YALE UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY
Bought with the income
of the
WILLIAM C. EGLESTON FUND
Bvi 4*2.5"
TRULY RESPECTABLE,
HIGHLY RESPECTED GENTLEMAN,
JOHN BULL, ESQ.
<&mv Genuine ©on of tfje TButt jFamife ;
THESE MEMOIRS ARE HUMBLY INSCRIBED.
MOST FAITHFUL,
AND MOST DEVOTED SERVANT,
DEMODOCUS POPLICOLA.
PROLEGOMENA
TO
JOHN BULL'S BIBLE.
As every body has read Sir Humphry
Polesworth's History of John Bull, every
body knows something of the Character of
that Gentleman, and of the Economy of
his Family and Manor.
But Sir Humphry, though he sets
himself forth as John Bull's Historiogra
pher, and as writing by his Order, was re
ally but the mere Apologist of his Friend
Sir Roger ; at that time Major-domo to
John Bull's Steward. And however dex
terously and plausibly his Work is ex
ecuted, it by no means gives a fair and
b
impartial view of the Economy of the
Bull Family, or the legitimate Custom
and Constitution of the Manor of Great
Albion. But Sir Humphry, especially, betrays,
if not iguorance, surely a most astonishing
prejudice, with respect to John Bull's
Wife; whom, if we can allow him any
meaning at all, he affects to understand for
the Steward's Wife. Sir Humphry, in
deed seems every where to aim purposely
to identify John Bull with his Steward ;
whom he entirely keeps out of sight, and
never so much as names. But though the
Character he draws, and the Party to
whom he professes to adhere, be John
Bull; the interest he has constantly in
view, is the Steward's, or rather, that of
his patron Sir Roger, the Steward's Ma
jor-domo, and then at the head of his Of
fice. On this subject, indeed, Sir Hum
phry seems entirely to have lost himself,
or wilfully to mislead his Readers. While
he names, and announces Mrs. Bull, as
John Bull's Wife, he imputes adulterous
practices to her, expressly for her fidelity
XI
to her husband, and repulsion of the Stew
ard's Gallanteries and Intrigues. For
though that infamous Commerce of Pros
titution which at this day subsists between
the Clerks and Agents in the Steward's
Office and Mrs. Bull's Domestics, and is
now become the prime Organ of the whole
Economy of the Manor, was not then
brought to that systematic regularity it has
now attained ; yet, long before that time,
the Steward's Clerks, Pimps, and Parasites,
had begun to tamper and intrigue with
Mrs. Bull's Maids, both for themselves
and their Master. But Mrs. Bull's Do
mestics had not yet entirely sold them
selves to the Steward and his Go-between ;
nor was the Office of Major-domo as yet
entirely identified with that of Pimp Ge
neral, and absolute Disposer of Mrs. Bull's
Houshold. In short — Sir Humphry's object was
rather to apologize, than to justify ; rather
to mislead, than to inform. And by the
affected naivete and quaintness of his style
and manner, he artfully endeavours to
amuse the Reader, and divert his attention
52
Xll
from the real merits of the Cause : which
he was well aware could not bear a strict
examination. Very different is the End proposed,
and Task undertaken, by the present
Editor. The design of Editing these Me
moirs at this time, is, to set forth the ge
nuine Principles of the Stewardship, and
the original Constitution and Custom of
the Manor of Great Albion. — And, by tra
cing the Perversions and Corruptions of
them to their source and cause, and point
ing out their destructive tendency, — to
warn both John Bull and his Steward of
the impending danger. That, by recur
ring to the true Principles of the Consti
tution of the Manor, the Ruin of both,
'which now of a long time lingereth not,
and their Destruction which slumbereth
not,' — may be prevented.
The Present Work is compiled from
memoirs found in the Scrutoire of a Gen
tleman who has for some time disappeared
from the world ; — whether dead or buried
alive, few know, and fewer will give them
selves any concern to know. The present
Xlll
Editor has only reduced them into order
and a more regular connection, and claims
no merit beyond that of a Compiler, or
mere Amanuensis.
It would seem that the Original Writer
of these Memoirs had communicated his
Manuscript to some friend of a fanciful
turn ; who, perhaps led by some Copies of
Sir Humphry Polesworth's Work, affects
to find in these Memoirs some imaginary
allusion to the British Government and
Politics. This appears from several Notes,
or pretended Explanations, at the bottom
of the Page, in a different hand-writing, re
ferring to such an Allusion.
It is indeed a singular circumstance,
which seems constantly to have connected
itself with the subject of these Memoirs, —
that, by a whimsically absurd association
of ideas, it has been imagined to have some
allusion to the British Government, and
the British Constitution. Those who are
acquainted with Sir Humphry Polesworth's
History of John Bull's Lawsuit, must have
seen Copies of that Work accompanied
with Notes explaining certain terms under
XIV
that notion. And in the Copy of these
Memoirs now under the Editor's eye, and
from which he has chiefly compiled the
present Work, the same extravagant con
ceit discovers itself; and several such Ex
planations are to be found at the bottom
of the Page. And, as the humour seems
to take, the Editor supposes it may be
amusing to indulge it. He has, therefore,
transcribed also some of those whimsical
Explanatipns. — Not from the least per
suasion of any real reference, or allusion
between things so widely different ; but
merely for the amusement of the Reader,
and to mark the extravagance of some
people's imagination.
Thus, they will have
John Bull to be The English Nation.
The Steward The K— g.
Mrs Bull $ ^e Parliament abstractly
{ conceived.
HerHoushold Office The Two Houses.
John Bull's Mother The Church of England.
Law and Lawyers in > War, Military Men, and
general $ Military Affairs.
The JdXdl..°...c.e I Tl" c°°" a"d t-
Clerks and Scriveners 1 The Subordinate Officers
in the Steward's > of the Court and Mi-
Office J nistry.
XV
And a number of other such extrava
gant Conceits, as fanciful people are apt to
amuse themselves with.
Some instances of this Gratuitous
Comment will be found transcribed into
the present Work, in Notes at the bottom
of the Pages, under the Quotation — Pret.
Com. or Pretended Comment. — And to
those who are fond of such visionary allu
sions, and are acquainted with Sir Hum
phry Polesworth's Work, many others may
probably occur.
JOHN BULL'S BIBLE.
BOOK I.
Chap. I.
Contents. — A brief Character of John Bull — of an easy, open, unsuspect-
ng, disposition— hence, generally over-reached, pillaged, and cheated,
by his Stewards, and their Clerks, and Scriveners— got Possession of
the Manor of Albion by ousting Davy Guelch ; whom he came to de
fend against Roderic, orRory Restless, and Sandy Ranger, two very
troublesome neighbours of Davy's.
X here is no man in the country better known than n ¦ e ,
J ""Brief cliai-ar-
Jolin Bull, Esq. Lord of the Manor of Albion ; anil, "'r "f Jol'n
3 Bull.
notwithstanding a certain dash of singularity and non
chalance in his character, which some are pleased io
make free with, there are few persons more respectable ;
or, who, when occasion requires, know better how to
make themselves respected, than John Bull. John is,
indeed, the truly free, open, independent, Country Gen
tleman ; equally above the designing arts of the insinu
ating Courtier, and the mean compliances of the cringing
Slave. This is a character which, I believe, his friends
will not, and, I think, his enemies dare not, deny him.
VOL. I. B
2
Bodk l. ch. 1 Indeed, true spirit, and undaunted bravery, are uni-
firief charac- versally allowed to be his most distinguishing charac-
Buii. teristics. But though John has always proved a match
for his enemies, whom he has defied, he has often been
duped ahd cheated by his friends, whom he has trusted ;
and hence the present dangerous state of his affairs.
In order to account for the present embarrassed
and ruinous condition of the Manor of Albion, and of
John Bull's affairs in general, it will be necessary to
take a view of his Domestic Economy, particularly of
the Stewards and Stewardship of his Manors, pretty
far back ; at least from his first obtaining possession of
the Manor of Albion. And this I am enabled to do
by means of a scries of Memoirs of the Successive
Stewards, and Records of the Stewardship and Affairs
of the Manor now in my hands ; Avith which I shall
use little more freedom than to transcribe and abridge
them. Besides the Manor of Albion, his antient heredi
tary Estate, John has very large and valuable Posses
sions in almost every part of the Country; so that bis
affairs are very extensive and complicated. Now John
being, as we have said, himself a fellow of easy unsus
pecting nonchalance, — always kept an Agent, or Head
Steward, to whom he generally consigned the chief
management of his various Estates, and indeed of his
whole Affairs. And by him and his Clerks and Un-
dcr-scrivenershehas in general been shamefully imposed
upon, over-reached, cheated, and robbed.
HowJohnBuii How John Bull's Family came into possession of
possession of the Manor of Albion, is a matter that will not, perhaps,
Aiwon"01 °f bear a very strict scrutiny. However, his title is now,
by prescription, become indisputable. — Of the manner Book l. ch. l.
of John Bull's possessing himself of this Manor, I find
the following account.
By the oldest Records worthy of credit, respecting Rowland the
the Manor of Albion, it appears, — that one Rowland DavyGueich.
de Roma, or Rowland the Roman, a busy, bustling,
pragmatical Fellow, who kept hundreds of Lawyers,
Bailiffs, Bullies and Bravoes in constant pay, had got
Occupancy of the Estate. This Fellow, under pre
tence of doing Justice, and settling quarrels among his
neighbours, had seized into his own hands, or got under
his Management, almost every Estate in the Country.
The celebrated Lord Peter's Patrimony, was indeed,
originally, his paternal Estate ; and of the Manors
since possessed by Lewis Baboon, Lord Strut, Nick
Frog, and the greater part of those of 'Squire South ;
he had already got entire possession ; when one of his
Lawyers, to whom he had committed the management
of the Frapkland Manor, now Lewis Baboon's Estate,
having frequently cast his eye over the Water which
separated it frpm this same Manor of Albion, then pos
sessed by one David Guelch, — he must needs, though
they had never seen one another, out of pure good
neighbourhood, cross the Water, and give him a morn
ing's call, And being very civilly received, he soon im
proved his Vis to a Visit, and his Visit to a Visitation.*
In short, after this, Rowland never left off meddling
in the poor man's affairs till he had ruined him ;
having thrown his whole Estate into Chancery, and
* They who have seen the World, will understand this.
»3
Booki. ch. l. managed it by his cozening Lawyers just as ho
pleased.
Rm,iami the This Davy Guelch was a simple honest sort of a
Roman and ,, *. -a- nr*A li
Davj Guelch. Fellow, but somewhat of an idle disposition, ana 11
must be owned, did not make the most that might have
been done of his Estate, nor manage his Affairs to the
best advantage; yet he neither wanted Sense to feel,
nor Spirit to resent, the injury done him, in taking the
Management of them out of his own hands. But all
his indignation and efforts were in vain ; he could never
recover his Manor out of the hands of those rascally
Lawyers to whom Rowland had intrusted it; and he
was at last obliged to submit, and live on tlie Estate
under them, with just what rights and privileges they
were pleased to allow him.
This Rowland, though a turbulent overbearing
fellow, was one of whom it might be said — that he Avas
' inland bred, and knew some nurture ;' Avhich Avas
more than could at that time be said of Davy or his
family. But RoAvland, to do him justice, Avhile he held the
Estate, gave the Family some education, the children
Avere sent to school, Avere taught tlieir Catechism, and
to say their Paternoster ; the Boys had also learnt to
pull off their caps and make their boAv, and the Girls
lo make their courtesy, Avhen a Lady or Gentleman
passed them ; and the better sort had even Dancing-
masters and Music-masters provided for them, and Avere
taught something of Good Breeding. But the truth
is, RoAvland had his own ends, and expected to find
his oavii account in all this- He Avished to draAV them
oft' from that. active hardy Avay of Life in Avhich the
Family had hitherto been bred ; that so they might be Book l. ch. 1.
less disposed, and indeed less capable of disturbing i»nw|„n<i a,^
him in the possession of the Estate. The Manor also u"™™^™*.
Avas brought into a better state of cultivation, and many
improvements made both in the Soil and the Buildings
upon it.
Davy's Family, thus allured to a state of effemi
nate indolence and subjection, soon became so debased]
both in spirit and capacity, that they were neither de
sirous of recovering, nor capable of holding, their oavu
Manor. In the mean time, Rowland had gone on at such
a rate, busying himself abroad in all his neighbours'
affairs, and neglecting his own at home, that things
had got into a state wherein he Avas no longer able to
govern his own Family, or keep any order on his OAvn
Manor. The consequence of which was, that all his
neighbours began to retaliate and commit trespasses
upon him ; and even to seize whole Farms and Manors
into their own hands, and to kick his Factors and LaAV-
3^ers out of doors. This obliged him to call home his
Agents and Under Stewards from the distant possessions
he had seized, in order to preserve his own principal
Manor and Mansion House of Roma ; which had not
only been threatened, but actually plundered and set
fire to by his neighbours.
In consequence of this general recal of RoAvland's
Agents, Davy indeed, found himself once more in full
possesion of his own Estate; but also found himself,
by habits of idleness and indifference, sunk to such a
stale of indolence and incapacity, that he Avas not fit
either to cultivate it, or direct the management of it.
Book 1. rt.i. And ^ch is the debasing effect of subjection and effe
minacy, that he had not spirit even to wish or attempt
to be master of his own affairs ; but in the most abject
manner begged and prayed Rowland to send him back
some of his People and Lawyers to take them off his
hand, and manage them for him.
character of This abject and incapable state to which Davy
i«l sandy was sunk, was soon found out by his neighbours, Rory
,'hc" Caiedo- Restless and Sandy Ranger,* of the Caledonian Manor,
nian Manor wjjQ were not slack to take advantage of it. These
neighbours of Davy's were tAVo keen, shrewd, sharking,
idle FelloAvs, Avho would rather go ten miles to rob a
neighbour's Hen-roost, or drive off his Cattle, than
Avork an hour in cultivating their own Farms. It must,
indeed, be confessed, their oAvn Farms Avere not a very
grateful Soil, nor lay in the most inviting Climate ; so
that Davy's had, in this respect, much the advantage;
and consequently had great attractions for Sandy and
Rory. Another consequence of the sterility of their Soil
and rigour of their Climate was, that it rendered them
vigorous, active, and enterprising, undaunted in dan
ger, patient and persevering under every hardship,
insensible and unyielding to difficulties, in short, the
very reverse of Avhat Davy was ooav become.
Davy oppress- These sturdy Knaves soon seized upon large por-
r^edb R,o-^ons °f Davy's Estate, and threatened entirely to dis-
ry,?cSajd1f' possess him of the Avhole. At his pressing solicitation,
Buii'sAnces- Rowland, his former Patron, once or twice sent some of
tors to pro- .
tect his Ma- his People and Lawyers to assist him ; and Sandy and
nor, - which ,, . ' . „ . . ,,
they do most Kory Avere ejected. — But in vain. — Kowland s own af-
cffectually. _ ¦ ¦ — . . — -
* The Picts and Scots.
fairs at home were now in a state little belter than Book 1. ch. l.
Davy's; and all he could do was, to advise him to Davy Gueicti
rouse, and defend himself. But the poison of Subjec- protectedyby
tion had now penetrated too deep : Davy Avas now in- ° ln u •
capable of such exertion; and Sandy and Rory re
turned with assured confidence of full success. Left
in this desperate state, Davy sought a no less desperate
Remedy, Avhich brings us to the more immediate sub
ject of these Memoirs.
At this time, John Bull's Ancestors, then known
by the Name of Sassans, by which term their Guelch
neighbours still distinguish them, were little better than
Vagrants or sturdy Beggars ; but robust, daring, rest
less fellows ; ready to undertake any thing which you
chose to put them upon, and to pay them for. With
these sturdy Vagabonds did Davy bargain for assist
ance, to drive off Sandy and Rory and their People
from his Grounds. For here it may be observed, that
though those Ancestors of the Bull Family did pretend
to be of the Profession of the Law, nothing was done
by regular Process, but principally by Club LaAV, by
main force and violence. And in this way Davy soon
obtained very effectual assistance. But alas! Avhat
hope is there for the hen, that calls in the Kite to save
her Chickens from the Sparrow Hawk ! Those Avho
Avere first sent to drive off Davy's bad neighbours,
liked the situation and air of Albion so well, that they
were obliging enough to stay and keep them off too.
And that they might be able to do this the more effec
tually, they kept continually sending for more and
more of their Family and acquaintance to assist them
in so good and charitable a Avork. And to be brief, —
8
Book 1. ch. l.they poured in such numbers upon poor Davy, that he
1,rm.ciua]ivCl>soon found InmscIf wholly dispossessed, not only of his
protect.,! i>y Manor and Farm, but even of his house, goods, and
John Bull. ' , „ c
furniture; and, in the end, Avas fairly turned our ot
doors. Thus it was that John Bull's Family first got
possession of the Estate and Manor of Albion.
Davy Guelch was now in a condition ten times
worse than under Rowland the Roman. RoAvland was
certainly sufficiently assuming and selfish, but then, he
had, as Ave have said, been bred to some civility, and
had taught Davy's family some ; and, where it did not
interfere Avith his own interest and designs, exercised
some mansuetude and humanity towards them. Before
their acquaintance Avith RoAvland, nothing could be
more rude, savage, and uncultivated, than the manners
and way of life of the Avhole family. But now, as has
been said, the children had learnt to read and write, had
been taught their catechism, and to say their prayers,
and the Avhole Family went to church ; for RoAvland at
this time professed himself to be a good Christian.
As for John Bull's Family, it does not appear that
at this time one of them had ever learnt their A, B, C j
a Creed, or Paternoster, they had never heard ; they
thought no more of saying their Prayers than their
dogs or their horses did. And as to going to church —
Avorse than the fat Fellow in the Play, Avho had ' for
gotten Avhat the inside of a church Avas made of,' — not
one of them had ever been Avithin a church-door in
their lives. In short, John Bull's Family Avere, at this
time, no better than mere barbarians, and it is impos
sible to describe Avhat poor Davy suffered under such
hands, after they had throAvn off the mask.
Yet it must be acknowledged, that when Guelch Book 1. ch. i.
found how things Avere likely to go, he did not submit
without both shewing great indignation, and making
considerable resistance ; nor resist without frequent suc
cess. But in addition to all Davy's other misfortunes,
he Avanted good agreement and fidelity in his oAvn
Family. About this time, Vortigig, a Steward on one of
Davy's Estates, fell desperately in love with Rowena,
or Rovena, the daughter of Dangle, Avho came at the
Head of those Rovers of John's Family, who were
noAV pouring, in uncailed-for numbers, upon Davy's
Manor — no doubt, the better to defend it from all ill
neighbours. John's Family have alway been remark
able for pretty Girls, and this Rowny Avas one of the
smartest lasses in the whole country-side. And her
father took care to manage matters so as to dispose of
her to the best advantage. It Avas agreed that Davy's
SteAvard should marry the daughter, and in return
should put her father in possession of one of the best
Farms on the Estate ; thus securing a good settlement
for himself as well as his daughter.
Along with this Dangle, came a brother of his,
called Equester, or Horse-master, who at first acted
as a kind of Bailiff upon the Farm, and particularly
had the management of the Horses, which were kept
in great numbers upon it ; as Avas pretended, for the
purpose of driving off, and pursuing the above bad
neighbours, that trespassed upon Davy's Estate. This
Equester, then to be sure, must have another adjoining
Farm, for the maintenance of himself, and keeping of
his Horses. And here he built a Great Stable, Avith a
c
10
Book i< ch.i. number of pens and stalls for Horses, which is still
called Horsham or Horse Hame, that is, Horse Close,
or Horse Home. But not content with this, he soon
extended his Farrrt to a Manor, and his Stables to a
Mansion-house; and there they may be seen, under
the same name, unto this day. It is not certainly
known whether any descendants of the fair Rowny are
still to be found there ; but the Writer of this hour can
gratefully, and truly, attest, that the place is still noted
for fair and kind-hearted females.
Thus was Davy betrayed and sold by his OAvn
Steward. And this, though the first, is far from the
last, instance of the kind, that will be found in the
course of these Memoirs.
These two Brothers, Dangle and Equester, with
their followers, Avere the first of John Bull's Family
who gained any permanent settlement on the Manor of
Albion. But these Avere soon joined by more of their
kindred ; nor stopt they, till they had parcelled out the
whole Estate among them, into seven separate Manors.
Thus was poor Davy Guelch ousted of his whole
Estate. And those of his Family who could not sub
mit to be Servants and drudges to another Master, on
tlieir own Lands, were glad to betake themselves to the
Avoods and mountains on the outskirts of the Manor,
for refuge and shelter ; Avhere, having built themselves
huts, and improved some of the uncultivated spots
around them, the remains of them are to be found, and
distinguished, a simple, honest, hardy, hospitable Race,
unto this day.
11
ClIAP. II. Book 1. ch.2.
Contents — The Affairs of the Manor generally trusted to a Head Stew.
ard, assisted by the Sage-meeting and Folk-meeting.— Design of Coil.
stitution Hall, the Great Mansion House, or Family Seat of the
Manor. — The whole Family privileged in it— hence viewed with an
evil eye by the Stewards.— John Bull originally lived witli his Great
Family in a truly patriarchal manner.
To keep possession of an Estate acquired in so ques- The Steward-
tionable a manner as Ave have related, it was necessary taryf ""but
to cultivate and keep up the Profession of the LaAV in the'controui
the Family, and the chief management of the Estate ?.f the Fam"
was, of course, generally entrusted to some one of that
profession, in the character of Bailiff, or Head Steward
of the Manor. But as this was an office of great
weight, importance, and trust ; and as those who were
entrusted with it, were always disposed to assume suffi
ciently upon it; it naturally became an object of much
emulation and ambition, and occasioned many contests
and quarrels in the Family, To obviate this, accord
ing to the custom in many Manors, the office Avas made
Hereditary, in one particular branch of the Family ;
but still, undoubtedly, subject to the controul of the
Bull Family in general.
At first, the Estate Avas divided into several Ma
nors, to the number of seven, each under a separate
Steward, Avho was generally of the Profession of the
Law. But such is the character of that Profession^
that while there is one object within its reach, by art
or chicanery, hoAvever much in defiance of Justice
or Right, it will never be satisfied till it has obtained
it. And this John Bull soon found to be the case
with his different SteAvards. They kept the Fa-
c2
12
Book 1. cb.2.mily constantly at Law about the Boundaries of their
several Manors, and other interfering claims and pre
tensions. And by this means the Estate was so neg
lected and wasted, and such violent quarrels and con
tests excited in the Family, that many, on both sides,
often had their bones broken, or their brains beat out,
in them. And all this about matters in which no one
but the Stewards, and their Clerks and Scriveners, had
any concern or interest at stake.— Though there were
Seven separate Manors, and as many Stewards; yet,
as a bond of Union, a certain degree of superiority
was generally allowed to one or other of them. And
at last, one of these, a shreAvd, ambidextrous, in
defatigable fellow, named Gebbert, Steward of the
. Manor of Western, succeeded in ousting all the others
of their Stewardships, and assumed the management
of the whole seven Manors into his own hand . For
this event John Bull probably was not very sorry ; as
he might hope it Avould lessen the quarrels in his Fa
mily ; though, perhaps, he might have expected to
have been a little more consulted in the matter than
he was. Since that time the Stewardship has continued ge-
ing and Folk- nerally hereditary: but subject, on particular emer
gencies, to be altered at the will of the Squire, Avith
the common consent of the Family. For the purpose
of obtaining this common consent, which, by an un
alterable Family custom, is necessary in all important
matters, the Family are called together and consulted
— on lesser occasions, only the Elders and leading men
—on occasions of more universal interest, the Family
in general. For Avhich calling-together, they had tAvo
13
urn a vestige
of the Sage
and Folk-
meeting
Now a mere
Form, and
little better
than aFarce
Names or Terms, the Sage-meeting and the Folk- Book 1. ch. 2.
meeting.* Something in pretended imitation of both these
Meetings is still kept up on the Manor, in the present
Palaverium. But to obviate the inconvenience and
confusion of so great an Assembly as the Folk-meeting, The Palaveri
it has been long settled, that the Family should choose
particular persons from among themselves to represent
them, and to consult and vote for them, in those Meet
ings. But this is iioav become a mere Form, and little
better than a mere Farce. The far greater part of
those pretended Representatives being really nominated
and chosen entirely by the influence of the SteAvard,
and the Clerks and Scriveners about his Office ; and
are merely their tools and implements; many of them,
indeed, their Office-keepers, Under Clerks, Chamber
lains, and Pages ; Grooms and Jockies in the Steward's
Stables; Turnspits and Scullions in his Kitchen ; even
their Go-betAveens, Pimps and Panders.— But more
of this Avhen we come to that part of these Memoirs
Avhich treats of the infamous Commerce of Prostitution
and Adultery so notoriously carried on between the in
mates of Steward's Office, and those of Mrs. Bull's
Household, The disputes about the Stewardship being thus
ended, by the management of the Avhole Estate cen
tering in one Head Steward, it was proposed to build
a great Mansion House, suited to the extent of the Ma
nor, and the Dignity of the Family, to be called Free
man's Castle, or Constitution Hall.t
* The Wittenage-mote and the Folk-mote.
t The British Constitution.— Pretended Comment,
14
Book l. ch.2. This Constitution Hall, the family Seat of John
Constitution Bull's descendants, and Mansion House of the Avhole
man's Casde* Manor of Great Albion, is still standing ; but through
wiVan Evil the abuse of the successive Stewards, and the neglect
stew.vds.'^of the Family, much injured, and at present in a very
tottering and ruinous condition. It must be acknow
ledged, the Stewards in general have discovered a great
antipathy and spite to this Mansion House, and would
Avdlingly see it levelled with the ground ; on account
of the protection and shelter claimed in it by every in
dividual of the Bull Family ; and Avhere they have
often been rescued from the insolent oppression, and
unfeeling grasp of the Steward and his Agents. For
this Mansion House of the Manor of Albion is not
only one of the noblest structures that Architecture has
produced, but also one of the most convenient, and
best designed for the accommodation of a whole Fa
mily, Avhere elegance and use go hand in hand ; and
one, Avhich has attached to it privilege of sanctuary,
till trial, for every one of the Family, which even the
SteAvard himself dare not violate.
Thus, this Mansion House Avas not intended for
mere ostentation, to display the splendour and vanity of
an insignificant voluptuous Lord of the Manor, or as a
mere Pageant, or thing of Show ; but for a substantial
Family Residence ; in the plan of which, due regard
was had to the comfort and convenience of every indi
vidual, from the Master to the loAvest Domestic.
For though John Bull could not secure splendour
and riches to every one of a Family so numerous and
extensive as his had now become, he meant, at least,
to take care that none should be entirely neglected, or
15
destitute; but that every one, the most distant relation Book l. ch.2.
of the Family, and all who lived on the Estate, should,
in any case of distress or adverse fortune, here at least,
find shelter and protection.
In this Manor House are three principal divi-The principal
divisionsand
sions, or grand Courts. — The First for the SteAvard s use of Con-
Court and Offices, where the business of the Stew- Hall.
ardship is transacted, all payments and disburse
ments made, and all the Accounts of the Manor kept.
— The Second, for the Sage-meeting, consisting of the
Elders, or Leading Men of the Family, to consult for
the Interest of the Folk, and the concerns of the Ma
nor in general. — And the Third, for the Folk-meeting,
by their Representatives or Delegates, to consult also
for the general concerns of the Family and Manor ;
and especially to regulate the Family Expences, and
to settle the contributions to be levied for supporting
them. A Privilege which, from time immemorial,
they particularly claimed. These two last, called the
Palaverium, are considered as particularly under the
auspices of Mrs. Bull, and named the Upper and Loav-
er Chambers of the Palaverium or Household Office. —
Besides these, there are many lesser Divisions or Offices,
for holding the Courts Leet and Courts Baron, and for
the accommodation of such as attended them, or had Suit
and Service to perform in the Courts of the Manor. —
But dropping the Mansion House at present, Ave will
resume our immediate subject, — the SteAvards and
Stewardship. While the Stewardship continued in the line of the
above Gebbert, being a branch of John's own family,
the successive SteAvards conducted themselves with a
16
Book 1. ch. 2. decent regard to the Privileges of the Family, and the
Customs of the Manor ; yet sometimes more strictly,
and sometimes with considerable deviation; and, as
is the habit of such Characters, often with more regard
to their own interest than to that of their Employers.
Alfrankanex- One Alfrank, however, deserves particular notice
ar".entStew*here, for his own excellent Character, and the many
improvements he introduced in the exercise of the
Stewardship, the cultivation of the Estate, and the
Morals and good Order of the people upon it. And
this especially by an excellent plan for bringing all
Evil-doings and Evil-doers to light and conviction,
through the Avhole Domains subject to the Manor ; by
obliging every man to have an eye upon, and in some
degree to be accountable for, the conduct of his neigh
bour. This Alfrank was also, if not the original
planner, at least a chief improver, of Constitution
Hall, the Great Manor House we have mentioned.
And had the Elevation been carried on according to
his ground Plan, and the Building kept up by occa
sional Repairs, in conformity with the original Designy
it Avould have been a noble edifice indeed.
There Avas also among the Stewards, one Pius
Ned,* whose Memory Avas much respected in after
times, for the many good Laws and Customs he intro
duced in favour of the Tenants and Suitors in the
Courts of the Manor; and to which Ave shall hereafter
have occasion to refer.
John Bull, in former times, was a man of a genu
ine Patriarchal Character, and lived with his Family
* Edward the Confessor Pret. Com.
17
in a ti'uly primitive manner. For his Family, which Book 1. ch. 2.
soon became numerous, were settled all around him on John Bull of a
the different Manors and Farms of his extensive Es- archai Pcha-
tates ; and to all of them he extended a paternal care vtding^^ori
and protection. For John's Etates were not, like most ™^hwrwhoie
others in the neighbourhood, cultivated by Aliens, ^gmilypri9^
Boors, and Vassals, the property of the Landlord ; leges of Con-
wbo might be transferred, like Beasts, along with the Hall.
Soil, from Master to Master, at the Avill even of an
Agent or Steward. John's Estates, as we have said,
Avere occupied and cultivated by the different branches
of his own Family, Free Men, all acknowledged by
by him, and entitled to the protection of the Laws of
the Manor, and the privileges of the Mansion House,
hence called Freeman's Castle. And no man, not
even the Steward himself, durst meddle with either
their Persons or Property, but by due course of Laws
made by their own consent. This, indeed, has always
been the most prominent feature of the Bull Character,
and the envied privilege of the Manor of Albion ; how
ever, at times, frustrated by the tyranny or treachery
of the Stewards. And this is what principally distin
guishes them from all the Great Families and Estates
in the Neighbourhood, — that all who live on the Estate
have the privileges of Free Men, and a Right of Sanc
tuary and Protection in Constitution Hall. In short,
John Bull formerly lived in his Manor House, and
amidst his Family, like the Ancient chief of one of our
Highland Clans ; where every one of the Name, how
ever poor, claimed the Honour, affected the Spirit, and
resented the Injuries of the whole Clan ; and was, in his
»
18
Book l. ch. 2. turn, acknowledged by the Chieftain, and had always
free access to his Castle, and entertainment in his
Hall.
Chap. III.
Contents. — The Manor of Albion a Family Estate.— The Laws and Cus
toms of the Manor respect the Security and Happinessof every Inhabi
tant upon it. — Principal Branches of the Steward's Office. — The Stew
ard fond of keeping up a set of Bailiffs and Bullies of his own, ready
for any thing he chooses to set them upon. — Hence involving the Manor
in endless Quarrels, and boundless expense John Bull once a little
too familiar with the celebrated Whore of Babylon. — Having quar
relled and kicked her out of doors, has had long and violent Disputes
with her son Peter — who pretends to have been married to John Bull's
Mother} which that Lady constantly and strenuously denies.
The first and leading principle upon the Manor of
Albion is, — that it is a Family Estate ; and in the Ma
nagement of it, regard is to be had to every individual
of the Family, and in some degree to all avIio live
upon, or hold of the Manor. And every Office, Law,
Custom, and Rule of Court on the Manor, is estab
lished with a vieAv to this great Object.
Of the Office of Head SteAvard, we have already
taken some notice, and assigned the reason for its being
made hereditary ; but still subject to be controlled, or
altered, by the general Avill and determination of the
Family.
Chiefbranches The chief branches of this Office are:— First, —
ardVofficeT To hold all courts belonging to the Manor for the
19
maintenance of its Rights and Customs, for settling all Book 1. ch. 3.
Disputes and Differences among the Tenantry and
Holders on the Manor, and preserving general Peace
and good order on the Estate.
Secondly, — To carry into Execution all Decisions
and Orders of Courts, and to put in Effect whatever
is determined by the general consent of John Bull and
his Family in the Sage and Folk-meeting. For which
purpose the Steward has proper Officers under him ;
Avho may, indeed, if necessary, call in the assistance
of the Avhole of the Folk on the Estate. And it may
be worthy of notice here, that by the ancient Custom
of the Manor, these subordinate Officers were also
chosen and appointed by the Family or Folk them
selves ; though the Steward has now, among many
other encroachments, assumed to himself the privilege
of appointing thein. And instead of calling in the
assistance of the Tenantry and Neighbours, on any
extraordinary occasion, is mighty fond of employing
a set of mercenary Lawyers, Bailiffs, and Bullies,
Avhom he keeps in constant pay about him ; and who
often, on such occasions, care not Avhat mischief they
do ; as they are sure the Steward's office will abet, and
protect them.
A Third Branch of the Steward's Office is, — To Pernicious par-
guard the Marches and Boundaries of the Manor from Stewarts for
all Trespasses and Encroachments of the Neighbours ; £™*uYtSs.and
and to carry on all Lawsuits about such Boundaries,
or any other occasion of Difference or Dispute with
the neighbouring Proprietors or Stewards. This branch
of the Office, through the partiality of the several
d 2
20
Book i. ch. 3. Stewards for Lawsuits, has gone near to ruin the Estate
and Family. For the Steward, under pretence of be
ing always prepared to defend the Manor from Tres
pass and Encroachment, and to protect the Tenants
and Holders from injuries and Avrongs, has got into the
practice of keeping in constant pay an incredible num
ber of Lawyers, Attornies, Constables, Bailiffs, and
all the inferior Train of the LaAV : all paid out of John
Bull's pocket ; and if set on by the Steward or his
Agents, all as ready to attack John himself, or to knock
out the brains of any one too zealous for his interest,
as of any of his greatest enemies. And as a great
Lawsuit must necessarily throw the disposal of a great
deal of money into the hands of the Steward, he and
his Agents, his Clerks and Scriveners, take care to
keep the Family involved in almost perpetual Law
suits ; and of consequence, in uncalculable Expence.
And in hopes of sharing in this endless drain of wealth
from the Estate, every branch of the Bull Family that
pretends to any distinction, must, of course, bring up
their younger Sons to the Profession of the Law ; or
educate them as candidates for Clerkships and Appoint
ments in the Steward's Office, or Houshold ; which are
now become objects of ambition with even the most
ancient and honourable Branches of John's Family.
And countless Offices and Appointments at the disposal
of the Steward, are created for the mere purpose of
diffusing allurement and Influence, lavishing the Fami
ly's money, and keeping up a parcel of the most idle,
most useless, and most worthless dangling dependants
about the Steward's Office, ready, at his nod, for every
base and pernicious purpose.
21
It has already been observed, that anciently on the Book l. ch. s.
Manor of Albion, the Stewards had, for the most part,
been bred to the Profession of the Law. This was, in
deed, a general custom in all the Manors of the neigh
bourhood ; and from this cause, the SteAvards in most
of them have been able to oust the lawful Possessors,
and to seize the Estates into their own hands. And in
consequence, in most of the Great Manors on Terra-
firm, these Stewards were, by luxury, effeminacy, and
a perverted education, degenerated into mere Drivel
lers, Sots, and Idiots. And the greater part of them had
lately been kicked out of doors by one Beneparte, au
interloper, who has, indeed, disposed of their Offices
and Possessions, as it is said the Devil did of the Monks,
i. e. kept the greater part to himself. — But of thi
hereafter. Perhaps it will be said — As John Bull's SteAvard is
only a Steward, how could he thus lavish the money of the
Family and Ruin the Estate? — Since, though he might
devise Lawsuits, and commence Quarrels, he could
not carry them on, except John and the Family chose
to supply him with Cash through the medium of Mrs.
Bull's Office. — Formerly, indeed, that was the case; „, , _ . _
J ' Shameful In-
but now things are wofully changed; and thereby trigues be-
hangs a Tale of shameful and disastrous import, to be steward'sof-
,,.,.. -.it.. /¦ i a, ficeandMrs.
told in due tune; concerning the Intrigues ot the atew- Bull's do-
ard's Office in Mrs. Bull's Houshold and Family, and
the infamous commerce of Prostitution and Seduction
carried on between the Clerks of that Office and Mrs.
Bull's Domestics. Some, indeed, will have it, that
Mrs. Bull and the Steward are entirely innocent, and
that the whole infamy of this nefarious scene lies with
UICSUC6.
22
Book 1. ch. s. Mrs. Bull's Domestics and the Clerks and Agents in
the Steward's Office, — others again maintain that the
Clerks and Agents are nothing more than the Pimps
and Go-betweens of the Steward. As to poor Mrs.
Bull, it must be confessed, that she is no longer Mistress
of her own House. This, however, is certain, that by
means of these Intrigues, the Steward draws from the
Family, through Mrs. Bull's office, just whatever mo
ney he pleases.
The Domestic ^ut perhaps, it should have been premised — that
Economy of jonn Ra\i having been, especially in his younger days,
and Manor agoon Companion and Free Liver, had very wisely
consigned to r
Mrs, Bull, consigned to Mrs. Bull s care, the whole of his Do
mestic Economy, the providing for, and managing of
all family Expences, and the examining and settling
all Accounts with the Steward. And for the purpose
of advising, aiding, and assisting her in these extensive
concerns, the Sage-meeting and Folk-meeting above
mentioned, were formed into an Accountant Office, and
considered as part of her Houshold Establishment.
By management Avith these, and by means of the In
trigues above mentioned, the Steward is never at a loss
for Cash to carry on a LaAvsuit. The truth is, John
himself was always mightily alive to a hopeful LaAV-
suit. And being of a sanguine Disposition, is, by the
selfish Stewards into whose hand it is sure to draAV cash,
at all times easily engaged in laAV.
It must indeed be here confessed, that John Bull,
being of a warm temperament, Avas in his youth in most
things, as such youths generally are, a little wild and
extravagant. Nobody Avas readier for a Mad Frolic;
nobody more forAvard to kick up a Roav, or enter into
23
Broils and Quarrels; nobody made less account of Book l. ch.s.
breaking WindoAvs, knocking doAvn a Watchman, or
beating up a Wench's Quarters.
John Bull has, particularly, had long and violent
quarrels with the celebrated Whore of Babylon ; with
Avhom, it must be confessed, he was once a little too
familiar. But John having since quarrelled Avith her,
discarded her, and kicked her out of doors : the conse
quence has involved him in much trouble, and many
expensive Lawsuits with her and her more favoured
Gallants. At one time indeed, and that before he had
discarded her ; by the chicanery and dexterity of
some of her agents, and the baseness and treachery
of one of his own Stewards,* under the management of
the Notorious Peter, Avhom she calls her Eldest Son, in
whose right she claims, she had almostousted John of his
Avhole Estate and Manor. And no little time, trouble, and
expence, it cost, entirely to repossess himself, and
eject the intruder. The Mansion House, indeed, and
the principal part of the Manor, the zeal and indigna
tion of the Family soon enabled him to recover. But
the Strumpet long held possession of John's Mother's
House, t and the Lands on which her Jointure was
settled, to which she still affects to lay claim in behalf
of her Son Peter, Avho, she pretends, was married to
John Bull's Mother, and had children born alive by
her ; and whom, she says, one of the SteAvards in a
quarrel, unjustly kicked out of doors, and obliged the
Lady to divorce. All this the good Lady strenuously
* Supposed to be John Landless.
+ The Church of England.— Pret. Com.
24
Book l. ch. S. denies. And she further affirms, that Peter himself is
but a base-born upstart fellow, a Bastard begot by
Belzebub, upon this same Whore of Babylon. And
who, by a pretended Commission from her real Hus
band, — which is known to be a palpable Forgery, —
and by tampering with her Servants in the absence of
their Master, had got info her Husband's House, cor
rupted the whole family, and turned out of doors, or
even hanged or burnt, every one whom he suspected
of the least fidelity to their master, her real Husband.
— Thus, for many years, Peter had held possession
of Madam Bull's House and Jointure Lands, till in a
quarrel with one of her Son's Stewards, he was, as we
shall see, very deservedly turned out of doors.
BOOK II.
Chap. I.
Contexts. — Of the forcible Introduction into the Stewardship, and vio.
lent Seizure of the Estate into his own hands, by Guillam de Nor.
world. — Thisforcible Intrusion tlie sole foundation of the enormous
Pretensions of succeeding Stewards— and to recover his Possession and
Natural Rights thus forcibly seized the object of all the successive
trugglcs and contests of the Family with the Stewards.— This Reco
very, through the constant, encroaching, and incorrigible Character
of such men, yet imperfectly accomplished. And every step toward
it obtained only by Necessity, and strong Compulsion.
In our continuation of these Memoirs our principal The two main
object will be — First, — To relate the cause, and course these S Me-
of things, by which the Stewards had seized into
their own hands John Bull's Estate, and become
master both of him and his Manor. And next, to
point out the successive steps thai have been taken by
the Bull Family for the recovery of their Manor and
Rights ; and to mark as Ave proceed, how it has come
to pass, in consequence of this seizure, — that, while
the SteAvard's Clerks and Agents, and every attendant
and hanger-on about the SteAvard's Office, — many of
E
moirs.
26
Book 2. ch. l them, of tlie meanest capacity and basest charac-
AVhiie every ter, are loaded Avith Avealth beyond all the uses of na-
Attendantin _
theStcward'sture, and wallowing in Luxury and Voluptuousness
lows in vo- even to infamy and contempt, — John Bull himself is
jonn°Bu"fon on the brink of Bankruptcy, his Manor House, Con-
Bankruptcy!slituti°n Hall, ready to fall about his ears through neg-
f" miiy^eg- iect and Avant of Repairs, his Estate mortgaged beyond
gars. the value of its Fee-simple, and half his Family often
have not a Avhole coat to tlieir backs, nor a morsel of
bread to put in their mouths, but Avliat they obtain by
begging, or the assistance of the Parish.
The intrusion Whilst the Stewardship continued in a branch of
deNnrworid John Bull's own Family, the affairs of the Estate were
ardship, and" conducted with some regard to the family interest. B ut
quecces?nSe" an unlucky affair having thrown both the Stewardship
and the Estate into other hands, the event has been
folIoAved by a long train of disastrous consequences ;
Avhich, notwithstanding the strong remedies that from
time to time have been applied, are not, to this day,
entirely removed. This event was the forcible intru
sion of one Guillam de Nonvorld, an adventurer from
the Frankland Family and Manor, into the Stewardship ;
Avho soon aftenvards ousted the whole Bull Family
seized the Estate and Manor into his oAvn hands, and
parcelled it out among his rapacious Clerks, LaAvyers,
Bailiffs, and Bullies, avIio had assisted him in gettino-
possession of the Stewardship. And that the effects of
this Intrusion and Seizure are not yet entirely removed
is evident from the Stile and Language of the SteAvard's
Office unto this day ; where such phrases as these—
' My Manors,'—' My Palaverium,'—' My faithful
Folk-meeting,' and the like, are in constant use by the
27
Steward. This mode of speech passes noAV unnoticed, Book-2. ch. l.
and unsuspected. But it is a genuine Relict of that
Usurpation Ave have mentioned; and let John Bull be-
Avare ; the dog who ceases not to groAvl and shew his
teeth at the full length of his chain, Avill assuredly bite,
if he can slip, or break it.
But to give some account of this disastrous event. Peter pretcnd-
— We will begin with observing that the celebrated married to
Peter, or Lord Peter, pretending to have been married Mother,' on
to John Bull's Mother, had at one time acquired great JnUurnc^reon
influence in her House, and assumed an almost absolute tlie Manor-
authority in all her concerns. And among other va
garies, he took it into his head to forbid any of her do
mestics to many ; and also strongly recommended ce
libacy to the whole Bull Family.
Now Pious Ned, the Steward, whom we have al
ready mentioned, was so much devoted to this maxim
of Peter's, that he would never marry ; or, if married,
Avould never accompany Avith his Avife. And, indeed,
could he have effected it, would have kept John Bull
also, as the phrase is, all his life-time tied to his Mo
ther's apron-strings. This Steward, in consequence of
such a maxim, dying Avithout legitimate issue, left room
for pretentions to the Stewardship, which, in the event,
proved most fatal to John Bull and his Family.
Immediately upon the decease of this Pious Ned, Hariodassumes
as we have said, without Issue, one Harlod, whose Fa- *hfpf teward"
ther Goodgain had been a great favourite both with
John and his Steward, stepped into the Stewardship ;
under pretence that he had been nominated to it by the
said Ned, his Predecessor. And though John Bull
$.2
28
Book 2. ch. l. might have expected to have been consulted on such
an occasion ; yet, his father having been, as was said, a
favourite Avith the Family, Harlod found no great op
position on the Manor. But one Guillam de Nor-
Avorld, a Copyholder on the Frankland Manor, setting
up also the same pretension of being nominated by
Pious Ned, Avould assume the Office, not only without
consulting John Bull, but in direct defiance of him
and all his Family. This Avas such an insult as John
could not possibly put up with, and therefore he readily
agreed to support Harlod's pretensions ; in short, an
action of Quo Warranto being immediately brought
by Guillam against Harlod, he was ejected, and even
lost his life in the quarrel.
After a deci- It must be confessed, that on the present occasion,
Bar is^jecl- the cause was not, as LaAVSuits generally are, protracted
Tam^e Nor- from Term to Term by the chicanery of Lawyers.
Here the Parties on each side being themselves LaAvyers
by Profession, and at Law in their OAvn Cause, Issue
Avas soon joined ; and the Suit closed by one decisive
Trial at Bar, Avhich ended in favour of Guillam. or
though Guillam did not, I believe, retain one Lawyer
of John's Family, nor had one holder on the Manor on
his side ; yet having, beside Bailiffs, Bullies and Ban
ditti Avithout number, brought a whole Train of hungry
LaAvyers from the Frankland Manor, whom he pro
mised to reAvard Avith Clerkships and other Appoint
ments in the SteAvard's Office, and with parcels of John
Bull's Estate ; Avhich he knew he could easily find pre
tences to seize, and to share out among them — he thus
brought the cause to issue at once; and, true or false,
had a Verdict in his favour.
29
It must be allowed, that this cause was vigorously Book 2. ch l.
defended by Harlod, and the Squire himself supported
it with all his means and poAver ; but Harlod having
fallen a victim to fatigue and great exertions in the
cause before it came to a decision, the Verdict was as
Ave have stated ; and, in consequence of this Verdict,
Guillam took immediate, and forcible, Possession of
the Stewardship. But though Guillam's claim was at first only to the Guillam seizes
SteAvardship, he soon found pretences and means to Estate into
oust the Proprietor, and to seize the whole Estate into hands. mm
his own hands, which he afterwards parcelled out at
pleasure among his craving Clerks and LaAvyers, Avho
had assisted him in seizing the possession. And so far
was John Bull at this time from being able to make any
effectual resistance, or to eject him either from the
Estate or SteAvardship, that it appears, from an authen
tic Record of that day, that in a short time there Avas
not a man of John Bull's Family left in possession of
one foot of Land on the Avhole Manor.
Here it may be proper to pause a little, and to ob
serve — That this forcible intrusion of Guillam Nor-
world into the Stewardship, and consequent violent
seizure of the Estate, is the sole foundation of all the
enormous Claims and extravagant Pretensions of sue- xheusurpation
cecding SteAvards; and of that presumptuous and as- ^worTd'the
suming Stile Avhich they affect even to this day. And foundation of
>~ ^ J all the enor-
to recover back his Property, and Natural Rights and ni"us claims
1 a of succeed-
Possession out of the rapacious grasp of those Usurpers, ingStewards.
and to reduce them to their natural and proper station,
lias been the object of all the violent struggles John
Bull has been obliged to maintain with the successive
30
Book 2. ch. 1. SteAvards ; and this Recovery is, even at this day, but
imperfectly effected. John has, indeed, constantly
disputed their pretensions, and asserted his own Right;
and has had many Lawsuits Avith them, which have
generally ended in his favour. And he has frequently
even turned individuals out of the Stewardship, and
introduced others under necessary restrictions; and
once, perhaps a little too rashly, actually had one
hanged for his presumption, and mal-practices. Not-
Avithstanding all this, yet such in general is the assum-
The encroach- ing, encroaching, and incorrigible character of men of
corrigible that Station, that they are constantly * setting up new,
stelvardkin. or reviving old Claims ; or, usurping and extending
their authority and poAver, Avithout any ostensible claim
at all. And this in spite of the most forcible Restrictions,
the most clear and decided Rights, the most binding
Obligations, and the most solemn Oaths and Engage
ments to the contrary.
The truth is, through the great improvement,
and increased value, of John's Manor by the activity
and industry of his Family, since he has in part reco
vered the possession of it, so much money goes through
the SteAvard's hands, that he is able, under various pre
tences, to keep up a number of Lawyers, Solicitors
and Clerks, beside a set of worthless parasitical Expect
ants of Place and Appointment, always hanging on
about his Office ; and these all ready for the basest and
most profligate undertaking that can be proposed to
thein — so that the honest, easy, unsuspecting Squire is
by no means a match for them.
And though, Avhen they have come to an open
quarrel, and ;i fair Trial at LaAV, John, as having Right
It
on his side, has generally obtained Judgment in his Book 2. ch. 1.
favour ; yet by chicanery, by influence, by art, and
collusion, the Stewards have still contrived, and do still
contrive, to evade the force and due execution of every
Sentence and Judgment obtained against them, and to
elude every obligation to honour and honesty that can
be laid upon'them. And noAV, by the Intrigues of the
Steward's Office, and that commerce of Prostitution,
carried on as Ave shall have occasion to mention — be
tween the Steward's Agents and Mrs. Bull's Domestics,
they have, in effect, at this time, got nearly as entire
Possession of John Bull's Estate, and as much the
command of his Property, as Guillam Norworld him
self had ; with this additional advantage, — that John
having still the nominal Possession, his family are still
induced to labour upon it, and to cultivate it for them.
And this they have done, with that activity, industry,
and ingenuity, that they have brought to the highest
state of cultivation and improvement, Avhat those vo
racious Drones, in their own hands, would soon have
devoured, and might at this day, in all probability,
been as much Outcasts, and Vagabonds, as the Baboon
Family themselves lately were ; and may probably soon
again be.
But let us now proceed to trace the successive steps
by which all this has been effected; and by which
John Bull has, through many hard struggles, recovered
his Estate, in profession at least, out of the hands of
the Usurper; and even reduced the SteAvard's Office
and Authority within certain acknowledged bounds,
and nearer to its original limits. And as Ave proceed,
let it be especially observed, — that not once concession
32
Book 2. ch. 1. has been made, not one step towards this Recovery Avas
ever obtained from those Usurpers by their will or con
sent, Avithout being extorted by necessity and doAvn-
right compulsion.
Chap. II.
Contents. — The cruel oppressions exercised by Guillam Norworld upon
the Bull Family— AVhole Parishes desolated, and the Inhabitants
turned out destitute of every tiling — in order to convert their Posses
sions into Forests for wild Beast, Deer Parks, and Shooting Grounds
—The most shocking Mutilations enacted as the punishment for any
violation of these Sporting Grounds, or killing any of. the AA'ild Crea
tures belonging to them. — The Curfew, or Coverfire Horn — The Ma
nor of Albion a Palatinate, having sovereign jurisdiction within it
self. — Patient endurance a distinguished feature of the Bull Charac
ter — But when that is tired out, decisive and vigorous action a no less
distinguishing feature Hence a hint to John Bull's present Drivers.
The piiiiers It Avould be painful, especially to John Bull and his
of Guillam Family, for Avhom I write, to enumerate the shocking
instances of Injustice and Oppression, of Insult and
Cruelty, exercised upon their Ancestors, by Guillam
tie Norworld and his Successors. Guillam, indeed,
did not long even pretend to act as Steward, but openly
assumed the full possession, and conducted himself as
sole Proprietor, of the Estate ; nor regarded Copy of
Court Roll, Custom of the Manor, or any Tenure
whatsoever ; but disposed of every thing merely by
his own arbitrary Avill. In consequence of Avhich, he
not only gave away the Rights of the Lands among
33
his craving train of Clerks and LaAvyers ; but for the Bjok 2. ch.2.
mere purpose of providing Pleasure Plots and Sporting
Grounds, turned the Inhabitants out of their houses,
throughout whole Villages and Parishes ; and Avith the
most pitiless barbarity, left them stripped of all their
Property, to perish by hundreds for Avant of food, clo
thing, and shelter ; and all this for the sake of mere
amusement, to make room for Pleasure-Grounds, Ten-
nis-Courts, Cricket-Fields, Dog-kennels, Deer-Parks,
and Menageries for Wild Beasts,* for the Entertainment
of himself and his insolent Clerks and Lawyers ; Avho
had now nothing else to do but to sport, and drink,
and riot, and reA'el on John Bull's Estate and Property.
In short, within a few years after this intrusion of Guil
lam Norworld, not one of John Bull's family, as has
been said, Avere left in possession of a single acre of
Land on the whole of his large Estates and extensive
Manors ; but were reduced to be dependents and vas
sals upon those Lands which Avere formerly their own.
Indeed, to such a degree did Guillam carry his usur
pation and oppression, that for some time John's family
Avere in no better state than Boors, or Predial Slaves ;
and Avere transferred from one Master to another, with
the lands they lived upon, at the mere Avill of the Pos
sessor.* And so far was the contempt for the persons and Shocking pun-
lives of the Inhabitants, and the partiality for those trespasses ,','«
Sporting Grounds carried, that it was a greater Crime, ""suortin"' s
and subjected to severer Punishment, to kill one of the Gnn"rjds-
Birds or Wild Beasts within, or which had escaped out
from, any of those Aviaries or Parks, or to commit any
Forests and Forest-laws. — Pretd.Cem.
F
34
Book 2. ch.2. Trespass upon those Sporting Grounds, than to kill a
Man of John Bull's Family. And such Avas the prac
tice of chopping off of Feet, Hands, and Heads, such
the Manglings, Mutilations, Castrations, and various
other Tortures inflicted for these Trespasses,t that it is
truly shocking to read or hear the mention of them.
And, indeed, they would be altogether incredible, did
not both the Facts, and LaAVS, stand still upon Record
in the Courts of the Manor : for the above is not a list
of cruelties set doAvn at random, but the specific Punish
ments expressly prescribed, and daily inflicted, for tres
passes on those Sporting Grounds. And so jealous
was the conscious Usurper, and so afraid of plots and
vengeance, which he knew he had deserved, that all the
Inhabitants of the Manor were obliged to shut up their
Houses, to extinguish their Fires, and to put out their
Candles, at the sound of a Horn which Avas blown at a
certain hour, called the Coverfire Horn ; after which, if
a light was seen in the house of any of the Bull family,
the inhabitants of it were subjected to the punishment!
above mentioned.
The Albion It may, perhaps, be proper to premise here — that
iatinate,with John Bull's Manor of Albion is a kind of Palatinate,
SOnsdSi"'ant' nas a Legislative Sovereignty, and Independent
within itself. jurisdiction, within itself.
It will easily be supposed that at this time, the
Building of John Bull's Manor House, or Constitution
Hall, Avas entirely at a stand. Not only so, indeed,
but what had been already raised, was suffered to fall
again into ruins ; or even pulled down by the insolent
Intruder. At this period the Bull Family may be con-
+ Forests and Forest-laws Pield. Com.
35
sidered as at the hrwest stage of human depression and Book % ch. 2
misery ; and in this degraded state they continued du
ring the whole Stewardship of Guillam Norworld.
There is a kind of patient enduring hardiness in Patient hardi-
the Bull character, Avhich at this time stood John in gSing'rea-
great stead ; and it would appear, that though he saAV Buucharac-
himself and family sunk thus Ioav, he never lost entirely ter'
either his hopes or his spirits. This seems, indeed, to
be a distinguishing Characteristic of the Bull Family
— that though, upon any little distaste, provocation, or
disaster, which only stirs and frets their passions and
humours, they are apt to sink into despondency and
dejection of spirits, and are ready to bang and droAvn
themselves. — Yet, on great occasions, fit to rouse the
stronger passions, and call forth Vigour of Mind and
Strength of Character, none have borne heavy calami- Determined
ties with more patience, firmness, and fortitude ; nor noe*°essIOdi*
extricated themselves from them Avith more prudence, feafure.inS
determination, and spirit, when the just Moment for
Resolution and Action has arrived.
And as from the first of these Dispositions, — his
Passive Endurance, — we may account for the patience
Avith Avhich John bears his present burdens; and, lest
his sufferings should force him, in spite of patience, to
cry out, submits to go abroad with a Gag in his mouth.* This last a
—So from the second, — his Spirit and Resolution when cumstance,-
Determination and Action become decisively necessary Piy a hintTo
— we may still hope that he will aAvake in time to save Drivers. "
his Family, his Manor House, and his Estate. And
that Avhen his present drivers have goaded him to the
full measure of his patience, he will summon up suf-
* The Pitt and Grenville Acts.— Pretd. Comt.
F2
36
Book 2. ch.2. ficient Resolution and Spirit to sheAV them that John
Bull is still himself; and will be Master of his own
Family, Disposer of his OAvn Estate, and Lord of his
own Manor.
These are considerations that might surely deserve
the attention of those Knaves of the Steward's Office,
Avho seem, and not Avithout some reason, to reckon
upon John Bull's patience being inexhaustible ; and
that his Spirit is entirely worn out, and his Character
changed. It must be confessed, that John at present
certainly exhibits a striking instance of one part of the
Christian character ; that charity, which ' beareth all
Those Drivers things.' Though it Avould seem that those who lay his
sume ° upon present burdens upon him are apt to ascribe to him ra-
As^ihan'ofther tne character of Isachar the Jew, than of John
.he family the Christian,— rather that of the Ass than of the Bull
Character. — Isachar is a strong Ass couching down between two
burdens : and from the nature of the bearing required
of him, this is certainly the more appropriate charac
teristic — " He bowed his shoulders to bear, and be
came a servant unto tribute." But more of this Avhen
Ave come to that part of the subject to which it be
longs. In this disastrous state of his Affairs, Avhich con
tinued t» the death of Guillam Norworld, John seems
to have lain by in sullen silence, with determined pa
tience to Avait occasion : as perhaps, he also does at pre
sent. And some events soon happened to revive his
hopes, and gave him an opportunity of coming a little
more forward in the scene.
37
Chap. III. B30k . ch.3.
Contents — The Stewardship of Guillam Redbeard.— Here commence
the successive Steps by which John Bull recovered his Estate out of
the Hands of the usurping Stewards On the death of Guillam Nor
world, his eldest Son Bob being out of the way, his younger Brother,
Billy Redbeard, takes possession of the Stewardship.— This a circum
stance highly favourable for John Bull— as the Usurper found it con
venient to conciliate the good will of the Folk on the Manor, of which
the Bull Family still formed a great Majority.— John not a wanting
to himself and Family on this occasion— From being mere Vassals on
their own Lands, they obtain more liberal Tenures— A Fact requiring
constant attention — that to this day not one concession has been ob
tained from these Usurpers, but by strong and irresistible necessity.
When this Guillam de Norworld died, his eldest Son
Bob, who lived on the Manor of Norworld, and should
have succeeded him, being absent, his second Son, Billy
Redbeard, being on the spot, immediately seized posses- beard usurps
sion of the Albion Manor. And, before his Brother could his Eider
t i • , , • i , BrotherBob.
take-the necessary steps to dispossess him ; he, by indul
gences to Tenants, and by favours and fair promises to
all who lived on the Estate; — among whom, John's
Family Avere too numerous to be entirely overlooked — •
found means so well to confirm his usurpation, that
his Elder Brother Avas obliged to come to a compromise
with him, and to leave him in possession of the Estate
for his life. This was an occurrence greatly in John This a circum.
Bull's favour. In point of conscience, of- affection, or ~{an^e '"S"
of right, it was, indeed, a matter of perfect indifference Buii'sfavour
to John, which of the two usurpers held the Manor ;
but with respect to his own vieAvs and pretensions, the
most exceptionable Possessor was certainly preferable ;
as in a Possession so got, and so kept, it must be of
great importance to the Usurper, if possible, to stand
Avell with all that held of, or lived upon, the Estate ;
38
Books ch.s. and John Bull's Family, however depressed, being
by far the most numerous portion of the Inhabitants,
Guillam found it necessary to pay some attention to
them. Nor was John a wanting to himself and Family,
or slack in taking advantage of the occason, and as
suming the importance it gave him.
The Bull Fam- Thus, from being mere Vassals, or at best, Tenants
gin wPbettep at Will, some of the Family found means to improve
tion' S'tUa their Tenures, and to obtain Leases, Copyholds, and a
few, even Freehold Rights, in their Possessions. This
Avas the first step made by John towards recovering
Possession of his Manor; an object which he never
seems to have lost sight of, or to have omitted any op-
For which ob- portunity of asserting his claim to. And from this
"have been in time, to the present, the Family have been engaged in
struggle5 a"o almost constant struggles with the successive Stewards
"*> av- for their remaining Rights, Property, and Privileges ;
an object which, though it has not been altogether un
successfully attempted, has yet been but partially ob
tained. Or rather, whatever has been at one time most
effectually obtained, has, by the constant encroaching
character of the Stewards, been again so entirely voided,
annulled, or evaded, that all has been in a manner to
begin again. And perhaps, John Bull, his Family,
and Property, were never, in fact, so entirely at the
Avill and disposal of the Steward as at this very mo
ment ; nor more immediately in danger of Ruin from
being so.
And it is highly worthy of observation, and a
point lo Avhich the attention ought constantly to be
called, — that notwithstanding the shameful Usurpation
by which this Norworld Race of Stewards, from Avhich
39
all since are descended, came into office, and the pal
pable violence by which they seized the Estate, and
that this is the original foundation of the pretensions
of all the successive Stewards, — yet not one Pretension
has been voluntarily resigned, not one Right conceded,
not one Usurpation surrendered, but what has been ex
torted by dint of imperious necessity, and downright
compulsion. And even Avhen some of them have been
expelled the Office, some banished the Manor, some
hanged ; and others substituted in tlieir stead, on ex
press condition of restricting themselves simply to the
Duties and Exercise of the Stewardship, and managing
the Affairs of the Estate solely for the Proprietor, and
under his controul and direction by the LaAvs of the
Manor. — Yet no sooner have they got into office than
they have begun, — some more openly, some more co
vertly, — to act the very same part Avith their predeces
sors — to consider the Estate and all upon it as their
Property, and to waste it with the most boundless Pro
fusion, in vain pomp, parade, luxury, and vice, — to
lavish it on their Minions, Amours, Mistresses, Bas
tards, Pimps and Panders; and by degrees to assume
all the pretensions of the most acknowledged, and pun
ished, usurpers. — So true is the saying of the Satirist :
Rams enim ferroe sensus communis in ilia
Fortuna —
So rare almost is even Common Sense in that Station
of life.* And such, in general, is the incorrigible cha
racter of Stewards.
* If instead of Common Sense, we render it a Sense of the Common
Rights of Mankind— as some have done— the observation will be equally
just, and equally applicable here.
Book 2. ch. 3".
Not one pre
tension of the
Norworld Usurper
yielded by
his Succes
sors, to this
day, but by
necessity and
strong com
pulsion.
40
Book 2. ch. 4. ChAP. IV.
Contents.— The Stewardship of Harry Good-clerk, or Harry the Scholar.
—On the death of Billy Redbeard, who had his Brains knocked out
at play in those Sporting Grounds we have mentioned, the luckless
elder Brother Bob being still further out of the way than before—
Harry, another younger Brother, steps into the Stewardship— This
Event still more in favour of John Bull ; as Harry, to secure his Pos
session was glad to make still further Concessions to the Family,— in
consequence of these, John Bull gets his Privileges confirmed by an
authentic Instrument in Writing— now begins to resume the Port of
a Gentleman.
Harry the scho- It was not long before another event, with exactly the
lar— intrudes . ,, ,, T ,
himself upon same circumstances as the former, gave John an op-
Bob's Right, portunity of still further improving his situation, and
manner5 that recovering his Rights. This Guillam Redbeard's
had'ldoned Usurpation was but of short continuance. As he was
one day playing at Cricket in those Sporting Grounds,
from which his Father had stripped, and turned out
the poor Inhabitants to perish, he happened to have
his Brains beat out by a Cricket-ball, which rebounded
from the Bat of one of his Players. It has, indeed,
been observed — that, beside other disastrous events to
the Family Avhich have fallen out on the same Grounds,
this Avas the second Son of Guillam Norworld who had
met his fate in them. Which some have considered as
a Judgment for the cruelty of stripping and turning
out to starve, so many helpless people, and converting
their Fields and Habitations into Sporting Grounds for
mere pleasure and amusement.
When the above event happened, that luckless
Wight, the elder Brother Bob, Avas still farther out
of the way than before. He Avas now gone to the
Country of Sacraterr, along with a set of mad in-
4t
fiuuated felloAVS from almost every Manor in Euposia, Book 2. ch. 4.
under pretence of zeal and regard for the Memory
of a Prince, a great benefactor to Mankind ; to
recover out of the hands of the Apistoi the Place
Avhere he had been buried. While at the same time,
they paid not the least regard to a most excellent sys
tem of LaAvs and Moral Institutions which the same
Prince had left them ; nor to the most inimitable Ex
ample and Precepts Avhich he had personally set before
them. To equip himself to join this mad Rabble,
Bob had mortgaged his Manor of Norworld to his
Brother Guillam ; and being now absent upon this fan- stewardship of
tastical business, Harry, another still younger Brother, Harry.
stept into the Office of Steward, or rather took posses
sion of the Manor of Albion : for at this time the
SteAvards might still be said to hold the Proprietorship
of John Bull's Estate. This was luckily an event still
further favourable for John ; and one which he did not
fail to improve. For, as he deservedly considered the
whole Family as violent and unjust Intruders, it Avas a
matter of no concern to him in point of Right, which
of them held the Estate, whilst he was kept out of it.
And as he, whose title was worst founded, was likely
to be most liberal in concessions, John, for the time,
readily acquiesced in this Harry's usurpation; and this
procured him many further indulgences. Particularly,
the Family were now no longer obliged to extinguish
their fires and put out their Candles at the sound of the
Usurper's Coverfire Horn ; and thus John Bull might
be said to have recovered possession, at least of his
own House. G
42
Book 2. ch. 4. But this was not all : for John not now only ex-
The First Har- tended and improved his Tenures, but obtained the
ry' restoration of some of the Ancient Rules of Court and
Customs of the Manor, which had been established in
the SteAvardship of Pious Ned ; and to Avhich the Bull
Family were very partial. Indeed, those Rules and
Customs were not only highly reasonable and conve
nient in themselves, but also very favourable to the pri
vileges of all who lived upon the Estate, or held of the
Manor. For this reason, even the Clerks and LaAv
yers of the Norworld Race, to whom the first Guillam
had so lavishly parcelled out John's Estate, were ex
ceedingly ready to join in obtaining this Restoration of
the Courts and Ancient Customs of the Manor, as an
improvement of even their Tenures ; for by this they
became entitled to the benefit of the Manor House, or
Constitution Hall, when they had occasion to attend
the Courts of the Manor, and to other privileges which
belonged to all Avho lived on the Estate, before Guillam
Nonvorld's Usurpation. For then, John, as before
observed, lived on his Estate, among his Tenants, who
were mostly branches of his own Family, like a Patri
arch in the midst of his Descendants; and all were
held in a free and liberal condition. And it Avas espe
cially provided by the Laws of the Manor, that it
should not be in the poAver of any insolent Steward to
injure and oppress the Tenants at his pleasure. In
this respect, of a liberal Tenure, and well protected
Tenantry, Joint Bull's Manor has always been distin
guished from almost every one in the whole Country :
except on particular occasions, as at the time we are
43
now speaking of, Avhen the LaAVS and Customs of the Book 2. ch. 4.
Manor have been entirely subverted by the insolence
and usurpation of the Stewards.
Thus, this Harry, intruding upon the Right of his The First Har*
Elder Brother, as had been the case before Avith Guil- ry"
lam Redbeard ; was, like him, glad to resign something
further of the unjust and usurped pretensions of the
Stewardship ; and agreed to enlarge the Privileges of
the Tenants and different Holders on the Manor, in
order to attach them more sincerely to his interest in
preference to that of his Brother. But he still affected
to act rather as Lord of the Manor, than as SteAvard,
and to hold John rather as his Feuditory, than as his
Lord. At this time, however, those recovered Rights, and
Laws, Avhich had hitherto rested wholly on Usage, and
the Custom of the Manor, Avere committed to Avriting, Grants a writ-
and solemnly sanctioned by all Parties, in Deeds and of Restored
Chartered Agreements. And this Avas the first valid "
step toward reducing the usurped power of those in
truding Stewards, and recovering that entire and ac-
knoAvledged possession, which John Bull originally
held of his Estate and Manor.
John Bull began now again to assume something
of the port, and make the appearance, of a Gentleman,
and to claim, in behalf of his Family, the Privileges
and Protection of the Manor House ; of which the
Remains still stood an Evidence of his original Pos
session. Some attention began also now to be paid to-
Avards repairing the Breaches, and advancing the build
ing of this favourite Mansion. Not that the SteAvards
either forwarded, or willingly indulged this Work ; for
g2
44
Book 2. ch. 4. they wished neither Lord nor Tenant to have any Pri
vilege or Protection, but at their immediate will and
pleasure. But this was effected by John himself and
the Family, who had now recovered some influence on
the Manor, and indulged the hope of regaining some
permanent and acknowledged Rights in their own
Estates. Here Ave will bestow a word or tAvo upon the luck
less Elder Brother Bob, though little further connected
Avith our subject. In Sacraterr he had gained great re
nown, and had even been offered the sovereignty of
The hapless the City of Salem, Avhich the Mad Rabble we have
the Kider mentioned, had really wrested out of the Hands of tlie
Apistoi; but this he declined acceptln ;. And having
heard of the death of his Brother Guillam, he hastened
his return home, to take possession of the Manor of
Albion, according to their Agreement. But alas ! he
found himself once more anticipated by this Harry,
his other younger Brothcr,who was now in full Posses
sion of the Estate. Robert at first brought an Action
of Ejectment against his Brother ; but according to
the Maxim, that ' Possession is nine points of the law,'
The First Har- he found Harry so well fixed in his Usurpation that
ry there was little prospect of success. The tAvo Brothers
therefore came to a compromise on the same condi
tions, as the former between Robert and Guillam — that
the present Possessor should hold for Life, and the Re
version should be In the Elder Brother.
As to John Bull, neither of those presumptuous
Intruders once consulted him, or seemed to make the
least account of him or his Rights in their Agreement.
And John seemed to give himself as little concern
45
which of them retained the Usurpation ; in the hands Book % ch.
of either, a disputed Possession was in his favour.
But so far was Harry from being satisfied with the
present Possession of the Manor of Albion, that found
ing his Claim by some quirk of LaAV on the Mortgage
made to his Brother Guillam, — he commenced a Law
suit for Squire Robert's oAvn Manor of Norworld, and
at last absolutely obtained the Possession of it. And
thus, by mere dint of Law, in defiance of honour and
justice, he stripped his poor Elder Brother of all his
Possessions, and sent him to Jail, where he actually
kept him till he died.
However, all these quarrels and disputes of the
usurping SteAvards, were highly favourable for John
Bull; as the immediate Possessor, generally, conscious
of the injustice, and consequent instability, of his Te
nure, still thought it necessary to conciliate, by indul
gence, the good-will of the Tenants, and of all who held
of the Manor, or lived on the Estate.
46
Book 2.ch. 5. ChAP. V.
Contents The Stewardship of Stephen, or Steen, the double Usurper
Harry having left but one Daughter, named Madelin, who had a son
named Harry, an Infant — consigns to them the Stewardship and Ma
nor. — But Madelin being married at a distance, her Cousin Steen
seizes the Possession. — The Bull Family do not fail to profit by the
great concessions this Steen was glad to make, as conscious of a dou
ble Usurpation. — All which Concessions, in the true Stewardical
Spirit, the moment he found himself fixed in his Station, he attempts
to recal Harry, the Son of Madelin, being grown up, commences
a Lawsuit with Steen. — Steen dying, Harry takes undisputed Pos
session—His Mother, though alive, foregoing her claim in favour of
her Son,
The steward- It does not appear that Bob left any Family ; and
ship of steen. though Harryj when he died, left but one child, and
that a Daughter, named Madelin, married in a distant
country ; yet he had the assurance to consign to her the
Manor with all upon it, with as little hesitation or con
sulting of John Bull as if it had been his own Rightful
Inheritance. — But she being, as has been said, married
and settled in a distant country, her Cousin Steen, the
Son of a Sister of the two preceding Usurpers being
brought up, and highly favoured and trusted, by his
Uncle Harry, made him the truly Stewardical return,
to seize on his absent Daughter's Inheritance, He in
truded himself into the Stewardship; and, like the
others, soon seized the Avhole Estate into his hand.
For John's Family were still too much depressed to be
able to vindicate their own Rights.
But though John Bull was not yet in a condition
effectually' to vindicate his Rights, he never resigned
his Claims, and seldom omitted any opportunity that
occurred to assert them, and to recover such parts of
his Rights and Possessions as he was able to obtain.
47
And particularly he did not fail to profit by the con- Book 2. ch.5.
cessions that this Steen Avas glad to make, as conscious
that he was a double Usurper, both from John and
from the Heir of his own Family ; as, indeed, his two
immediate Predecessors also had been. But this Steen
was a complete knave, a rogue in grain, without pre
tence either to honour or honesty ; and no sooner did
he think himself in secure possession, than he attempted
to recal every concession he had made.
But Harry, the Son of Madelin above mentioned,
by a second Husband one Squire Broomstick, being
grown up and commencing his rival, to Law they
went about the Possession ; but in the end, a Compro
mise was made, upon the same terms as in the two for
mer instances, — that Steen should hold Possession dur
ing his Life, and that Harry should succeed him. And
Steen dying the next year after this agreement, this
Harry, the Grandson of the former Harry, took Pos
session without opposition. For though his Mother
Avas still alive, she agreed to forego her claim in favour
of her Son.
48
Book 2. ch. 6. Chap. VI.
Contents. — Stewardship of the Second Harry, or Harry Broomstick.—
This Harry an active, spirited Young Man— nor altogether void of
Justice and Generosity — Renews, by express Deed, all the Privileges
granted to the Family by his Predecessors— and restores some more
of the Ancient Laws and Customs of the Manor. — Somewhat unfor
tunate in a Dispute with the celebrated Peter, on account of one
Tom Pecket, Domestic Steward to John Bull's Mother. — This Peter
one of the most impudent, audacious, assuming Fellows in the
AVorld.
The steward- This Harry, called, from the name of his Family,
Second Har Harry Broomstick, was an active, alert, spirited Spark,
not altogether destitute of Justice and Generosity, nor
unworthy of the Stewardship, had it come to him by a
rightly derived title, and been held, according to the
Constitution of the Manor, as a delegated Office and
Trust, but as he acceded in an usurped Succession, it
Avas natural for him to wish to hold Possession as he had
received it.
He, however, renewed, by express Deed, all the
Privileges granted to the Tenants, under whatever te
nure they held, by his Grandfather, or any other of his
Predecessors ; many of Avhich had been violated, in-
croached upon, or arbitrarily set aside, by the succes-
Rencws by ex- siye Stewards, Avhenever they thought themselves suf-
aiTthe Privf- hciently fixed in their stations. He also agreed to the
byehiSndd-restorin& of some more of the Ancient Manorial Cus-
someefurThertoms and Rules of Court> established by Alfrank and
indulgences. Pious Ned ; which Avere still highly prized, and fondly
claimed by John Bull's Family. Who, though they
could in general, still be reckoned only Tenants at will
on their own Estates, were daily claiming and recover-
49
ing more and more of their ancient and natural Rights Book 2. ch. 6.
and Possessions. But this Harry was somewhat unfortunate in a Harry's unfor-
dispute he had with that famous Peter, whom Ave have puuntete with
already had occasion to mention, on account of one eter'
Tom Pecket, domestic SteAvard to John Bull's Mother.
This Peter, or, as he will have himself stiled, Lord Peter,
from a mere obscure pedant, had become one of the most
audacious and presumptuous Fellows that ever was heard
of in the world. And from being Head Schoolmaster, Character of
or Inspector of the Schools, for public Instruction in Peter.
tAvo or three Parishes adjoining to his own, had, by
degrees, assumed a pretence to dictate to every person
upon every subject. Nor was it only in matters of
speculation, opinion, and sentiment, that Peter pre
sumed absolutely to prescribe ; but being sometimes
called in to make Wills for People who could not read
or write, and sometimes having the Property of such
left in trust to his Fidelity ; he at last assumed the ab
solute Right of disposing of all the Property and Power
of the whole Country round. But the History and
Character of Peter, or, according to his own assumed
stde, Lord Peter, and his two Brothers, Martin and
John, have been so ably drawn by a masterly hand,*
and are so well known, that I shall not here enter fur
ther upon them than may be necessary rightly to un
derstand the dispute between Peter and Harry : and
this much, will, indeed, naturally arise out of the nar
ration itself. But there is another person Avhom we
have also had occasion to mention, of whom it may be
* See Tale of a Tut.
H
50
Book 2. ch. 6. necessary to premise a few words — I mean the Pious
and Venerable Matron, John Bull's Mother.
Chap. VII.
Contents.— Some Account of John Bull's Mother, and of the Introduc
tion of Schooling and Education into the Family under her Inspec
tion. — The notorious Peter, Eldest Son of the celebrated W — re of
Babylon, as Visitor-general of Schools, obtains great influence in
Madam Bull's* Family — hence takes occasion to give out that he is
married to that Lady.— and assumes an uncontroulable Authority, not
only in her Houshold, but over the whole of her Son's Family —
Sends one Austin as his Deputy to the Bull Family. — This man,
wholly devoted to Peter, is for subjecting every thing to his Influ
ence. — Becomes Domestic Steward to Madam Bull, — a Station of
great importance, — to which Peter ever after claims the right of ap
pointing. — Hence arise unavoidable quarrels with John Bull's
Steward.
John Bull's Mother is a Lady whose Character is
so truly respectable, and so universally knoAvn and re
spected, that it is unnecessary to enlarge upon it here.
Suffice it to observe — that according to the laudable
simplicity of ancient Manners, by which Education
began under the eye and care of the Mother, this vene
rable Matron had the province of early Instruction,
Character of and the forming of the Principles and Manners of the
Mother. " S whole Family in a great measure entrusted to her care.
And, in this trust, she has acquitted herself Avith much
fidelity and diligence. Not that she has been able, to
* N. B. Through these Memoirs Mrs. Bull always refers to Joho
Bull's AVife, Madam Bull to his Mother.
51
the present time, entirely to preserve her Family and Book 2. ch. 7.
Servants from the contagion of that all-pervading, and
all-perverting, influence of the Steward's Office, or,
from that consequent Prostitution which has so tho
roughly corrupted and depraved Mrs. Bull's Hous-
hold.* In consequence of this pernicious influence,
through the treachery of unfaithful Servants, even John
Bull's Mother, or at least many in high trust in her
Houshold, have been suspected, at times, of favouring
the SteAvard's interest in preference to that of her Son,
not to say even to that of her Husband. Nor have
those unworthy Domestics been held altogether clear of
concern in that Commerce of Prostitution so notoriously
carried on between the Steward's Office and Mrs. Bull's
Houshold. But of this hereafter.
From this Trust in the Education of the Family Peter's assum-
being confided to John Bull's Mother, the notorious in John
Peter, who, as we have said, pretended to preside over ther's Fam
uli Seminaries of Instruction, and to be Inspector-gen- ' y"
eral of all Teaching and Teachers in the Country, as
sumed a Pretence to intermeddle much in her Family ; pretends to
especially under colour of giving advice, of pointing maavrriedhc<to
out the proper subjects of Instruction, and appointing that Lady.
Teachers. And being a plausible fellow, before his
real character Avas discovered, he had acquired no little
influence and authority with the Good Lady ; from
which she found it not an easy matter afterwards to
disengage herself. It was this assumed influence and
authority that gave occasion to the Great W — re, his
Dam, to give out that her Son Peter was married to
John Bull's Mother; and hence, to set up all the pre-
* Church of England— Pret. Comt.
h2
52
Book 2. ch. 7. fences, and all the attempts both he and his Mother
have made to get the ascendency in her Family, and
to dispose, r.ot only of her jointure, but of the Avhole
of her Son's Patrimony.
It may be here observed — that John Bull's Family
were now become much more civilized than Avhat we
described them to be Avhen they first got Possession of
The Bull Fam- the Albion Manor. Most of them had now learned
more ^civil- their Catechism, had been taught to say their Prayers,
and to go to Chuch, and many could Read and Write.
This change had been brought about chiefly by a
Learn to read. Marriage which took place betAveen one of John Bull's
Stewards, and a Daughter of the Frankland Steward.
Taught their This Lady brought Avith her, into her Husband's fam-
and to" say ity? a Chaplain, by Avhose assistance she first prevailed
ers!randia^oon ner Husband to learn to read, and, by degrees, to
to church. ^e taUght his Catechism, to say his Prayers, and to go
to Church. And, as the example and influence of the
Steward's Family is sure to extend itself over the whole
Manor, this practice of learning their Catechism, and
going to church, soon becam every general through the
whole of John Bull's Estates.
Now Peter, who, as Ave have said, had assumed
the Office of Inspector-general of Schools, or Prefect
Peter sent's °f Instruction, and never omitted any opportunity of
u^'her'to '"- hHruding himself into every one's affairs, thought this
sist Madam a fair occasion to send one of his Ushers to assist the
Bull in teach
ing the Fam- Good Lady and her Chaplain above-mentioned. And
by the good offices of the Lady, this Usher, whose
name Avas Austin, met with so cordial a reception, and
had so much success in his undertaking, that the whole
Family soon became his Scholars; and, in general,
53
made such good proficiency under him, that, in a short Book 2. ch. 7.
time, there was not a Tenant on the Estate who could
not repeat his Paternoster, or who did not go to Church
on Sundays ; which is more than can be said for some
of the Family even at this day, after so long a course
of schooling. Tins Austin also took care to have Schools and The Usher ap-
r\i 1 ., . J* pointed Ma-
Cnapels built m proper Situations, where every one dam Bull's
might attend, which were all consigned to the Patron- steward.
age and Inspection of John Bull's Mother; who, out
of her very liberal Jointure, took care to have compe
tent Endowments settled upon them. This Usher was
also soon appointed Madam Bull's Domestic Steward,
and had the chief management of her Houshold and
Family Affairs, as also the principal Direction of these
Schools and Chapels committed to him.
This man Avas sufficiently active and diligent in Austin, a zeai-
his Station, and did not neglect the tuition of the Fam- Peter's.
ily ; but Avas more zealous in setting forth the high au
thority of his Master, Peter, and in recommending
certain Dogmata and Credenda of his, than in explain
ing the last Will and Testament of Madam Bull's Hus
band, or enforcing certain excellent maxims and rules
which he had laid down in it for the regulation of his
Family. In short, this man was a creature of Peter's,
by whom he had been sent, and to Avhom he still reck
oned himself accountable; and he affected to hold
him as Supreme Lord of his Mistress's House, and
that all the concerns of the Family Avere absolutely
at his disposal. Thus, being much more attached to
the interest of Peter, than to that of his Mistress, or of
the Family in whose behalf he was employed, — a deep
54
Book i. ch. 7. scheme was laid by him and his Successors, in concert
with Peter, to subject, not only the old Lady and her
Family and Property, but her Son's Family and Estate
also, entirely to the Will and Authority of Peter, and
his impudent unblushing Mother. Nay, he even pre
tended, that by her first Husband's Will, be was left
sole Executor, and by express appointment, had Ma
dam and all her concerns entirely consigned to his Dis
posal. Though it is certain her Husband never knew
him ; nay, he was not born nor heard of, many years
after her Husband's Will was made and published.
In effecting this their scheme. Peter and his Emis
saries began very modestly, by asking a single Penny
of every House on the Manor, under pretence of sup
porting the Expence of the Schools, and paying the
Schoolmasters and Chaplains. — This was called Peter's
Penny. — This, at first, was not much objected to; as
every body was now anxious to have their Families in
structed, and zealous in saying their Prayers and going
to Church. But what was at first a request, and granted
Peter's bound- by indulgence, was soon turned into a demand, and
sions anu'ln- claimed as a Right; and from a single Penny, was
trusion. raised to a tenth part of every thing ; and, by degrees,
to whatever Peter and his prowling Agents thought fit
to lay claim to ; till, at last, they assumed a Right to
enter every house at Pleasure, and take just what they
had a mind to. Not a poor man's Sow could farroAV,
but Peter must have a Pig from the litter, not a hen or
duck could hatch, but he must have a couple from the
brood, not a Housewife could send her Pasty to the Oven,
but Peter must have a finger in the Pie. In short, his
avarice Avas equal to his impudence, and his Preten-
55
sions became unbounded ; till at last, by tampering Book 2. ch. 7.
with one of John's weak and treacherous Stewards,* he
found means to obtain from him a formal surrender of
of the whole Estate and Manor of Albion. — But of
this in its place.
Now, though John Bull is as honest hearted, good
conditioned, free and generous a person, as one could
wish to be acquainted with ; and, if you take him on
the right side, and, as Brother Sandy would say, —
' only speak him fair,
And stroke him canny with the hair,' —
and there is nothing fair and reasonable, generous and
friendly, that you may not expect from him ; yet no
man is less fit to be made either a dupe, or a fool of.
A truth which, I believe, Peter has, by this time, been
taught, to his cost. For, as there was no Family or
Estate in the whole Country round, in whose affairs
Peter once intermeddled so much, and set up such
exorbitant pretensions ; so there is none in which his
Influence is now so thoroughly excluded, — his Agents
being outlawed, himself turned out of doors, and his
Authority disclaimed, and entirely abolished. — But of
this more hereafter.
Suffice it at present — That it was become abso-Itbeom
lutely necessary to put some stop to the ridiculous soI»te'y «e-
J J tr r cessary to
and extravagant Pretensions of this Peter and his in- checkPeter's enormous
solent Agents. And to do this, after the footing he Pretensions;
had got, was no easy matter. For, besides that John
was ready to acknowledge some obligation to Peter for
assisting to introduce Education and Manners into his
Family, — Peter's first Usher having been appointed
* Jack Landless.
56
Book 2. ch. 7. houshold steward to John Bull's Mother,* Peter claimed
the Right of ever after appointing one of his own
Creatures to that Station ; which had now become one
of the greatest Trust and Importance ; and indeed, by
the Custom of the Manor, is even, at this day, nomi
nally the very first station in subordination to John's
own Steward. At the time we are speaking of, this
Appointment carried with it a great deal of Aveight and
influence in all the affairs of the Family. In short,
this domestic Steward and his Master, Peter, had as
sumed almost as absolute a poAver over Madam Bull,
her Family, her Jointure, and all the Lands in which
her Jointure was settled, as John's Steward had done
over himself and his Estate.
John himself had, for a long time, been in no
condition to oppose this Usurpation ; and his knavish
Stewards, who, from the decease of Pious Ned, had
been no better than a succession of intruding Usurpers,
were often glad to sit silent under these Pretensions, or
even to favour them ; that Lord Peter, who pretended
to great authority in all these matters, and even to
dispose of Stewardships and Manors all over the
Country, might in his turn wink at, or favour their
Usurpations. But from the clashing pretensions of the
tAvo SteAvards, the Mother's and the Son's, on the same
Lands and Estates, it Avas impossible that quarrels and
jealousies should not arise between them. And this the
event soon proved. *
* The Archbishop of Catuary.
57
Chap. VIII. Book 2. ch. 8.
Contents.— Account of the Dispute between Harry the Steward and
Lord Peter. — The enormous Pretensions assumed by Peter and his
Emissaries — disclaim all subjection to the Laws, Customs, and Au
thority of the Manor. — The artful and insolent Character of Tom-a-
Pecket — sets Harry at defiance, acknowledging no authority but that
of Peter.— At last has his Brains beat out for his contumacy — Harry
obliged to make great submissions to Peter for this offence— finds it
expedient to conciliate the Folk on the Manor — hence all contributes
to the emancipation of John Bull and his Manor, from the usurping
grasp of the Stewards.
This Harry, of whose dispute with Peter we are now Thedispute be
come to speak, being, as we have observed, a high- and Lo*dPe*
spirited determined Fellow, and having pretty Avell ter"
conciliated all parties on the Manor, was no longer dis
posed to any such compromising with Lord Peter, as
his predecessors had practised, nor to permit any such
tampering with the Tenants and Holders on the Estate,
as had been usual on the part of Peter and his Emis
saries. But this was so far from abating the preten
sions of such an audacious fellow as Peter had now
become, that it rather increased his insolence ; and he
pretended to nothing less, than the filling all Schools
and Chapels with his tools and Instruments — the exclu
sive privilege of appointing the Inspectors and Visitors
of all Seminaries of Instruction on the Manor — the
giving and bestowing all Offices in Madam Bull's
Houshold — the appointing of all her Servants, — and Enormous Pre-
the sole disposal of her Jointure and Income in favour peter,.", ut
of himself and his Creatures. And these being mostly
strangers, trained up by himself upon an estate once
the chief Mansion and principal Possession of Row
land de Roma, Avhich Peter had somehoAV got Posses-
I
58
Book 2, ch. 8. sion of ; and which lay at a great distance, — they cared
very little for John Bull, his Mother, his Steward, or
any Person or thing upon his Estate, beside the imme
diate profits of it ; and were for centering every thing
in their own Town, where most of them resided, and
where Peter ruled with absolute sway. And besides
thus drawing great sums from the Estate, even those
Avho lived upon it would pay no regard to the LaAvs
and Customs of the Manor, or acknowledge any sub
jection to the SteAvard's Courts ; nor would they allow
that they were answerable in any respect, not even for
the greatest crimes they might commit, to any Person,
or any Power, but that of Peter himself, forsooth:
though Peter lived, and held his Courts, a thousand
miles from the Manor of Albion.
Harry's spirit was ill adapted to submit to such
pretensions, though his opposition to them cost him no
little trouble. It is naturally to be supposed, that those
Emissaries of Peter's, as the Fountain and Source of
all Instruction, should have considerable influence with
the Folk on the Manor ; and they especially took care to
impress them with an high opinion of the sanctity and
importance of their oAvn character, and of the sacred
and supreme character of Lord Peter. And being
generally shreAvd artful Fellows, and possessed of more
Book learning than most of the Bull Family had yet
attained, they Avere able to perplex and confound the
plainest matters. So that Harry, with all his vigour of
Character, and Authority of Office, found it no easy
undertaking to check and restrain them.
But particularly, that Tom Pecket whom we have
mentioned, Avas a deep, designing, determined knave,
59
whom no shame could affront, no danger frighten from Book 2. c'.t. 8.
his purpose. fidens animi atq; in utrumque paratus;
Seu versare dolus, seu certae occumbere morti.
This Fellow, in order to gain credit with the Folk character of
on the Manor, would set himself up for a Saint ; af- Tom PeckeU
fected the greatest severity and self-denial, would lie on
nothing but the cold ground Avith a little straw ; and
sackcloth was not rigid enough, but for severer morti
fication, he must let it be seen that he wore Haircloth
under it. Yet, Avith all this affected show of humility,
he exhibited the most intolerable pride and insolence
of Spirit. And though originally but an obscure
Usher, and Tutor to Harry's Eldest Son, he not only af
fected the utmost contempt for John Bull, his Steward,
and all the Laws and Customs of the Manor and Fami
ly ; but endeavoured to set all the neighbours and ten
ants against them, and to hold Lord Peter's authority
up as paramount to all other, not only in Madam Bull's
Family, in whose service he lived, but over the whole
Affairs of the Manor. And he obstinately maintained
that neither he nor any of the Old Lady's Family were
subject to the LaAvs of the Manor, or answerable at the
Steward's Courts for any Trespasses, Knaveries, or
Villanies, that they might commit, however atrocious;
and that no body but Lord Peter himself had any right
to call them to account, or to punish them. It will
easily be believed, that such a fellow, with those who
were set on by him, and supported all his pretensions,
must be an intolerable provocation to such a spirit as
Harry's. I 2
60
Book 2. ch. 8. However, he maintained his own Rights and those
of the Manor so well, and exerted his authority so -vi
gorously, that Tom was at last glad to quit the Estate.
He, of course, betook himself to Peter, with Avhom he
was sure, his past conduct, and his designing charac
ter, would secure him a hearty Avelcome. Here he was
caressed with the greatest partiality, and all his contu
macy highly approved. And as his cool designing
character, and firm determined insolence, shewed him
to be just the man for Peter's purposes, he was soon
sent back to the Albion Manor, with the Appointments
from Peter, of Houshold Steward to John Bull's Mo
ther, Parson of the Parish of Catuary, and Super-
intendant of all the other Parishes in which John Bull's
extensive Estates lay : for of all these Appointments,
Peter claimed the sole and absolute disposal. And
to all these was added, a Commission from Lord Peter
to exercise, as his Deputy, all that high and unbounded
Authority to which Peter himself made pretensions.
Enormous The arrogance of Pecket now exceeded all bounds,
?oglnced!of anc* se* a^ restraint at defiance. It was now no longer
Pecket. necessary to exhibit Sackcloth and Hair ; these signals
of humility and mortification Avere laid aside, and in
stead of them, was displayed the utmost insolence of
Pride, Pomp, and Power; he would appear abroad
with a Train of more than a thousand Horsemen and
Footmen attending him, and affected the highest con
tempt of all Authority.
Nothing could be more provoking to Harry, him
self sufficiently high-spirited, than the insolent beha
viour of this contumacious Parson. And this was the
61
more insupportable, that such was the influence and Book 2. ch. 8.
awe impressed on the minds of the Folk on the Manor is shockingly
by the high Pretensions of Peter and his Agents, that Swo^fe
no steps, sufficiently vigorous to check or punish them, rys servant8-
could publicly be taken without danger. Thus galled,
and fretting under the pain of so many rankling sores,
—on receiving the account of some new act of contu
macy on the part of Pecket, Harry happened to ex
claim " Will no body rid me of that insolent Parson."
Great Men have generally some officious Sycophants
about them, ready to catch the least intimation of their
will, and to execute, or even exceed, their Avorst
purposes, where they think it will ingratiate them
with their patrons. Some such happened to be with
in hearing when Harry uttered the above exclama
tion; and three of them, without the least intimation
of their design, mounted their horses, and set off for
Cantuary, where they found the Parson in Church —
Ast ilium
Excipit incautum patriasque obstruncat ad aras.
—set upon him, and murdered him at the very altar,—
which Avas stained with his blood.
Harry had observed the sudden disappearance of
his knaves, and hearing they had setoff on Horseback,
fearing their design, sent immediately after them to
bring them back ; but alas ! too late, — for he soon
learned, with horror, that the deed Avas done, and with
the above shocking circumstances.
Though Harry might, no doubt, have been glad which Murder
to be fairly rid of this insolent Parson, nothing could „ eII1e0rs{naRnj!!
be more detrimental to his affairs than this deed, in the ^sfu/0 b™^
manner it had been done. And Peter found the means trc8S Han>
62
Books, ch. 8. of making it highly conducive to his views of fixing
his yoke upon Harry, and exercising an uncontrolled
authority in the whole Affairs of the Manor of Albion.
The business in itself was bad enough ; but Peter took
care to make it ten times worse, by exclamations on the
horrors of the deed ; and overlooking entirely the im
mediate Actors, endeavoured to excite Heaven and
Earth against Harry. And as Peter's pretensions ex
tended not only to this world, but to the next, not only
to Body and Goods, but to Soul and Spirit, he gave
Harry, Soul and Body and all, in due form, to the
Devil ; and the Stewardship, and John Bull's Estate,
to whoever would take the trouble to take Possession
of them ; and forbade the Tenants, and Holders on the
Manor, under pain of eternal damnation, to pay their
Rents, do Homage, or perform any Service at the
Steward's Courts. And however insignificant and ri
diculous such a Giving and such a Forbidding may, at
this time seem, at that time, they Avere very serious
Matters, and not without Effect. For, besides the
great Authority that Peter at this period had obtained,
there were not wanting some of John's neighbours, of
LeAvis Baboon's Family in particular, who were ready
to take hold of this pretence to seize upon his Manor.
And such was the awe of Peter and his Power, and
such the impression it made upon the simple Tenants,
that they were not without some dread of his threaten-
Peter's dread- ings. Especially, a set of furious Mad Bulls, which
ful ui s. jje use(j to sencj an(1 jet ioose Up011 the Country, where-
ever his will Avas disputed, struck every body with ter
ror. In short, though Harry through his own strength
of Character, was not awanting to himself, yet such
63
were the dangers that surrounded him, and the diffi- Book 2. <*,. 8.
culties in which this affair involved him, that, in order
to extricate himself, he found it necessary to make some
very humiliating concessions to Peter.
Yet the Caitiffs who committed this truly horrible
deed, were allowed to pass without molestation or pun
ishment, either from Harry or Peter. Harry could
not well punish an action that was done with a view
to his Service. And as to Peter, the committing of a
murder, was no offence in his sight; and however
great a favourite the person murdered might be, he
could never have derived from his life, half the Ser
vice which he found means to derive from his death.
However, Harry having submitted so far as to
procure the recal of these dreadful Bulls with their
drivers and keepers, became once more Master of him
self and his own affairs. Not that he himself made
much account of those Bulls of Peter's ; nor were they
really so terrible as their roarings and threatening made
them appear. But, however, so frightful was their
Bellowing, and their Drivers told such dreadful stories
of them, that the poor People and Tenants on the Es
tate, were horribly afraid of them ; and durst not pay
their Rent, or acknowledge the Steward's Authority,
in defiance of Peter's prohibition enforced by them.*
Now, though John Bull had, by this lime, reco- The above Af-
vered a pretty firm footing upon his own Estate, and curable for
Harry and he had been always on tolerable good terms, John Bu"-
—yet was not this fracas between Harry and Peter
* Should any one wish to see a more particular account of these Bulls
ef Peter's, he may find it in the distinguished Writer above referred to,
who has written the History of the three Brothers, Peter, Martin, ami
John.
64
Book 2. ch. 8. without some beneficial effect towards the great object
of John's recovering the full possession of his Manor.
For Peter thus pretending to give all Harry's neigh
bours a right to seize on whatever part of the Estate
they could, and to set the Tenants free from all obliga
tion to' pay their Rent, or to render Suit or Service at
the Steward's Courts — Harry found it necessary, by
indulgence, to secure the good will of the Family,
and the fidelity and attachment of the Tenants and
Holders on the Manor. — And John was sensible that
it Avas better for him to continue on his present footing,
where he was in a course of recovering his Rights,
than to have to do with a new Usurper, under the sanc
tion of Peter, where he might have the whole to begin
again. — In short, during this Second Harry's Steward- '
ship, John much increased his importance, and made
considerable progress in re-possessing himself of his
Rights, Privileges, and Property.
65
Chap. IX. Book 2. ch. 9.
Contents.— The Stewardship of Dick the Lion-hearted.— This Dick a
brave, generous Fellow — hence a favourite with the Bull Family —
engages in one of those mad Expeditions to Sacraterr, where incredi
ble Stories are told of his Bravery, by which he got the Name of Lion-
heart. — But Dick did not long survive his return from this Expe
dition.
This Harry was succeeded by his Son Dick, a brave Thr. Sle™!'d.-
J ship of Dick
generous fellow. And as the Bull Family have always a,e Lion"
-re ,-u hearted.
a great partiality for such a Character, his short Stew
ardship passed without much competition Avith the
Family. But as he was fond of sports and amuse
ment, he was pretty strict in repressing Trespasses on
these Sporting Grounds before-mentioned. Yet at the
same time — as a brave man is always a humane man —
he abolished those cruel and shocking punishments
which were wont to be inflicted for such Trespasses, —
Castration, putting out of Eyes, cutting off of Hands
and Feet, and the like — and endeavoured to restrain
them by punishments more consistent Avith humanity.
This Dick being a bold dashing Character, among j0ins in the
other frolics must needs join in one of these mad expe- tionstoSacr;!-
ditions to Sacraterr, and there, many fine Stories are neer\ecomes
told of his bold and successful achievements, by which distinguished
he acquired the name of Lion-heart; but with these
we shall not interfere. Dick was very unfortunate in
his return from this excursion, for having occasion to
pass through the Manor of Squire South, Avho had some
old grudge against him, he, like a sneaking, sordid,
treacherous Rascal, as he was, regardless of Dick's
generous character, and the laudable object, — as it was
then thought, — in Avhich he had been engaged, — had
him seized by his Servants and kept him a long time
K
66
Book 2. ch. 9. in confinement, nor let him go till a large sum was paid
for his liberty : which sum John Bull was generous
enough to raise and pay out of his Estate. — In return
for this piece of treachery, it is said that a brave Bas
tard Son of Dick's, chancing in a Party Rencounter to
meet this South, took care to single him out, and to
stick by him, tdl he brought off his Head in his
Hand. We have said that John Bull was generous enough
to pay a large sum to procure the Liberty of this Stew
ard ; indeed, the usurpation of the Stewardship had
noAV continued so long, that, by custom and habit, it
had lost much of the odium and detestation with which
it was originally vieAved ; and something of generosity
in the character of the two last Stewards had so far
conciliated the Family, that some degree of right
seemed to be recognised in the Possessor. — But Dick's
SteAvardship was short, and he was succeeded by Jack,
a younger brother ; and that in prejudice of Arcthur,
the Son of another younger Brother, but older than
Jack.
67
ClIAP. X. Book 2. ch.lO.
Contents. — The Stewardship of Jack, siinamed the Landless. — This Jack
of a rash, turbulent, and ungovernable Character — seizes the Steward
ship in prejudice of his Nephew, whom he procures to be murdered
— A confederacy against him on the Manor — in his utmost distress,
Peter, who had hitherto urged on the confederacy — now proposes
upon condition, that Jack will consign the Manor and Stewardship
to him, and hold them as his Vassal, to dissolve the confederacy, and
extricate him from his trouble — these conditions actually accom
plished on both sides. — This Confederacy not dissolved without im
portant concessions in favour of the Family — particularly on this oc
casion was obtained that celebrated Great Roll, which stands to
this day the Chief Foundation of Albion Liberty and Privileges, —
of which, in tlie next Chapter.
At the period of Avhich we are writing, the course of stewardship of
Succession was not so regularly fixed as it is at present ; Landless."'6
and the flaw in Jack's Title might easily have been
overlooked, had he not himself been of a most rash,
turbulent, ungoverned, and ungovernable disposition.
In consequence of this character, he was constantly in
volving himself, the Family, and all avIio lived on the
Manor, in broils, mischief, and misery. Add to this,
that he was suspected of having procured the Death
of his Nephew, Arcthur, who died in prison ; Avhere,
from jealousy, his Uncle had kept him confined. Ex
cited by these causes, and innumerable insults and
provocations with regard to themselves, John Bull,
Avith the principal Holders of the Manor, and even the
Clerks and Attendants in his own Office, entered into
a confederacy against this Jack. And the eldest Son untractabie
of Lewis Baboon having at this time also made a for- Hence a gel
cible entry on the Manor of Albion, they Avere even Seracj00"^?
ready to join him, and to transfer the Stewardship to ^^l"'^
his Family. Thus Jack found himself involved in the
utmost perplexity, danger, and distress.
K 3
68
Book 2. ch. 10. Of all these circumstances, Peter, Avho never omit
ted an opportunity to fish in troubled waters, Was fully
informed, and took care to turn them to advantage.
For being at this period in the very height of his PoAver
and Presumption, and pretending to dispose of Estates,
and Manors, and Avhole Countries, at his pleasure, he
1 V'percuaded to°k tms occasion, of Jack's distress, and danger of
the Conho1" l°smo both Manor and Stewardship, to persuade him
stewardship, ±0 consign both over to him ; and promised that he
Manor, and ^ l
Famiiy,T>ver vvould restore them back to him again, and that he
to hold them should hold them under him as his Vassal or Feuda-
as his Vas- .... . , T .
sal. tory ; in Avhich case, neither young .Lewis nor any one
else Avould dare to intermeddle with him. And this
villainous proposal Jack actually agreed to; and in
due form surrendered to Peter, by Livery and Seizin,
the full possession of John Bull and Family, the Ma
nor, SteAvardship, and every thing connected with, or
belonging to either.— And the same day received them
back again to hold them of Peter as his Liegeman and
Vassal. Upon this, Peter, who had hitherto excited and
encouraged every opposition to Jack, and supported
young LeAvis in all his attempts, sends him an order in
stantly to desist and forego all his pretensions, claims,
and acquisitions whatsoever upon the Manor of Albion.
— Which Lewis positively refused to do.
But that part of John Bull's Family and those
leading men on the Manor, Avho, from indignation and
resentment of the Steward's conduct, had joined Lewis,
soon found out, that though he was willing to make use
of them for his present purpose, yet he held them in
no better estimation than Knaves and Traitors ; and
69
when he had served his purpose by them, meant to re- Book % ch. 10.
ward them as such. Of tlus, they being fully forc-
Avarned, abandoned his interest. And in consequence
of this, and the strenuous interference of Peter, Avho
noAV holding Jack as his Vassal, and Albion as his Pos
session, undertook to protect them, Lewis found him
self obliged to yield, and demit what he had seized of
the Manor of Albion.
But though those Malecontents of John Bull's
Family, thus instantly abandoned the interest of Lewis, tions attend-
their accommodation with John was a matter of more portanth and
serious deliberation ; and the event attended with most Jonsequen-
important and permanent consequences ; which operate ces' whidl °-
r r -i > r perate uuto
even to this day. This event may, indeed, be reck- this day.
oned the first valid and authenticated Recovery by
John Bull of his general Rights, and the Possession of
his Estates, since their seizure by Guillam Norworld.
This Transaction therefore deserves our particular
notice.
70
Book 3. ch. n. Chap. XL
Contents.— The Great Roll or Title Deed of John Bull's Manor, with
the Steps that led to the obtaining of it.
In relating these important Transactions we shall briefly
state,—
The Great Roll First, — What were the peculiar Immunities, Rights,
john ^Bull's and Privileges of the Bull Family, and what the legiti-
Manor. mate functions anci Duties of the Steward's Office,
and extent of his Authority, before the Norworld
Usurpation. Secondly, — What Were the Principal Oppressions,
Violations, and Encroachments, made upon these
' Rights and Privileges by the Norworld Usurpation,
and continued by the succeeding Stewards. — And
Thirdly,- — What were the Rights, Privileges, and
Securities, regained and confirmed by the transactions
in hand, and secured by this great Charter or Title
Deed. — From all which its importance will appear the
more clear and conspicuous.
First, then, — With respect to the Immunities,
Rights, and Privileges of the Bull Family — and the
legitimate Functions and Duties of the Stewards Office,
and the Extent of his Authority, before the Norworld
Usurpation. — We have already observed — that the
Bull Family lived upon their own Estate, a brave, free,
independent set of men ; acknowledging no superior
but of their own setting up, no Authority but of their
OAvn conceding, and still at their own control.
It is true to the Head SteAvard of the Manor of
Albion, the great Patrimony of the Family, they al
lowed a very extensive Authority : but this SteAvard
71
was originally one of the Family, and was raised to Book 2. ch. 11.
the office by the general consent. But as the great im
portance and extensive Influence of this Office excited
such emulation and competition as often embroiled the
whole Family in quarrels, it was wisely determined, as
the lesser evil, to make the Office hereditary in one
branch of the Family ; but still subject to a Family
control, as many subsequent events fully prove. But
all other Offices and Functionaries on the Manor, con
tinued still in the immediate appointment of the Family
or Folk themselves ; in whose behalf they existed,
and among whom they were to be exercised. For in
stance, —
John Bull's Estates being exceeding extensive,
and the Great Manor consisting of many lesser Divi
sions, called Shares or Shires, — a Senior, or Elderman,
to hold the chief Authority in each of these Divisions
or Shares, was chosen by the Folk residing in such
Share — Besides the Courts Leet and Courts Baron of
the Great Manor, held by the Steward or his Officers,
there were also in each Share or Division inferior
Courts held by the Elderman, or Chief Magistrate of
the Division, for the ready settling of all differences,
disputes, or trespasses among the Tenants and Resi-
denters on the Estate. And in every such Court the
Judges and Magistrates were chosen and appointed by
the Neighbours and Tenants of the Division ; as was
also one Presiding Officer for the Execution of all
Sentences and Decisions in those Courts, called the
Share-Reeve, — i. e. the Greeve or Bailiff of the Share,
or Shire. — Besides these, a number of respectable Per
sons, in every neighbourhood were appointed to hear
72
Book 2. ch. ii. and decide the daily complaints, quarrels, and diffcr-
Originaiiy all ences among the neighbours, and io preserve Peace
rieTonTheand Good Order in their several Districts. And all
bion°'chosVntnese were chosen by those among whom their infiu-
ontkeeMa!>ence anc* -Authority lay, and to whom their characters
<""• were best known. And even if the Family were en-
1 gaged in any Public Quarrel or Lawsuit abroad, with
the neighbouring Lords of Manors, the Attornies, So
licitors and Principal Lawyers were appointed by the
Family and chief Holders on the Manor. In short,
every Functionary, from the Head Steward to the Bai
liff on the Farm, were chosen by the general consent of
those in Avhose behalf they were to exercise their seve
ral Functions. Thus, by the original Custom of the Manor of
Albion, iio Right is acknowledged in any Man to exer
cise, or to appoint others to exercise, any Power, Su
periority, or Authority over the Tenants, Holders, or
Inhabitants, but Avhat is conceded by themselves, and
exercised by those to whom they have conceded it.
Among the most universally beneficent of the Pri-
TheGreatRoll. it-.,.
vileges and franchises mentioned above, were, per
haps, those Subdivision or Home-Courts, as we may
call them, for the immediate and expeditious decision
of all suits, and differences among the Inhabitants of
the Manor. Which, at little or no expence, Avere of
more advantage to the Peace and Good Order of the
Manor than all the Courts now held in the SteAvard's
Name, by a Train of subservient tools and quibbling
Casuists appointed by him ; who, at an enormous ex-
pence, even under sanction of LaAV, pervert Rigbt,
betray the Liberty, and devour the Substance of the
73
Bull Family. Where a Matter, of a few Pounds value, Book 2. ch. 11.
shall, after a tedious Process, of many years, be deter
mined at the expence of more hundreds of pounds, than
the single pounds the original suit was commenced for.*
And a man shall be amerced of half his Substance, and
confined for years to a jail, for having only spoken a
word, or written a Sentence obnoxious to the Steward or
his rascally Scriveners. This is surely a most gross and
shameful abuse of Justice and Right, as well as of Reason
and Common Senstj. Yet, from the hands into Avhich
these matters have now got, the evil seems incurable.
The Stewards having assumed to themselves the ap
pointment to all these Departments ; and having con
verted the Dispensation of simple Justice and Natural
Right into Artificial LaAV and Fictitious Invention,
by mere chicanery and subtle casuistry they have
made it the most gainful and thriving Trade carried on
in the Manor ; so that the matter seems noAV to be past
all remedy. The Right of every one living on the Manor to be
convicted, or acquitted, of every Accusation by the
Decision of tAvelve respectable persons, his equals and
neighbours, who are acquainted Avith his Life and Cha
racter, we have formerly mentioned. The Right of
every Free Man to a vole in the appointment of Mrs.
Bull's Houshold Office, a matter, considering their
Trust, of the very utmost importance, we shall have
occasion further to mention, when we come to describe
* Six persons prosecuted in the Kirk-Court of the Manor for Kirk-
fees, Fourpence each, in the whole, Two Shillings, were brought in, for
expenccs on both sides, =£293. 12s. 6d.
An aged widow for 2s. 8d. Kirk-fees, was, by Prosecution in the
Kirk-courts, cast for =£100. and six months' imprisonment.
74
Book 2. ch. 11. the Constitution and Functions of that Office. Let us
now pass to the next point proposed, — which was —
Secondly, — To state Avhat were the Principal Op-
The principal preSsions, Violations, and Encroachments, made upon
Oppressions, ¦ ' ' *
Violations, those Rights and Privileges by the Norworld Usurpa-
& Encroach- to - c. i m,
ments intra- tion, and continued by the succeeding Stewards. — The
duced by the . . -
Norworld u- first of these we shall mention, was, the seizure ot all
the Lands of the Manor into their own hands by Guil
lam Norworld, and his Successors, and reducing John
Bull's Family and all the Folk on the Manor to mere
Vassals or Predial Slaves ; which was, indeed, not so
properly a violation of any Privilege or Right, as the
extinction of all Privilege, Possession, or Right. And
while this Usurpation continued in full force, there was
properly, no Rights or Privileges to violate. But
though this state of things did not last long in its full
extent, yet its effects do not cease to operate even at
this day ; for out of it arose the absurd notion, that
all the Lands of the Manor primarily belong to the
SteAvard. A notion, however preposterous, scarcely
yet abandoned.
The presen' But with respect to the present Race of SteAvards
anis°catiieVdon John Bull's Manor, such a notion is peculiarly ah-
Bui^Famiiy surc^ anc* ridiculous ; as they Avere strangers, holding
ercriseytheof-nota ^oot °^ -^and on the Manor; but called in by the
fice of stew- Family merely to exercise the Office of Steward. As
ard. ^ J
if those who voluntarily conferred the Stewardship
upon them, could be supposed to send to Terrafirm for
a stranger, to bestoAV upon him the supreme Property
in all their Lands, and constitute themselves and their
Posterity, his Vassals for ever.
From this Usurpation of Guillam Norworld, and
this Notion ingrafted upon it, arose all the Encroach-
75
Hlents on private and individual Right, since assumed Book 2. ch. 11,
by the Stewards through the whole of John Bull's Es-
, , i j • ,1 ,,^,,. .„ The pernicious
tates. And innumerable are the Claims and Preten- effect, of the
sions that have been set up as founded in this Maxim, ail the Lands
Such as — Whenever the SteAvard had any Aveighty or steward! e
expensive business on his hand, he claimed the Right
of demanding arbitrary Aids and assistance of every
man who held Land on the Manor.* — If any Possessor
of Land died, the Steward immediately Seized upon it,t
and claimed the Right to hold it a Year and a Day, to
cut and sell the Timber, and to make Waste upon it %
at his Pleasure. After which, the real heir was obli
ged to Relieve it by a Fine,\\ before he could obtain
the Possession of it. — The Steward also claimed the
Guardianship! of all Heirs under Age. And it was his
custom to consign such Wards and the use of tlieir Es
tates, during their Minority, to some favourite Clerk,
Scrivener, or Dependant in his Office, to be used at
their Will for their own advantage. He also claimed
the Right of disposing of such Wards in Marriage to
Avhom he pleased, especially Females who were Heir
esses ;§ thereby again gratifying and enriching his Fa
vourites.— The Steward also claimed the sole Possession
of all Estates and Property, of which the Owners died
without their Heirs being knoAvn ; and likewise of all
Property forfeited by the Crime or Trespass of the
Owner. And if any man purchased Lands of another
he must, besides, purchase the Steward's Permission to
take Possession of them.
* Aids, t Premier Seizin. } Waste. [1 Reliefs. Fine. I Ward
ships. ^ Marriage.— Pret. Com.
t2
76
Book 2. eh. n. The seizing upon and desolating whole tracts of
the Manor, and converting them into Sporting Grounds
for the Steward's Amusement, has been already men
tioned. Besides which, he also claimed the sole Pro
perty of all the Wild Beasts of the Field, FoavIs of the
Air, and Fishes of the Sea, at least of the Rivers. And
no man, under the Penalty of Castration, putting out
his Eyes, or lopping off his Hands or Feet, might kill
any Wild Beast, or FoavI of the Air, even on his own
Lands ; or catch the Fish in the stream floAving through
The enormous ,J _ •=
' injustice of them. But Avhat is most extraordinary on this subject,
the Sporting .
Laws. — the same Laws are still in force upon the Manor unto
this day, and executed Avith more rigour than ever ;
only the punishment is changed from a personal to a
pecuniary penalty. And noAv, besides the Head SteAv
ard of the Great Manor, the Lord of every little Park
or Paddock, every one possessed of a certain quantify
of Land, assumes the same Right ; while he who has
less than the prescribed quantity, or he who immediately
occupies the land, and at Avhose cost the Wild Crea
tures upon it live, dare not kill a Hare or Partridge,
however much damage they may do him even in his
Garden. And one who has killed a man has a much
better chance to escape with impunity, than one who
has clandestinely killed a Pheasant or Shot a Hare ;
one Avho has broke into his neighbour's House and rob
bed him, is prosecuted with much less zeal and rigour,
than one Avho has trespassed upon any of those tabood
precincts, or violated any of those sporting Laws.
We have already noticed the advantage of Courts
and Arbiters, or Judges of Differences among Neigh
bours, in every district of John Bull's Estate. And
77
the intolerable Nuisance of the present expensive and Book 2. ch. n.
artificial mode of Decision considered, this Avas, per
haps, one of the most valuable Customs of the Manor.
But the advantage of this, since the Norworld Intru
sion has been almost entirely done aAvay by the En
croachments of the Steward's Courts. Which now
engross the Decision of all Disputes and Differences,
by tlie subtile Chicanery of unprincipled Clerks and
Scriveners, quirking aud quibbling upon Artificial
Laivs ; instead of the unsophisticated Decision of
Justice by Right Reason and Plain Common Sense,
according to the simple practice of the Bull Family in
those ready District-Courts.
The Perversion of the Right of Voting in the Ap
pointment of Mrs. Bull's Office, the source of almost
every other Perversion, we shall have abundant occa
sion to discuss after Ave have described the Constitution
of that Houshold Office.
A nother source of the great perversion of Justice and The si,amcful
Right, introduced at the time we are speaking of, and Kirk-Courti.
in some degree continued unto this day, was the estab
lishment of Kirk-courts, or, as they are sometimes very
improperly, not to say impiously, called Christian-
courts, claiming a separate and independent Jurisdic
tion, in the Name, and under the Authority of Lord
Peter. In former times, Avhen John Bull held the full
Possession and PoAver of his oAvn Manor, many of Pe
ter's People, as belonging to Madam Bull's Houshold,
and possessing Property in the Manor, sat in the dif
ferent Courts with the Steward's Officers, Seniors, or
Eldermen. But now Peter's presumption had arrived
at such a height that he claimed the right of holding
78
Book 2. ch. 11 Courts in his own Name, and by his OAvn Authority,
and of judging and deciding exclusively concerning
all Persons and Things that had any connection Avith
Madam Bull's Family or Affairs. And Guillam Nor
world, in order to conciliate Peter to his Usurpation,
was glad to concede most of his demands. From this
source arose those Kirk-courts, which, though their
authority is now greatly abridged, are even at this day
a shameful Nuisance through the whole of John Bull's
Estates. And Avhile they profess to act only — pro sa
lute anima — for the Salvation of the Soul — barter
body and soul, their OAvn and those of all that come
before them, for gain. With them, all sorts of Causes
that come under their Jurisdiction, every Sacrilege
and Crime, may be compounded for at a Price ; and
such Courts exist for no other Object or End, but that
of drawing Money by all possible pretences to them
selves, and sometimes with the most enormous injus
tice and oppression.* — And such is the collusion be
tween them and the Steward's Office and Courts, that
they are always ready to support one another's Claims
and Pretensions.
The ridiculous ^ut besides all this, Peter and his Emissaries had
^"p^"™,, now imposed upon the whole of the Bull Family, as
ries. Emissa" part of their Education, the Sacredness and Import
ance of such a Farrago of Nostrums of his OAvn inven
tion as would be truly ludicrous to mention. They
would collect dead men's Sculls and old rotten bones
from the Sexton, or pick up Sheep's shanks from the
Dunghill, and sell them to the people as bones of Saints
* See Note at the bottom of a preceding page.
79
for great sums of money, as a security against all dis- Book2.ch.lt
asters. They enjoined them to pay special Devotion,
and pray fervently, to an Old Woman, Avho, after being
twice married, and the Mother of many Children, died
a Virgin a thousand years ago. And they assured
them that though any one were already in Hell, ' fast
shut up in fires,' they, upon being well paid for it,
could immediately set them free, by only pronouncing
a few words — would suddenly start — listen — and de
clare the thing was done — they heard the infernal
Gates opening to let them out. But above all things
— it was enjoined them to believe that whatever Peter
said was infallibly true, and whatever he ordered indis
putably binding ; that his Word was alone sufficient
to make Wrong Right, and Right Wrong ; and that
all the Kings of the Earth were at his control, and all
the Kingdoms of it at his disposal.
Upon the whole, then, it will appear that between
the Usurpation of Norworld, and the impudent Pre
tensions of Peter, John Bull and his Family had been
reduced to the most abject and servile condition. And
though, from the Stewardship of the First Harry, John
had been making some progress towards the bettering
of his condition, and the recovery of his Rights and ^characfir
Estate ; yet such was the propensity of the Stewards, of stewards.
and such is the propensity of that sort of men to this
day, to encroach and assume, — that whenever they
found themselves tolerably secure, they made little or
no account of the concessions they had granted, or
any Engagements they had brought themselves under
The double usurper, Steen, paid no regard even
to his own Engagements ; and by the time of the Se*
80
Book 2. ch. 11. cond Harry the concessions and securities obtained
from his Grand Father, the First Harry, seem to have
been entirely forgotten ; and we find most of those ex
orbitant claims of Vassalage above mentioned, again
in full force, though they had been expressly aban
doned. Just as, — at the British Bar, we still find the
Judge from the Bench prescribing to the Jury respect
ing the Fact in cases of Libel, and the Law of Libel
more perverted, and more tyrannically exercised, than
ever it had been, notwithstanding a late Act of the Le
gislature transferring that Point expressly to the Deci
sion of the Jury. Or just as — notwithstanding other
Acts of the same Legislature for restraining the Influ
ence of the CroAvn, and prohibiting the adding of New
Places and Appointments at its disposal, such Places
and Appointments are daily invented, and filled up
for the express purpose of extending Corruption,
and increasing the Influence, of the Crown: and will
probably continue so to be, till the people, exhausted)
provoked, and insulted beyond patience, have recourse
to the same remedy that we shall presently find John
Bull so effectually applying to his case-
But to resume our subject. — The Second Harry, as
above observed, in consequence of Pecket's Affair soon
found himself in a situation that made him glad to re
new the Concessions of his Grand Father, with some
additional Privileges and Indulgences. As to Dick,
he Avas a brave FelloAV of careless nonchalance, a char
acter someAvhat congenial to John Bull himself, and no
very Serious Difference, or Important Accommodation,
took place during his SteAvardship. With Jack, his
Successor, the case was very different. And as it was
81
under his SteAvardship that the most Important and Book 2. ch. n.
Valid Privileges and Immunities were recovered, and
the Right to them acknowledged and confirmed, we
shall here give a somewhat more particular account of
them : especially as those concessions are even at this
day the Foundation of the most Valuable Rights of the
Bull Family, and of the most firm and unalterable
Customs of the Manors of Great Albion. And this
Avill bring us to the Third Point we proposed to state —
Avhich was,
Thirdly, — What were the Rights, Privileges, and
Securities, regained, and confirmed to John Bull by the
Transactions in hand.
This Jack being a person of strong passions, but of xheGieatRoii.
a weak mind and an intemperate character, acted with
all the insolence and arbitrary Spirit of the original
Nonvorld Family, and supported by Peter, attempted
to resume at once all that John Bull and his Family,
after so many Struggles, had recovered from his Prede
cessors. But John had by this time too far resumed
both his native Spirit, and the Possession of his Estate,
tamely to submit to such pretensions. He especially
Spurned at the Position of the SteAvard being Lord of
all the Lands of the Manor. And the principal Land
holders being demanded to shew by what Claim or
Instrument they held their Land. One of them, a
genuine Son of John Bull, drawing his Aveapon, and
brandishing it before the Tyrant, said — There is the
Instrument by which my Ancestors acquired tlieir
Lands ; and by the same, G-d willing, I will maintain
them. So bold an ansAver silenced the Usurper. The
Squire also execrated the rigorous Claims of tho>Sport-
M
82
Book 2. ch. 11. ing Grounds, and the Shocking Punishments inflicted
on the violation of them ; so contrary to the humanity
of his own Character.
These, with innumerable other Assumptions and
Claims were constantly set up and renewed by the
Stewards ; such as picking and choosing at their own
price whatever they wanted, and to whomsoever it be
longed,* wherever the Steward's Houshold came — that
no one should dare to purchase any thing in the Mar
ket, hoAvever great the necessity, till the Steward's peo
ple had chosen and purchased Avhatever they had a
mind to,t &c. Sec.
All this so provoked John Bull, now conscious
both of his Right and Strength, that he determined no
longer to submit to it ; and plainly, and firmly, as-
john Bull de-serted and demanded his Rights, and insisted on the
mands, and , .
obtains, the steward s expressly resigning all those enormous Pre-
of iiis Free- tensions. And stood to this point with such cool and
bythe Great steady firmness, that the Steward found himself obliged
of0"sporRn" *° comply ; and expressly and formally by Deed un-
Grounds. der ms hand to renounce all such Claims and Demands
for the future, as the mere Usurpations of unjust Ty
ranny and Arbitrary Power.
And this Deed of Renunciation and Restitution
was solemnly executed, engrossed, and recorded in the
Courts of the Manor, Avhere it may be seen unto this
day, in Iavo Celebrated Writings, called the Great
Roll, and the Roll of Sporting Grounds. By
the last of these the Steward renounces the exorbitant
Privileges and Pretended Rights of his Sporting
* Purveyance. t 'Primer Empton.—Pret. Com.
83
Grounds ; and all those rigorous and shocking and Book 2. ch 11.
Punishments, mentioned above, for trespasses upon
them, are expressly annulled. But this, as of inferior
importance, Ave shall pass over at present.
The first, The Great Roll, is even at this time
held as the Principal Foundation of the whole Struc
ture of Rights, Privileges, and Immunites, enjoyed by
every Individual of the Bull Family, and every Inha
bitant of the Manor, from the Head SteAvard to the
lowest Cottager. It is also the Ground Work of the
most valuable and unalterable Customs of the Manor :
of which we shall mention a few.
It has already been premised— that the Manor of
Albion is a kind of Palatinate, or Regality, having so
vereign jurisdiction within itself; which sovereignty is
essentially in the Proprietor, but was formerly exer
cised by the SteAvard under his control. But when the
Nonvorld Race usurped the Stewardship and seized the
Manor, they also assumed the Jurisdiction and Regali
ty, as of their own right, and exercised it in its ut
most rigour, and beyond what it had ever before been
stretched to. Hence arose all those exorbitant Claims
and Pretensions we have above mentioned. But this
Jack, the present Steward, was now compelled to re
sign all such Pretensions. Particularly all Arbitrary
Fines and Distresses for Debts pretended to be due to
the Steward — the Claim of Picking and Choosing at
his OAvn Price whatever and wherever he pleased — the
Right of Buying exclusively before all others in the
Market, and all such encroachments on Common Right,
were abolished. The Pretence to be Guardian to all
Orphans — to occupy their Estates during non-age, and
m2
84
Book2.ch. 11. to make them purchase their Restoration by an arbi
trary Fine, with the Right of disposing of the Heirs in
Marriage, were regulated and reduced to the Custom
of the Manor and the Laws of the Land. In short, the
whole Train of absurd Oppressive Pretensions stated
above ; all which, however solemnly renounced by his
Predecessors, this Jack had resumed, as though they
had been his native and legitimate Rights, — were again
restrained, or renounced for ever.
TheGreatRoii. By this Great Roll also, the speedy Decision
of all Suits, and Execution of all Sentences, in the
Courts of the Manor, Avere secured. -And petty prag
matical Clerks in the Steward' s Office, who had been
accustomed to take upon them to Hear and Decide
Suits and Causes, and hence to draw large Sums, as
fines for imaginary Trespasses, into the Steward's Of
fice and their own pockets, — were absolutely forbidden
to bring before themselves, or at all to meddle in, any
Suit, Cause, or Dispute among the Folk on the Manor.
— All such were to be left to the Decision of Twelve
Lieges of the Manor, or good and LiAvful Men of the
neighbourhood where the Parties lived, and before
Judges properly authorised for the purpose.
But the most valuable of all the advantages ob
tained by this important Deed, and its Solemn Sanc
tions, was,*— that it secured to every individual of lhe
Bull Family, and all Dwellers on the Manor, the un
disturbed Possession, and free Enjoyment of his Life,
his Liberty, and his property, except they were duly
Forfeited by the Law of the Land, and the known Cus
tom of the Manor, before such Judges, and Lieges of
the Manor, as are mentioned above. Before this time,
85.
it had been customary with the SteAvard, if any man^Book 2.ch.ll.
displeased him, or refused to submit to his arbitrary
Will in any case, to seize their persons, clap them up
into some of his Castles, and keep them confined for
years, or perhaps for Life, Avithout any remedy or re
dress. But by' this Important Instrument both the
Right, and the Means, were secured for every man
charged with Offence to compel his being brought
without delay, before a lawful Court or Magistrate ;
and either immediately discharged, or lawfully con
victed. And to crown all, the Right of John Bull in
his Own Manor,, and that of every Individual of his
Family, and every Dweller on the Estate, to his Lands,
possessions, and Property of every kind, according to
their Tenure, was expressly acknowledged, and firmly
secured, by this Great Roll.
John Bull having thus far vindicated his Ancient
Rights, was once more himself again, and assumed the
Port and Character of a Gentleman, Liberi Hominis,
which no man better became, or more truly deserved.
But it must be confessed, that during these con
tests between John and his Steward, the Knave Peter,
ever on the watch for advantages, gained a still firmer
footing on the Manor ; and especially, by the pretended
Surrender mentioned above, laid claim to the sole re
gulating of the Stewardship, and all the Rights and
Power exercised by the Stewards upon the Estate. —
And all these pretensions he kept up during the Stew
ardship of this Jack, and that of Harry his Son and
Successor.
86
Book 2. ch. 12. Chap. XII.
Contents The Stewardship of the Third Harry ; whom we shall call
Harry the Perfidious This Stewardship consists of little besides a
Series of renewed Engagements between John Bull and the Steward,
and repeated violations of them on the part of the latter, encouraged
by the notorious Peter, pretending to a power to absolve from all
Engagements — the great patience and moderation of John Bui'
under such provocation.
The steward- This Harry, though but a weak man, and a worse
TMrd Harry! Steward, was yet continually attempting to violate and
set aside all that had been obtained from his Father and
Predecessors, and secured by the solemn sanctions and
binding obligations of the Great Roll mentioned above.
— And though constantly frustrated by the Spirit arid
This Harry a Prudence of the Bull Family ; and sometimes even sub-
Taved and Jec^ *° durance f°x ms Perfidy, he could never be
perfidious brought to betray the least spark of honour or honesty ;
or to pay the least regard even to his own most solemn
Engagements, one moment longer than till he had it in
his power to break through them. And in all this he
was especially encouraged and supported by the auda
cious Impostor Peter, who pretends that his poAver not
only extends to the disposal of every thing in this
world, but also in the next ; and was ready to give a
Dispensation from all the most solemn Sanctions of
Oaths or Religion, to any one who would pay him well
for it. But though, trusting to these, Harry could sa
tisfy himself, he could not so satisfy John Bull ; Avho,
provoked by his constant perfidy, would certainly have
with fromthe turned him out of the Stewardship, had it not been for
t^ned of'his tne hopes entertained of his Son Ned, a precocious pro-
Son Ned. mjsmg J^ Wll0 eyen wm,e a fioy sliewedj if n£)t
87
more honour and honesty, at least more prudence and Book 2. ch. 12.
capacity, than his father after fifty years possession of
the Stewardship. However, through the whole period
of his long Stewardship, Harry persisted in a constant
train of renewed engagements, and repeated Violations
of them, and perfidious attempts to set himself above
his Master and Employer. But John Bull had by
this time too far recovered his native Spirit and Cha
racter, and was too firmly fixed in his seat to be dis
mounted by such a hand as Harry's. And after all his This the long-
fruitless Struggles, he was finally compelled, expressly disgraceful
and formally to renew and confirm all that his father on "he r£
had granted. This stewardship was one of the longest, Manor? '"
as well as one of the most disgraceful, on the records of
the Manor. In the first respect, the present is likely to
come the nearest to it ; but in the second, to be sure,
nothing can be so directly the reverse. It has, indeed,
1 already been celebrated by two successive Jubulies, on its similarity
account of its duration, its great prosperity, and the "arity to'the"
perfect peace, contentment, and happiness of all the ardsWu?'6™
Inhabitants of the Manor under it. And so far is
the Steward from meeting with any of these rude
encounters, and stubborn resistances to his will, which
distinguished Harry's Stewardship ; that every sup
posed wish is eagerly anticipated, even the least inti
mation of his will is emulously complied Avith, the mo
ment it is known. And so far is he from having occa
sion for the grasping rapacity of Harry and his Agents ;
so flourishing and superabundant, beyond all necessary
uses, is the revenue and income of the Manor ; that
besides every useful Office being profusely paid, and
numberless useless ones invented ; there are Persons
Avho never did a Service to the Family, or a good Of-
88
Book 2. ch. 12. fice on the Manor, who have their thousands, their ten
thousands, their twenty thousands and their thirty
thousands a year paid to them for no other purpose
but that of disencumbering the Steward's coffers, and
unburdening John Bull of his superfluous wealth.
Some, indeed, say, that these sums are thus profusely
lavished for the mere purpose of bribing those who re
ceive them, to stand by the Steward in his Abuses, and
take his part on every occasion, right or wrong, against
John Bull and his Family. But this, no doubt, is
mere slander and detraction, — " For C — m — n is an
Honourable man, and so are they all Honourable
men." But the most observable feature of this Harry's
The patience . ^
of John Bull Stewardship, is the patience and moderation Avith which
provoking John Bull bore the extortion, the ruinous follies, the
Harry'lstew- frauds* and the constantly repeated Perfidies of this
ardstup. drivelling SteAvardship. This may, perhaps, be chiefly
ascribed to tAvo causes, the habit of forbearance to-
Avards the malversations of the Stewards, — and the
hopes conceived of young Ned : Avho in effect, for
Capacity and Prudence, fully answered the highest
expectations that had been formed of him. Had it
turned out otherwise, and a foolish and profligate Son
had succeeded to a Aveak and obstinate Father, it would
probably have proved the extinction of that Race of
SteAvards. As it seems to be under this Stewardship that the
Palaverium, or Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office received
nearly its present form, and became a regular Estab
lishment, it may not be improper here to give some
account of that important branch of the Economy of
the Albion Manor.
89
Chap. XIII. Book 2. ch.13.
CoXtext?.— Of John Bull's Wife, and the Constitution and Character ot
her Household Office, alias the Palaverium — with some Account of
ttre Notorious Commerce of Prostitution carried on between Mrs.
Bull's Domestics and Uie Clerks and Scriveners in the Steward's
Office.
As every body has read Sir Humphry Polesworth's His
tory of John Bull's LaAvsuit, eArery body knows some
thing of the Person and Character of John Bull's Wife.
We have also already had frequent occasion to
mention Mrs. Bull ; but as she is a person of great im
portance in the Family, and one who makes a con
siderable figure in these Memoirs, it may not be amiss
here to introduce her to the reader's more particular
acquaintance. John Bull's Wife is a Lady of the highest re
spectability, and most highly respected in the Family ; Thc Rwpecta.
and has indeed always been considered as the Chief J^f a„j]'pru-
Supporter of John's House and Fortunes. John him- dent ]f'm"'
rr „ my, ()f John
self, as we have already hinted, was, especially in his Bull's wife-
youthful days, a gay, dashing, heedless Fellow, and
his Stewards were often designing, selfish, unprincipled
Knaves ; who rather considered the Family as their
Property, and all that pertained to the Manor as a
Provision for them ; than that they were obliged to
make any Provision for the support and maintenance
of the Family. And had it not been for the prudence,
discretion, and good economy of Mrs. Bull, the Fa
mily must, on many occasions, have been starved, or
lurned out of doors. And, in all probability, John
Bull would, not, at this day, have had a House to put
his Head in ; even Constitution Hall Avould have been
N
90
Book 2. ch.13. pulled down, through the jealousy and envy of the
SteAvards and their Agents ; and the Estate shared by
them and their mercenary Clerks and Lawyers, had it
not been for the circumspection and care of Mrs. Bull.
This has long been the case with the neighbouring
Estates and Families, of Frankland, Iberia, and South-
over, and most others, once existing on Terrafirm ;
the Stewards have, by degrees, seized the absolute
possession of the Manors, and the Families to whom
they belonged, are become merely their Vassals.
And Avhat fine work these pitiful parading Knaves
have made of it, all the Avorld may see from the wretch
ed State they are noAv in.* That the case is yet some-
' ferabie con- thing better, both with John Bull and his Steward, is
bViiTo that more OAving to the Economy and Spirit of Mrs. Bull,
boure. neish"than to either the Wisdom, or Honesty, of the Stew
ard's Office ; where they have long been driving hard
for the same goal at which their Neighbours have so
successfully arrived .
As to Mrs. Bull's Parentage, she is Avell known to
be descended of a truly ancient and most honourable
Lineage, compared Avith which that of the most proud
and pretending of the present Race of Stewards- is but
of yesterday, and without Name. And her Kindred
v, were in high honour and trust in the Bull Family long
before the Name or Office of a Head Steward was
knoAvn or heard of in it. — It is true, John Bull in early
times, did not live in so much Form and State as he
does at present, and Mrs. Bull had then no regular
Family Establishment; but being always deservedly a
great favourite with the whole of John's Kindred, she
* 1812.
91
was expressly consulted upon every affair of import- Book 2. ch. 13.
ance. And John has, indeed, at present, very wisely
entrusted the Purse and all Cash and Accounts entirely
to her care. All monies come through her hands into
those of the Steward ; and all the Steward's Accounts
are examined and passed in her Family Office. Nor
has she, on some occasions, failed to scrutinize those
Accounts pretty strictly ; and has often found them
shamefully extravagant, and the SteAvard's and his
Clerks' practices infamously extortionous and dishonest.
Having just mentioned Mrs. Bull's Houshold
Office, it may be proper here to give some Account of uonCa"d'E-
the Constitution of that Office, and its important Uses Mrs°myBuirI
and Ends in the Avhole Economy and Concerns of HoushoidOf-
John Bull's Family and Affairs.
Informer times Mrs. Bull bad no* regular Hous
hold Establishment, but on occasions, the Family in
general Avaited on her in a body, to consult and advise
with her; such Avas the Sage-meeting and the Folk-
meeting mentioned above. But when the Family be
came numerous, and widely dispersed, this was found
inconvenient, and tending to confusion. It was there
fore settled that they should meet in certain districts,
and choose in each, from among themselves, so many
trusty persons to attend on Mrs. Bull, and give their
advice and assistance where necessary ; and especially
to check the usurpations of the SteAvard, and the pre
sumption of his pragmatic meddling Clerks and Scriv
eners. This was the origin of Mrs. Bull's Household
Office ; Avhich, answerable to the Tavo Meetings above
mentioned, consists of two Divisions, called, from the
places of their meeting, the Upper and the Lower
92
Book 2, ch. 13. Chamber. The Upper Chamber ansAvering to the
Sage-meeting, consists, like that, of the Seniors orLead-
ing Men of the Family ; and their place in the Office
is hereditary; the Lower Chamber is constituted of
Delegates, chosen as mentioned above, and on account
of their consulting and deliberating, by the free speech
of all present, the whole is sometimes called the Pala
verium, or speechifying Assembly.
And so jealous were the Family of the Steward's
meddling with the choosing of those Delegates, that it
is a fixed Regulation, that none of his Lawyers, Bra-
Aroes, or Bullies, — of which he generally finds a pre
tence to keep a number in pay — shall so much as ap
proach the place Avhere they are met for the purpose
of choosing those Representatives of the Family. —
Yet so shamefully is all this necessary caution and jea
lousy now eluded, and abused, that a great proportion
of the Lower Chamber of Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office,
really obtain that situation by the influence of the
N Steward's Clerks and Agents, and are merely their
tools and instruments. But the most absurd and in
credible circumstance is — that many of the SteAvard's
Clerks, Under-clerks, and Office-keepers, hold seats
in Mrs. Bull's Office. And many Members both of
the Upper and LoAver Chamber, are highly gratified
by obtaining the Places of Lackies, Footmen, and
Flonkies,* in the Steward's Family. And not a Turn
spit's Place, in the Steward's Kitchen, or a Groom's in
his Stable, is disposed of but Avith a view to increase
» Flouky-a Name applied in some parts of the Manor to a Footma»
or Livery Servant.
93
this pernicious Influence of the Steward in both Cham- Book2.ch.i3.
bers of Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office.
Yet so far is this Farce, and Affectation of jealousy
carried, that though it is known that the hope of pre
sents from the Steward, or the prospect of a Place
about his Office or Houshold, are the sole objects of
the eagerness with Avhich a Seat in Mrs. Bull's House
hold Office is sought after, it is still the practice, that
whoever receives an Appointment from the Steward,
or obtains a Place under him, must resign his Seat in
Mrs. Bull's Office ; but then, he may, the very next
day, be chosen to the same, or another place in it, by
the same influence of the Steward and his Clerks.
Formerly, Mrs, Bull, by the Right of Keeping
the Purse, and of passing the Accounts, could restrain „, „ .,
' r ° ' The Family
the profusion of the Steward, and regulate the Ex- Economy en-
pences of the Family according to its income and abil- Mrs. Bull.
ity. And even after the Stewards had assumed that
exorbitant Power, which was exercised under Guillam
Norworld and his immediate successors, she was some
times able to check, and to wrest from them, some of
those presumptuous Claims, and enormous Pretensions
which they had set up for themselves. Alas ! how dif
ferent the case now — when, besides the ruinous amount
of ordinary expences, the most extravagant Accounts
pass without scrutiny, and the most shameful Demands,
under the name of a Message from the Steward, de
livered by one of his Clerks or his Major-domo, at Mrs.
Bull's Office, are immediately complied with in their
full extent ; accompanied with the highest profusion of
Compliments for the great honour done them by the
Steward, in condescending to communicate his desires
94
Book 2. ch.13. and demands to them. And to satisfy these demands
without stint, money must be found though John Bull's
Family should go supperless to bed.
And all this shameful scene of Folly, Absurdity,
and Ruinous Extravagance, springs from a still more
An infamous shameful and infamous source, — a Notorious Cora-
Aduitery & merce of Prostitution and Adultery, carried on between
^,eQUti°onn the Clerks and Agents about the Steward's Office, and
swward'sA-tlie Domestics in Mrs. Bull's Household. In conse-
sents & Mrs. quence 0f these profligate intrigues the Good Lady is,
mestics. m factj no longer Mistress of her own House, nor John
Bull master of his own Estate, or Disposer of his own
Money — of Avhich, immense sums voted in Mrs. Bull's
Office, through the influence of these Intrigues, are
knoAvn to be spent in the most shameful Prostitution,
and in debauching the Family. Nor is this merce
nary commerce confined to Chambermaids, Semp
stresses, and Waiting Gentlemen ; but mothers, daujrh-
Commerce of ' " ' °
Prostitution ters, sisters, of the best branches of John Bull's Family
between the . J
Sieward'sOf- are notoriously engaged in it. Indeed, Avith a direct
jijip rtnn jVTi*^
Buii'sDomes- view to this gain of Prostitution, a place in Mrs. Bull's
Houshold, for Avhich wages were wont to be received,
is noAV become an object of ambition in the first Families
on the Manor, without any other wages or reward, but
the prospect of sharing in these wages of Iniquity.
And Clymene herself could not be more jealously
proud of being known for the Pellex of Apollo, than
some pretending to great honour in John Bull's Fa
mily, are of standing in the same relation to the SteAvard
and his Clerks. And it must be confessed that no House
in the whole county is more infamously reported of in
ibis respect, than Mrs. Bull's own House.
95
There are, Avho do not hesitate to say, that the Book 2 ch. 13!
Steward has an intrigue with Mrs. Bull herself, — nay,
that she lives in a Commerce of habitual adultery with
him; and that the Steward's Head Clerk or Major-
domo is the Pimp or Go-between in this business, and
that the highest recommendation to his place, is, his
being well qualified for this part of his Office. As for
the Part the Steward and his Major-domo may have in
these Intrigues, he would be a bold man who would
undertake to clear either ; but nothing can be more
false, scandalous, and unjust, than such a report, as
far as Mrs. Bull herself is concerned. That such
doings betAveen the Steward's Clerks and her Domes
tics are carried on under her roof, is too true; that
of late scarce a Housekeeper, Waiting GentleAvoman,
or Chambermaid, nor even a Scullion in the Kitchen,
has escaped being debauched, is a Fact too notorious
to be denied. And lately when one of those Clerks at
tempted to introduce a domestic into Mrs. Bull's fami-
m f± x ., ., . , . Commerce qf
ly, on the express terms ot Prostitutes ; the thing having prostitution,
come to Mrs. Bull's knowledge, she took him roundly '
to task. — But the shameless knave laughed in the good
lady's face, and told her that if she pretended to take
notice of such things as these, she Avould find work
enough ; for the practice was as glaring as the Sun at
noon. An answer, which, whether most distinguished
for insolence, or for impudence, it may be difficult to
determine. It is indeed perfectly known, that more than half
the domestics in Mrs. Bull's Family, are directly, or
indirectly, introduced into their stations on this meri-
tricious footing, and are in the constant pay of, and
96
Book 2. ch. is. dependence on, the Steward and his Clerks, for the
express purpose of ready and habitual Prostitution.
— And what is still worse, not only is the most shameful
debasement, debauchery, and profligacy, thus intro
duced into both Families; but all this is done at John
Bull's own expence ; and Mrs. Bull is obliged to find
the money to purchase the Prostitution of her own
Family. Of all this the Good Lady is but too sensible ;
but alas! she can neither correct, nor restrain it: so
strong a Party has the Steward by the very means, and
for the express end, of the above Prostitution, ob-
Mrs. Bull in tained in her Family. Much has Mrs. Bull remon-
to"rrstraJn strated upon these doings, many regulations have been
Commerce! 'introduced to restrain them, and many more have been
proposed and attempted ; but all have been constantly
frustrated by the influence of the Steward and his
Clerks, with that of their Paramours under Mrs. Bull's
own roof.
So tired out has Mrs. Bull sometimes been Avith
vain and fruitless efforts to oppose and correct those
flagrant abuses, that in absolute despair she has shut
herself up in her chamber for weeks and months to
gether, refused to shew her face in her own house;
and let them go on just as they pleased — till alarmed,
lest in their boundless profligacy and licencious riots
they should pull down the Mansion of Constitution
Hall upon their own heads, or provoke the Family
through indignation to set it on fire about their ears, —
she has again made her appearance. Indeed, one
great object of Mrs. Bull's attention has always been
to preserve the Mansion House ; and in spite of tho
97
reason ;
all is carried
on at their
Expence.
jealousy and opposition of the Steward's office to repair-Book 2. ch. 13.
its dilapidations and breaches, and to keep up the cus
tom of assembling and consulting in it on all the Fa
mily affairs. The Family out of doors have sometimes T ,..,.,
, , ,, t, in , • , ln which the
taken Mrs. Bull s part in these matters, and attempted Family take
, . , , . ... _ her part. And
to do her and themselves justice. But as they are apt witn g°°d
to be rash in their proceedings, this is a remedy perhaps
too dangerous for ordinary occasions ; and the Steward
with his Lawyers, always find a pretence to interfere,
and to frustrate their designs, however well intended.
The Bull Family in general have indeed the best
and most indisputable Right to interpose in this affair of
the Intrigues carried on in Mrs. Bull's House, and the
corruption and debauchery of her Servants; for as the
whole Expences of the Steward's Office, and all disburse
ments on the Manor are defrayed out of their pockets ;
and even the money so profusely lavished on those in
famous intrigues, raised by a general contribution of the
Family ; and as this contribution is first settled and ap
portioned in Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office, where all her
Domestics have access and influence, — it is clear hoAV
much the whole Family are concerned in their charac
ter and conduct. Even the wages of those domestics
used to be paid immediately by the Family ; but now,
since this Commerce of Prostitution and Intrigue Avith
the Steward's Office took place, such is the confidence
of gain from this Source, that no other wages are ex
pected or desired ; and yet a place in Mrs. Bull's House
is more eagerly sought after, and contended for, than
ever. From what we have noticed above, it will be seen
that such doings have not escaped the censure and re-
o
98
Book 2. ch.13. probation both of Mrs. Bull, and the honest and faith
ful part of her Houshold, as also of the Family out of
m . , doors. Yet such is the insolence of those rascally
The insolence "
of the stew- Clerks and their meiny, that they have dared to seize
ard's Clerks
in opposing upon, threaten to horsewhip, toss in a blanket, or drag
endeavours through the kennel, some of the most respectable and
iioushoid. °rmost faithful of John Bull's Family, merely for having
spoken too plainly, and too truly of them, their para
mours, and their infamous practices. And yet it is the
undoubted right of every Son of the Bull Family, of
every one Avho enjoys the Privilege of Constitution Hall,
freely to examine, and Censure, every part of the con
duct both of the Steward's Clerks, and of Mrs. Bull's
Houshold. And that upon principles of the soundest
reason; as it is only examining the conduct of those
to Avhom they have trusted their most important inter
ests ; and whose profusion and profligacy must be sup
ported at their expence. As to the SteAvard himself,—
with a degree of absurdity rather exceeding Lord Pe
ter's impeccability, it is pretended, that he is exempted
from error, and cannot do wrong.
It will readily be acknowledged, that a Place in
Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office honestly obtained, and
A Mr?10 Ball" faithfully discharged, is a station of great respectability,
ficTan wand consideraI?Ie importance. As the persons holding
tinction And i4 must be SCIUlme descendants of the family, or natu-
stni some true ralized into it; are intrusted with its chief interests,
and faithful , . »
Servants a- and by their station have much influence, and a poten-
mong tiem. tjal voicCj m all the concerns 0f tne j?amiiy an(j Manor.
—And happily there are yet a few faithful and honest
Servants in the House; who still stand by the Good
Lady, and do not fail to assert her Rights and Autho-
99
rity in her own House ; nor cease to exclaim and pro- Book 2.ch. 13.
test against the notorious Prostitution carried on be
tween it and the Steward's Office, though they are not
able to put a stop to it. And if there be still any hope
for John Bull, it must rest with those few, and the Fa
mily abroad. These united, may yet by the influence
of Mrs. Bull, as Pursekeeper, be the means of preserving
the Family and Estate, and even the Steward himself
and all his House, from Ruin, — from that Destruction,
Avhich, without some effectual remedy, Avithout some
reformation in the Manners of Mrs. Bull's Houshold,
is fast rushing upon them all.
Chap. XIV.
Contents The Absurd Notion of John Bull belonging to the Steward,
and not the Steward to John Bull, examined, and exposed— with
some Strictures on the Incorrigible Obstinacy with which this Ab
surdity is at present persisted in.
The most extraordinary circumstance in the whole of TheNotion that
this Scene of Profligacy and Ruin, is, — That, though longs to the
the Steward be of all parties the most concerned to find notthe s'tew-
a remedy, and bring about such a Reformation as may Bull— persis"
preserve the Estate, yet the opposition and resistance ge<jte '£{• j'™
to all Remedy and Reform proceeds entirely from the the"^^5" *.
Steward's Office and Houshold, supported by those threatens to
' rsr J both parties,
abandoned Prostitutes they have introduced into Mrs. but especi-
, ally t" the
Bull s Family. But according to our often-quoted Steward.
o2
100
Book 2, ch. 14. Maxim, — Common Sense is a Rare Qualification in
that Rank of Life. For the whole of this scene of
Folly and Absurdity proceeds, and is sometimes even
defended, upon this preposterous and ridiculous No
tion — that the Steward and his Office do not belong to
John Bull, as part of his Establishment and Houshold ;
but that John Bull himself, his Family and Houshold,
his Estate and Manor, all belong to the Steward, and
are mere appendages to his Office and Establishment :
Avhich exists solely for itself.
How such an absurd and unnatural Position gained
footing in former times, we have in some measure ac
counted for by the forcible Usurpation of the Steward
ship, and Seizure of the Manor, by Guillam Norworld.
— But whatever pretensions former Stewards might as
sume ; with respect to the family of John Bull's present
Steward, even the attempt, or pretence, to any such
Proprietory Possession, must be peculiarly preposterous
and absurd, not to say insidious and unjust. That fa
mily, as all the world knows, were put in possession of
the Stewardship, — to which they stood in a very remote
relation, and had no immediate claim or pretence ; — by
the mere goodwill and choice of John Bull and his Fa
mily ; and on the express condition of managing the
Estate for the Family, and under their control. It is
true they were descended from an old Aunt of a dis
carded Steward, whose Father had been hanged for
malepractices in the Stewardship ; especially for acting
upon this Very Maxim, that John Bull and all that he
had belong to him ; instead of him and his Office be
ing but an appendage to John Bull's Family Establish
ment,
101
And it is surely one of the most astonishing in- Book 2. ch. 14.
stances of infatuation that can be found even in the ex
travagant Pretensions of Stewardism, — that though, in
the instance stated above, the father had been hanged,
and the Sons had saved themselves by flight ; yet
when, by means of Factions and Intrigues in the Fa
mily, they had been permitted to return — scarce were
they again well settled in the SteAvardship, when the
Sons began the very same practices for which their fa
ther had been hanged. But the last of them finding
himself detected, and the Bull Family determined to
maintain their Rights, fearing his father's fate, saved
them all the trouble and expence of Prosecution and
Conviction, by a secret and voluntary Flight. — And
the incorrigible Folly as well as Knavery, of^that
Race of Stewards, was now so clear, that it was deter
mined, that neither he, nor any of his race, should ever
be admitted to the Stewardship, or even allowed to set
a foot on the Manor again. And the present line were,
by a voluntary partiality, substituted in his place.
And it is no less astonishing, that with all this before
their eyes, the present Race of Stewards seem disposed
to strike into the same dangerous and pernicious course
that brought their predecessors to ruin ; only using
less dangerous means. Taken in on the expulsion of
the others, on mere friendship and partiality, from
the good will of the Family, and some opinion en
tertained of their honesty, and especially because they
had learned the same chatichism, and adopted the
same creed, with themselves ; whereas the Old Stew
ard's family adhered strongly to that of Lord Peter, —
they seem to have resumed the very same notion,—
102
Book 2. ch. 14. that John Bull and all that he has belongs to them.
And have indeed, by means of the Intrigues above
The above No- ' J . 3
tion now car- mentioned, the chicanery of their Clerks, and ma-
more effectu- nagement of their Major-domos, in fact, if not in
thanPin the Profession, carried it into far more effectual practice,
former1 dis- than any of the former Race of Stewards could do, with
of "stewards! *" ^eix assumed Authority, and pretended indefeasi-
its present ble Right. Where the matter will end, Heaven only
aspect. knows; but whenever it does end, it is to be feared it
will be with a dreadful disaster to both : as, to a sense
of the Avrong done, must be added on the part of
John Bull, the highest indignation and resentment
of the base and insidious manner in which it has been
done; by corrupting and debauching his Family,
by e^iausting its wealth on a set of base abandoned
Prostitutes, pampered and upheld in Luxury and Vo
luptuousness beyond all the uses and ends of Nature ;
for the express purposes of treachery to the family ;
while the Family themselves are reduced to Bankrupt
cy, and a great part of them to Beggary. But if not
seasonably prevented, a 'day of account is surely draw
ing near ; and those who are concerned will do well to
As some reme- look to it.
dy against
the habitual In some degree to alleviate, or remedy, the Evils and
prostitution ' •"
of Mrs.Buii's Intrigues mentioned above, it is provided that the
the whole set whole set of Domestics in Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office,
chosen anew shall be dismissed once in seven years. And to time,
years." ^But and announce this Dismission, belongs to the Office of
Effect gener- of Steward ; Avho, upon good cause appearing, may
edlyriheTn-m^ee''» uave rec°urse to the same measure at any time.
steward'sOf! ^n(* ^e *s a^ways sure to ^me i* w^h a direct view to
fice and A- the continuance of the same commerce of Prostitution
gents.
103
and Intrigue ; either by securing the return to place of Book 2 ch. 14.
as many as may be of the most thoroughly debauched
of the former set, or by influencing the choice of others,
known to be equally disposed to be debauched : for
the same individuals may be returned to place, if the
Family, or rather the Steward's Agents, by whose in
fluence the greater part of them are chosen, please to
return them.
It is indeed a common practice, whenever the tools
in Mrs. Bull's Office become dull, blunt, or unmanage
able by the Steward's Major-domo, to dismiss the
whole, and procure a new set to be chosen, more keen,
handy, and tractable.
From this step also, the Steward assumes the fur
ther advantage of pretending to have the general sanc
tion of the Family, and calls this appealing to their
voice. As if those base Prostitutes procured by his
Agents, were returned to place by the general voice of
John Bull's Family and Kindred ; of whom not one in
a thousand hAs a nominal vote in the case ; and of those
who nominally have a vote, not one in a hundred has
any freedom or choice in bestowing it. However this
Form, or Farce, of a pretended choosing is still kept
up, because from the ready compliance the Steward's
Nomination is sure to meet with, there is no occasion
to change it. Whenever a Vacancy happens in Mrs.
Bull's Houshold, the Steward's Major-domo or one of
his Clerks, sends to those to whom it belongs to fill up
the Place a Letter announcing the Name of a Person,
Avhom perhaps they never saw, whose Name perhaps
they before never heard— Or, perhaps he himself conde
scends to be the bearer of the Letter. He treats them
104
Book 2. cb. 14. abundantly with victuals and drink, promises to pro
vide for their Sons, Nephews, and relations about the
Steward's Houshold or Office ; or to gratify them with
Places, or Payments for doing nothing, all out of John
Bull's pocket, and the business is done.
By these means the Steward can always secure
such a number sufficiently compliant and prostitute, as
will serve all the purposes of him and his Clerks, and
give them the full command of Mrs. Bull's Family and
Houshold, — and in consequence, of the whole of John
Bull's Property. And Avhenever the case shall become
otherwise, there is little doubt but the Farce of a pre
tended choosing may be dropped ; first in those cases
where the compliance is known and certain ; and as
these will be sufficient for all the purposes wanted, the
rest will be considered as of no account.
And though, as matters are now conducted, the
Good Lady herself and a few chaste and honest do
mestics, who still stand by her, as well as the Family
out of doors, exclaim upon, and remonstrate against,
these profligate and infamous practices, this neither
gives the Steward's Office much concern, nor serves
much purpose in behalf of the Family ; as they can
always depend upon finding a sufficient nnmber of
tools perfectly easy and manageable. Just as the
Tailor, Shoemaker, Carpenter, or Blacksmith,— who
has more Needles, AavIs, Augurs, or Hammers, than
he uses at once, does not trouble himself because any
one of them will not ansAver all purposes, so he can
ahvays find some one to answer every purpose ; nor
does he doubt but even the most inept may be found
useful on some occasions.
105
We have now, it is presumed, given the Reader Book 2. ch. 14.
a tolerable idea of Mrs. Bull's Character, of the Eco
nomy of her Family, and Constitution of her Houshold
Office. Of which we have purposely carried the Ac
count beyond that period of our Memoirs at which we
are now arrived, and even up to its present state and time.
The means and steps by Avhich it has proceeded to its
present pitch of Profligacy, and contempt of Honour
and Character, will appear in the course of these Me
moirs. Let us now resume our Narrative of the suc
cession of-the SteAvardship, and conduct of the SteAv
ards.
BOOK III.
Chap. I.
Contents. — The Stewardship of the First Ned, sometimes called Ned
Spindleshanks — Seizes on the Manor of Davy Guelch — By covin en.
deavours to get possession also of the Caledonian Manor — from which
he is repeatedly expelled— dying, leaves it in charge to his Son to
complete the Undertaking.
To Harry succeeded his son Ned, — on account of his The steward-
Long Spindle Legs called Ned Spindleshanks, — a spindleshanks
shrewd, ambidexter fellow, but not over scrupulous in pTuingbutua-
the point of meum and tuum — of what belonged Whim Character.
and what to his neighbour. In a word, he was one of
the true Stewardical stamp ; considering it as a suffi
cient right io any thing, that he had the means and the
PoAver to Possess himself of it.
However, he introduced some good customs and
regulations on the Manor, and considerably improved Clips the wings
the Estate. He also soon clipped the wings of Peter,
and obliged him to lower his high-flown pretensions. —
Indeed, both John Bull and his SteAvard were hoav too
108
Eook3,ch. i. high-spirited, and too much at accord, and conse
quently too much at leisure to look to their Affairs, for
such pretensions to be maintained.
But as Ned found no exercise for his enterprising
spirit at home, he soon cast his eye upon his poor
neighbour Davy Guelch's Estate. Davy had for some
AGuekhDanS time lived Pretty quietly on a corner of his antient Ma-
Seizes upon nor unrJer the management of Stewards and Bailiffs of
his Manor. ' 3
his own Family. Against these Ned commenced a
Lawsuit, as intermeddling with Avhat he reckoned part
of his Manor; and having cast them, Capiassed them,
and got them into his power, most barbarously mur
dered them ; and thus having added their Demesnes to
the original Estate, they have continued united to it
unto this day.
Ned next cast his eye on his other neighbour
thenpcaiedo! Sandy Ranger's Manor of Caledonia, Avhich he had
Eeiongtog'to l°ng thought lay very convenient for himself. And
Sandy jRan-wna^ ne (jeenieci a favourable opportunity of getting it
into his hands having occurred, he very nearly suc
ceeded in possessing himself of it.
Sandy's Head Steward had broken his neck by a
despeKite leap of his horse at a hunting-match ; and hav-
Gets possession *ng died without any immediate Issue, and the sudden-
by covin. nesg 0f uis death having prevented any settlement of the
Succession to the Stewardship, a number of rival Com
petitors put in their claims. But to avoid all mischief,
and the expense of so many Lawsuits as were likely to
ensue, all the parties agreed with Sandy's consent, to
make their neighbour, honest Ned, arbitrer of their
Pretensions. And to enable him to give validity to his
Award, some of the best Farms, and principal Man-
109
sions on the Manor, were put into his hand, to be BookS.ch.i.
delivered up to the successful Candidate.
After tampering with each of the Candidates by
turns, Ned at last prevailed with one of them named
Belial, by promising to decide in his favour, to agree
to hold the Stewardship under him, Ned, as his su
perior ; and ihe Decision Avas made accordingly. —
And soon after, Ned further prevailed with the same
Belial, on condition of a certain sum to be paid him in
hand, and an annual Pension for life, to consign both
the Manor and Stewardship entirely over, to him, in
perpetual Superiority and Possession.
But Saunders was not a man likely to submit pas- • Sandy not a
sively to be handed over and conveyed together Avith man to be pas-
sivclv inndc tt
his Manor, and all his Property, at the will of his property by
c.i his Steward.
steward. Ned, however, had never given up those parts of
the Estate which had been put into his hand to enable
him to enforce his AAvard, and by means of the footing
which these gave him, he several times made forcible
entry on Sandy's Manor, and sometimes even got Pos
session of his Hotjse ; but was as often kicked out of
doors with shame and disgrace, and frequently with ft
broken head into the bargain.
It would be inexcusable here to pass over in si
lence the celebrated Guillam Guallace, one of the most
noble-spirit fellows in the world ; and one who had ^JJiHamGull-
more firmly than any other opposed Ned's pretensions, lace-
and often almost by himself driven him and all his ruf
fian Train off the Caledonian Manor. And though he
at last fell a victim to the perfidy and cruelty of Ned,
before the final deliverance of his Family, yet Avas he
110
Book 3. ch. l. the principal instrument of its preservation, and per
haps of its deliverance.
It happened on a time when the different parties
held different portions of the Manor, and were daily
quarrelling about them, that Guillam, strolling on the
Banks of a River, observed on the other side, Robert de
Bruss, one of the principal Competitors for the Stew
ardship when the reference was made to Ned. This
Bruss being disappointed in his competition, had re-
11 wiut1 Robert *ire^ *° a ^arSe Farm he possessed on the Manor of
tie Bruss— Albion, and had now accompanied Ned in one of his
and its con- ' *
sequences, incursions on the Caledonian Manor. Guillam, as an
old acquaintance, called to him in a friendly manners
and after some conversation across the stream, Guallace
remonstrated how unworthy it was of such a man as
him to abet the usurpation, and lackey the heels of
the Oppressor and Spoiler of his Native Manor, to the
Possession and Disposal of which he himself had a
better Claim than any other man whatsoever — how
much better it would become him to assert his own
Right, in doing which every brave and honest man
on the Manor would support and stand by him. —
Bruss took in good part his remonstrance; but repre
sented the inequality of the contest, and the almost im
possibility of success after the footing which Ned had
obtained : Guallace replied, that to brave men nothing
was impossible ; and if they could not command suc
cess, even in a good cause, they could at least die with
honour in defence of it. They parted at present, but
Guillam 's remonstrances sunk deep in the heart of
Bruss, he retired upon his Albion Farm, become so re
served and thoughtful, that Ned beg^H to entertain
Ill
some suspicions of him ; and as he never let murder or Book 3. ch. k.
any other atrocity stand in the way of his interest,
Bruss's death was determined upon. This Bruss was
universally considered as one of the bravest and most
accomplished Gentlemen of the age in which he lived.
And one of Ned's confidents, an old friend of Bruss',
pitying that so brave a fellow should fall by so unwor
thy a fate, — though he knew that all communication
with him was watched, — contrived to send him by a
servant, a sum of money and a pair of spurs ; pretend
ing that he had borroAved them of him. Bruss, who
was sufficiently shrewd, knowing he had borrowed no
such things, thought there must be some enigmatical
meaning in this pretended restitution of his friend's ;
and interpreting the spurs to admonish him of speed,
mounted a swift horse, and just reached the Caledonian
Manor in time to save his life. There he was instantly
welcomed, joined by numbers, and immediately nomi
nated Head Steward by the whole Family.
In the mean time, the brave Guallace Avas betrayed
by one of his OAvn friends, into Ned's hands ; but un- Guallace fa]l3
der the most solemn assurance of personal safety, and * yic,iin_ 1('
r J ¦* the treachery
that nothing further was intended than a restraint from of his friends
° and the per-
raising disturbances on the Manor. But no sooner had fidy of Ned.
Ned got him into his hands, than — in the true spirit of
his station, which in general is capable of but tAvo sen
sations, Rapacity and Revenge, — he put him to a most
cruel and ignominious death.
Eut notwithstanding all his difficulties, disappoint
ments, and repulses, Ned still persisted in his determi
nation to make himself Master of the Caledonian Ma
nor. And having resolved on a last, and full effort,
112
Book3.ch.i. with all his power, he swore he would not leave a
Caledonian alive, but he would hold the Manor. And
Sandy, Avho, however unequal in other means, was not
inferior in Spirit, swore with equal confidence, that
Avhile there was a Caledonian alive, he should not hold
a foot of the Manor.
HoAvever, fully intent on his purpose, Ned set out
with a whole train of Solicitors, Attorneys, Clerks,
Scriveners, and Lawyers of all sorts ; besides Bailiffs,
In the midst J '
of a most Bullies, Bravoes, and Banditti of every description that
threatening ... ¦»
Expedition could be scraped together on the Albion Manor, deter-
Caiedonian mined upon a last and decisive effort. But after all,
is Seized up- being seized with some Gripings — not of conscience or
oil andmor&1"emorse> Dut — °f tne Belly -ache, he died harmlessly on
oe1iUon.Ex"the road, before he had set a foot on Sandy's Manor —
And Hi motus animorum, et haec certamina tanta,
Pulverisexiqui jactu compressa quiescunt.
For here the whole Expedition ended for the pre
sent. This Sudden Call Avas doubtless a great disap
pointment to Ned. Ned had been assured by Prog-
nosticators that he should not die but atSacrasalem, the
capital of Sacraterr. Ned had always intended to join
those fantastic Expeditions to that Country, but proba
bly thinking, that so long as he deferred it, he was sure
to set Death at defiance ; he was in no haste to perform
his purpose. In his extreme illness he happened to ask
the Name of the Place where he Avas confined, — and
being ansAvered that it was called Sacrasalem, — he felt
his fate immediately. And soon after expired.
113
Chap. II. BookS. ch.2.
Contents.— The Stewardship of the Second Ned— Renews his Father's
Pretensions to the Caledonian Manor— where, in an Attempt at
Forcible Entry, he meets with a most disastrous Repulse, in which
almost his whole Train of Lawyers, Bailiffs, Bullies, and Banditti
have their Brains beat out, and he himself hardly escapes with life
and limb. — This puts an end to all further Attempts and Pretensions
on the Caledonian Manor.
This Ned Avas succeeded by his Son, a Second Ned,
but in vigour of character at least, far inferior to his The Second
Father. However, having received his father's last e '
injunctions never to abandon the Design on the Cale
donian Manor, after some delay, he set out once more
in great parade, Avith all the preparation his Father had
provided, followed by the Avhole Meingy of John Bull's
Manor ; avIio all reckoned upon being enriched by the
Possession and Plunder of Sandy's Estate.
Since the death of Ned, Actions at LaAV had been
tried upon several separate points, which, under the
conduct of Bruss, had uniformly terminated in favour
of Sandy. At last it was determined on both sides to
bring the Cause to a General Issue by one Great Trial
at Bar. And a more decisive Issue never was obtained.
For though in the number of Attorneys, Solicitors, and Renews his fa-
Lawyers of all sorts, Bob could by no means compare upon the c.i-
with Ned ; yet he had draAvn up his Brief so clearly nor!""'"'
and concisely, — and his Counsel stated their arguments
Avith so much perspicuity and force, that they Avere al
together irresistible ; and nothing, as Ave have said,
could be more decisive than the Issue. And the Cause
having been tried upon Sandy's Manor, Avhere the Fa
mily were dreadfully exasperated by the long and cruel
oppression and insults they had suffered from his Pie-
Q
114
Book 3. ch. 2. decessor, Ned was obliged, on the breaking up of the
court, to sneak off, and run for it, like a detected Pick-
is cast, and all pocket ; and with difficulty reached his own Manor.
Capiaserf, in — Which Avas, indeed, more than most of his Lawyers
Trial at Bar. and Train ever did ; great numbers of them being
seized and abused by the enraged Tenants on the Ca-
ledon Manor, whom, under the patronage of Ned,
they had so often insulted and plundered ; so that
those who could escape with the loss of their Black
GoAvns, TyeWigs, and Green Bags, thought themselves
highly fortunate.
Though this decisive Verdict settled the General
Issue, and put a final end to Ned's Pretensions on San
dy's Manor, yet were not the two Neighbours perfectly
reconciled for some time : during which, Sandy's Fa
mily, under the conduct of Bob, did not fail to make
Which puts an ""
end to ail ample reprisals upon John Bull s Manor, for the Avaste
Caledonian and damage their own had sustained from the preten
sions and attempts of the first Ned. At last all claims
on both sides were settled, all quarrels closed, and all
pretensions to the Caledonian Manor, on the part of the
Albion Steward, expressly renounced ; thus Avere peace
and unity finally restored between the two Families and
Manors. But as our business is with the SteAvardship of
John Bull's Manor, and more particularly as it respects
himself, we have perhaps here digressed a little too far,
and shall noAv resume our subject.
This Second Ned proved in the Avhole a weak,
foolish, and very unfortunate Steward, and Avas at last
murdered in a most shocking manner, by the machina
tions of his OAvn Avife and her p'aramour.
115
Chap. HI. Book 3, ch.S.
Contents.— The Stewardship of the Third Ned This Ned a very brave
Fellow — Sets up a claim to the Stewardship of the Frankland Manor
— in which wonderfully successful in several great trials at Bar —
yet at last fain to resign all his acquisitions and pretensions— falls into
a kind of love-dotage, and extravagant Expense in his Old Age—
which John Bull insists on restraining — and by the faithful support of
Mrs. Bull's Office, does it effectually;
A Third Ned, the Son and Successor of the former,
was a person of a very different character from his im- e
mediate predecessor ; but as nothing very material to
the state of the Manor, or the degree of Possession be
tAveen him and the Bull Family, happened during his
Stewardship, we shall pass it over concisely.
The principal matters touching upon our subject
in these SteAvardships, and indeed in every successive
Stewardship after obtaining the Great Roll of Privi
leges, are, the constant jealousy and the unceasing in
sidious attempts of the Steward, to elude, invalidate,
or annul, that important Instrument ; beside their fre
quent direct violations of it. The first Ned had se
cretly and treacherously obtained from Peter, — Avho, as
Ave have said, pretended to a power to dissolve the most
solemn obligations, — a full dispensation from his oath
and engagement to maintain those privileges. — But
Mrs. Bull's Office kept a sharp eye upon him ; and his
design on the Caledonian Manor requiring the consent,
aid, and assistance of the Bull Family, he found him
self obliged to stop short in his intended course of
violating their privileges. The second Ned had taken
up the same course ; especially in lavishing the Money
of the Family upon a set of base and unAvorthy favour
ites; but the Aveakness of his character rendered his
Q.2
116
Book 3. ch. 3. designs not very formidable. And the Family took
care to see his favourites duly rewarded. The pre
sent Ned was so brave a Fellow, and so much at one
with the Family, that in the early and active part of
his life, no occasion of misunderstanding occurred
between them. And so far Avas he from Avishing to
violate the Great Roll of Privileges, that he solemnly
and voluntarily renewed, and confirmed it. And
seemed to have the Rights, Privileges, and Prosperity
of the Family no less at heart than his own.
The most interesting Transaction of this SteAvard
ship at the time it took place, was, a long and violent
Quarrel between the Frankland and Albion Stewards,
Sets up preten
sions to the arising from a Claim set up by Ned to the Frankland
Frankland ,,...,
Stewardship Stewardship, in right ot his Mother, who was a daugh-
most such at- ter of the Frankland Steward. In this Quarrel the
ininate'in no- Folk in general on both Manors joined ; and several
great ex- important trials at Bar took place, the issues of which
pence and were so mUch m favour 0f Ned, that he had the
Loss on both '
Sides. Frankland Steward arrested , and for some time kept
him in prison. But as all this, — like most other Quar
rels and Lawsuits arising from the selfishness and
intrigues of Stewards, — ended in nothing of any per
manent interest to the Bull Family or Manor, we shall
not enter more particularly into it. Indeed, notAvith-
standing all the decisive Verdicts in favour of Ned, by
a final compromise, almost all the Farms and Posses
sions held or claimed by the Albion SteAvards, since
Billy Norworld's time, on the Frankland Manor, were
expressly resigned.
But in his old age, Ned fell into a kind of Love-
dotage, and kept a fine Miss, an extravagant Jade,
117
who in gaudes and gaiety wasted every thing he had. Book 3. ch. 3.
When he now applied to John Bull and the Palaverium
for money — How contrary to the present practice — in- Nate"jJ5j| °{)j
stead of compliance, he met Avith nothing but re- ?n exPensive
r ' => Love Dotage;
proaches for the profusion and folly Avith Avhich he la- and issoundiy
* r J checked by
vished their money. Indeed the disputes betAveen John JonH B«'k
and his Steward arose principally from the article of
Expences, in Avhich all Stewards are prone to be la
vish. But John Bull had now resumed his proper cha
racter, knew himself to be Master of his own House
and Manor, and was determined to maintain his right to
regulate the Economy and Expences of his own Estate
and Family.; and that if his Steward chose to play the
fool, and to keeP hne Misses, he must do it at his own
Expense. And the Family and Tenants in general,
out of whose pockets the money came, and without
whose consent it could not be raised, took care-to stand
by and support the Squire on these occasions. For
those shameful Intrigues, that infamous Commerce of
Prostitution and Adultery between the Steward's Office
and Mrs- Bull's Houshold, by which John Bull and all
that he has are now entirely at the Steward's disposal,
were then unknoAvn.
118
Book 3. cb. 4. Chap. IV.
Contents.— The Stewardship of the Second Dick, who may be called
Dick the incorrigible. — Dick succeeds very young to the Stewardship
—Gives himself up to worthless Favourites— to whom he trusts even
the Business of the Stewardship — Obstinately incorrigible — His cousin
Henry Longcampster— Supported by the Bull Family, undertakes to
reform the Stewardship — Dick is deposed — imprisoned — murdered by
the order or connivance of Harry — who hence assumes the Steward
ship.
To this Ned succeeded Dick his grandson by Ned his
Dick tneincor. eldest son, called the Sable Boy, a brave, promising
rigibie. youth, as ever the Bull Family bred; but, alas ! noAV
dead. — This Dick his son was a wilful, foolish, ill-ma
naged Lad, Avho minded nothing but his play and his
pleasure. And he kept about him a set of Fellows as
wilful, and more Avicked than himself; and to these he
intrusted even the business of the Steward's Office, and
the Economy of the Family and Manor. Excited and
encouraged by such confidents, he squandered away
the whole rents and produce of the Estate in mere boy
ish Extravagance and Folly, considered the Manor as
entirely his own Property, and affected to hold John
Bull and his Family in the utmost contempt. And
Avhen the Squire remonstrated on the subject, and in
sisted on the dismission of some of his worthless and
profligate Companions and Agents, to Avhom he en
trusted the chief management of the Estate, — he an
swered — That he would not, for his pleasure, dismiss
the meanest Servant in his Kitchen. But he Avas soon
made sensible of his mistake ; and had good reason to
repent of his folly and insolence. Yet in some in
stances, Dick gave proofs that he Avas not entirely void
of the vigour of the Broomstick Race, from Avhence he
119
was sprung, and Avanted neither resolution nor capaci- Book 3. ch. 4.
ty, had he fallen into good hands. On one such occa
sion, the Lower Sort of the Folk on the Manor having verted, not
risen about his ears, demanding redress of their Avrongs, ther in cou-
and the surrender of his profligate Agents and Associ- parity!'
ates, whom they were ready to duck in the horsepond,
or drag through the kennel; or even to tear them in
pieces. The Leader of this importunate Rabble ad
vanced, and personally threatened Dick to his very
face ; when a brave fellow who stood by him, the Town
Major of Ludd's-town, stepping fonvard, knocked his
brains out at a blow. The fate of their Leader struck
the Rabble with surprise, astonishment, and rage, and
they seemed ready for the most desperate proceeding ;
but Avanted a Head to conduct them — when Dick, Avith
surprising presence of mind, seeming not to approve of
what had just been done, stepped forward and said,
" You have lost your leader — follow me my friends, I
will lead you." — While they, by a kind of blind im
pulse, followed him, he led them out of the Town,
where they might have done infinite mischief, into the
Fields, — in the mean time, the Town Major having
assembled his Posse, came upon them, and dispersed
them with a vengeance. As John Bull, however sen
sible of Dick's misconduct and insolence, did not ap
prove of such rash and tumultuous proceeding, he took
care to assist him in restraining and suppressing such
irregular and disorderly doings in his Family. But
Dick, perverted, and egged on by his Associates, was
entirely incorrigible, and proceeded to set both pru
dence, and justice at defiance, till it cost him both his
Office and his Life.
Instances —
120
Book 3. ch. 4. At no period does John Bull seem better to have
known, or more firmly to have asserted and maintained
. , his own Rights in opposition to tlie claims and en-
At this period ° ri
John Bull croachments of his Stewards, than at present. About
In in I v asserts
his Rights, this time, Dick, through the instigation of some of Lord
andthrPrin- . , , ,
cipies of the Peter s People, had by his OAvn authority, with the ad
vice of his Associates, given Orders to restrain some Im
provements that Avere making in the mode of Education,
Catechising, and Creed-craft, in Madam Bull's Fami
ly ; but on the meeting of the Palaverium, they sent
expressly to desire that those Orders should be recalled,
because they Avere made Avithout their advice and con
sent. On another occasion Dick sent a Writing con
taining a lavish grant of Lands upon the Manor, in
favour of one of his worthless associates, to Ii is chief
Clerk or Secretary, who kept the Seal of the Manor,
Avith Orders to Seal and Execute the Writing; the
Secretary, on reading it, perceiving its unreasonable
ness, and enormous extent, refused to put the Seal to
it ; because, as he said, he held the Seal in trust, not
from him alone, but jointly from the SteAvard and Pa
laverium, in behalf of the Family. And Avhen Dick
?ent in a passion to order him to deliver up the Seal, he
refused, till he came in person and demanded it ; he
then delivered it, and refused to act any more under
him. These instances sheAV Avhat are the fundamental
Principles and practices of the Albion Manor, and of
Stewardship. Dick Avanted money to supply his pleasures, and had
assembled Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office, and ordered
them to provide for his Avants ; they replied, by desir
ing him to dismiss his Cash-keeper and his Chief Clerk,
121
Avhom he had substituted in the place of him who re- Book 3. ch. 4.
fused to obey his order, and to call them to account,
and seize the money they had dishonestly diverted to
their own use, and he Avould find abundance to supply
his wants. It Avas on this occasion that he made the in
solent answer mentioned above — implying that the Pa
laverium ought to mind the business he had assembled
them for, to find money to supply his wants, and that
he would not for their pleasure dismiss a Scullion in his
Kitchen. Upon this he left them in a great huff, and next Dick puts him-
L a j selfinagreat
day sent them an imperious Order to provide him im- passion-
mediately the supply he wanted. With which Order
they were so far from complying, that they sent him
word that if he did not return and join them, according
to the custom at that time, and give up his Cashier and
Clerks to be brought to account, and punished, they
would grant no supply, nor pay any regard to his Or
ders Avhatever. This put him in a perfect rage ; and
he commanded certain of their number to come before
him, and account for tlieir conduct, and submit to con
dign punishment. Instead of complying with this man
date, they sent two of their most respectable Members
to tell him plainly, — that if he did not conduct him
self better, and act more according to his station, they
Avould proceed to choose and appoint another SteAvard But is obiuoi
* to comply,
in his place. The boldness of this Message struck him and give up
iii- his Instru-
with instant alarm ; his havountes and Advisers, in the ments. The
utmost apprehension both for themselves and him, now whose Abu-
advised him to join the Palaverium, Avhich he did ; ce0sv"ed" aT-
and his Cash-keeper and Clerks were brought to ac- D""khimseTfn
122
Book 3, ch. 4. count, and were found guilty of the most enormous
frauds and abuses ; and besides what they had squan
dered away, had amassed Avealth enough to have im
poverished the whole Manor. When the whole of
tlieir rapacity and extortion was brought to light, even
Dick himself expressed his surprise at the extent and
amount of it.
The -perfidious Dick now pretended to accommodate himself en-
Dick, tirely to the Palaverium and the Avill of the Family ;
and invited them to send a deputation of their leading
men to lay their grievances specifically before him,
which should all be redressed. But all this Avas mere
dissimulation and treachery ; for he had set a party of
ruffians to ivay-lay their deputies and knock their brains
out before they could reach him ; and had beside sent
some of his Favourites and prime Agents to collect all
rtlie Banditti and Bullies they could raise on the Manor,
.and to come and fall on the Palaverium itself, and so
make him entire master of the Manor and Family. But
the Deputation which was sent to him was aAvare of his
design, and took care not to be surprised ; and his
Agents and their Banditti were encountered on the Avay
by a party much superior to themselves ; and soon en
tirely dispersed. Indeed their leaders were much fitter
for the revels of Luxury, and the gambols of a Lady's
Chamber, than to encounter the brave sons of the
Bull Family, in a quarrel, noAV come to blows. After
this detection of his treachery, Dissimulation could
stand Dick in little stead, and being perfectly incorrigi
ble, and bent upon ruin, he proceeded to direct usurp
ation and violence. And here wc find the first tamper-
123
ing with Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office, which has since Book 3. ch. 4.
become so approved and successful a practice in the
hand of treacherous and ill-designing SteAvards.
When Billy Norworld seized into his own hands
the whole Property and Privileges of the Bull Family,
among others he assumed the Nomination and Appoint
ment to all Offices and Magistracies, which originally
belonged to the Family ; and particularly that of
Greeve, or First Magistrate of the Share, Shire, or Di
vision. Of this usurped privilege, Dick availed him
self to appoint in every Division one of his own tools
entirely devoted to his will. And as this Officer has
the chief influence in conducting the choice of Mrs.
Bull's Houshold, Dick sent to each Share-greeve a list
of those he would have chosen. And if any Avere cho
sen contrary to this List, he ordered them to cause ano
ther choice to be made. Having thus got a Palaverium
wholely named by himself, and entirely at his disposal,
he thought he might now proceed according to his
pleasure.- But to make all more secure, he got a vote
passed in the Palaverium, and subscribed by all the
Magistrates and Authorities on the Manor, — Declaring
— That the SteAvard was above all LaAvs, and all the
Customs of the Manor, and might set them all aside at
his pleasure. It is true, one of the most conscientious
of the Magistrates, when he had signed this writing, said
—Now want I nothing but a Halter, to bring me to that
Death I so well deserve, for signing such a false and
pernicious Declaration.
Fortunately for themselves, at the present time,
the Agents of the Stewardship, though they possess a
Palaverium as much at their disposal as these their pre-
»2
124
Books. ch. 4. decessors; and do much more effectually dispose of
it, — have> if not more honesty, at least more wit, than
to make any such declaration of their principles and
power as the above.
But Dick thought himself now quite secure, and be
gan to act without any restraint, or the least regard to Law
or Justice. He had, indeed, an Uncle called the Good
Man of Gloster, Avho could not help frequently admo
nishing him both of his Errors, and of his Dangers.
This only real friend he had left, he got into his pow-
cie.the Good er, and had him conveyed to an old castle, where he
Gi'oster, and ordered him to be strangled in his bed-chamber. In
murdered. "the same manner, he rid himself of several other of the
leading men of the family, whom he kneAV to be hostile
to his measures : particularly the Elderman of A run-
vale, at whose murder he Avould himself be present. —
Such deeds would render any other character the hor
ror and detestation of mankind, and the Avhole Race
would pursue them with vengeance ; in the Stewardical
Character, they are but ordinary occurrences ; and
they excited in Dick neither remorse nor apprehension.
But unfortunately for Dick, the Bull Family had
not then acquired all that patient resignation, and pas
sive acquiescence which they now display, so much to
the Steward's Accommodation. For John Bull was all
this time fretting and fuming with indignation, to be
thus used by his own Steward. And the whole family
provoked by the extortion and rapacity of himself and
his insatiable Agents, Avanted but some one to head
them, and lead them on, to rise in irresistible rage about
their ears. — And this want Avas soon supplied by one
exactly to their purpose.
125
ed beyond
patience, un
der the influ*-
ence of Har
ry Boling-
bum, depose
Dick, and
substitute Harry in his
stead.
As the great Estates and wealth of his Uncle of Book 3. ch. 4,
Glostc, and others whom he had put to death, could
not satisfy the boundless demands of Dick's profusion miiyprovok-
and Pleasures ; his cousin Harry Bolingburn, being on
some occasion at a distance from the Manor, Avhen his
Father, Laird of Longcampster, died, Dick, Avith en
tire disregard to kindred, justice, or honesty, seized
upon all his vast Estates, and forbade his Son and
Heir ever to return, or appear upon the Manor of Al
bion to claim them. Harry Avas not a man to put up
quietly with such treatment ; and being a gay, plausi
ble, brave fellow, and a great Favourite Avith the Bull
Family in general ; depending on this partiality, he
ventured in defiance of the Steward's prohibition to ap
pear on the Manor. And by exclaiming with great
plausibility against the injustice that had been done him,
in seizing on his inheritance in his absence, and against
the Perfidy and Rapacity of Dick in general, he en
gaged a strong party of the family in his favour ; Avho
being further irritated by their OAvn oppressions and in
sults, were ready to go all lengths in doing him and
themselves justice. And Harry in return promised to
stand by them in procuring redress of the family griev
ances, and in restraining Dick's insolence and oppres
sions : at the same tune, protesting against any design
on the SteAvardship, or any thing beyond correcting
its abuses. Having thus gained entire credit Avith the Family,
Harry soon found every thing at his nod ; and Dick, as
he certainly deserved, and might expect, found himself
deserted by all. His base and incapable Agents were
soon seized upon, and sacrificed to the just resentment
126
Book 3. ch. 4. of the Family; being hanged indeed with little for
mality of trial. The wretched Dick now found him
self entirely at the mercy of those he had so grossly
Dick deposed injured and insulted; and reckoning perhaps something
Stewardship011 tue influence of kindred and blood, chose to put
himself in the hands of his cousin ; only intreating him
to spare his life, which was promised.
It was agreed that they should adjourn to Luds-
town, the Capital Mansion of the Manor, and there
settle all matters. And here it was that Dick first dis
covered his true situation, and how much he had been
deceived by his pretended Friends and Favourites.
These had made him believe, that though a feAv disap
pointed Leaders and candidates for Places and Power
were discontented, John Bull and the whole Family
were perfectly pleased and satisfied with his conduct.
Just as a certain traitorous Journal* lately told an
older, and hence we hope a wiser — certainly a better
warned, — Incumbent on the Stewardship, — that though
a few meddling malecontents about Luds-town cen
sured his conduct: yet nothing could be more popu
lar, more approved, and admired, by all the rest of
the Bull Family than his Conduct and Character. —
Which, besides its falsehood in both cases, amounts to
no less than an infamous libel upon the whole Bull
family ; as making them all dupes, fools, or knaves,
except a feAv individuals about Luds-town. But poor
Dick now found too late, how wretchedly he had been
imposed upon, and deceived. As they approached
Luds-town, the people poured out in crowds to wel
come Harry with peals of acclamation and applause —
* The Courier, June, 1812.— Pret. Com.
127
while they not only loaded the Arretched Dick with Book 3. ch. 4.
torrents of curses, execrations, and insults ; but actually
threw stones and bricks and filth from the Houses and
windows upon his head as he passed along the street.
Dick could not but feel this as a prelude to his
funeral knell, and from henceforth gave himself up for
lost, and voluntarily resigned all pretensions to the
Stewardship ; of which he, truly, professed himself
unAvortby. Harry began now to indulge more aspiring views, Hh"yepretf"
and to assume more ambitious aims, than he had at 5Ua^esandthe
first professed. Mrs. Bull's Houshold was immedi- Ailthoritaof
ately assembled, and besides Dick's voluntary resigna- steward.
tion, and confession of unworthiness, the Palaverium,
as the supreme organ of the Family's Will, formally
deposed him from the Stewardship, as incapable and
unworthy to hold it, All this was, no doubt, done
without the least interference, or impulse from Harry ;
but as he had been so happily, and so actively, instru
mental in rescuing them from such gross oppression
and insult, it was proposed to offer him the SteAvard
ship. Not but that there Avas beside Dick a nearer
Heir ; but Harry's great merits and popularity Avith
the Family overbalanced this consideration ; and the
Decision of the Palaverium expressing the full consent
of the Family — no doubt the best ground for such dis
posal — the SteAvardship was fully conferred upon
Harry. Thus by the arts of his cousin, and the just indig
nation of the Bull Family, Dick was deservedly de
posed from the SteAvardship. And though Harry af
fected at first to hold, and exercise, the Office only for
128
Book 3. ch. 4. redress of wrongs, and correction of abuses, he soon
openly and avowedly assumed both the Name, and full
Power of the Stewardship.
In the mean time, poor Dick Avas confined to an
old Mansion at a place called Brokenbridge ;* where
soon after, — if not by the order, certainly by the con-
of Dick. nivance of bis Cousin, — some Ruffians broke in upon
him, and most cruelly murdered him. As in some
passages of his Life, so especially in the circumstances
of his Death, this unfortunate man gave proof that he
was not naturally deficient in vigour either of body or
mind. When his Assassins broke in upon him to the
number of nine ; perceiving their intent, he sprung
upon the foremost, seized and av rested from him a pole-
axe, with which he killed four of the number before
they could master him ; but at last one of them having
stunned him by a Woav on the head, as he fell they all
rushed upon, and dispatched him.
» Pontefract. Pret. Com.
BOOK IV-
Chap. I.
Contents. — The Stewardship of Harry of Longcampster ; or Harry the
fourth of that Name. — Harry a person of vigour and capacity — estab
lishes himself and family firmly in the Stewardship. — Not content to
hold the office upon the only true and legitimate Title, the appoint
ment of his Employer, pretends to patch up a Title upon the footing
of Hereditary^ Right. — Which Title being palpably defective upon
this very principle that he was so fond of having recourse to, his family
were after three generations ejected from the Stewardship.
Harry was now in full possession of the Steward
ship by the best of all titles, the consent and appoint-
, /- , „r * n -, -r, .-. Stewardshipof
ment of the Lord of the Manor, and of the h amily to Harry of
Avhom the Manor belonged ; but he was not altogether ster.g°a
satisfied to hold it by this title, as implying an ultimate
Right in the Family to dispose of the SteAvardship ;
which however just and true, no Steward is Avilling to
acknoAvledge. He therefore endeavoured to patch up
some hereditary pretensions. — But this Avas too pal
pable a piece of patch-Avork to deserve examination ;
there being notoriously a descendant of an Older branch
130
Book 4. ch.2. of the Family of the last Ned their Grandfather still
alive. Harry's only title was Possession, and the Con
sent of the Landlord and Family ; and these were no
Endeavours to doubt sufficient, had he come honestly and fairly by
!ntiehof *He* them, and been content to rest his title upon them. —
rmIuo the Harryj however, was in Possession, and being a per-
stewardship;son 0f vjg0Ur and capacity established himself and his
ration of Family so firmly in the Office that their Possession and
which Here- ¦*
ditary Right Right seemed fixed, and indisputable. And might
his i^nniilv
are in the have continued so, had that true Principle, of holding
ly expelled it by the consent and gift of the Family, of which he
was so jealous and suspicious, been duly adhered to.
And they lost it by the operation of that very Principle
Avhich he took so much pains to patch up and establish,
Hereditary Right.
Chap. II.
Contents.— The Stewardship of the fifth Harry. — This Harry a !.m\c
free-hearted Fellow— hence a great favourite with the Bull Family
— (Joes to Law with Lewis Baboon for the Stewardship of'the Frank-
land Manor — after a great and decisive Trial at Bar actually obtains
, it.— Marries Lewis's Daughter Kate and is fully settled in the Stew
ardship — dies soon after and leaves a Sou not ten months old.
The Longcampster Family, however, held the Office
TshiPofHarry to the third Generation. The second of the Family
°f u(hM""s" ilI1(l Name, called Harry of Mongmouth, Avas a brave
free open hearted felloAV ; and from congeniality of
131
Character deservedly a great favorite with John Bull Book 4. ch.2.
and his Family. This Harry chose to reneAV the Claim
set up by the third Ned, his Great Grandfather,
to the Stewardship of the Frankland Manor. In di
rect lineal Succession their Title was perhaps good, but
was excluded by an antient and invariable kiw or Cus
tom of the Frankland Manor, viz. That no female
could succeed, or transmit Succession. This claim
had lain dormant since the time of Ned the Great
Grandfather ; but the present Harry being a bold ac
tive aspiring character ; and both his enterprising dis
position, and the situation of his affairs, inviting him
to revive it, he determined, in spite of this antient Cus
tom to assert his Claim. In pursuance of this design claims the
he commenced a Lawsuit against Carlos the present 0f the FranK
occupier of the Stewardship ; and after several less im- !;n"d ^ftatns
portant Issues, Carlos was at last cast in one great and s}Ve5T!riflf at
decisive action called the Action of Agintower from the Bar at Agin-
_° tower —
place where it was tried, in the neighbourhood of an
old Castle of that name. Inconsequence of the Ver
dict obtained in this Action, it was settled that Harry
should marry Carlos's Daughter Kate, and succeed
him in the Stewardship, to the exclusion of his Son
Carlos, already grown up, and all other lineal Heirs.
No doubt both Harry and John Bull, who had sup
ported him in his Claim, derived great reputation and
eclat from this transaction ; yet Avas it, in its conse
quences, one of the most disasterous to both that could
possibly have happened ; as indeed all acquisitions,
claims, and Possessions of John Bull's Stewards on Ter
ra-firm, have uniformly proved.
s2
132
Book4.cU.3- CHAp ttt
Contents.— The Stewardship of the sixth Harry, or Harry the imbecile.
— Through the Ambition, Broils, and Quarrels, of those about Young
Harry, the whole of the Frankland Manor lost during his nonage. —
Dick D'Eorkus, the Representative of the right Heir, who had been
superseded by the fourth Harry, starts up, and claims the Steward -
ship-of the Albion Manor. — After a long and obstinate Contest with
varying success the Eorkists obtain the Stewardship, and the Long-
campster Race is expelled Harry dies or is murdered in prison it is
scarce known how.
ship ofHan-y Both the Life and SteAvardship of the above Harry
cife. Imbe were but of short continuance ; and dying he left his
only Son a mere infant not ten months old ; yet was he
declared Heir and Occupier of Both Stewardships, un
der the Guardianship of his Uncles by the father's
side. These Uncles Avere men of ability, and faithful
to their Nephew, yet by quarrels and jealousies among
Succeeds : in themselves, together with the ambition and factions of
cy to both the Leading men on the Bull Manor — many of whom
and Frank- were now become great, poAverful, and turbulent —
aMships— W" Poor Harry before the end of a Aveak and inglorious
Stewardship was stripped of both his Manors ; and
closed his life in a prison.
It may be presumed, that neither could the disin
herited Heir of the Frankland Stewardship be Avell re
conciled to resign his right in consequence of the Ver
dict obtained in a precarious lawsuit ; nor could the
Tenants and Holders on the Manor like to see them
selves and their Interests absolutely disposed of with
out their consent being either given, or asked. Ac
cordingly , these tAvo parties joining tlieir Interests
and Efforts, and taking advantage of the Quarrels and
dissentions in the Bull Steward's Office, soon drove
133
Harry's people and all the Partisans of the Bull family Book 4, ch. 3.
off the Frankland Manor. And not only did the Bull
SteAvard's family at this time lose all the Interest and
Possession that the late Harry had obtained in Frank-
land ; but even, at last, those large Possessions, Avhich
they had held ever since the time of Guillam Nor-
Avorld, Avere either by the prevalence of the Franks, or
by the treachery of Harry, 's Agents entirely, and for
ever, lost to the Albion Stewardship and Manor. This
event when it happened was no doubt exceeding mor
tifying to the vanity, and lessening to the importance,
not only of the Stewards but of John Bull himself; yet
Avas it perhaps in reality one of the most fortunate
events for the Bull Family and Manor that ever took Fortunately
place. As every event must prove fortunate, which
shall cut off, and exclude, all Interest, Possession, and
Interference of the Albion Stewards upon Terrafirm.
And even from the present pernicious Lawsuit, which
Avas so perversly begun, and has been so long and so
disasterously continued, should the Fortunes of the
Bull Family at all survive it, it is to be hoped one
important advantage may be derived — that of the
extinction for ever of all Interest and Interference
of the Albion Stewardship and SteAvards upon Terra-
firm.* Those Terrafirmal Possessions are now in
other hands, and however the present LaAVsuit may be
compromised ; should it be on terms, that — for Avhat-
ever compensation — shall for ever henceforth exclude
their being held by the Bull Family Steward, it would
be an Event worthy of a more triumphant Jubilee than
Family loses
the Frank-
land Manor,
and all the
Possessions
of his Family
upon it.
* Alas ! so far is this hope from being confirmed, that, since writing
the above, the case has become more desperate than eVer.
134
Book 4. ch. s. all the Jubilees that have been celebrated during this
Jubilant SteAvardship.
But the greatest disasters of the Stewardship of
this Harry, Avhom we may call Harry the imbecile,
sprung from a different source. We took notice above
that Harry Longcampster, though he had by art and
management obtained the Stewardship, was not the
lineal Heir of Ned his Grandfather, there being De
scendants of an Elder Branch of the Family alive.
But during the active and vigorous Stewardships of
the two preceding Harries these had with much caution
been kept in obscurity, and the head of the FamUy,
the immediate Heir, under some pretence or other had
been confined in a prison, and scarely heard of till he
died.
DickD'Eorkus By his death Dick D'Eorkus, his Nephew, be-
Heir p^Tn came the Lineal Heir. This Dick was a bold auda-
the steward" culus fellow, and had three Sons grown up as daring
6uit)- and confident as himself. These, conscious of the
claims they possessed, were not the men to sit quiet, and
let tlieir supposed Right be kept from them by so easy
and Aveak an Instrument as poor Harry was now found
to be : — very unfit indeed to have charge of the Estate,
or manage the affairs of such a numerous and turbulent
Family as that of John Bull's was now become.
Dick, having consulted some of his friends, began
his operations by claiming the Honours and distinction
due to his rank and station as a private individual,
from which he had hitherto been jealously excluded.
These could not noAV be Avell denied him ; and he soon
made them steps to mount higher, and at last openly
asserted his Right to the Stewardship.
135
That Dick was the lineal heir of the Oldest Branch Book 4' chl %
of the Broomstick Family there could be no doubt.—
But there can be as little doubt both from reason and
fact, that though the Stewardship was made in a cer
tain degree hereditary, it must still be ultimately under
the control and regulation of the Proprietor. — It is
impossible, — it is inconceivable, either in LaAV or Rea
son, that any Agreement or Constitution could so abso
lutely consign and dispose of the Rights, Privileges,
Persons, and Property, of a numerous and far-spread
Family, a whole Race of People, as that they them
selves could not upon any necessity, or emergency what
soever, change or alter it. It is impossible that any Statement of
such Disposal however pretended, or intended, could ment. rgU
ever set aside or make void the natural and unalienable
Right of succeeding Generations to do themselves
right, to improve their condition, to dispose of them
selves and their own affairs. Now as Harry of Long-
campster, — the term by which we shall henceforth dis
tinguish that Party, — by whatever sinister arts he ob
tained the Stewardship, Avas settled and confirmed in
it by the full consent of the Family, and had so held it
for three generations, — the Title and Right of his
Family was no doubt, at least as good as that of the
Original Possessor. And is the same indeed by which
the Office is held at this day ; and the only legitimate
one by which any such Office or Station can be ob
tained, or held. And which, though not sufficient to
bar the same Disposal of it again, Avhen from the same
abuses the same necessity shall arise, yet was certainly
as sufficient to bar Dick's claim and pretensions, as the
Settlement on > the Present Steward's Family is to bar
136
Book 4. ch. 3; the Pretensions of the old discarded Family, or any
other Claim whatsoever. To assert the contrary of
this, would be just as absurd, as to assert that the pre
sent Generation have a Right to dispose of their Chil
dren and all their Posterity as Slaves for ever ; and
that those Children and Pos'terity through all genera
tions, however able and hoAvever excited to reclaim
and vindicate their Freedom, are obliged to submit
themselves for ever, as Slaves to the Descendants of
those Masters to whom their Ancestors had consigned
them. So that had Dick D'Eorkus had no other ground to
go upon but his Lineal Descent and Hereditary Claim,
both in Right, and fact, his Title might easily have
been contemned. But alas ! such were at this Time
the Factions, Quarrels, and Ambition, among the
Great Leading Branches of the Bull Family, that dif
ferent Parties were ready to sacrifice themselves, the
paternal Estate, and the whole Family, to their Jea
lousy and Ambition. This State of Affairs may be
thus accounted for. —
Guillam D'Norworld having, as related above,
dispossessed John Bull's Family entirely of their
Lands, lavished them in enormous and disproportioned
Grants to a few of his Clerks, Scriviners, Bailiffs, and
other Favorites. And even Avhen John Bull's Family
began to recover part of the Estate, it was stdl only a'
few Favourites avIio could be of service to the Usurp
er's Interest that could obtain them. Thus the whole
Lands of the extensive Manor of Albion, which origi
nally belonged to the Bull Family in general, were noAV
got into the hands of a few ; who by AVoalth and power
137
kept all the rest in a manner dependant upon them- Book 4. ch.s.
selves. And the Norworld or Frankland and BullA t00 ower.
families having by length of time and indiscriminate [uiand tur-
3 J ^ bulent Ans-
intercourse entirely coalesced, these few had engrossed tocracy the
' cause of the
almost the whole Power and Property on the Manor factious state
of the Manor
into their own hands. And dividing the whole Family
into Factions, were often able to set both John Bull and
his SteAvard at defiance.
If indeed the Steward happened to be a person of
activity, address, and vigour, and on good terms with
the Family in general, he could for the most part keep
those powerful Leaders in some order, and suppress
their insolence ; but if he was Aveak, easy, and indo
lent, as in the present instance, their turbulence and
factions exceeded all bounds. And to one or other of
these Great Men, or Aristocrates, as we would now
call them, almost the whole family attached themselves,
and were indeed dependant on them even for subsist-
ance. These Aristocrates, then, encouraged by the weak
ness and easiness of Harry's Character, and the depen-
dance to which, by their disproportioned Power and
Possessions, they had reduced the bulk of the Bull
family, taking Part, some with Harry the Present Pos
sessor, some with Dick the NeAV Pretender, under the
Names of the Longcampstrist and Eorkist, divided the
Folk on the Albion Manor into two of the most violent
and irreconcilable Factions that ever existed among the
same stock and kindred.
Thus mutually irritated and inflamed, to Law and
Broils they Avent, each fully determined on the entire
ruin of the other : Nor did the Avreck and waste of the
T
138
Book 4. ch.3. Estate, and ruin of the Family, in their relentless ani
mosities, give them any concern or check. Nor amidst
their furious passions and headlong pursuits, did these
Candidates ever allow themselves to think, that after all
their quarrels and Lawsuits about the Stewardship,
neither the one nor the other could have any Right to
it but by John Bull's own Consent and disposal. And
though at that time this principle Avas not so decidedly
ascertained and acknowledged as it uow is, yet Avas it
clearly deducible not only from reason and common
sense, but from the Spirit and Tenor of the Great
Roll, so often mentioned above, and sanctioned by all
Parties. But the (ruth is, though this Great Roll was then
TheGreatRoii m being, and in full force ; yet such is the propensity
at this time &' J r r J
entirely neg- 0f persons of this Station and Character to contemn all
lected. r '
Right, and to break through all restraint but their own
Will and Passions, that little more regard was had to
this most important Deed and Instrument, than if no
such had existed . And the Stewards had again assumed
all the insolence of the Original Norworld Race. And
the Folk on the Manor in general, as is always the case
with such, being more influenced by Custom and Habit,
than by Reason or Right 3 and being mostly held in
servile dependance on the Aristocrates, had almost lost
both the sight, and the knowledge, of their Rights and
Privileges ; as Avell as the power and spirit to maintain
and defend them.
It would be both tedious and superfluous here to
recount the numerous Trials at Bar, — the various and
contradictory Verdicts obtained in this long and obsti
nate Quarrel ; as well as the many bruises, black eyes, N
139
broken limbs, and spattered brains, that daily occur- Book 4. ch. 3.'
red in the broils and scuffles that took place between
the adherents of the different Parties. For, in such
Quarrels the Cause is never maintained by reason and
argument alone : and here each Party kept in pay a
set of Ruffians, Bailiffs, Bullies, and Banditti, ready
for any enterprise they might choose to set them on.
And whereever these met a desperate Scuffle was sure
to ensue; which never ended without maiming and
bloodshed. In consequence of these indecisive Verdicts, and
varying scuffles, sometimes the one, and sometimes the
other, seized the SteAvardship, and Wasted the Manor.
But at last a final and decisive Verdict Avas obtained by After various
the Eorkists ; and the Longcampstrian Partisans were indecisiveTri-
als Ned the
beaten from the field, and from the Bar, and durst never son of Dick,
i .i •<..<-.,. -r c obtains the
shew their faces in Court again. In consequence ot stewardship.
this Decision, Ned, the Son of Dick the first Claimant,
took possession of the Stewardship : Dick himself hav
ing had his brains beat out irt one of these scuffles
during the Quarrel, and his battered Scull set upon the
gate of Eork Town. And poor Harry was soon after
murdered, or died in Prison, it is scarce known how.
T.2
140
Book 4. ch. 4. Chap IV.
Contents. — The Stewardship of the fourth Ned — and of the fifth, — if he
may be at all said to have held the Stewardship. — Some shocking in
stances of Cruelty and unjust Judgment under the fourth Ned — dyinfj
leaves a Son, Ned, a promising Youth about twelve years of age, with
another son a few years younger — both almost immediately murdered
by their Uncle Dick Hunchback— who himself assumes the Steward-,
ship.
This Ned was a gay handsome amorous blade, and
a great favorite with the Ladies ; which was of no
ship o"athe little service to him in getting, and keeping, quiet pos
er" rNe<|Nthe session of the Stewardship. But Ned though seemingly
Debonair. a ^nc courtly debonair fellow, had at bottom all the
unfeeling insensibility and disregard for man's Life
that belongs to the true Stewardical Character. Of
this a poor felloAv Avho kept a little Vintner's Shop in
Ludstown had a woful proof. This unfortunate Wight
had put up for his Sign the Steward's Crest, or Ensign
of Office ; and willing to Entertain his Guests not only
with his Wine but also with his Wit, he said He would
make his Son Heir to the Steward's Crest — the Name
by Avhich, according to custom, his House Avas known.
But he paid dear for his Avit ; for the Speech having
come to Ned's ears, he had him hanged Avithout re
morse or remedy. It Avas in the same Stewardship,
that another no less luckless Wight happening to have
some dispute with a Retainer to one of your Aristocrates,
who, as the custom then was, Avore a badge bearing his
master's Crest, which, in order to strike his Antagonist
in the dispute dumb at once, he held up to him ; — this
Crest happened to be a SAvan, which the unfortunate
man mistaking for a Goose, said, in the genuine Bull
> Spirit, " I don't mind that Goose ; " — but the poor man
141
was actually hanged for calling the Great Man's Swan Book 4, ch. 4.
a Goose. Ned's Stewardship was not of long continuance ;
and dying in the prime of life he left a Son of his own
name, a Boy about twelve years of age, to succeed him,
and also another Son a few years younger. The eldest
was immediately admitted to the Stewardship, under
the Guardianship of his Uncle Dick Hunchback, a a fifth Ned, a
fellow equally distorted, in Person and Character, in cee'ds— anius
Body and Mind ; but not deficient of force and vigour ™™e iaa^y
in either. This wretch having first got his NepheAvs u'ncie^Dick
into his hands, by causing some uncles by the mother's Hunchback.
side, to whom the care of their Education had been
committed, to be murdered, he determined at all events
to get rid of them also, and to force himself into the
Stewardship. To effect this" he began by trumping up a story of
tlieir Father's illegitimacy, though at the expence of
the honour of his own mother, a venerable Old Lady
still alive. He also endeavoured to impeach the legi
timacy of his Nephews themselves, in consequence of a
reported contract between their Father and another
Lady before he was married to their Mother. But his
surest card in playing this Game, and that on which
he placed most dependance,Avas, to get the seeming ap
probation of John Bull and the Folk on the Manor.
To any other person in Dick's situation this would have
appeared a desperate Attempt, for Dick, on account of
the known perverseness and depravity both of his Per
son and Character, was almost universally detested by
the Family ; besides their abhorrence of the aim he
had at present in vieAV.
142
Book 4. ch. 4. HoAvever, Dick represented the insufficiency of a
Boy for such extensive affairs, and the weakness of his
own Authority in the limited Character of a Guardian ;
and having assembled the Rabble of Ludstown, he en
deavoured by a plausible harangue to get them to hol
low and hail him Steward! — but even the Mob had too
much sense of honour and justice; and not a man of
them would open his mouth. At last having planted
among them some of his own Creatures and Dependants,
and given them their Lesson; he renewed his ha
rangue : and a few voices from the Crowd Avere heard
to call out — Let Richard be Steward ! — Save Steward
.Richard ! To this he appealed as an universal consent.
And having partly by fear, and partly by promises of
Farms and Freeholds out of the Manor, prevailed on
two or three of the principal Holders to countenance
his Design, he made these the pretence of a general in
vitation to assume the Stewardship ; and at last with
great affected reluctance, - actually assumed it. His
Nephews, two fine promising Boys, were, under pre
tence of safety, sent to an old Castle belonging to the
Steward ; and were never seen nor heard of more.
143
Chap. V. Book4.ch.a.
Contents — The Stewardship of the third Dick, or Dick Hunchback.—
This Dick a Fellow equally depraved in Body and Mind — Soon be
comes universally detested — A general Conspiracy against him,
beaded by Harry De Rougemont — In one of those Brawls which are
common on such occasions Dick gets his brains beat out, and Harry
with the consent of John Bull and the Family assumes the Steward
ship.
Howevbr little account the Stewards on John Bull's
Estate may affect to make of the choice, consent, or ap- Dick Hunch-
probation, of the Family, when they think themselves the choice*^?
securely fixed in the office ; and however confidently and assumes
they may talk of indefeasable Hereditary Right when 8ta7p.S'eward"
such doctrines suit their purposes, — no sooner do they
find their situation doubtful, or want to found a new
Claim, than they are fain to have recourse to this only
true and Legitimate ground of Right, the Approbation
of the Proprietors, the Choice of John Bull and his
Family. And had this Dick had any fair pretension
to rest his Possession on that foundation, it might per-*
haps have been both valid and lasting. But Dick's
claim to such a choice Avas a mere pretence, which
could neither impose upon himself nor others.
But, besides his Possession being a mere usurpa
tion, both on the civil Rights of his Nephews, and the
natural Rights of John Bull, the desperate wicked
ness of his Character, and especially the murder of his
Nephews, had rendered this Dick so universally de-1
tested, that there was a general combination of almost
all who lived on the Manor to expel him from theisdeposed.and
Stewardship. A few Lawyers, indeed, and some attend- byVheuniver-
ants about the Steward's Office,— and these, because ^fd ^prta-
tbey could not well extricate themselves from him — tion of the Fa-
144
Book 4. ch. 5. stood by him. But when a Prosecution was raised
against him, and an Action at Law was brought under
the conduct of Harry Godgift, Elderman of Rouge-
ment, supported by almost the whole Inhabitants of
the Manor, a Rencounter of the Parties took place ;
and some even of those who pretended to be of Dick's
side, deserting him, he was found at the close of the
Fray with his brains beat out, Avhether by his oavh party
or the opposite was never knoAvn ; but that the thing
was done seemed to give great satisfaction to all parties,
and put an end to the Lawsuit.
Chap. VI.
Contents — The Stewardship of the Seventh Harry.— This Harry pre
suming on some alliances to the Longcampster Line— takes Possession
of the Stewardship — is confirmed by the consent of the Bull Family,
his only valid Title — marries the Eldest Daughter of the late Ned,
since the Death of her Brothers the real lineal Heiress to the Steward
ship — of which title her Husband was so zealous that he never treated
her generously nor tenderly. — Thi6 Harry's most conspicuous charac
teristic Avarice, and the principal Business of his Stewardship Ex
torting Money under various pretences from rich Individuals.
This Harry De Rougemont Avas allied to the Longcamp
ster Family, and had some remote pretensions to the
Harry De Stewardship ; of which he availed himself to take im-
Rougemont r
assumes the mediate possession of it. And as this was done Avith the
Stewardship, vfith the con- universal consent of John Bull's Family ; which was
proha.ion of indeed his only valid Title, he,stood firmly established
ami y. .^ ^e Office. But this universal consent arose rather
from his having rid them of such a detestable pest as
143
Dick, than from the opinion of any Claim or Right Book 4. ch.G.
inherent in himself. But to strengthen his Claim
both from Possession and Right, and to make that of
his Posterity indisputable, he, conformable to the de
sire of the whole Bull Family, married Bett, the Eldest
Daughter of the late Ned ; since the death of her Bro
thers the unquestionable lineal Heir to the Steward
ship. This Harry was a shreAvd, politic, deep designing
knave, and taking advantage of the situation of things,
at his accession to the Stewardship, when the Family
were quite tired out with broils and quarrels, he laid
the foundation of a more vigorous, efficient, and deci- T'.ie . Famiiv
° ' tired out with
sive, exercise of the Office, than any of his Predeces- Broils, and
_L their leading
sors since John Bull recovered the Right and Posses- Men extm.
sion of his own Manor, had been able to attain to . them ; Harry
t, , ... ,, t, . . . ... ... assumes a most
ror however arbitrary the .Principles and dispositions vigorous and
of the Original Norworld Race might be ; they found ercisiTojF the
themselves in general, after the first Guillam, so much Stewardsll|p-
checked by the defects in their Titles, and the defer
ence they were hence obliged to show to the Tenants
and people on the Manor, that they seldom could
carry their poAver to the full extent of their Principles.
And they were at last still further impeded in the ex
ercise of this power by the great influence of the prin
cipal occupiers of land on the Manor, who had either
come in with Guillam and cl aimed to be Sharers in his
acquisitions ; or had risen in consequence of the indul
gence of his Successors to the Supporters of their defec
tive Titles. But this Harry not only united in his
Family by his marriage, the Claims of both the late
contending Parties ; but it contributed further to his
146
Book 4. ch. s. stability, that during the long contests in which almost
every one took a part, the great Occupiers of Land,
many of Avhom had scarce less power and influence
than the Steward himself, had either been ruined in
their Fortunes, or their Families had been extinguished
in the late long quarrels and broils, in which, as Ave
have said, many on both sides lost their lives. And
even those who survived, and still retained their Lands,
found themselves so much encumbered Avith debts, in
which these quarrels had involved them, that they were
fain to dispose of part of their large estates, in order to
disencumber the rest. To do this, Harry gave them
good leave ; as being sensible that he Avas thereby get
ting rid of the most poAverful and troublesome inter
rupters of that arbitrary exercise of the Office, which
every SteAvard aims at. Add to all this, that the Folk
on the Estate were in general so tired out, and so sick
of Broils and Quarrels about the Stewardship, in which
many of them had little interest or concern, that they
were glad to sit down quietly under almost any exer
cise of it.
Of this Harry's Character one of the most distin-
Iiarry's lead- guislied features was avarice, an insatiable desire of
'.ng propen- amassing money ; in which indeed he Avas highly suc-
sitythcamas- ° J s J
sing of Mo-ccssful. For as rich individuals Avere his marked prey,
ney : which x J
he does with the Tenantry and Folk on the Manor in general Avere
great dexte-
nty and sue- not much interrupted, and in return minded their own
business, and did not much interrupt him in his pro
ceedings. And as he set upon his victims one by onex
Avhom under various pretences he fined in enormous sums
in the Courts of the Manor; and as each hoped to
escape till he himself Avas seized on, no general corabi-
147
nation of the Rich was excited against him. Of these Book 4. ch. 6.
long and successful extortions he had tAvo tried and
approved agents named Duddy and Dempson, a couple
of Hounds true to the scent, and eager in the chace; But his lnstm-
the keenest Diabolus Dispesatorius, in our days not ty&Demp-
more so. But what deserves observation, as mark- Sable3, bm
ing the difference betAveen these times and ours, solitfry e*-
' ample, are
is, that though these trusty Curs of the Steward hanged for
J their labour.
went on long with impunity, they both at last
received the due reward of their deeds, and Avere
hanged for their practices. Whereas so thoroughly
inured are the Bull family noAv to submission and pa
tience, that the most obnoxious tools of the Steward
knoAV they have nothing to fear, or answer for, either
with their lives or property ; though instead of a few
Rich Men. their extortion and rapacity extends to every
Individual on the Manor, who has any thing to part
with, or to be seized upon ; or who dares to assume a
thought or sentiment of his OAvn, or utter a word that
may detect the pernicious policy of the Steward's
Office. By the means mentioned above, this Harry, the
first of the Theodore, or Godgift Line, transmitted the Transmits his
Stewardship to his Son of the same Name, so firmly ^/newiy 'm-
established both in wealth and authority, that No Stew- sTed <• »gh
J ' strain of Au-
ard since Guillam of Norworld had exercised the Office J?01 "y in the.
Lxercise of
with so high a hand. And it requires to be particu- the steward
ii i • i • i ii- ti r- ship tohis son
larly noticed, that this high and arbitrary Exercise of Harry-which
a ii. • i ¦ i • i i i • 's vigorously
the Stewardship was so vigourously maintained by Ins maintained
successors through the whole of the Godgift Line ; that whole of the
though a mere usurpation, confirmed by habit, and
encouraged by Forbearance, it came to be looked upon
v2
143
Book 4. ch. 6,. as the genuine Spirit and Principle of the Office. And
those who, notwithstanding the Great Roll, the Claim
of Rights, the Roll of Rights, and all the solemn
sanctions since confirmed by Facts, and now in force
to the contrary, would still bring the Execise of the
SteAvardship to these arbitrary Principles, and put the
tuousTtuTof servant before his Master, the Steward above his Lord,
sumed'by the are s*'^ ^ond °f recurring to these times for precedents.
steward. rp0 these times also, and to this over-strained idea of
the Exercise of the SteAvard's Office and Authority may
be referred the resumption of that insolent and assum
ing stile and Manner of Speech still permitted, and
constantly used by the Steward, of calling the Family
and Folk on the Manor My Folk, — and the Meeting,
originally intended to consult about the affairs of the
Family, and to direct and restrain his Authority and
Power, My Faithful Folk-meeting, — and both Cham
bers of Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office, My Palaverium.
And when lately, in our OAvn times, a despicable Syco
phant Knave* to flatter the SteAvard, and feel the Pulse
of the Folk on the Manor, ventured lo broach the Doc-
— An instance trine — That the Steward was the sole Source and Spring
of as eflects. of ajj power? Possession, and Right on the Manor ; and
that all Laws, Customs, and Privileges centered solely
in his Authority.— That Constitution Hall with all its
Privileges and Rights of Protection might be blown in
the air, — Mrs. Bull turned out of doors, and the House
razed to the Foundation — in short — that all that John
Bull and his Family had been for generations labouring
* The Recreant R— v— s. This AVolf in sheep's clothing, who would
have reduced all Liberty to the Steward's Will, and consigned all proper
ty to his disposal, had a little before set up the Cry of Liberty and Pro
perty. Such are the tricks attempted to be played upon John Bulk
149
to establish and secure, might be lopt off and swept away ; Book 4. ch. 8.
and yet the whole Economy of the Manor would be essen
tially perfect and entire if the Steward's Office and Au
thority remained. But when some of the few faithful
Sons of the Family in the Palaverium, jealous of the
Squire's Interest and Mrs. Bull's Honour, — proposed to
call this Caitif to account for such a traiterous position ;
the skulking Knave was fain to pull in his horns ; and
to take shelter under the above Mode of Speech, plead
ing, that he meant nothing more than it implied. And
by the accustomed influence of the Steward's Agents he
escaped even without censure : a proof that it is high
time that this Mode of Speech were put aii end to,
when such plain and palpable Villainy can find Shelter
under it. Not but that the Mode of Speech is at pre
sent too well supported by Facts. Yet dare not the
boldest advocate of such Speeches, nor the readiest
Actors in such Facts, appeal to their direct meaning
and tendency in Support of their Principles and De
signs ; as conscious that they are no less false and inde
fensible, than they are evident and undeniable.
150
Book 4 ch.7. CHAP. VII.
Contents — The Stewardship of the Eighth Harry— this Harry comes tb
the Stewardship in the early prime of Youth, full of Life and Spirit ;
and setting out in a high Strain of Gayety and Expencesoon dissipates
the immense treasures his Father's lAvarice had amassed— The most
important transaction of this Stewardship the Quarrel with Peter, and
his consequent expulsion from the Manor — another distinguished fea
ture of this Steward's character was his singular humour with respect
so his Wives — of which he married Six — hanged two — devorced two —
one dying of her first child eluded her fate, one after a very narrow
escape for her her life, saw him out.
The steward- Harry, the Second of the Godgift Line, succeeded his
Eighth Har- Father in the Stewardship, in the early prime of youth,
ry" and being gay, free, and high-spirited, he soon dissi
pated the immense wealth that his father had amassed.
And so great was his vanity and ostentation, that in a
lawsuit which he had with Lewis Baboon, he affected to
retain as a laAvyer in his cause the great Squire South,
who assumes the highest stile and title of the whole
country round, and allowed him a retaining Fee of
100 dollars a day. And the Squire, a covetous crafty
hunks, ahvays ready to do any thing for money, was
very happy at such a price to flatter Harry's vanity
and made no little ostent of the honour he did him in
condescending to receive his money. This is perhaps
the first instance of that practice, which has since in
our time so ruinously prevailed, of the profuse and un
conscientious lavishing of John Bull's money in retain
ing Fees to lawyers and their Train on Terrafirm, for
the Interest, or Vanity of the Steward.
But the most important, and prominent feature, in
the Character and SteAvardship of this Harry, was his
Quarrel and Breach with Lord Peter. And that arose
chiefly from another, scarce less distinguishing feature,
131
his singular humour with respect to his Wives, of which
he had Six successively. And of these, two he hanged,
tAvo he divorced, one escaped fairly by dying in child
bed of her first child, and the Sixth, after a very nar
row escape for her life, saw him out, and survived him.
This Fellow, though as unprincipled as any of his
Station, had no notion, like most of them, of keeping a
Mistress when he had got tired of his Wife, or of in
dulging his fancy abroad when it was surfeited with its
object at home. But being as entirely addicted to self-
gratification as any of the Race could be ; and as, in the
true Spirit of his Profession, the Life of Man orWoman
was nothing to him, his readiest way seemed to be,
when tired of one Wife, or when he had cast his eye on
another object, to make room for her by dispatching the
first. Two of the number mentioned above, however,
being from the Families of two neighbouring Stewards
of great Authority and Influence in the whole country
round, he durst not altogether indulge his own dispo
sition in getting rid of them in the shortest and most
efficacious way ; he was therefore content with di
vorcing them. The others being natives of the Manor,
and of John Bull's own Family, Avith Avhom he thought
no ceremony was necessary, he made no difficulty of
dispatching them in his own way. — But to the point of
his dispute Avithi Peter.
We have already observed that the first Ned had
dipt the wings of Peter, and set some bounds to his
Pretensions in the Manor of Albion. But though from
that time his Authority and Influence were greatly li
mited, compared to Avhat they had been in SteAvard
Jack's time, when he assumed the sole disposal of the
Book 4. ch. 7.
The two most
distinguishing Features of
his Charac
ter and Stew
ardship, the
Dismissal of
Peter, — and
singular Dis-,
posal of Six
Wives.
152
Book 4. ch. 7. Manor ; yet as John Bull's Mother's Household Stew
ard, and Manager of her large Jointure, to which he
obstinately pretended, his influence on the Estate, and
authority with the Family, were still very considerable,
particularly all matters concerning Pontificals, Creeds,
and Kirkcraft, were still permitted tft be under his
management. Marriage and Divorce, of course, fell
within his Province.
Now Harry, after he had lived twenty years Avith
his first Wife Kate, having cast an eye on one of her
waiting maids, began to be troubled with unconquera
ble scruples of conscience about the lawfulness of his
marriage, because his wife had been contracted in early
youth to his elder brother, who died a boy. He ac
cordingly applied for Peter's authority to divorce her
under pretence of these checks of conscience, and this
unlawfulness of his marriage. — Whatever his pretence
might have been, it would have made no difference with
Peter ; nor for what his authority Avas wanted — Avhe-
ther to divorce his Wife, to marry his Mother, or to
murder his Father, Peter's sanction might with equal
ease and certainty have been obtained, by one so able
and willing to pay for it as Harry was in the present
instance. But it happened that this Avife was the sister
of the Great Lord Strut, a person of prime importance
and of extensive influence in the country round ; and
being in high favour with Peter, he interposed in be
half of his sister to prevent the divorce. This greatly
embarrassed Peter, who wished not to offend either of
the tAvo parties, each of which he thought he might
turn to good account. But, as in the present case he
could not oblige both, he thought it his best game- 1&
153
temporize, and tamper with each party separately, and Book 4. ch. 7.
to protract as long as possible a business, which while »
it lasted Was sure to draw money and compliances from
both. But Harry's humour was too impatient, and his
Character too impetuous, to be trifled with. And find
ing he could bring Peter to no decision, and that he
rather favoured his adversary' s side, after much time
and tampering, — he determined by his OAvn Authority Peter and a)l
to turn his wife out of doors, and Peter with all his his , i>acl'
' turned out
Train out of John Bull's Mother's House, and off the of . ?°°rus.'
' and all his
Manor of Albion at once. Which with a small effort Power and
Pretensions
of his Authority he effectually -did. assumed by
. . Harry him
This, considering the influence of Peter at that self.—
time through the whole Country, was certainly a bold
stroke ; but perfectly in character for Harry. Peter
then being expelled the Manor, Harry had no difficulty,
by means of the Chief of the Kirkcraft Cast on the
Manor, to obtain a divorce from his Old Wife, and a
Marriage with a young one ; for truly Kate was a little
in years, and considerably older than Harry himself.
Harry now, in conformity with the arbitrary strain
which the Stewardship had then assumed, declared that
he took all Matters Avhich had formerly been under the
management of Peter and his Agent into his own hands. Har^s j^*
And that the Economy of John Bull's Mother's Hous- trary ^exer-
hold, the Disposal of her jointure, with whatever re- stewardship.
lated to Creeds or Kirkcraft, equally with all the other
concerns of the Manor, rested wholely with himself.
In fact, John Bull and all that he had were not more
arbitrarily claimed and possessed by Guillam of Nor-
154
Book 4. ch. 7. world than now by this Harry. — And even at the pre
sent day, when every intimation of the Will of the
Steward ; though it were to call for 500,000 livres at
a time to support the expence of his Daughters'
Vanity, or to discharge the debts- of his Son's De
bauchery, is re-echoed with eager complaisance by
the Palaverium, — even at this day, though John
and all he possesses are more easily and indisput-
edly at the Disposal of the Steward, — they are not more
absolutely disposed of by him, than they were by this
Harry : whose Father had but a few years before, by
the mere favour and partiality of the Family stepped
into the Stewardship. — And this will always be the
case with every Steward, where the Landlord does not
keep a proper eye and check upon him : of this John
Bull's Affairs at this moment afford a deplorable, and
it is to be feared, a desperate proof.
However even this arbitrary assumption into such
a hand as Harry's proved on this occasion of some ad
vantage to the Family, as it got them rid of the crafty
Knave Peter artd his Policy for ever. And the Spirit
of the Bull Family, though at that time depressed and
seemingly dormant, found afterwards a time and means
effectually to check the presumptuous pretensions of
the Stewardship. But though this step of Harry's, in driving the
Rogue Peter with all his Train out of Madam Bull's
House, and from all their possessions on the Manor,
was in the event attended with great and important
consequences, yet the advantages of it did not immedi
ately much appear. For this Harry was just as inso-
155
lent and as arbitrary as Peter himself could be ; and Book 4. ch.
assumed the same absolute tyranny over the understand
ing, Conscience, and common Sense of the People on
the Manor that Peter had done.
And as to the immense Possessions which Peter
and his followers had got into their hands out of the
Old Lady's Estates and Jointure Lands, instead of re
storing them to the Squire or his Mother, to whom they
belonged, the Steward lavished them in extravagant
and unconscionable Donations upon his Favorites,
Menial Servants, and the Idlest Attendants about his
Office.
Chap. VIIL
Contents.— The Stewardship of the Sixth Ned.— This Ned a most prom
ising Youth—acts under the Guardianship of Two Uncles— During
his short Stewardship the Bull Family make considerable advances
in Freedom and Knowledge— Dies under age.
To Harry succeeded his only Son Ned. This Ned The steward-
was a most amiable and promising Youth ; but when sixth Ned. *
his Father died he was a mere boy, and principally
under the management of two Uncles by the Mother's
side. These luckily Avere no friends to the expelled
Peter and his Usurpations. And as they were more in
tent upon securing their own influence and authority
in the Steward's Office, and on the Manor in general,
than anxious about the Economy of Madam Bull's
x2
156
Boob 4. ch. 8. Houshold, or the speculative opinions of Kirkcraft,
the tyrannical authority, arbitrary dogmas, and absurd
practises imposed by the late Harry in these matters
were much abated ; and the Folk on the Manor found
themselves more at liberty to use their Understandings,
and exercise their Reason, than they had ever been ac
customed to. And as such extraordinary changes, and
such bold violations of what had so long been held sa
cred, astonished and aroused the mind, the Folk began
to think. And though for a Avhile, especially during
the life of Harry, they found it convenient to keep
their thoughts much to themselves, yet the Mind had
broken its fetters ; and though it was not able at one
Under it the effort to burst open its prison doors, it could not much
Bull Family iongjer be confined. Light had been let in, the embers
make great £> ° '
advances in 0f Truth and Freedom had been stirred, and were
Knowledge
and Freedom kindling ; and soon after they blazed forthwith a flame,
whose light and heat diffused themselves over this and
many neighbouring Manors, and have never since been
quenched. When light is once let in, and the Mind unfettered
from prejudice, Reason and Common Sense are for the
most part sufficiently clear-sighted to find their way in
the essential concerns of life and Practice. Accordingly,
during the short Stewardship of this Ned, the Bull
Family made great though silent advances in the prac
tical knowledge of whatever concerned their Rights
and Privileges as Men, and as Denizens of their own
Manor, as Avell as in Science and Theological Specu-
tion ; on which at this time all the World Avere parti
cularly intent.
157
Chap. IX. Book 4. ch. 9.
Contents.— Some further Strictures on the Character, Policy, and Prac
tices of Peter— his Craft in keeping the Will or Testament of the Great
Lord Paramount shut up in an unknown tongue — This, now translated
into the Dialect of the Manor of Albion, diffuses great light and im
provement among the Folk on the Manor.
As we have had such frequent occasion to mention
Peter and his Practices, and are now about to get rid of
him from the Bull Manor and Family for ever, it may
not be amiss before we part, to take a little more parti- A few parting
, * strictures on
cular notice of his Character, and Policy not only on the Charac-
the Manor of Albion, but whereever his influence ex- iicy of Peter
tended. Peter, as stated above, first got footing on
the Manor of Albion by the permission of John Bull
and his Steward, for the purpose of introducing some
Scholarship and Manners, as also some Kirkcraft Insti
tutions into the Family : of all which they stood much
in need. But Peter, always a selfish designing Knave,
taking advantage of the ignorance and credulity of the
Folk in general, instead of enlarging their knowledge,
only endeavoured to impress upon them certain cabal-
istical Notions, and Artificial Dogmas; a kind of
Quackery of his own invention, more absurd and con
temptible than mere simple Ignorance. And instead
of a pious and venerable Theologism, taught, and ha
bituated them to a kind of Deisdemonism, more ridicu
lous and absurd than was ever professed, or practised,
by the most rude and barbarous people in the world.
But the most important, and most zealously en
forced, of all Peter's Nostrum's, was, the necessity of
a Firm Belief that he himself was an Infallible Guide in
all cases — that he could give a Dispensation from all
158
Book 4. ch. 9. the Laws of God and Man — that he could give any
man a pardon, not only for all the wickedness and
crimes he had ever committed, but for all that he ever
should, or could, commit ; and that nothing more was
necessary to secure his entrance into heaven than such
a Pardon or Pasport, under the hand of Peter or any
one commissioned by him. And such pardons were
actually sold every day to whoever chose to purchase
them. What a gainful Trade Peter must raise from
this one Article, amidst the ignorance which he culti
vated, and the implicit faith which he enjoined, may
be easily conjectured, Peter's great aim was to make
men mere tools in his hands and the hands of his Emi-
saries ; and that Men should be with respect to them,
what Beasts of Service are with respect to men ; and
that their lives and Goods should be equally at his dis
posal. And though in the concerns of Life and Goods,
he has not been completely successful ; yet as to all in
terference of Reason and Common Sense in Matters of
Religion and Moral Practice bis success had been
almost complete.
But now, Peter having been expelled from the
Manor of Albion, and his Quackery exposed, the Bull
Family and the Folk on the Manor in general made
surprising progress in freedom of thought, improve
ment of manners, and vigour of character.
What greatly contributed to this emancipation of
mind, and general improvement, was, the Publication
at this time, in the common dialect of the Manor, of the
Will or Testament of the Great Lord Paramount of the
boundless Regions of Paspasapan, containing a System
of the most excellent Maxims, Examples, Laws, audi
159
Will or
Testamentof the Great
Lord Para
mount of
Paspasapan,
which Peter
had kept
locked up in
an iron chest
in an Un
known
tongue, be
ing published
in the dialect
of the Ma
nor, produ
ces Greaf
and Good
Effects.
Institutions, for the regulation of life and practice that Book 4. ch. 9.
ever was dfcvised. This Will or Testament was pro- The
fessedly the foundation of all the Laws and Institutions,
and the indisputable Standard and Rule of Opinions
and Manners, not only on the Manor of Albion, but on
all the neighbouring Manors of the whole country
round ; though in fact, nothing can be more contrary
to its Spirit and Design in most instances, than both
their Institutions and Practice.
But as Peter had assumed to himself the whole
Right of regulating opinions, manners, and practice,
through the same extent of Country ; and indeed pre
tended to be the sole and absolute Representative and
Vicegerent of the Lord Paramount, and the immediata
Substitute of his Only Son, whom he had solemnly de
clared alone his Representative and Heir, — he claimed
to himself, as sole executor, the keeping, with the abso
lute and indisputed Interpretation, of this Will. But
as his own conduct and practices, as well as what ha
prescribed to others, were in general glaringly inconsis
tent with it, the contradiction would have been too
plain and palpable even to the most simple and igno
rant, with this Will and Testament in their hands.
Peter therefore pretended, that as Sole Executor
and Depositary of the Will, all the laws, regulations,
and customs prescribed in it were left wholely to his
Interpretation, and Authority ; and that nothing could
be more dangerous than for men to use their own rea
son and understanding on such subjects. Which, as
he represented them, were often the direct contrary to
common sense and sound reason. He therefore kept
the Will locked up in an iron chest, and written in a
160
Book 4. ch. 9. language wholely unknown to those in general for
whom it was intended : and only understood by a feAV
of the initiated. But now knowledge had begun to
dawn ; and even some of the initiated, either from con
viction and detestation of the roguery, or from emula
tion and jealousy among themselves, began to blab,
and to expose the Imposture ; so that it was impossible
to keep the Contents of the Will a secret any longer.
This Will being, then, as we have said, at this
time published in the Albion Dialect, and also in the
different Dialects of some of the surrounding Manors,
such light and knowledge in the general concerns of all
the Inhabitants of the Great Tsland of Sublunaria, on
which we live, was let in, as aroused a Spirit of Free
dom and Enquiry, which all the arts and efforts of
Peter and his Emisaries have never been able to sup
press.* Indeed from this period, on the whole of the
Albion and some neighbouring Manors the authority
of Peter has been entirely at an end, and himself and
all his abettors expelled under the severest penalties.
What gave the most general satisfaction to the
whole Country, and excited universal indignation
against Peter, was,j — that when this Will or Testament,
which had been represented as so mysterious, so dange
rous and unfit for the hands of common folk, came to
be knoAvn ; it was found to be the most plain, simple,
* Perhaps the present state of the Manors of Iberia and Green Erin
may he adduced as exceptions to this assertion. And it is surely asingular
Phenomenon in Nature, — that though more noble, generous, and exalted
spirits, than may be found on either of these Manors, can no where be traced :
yet the rest of the species seem scarce more eagerly to aspireat knowledge,
freedom, and dignity ; than these at ignorance, slavery, and debasement
of Character and Intellect, and to exhibit themselves the devoted tools of
Peter : such is the myid-blasting, the man-d ebasing effect of this pernicious
quackery.
161
and practicable, that could be imagined; consisting Bjok 4. ch.;
chiefly of most excellent rules, precepts, admonitions,
and examples, for the conduct of life and manners—
with innumerable instances of the miserable effects of
vice and neglect of Religion, and the happy effects of
Piety and good morals on all the interests of Men. In
short, nothing could exceed its simplicity and plain
ness, but its excellent design, and beneficent tendency.
It contains indeed
id quod
/Eque pauperibus prodest, locupletibus aeque ;
iEque neglectum pueris senibusque nocebit.
That which, duly regarded, may equally profit the rich and
the poor ; and the neglect of which, must be equally hurt
ful to the young and to the old.
Some mysterious matters are indeed intimated in
this Will. But upon these the practical part nowise
depends ; nor are they required to be understood, or
received, further than they are supported by evident
and indisputable facts. Indeed these mysterious Points
may rather be said to be merely intimated, than any in this Will
it/. .. -ii -j ••! Mysteries on-
behet or opinion concerning them required or enjoined. iy accident-
In that part of the Will supposed to be immediately to—ut main
dictated by the Testator himself, I think there is not andp'rac".^!
one point of opinion or belief directly enjpined or re
quired ; except the reception of the only Son as vice
gerent in all the regions of his Dominions. These
mysterious points indeed principally concern the person
and character of the Great Lord Paramount and this
his only Son, and sole Representative ; together with
their Councils and Designs in the Economy and Govern
ment of their Avhole Dominions ; the greater part of
which, with the Seat of the Government, lie entirely
beyond the Knowledge of the inhabitants of these Re-
162
Biok 4. ch. 9. gions. Of all these subjects, therefore, the Inhabitants
of this Island of Sublunaria can have but very limited
and imperfect notions and conceptions ; and it is a ne
cessary consequence, that to them many things concern
ing such subjects must appear wonderful, mysterious,
and incomprehensible. — When the Traveller told the
Prince who lived under the direct rays of the Sun, that
in his country Avater sometimes became solid, and might
be walked upon, — the Prince told him that he had long
suspected him of telling falsehoods, but now he knew
he lied. And the Prince was no doubt excusable ; for
he thought he knew water as well as the Traveller.
Yet where the Traveller had been, the incredible Fact
was neither false, nor mysterious.
Besides, this Will is Avritten in a highly figurative
stile, such being peculiar to that part of the Country in
bricated out Avhich it was draAvn up ; and many of the pretended
rative"5 lIh- Mysteries and difficulties arise entirely out of the figura-
Avnf-upttive language.
had^uUt'" From all these, Peter and his Coadjutors have in-
fhousand ri-jjggjj furnished out a strange medley of ludicrous mum-
iliculous ab- s J
surdities. meries, absurd opinions, and incomprehensible dogmas ;
and this farrago he will insist on cramming down the
throats of all Avho come within his reach. And were
this the worst, the whole might be laughed at, or passed
over in contempt. But upon these ludicrous and in
comprehensible Absurdities Peter and his imitators have
ingrafted very serious and important Practices. For
though those mysterious points of which we are speak
ing are but occasionally and transiently alluded to in
the Will, Peter and his folloAvers have made them the
Essentials of the whole ; without the reception of which,
163
no person, whatever his other pretensions may be, can Book 4. ch< 9.
be permitted to partake of the benefits of the Will ; or
even to Live in the society who pretend to have' adopt
ed its Rules. And on some Manors Avhere the autho
rity and Influence of Peter are supreme, the unques
tioned Reception of these Dogmas, the ready SAvallow-
ingdown of this Farrago, is made the very criterion of of which was
Avho may Live, and Avho must Die. A"d thousands ™fwho might
have been burnt alive — for that is the merciful mode of muestadie.w °
punishment that Peter has adopted — for being only
suspected to doubt, Avhat no man in his right senses ever
did believe, or ever can believe. — For instance—-
The Great Representative and Vicegerent of the
Lord Paramount, one night at supper Avith some chosen
Friends, having in a very particular and impressive
manner, under the consciousness that it was the last
time he should eat and drink Avith them, in breaking
and presenting bread to them — certainly somewhat mys
tically, and in that figurative stile peculiar to the Coun
try — announced it as his body, — or, as representing his
Body to be broken for them, — alluding to a violent
Death, he was about to suffer on their behalf — from this
figurative Expression Peter has determined that not
only the Bread used on this occasion, but all bread since
used in commemoration of it, — after one of the initiated
has pronounced certain words over it,— is really Flesh,
and the very body of the said Representative. And
Peter has not only consigned to eternal damnation all
who dare to doubt this, but has actually committed to
the Flames thousands for confessing that they could not
believe it. It is to no purpose to appeal to his or their
senses for the Bread standing before them ; — it is suffi-
y2
164
Book 4. ch. 9. crent, that Peter has said it is Flesh, and that they are
all eternally damned who dare to doubt or deny it.
Upon these and a thousand other unknown and
unknowable points, — such as the Personal Properties
of the Lord Paramount and his only Son and Vicege
rent, their Characters, and the Relation they bear to
one another, their deepest Counsels, and most secret de
signs, — Peter and those Avho have followed his steps,
have erected a system of Dogmata and Credenda, per
fectly beyond all human comprehension, and beside
all human uses and purposes ; nay even the future
Destinations and most mysterious Conceptions, of these
illustrious Personages, the very Frame and Constitution
. ... of their Minds and Wills* are all exactly determined
A positiveness J
and pecuiia-Dy tnese irrefragable Doctors. And upon all these
rity affected J ° r
upon these points they affect to prescribe with a positiveness, and
points that pronounce with a precision and particularity, that
is truly ab- . .
surd and ri- Avould be ridiculous even iii talking of their most inti
mate and familiar acquaintances. — Yet these Illustrious
Sovereigns hold their Residence in, and Rule over, Re
gions altogether beyond the knoAvledge or discovery of
the Inhabitants of Sublunaria ; and Avhich Avere never
visited by one from that Country, who ever returned
to report concerning them.
And all these Incomprehensibilities have not only
been talked of and disputed upon, as matter of specu
lation and opinion, but prescribed by Peter and others
as absolutely to be received, and believed, by all, un
der pain of Death here, and Eternal Damnation here
after.
J The Monothelite Controvert Pret. Com.
1 61
Yet these Points in general are just of as little im- Book 4 ch.
portance to all practical ends and purposes, as whether
he who is to eat an egg break it at the great or the srnall
end ; and as incapable of being decided by Sublunari-
ans, as what" is the stature of Men in the Moon. But
to resume our more immediate subject.
By the Publication of this Will in the language of
the Manor, and by the natural shrewdness and freedom
of thinking habitual to John Bull's Family, Peter's arts
were now all clearly detected, and his Character and
Designs so thoroughly seen through, and detested, that
he could never after obtain any permanent footing on
the Manor of Albion. It is true a bold and desperate
attempt to restore his Authority Avas made in the ensu
ing Stewardship of the wretched Moll, Ned's sister.
But happily that Stewardship, as it was the worst, Avas
also the shortest, on the Records of the Manor; and the
attempt not only proved abortive ; but by the horror it
struck stands one of the strongest securites against Pe
ter's ever again obtaining a footing on the Manor.
166
Book 4. ch. 10. Chap. X.
Contents— The Stewardship of Moll the Atrocious— Moll recalls Peter,
and attempts to establish all his influence and Authority, to effect
which, the mostt shocking cruelties are practised — and numbers of the
most pious and venerable persons on the Manor daily burnt alive
to enforce it — The Death of the wretched Moll soon puts an end to
these atrocities.
We have already mentioned that the Stewardship of
The steward the Manor of Albion is hereditary, and that to prevent
the Atrocious disorder and disputes, Females as well as Males were
capable of inheriting it ; and as it is always executed
principally by Clerks and Agents, this occasioned no
inconveniency. For however disgraceful this Steward
ship of the wretched Molly may be thought, the Office
has never been exercised with more vigour in the Stew
ardship, or more honour and advantage to the Family,
than under some Female Occupants.
The late Ned having died young, and left no Heir
of his body, was succeeded by his Eldest Sister Moll.
This Damsel, the Daughter of Harry's first divorced
Wife, had unfortunately been by her mother brought
up in the most bigotted attachment to Peter, and the
most absolute resignation to all his presumptuous, ab
surd, and pernicious pretensions : all Avhich she incon
tinent undertook to restore, and establish again on the
Albion Manor. The two Harries, her father and grand
father, had stretched the Pretensions and Authority of
the Stewardship to the highest pitch, and far beyond
its legitimate Claims ; and it still retained something of
that tension and vigour they had given it. John Bull
also had not yet assumed all that consciousness of his
167
own Right and Power which naturally belonged to him ; Book 4. ch. 10.
and which he has since asserted, and established upon
such firm foundations, that the boldest Steward dare
not openly attack them ; however successful they may
have been in secretly undermining them.
From these favouring circumstances, Moll pro
ceeded with considerable success in her design. Peter wUh'ai? his
was recalled with all his Train ; and incited even be- Train-
yond his own forwardness to assume all his former In
fluence and PoAver ; and in the Steward's Household
and Office this was immediately done. But in John
Bull's Mother's House this could not be so easdy ef
fected. Some grave, pious, and truly respectable per
sons had, under the late Stewards, got the principal
management of that Arenerable Lady's Affairs into their
hands ; and as their Characters stood high with the
Folk on the Manor, it might have been thought dan
gerous to meddle with them. But Moll, of weak judg
ment but impetuous zeal, was determined to stop at
nothing ; and believing that the sacrificing these ve
nerable persons would strike a terror into the rest, she
caused under the sanction of Peter and his Agents,
great numbers of them to be burnt alive in the public
Market-place. But these shocking exhibitions had an
effect directly contrary to what was intended. For the
constancy and firmness they shewed amidst the Flames,
in protesting against Peter and all his atrocious Prac
tices, instead of inspiring terror, only excited indigna
tion and resentment, and confirmed all persons in an
invincible detestation of Peter and all that Avas con-
168
Book4. ch. 10. nected with so horrible a syste'm as Peterkinism, — So
this system came now to be called.
The scenes exhibited at this time were truly shock-
Themost shock- ing; for daily in the streets and high-way might be
in0' scenes of
Cruelty ex- seen the Fires blazing, and the best and most pious and
force6 the r'e- innocent persons on the Manor broiling alive in them.
PePter°andh1sFor Moll, beside that contempt for the lives of the
Imposetueres!d PeoPIe habitual to the Stewardical Character, had so
entirely resigned both her understanding, and con
science, and even her Humanity, to Peter and his
Emissaries, that she was fully satisfied that whatever
they approved or commanded must be pious and good.
And as to Peter himself and his Initiated Abettors, they
had so long entirely discarded every principle of
Nature, and Humanity, that such scenes were perfectly
familiar and indifferent to them.
But happily these scenes were but of short conti
nuance, and the unlamented death of this wretched
Stewardess soon put an end to these horrours, to the
universal satisfaction of John Bull's Family and all
who lived on the Manor.
169
Chap. XI. Book4.ch.li.
Contents — The Stewardship of Maiden Bess Moll succeeded by her
sister Bess — a most excellent Stewardess — turns Peter and all his
Pack once more out of doors— This Stewardship, though in the whole
prosperous and happy, not altogether free from Alarm and danger —
Lord Strut's Invincible Enterprize with its disastrous Catastrophe-
Bess succeeded in the Stewardship by her Kinsman Jem Steward of
the Caledonian Manor, whose mother, through jealousy both of he^
personal charms, and of her Pretensions lo the Albion Stewardship
Bess had caused to be put to death — This the great Stain of Bess's
Character and Stewardship.
Moll having died Avithout Issue her younger sister
Bess succeeded her. Who being known to have a Tl'e prosperous
Stewardship
determined, and by the mother's side hereditary, hatred of Maiden
to Peter and his practices, had been by her sister kept
shut up in an Old Castle, and Avas indeed in great dan
ger of being added to the number of the victims of her
relentless zeal.
This Bess made a most excellent SteAvardess. Car
ried Matters indeed Avith a sufficiently high hand ; but
Avith such constant attention to the good condition and
security of the Manor, and the quiet and prosperity of
all Avho lived upon it, that at no period has John Bull's
affairs been better managed, or his Family enjoyed more
contentment and happiness, than under her long Stew
ardship. No sooner Avas Bess settled in the Office, than
Peter and all his Train were once more sent a packing, peter once
never to return. This, indeed, was no difficult task to ac- "acking with
complish; for so great and general Avas the horrour and a" hls 1'a'"°
detestation excited by the scenes that had been exhibited
in Moll's time, that their expulsion was universally ac
ceptable, and every where aided and urged by the
hatred and indignation of almost every person on the
170
Book 4. ch. 1 Manor. Thus did Moll with all her zeal for Peter-
kenism contribute more to its expulsion, and entire ex
tinction on the Manor of Albion, than even Bess and
all its professed opposers have ever done.
During this Stewardship the Bull Family enjoying
peace and security, with a considerable degree of free
dom of thought and enquiry, made great, though silent,
advances in knowledge and Manners ; and especially
in the knowledge of the true principles of the Steward
ship, and the just relation between Steward Landlord
and Tenant. And though under the present vigorous,
frugal, and well-conducted Stewardship, there was no
temptation to desire or attempt any material alteration ;
yet were those principles fast advancing, Avhich soon
after produced such great and important Effects.
Bess was a gay gallant strapping Lass ; and though
no beauty, had a sufficiently good opinion of her own
Person to be pleased with exhibiting it in Public, by
frequent excursions through the Manor : where her
open and debonair countenance, affable manners, and
courteous address, engaged all hearts and all tongues
in her favour. And so far was she from catching at
every pretence to extort Money from the Family and
Tenants on the Manor, as the present practice is, that
if on any real occasion she had got, or engaged, more
than was necessary, instead of lavishing it on rapacious
Clerks, Scriveners, and the Hangers-on of her office ;
or in corrupting and debauching Mrs. Bull's Hous
hold, she would candidly and honourably restore it to
them again : adding, that she considered their Money
as safe for her service, if she wanted it, in their pockets
as in her OAvn. Not but that she kept Mrs. Bull's
171
Houshold Office in sufficient subjection; though they Book 4. th. li.
were far from exhibiting that slavish, fawning, syco.
phant servility, into which they are now fallen.
But though this Stewardship was distinguished for
frugality, prosperity, and good order ; yet did not the
Family and Manor altogether escape threatening, and
danger, during its continuance. Especially, that in
corrigible Rogue Peter was incessantly exciting all the
neighbours to trespass upon, and waste the Manor.
And even, according to his usual presumption, pre
tended to give it away to whoever chose to take pos
session of it. But this, in Bess's hands, was a matter
that few chose to meddle with.
Phillip Lord Strut, Steward of the Manor of Iberia,
however, having been married to Moll the former
Stewardess, first pretended to court Bess. But Bess
would have nothing to say to him. He then set up his
own pretension to the Manor, on the footing of a Right
conferred by Peter ; and having prepared an immense
band of Lawyers Bailiffs and Banditti, he resolved to
take forcible Possession; for which purpose he sent this
band of Ruffians before him to gain an Entry, and
make a Footing for him on the Manor, against his ar
rival. We have already mentioned the insulated Situ
ation of the Manor of Albion, and that it could only be
approached from abroad by water. In this way then
Phill prepared to make his Entry, and that with such
parade, and assurance of Success, under the counte
nance and encouragement of Peter, who had Blessed
the whole Apparatus, and Stiled it the Invincible
Enterprise, — that Phill considered Bess and Bull and
all their Possessions as already at his disposal.
z2
172
Book 4 ch. n. Qf an peopie jn the world John Bull's Family are
the most expert, undaunted, and daring in all Water
vincible En- Warfare ; and they Avere fully prepared to meet Phill's
ifs^disas'trous lawyers; not one man of whom Avas ever able to set
li6UC' a foot on the Manor. No sooner did they approach
than Bess's People set upon them with such dexterity
and resolution that some of their Barks were Sunk,
others upset, and the poor Iberians might be seen
sprawling about like drowning Puppies ; many of
Avhom were actually drowned, and others taken up
out of pity, and afterwards sent home to their Master
to congratulate him on the glory and success of his
Invincible Enterprise. But a great number of Phillip's
Water-craft still remained, and kept hovering at a
distance in hopes of being able on some dark night to
land undiscovered ; and such a dark night they soon
found to their cost ; for one blowing stormy night, as
they all lay at their Anchors on the opposite Frank-
land strand, and thought themselves perfectly secure,
the Bull People, — having filled a number of old hulks
with pitch, tar, tow, dry wood, and every thing that
would most effectually take, or retain fire, beside a
hundred barrels of Gunpowder ; and having in the day
marked the place Avhere the Iberians lay, in the night
got between them and the Avind, and approaching them
silently and unseen, turned loose those hulks before the
raging storm with trains already lighted, Avhich driven
into the midst of them, burst forth with such sudden
and terrible flames and fury, that it seemed as if all
Hell Avas broken loose upon them. Numbers of them
were instantly on fire, and blown to atoms with resist
less destruction, others cut from their anchors, carrying
]
(•¦>
the flames Avith them, drove against, and grappled with Book 4 ch.u.
those which Avere escaping. The whole presented such a
scene of honour and destruction, as seen from the Al
bion Shore, by the light the flames afforded, almost
moved regret even in those Avho had kindled them.
Thus ended Lord Strut's Irresistible Enterprise.
And of more than five hundred sail of Water-craft of all
kinds, scarce one returned to carry him the News of
their Success. Phill, avIio Avas a person of great Sang
froid, having kept himself out of harm's reach, shrugged
up his shoulders, called Bess a Termagant, John Bull
a Miscreant, * and the Manor of Albion a Bauble not
worthy his regret ; and professed great thankfulness
for the whole state of things.
This Bess was the last immediate descendant of the
Godgift Race of Stewards ; and it was doubtful how
the Office Avould be disposed of at her decease. The
nearest direct Claimant Avas Yagob High Steward of the
Caledonian Manor. But both the two Stewards and
the two Manors had frequently been at great variance ; Bess guilty of
and there Avere doubts whether attempts would not be ble outrage
made to alter the Succession. Bess had indeed been goi> her ap-
guilty of Avhat might be thought an inexpiable Insult cmso"! "in
and Outrage toAvard Yagob, in causing his Mother m"^"? tobe
Molly, — who on some quarrel with the Folk of the P"' t0 death'
Caledonian Manor, had retired to the Manor of Albion,
and put herself under Bess's protection, — to be put to
death. This is indeed the great stain and reproach of
* Miscreant— This Word is probably to be understood here in its
strict and Etymological sense — a Misbeliever, — as nothing in Ph ill's con
ception could be more execrable than one who did not believe in all
the Mummery of Peterkinism with the same implicit faith which, he him
self professed, and exhibited.
174
Book 4. ch. n. Bess's Character and Stewardship; but which, as ft
has been abundantly discussed by others, I shall enter
no farther upon here.
Luckily for Yagob, though his vanity and ambition
were sufficiently high, and his estimation of the power
and importance of the Stewardical Office and Cha
racter almost boundless ; yet his pride and spirit were
of a moderate pitch, and all his other passions of an
easy and tractable nature. It was however impossible
such an outrage, as Putting his Mother to Death,
should not excite both indignation, and desire of Re
venge : and Yagob at first talked in a very high strain,
and threatened to excite heaven and earth in his ven
geance. But alas ! like the Nightingale in the claws of
the Kite, he found himself in the hand of one much his
superior in all force and means. But Bess, being sensi
ble she had done an atrocious and unjustifiable Action,
was willing to make every possible apology. She
wrote Yagob a soothing and exculpatory Letter, pre
tending the thing had been done by the precipitancy
of her Clerks and Servants in the Office without her
knowledge, or design to carry it to such an extreme.
Nay she even affected the most excessive grief for the
event, put on mourning, and punished her servants in
every way short of Death ; though they had done no
thing but what Avas most acceptable to her, and most
desired by her. For Avith respect to this affair, be
side the pretence of public danger, and of exciting
troubles on the Manor, and Factions in the Bull fa
mily, imputed to Molly, there Avas much of female jea
lousy and personal Rivalry in the case ; for Bess however
pleased Avith her own person, and fond of admiration,
175
was no Beauty, and knew she coulJ stand innocompe- Book4.ch.ii.
tition with Moll for personal charms ; who was universal 1 y
admired, and allowed to be the greatest Beauty in all
the country round ; and owed her hapless Fate per
haps as much to her Fair Face as to her Foul Faults.
Yagob's Passions Were, as we have said, of a tract
able nature, and Bess having followed up her excul
patory Letter, by a special Messenger and some valua
ble presents, beside some hints about the succession, he
soon felt disposed to suffer himself to be soothed. He
considered further, that Bess was growing old while he
himself was but just out of his boyish years, and was
her immediate Heir, and by provoking her he might
endanger his succession to the Albion Stewardship.
In short, Yagob's resentment began io subside wonder
fully soon. And Bess, beside perhaps some disposi
tion to atone for the injury she had done, had at this
time another powerful and selfish motive for earnestly
endeavouring to sooth Yagob's Resentment. This Affair
happened just before Lord Strut's attempt upon the
Manor of Albion, an d had Yagob then retained his
purpose of revenge, and joined Lord Strut, he might
have done her a shrewd mischief, and even have en
dangered the Safety of the Manor.
From these causes and considerations on both
sides, resentments soon subsided ; and for some time
before Bess's decease, both the tAvo Stewards and the The aboye out_
two Families had been on a tolerable footing of friend- J^j,?' 'dlst
shiu. And though Bess in her life time could never Succeedsqui-
r ° etly to the
bear the thought of a partner in her PoAver even in a Albion sten-
11 n ' ardship.
husband, nor so much as to hear the mention ot a Suc
cessor ; yet finding her End unavoidably approaching,
176
Book 4. ch. 12. she named her kinsman Yagob as the person she would
wish to succeed her. This nomination being strictly
conformable to the established order of succession, and
perfectly agreeable to the wishes of the Bull Family,
the Event took place Avithout the least opposition or
trouble. This Event, however, was soon folloAved by
a great change both in the spirit and vigour of the
Stewardship, and in the Disposition and Character of
the Possessors and Cultivators of the Manor.
Chap. XII.
Contents.— A Digression— to account for the high strain of authority
with which the Stewardship had been exercised under the Godgift Line;
to which some ignorantly , or perfid iously , affect to appeal as the genuine
Character and Authority of the Stewardship — The causes of this high
strain of Authority.— 1st. The depressed state of the Bull Family
through long internal discord previous to the Accession of the God
gift Line. 2d. The great vigour and capacity of the Stewards of
that Line. 3d. That the Pressure of their Authority reached com
paratively, only to a few — That Fiscal Rapacity which now affects
every individual on the Manor being then unknown.
It may not be amiss to pause a little here, and make
A Digrefsion to some observations upon the last five Stewardships, in
thehighstraia which the Power and Pretensions of the Office had been
with which screwed up far beyond its original and natural Claims,
ship wasBex- and to a pitch scarce exceeded by Guillam De Nor-
theSeGodgieft world himself- And though the Compiler of these Me-
Lme. moirs has allowed himself to be carried along Avith his
177
Subject, and may seem to have Avritten of the arbitrary Book 4. ch. 12.
usurpations of the respective Stewards with as much
patience and acquiescence as John Bull lived under
them ; yet must he beg leave to put in a caveat against
being thought either to approve, or palliate, such gross
and palpable abuses ; such violent and unjust en
croachments of the Steward upon the Rights of the
Proprietor, or the Freedom and Privileges of the
Denizens and Cultivators of the Manor.
In speaking of Harry the Grandfather of the three
last occupiers of the Stewardship, and the Root of the
Godgift Family, we in some measure accounted for the
patience and quietness with which the Bull Family
suffered the yoke to be silently wreathed upon their
Necks. But the subject may deserve a more particu
lar discussion ; especially, as those who still favour the
high pretensions of the Steward, and are for reducing
John Bull and his Family to a mere Property, are apt
to appeal to this Period.
It is well known, that even to this day, there are
some of John Bull's Family so ignorant of the true Digression
Economy of the Manor, and Principles of the Steward
ship, and so debased and degenerate in Spirit and Cha»
racter, as to hold the opinion, and to glory in it,-^that
the SteAvard does not belong to John Bull ; but that
John Bull, his Family, his Manor, and all that he has,
belong to the SteAvard. — Or, in other words, — That
the Steward and Stewardship are not appendages to the
Establishment of John Bull, for the better Management
and Good Order of bis Manor and Family ; but that
John Bull, his Family, and his Manor, are mere ap
pendages to the Establishment of the Steward ; iri-
A A
178
Book 4. ch. 12. tended wholely for his personal conveniency and splen
dour ; and that the Avhole Economy of the Stewardship
Absurd con-an(j Manor is to be referred solely to this End. — And
eeption of •'
*|je s'.e.ward- even at this day, these are, though not the professed,
tertained by yet the clear and decided Principles of the Steward's
Bull Famiiy.Office. And no one who does not thoroughly comply
with them in practice, can be permitted long to retain
any place in that Office, or any appointment dependant
upon the SteAvardship. Of this the Family have had
sufficient experience in the course even of the present
so happy and prosperous Stewardship— For Instance-
On a particular occasion, one of the most able, honest,
And strenuous- and faithful, of the Steward's special advisers, having,
lv abetted . ' l ' s'
by the stew- m the custom of the Family, given for a Toast — as
" they call it, — John Bull Master of his own Manor* —
when this came to the Steward's ears, it is said, he or
dered the Register of Special Advisers to be brought to
him, and with his own hand struck the obnoxious Name
out of the List. This, if a Fact, needs no comment —
And if other Avise; — the eagerness of the Tools of the
Office to publish it vauntingly over the whole Manor,
shews plainly what are the principles approved there.—
Now these, and all who maintain such absurd and per
nicious opinions as have been mentioned, are apt to
pretend to sanction their abject debasing and pernicious
principles, by referring to the Period we have just dis
cussed .
But beside, that at the commencement of this pe
riod the Spirit of the Family was quite broken and de
pressed by its disasters, and the devastation of the
Estate during the long contest of the Longcampetrists
* The Sovereignty of the People— by Mr. F— x.— Pret. Com.
179
and Eorkists, — there were circumstances both in the Book 4. ch. 12
personal characters of, the Stewards, and in the
Exercise of the Stewardship at that time, Avhich
tended to qualify its arbitrary Spirit ; and even while
they favoured the easier introduction of this high strain
of Authority, prevented its immediate, and most ruin
ous effects. — Self-confidence, vigour, and decision, Digression
strongly characterized all the Stewards of the Godgift cont'nue ¦
Family, the two Harries and Bess especially. And not
only did the natural vigour of their Characters enable
them to carry their high Pretensions into effect on the
depressed Family ; but they did it with that judgement
and discretion, that it seemed neither greatly to affect,
nor alarm John Bull and the Folk in general on the
Manor; to few of whom the immediate effects of their
measures extended.— -Had they and their Agents been
such drivelling Tools as Ave have lately seen conduct
ing the. Affairs of the Manor — or had their rapacity
reached, as it now does, to every one who has a shilling
to be seized upon;— either the Family must have ar
rested their course, or destruction must have been more
swift, though probably less sure and lasting, than that
under which the Family is now sinking.
Yet it cannot be supposed, that even the capacity
and prudence of those Stewards could long have pre
served the Family from falling into the same abject and
slavish condition with those of the neighbouring Man
ors, had not the Tenants and Cultivators of the Estate,
soon after the period which we have just dismissed, as
sumed Spirit enough to arrest the encroaching hand of
the Steward. Had not the whole Family thus aroused
themselves, and shewed their determined resolution to
be no longer a Property to the Steward, there can be no>
aa2
180
Booki. ch. 12. doubt but John Bull, his Family, and. Manor, woilld
at this time have been in the same condition, that the
Franks, the Frogs, the Iberians, and the Folk of every
other Family and Manor on Terrafirm now are. — And
let the Bull Family keep in mind — that they owed this
Preservation, and their Present State ; and ever must owe
such Preservation, and the Continuance of that State,
entirely to themselves ; not only without any aid, or
voluntary acquiescence of the Steward's Office, but in
defiance of all its arts and efforts to the contrary.
And let the present Stewardical Family acknow
ledge — that it is to this'very resistance to the Will and
Designs of the Steward's Office that they originally
owed their Possession of the Stewardship ; and at this
time do OAve the Stability of tlieir Station, so different
from the rivals of their Rank on Terrafirm.
At the commencement of the period we have just
discussed, the Tenantry on the Estate had been so
much harrassed and Avorn out by the long contest be-
Jjigression tAveen the Longcampster and Eorkist Faction, that
they were glad to enjoy a little repose. And Avhile the
arbitrary and usurping Spirit of the Stewardship ex
tended but to few, and was principally felt only by
rich individuals, or particular Establishments, whose.
wealth was worth seizing, it caused no great alarm.
That .effeminate Luxury, that boundless Profusion,
that all-wasting Extravagance, which now extends tha
Rapacity of the SteAvard's Office to every inhabitant of
the Manor, and demands, and devours in a few hands,
the whole wealth and substance of the Family, did not
then exist. Whilst thus the Folk on the Manor in ge
neral felt little of the encroaching hand of the Steward,
they were willing to sit quiet. And fatally for the
181
Stewards, this quietness encouraged them to proceed ; Boolt 4 Kb' a'
and seeming to indulge their encroachments, led them
on to their OAvn Destruction, and thatof the Stewardship.
Yet Avas not even this period without its influence
and effect toAvards evolving the right principles of the
SteAvardship, and ascertaining its subordination to the
Laws and Customs of the Manor, and the Security and
Prosperity of the Dwellers upon it. In consequence of
the expulsion of Peter and his Train, who had so long
held the people blindfolded, light and freedom of
thought had silently diffused themselves OArer the
Manor. And Avhile the Stewards were feared, flattered,
and implicitly submitted to, by those about them, a set
of more generous and exalted Spirits, conscious of the
Natural Rights of Man, and the legitimate principles
of Stewardical Authority, had sprung up. And these
had conceived, and cherished in silence, those princi
ples of Justice, Freedom, and Reason, which have hi
therto preserved John Bull, his Family, his Manor,
and all who live upon it — Have preserved them, in the
first instance— from that debasement and vassaalge into
Avhich the Folk on all the Neighbouring Manors are
fallen — and in the second instance,— from that Ruin
and Destruction under Avhich they now lie ; the natural
effect and consequence of that Debasement of Spirit
and Character. These principles are, it is true, now detested, re- The peraicioaj
probated, and execrated, by all who have any connec- and ethreat-
tion with the Steward's Office ; and the very suspicion I" "there
of them is a sufficient disqualification for any Employ- ^Affaire"™
ment, Office, or Trust, dependent on the Stewardship.
And yet must these principles be revived, and called
again iuta action, or John Bull, his FamUy, the Manor
182
Book 4. ch. 12. of Albion with all upon it, and even the Stewardship it
self, must fall a sacrifice to the want of them. And all
this, it appears, will be brought about by means and in
struments the weakest, the most unworthy, seemingly
the most contemptible, that ever effected such an im
portant and interesting Event. Indeed it is in the
seeming contemptibleness of the means, the weaknes and
insignificancy of the Instruments and Agents, that the
danger consists ; for hence it excites no alarm, creates
no fear, is not even suspected or guarded against.
Yet many a noble tree that has stood the storm for ages,
has beeri ruined by a single worm at its core. And it
is a known fact, that some large Islands have been de
solated by the most contemptible of all Insects, the
puny Ant.
Of this Event the danger is the more threatening
—that Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office, which exists for
the express purpose of supporting and protecting the
Freedom and Rights of the Family, and especially to
check the too profuse lavishing of the Money of the
Folk on the Manor ; by whom exclusively its members
ought to be chosen, — that this Houshold Office, — in
consequence of that commerce of Prostitution carried
on between it and the Steward's Agents — is not only
become the chief instrument to betray those Rights, and
that Freedom ;^ and has not only lavished the Money
of the Folk with a profusion and extravagance that
could by no other means have been effected, — but has
of late openly professed itself hostile to those principles
of Freedom and Economy ; and has imprisoned, and
punished, the most faithful and upright of its OAvn
members, for endeavouring to maintain those Principles,
and prove his fidelity to those by whom he is intrusted.
BOOK V.
Chap. I.
Contents. — The Stewardship of Yagob the first of the Caledonian Line-
Succeeds with great acclaim — This Yagob has imbibed high notions of
the Stewardical Office and Character— but proves feeble in its Exer
cise. — This Stewardship being entirely free from Quarrels and Law
suits, the Folk on the Manor make great advances in Wealth, Spirit,
and freedom of thought, under it.
On the death of Bess an important event, as we have The steward-
said, took place, attended with great and lasting conse- ^ fhfe J*[
quences. By her decease the whole descendants of f0^nUue"
the Male line of the Godgift Family were extinct, and
the succession to the Stewardship of course vested in
the oldest branch of the Female Line. Now the eldest
daughter of Harry, the first of that Family, had been mar
ried to Yagob the Caledonian Steward, and her Great
Grandson, of the same name, noAV held the Stewardship.
And notAvithstanding the frequent quarrels and jealou
sies that had long subsisted between the Families both
of Landlords and Stewards,— Bess having named Yagob
184
Bookfi.ch.i. as her successor, he acceeded not only Avithout opposi
tion, but with great and general acclaim, to the Stew-
Sugreeaetds AcH-ardshiP of tbe Albion Manor.
claim> This Yagob was rather an honest well meaningman,
but of no great capacity. He had however formed
very high notions of the Dignity and Importance of
the Stewardical Office and Character. But though
Character of lofty in his pretensions, and conception of the Impor-
this Steward J _f /.,.«. , . i , . . ,
and stew-tance and Power of his Station, he was indolent, timid,
and weak, in the Exercise of it: and in his manners
and personal Character he was low, mean, and border
ing on vulgarity ; a constant dupe to his prejudices, and
partialities, often for the most unworthy objects ; and
entirely void of the vigor and decision of his Predeces
sors of the Godgift Family.
HoAvever this Stewardship, of considerable conti
nuance, was entirely a period of peace and quietness,
free from all violent quarrels and Lawsuits, either with
the Neighbours, or among themselves within the Ma
nor ; and hence, though far from popular, was perhaps
the most prosperous and happy for the Cultivators and
Inhabitants in general, that the Records of the Manor
present. Especially as it was under it that the Folk
jn general first acquired, and assumed, the conscious*
ness of their own Importance and Rights, and became
fully sensible of the natural subordination of the Stew
ardship and Stewardical Character to the Control of the
Lord, and the Interest and Happiness of the Holders
and Cultivators of the Manor.
s A certain Steward once asked some people of Busi
ness how he could best serve and assist them — " Just
let us alone — said they. This is perhaps the most de»
185
sireable Maxim that could be adapted by Stewards in Book 5. ch. l.
general. " Eat your Pudding, Sir, and hold your
Tongue" — is certainly no unreasonable injunction,—
especially where the Pudding is so plentifully plummed
as that which John Bull alloAvs his Steward. As, the
world goes, he is a good Steward who lives within
his Allowance, hinders no good, and docs no great
harm. And this is indeed the highest praise to which
Yagob could make any pretensions. And would to God !
some, on whom great acclaim has been most prepos
terously lavished, could fairly pretend to so much.
But though the Bull Family made greater advances ,
in Wealth, Wisdom, and Spirit, under this, than under
any former Stewardship ; yet to this day the Memory
of neither the SteAvard nor Stewardship are held in
much estimation by John Bull or his Family. The
truth is the Squire was in his younger days a bold character of
rattling dashing FelloAV. And though a more mature ardship.
age, and sounder judgment has somewhat abated his
fire ; yet John still likes a little to be heard of, to live
with some eclat, and make some Figure in the World.
And this his Family and Fortune — if not most villain
ously abused — .give him a good right to do. Had his
SteAvards and their Agents been faithful, frugal, and
wise, he might have challenged a competition with the
best in the Country, with perfect security both to his
Fortune and Honour. Both which, for Avant of these
qualifications in the Steward's Office, have often been
on the very brink of Ruin ; and only saved by the in
terposition of the Family.
Thus while Yagob's indolence and aversion to Quar- <
rels and Lawsuits permitted the Folk on the Manor to
186
Book 5. ch, 2. be quiet and easy, and the Expences of the Steward
ship were supplied by moderate contributions from the
Tenants and Freeholders on the Manor, they found
themselves perfectly at leisure to cultivate and improve
those Principles of Freedom, Equity, and Legitimate
Economy, which become John Bull ; now assured that
his Manor belonged to himself,— and the Family, now
conscious that the Lands they cultivated were their
own. These Principles had been planted and taken
root during some preceding Stewardships, and having
now grown up in silence and unmarked — occulta velflt
arbor cevo — have since produced the most noble and
beneficent Fruits.
Chap. II.
Contents The Stewardship of the first Carlos. — The Bull Family after
a long and severe Pupilage now arrived at full maturity of Age,
Vigour, and Understanding — Carlos, with the same high notions of
Stewardical Importance which his Father professed, affects also a
great deal of Personal Dignity and Stateliness, and attempts a more
vigourous and severe Exercise of the Stewardship— regardless of the
Palaverium, to which alone it belongs to raise contributions on the
Manor, Carlos under the most cruel punishments extorts money
whereever he thinks it is to be found— dissolves Mrs. Bull's Houshold
Office for remonstrating, and makes no secret of his design to be abso
lute Master both of the Persons and Property of every one on the
Manor.
We arc now come to that period when the Bull Fa-
'th^first liar- muV after a l°ng minority, under sometimes a severe
los. Pupilage, might be said to be arrived at full maturity,
187
gins to take
some cogni
zance of the
conduct of
his Steward.
not only of age and strength, but also of education and Book 5. ch.2.
understanding. And though John had. no intention, or
wish to alter the Stewardship, or to encroach upon the
legitimate Functions or Appointments of the Steward's
Office ; yet being conscious he had a right to enquire John Bull be
into the conduct of his Steward in the affairs of the
Manor, and to regulate and prescribe bounds to the
Authority, Exercise, and Expence, of the Stewardship,
he now determined to take upon himself some cogni
zance of these matters.
In Yagob's time symptoms of this disposition had
manifested themselves, and a little jarring had taken
place in consequence. But Yagob was now succeeded
by his only Son Carlos ; who, with the same lofty no
tions of the importance of his Station and Office that
his Father had, affected also a great deal of personal
Dignity and Stateliness. With these ideas on his part,
and the determination to take cognizance of, and have
a control over, his OAvn affairs, on the part of the Squire,
it was almost impossible it should be long before they
came to an issue.
John Bull's Family having now, as we have said,
arrived at a high degree of improvement and know
ledge, produced a number of persons of great capacity,
and of a free and independent Spirit. These boldly
set themselves to vindicate the Rights of their Family,
and to oppose the high pretensions of the Steward. It
is the appropriate province of Mrs. Bull's Houshold
Office, especially of the Lower Chamber, to regulate the
Expences and Disbursements of the Family and Manor ;
and these distinguished Characters, as peculiarly quali
fied, generally obtained a situation in that Office : for at
bb2
188
Book b. eh. 2. this time Mrs. Bull's Houshold were really chosen by the
Folk on the Manor ; and that intercourse of Prostitution
between the Steward's Office and Mrs. Bull's Hotfs-
hold, so notorious and infamous at this day, was then
unknown ; hence Carlos found his high pretensions
greatly checked by the freedom, firmness, and abilities,
of these persons. Though from Guillam Norworld to
the accession of the Godgift Family, John Bull has
made great and successful efforts for the recovery of
his Rights out of the hands of his usurping Stewards ;
yet through the influence of antient Custom, and the
arbitrary Spirit of the Godgift Race, some most un
just and enormous pretensions and practices had still
been kept up ; and others, which had been most so
lemnly renounced by the Great Roll and other sanc-
CaHos, instead tions, had been insensibly resumed, and again brought
of being dis- ' . J , i- i
posed to give into practice. And Carlos seemed much more disposed
or "submit to to set up neAv Claims, and make further encroachments,
setsfupciaimsthan to relinquish any of those of his Predecessors, and
sions beyond this soon brought matters to extremity between them.
all his "P
tlecessuFs.
il" One of the first subjects upon which the Parties
began to jar, was, the levying, for the general Expence
of the Steivardship and Manor, a certain alloAvance
proportioned to the Weight and Price, upon all goods
brought into, or carried out of the Manor, for Sale ;
Weightageand hence called Weightage and Priceage. This alloAv-
'""'"• ance it was customary for the Palaverium, on their
meeting after the Accession of a new Steward, to grant,
some times for a limited period, some times for the
whole of his Stewardship ; but Carlos in his high no
tions of his Station and Office disdained to ask, or wait
for this grant ; but proceeded to exact, and levy the
189
Contributions, as of his own Right, and by his oAvn Book 5. ch.2.
Authority ; a claim which none of his predecessors,
not even of the Godgift Race, had ever pretended io.
Another pretence under which Carlos attempted
to extort money from the Tenants and Holders on the
Estate, Avas, that of providing Watercraft, or Vessels
for the defence of the Manor by Water, with which, as
has been said, it was every Avhere surrounded ; and
from Avhich it derived many and great advantages,
both Avith respect to Trade and Defence. And it has
long been very properly John Bull's Policy and Pride
to maintain an unrivalled Superiority in Watercraft and
all nautical Affairs. And John's People bred in this
way are beyond all dispute, both the most skilful, and
the bravest and most intrepid men in the world. —
The money levied for this purpose was called Naval- Navalgiit.
gill ; and no Expense was so readily voted by the Pa
laverium. — Under pretence then of Navalgiit, or pro
viding for this Avater-Avarfare, Carlos assumed the
Right of demanding, and compelling the Payment, of
what sums of money he pleased, and from whom he
pleased, Avithout any consent asked, or given, from the
Palaverium. Some submitted, and paid this demand,
to avoid Avorse consequences ; others resisted it as an un
just and illegal usurpation of the Steward, and resolved
to take every consequence rather than sanction such a
dangerous Practice by their compliance. And those Carlos imi"'~
& J r sons and pu-
who did so, Carlos, by a still more gross and illegal nishes at
, . pleasure all
abuse of power, in defiance of the express terms of the who refuse
to submit t"
Great Roll, imprisoned at his pleasure, without any his usuri>a-
Sanction or form of Law, and kept them confined as
tions.
190
Sookich. 2. long as he chose, or even for life ; and several really
died under this durance. — There was no object for
which the Bull Family were at all times more ready to
contribute their money, than this for which Navalgiit
was nominally demanded, but the money demanded
under this name at this time, was not really to be ap
plied particularly to this purpose, more than any other ;
it Avas merely a pretence of the Steward to extort mo
ney from the Folk on the Manor. — Nor was it for the
value of the money that the resistance was made, but
on account of the evil precedent and the illegal autho
rity, by Avhich it was demanded without the sanction
of the Palaverium ; to which it exclusively belongs to
grant, and prescribe, the Levying of all money to be
contributed by the Folk on the Manor.
But not content with these pretences to extort mo-
Compeis pre-ney> Carlos proceeded further to demand it by direct
tended L)ansvj0ience from every one who he thought had any, un-
Gifts never jer tlie name, indeed, of a Loan or Free Gift ; though
intended to ' ' °
\>e paid,— nothing could be more contrary to either, — it being a
and where ° _ .
no freedom Loan that Avas never intended to be paid, and a Free
was Ipft to
give or ic-Gift, in which no freedom or choice Avas left to the
giver, or any safety either for his person or propertj-,
if he refused.
It will easily be supposed, that with the conscious
ness of his oavu Rights, and that independant spirit he
had now assumed, together with the Knowledge, Free
dom, and Firm Character, which now distinguished
the Inhabitants of the Manor of Albion. — John Bull
could not long submit to such treatment; to see his
Tenants, his Family, and the people on the Manor in
191
general,,— who, as we have said, Avere mostly descend- Books. ch.2.
ants of his own Family — so insulted, oppressed, and
pillaged ; and that by his own SteAvard.
The Palaverium, or Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office,
as the appropriate depositary of the Purse, and Au
ditory of all Accounts, had begun even in Yagob's time
to remonstrate against the profusion with which the
property of the Family was lavished upon ill-chosen,
and unworthy subjects; and for this freedom, even
then, some who had been most faithful and forward to
mark these abuses were seized upon, and sent to prison
by the Steward. But Carlos, from his first entrance on
the Stewardship, set no bounds to his pretensions, nor
made any secret of his design to be Master both of the
Family and their fortunes. Mrs. Bull, therefore,
found it necessary, with the Approbation of her Hus
band and Family, to come to a determined resolution to
resist, and repel, those claims, demands, and usur
pations. The Palaverium began by remonstrating seriously, The p^iave.
and firmly, against the taking Weightage and Priceage Appropriate
by Carlos without their consent, which none of his finniylonBtip-
Predecessors had ever done. And though the demands £>"gnts of '/„!
of Loans, and Free Gifts, had some times before, in IamilJ-
extreme cases been made, Carlos had carried it to a
greater excess than had ever before been done; and
that without the pretence of any particular case of ne
cessity. In consequence of these remonstrances — ac
cording to a right belonging to the Steward, Mrs, Bull's Are dismissed-
mitt r(j-(jho~
Houshold Office was dissolved and all her faithful sen.
Domestics turned out of doors by Carlos. But though
tlie Right of dismissing Mrs. Bull's Houshold resided
192
Book 5. ch. 2. with the Steward, the Right of re-choosing it rested in
disputably with the Family and the Folk on the Manor.
A NeAV Houshold, accordingly, were soon Chosen, and
Assembled; consisting mostly of the very same indi
viduals that had composed the last.
As Mrs. Bull's New Houshold consisted of nearly
Meet, mostly the same individuals as the former, it soon appeared,
Men, and in that they brought with them also the same spirit, the
Mind, as same determined resolution to check the presumption
ceMoisPrcde"of the Steward; and to make him sensible that he be
longed to John Bull, and not John Bull to him.
During the dispersion of Mrs. Bull's Houshold,
the Steward had still continued to exact Weightage and
Priceage, to extort Navalgiit, as of his OAvn Right, and
to imprison and punish at his own will, those who re
fused to pay. Of course Mrs. Bull's Office had no
sooner met, than they took this matter into considera-
Are again dis- tion j and determined firmly to oppose it. And the
SteAvard no sooner heard how they Avere proceeding,
than he again turned them out of doors, and sent them
a packing; Avithout permitting them to finish any bu
siness whatever.
But in the present temper of John Bull, and dis
position of the Family, Carlos began to be sensible tliat
it might be dangerous to set them quite at defiance.
And though that infamous Commerce of Prostitution,
Avhich noAV gives the Steward the entire command of
The fir>t in- j\jrs. Bull's Houshold Office, Avas not theiiiknoAvn, and
stance of
traitorous both Parties Avould have spurned at the attempt ; yet
with the Pa- Carlos did try, and not Avithout some success, to tamper
a little Avith a few of the Leading domestics in Mrs.
Bull's Houshold, And by pretending to make great
193
account of their abilities, and bestoAving upon them Books. ch.2.
valuable and important Places and Appointments in his
own Houshold and belonging to his OAvn Office, he
drew over to his side some even of his most vigorous
opponents. In this manner particularly, he gained
over one Wantworth. This man had been one of the
first to comprehend, and boldest to assert, 'the true and
natural Dignity and Rights of the Family to which he
belonged. And being a person of extensive capacity,
and endowed with much firmness and strength of Mind,
and an able Speaker, he had become one of the most
Leading men in Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office, and the
most strenuous opposer of all the Steward's enormous
Pretensions. ,
To rid himself of such an Opponent, was certainly
Avorthy of Carlos's utmost efforts ; to bring one of such Wantworth— a
J . singular in-
pnnciples, with such abilities, over to his side, Iioav- stance of the
success of the
ever much to be desired, might seem an Attempt be- first attempt
yond all hope, or proposal. Yet certain it is, both Mrs. Bull'*
were most completely accomplished. "' ""
This is, I think, one of the first palpable instances
of apostacy, and treachery against the Family, exhi
bited in Mrs. Bull's Office; and even at this day when
such instances are so common, must appear extraordi
nary ; and stands a singular proof of the want of all
Principle in many persons of that Station and Charac
ter. And the fate which followed it, may now be
reckoned no less singular; for it cost him his Head. His fate, com-
A fate, which, it is much to be regretted, has not fol- present times,
lowed every one of the Family Avho has since acted the g°ia!^s !,u"
same part. Had it done so,— ho w many thousand lives
might it have saved. Instead of Avhich, such conduct
cc
194
Book 5. ch.2. is now the surest and shortest road to wealth and ho«
nour; such honour, as stewards can confer, and traitors
enjoy. But though Wantworth's apostacy proved fatal to
himself, it was of little advantage to Carlos. Mrs.
Bull's Office was not then, as noAV, the mere Tool of
the Steward's Tools ; and the business of the Office was
at that time conducted with so much unanimity, so
much firmness, and so well supported by the sentiments
of the Family in general, that instead of giving way to
Carlos' usurped Pretensions, they determined to make
a direct attack upon them. However troublesome
Mrs. Bull's remonstrances and interruptions might be
Mrs. Bull's Of- to Carlos ; yet, as the allowing of all disbursements,
Med— Their and the Right of raising Money upon the Folk in ge-
severant^pi- neral, must confessedly originate in that office, he durst
d'ucjnd con" not venture to go on in direct defiance of its Sanction.
Another Houshold was therefore assembled. And now,
they did not content themselves with merely remon
strating against the exercise of the Steward's High and
Usurped Pretensions, but insisted upon an express re
nunciation of them.
In order to give force to any New Law or ordi
nance, and to establish its Authority over all ranks and
conditions of persons on the Manor, it was necessary
that it should have the deliberate approbation of both
Chambers of Mrs. Bull's Office, and be confirmed by
the express sanction of the Steward. We have, I be
lieve, already intimated that Mrs. Bull's Office con
sisted of two chambers, called from their situation in
the Building in which it was held, the Upper and the
Lower Chamber. The Upper Chamber consists of.
195
certain Honourable Persons, generallyantientBranchesBookS. ch.?.
of the Family, and possessed of considerable Demesns,
who have an hereditary right to constitute a part of
Mrs. Bull's Office, and to advise and counsel the Stew
ard upon all occasions. The Lower Chamber con
sists, as has been said, of certain persons chosen by the
Folk on the Manor, to Represent them, and support
their Interests in the Palaverium.
Chap. III.
Contents. — Carlos re-assembles Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office — they meet
in the same remonstrating Spirit — Present to Carlos a Deed in writ
ing which they call A Claim of Rights setting forth their just and na
tural Rights and Privileges — and demand his express and formal sanc
tion for them, and practical compliance with them — Its principal
Provisions — Carlos labours to elude the sanctioning this Deed— is at
last obliged to comply— but when done, pays no regard to his own
sanction — the Palaverium again remonstrate in strong terms — he
seizes, punishes, and sends to prison for life, some of its most distin
guished Members — again dissolves Mrs. Bull's Office — and proceeds
openly to set all the Rights, Laws, and Customs of the Manor, at de
fiance — Some instances of atrocious Punishments ordered, and in
flicted, by Carlos' Authority.
No sooner then was this New Houshold met than they
drew up a Writing to the folloAving purport, to be pre
sented to the Steward for his sanction ; which they
called A Claim op Rights. In this, they expressly claim of
claimed, and demanded, as their just and natural 's ls'
Rights and Privileges.
cc2
196
Book b. ch.3. I. That no Loan, Levy, or Contribution, what
ever, should be raised upon the Family or Folk on the
Manor, but by the Consent and express sanction of
Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office.
II. That no man should be imprisoned, arrested,
Its Principal or restrained of his Natural Liberty, but by due Pro-
Articles, n -.r
cess, and Sentence in the open Courts of the Manor.
III. That no permission should be granted by the
Steward to the Clerks and Scriveners of his Office, to
hold Courts, call Persons before them, and give judg
ment by peculiar Process and Maxims of their own,
independent of the Laws and Customs of the Manor.
A most pernicious and shameful practice, which had
lately gained footing. This Instrument, containing these
with some other less important articles, they called a
Claim of Rights, to imply, that they asked no Fa
vour or Indulgence of the Steward, but only what was
the just and undoubted Right of every Inhabitant on
the Manor of Albion. To these and some other Pri
vileges, amounting to a full AcknoAvledgment of their
Natural Freedom and Rights, presented by both
Chambers of Mrs. Bull's Office, they demand the
Steward's express consent, and sanction. And that
this Instrument should stand one of the established and
inviolable Laws of the Manor.
This just Demand Carlos endeavoured to elude by
every mode that he could devise ; he even made some
apology for his past conduct, and declared that he did
not exact Weightage and Priceage as of Right in him
as SteAvard, but, as what might be conducive to the
general good. And he now requested that it might be
granted to him, as it had been to his Predecessors.
• 197
And he endeavoured to evade their claim of Rights by Book 5. ch.3.
an Equivocal Answer, not in the usual terms in which
the Steward's sanction was always expressed in order
to give the force of Law. All these evasions served to
confirm the too well-grounded suspicions of ill-design
and intended deception. But the men he had now to
deal Avith were too keen, and too capable, to be duped
by evasions ; they stood firm to their point. And
Carlos having heard that they were preparing a strong
Remonstrance against all his arbitrary Usurpations and
Practices, — thought fit to go to the Palaverium and
give his full sanction to their demands in the usual Sanctioned by
form, implying — that every thing should be done as was
desired. And this Deed, or Instrument, stands to the
present day one of the Essential Foundations of the
Freedom and Privileges of the Bull Family.
It may perhaps occur to the Reader, that this
Claim of Rights contains nothing more than what was
already either expressly, or by plain implication, se
cured by the Great Roll, so often referred to, — and in
deed no more than what is the indisputable Right of
every society, and individual, who has not forfeited,
or betrayed, his Natural Rights. This is no doubt
very true. But such is the constant propensity, and
practice, of Stewards and all who act under them, to
usurp upon all Rights ; and to neglect, elude, or contemn,
all sanctions, obligations, or restraints, laid upon them,
that the Great Roll Avas now in a manner altogether
forgotten, or disregarded in the high Pretensions of the
Steward ; so that this renewed sanction was at this time
very necessary, and a great acquisition.
198
Book 5. ch.3. But though Carlos was obliged to swallow this
dosej his stomach could not well digest it; and violent
efforts were made to throw it up again.
After the full sanctioning of this Claim of Rights,
the Palaverium granted to Carlos such a supply of
Cash as was thought necessary for the present occasion.
But, as he had presumed to exact Weightage and
Priceage, it was thought proper still to keep that point
in reserve. And Carlos, in direct contempt of his im-
Pa^!rd"t„ {^mediate renunciation by the Claim of Rights, still
°wr^sancUoncontiniie(| to exact it by his own Authority; not, he.
went it is Said, as of Right, but as expedient ; and yet he pro
ceeded to punish all who refused to pay. The Pala
verium once more set itself to remonstrate against this
and many other Grievances and usurpations in the Ex»
ercise of the Steward's Office. Mrs. Bull even caused
the Bailiffs and Officers who had levied these contribu
tions, to be brought before her, in her Houshold Office,
and threatened to punish them. Upon this Carlos sent
a message to declare that what the Bailiffs and Officers
did, was by his express Order. This was far from
mending the matter. Mrs. Bull was no more disposed
to give up her Family to be oppressed, or her Husband's
Estate to be wasted, by the Steward himself, than by
his Officers and Agents ; nay, the higher the authority
pretended, the more dangerous the precedent.
Mrs. Bull also on this occasion remonstrated
against some partiality and indulgence that had lately
been shewn in the Steward's Office to the Emissaries
of that old Rogue Peter. The truth is, Carlos had
married the Sister of Lewis Baboon, a family always
199
devoted to Peter and his Maxims. This Family had Books. ch.3.
indeed usurped the absolute Possession of Jean Frank's
Manor, and by the intrigues of two unprincipled Some Alarms
7 J ° / r and Remon-
pragmatical Priests,* in the Character of Major Domos, strances a-
had reduced the whole Family to Vassalage, and of kinism, thro'
, ii- j . j the influence
course was strongly disposed to countenance and en- 0f the stew-
courage all such usurpations and pretensions, on every k\„ wife,
other Manor in the country. This Marriage, with the i,ewU '"bu-
propensity to Peterkinism which it imported into the bootu
SteAvard's Family, Avas indeed one of the principal
causes of the ruin of Carlos, and the final expulsion of
his Family, as we shall see, from the Stewardship, and
Manor of Albion. For as the principles of Peterkin
ism require the entire renunciation of all private and
personal opinion, judgment, and right, to one absolute
Authority, which is in Peter himself ; maxims so con
genial to those of Carlos' own could not but be very
favourably looked upon in the Steward's Office. And
the Lady having bargained for the free indulgence of
Peterkinism for herself and her domestics ; the effect
of such indulgence did not fail to diffuse itself in some
degree over the whole Manor.
The LoAver Chamber of Mrs. Bull's Office having
drawn up a strong Remonstrance, and Protest, upon
all these subjects of Complaint and Grievance, they
desired their Chairman according to custom to, read it
in the Office. When, to their utter astonishment, he
told them, he durst not — that the Steward had abso
lutely commanded him not to dare to read it. This A singular Vi-
. . t, . ., olationofthe
was an unprecedented intrusion upon tne Privileges of Freedom of
Mrs. Bull's Office, and the Freedom of the whole Fa- office.
* C— rd— Is R— ch— u, and M— z— r— n.— Pret. Com.
200
Book 5. ch.3. mily whom they represented ; and excited the utmost
indignation and resentment. The Chairman seeing
the disposition of the Office, endeavoured to quit the
Chair, but was held in it till the Remonstrance was
read by another. — This instrument declared particu
larly, — that whoever should attempt to introduce the
Principles and Maxims of Peterkinism on the Manor,
or, whoever should demand, or pay, Weightage and
Priceage, without the express Authority of Mrs. Bull's
Office, should be held an Enemy and a Traitor to the
Family. Accounts of these proceedings had reached Carlos ;
and in a great passion, he sent to them his Head Bai
liff, armed with his Staff of Office, and a thundering
Reprimand for their insolence. But those were not
men to be frighted with bugbears and baubles ; the
—as singularly Bailiff arrived at the door while their Remonstrance
resisted. and Protest was reading, and there they held him
fast, till it was finished ; and adjourning themselves to
another fixed day, they immediately broke up their
meeting ; and left him to deliver his thundering Mes
sage to the empty benches. The Steward seemed now
to have lost all moderation and reason. He ordered
several of the Leading Members of Mrs. Bull's Office
to be seized, and brought before the Clerks and Scriv
eners of his Office, to ansAver for their Conduct in their
Mistress' House ; but they disdained to give any ac
count to snch pretended Judges ; holding themselees
answerable, in their capacity of Mrs. Bull's Domestics,
to none but their Mistress or the Squire himself: to
whom they were all ultimately accountable. Upon
this, they were all sent to the strongest Castle on the
201
Manor; which was consigned to the Steward's hands Book 5. ch.3.
for the security and punishment of the Greatest Of
fenders against the Public Safety.
Carlos then went to the other Chamber of Mrs.
Bull's Office, and complaining violently of what he
called the insolence of the Lower Chamber, told them,
by way of apology, that such behaviour obliged him to Mrs- Bull's
dismiss the Avhole set of them. The Avhole were ac- once more
cordingly dismissed, and Mrs. Bull's Houshold once
more dissolved.
Carlos noAV began openly to set all the Rights of
the Family and all LaAvs and Customs of the Manor at
defiance, and to acknowledge no Rule or Restraint but
his own. will. And, seemed in spite of Reason and
Common Sense, to think that would carry him through,
against the firm determination of the Family, and all
the force and poAver of the people on the Manor. And
that he might find no check or interruption from Mrs.
Bull's quarter, he kept her long without any Houshold
Establishment Avhatever, as a mere private Mistress of
a Family. And not content with this, he had numbers
of the Members of Mrs. Bull's late Houshold Office,
who had most faithfully discharged their duty, and
most firmly opposed his usurpations, seized, and brought imprisons and
before a Court entirely of his own constituting, and some of the
directly contrary to all the legitimate Institutions, and fXof Mrs"
allowed modes of Proceeding, on the Manor. And ^ H™]:
though they denied the Authority of this Court, and T0fttc\^
'demanded to be brought before one constituted accord- ^If'^0
ing to the LaAvs of the Manor, and either convicted, or Jjpned by
discharged ; as a privilege expressly established by the
Great Roll, and reneAved and confirmed by the Claim
202
Book 5. ch.3. of Rights so lately sanctioned by Carlos himself;—
no regard was paid to their appeal : and they were sen
tenced to pay enormous and arbitrary fines, and to lie
in prison during the Steward's pleasure : and some of
them, persons of great distinction, really died in
prison. The fate of this wretched infatuated Steward has
vulgarly been censured and regretted ; it has even been
affected to represent him as a Victim or Martyr of Piety
and Justice. But when his determined Tyranny, Per
fidy, and constant contempt and violation of all Law,
Justice, and Right ; as well as of every principle of
Honour and Truth, are impartially considered, his
Fate cannot justly excite either much Censure, or
Regret. But as the Court in which the above arbitrary
Prosecutions took place was itself of one of the grossest,
The niegaiand most palpable usurpations of the Stewardship, and
ry Conrt of was at this time so much had recourse to, it may be
tor" Ia ' proper here to give some account of its Origin, Con
stitution, and mode of Proceeding. This Court, from
the place where it Avas held, was- called the Star-hall, —
why so called, Authors are not agreed, nor is it any
thing to the purpose. It had its origin in those times
when the Usurpation of the Stewards was carried to the
greatest excess j and had especially gained footing
under the arbitrary exercise of the Godgift Family.
Constitution & It was composed of Solicitors, Clerks, Scriveners, Pa-
the Court of rasites, Sycophants, and all the Hangers-on and De-
star-haii. pendants 0f foe Steward's Office. Its Object was, to
give some colour of sanction to those acts of Tyranny
in the Steward, which it might have been invidious to
203
have ventured upon by his OAvn absolute Authority. Book 5. ch.3.
And as the existence of this Court had no sanction nor
example in the Laws and Customs of the Manor, so
the Judgments and Forms of Proceeding had no Rule
or Precedent, but the Arbitrary Will of the Members ;
or, which is the same thing, that of the SteAvard, as
they Avere merely his Creatures.
Of this pretended Court the Judgments were not
only, as might be expected, arbitrary and unjust, — but
often, even shockingly cruel and inhuman. Take a
few Examples, Avhere Persons distinguished for Rank,
Fortune, and Education, Avere sentenced to, and suf
fered, the most severe and most ignominious Punish
ments that could be inflicted on the basest Felons : and
that for merely exposing, and opposing, the Tyranny
and arbitrary proceedings of the Steward.
One Dr. Deighton having published an Appeal to
the Palaverium, against all those Arbitrary Attempts its victims.
and Usurpations of the Steward ; — he Avas by this ille
gal Court sentenced to be Pilloried, to have his Ears
cut off, and his Nose slit. And the sentence Avas ex
ecuted to its full extent, with the greatest severity. —
One Mr. Primme, a Member of Mrs. Bull's Office,
having thrown out some Censures upon the Luxury
and Licentiousness of the Steward's Office and Hous
hold, and upon some Harlequin Buffooneries they kept
up for their amusement — was sentenced to Pay a Fine of
s€5000. to be twice Pilloried, to have bis Ears cut off,
and to lie in Prison as long as he lived.
Even from his prison this Primme contrived by his
Writings to expose and censure the Usurpation and
Tyranny of the Steward, and the Licentious Profligacy
dd2
204
Book b. ch. 3. of those about his Houshold and Office ; and was
again, together with two other persons of respectability,
t]ie one a Divine, the other a Physician, sentenced to
be Pilloried, and to lose their Ears, and Primme even
the remains of his, and to be fined each <s£5000. and all
to lie in prison for Life. — Take one Instance more —
One Lillybrook, a Dealer in Books, bad sold some
Pamphlets reflecting on the Conduct of the Steward
and of his Office in general, for which he was fined
^500fJ. Pilloried, and Whipt over the Manor, and then
consigned to prison for life. And there probably he
and all the others would have ended their Lives, had
not the rate at which Carlos Avas noAv driving soon
brought him to the end of his course. — When Mrs.
Bull's Office resuming its Authority, all these Victims
of Tyranny were released, and by the Bull Family re
warded for their exertions and sufferings in their be
half: as will be seen in the Sequel.
The case of Mr. John Hamglen was somewhat
The Case and different, and still more interesting. • This Person Avas
Mr. John a genuine descendant of John Bull, as both his Name
ams en" and Character testify. He was besides a man of great
capacity, of a clear Head, of a sound Heart, and of a
firm, undaunted, and determined Spirit. This man
being demanded of for Navalgiit, not only refused to
pay, but brought the General Question of Exacting
Navalgiit to a Trial in the Legal Courts of the Manor —
not for the sake of the Sum demanded, for that Avas but
20 shillings, but for the sake of Justice, and the Rights
and Privileges of the Family ; Avhose cause he firmly
defended against the Steward himself and all his
Agents. But the Judges themselves being, as is too
205
generally the case — the Creatures of the Steward, ap- Book 5. ch. 3.
pointed by him, and removeable at his pleasure, gave
Judgment against him, and declared that exacting Na
valgiit was lawful — and Hamglen paid his sum. — This
judgment Avas afterwards expressly reversed by the
full authority of the manor, and the judges who gave it
severely fined. And thus the business of Navalgiit laid
at rest for ever.
The firm, cool, and intrepid character of Ham
glen Avas neither irritated nor discouraged by the above
judgment; he continued to be one of the best and
ablest defenders of John Bull's cause and family, till he
lost his life in their quarrel. And his name and memory
are to this day deservedly cherished, and revered, by
every true son of the family. One of Carlos's own ad
vocates and apologists observes of him, "that he had
a Head to contrive, a Tongue to persuade, and a Heart *
to execute any Mischief." The usual candour of that
Writer ought, for Mischief to have substituted Great
Undertaking, and the Character would have been
strictly just and appropriate.
Carlos was now going on in a course that, it might
be seen, must soon terminate in the Ruin of all his
usurped Pretensions ; though it could scarce have been Carlos ohsti-
suspected to prove quite so fatal as it really did. In fu^hmrrfat-
the present situation of John Bull's Fortune and Af
fairs, his Estate clear and unincumbered, his Family
numerous and flourishing, and the whole Folk on the
Manor high-spirited, enlightened, and just aroused to a
sense of their own Importance and Rignts, and of the
Steward's Usurpation and Injustice — nothing short of
' Perhaps it should be Hand.
uated course.
206
Book 5. ch. 4. infatuation could have induced Carlos to take the steps
he had already done. But quem Deus vult perdere,
prius dementat.
Chap. IV.
Contents. — Great Disturbances on the Caledonian Manor in consequence
of their refusing to wear a Sunday's Suit, or Holiday Dress, made up
and sent them by Puff, the Albion Fashionmonger or Master of Ce
remonies — A long Chapter— of which the Contents being curious, will
be best understood by reading them.
The ManoT of To add to Carlos's misfortunes and embarrassments
J?™™™?*4 this time> the °ld Manor °f Caledonia, the Steward-
ship of Avhich had been time out of mind the Inherit
ance of his Family, but had since their Accession to the
Manor of Albion been much neglected, Avas all in up
roar and confusion ; and Sandy Ranger seemed ready
to discard the SteAvard's Authority altogether. This
situation of affairs took its rise from a cause which may
seem no-wise adequate to tlie effect. Every body who
has read the story of the three Brothers, Peter, Martin,
and Jack, knows what work has been made, and Avhat
violent disputes have arisen in the world about the
Coats, or Fashion of Dress, of these celebrated Brothers
and their respective Followers.* But perhaps never
* This and what follows on the subject of Holiday Dress, may allude
to the Disputes about the different Forms of Religious Worship, especially
thc Episcopal and Presbyterian,— and the Shocking Cruelties exercised
to enforce the former in Scotland. — Pret. Com.
207
did these matters give rise to more atrocious proceed- Book 5. ch. i.
ings, than what, in the Sequel of these Memoirs we
shall have occasion to mention as exhibited on the Ca
ledonian Manor. The Impostor Peter had been ex
pelled from Sandy's Manor, and from the Manage
ment of his Mother's House, which he had also usurped,
with still more violence and indignity, than he had
been from John Bull's Manor. And this having taken
place chiefly Avhen the Stewardship was in the hand of
a Young Female, Avho Avas also then absent from the
Manor, the Family had taken the Management of
tlieir Mother's Affairs pretty much into their own hands.
One point, of which both Sandy's Folk and Peter
made great account, was, the Form and Cut of their
Sdnday's Clothes, or the Fashion of their Holiday Suit.
Peter, in particular, had invented a certain Form or
Fashion of Holiday dress, which he ordered to be
universally used. To this, Sandy, who in these mat
ters was highly fanciful-— with perhaps a little dash of
the coxcomb, had for some time shewn great dislike ;
and had now under the Auspices of the celebrated
Jack, Brother to Peter, invented a new Fashion and
Cut of his own, with which the Folk on the Manor
were mightily pleased ; and indeed maintained that it
was not a new, but the pure original fashion in which Cato°f„ "eThe
such Dress Avas made. But in the use of thisj Carlos ^""/"p"1^
would by no means indulge them ; either because he "Pon the
was as narrow minded in these matters as the meanest Caledonian
of themselves; or, because he thought that freedom of
choice in one case might encourage pretensions to it in
others, and prove an obstacle to that arbitrary exercise
of the Stewardship which he was determined to extend
208
Books, ch. 4. to every thing, and to maintain on both Manors. It
Avas therefore resolved to enforce a perfect uniformity,
and that every man on both Manors should think, be
lieve, understand, and dress, exactly alike, and after
whatever Fashion the Steward chose to prescribe.
Though great part of the People on the two ad
joining Manors of Albion and Caledonia seem to have
been originally of the same stock, yet by time and ha
bit they had come to differ considerably in their Fash
ions, Customs, and Manners. And in particular,
though, since discarding Peter, both had made altera
tions in their Sunday's Dress, the New Fashion of
each differed in marry respects from that of the other :
but Carlos was determined that all persons on both
Manors should wear their Sunday's Dress of exactly
the same Fashion, Form, and Cut; — nor content
Avith that, he Avould not even indulge Sandy in the
making his own Suit, even if he would have agreed to
follow the prescribed Fashion.
In this business Carlos seems chiefly f o have been in
fluenced, and directed by one Tailor Puff, head Fash-
ionmonger or Master of Ceremonies for his Office and for
the Manor of A lbion . This man undertook to make up a
Suit for Sandy and his Family, of exactly the same
Size, Form, and Dimensions that was worn by the
Bull Family ; apd it was ordered that no one of Sandy's
Family, however different in Size or Stature, should
dare to vary from these dimensions by a clip of the
Shears, or a stitch of the Needle.
Besides the tenaciousness with which People ad
here to their own Customs and Fashions, the mode of
imposing this Sunday's Dress excited the utmost ia-
209
dignation on the Caledonian Manor. Though Sandy Book 5. ch. 4.
possessed but a small, and not very fertile Estate, yet
he had always kept it clear and unincumbered, and va- — but ,is ob?''"
J r * nately resist-
lued himself as much on his independence, and held his ed,and obiig-
r ' ed, for the
head as high, as any man in the country round; and time, to give
up the at-
no man was more apt to resent an insult, or any at- tempt.
tempt to impose upon him. It may easily be con
ceived how Carlos's attempt would relish with such a
disposition. Even had this NeAv Dress been to his
taste and fancy, Sandy would have spurned at the pro
posal of receiving it from any man ; but far more, at
the idea of being thrust into it in this rude and violent
manner. But the truth is, it was by no means to his
Taste. Sandy was indeed, as we have said, quite fan
ciful in the Affair of Holiday Dress ; and had a high
opinion of his OAvn taste and judgment in such matters ;
and he liked to see his own Tailors and Dress-makers
display their invention and fancy on these occasions.
And though their NeAv Cut might be in some instances
a little whimsical and extravagant, it afforded abundant
room for novelty and variety, and every man had an
opportunity of shewing his own fancy and taste, and
the Dress-makers of displaying their ingenuity and in
vention. All Avhich was entirely excluded by the im-
positious uniform devised by Puff and enjoined by
Carlos ; besides the degradation of having it thrust
upon them, as if they had been John Bull's Lackies,
or the SteAvard's Livery Servants. To such a spirit as
Sandy's, nothing could be more mortifying and repul
sive, than this attempt.
HoAvever, by the advice, and under the direction
of Puff, the Fashionmonger at the Steward's Office,
EE
210
Book 5. ch. 4. this Dress was made up, and got ready to be sent off. —
This Puff was a Grave, Solemn, Self-important, Prag-
ChTatlorepuff?fmaticalPriS; who thought the Size and Form of the
Coat of more importance than the Make, Stature, or
Figure of the Man, or any of the ends or uses for Avhich
Men were made, or Clothes were Avorn. Instead,
therefore, of alloAving the Coat to be cut according to
the size or dimensions of the man Avho was to wear it,
he, with a truly Procrustian Spirit, intended and ad
vised that the man should be cut to the size and dimen
sions of the Coat.* And however incredible this may
sound, it was some time aftenvards, by the Son of this
same Carlos, actually put in execution ; and a great
number of persons were mutilated, and murdered in
the Experiment ; as we shall have occasion to relate.
This Dress, or something in the same Form, bad
long been in use on the Albion Manor, and in John
Bull's Mother's House, and Avas considered as the Fa
mily-fashion ; and was indeed, for those Avhom it fitted,
a very decent, easy, and becoming Dress ; and though
The Bull Fa- it had, perhaps, some superfluities, or fallals, — as the
mily Holi- . . .
day Dress,— Quaker in the rlay says — belonging to it, Avhich may
rather be thought incumbrances, than either useful or
ornamental ; yet Avas there nothing about it that could
be justly reckoned either offensive or indecent.
The original of the Dress had indeed been intro
duced when Peter presided in Madam Bull's Family ;
but had since his expulsion been considerably altered,
and improved, in conformity with the improved taste
and judgment of the Family. And the truly respect
able Old Lady, possessed of good sense and modera-
* Rack and Torture to compel Religious opinion. — Pret. Com.
211
tion beyond the lot of her Sex and Station, had never Book 5. ch. 4.
been strict in requiring a rigid compliance to the ex
act form and fashion ; so be, her Servants and Family
conduct themselves orderly, and appear sober and de
cent in tlieir Dress : being well aware that the sole end
and object of both the form and substance of Apparel
and Dress is comfort, with decency and propriety of
personal appearance ; and that it be not cumbersome,
nor unfavorable to activity and proper exertion.
If any thing inconsistent with this prudent mode
ration has at any time shown itself in the Regulation,
or Economy of Madam Bull's Houshold or Family, it
will be found to have always arisen, not from the tem
per and spirit of the Lady herself, but from the pride,
envy, and ambition, of some conceited pragmatical
prigs of Tailors and Fashionmongers of her Houshold,
such as this Puff; who was shrewdly suspected of a se
cret partiality to Peter and his practices, — at least he
possessed all his self-importartt and overbearing spirit,
and Avas fond of all the senseless unmeaning mummery,
of Peter's manners and times.
Of this Domestic Uniform of Madam Bull, many
have complained, that in some of its parts it is too re
dundant and cumbersome; and in the way it is now
commonly worn there may be some ground for such Bull Family
complaint; as the custom now is, it is a common thing Dressf^c,
to huddle on altogether a number of parts of the Dress,
which were intended each for a distinct and separate
time or occasion. But this is imputable, entirely to the
indifference, obstinacy, or Avant of judgment, in the
Steward, or the Head Domestics of Madam Bull's
Houshold, who have the ordering of these things. This
ee2
212
Book 5. ch. 4. Family Holiday Dress, it must be understood, was in
tended to furnish a complete vestment for every dif
ferent occasion that Avas likely to occur, as for Birth
days, Weddings, Funerals, and other occasional Ho
lidays. And even of the Every-day Dress, different
parts were intended for different times and seasons;
some, perhaps for a cold winter's morning, some for a
hot summer's day. But the heedless unthinking Mas
ters of Ceremonies, probably from mere indifference,
have directed all to be clapt on together. Noav as
there are some particular parts of the Dress which be
long to each of these occasions, by this custom of hud
dling on the whole on every occasion ; why, one may
have half-a-score folds of the same Article swathed
round him in a hot summer's day. — For Instance— we
will suppose a single silk sash is both a useful and or
namental part of Dress * — Well then, it may be conve
nient to wear perhaps only a single Waistcoat with a
broad silk sash over it — But a Doublet also may be con
venient, and to the Doublet belongs a sash — then the
under sash may be left off — no such thing,— -a sash be
longs to the Waistcoat — but a Coat also belongs to the
Dress, — over the Doublet goes a Coat, with the Coat
must go a sash — over the Coat a Great-coat — with the
Great-coat a sash — over the Great-coat a Cloak,— with
the Cloak a sash. — Perhaps beside there is a Christ
ening, and a Wedding, each of which has a particular
Dress, and each Dress a Sash, — all must go on. Thus,
besides the incumberance of such a superfluous load of
* The frequent repetition of the Paternoster in the Church Service,
seems here to be alluded to ; which may occur eight or ten times in the
Morning's Service. — Pret Com.
213
Clothes at all seasons — with eight or ten sashes swathed Book 5. ch. 4.
round a. man at one time, — think what a figure he must
present. To this may be added a number of unneces- Sunday Dress,
sary Points, and Endings, tagged to the extremities of
almost every part of the Dress, Such a Dress must,
no doubt, on some occasions seem not only cumber
some and inelegant ; but, especially to Strangers, must
appear somewhat ridiculous and absurd. Yet happily
every part of this Dress is in itself decent and graceful;
and the whole is made of thc best materials.
But to proceed in our Narrative— — Puff having
cut out a Sunday's Suit for Sandy, and seen it made The attempt to
up under his eye, it was packed up and sent off Avith an ins'urrec-
great care ; accompanied with a strict charge to one of dy's Family.
the Head Tailors of Sandy's Houshold to see it fitted on
next Sunday, — and that no man should afterwards dare
to appear in any other Sunday's Dress. As it was to
be the Church-going Suit, the Tailor to Avhom it had
been sent in charge, thought Sunday, at the Church,
would be the best place and occasion for exhibiting it,
fitting it on, and publishing the order that all persons
should follow it exactly. Accordingly Sandy had
notice to present himself Avith his Family on the ap
pointed day, to have his NeAv Sunday's Suit tried on
and to hear the Order for the invariable use of it.
Whether Sandy was disposed to receive this fa
vour with due gratitude, Ave will not pretend to say; _which com-
certain it is, he had curiosity enough to appear at haggle Gel-
Church with most of his Family, on the appointed ^XeeS-
day ;— when the Head Tailor of the Parish in which %ffi*Tl§£
his Principal Mansion stood, presented himself in a
Full Dress of the prescribed Form, with a large Pack-
214
Book 5. ch. 4. age carried before him, for the use and pattern of
Sandy and his Family. But no sooner had he begun
to open out his Wares, than an Old Woman named
Margaret Geddes, who sat before him on a three-leg
ged stool, rising in great resentment, exclaimed — What,
will the false clown open up his Trumpery before my
very face ! — and instantly let fly the three-legged stool
at his head.* This proved the signal for an universal
onset, and the poor Tailor Avas attacked with Stools,
Forms, Shoes, Pattens, Sticks, and Staves, and Avhat-
ever came to hand. — ' Furor arma ministrat'. In short
had not the Constables, and Churchwardens, with some
of the soberer sort, interposed and rescued the poor
Tailor out of their hands and carried him safe home to
his house, his brains, if he had any, Avould assuredly
have been knocked out in the fray.
Such was now the universal indignation excited
over the whole Caledonian Manor, by this treatment
from theii Old Steward, that Carlos thought it prudent
Carlos desists at present to desist from his attempt to saddle Sandy
«mmth'S a'"wltl1 his favorite Sunday's Suit. Some of Sandy's
Family to this day boast not a little of this Exploit of
Margaret Geddes, and her name is still held in honour
able estimation among them. And one of their Memo
rialists observes — ' who could have thought that Mag
gie Geddes' throwing the three-legged stool at the
Tailor's Head would have produced such great and im
portant consequences.'' And it must be confessed the
consequences that followed were truly great and im
portant to both Manors ; and on Sandy's at least, ope
rate to this very day.
* This, however singular it may seem, is a strict and literal Fact,
215
Sandy's Family now went near lo throw off allde- Book s.ch.4.
ference and respect for their Old Steward. They
particularly declared their determination to choose
their own Tailors, and to cut their Holiday Clothes af
ter their own Fashion, and to their OAvn Taste. And
entered into an engagement to be firm, and to stand by
one another in this Matter. And the Tailors and Fash
ion-mongers, Avho had received, and undertaken to fit
them with this imposed Dress, Avere now called to ac
count, and discharged from the exercise of their Trade
upon the Manor for the future ; upon Avhich many of
them removed themselves to John Bull's Manor, where
Puff was at least well disposed to provide employment
for them. Sandy and his Steward Avere now absolutely at
daggers drawing, and each stood surrounded Avith After much
their partizans ready to cut one another's throats. But both""^"™,
the truth is, Carlos's Pretensions were scarce more fa- mn0dafion0nis
vourably looked upon by those of his OAvn Party, Avho eftected ; the
accompanied him from the Bull Manor, than by those wnicll.„ a[e
r ' J but ill ob-
of the opposite Party. The first had indeed attended him served byei-
ther Parly.
into Sandy's Manor. But a perfectly good under
standing subsisted at this time between the Folk on the
Iavo Manors, and even between Sandy and some Lead
ing men in the SteAvard's Party. Carlos could not but
perceive the little zeal of even his own Partizans in his
Cause ; and as Sandy still professed to acknowledge
him in his Office ; though he would not be dictated to
in his OAvn Family, by his Steward — they soon came
to an Agreement to disperse their Followers on both
sides, to bury all by-gones in silence, and to settle
coolly and deliberately all remaining disputes. In
216
Books, ch. 4. consequence of this agreement, the affairs of the Holi
day Dress was left to be regulated by Sandy himself,
with the advice of bis own Tailors and Masters of Ce
remonies ; and all other matters were to be settled by the
Caledonian Palaverium ; an Institution somewhat similar
to Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office ; only the whole met
in one Chamber, and consulted together.
To account for the indifference of Carlos's Fol
lowers to his Cause, on the present occasion, it may be
observed, that, beside the causes of Discontent between
John Bull and Carlos already mentioned, the Bull
Family Mere at this time no wise partial to their own
Sunday's Dress ; and far less disposed to impose it
upon others.
The terms of agreement above settled Avere but ill
observed on either side. Carlos had now returned to
his Residence on the Albion Manor, where, though he
had solemnly sanctioned the Law declaring it unlawful
to exact, or take money of any person on the Manor
Avithout the express Authority of the Palaverium ; or to
interrupt, imprison, or punish any man, but by due
Process of the LaAvs of the Manor — it soon appeared,
that he had agreed to all this merely to gain time,
and elude the present interruption. For he had no
sooner dispersed Mrs. Bull's Houshold, than he shewed
that he held even his own solemn sanction in the ut
most contempt, and set no bounds to his exactions ; and
he imprisoned and punished, without laAV or reason,
Avhoever denied whatever he demanded, or gave him
the least trouble or interruption. But all could not
supply his wants ; and he was again obliged to reas
semble Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office.
217
Mrs. Bull's Houshold being again met, the SteAvard Book 5. ch. 4.
sent a Message to them by one Harry Weathercock, to
ask a supply of Money. Harry, who I doubt had a Mrs. Bull's
... , , ... .. - ., Houshold a-
spice or the knave in nis composition, — cither by mis- gain Assem-
take, or design, made an enormous demand, double the
sum directed to be asked. On account of the Steward's
conduct during the suspension of the Office, they had
met in no very complaisant humour ; and such a Mes
sage with such a demand, in the temper they were in,
set the whole in a flame. And Harry returning, re
ported to the Steward that no money would be granted.
Carlos was equally provoked and disappointed by this
answer ; and as the procuring of Money was the sole
purpose for which he assembled them, he immediately
dispersed them again, Avithout allowing them time to
take any notice of the atrocious perfidy, extortion, and
injustice he had been guilty of during their suspension ;
and without any hesitation betook himself to the same
practices again, seizing people's money and goods
wherever he could come at them, and imprisoning
and punishing those who opposed him, or whose money
or goods he could not come at.
It may seem strange that Carlos, who was not
reckoned deficient in understanding, should thus per
sist in a course so directly tending to his ruin. But
the absurd notion which at this time prevailed over the
whole country round, and especially in Terrafirm, Carlos misled
with respect to the importance of thc Stewardical Cha- cessfui rjsur-
racter, and the uncontrolable Authority belonging to thVsteward-
the Office, no doubt, tended to mislead him. On al- J^ especi-
most every Manor on Terrafirm the Usurpation of the r"fiyrm" Ter"
Stewards had been carried to that height, that they were
FP
218
Books. ch. 1. really become the absolute and acknowledged Lords
and Proprietors. And in many instances they bought
and sold both the Estates and the People upon them,
the same as they did Cattle or Stock, or any other
Goods. And Carlos could not admit the idea that he had
less right or power than any of his Brother Stewards.
• And though, beside the Antient Custom and Con
stitution of the Manor of Albion, the Privileges and
Rights of the Bull Family, and the bounds of the Stew
ard's Power and Authority had been fixed, and settled
by the Great Roll and many other most solemn and au
thentic Deeds and Records ; yet, such is the tendency
of SteAvardical Presumption to disregard every thing
but its own gratification, that Carlos's Father had en
deavoured to hold it forth, — that all the Rights and
Privileges of the Bull Family were either Usurpations
from, or Indulgences granted by, his Ancestors and
himself. And so far was Carlos from proposing to pay
any regard to the Great Roll or any other of those An
tient Deeds and Records, that he did not think he
could be bound to keep any faith with the Family, even
by the most solemn sanctions he himself had given,
longer than till he had power to break through them.
In the time of Carlos's Ffther, the Power and Pre
tensions of the SteAvardship had in theory and profes*
Sion been carried to the greatest height ; and opinions
and principles entirely subversive of all private and in
dividual Freedom and Right, had been not only pro
pagated in the Steward's Office, but proclaimed abroad,
preached in Churches ; and even a Divine Sanction
claimed for them. Such Doctrines, even in theory,
coming from whence they did, could not but be some-
219
what alarming to John Bull's Family ; but having set Book 5. ch. 4.
themselves to examine their validity, and to try Avhat
ground they stood upon, they discovered them to be
entirely without a foundation, — the mere baseless fa
bric of determined ignorance and self-conceit. And
not less contrary to all common sense, reason, and
justice, than to the most antient and indisputable Rights
of the Bull Family, and the most solemnly established
Customs and LaAvs of the Manor of Albion.
But now those high Pretensions, which under the
Stewardship of the Father existed chiefly in theory,
and were mostly confined to mere Pretensions, Carlos
attempted to put into full Practice. Nay, in some in
stances he even went beyond either the Practice or
Pretensions of the most arbitrary of his Predecessors ;
as in the case of Navalgiit, Weightage, and Priceage ;
and in the arbitrary imprisonment, cruel punishment,
tortures, and mutilations, of those who opposed his
Proceedings ; but especially, in violating the solemn
and express sanction he himself had so lately given to
the Family's positive and just demands by the Claim
of Rights,
pf2
220
Book s, ch. 5. Chap. V.
Contents. — Carlos, compelled by the necessity of his Affairs, again as
sembles the Palaverium — which persists in demanding redress of
Grievances, and remonstrating against the Encroachments of the
Steward — and to shew how much they are in earnest prosecute to
the Death his two principal Agents Don Strathford and Puff the
Fashionmonger — whom Carlos with Stewardical insensibility gives up
to their Fate. — Carlos's pretensions now much lowered — is fain to
resign most of his presumptuous Usurpations.
In this state of things, it could not be long before mat
ters must come to a crisis. Carlos seemed determined
to proceed in his assumed Authority, and to set John
Bull and all his Family at defiance ; he even seemed to
think himself under no obligation to pay any regard to
the concessions Avhich he himself had made in the most
formal and solemn manner. On the other hand the
Leading Men in John Bull's Family, having not only
well examined the ground they stood upon, but also
fully acquainted themselves with the sentiments of the
Folk upon the Manor, and found them in their fa
vour — were hence conscious that they stood on good
ground, and that they had ability, as well as will and
right to maintain their cause ; and were therefore de
termined to stand firmly to their Rights, and at once to
vindicate themselves and their Posterity from the
Usurpations and Encroachments of the Stewards.
With all his usurped authority, and extorted con-
Carios again tributions, Carlos found he could not raise money to
sembTe Mrs! the amount of his necessities, without the sanction of
hold Office? Mrs* Bull's 0ffice- He was therefore obliged once
more to assemble that Office. Which met not only
in the same spirit, but consisted nearly of the same per
sons it had formerly done.
221
Mrs. Bull's Office being thus met and ready fo
proceed to business ; — instead of entering upon the
supply of the Steward's wants, the object for which he
had assembled them, their first step was to vote a sum
of money for the support of Sandy Ranger and his Ca
ledonians, who were again up in defiance of the Steward,
and had even entered the Manor of Albion to brave
him to his teeth. And so far were the Bull Family,
oppressed and insulted as they had been by the Stew
ard, from opposing, or repelling them, that they were
rather disposed to encourage and invite them. This
must no doubt have been highly provoking to Carlos ;
but it might also, had he been capable of any reason or
thought, have convinced hiin of the desperate course he
was running. He hoAvever thought it prudent at present
to keep out of Sandy's way.
In the mean time, the Palaverium, instead of vot
ing money, set themselves to enumerate their Griev
ances, and to remonstrate against the insults they had
received, and the perfidy of the Steward's conduct to
wards them. In the present situation of Carlos's af
fairs, he could not as usual dissolve Mrs. Bull's Hous
hold Office ; he therefore determined upon a most un
precedented step, — he sent some of his Officers even
into Mrs. Bull's House to seize certain leading persons
of the Office, Avho he knew were the principal sup
porters of the Family cause ; but the doors were shut
and his Officers excluded. Upon this he took the still
more extraordinary step, of going himself in person to
seize them. But Mrs. Bull, not willing to depart en
tirely from that deference and respect with which she
and the SteAvard had always treated one another, hear-
Books.ch.5.
Which instead
of providing
for the Stew
ard's wants,
vote a Sum
of Money to
support San
dy Ranger
and the Ca
ledonians. who bad hos-
tilely enter
ed the Albi
on Manor.
—and then set
themselves to
enumeratetheir Griev
ances.
Carlos enters
Mrs. Bull's
House to
seize by force
some of her
Domestics. — :
Is disappoint
ed by the
prudence of
Mrs. Bull.
222
Book 5. ch.S. ing of his design, desired thc obnoxious persons to
withdraw. When the Steward entered, every body
rose up — Carlos looking round, and not seeing any of
the persons he wanted, said, he found the birds were
flown — he then seated himself in the Chairman's seat ;
and all present, resenting this insult, left the room.
Matters had never before proceeded to such per
sonal extremities between John Bull and his Steward ;
and the one depending on the imaginary extent of his
Authority, and the other on Natural Reason and the
Consciousness of his Rights, there appeared no bounds
to the quarrel. Besides, that the present situation of
Carlos's Affairs could not permit him, as usual, to dis
solve Mrs. Bull's Houshold, it might be doubtful in
Mrs. Euiis Of- their present spirit and disposition, whether they Avould
ly declare— submit to be dispersed by the usual order. Especially,
to be only as they had about this time in the course of their re-
the Family, monstrances declared — that the whole Authority of the
theirwln"'6 Manor, the whole Economy and Management of the
Affairs of the Family, under John Bull himself, rested
entirely with the tAvo Chambers of Mrs Bull's Houshold
Office, as the Representatives of the Avhole Inhabitants
of the Manor ; and that the Steward was merely the
Agent and Officer of the Family, intrusted by them,
for the purpose of carrying their Will and Determina
tions into execution.
Don strathford But still unwilling to proceed to immediate extre-
Carlos's chief . . , , -, , , ,/. .
Adviser, in- mities with the (steward himself, to convince him how-
Capitai Fe- ever, how much they Avere in earnest, they indicted Don
Tmison a- Strathford, noAv his chief Adviser and Abettor in all his
ITuiiFamiiy! usurpations and perfidy, of Capital Felony, and a con
spiracy against Jghn Bull and the Family, in whose
223
behalf they were trusted. This Don Strathford wasBioks.ch.s.
the same person with that Wantworth, whom we have
already mentioned as once, one of the ablest sup
porters — and next, one of the first deserters, and be
trayers of John Bull's cause. He was noAV become
one of the Titulates, and a Member of the Upper
Chamber of Mrs. Bull's Houshold. Affording a first
instance of what is now so common, — of one promoted
to nominal Honour for a thorough contempt of all real
Honour — of one preferred to a seat in the Upper
Chamber of Mrs. Bull's Office, for having most stea
dily betrayed his Trust, and displayed an entire want
of all Principle, in the Lower Chamber of that Office.
What they chiefly laid to his charge, beside abet- HisAccusation.
ting Carlos in all his Perfidy and Usurpations upon
the Rights of the Family, was, his advising and incit
ing the Steward to seize into his own hands the whole
PoAver and Possession of the Manor, and to compel
John Bull and his Family to submit, vi et armis, by
downright force and violence.
This Wantworth, or Don Strathford, was, as has
been said, a person of great abilities, and certainly of
some virtues ; but the intoxicating draught of Ambition,
the love of Power and Place, had subverted his prin
ciples, and finally proved his ruin. And as he was the
first Betrayer of the Cause of the Family, he was also
the first victim of its vengeance ; for as his extensive
capacity enabled him to become the more extensively
pernicious, it was soon determined to make him an ex
ample. When he first changed his Party, Mr. Pynne,
oneof those he had left, told him his Fate in these words—
224
Book 5. ch. s. ' Sir, you have left us, but we will not leave you till we?
have had your head off your shoulders.' And he kept
his Avord. Wantworth had now got titles and baubles, was
stiled Don, and had a seat in the Upper Chamber of
the Palaverium. This Upper Chamber was itself the
highest Court of Judgment on the Manor, and all the
Members of it particularly claimed the Title of Don,
and the privilege of being tried for all offences only by
their own equals in this Court. In this Court, then,
and before his Mates, did theforenamed Pynne and his
Associates of the Lower Chamber Indict him. When
brought to the Bar, the principal Charges laid against
him were, his Abetting and Encouraging the Steward
in his Usurpation and Encroachments on the Rights
and Privileges of the Bull Family, and in seizing their
Property without the Sanction of Mrs. Bull's Office.
These were facts that could not be denied. His only
Defence was, that he was engaged in the Steward's
Service, and acted by his Master's Orders. But this
Plea could avail him nothing ; as both he and his
Master were engaged in John Bull's Service, and were
not only acting contrary to his orders, but were actually
in a Conspiracy to oust him of his Manor, and to rob
him of his Liberty. And it was proved against him,
that on some occasions he had excited Carlos to carry
matters to greater extremity than even he himself was
disposed to do. Great efforts were made by Carlos to
Condemned save him; and he made a most pathetic and interesting
cuted. Xe" address to the Court in his own behalf, — but all was
in vain. He Avas sentenced to death as a Traitor.
225
Few however thought that the above sentence Book 5. ch. 5,
would ever be executed ; especially as no Capital
Sentence could be put in execution on the Manor with
out an express warrant from the Steward ; and it was
one of the Steward's acknowledged Privileges, in parr
ticular cases, to pardon condemned criminals. It Avas,
therefore, concluded that he Avould never sign the war- Sentence and
' ° Execution ot
rant, for the Execution of one whose' only crime was strathforth.
too much zeal and fidelity for his service. Bat the
Lower Chamber of Mrs. Bull's Office eagerly de
manded the Execution of the Sentence, and refused to
proceed to any other business till they were gratified in
this. It is even said, that the unfortunate victim him
self wrote a letter to the Steward, adyising him to sign
the warrant for his execution, and to sacrifice him to his
own more important Interests, This was no doubt ge
nerous ; but it might have been expected, and probably
was expected, to have an effect directly contrary to
what it imported. But the wretched Carlos, equally
void of firmness and of honour, gave way and signed
the Warrant.- — Which was immediately Executed. —
It would appear that the unhappy man did expect that
even his own request against himself would, in this case,
not be complied with ; for when notice was given him
of the Warrant being signed, and sent, for his Execu
tion, he discovered some surprise, and exclaimed —
* Let no man ever put confidence in the Faith or Friend
ship of Stewards!'
Next to this Strathforth, the Fashionmonger Puff
had been the most forward to support and encourage
-Carlos in all his Usurpations and unwarrantable Prac-
GG
226
BookS.ch. 5. tices; he was accordingly the next victim demanded
by the Leaders in Mrs. Bull's Office. However ac
ceptable such a Sycophant as Puff might, even at this
day, be in the Steward's Office ; out of doors, such a
character Avith all its ludicrous mummery would be
thought rather an object of contempt and ridicule, than
of resentment or prosecution. But at that time the
Form and Fashion of the Sunday Dress, or Holiday
Suit, was really thought a matter of importance. And
contemptible this Puff while he introduced into it the most silly and
Character, . .
and .retch- ridiculous foppery, affected to go about it with so much
ed fatf , of ...
PufftheFash- solemn grimace, and important earnestness, that a
"monger. Beau at a Ball never seemed to make more account of
the fine fancy of his New Suit, than he did of his
mummeries. Yet, had the poor prig confined his pre
tensions to these fopperies he might probably have
escaped all serious danger. But not content with the
functions of Master of Ceremonies, and Head Steward
of Madam Bull's Houshold, he must also be one of the
most fonvard advisers and directors in the Steward's
Office. And as a mind so importantly intent upon tri
fles must be incompatible with any thing , generous,
good, or great, — the highest aim of which he was ca
pable, was, that of establishing the absolute Power of
the Steward ; and especially by it, to obtain a sanction
for all his own Mummery and Grimace. This, of en
couraging the Perfidy, and supporting the Usurpation
of the Steward, to the subversion of the essential Laws
and Customs of the Manor, was the principal charge
brought against him. And of this he Avas found guilty,
and was condemned to death accordingly. His fate
227
seems to have been little regretted by any party; the Book 5. ch. 5.
Steward had indeed granted him a pardon, but alas !
by this time the Steward found himself fallen far beloAV
his Original Pretensions; and no regard was paid to it.
It is much to be regretted, that either, the fate of
these first victims to their Family in behalf of Steward
ical Usurpation, has not proved a warning to deter
others from following their Example; or, that every
one Avho has since followed the Example of their Per
fidy, has not also afforded an Example of their Fate.
In which case how different Avould have been the fate
and how reversed the reputation of a late wretched
Major Domo.,— who, like Wantworth, began his course
as a most zealous advocate for the Rights of the Bull ,
Family, and especially for tlie reform of those enor
mous abuses that had crept into Mrs. Bull's Houshold
Office ; and ended it as the most prompt and pernicious
Tool of the Steward, in corrupting and debauchiiag that
Office, and the whole Bull Family. — Had the examples
we have related been followed, instead of seeing statues
erected to the memory of such a man, Ave should have
seen him expiating his guilt on a Scaffold, and his me
mory held forth to everlasting Infamy and Contempt
for Apostacy and Perfidy.
It need scarce be observed, that by this time both The Power
' ^ and Preten-
the Power, and Pretension, of the Steward Avere greatly sions of the
' ii Steward muoh
lowered. Mrs. Bull s Office had now assumed such iowered;and
, _ i ,, T-. ii .i ur the Authori-
Authority and Power, and the folk on the Manor tv of Mr-.
seemed so well disposed to support them in it, that proportiona-
Carlos found it necessary professedly to resign much of y raibe '
his former Pretensions.
ggS
228
Book 5. ch. 5. The Levying of Navalgiit, of Weightage and
Priceage, and the extorting of pretended Loans, Avere
now all abolished by express Laws enacted for the
purpose, and to which Carlos had given his direct and
formal consent and sanction. The arbitrary and illegal
Court of Star-hall with some others of the same nature,
and introduced for the same pernicious purposes, were
now also expressly abolished, by the Authority of the
Palaverium confirmed by Carlos himself. And the
attempts of the Steward to conduct and carry on the af
fairs of the Family and Manor without the Advice and
Consent of Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office, as had lately
been done, was declared to be illegal ; and a Law was
enacted to secure its regular assembling and renewal
once every three years. — The Decision of the Judges
given in the case of Hamglen — that exacting of Naval-
gilt by the Steward was lawful,— was now declared to be
directly contrary to Law, and the Judges prosecuted
and fined for giving such a corrupt Decision.
229
BookS. ch.S.
Chap. VI,
Contents. — Carlos having given up many of his Usurped Pretensions,
permits Mrs. Bull's Office to proceed in Business, — and the most
disputed points being settled, all occasion of quarrel might seem to be
ended — No setting hounds to ambition — The Palaverium now exceed
the bounds of Moderation nearly as much as the Steward had for
merly done — proceed to open Quarrel, and prosecute one another at
Law — Carlos Cast, Seized, Tried, Condemned, and Executed.
Short State of the Argument pro and con respecting his Character,
Conduct, Trial, and Execution.
These things being agreed upon, and settled by ex
press consent on both sides, it might have been thought
that all quarrels and misunderstandings would have
been at an end ; and that the Steward would have re
sumed the quiet exercise of his Office, and the Family
and Folk on the Manor have returned to their* ordinary
pursuits and employments. And no doubt it ought to
have been so. For though there yet remained many
unreasonable and oppressive old claims and abuses of the
Stewardship unredressed ;— such as the Wardship of
Heirs, giving them in Marriage, and some others.
Which, though they had been solemnly abandoned, or re
gulated, by the Great Roll and other Charters ; yet
through the constant Usurping Character of Stewardism No settin ]im.
had been again resumed, and acted upon as if they had ^ *° ^",,7-
never been abolished. But these were not of such an ur- U0"- .Tl,e
Palaverium
irent nature, but they might have waited redress in a regu- now scarce
& ' J ° ° less prone
lar and deliberate way ; and the authority now possessed to exceed
by the Lower Chamber of Mrs. Bull's Office, was such, than the
that it could have found no difficulty in obtaining this been.
redress. But there is no fixing limits to ambition and
230
Book 5. ch. 6. power once obtained; and Mrs. Bull's Office seemed
now scarce less disposed to exceed the bounds of mo
deration and right than Carlos himself had been.
It is true, many of the concessions and securities
For which, the mentioned above, Carlos had yielded Avith but a bad
p\Prn"ynceof grace, and there was but too much reason to question
Carios gives ^ gincerfty< j-[e aa(j formerly sanctioned the Claim
prelence " °f Rights ; and no sooner had he received the supplies
he wanted, than he violated every article of it, Avith
out the least apology, or compunction. A number of
other instances of Perfidy, and contempt of all truth and
honesty, with some secret intimations of resentment,
and express declarations to his confidents that these
concessions Avere only meant to temporize, till an op
portunity of revenge should arrive, — had now so
ruined the credit and character of the Steward with
the Squire, and almost with every person on the Manor,
that it was thought, and with too much reason, that no
dependence could be had upon his engagements, while
he had power to violate them. And this too prevalent
sentiment, was still further -confirmed by some of
Carlos's confidental letters, that had fallen into the
hands of the Palaverium ; in Avhich he expressly de
clared, that he waited but an opportunity, to disannul
all that he had done, and to make them feel the effects of
his vengeance. In short Carlos had now forfeited all
confidence with the Family, and all opinion of his sin
cerity, integrity, or honour; the greatest misfortune
that can befall one in his station. He had also lost all
their regard and affection, and all opinion of his re
gard and affection for them.
231
These circumstances gave the Bull Family a fair Bioks.ch.6.
pretence for still standing on the defensive, and requir
ing further security against the characteristic encroach
ments, and repeated perfidies of the Steward. The se
curity that they now chiefly demanded, was, that the
Command and Disposal of the Defensive Bands, Avhich
hitherto had belonged to the Steward's Office, should
be entrusted to the Palaverium.
These Defensive Bands were a certain proportion
of the whole able-bodied male Inhabitants, chosen by
lot for a limited time, to be trained to discipline and the
use of weapons ; for preserving the internal peace and
good order of the Manor, and also when there should
beoccasion, for defending it from trespass and violence
from without. This concession, with some others, the
Palaverium demanded as a reasonable pledge of Carlos's
sincerity, and a security against his further violation of
the Rights and Privileges of the Family ; but to this
Carlos would by no means consent.
All confidence and mutual regard between the
Parties was now totally extinguished, and both sides
seemed determined to bring the Cause to a full Deci- Proceed to di-
r©ct vJ 11 r. i*i*i" 1
sion by open and direct Quarrel and Lawsuit. And to and Law—
this Issue it finally came.
It would be too tedious to relate here, all the par
ticular steps that led to this event, and the many par
tial Trials at Bar, Avhich toqk place in the course of the
Process ; where the Verdict was sometimes in favour of The steward
cast in a
one side, sometimes of the other. Suffice it, that the Great and
Decisive Ac-
Steward was at last cast in one great and decisive Ac- tion.
tion; and in consequence ejected from the Stewardship,
232
Book 5. ch. 6. and stripped of all power, possession, and right, on
the Manor. — This was such an event as might have been
expected ; and what indeed must be, and ought to be,
the case, whenever the Steward has lost the confidence
of his Employer, and the partiality and good opinion
of the Folk on the Manor. And though in such cases,
as on the present occasion, there will always be some,
who, through policy or interest, will adhere to the Stew
ard ;— where the general sense is against him, this can
only tend to make his and their ruin more sure and ir
retrievable. It had probably in the present instance been Well for
both parties had the matter stopped short of the Eject-
Tried — Con- ment of the Steward. But not content even with that ;
demned— and
Executed, the Palaverium seized his person, instituted a cri
minal Prosecution against him, and actually put him to
death by a formal sentence of Judges appointed and
commissioned to try him.
The principal Charges brought against CarloS
were, — That he, being only the Steward and Agent of
John Bull, the depository of his affairs, entrusted to
manage the Business and Concerns of the Manor of
Albion, for the best interest of the said John Bull and
his Family — had, in breach of the said Trust, betrayed
the interest of his Employer, abused his confidence,
and oppressed and plundered the Family. That
being solemnly engaged by his oath of Office, . to con
duct the Business of the Manor, and the Affairs of the
Family, in the established Courts, according to the
Laws and Customs of the Manor of Albion ; — he had,
in violation of that oath, and in defiance of those Laws
233
and Customs, instituted Courts entirely of bis own de- Book 5. ch. 6.
vising, and tried Causes, not by Inquest of the Holders
on the Manor and Liege Men of the Family ; but by
mere tools and creatures of his OAvn, his Houshold Ser- The Charges
vants, or the Clerks and Scriveners of his Office : who g^nft Carlo.!
knew, or regarded, no Law or Rule, but his mere Will
and Pleasure, — hence, enormous Fines, and cruel and
torturous Punishments, had been inflicted upon many
of the most firm and faithful defenders of the Family
Rights, and some had died under those inflictions.
In short that he had conspired to oust John Bull, his
Employer, of his Manor and Estates, and to reduce
him and his Family to the state of mere Feuditories
and Vassals to their own Steward. And all this, first,
by covin, chicanery, and perversion of Right ; and at
last, by openly and directly going to Law with his Em
ployer, and applying Mr. Bull's OAvn Money and
Means to reduce him to dependance upon his Agent,
whom he employed and paid for his services — in short,
to possess himself absolutely of the Estates and Manor.—
All these were matters of Fact, that there could be no
difficulty in proving. The only matter of question
could be — whether, these being strictly but breaches of
Trust, the Family ought not to have been contented
with depriving Carlos personally of the Trust, and of
the Stewardship, and expelling him the Manor; with
out taking his Life, or entirely abolishing the SteAvard
ship. — And certainly, however the case may stand in
strict Law or Justice, it were desirable they had done
so ; or else managed matters better than they did, Avhen
they took them into their own hands. But as in the
hh
234
Book 5. ch. 6. prosecution of this Quarrel there had been much ban
dying of parties on both sides ; who, whenever they
met, in the true Bull-family Spirit, were sure to come to
blows and violence. By these means, not only much
waste and destruction of Property had been occasioned,
but even many Lives had been lost— all which was laid
to the charge of the Steward, the first Wrong-doer, as
direct Violence and Murder.
Carlos, in uniformity with his other high Preten-
Cariosdeclines sions, refused to acknowledge the Authority of the
rity rffUtth°e Court that was to try him. Pretended, absurdly
Court, and enou„h fjjat (ne whole Folk on the Manor were his
disclaims all """"&"»
Responsibi- yassalSj at his disposal, and answerable to him ; while
he himself was answerable to no Power upon Earth
for any part of his conduct. To plain Reason and
Common Sense, such Pretensions, especially on the
Manor of Albion, might induce a suspicion, that
Carlos's misfortunes encountering with his pride, had
somewhat deranged his reason. But perhaps the usual
presumption of the Stewardical Character, together
with our constantly occuring sentiment. — Rarus est
ferme sensus communis in ilia fortuna — may be suffici-
h ent to account for the phenomenon. The truth is, to
such an extent had the PoAver and Pretensions of Stew-
_Butis found ardism been streched on Terrafirm, and so absurd and
a4Umned~and extravagant were the ideas endeavoured to be propa-
Executed. ga^e(j 0f fae Office, that even such enormous Claims
were at this time no Avays singular. But what must
appear really astonishing, there have since been found,
and perhaps may now be found, even on the Manor of
Albion, and pretending to be of John Bull's Family,
235,
some who have endeavoured to defend this absurd and Book 5. ch. 6.
monstrous Position in all its extravagance. Carlos
was however found Guilty, Condemned, and Executed.
In pure and abstract reason and justice, there can
be no doubt but Carlos was guilty of fraud, covin, and
treachery, against his Master and Employer ; and that
he really intended to make himself Lord of the Manor,
and reduce John Bull and his Family to dependence
and Vassalage. If any apology can be found for
him, it must be sought in the absurd opinions of the
times, and the presumptuous character of Stewardism,
and conduct of Stewards, in the Country round. Cer
tain it is, apologies have been attempted. And as his
Family were afterward for a short time restored to the
Stewardship, all the Records of that period, and most
of them even to this day, will be found more than suffi
ciently partial to the Steward's side ; and are to be
read with great caution and circumspection. Some
even go so far as to ascribe to Carlos all the Merits of a
Martyr, and all the Magnanimity of a Hero.— — But
the business of these memoirs is to relate Facts, not to
decide opinions.
HH 2
236
Book 5. ch. 7. Chap. VII.
Contents On thc Death of Carlos his Family flee the Manor — The ab
surd Maxim, The Steward can do no wrong, with respect to the Stew
ards, of most pernicious and fatal tendency.
Upon the Trial and Execution of the SteAvard, his fa
mily fled, or were expelled the Manor. His eldest
Son, also named Carlos, applied to all the SteAvards of
the neighbouring Manors fortheir assistance to recover,
what he conceived to be his hereditary right ; but with
out success. For these are a description of persons,
Avho Avith high pretensions to sincerity, friendship, and
generosity, know no feeling, passion, or principle, but
their oavii interest : of course young Carlos, with abun
dance of compliments, professions, and promises, found
nothing more.
As to Carlos the Father, it may here be observed,—
that his Conduct, his Catastrophe, and the Fate of his
Family, sprung from his having adopted beyond all
Carlos's con- doubt and question this preposterous and pernicious
tastrophe to Principle — That the Bull Family, and the Manor of
entirely to Albion with all upon it, existed only for the use and
rous^osUion! enjoyment of the SteAvard ; and that this was the sole
Bun and°aii ^nd and Object for which they were by nature and
beion^toThe Providence destined, and to Avhich they were to be ap-
stewardjand pije(l without any reserve or restraint — that every step
ard to John that might tend to secure this end, he Avas warranted in
taking; and that no honour, nor the most solemn en
gagement could lay any restraint upon him in doing so.
Hoav entirely he had adopted this principle appears
from his perfect disregard to the Claim of Rights, from
the moment he had sanctioned it, and obtained from the
237
Palaverium the money he Avanted— from his signing the Book e. cii. 7.
Warrant for the Execution of Strathforth, his best and
most faithful Friend, condemned merely for his fidelity
to him, — and from the deliberate determination, ex- '
pressed in his confidential letters, to violate every secu
rity he had most solemnly given to the Family, when
ever he should find himself in a condition to do so.
There is a most Absurd and Pernicious Maxim
acknoAvledged on the Manor — viz. — That the Steward
can do no Wrong — this may simply imply, AVhat, ac
cording to the Constitution and Custom of the Manor,
is strictly true— That the Steward, though entrusted The pemici-
with high Powers, has no Power or Authority given him The steward
to do Injustice, Wrong, or any thing contrary to Law. — wrong— the
But Stewards and their flatterers, in defiance of reason j^jj™ a"^f
and common sense, choose to understand it to imply — of^teiwas*
That whatever the SteAvard does is Right, and improv
able— above all law and censure — or, that only the
Clerks and Scriveners in his Office are answerable for
whatever he may do. This Maxim, so understood,
hoAvever contrary to both the Principle and Practice of
the Manor of Albion, has been, and will be, the bane
and ruin of every successive Race of Stewards who
may adopt it.
238
Book5. ch. 8. ClIAP. VIII.
Contents. — The Palaverium assume the whole Management of the Manor
and Family Affairs — soon supplanted by the Lawyers, who seize the
whole Authority into their own hands — one of them, Noll Feign-
well, at last by craft, and capacity, obtains a more absolute control
over the whole than ever the Steward had possessed — Conducts the
Business of the Manor with good Policy, Vigour and Magnanimity—
On his Death, by the Intrigues of one Lawyer Hocus, Carlos the Son
of the late Steward is restored .
The Palaverium now took the Estate and Concerns of
the Family into their own hands ; and it was declared
that John Bull would conduct his own Business, and
order the Affairs of the Manor without the intervention
of a Steward. But alas ! those rascally Lawyers who
The Lawyers had carried on the Lawsuit against the Steward, and
Usurp the ... ....... ..
AuUiority of been the principle agents hi bringing him to trial and
and turn execution, now began to dictate to John Bull himself;
Houshoidout Mrs. Bull's Houshold and Office they soon fairly turned
ot doors. ou^. Qf (joorSj anti assumed the whole Management and
Authority on the Manor into their own hands.
At the head of this insolent set of Lawyers was one
Noll Feignwell, an artful, resolute, decisive Fellow;
who from a very obscure situation, had, by his own con
duct and capacity, raised himself to the very first 'sta*
tion in the Law Department, and to an almost absolute
Noll Feign- Authority in the whole affairs of the Bull Family, which
\V i' 1 1 h Is V 1-
goro'us con- he exercised under the Title of Defender of the Bull
pacity. Family Manor. And in this station, however attained,
it must be acknowledged, he acquitted himself with con
siderable ability, and conducted the Business of the Fa
mily and Manor with more vigour, magnanimity, dis
interestedness, and zeal for the Honour and Interest of
the Family, than any Steward who had ever borne the
239
Office. And at no time had John Bull's Name and Book5.ch.&
Family been more respected in the world, had more
weight and influence with his Neighbours, or the Manor
of Albion been more secure from trouble, intrusion, or
tresspass from the surrounding Manors and their Stew
ards, than under this Noll; and though he was in
many things arbitrary, and made his will too much the
rule of his conduct, yet he did not much interfere with
private right or property, or oppress individuals : and
in the administration of Civil and Criminal Justice, he
let the Laws and Customs of the Manor take their
course. His greatest and most unpardonable abuse
was the Suppression of Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office.
Thus, except for the Parties and Quarrels of the
Lawyers among themselves, the Folk on the Manor
lived tolerably quiet and contented ; cultivated their
farms, minded their business, and left the Lawyers to
settle their own quarrels. And particularly, some men
of more vigorous and capacious minds, finding it dan
gerous to intermeddle in the public affairs of the Fa
mily, cultivated Knowledge, Science, and Taste, in
private, and improved their comprehensive minds to a
high degree of sublimity and perfection in retirement;
and hence became the most distinguished Geniuses in
Poetry, Science, and Philosophy, that any country or
age have produced. *
Noll's Power together with his Life was of short
continuance ; but he died in peace and in the full pos
session of his Authority, His Station and Title passed
nominally to his eldest Son Dick ; but he, having nei-
*'At this period sprung up a Milton, a Locke, a Newton, a Boyle, a
Dryden, &c— Pret. Cora.
240
Book5.ch. 8. ther Capacity nor Inclination to support it, soon volun
tarily resigned it.
Upon Dick's Resignation, the Remains of Mrs.
Bull's last Office assembled themselves, and endea
voured to assume the Authority of the Family, and the
Management of the Affairs of the Manor; but the
Lawyers soon once more dispossessed them, and took
the Power into their own hands.
In the mean time, one LaAvyer Hocus, to whom
Noll had committed the Management of the Caledo
nian Manor, becoming jealous of his brothers of the
Profession in Albion, and taking his journey southward
Lawyer Ho- with a whole train of Bailiffs and Banditti at his heels,
fim 3. (lev-
terous de- soon arrived in John Bull's Manor. Under his aus-
lowTby art pices the Old Palaverium were once more permitted to
procures'^heassembb3 and assume the appearance of Authority.
ofest°Youn»' This Hocus was a deep designing impenetrable Fellow.
Carlos. 4n(j as ne affected to act under the Authority of the
Family and Mrs. Bull's Office, no one dared to ask him
any questions. Of those of his own Profession on the
Albion Manor some joined him, and the rest were in*
sufficient to oppose him. Of his own particular schemes
he made no discovery, but implicitly obeyed all or
ders given him by the Palaverium ; though the Pala
verium itself was not without suspicions of his designs.
To put his fidelity to the utmost test, as they supposed,
they put him upon some very awkAvard and rather un
pleasant service ; such, as to force the habitations, and
break up the doors of some of the principal Mansions
on the Manor, with the Owners of which they affected
to be displeased. All which he obeyed implicitly,
and executed completely. At last having in thc per-
241
formance of these orders got a pretence to bring all his Book 5. ch. 8.
Bailiffs and Bullies about him, and in the Neighbour
hood of the Palaverium ; he surrounded their House
at once, and even the Chamber where they met, with
his Followers. He then plainly told them that they
were not the rightful Representatives of the Bull Fa
mily, nor did they constitute Mrs. Bull's Legitimate
Houshold Office ; — that they had been chosen for three
years only, and had themselves voted themselves per
petual, Avithout the consent of the Family— that they
were noAv but the mere Remains of that Houshold Of
fice which had been originally chosen ; the greater
part of whom were dead, or had left the Manor, Avithout
their places ever having been supplied. He, therefore,
advised them to send forth orders for the free choosing
of a New Houshold Office, and so, to disperse them
selves and leave that new chosen Houshold Avith the
consent of John Bull, to settle the Affairs of the Fa
mily and of the Manor. This advice was given with
too much reason to be disputed ; and by one who was
too much in a condition to compel obedience, to be re
sisted : it was therefore implicitly obeyed .
In the mean time Hocus had carried on a Corres
pondence with young Carlos, the Son of the late Stew
ard ; and the Family being sick of the confusion and
disorder that had so long subsisted on the Manor; and
hoping that the Steward's Family, taught by experi
ence, Avould noAv know themselves and their station
better, and act with more honesty and moderation —
the choice of Representatives ran much in favour of the
expelled family. And soon after the meeting of the
Office, by the influence of Hocus, they voted the re-
1 1
242
Book s.ch. 8. viving of the Stewardship, and the Restoration of young
Carlos, with very few limitations or restrictions.
Carlos had already written to Hocus, to John
Bujl, and to the Palaverium, promising the most strict
attention to their Rights and Privileges, and perfect
freedom Avith respect to their Holiday Dress, and all
such Matters ; which at that period were thought of no
small importance. And, with a few exceptions, impu
nity and oblivion were also promised to all who had
been engaged against his Father. All which points be
ing adjusted, Carlos returned to the Manor, and resumed
the Stewardship with eclat and general acclaim,
BOOK VI.
Chap. I.
Contents The Stewardship of the Second Carlos — A most profligate
Steward— and most perverted Stewardship — Sells EcclesdOwn to
Lewis Baboon — and even agrees, for a pension to be paid by the said
Lewis, to betray to him the Interest and Safety of the Albion Manor
and Bull Family— During this Stewardship Mrs. Bull's Houshold Of
fice still maintains its integrity, and supports the Interests of the
Family.
Bat this precipitate Restoration, as it too often happens
on such occasions, through the eager desire of a few
to ingratiate themselves with the new Steward, and
by their admitting him without due conditions legally
sanctioned, all the fruits and effects of a long and sue- Carlos restored
cessful struggle, at the expence of much trouble, trea- mltations.—
sure, and even life, were defeated, and done away as it mo^Profi^
were in an instant. £%ndp£
That a few of the surviving Actors in the late scenes, ^°as stew"
especially some who had been most forward in urging
on the Fate of the Avretched Carlos, should be sacrificed
n2
244
Book 6. ch. l. as Victims to the Manes of those Avhose death they had
procured, was not to be wondered at; but, that Noll
and some others, who by death had given them the slip,
were, in spite of the disgusting nauseousness of the un
dertaking, dug out of their graves, hung up on Gibbets
at the Common Place of Execution, and afterwards
A singular In- buried under these Gibbets, was surely an uncommon
stance of im-
potent Stew- instance of weak malice, and impotent revenge . Espe-
venge. cially, as however equivocal their principles, Noll was
certainly a man of capacity, and had a better claim to
the designation of a great Man, than most of those whom
History has dignified with that appellation. And bow-
ever doubtful his pretensions to religion may be, he
has certainly as good a claim to the title of a saint, as
the late Steward to that of a Martyr : in conferring of
which, I doubt Madam Bull gave a better proof of her
Policy, than of her Piety or good Sense. But these ex
travagancies took their rise in the character of the im
mediately succeeding times ; when the current run so
strong in favour of Stewardism, that Madam Bull, in
spite of her own good understanding, by the Syco-
phantism of a few of the most unworthy of her Domes
tics, was carried along with the stream. And no doubt,
the usage she had met with from the opposite party
during the Quarrel, might in some degree have biassed
her sentiments. Perhaps it may not be amiss to add here a few
words more particularly concerning the treatment of
this Venerable Matron; Avho during those Quarrels and
Squabbles between her Family and the Steward, had
been much neglected and very ill used by the Family ;
and indeed stripped of her jointure, her Holiday Dress
245
slighted and disused, and herself turned out of doors. Book 6. ch. l.
AH this had happened as we have said principally by
the influence of the well known Jack, one of the three- Sf„. J»0«hn
* Bulls Mo-
celebrated Brothers, but professedly, Peter's greatest tner"and <be
enemy. Jack had at this time become a great favou- Brother Jack.
rite with the Bull Family. We have already men
tioned Sandy of Caledon's dispute with Carlos about
Puff's Sunday Dress, and his great fondness for his own.
Of this Press of Sandy's, Jack was reckoned the In
ventor ; and as it allowed great room for the display of
ingenuity and fancy, the whole Caledonian Family
were highly prejudiced in its favour. But not only the
Caledonian, but even the Bull Family, seem at this time
to have conceived a mighty fancy for Jack's new-fash
ioned Suit.* And in this Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office
itself led the way. Indeed there seems at this time to
have been no good understanding between Mrs. Bull
and her Mother-in-laAy. The old Lady was perhaps
suspected of being too partial to the Steward's Party ;
and the solemn Fopperies of Puff, her Domestic Stew
ard, had tended to bring her into neglect and disrepute
with the Family ; though it does not appear that she
at all favored those Mummeries. But as the Holiday
Dress had always been settled and regulated by Madam
Bull's Chief Domestics, with the advice, or consent, of
the Steward, it is no wonder that she shared in the con
tempt and neglect which they incurred. And Sandy
Caledon having constantly, during the Quarrels and
Lawsuits, taken the part of the Bull Family against the
Steward, this induced a partiality in the Family for his
* Presbvteriauisia — Pret. Com.
246
Book 6. ch. i. Holiday Suit and Jack's fine fancies, which Sandy was
eager to recommend.
But this humour did not continue long to predomi
nate in the Bull Family, for there suddenly sprung up,
especially among the Lawyers and in Mrs. Bull's Of
fice, a neAv set, who rejected all uniformity of Sunday's
Dress, and maintained that every one had a right to
dress in what form or fashion he pleased, on Sundays
as well as on other occasions. Of the curious Fancies,
and Ludicrous Extravagancies in Dress, of some of this
set, it might be amusing to give an account, were we
here at leisure to do it ; but their distinguishing trait was
an awkward unseemly superfluity of Dress, and even an
affectation of ornament, while yet their nakedness was
scarce decently covered. This Party soon carried
every thing before them, the great Noll himself being
at their Head. And this was the Party that finally
brought Carlos to his Fate ; while Sandy, Jack, and
their Party, strongly protested against it. But when
young Carlos was reinstated in the Stewardship, John
Bull's Mother, to whom he was not undeservedly a litjtle
partial, was also very properly restored to her House,
Lands, and Jointure; — and uniformity of Sunday
Dress was enjoined, and soon enforced with much ri
gour; and this not without great perfidy and injustice
on the part of Carlos, towards the Nonconformables or
Noncons, as they were then called ; to whom, at the
time of his Restoration, being then a powerful Party,
he had great obligations ; and to whom he then found
it convenient to make great promises, and to give strong
assurances of indulgence and liberty in these matters ;
247
which, like most Stewardical Engagements, were no Book 6. ch. l.
longer regarded than the necessity under which they
were made existed.
But as we have said, the Bull Family in general,
being tired out with confusion and disorder, and dis
gusted with Lawsuits, and the Roguery and Selfishness
of Lawyers ; and entertaining high hopes that the Son,
Avarned by the fate of the Father, could not fail to prove
a distinguished Example of Fidelity, Moderation, and
Justice, — acquiesced heartily, and without suspicion,
in his Restoration to the Stewardship. And had the
New Steward had one spark of true Wisdom, of Ho
nour, or of Honesty, in his whole composition, the event
might have been permanently happy for both Parlies.
But never were such reasonable hopes so miserably dis
appointed, as those that were entertained of the debased,
and incorrigible Carlos ; — nor ever fate more disastrous,
yet more deserved, than that of the infatuated and
wretched Family. But of that in its order.
The present Carlos was not by nature entirely desti
tute of Abilities, nor perhaps incapable of virtue; but
all his Faculties, his Character, his Nature, and Being,
were so thoroughly perverted by a false education, and
the absurd notions and principles at that time preva
lent, concerning the Divine, indefeasible, unbounded,
Right of Stewardism, — the fruit of that pernicious
Maxim, that Stewards can do no Wrong — that nothing
was with him more indisputable, than that John Bull,
his Manor, his Family, and all that they Possessed,
were entirely his, and intended by God and Nature
solely for his Gratification and Enjoyment. And that
they were all to be sacrificed to the least of his Follies
248
Book6.ch.i. or Humours. Carlos indeed had no great, or violent
Passions to Satisfy, and scarce aspired at any thing
above the mere animal and sensual Gratifications ; but
to these he set no bounds.
The Steward having imbibed those high ideas of
the unlimited extent of his own Office and Authority;
and John Bull having on the other hand, sufficiently
During this asserted his own Station and Rights, and shewn that he
Stewardship ° '
—a constant had both will and power to maintain them — there was
struggle be
tween the through the whole of this Stewardship a constant strug-
perfidousde- t , . _
signs of the gle between the consciousness ot Right, on the one side,
¦the determi-and a determined purpose to elude, and subvert that
John Bull Right? on the other. But in spite of this determination,
hte Rights?'" Carlos found himself obliged expressly to renounce
many of his pretensions. It is true, this cost him less
struggle, than it would have done a man of more prin
ciple or honesty, as, like his father, he reckoned himself
perfectly at liberty to resume those renunciations, how
ever solemnly made, whenever his conveniency should
require, and his power enable him to do so. So far in
deed was he blinded by the opinion of his oavh absolute
and unlimited Power, that he openly professed, that he
could be bound by no obligation or sanction ; nay, that
he had a power to dispense with, and set aside, all the
fixed Laws, Customs, and Sanctions of the Manor,
whenever his Will, Interest, or Conveniency, should
require it.
Among the assumed Pretensions which the Stew
ard was at this time obliged to resign, were all those
connected with and depending upon that Notion or
Maxim assumed under the Usurpation of Guillam Nor
world— that all the Land on the Manor of Albion be-
249
longed to the Steward, and were held of him. It is true Book 6. ch. 1.
rttost of these Pretensions had been long ago renounced
by the Great Roll ; but such is the propensity of that
description of men to disregard every obligation that
interferes with their will, that these renunciations seem
to have been entirely forgotten ; as was indeed almost
the whole of that Instrument, so important to the
Rights; Liberties, and Privileges, of John Bull's Fa
mily. And to the well-grounded Jealousy, and unre*
mittiug zeal of the Folk on the Manor in general, and
of Mrs. Bull's Office in particular, during this Steward
ship, the Bull Family owe the renewal and complete
establishment of their Liberty and Privileges, upon
foundations, which, however they may be, and daily
are, artfully eluded and treacherously undermined, can
never again be professedly disputed, or openly attacked.
But of all these securities, perhaps the most uni
versally interresting, is that which protects the Person
of every Inhabitant of the Manor frbm Arrest and Con
finement, by the Steward, his Agents, or any Person or
Power whatsoever, without open and immediate en
quiry, and due cause shewn before a lawful Magistrate.
This important point, which, though expressly sanctioned
by the Great Roll, had been so often, and so shamefully
violated, was now established by a special and appro
priate Law, called the Body-bringing Law. By which
any Magistrate to Avhom application shall be made,
shall order by writ the Person in whose Custody any
man is confined, to bring his Body or Person before the
said Magistrate ; who, if just cause for his confinement
cannot be shewn, shall immediately set him at Liberty,
even though committed by the order of the Steward
K K
250
Book6.ch.l. himself, with all his special advisers. And against
those who may have confined him, he may have re
dress by an Action at Law.
It is true, these Securities and Privileges were scarce
sooner made than again violated by Carlos, and still
more avowedly by Yagob, his successor, in consequence
of that Divine Indefeasible Right, by which they
claimed to be above all Laws and Obligations. But
John Bull had now made full proof of his own strength ;
and soon convinced these wretched dupes of their Folly
and Presumption. One great source and incitement to these violations
with Carlos, was, the constant Avant of money, through
his OAvn carelessness, and profusion upon the objects and
instruments of his Pleasures and Debaucheries, and by
the unprincipled Profligacy and Perfidy, of those whom
Cariosseiis the he intrusted with the affairs of his Office and of the
Hamlet e of Manor. — One most pernicious instance of this perfidy
toCi!w1sBa-koth in him and th ) n, in order to procure money, was
boon- the selling of the celebrated Hamlet of EcclesdoAvn to
LeAvis Baboon. Of the importance of this Place in
John Bull's estimation, some notion may be formed from
the extravagance of his joy on the temporary recovery
of it, as so inimitably described in Sir Humphry
PolsAvorth's well-known History of John Bull's Law
suit. Every body knows the constant jealousy and fre
quent quarrels that take place betAveen John Bull and
LeAvis Baboon and his Franks ; and in all these Quar
rels, the possession of Ecclesdown by the one, or, by the
other, is a matter of the greatest importance. This
Hamlet lately belonged to Lord Strut's Estate, but a
251
Recovery at Law under the Management of old Noll nook 6 ch. l.
had been obtained in favour of John Bull, in whose
possession it had since continued.
The Manor of Great Albion, comprehending the
Estates of John Bull and Sandy Ranger, as has been
before noticed, is everywhere surrounded Avith Avater.
On the opposite Land, at the place where it approaches
the nearest to John Bull's Manor, stands this Hamlet of
Ecclesdown, the principle object of which is a good
Port for Watercraft, and a strong Castellated Mansion,
built in the old manner when every gentleman made
his House a Castle. Here it Avas customary Avhenever
a quarrel broke out betAveen the Lords of the opposite
Manors, to get together under the protection of this old
Castle a parcel of determined desperate fellows, Avho
were ready, whenever they could find an opportunity,
to cross the water, and to commit waste, devastation, The import-
• t» - n ance of John
and plunder, on the opposite shore. Hut especially, Bull's hold-
as John Bull in consequence of the situation of his Hamlet, in
Manor carries on a great deal of business and traffick of nusqsu"ua-
by water — and even the Persons and Produce of the tl0n'
Manor pass generally by this mode of conveyance from
one part of it to another — the consequence is, that this
Old Castle being in Lewis's Possession, he keeps here
a number of Boats and Barges strongly manned and
armed by those daring fellows ; who, Avhenever a Ves
sel appears on the opposite shore, pop out, seize, and
make prize of her. Nay so inviting is the situation,
that even private individuals, tempted by the prospect
of gain, at their own expence fit out Prows for this pur
pose, and reckon upon making their fortunes out of
the plunder of John Bull's Trade and Manor. In
kk2
252
Book 6. ch. l. short, of so great importance is the Possession of this
Place to John Bull, that he may lose more in a morn
ing by its being in Lewis Baboon's hand, than the va
lue for which the rascally Steward sold it ; though that
The pernicious ^yas no small sum : for Lewis was well aware of the imr
tendency of , .
the Sale of portance of his purchase ; nor was he who sold it lgno-
rant how deeply he had betrayed the interest of his Em
ployer. But to the base unprincipled Carlos that was
a matter of no concern. — Jt is even certain that a pro*
posal was made by Lewis, and entertained by Carlos — -
that Lewis should send him such a number of Lawyers,
Bailiffs, Bullies, and Banditti, as, together with his own
Partizans on the Estate, should enable Carlos to make
himself entirely Master of John Bull and his Manor,
and reduce the Squire and his Family to his antient
state of vassalage and dependence on his Steward. In
which state, indeed, LeAvis himself held the People oil
the Manor of Frankland ; and which was in fact the
state of almost every neighbouring Manor. But Car
los, who knew John Bull a little better than Lewis
could do, was somewhat doubtful of the success of this
experiment : certain it is, the matter dropped into si
lence. But it is a fact equally certain, that the dei
based Carlos actually received a yearly Pension from
LeAvis Baboon for the support of his Pleasures and
Debauchery, and as a price for the habitual betraying
of his Master and Employer.
253
CHAP. II. Book 6; ch.2.
Contents. — The Stewardship of the Second Carlos continued— Shocking
atrocities committed on the Caledonian Manor to enforce the old in
vidious Holiday Dress — One Acrid, sent by the Caledonians to con
gratulate Carlos on his Restoration, and to secure them the use of
their own Holiday Suit, betrays his Trust, returns Chief Master
pf Ceremonies and Fashionmonger for the Obnoxious Dress, and
pledged to enforce the use of it— Iustance of the most Shocking Cru
elty exhibited on this occasion— All Parties pretend to Sanction the
Form of their Holiday Dress from the formerly mentioned Will of
the Lord Paramount — though there is not in the whole Will one Sin
gle AVord about the Fashion or Form of Dress.
Perhaps the most atrocious display of the profli
gacy of Carlos's Character, and of his utter contempt
and disregard both of Justice and Humanity, is to be A new attempt
* J 7 to saddle
found in the renewed attempt to force upon the Cale- Sandy Caie-
don with the
donian Family the Old Invidious Sunday Dress. Bull Fami-
It has been observed, that when Carlos was re-ad- Dress.
mitted to the Stewardship, the Good Old Lady John
Bull's Mother was also restored to her House and
Jointure. This was just, and naturally to be ex
pected ; as she had always been a true friend to the
Steward's Cause and Family. And this, not from
any approbation of his enormous Pretensions, and his
unwarranted Assumption, and exercise of arbitrary and
unlimited Power ; but from her natural love of peace.,
order, and decency. With Madam Bull's Restoration
to her House and Jointure the Old Established Holiday
Dress was generally resumed on the Bull Manor.( But
on the Caledonian Manor the Introduction of this al
ways obnoxious Dress was not so easy a matter ; espe
cially after they had been so long haoituated to Jack's
fanciful and favorite Dress. HoAvever, Carlos was de
termined at all events to carry his point, and to enforce
254
Books. ch.s. the Bull Sunday Dress upon Sandy and his Family.
No person could be more indifferent about Sunday, or
Sunday's Dress, as to the thing itself, than Carlos was ;
it would have been a matter of no concern to him what
Sunday's Dress people wore, or whether they wore any
Dress, or kept any Sunday at all. But the point to be
overcome, was, this Pretension of people to think at all
for themselves, or to have any will or choice in their
own concerns. A propensity to Avhich the Folk on the
Caledonian Manor have always been extremely ad
dicted. The formerly frustrated attempt, to impose on the
Caledonian Family the Old Ready-made Albion Sun-
dy's Dress, was again reneAved ; and excited great con
tempt and indignation in the whole Family ; the majo
rity of which were resolved on no terms to receive, it.
What is called the Better Sort and even the Titulates
of the Caledonian Family, seem at this time to have
been sunk into an unusual state of indifference and
abjectness. Old Noll had entirely subdued them and
broken their spirit ; and the antient high and unbend
ing Character of the Titulates seems to have quite for
saken them ; and some of them were ready and emulous
to be the tools of thc profligate Carlos for his most per
nicious purposes. But the case was far otherwise with
the Folk on the Manor in general. And this of their
Holiday Dress was with them a point of great import
ance ; as being a matter that every one thought him
self concerned in; and of which every one thought
himself a competent judge. And indeed the mere
Form of Dress being a matter level to the general com
prehension, and in itself of no great consequence, it
255
were perhaps but reasonable, or at least prudent, that Book 6. ch. 2.
some deference should be paid to the Popular Taste in
such a point ; and surely peace and good order Avere
cheaply purchased by such a concession in the Form;
so it be decent, and the suit consist of good sound well-
wearing materials.
But Carlos, having got about him a few of the most
unprincipled and profligate of Sandy's Family, con
signed to them the whole ordering and management of
the Caledonian Manor and Affairs. In chief trust and
confidence among these, was one Acrid, eminently dis
tinguished for the perfidy of his Character, and the
most tried and approved contempt of truth, honour, ^cre™0°fJVhis
and trust. This Acrid Avas originally one of the Dress- infamous Cha-
° J racter,&per-
makers, or Sunday Suit Tailors, on Sandy's Manor, fidiousBreaca
and had been sent by the Family, and particularly his
own Fraternity, as their Delegate to congratulate Carlos
on his Restoration, and to take care of the interests of
Sandy's Family ; and especially, to see that no inno
vation was attempted in the Matter of the Holiday
Suit. And as they Avere aware of the partiality of
Carlos for the Bull Family Dress, Acrid was particu
larly charged to protest, and obtest, against all propo
sals for its admission on the Caledonian Manor.
This Commission and Trust, Acrid most infamously
and perfidiously betrayed. And he even had the as
surance to return to his Constituents with the Character,
Office, and Insignia, of Chief Fashionmonger, and
Contractor for the establishment of the Bull Family
Sunday's Dress on the Caledonian Manor; and so
lemnly pledged to see it enforced, and received by the
whole of Sandy's Family. Besides the treachery of
256
Book6>ch.2> their Agent, the Caledonian Family had the greater
reason to resent, and resist this treatment, that Carlos
himself, when expelled the Albion Manor, after his Fa*
ther's death, was hospitably received by them, and ac
knowledged Steward of the Manor, and assisted in at
tempting to recover the Manor of Albion, and had eVefl
actually assumed the Caledonian Holiday Dress, and
solemnly sworn to use, establish, and maintain it on the
Manor. But at that time Old Noll soon drove him
off the Premises ; and he was glad to escape with his
life. Acrid with some others, having, as we have saidk
received a commission and authority from the Steward
to see the Old Detested Sunday Dress introduced, and
established on the Caledonian Manor, set about en
forcing it with great earnestness alid obstinacy. And
with no less obstinacy and earnestness did the Caledo*
nians set themselves to resist it. But it was in vain,
that they urged, as an objection, — that the Ma
terials of the Dress were too slight and cold for their
climate, that the fashion of it neither suited their figure
nor their fancy — and that many professed, that they
would rather go in rags or stark naked, than admit such
a Dress. All this was to no purpose ; for Acrid and
bis Associates having always suits ready made by them,
whoever they could seize upon, they would strip, and
by main force thrust them into this New Dress. Many
of whom, as soon as they could get out of -their bands,
would tear off their detested Trimmings with indigna*
tion, and sculk in the fields and woods in old blankets*,
rags, and nakedness, rather than be seen in this ah*
horred Dress.
257
As to the Dress not suiting their Figure or Form— Books. ch.2.
it is true, neither the Fashion, Form, nor Size, were in
any case to be altered ; but for this there was a ready
remedy prescribed in the Old Procrustian Practice ; to
which Acrid and his Colleagues had not the least aver
sion. Thus, if the person was too short for the Dress,
there were Engines to stretch him to the required stand
ard ; and if too tall, it was only chopping off the neces- shocking Cru-
sary quantity at either end — if the body or limbs were crid and his
too large, they had Engines for squeezing them till they "" JU "
should fit ; particularly, if any one had too lusty a leg,
they had an iron engine called the Bootikens, or Boots,
in which by means of driving a Avcdge, the leg was
squeezed often till the marrow burst through the bone,
and the person fainted for pain,* and some actually
died under these operations. As to cases Avhere the
Dress was only too large and full, it Avas held no ob
jection by these Fashion-mongers and their Fitters-on ;
it was indeed rather reckoned a mark of gentility and
gracefulness, that the Dress should hang some what
loose and negligently upon them.
By the above means, though they could not suc
ceed in driving the wretched Caledonians to receive the
prescribed Dress, they succeeded in driving a great
many of them into direct defiance of the Steward and
his Authority. A step, for which, hoAvever they might
be justified in point of provocation, they could by no
means be justified in point of prudence. For this gave
occasion for Acrid and his Coadjutors, with some pre
tence of law, to proceed to greater extremities Avith
* This is a strict and literal fact.
258
Book 6. ch.2. them. — It was now made criminal in the highest degree
for any number of persons in the Caledonian Sunday
Dress to be seen together ; so that they were glad to
sculk and hide themselves in the fields and woods,
where they were hunted and shot doAvn like wild
beasts; and it was lawful for any person to kill them
whenever he could ; and great numbers of them were
actually shot, and killed, by the Steward's Sportsmen
and Hunters. Nor were these shocking cruelties of the Steward
and his Agents confined to one sex. — The Chief Article
of this Dress was a kind of cloak or mantle that with
little variation of form suited either sex ; so that women
as well as men were involved in the consequences qf
these barbarities : of which we shall relate one instance,
that for atrocity cannot perhaps be matched in the me
moirs of mankind.
An unparai- Two simple females, the one an old woman above
stance of threescore, the other a young girl scarce twenty, were
^™Hberate°iy "3otn susPecte(I °f declining the imposed Dress, the Old
perpetrated Woman seldom went abroad, and hence had little occa-
upon two '
harmless Fe- sion to exhibit any Holiday Dress. The youne one,
males, for re- '¦' ° *
fusing the Avith others of her family, had been noted for their un-
prescribed Dress. conquerable contempt of the prescribed suit ; and hence,
she with a brother and sister both younger than herself,
had been obliged to fly from their father's house, and
conceal themselves in the dens and caverns of the
mountains and woods. One day, to get a little suste
nance, she and her sister ventured to visit this Old Wo
man, whom they knew to be a good humane-hearted
person ; when they were watched and betrayed. They
259
were all three seized in the Old Woman's House, in a Book 6. ch. 2.
private plain old-fashioned family Dress,* and carried
before some of the Steward's Agents. The Younger
Sister, being in a manner but a child, their Father was
allowed to purchase her life for a hundred pounds.
The Elder Sister and the Old Woman persisting to re
fuse the prescribed Dress, were both condemned to
death. And the sentence was executed by a mode of
Death that for wanton cruelty was never equalled by
the most barbarous Tyrant, Jew, Heathen, or Anti-
christian. They were tied to a stake at Ioav water in
the mouth of a River, to be dashed and drowned piece
meal by the returning tide. The Young Woman, after
being awhile dashed about and sometimes suffocated,
Avas taken out of the water, and urged to compliance ;
and required to say God bless the Steward, and they
would save her life ; she replied that she Avished all men
blest — but that would not satisfy them. Her compa
nion then struggling under the immediate suffocation of
death was pointed out to her, and she was asked — what
she thought of that sight ? Her answer discovered the
utmost firmness and resolution in what she thought a
matter of conscience. And she was again committed to
the waves. At last in the agony of suffocation she was
heard to cry out something, which the spectators said,
¦was — Bless the SteAvard — and she was again taken out
of the Water. But Avhen recovered, she refused to con
firm what she was supposed to have said in her agony.
So she was finally recommitted to the stake, and
droAvned. .11 — "¦"¦¦'— — - ¦' " —-¦¦¦¦ — ¦¦ - i i in ¦ T
* Engaged in Family Worship. — Pret. Cum.
ll2
260
Book 6. ch.2. To these unfortunate persons and many others, wan
tonly sacrificed about this Affair, nothing was imputed
but their non-compliance with the prescribed Holiday
Dress and denying the Steward's Authority in the semat-
ters. In the present instance particularly, the two per
sons were acknowledged to have been of a quiet, harm
less, innocent, and even pious, life and conversation.
But it Avillbe said, they were weak, wilful, and igno
rant, — and sacrificed their lives through mere obstinacy,
in a matter of such indifference. — That they were weak
and ignorant may perhaps be granted ; but that their
opposition proceeded from mere wilfulness and obsti
nacy, can with no reason be affirmed . Every one the
least acquainted with Human Nature knows how much
the influence of custom, habit, and education, exceeds
that of reason, argument, or authority, or even the
love of life, on persons of a sanguine temper, with weak
judgment, and strong imagination. By such an imagi
nation, the Sunday's Dress was connected with the Sun
day's Duties, and the Sunday's Duties with the most im
portant interest of the individual and of society. And
upon such an Association, enthusiastically embraced,
was founded the perseverance and fortitude of those un
happy Victims.
But if we accuse those persons of weakness, delu
sion, and obstinacy, for sacrificing their lives in a mat
ter that we reckon indifferent, — what shall we say, or
what shall we think, of the SteAvard and his execrable
Agents, — who thus drove them to distraction and des
peration, and then put them to death ; for a matter that
we know they held in itself perfectly indifferent. And
261
as to the end they proposed by it, — the subjecting every Book 6. ch. s.
thing, even the thought, mind, and soul, to the arbi
trary Will of the Steward, — it was worse than indif-Th* execrable
J 7 Design of
ferent ; it was wicked, detestable, diabolical, damn- th<!se Atro-
7 , ' cities.
able ! for which he and his Abettors justly merited his
Father's Fate ; and for which his successor and all his
posterity were soon after deservedly expelled for ever
from the Stewardship, and even from setting a foot on
the Manor of Great Albion.
As to this Matter of Holiday Dress, about which
so much dispute and quarrelling has taken place, and
so much mischief and misery has been occasioned, we
will only observe — that all parties pretend to derive
their Fashions from the celebrated and important Will All parties pre-
we have formerly mentioned; though not a syllable
concerning Fashion or form of Dress is to be found in
it ; nor any preference for one Holiday Suit above ano
ther to be inferred from it. All its Prescriptions and
Sanctions are of a much higher and more important na
ture ; and concern the Life and Practice, the Manners
tiontheirHo- liday Dress
from the
Will of the
Great Lord
Paramount,
— tho' there
is not in that
Instrument
one word
, about the
and Character, and the Good Order and Happiness of Form of
Dress ——All
the whole Family of the Testator. But it especially en- its sanction!
joins brotherly behaviour, peace, and love, among all er Nature.
Avho acknowledge its san(Bbn, and claim relation to,
or interest in, the Great Testator, or any benefit from
his Will. Fashions and Forms, which some make so
much account of, and would sanction from this Will,
are but transiently and occasionally alluded to in it,
without any censure or approbation of one in preference
to another. But let us resume our more immediate subject, the
Stewardship of John Bull's Manor,— for though the
262
Book 6. ch.2. Caledonian and Albion Manors Avere "now under the
same Steward, their Laws, Customs, and Tenures Avere
quite independent of one another, and varied consi
derably. Indeed no such shocking proceedings as have
just been described could now have been exercised on
the Bull Manor. The spirit of the Family and the
Folk on the Manor, Avho better than any other People
on Earth know their own Rights, and how to assert them,
would have risen indignant at such an insult offered to
their humanity, as those objects presented. Nor, in
deed, did the Caledonian Family, however much their
spirit was at this time broken, bear these insults and atro
cities Avithout indignation and resentment. But instead
of rising in general resistance, and directing their efforts
to restrain the Steward and his Agents, their resistance
Avas partial, and their resentment could only touch his
Agents individually ; and the Steward himself, residing
on John Bull's Manor, was beyond their reach.
One Instance however of this resentment is so
notable, both for the Person on whom it fell, and the
atrocious manner in which it was executed ; that I shall
here briefly relate it.
263
ClIAP. III. Book 6. ch.3.
Contents.— The Stewardship of the Second Carlos continued— The Atro
cious Catastrophe of Acrid the wretched Fashionmonger— dragged
from his Carriage and Murdered on the Highway in the middle of the
day— Shocking Execution of H— cks— n of R—th— 11— t, suspected to
have been concerned in the Murder.
We have already described Acrid the Chief Fashion-
monger as the most fonvard instrument of Carlos's op
pression and cruelty, especially in the matter of the
Holiday Suit. This Caitiff, in the District where he lived The shocking
had a subordinate Agent, one Carter-Michael, or Michael of^AcrLT,
the Carter, avIio Avas extremely zealous in hunting doAvn X^reopoiif
the poor Noncons, as they were called, from their non
compliance with the prescribed Dress. This wretch
had been accustomed to torture servants, and even wo
men and children, by tying their fingers together, with
lighted matches between them, and burning them till
they confessed where their Masters, Husbands, and Pa
rents, were concealed. In short he had been guilty of
innumerable acts of violence and cruelty through the
whole district of Fifia.
A Party of persons of some distinction, most of
whom had suffered or bejfcinsulted by him, had met
one summer morning on horseback for a ride, and hear
ing that he was to be out a hunting that day— whether
men or beasts does not appear— resolved to give him a
morning's salutation, and perhaps something more, —
a little discipline with their horsewhips, or a gentle dip
in the Eden, near the banks of which tlieir excursion
lay : and which at this pleasant season, — the beginning
of May, — mighthave been very Avholesome, and noAvay
264
Book 6. ch.3. dangerous. But they were disappointed; probably
he kept a better look out than they did ; for he did not
appear that day. But just as they were going to dis
perse and return to their homes, a boy coming by told
them, as a piece of interesting news in the country,
that Acrid the Great Fashionmonger and Prefect of
Andreopolis, had breakfasted at Ceres-ville, the next
town, and was just coming up in his Coach-and-six.—
The constant effect of suffering oppression and perse
cution for opinion and principle, is, some degree of En
thusiasm ; and the more the object is the fond creature
of imagination and fancy, the more strongly has it
power to work. In such a frame of mind the most ac
cidental occurrence is ready to be construed into a Di*
vine Dispensation. Such was the impression that
struck those enthusiastic minds on the present occasion.
These persons had been waiting to inflict some revenge
upon an inferior Agent, Avhen the superior, the very
source and cause of all their Suffering and Misery, to
their astonishment, presents himself before them. —
Some of them exclaimed — " The Lord hath delivered
him into our hands ! "
It happened unfortunately for the wretched Pre
fect, that a noble Youth, connected with many of the
best Families on the Caledonian Manor, going on a
visit to an Old Lady, his Aunt, had been that very
morning wantonly shotdoAvn by a party of his Licenced
Men-hunters, within the scene of these Gentlemen's Ex
cursion. This young man, himself on horseback, see
ing a party of men riding furiously at a distance, wish
ing not to fall in with them, whatever they might be, be
gan to quicken his pace ; when one of them quitted the
265
rest and pursued him ; and without challenge, or ex- Book 6. ch. 3.
changing a word, shot him dead, two balls passing
through his body ; nor would they alloAV a Surgeon,
though one presented himself, to examine his wounds
before he expired. This no doubt, helped forward
Acrid's fate ; as did also perhaps, his own conscious
ness and fear ; for on seeing a number of men on horse
back he called out to his Coachman and Servants to
drive ! This left the Party no time to deliberate. One
of them on a swift horse rode up and endeavoured to
pass the Carriage, in order to see whether Acrid him
self Avas really in it. — The conscious Caitiff kept calling
out, Drive! Drive! on hearing which the Gentleman
on horseback threw off his Cloak and pursued at full
speed. One of Acrid's attendants turned and fired a
pistol at him, but missed him — and the rest of the troop
coming lip, soon disarmed the servant. The wretched
man still kept crying, Drive ! Drive ! Drive ! But the
Gentleman on the swift horse succeeded in turning the
Coach out of the road and stopping it. They per- Acrid draRRe(i
ceived his Daughter, a Young Lady who was known from Ms Car-
to be iust on the point of marriage, to be in the coach murdered on
J . * a the highway,
with him ; and not to shock her more than necessary, at mid-day,
.-i r. neartheCity
they ordered him to come out of the Carnage, " Come of Andreo,
out Judas ! come out Traitor, and receive your fate !"
was the cry. But he would by no means come out,—
and begged most pitifully for mercy. But they told
hlm: — that, as he had never shewed mercy, he must ex
pect none. They then fired several shots close at his
body, that they might not endanger the Daughter; and
he fell back in the Coach. Thinking they had done
their business, they were about to mount their horses,—
M M
266
Book 6- ch. 3. when the Daughter was heard to call out to the Coach
man, — Drive, John, Drive! there is life in my Fa
ther yet ! Upon this they once more pursued the Coach,
but were not able to stop or turn it till they cut the tra
ces, some say the Horses also. To spare the Daughter*.
they now dragged him out of the Carriage; when,
draAving their swords, they dispatched him Avith many
Wounds.— All this took place on the Public Road, be
tween the hours of twelve and one of the day, on
the third of May, within two or three miles of the
Populous City of Andreopolis, Acrid's home, and the
seat of his power and official functions.
Different Parties give a somewhat different ac
count of the above transaction. The friends of Acrid,,
particularly, labour to represent his deportment on the
occasion, as composed, dignified, and pious, in the ex
treme; as most devoutly resigning himself to God;
falling down on his knees and most meekly praying for
his murderers. Whereas the Actors in this scene repre
sent him as obstinately resisting all admonition to pray
and commit his soul to God ; but roaring and shrieking
in thc most horrible manner. Some accounts say that
the Daughter was wounded with a sword while throw
ing herself between her Father and his Murderers.
Tins outrage- This outrageous and atrocious deed was endea-,
temjted1 "toVnured to be punished in a manner which no less out
ing wTy?h!adtra§e(i' a*1 reason, law, and justice. A Proclamation
"°l^ss °™n* was issued commanding all persons in the District of
lawand jus*Fifia, to appear and present themselves on certain
days before Inquisitors appointed to examine them j
and to be confronted with Acrid's Daughter and Ser
vants, to see if they could knoAV them again. As if it
267
could once be supposed, that any person conscious of p,0ok6. ch.3.
having been concerned in that transaction, would on
any account present himself for examination on such an
occasion; which would be equivalent to presenting
himself to certain Torture and Death. I doubt Avhe-
ther Peter's Holy Tribunal ever attempted any thing so
absurdly tyranical, as this Proclamation.
Several persons were apprehended, tried, tortured,
and executed, on suspicion of being concerned in the
murder; and five were hung in chains on the spot
where it took place. But they Avere taken doAvn a feAV a number of
years after, Avhen a change of affairs occurred : and a poSedntoSUie
humble monument erected to their memory is still to be J."","^11' e„„"
seen on the spot. Most accounts agree, and it is firmly suspicion of
r a » j being con-
believed and reported, by the relicts of the Party, that c,e.rne? , in
1 7 J J ' this Murder.
among those who suffered death on account of it, there
was not one who was really concerned in the Affair.
Indeed those who were executed seem to have been per
sons of a quite different description from those who
were met to chastise Acrid's Manhunter, Avho seerft
to have been all persons of some condition, mounted on
horseback, and armed as Gentlemen ; as appears by
the mention of Drawing their Swords. Whereas
those Avho Avere executed seem to have been persons of
obscure condition, found in the neighbourhood of the
Scene of Action, whether the report of such a singular
and shocking affair had drawn numbers, out of mere
curiosity. Only they were all known contemners of
the Impositious Sunday Dress s and of the Lives of
such no account was made. Indeed it is most proba
ble that the real Perpetrators of the Deed all quitted
the country for a time, till a change of Affairs took
mm2
268
Book 6, ch.3. place, as it is certainly known some of them did. Be
sides those who were executed, and their bodies sus
pended on Gibbets at the place where Acrid was mur
dered, numbers were put to death in the most cruel
and shocking manner in different parts of the Manor,
under suspicion of being concerned in, or approving
the same Fact.
Of the particularly shocking circumstances of those
Executions it may not be amiss here to give one instance,
as a mark of the Character of the Times, and Persons,
connected with this Stewardship.
D d H— cks— t— n of R— th— 11— t was a
Gentleman of Character and Distinction, whose Family
and Estate still exist in the Neighbourhood of the Scene
of Acrid's fate. He with eight others Avere supposed to
be the Party that met on horseback the morning that
Acrid was murdered ; but he dissuaded them from the
Enterprise Avhen it was proposed, and absolutely re
fused to have any concern in it ; particularly, as he
said, because it was known that he had received per
sonal injuries and insults from Acrid, and it might have
been thought that he acted from private hatred and re
venge. He was however afterwards seized, condemned,
His Character an(I executed, as concerned in the murder. The
following is the account on record of his Apprehension,
and Execution. — ' Horresco refer ens J1
Being a Gentleman of Family and Spirit ; after
the Folk had openly risen in resistance to their oppres
sors, he Avas found at the head of an armed Party of
Gentlemen on horseback; and being attacked by a
strong military squadron, after a brave resistance, Avhich
forced an honourable testimony from their antagonists
269
themselves, in which he cut his way forward and back- Book 6. ch. 3.
Ward through them, he was Avounded and taken.
Upon his trial little regard was had to form or evi
dence. Being questioned respecting his concern in the
fate of Acrid,— as conscious of having been in the
Party — he only answered — that he was not obliged to
accuse himself.
Being condemned, he was ordered to kneel down
and receive his sentence upon his knees, which he did,
protesting at the same time against their Tyranny and
Oppression. From receiving sentence, he was carried
directly to the place of Execution in one of the princi
pal streets of Edentown. — First, both his hands were
chopped off by the Executioner — he was then by the— and horrid
rtr J J . Execution.
rope about his neck with a pully drawn up three times
to the top of the Gibbet, and three times let fall with all
his weight from a great height — then being fixed to the
top of the Gallows, the Executioner ascended the lad
der, and with a large knife cut open his Breast and
pulled out his Heart while yet alive, as appeared both
by the convulsions of the body when the heart was
drawn out, and by the palpitations of the heart itself
when it dropped on the stage. The Executioner next
took it up on the point of the knife, and holding it forth
at the four corners of the Stage, called out " here is the
Heart of a Traitor" — he then threw it Avith the rest of
his entrails and vital parts into a fire prepared for the
purpose. His Head was now cut off and his Body di
vided into Quarters — his Head and Hands were fixed on
the Gates of Edentown, and his Quarters sent to be
suspended at other places of principal concourse in the
neighbourhood where he had lived.
270
Book 6. ch. i. Such was the infernal spirit, and such the atroci
ous deeds on both sides, which for near thirty years,
with true Stewardly indifference on the part of Carlos,
and eager Official zeal and activity on the part of his
Agents, were exhibited on the Caledonian Manor, du
ring the Stewardship of Carlos and his Brother Yagob.
But tired out, as it Avould seem, with such slow pro
ceedings ; and perhaps suspicious of the impression
such scenes acted in places of public concourse, might
make on the minds of the people, — orders Avere at last
given out to their Prowlers, to hunt out the obnoxious,
or suspicious persons, and shoot them on the spot,
wherever they were found ; and great numbers as we
have above intimated, were in this way put to death,
several at their own doors and in their own houses.
Chap. IV,
Contents.— The Stewardship of the Second Carlos continued— His infa
mous Expedients to extort Money from the Family — Has no legiti
mate Offspring, but lavishes the Hereditary Patrimony of the Stew
ardship upon his Trulls and their Bastards— which are possessed by
their descendant to this day — is succeeded by his Brother Yagob, a
bigotted Feterkin.
But it is now high time to return to the Bull Family
and Manor, — where though Carlos, Avamed by his Fa
ther's fate, durst not attempt such atrocities as had been
perpetrated on the Caledonian Manor, yet had he
found means to render himself sufficiently obnoxious to
271
the Bull Family in general. One great source of his Buok 6. cb. 4.
misconduct, and consequent troubles, was, the want of
Money, to support the extravagance and profligacy of
himself and the Agents and instruments of his Plea
sures. To supply this want he stuck at nothing that
his unprincipled Advisers could suggest. We have
already mentioned his selling Ecclesdown to Lewis
Baboon, and receiving money from him expressly for The steward
. „ . -r. i 8cizes on ,he
betraying the interests of his Employer. Another Family Bank,
scheme of the most base and perfidious nature that ail the money
could Avell be devised, was, the seizure and shutting up t0 his own use
of John Bull's Public Bank, and converting the money ruin oVthou-
of the Avhole Family, deposited in it under full eonfi- saads-
dence, to his own use. In this Public Bank, which
was under the management of the Steward's Office,
those who had: money to spare, were used to lodge it,
on the Credit of John Bull and indeed of the whole
Family, and to>take it out as they had occasion for it.
From this Bank Carlos stopped all Issues at once, and
converted the whole money in it to his own use ; by
which a number of Persons and Families were reduced
to the greatest distress.. Indeed this Carlos Avas so com
plete a knave, so unblushingly perfidious, and disho
nest, that nothing but the too habitual indulgence to
Stewards could have saved him from the Gallows.
Another most presumptuous device of this Stew
ard for extorting money was, the calling in question all Annuls the
special Privileges, Bights, and Tenures, of particular ai^Corpora-
Societies, Companies, and Corporations, on the Manor, m°aks^s thaen*
by what was called an Action or Writ of Quo War- ^uerncehwsae, thof
ranto, — requiring them to sheAV by what Warrant they them with i
held those Privileges, and how they obtained them.
m-
mense sums.
272
Book 6. ch. 4. A thing in many instances noAv absolutely impossible
to be done ; as some of them Avere older than the origin
of the Bull Family itself on the Manor; so that in ge
neral they had no resource but to purchase them a neAV
at the Steward's price, or entirely to lose them. To
this it would have been a just, and highly appropriate
reply, for John Bull to have issued a Quo Warranto—
for the SteAvard to shew by what Warrant or Instru
ment he and his Predecessors obtained, and held, their
v Office and pretended Prerogatives.
For the purpose of discovering those Privileged
parties who were most able to pay, and for getting pos
session of their Charter Deeds ; Carlos employed a
special and staunch Instrument, one Jaffier, Chief Cadi
or Judge of the Steward's Court. This man seems in
Character to have been the exact prototype of Sir
Deputy Gibcat, the present Diabolus Dispensitoris of
our day. The Steward himself had found a pretence
to bring in question the Charter of Ludstown, the
greatest and most important Corporation on the Manor ;
and the matter being tried in the Steward's Court be
fore the said Cadi, the event was infallible. Induced
by this example, to which he added both promises and
threalenings, the same Agent prevailed upon many
other Privileged Bodies to surrender their Charter
Deeds without a trial, for the renewing or returning of
which great sums were extorted.
It would be endless to relate all the infamous prac
tices of this Stewardship to extort money. But still
against all these John Bull had, then, a firm and im
pregnable barrier, which kept them within some bounds ;
but which, alas ! is now no more, — or rather, has now
disasters.
273
changed sides, and become the greatest strength of the Book 6. ch. 4.
opposite Party, — I mean the LoAver Chamber of Mrs.
Bull's Office ;— between Avhich and the Steward's Of-^otJ™'$l
fice and Agents there was a constant struggle during "','? ,his Per-
° ss a tnlious Stew-
the whole of his Stewardship. That despicable adula- a''(lsn|P , ,!>}'
r r the Fidelity
tory practice of echoing back every intimation or de- of Mrs. Bull's
J r s J Office— as yet
mand from the SteAvard, or from the Steward's Agents ; pure from that
Commerce of
and much more, that infamous commerce of Prostitu- Prostitution,
tion between the Steward's Office and Mrs. Bull's Hous- aii iis present
hold, noAv so notorious, being then unknoAvn.
But to bring this profligate and opprobrious Stew
ardship to a conclusion, — it may be observed, — that,
as Carlos had no legitimate Children, his Brother Ya
gob Avas the nearest lineal Heir to the Stewardship.
But this Yagob was a zealous Peterkin ; a blind bi-
gotted dupe to all the wretched Mummery and Impos
ture of the Notorious Peter, so long abjured and de
tested by the Bull Family. On this account it had
been frequently in agitation to exclude him from the
succession ; especially as the few remaining Adherents
of that slavish and debasing system, had even during
Carlos's lifetime been suspected, and accused, of plots
to murder him, through impatience, and hope of sub
verting the Avhole Constitution of the Stewardship, and
Customs of the Manor, by the immediate accession of
his bigotted Brother.
Respecting this Carlos, it ought not to. be passed
over in silence, as it is a circumstance affecting the for
tunes of the Bull Family to this day, — That though he
had no legitimate Children, he had great abundance of
Bastards, — all of whom he made Great Men, Dons, and1
Titulates, and apportioned out to them the fairest Man.-
N N
274
BookG. ch. 5. sions, and finest Demsnes, on John Bull's Manor. By
the original constitution of the Manor there were large
Ca^os dies tracts of land set apart to defray the general expences
gitimate is- of the Manor and Stewardship, under the management
sue.— Bulla- r' &
vishestiiePa- of the Steward. But in fact these Demesnes have con-
trimony of
the steward- stantly been profused on pimps, parasites, strumpets,
Trulls and and bastards; Avhile the Family are harrassed and im-
11 iioser S'dI- poverished Avith contributions to support the necessary
KCe"heldtS at expence of the Stewardship. And they had especially
tins day. been lavished with unparalleled profusion by Carlos on
his Bastards : and to the great disgrace and injury of
John Bull's Family are held by them and their de
scendants to a large extent at this day.
Chap. V.
Contents.— The Stewardship of the Second Yagob — This Yagob a bi-
gotted Peterkin— but takes the most solemn Oaths to preserve the
Privileges of the Family, and especially to protect John Bull's Mo
ther inviolate in all her Rights and Immunities— depending no doubt
upon Peter to absolve him from all these oaths, to which from the mo
ment he made them be never paid the smallest regard— Begins with
impatience to fill all places of Trust with Peterkins— is universally
forsaken — of which some mortifying instances.
The steward- On Carlos's death, notwithstanding the great clamour
ship of the se- 3 <=
cond Yagob that had been raised at the prospect of a Peterkin suc-
Peterkin sue- cessor, his Brother Yagob succeeded, not only without
opposition, opposition, but with considerable acclaim.
This Yagob was certainly a person of a more ac
tive Character, and capable of more industry and ap-
275
plication in his designs, than his Brother Carlos; but Book 6. ch. 5.
being also possessed of more zeal, and less discretion,
in his infatuated attachment to Peterkinism, those very
qualifications senredonly to stimulate his course, and to
accelerate and secure his ruin.
This Fellow, then, confident in his own vigour
and capacity, was determined to bring John Bull and
his Family entirely and effectually under the yoke.
And being fully persuaded, both of his Right and The vigorous
& J r ' & Character &
Power to do so, he set about the business like" a man of decisive P<>-
spirit and resolution; and soon brought it to a very gob.
decisive conclusion. It is true, on his first entrance on
the SteAvardship, conscious of the suspicious he lay un
der, he made a solemn declaration of his determination
to maintain thc LaAvs and Customs of the Manor, the
Rights and Privileges of the Bull Family and of all
the Folk upon the Estate; — and especially, to support
and protect John Bull's Mother from all injury and
wrong. Perhaps he thought this part of his declaration
the more necessary, as his designs with respect to the
Old Lady were more especially suspected, on account
of his known connection Avith Peter ; who still pre
tended to be her husband, and to command and dis
pose of her and all that belonged to her. And Yagob's
conduct soon put it past a doubt that he meant to deliver
her and all her concerns entirely into his hands.
As to the first part of his Declaration, the main
taining the Laws of the Manor and the Rights of the
Family, he was perhaps perfectly sincere, according to
his conception of the subject. For with thc Avhole of
this Race of Stewards it Avas a fixed and irreversible
Principle, that the only permanent and fundamental
NN 2
276
Book 6. ch. 5. LaAV of the Manor was, the Will and Mandate of the
Steward ; and the Right of the Family and Folk, whom
he held as his Property, Avas just Avhat he should be
pleased to alloAV them. And in promising to consult
their Good and Prosperity, he professed no more than
that regard which every Possessor has for his Herds
and Flocks, and the prosperous state of his own pos
sessions. As every Farmer and Owner of a Herd of
Cattle, — or Flock of Sheep, certainly takes pleasure to
, see them numerous, healthy, and in good plight ; so this
The Masrnani- man, who Avas not naturally of a malignant disposition,
m"nts of this might very sincerely promise and purpose, to keep his
Pastor Po- Flock m a p;ood and thriving condition ; ready to be
- converted to use or profit, — to slaughter or sale, to the
best advantage, whenever occasion or conveniency
should call for it. And as he meant, Avhen he had
brought the Bull Family to that state which he pro
posed, that all their Property should be at his disposal, —
or as his Grandfather proposed, — " to take the Money
of his People whenever he wanted it, without the for
mality and interruption of a Palaverium" — he might no
doubt even Avish to see them successful in their occupa
tions and prosperous in tlieir affairs. Just as the frugal
Farmer feeds his Cattle, keeps them clean and whole-
some, is even anxious to procure for them the best
pasture and soundest provender ; and, if he is a good
husbandman, beside the profit of their labour, and
produce of their milk and fleeces, has really no little
pleasure in seeing them healthy and in high plight,
acting their gambols around him and bounding with
life and spirit in their pastures. Yet he feels no re
morse or repugnance, when Avanted, to slaughter them
277
for his Table, or sell them to the Butcher for his profit. Book 6. ch, 5.
This is an exact representation of the Genuine Spirit
and Principle of Stewardism in general ; and expresses
the real nature and motive of the concern they have,
or profess to have, for the prosperity of their People.
And though by thc Custom and Constitution of the
Manor of Albion, it is, or ought to be, an exception,
and for this very purpose Mrs. Bull's Office holds its
existence ; yet there is not perhaps at this day in Terra
Cognitia, another Manor where this Principle is so pas
sively, so uniformly, so securely, and so fully acted
upon, as in this same Manor of Albion. And this full,
passive, uniform security, is derived from the very
means and instrument intended, and provided, for the
purpose of preventing and opposing it, — Mrs. Bull's
Houshold Office. As to that part of Yagob's Decla
ration which regarded John Bull's Mother, — from the
moment he got possession of the Stewardship, he seems
to have made no account of it Avhatsoever. He im
mediately dispatched a Special Messenger to Peter, to
treat of putting him in Possession of the Old Lady's
House and Lands, and of subjecting her with all her
Houshold and Family entirely to his Authority.
The experience of Peter's pride, presumption, and
cruelty, had left such an impression on the Bull Fa
mily, that it was a fixed Law of the Manor, that no
person who professedly adhered to him should be ca-
• pable of holding any Office, Trust, or Place of Dis
tinction whatever, upon the Manor. This LaAV in the
present instance had been dispensed with, by the con
sent of the Family, in favour of Yagob's admission to
the Stewardship. And no sooner had he got Posses-
278
Book 6. ch. 5. sion, than by one Act of his pretended, absolute, and
unlimited Power, he swept away this and all other ob
stacles and incumbrances Avhatsoever that stood in his
Avay. Having determined that his OAvn Will should be
Obtrudes his the only Law, he began by some steps that were di-
Peterkins in- j 7 a j r
to every De-rectly contrary to the most express and essential LaAvs
of the Manor; particularly to appoint professed Pc-
terkins to Places of Trust and Power in every Depart
ment; and that without requiring them to take the
Oaths prescribed as essential to the holding such Places.
Against this gross violation of the Laws and Constitu
tion of the Manor, when the Palaverium began to re
monstrate, he expressed great indignation ; and dis
missed them entirely.
He now called together a set of base corrupt Sy
cophants, subject to his OAvn appointment; Avhose Of
fice it Avas, not to make Laws, but to apply and execute
the Laws of the Manor as they already stood. And
having draAvn up a Declaration — " That it was the
Law of the Manor of Albion, that the Steward could
dispense with, and set aside all Laws whenever he saw
reason or occasion:" he got this declaration signed,
and sanctioned by eleven out of twelve of those base
Sycophants. This Declaration he caused to be issued
forth by proclamation through the Manor in the fol
lowing Apothegms.—" I. That the LaAvs of the Manor
of Albion are the Steward's Laws.— II. That it is the
Indisputable indisputable Privilege of the Albion Steward to dis-
Slewardical . . , . T
Apothegms, pense Avithnis own Laivs, Avhen particular occasions or
reasons shall require it.— III. That of these reasons
and occasions the Steward himself is the sole Judge. —
IV- And that this is not a Trust invested in, or granted
279
to, the Steward ; but essential to the Office, and can Book 6. ch. 5.
never be taken from it." Thus by the corrupt decision
of ten or twelve prostitute Parasites, were the ivhole
Laws of the Manor of Albion abrogated, and its Con
stitution entirely subverted and overthroAvn.
In conformity with this decision, Yagob began
now to fill every Office and Place of Trust and
Power Avith the very persons that were expressly ex
cluded from them: and all the established oaths and
obligations to be laid upon them for the due dis
charge of their Offices according to the Laws of the
Manor, were dispensed with ; because it Avas not in
tended that they should discharge them according to
the Laws of the Manor.
The highest and most important Office in the ap
pointment of the Steward is the Deputy Stewardship of
Pat Blunt's Manor of Green Erin ; and though this was
held by a near Relation of his own family, yet he, not
being of the right Stamp, and refusing to turn Peter
kin and betray his Trust, to the faithful discharge of
which he had sworn, Yagob turned him out, and a
staunch Peterkin was put in his Stead. Thus far
John Bull looked quietly on, andAvhatever he thought,
said little. In the Bull Family and on the Manor of Albion
there are many Offices of Honour, Profit, and Trust,
to which it does not belong to the Steward to appoint;
as pertaining to Privileged Bodies, Avho had the Right
of choosing their own Members, and appointing their
own Officers. Of all these Rights and Privileges,
Yagob, by his own Sovereign Will, chose to make no
account at all. Of these Privileged Bodies several
280
Book 6. ch. 5. were particularly connected with Madam Bull's Esta
blishment, and are generally called Kyrical or Kirkly
Bodies. To one of the most venerable and distin
guished of these, at Grantabridge, Yagob sent his
Obtrudes a mandate to admit a Peterkin of a certain description
a1n0nkimportt0- called a monkey* to the highest Honours of their So-
fii'the Gram- ciety, without requiring of him the usual Qualifications ,
Community, or, his submitting to the usual oaths and obligations of
Fidelity and Trust, which the Constitution of their so
ciety prescribed. This Mandate the Grantabridgian
Body absolutely refused to comply with; as what
would in effect have amounted to the voiding of the
whole Constitution and Frame of their Society, and
the forfeiture of their Charter. Though Yagob Avas
determined that such presumption should not pass un
punished, he found himself somewhat at a loss hoAV to
effect this punishment ; as there was no Court, Office,
or Authority on the Manor, to punish men for a strict
regard and conformity to the established Laws and
Customs. But this defect Yagob in his Divine Inde-
feasable Right made little difficulty in supplying.
Among the Usurpations and abuses which had been
solemnly abolished for ever on the Restoration of the
late Carlos, was,, a particular Court called the Steward's
High Kirkly Commission Court. This Court Avas indeed
an old remnant of Peter's Usurpation, Avhich the Stew
ards found convenient to retain, till John Bull demanded,
and obtained its express and absolute abolition. This
Court was just what Yagob found he wanted, being
* So called, perhaps, because with the Form and Semblance of Men,
they renounce all the active functions and characters of Manhood, and the
chief uses and ends of human existence ; and professed to be wholely de
voted to the Mummery and Monkey tricks of Peter.
281
principally composed of Kirkly Persons, the whole Book 6. ch. a.
nominated and appointed by himself; and who in
their proceeding acknowledged no Law, Rule, or
Custom, but the Steward's Will and Pleasure. At
Yagob's word and will this Court instantly started
into Being; and again existed in all its undefined and
indefinable power.
Before this arbitrary Tribunal was cited the Major And for at-
Domo or Head Officer of the Grantabridgian Corpora- resist d"epo-
tion, Avith all his Coadjutors and Counsellors. And jor Domo,
being convicted of conforming to the established Laws theirCharter.
of their Society, in refusing the demanded Honours to
the Monkey, the Major Domo was sentenced to be de
posed from his Place and Office ; and the rest were re
primanded and dismissed, with orders to send in the
Charter-deed of their Corporation to the Steward's
Office. Of the same description as the Grantabridgian
Corporation, Was another, that of Bosford. These so
cieties formed each a kind of Pantapaideia or General
School of Discipline for all th© Youth of the Manor;
and were richly endowed for that purpose. Yagob,
therefore, thought it of the utmost importance to obtain
an absolute authority there. And this he could only
hope to do by intruding his Peterkins into all the
Chief Offices and appointments as fast as possible, al
though by the fundamental constitution of the Soci- Attempts the
ety not one of them could be admitted. Accordingly, s^ ^
about the same time that he sent his Mandate to Gran- ™eeta JJ^J)
tabridge to confer its honours on the Monkey, he sent J|™ Rf^
a similar Mandate to Bosford, to order the Chief Mem- *he Bosford
" Community.
bers of the Madelen School, to Avhom it belonged to
oo
282
Book 6. ch. 5. choose their own Officers, to elect one Tony Bumpken,
a Peterkin of most profligate and infamous character,
for their Head and Governor. But they, disregarding
this illegal Mandate, chose one of their own Society
into the Office. For this contumacy they were also
cited before the same Kirkly Court, and their Deputy
Governor and some of their principal Members being
deposed from their Place and Station, they were dis
missed with threatenings of further punishment if they
persisted in their non-compliance. But the profligacy
of the former Nomination being so notorious, that the
Steward himself was ashamed of it, he named to them
another of his servile Tools, but they stdl refused to
obey the mandate. Notwithstanding, the person no
minated by the Steward took forcible possession ; and
the Steward seized on the Charter and Privileges of the
Society; and expelled and further punished some of
its principal Members.
Yagob, unsuc- Yagob finding but little success with the Kirkly
subduing the Class, and that his influence in Madam Bull's Hous-
^rkr1/c^se'holdmetwithsomiichJohs*ruction, bethought him of
Confidence11 anotIier Class on whose entire compliance and support
to that of the he believed he might confidently reckon. This was the
Meoofliaw. '
Men of Law ; of whom the Stewards had every where
introduced the custom of keeping a whole Train in pay
about their Persons and Office.
We have already intimated that Yagob by his own
Divine Indefeasible Authority had swept away all such
Laws and Statutes of the Manor as stood in his way,
and particularly such as forbade the introducing of
Peterkins, into Offices and Places of Trust, especially
in John Bull's Mother's Houshold; but finding the
283
Folk on the Manor in general, and those of Madam Book 6. ch. 5.
Bull's Houshold in particular, rather untractable to his
purposes, he resolved to have recourse to the Lawyers ;
who being a favorite corps, and more immediately de
pendant upon him, he had no doubt but he might
reckon upon their absolute compliance, with any thing
he could propose. And with their aid, he thought he
might set all opposition at defiance. He therefore
drew up for them to sign, an engagement, implying that
they would stand by him in abolishing all the LaAvs
and Customs of the Manor for the exclusion of Peter-
kins and for the security of Madam Bull's Family.
This engagement, having assembled the Corps, he de
sired one of their own Body to propose and explain to
them, and to command all who did not choose to com
ply with it, to lay down their Pens and Green Bags
and all the Implements of their Profession. — When, to
his utter astonishment and confusion, the whole Body, Tr ,
' J Yagob meets
two or three professed Peterkins excepted, laid down with a most
*¦ . mortifying
their Instruments. Yagob, who was himself present disappoint-
to secure, and enjoy, the success of this experiment, stood
a while confounded and silent, as if thunderstruck.
At last, — as these were a sort of People he could not do
without, — he said they might take up their Instruments
again ; but that he should not for the future do them
the honour to consult them. ^
Another mortifying instance occurred to convince
Yagob how little he could depend upon the support of
even this his favorite Corps, in the course he Avas pur
suing. In the insolence of his absolute power he had
ordered the Domestic Officers of Madam Bull's Hous
hold to publish in their respective departments the
ooi!
284
Book 6. ch. 5. abolition of all those Laws and Customs of the Manor
which existed for the maintenance of Madam Bull and
her Family. Now, besides that this was enjoining
upon them a kind of Felo-de-se, they had every indi
vidual of them expressly taken an oath to observe and
maintain those very Laws and Customs ; as indeed the
Steward himself had also done. The Head Steward,
therefore, of Madam Bull's Houshold and six more of
the principal Domestics of the Family, drew up a most
cautious and modest Petition to the Steward, begging
to be excused from publishing this Order. This Peti
tion Yagob chose to construe into a Libel upon his
Person and Office, and downright treason against his
absolute and uncontrollable Power. He therefore clapt
them all up in prison, and ordered them to be brought
to trial before the Steward's High Court ; where he had
no doubt of obtaining a sentence to his mind. But to
his great mortification and disappointment, in spite of
all the efforts of some of the Judges, his Creatures, they
were fairly and honourably acquitted.
These being persons of high dignity, great influ
ence, and in much veneration with the Bull Family,
their acquittal filled the whole Manor Avith joy and ex
ultation; which spread itself, if not as quick as thought,
at least as quick as sound, — For as soon as their ac
quittal Avas pronounced in Court, a shout of universal
applause was raised ; Avhich spread itself, and was al
most instantaneously echoed through the whole extent
of the Manor. Yagob was carousing amidst his Law
yers, to whom at this time he paid a particular atten
tion, and had got them all around him, when the sound
of this rolling shout of applause reached them ; and be-
285
ing informed of the cause, the Avhole joined in a loud Book 6. ch. 5.
and universal roar of joy and acclaim. Yagob was struck
with astonishment at such a loud and sudden burst of
acclamation, and sent out one of his Attendants to learn
the cause — Avho soon returning, with great seeming indif
ference said, — ' it was nothing but the Clerks and Law
yers huzzaing for the news of the Acquittal of Madam
Bull's Domestics.' The Caitiff turned pale, his lips Anotheraiarm-
*- ' r ing disap-
quivered — and as soon as he could speak, he said, — pointment.
Do you call that Nothing ! ! ! But recovering himself—
he added — But it shall be the worse for them! And
such was the obstinacy of this infatuated victim of his
own folly, that though he saw his Measures to be thus
execrated by the whole Bull Family, and every voice
on the Manor raised in exultation at his defeats and fai
lure, he still determined to proceed.
Lewis Baboon, who had heard that Yagob could
not depend upon his own Lawyers, little acquainted,
as it would seem, with the Character of John Bull, of
fered to send him 30,000 LaAvyers, Bailiffs, Bullies,
and Banditti, who should drub John Bull and all his
Family into compliance. But this, Yagob, rather bet
ter acquainted with the Bull Character than Lewis,
wisely declined.
286
Book 6. ch. 5. Chap. VI.
Contents. — The Stewardship of Yagob continued— Billy D'Orasis, Ya
gob's Son in Law, invited to the Manor by the Bull Family — on his ar
rival Yagob steals away like a detected Thief, and throws himself
on the Protection of Lewis Baboon, the greatest Enemy of the
Family It is debated in the Palaverium whether Billy should be
immediately constituted Steward — or only temporary Deputy — Billy
declares that he will be no man's Deputy — it is decided that he should
be invested in the Stewardship jointly with Moll his AVife, Yagob's
Eldest Daughter — he protests that Moll's Authority should be merely
nominal — in which Molly, like a good Wife, entirely acquiesces.
It is probable Yagob might now begin to suspect that
it was time to check his career, and look a little before
him. During his headlong course of folly, presump
tion, and perfidy, John Bull had hitherto looked on in
silence, but not with indifference. He was sensible of
the confusion and disasters that had attended his efforts
to do himself justice in the Father's time, and was loath
to throAV all again into disorder. But some spirited in
dividuals of the Family had begun to bestir themselves,
and to look out for a remedy. Billy D'Orasis had mar
ried Yagob's Eldest Daughter, and was Steward, or
Billy D'Orasis Bailiff of Nick Frog's Manor. As Yagob had no male
the'Buii Fa- Issue, Billy had been long considered as next Heir to
m']y' the Stewardship, both in- right of his Wife, and also as
being himself the Son of Yagob's Eldest Sister. To
him, therefore, the Bull Family had begun to turn
their eyes. But just at this very time Yagob, who had
A young Ya-been fifteen years married to a second wife, Avithout
cub makes .
his appear- having had any children by her, had a son born; so
opportunely^ opportunely, that it Avas suspected by many, and pro-
c"rcumstane-rfessed to be believed by more, that it Avas but a feigned
"IpS^'pregnancy, and pretended birth ; and that a suppositi
tious Child was introduced to retain the succession to
287
the Stewardship in the poAver of the Peterkins ; — for Book 6. ch. &
Billy and his Spouse Avere both Antipeterkins or Re-
formados. There were certainly many strong circumstances,
beside the long barrenness of the Stewardess, to throw
suspicion upon this business. Nan, another Daughter
of Yagob's by the former Wife, though living in her
Father's House, was, it is said, suspiciously kept at a
distance from her Mother-in-law during her pregnancy,
and Avas not permitted to be present at the Birth, real
or pretended. It was a standing rule of the Family
that the Chief Domestic of Madam Bull's Houshold
should be present at the birth of the Heir apparent to
the Stewardship— this Rule it was also contrived to
elude, by committing, as we have, seen Madam Bull's
Chief Domestic to prison. These are certain facts :
besides which, many doubtful and singular circum
stances are reported ; which it would be too tedious
here to recount. If there was a real Birth, considering
the circumstances under which it took place, it was
certainly conducted with most astonishing indiscretion
and want of foresight. To counterbalance all this,
stands the Fact, that Yagob and his Family have al
ways exhibited the affection and interest of parents to
ward this child and his descendants. And I believe
the o-eneral opinion now prevails that there was a real
Birth. But the incurable attachment of Yagob to Peter
kin Principles, and Arbitrary Power, were now too
clear ; and it was equally clear, that the Son would be
brought up in the highest strain of these principles ; so
that little regard was paid to the Birth or no Birth, the
288
Book 6. ch. 6. existence or non-existence, of such a Person. For it
was now found by indisputable experience, that the
Principles of Peterkinism were altogether incompatible
with the due exercise of the Stewardship of the Manor
of Albion, according to the Constitution and Custom of
that Manor, and the Privileges of the Bull Family. To
the influence of his Peterkin Wife, had generally been
ascribed the obstinacy and perfidious conduct of the
first Carlos ; and the consequent miseries of the
Manor, as well as his OAvn fate and the future fortunes
of his Family, may all be traced to the same source.
And though the second Carlos professed his adherence
to John Bull's Mother, yet his principles were knoAvn
to be the same as the rest of his Family. And Yagob
took care after his death to publish a declaration, and
proofs, that he died a Professed Peterkin.
Yagob, with less art, and more zeal, scorned to
conceal his Principles, and did not long dissemble his
designs ; which soon brought the matter to an issue.
And from henceforth it was fixed, as a fundamental
Ail Peterkins part of the Constitution of the Manor, that no Peterkin
the steward- nor any person married to a Peterkin, should be capa-
' 'p- ble of holding the SteAvardship of the Manor of Albion.
Many persons of distinction in the Bull Family
had, as we have said, begun to turn their eyes to Billy
D'Orasis ; and had actually invited him to come to
their relief. This Billy was a Fellow possessed of
boldness and ambilion enough for such an undertaking ;
and being restrained by no nice scruples of honour or
Character and fine feelings of his own, nor any delicacy towards his
BmyD'Ora-Father-in-laAV, he readily engaged in the Business.
ws" And being determined, as it would seem, from the first,
289
to proceed with a strong hand, he began by collecting nook 6. ch. 6.
a great Rout of Lawyers, Bailiffs, Bravoes, and Ban
ditti, of the Frog Family, to assist him in his Enter-
prize ; whom he proposed to reward by Places and Ap
pointments on the Bull Manor, and with the Lands and
Plunder of such as should adhere to his Father-in-law.
He had also got together a great quantity of Water-
craft to transport all his Preparation across the Water
that lay between the tAvo Manors.
The News of this Preparation soon reached Ya
gob, and seems to have opened his eyes at once. He
immediately stopped short in his course, and even at- Yagob cheeks
his CtLr**ov —
tempted to tread back the steps he had taken. He dis- but too late.
placed all his newly appointed Peterkins, and filled
their Places with legitimate Officers — reinstated the
Madelen School in its Rights and Privileges ; and re
stored all the Charters and Immunities of other Privi
leged Societies, which had been lately wrested from
them. He now particularly affected to pay great at
tention to the Head Steward and other Domestics of
Madam Bull's Houshold, — those very Persons Avhose
Acquittal, and Liberation from Prison, he had a little
before so much resented. — He sent for them, very se
riously asked their advice, and Avhat they thought best
for him to do, at such a crisis. And they very can
didly and honestly advised him to let the established
Laws and Customs of the Manor take their course—
and especially to assemble Mrs. Bull's Houshold Office ;
which' Was the proper Guardian of the LaAvs and Con
stitution of the Manor, and of the Rights of tlie People
upon it ; and which, for that very reason, Yagob from,
p p
290
Book 6. ch. G. his Accession to the Stewardship had but once assem
bled, and probably never intended to assemble more.
Whether or not Yagob was sincerely disposed to
follow the whole of this Advice, he had no opportunity
of discovering. He had already deservedly lost all af
fection, consequence, and credit, with the Bull Fa-
Ya§ob.d?se^"mily ; and Billy being now landed on the Manor, peo-
even his own p]e 0f an conditions began to flock to him, and to as-
Daughters, r ,
betakes him- sure him of their support in setting things to right.
Baboon. Even some of the chief persons about the Steward's Of
fice, and a number of the Men of Law kept in pay by
it, whom Yagob had got about him, deserted him, and
joined Billy. Upon this Yagob's spirit and resolution
seem entirely to have deserted him. He retired to his
Family Residence, and there he found, that even his
Daughter Nan, lately married, had with her Spouse
gone off to Billy D'Orasis and her Sister — the two
Daughters had been by their Mother's friends bred Re-
formados. The desertion of his daughter Nan and her
Husband affected Yagob deeply ; but more with a
sense of his Misfortunes, than any regret for his Mis
conduct. He exclaimed — How Avretched must I be,
whom even my own Child has forsaken ! From this
moment Yagob seems to have given up all efforts to
maintain himself in the SteAvardship ; and retiring pri
vately from the Manor, he betook himself to the Man
sion and protection of Lewis Baboon, whether he had
before sent his Wife and Child.
It is probable nothing was further from Yagob's
thought at this time, than that of entirely losing the
Stewardship, or of never returning to the Manor. It
291
is Avonderful how the most absurd prejudices, when ac-Book 6.ch.6.
commodated to our interest, and confirmed by habit,
will assume all the force of rational and established
principles. Yagob had imbibed such a conviction of
the sacredness of his Character, and indefeasibility of
his Right to the Stewardship and Manor, that he con
ceived it impossible they could ever be effaced or lost.
And he expected, that, as in his father's time, after
having involved themselves in confusion and anarchy,
the Folk on the Manor would be glad to recall him
upon his oAvn terms, or Avith as little restriction as they
had clone his Brother. That his Daughter and Son-in-
law would attempt, or consent, to assume the immedi
ate Possession of the Stewardship, was a thing, that
with his notions of the sacredness and inviolability of
his own Possession and Character, probably never en
tered his mind. But luckily, BiUy> with a great share
of selfishness and ambition, was not troubled with any
of those scruples of honour or delicacy that might in
terfere with an opportunity that promised to gratify his
ambition beyond his utmost hopes : and Molly his spouse
was, in every sense of the word, really a good Wife, and
entirely resigned to the will and views of her Husband.
Yagob having implicitly abandoned all exercise of Billy D'Orasis,
the Stewardship, Billy, without invitation or scruple, ™',Upip ai$
took immediate Possession of the Steward's Residence cepTs^'a'nd
with all its appurtenances ; and this indeed before his stewardshi1!
Father-in-law had finally quitted them ; — having with
incredible impudence, not to say insolence, sent orders
to him at midnight while in bed, to turn out with all
his attendants; and commanded his OAvn People to
take immediate possession of the Premises. The
pp2
292
Book 6. ch. 6. Avrefched Yagob finding himself entirely forsaken,
quietly took himself off. And though he stole out of
the Manor very privately, he needed not to have been
so very careful to conceal his Flight, for nobody seemed
much disposed to hinder him : Billy no doubt consi
dering his voluntary retreat as the best way of getting
quietly rid of him. Nor on this occasion did that ge
neral confusion and disorder, that Yagob reckoned upon,
take place ; indeed scarce the least disturbance oc
curred on the Manor.
This shews the difference between a Manor so
Customed, and so Constitnted as the Bull Manor and
Family, and Manors in general, especially on Terra-
firm ; where the Stewards have for the most part as
sumed the entire possession to themselves, and the
Folk on the Estate are mere Vassals, or Nothing.
On John Bull's Manor every one considers him
self as a member of the Family, knows he is something,
and has something, independent of Stewardships and
Stewards : about whom he would give himself little
concern, if they will but let him alone — if they Would
but < eat their pudding and hold their tongue,' and
keep their hands out of his pocket, — nor would he
grudge them their pudding Avell plumbed, if they would
only forbear picking the plumbs out of his. Thus,
during all this bustle about the Steward and Steward
ship, the Family lived very quietly, and minded their
OAvn business.
This left a few leading men of the Family at liberty
to consult, and act coolly and deliberately in settling
the Stewardship and providing against such pretensions
and attempts as Yagob had engaged in, for the future.
293
As the most legitimate mode of consulting and Book 6, ch. 6.
declaring the General WU1 of the Family on the AI-
bion Manor, had ahvays been by the two Chambers of
Mrs. Bull's Office, it was agreed that a new choice of
these should be made, and that they should settle the
Stewardship and future Economy of the Manor and
Family. These being met, the first subject of their delibera
tion was, whether they should take Yagob at his word, Refuses to hold
or rather hjs deed, and consider the Stewardship as re- ^a™ f0aTb^
nounced and vacant, and accordingly fill it up by a j^Jh"„d '„","
new Appointment — or, whether they should only ap- tains " au-
point a substitute, or locum-tenens, to conduct the Bu
siness of the Steward's Office in his absence, till Mat
ters could be settled between him and them. Each of
these proposals had a strong Party in its favour, and
the Meeting was nearly equally divided between them.
It Avas perfectly understood that both Parties had Billy
in their eye — whether to fill the NeAv Appointment as
Steward, or to stand locum-tenens for his Predecessor.
But Billy gave them fair Notice — that if they intended
only a Deputy or locum-tenens, he was not their man ;
for he would be Second or Substitute to no man ; but
would return whence he came, and leave them to settle
their own affairs in their own way. — Billy knew per
fectly well what he was doing. — This of leaving them
to themselves was just Avhat Yagob wished and expected,
and what the wise among them dreaded and feared. —
Billy's Declaration had the intended effect. The Pro
posal for a New Steward soon had a decided Majority,
and it Avas determined that the Stewardship should be
immediately, and without reserve, conferred on Billy
294
Book 6. ch. 6. and Molly his Spouse jointly. — For as the hereditary
relation to the Stewardship Avas in the first degree im
mediately in Moll, it was determined that her Right
and Claim should be expressly acknowledged in the
Appointment. But Billy at the same time declared
that he would allow her no interference in the Exercise
of the Stewardship ; and Molly, who, as we have said,
was really a good wife, entirely acquiesced in all this.
BOOK VII.
Chap. I.
Contents.— The Stewardship of Billy and Molly— Whiners and Ranters— »
their respective Principles and Professions — The Bull Family taught
by experience the Encroaching Character of Stewards — before in
vesting Billy in the Stewardship provide 'against it, by a special and
most important Deed called The Roll of Rights— its Principal Pro
visions — These Pi ovisions conformable to the professed Principles of
the Whiners — the Ranters profess Unlimited Obedience, and absolute
Undefeasible Right in the Steward — but in both, these prove little
more than mere Professions. Sorne Exceptions — Sir Frankjaud
Burdex. ! <
About this time there sprung up on the Albion Manor The sieward-
t» • -i 11 1 • ship of Billy
two opposite Parties, which, under the merely arbir D'Orasisand
trary Names of Whiners and Ranters, have continued spouse.
ever since. But though their Terms and pretended
opposition of Principles has continued the same, it has
been with considerable variation of Character and Con- ^Mners and
duct. These seem to be the same Parties which Sir fheiT8^
Humphrey Polesworth distinguishes by the equally ar- £jssed Prin-
bitrary Terms of Hitts and Devotees.
296
Book7.ch.i. Of these two parties, the first pretend a greater
zeal for John Bull and the Interest of the Family, in
opposition to the Claims and Encroachments of the
Steward; — the last affect to be more devoted to the
Steward, and to refer every thing principally to his will,
and that John Bull, his Manor, and all that belongs to
him, exist only for the honour and pleasure of the Stew
ard. These are professedly their respective principles ;
but in general they have been found to be nothing more
in either, than mere professions ; nothing more than
a cloke under which more successfully to pursue their
own Interest and Ambition. The Principles professed
by the Whiners are, no doubt, the genuine Principles
of the Albion Constitution, and of the Bull Family; yet
never have those Principles been more palpably vio
lated than under the Influence of professed Whiners.
For instance, the present Race of Stewards came to the
Office under the Auspices of the Whiners, ahd their
Stewardships have generally been conducted by their
Influence and by Agents professedly of that Party.
Yet never have John Bull and his Family been more
pillaged, more devoured, more consigned to the Will,
and sacrificed to the Interest of the Stewards, than
since their accession to the Stewardship^ and by those
pretended Wfeiner Agents. — But of this hereafter.-—
Now to our present point.
John Bull, now, equally by reason and experience,
sensible both of his own Rights, and of the presumptu
ous nature of the Stewardical Character, took care be
fore he conferred the Office on Billy D'Orasis to make
a formal and express Declaration of his .own Rights
and Privileges, and those of every individual of his Fa-
297
mily, — and also of the Limitations and Restraints un- Book7.ch.i.
der Avhich he conferred the Stewardship. And this
Instrument, called the Roll of Rights, he took care im
mediately after Billy was invested, to have confirmed,
established, and sanctioned, as one of the most solemn
and important Laws of the Manor.
As this Roll of Rights, hoAvever now violated in
many of its Articles, is still one of the most irreversible Rollof Rights.
Laws of the Manor, it may not be amiss to mention
here its most essential Provisions and Enactments.
I. It enacts that all pretended Power, such as had
been assumed by the late Stewards, to suspend the its Principal
force, or dispense with the Execution, of any of the
established LaAvs or Customs of the Manor, is illegal
and a breach and violation of the Duty, and of the
Oath-of-office taken by the SteAvard.
II. That the assumed authority by which the late
Arbitrary Kirkly Court was erected, and all pretensions
to erect or set up any such Courts, by the Steward's
OAvn Appointment, independent of the Custom of the
Manor, and the Sanction of Mrs. Bull's Office, Avas il
legal, and a violation of the Steward's Duty and Oath-
of-office. III. That all Levying of Money or Contributions
for the purposes of the Stewardship, all demanding of
Loans, or Free Gifts, in short all taking of Money un
der any pretence or colour whatsoever, of the Family
and Holders on the Manor, without the express sanction
of the Family in general, through Mrs. Bull's Office,
was contrary to Law, and a breach of the Duty and
Oath of the Steward.
QQ
298
Book 7. ch. 1. IV. That it is the indisputable privilege of the
Bull Family, and of every individual of it, to require,
and demand, of the Steward, whatever they shall
think expedient and conducive to the interest and pros
perity of the Family, or their Right and Due by the
Laws and Customs of the Manor — and to represent
unto him, and remonstrate with him, upon all encroach
ments, abuses, and malversations of his Agents, Clerks,
and Scriveners, — and that all harsh repulse, or haughty
rejection, and all prosecution or punishment, for such
Petition, Remonstrance, or Demand of Justice, is a vi
olation of the Rights of the Family, and of the Duty
and Oath of the Steward.
V. That the keeping in pay a set of Attornies, So
licitors, and Men of Law, together with their attend
ant Bailiffs and Bullies, without the consent of the Fa
mily, when no Quarrel or Lawsuit is in hand, is con
trary to the Laws and Customs of the Manor, and dan
gerous tb the Privileges, Property, and Peaceable Pos
session of the Holders and Cultivators of the Manor.
By the VI. John Bull vindicates for himself and
every one of his Family that privilege of a Gentleman,
the Right of keeping or carrying Arms for the protec
tion of his Person or Property against any person what-
Principai Ar- ever. — So that every one of the Bull Family — the poor
Rofiof Rights Peterkins excepted — can say with the fine Gentleman
in the Play — " I wear a sword, sir," — And let me ob
serve — that however awkward it may sometimes sound
to the Respondent, it is no inconvenient thing, when
an impertinent question is asked, or an irrefutable sus
picion insinuated, to be able to reply " I wear a sword
sir. — Sir, says he, I wear a sword."
and void.
299
VII. That neither the Steward nor his Agents Book 7. ch. l.
shall in any manner intermeddle in the choice, or at
tempt to influence the choosing of the Members of the This Article
Lower Chamber of Mrs. Bull's Office. But this Arti- tire"™ null
cle, now become of more importance than all the rest
together, is at present so shamefully violated, that the
Steward, or his Agents and Dependants, actually ap
point, or influence the appointment of more than one
half of the members of that Chamber. Which in
fact, in itself amounts at once to a virtual Abolition
of all John Bull's Liberty, Property, and Privileges;
recovered by such long, important, and persevering
struggles, from the Usurpation of former SteAvards.
And John Bull and all he possesses are, notwithstanding
this important Instrument, now, by means of this in
fluence and interference, more absolutely at the dis
posal of thc SteAvard, and the persons and property on
the Manor more absolutely and entirely disposed of by
him, than under the most arbitrary Stewardships on
Terrafirm. And, except this pernicious interference is
arrested, and that soon, all his boasted Freedom and
Rights are, Vox, et preterea Nihil. A mere unmean
ing sound. VIII. That the Members of Mrs. Bull's Office
shall have full Liberty to speak their minds, and de
liver their sentiments freely upon all subjects; and
shall not be questioned by the SteAvard, nor accountable
in any of his Courts for their speech, or any part of
their conduct in discharge of their Function as Repre
sentatives of the Family.
IX. Unreasonable Securities, excessive Penalties,
or severe Punishments, shall not be exercised upon any
QQ.2
300
Book 1. ch. l. of the Family, but even in their Offences they shall be
considered in a fraternal view, as still members of the
Community. X. That the Twelve Men that are to Enquire and
Decide upon all Trials or Questions of Persons or Pro
perty, shall be fairly and impartially nominated, and
shall be persons of free and respectable condition.
This is an Article also on many occasions, especially
in any matter where the Steward or his Adherents are
concerned, now shamefully violated, or eluded.
XI. That the SteAvard's Practice, of promising,
or granting, to his Favorites the Fines or Forfeitures of
any person suspected, or accused, before they be really
convicted — is a violation of his Office, and contrary to
the Laws of the Manor.
XII. That for the correction of all Abuses, the re
dress of all Grievances, and preserving safe and invi
olate all the LaAvs, Customs, and Constitutions of the
Manor, Mrs. Bull's Family Office shall be frequently
and regularly assembled, and allowed to sit and act
freely. These are the principal Articles of this important
Deed and Instrument, which John Bull took care to
present to Billy, previous to admitting him to the Stew
ardship. And which, on his being admitted, was con
firmed and established into a LaAV of the Manor by the
most solemn Sanctions, which give force and inviola-
bleness to these Laws.
It has been disputed, no doubt absurdly enough —
whether there be any Contract or mutual Engagement
essentially and necessarily implied in the Relation of
Landlord and Steward, or the Holders on the Manor
301
and their Accredited Agent, on these Great Manors. Book 7. ch.i.
But with respect to the Bull Family and Manor this is
a point that can never come in question, the Express
Formal Contract being Extant, and on record, in this
and several other Instruments and Deeds, forming the
most fundamental and firmly established Laws of the
Manor ; in the inviolate preservation of which the Re
lation Essentially consists.
The same Instrument and Sanction provide, and
secure, that no Person adhering to Peter and his Prin
ciples shall be capable for the future of holding the
SteAvardship of the Manor of Albion.
Under these and some other Regulations and Re
strictions, Billy and Moll his Spouse were invested in
the Stewardship, with general, though not universal,
consent and approbation.
Of the two parties we have already mentioned,
who under the Distinction of Whiners and Ranters al
most divided the Avhole Family ; the Whiners univer
sally approved the conferring the Stewardship upon
Billy and Moll, and the Limitations and Restrictions
under which it was granted. The Ranters, on the
contrary, were generally for a temporary and subordi
nate Appointment, still reserving the Right of Posses
sion in Yagob and his Heirs. This was perfectly
conformable to tlieir respective professed Principles,—
the first holding the supreme and unalienable Right to
dispose of the Stewardship to be in John Bull and the
Holders on the Manor. And it is surely impossible in
Nature and Reason it should be otherwise.— Yet, the
second— profess to hold all Right, or Pretensions to
Right, of John Bull, in Himself, in his Property, or
302
Book 7, ch. l. in the Disposal of the Stewardship of his Manor, to be
an impious and detestable Doctrine. Their Princi-
Tie_ absurdity pies an(i Terms, are, Passive Obedience, Non-resist-
of professed * '
RanterPrin-ance, Absolute Power, Divine Indefeasible Right, in
the Steward. Froni whence such absurd and unnatu
ral Principles took thier rise, and hoAV such slavish
opinions, such self-degrading Professions, ever found
admission into the Bull Family, or into the mind of any
free man, it is difficult to account for. — But the truth
Boi in both is> in both Parties their respective Principles and Pro-
pap||,nSdtg"rfessions, are but mere Professions and Pretences ; and
Principles (nere js t00 much reason from Facts, to conclude that
mere Pro- '
fession. m general they proceed from the entire want of all
Principle ; or, are only assumed in subservience to a
Theironiy real much more obvious and universal Principle, their own
seiHnterest Interest, — the most sordid Selfishness.
ti"n. am '" This seems evident from uniform experience ; for
whatever ostent of entire deference to John Bull and his
Interest the Whiners may hold forth, to ingratiate them
selves Avith the Family and cajole the good Folk on the
Manor ; no sooner have they got into Place and Ap
pointments in the Steward's Office, than they have
shewn themselves as subservient to all his purposes, as
insatiably rapacious in seizing, as boundlessly profuse in
squandering, the Property of the Family ; as basely
servile, as sordidly avaricious, as shamefully selfish, as
the most open and professed Ranters could possibly be.
On the other hand — whatever professions of en
tire devotion to the absolute will of the Steward the
Ranters may affect, no sooner has be, in the exercise of
that unlimited PoAver, and indefeasible Right, Avhich
they so zealously ascribe to him, begun to touch them-
303
selves, than they have been httle slower than the most Book 7. ch.i.
zealous Whiners, in opposing and resisting his Power.
Of this the subject in hand, the Fate of the deluded
Yagob affords a pregnant instance, for many of the first
movers in it were of the Ranter Party. Indeed the
real difference between these two Parties seems to con
sist chiefly in this, that the one aims at serving its own
Interest and Ambition in the Name and by the Means
of the Family, the other, in the Name and by the
Means of the Steward. Not but that at times a few
real Patriots have sprung up among the Whiners ; of
which the present Sir Frankland Burdex, Sir Gilbreth
Heathcock, Don Standhope, Don Grey, and some
others, are worthy and distinguished instances. And
if they have patience and perseverance, we hope,
from the awakened zeal of the Family and Folk in ge
neral upon the Manor, and the arroused sense of the In
juries, Impositions, and Abuses laid upon them, that
these, and such as these, may be successful in vindicat
ing and restoring the Rights of the Family; and preserv
ing both John Bull and the Steward from that Ruin into
which they seem to be eagerly rushing : or rather, into
which the Agents of the latter seem to be driving the
former, without being aware that their own Fate, as well
as that of the Steward, must be inevitably involved in
the event.
304
Book 7. ch.2. ClIAp# n#
Contents.— The Stewardship of Billy and Moll continued— Yagob, by
the assistance of Lewis Baboon, endeavours to recover the Steward
ship—attempts a Forcibly Entry on the Manor of Green Erin, be
longing to Pat Blunt, John Bull's Half-brother, and attached to the
Albion Stewardship— The Character of Pat— a brave open-hearted
Fellow, with a little dash of the absurd— his greatest Folly and Mis
fortune his blind attachment to Peterkinism— attempt to account for
this ab-urd attachment— this, most unjustly an1 ungenerously, made a
pretence for the grossest oppression and tyranny by the Bull Family
and Steward — encouraged by this attachment to Peterkinism Yagob
makes his first attempt on this Manor of Erin— is cast in a decisive
Trial at Bar at the Boyne Burn— and finally abandons the Attempt —
the deluded Inhabitants of Erin who had joined Yagob are forfeited
of their Lands and Goods— which Billy lavishes with the most incre
dible profusion nnd partiality on his Favourites ano Followers by tens
of thousands and hundreds of thousands of Acres to individuals, all
Strangers and Foreigners who had followed his fortunes from Terra-
firm.
The formal Investiture of Billy and his Spouse in the
Stewardship with the decided consent of the Family,
having confounded and frustrated all the hopes and
prospects of Yagob, he now, under the protection and
assistance of Lewis Baboon, made some attempts both
by Law and forcible Entry, to recover the Steward
ship ; all which proved entirely abortive. These at
tempts Avere chiefly made on the Manor of Green Erin,
belonging to John Bull's Half Brother Paddy Blunt,
managed by the same Steward, and long held in a
kind of subordination to the Albion Manor.
This Paddy, or Pat, was a curious, comical, bizarre
sort of a Fellow, with still more of reckless nonchalance
in his character than John Bull himself. No man in the
Character of Country was more distinguished for bravery, and a
prompt fearless daring, with a strange unaccountable
dash of the Absurd, both in his speech and actions.
305
Yet perhaps the ground of this whimsicality of Cha- Book 7. ch. 2;
racter might be found iu the circumstances of his fate ;
in the consciousness of a liberal Descent and Generous
spirit, blended with uncultivated manners and confined
ideas, the effects of a narrow, perverted, and defective
education ; which is to be imputed wholely to the un
feeling jealousy, and hardened injustice, of the Bull Fa
mily, and the detestable Policy of its Stewards and
their Agents, with respect to that Manor. Which is
also the cause of Pat's obstinate adherence to all the
absurdity of Peterkinism, even when it is spurned by '
all the world beside. It is said, there was a time when
the Blunt Family had much the advantage of the Bull
Family in these matters, and when those who aspired
to a superior education repaired to Erin, not only from
the Albion Manor, but from all parts of Terrafirm.
It may seem strange that the same Family, who on the
general extinction of Learning, Science, and Cultiva
tion, in these Parts, Avas the last to retain them: should
now on their revival, be their most obstinate Opposers,
and the last and slowest to re-admit them. Were we
io attempt to give an account of this seeming paradox,
it would perhaps he the following.
The notorious Peter, Avhom we have so often had
occasion to mention, has been the great Opponent of
all real knowledge and science, the implacable Enemy
of the general cultivation and improvement of the hu
man mind ; and in proportion as Peterkinism advanced,
vall sound knowledge and learning was blasted before
it, and finally extinguished by its influence. And,
vice versa, as Learning aud Sound Knowledge began
to revive, Peterkinism was, obliged to. give way before
RR
306
Book 7. ch.2. them; and is now, in its Genuine Spirit, and indeed
almost in Name, extinguished in the world, the Manor
of Erin excepted.
These two Competitors, Peterkinism and Sound
KnoAvledge, are like day and night, light and darkness,
perfectly incompatible with one another; and where
the one advances the other must, and always does re
cede, and give way. Now Pat's Manor, like John
Bull's, lies in the midst of the Great Waters, quite in
sulated, and still more in a manner cut off from the
Avorld than John's. So that when Peter began to dif
fuse his Mummery every where, and to impose it on
all Avho came in his way, to the expulsion of Know
ledge, Reason, and Common Sense,— Pat's Family ly
ing more out of the Avay, Avere among the last to be in
fected by it. Indeed it appears that till the Manor of
Erin became in some degree subjected to that of Albion,
Peter's influence and authority were scarce known, or
acknowledged upon it.
And to the same cause, the sequestered situation of
his Manor, with the ungenerous, the unjust policy of
the Bull Steward's Office toAvards him, it is to be as
cribed — that Pat at this day with all his natural ad
vantages, is so far behind his Neighbours in polish,
improvement, and cultivation; while in hospitality,
generosity, and openness of heart and character, he ex
cels them all— and that, when Peter Avith all his ridi
culous nostrums, and impudent quackery, is detected,
despised, and spurned by all the world beside, Pat's
Family are obstinately bent to sacrifice every thing,
both their natural advantages, and their civil Rights
and Privileges, in behalf of such an absurd farrago of
307
Nonsense and Mummery, as no one ever admitted, nook 7. ch.2.
till they had renounced the use of reason and common
sense. And the Steward and Steward's Agents in the
Albion Manor, are no less bent, in defiance of reason
and justice, and of the mutual Interest of both Manors,
lo take advantage of this ignorance and obstinacy, and
to make it a pretence for excluding all the Peterkius on
the Manor of Erin from the Rights and Privileges of
Denizens and Free Men on their own Estates and
Manor. Indeed in this hostility to human freedom is
founded the whole of their Economy with respect to
the Manor of Erin. And this policy obstinately per
sisted in, is, they well know, the surest means of perpe
tuating that very ignorance and barbarity Avhich is
made the pretence for it. And this perverted Policy
has had but too much countenance and support from
the cruel jealousy of Brother John and his Family.
Crudclis frater magis, an puer improbus ille?
Imprubus ille puer, crudclis tu quoque frater.
But on this subject there may be occasion to speak
more fully hereafter.
Brother Pat thus retaining his blind attachment lo
all the Quackery of Peterkinism, to Avhich infatuated
attachment Yagob also owed all his misfortunes, he Yagob at-
judged that the best course he could take to recover recover the
the Stewardship, would be, first to make an Eutry on i.^cast in 'a
Pat's Manor ; and from thence, to attempt the Reco- a't BaFi "|ln
very of the Bull Manor. But Billy by means of his Mi'1'„l>"iuiU'6
Lawyers of the Bull and Frog Family soon brought
the Matter to a Trial at Bar, and having joined Issue
at the Assizes of Boync-burn on the Manor of Erin,
Yagob Avas cast by a decisive Verdict, Avith large Costs
li n 2 '
308
Book 7. ch.2. and Damages. And though he attempted to protract
the cause, endeavoured to obtain a neAv Trial, and still
kept up his Claim, there was from henceforth no hopes
nor prospect of his success.
Billy being thus decidedly fixed in the Steward
ship, and in the manner we have related, it might be
thought, that the Principles on which it was bestowed,
would have excluded for ever all pretensions of the
The Presump- Stewards to any Power or Right, independent of the
tunus and J ° *
Encroaching Grant of the Family, or beyond the measure and limits
Character of
stewardism. prescribed by that Grant ; and that it would especi
ally, out of gratitude and a sense of obligation, secure
the Family from all attempts at Usurpation and En
croachment, at least during the Life and Stewardship
of the said Billy D'Orasis. But such is the natural
propensity of the Stewardical Character and Station in
general to Usurp and Encroach, that no consideration,
no obligation, nothing but the most watchful and unre
mitting jealousy, can keep them Avithin the bounds of
Justice, Honour, or Honesty. They too often indeed
seem to look upon the Laws of Reason and Equity as
entirely destined for other Persons than them ; and all
other Persons and Things as only destined for their
Possession and Enjoyment. And against the Effects of
this Propensity there is no safety nor security, but in
the watchful jealousy and constant check of tlieir Con
stituents and Employers. This is a fact proved by
universal experience ; and scarce was Billy well fixed
in his Office when he gave the most unequivocal con
firmation of it.
We have already mentioned that the wretched
Yigob made his first attempt to recover his station by
309
Entry on the Manor of Poor Pat Blunt; in which, Book 7. ch.s.:
from the blind attachment of the Family to Peterkin
ism, he had the greatest number of Adherents. This
attempt entirely failing in consequence of the decisive
Verdict obtained in the Trial at Bar, above mentioned,
great numbers of his Partisans, holding extensive Pos
sessions on the Manor, were forfeited of their Goods
and Estates, to the amount of an immense quantity of
Land. For though Pat's Manor is not the best culti- T\eur^fat
yated in the Avorld, yet it is of great extent ; and in J0*^ ^famV;
point of situation and natural advantages equal almost ]yMt?"°p™'
to any in the Avorld. Yet is all this in a manner lost verted Poii-
* cy of the
by the perfidious policy of the Bull Stewards, and tho Bull stew-
¦ r ^ ard> and "'*
cruel jealousy of the Bull Family; who would rather cruel jea-
sec the finest soil and climate on the face of the earth Bull Family.
defrauded of Culture, and the most robust, hardy, and
laborious people in the world, consigned to slavery and
barbarism ; than be rivalled by them in freedom, wealth,
and prosperity ; though their Emancipation and Imi
provement would really be the greatest accession to
their own Wealth, Power, and Importance, and enable
them to set all the world at defiance.
Great tracts of Land on this fine Manor being, as we
have said, forfeited— instead of applying them, as was
much wanted, to the advantage of either Family in
uavin"- the debts upon the Manors, and defraying the immense For-*
" J s . , . , , 1 feitures ot
Expences of the Lawsuits in which they were engaged, Land on
Billy lavished them with the most boundless extrava- au bestowed'
gance on a few favorites of his own ; and not one of J"J h[l VM"£.
these of the Bull or Blunt Family, but mere Strangers, ^nge^ere
whom he had brought along with him. Upon these ^Vuot
Minions were those Lands bestowed, by thousands, ten Family.
310
Book?, ch. 2. thousands, and hundreds of thousands, of Acres on in
dividuals; who retain them in part to this day; Avhile
in the mean time he borrowed money for the expences
of the SteAvardship, and charged it on John Bull's Es
tate ; and for which to this day he pays Interest, and
the Principal remains unpaid, and probably for ever
will. And here began that atal practice of borroAving
Money, and mortgaging thc Estate for the Expences of
the SteAvardship; which, still continued, has raised to
great fortunes the successive Clerks and Menial attend
ants of the Steward's Office and Houshold, Avho squan
der it among thein in the most extravagant luxury and
voluptuousness, while John Bull and his Family are
reduced to bankruptcy and beggary.
To describe the shameful profusion with which the
Lands of Erin, forfeited to the Public, Avere lavished
by Billy, would be altogether incredible — one Favorite
had 50,000 Acres, another 100,000, and some near
150,000 ; in the whole to the amount of near half a mil
lion of Acres,— and all bestoAved upon mere Strangers,
who had no connection either with the Bull or Blunt
Families. — But more infamous still, a private Family
Estate of the late Yagob's, the undoubted Inheritance
of his Daughters Molly and Ann, Avas bestoAved on a
mere Strumpet, a faArorite Trull of Billy's, together
with a Title of Dignity ; for " Whores and Sons of
Whores," if connected with SteAvards, besides fortunes
out of the Manors, must all have Titles of dignity — and
hence are derived half the Titulates on the Manor.
And at the very time the private Estate of the Father,
and just Inheritance of the Daughters, Avas thus shame
fully bestowed on a Strumpet, application was made to
311
the Palaverium to settle 50,000 Livres a year upon the Book 7.ch.a.
Daughter Nan, and a large appoiutment upon Moll,
should she survive her Husband — all which was com
plied with — and all out of the Income of John Bull's
Estate. It is true, these shameful Grants of the Lands of
Erin were not allowed to pass unchecked by the Pala
verium. A certain number of their own body Avere ap
pointed^ as a Commission or Trustees to enquire into,
and correct, those Enormous Grants. But such was
the corruption, the contempt of honour, the sordid sel
fishness that had noAV crept into every department of
the Public Management on the Manor; that those
Lands before estimated at a million and a half of Livres,
were noAV given out to be scarce Avorth half a million :—
that is, — hot worth a Livre an Acre in Fee Simple.
These Trustees protracted the exercise of their Com
mission for years; and living in the mean time in
the utmost luxury and voluptuousness, spent yearly
the whole Income of the Estates among themselves —
and I think it is scarce known at last, how they Avere fi
nally disposed of. But, I believe, it is certain no part
of them was ever applied to lessening the burdens of the
Bull Family.
312
Book 7. ch.3. CHAP. III.
Contents The Stewardship of Billy continued.— The great misfortune
to the Bull Family in this Transfer of the Stewardship to a Foreigner,
is, their being hence implicated in all the Broils and Quarrels, on Ter
rafirm.— Billy being a native of Terrafirm, is placed at the head of an
Associiitiou to restrain the Encroachments of Lewis Baboon— in which
though John Bull had the smallest concern, his substance was most
profusely lavished— the Suit carried on ifl Terrafirm— Billy spends
most of his time ;there— comes home between Terms, cajoles John oui
qf his Money ; of which it must be allowed he was not sparing— and
back to Terrafirm again — In this Routine passes the ¦ greater part of
Billy's Stewardship.
But the greatest misfortune derived to the Bull Family
by this transfer of the Stewardship to one connected
The disastrous wjtu Xerrafirmial Interests, was, the implicating John
consequences'of this Trans-Bull in all the disputes and quarrels of the numerous
stewardship, Proprietors and -Stewards of the various Manors on
pUcating "" Terrafirm ; "With whom, from the situation of his own
ai!h,Terraii'r" Manor, he had naturally little; or no connection; and
™lllwn^hirhefrom whom, since the fortunate loss of all his Farms
°?h7wisehad .and Mansions in that District in the time of the Sixth
little or no
connection. Harry, John Bull had happily kept himself pretty
clear. But Billy, a native of that . District, and be
sides having some Farms of his own in it, being Head
Bailiff of Nick Frog's Manor, his chief .attention was
still directed to that Quarter. Indeed Billy's principal
object and enjoyment, in possessing the Stewardship of
John Bull's Manor, seemed to be, to derive from it the
means and resources for carrying on those Terrafirmal
disputes and quarrels, and to increase his weight and
influence in them. For which purpose, the Avealth and
prosperity of the Folk on the Albion Manor have been
most shamefully, and 1 may say, most treacherously,
313
sacrificed to the foreign Interest and personal views of Book \. ch. 3.
every successive Steward, from that time to the present.
Billy D'Orasis thus firmly settled in the Albion
Stewardship, was noAv at the Head of a large Combi
nation of the Stewards and Proprietors on Terrafirm,
in order, by a process at Law, to humble the pride and
reduce the Power of LeAvis Baboon ; and to set bounds
to bis encroachments on his Neighbours. No doubt a
just and laudable design. But it was surely with great
injustice, that John Bull, who of all the Associates was
the least immediately concerned, was saddled with far
the greater proportion of the Expences of the Lawsuit.
It would lead from the design of these Memoirs to
set forth the extravagant pretensions of Lewis Baboon
at this time, and his insolent encroachments on the
neighbouring Farms and Manors. The principal ob*
ject of the present Combination, or at least that for
Avhich John Bull Avas principally implicated in it, Was
to obtain a secure boundary for Nick Frog's Manor,
by the Ejectment of Lewis from some Hamlets and
Tenements,-^which indeed antiently belonged to Lord
Strutt's Family, — but which Lewis had seized upon,—
and from which he could extend his encroachments and
depredations into Nick's Manor almost at his pleasure.
Billy being connected, as has been said, with the
Frog Family, and Head Bailiff of their Manor, and in.
considerable repute and practice as a Man of LaAV, AVas
fcy general consent placed at the Head of this Associa
tion, as chief Solicitor to carry on the Process for the
Ejectment of LeAvis. And it must be allowed, that
considering the practice and great capacity of Lewis's
Attornies, ha conducted the suit with considerable vi*
ss
314
Book 7. ch.3. gour and success; but to the great Expence, and little
advantage, of John Bull. It has already been ob
served, that John had naturally a great partiality for a
The chief bur- promising LaAvsuit. And being of a sanguine disposi-
rafirmaiquar-t'00? he did not starve the cause, but supplied Billy's
udon th John demands most liberally. And though, of all the Asso-
Buii, tnoush ciation, John was the least immediately concerned — •
the least con- 7 J
cemed in could derive the least advantage from thc success, and
them. An a- . . - .
buse continu- suffer the least damage by the failure, of the suit; yet
astrous in- was every one of the Associates prone to shift the bur-
this day. den of the Expence from his OAvn shoulders, and to
throAV it upon poor John Bull's ; and who ever failed
in their proportion of the Contribution, John was looked
to, to supply the deficiency, and support the Cause.
As the suit was carried on in Terrafirm, Billy's re
gular course was to spend the whole of Term-time
there in attendance on the courts. When Term was
over he generally amused himself some time in hunting
and sporting on some of his Estates on Terrafirm ; but
Billy and Mrs. always took care during the long Vacation to visit the
mutually treat Albion Manor, for the sake of replenishing his Pockets.
one another. Therehis customwas to call together Mrs. Bull's Hous
hold Office. And now, instead of the jarring and
squabbles that were Avont to occur in the time of the
two Carloses, nothing passes but Compliments and
Compliances. The interview generally commences with
Flummery the each treating the other with a cold Collation, in which
^nncipa piummer-y js (ne principal Dish. The Steward treats
first, and Mrs. Bull returns the Compliment ; and that
with so much complaisance, that her Entertainment
Consists chiefly of a mere repetiton of the same Dishes
as thc Steward's, with a little more profusion of Flum-
315
mery.* Flummery, all the Avorld Iuioavs, is a cheap Book 7. ch. a
Dish, and may be afforded in plenty at a small ex-
pence. The Steward's Entertainment, indeed, is sup
posed to cost him nothing, both the materials and
cooking are presumed to be furnished at the Expence
of the Clerks and Scriveners of the Office ; in the con
fidence of Avhich presumption, much freedom of ob
servation is often used upon the furnishing out, and
cooking of the Steward's Collation by some Avho affect
to have less relish for Flummery than their neighbours.
However, the Avhole generally closes with some compli
ments on the Steward's Entertainment ; which arc sure
to be accompanied Avith an engagement to furnish him
Avith Avhatever money he shall please to demand. In
consequence of this complaisance, the comments upon
the cooking of the Flummery are generally passed
over in silence, and all is concluded with great po
liteness. In prosecution of the further business of the meet
ing, the StcAvard'on his part, intimates the progress of
the LaAvsuit, accounts for the failure in some points,
congratulates them on the success of others — especially
impresses the strong necessity of speedy and liberal
supplies of Money, that they may be ready to com
mence proceedings vigorously and early in thc next
Term. To all Avhich it is replied on Mrs. Bull's part
with the utmost complaisance ; — the desired contribu
tions are liberally granted, and every thing proposed
by the Steward conceded in the most ample manner,
and complimental form.
* Royal Speeches and Parliamentary Addresses.— Prct. Com.
¦si 2
316
Book 7. ch.3. This business settled, — the steward once more
treats the Members of Mrs. Bull's Office with another
Dish of Flummery, and dismisses them to attend their
own affairs, till he again wants money ; and he himself
repairs to Terrafirm to attend the Courts. In this clos
ing Entertainment he generally coaxes them Avith some
compliments on the liberal supplies of Cash with Avhich
they have furnished him— regrets the necessity he is
under of so frequently calling upon his Good Folk on
the Manor for such large and burdensome Contribu
tions — assures them they shall be applied strictly to the
purposes for which they were granted, and be spent
with the utmost Economy ; than Avhich, nothing can be
more false, both in fact, and intention.
In this routine of asking and receiving, and of mu
tual Compliments, consisted the greater part of Billy's
Stewardship after the decisive Issue obtained in Erin,
and indeed of almost every Stewardship since; as far as
the Bull Family and Manor of Albion are concerned.
As to the Lawsuit on Terrafirm, it proceeded as
LaAvsuits generally do Avhere money is plentifully sup
plied on both sides to carry them on. Sometimes one
The Lawsuitparty gained one point, and the other party another ;
conclusion, sometimes a New Trial Avas brought upon the same
point, and a direct contrary Verdict obtained. In this
Avay the LaAV Process went on, and, might have gone on
for ever ; or at least as long as both Parties could have
found money to pay the Lawyers, had not Lewis Ba
boon's attention been attracted by a prospect of greater
advantage from another quarter, than any he could de
rive from the utmost success in the pending Suit, Avhich
determined him to try to get. rid of it for the present.,
317
ClIAP. IV. Book7.ch.4.
Contests. The Stewardship of Billy D'Orasis continued— Carlos, Lord
Struit, at the point of Death without Issue— all Quarrels made up with
a vie^w of Partitioning his Great Estate among the Parties— Lewis
Baboon, as one of the Partitioned, outwits all the rest— and gets the
whole into hisown Family by a Will clandestinely procured in favour
of his Grandson— upon whieh a new Quarrel breaks out, and Lawsuits
more violent than ever— during which Billy slips off the stage.
Carlos, Lord Strutt, had long been in a declining
state of health, and his death was now every day ex- intIieprospect
pected ; and having no Issue, the succession to his of^d strutt!
Great Manor of Iberia, with all its vast Appendages, was {j^ neij|^
an object of great attention to the Landlords and Stew- *oon- „s°IltIh>
¦ Frog, & Bull,
ards of all the Neighbouring Manors. Lewis Baboon »Sree to di-
1 O • C 17 1 V'de "'S ES"
and bquire South had each some pretensions to the sue- tate of iberia
cession, as differently related to the Family. But the *
prospect of either the one or the other succeeding to the
Avhole of such vast Possessions, they were aAvare, Avould
excite such Jealousy among their Neighbours, and
such alarm in the whole country round, that neither
could hope to be allowed to take quiet Possession of the
Manor. And though John Bull had no pretensions to
any part of the Estate himself, yet such was his con
nection with the Strutt Family and Iherian Manor, and
and such his influence in the whole Country round,
that, without conciliating John Bull, no one could
reckon upon the undisturbed Possession of the Manor
of Iberia. John's principal claim indeed, on his own account,
was the Right of Trade on the Manor, especially of
carrying the Produce of his own Manor thither to
Market. Sir Humphry Polesworth calls it the Privi-
318
Book7.ch.4. lege of being his Clothier; but it is well known that thc
Manor of Albion sends a thousand things beside Cloth
to the Iberian Market. And from hence draws a great
proportion of those golden treasures Avith which Lord
Strult's Estates abound above all others in the Country.
Nicolas Frog Avas also not a little interested in this
.Affair, particularly from the danger of having such a
troublesome rogue as Lewis for so near a Neighbour as
be would be if he succeeded to those parts of Lord
Strutt's Estate which lay adjoining to Nick's Manor ;
especially Avith the great increase of Avealth and poAver
Avhich Lewis would acquire by this succession.
In this situation of Affairs, Lewis, who was an
overmatch for all his Neighbours in dexterity and cun-
The Lawsuit ning, — that he might be more at leisure to take ad-
ompou 'vantage of all events, proposed to compound the Law
suit in which the Parties had been so long engaged ;
—and from and that on better terms than Frog and Bull, or rather
Frog and Billy could have expected, — for truly John
Bull had scarce any real interest in the Matter : except
that of spending his money.
By this Composition Frog thought he had secured
a safe boundary to his Manor ; and Billy got his Title
to, and possession of, the Albion Stewardship expressly
acknoAvledgcd by Lewis Baboon ; and poor Yagob
was left to shift for himself; though Lewis had so
lemnly promised and declared that he Avould never de
sert his cause. To obtain this last point, the entire ex
clusion of Yagob, and establishment of Billy in the
Stewardship, was'the sole ostensible object for which
John had been implicated in the Lawsuit. And for
this surely no Lawsuit could be necessary ; for John
319
was indisputably competent both to appoint, and sup- nook7.cb.:4..
port, his own SteAvard.
But the impatience and jealousy of the different
Expectants on Lord Strutt's Death, could not quietly
wait that Event ; they therefore settled among them
selves a Partition of his Avhole Estates, without waiting
his own Disposition of them, or at all consulting him on
the subject. And Lewis, of whom all the rest were
most particularly jealous, by this Partition and Settle
ment, expressly renounced all advantage that might
accrue to him by any Will or Disposition that Lord
Strutt might make in his favour. Of this Partition and
Settlement, John Bull, though he was to come in for no
part of the Property, was by his Steward engaged as
the Principal Guarantee— and that without the least
intimation to himself, or knowledge of the transaction —
an Engagement which cost him years of trouble, end
less lawsuits, and half ruined his Estate and Family.
This is indeed the Lawsuit of which Sir Humphry
Polesworth in his History of John Bull pretends to
give an account— or rather, for the palpably unworthy
conclusion of which he with much art labours an
apology. But though this Partition and Agreement was made
with the greatest secrecy, it soon took air, and came to
Lord Strutt's ears ; who, as might be expected, felt
the utmost indignation on the occasion; in which the Lonl s^ef-
whole inhabitants of the Iberian Manor heartily joined nuis the p»r-
withhim. In this disposition of mind the Old Lord Estate, by a
Strutt took a resolution effectually to dissolve the Com- vor of Lewi,
bination of the Partitioners. Though the artful knave ^X!.
Lewis, to amuse the other Parties, had acquiesced
320
Book 7. ch. i. -with great seeming sincerity in the Partition, and had
expressly engaged, that though a Will should be made
in his favour he would not consent to accept, or take
any advantage of it, but strictly adhere to the Parti
tion : yet had he never ceased to importune Lord
Strutt, and fo tamper with all Avho Avere about him, or
had any influence with him, to obtain such a Will : in
which he at last succeeded, through mere indignation
on the part of Lord Strutt at the impudent Partition.
By this Will, made just before he expired, the whole of
Lord Strutt's Estates and Fortune were bequeathed to
Phillip, Lewis's Grandson, being the second Son of his
Eldest Son and Heir. But that the Iberian Manor
might never become an appendage to, or parcel of, the
Frankland Manor, it was provided that in case of Phill,
by the death of his Elder Brother, succeeding to the
Manorof Frankland, the Iberian Manor should descend
to a still younger branch of the Family.
Lewis had the impudence to pretend that all this
was exceeding contrary to his Avish. But said, that
though he himself should be a great loser by it, yet had
he no right to oppose so great an advantage to his
Grandson. But this would not pass with the Parti*
tioners ; — especially as he had caused his own Attor-
nies and Agents to take immediate Possession in the
name of his Grandson. — But the Partitioners even in
sisted that he should oblige his Grandson to renounce
Death of Billy, the Will, and assist them to eject him. About this
time died old Yagob, and soon after, his rival Billy.
321
Chap. V. Book 7. ch. 5.
Contents. — The Stewardship of Nan — Law Proceeding carried on with
great vigour and success seven years by Marlville, John Bull's At
torney — Old Lewis quite exhausted, and all Parties pretty well tired
of Law — a Composition is at lasf agreed upon — but on Terms far short
of what the success of the Partitioners ought to have obtained — This
the Lawsuit, and this the Composition, to justify which Sir Humphry
Polesworth wrote his celebrated History of John Bull— but which,
all his art and dexterity has failed to do. — Death of Nan — And ac
cession of the Handover Family.
As Billy died without Issue, the succession of the
SteAvardship of the Manor of Albion passed, as had st^niship rf
been settled by the general consent of the Bull Family,
to Nan, Yagob's Second Daughter ; — Moll had been
dead sometime before her spouse.
These changes made no difference in the determi
nation of the Partitioners. Such vast Accession to the
already too predominant power and wealth of the Ba
boon Family justly excited, the jealousy and fears of
the whole Neighbourhood ; Avho had all already felt
too many proofs of Lewis's overbearing and encroach
ing Character. And though, of all the Neighbours,
John Bull Avas the least concerned on his own account,
could derive the least advantage from the proposed
Partition, and was in the least danger from, and could
best defend himself against the encroachments of Lewis :
yet none of the Parties were more zealous in the cause,
or more ready to undertake all the trouble and expence
of the proposed Lawsuit, than John Bull.
It is true, John had now an additional cause of quar- (
rel with LeAvis. — We already took notice that Lewis,
in contempt of the. most solemn engagements to Yagob,
to support his pretensions, had at the conclusion of the
T T
322
Book 7. ch.3. last Lawsuit abandoned his Interests, and with still
more solemnity acknowledged Billy's Right and Pos
session, and the settlement made by the Bull Family to
the entire exclusion of Yagob and all Peterkins.— Yet
no sooner was old Yagob dead, than Lewis, even du
ring Billy's life time, caused Young Yagob his son to
be declared Steward of the Manors of Albion, Caledo
nia, and Green Erin, and engaged to lend his utmost
assistance to put him in possession of the Office, in spite
of John Bull himself and all concerned. Indeed, this
Lewis was, even beyond the habitual perfidy of the
Stewardical Character, infamous for cheating and ly
ing; and for a perfect contempt of Truth, Honour, and
Honesty. Though Nan, who had succeeded to the Steward
ship, might be very well pleased to retain the Steward
ship during her own life, it might very reasonably be
suspected, that she would willingly rather leave it to
her supposed Brother, than to a Stranger of very re
mote affinity. And though the Disposition made by the
Bull Family, whereby every Peterkin was expressly
excluded, and the infatuation of the Father, who had
brought up his Son a strict and bigotted Peterkin, —
stood directly in the way;— yet, by those who fa
voured that Family and Peterkinism, it was presumed
that ways would be found to remove, or overcome,
those obstacles ; and for this purpose, under the insti
gation and with the assistance of Lewis, Intrigues were
constantly carrying on.
In the mean time a strong Combination against
him was formed between John Bull, Nick Frog, Squire
South, and a number of petty Lairds and Squires, — a
323
sort of Copy -holders on the Great Manor of Allemagn, Book 7.ch.s^
over which Squire South had a kind of nominal supe
riority. The main object of this Combination, was, to ThLawsunf re**
compel Lewis by dint of Law, according to his en- s" ...asi.d,e
eagement, to renounce the Will of Lord Strutt, and as- Will, and
. . y - •»«¦ make ?oocl
sist to eject Phill his Grandson from the Iberian Manor. thePanitionof his Estate.
As John Bull, though the least interested, was the
principal supporter of this Combination, in which Nan
the Stewardess cordially joined,the means, and measures,
and different processes, Avere chiefly concerted in the
Bull Steward's Office, and afterwards, further discussed
by the Agents and Attornies of Frog, South, and the
other Parties concerned. The chief management ofprincipaIly
the Suit, and of the several Trials at Bar— for it could JJ^EJ by
not be supposed that such a cause would be decided by g"^^;?1111'8
one Verdict — were also confided to John Bull's Chief
Attorney. This Attorney, whom Polesworth, with a
little tincture of malignity, calls Hocus, but whose real
name was Kirkhill, and who is still better known by
the Title of Don Marlville, Avas certainly both one of
the ablest, and one of the most fortunate of his Profes
sion. It is indeed said, that he never lost a Trial at
Bar which he conducted, nor undertook an Action at
Law in which he did not succeed. And few of the Pro
fession have been engaged in more important Business,
or conducted more numerous Actions. His enemies im
pute to him the failing of selfishness, or too much love
of money ; but it never was suspected, nor even insinu
ated, that he ever sold his Client, or betrayed his
Cause, through this failing.
The Lawsuit thus commenced, was carried on
with great vigour and unexampled success, by Marl-
tt2
Carried
on
with
great
vigour
and
success
; but
324
Book 7. ch.5. ville, and Verdict after Verdict was obtained in favour
of the Partitioners. But still, instead of any prospect
J of an Ejectment, Phill the Grandson seemed firmly
[possessed of the Strutt Lordship, and the Tenants and
w^snec}"^f Holders in general of the Manor, perfectly satisfied
the .desired wjth (heir new Steward, or rather, Landlord. It is
termination. true a Son of Squire South's in concert Avith the Parti
tioners, had also taken possession of Neapolis and
some other detached Farms belonging to the Lordship ;
and, principally by the assistance of John Bull, had
made some progress in a forcible Entry on the Main
Estate. But this part of the Proceedings was carried
on in the Courts of the Iberian Manor, — and Avith va
rying conduct and success, under different Attornies,
quite independent of Marlville, who may be said to
have proceeded with uniform success.
Old Lewis was indeed at last reduced to the great
est distress, and pretended to be willing to give up his
Grandson, and even to assist in ejecting him, if the
other Parties would agree to compound the Suit.
The Gause had been carried on now for several
years, and though the Partitioners could boast of great
success, and Marlville had obtained Verdict upon Ver
dict, — still there was no prospect of any termination of
the Suit ; and the money of all Parties began to be ex
hausted. Nick Frog indeed was pertinaciously bent
on continuing the suit, as reckoning upon an unfailing
fund in the wealth and generosity of John Bull, Avhom,
as Polesworth expresses it, he held obliged to support
him " tola pec'unia, with all his Money." — And beside,
as the Lawsuit was carried on in Nick's Neighbour
hood, a good deal of the Money centered with him;
325
Whereas there was a constant drain from John Bull's Book 7. ch. 5.
Manor to Terrafirm, whence nothing ever returned.
On all these accounts Nick still wished the Suit to
go on.
As to Squire South, he had conceived such an over
weening opinion of his OAvn importance, that he thought
the Partitioners and all the Land-holders in the Neigh
bourhood obliged to support him in pomp and state,
even if their own Families should starve. And though
the main object of the present Lawsuit, in which they
Avere all exhausting themselves, was to put one of his
Family into Possession of the Manor of Iberia, the ,
principal of Lord Strutt's Estates, the perverse Lur-
dan himself was chiefly intent on a villainous Lawsuit
with his own Tenants, of the Manor of Boheme, to re
duce them to Vassalage, and to impose upon them all
the ridiculous absurdities of Peterkinism, which their
own good sense taught them to spurn. But John Bull,
though generous even to Knighterrantry, was not yet
become a mere dupe, and seeing no end to the Suit ;
and that those who were principally concerned in it,
were each disposed to shift the burden of it from their
own shoulders, and to throw itupon his, he was not un- Some disposi-
willing to listen to proposals from Lewis for compro- Parties to
., o .. Compromise
mismg the OUlt. the Suit.
But before this compromise took place, there had
occurred an almost entire change, both of Men and
Maxims, in the Albion Steward's Office, — of which
it Avill be necessary to give some account. We have
already taken notice of the tAvo Parties of Whiners and
Ranters, and given some account of their pretended
Principles. That every Steward, whatever his pro-
326
Book 7. ch. 5. fessions may be, will naturally favour the supposed
principles of the Ranters, is a thing reasonable to be sup
posed ; and fact and experience confirms the supposi
tion. That Nan was entirely attached to these prin-
ples, there can be no doubt ; though she held her sta
tion in direct violation of them, in prejudice of her
Father and Brother.* But it must be acknowledged
this was a thing not in her power to remedy ; though
she might have refused her own part in it. And it can
not be doubted but she would have wished to have left
the Reversion of the Stewardship to her supposed Bro
ther, rather than to a very distant relation, on Avhom it
was settled by the joint consent of the Bull Family and
the preceding Steward, — yet durst she neither openly
attempt, nor even propose, such a step ; on account of
the well-grounded prepossessions of the Family against
all Peterkins. Nan's first Clerks and Agents in the Steward's Of
fice were certainly men of ability, and at least of as
much integrity and honesty as falls generally to the
share of persons in their Station. We have already
observed that even the Whiners, when once they get
into the SteAvard's Office, are generally sufficiently
compliant with his will and humour. And though
Nan's present chief Agents, Marlville and Eudolphiu
were really of the Whiner Party, they had been edu
cated in Ranter principles, and accomodated them
selves so well to their situation, that Nan as Avell as
many others really believed them downwright Ranters ;
* The Father was indeed dead before Nan succeeded to the Office;
but the settlement upon her wan made, and she acquiesced in it, long
before his death.
327
Whiners1 out,
and the Ran
ters brought
in, by means
of an In
triguing Chamber
maid.
and as she durst not explicitly profess her own princi- Book 7. ch.s
pies, she supposed the case Avas the same with them, so
no eclaircissement for a long time took place.
But some of the other Party, having by means of
an artful intriguing Waiting-maid got possession of
Nan's ear, began to insinuate counsels more agreeable
to her OAvn principles, and soon excited in her mind Thturnfd
strong prejudices against her present Confidents and
Agents. But though Nan had determined to dismiss
her present Advisers ; yet Marlville had conducted the
Lawsuit with so much ability and success, and Avas in
such high credit with the Partitioners abroad, as well
as the Folk on the Manor at home, that she could not
with safety dismiss him, till she was sure of accomplish
ing the Compromise with Lewis. To obtain this end,
the New Confidents had also carried on secret intelli
gence with Lewis and his Agents. And as LeAvis's
Coffers were quite exhausted, and he was heartily sick
of the Lawsuit, the Parties soon came to an under
standing. It is not necessary here to enter into the particulars
of the Composition, which are generally well known ; The Su''1 Com-
*• a J pounded on
it is sufficient to observe— that, considering how the Terms shame-
„ . ... , , _ ' . , , ful|y short
Suit was carried on, and the Expence so unconscionably of what the
SUCCESS W 1 J \\
thrown upon John Bull ; though John Bull was fully which it was
justified in acceding to a Composition, yet the Terms ought to have
of that Composition were by no means equal to his sue- ° aine '
cess in the Lawsuit, to the enormous Expence at which
it had been carried on, and the known desperate state
of Lewis's Affairs ; nor, to what it is well known might
haye been obtained, had his Confidential Agents and
328
Book 7. ch. 5. the Steward's Office been zealous and faithful to their
Trust. The truth is, in this Affair, the Interests of the
Bull Family were not only partially compromised, but
most shamefully abandoned and betrayed.
The opposite Party, or Ranters, had now got full
possession of Nan's confidence, and the Steward's Of
fice ; and every thing was sacrificed in the violent op
position of the two Parties ; whose greatest aim was to
degrade and spite one another. Nay, so far did they
carry their emulation, that several detached Hamlets
and Farms of considerable value and importance which
the Partitioners had gained by a decisive Verdict,
were, on a New Trial being brought, suffered to be
lost, merely because Nan's New Attorney, though pre-
PHUtoryrthof sent in Court, hsd orders not to plead, nor say one word
^laboured m defence of the Cause. Thus shamefully and trea-
Apoiogy for cherousIy were the honour and interest of John Bull
this unwor- -*
thy Compo-hetrayed by his own confidential Agents. Indeed the
whole of Sir Humphry Polesworth's celebrated History
of John Bull's Lawsuit, is merely a dexterous attempt
to apologize for Sir Roger and the other Agents con
cerned in Compounding this Lawsuit; and an endea
vour, by affected Humour and Nonchalance, to draw
the attention of the Bull Family from the real merits,
or rather demerits, of the Transaction.
Nan did not long survive this Composition. And
Death of Nan, though both she and her late accredited Agents de-
find ^ucctf^™
sion of the sired, and had privately intrigued to bring in her Bro-
Famiiy. ther ; yet such was the general detestation of the Prin
ciples of his Family, and such his own well-known bi
gotry to Peterkinism, that they durst never openly pro-
329
pose it, neither to John himself nor to Mrs. Bull's (i„!c7.ci,.5
Houshold Office. Thus the Handover Settlement, as
it has been called, took place without any direct or im
mediate opposition.
Chap. VI.
Contents.— Stricture on Sir Humphrv Polesworth's Position, of the Par
son being called to account for preaching against Adultery — Character
of Par-on Pratewell * — and the absurd momentary Delusion excited
on his account — Sir Humphry equally incorrect in tile account he
gives of the three Misses, Polemia, Discordia, and Usuria, as John
Bull's Daughters.
It may not be amiss here to take some notice of the
strange story Polesworth tells, about the Parson of the
Parish being called to account for preaching against
adultery, and the slandrous and absurd account he
gives of John Bull, his Wife, and the three Hussies,
whom he calls their Daughters. In this part of his un
dertaking Sir Humphry seems to have quite lost his
senses ; or to have sold them, along Avith his Conscience,
to Sir Roger and those by whom he was employed.
He, indeed, pretends to have been employed by John
Bull himself; but the contrary of this is well known. Polesworth's
j i c i ] x story> of the
And so far do conscience and common sense seem to Parson pu-
have forsaken him, — that he mistakes, or pretends to Preachinga-
mistake, Mrs. Bull for the Steward's Wife, instead of g!£" Adul"
John Bull's. And represents her fidelity to her Hus-
* S— ch— v— r— 1.— Pret. Com.
TJ U
330
Book 7. ch. 6. band, and defending his Honour and the Interests of
her Family against the Encroachments and Intrigues
of the Steward, — as, Maintaining the right of Adultery.
And announces her bringing this insolent Parson to
account in her Family Office, for his impertinent med
dling in this matter — as, Calling the Parson to account
for preaching against Adultery. All this is such pre
posterous and extravagant stuff, that it must be con
cluded, either that it was meant in mere banter and
waggery, or that the man had lost his senses altogether — ¦
it was directly for censuring the fidelity of Mrs. Bull to
her Husband and Family, and for infamously preach
ing up and defending Adultery and Prostitution even
from the pulpit, that this impious Parson was called to
account, and deservedly punished. Indeed, from the
notorious Commerce of Prostitution now carried on be
tween the Steward's Office and Mrs. Bull's Houshold,
it might be supposed that both Mrs. Bull and her
Houshold did rather belong to the Steward than to
John Bull. But it is well known this Commerce has
not the sanction of Mrs. Bull's consent, or permission ;
but is prohibited by the Strict and express Orders of
her Houshold, and restrained by all the Authority left
her. But she, Good Lady, is alas! as we have said,
no longer Mistress of her own House.
But a feAv words more of this petulant pragmatical
Parson, who at this time so undeservedly made such a
noise, and dreAV such attention.
Thibie°chamac- Parson Prateweii, notwithstanding all the bustle
'erfidious""1 ^nat was made" about him, was notoriously a weak,
Preaching s[\\y conceited coxcomb. Who, in order to ingratiate
of Poison J ' jo
Prateweii. himself with Nan and the Ranters, to whom it was
331
known she secretly inclined, took occasion to obtrude Book 7. ch. s.
himself upon public Notice, by delivering from the
pulpit, on several conspicuous occasions, sentiments and
doctrines, entirely subversive of all the Principles for
which John Bull and his Family had been struggling
so strenuously for many generations ; and particularly
reflecting most scandalously on Mrs. Bull and her
Houshold Office for her fidelity to her Husband, and
attention to the interests of her Family. According to
this presumptuous Parson's Position— the late opposi
tion, and expulsion of Yagob, the exclusion of Peter-
kins from the Stewardship, the Handover Settlement,
with all pretensions of John Bull to any authority in
his own Family ; to any interest in, or possession of,
himself or his Manor, were to be execrated as detestable
and damnable Doctrines, — and that John Bull and his
Family had no Freedom, Rights, Privileges, Posses
sion, or Pretensions whatsoever, but Avhat he held from
the Indulgence, Favour, and Will, in short — from the
indefeasible Right of the Steward.
After the sanctions so solemnly established, as re
lated above, and in defiance of common sense, such
Doctrines might bethought strange, and even incredi
ble ; yet what must be allowed to be still more strange
and incredible, is, the madness and enthusiasm with
which this sycophant Parson was for a time held up
by the infatuated Mob of the Bull Family, gulled and The strange in-
excited, according to custom, by the influence of the the Bull Fa-
Steward's Office. Never was more enthusiastic ar- ™'^ ^ *j*
dour and zeal shown in favour of Religion and Liberty, p"^0"3
than was on this occasion exhibited in favour of more
uu2
332
Book7. ch. 6. debasing and slavish Doctrines and Principles, than
ever the most arbitrary Despot durst avoAv. It is true,
the Name of John Bull's Mother Avas artfully, and insi
diously, introduced into this affair; and it was insinu
ated from the SteAvard's Office, . that her own Son had
ill designs against her, and even meant to poison her.
Such Avere the nefarious arts and practices by which
this unnatural delusion was excited, and kept up.
Such dangerous and detestable Doctrines, repeat
edly, publicly, and ostentatiously obtruded, could not
escape the notice andi reprobation of Mrs. Bull's Of
fice, as Guardians of the Rights, Peace, and Safety, of
the Family and Manor. The petulant Parson was
therefore brought before them, and by them was pro
secuted in the Steward's Courts : where, being convicted
of malice and slander against Mrs. Bull, treachery
against the Family, and sed ition against the Peace and
Good Order, the Custom and Constitution, of the
Manor — he was sentenced to go with a Gag in his
mouth in public for three years, and to have his ser
mons, which he had obtrusively published, conspicu
ously burnt by the hands of the Hangman : and many
think, that had justice been done him according to his
intentions, he himself should have come through the
same hands.
Not only was this sentence lenient to a fault, the
design and tendency of the offence considered ; hut it
also gave occasion for a striking instance of the deter
mined enmity of the Steward's Office to all idea of
Rights and Privilege in their employers, or in the Folk
on the Manor. And proves, as many subsequent in-
333
stances have done ; * that they esteem no encourage- Book 7. ch. 6.
ment too high, no reward too great, for one who will
betray these Rights, and sacrifice his Family to theParson Prat8
well
presumptuous Pretensions of the Steward's Office. For
not only Avas this perfidious Parson immediately pre
sented to a New Benifice by the Steward's Office, even
while his mouth was Gagged, but scarce was he ungagged
when another, among the best on the Bull Manor, was
added ; — and this to a mere prating shallow Coxcomb,
who had no pretensions to genius, learning, character,
or merit of any kind ; except his zeal to betray the ho
nour and interest of the Bull Family.
But the most extraordinary and unaccountable
circumstance in this affair, Avas, the temporary plirenzy
Avith which numbers of the Bull Family Avere seized in
favour of this silly insignificant Parson, — who had de
voted them all to endless slavery, by a sentence Avhich
he reckoned divine and indefeasible. But this delusion
appeared at its greatest height, and seemed to rise even Parson Pratei
to madness, Avhen, on the Gagg being taken from his
mouth, he set out to take possession of his New Bene
fice. — Here he might be seen surrounded by a bawling
Mob, consisting of thousands of people, hallooing —
Madam Bull and Parson Prateweii — a most mortifying,
and unseemly association for the Old Lady. — Nothing
but Bonfires and Ringing of Bells ; and even the
hedges, where he was to pass, were for miles hung with
- For example — A late hoary Recreant, who never possessed a clear
*£100. a year of his own, no sooner consented to betray the Bull Family
and those Principles he had all his life professed, than he had thousands
on thousands a year heaped upon him : though he had neither a period of
life left to enjoy it, nor Posterity to inherii it— merely to shew, that no
price was thought too high to purchase Dishonour and Treason.*
• Supposed to be the late Mr. B — rke.— Prel Com.
334
Book7.ch.6. Garlands. Perhaps in the records of human folly
and delusion this cannot be equalled : though, in our
own days, the Brimingburg Auto da Fee, and some
late Jubilant celebrations of the most disastrous, not to
say fatal, Stewardship which the Bull Family ever
saw, may be thought in point of infatuation not to fall
far short of it. And when the unthinking multitude
may be thus easily made the tools of the artful and ill-
designing, it is no wonder that they who have found
them such perfect dupes, and used them as animals
only fit to be led by the Nose, should distinguish them
by the title of the Swinish Multitude.
But in all this, the Parson himself was but the in
strument to try the humour of the Multitude, — the
Offal-bag to make the Swinish herd follow. And these
being found so true to the scent, so ready to be led as
the Heads of the Party pleased, it was immediately de
termined to dismiss Mrs.Buii's Houshold Office ; — and
in a short time there was not one person left unchanged
about the Steward's Office or Houshold ; or one of the
Whiner Party to be found in any Place, Appointment,
or Office, or allowed to approach the Stewardess' per
son or councils. And there cannot be a doubt but a
scheme was laid to bring in young Yagob, with all the
Principles and Practices that had been so justly and so
lemnly, for ever excluded, had not the sudden death of
„ , ... the Stewardess prevented it.
Polesworth s r
Account of j^or is Polesworth more correct, or more candid,
the three * '
Misbegotten in what he says of the three impudent Hussies, whom
Sluts, Pole- J r '
mia, Dis- he calls Mrs. Bull s Daughters,* than in what he says
lisuria', coi- of Mrs. Bull, and of the Parson's preaching against
reeled.
* Polemia, Discordia, TJsuria.
335
Adultery. These Sluts are notoriously known to be Book 7.ch.6.
the Natural Daughters of the Steward himself, or of
some of his Clerks in Office ;— the fruit of that infa-
mous Commerce carried on betAveen the Steward's Of
fice and Mrs. Bull's Houshold. — About which and the
foul loathsome disease it has introduced, and almost
universally diffused, we shall soon have lamentable
occasion to speak. — It is true, Mrs. Bull, partly from
good nature, and partly from not being entire Mistress
of her own affairs, has permitted them to be brought
up in the Family ; and has been willing to bestoiv some
education upon them, and taken some pains to correct
and restrain their bad propensities ; but with little suc
cess. Polemia, said to be the oldest of these Brim
stones, is notoriously known to be the Steward's own
Daughter, and a great favorite with her Father. Usuria,
the youngest, is suspected to belong to the Major Domo.
As to Discordia it is not so clear to whom she owes the
Paternal Relation, only it is perfectly understood to be
some one about the. Steward's Office. Some indeed
reckon this to be much the Oldest of the three Sisters.
Nay some will have her to be the Mother of Miss Po
lemia herself. But enough of such Sluts.
336
Book 7. ch. 7. ClIAP. VII.
Contents The Union of the two Manors of Albion and Caledonia — a
Transaction of great Partiality and Intrigue— The Caledonian Manor
merely betrayed, and sold — The Event, however, fortunate for both
Manors.
The Union nERE we must mention a matter, certainly of great
of the two
Manors, &c. importance, which was omitted in its immediate place.
We have seen the Affairs of the two Manors of
Albion and Caledonia for some time conducted tinder
one Steward. But still each Manor retained its own
Laws, Customs, Courts Leet, and Courts Baron, and
a separate Office for the business of the Stewardship
Avas kept for each upon the respective Manors. Seve
ral unsuccessful attempts had at different times been
made to unite the two Families and two Manors, and to
make them coalesce entirely, as a joint Stock Company,
and to have all the Business of both done in one Of
fice; but, in accomplishing this, innumerable difficul
ties occurred. Under Nan's Stewardship, however,
The union, the Business was happily accomplished. I say, hap
pily — for though the Affair was conducted with the
most palpable and shameful partiality, bribery, faction,
and treachery, on the one part and on the other ; and
— conducted though Sandy's Interests were most notoriously bought
most shame- and sold, both by his own Agents and those of his An-
ty, briberyjlag°mst 5 yet has the Event in the whole proved highly
and coruP-advantageous for both Families> And both Manors
have since advanced greatly in wealth and Improve
ment. And were it not for the insatiable all-devour
ing rapacity of the Steward's Office, Avould undoubt-
337
edly be the most thriving, and best cultivated Estate, Book 7. ch. 7.
and the Richest and most happy people, in the whole
Country round.
Though the Caledonian Manor is less favorably
situated, and in many parts of it less capable of Cul
ture, than the Albion Manor ; yet the Family being a
hardy, vigorous, industrious, and enterprising Race,
inured to frugality and patience, Sandy had managed
to keep himself independent, and his Estate clear of
incumbrances; and so to lower his crest to no man.
On the contrary, John Bull, sinse the first Accession
of a Foreign SteAvard, and the connection with Affairs
on Terrafirm, in which it had implicated him, was in
cumbered Avith a load of Debts, daily increasing through
the boundless profusion of the SteAvard's Office, and
the luxurious Manners and Habits lately contracted by
the family ; for all which debts Sandy found he should
be equally answerable, and in all tlieir consequences
he should be equally involved, if the proposed Union
took place. Besides, as the Albion Manor was much
the largest, the richest, and best inhabited, and the
Steward had constantly resided on it, and held his Of
fice there, since the SteAvardships had been united; — it
was evident the Lesser Manor Avould become a mere
appendage to the Greater. From all these considera
tions, Sandy and the Genuine Caledonians strenuously
resisted the Union, and spurned the proposed Condi
tions ; some even talked of forswearing their Family
and Country for ever, rather than submit to such de
gradation. But Delegates for carrying the Business
into effect had been appointed ; and these, supported
by the interested and intriguing partisans on both
XX
338
Book 7. ch. 7. sides, went on with the Work, and concluded it, re
gardless of the general repugnance and discontent.
Of this Union, or Coalition ; or rather, Bargain
and Sale ; the most shameful and degrading Conditions
The Condi- were the following. In the Lower Chamber of Mrs.
tions most n
shamefully Bull's Houshold Office, which was noAV become the
Degrading _
for the Cale- principal Organ of all Business that concerned the
or. Families, and was to be composed of the joint Repre
sentatives of both, and where every thing is decided
by a majority of Votes, the Number of Representatives
allowed to the Caledonian Manor was something less
than one Twelfth of the whole. And while not the
smallest alteration Avas made in the Representation or
Constitution of the Albion Manor, and every little Ham
let of perhaps not a dozen inhabitants, continued to
send its two Delegates to the Palaverium ; the Repre
sentation and Constitution of the Caledonian Manor
was entirely changed, and five or six of the principal
towns and most populous parishes, containing perhaps
10,000 Inhabitants, were allowed jointly to send one
Delegate to represent them. So that whenever the In
terest of the two Families interfered, Sandy was sure to
have twelve to one against him. Indeed this Article
was alone sufficient to decide the whole Matter ; and
by it alone the very Name and Independent Existence
of the Caledonian Family and Manor were extin
guished, and all entirely consigned over to the disposal
of John Bull and his Steward for ever. The few De
legates reserved, serving merely for a channel of Stew
ardical Conveyance, for diffusing Influence and Cor
ruption through the Manor and among the rest of the
Family, and now in fact serve no other purpose.
339
With respect to the Upper Chamber of Mrs. Book 7. ch. 7.
Bull's Office the case was, if possible, still Avorse, and
the degradation more palpable and personal, — the num
ber of the Caledonian Family admitted into it not
amounting to one twentieth of the whole. This Cham
ber consists constitutionally of the Titulates, or sup
posed Better Sort, who had some particular distinction
or title added to their Name, — originally the mark of
some personal Achievement, or Official Trust, — noAV
the mere compliment of the SteAvard ; generally the re
ward of adulation and servility. Hence we have dis
tinguished them by the Name of Titulates. These ar«
properly the successors of the antient Men of Renown,
Avho on account of some Great or Good Actions per
formed by them, after they became known in the
World, had a second Name conferred upon them, ex
pressive of their Character, and were therefore called
Renominati — or Re-named — the Demigods and Heroes
of Antiquity. Their Successors, ah ! how unlike.
In this Upper Chamber, then, all Titulates had by
prescription a right to a seat and Vote ; and all those
of John Bull's Family did Sit and Vote in it. But of
the Caledonian Family only a few, not amounting as
we have said, to a twentieth of the whole Chamber, The Union,
were to be chosen nominally by the rest of the Titu- &c-
lates, but in fact, by the Steward's Office, and to be
permitted to sit in the Upper Chamber. For to such
servile degradation were these Caledonian Titulates de
based, that the Steward or his Clerks send them, as
above noticed, a List of Names called the SteAvard's
List, with a mandate to choose them and no others;
which is generally complied with.
xx 2
340
Book 7. ch. 7. Now, to put an end to this disgraceful insult, it
would surely be a proper Rule, and acting worthy of
the Antient Caledonian Spirit, to make it a point that
whoever else should be chosen, not one of the prescribed
List should be admitted. Especially as beside the in
solence of the attempt to prescribe on such an occasion,
it will generally be found, that the prescribed List
will consist of the most unprincipled, and most servilely
devoted to all the Steward's ends and purposes ; which
•are too often in direct opposition to the real Interest
and prosperity of the Family and Manor, to whom the
Mandate is sent.
But of all these disgraceful Conditions, perhaps
the most disgraceful and certainly the most efficacious,
was, that a large sum of Money was proposed to be
The pretended immediately paid ; and Avas accepted, as the price of
^,'"p|n5aa'J .all this treachery and degradation of Character and
pabie Bribe. Rank. It is true, this sum was stipulated for, on both
sides, nominally as a Compensation for the proportion
of John Bull's Debts, which it would fall to Sandy's
share to pay the Interest of, and discharge the Prin
cipal, if ever it is discharged — and also, as a Remune
ration for the loss of the Istmian Adventure — a nefa
rious Transaction, in which the Caledonians Avere most
shamefully sacrificed to the Jealousy and Interest of the
Bull Family, and many of them entirely ruined ; and
this, with, at least, the connivance of the Steward.
This Compensation consisting of some hundreds of
thousands of Pounds was indeed a great sum, and no
doubt a great temptation, for Sandy's Agents at that
time. But it was ridiculous to call a sum that was to
be immediately paid, and squandered among a feAv In-
341
dividuals, a Compensation for a Debt for which every Book i. ch. 7.
individual on the Manor was become responsible, is
bound for at this day, and will be burdened with to the
latest generation. But the real fact is, this sum was
a mere bribe, by the certain share of some in it, and the
hopes of others, to blind the understanding, and buy
the Justice and Honour of the Leading Men among
them ; and so to get rid of their opposition on the pre
sent occasion, — which it effectually accomplished.
Another consequence of this Union highly de
grading and injurious to the Caledonian Manor and
Family, was, that the Steward's Office was left for ever
fixed on the Albion Manor ; to which, in consequence,
all the wealth and treasure of the Country flowed in a
continual stream. And though some may regurgitate
back again, it is but in a small proportion. Had there
been any regard to impartiality or justice, to the In
terest or Dignity of the Caledonian Family, it would
have been made a sine qua non in the Treaty, that the
Steward should reside, and hold his Office and Courts at
certain times, and for certain periods, at Edina, thc Great
Mansion House of the Caledonian Manor ; such as one
year in five ; or, to avoid frequent removals, for four
years in every twenty.
But, as if to compensate the above disadvantages, The induigen-
some very pernicious concessions were granted, in the not less per-
J r " - nicious than
continuation of the Antient Laws and Courts, and the the injurie«
absurd formal artificial Mode of practice and proceed
ing in them. But this, more to elude the Opposition of
an impbrtunate and procacious set of Men, occupied in
these Courts, and to leave some objects of emulation
for the aspiring and ambitious, than with a view to any
inferred.
342
Book 7. ch. 7. advantage of the Family in general. For scarce in any
thing could a Coalescence have been more advantage
ous to the Caledonian Family, than to have obtained
an entire assimilation with the Albion Constitution in
all the Laws, Customs, and Municipal Privileges of the
Albion Manor : where it must be confessed the Laws
are both more favorable to the Freedom and Rights of
the Family in general, and better administered than on
the Caledonian Manor.
One point more must by no means be forgotten
The Choice of here. — That special care was taken in this Treaty to
Dress "e'sptv secure to each the undisturbed use of their own Holiday
cured. se~ Dress or Sunday's Suit. Nor can this be reckoned ei
ther a superfluous, or an unimportant Provision, — con
sidering the shocking work the Differences about this
Matter had made even so lately on Sandy's Manor.
End of the Fibst Part.
J. Dr&kanl, Printer, Stamford.
Speedily mill be published,
"THE SECOND PART OF JOHN BULL'S BIBLE,
lie. «fc.
Bringing down these Memoirs to the Astonishing and Interesting Events
of the Present Day.
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