piece of bait.
We were preserved again by Providence,
Which by a modest little picket fence.
Stopped this insatiate monster's mad career.
From drinking down our blood like lager beer.
His joy suppressed from crunching on our bones,
Or feast his ear with music of our groans.
If he had caught us, his fermenting rage.
Would given no respect to youth or age,
Ilis wicked teeth would bitten through our necks.
With no regard to beauty, fame or sex.

Yankee Jumbles. 319
Our flesh devoured and stripped our shivering limbs.
Without saying grace or singing any hymns.
His meal to him would seem a little bite.
Served in a manner very impolite,
But when with carnage he had tired his jaws.
His meal completed, he would had to pause.
And we, poor souls, with all our traps and togs.
Should been reported as "Gone to the dogs."
Now stopping here before your patience fails.
About these dogs, I'll just cut off their tales.
With some instructive words to beneflt.
Yet, ere I close, your mind should needs be lit
That you may know in trials how to act,
From these dogs' tales this moral I'll extract:
moral.
This world is filled up with narrow escapes.
That look quite appalling, but most of our scrapes.
We some way get out of, we still live and hence
Are saved by some "if," "ditch," or "picket fence."
Dear ladies of beauty, if youthful in years.
Whenever your minds are distracted by fears.
And dangers affront, lose no time for reflection.
But calmly fall back on the men for protection.
When you faint away don't be in a fiurry.
Don't try to come out of your swoon in a burry,

320 Yankee Jumbles.
Men never will tire of attention and care.
To revive any lady who is blooming and fair.
But as beauty departs and the women grow older.
Men's notice of fainting is o'er the left shoulder.
For it wakes no compassion in the breast of a saint.
To see an old woman make a face up and faint.

Letter to Cousin Mary Rogers, Danbury, Conn.
Waterbury, Conn., February 12th, 1861.
My Dear Cousin Mary :
How is your health, your joy and your wealth.
Your much beloved mother's.
Your sanctified brother's,
And all of the others.
Who in family claim a relation?
You cannot reply, by your presence most high.
And gratify me, sweet divinity.
For distance is lieing between us.
We models of Apollo and Venus,
So we cannot hold free conversation.
Yet still, I think, that paper and ink
Can form a link, through which we can drink.
Of friendly news or political views.
Life's aches and toils, its troubles and broils.
Its sweets and smiles, and comforts' "iles,"
Occasionally a swallow.
Provided the link is hollow,
\nd our own inclinations follow.

Yankee Jumbles. 321
As for news, dear,
(This may sound rather queer to your delicate ear,)
There isn't much here.
Some have dyed, of both sexes, I've heard.
The women their cheeks and the men their beard.
Of those that got married, I need hardly speak.
For this news is only the "Noose of the Weak."
And business foots up such very small figures.
On account of the troubles about a few niggers.
That could you consider in me 'twas a sin, eh !
To wish the black rebels in Tophet or Guinea ?
And if they'd take with them the Republican party,
I assure you they'd have my concurrence most hearty.
But I will digress from political topics.
And leave out these subjects that belong to the tropics.
Or a place somewhat hotter than on the equator.
Or hotter than claimed for the earth's deepest strata ;
For surely such hotheads as now trouble the nation.
Must spring from the very last depths of Creation.
For a subject next, to take for my text.
Most agreeable to you, I'm somewhat perplexed.
I like to talk about pictures and flowers.
Of 'love in a cottage," and "courtship in bowers,"
Of moonlight walks and "love's honeyed kisses,"
Or any other of life's choicest blisses.
For these give me pleasure beyond depth or measure.
And are things which 'tis pleasant in one's mind to
treasure.

322 Yankee Jumbles.
I expected this winter.
To have entered into
Some young lady's partnership;
But the pressure, I fear.
Of the times, this year.
Will affect my finances
So much that the chances
For this consummation will slip.
I'm sorry, for while men are getting old.
Their bodies and affections must grow cold,
And woman was for both by Nature's plan,
Made for a universal warming-pan.
Oh ! joy for him who tastes the sacred sweets
Of shoving such a pan between the sheets.
Thus much for love and women and such toys.
Mixed in the cup with other earthly joys.
From which we drink of pleasures and of sorrow ;
Sunshine to-day and thunder storms to-morrow.
I'll now relate up to this date.
The shape and state of our family affairs;
How we enjoy ourselves.
Like so many happy elves.
In our sitting-room upstairs.
And how Mrs. Hall,
Ever since last fall
Has taken to putting on airs;
And how Albert, my son.
At name of Republican,

Yankee Jumbles. 323
Is so mad, he almost swears ;
And Ada, you must know.
Has got another beau.
To soothe her anxiety and cares;
Sarah dances, Eliza prances,
Anna watches her chances
To catch a new beau in her snares.
And Ed. and Fred
Are almost dead.
Running after the girls everywhere.
But as for me.
To the fullest degree,
I maintain my dignity.
And don't allow women to increase my gray hairs.
Although the hard times our patience is stinging.
Still much of enjoyment we're constantly bringing,
Through eating and drinking, talking, fiddling and sing
ing.
We wash down our troubles with a glass of good wine.
And sigh for the days of "Auld lang syne."
If you'll come next summer, I'll promise you fair.
To play "Pop goes the weasel," and "Begone, dull care."
When you wrote us last, I marked your good wishes.
That I might partake of luxurious dishes.
Regardless of times, although they are hard,
You did not from life's comforts wish to have me
debarred.
Luxuries and comforts of all sorts, I expect.
Hard times of necessity cannot effect.

324 Yankee Jumbles.
Wherefore, I have hopes with those that are fair.
To get meted out my proportionate share.
May a wife be given amongst the profusion.
Though perhaps I'd ought not to hug such a delusion.
So I'll not be fishing
For women or wishing
For all such plans.
In wedlock's pans
Are eternally squishing.
To turn from my case,
I would now embrace.
This occasion to know
If you've got in tow
Some widower beau, or bachelor slow,
Who have got the dough?
If they've pockets fuU of money.
Dispositions sweet as honey.
And don't look very funny,
With age on the sunny
Side of — shall I say, forty-two?
If so, I'll tell you what to do.
For those that sue and a heart would woo.
Must understand well bow to bill and coo.
If he's handsome and rich, just let out a stitch.
And be determined you'll hive him ;
By foul or by fair, no pains would I spare,
If coaxing won't do, you may drive him.

Yankee Jumbles. 325
If he's chicken-hearted, there's no better coops
For sheltering chickens than women's hoops;
But above all things, you must this recollect.
It's not good for chickens to be henpecked.
Hoping to hear of your final success,
I hasten to finish this foolish mess.

So now in conclusion, I have but this to tell,
That as to our health, we are all pretty well.
And all unite in sending their love.
To thee, darling Mary, my sweet turtle-dove.

American House, Elmira,
Sitting by the fire, a
Rather cold day.
For 1st of May.
Dear Lucy, You see
That I have survived
And at this place arrived.
Since writing you last my time has been passed
In shifting about.
My talent displayed in traffic and trade.
To bring profit out,
It is rather late in this part of the state.
To make much money;
If I don't increase my treasures, I enjoy some little
pleasures. To make life sunny.

326 Yankee Jumbles.
I saw yesterday on a fence by the way.
The following prescription:
Magic Oil will kill pa — the next board was ajar.
Which might have changed the inscription.
Frank Leslie's special artist is here taking views.
To fill up his paper in place of the news.
He is a person of much self-possession.
And very apt to receive an impression.
The thing is done as quick as a flash.
Of a house or a horse, as quick as that —
He can copy a group while taking tea,
A laughing child on its mother's knee.
Kittens while playing on the floor.
An organ grinder in front of the door.
Or anything that is pleasing to view,
I think he might get a good picture of you.
I met yesterday Henry Lord from New York,
We dined together, enjoyed a social talk.
He was former partner of Walter Brown,
'Tis pleasant to meet friends when out of town ;
Have chanced also other acquaintance to meet.
Who afforded me much satisfaction to greet.
To-morrow moming by train, I shall speed o'er the
plain.
As far as Wellsbury village.
And then explore the country o'er.
To find tobacco tillage.

Yankee Jumbles. 327
I cannot guess with what success
My journey to pursue;
Unless I find much to my mind.
On Tuesday I get through.

Thursday occurs our public sale,
I must be present without fail.
And thence I can leave,
And be home Thursday eve.
And then shall I hear a kind word of cheer.
From you, little dear,
Of course I will,
For each kind thought and word doth its pleasure afford.
And makes joy bubble up to o'erflowing, the cup
Of my happiness, fill.
No rose in the beauty and freshness of bloom
Can exhale to the sense such a grateful perfume.
No symphonies falling from angelic sphere.
Or singing of birds can enrapture the ear.
No fruits in the circle of earth are embraced.
Can yield sudh delicious response to the taste;
No beauties of nature or art to the sight.
Can give such a glance of unsullied delight ;
No passion for kindred or treasures of earth.
In our holiest feelings can find place of birth.
To compare with that sense of all others above.
The enjoying sweet thoughts of the one that we love.

328 Yankee Jumbles.

REFLECTIONS FROM BYRON'S "ADDRESS TO
THE OCEAN."
Scrap of letter to L. A. M. R. (Subsequently my wife.)
There is a pleasure with the one I've wooed.
Who dwells adjacent to the Sound's calm shore.
She is society, let none intrude
With only her, no other I adore ;
I love her not the less, but life the more,
From these our interviews in which I steal.
From what I may be or have been before.
To mingle heart with heart, to think and feel,
What poorly I express, yet cannot all conceal.
Thou beauteous charmer, whose seraphic form.
Dresses itself in conquest, in all time.
Calm and composed, no breeze or gale or storm.
No icy soul, or heat of passion's clime
Doth thee disturb ; but woman true, sublime.
The image of divinity; thy radiant zone
Should be perennial ; and may life's growing prime
Devotions deep make up, before thy throne.
May I enjoy without distrust thy love entire, alone.
For I have loved thee, L — y, and this joy
Within my breast has caused my heart to be
Borne light as bubblies onward ; from a boy
I've waited for thy promise : this to me
Is a delight, and mayst thou live to see

Yankee Jumbles. 329
1 am no terror, frowning and severe:
But that I'll prove a guardian true to thee.
So trust my pillow, I invoke thee, dear.
And rest thy hand in mine, without a doubt or fear.

TO MRS. L. A. M. R. ON HER BIRTHDAY.
Branford, Conn.
If rightly I remember, the 11th of September
Is your birthday.
And, as when mine occurred, you gave advising word
With this prolonged delay,
I acknowledge the receipt of that message pure and sweet
And in reply, must say.
That I am well agreed its good advice to heed.
At least, I'll try, and trast (God help) I may.
As thoughts go tracing back adown life's bygone track.
They meet with many acts of folly.
And while my memory brings to light some pleasant
things.
They're also tinged with hues of melancholy.
Each birthday is the line whereon my thoughts incline.
To give the passing time a brief review.
And if for me, 'tis well to heed the warning knell.
Of the years as they pass, 'tis well for you.
These days in which we stand and see the shifting sand
In our glass, most emphatically say.
That we, like all of earth, are mortal in our birth.
And youth and strength and hope must pass away.

330 Yankee Jumbles.
How many things our memory brings,
To please us in their happy recollection.
The smiles and joys, the youthful toys.
And all that claimed dear childhood's warm affection.

Yes, memory sends us back to friends.
The loved, the kind, the true.
In fancy's ear, we seem to hear
Their voices tuned anew.
We've passed through years of smiles and tears.
Of conquest and defeat.
Lived in and out of hope and doubt.
Drank bitter cups and sweet.
And each birthday, on life's highway.
Is but a milestone on our devious road ;
On which to read the rapid speed.
With which we hasten to our last abode.
But as each friend and joy of life departs.
And idols crumble whidh engage our hearts.
We'll give them tears as due to comrades slain.
And treasure more the ones that still remain.
The past has its sorrows and griefs and frowns.
Its glitters, its baubles, its sceptres and crowns.
Prosperity's spring has bright flowers displayed.
And many have dropped in Adversity's shade.

Yankee Jumbles. 331
But adieu to the past, let us tum a new leaf.
And hope for a page less mingled with grief.
If troubles beset, may Love lighten the load.
And the light of God's love keep us straight in the road.
The present and future engages our thought.
With pain or with pleasure they both may be fraught.
The result is with us, and 'tis wisdom to plan.
To gild them with sunlight as much as we can.
So, my dear, sweet friend, and my fair little woman.
With the evident fact that we are both human.
May we firmly resolve for each other's enjoyment.
To make true devotion our future employment.
Let us bear and forbear with each other's weakness,
Perform all our duties with patience and meekness;
And before I conclude with this rhyming and jingle.
For your own special self let this sentiment mingle.
My much beloved Lucy, of all earth most dear :
As you step o'er the threshold of this sacred year.
May it be with fresh hopes and expectancy bright.
May your comforts be many, and burdens be light.
And ere Time revolves us an annual round
In Hymen's soft band may we be fondly bound.
United in sympathy, heart, hand and life.
To taste the best joys of a Husband and Wife.

332 Yankee Jumbles.
THE HUNTER.
There was a wondrous hunter in the west country.
By far the greatest hunter that ever you did see :
He hunted for all sorts of game, for lions, wolves and
bears.
He'd take the hairs off from their skins and take the
skins from hares.
Soon as his breath was give to him, his hunting he be
gan,
He hunted from a little boy until he grew a man;
But not for fleeting honors or heritage of fame.
For offices or stations, these were no kind of game.
From which he hoped to get a pelt, to clothe him up
a name.
He was a man of giant strength, by history is told.
Of stature large, commanding look, of courage very
bold;
By nature kind and peaceable, and slow to wrath, but
when
His anger rose, he was a match for any hundred men.
Far from the busy scenes of life his presence he with
drew.
His home was in a cavern, obscure from public view,
And there in innocence be lived, scarce knowing how to
sin.
And when from weariness he lay upon his bed of skin,
Within his cave, he often felt as if he was caved in.

Yankee Jumbles. 333
To fowl or fish or any beast, he was a source of fear.
They leamed that with his presence their end was al
ways near^
For with his stock of weapons, or heart or hand or fist,
'Twas all the same, for none of these in life had ever
miss-ed.
His weapons were a rifie, which was both tried and
true,
A monstrous dagger that to wield, the men are very few ;
He kept a lion for bis dog, a tiger for his cat.
Besides a noble pack of hounds, all very sleek and fat.
He lived on choicest fowl and fish, sirloins of fattest
deer.
And drank their blood as freely as a Dutchman does his
beer;
When he got his fullness, their carcasses he threw
Unto his hounds, who picked their bones, and fat upon
them grew.
He let his lion lie on hay, his tiger lie on straw.
And all intruders leamed to pause before his lion's paw.
He lay in line with these two pets, before the cavern
door.
And when that aught disturbed the row, the lion he^
would roar.
His riches were bis comrades, and conscience clear and
bright.
And all the wealth he ever stored were deeds both trae
and right;

334 Yankee Jumbles.
Though golden eagles oft he caught, we yet are strangely
told
In all his life he never saw an eagle made of gold.
He never gambled in his life, although so fond of game.
And anything unfairly won, was thought by him a
shame ;
And though he relished fowl and fish, when either well
or sick.
He spurned foul play, and foul intent and every scaly
trick.
With fishing seines and other scenes, he shuffled off his
time.
Until Old Age came creeping on, and cut his manly
prime;
'Tis thus he deals to all at last, although he long for
bears.
Yet not for playing any joke, he crowned him with grey
hairs.
He always lived a temperate man, but as his strength
did fail.
His mouth was parched, his tongue was dry, and he be
gan to ail ;
To quench his thirst, regain his strength, and shun life's
fatal brink.
With teas of herbs and various plants, from these he
took to drink.
He was a very honest man, this hunter brave and bold.
True to his race, and by his lips a falsehood ne'er was
told.

Yankee Jumbles. 335
But when disease consumed bis frame, and age be-
dimmed his eye.
Upon his bed for the first time he was constrained to
lie.
He passed a calm and quiet life, as one might wish to
spend.
In all his life was never known to borrrow or to lend;
His only theft was, when at last, from life he stole
away.
And nature's debt the only one he ever h'ad to pay.
With body bent and vigor spent, he took his load of
years.
Time rammed him down and picked his locks and
charged his mind with fears.
And with his honest armor on, this hunter old and
brave.
Rested his peace in Death's grim hands and shot into
his grave. reflection.
Now safely home, he stacks his arms on yonder peace
ful shore.
Where men or bears, wars, pains or cares, can ne'er op
press him more;
And he, no doubt, the fact ascribes of his Celestial
birtih.
To be, because his life was spent, in "preying" when on
earth.

336 Yankee Jumbles.
SWEET GRAPE.
The following are copies of labels put on several
bottles of wine sent to Rev. D. Henry Miller, while
Chaplain of the 15th Conn. Vols., while on duty dur
ing the war.
This vine was made, digestion to aid.
And give to one's blood a lovelier shade.
One glass we are told by ancient tradition.
Gives unto the drinker a lamb's disposition.
The second glass brings out the lion, we're told.
Makes a man feel courageous, gigantic and bold.
The result of the third we cannot desire.
It produces the hog, that rolls in the mire.
So, whoever drinks me, lord, lady or lass.
It perhaps would be well to take but one glass ;
But two at the most, for remember the third.
The Devil returns to his s-wine-ish herd.

DRY GRAPE.

Many the uses for fruit of the vine.
The most legitimate, making wine;
For a healthful drink, for good begot.
Not pressed as it was, to intoxicate Lot,
So that of his acts he could not be apprised.
And still worse for him could not be realized;
For here I think one adage makes a miss.
It cannot be such ignorance is bliss.

Yankee Jumbles. 337
So drink this wine as prudent as you can.
And you may be a wiser, better man.

BLACK CURRANT.
The frait for this wine, the next line wiU explain.
It punningly means — Sable, Dog, torn in twain.
It's good for jaundice, gout or canker.
And for general health, is a very safe anchor.

BLACKBERRY.

Whene'er you attend the obsequies
Of a deceased descendant of Ham,
And amid the mournful sympathies.
Plant him as you would a yam;
You then perform the very same act.
In name, if not in essential fact.
That a person does whenever he goes
To gather the fruit that his wine doth compose.
For colics and cramps its virtues appear.
But more especially for diarrhoea.

RED CURRANT.— DRY.
In. these times of Panic and Wars' devastation.
When financial revulsions embarrass the nation.
When shinplaster and treasury notes are but trash.
Or at a great discount from genu-wine cash.
This wine forms a medium for circulation;
A draught that is Current all over Creation.

338 Yankee Jumbles.
CURRANT.— SWEET.
To the Currency Wine I claim to be kin.
For further particulars inquire within.

ELDERFLOWER WINE.
My first of this wine
Is a title of thine.

MY SECOND.
A counterpart of thee cannot be reckoned.
But sometimes when religious truths you teach.
You intersperse it haply in your speech;
It also dwells by many a cottage door.
In the gay walks of life and with the poor.
And as my First, all socially respect.
From rudeness likewise it should me protect.
My whole when blended in this precious wine
Creates a compound bordering on divine.
Soft as the words that drop from lovers' lips.
Sweet as the kisses that he fondly sips.
Light as the heart in midst of festal hours.
Lovely as Courtship 'neath ambrosial bowers,
Refreshing as to earth the summer showers.
So to the tongue is this choice balm of flowers.

A man who passes through life without marrying is
like a fair mansion left by the builder unfinished; the

Yankee Jumbles. 339
half that is completed runs to decay from neglect, or
becomes at best but a sorry tenement, wanting the ad
dition of that which makes the useful. A bachelor is
only the moiety of a man, a sort of garnish for a dish,
or a prologue to a play, a bow without a fiddle.
Old bachelors never cut their wisdom teeth.
NO signature.
The following lines were in reply to the sugges
tions included in the above, after becoming well sat
isfied as to the origin of the gentle admonition therein:
MISS  .

The lines which follow, I deduce.
From your fine text, which I produce;
But my ideas to seduce,
And get them here to introduce
A few brief words that might conduce
To your enjoyment may induce
A shocking fever, and reduce
My constitution like the deuce.
However, Miss, grant me the bliss, that you will listen
to my lay;
And I'll proceed with all due speed, that you may read
what I shall say.
Fair Goddess ! once thy gentle ear incline.
Permit me now to worship at thy shrine ;
Extend thy hand and ease the burning dart.
That from thy bow is rankling in my heart.

340 Yankee Jumbles.
Rest for the weary ! on thy peaceful breast.
My troubled soul would feel supremely blest;
And once enfolded in thy tender arms.
Would crown my life with most transcendent charms.
Perhaps, fair maid, these favors, you'll deny.
Unless I give some proper reasons why,
You should consent to lend your gracious aid.
To give my life and hopes a brighter shade;
And then, if you decline, the blame will be
Upon yourself, and cannot rest on me.
To follow out original intentions.
And not indulge too many circumventions.
There's nothing more in order, than to next
Discuss the subject mentioned in our text.
A bachelor — to most this would not seem
At casual glance a very fruitful theme.
One who grows old, sedate and gray.
Whose heart grows cold, from day to day.
He is perchance the ripened grain,
If sown, might beautify the plain.
Reward the Husbandman bis toil.
When planted in the Virgin soil;
But yet, alas ! 'tis sad to say.
Too oft his life is passed away.
And ends in profitless decay.
His life of single toils and cares.
Our text thus properly compares —
He's like a mansion left undone.
Which thus will soon to rain run;

Yankee Jumbles. 341
Or like a story just begun;
Or like a snow house built for fun;
Unfinished mansions, if neglected.
Must soon decay it is expected.
And when the builder makes intent
To finish up and omament,
'Tis very wrong, whene'er he can.
To not complete a worthy plan.
And thus, a bachelor, whose life
Is passed away without a wife,
A clever fellow though he be.
Of man is but a moiety:
He's like a dish without its garnish;
Like furniture that lacks the varnish;
Or like a man who wastes away
A smiling, bright, sun-shiny day.
To make and cock his crop of hay.
He's sometimes likened to a bow;
Whether of promise I don't know,
Most likely not, they rarely make
Engagements which they are apt to break.
If Beans are meant to wait upon young ladies.
There's instances, I think, where this their trade is ;
For some I've seen extremely fond of girls.
Delight to squeeze them and upset their curls.
Press their soft hands, and clasp their slender waist,
And from their lips "Love's honeyed kisses" taste.
To see the eye say yes, the tongue deny,
And feel the bosoms throb, and hear the sigh,

342 Yankee Jumbles.
'Till lost to sense, when ecstacy imparts
A flood of rapture to their mutual hearts.
Of this last class, I say it in all meekness,
I'm quite inclined to imitate their weakness.
And yet there is another kind of Bow,
That has its use as all musicians know ;
And ere you guess, I will divulge the riddle
Without such bow quite useless is the fiddle.
A fiddle it may be in tune complete.
All nicely strung, of tone most pure and sweet.
Of polished back and handsome swelling breast,
A graceful head and neck, and all the rest
That it requires to have it finished well,
'Tis yet for music but an empty shell.
Young ladies are but vain and gaudy shows
Mere fancy Fiddles if they're lacking Bows,
Thus I'd advise the girls the prudent plan
To get Bows for their Fiddles when they can.
And bachelors should not for once suppose
That they are anything but stupid Bows;
They should get Fiddles if they wish to play
And with nice music drive their griefs away.
'Tis time with victory the sword to, sheath.
But bachelors don't cut their wisdom teeth;
And good advice and counsel are in vain ;
They shed it like the duck's back sheds the rain.
A Bachelor may be a good musician ;
May play the shifts up to the seventh position ;

Yankee Jumbles. 343
May beau, and flnger well, and keep good time.
Have a nice ear, and taste almost sublime ;
Play Breves, and Crochets, play in sharps and flats.
Play smooth as oil, or discordant as cats.
Play soft, or loud, tones quite subdued, or full.
Like Paganini, or like Ole Bull,
Unless he had a fiddle it is sure
You'll wait in vain to hear his overture.
Now as no sermon, or complete oration.
Can be well put without an application.
And to reverse the ordinary plan
Of giving physic to another man ;
Although I preach, yet egotistic /,
Unto myself the subject will apply.
I am a bachelor; not very old;
Extremely modest, form of perfect mold;
Very fine looking (so the ladies say).
Immensely rich, and adding more each day ;
Temper as mild and sweet as any dove.
An object no one can forbear to love ;
Ladies can't see me without being pleased.
Or grasp my hand without their feeling eased ;
Complexion white as snow, expressive eyes.
Brilliant of speech, clear judgment, virtuous, wise.
Have splendid whiskers, wear a stand up collar;
To see me dance is worth at least a dollar ;
I'm handsome, wealthy, pious, kind, and witty.
Virtues combine in me ; yet what a pity !
I'm but a Bow; no Fiddle I possess.
On which to play through life's dark wildemess.

344 Yankee Jumbles.
So, in conclusion, I have but to say
I lack a Fiddle upon which to play.
And as you gave the hint some time ago,
Please be my Fiddle, and I'll be your Bow ;
When during life we'll play that jolly tune
Called "Kiss Me, Darling, Through the Honey Moon."

In our Alphabet we have two useless letters, —
In fact, confusing and worse than nothing.
The first is Q and the absurdity W ;
As proof read the following poems, and form
Your own opinions as to which is the most
Ridiculous, the poems or use of the above letters.

A maxim kuite old and familiar in use
Suggests ue be mindful of our P's and Q's;
The P's are all right, but let the Q's go ;
How needless they are this short poem will sho.
An angler set forth uith a box full of norms,
A riggling mass of kuerls, riggles, and skuirms;
He drifted his hook in the brook and the lake ;
In shallos and pools, and holes deep and opake.
A hunter with gun, ammunition, and uad,
Uent forth to the field to shoot game by the skuad.
His gun was old-fashioned and fired with a flint.
But his aims never seemed to have the right skuint.
One hunted, one fished, they tramped nearly a ueek.
Till their poor, tired joints you could almost hear
skueak.

Yankee Jumbles. 345
The Hunter brought back not so much as a kuail ;
The angler naught but the old fisherman's tale.
That he'd lost a fish off his hook as big as a huale.

W.
It is a useless letter ;
It's as uell to say single u anyuay,
But to use u single is better ;
To sho hou double u is abused,
In the following poem it is used and unused :
An unlucky farmer once lived in the west ;
Uhose goose had the trait of forsaking her nnest.
Or another trope uill express it this nay ;
His plans aluays "Flashed in the pan," as they ssay.
His favorite cous never failed to have wens.
And pip or roup killed his best laying hhens ;
His farm seemed a center surrounded by woes;
His corn uas aluays pulled up by the ccrows.
He was never surprised if a neighbor brought word
That black tongue and murrain infected his herd ;
Or his hueat was destroyed by chinch bug, and weevil.
His potatoes all rotted and gone to the DDevil.
Fires at times suept his fields, his fences, and woods
His creditors levied on all of his ggoods;
His garden uas ravaged by vermin and norms;
His buildings uere shattered by lightning and sstorms.

346 Yankee Jumbles.
He made his investments and laid out plans which
Some evil misfortune uould give the rong ttwitch ;
The same made by others uould have ended in wealth.
But his life's only solace uere his uife and good hhealth.
One comfort proved true, it uas his good wife,
Ubo divided the burdens of his unlucky llife;
For no matter huich uay their expectations went.
They took, without murmur, huatever uas ssent.
They had three chilren born, the first puny and weak ;
The next didn't know much ; the third uas a f freak ;
They died prematurely, and none of them wed;
Is it strange that their parents should not uish them
selves ddead?
At the close of their lives it is hoped that they won
The meed of good servants and of having uell ddone ;
They bore earth's rebuffs, and afflictions so well.
It is hoped in the next world they uill have no more
hhell.
But be full fledged Angels uith strong spreading wings.
Have the best golden harps tuned uith unbreaking
sstrings.
May eternity favor uith most heavenly weathers
For playing or flying uithout their f feathers.
In conclusion, do angels have feathery wings?
Or are they like bats, sort of leathery tthings?
Are their bodies feathered to shun cold and wet?
And like birds, do they make nests, and lay eggs, and
sset?

Yankee Jumbles. 347
Lines accompanying the return of a little tin cup
which was left at my house by a young lady.
This little cup, which you left up
At my house Friday eve,
I herewith send unto the end
Its loss you shall not grieve.
There may appear a symbol here,
In this small tiny thing.
Reminding you that draughts are drew
In cups, from out life's spring.
In all our talks and daily walks.
Whatever our employ
We're quaffing up some little cup
Of bitterness or joy.
May this cup be a type of thee.
So well adorned outside
As to invite and please the sight
Without vain show or pride.
And yet within, as free from sin.
One clear and spotless white:
With graces filled and sweetly willed
As Saints' lips to invite.
This cup's complaint had no restraint
For being left alone.
Poor, tiny thing, I heard the ring
Of its entreating tone.

348 Yankee Jumbles.
You'll pardon. Miss, my sending this.
Ere you're regretting, too.
Tilings left loose ends have taught your friends.
To be forgetting you.

THE DAMPLY.
(Meditations of a Dogday Morning.)
When weary man belated goes to bed
To rest bis tired bones and sleepy head.
And wants to have a happy morning doze;
What is there in this world of toil and care
Incites his wrath, impels his mouth to swear;
As when a Damfly lights upon his nose?
He partly wakes, and broken of his nap.
Rolls over mad, and gives his face a slap ;
The quick-winged pigmy safely flits away;
While with the sheet the victim shrouds his head.
The black, persistent torment haunts his bed.
For when the Damfly comes, he comes to stay.
(Moral, with nice, parliamentary advice) :
Early to bed, and then early to rise.
Are the few words suggested to the wise ;
In Morpheus' arms by daylight don't repose;
"Git up and git," not lie in bed and snore
While larks are singing, but adjourn before
Some Damfly moves to try the Eyes and Nose.

Yankee Jumbles. 349
The following was enclosed to Aimer I. Hall, then
residing in Duarte, Cal., but a native of Wallingford,
Conn. His new home led him to slander and traduce
the climate of New England. Hence the reminder of
what he was going back on. The "Homes and Seasons
of New England," written in mid-Winter in reply to
some adverse comments:
'Mid sunshine and flowers, where'er one may roam.
There is naught to compare with a New England home ;
In its valleys, through which many sweet waters flow
From the hills spread with mantles of beautiful snow.
Here comfort, contentment and happiness dwells.
Peace springs up like streams from her rock-bottomed
wells ;
And while sin and pollution in other fields grow;
Here, all things are pure, as the beautiful snow.
In a New England winter you get out your sleigh ;
Invite some nice girl, a short distance away;
She accepts your invite, and flying you go
Wrapped in robes as you glide o'er the beautiful snow.
The drifts may be deep, and the air keen and cold;
You throw your arm round her, thus safely to hold ;
She nestles quite closely, for safety, you know.
As she fears to be bounced in the beautiful snow.
It is so, I fear. Aimer, with your parched up soul ;
Which in sin has persisted, till black as a coal ;

350 Yankee Jumbles.
How I wish you could turn on virtue's arch foe.
And become as pure as the beautiful snow.

How pleased I should be to see you band in hand
Walking and shouting in Gabriel's band ;
With a harp to play, or trumpet to blow ;
And face white and radiant as the beautiful snow.
How much better than live where everything shakes.
With reptiles, vile insects, mosquitoes and snakes;
To live where Angels would laugh, coo, and crow;
To see now and then some beautiful snow.
It is life to live in our New England hills ;
Breathe her pure air, and drink her sweet rills;
Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, in tum, each bestow
Flowers, foliage, frait and beautiful snow.

ORTHODOXY.

Life is the time to serve the Lord,
The time to insure the great reward,
'And while the lamp holds out to bum
The biggest rascal can return.
From youth to age in Sin can revel.
Steal, lie and cheat and "Raise the Devil,"
And when Life's clock is past eleven
Profess religion and go to Heaven.

Yankee Jumbles. 351

AGNOSTICISM.
If man's last breath speaks faith, hope and belief,
Who all his life has been a knave and thief.
And makes success to gain the great reward.
Gives doubts as to the judgment of the Lord.
Absurd such faith, professions are a cheat.
The good we do is what makes life complete;
With unbelief, an honest life should have
An honored memory and a peaceful grave.
This creed seems safe. Be always trae and just.
Nor fear God's wrath when we return to dust.
Or that our souls the vaults of hell will fill,
Do right, and when Death calls, let come what will.

Lines addressed at the tin wedding of Mr. and Mrs.
George Howell. (George Howell — Annice Burrows.)
It was ten years ago when this story began.
Of a nice young girl and a nice young man ;
Who fell in love, a very queer passion.
Which always has seemed to be in fashion.
This nice yoimg man, as sly as a mouse.
With nimble feet sought this nice girl's house ;
He rapped at the door and soon heard a hummin'.
And a voice sweet as mint from his Annice said, "come
in."

352 Yankee Jumbles.
He walked right in, and found his love there.
Who bade him sit down in an easy chair.
The truth I must tell and nothing forge.
She sat down close to his side, "by George."
He whispered her ear of his loving intent,
'Twas a mistake to know, or not know what he meant.
And from her fond lips these words tenderly fell,
"My George, I do love you, you don't know how well."
The sequel 'tis easy for any to guess.
Drawn snug to his bosom he gave her a press.
She melted away in a rapture of bliss.
As their lip printed vows were sealed with a kiss.
Of course, they were married and formed such good
habits.
That their lives have been spent as happy as rabbits.
How well they have prospered, and time never furrows,
The face of a man that goes into such burrows.
And may they still flourish for many long years.
Their days free from sorrows, misfortunes and tears.
May their cup of enjoyment be full to drink in
Not their pantries or pockets be wanting for tin.

During the early part of the nineteenth century a
great deal of military ardor existed throughout our
country, growing out of the wars of the Revolution
and the later conflict of 1812. Military discipline was

Yankee Jumbles. 353
kept up as thoroughly in every community as the sys
tem of common schools.
Every house where able-bodied men lived had its
stock of accouterments such as fiint-lock guns, bayonets,
swords, horse pistols, cartridge boxes, troopers' caps,
trimmed with furs and adorned with stub feathery
plumes, belts and various uniforms to conform to the
legal requirements of doing duty training days. A car
tridge box was made of a slightly circular block
of wood to fit the side of the body, and cov
ered with leather. In this block were 34 holes to
receive the cartridges, which were protected by a
leather fiap. Cartridges if made for actual service
included a ball same as modern paper shells are made,
but for practice the ball was of course omitted.
The powder was put in and a slight wad over it
to hold the ball in place when loading. Instead of
the cartridge being inserted in the breech, as in these
times, the powder end must be broken or bit off so as
to allow the charge to run out with the muzzle of the
gun, and the rest to follow, being rammed down with
the old iron ramrod. The necessity of breaking or
biting open the powder end required good teeth, and
any one not possessing such was disqualified for mili
tary duty.
Every town had its training company and those com
petent with good teeth and legal equipments, perform
ing duty, were exempt from poll tax, but if at fault
for suitable outfit on inspection, were subject to a fine
and often more severe penalties. The requirements for
training in time became odious as the discipline seemed

354 Yankee Jumbles.
unnecessary to be so rigorously enforced, and to get re
lief from the exacting requirements the trainers took
advantage of their privilege of electing their officers
by vote of the ranks, which soon led to the whole system
of militia training becoming a complete farce.
Men would be appointed for officers as unfit for the
positions as sheol is claimed to be for a powder house.
Companies when ordered out would appear in every un
couth uniform they could invent, guns without locks,
some imitations of wood, and all entirely useless for
defense unless to pound woodchucks. Cartridge boxes
filled with cobs and everything studied to disregard
proper regulations.
This state of things led to the appointment of the
most lax and inefficient men to office, who felt a pride
at their exaltation, while perfectly incompetent for their
positions. As was designed, this system sent discipline
to the winds. The following biography is of a man
who was actually appointed a regimental drum major
and is submitted as an evidence of the decline and fall
of militia trainings in Connecticut, some sixty years
ago. As this man was a very innocent and pleasant
character, he was always greeted respectfully by men,
women and children. Not given seriously to drinking
habits, yet he needed something in his declining years
to brace up his wasting energies, and several of his long
time acquaintances contributed from time to time to
his solicitations. This biography was furnished that
the public at large might know the worth of his services,

Yankee Jumbles. 355
and sacrifices to the nation, and show the need of a more
general subscription for his comfort.
This history was written in a common grocer's pass
book, the left-hand pages being devoted to his life and
services, and the right-hand pages left blank for subscrip
tions, beginning with $1,000 and downward, with a slid
ing scale to cast off clothing, and good advice. This
Manuscript book was taken up by a local printer and
six hundred copies put out in the first edition, which
found ready sale at twenty-five cents each, and one
thousand more called for.
The latter would have been issued with his frontis
piece in uniform, but for his untimely death by being
run over by a train of cars, thus blighting the hopes of
his admirers, and ending the phenomenal career of
this G. 0. D.

The subject of the following biography was a charac
ter. Major David Bradley was egotistically proud of his
style of drumming, like some authors of their simple
rhymes and poetry, among whom the writer of this stu
pendous work may be classed. The principal charm and
satisfaction for writing the events and adventures of
this precious life were realized in the subject giving
his living approval and indorsing all as strictly true.
With the commendation of the survivor of this in
teresting and diversified history, the author offers these
truthful pages for the instruction and consolation of a
dying world, wrapt in wickedness and rolling in a hor
rible pit of miry clay.

356 Yankee Jumbles.
"LIFE OF MAJOR GEN. GEORGE WASHINGTON
DAVID BRADLEY,
Champion Drummer."
Birth, Youth, Marriage, Religion, Politics and Adven
tures of Major General George Washington David
Bradley, the embodiment of Christian virtue, of sterling
political integrity, and the acknowledged
CHAMPION DRUMMER,
who has lived since the days of Abraham, or ever can
live. His drumming; Oh, the joyful sound
'Tis music to our ears,
A sovereign balm for every wound
To wipe away our tears.
Entered in the Clerk's office according to Hoyle,
April 1, 1875.
PREFACE.
It is a strange fact, but nevertheless true, that history
only attempts justice to the memory of past heroes who
have achieved glory by dyeing their hands in the blood
of their fellows, or in some bold political rascalities.
This little volume is written to introduce to futurity
a character of countless worth, and spotless virtue, a
name that redounds to the ends of the earth as the
Champion Drummer of the universe as far as heard
from. He is glad that Salvation is free.

Yankee Junibles. 357

INTRODUCTION.
Maj.-Gen. George W. D. Bradley is a Miracle.
It is with a sense of great delicacy and weakness that
the author attempts to portray his inimitable powers
in drumming, and transcendant Christian character to
the bewildered and astonished gaze of an admiring and
agonizing world. As a heritage of greatness to his age
it is the purpose in these pages to preserve so precious
a legacy for rising generations.
"Blest are the sons of peace.
Whose hearts and hopes are one ;
Whose kind designs to serve and please
Through all their actions run."
BIRTH.
Drum Major Bradley was bom in the town of North
Haven in the early part of his life and of this century.
As an infant, he was a prodigy. He was the Star of
Bethlehem to his parents. Musicians and poets came and
recognized him as the long expected champion. He
proved to be the right baby.
"Watchman, tell us of the night.
What its signs of promise are,
fTraveller, o'er yon mountain's height.
See that glory beaming star."

358 Yankee Jumbles.
YOUTH.
George Washington David's early taste for drumming
was displayed by a free use of pans, pails, kettles, barn
doors, barrelheads, boys' heads, chamber furniture, board
fences, etc.
It was thought by some that the famous red beans
of his native town conduced much to his youthful
vigor and precocity. He persisted in drumming, not
omitting schoolmates, brothers, or sisters. He started
in the world right; full of glory, full of heroic juices,
full of dramming. "There is a battle to be fought.
An upward race to run,
A crown of glory to be sought,
A victory to be won."
"Blessed are the poor in heart."
Opposite. — Gifts of $100 and upwards.
MARRIAGE.
So wonderful in the cause of his country, so sweet
a drummer, so bold in the face of death ; yet the major's
heart was susceptible of love. His looks were pleading,
bis words convincing, his drum winning.
Underneath the well-barred window.
Where asleep his love was lying;
How he'd drum, you can't begin to
Think, to save yourself from dying.

Yankee Jumbles. 359
Roll and trill and whirl and flutter.
Tumult, glory, discord, hum.
Hallelujah, street and gutter.
Echoed to his glorious dram.
She awakes, and all the neighbors
Think the Judgment day is coming;
While the major, sweating, labors;
Tbey swear; they never heard such dramming.
Uriah's beauteous wife.
Made David seek his life.
Dollar gifts and over.
RELIGION.
The virtuous major was born a Baptist and was al
ways fond of water and took right to total abstinence
and close communion. He had faith and zeal. Was
dipped with two incipient cases of small-pox, one of
itch, two of scrofula, three lepers, three colored men,
and six beautiful young ladies. He is not at all par
ticular in his tastes, only give him cold water; no chang
ing and he is happy.
Sweet is the day of sacred rest;
No mortal cares can fill his breast.
Oh ! may our hearts in tune be found.
Like major's drum, of solemn sound.
There is that giveth that tendeth to riches. Try it
yourself. Dime gifts.

360 Yankee Jumbles.

POLITICS.
Champion Dram Major Bradley is a trae blue Jack-
sonian Democrat. Marched with Gen Jackson in battle,
and drummed at his reception in this state. He never
drinks, unless for influence and example to his asso
ciates. Never takes more than ten dollars for his vote,
and says no d — d Whig or Republican can buy it for
less than that amount next election. He wrestles with
the Lord for a return of Specie to our pockets, that he
may once more sing:
"Among the saints on earth.
Let mutual love be found,
Heirs of the same inheritance.
With mutual blessings crowned."
Remember Lot's wife and Major Bradley too.
Donations of cast-off clothing.
JACKSON'S WARS.
The great Champion marched side by side with Gen
eral Jackson through scenes of strife and seas of blood.
During seven weary years he laid down his life on many
a gory field, frequently perishing from cold and hunger.
His obnoxious daring was the theme of praise and in
dignation throughout the land. Of Jackson's fame the

Yankee Jumbles. 361
Major was the chief Corner Stone. When Jackson met
him in New Haven in 1833, he pressed him to his bosom,
and with tears of blood flowing from his eyes, told the
people how he loved him.
Religion should our thoughts engage.
Amidst our youthful bloom,
'Twill fit us for declining age,
And for the cheerful tomb.
If you want to be an angel give to the major.
GENERAL SCOTT'S WARS.
The mighty major led General Scott's troops to vic
tory against the British and the Indians, wherever the
incomprehensible roll of his drum could reach their
ears. During these affectionate struggles, the Major
often yielded up the ghost to Him who gave it, and
walked the elysian fields of the blest. At the Battle of
Lundy's Lane, he was mortally wounded, and when the
spirit fled, he was laid on the dissecting table for post
mortem examination. Two balls were found in his
body which he carries (it is supposed) to this day.
Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love.
The fellowship of kindred minds
Fits like a new kid glove.

362 Yankee Jumbles.
INDIAN WARS.
During King Philip's Wars he was taken captive
and kept in a cave for one whole year with nothing
to subsist upon but water and his drum. Every day
the stirring roll of his drum could be beard. At last
the Indians trembled and with fear opened the cave,
bowed down and worshipped him. His face shone like
the full moon; 'though persecuted and annihilated, he
smiled upon his cringing foes and lifting his palsied
hands, said : "My beloved Indian friends. Salvation is
free." His heart is full of forgiveness.
"Now I am thine, forever thine.
Nor shall my purpose move.
Thy hands hath loosed my bonds of pain.
And bound me with my love."
Good advice — ^taken.
BLACK HAWK'S WARS.
In this bloodthirsty conflict, the dauntless Major
came to hand-to-hand conflict with the bloodthirsty
Tecumseh. He dashed his drum over the head of the
savage and would have taken him captive, but in
stantly being surrounded, after defending himself valor-
ously and stabbing a score of warriors to the heart with
bis drumsticks, like Marco Bozzaris, "He fell bleeding
at every vein." With a smile and a blessing on his lips
for his enemies, "The mortal put on immortality," and
he was left upon the field, a noble prey for Indians,
robbers and turkey buzzards.

Yankee Jumbles. 363
The Lord takes pleasure in the just.
Whom sinners treat with scorn;
The meek, who lie despised in dust.
Salvation shall adorn.
Whatsoever measure ye mete.
MODOC WAR.
The implacable Modocs .would have to this day in
fested the Lava beds but for the Major's drum.

Soon as the drum began to roll.
Captain Jack prayed "Forgive my soul."
Boston Frank began to parley;
And groans were heard from Bogus Charley;
Bad smelling Shonchin, cold and grim.
Fell on the breast of Shack Nasty Jim;
And the whoops and yells that rent the air
Sounded as if the devil was there.
But when they saw Major, the Indians and squaws
Surrendered at once and offered their paws.
And said: "Our dear Major, pray how do you do?"
Said Major politely: "I'm well, how are you?
Ob ! I love you dear Indians, as well as my life."
Then gave them his blessing and kissed Capt. Jack's
wife.
Come, ye disconsolate, and give the Major a quarter,
and you'll feel better. Many that withhold become poor
cusses.

364 Yankee Jumbles.

APPEAL TO HIS COUNTRYMEN.
The beloved Major is approaching his final dissolu
tion. After suffering crucifixion, dissection, extermina
tion, decay and death. After being beheaded and
twice buried on the field of battle, twice drawn in quar
ters, blown to atoms from the cannon's mouth, and
all for our good, will the American people prove recreant
and ungrateful to this martyr, whose spirit is now whis
pering to us through the unbiblical depths of the ethe
real firmament and whose soul breathes an effluvia of
harmonious sweetness to cheer our pathway to the silent
tomb. Decay, thou tenements of dust.
Pillars of earthly pride, decay;
A noble mansion 'waits the just ;
The Major he is on the way.
Church contributions.
PERORATION.
In droppin'g the curtain on the precious life of Major
Bradley, will the citizens of this fair "land of the free"
forget to drop a generous donation in the hand of this
heroic drummer? Shall we deny him the tribute dme
from every true American ? No ! From the depths of
ocean rolls up a thundering wave exclaiming: "No!!"
Let the mountains respond from the mouths of a thou
sand volcanoes : "No ! ! !" Let the winds over every hill
top blow their "Noes ! ! !" Let every friendly hand

Yankee Jumbles. 365
and pulsing heart open with liberal response to the
wants of him who has drummed to the dismay of our
enemies and the delight and salvation of the human race.
Give and your reward shall be great.
The Major will now take up a collection.
Contributions from old Comrades.
NOTICES OF GREAT MEN AND WOMEN.
Washington, D. C, April 1st, 1875.
This thrilling volume reviewing the life of our
country's greatest hero, I have perused with profound
satisfaction. It recalls the time when a plow-boy, and
in later life, after hauling wood to market some long
cold day, I used to sit on the knee of my beloved grand
mother and listen to her telling about the tale of this
wonderful drummer.
My grandmother loved him;
Reading this book has learned me to love him,
And to remember my grandmother.
"To see him is to love him.
To name is but to praise."
Love is the golden chain that binds
Two happy hearts together.
And strangely true, it always winds
Them closer in cold weather.
Yours truly,
A. S. S. Grant.
Gifts of wearing apparel.

366 Yankee Jumbles.
Testimonials of great and good men and women con
tinued :
"He drummed for his country." — George Washington.
"He loved the nigger." — Horace Greeley.
"He was temperate." — Mary Peroe (colored).
"He was poetical." — Luther G. Riggs (Editor Meri
den Literary Recorder).
"He was modest." — Anna Dickinson.
"He was honest." — Benj. F. Butler.
"He was virtuous." — Henry Ward Beecher.
"His country's glory, the Star Spangled Banner of
our 'hopes, the Fourth of July, and Hurrah for the
Major." — Tom Collins (ubiquitous).

NEW PUBLICATIONS.
Advertised in this work:
Witticisms, by Ed. Lawrence (Non compos;.
Precious Truths, by N. Brainard (Prince of Lyres).
Orations on Putty, by Geo. W. Rogers (Windy Orator).
Poems on love, moonlight, twilight, dewdrops, fog,
white frost and honey suckle juice. Coming out all the
time, by Luther G. Riggs (Editor, Meriden Recorder).
Dr. Stephen Bailey's Treatise on Cathartics and Regula
tion of the Bowels, after reading the aforesaid. All
bound in calf. (Author resident of Stag County, near
Meriden Driving Park.)

Yankee Jumbles. 367
The following localities are strangely not down on
Rand & McNally's maps, which must have been an un
usual oversight in these otherwise very correct gazet
teers. Turkey Range in ancient times included the
later principalities enumerated, all of which are now
located in the eastern parts of Meriden and Walling
ford, in New Haven County, Connecticut.

HISTORY OF TURKEY RANGE.
The ancient history of Turkey Range, which in
cludes the modem kingdoms of Federalsburg, or Blue-
ville. Spruce Gutter, Muckville, Charity Farms, Misery
Swamp, Arab Hollow, North Farms, Hog Lane, Wild-
mare, and Whirlwind.
A. M. 1 to 1,000 years.
Of the early history of Turkey Range, we have no
very authentic account, the discovery of the West-
em Continent by the Eastern Nations not being made
until 1492, preceding which date our information is
derived entirely from tradition. It seems by old tra
ditions that the Western Continent was peopled as soon
as the Eastern, and that man was an inhabitant of both
hemispheres at the same time. We are informed by
sacred writ that Adam was created in the garden of
Eden, doubtless the most lovely spot that the ancients
could conceive of; their first parents being introduced
to the world. But the contemplation of Eastern Eden
should not make us blind to the delights and romances
that surrounded the Elysian of the Western world, and
upon the best authority that can be gathered we are led

368 Yankee Jumbles.
to believe that the Western Paradise must have been
within the limits of Turkey Range.
The traditionary account is as follows:
At a remote period of antiquity, the earth was but a
small lump of clay upon the planet Saturn. Although
this history may seem strange, still we must consider
the vast size of Saturn compared with the earth, and the
inhabitants of Saturn are more than proportionally
large. They could at one stride, step over the Hima
laya Mountains as easy as the tallest man of our day
would straddle a broomstick. They could walk through!
the Atlantic and scarcely go in over their shoes; they
were so tall, they could use our moon for a lantern,
and their voices were heavier than the loudest thunder.
They were possessed of such immense strength that they
could work cold iron in their hands as easily as our
strongest man can work new butter.
Moreover, upon Saturn there lived a race of giants
much greater and stronger than the common people
heretofore described.
It happened in one of the great cities of Saturn, where
the giants lived, they had a gala day, which they de
voted to all sorts of sports and games. The hero of the
day was Giant Herth, from whom, as tradition shows,
our earth took its name. One of their feats was to pull
up large trees by taking hold of their tops with their
teeth. We can imagine something of the size of these
trees when we are told that the Washington Giantea,
of California, 500 feet high, were but little plants,
which they made herb drinks of for their children.
Another was the jumping over of a high mountain

Yankee Jumbles. 369
near the city. The Great Ocean lay in sight of the top of
this mountain, although a long ways off, and one giant
laid a wager of a hogshead of wine to drink with his
supper, that he could jump into it. He made a great
spring towards the sea, and, having on a large cloak
and a strong wind being in his favor, he was carried
into the ocean a thousand miles from land. Having fre
quently been as far on a pleasure trip, he turned to and
swam for the shore, but wind and tide were against
him and he was drifted where the water was so shallow
that he had to wade. His great weight sank him so
deep in the mud that he was unable to get ashore or to be
helped out and here he was fed by ships until he died.
The saltness of the water preserved him and he soon
became a great island, which in future years became
much celebrated for its guano.
In the evening the giants held a great feast. This
was cooked in the following manner. Near the City
of Giants was a great volcano, from the crater of which
always poured forth immense flames of fire. This was
a great convenience in cold weather for the giants to
warm their hands by. For the feast 200 cattle were
slain, which, compared in size with ours, would be like
comparing whales with pollywogs or elephants with
mosquitoes. One hundred giants went up to the feast,
each carrying an ox under each arm, which when they
arrived at the crater, they stuck upon forks and roasted
in the blaze. After they had eaten, they ran around
the niountain to shake down their suppers, which was
probably the origin of the time honored practice of run
ning around chimneys.

370 Yankee Jumbles.
The only mention made of the ladies of Saturn is
in this connection, therefore, we are led to believe that
the ladies participated in these festivities. The crater
of the volcano was fifty miles across, which made a
circuit of over 150 miles around. One of the ladies,
being hard pressed in the chase, in attempting to dodge,
slipped into the crater, but her hoops shutting over the
top of the mountain saved her life, and she was rescued
by her lover without any injury, but being slightly
singed. From the mountain they returned to the city,
and drank 500 bogi^heads of wine. By this time the
giants began to feel quite merry and some felt disposed
to quarrel. At last several of them got into a fight.
The giants struck each other with great force, often
times knocking their opponents' heads entirely off. One
giant struck so hard and missing his mark that his fist
came off. The contest was so great that showers of blood,
bones, brains and hair fell every day or two for several
weeks. Thirty giants were killed and many wounded.
But with those that were merry, the time was differ
ently spent. They engaged in displays of fireworks,
holding cannon in their mouths and firing them off,
and throwing stones at the stars, several of which they
hit and knocked them helter-skelter.
Now Giant Herth was an expert marksman. He laid
a wager that he could, on the following day, throw a
stone so as to extinguish the sun, because be had suc
ceeded in throwing a ball of mud and spattered over
one side of the moon. Giant Herth, from whom the
earth, no doubt, takes its name, owned great possessions
in Saturn and he had gained many of them by perform-

Yankee Jumbles. 371
ing some of the greatest exploits ever performed by man.
There was no animal in Saturn that could stand be
fore his mighty strength. The lion that Samson killed
would not have been of sufficient strength to have given
his head a pleasant scratching. It was suppoised by the
people of Saturn that the comets were but animals run
ning through the skies and that their sagacity taught
them better than to approach too near on Saturn for
fear Giant Herth would catch them by their tails.
He even flattered himself that he might accomplish this
feat some day, but the circumstances which are next
related put an end to this fallacy of Giant Herth's.
As before stated Giant Herth laid a wager of one-
half of his vast estate that he could blot out the sun,
and the next day, after their festivities, he undertook
this great adventure. He supposed it to be but a few
thousand miles to the sun, not imagining that there
could be the great distance that really existed. So when
the sun rose in the moming he went up onto a high hill,
carrying several large stones and a great ball of mud
much larger than that which he threw at the moon. He
commenced throwing his stones at this shining mark,
but they soon disappeared from sight and did not seem
to do any execution. After throwing until his patience
was quite gone and fearing that he might lose his wager,
he resolved to construct a great sling with which to
throw the ball of mud, it being too soft to throw with
his hands. So he made a sling and put in his great
ball of mud. At the foot of the hill, on which the giant
stood, was a village of little people, called Pimps; al
though shaped like the giants themselves, the giants

372 Yankee Jumbles.
would almost need microscopic aid to ascertain their
shape. It so happened that two of these little Pimps
and their wives, led by curiosity to see the giant, got
into the sling and crawled up on the ball of mud on
opposite sides of it to get a better view, and being so
small. Giant Herth did not see them. All things being
ready, he made one more mighty effort and slung the
ball of mud, and the little Pimps being on it, went with
it. One of these Pimp's name was Adam, whose wife's
name was Eve, and the other's name was Edon, in honor
of which Adam named his new home, which is now
called Eden. The name of the wife of Edon was Morn.
Pimp Edon saw the last scene of which we have any
account on Saturn. The conclusion is that Giant Herth
in his exertion to hurl the ball burst a blood-vessel and
fell down and died on the spot. Pimp Edon from his
side of the ball saw him fall down and a large stream
of blood gush forth from his mouth and run down
the hill, so large that it doubtless drowned all the little
Pimps who lived in the valley.
This account we have handed down through tradition
from Pimp Edon, as he seems to have been most familiar
with the scenes on his native planet. After leaving
Saturn, Edon gives a short account of their aerial voy
age. He states that for a time they suffered great priva
tions for want of food. This may account for Adam's
eating forbidden fruit, but the ball on which they were
travelling had many roots and seeds, peculiar to Saturn,
of the smallest kinds, which they had for a long time
to subsist on. After a while they found they were

Yankee Jumbles. 373
coming near the sun, as they began to feel plainly the
warmth imparted by it. They then lived several days
in great fear of every moment being dashed against it.
But days, weeks and months passed away and still they
seemed no nearer and they imagined, as their descendants
did for a long time after, that the sun had moved out of
its usual place in order to escape the blow intended
for it. But from later calculations it is proved that the
distance from Saturn to the sun was so great that the
ball after leaving the orbit of Saturn digressed from
a straight line to the sun some 95,000,000 miles, but the
power of gravitation being the same then, as now, it
was kept within the sun's orbit, consequently it formed
a new system in the material universe. The history of
the earth under its new system here commences.
The earth derived its name from Giant Herth. Of
the early history of the earth which was peopled by the
descendants of Adam and Eve we have a somewhat au
thentic account, although in fact founded on tradition,
as is also the history of the west, which is now to be
related. Pimp Edon sought for a long time to find a suitable
place to abide with his companion, or wife, whose name
was Morn. At length, in their travels, they came to the
top of a high mountain which overlooked the most
beautiful country that their eyes had yet seen. By the
sun's warmth every seed and root which slept in the
earth had come forth again. The beast and birds, which
were but the insects of Saturn, seemed to possess new
life. On every side wherever they looked they were
delighted with the sight of the luxuriant vegetation.

374 Yankee Jumbles.
The little streams leaped irom the mountain side and
ran in every direction as far as the eye could see over
the beautiful country. The beasts that had made their
pilgrimage with them offered no harm, as they were
tamed by the bounties that were here spread on every
side. The birds poured forth sweeter melody than had
ever before fallen upon mortal ears, and all the new
creation seemed to join in one glad anthem of joy.
Edon and Mom now felt that their troubles were
near to an end, and with thankful hearts they laid
themselves down on the top of the Mountain Besek,
which signifies a place of repose. After descending
this mountain into the valley on the west they passed
over a hill into the beautiful vale where they took up
their abode. Here tbey spent the remainder of their
days, tilling the soil, feeding their flocks and multi
plying and replenishing the earth. The history and ex
ploits of Edon's and Mom's immediate descendants
are mostly lost in antiquity.
The first of their descendants of whom we have any
details was Sweepstakes Moulton. This remarkable man
flourished about the tenth century. The kings who
reigned during this time in Turkey Range were Bo-
hudgeon,Bekadezzar,Bumfuzzar, Peshgazzar, Fuzguzzar,
Shamalazzar, Bohuzzar and Shackolumsquizzar, who
reigned successively, all living to a great age. At the
death of the last king, a republican government was
formed and Moulton was first president. Moulton de
scended in a straight line from his first parent, Edon.
The generations of Moulton are these :
Edon begat Mush, Mush begat Squash. Squash be-

Yankee Jumbles. 375
gat Pumpkin. Pumpkin begat Rootabaga. Rootabaga
begat Long John. Long John begat Bulhead. Bulhead
begat Poggy. Poggy begat Catfish. Catfish begat Wood
chuck. Woodchuck begat Bulldog. Bulldog begat
Moulton. Sweepstakes Moulton was a very mighty man. His
father, as his name implies, was a very tough customer.
His mother, whose name was Kitty, could whip her hus
band, and Sweepstakes at the age of only ten years
could lick his mother. At twelve he could lift himself
in a bushel basket; at fourteen could take himself by
the collar and hold himself out at arm's length. When
he arrived at his full strength, he could jump across
a fourteen-foot ditch with a 40-gallon cask of cider
under each arm. He could throw his feet into the air
and walk a mile on his little fingers. He was so limber
that he could tie a knot in the middle of his body.
He could keep his feet in one position and tum his
body five times around. His sense of seeing wias so
sharp he could shoot a bat on the wing the darkest night,
and bis bearing so nice that he could hear an eelworm
crawl in the ground six feet below the surface. Be
ing a great hunter he was the terror of all the beasts
and birds of the forest. His manner of obtaining
the skins of animals was quite ingenious. Know
ing of the fear in which he was held by them, on dis
covering a company of animals together he would
place some of his clothes in a position so as to attract
their attention. When they saw or smelled his clothes
they would fiee for their lives. Moulton would select
some place where tbey would pass and as tbey went

376 Yankee Jumbles.
rushing past in their fright he would catch them by
their tails. Their speed would be so great that they
would rush out of their skins and ran away with their
naked carcasses while Moulton would bundle up their
pelts and go home.
From Moulton descended Lunnon and the renowned
Horton and other noted characters who will be noticed in
their proper places. The age of Moulton was dis
tinguished for its wonders in natural history. The ani
mal creation was the most remarkable. The terror
of the forests was the savage Cata wampus and prowl
ing Bozygurd, each spreading destruction in his path
wherever he went. The Swampadag, Guyuscutus,
Fuzzyguzzle, Conywiggle, Baumguzzle, Wizzler, Jerry-
bungle, Ichthyosoggar and mighty Hythumifogon,
were the dread of the nations. The conywiggle was
noted for its exquisite beauty and agility. His eye was
of a diamond brilliancy, he could charm birds like a
serpent, his ears were like ears of corn, and his skin
the softest that ever was felt. His hair was delicate as
that of a mouse. He could jump fifty feet and turn
around in the air and strike back where he started from.
He could balance himself on the tip of his tail, which
was quite long and would be an interesting subject to
the student of natural history. He was the most beau
tiful animal known and could kill and eat a man in a
minute. But the king among beasts was the Hythumi
fogon. This monster caused every living thing to
tremble at his approach. His eyes were like the full
moon, bis bead like the Rock of Gibraltar, his body of
mountainous proportions, his legs like the cedars of

Yankee Jumbles. 377
Lebanon, his teeth like huge pillars of ivory, his skin
like thick plates of iron, and his roarings would shake
the earth. He could eat the city of New York at a
meal and the Croton Reservoir would no more than fill
his bladder. His animal food was elephants, alligators,
hippopotami and other small game of those times.
The baumguzzle was noted for his ferocity. His eyes
were like lightning, his roarings like thunder, teeth like
broad swords, feet large as a small 'house, and hide eight
inches thick. His hair always stood straight up on his
back, and when he was mad it stood straighter. When
he growled he would shake the rocks out of their places,
jar down houses, dislocate barposts, and shake the bark
off the trees for miles around. His tail was two rods
long, and a foot and a half through at the butt. His
usual diet was upon children that did not attend Sunday
school. The history and habits of the other animals would be
highly pleasing and interesting, but they will be passed
by for other subjects which require to be noticed.
The sea in earlier times was filled with huge and
terrible monsters. They multiplied so rapidly as ulti
mately to arrive at such numbers that there was nothing
for them to subsist upon, and they died from starvation
and devouring each other. Whales were so numerous
and large as to exclude commerce from the ocean. They
could swallow the largest vessels afioat as easily as a
turkey can swallow a grasshopper. The names of the
most noted of these wonderful creatures was the Gunner-
lopion, the Mungwaddle, the Longgobble, the Thung-
dummer and the Fum.

378 Yankee Jumbles.
The last named was supposed to be the largest among
them and was never known in the Atlantic Ocean on
account of the water being too shallow for him to swim
in, and not wide enough for him to tum around. He
was, therefore, only to be found in the Pacific, but from
their immense size, like the large animals in land, they
early became extinct. In the Atlantic were found the
Longgobble, Mungwaddle and Gunnerlopion. The
Longgobble was a reptile of sea serpent nature. His
length was nearly equal to the Atlantic cable, and when
full grown was some thirty feet in circumference. He
very often became the food of the Fum in the Pacific
and the Gunnerlopion in his more accustomed element.
The chief embarrassment to these creatures in eating
him was his immense length, and usually required many
months to swallow and digest him. But his flesh was
exceedingly flne and delicate, and when they had him
swallowed, he lasted a long time.
The Thungdummer was a very strange creature. In
size as large as the Gunnerlopion, and covered with an
enormous shell some twenty feet thick and hard as a
rock. He was very peaceable in his disposition, and
possessed the faculty of burying himself in the bottom
of the ocean and boring into the earth under the main
land, often penetrating a long distance from the water.
He being covered with sharp pointed scales on the top
and sides of his shell, made it difficult for him to turn
about sometimes, particularly when following up un
der the bed of a river and wedging in between hills
and rocks, would oftentimes become inbedded in the
earth and die. Being in his structure very fat and oily

Yankee Jumbles. 379
he is presumed by some to have been the source of the
great oil deposits in various parts of the world.
The whales were then as much larger than the mod
em as the whales of this day are larger than bullheads.
The celebrated cave, known as Fingal's Cave in Staffa,
is supposed by some to be only the skeleton of one of
these antiquated whales.
The feathered creation assumed the same mammoth
proportions. There were eagles whose breadth of wing
was a thousand feet. They could pick up the Bunker
Hill monument in their beak, and the capitol at Wash
ington in their claws and fly off with them. T'he dry
dock at New York would no more thao' hold one of their
eggs. They made their nests in the craters of volcanoes
and trusted to the beat of internal fires to hatch them.
They fed their young with mastodon and carried
them their drink in the half shell of an egg, which in
hatching always parted in the middle. Their flight
was far beyond the clouds, and the moon was their fre
quent roosting place.
The Coodooledoo was the most singular of the feath
ered tribe. His legs were some five hundred feet long,
free from feathers their entire length and covered with
a bright red skin. His feet were very large, each
toe being a hundred feet in length and covered with
spurs on the bottom. These were of great service to
the ancients to use for harrows. This bird never flew,
his only means of escape depending upon his legs. He
was very shy and difficult to catch when awake, and the
only means of capturing him safely was to chain bis
legs together while asleep. Unless thus secured, be

380 Yankee Jumbles.
was very dangerous, as his bill was very sharp, and when
assailed he would peck right through a man in a mo
ment, killing him at once. But as his safety, so was
his courage in his legs, and when once he saw tbey were
bound, he would offer no resistance whatever, but hang
down his head and submit to his doom. His eyes were
very remarkable, being exceedingly clear and brilliant,
and possessing the power of reflection equal to the
finest mirror, so that a whole landscape could be
viewed by looking into his eye, on a grander scale than
can be produced by modern cosmoramic art. The
Coodooledoo was said to yield from three to five tons
of feathers and bis fiesh was a great delicacy. His
habits in eating were similar to the modem ostrich,
and were many times a source of great annoyance. He
would eat horses and wagons, anchors, telegraph poles
and wires, railroad iron, stone walls, brick houses,
rail fences, steeples off from churches, (but not the
members) lightning rods, iron fences, steam engines,
stone forts and gunboats. From his rapacious habits
great pains were taken to destroy him, and when
caught, they usually sawed off his legs and let him tum
ble to the ground.
There were also great bats, or flying dragons, with
wings as large as the sails of a ship. They could eat
up an elephant at a meal and drink a hogshead of
blood. "When creatures were asleep or oppressed with
heat, these bats could produce so agreeable a cool
ness with their wings that the sleeping victim would
never awaken until he was devoured. They were easily
caught themselves when fully gorged with blood, bj*

Yankee Jumbles. 381
cutting out the lining or web of their wings, which
dL'prived them of the means of escape.
There were, likewise, great snakes of prodigious
length and prodigious speed. The Skinnyboger was the
most remarkable. He was some himdred miles in
length, smooth as an eel and shone like a glass bottle
from head to tail. He could run as well on his back
as on his belly. His tail was pointed sharp as a dagger
and hard as steel. He could strike it through a plate of
iron two feet thick and run it through a hill a mile in
diameter. His breath was so hot as to burn and his
venom so powerful as to kill objects within a mile of
him. He marked his track with death wherever he
went. But luckily, these Skinnybogers were rare and
were all exterminated by an ingenious device of making
them bite themselves.
There were mosquitoes larger than the largest birds
of the present day, with bills as long as an elephant's
trunk and possessed of great power. They could suck
the blood from a pair of oxen or a dozen men at one
meal. Flies were as large as modern geese and tur
keys, and lice on hens and children as big as mud tur
tles. In fact, it was a mammoth age and everything grew
with gigantic proportions. Every hair on a mouse was
as large as a broomsplint, and a hummingbird's feathers
were large as a goose's wings. Grass grew as large as
a canebreak, mayweed as tall as the cedars of Lebanon,
whortleberries the size of pumpkins, and babies were
born gaints.

382 Yankee Jumbles.
In contrast with these gigantic phenomena. Nature
always produces the other extreme.
We freely express wonder and surprise at the great
things, the mountains, the worlds in space, and all the
immensities of creation, but observation of the small
side of the scale is quite as remarkable and interest
ing. An elephant excites curiosity for his bulk and
we are naturally led to ask ourselves why he is made
so big and cumbersome. But for beauty and ingenuity
of mechanism he is simply a monstrosity when com
pared with a flea or many other specimens still smaller
in the world of parasites. This foretold age of wonder
abounded as much relatively in Lilliputian specimens
as in the Brobdignagian. There were swarms of fairies
to be found in all the caves, in the gloomy depths of
forests and in cellars of old, abandoned houses, as fre
quently and plentifully as in any more recent history.
They were of different varieties and names, such as
Gogles, Gubbers, Shipperals, Kuniphs, Winkets, Kiphs,
Fidders, Iffets, Squits, Gumps and Sques.
The larger fairies, such as the Gogles, Gubbers and
Shipperals, were very beautiful, having skins like those
of one's teeth by which narrow escapes are sometimes
made, wore coats like those on a fever coated tongue,
pants like a hart's, and shoes tanned in puppy's bark.
They feasted on roasted mice and fried bats with
vyhich the caves abounded. Omelets of hummingbird's
eggs, served in small acorn bowls with wines from the
honeysuckle juice to wash them down, were considered
great delicacies.
The Kuniphs, Winkets and Fiddlers were still smaller

Yankee Jumbles. 383
and very difficult to flnd, as they could change their
color to conform to the surroundings like a chameleon.
A favorite bill of fare for them was bedbugs on the half
shell with pickled mosquito legs and flies' brains, and
drinking distilled dew gathered on wild wood flowers.
A Sque could crawl through the hair of a mouse and
into women's ears, hearing all their thoughts and what
news they had gathered in the neighborhood on court
ships, marriages and prospective births, and what their
general views were of each other.
A Sque could travel through the anatomy of a po
tato bug as easily as Joshua stopped the Sun to give
time to kill a few more heathen by daylight.
They lived on bugs, worms, crickets and grasshoppers,
from which habit we may infer they were the pro
genitors from which has evolved our modern Skunk.
Of all tihe fairies, the Iffets were the smallest. They
subsisted on extracts from flies' wings, condensed breath
of infants, some mild kinds of poetry, pollen from but
terflies' wings and for a time dieted on miserly people's
souls, but losing flesh on this food, they restored their
avoirdupois by a tonic soup made from microbes found
in the livers of hen lice.
A dewdrop falling on a colony of Iffets would over
whelm them with a flood as disastrous as overtook the
hosts of Pharaoh. 'Tis thus we see the extremes of
animated nature which existed in this new world of
which mankind has remained so long in ignorance.
In conclusion, when asked what we have ever seen
much larger or smaller than tilings enumerated in this
history, cannot a safe and truthful reply be nothing?

384 Yankee Jumbles.
It's often a question that arises, "Why is nature so
profuse in the production of the infinitesimal world in
size, and so limited in the larger species?" Where one
Jumbo is produced countless millions of ants and an
endless variety of insects swarm throughout the earth.
While elephants and mosquitoes have a slight resem
blance it is not easy to believe that either has been
evolved from the other. While an elephant has its
uses in war, for exhibition and for domestic purposes,
performing many feats of labor and as an article of
food could afford sustenance to a famishing commu
nity, on the other hand, are billions of mosquitoes, not
only useless for food, labor or show, but designed merely
to suck our blood, annoy our nights and create habits
of profanity. A few gigantic sequoia grow in Califor
nia and eucalyptus in Australia, while the earth is cov
ered by the smaller growth of trees and bushes spring
up spontaneously in every hedge row. All the needed
and valuable grains and fruits require the utmost care
to preserve, while weeds and worthless fruits are next
to impossible to exterminate. It is only here and there
during centuries and ages that a Washington, a Lincoln,
a Euclid, a Raphael, an Angelo, a Copernicus, an Edi
son, a Marconi, an Ingersoll is born to dispense light
and liberty to the bodies and minds of men, but in all
time the world is as lively as an ant hill with every
lower strata in society and intellect, with a large per
centage of what may be classed as nothing more or less
than human vermin. The mammoth specimens we find
remains of belong to the remote past of animals, birds
and aquatic life, have all bad their day and now ex-

Yankee Jumbles. 385
cite our curiosity and wonder at their enormous size.
While these gigantic freaks of creation have become
nearly extinct the world of little things seems to be in a
thriving condition. The ancients hunted elephants.
Ichthyosaurus, Bozygurds, Hyt'homfogons, Mammoth
Swamperdags, lions, tigers, bears and crocodiles. In
modern times, the bunt is after heathens, infidels,
Quakers, Indians, witches and anybody that differs in
religious or political views and any game encroaching
upon puritanical or fanatical rights. A hundred years
ago this country was the sportsman's paradise for every
species of choice game, but now, behold how changed.
To the ambition of the hunter little is left. The big
and desirable game is gone with the great auk, the
bison, the conywiggle, the coodooledoo, wild turkey and
pigeon, and their places substituted with the English
sparrow, the potato bug, San Jose scale and microbe.
Let us pause for a minute, take breath and think of
the days of Giant Herth, of what the earth was in the
days of Edon and Morn, of Adam and Eve, when snakes
walked upright and women were made of men's ribs,
and when vegetables grew without sunlight, when Noah
was the proud possessor of the biggest show, and had
the earth all to himself and family, when the hythumi
fogon and bozygurd roamed over the hills and plains,
and the gunnerlopion and fum looked upon modem
whales as mere catfish and pollywogs and the coodoo
ledoo flapped his wings and crowed at daylight on the
highest peaks of the Alps and Andes. It seems a
proper time to stop and refl.ect, and seriously ask our-

386 Yankee Jumbles.
selves if we are evoluting? If so, which way? And
at which end of the horn are we coming out?

An episode in the early history of Turkey Range,
concerning Timothy Range and Clara F. Hyde, who
fell in love:
ADVENTURES OF TIMOTHY RANGE AND
CLARA F. HYDE.
Near the great Besek Moimtain, called by some Turkey
Range,
In Connecticut, the wooden nutmeg state.
In much state, I would state, dwelt a couple so strange,
That their story I fain would relate.
Jovial Tim — all the name he was known by in youth —
And Clara, a damsel of beauty ;
And a damn sell she was, if I tell you the truth.
For to give them their due is my duty.
Clara's juvenile form, I have often been told.
Although trim, was repeatedly trim-med.
And you'd think that her beau must needs be very bold,
But Tim was exceedingly timid.
When Tim first saw Clara his heart felt a shove
From an arrow that could not be parried ;
And right square on the spot, Tim's burden of love
For Clara was clearly declar-ed.

Yankee Jumbles. 387
Tim bowed to her days, and beaued to her nights.
Until he got fairly bewitdhed.
And they both were tormented with Love's mosquito
bites,
Till apparently clear that each itched.
Tim's comfort had come, his spirits were light.
This question one day he indited,
"Clara dear, may I ask papa for you to-night?"
She said, 'Yes ;" consequence, two united.
Now when they were married, Tim opened a mill.
Where he spent many years and made money;
But ere I forget, in this place I must teU
Of a little affair that seems funny.
Tim had for a long time felt strongly inclined.
Twelve children to have like his cousin,
And Clara, when asked, if it met with her mind.
Said, "It does," and they had just a dozen.
But Tim with his mill, his hands or his wits
Was unable to support such a rabble.
He drank, lost his money, at last packed his kits.
And took "Jordan the hard road to trabble."
The babies, poor things, were dispersed far and wide.
Through the valleys and over the hills;
And sad be the tale, these twelve children all died
At last, with the chilblains and chills.

388 Yankee Jumbles.
Poor Clara, her days of adversity saw.
She looked woful wan as she wandered;
And Tim swore his labor on such an old squaw
As Clara, should never be squandered.
But Tim, one cold night, while out late, got elated,
(Such affairs have quite often arisen,)
And it said in a letter the next day Clara dated.
That she foimd her dear prize in a prison.
Of the bars he had drank at he to her did relate.
But these bars he pronounced very hateful.
And if she'd release him, a great fool, from this grate,
To her he'd forever be grateful.
Tim always had claimed, 'twas enough to be tight.
For titles his ambition ne'er soared,
'And when his dear wife called her poor drunken wight
"A hero," Oh ! then, Tim he roared.
But the woman she bought out her husband, of course,
With some money she had kept in a bag.
Which left not enough to buy them a horse.
So they bought them an old brindle stag.
Tim took a good horn and then with the help
Of the stag's boms, he got on astraddle.
Then lifted up Clara with a horrible yelp.
But she looked awful sad in the saddle.

Yankee Jumbles. 389
Tbey got up their whip and gave it a whisk.
Then took out their bottle and kissed it;
And when they'd have brindle to travel more brisk.
They'd hit him a cut round the brisket.

So Tim rode in the road all over the town.
With his hag and his countenance haggard;
Till the jaunt hurt their joints so that when they got
down
From off the old stag they both staggered.
From the stag they then steered for the tavern nearby.
But before they got into the inn.
They fell into a hot trough that stood near a stye,
Where the landlord kept swine and their kin.
The hogs all came out in a state of surprise.
And rooted and worked them like butter.
And Clara, I cannot well see with my eyes.
Why they didn't gut her right there in the gutter.
They both of them hollered, the man and his wife.
And Clara cried, "Whe" till she wheezed ;
And Tim got as high as he could for his life.
And there on his knees, Tim, he sneezed.
What might have befell them cannot now be told.
Miss Fortune had not the rumpus waked her up
In the shape of a Quaker, so feeble and old.
He could scarce stir his foot in a stirrap.

390 Yankee Jumbles.
The Quaker on horseback, with a whip in his hand.
Penned the pigs without asking a penny;
But why no one helped him, he could not understand,
As standing about, men were many.
The old man asked Clara her name by and by;
She never so mnich as replied.
"Is it aught but Clara?" She answered, "0 fie!"
So he called her at once Clar-0-fied.
And Tim, when he asked him his name as he might.
Wouldn't tell him, now isn't that strange?
The old Quaker guessed it and guessed it right.
He called him bold Tim o' the Range.
The Quaker and Clara and Tim finally died.
Ending days, shady, shiny, and sonny.
And folks sighed as tbey laid the old Friend by the side
Of Tim and his Clar-O-fied Honey.

the end.

YALE UNIVERSITY

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