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SPIRITUAL LETTERS

WORKS BY THE VERY REV. MONSIGNOR
ROBERT HUGH BENSON
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SPIRITUAL LETTERS of
MONSIGNOR R. HUGH BENSON
* t i
TO ONE OF HIS CONVERTS

WITH A PREFACE BY A. C. BENSON

WITH PORTRAIT

FOURTH IMPRESSION

LONGMANS, GREEN AND CO.
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All rights reserved

PREFACE
The letters of which this volume consists had
begun to appear in my brother's lifetime, with
his full consent and approval, as a series of
articles. He had indeed himself seen and criti
cised the earliest of them. The recipient of the
letters consulted me as to their publication in
book-form, and as my brother left me in his will
the whole of his papers and manuscripts, I feel
that he intended me to have the full responsibility
of using my discretion as to publication. In the
present case it is perfectly clear to me that it
was his wish and intention that the letters
should appear, while I have no doubt that he
would have sanctioned their appearance in the
form of a book.
Moreover, on reading them, it seemed to me
that they illustrate in a very peculiar way some
of my brother's most marked characteristics, not
only his enthusiasm and swift expressiveness, but

vi SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
his eager desire to respond to every call and
claim for sympathy and interest, as well as his
grace of loyal and continuous kindness. He said
once that he could not " prop " — that people
came to him and passed on. This may sometimes
have been true, but I think it was generally his
consultants who passed on, and not himself ! I
have been allowed to see more than one series
of his letters, and there is never any sign of his
care and sympathy failing, so long as they were
needed and desired.
It is not here my concern to endorse all the
opinions my brother expressed ; but I was never
out of sympathy with him, though I do not think
and believe as he did. I do in any case most
heartily desire the frankest expressions of faith
and belief, and especially when anyone not only
holds a creed, but translates it into daily life as
eagerly and single-heartedly as my brother did.
We ought to do all we can to understand and
appreciate another's point of view, and most
of all when that corresponds to a faithful and
beautiful handling and interpreting of life. That
is our best and only chance of arriving at a
substantial Christian unity and an active fellow
ship in noble aims. And thus I am glad that

PREFACE vii
this glimpse should be given of an inner life full
both of " fire and music," as my brother's life un
doubtedly was, and as these letters most clearly
testify.
ARTHUR C BENSON.

Magdalene College, Cambridge,
February ii, 191 5.

EDITOR'S INTRODUCTION
May I explain very shortly how this book comes
to be published ?
About a year ago I was asked by the Editor
of the American Rosary Magazine, as an old
friend and early convert of Monsignor Benson, to
write a paper about him for the Rosary. It was
a commission from which I should certainly have
shrunk had it not occurred to me that it would
be possible — remembering a long-ago permission
he had given me — to let Monsignor Benson
speak for himself in words far more effective
than any of mine, by quoting certain ex
tracts from the letters which it had been my
privilege to receive from him, as friend and
Spiritual Director, since the days when we were
both Anglicans.
The proofs of this article, " Monsignor Benson
as a Letter- Writer," were approved by him in
New York in April 1914 ; and when I sent him
a copy of the magazine, some six weeks later,
he wrote (and I hope — I almost dare to be-

x SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
lieve — he would say the same of this book
to-day) :
" I think it is perfectly delightful ; a great deal
too kind and appreciative, of course : but in
excellent taste. I have no criticisms ; but only
gratitude." After this, the Editor asked for more such
articles ; and, in giving his permission (at the
end of June 1914) for me to compile several more,
Monsignor Benson approved unreservedly of the
lines which I had laid down, and on which alone
it was possible to proceed. The recipient of the
letters must be anonymous, and entirely conceal
all clues to identity. Nothing personal or private
was to be published, but only such passages as
might have been written to any convert, gener
ally speaking. The MS. of each article was to
be submitted to him. (These conditions are, of
course, perfectly obvious. Over the second,
particularly, I have watched with jealous care,
especially throughout these articles in their
present form. Not one single letter, scarcely a
paragraph, but has some omission, necessary,
but regrettable.)
Monsignor Benson, however, wrote to say that
if I observed the first two conditions I need not
trouble to send the MS. to him. Thus he never
saw the later articles, which began to appear in

EDITOR'S INTRODUCTION xi
the Rosary Magazine last October. The first,
which he approved, has been broken up into the
first three articles in the present volume, with
the addition to each of many more letters ; while,
as far as possible, I have endeavoured to retain
the original text of the slight thread of commen
tary which appeared in " Monsignor Benson as
a Letter-Writer." Even so, it may appear incomprehensible to
some that any friend of Monsignor Benson's
could give the world any private letter of his.
The answer is one of his own favourite paradoxes
— it was extraordinarily difficult and yet easy.
First, it has been an enormous effort to publish
these letters at all : because, except for merely
descriptive passages, all are personal, and most
relate to intimate and private matters of direc
tion. Yet gradually it began to appear actual
selfishness not to do so. It has often seemed to
me, as I read, for example, such word-pictures
as those written at Rome, that others ought to
enjoy that which, though written to cheer one
solitary convert, might certainly be read with
delight by hundreds. Again, to say nothing of
the literary value of the descriptive passages
referred to, the letters to an Anglican hesitating
on the threshold of the Church seem to me to
remove mountains from the path of such converts.

xii SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
So with all the rest. There is yet a third aspect
of the matter — vital now, though insignificant
a year ago : these letters show Monsignor Benson
in a light which is not the same as that thrown
on him by his books, or even his sermons. And
circumstances having so ordained that as in
one way or another — probably through being an
exceptionally tiresome " case," continually in
need of correction, encouragement, or special
direction — I am possessed of a larger share of
these delightful letters than falls to the lot of
most of his converts, it seems to me that one way
of expressing my intense gratitude to their
writer is by giving others a chance to benefit by
a few of them. At the same time I have con
sented to their publication in book form with
much hesitation, at the earnest request of the
Editor of the Rosary Magazine; for, though
many of the letters have already appeared in
America, probably scarcely anybody has read
them in England.
I may also say that it is now more than seven
years since Monsignor Benson first gave me per
mission to do, in effect, what I am doing to-day ;
and this permission was renewed more than once
latterly. Had he lived, this book, as I believe,
would have appeared with a Preface by himself.
My sincere thanks are due to Mr. A. C. Benson,

EDITOR'S INTRODUCTION xiii
who has not only allowed the publication, which
he had the right to forbid, but has also most
kindly consented himself to write a Preface.
In editing the letters I have omitted, except
where necessary, any sort of comment by myself ;
and in speaking of their writer I have throughout
referred to him as Father Benson, except when
it was obviously possible to use the title Mon
signor. It is my most earnest hope that this book,
which is not mine, but Monsignor Benson's, will
bring to many of his friends a measure of that
consolation which, for twelve years, his letters
brought to me.
London, fanuary 14, 1915-

CONTENTS

PAGE

Preface, by A. C. Benson . . v
Editor's Introduction ix
I. Anglican Letters . . . . i
II. Early Catholic Letters . . .17
III. Letters from Rome .... 48
IV. Letters of Spiritual Direction . jj
V. To One beginning a Literary
Career  98
VI. To One entering Religion . . 117

SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A
CONVERT i
ANGLICAN LETTERS
Since the appearance of Confessions of a Convert,
one does not feel that one is intruding on inti
mately personal matters in speaking of Father
Benson as an Anglican. He has told us much
in the Confessions. But he has not spoken of
himself as the spiritual director, even then, of a
large number of souls. Such', however, was the
case, and among them were found many of his
first converts.
The letters I shall quote under this heading
will probably be a revelation to many, especially
to those who had not the joy of knowing Father
Benson in his Anglican days. From the first
day when, as an Anglican, I went to confession
to him — both sincerely believing ourselves to be
Catholics — he became my director not only in
spiritual, but, by force of circumstances, in many
important temporal matters. Through the mercy
of God I ow^tnot only my conversion to him ; but,
directly or indirectly, every good thing that has
happened to me since I became a Catholic — to
his help, his sympathy, his influence, and his
A

2 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
prayers. Of his friendship I do not speak ; but
I maintain that no one could possibly owe more
to him, and I think the implicit proof of that
statement will be found in these letters.
The " Anglican Letters " cover a period of nine
or ten months, from November 1902 onwards.
The earlier ones, relating as they do chiefly to
forms of mental prayer, were written after a
Retreat preached by Father Benson, at which I
was present. The notes of that Retreat, written
out fully, and reproducing almost the exact words
spoken, are in my possession. They might have
been preached by a Catholic priest. Indeed, there
is much, both in form and matter, which is
identical with at least one Retreat given by him
in later years.
The first letter deals with a form of meditation
which Father Benson had explained in the
Retreat.

(i) " As regards the Blosian method — in a sense
it makes one's meditations alike, but one must
partly expect that. After all, the object of all
' intellectual ' meditation is to lead up to acts of
the will : and acts of the will are bound to be
like one another. But the result of continued
acts is a habit : and monotony is a price well
worth paying to obtain habits of contrition,
adoration, and so on.
" As you say, however, it is extremely good
not to neglect the intellect ; and I should say
that your plan of taking [the Spiritual Exercises

ANGLICAN LETTERS 3
of St. Ignatius during] the weeks through from
Septuagesima till Easter is an excellent one. . . .
Also, if you do feel the need of more activity
of intellect, I would return from time to time to
the Ignatian method [after Easter].
" As regards depression and ' touching the
walls of the house,' I meant that the cause of
depression is subjectivity, always. The Eternal
Facts of Religion remain exactly the same,
always. Therefore in depression the escape lies
in dwelling upon the external truths that are true
anyhow ; and not in self-examination, and at
tempts at ' acts ' of the soul that one is incapable
of making at such a time.
" Is that at all clearer ? Therefore to your
question : ' Is it any good to force oneself to
pray ? ' I would say that ' subjective prayer ' and
self-reproach, and dwelling on one's temporal and
spiritual difficulties, is not good at such times;
but that objective prayer, e.g. intercession,
adoration, and thanksgiving for the Mysteries
of Grace, is the right treatment for one's soul.
And of course the same applies to scruples of
every kind."
The next two letters deal with the question
of offering one's life for a particular person of
object; or, as Catholics would say, for a par
ticular intention.

4 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
(ii) "The question you ask is a very difficult
one, and very much disputed. I have heard of
learned and holy Religious who have said ' No '
quite plainly ; but others take other views.
" So one dare not answer dogmatically. But it
seems as if one can say with tolerable safety :
" (i) Our Lord's Self-oblation is the only truly
acceptable oblation.
" (2) Any other oblation in union with this, is
acceptable in virtue of that union.
" And therefore that one can ' apply ' any
personal oblation, in union with that of Our
Blessed Lord, on behalf of any object that one
desires : and that in this sense such a vicarious
oblation no more derogates from the dignity of
His Oblation than prayer derogates from the
dignity of His Intercession, or the Cross derogates
from the Sacrifice of Calvary. Neither an oblation
of self, nor prayer, nor the Holy Sacrifice have
value except so far as they are applications and
extensions of the merits of Our Blessed Lord.
" I am afraid this seems confused ; but I think
it is the only way I can answer it. Briefly, I
should say that you can offer your life for an
other, so long as you in no sense regard it as apart
from our Lord's One and Only Oblation.
" But I should hesitate, if I were you, to make
such an offering for that one object. It might be

ANGLICAN LETTERS 5
safe to include that object among others for which
you wish to dedicate yourself ; but I would not
make it the only one. A life that in any sense
of that kind rests upon a personal affection,
however deep or sincere, has not the strongest
foundation. It is astonishing how our Lord will
not allow to His closest children, in religion, any
absorbing love, except the love of His own ador
able Person. He allows, indeed, many affections
and relationships that are most happy ; but they
must not be central. They may be buttresses,
but not pillars, of the spiritual building.
" May our Lord bless you and keep you, and
bring you closer and closer to Himself."
(iii) " About the matter of dedicating a life on
behalf of any one particular soul — you say that
' humanly speaking ' you owe all to  . 1
But it is that very phrase that expresses what
I mean ; it is ' humanly speaking ' only. More
and more it appears true that the share of souls
in the work of God is so insignificant as to be
practically negligible. I think I know well what
your heart must feel towards one through whom
such great blessings have come : and that very
fact must be a sign that there is danger of dwell
ing more on the channel than on the Source. . . .
1 An old and valued friend, who was the unconscious
instrument of my meeting Father Benson.

6 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
But I would still rather advise the coupling with
this object some other object of the same kind
which is of equal importance generally, though
not personally, to you : e.g. some work of God
abroad or in the spiritual world. But still, this
is not my business at all.
" If there is anything at all you would care to
ask about the Meditations in the Retreat I shall
be delighted to answer if I can. ... I am so
glad you like Divine Revelations. It is a marvel
lous book, I think, for quieting anxious souls in
these anxious times. It is so fundamental, and
confident in God."
The date of the above letter is January 15,
1903. Many of those who knew him will re
member his love for the Revelations of Divine
Love, of the mystic anchoress, Mother Julian of
Norwich. Father Benson had quoted from this
book largely and often during the Retreat which
has been already mentioned. After he became a
Catholic I sent him a beautiful Anglican transla
tion in my possession, with which he expressed
himself " delighted. It is about my path by
day," he wrote, " and my bed at night. Can
you really spare it ? "
The next letter is quoted almost in extenso.
(iv) " The first thing you speak about is very
difficult to write about, because words have such
different values with different people ; and the
same spiritual experiences would be variously

ANGLICAN LETTERS 7
described by various people. It appears to me,
however, that Pere Grou and Brother Lawrence
are not contradictory, because they are speaking
of different things. May I try to put it coarsely
in my own language ?
" The soul appears to have two departments.
There is (1) the ordinary activities ; understand
ing ; intellectual attention ; emotion ; and one
kind of imperfect memory. These faculties are
used constantly by every sane person, good
or bad. All such words as ' clever,' * stupid,'
'good memory,' &c, are all applied to this
important but superficial department. (2) The
real part of the soul — the immortal part that we
take with us when we die — is that, to my think
ing, which is called the ' image ' of God. It is
' capable of God.' Here the real character resides ;
the real self. It is by this we shall be judged.
It is here, too, that the real will resides. The
' character ' of this self is formed and deformed
and reformed by its use of the more external
powers I have called ' (1).'
" Now it appears to me that Pere Grou means
that we cannot always keep ' (1) ' fixed upon
God. For example, to take the instance you
take, in teaching you are bound to concentrate
all those powers under ' (1) ' upon the business
in hand. To withdraw them, even to fix them

8 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
on God, would be to misuse them ; because God
has given us them to arrive at Him indirectly
with. " But Brother Lawrence means that it is pos
sible to keep ' (2) ' always fixed upon God —
the deep inner self ; so that when your whole
intellectual powers are engaged in teaching, your
soul is with God. ' I sleep, but my heart waketh.'
But this requires effort. Therefore at certain
times to make deliberate intellectual acts of the
Presence of God : and emotional acts of Love :
and acts of memory in recalling His Passion, &c. —
all these are good, and tend to steady the deep
inner self on God. Sin has affected every part
of our nature — spoilt even the ' image,' so that
our tendency is not even to keep that part of
self fixed on God. Gradually, however, as the
work of sanctification goes forward, the inner
self ' (2) ' spends longer and longer periods with
God ; and its attention gets more and more
intensified, and its control of the outer depart
ment gets more and more complete, until ulti
mately the real self never stirs from contempla
tion. Mary is always at His feet, while Martha
does her business without distracting Mary : and
every now and then herself comes in to Mary
too. — I am putting all this so badly, but I hope
it is true, and intelligible.

ANGLICAN LETTERS 9
" As regards your second point, as to distrac
tions, it seems true that the way to meet them
is not by effort, but by cessation of effort ; not
by wrestling with them, but by simply dropping
them. This is surely the good point in the
Quietists. It runs all through their system. It
is of course capable of dreadful abuse, but within
limits it is wonderfully true, and such a relief
to a tired soul. What is needed to get into the
Presence of God is not a strong aspiration, but
a letting all else drop, and falling into God. So
too when the ordinary thoughts resume their
activity, and distractions begin, the way to deal
with them is to let them go again.
" If we picture God as a vast still abyss in the
depth of our soul, with cliffs round, and winding
ways leading to it, it is a help. The simplest
way, if only we have faith, is to throw ourselves
off the cliff into Him — (or of course we may
climb by ' acts ' laboriously down to Him).
Then our restless self begins to climb up the cliffs
again into the common day. Then repeat the
process of letting go. It is so much simpler and
less tiring than climbing down.
" As regards the Ignatian method of medita
tion. Its object is to develop the external
powers ' (1) ' in the service of God ; and is of
course a most important part of spiritual life.

10 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
But everyone has their natural method ordained
by God : and if this causes you great distress
and difficulty, after finishing the course quickly,
I would rather advise your trying the Blosian
method. In fact I would advise your doing the
latter, as it is, for at least a few minutes in the
day, as well as the Ignatian. I would not advise
your giving up the Ignatian as you have begun,
until you have ended it : and then to take a
complete rest from it, and practise the Blosian.
I cannot help thinking that it is to the latter
that God is leading you. No better book could
be found than ' Mother Julian ' to be used as
material for mental prayer. (I enclose a little
leaflet which I drew up some while ago on the
Blosian method. It is almost the same as the
one the Church Review issued.)
" I should recommend your getting A Short
Rule and Daily Exercise. ... It is a wonderful
pamphlet by Blosius : and will answer your
difficulties far better than any scraps I can write
down of my ignorance.
" Therefore, to recapitulate : I would recom
mend your continuing the Ignatian method . . .
just as a simple act of Faith in a method that has
produced its own peculiar saints. At the same
time to make your spiritual reading a kind of
continual mental prayer, according to the de-

ANGLICAN LETTERS n
scription given in the leaflet. Then, when you
have finished the Ignatian ... to leave it alto
gether for a year or so, and continue the Blosian.
" As regards the ' materialistic ' difficulties of
the Ignatian meditations on hell, &c, it may be a
help to remember that our senses are merely
one set of instruments for receiving spiritual truth.
To say that hell ' smells of brimstone ' is a sort
of ' sacramental ' way of conveying to oneself
some mysterious spiritual quality of hell : just
as to look at a rose is to see the Beauty of God.
" And after all, this method of presentment is
that used by our Blessed Lord in the [book of]
Revelation. It cannot therefore be merely con
ventional. To exercise the senses is to obtain a
truth about hell, &c, which is probably unobtain
able by any other means.
" May God bless you, and show you more and
more of Himself. Indeed you have my prayers."
Lest any should be unfamiliar with the
"Blosian" form of meditation, it may be said
shortly to be the raising of the heart to God in
acts of Faith, Hope, Love, Contrition, &c, inspired
by the reading of some spiritual book, and uttered
at the moment when the heart is moved to
make them. Such a meditation — made of course
after suitable preparation — might thus consist
almost entirely of " acts," intellectual and emo-

12 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
tional ; or, on the other hand, of a spiritual
reading fruitful only in distractions. The im
portant thing is the intention. As Father Benson
points out in another letter, " it may be better
to spend half an hour in driving away distrac
tions deliberately and firmly than twice the time
in making what we may think to be a really good
meditation, with great sensible devotion."
The next letter is dated April 16, 1903, and,
like all those quoted under this heading, was
written from Mirfield. It is chiefly in answer
to a question about Quietism.
(v) " Thank you so much for your letter, and
kind Easter wishes. May I in return wish you
every joy at this season, with a continual and
deepening increase of grace flowing from our
Risen Lord ?
" In your previous letter you asked about
books. It is difficult to recommend books
beyond those that one has found helpful for one
self. But I will do my best with that.
"As regards the Quietists, reading their own
books is always more enlightening than reading
about them. And I should strongly recommend
Mme. Guyon's A Method of Prayer. . . . One has
to bear in mind that they were condemned; as
it was found that their disciples gradually came
to despise all external religion, such as sacra
ments, relics, rosary, preaching, and vocal prayer.

ANGLICAN LETTERS 13
They even went so far as to discourage specific
petition, saying that a state of prayer was higher.
It is quite easy to see how all this came about,
and how their very grasp of truth made them one
sided. As long as one keeps all this before one's
mind, one can get no harm by them, and nothing
but good, I should think.
" Molinos' Spiritual Guide is well worth read
ing. . . . You know fohn Inglesant, no doubt ?
That gives one a slight sketch of Molinos'
[teaching]. If you come across Viscount St.
Cyres' Finelon, the chapters on the Quietists
are worth reading to see what their enemies
said. " If I can be of any use as regards recommend
ing any other books I shall be delighted to do
what I can. We have a very large library here,
and I could probably give you any information
if you would let me know on what lines you desire
it. Thank you so much for asking for objects
for prayer. I will give a list on the last page
of this paper.
" May our Lord increase His grace in you more
and more."
The last request for prayer, at the end of this
letter, was "For myself; a profitable time of
rest this spring and early summer " (1903).

14 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
But Father Benson was still at Mirfield five
weeks later when he wrote the next — and, as far as
the present writer is concerned, his last — Anglican
letter ; if that be excepted in which he announced
his immediate reception into the Church.
(vi) " May I say first, in answer to your first
question, what a relief it is to come across anyone
who doesn't know about ' science ' ? Personally
I fear I am a hopeless person to ask about it ;
it always seems to me a ' red herring ' in Chris
tian apologetics ; and that unless one really
knows about it, like Fr.  , one had much
better keep to generalities, such as that science
and religion have no more to do with one another
than, e.g., geography and music ! They are both
branches of truth, and therefore both come from
God ; but beyond that, &c. Or that the real
difficulties in accepting Christianity are moral
and not intellectual, at least in 99 cases out of
100. But I am hopelessly prejudiced ! And you
had much better ask Fr.  what he thinks ;
I am sure he would be delighted to be of any use
he could.
" With regard to the other, naturally I know
even less ! But at the same time I do most
entirely sympathise ; the details that one de
sires in Heaven vary, of course, with various
people ; but we all have them in some form.

ANGLICAN LETTERS 15
Now it appears to me that we must allow that
everything, even the smallest details, is sacra
mental ; and both represents and conveys some
spiritual detail necessary for one's entire spiritual
satisfaction ; and therefore that there must be
some provision whereby these details form part
of one's ' treasure in Heaven.' When one doubts,
therefore, as one is constantly tempted to do, in
this matter, is it not the old temptation to doubt
God's infinite Care ? One can, by a sort of
magnifying, believe that God is very ' great ' ;
but that does not in the least really approximate
to His Infinity. It is exactly because He is
Infinite, and not only very great, that those
very details must be included under His Infinite
Care. There is a beautiful illustration of Fr.
Tyrrell's on the mode of identity being preserved,
and yet being changed. A child, he says, has
her heart quite full when she holds her doll in
her arms ; but when she becomes a mother, and
holds her firstborn child in her arms, she smiles
at the thought of her doll, and of all that it meant
to her. Yet it is the same sort of joy, and full
of the same sort of familiar details, but of a higher
order altogether. So, when the same mother
meets her child in Heaven, she will laugh to think
she ever thought she knew what a mother's joy
was before.

16 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
" (Fr. Tynell always seems to me to say the
last possible word !)
" As regards what to believe [about Heaven]
one may almost say that it is de fide to believe
that one's most detailed imagination cannot
approach the details of God's provision. Above
all, those details that relate to ' service ' such as
you speak of, cannot be absent.
"lam afraid this is a meagre answer, but what
can you expect ?
"I am so delighted that you have something
to do that brings you nearer to your desire.
Nothing is so paralysing as standing still."
Very shortly after this letter was written
Father Benson left Mirfield, and began to work
at By What Authority ? which was written in
the summer of 1903.

II
EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS
Father Benson's kind and frequent spiritual
letters, from a few of which the foregoing quota
tions are taken, gave no idea of the mental
suffering through which he was passing during
this time. Anxious not to trouble him un
necessarily, I did not write to him between May
and September 1903. It was in reply to my
question early in the latter month, " When are
you going to preach another Retreat ? " that I
received the overwhelming news of his intended
and immediate reception into the Church. The
heading of his letter was enough. The fact
rushed out full-armed before one had even
glanced at the writer's words. Father Benson
was going to become a Roman Catholic ! Then,
if he was not a Catholic now in the Church of
England, what was he ? What was I ?
Up to the very day of his submission I fancy
that very few of his spiritual children had any
idea of the crisis through which he was passing.
Speaking for myself, I know it came as a thunder
clap. It is no exaggeration to say that the very
foundations of Faith and all the realities of the
Spiritual Life rocked and trembled from the
violence of this utterly unexpected shock. " What
is Truth ? " was the only question it was at first
possible to formulate in those hours of darkness
17 B

18 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
and anguish. To all of us High Anglicans who
were under Father Benson's direction he had
ever been primarily and essentially a Catholic
priest — a statement which may seem obvious
nonsense to a born Catholic, but which will be
understood by any Anglican convert. It was
extraordinarily difficult to know why one whom
we looked upon as a pillar of " English " Catholi
cism should have found it necessary for his
salvation to submit to the Church of Rome.
And it was precisely on account of our absolute
conviction that he must necessarily have taken
this tremendous step because he believed he could
not otherwise save his soul, that so many of us
were led to study the question under his direc
tion, after he entered the Church, and finally to
become Catholics ourselves. Those who were
fortunate enough to know Father Benson in the
days when he belonged to the Community of the
Resurrection will bear me out when I say again
that, before as well as after his conversion —
i.e. before his ordination in June 1904 — he was
to his spiritual children a Catholic priest above
everything. He was, as everyone knows, received into the
Church on September n, 1903, at the Dominican
Priory Church of Woodchester, in the beautiful
Cotswold country he loved so well, -and of which
he wrote a few months later :
(i) "All that country is bound up with my
own happiness in my mind ; the great hills and
valleys, and the miles of tableland at the top —
like the life of prayer : monotonous, with sensa
tional approaches, but high up."

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 19
Within a week of his reception Father Benson
wrote to me to thank me, with gratitude which,
considering the subject was intensely pathetic,
for a letter I had written to him.
(ii) " The best I can do in answer is to do my
best to reply to your questions as simply as I
possibly can.
" First of all : the reason ' why I have done
this ' (because I have taken the step, last week),
is because I believe that our Lord intended the
See of Peter to be the centre of Unity of the
Catholic Church ; and that it is upon that Rock
that He has built His Church.
" I won't dream of bothering you with all the
reasons that have led me to this ; but it appears
to me as certain as anything can be. Of course
I do not deny that there are difficulties ; but so
there are everywhere. And in this theory of
Church Order and Constitution, there seem to
me far fewer difficulties than in any other.
" As regards the second question : as to
Anglican Orders, I can quite frankly say that it
was not doubt in my Orders that led me to this.
So far as my own private spiritual experience
goes I was quite satisfied of my priesthood ; but
now that same ' experience ' has led me to an
authority that tells me I am not a priest. Then
it is a choice between which I must follow and

20 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
believe — my individual feelings and arguments,
or the feeling and argument of what I beheve
to be a Divine Authority : and there is no choice
as to which I must follow.
" Now I do not feel at all that this involves the
renunciation and denial of all the graces that
God has given me in the Church of England. God
forbid I should ever do that ! I still beheve that
He met me with pardon when I confessed my
sins contritely ; and fed me with the life of our
Lord Jesus Christ when I went to Communion :
but the difference lies in the mode of receiving
the grace. But personally, I felt and still feel,
that this is a minor point in the real question :
the real question is, Where is the Authority of
our Blessed Lord to be found now ? Once a soul
finds it, she must submit everything to Him :
until she finds it, she must follow the best
authority she can.
" As regards the argument : ' The Church
which is good enough for So-and-so is good enough
for me ' — may I say I don't think that is sound ?
After all the two real centres for each of us are,
God and my soul. (' Whoso loveth father or
mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.')
It is a good argument as a buttress, but not as a
central pillar : the central pillar must be one's
own direct faith ; not a vicarious faith. (I put

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 21
it very badly, I am afraid.) Wesleyans may say
that of Wesley . . . and many other really good
and spiritual men who have lived and died satis
fied with Wesleyanism. . . .
" As to  's argument, would you dare
to say that Wesleyans do not 'find God in
Wesleyanism ' ? Yet Wesleyanism is not the
true Church, even though they claim it. Surely
every Christian in good faith ' finds God ' wherever
he may be serving Him ; but in various degrees.
" I so much hate this letter of mine as I read
it over : it seems controversial and argumenta
tive ; and yet I don't mean it to be that, because
I don't beheve that controversy ever was of any
real good at all. And your letter has nothing
of that sort in it. . . . Please write again as
often as ever you please ; I do so much hope
that one's old friendships will not all have to be
sacrificed. And I do from my heart wish you
every blessing and good gift from God."
(In this connection — as regards Father Ben
son's dishke of and disbelief in controversy —
the following passage from a letter written just
after his return from Rome in June 1904 is
illuminating :
(iii) "I am trying to get hold of a principle
about one's attitude to outsiders ; and it seems

22 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
to me to he somewhere in the direction of ex
pounding one's own positive principles freely,
but never of attacking another's position : draw
ing people to one's own stronghold instead of
driving them out of theirs. I have found . . .
that it simply destroys every shadow of bitter
ness to go on that fine.")
The next letter is dated September 22, 1903.
(iv) " I will do my best to answer your ques
tions ; for, poor as my answers will be, I think
to attempt them is the best way to show my real
gratitude for your sympathy.
" First, I would like to say this : that to my
mind all such difficulties are secondary. There
are unanswerable difficulties in Christianity, widely
considered : but we trust our Lord personally
in spite of them : knowing that there is an answer
to them all in His Divine Wisdom. So with the
Church. The first thing to make sure of is the
grounds of Faith. (1) Did or did not our Lord
intend there to be a Divine Teacher on earth to
the end ? (2) If He did, where is it to be found ?
All else to my mind is secondary to that. Once
one has found the Divine Teacher one asks
questions, indeed ; but it is only in order to know
what to beheve.
"It is possible, I suppose, to hold all, or nearly

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 23
all the Catholic doctrines one by one, individu
ally, because we have examined them and found
them probable and reasonable ; but that is not
the root of the matter. The root is to have made
the Act of Submission to the Divine Teacher.
Then one's business is to find out what She
teaches : but even before one knows any theo
logy, one imphcitly believes the entire Faith in
its principles and details, just because one be
lieves the Teacher who delivers it.
" Having said that, may I go on ?
" (1) You say : ' If it was not wrong to use
private judgment to go to an Authority, how can
it be wrong to use it after ? ' Test that by prac
tical experience : e.g. you become persuaded, by
Private Judgment, that a certain doctor under
stands your constitution better than you do
yourself ; and you put yourself in his hands.
Would it not be suicidal, after that, to judge of
his remedies one by one, as to whether you
would use them ? The Church says : ' Here am I,
with certain claims and credentials. I have a con
tinuous spiritual experience for nineteen centuries ;
no break ; I have a wide Catholic experience over
all countries ; my head is the Apostolic See
with 1200 bishops in unity of faith. I point to
the Scriptures that you accept, and I ask you to
look at your own heart. Judge whether I sm

24 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
trustworthy or not. If you think I am, then put
yourself wholly in my charge, and let me deal
with you as I have dealt with millions of others
of all races and ages and characters. If not, you
must see to yourself. But my claim is peremp
tory. Take it or leave it : but you cannot take
my privileges, and I will take no responsibihty
unless you put yourself wholly in my hands.'
Now, is not that very peremptoriness an echo,
or rather the very voice of our Lord, who ' spoke
with authority, and not as the scribes ' ? The
scribes were always referring to schools of Rabbis
and ' aspects,' and personal theologians. Our
Lord breaks in : ' I say unto you.'
" (2) Indulgences. Briefly, indulgences are the
remission of temporal penalties due to sin : e.g.
David sins ; Nathan rebukes, convinces, and ab
solves him. Yet the child died. Supposing
David had made some tremendous reparation
immediately, it is conceivable that God would
have remitted the temporal penalty — the death
of the child. That would have been an Indul
gence. " Every forgiven sin has an allotted penalty,
to satisfy the Divine Justice. By the mercy of
God He will remit even that if we will do some
thing instead. His Church, to whom He has
given the power of binding and loosing, has

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 25
charge of that department, and says : ' If you,
hating sin, free from guilt, full of purposes of
amendment, will do this or that, you shall be
let off a certain amount of temporal penalty.'
That is an Indulgence. The old temporal punish
ment, or penance, generally lasted ' so many
days ' — e.g. ' For a week you shall fast on bread
and water.' But the Church might say : ' If
you will say the Penitential Psalms, you need
only fast three days.' That is an Indulgence of
four days. Then the old phraseology lasted on ;
and the word ' day ' is a kind of measure — an
unknown quantity — four ' days ' are four times as
much as one ' day.' As regards the dead, the
Church claims no direct jurisdiction, but only
gives the indulgence ' as in a prayer,' praying
that God will apply good deeds, &c, vicariously
for their benefit.
" I haven't put it at all well, I fear. . . . But
I would advise your reading Ryder's answer to
Littledale. " (3) Intention. This means no more than an
intention to do what the Church does. An
infidel priest may not beheve in the Real Pre
sence : but he deliberately vests and goes to the
Altar, and means to perform the rite, whatever
it may be. In such a case, Mass is truly said.
If you think of it in that way it is almost incon-

26 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
ceivable to think anything else, I beheve. . . .
Does that make it any easier ?
" (4) Communion in one kind. If one once
really believes in the Divine Teacher, this ceases
to trouble one at all : because then the same
Authority that said : ' Drink ye all of it,' now
says ; ' One kind is sufficient.' There are, too,
just faint indications in our Lord's discourses.
John vi. speaks repeatedly of the ' Bread that
came down from Heaven ' — apart from the Cup —
as if it were a central Truth. But I don't wish
to build on that ; for it is only a private inter
pretation after all. Is the change any more
serious than the abrogation of the Sabbath, and
of circumcision, and of ' not eating with the
blood ' — all of which changes were wrought by
the Divine Teacher ?
" (5) The R.C. Nicene Creed is to all intents
and purposes the same as the Anglican. The
only difference is the addition of the word ' Holy '
in the expression of faith in the Church.
" You are thinking, I beheve, of Pius IV's
creed, which was found necessary to exclude
certain heretics; just as the Nicene Creed itself
was found necessary in the 4th century, when
it had not been necessary before. As new heresies
arise, the Church must continually be expressing
herself more and more plainly to rule them out ;

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 27
and it is, to my mind, a serious indictment of
the Church of England that she does not claim
that power with regard to the laity.
" Well, it is very late, and you will have got
bored long ago. So I must stop.
" Please do not think me argumentative. I
dare say I can do nothing for you by explana
tions ; but I can pray, and will, that the Holy
Ghost will explain Himself to you.
"Do write if you wish, and can. I shall be
delighted to hear and answer. But if you do
not I shall quite understand : and shall only
pray the more.
" I pray God to bless and keep you always."
Ten days later :
(v) " Now I will do my best.
" So long as a soul is persuaded that the Church
of England is certainly as near to the truth, and
that it contains the necessaries of salvation (&c.)
as much as any part of Christendom, her duty is
clear : she must remain in it. But many souls,
of which mine was one, and perhaps yours another,
become aware that there is one huge part of
Christendom that makes an exclusive claim : and
that that claim is at least not a preposterous one.
The fact that it is the greatest Communion in
point of numbers (1200 bishops); and that it

28 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
rests in union with an undoubtedly Apostolic
See ; and that no historian can put his finger on
any breach of continuity ; and that the Church
of England acknowledges her as a sister — all this
entitles her to consideration ; and causes these
souls to whom all this has come as a fact, to ask
themselves whether even her exclusive claim may
not perhaps be true.
" The moment the soul has practically seen
this, private judgment must begin. (Of course
if the soul regards all this as an insidious tempta
tion, she is bound in conscience to resist it. . . .
But I am supposing that she begins to doubt
whether, after all, it is a temptation, or whether
it may not be Grace.)
" Therefore the ' two doctors ' analogy, on this
view, cannot be pressed beyond a certain point.
Remember that the first doctor, ' A,' holds that
' B ' is a doctor all right : but that ' B ' will not
act in consultation with ' A,' but says : ' You
must be wholly mine ; or not at all.'
" Well, if the patient thinks this is wholly un
warrantable arrogance, he must say so : but if
he thinks that the exclusive claim of ' B ' may be
the right treatment, he must consider it. I
gather from your letter you are in this stage.
You are moderately satisfied with 'A.' You
would hke to have ' B ' as well : but you find you

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 29
can't. Well, you must consider then whether
' B's ' exclusive claim is justifiable. Now all that
must be done by private judgment ; because the
Church of England denies the exclusive claim :
as if ' A ' should say : ' I hke " B " well enough,
if only he wasn't so intolerably conceited. He is
a good doctor, of course ; but he thinks nobody
is a doctor but himself.' This moderation ol
course sounds attractive and convincing : but
grant for a moment that ' B ' is what he claims
to be ! What then ?
" No. I did not mean for a moment that the
Church of England was not far nearer the truth
in most ways than the Wesleyans, but that in
this particular point they stood — I won't say on
the same platform, but on similar platforms. As
I think I said before, it was not doubt of Anghcan
orders that made me take the step ; but since
I have taken it, I receive what I am told with
as much humility as I can. The explanation the
Church gives me, and which I humbly accept,
of my spiritual experience, is that at moments
of confession and communion I made a spiritual
effort, and God blessed it ; and gave me many
graces ; but she tells me it was not ' per sacra-
mentum.' Now, can you imagine anything more
anogant than for me to turn and say to her :
' No. I can trust my spiritual sense better than

30 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
yours, my Mother. I teh you I received it per
sacramentum in spite of what you say ! ' (I ask
no one to accept my position or arguments, of
course, until they are in my position.) No. I
trust her knowledge of Divine Mysteries better
than my own. She does not bid me disbeheve
in the fact of Divine Graces received in the
Church of England, but only the mode of recep
tion. " Next. I beheve the best way to arrive at
the Truth is to try to look at Christendom as an
outsider, so to speak ; as a visitor from another
planet. Examine the notes of the Church :
Unity. Apostolicity. Holiness. Catholi
city, e.g. What part of Christendom is most at
one ? Which part preserves Apostolic authority
(as distinguished from Episcopal) ? Which part
produces eminent Saints ? Which most breaks
down racial distinctions, and is independent of
nationality, language, climate, century ?
" Again, noticing that the R.C. Church bases
her claim on Peter : examine Peter's position in
the Gospels and Acts : make a hst of his doings
and sayings and prerogatives, and notice their
cumulative force.
" I beheve, personally, in considerations of that
kind, made first-hand, rather than in reading
controversial books ; because a skilful pleader,

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 31
unconsciously even to himself, will only mention
those things that make for his side : and when
he is detected everybody says : ' How dishonest ' !
— whereas the poor man really did not mean it ;
and only had eyes for his own side.
" But if you do want books, let me recommend
Luke Rivington's Authority and Dependence, and
above ah, Allies' See of Peter. And if you care
for Newman, Development of Doctrine. To me
he is the Prophet : but to many I know he is
merely sophistical. Also, if you can bonow it,
I would recommend your reading Carson's first
Essay in Reunion Essays : and Mallock's Doctrine
and Doctrinal Disruption.
" (I mention the books — these latter ones
at least — that helped me most. Mahock is
simply overwhelming: and he is not a Roman
Cathohc.) " As for   , may I say something ?
His appeal is to the Primitive Church. But the
Church is an organism, not an organisation. It
is the Body of Christ, and therefore grows, de
velops, and in a sense, changes.  
appears to me to ignore this, always : i.e. his
assumption is that the Early Ages are purer than
the later ; whereas the truth as it appears to
me, is that the 'full-grown man' is nearer
Christ's ideal than the baby (as regards perfec-

32 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
tion of development). I think that is a thought
worth considering. . . .
" Forgive me if this letter is controversial. It
is so difficult to steer a mean between a disloyal
silence and an irritating garrulity ! And the
moment you say : ' Enough ' — I stop.
" After all, there is nothing to fear or to be
anxious about : God does not lay traps for us :
and ' He never overdrives His sheep.' Pray for
me that I may not, either."
The next letter deals very tenderly with that
dread, inexplicable to Catholics, which so many
converts feel at the thought of renouncing — with
seeming ingratitude — the graces and ordinances
and " privileges " of Anglicanism.
(vi) " I agree unreservedly with what you say
about personal conviction. Of course it is ab
solutely essential ; and until you have that you
cannot dream of taking such an important step.
" I realise fully, I hope, that the wrench with
you comes in feeling that you will have in a sense
(if ultimately you take the step) to repudiate the
past. But indeed that is not so. I could not
dream of calling all the ordinances I joined in and
celebrated, ' mockeries ' ! They were not, I now
beheve, exactly what I thought them ; but they
were acts of close and high communion with

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 33
God : they were acts of worship to the Divine
Majesty, and acceptable to Him : they were the
great stepping-stones on which my soul went on
towards God.
" And nothing in the world could ever make me
think differently to that. It is not my heart
or will that I judge to have been wrong : I only
now see that my intellect was not accurately
informed as to the modes in which God gave
Himself to me."
Just at the time I had been deeply shocked and
wounded by repeated acts of what I considered
outrageous irreverence before, during, and after
the celebration of Anglican communion, on the
part of an old and violently bigoted Protestant
clergyman, who was, I was made aware, anxious
to mark his disapproval of my " Roman " ten
dencies. Into the nature of these irreverences —
on one occasion affecting the sacrament of bap
tism — I need not enter. I had described them
in detail to Father Benson, being greatly troubled
by the knowledge that this old clergyman had,
from every standpoint of law and common sense,
as much right to call himself " priest " as had
those High Church friends and guides of mine
whom I still sincerely believed to be so. The
thought was intolerable. How could a priest —
a Catholic priest— be imphcitly allowed to treat
the elements of bread and wine, which were to
me the Body and Blood of Christ, in such a way
as to show ostentatiously that to him they were
nothing of the sort ? This was a difficulty— c

34 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
now resolutely faced for the first time — which
went far deeper than any mere differences of
ritual in Anglicanism. I took the whole matter
not only to Father Benson, but to the generous
and charitable Ritualistic clergyman whose
fatherly kindness was so great a comfort to me
at this time. His explanation did not quite
convince me. But Father Benson says :
(vii) " I think  's interpretation of the old
Calvinistic clergyman's irreverence quite beauti
ful and true. . . . But how appalling, objec
tively, the thing that has to be so explained ! I
know it is no argument, but it is dreadful to re
member that that kind of thing is tolerated by
the authorities, and that reverent Reservation is
not — or scarcely.
" Yes, as you say, there is one test, as I believe,
of Catholic Communion ; and that is Communion
with the See of Peter. When that is gone, ah
is gone : Apostohc Succession, validity of sacra
ments, this or that doctrinal question, are all
secondary and comparatively unimportant."
In this letter Father Benson kindly offers to
send me the rough draft of a paper that he was
hoping to pubhsh. This was the manuscript of
the City Set on a Hill, now pubhshed by the
C. T. S. ; though the original preface, written
by a well-known Dominican Father, was not at
first included in the httle volume. This, however,
may possibly have been done in later editions.

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 35
Almost every convert will be famihar with the
pamphlet in its present form, but all may not
know that (hke By What Authority ?) it was
written while Father Benson was an Anglican.
" I drew it up to clear my own mind," he says
in a later letter, " rather than to convince any
one else."
Father Benson was, after this, strongly urged
by the Dominicans to revise and pubhsh the
pamphlet ; and it was the first revision that he
very kindly sent to me.
" I do pray God," this letter ends, " to help
us all to see His Truth more and more plainly
every day."
(viii) " Please do not dream of ' troubhng ' me,"
begins the next. " I will so gladly go on for
two or twenty years, writing ; because I am so
certain where Truth hes . . . and I cannot
beheve that some day you will not, too. There
are ah kinds of things to keep you where you
are, in good faith. In fear, reality and hallucina
tions are so mixed that it is impossible always to
distinguish. And your dread of (e.g.) Mariolatry
is one such hallucination. It looks like a terrible
phantom, and it is only the play of shadows. . . .
Remember that Neapolitans and Mexicans have
their way of expressing devotion, and we have
ours ; and that a Church which really does visibly
include all nations must include all tempera-

36 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
ments. . . . Now it seems to me that we English
people are almost bound to be insular in our
ideas ; and to feel that other nations are either
irreverent or familiar or gushing, because they
do not pray as we do. But I must confess I feel
it an imperfection in myself to feel that. . . .
That thought of yours about the insignificance
of a soul, oddly enough, came to me startlingly
strong yesterday. . . . But it won't do ! To be
made in the Image of God is to be capax Dei,
and that means that God and the soul are the
two great pivots of the universe.
" As regards what your friend said to you, I
would hke to say this. It is not, when once
you get on this side, a choice between the Church
of England and the Church of Rome. But the
second is a Mother that asks all ; there must be
no other in competition ... it is ah or none.
She must be the whole world, or nothing. . . .
But the fact that your friend can say what he
does, shows (unless I am . . . mistaken) that he
has never heard that tremendous, insistent Divine
Call at ah. Ah ! there is no question any more
for a sincere soul when it is heard. That is why
one is so confidently happy about good and
learned men like him . . . that they simply
cannot have heard that Call at all. They have
only seen Her hke a stranger, like one among

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 37
other communions. They haven't seen Her eyes,
and heard Her voice.
"I am getting rhetorical and lengthy. . . .
Please forgive me.
" I know the Eirenikon well. Have you read
Newman's answer in Anglican Difficulties (I
think) ? ... As regards Papal Infallibility . . .
it is ah involved in Thou art Peter . . . ' gates
of hell shah not prevail ' ; i.e. the Church
founded on Peter cannot be corrupt in things
of life and death : (viz. Faith and morals).
If we believe that of the Church, a fortiori of
Peter." I had evidently now reached a stage which
many converts may themselves remember, when
I sought franticahy in the Eirenikon and similar
pubhcations, for instances of sustained and ap
parently successful rebellion against the Roman
See — or rather, what was twisted by the Pro
testant writers to mean rebellion. The case of
St. Cyprian impressed me less than some others,
which I had evidently inflicted on my long-suffer
ing guide, for in his next letter he deals with two
such instances, the details of which I have com
pletely forgotten, but which I probably found in
Littledale, or the Eirenikon. The first I omit,
as it has really no bearing upon anything at all,
except the captious spirit of the Protestant
critic. The second I quote, to illustrate Father
Benson's crisp and brisk methods of dealing with
such " difficulties."

38 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
(ix) " Fortunatus and Felix, (a) How do you
distinguish an ' appeal,' and an ' application ' ?
(b) Felix proves nothing. The fact that here in
England I go to a Bishop for anything does not
show I do not beheve in the Pope ! — but only
that I think a Bishop is competent to settle
it."

Looking back, it seems actually incredible that
the case of " Fortunatus and Felix," whose con
duct and history one has long forgotten, can
reahy ever have mattered to one's soul ! But
a citadel, on the point of being taken by assault,
neglects no stone which may serve to strengthen
her fortifications. In this letter Father Benson
refers again to the manuscript which I had
recently returned to him, with my opinion upon
it.

" You must not think it original ! " he says.
" It would be a fatal argument against it if
it was. It is stated — I mean the theory — in
fuh form in Development of Doctrine, and one or
two other places — e.g. Mallock's book ; and is
found under other images in many writers. It
all, of course, reahy is contained in our Lord's
parable of the Mustard Seed.
" There are two kinds of minds, (i) Those
who follow point by point through history,
and trace out God's plan in that way : by

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 39
details and dates and small facts — like a
detective. " (2) Those who go up on a hill and judge
from the general lie of the country, and the main
directions, &c, as to where God's Road, or
Way of Salvation, lies. . . . Personally I trust
(2) more. It is the way of the simple and the
' plain man,' and the ' wayfaring men though
fools.' Since our Lord came to those folk I
cannot believe that such an important question
as the ' Church ' depends on being able to read'
and be subtle and historical. Or else the ' fool '
is handicapped. " So I hope, though I have got no kind of right
to dictate as to the way God leads you — but I
hope He will lead you by (2) ; and show you
His Road, winding away, over hill and dale,
dipping out of sight sometimes ; crossing preci
pices, but arriving ; and not make you go with
a microscope on hands and knees."
Referring to a question of mine about the
Orthodox Church, Father Benson says :
(x) "I only did not touch on that (in the
City Set on a Hill) because I was dealing with
the present-day aspect of affairs ; and to all
practical purposes the Eastern claim does not
reach England at all "

40 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
Ahuding to a passage in a previous letter, he
says :
(xi) " All I meant was that in a Catholic
Church you must have all sorts. And Infalli
bility sits up there like a great Mother, every
now and then saying : ' Stop ! children, that's
enough ! ' — or ' John, you're too rough.' ' Jane,
you're too fastidious.' But Jane needn't neces
sarily for that reason play at cricket, nor John
at dolls."
The next letter explains and apphes what
Father Benson meant by the two methods of
arriving at the truth. The very patience and
facility with which he answered questions, many
of them ridiculous and futile, encouraged his
converts to tax his kindness to the uttermost,
though, I hope, never to presume upon it.
(xii) " I think the second [way] is the safest,
because it is one that . . . children and simple
people are as competent to travel as anyone
else ; but I fully recognise that historians and
scholars, and all who are made that way are
bound in conscience to satisfy themselves, and
not to submit to the Church in bad faith.
" But, as I said, frankly I think your mind,
like my own, is constructed on the simpler, and,
may I say (?) more direct system. We are both
deductive ; we naturally look to principles first

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 41
and details next. If I am right in that, then
I suppose it is true that you are more likely to
arrive at sound conclusions by following the
deductive method. But again, if I am wrong
. . . then of course you are bound to follow the
other line, and I will most gladly do my utmost
to deal on that line. ... I shah hardly feel
my forgiveness assured unless I receive an enor
mous hst of minute questions in a day or two.
So you may imagine how I shah welcome them."
Towards the end of October he writes :
(xiii) " I needn't try to teh you how thankful
I was ... to hear that light was coming, even
tliough it is intense pain to lift one's eyes to it.
... I feel more and more sure that the writer
that will help you most is Newman. ... In
slow, patient building up of the image of Truth
he is unequalled. He puts his stones slowly
together, showing you each before he lays it,
and you don't see what he is doing ; and then
on a sudden he stands aside, and shows you that
what has seemed an ideal dream is a sober reality
in the Catholic Church.
" Do state your difficulties about the Inquisi
tion, and I will do my best to answer them.
But I expect we are entirely at one on that
point."

42 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
The day I received that letter I went to my
first High Mass, and heard my first Catholic
sermon. It was on the Gospel for the day ;
and the preacher, a Benedictine, spoke of St.
Peter's venture of faith, his casting of the nets
on the other side of the ship, and the mira
culous draught of fishes. That sermon was a
long, long step on the Road of the Wayfaring
Man. However, one's difficulties were not
ended. I was then suffering greatly about
the Inquisition ! The notes which Father
Benson drafted for my instruction I copy here
verbatim. (xiv) " The Inquisition. Everybody is agreed
now, I suppose, that the old methods of the
Inquisition are wholly indefensible, and alien to
the mind of Christ. But it makes one more
lenient to the persons who practised this inde
fensible system, to remember :
" (i) That the murder of souls is a greater
crime than the murder of bodies ; and that from
this premise the medieval authorities (faultily)
argued that, if it was lawful to punish ' body-
murder ' with death, and to keep civil detectives,
&c, it was, a fortiori, lawful to punish heresy
with death, &c.
" (2) That, strictly speaking, the secular arm
alone punished, and inflicted secular chastise
ment ; in heresy cases as in others. And that
therefore the civil power was technically to blame.

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 43
(Of course this does not excuse the ecclesiastics'
connivance and encouragement.)
" (3) That in the days when Catholicism
was the only guardian of morality, and other
religious systems did not exist, heresy meant
an influx of every kind of crime, in the long
run; and the temptation therefore was great,
to holy people, to use unlawful means for a
good end.
" (4) That compulsion of a kind must always
be used in teaching and maintaining religion;
(e.g. education of children ; legal penalties still
due to blasphemy).
" (5) That barbarities were the general order
of the day.
" (6) That in those days even heretics did not
object to the fact of the death penalty for heresy,
but only to the application of it in their own
cases, (e.g. Calvin's connivance at the burning of
Servetus) .
" Nothing can excuse the Inquisition there
fore, but it is easy to explain it. The Inquisi
tion is still in existence to the extent that there
is, I beheve, a Congregation in Rome who still
bear the name, and whose duty it is to enquire
into the same kind of matters. But it is un
necessary to add that they do not use the same
methods."

44 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
This very explicit statement finally laid the
ghost of the Inquisition for me.
On Ah Souls' Day, 1903, Father Benson went
to Rome. The last two letters he wrote me
before leaving are so beautiful that I regret I
cannot quote them in extenso. I had told him
about the St. Peter sermon, and the insistence
of the preacher upon the necessity of a venture
of faith, a leap in the dark, on certain critical
occasions. (xv) " All one can do is to state considera
tions by which the hesitating state of mind may
perhaps be tested.
" (1) In every act of Faith there must be some
where a leap into the dark. That, one may
almost say, is of the essence of an Act of Faith.
" (2) One who is merely intellectually con
vinced must hesitate until the conviction has
affected the will. Newman says somewhere that
he ' knew ' that the Catholic Church was in the
right for a long while before he made his sub
mission, but he did not ' know that he knew.'
Is not that a very ingenious way of describing
a very complicated psychological fact ? For
example, you seem to ' know ' it ; but only you
can tell if you ' know that you know.' Until
you do you are right to wait. But as soon as
you ' know that you know ' you must wait no
longer. I should gather from your letter that

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 45
you have not yet reached the second stage ; but
I think you are very near to it.
" (3) No one has the slightest right to say that
a week or an hour or twenty years is ' not long
enough.' God works variously. St. Paul knew
at once ; but he didn't ' know that he knew '
tiU after three days of darkness and prayer.
" As regards Communions : I should say you
are right in going on with them in spite of the
darkness, unless you feel certain that they do
not give you the Blessed Sacrament. . . . Com
plete darkness . . . doesn't really matter. The
point is : Is the will aimed right ? . . . I can't,
I fear, feel with you that the possession of the
Blessed Sacrament [in the case of a schismatic
Church] would be sufficient in any case. The
Arians had It, and the Donatists, and nearly all
heretical sects, at least, for a time. It is, as
you say, much more a question of jurisdiction.
You see, if Peter is the foundation all jurisdiction
must spring from him ; and even if the Church
of England had preserved undoubted Orders, and
every Catholic doctrine and practice, and pro
duced saints and martyrs by thousands — if she
had not that one thing necessary, the Authority
of the Holy See, all — I do not say falls to the
ground — but ah is on a shaky foundation, and
must fall sooner or later, or be reconciled to the

46 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
seat of power and stability. Yes ! I agree that
the Royal Supremacy is a tough matter ; though
I have never seen it till lately. Unless the juris
diction which had been the Pope's was shifted
to the Monarch — well, words mean nothing.
Hardly anything can be more expressly stated
in the Acts of Supremacy. Do read them, if
you can get hold of them. Read Elizabeth's.
I have just been studying that period. It is
amazing !
" As to . . . the scholars who live and die
satisfied with the Church of England, all one can
say is this : Since our Lord came to save the
ignorant and wicked He surely must mark His
Church in such a manner that it is as evident
to the ignorant and wicked, as to the wise and
holy. Otherwise there is a premium on learning.
" No. You and I, who have not had oppor
tunity for great study . . . must be as capable
of recognising the Church when we see it as
St. Thomas Aquinas. Faith is a moral act, not
an intellectual. ... It is good to know that you
went to see the priest after Mass." [This was
the Benedictine preacher referred to.] " I feel
as if just one finger of the great Mother is on
your head now ; and that you will soon put
out your hand and take it ; and then be in her
arms."

EARLY CATHOLIC LETTERS 47
On the eve of his departure from England he
writes :
(xvi) " I am as certain, since you ask me,
that the step I have taken is the right one, and
the one that I desire for every living soul — as
of anything in the whole world. It isn't a ques
tion of hoping, or probability, or of anything
short of the certitude of faith. The only puzzle
about it, to me, is why on earth every one does
not see it, too. I can't think myself back into
the old frame of mind, any more than into a
dream from which one has awakened. As New
man says : one's old theories and suppositions
have faded like mist when the sun rises — fairy
palaces — beautiful and exquisite — but enchanted !
And now one is on the Rock, and the mists have
gone. . . .
" It is a real happiness to think of being able
to pray, at the tombs of the Apostles, for one's
friends, and England. When I was there, eight
years ago, I felt a stranger. Now, thank God !
a child at home ! "
Three days later the writer of these letters was
in Rome ; to return home, within eight months,
a priest.

Ill
LETTERS FROM ROME
The most superficial reader of Monsignor Benson's
books will be familiar with his descriptive style ;
but the difference between his books and his
letters is very much that between a large, highly-
finished picture and a rough water-colour sketch,
slight, perhaps, in itself, but eminently character
istic, more suggestive in its incomplete perfection
than even the finished study. Yet, again, some
of these exquisite pen-pictures — such as that of
the Holy Father's Mass — are tiny miniatures,
perfectly finished with his own consummate and
distinctive art. The greater part, however, are
sketches ; and the difficulty is, in such a port
folio — the brilliant impressionist product of a
master-mind, colour and outline dashed in with
no uncertain hand — to choose the most attractive,
where all are beautiful. These Roman letters
have at least this special interest for his friends :
they give us his first impressions as a Catholic
of the Eternal City, which he learnt to know so
well in later years. Monsignor Benson's novels
contain singularly few descriptions of Rome,
though those in, e.g., Initiation and The Coward
may be said to compensate for this by their
great beauty. Still, I cannot remember any such
pen-pictures as those presently to be quoted, and
48

LETTERS FROM ROME 49
I may perhaps say that their possession first
inspired me with the desire to give certain of
Monsignor Benson's letters to the world.
The day after his arrival at San Silvestro he
wrote: (i) " Rome is like a sort of sacrament of the
New Jerusalem. You meet the four marks of
the Church, incarnate, in the streets and churches.
The Unity is visible ; church after church pre
cisely the same ; with the Blessed Sacrament,
like a beating heart, in each.
" And the Holiness is evident in the faces of the
Religious and priests and children one meets, as
well as the simple people at their prayers every
where. And the Catholicity is evident.
" This morning I, an Englishman, knelt with
Italians before an Italian altar, and heard a
German priest say Mass, with a negro server
from Africa !
" And you hear every language of the civilised
world in the streets. And as for the Apostolicity,
we know that SS. Peter and Paul died here and
lie here : and that the successor of Peter, and
the Vicar of Christ is here, in the Apostolic See,
radiating unity of faith throughout the City and
the World ! It is marvehously ' good for us to
be here.' The last time I was here I was out of
communion with it ah, and ran to my own church

50 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
as to a sort of Zoar. I was suspicious and un
happy at everything. The goodness of God
carries one off one's feet !
" I so much wonder how all is going with you ;
and whether you are seeing more clearly yet. I
wonder so much how your talk with 
went off. . . . Even from my point of view, how
ever, it is perfectly natural that God should raise
up saintly souls like his to do the very peculiar
and delicate work that is to be done in England ;
and of course, too, He must permit them to be
in perfect peace and confidence as to their posi
tion, or they could not do the work. But for
us who have heard the Call it is very different :
to be ih-at-ease is one syllable of the Divine Mes
sage, and to receive the full certitude of Faith
is the whole Message.
" Meanwhile I enclose a picture of [the Holy
Father]. He preaches to the people once a fort
night, you know, in the Vatican Garden. 
 went to hear him ; and says that his sim
plicity and tenderness are indescribable : like
a very holy parish-priest talking to his people.
" I went to St. Peter's yesterday alone. But it
is indescribable ! . . . I pray continually that

LETTERS FROM ROME 51
you may see hght fully and clearly. It is
ah so easy and coherent when the last mist
rohs up.
(ii) " May I first wish you every possible happi
ness and gift from God ; and above all the great
gift that I feel so sure is coming down to you
from ' the Father of Lights.'
" Since you want more about Rome, let me
teh you about Sunday. We went to hear the
Pope preach. It was in a huge courtyard ;
heavenly blue sky overhead. A great red canopy
and throne had been erected against the end
wall, on a platform, and two Swiss Guards were
guarding it. The court and the windows and
roof were filled with a crowd of 20,000 — again of
ah nations of the world. And at last we saw
halberds moving along the cloister behind, and
the crowd began to sway and cheer ; and then
troops of prelates began to pour in ; and last of
all he came, walking, all in white — beaming,
smiling, blessing, and waving his hand. Then he
sat down, and there was a hymn sung by a choir ;
and then he preached in a loud voice, with ges
tures, and an extraordinarily fatherly, loving look
in his face. . . . The enthusiasm was extraor
dinary. One felt that here was the fulfilment of
everything ; it was a sacrament of the Unity of

52 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
God and the Body of Christ. . . . Nationahsm
is a poor thing beside that unity we can see
here. One sees that Christ's promise has not
failed ; and that the Roman theory is the only
one that makes it possible to believe that.
" However, when he had finished he intoned a
kind of versicle, and everybody responded ; and
then he gave the Apostolic Benediction ; and
then rolled out a huge ' Amen ' from the crowd.
Then some one put a scarlet cloak and hat on
him, and he stood there again, beaming out at
us ah, and the crowd once more went wild with
enthusiasm, cheering again and again, as he went
round the platform blessing and waving his hand,
and long after he had disappeared. It was like
a day of Pentecost. ' Parthians and Medes and
Elamites ... we do hear in our own tongue the
wonderful works of God.'
" It is ah a matter of seeing, not argument.
It suddenly becomes apparent — emerges from
chaos — and one wonders what in the world has
been the difficulty. This emergence from theories
to fact is an extraordinary experience. In the
Church of England I took up theory after theory,
ransacked books for supporters, and history for
evidence ; and now one has come out into a sort
of sunshiny day, with a great many things
perhaps as one would not have them, and many

LETTERS FROM ROME 53
difficulties; but into Reality: with Christ's
promises and kingdom made manifest.
" But I could go on for ever — and must not.
Only it surely must be true that the simplest
arguments are the best; and that the evident
Cathohcity, Apostohcity, Unity, Holiness, of the
Roman Church are worth, a thousand times over,
the possible Catholicity ... of the English
Church. There I felt as if / had to defend the
Church against her enemies : here I feel that she
defends me against mine.
" Another thing that impresses me enormously
is the faith of the people. Yesterday I was kneel
ing for a few minutes before a statue of ' Our
Lady, Hope of England,' and in three minutes,
first, a young man came, knelt, dipped his finger
in the oh of the lamp and crossed himself ; then
an old man came, said the Italian prayer for the
conversion of England, and kissed the glass in
which it was framed ; then a third man came and
prayed. Then I moved across to the life-size
' Pieta.' An old man came almost at once,
moaning a prayer as he walked ; held both his
hands out with a rosary towards the group ; got
up, reached over and touched Our Lady's foot,
and then kissed his hand. They were poor and
middle-class people. In the evening I went to
the gallery, where I was alone. Benediction was

54 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
going on below ; nothing to attract ; hideous
music, the continual creaking and groaning of
chairs, no organ or choir ; and a crowd of seventy
or eighty people (just an ordinary week-night)
and a breathless, rapt silence at the moment
itself. The atmosphere of faith and worship
was overwhelming ; especially as it was so singu
larly unattractive from every physical point of
view. . . . Yet [there was] this crowd, scattered in
a great disorderly group, all adoring That which
was in the monstrance in the little dim side-chapel.
And that goes on night after night ah the year
round ; and the church is not exceptional at all.
" Yesterday morning I went to see the Pope
and Cardinals go into the Consistory : a crowd
of some hundreds filled the corridor where I
was, simply to see them go through it, twice,
with half an hour's wait, standing up, before, and
three quarters of an hour in between. The Holy
Father walked, blessing as he went, with a great
jewel on his finger, and his blazing cap and mitre,
and the people shouting : ' Evvivd il Papa,' and
a few Frenchmen, ' Evvivd il Papa-Rh ' ; but the
Pope doesn't hke that, and has forbidden it.
" Oh ! I wish I could teh you better the con
viction that one has ! There are loads of things
I dislike. . . . But as to the Cathohc Church,
there is simply no question at ah. It is it : and

LETTERS FROM ROME 55
that is an end of the matter. It is incredible
how httle England is understood (and though it
sounds arrogant to say so, one feels sure that the
great work God has for English converts is to
explain . . . what the Church of England has
done and is doing). Yet Her claim is beyond
doubt or question, when once one has seen it.
Her people may be stupid, or money-grubbing, or
ambitious, or vicious, or anything else that Her
enemies say : but She Herself is the Bride of
Christ and Mother of us all. . . .
"... I shall remember you most earnestly on
Sunday. Perhaps that day even God may give
you the best birthday present you have ever had.
I pray so."
I had been begged, by an Anglican friend, to
ask Father Benson if the stories in the Light
Invisible were true. It is a question which is
still sometimes asked. Here is the answer :
(iii) " I am most grateful for what you say
about my book. ... As to the ' truth of the
book,' I must explain how it came to be written.
I had a large number of stories of things of that
kind that were literally ' true,' and was pro
posing to make a book of them. I happened to
mention it to a clergyman whose judgment I
trusted, and he was so emphatic one had no

56 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
right to make these things public that I gave up
the idea : and instead of it I made this book
of stories, none of which actually happened, but
ah of which, I think, I can parallel from facts ;
and some elements in many of them are actually
true. Personahy I hold strongly that " spiritual
fiction ' is like any other ' fiction ' ; it is bound
to contain things that either have happened, or
might happen at any time. What I tried to do
was to take things that I knew to be true, and
represent them in a way that everybody could
understand. "... I needn't say how thankful I am that
you are so near the step into the full light. . . .
It always seems as if God gave the corresponding
compensation : the mere fact of being out in
broad daylight, after twilight and glimpses and
shadows (however homely and dear they are, and
however much of God's own truth and beauty
they contain) — that broad sunlight is the in-
tensest joy. How hard it is to explain ! But
the metaphor of light and twilight seems the best,
at least for my own experience. One is not
frightened of shadows in the sunlight, because
one knows what they are : but in twilight one
is not certain that they are not monsters or pits
or traps. For example, clerical scandals, apos-
tacies, episcopal mistakes, hideous accessories of

LETTERS FROM ROME 57
worship — all those things are terrible in twilight,
and tempt one to doubt or coldness or depression.
But in the sunlight they are disagreeable and
lamentable, but they are no more.
" To-day I went to hear Mass, St. Cecilia's day,
in the Catacomb of St. Cahistus, where her body
was found, resting quietly on its side. . . .
Yesterday I visited her basilica and heard the
' In Organis Cantantibus,' her antiphon, sung
magnificently over her body, where it rests down
in the crypt below the high altar. Weh, to-day
we drove out early, about six miles, along the
Appian Way ; brilliant sunlight and blue sky ;
and the ruins and the cypresses and the colours
and sounds were indescribable. Then at last we
got there, saw the Trappists who guard it, and
went down into the depths, about sixty feet ;
ah the passages cut out, as you know, in the
sohd rock. There are at least five hundred miles
of catacombs in Rome ! On every side, as we
went down, there were shelves filled with the
dust of saints and martyrs. At last we got to
her chapel ; it was blazing with candles, and the
roof was almost hidden by chrysanthemums and
dahlias. A low Mass was just ending. It was,
I think, in some ways the most extraordinary
experience of my life. Certainly it has impressed
me more than anything I have seen in Rome.

58 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
To watch the faces of the huge crowd (there was
hardly room for the priest and server) peering
out of the gloom on every side ; and to hear the
same words and the same accent, and to see the
same kind of faces, and ah in the same place as
in St. Cecilia's time — it was overpowering. The
sense of continuity, and of the Communion of
Saints and the Catholic Church was indescribable.
" And then the High Mass surpassed every
thing ; a little choir sang Palestrina exquisitely ;
and three German priests in crimson were at the
altar ; and to hear ah that going on under the
stone roof, sixty feet below ground ; and to know
how the Christians, our fellow citizens, went
through many of the same ceremonies in the same
tongue, and adored the same Lamb sixteen cen
turies ago in the same place — all that had an
extraordinary effect over us all. There was
an American and an Irish priest with me, and
they both felt the same. All the breathing and
stirring stopped, and there was a silence like
death as the bell tinkled ; and the mingling of
the incense with the flowers — well, it is quite
useless to try to describe it ! Then we went on,
when Mass was over, through the passages and
saw the frescoes of the Last Supper ; and Jonah
rising from the whale, and the dove of peace,
and the In Pace, on every side ; and at last we

LETTERS FROM ROME 59
came up again, up a long staircase down which
one brilliant ray of sun poured ; up into the sharp,
clear air, and saw Rome, three miles off across
the country. Please God you will see it all
yourself, one day. I am going to serve a Mass
there one day soon, and, I hope, in a year or
two, say one.
" Then this afternoon, I walked over to First
Vespers of St. Clement in his basilica, and kissed
a rehc of his, and St. Lawrence and St. Ignatius
of Antioch ; and prayed before St. Clement's
body and the bodies of SS. Cyril, Methodius, and
Catherine. Just imagine what all that means to
one — their actual bodies in which they suffered
and died ! . . . I enclose a leaf or two of the
decorations of the Catacomb to-day : I picked
them off the floor, and they have heard Mass
there to-day toe. ... I prayed for you specially
at Mass in the Catacomb, and offered my Com
munion for you again : as I am sure the crisis
is near, and I do pray God, again and again, to
be with you."
Another note on Indulgences :
(iv) " We do not know what a ' day ' means :
call it x — an unknown quantity : one must use
some measure, and the canonical day of penance
is an obvious one. What it all amounts to is

60 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
that every real spiritual effort we make (and our
earnestness is guaranteed by fulfilling certain
precise conditions of prayer), remits so much
temporal penalty. It is only natural. A father
might say this to his son : ' You need not attend
family prayers ; but if you do, you will have
half an hour's less school ; and if you attend
twice a day, you shah have one hour's re
mission.' "
On the Feast of the Immaculate Conception :
(v) " To-night, on this splendid Feast, I have
just been down to the Church, and put a candle
for you, as you wished, and I chose ' Our Lady,
Hope of England,' where I have often prayed
for you ; and there it is, and will burn for you
to-monow. " This place is as wonderful as ever — methods
of worship very starthng to the English mind,
but marvellous helps to faith when one begins
to grasp that Catholicism means the inclusion
instead of the exclusion of other religions. ' Ah
things are ours,' since we are Christ's and Christ
is God's. The way in which the dominion of
Rome has passed from the temporal to the spiritual
sphere is very striking. . . . The old temples are
turned into churches, and the obelisks and columns

LETTERS FROM ROME 61
crowned with the cross or a Christian saint ; and
even the old images consecrated to Christianity
and re-baptized.
" But I could go on for ever ; and I mustn't.
... I shall be so anxious until I hear that you
are safe, though of course I oughtn't to be. . . .
Well — I know God has you by the hand ; so
why should I be anxious ? "
With reference to some " smart and sarcastic "
controversial tracts, Father Benson writes :
(vi) " I cannot bear these assaults on Angli
canism : although one feels that Anglican theories
are quite impossible, and says so : yet bitterness
in saying so seems to me quite detestable, and to
do no good at all. . . . There is a good deal of
comfort in the thought that Catholicism includes
all that [Anghcans] hold (we know it if they
don't), and that it is merely a question of time,
in this world or the next, when they will hold
it ah too. To go from Anglicanism to Catholicism
is an acceptance more than a renouncing. . . .
Yes ! I know what you mean about ' If all
churches were like   .' But then it
would not be the Church of England ! A church
could not, I believe, keep up the standard of
 in ah her parishes without being in
communion with the Catholic Church. It is

62 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
because she does not that one can recognise that
she is only human ; and that the foundation of
the Rock of Peter is the only stable one. A
succession of holy men can keep up the standard,
here and there : but in the Catholic Church it
keeps up without them ! "
In the same letter :
" ' Subjectivity ' has, one might almost say,
no more to do with egoism or pride, than being
five feet tall has ! It is a method of thought ;
and has, of course, its peculiar dangers, exactly
as ' objectivity ' has. It is a puzzling question,
I think, as to how far one ought to develop one's
method, whichever of the two it may be ; or to
develop what one lacks, in order to make oneself
balanced. Roughly, one would say that imagina
tion, intuition, subtlety, &c, are subjective ; and
that steadiness, practical ability, governing power,
are objective. At least I think so. It is a
fascinating study — psychology : I wish I reahy
knew it."
This letter announces the approaching publica
tion of A Book of the Love of Jesus. Father
Benson says he is " delighted " about it.
" They are beautiful prayers and verses. You
will love them, I think."

LETTERS FROM ROME 63
On Christmas Day :
(vii) " The midnight Mass here (San Silvestro
in Capite) was beautiful last night. Behind the
high altar there is a door, about four feet high,
opening into a tiny room where nuns used once
to hear Mass. This room was turned into a
stable, with a scene of clear sky and clouds and
trees behind, and a wooden roof overhead, with
creepers, and a little pillar of wall supporting
it ; and in front a great bundle of straw, with
the Holy Child lying upon it with outstretched
arms ; and ah in a brilliant suffused light. It
was quite beautiful ; and we had an orchestra
and harp in the west gahery. This morning after
High Mass the sun suddenly blazed out on the
gold of the altar, and the Child lying in the door
way, and ah the candles turned to a smoky yellow,
suddenly." One has seen that very effect a dozen times,
but it needs Monsignor Benson to express it.
" Yesterday afternoon I went to St. Mary
Major, and heard a part of Vespers, and saw the
Cradle exposed in its glass and silver reliquary ;
and then went on to the Armenian Uniat Church,
to Mass at 4 p.m.! It was all very odd, with
barbaric music and rattles ; with the words of
Consecration sung out loud, and a white veil

64 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
run across the altar suddenly after the Elevation,
showing the officiants in a kind of mist behind :
and then when it was withdrawn the priest was
wearing a jewelled crown ! But it gave one a
great sense of Catholicity, and completely went
against the idea that Rome wrenches everything
to her own standard.
"It is really the best Festival of all, this,
don't you agree ? God coming to our level,
whereas in all others we have to aspire to His !
I suppose that is why it is the most popular.
The Church here is still swarming with people,
and tinkling with bells, at noon ; continuously
since I don't know what hour this morning. All
the priests of course are saying their three Masses
to-day ; and the devotion of the people is beyond
ah description, especially, I really think, of the
men, who form quite half if not more of ah the
midday congregations. Everyone gets his own
chair and kneeler, and plants it exactly where he
likes, at any angle, pointed towards any Mass
that he likes. One suddenly finds people kneeling
straight at oneself and beginning to hear another
Mass ; nearly all the faithful hear three Masses
to-day. I was watching a well-dressed man this
morning, with no book, but whose lips were
moving quite incessantly; and another, rough-
haired boy from the country absolutely rapt and

LETTERS FROM ROME 65
motionless, kneeling on the stones, with his face
hidden for, I should think, half an hour. The
sense of worship is beyond anything I have ever
dreamt of, out of heaven ! Then this morning
a boy followed me out of church, and suddenly
took my hand and kissed it, as they do to priests
here. I am afraid he wanted a Christmas present,
but it was a touching way of asking for it ! "
Father Benson went to Naples at Christmas
time. Lovers of his word-pictures will remember
a phrase or two in one of his books, describing
the piping of the shepherds before an ivory statue
of the Mother of God, while across the bay, in
the early morning, Vesuvius lay " all vast and
violet " against a rosy dawn. Continuing the
above letter there, he says :
" The Neapolitan religion is very wonderful ;
the most intense devotion, combined with very
odd ways of behaving. I went out to Mass and
Communion this morning, and people were pray
ing in low voices during their Communion, and
when they came in ; and there were the most
remarkable images I have ever seen — Our Lady
dressed in blue shk, with a lace handkerchief
in her hand ! "
Father Benson had, evidently, not yet been
to Mantua, where in the great Church of Sant'
Andrea Our Lady of the Seven Dolours, still
E

66 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
with a lace handkerchief, is dressed in a very
elaborate tight-waisted black velvet gown, with
diamond ornaments and a Medici collar !
In another letter from Naples, in which he is
revelling in the thought of the whole creation,
animate and inanimate, being caught up into and
absorbed by the Catholic Church as a means of
rendering honour and glory to the Divine Creator
in beauty and splendour, Father Benson says :
(viii) " This morning there was a cat sitting
upon the rails while Holy Communion was being
given. No one paid any attention to it. It did
not seem out of place. . . . Does that seem quite
mad ? "
(ix) " Now let me tell you more about Rome,
as it all belongs to you now. First of all, this
octave of services (Epiphany). We are having,
as I think I told you, most of the Eastern rites
here. They are very curious, and sometimes
grotesque. There is an extraordinary custom of
rattling long wands over the altar, with jingling
heads to them, that comes from having to keep
flies away from the Blessed Sacrament and the
priest. In some of the rites the priest wears a
kind of imperial crown after the Consecration ;
and in many of them Communion is given in
both kinds. It is all a very striking illustration
of the Catholicity of the Church : there is none

LETTERS FROM ROME 67
of that crushing-out of individualism that the
Church is so often accused of. There is a most
wonderful Italian preacher here. ... a most
beautiful enunciation, very graceful gestures, and
extraordinary passion ; and the church is crowded
every evening. I wish I could follow him, but
I don't know enough Italian yet.
" [San Silvestro in Capite] is a beautiful
church ; I wish I could describe it. First, it is
in the regular Italian architecture ; and frescoed
and gilded all over ; with little galleries on the
left, through the gratings of which we hear Mass
sometimes ; a long west-end gallery for choir
and musicians ; four chapels each side, and a
very large foot-pace, with four or five steps
going up to it, and the High Altar.
"It is very moving being down there in the
early morning at Mass, and Meditation. ... I
always go inside one of the chapels, opposite
the one where the Blessed Sacrament is reserved,
and where most of the Masses are said. It is
quite dark, except for the lights ; and the two
or three Altars where Masses are going on ; and
one generally is present for at least three or four
Consecrations, and for about two complete
Masses, as they go on continuously from about
half-past five to eight. Then the dawn begins
to creep in ; and more and more people come ;

68 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
and one sees them kneeling at ah angles, many
sitting, some standing, attending to different
altars. They have an extraordinary power of
remaining perfectly still without any book, ap
parently in deep prayer ; one doesn't expect it,
except of Religious, or of people who have had
especial training ; but I suppose it is the highest
form of prayer to those who can do it. They
seem to have got below the surface down to the
silence of Grace ; and Low Mass is exactly the
worship that fits it and makes it fruitful. One
feels that the whole world is a kind of restless,
useless activity when one catches a glimpse of
where those people's souls are. All the cries in
the street, and even the expectation of hearing
that war is declared [January 1904], and the
English post — it all seems so external and
superficial, because just down below, if one
could only get there and stop there, there is
reality. . . .
" But it seems to me that that is the place
where we who are Catholics really meet one
another, and the departed, and our Lord : and
that Rome and Woodchester and our own homes
and the whole world are just there, if we could
only make one more effort and get there ; and
that the Mass that a priest says here is not an
other Mass, but the same as that which Father 

LETTERS FROM ROME 69
says in England, and that some unknown priest
says in Australia. . . .
" Weh, this is a dreary letter, I am afraid, but
my only excuse is that I am not very well just
now. . . . You know that it is not for want of
a very deep happiness and gratitude in my heart,
that I can't put it all down on paper. I must
do my best to make up by thanking God more
and more for the great grace He has given
you." (x) " It is so inexplicable to us, when we have
had the great grace of entrance into the Church,
how everyone else does not see it too — it is
inexphcable, and that is the end of it ; but just
because we are so whohy certain of Catholicism,
we can dwell on the common life in Christ which
we of the Body of the Church share with those
who are of her Soul.
" It does seem to me, more and more, that as
soon as we have convinced our friends that we
are whole-hearted and loyal in our Catholicism,
we can, after that, dwell much more on what we
have in common with them than on what we
differ from them in. It is really homfying some
times to hear old Catholics talking of everything
outside the Church as ' Anti-Christ ' ; and it
seems to me that perhaps one of the greatest

70 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
works we converts can do is to show old Catholics
that our life outside the Church was real and
Christian, though mistaken and imperfect."
(xi) " This morning I prayed for you under
very exceptional circumstances, just after re
ceiving Communion at the Pope's hands. We
went to his Mass in his private chapel ; about
fifty people there. A little room opened on to
the one where we knelt, with the altar in full
view. He said Mass with such simplicity and
humility, like a country priest ; I needn't try
to tell you how touching it was, and what it
all meant to one ; and this Sunday, a year ago,
I was beginning a parochial mission at Cam
bridge ! . . . There is little to describe as to the
Mass. Imagine an immensely high room, hung
with red damask and tapestry ; folding doors,
and a great gold altar just beyond, with a com
munion rail in front of it, and a holy, simple
old priest with a ruddy-brown face, in a purple
jewelled chasuble and white cap ; and three
officials in white and scarlet serving him : and a
dead silence, except for the very soft murmur of
a rather pathetic voice. He gave us all com
munion after his own."
(xii) "I am sending you two leaves — real
Valentines — because they came from the Cata-

LETTERS FROM ROME 71
comb-Chapel of St. Valentine on his day. (Please
give Father  one.) We went to hear Mass
there, sung and performed by the Pallottini and
their students. The catacomb-chapel opens by
a door in the side of a hill : and the catacombs
themselves open out in passages on the same
level on the left : but these have been spoilt by
Augustinians, who turned them into cellars —
apparently not realising what they were doing. . . .
"... I think [born Catholics] have an idea that
most of the [Anglican] clergy preach a sort of
Calvinism in a black gown ; and that just a few
silly young men put on vestments sometimes as
a kind of ' joke' — behind locked doors. It does
seem to me more and more that the first work
of converts is to clear up this kind of misunder
standing. The conversion of England can never
take place until England is understood. The
whole position of High Churchmen seems to old
Catholics utterly insincere ; and that it cannot
be held in good faith : and it becomes more pos
sible to understand their mistake as one sees for
oneself what a strange position it is. I read the
Thirty-nine Articles again yesterday ! and it
does seem very odd how one could have signed
them (as one did, and as thousands are doing
to-day) in absolute good faith and sincerity. . . .
"... Ash Wednesday was very touching at

72 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
St. John Lateran — where I went out of pure love
to John Inglesant, who ' received the sacred ashes
there.' What a wonderful book that is as regards
the inner life."
At Easter, Father Benson writes :
(xiii) " Here, there is so much to say that
one doesn't know where to begin ; but I
suppose the chief thing is the Pope's Mass in
St. Peter's.
" It was overwhelming ! The whole church
was cobbled with heads, and over that pavement
came the huge canopy, with the great jewelled
figure below it, and the solemn fans waving
behind. That was one of the keenest moments.
In front came an almost endless row of mitres
moving along. Then the plain song was like one
enormous deliberate voice talking, and every
now and then shouting, in that enormous place.
And then of course the final great moment was
the Elevation, in dead silence, and only broken
by the silver trumpets exulting up in the dome.
It gave one a sense of an extraordinary con
summation — the Vicar of Christ offering Christ,
in the very centre of the world, with representa
tives of the whole Christian world there, and the
angels blowing their trumpets overhead. One
felt as if everything that was important or real

LETTERS FROM ROME 73
was focussed there. And then the procession
went out again in silence, with the trumpets
blowing every now and then ; and then out we
went, too, and the whole piazza was one black
crowd. Other things seem very small after that.
. . . We have scirocco just now, and heavy
thundery clouds, and a white glare over every
thing : most exhausting and trying to the temper.
English people swarm everywhere, with red
Baedekers under their arm.

" The proofs of the book of Pre-Reformation
Devotions have begun to arrive again : and it is
such a joy correcting them : but I am terribly
afraid that Catholics will not care for the book.
It is too Saxon — such words as ' amiable ' are
not permitted for a moment. But I am sure
you will like it. The devotions are an extraor
dinary mixture of passion and restraint, strength
and delicacy. . . . This is a dull letter, I am
afraid, but scirocco and mild feverishness are
responsible. I tremble to think of these coming
months of heat."
I wish it was possible to reproduce, in the text
of the following letter, the delightful little sketch —
of a Benedictine lay-brother with a long broom
— which illustrates the original. It is about an
inch and a quarter high, and absolutely true to

74 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
life, in spite of the artist's own criticism. The
letter is written from Sant' Anselmo.
(xiv) "  and I are having the most
delightful time — in this Benedictine Monastery —
in Retreat. It is the best Retreat, so far, I have
ever spent, even from the subjective point of
view. There are no rules and no addresses, and
we do exactly what we like, get up when we
like, pray for as long as, and when and how and
where we like, and it is consequently a kind of
foretaste of Paradise. And the Benedictines
radiate tranquillity and the Love of God, and
have a sense of humour, and provide cold baths ;
and I really don't know what more one could
want. It is a new monastery, very large, with
a tall Abbey-Church, and an avenue of hexes ;
and lizards ; and blue hills in the distance, and
vineyards all round ; and great cool marble rooms
and staircases. And they sing hke angels, and
their ceremonial is ideal. We had Pontifical
Vespers this afternoon ; and they did it as if
(and indeed it is) more important to praise God
weh than to do anything in the world : and one
felt that there was plenty of time and space. I
had a gallery in the roof ah to myself.
" There are some delightful lay-brothers here,
like Gnomes (I have drawn the habit wrong, of
course, but it gives the general impression), who

LETTERS FROM ROME 75
do one's room, and beam all over : one of them
brought up your letter this afternoon.
" I feel I could retreat here for ever. Each
one, properly speaking, is ten days : but I expect
they will shorten the others ; as thirty days'
retreat in six weeks is rather long. But I don't
mind in the least if they don't. ... I have seen
nothing so like Mirfield since I left it ; and that
was Heaven. . . .
" My first Mass is certainly going to be over the
body of St. Peter. But dates are absolutely
uncertain at present. I will let you know as
soon as I know myself. . . . But the Italian- way
is to take a pinch of snuff, when they are asked
anything, and to say : ' Fa' niente ! Time was
made for slaves ! '
" Your account of the French [Religious] and
the Salve Regina is most touching. But how
splendid it is that England should give them a
refuge. It is a kind of reparation for Tyburn,
and may bring immense blessings. . . .
"I am afraid old Catholics won't [like my
•Book of the Love of Jesus'], Their taste for
English is wholly corrupted by modern Latinised
prayers, full of words like ' amiable,' ' conde
scension,' ' fervour,' and so on. It needs to be
brought up on the Book of Common Prayer to

76 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
know what the English language can mean in
prayer. But I hope that converts and Anghcans
will buy the book. . . .
"... This is a very unsuitable letter to write
from a Retreat, I am afraid — what pious persons
would call ' disedifymg.' But I can't help that :
I haven't time to write another."
Any comment upon these most beautiful letters
would most certainly be " disedifying," though
there is much which one's heart burns to say.
But if Monsignor Benson ever, at any time, wrote
a more moving description than that of the
Pope's Mass in St. Peter's, at Easter, I, for one,
have never seen it.
The letter from Sant' Anselmo was written in
May 1904. Father Benson was ordained priest
on the Feast of St. Antony of Padua, June 13 ;
and after saying his first Mass, not over the body
of St. Peter, but at the altar of St. Gregory on
the Ccelian Hill, he returned to England.

IV
LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION
It is manifestly impossible to sort into orderly
heaps, each one of which shall deal with some
special phase or need of the spiritual life, the
bundle of letters which lies before me as I write.
Often two or three subjects are dealt with in
the same letter. Neither would it serve any
purpose to quote them chronologically.
I can think of no better plan than the simple
one of taking the letters as they come, and
quoting from them without comment, and with
little, if any, attempt at arrangement. For,
indeed, they need neither arrangement nor ex
planation. In answer to a question about Heaven :
(i) " It seems to me we have to think of it all
like this : Because we are finite we have to ex
press to ourselves the Infinite in finite ways.
These finite ways are not adequate to what
they express ; but so far as they go they are
perfectly true. Things like human affection
therefore, are really only shadows of Divine
Love ; but they are true so far as they go, and
have the nature of Eternity in them.
77

78 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
" Therefore it is perfectly true to say that they
will last ; but they also point to things so in
finitely higher that we cannot imagine them. . . .
Things will open and broaden to such an extent
that it is useless to try to present them to the
imagination. But we are perfectly safe in be
lieving that not one single tender detail of earth
will be lost in Heaven. It will all be there 5 it
will be changed, too, as a seed changes into a
flower. It seems to me that we shah just stare
at one another and laugh in Heaven, for at least
' the space of half an hour.' . . . We must just
leave bye-products alone. We haven't time to
attend to them, nor the necessary knowledge :
but God has. . . . Only we may be certain that
no soul is lost except by its own deliberate fault.
We are wholly alone with God."
The following letters, spread over a period of
many years, deal with various aspects of exterior
and interior suffering :
(ii) " Diagnosis : — a bad attack of ' This-
Worldliness.' You have been, without the
shadow of a doubt, indulging your imagination
recklessly in plans for this world ; dwelling on
things that either are impossible or entirely
unsuitable ; and Almighty God, exactly as I
should expect, has been leaving you to yourself

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 79
in consequence to brood over what you very
properly call ' cinders.' What these things are,
you only know. . . . Whenever one does that,
one suffers for it badly. One is only allowed
to make one's ridiculous httle plans in peace so
long as one says every instant, ' Nevertheless
not my will.' . . .
" There is only one remedy . . . but it is an
unfailing remedy if one will apply it courageously ;
and that is to wrench oneself free, continuously
and brutally, from ah the material points, whether
persons, places, or things, round which one's
imagination has been circling. One must do this
both interiorly and exteriorly — always and every
where. One must deliberately exercise one's
imagination upon the absence of those things —
e.g. if you like writing, you must go on accepting
in imagination the fact of not writing, until the
acceptance is real and sincere. You must also
deliberately not write sometimes when you
might. And when you are prevented, you must
embrace that prevention willingly.
" Now, when this is done the heavenly mag
netism begins to act again ; and while one is
left, stih, it may be, lonely and ineffective, one
does not reahy mind. The heart begins again
actually to apprehend heavenly things, and to
touch them.

80 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
" I conjecture also that you have enervated
and weakened your spiritual and mental life by
day-dreaming instead of strengthening it by
meditation. . . . Somewhere or other in your
imagination you have got an idol — perhaps it is
the idol of a scheme-of-life. . . . And in your
solitude you have been worshipping it with all
your might. You must knock that idol down
instantly, and never go near the pieces again.
"... Now, I am absolutely confident that
this is true in outline. I'm not sure of the de
tails, of course. But you know them. And I
am absolutely sure that those remedies are un
failing if you will apply them. Remember that
without any outward act or word at all, complete
deterioration may set in in the inner life, through
an undisciplined or perverse imagination. You
have therefore to reform the imagination, and
tame it by starvation and hard work under the
disciphnary lash of the will. Then the sun comes
out again.
" God help you to do it."
(iii) " I do wonder whether, conceivably, you
may not be meant to be at home for awhile.
What do you think ? Do you think there may
not be a piece of work to be done there that
cannot possibly be done by any one else ? Have

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 81
your people got any chance of coming across
Catholics other than you ? . . . May it not be
just possible that you are intended to inform
people who do not know in the least what the
Church is ? . . . Never . . . begin the subject
— always . . . make the best of Protestants —
never ... be ruffled or . . . show impatience
even in one's eyes — always ... be absolutely
fair and . . . insist on the good faith of others —
and so on.
" As regards dying without a priest, being far
from church, &c. — these things are not vital.
But it is vital that you should do God's will."
(iv) " It appears to me that solitude is what
you need : and I am quite sure that you are
working out, unknown to yourself, all these
problems and difficulties. I expect that the
thing to do is to draw one more clean line across
the page, and to say : ' That is past. I now
have the whole of eternity before me — just as
much as I had a year ago.'
" I know that you are remembering that our
Lord has every single thread of your life in His
Hands ; and that He is going to weave something
out of it that you do not know.
" Don't ' sit with the pain ' too much. It is
doing its own work. ... Do not forget the im-

82 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
mense and eternal joy that God has given you
in this . . . friendship at . . . You have that
for ever. Do you not think, perhaps, He desires
to refine it and spiritualise it beyond all belief
by this separation ? It would have been terrible
if it had been spoiled. . . . Let me tell you too
that pain of this kind gives one a tenderness that
nothing else can possibly give.
" So do use all this — as I know you are doing :
and let God have His Way !
" God bless you always, and comfort you."
(v) " Please do not think for a second, as some
people do, that Love is primarily an affair of the
emotions. It is not : it never ought to be. It
is an affair of the will : it is an act of choice.
You can love a person deeply and sincerely
whom you do not like. You can like a person
passionately whom you do not love.
" Therefore seek for the cure in this matter in
the will — by choosing God ; by deliberately,
internahy, removing the will from [this friend]
until the emotions have slunk back to heel.
Then you can choose — again, keeping the whip
weh raised over the emotions. Try to stop
them even whimpering. You can."
(vi) " What you should put before you, I
think, is that your work is to build up in the

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 83
minds of  and  , confidence in the Catholic
Rehgion. These things are not done in a day,
and of course, again and again they will say
things that seem to show that they have none —
and that even the foundation is not laid. But
it is a work that can be done ; and I am sure
you must take it at present as being your busi
ness. " Leave all things like Death to God. Nothing
Eternal can possibly depend on an accident ; and
nothing except the Eternal matters.
" As regards all your physical discomfort and
illness — well — humanly speaking, I am sorry as
I can be : but from the other point of view the
persistence of it ah is so continuous and deliberate
that there must be some particular object in
view. What that is one cannot quite tell ; but
it is obvious that the way to meet it is to welcome
it by sheer will : — and not even to ' day-dream '
of escaping it. Indeed, there is some reason
that will be plain presently,
" When one once begins to meditate on the
wih, and to try it, like a key, on every locked
mystery, more and more doors fly open, and one
sees all kinds of things that were invisible before.
Faith, Hope, Love, Sorrow, Sin, Worship — all
are ultimately solved by the will. That is on one
side ; and on the other the wih has to hold to

84 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
God's, and be identified with it. And the one
completely perfect instance is the Incarnation
up to the Passion."
(vii) " When things become, as you say, ' un
bearable,' there is absolutely only one thing to
do, and that is to grasp them, like spear-points,
and guide them to one's heart. A cross that we
cannot ' bear,' when it is laid upon us, is per
fectly possible to ' take up ' — and that is precisely
what our Lord asks of us.
"... Directly a thing seems intolerable, if
one can but make a supreme effort of will, and
grasp it, and hug it, and thank God for it — the
pain becomes shot with joy. It is so, also, with
the souls in purgatory.
" Now, cannot you do that, in this particular
[Holy] week of our Lord's hfe ? No man took
His Life : He laid it down of Himself. . . . Re
member that God is taking you seriously at your
word. Is not that an honour ? "
(viii) " I dare say you were quite right in
leaving ; plenty of things may have made it
necessary. But it also seems to me possible,
since I do not know the circumstances, that you
would have done better to have stopped [where
you were]. I don't think that unpleasantness,

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 85
very hard work, and only occasional Mass are,
apart from other things (such as grave risk to
spiritual or bodily health), sufficient. But I dare
say there was such a risk ; and in that case, of
course, you were perfectly right.
"... Try to see whether there is any cause
for your other unhappinesses that is remediable in
yourself. Look at yourself critically with regard
to the other places which were not, by God's
Providence, suitable for you, and see whether
there is anything resembling such things as im
patience, or self-centralisation, or despair. I
don't for an instant say that there was. Plenty
of holy people have had quite as many dis
couragements without any fault of their own ;
and it may weh be that God is trying you through
external discouragement of this kind. But it
may be that it is not so, and only you can supply
the evidence. But it is no good my omitting
to say this kind of thing out of tenderness for
your feelings, if I am to be of the shghtest use
to your spiritual life."
(ix) " Here is another thing you won't like.
Please detach yourself internally as well as ex
ternally from  . I know it is fearfully hard :
it means steady, reiterated, ruthless acts of the
will. ... I am perfectly certain that it is your

86 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
only chance of happiness to get your heart under
the control of your will. At present it isn't.
Now, isn't that true ? Do it in the large, not in
the small way — blaming nobody but yourself —
not giving yourself the relief of resentment, nor
framing internal sentences to act as safety-valves
— you know ! ... If you can master that in
the way I suggest you will be far stronger than
you have ever been. You will be able to make
friendships with much greater security. It will
increase incalculably your hold on God. . . . This
all means loneliness for a time : it is the ' for
saking of wife and children and lands and houses '
for Christ's sake : and the ultimate reception
of them, back again, in this world, a hundred
fold." (x) " I didn't and don't in the least mean that
you did not have a hard time; but what I did
and do mean is that I think you should enquire
of yourself whether you were at all responsible
for it. . . . It seems to me probable that any
one who has a series of intolerable positions to
put up with must have been responsible for them
to some extent : — not that it was simply ' their
fault ' — I don't mean that — but that they con
tributed to it by un-patience, or intolerance, or
brusqueness — or some provocation. It seems to

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 87
me possible that the incident of [which you
speak] may have been the moment when you
showed one of these things. ... I throw out
this as a suggestion. But it is only you who can
say whether it was so. Do look back on all your
intolerable situations, not to discern the hardness
of other people, but — if possible — any mistake or
defect that perhaps you showed. ... No doubt
it did become necessary for you to leave each ;
but the question is : Did any action of yours lead
up to that situation ? Are you conscious of
having been to blame in the earlier stages ?
"... I congratulate you on the reception into
the Dominicans. They are a glorious Order."
(xi) " You know, I think you are a little apt
to go from one extreme to the other. With that
old lady whose name I forget, and with  , you
seemed to me rather to oscillate between, saying :
' I have been brutally treated,' and ' I am no
good for anything.' Now, both of those things
are untrue, really. Nobody is perfectly tactful
and considerate, always ; yet they are not neces
sarily, for that reason, brutal ; and neither you
nor I are ever perfectly brave and resolute. . . .
It seems to me that the mean is golden. On
the one side, people never fit in perfectly with
ourselves; and, on the other hand, we ourselves

88 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
are practically always largely to blame when that
is the case.
" These are simply general remarks, please
observe. . . . But I think when one has suffered
a series of reverses, one is not justified in treating
each only on its own merits ; one must take the
series as a whole, and consider whether there is
any constant defect in ourselves which partly
accounts for them — and then, quite simply, as
children of God, cure that defect."
(xii) " Don't be discouraged by what has hap
pened. Take it as a humiliation that God has
permitted to show you your weakness, and then
begin all over again from the beginning.
" Now another point. Please don't allow your
self to say, even to yourself, that you are un
comfortable. To do that means to make an
atmosphere round you which makes things
inevitably go wrong. One's tendency is always
to think that one's discomforts are exactly those
which are peculiarly intolerable. Rouse your
sense of humour and see that ! Above all, please
remember again and again that God wishes to
draw you into a peculiar intimacy with Himself ;
and that He has therefore put you in a place
where there are no positive distractions, only
negative ones. You were worsted, you must

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 89
remember, when He did allow positive distrac
tions. Don't be worsted by negative ones, too !
This is surely quite plain : one doesn't often see
Providence so plainly ! The fact that you don't
feel drawn to  is a good sign of this. So,
too, with rehgious emotions. Oh ! remember that
they are not God ! . . . I am really thankful
that He has put you down in a flat country, with
flat emotions and flat people and a flat heart.
He is giving you your chance that way, as the
other didn't succeed.
" Please don't answer this — and take that as
another flatness, too. We are always thinking
that God is only Up : remember that He is also
Down. Don't aspire, if you can't ; but go right
down and find Him there. ' Lift the stone and
thou shalt find Me : Cleave the wood and I am
there.' "
(xiii) " I should entirely leave off arguing
about trifles as well as about religion. It is no
good. And do not let yourself be tempted to
answer by the thought : ' Unless I speak they
will continue to hold a misconception.' Re
member that they wih continue to do that any
how. I know that kind of character perfectly.
It is no good. They do not need information ;
but a much simpler thing — grace. One must

90 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
just shrug one's shoulders and let them go on :
and meanwhile keep the channel absolutely clear
between one's own soul and God, and one's own
soul and theirs. And for the rest, take every
sneer and plant it carefully hke a thorn in the
middle of one's heart, saying : ' This is certainly
deserved ; if not for this particular thing, for
something else.' But what one is always tempted
to do is to say : ' My God, I can accept anything
but this. I know I deserve hell, generally speak
ing ; but not this sneer in particular.'
" And above all, do remember that sordid
squalor was part of the Passion."
(xiv) " Then why not consider once more my
suggestion that God made you for Himself ex
clusively ? . . . I think what you are doing is
to try to put people in His place. . . . Will you
make meditations for a week on [a quoted]
sentence in your letter ? If you think you wrote
that in haste, or with deliberate exaggeration —
I dare say you did. But it shows, anyhow,
doesn't it — to what logical end you are drifting ?
Now I am not writing as sympathetically as I
feel, because I know what a deadly thing this
kind of thing may become : and because vivid
and sharp pain is the only cure. But pain is of
no use unless you inflict it on yourself. This is

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 91
what I want you to do : deliberately to break
down this golden image, and to stand waiting
in the wilderness for God again.
"... You want the light from our Lord to
shine on people you love, and make a heavenly
atmosphere ; but you don't want, at present, to
look at the Source of the light, alone."
But spiritual direction — and correction — was
only a part of the wise and patient guidance
given, so generously and tenderly, for many
years. Scarcely a letter without practical counsel
and advice about temporal, every-day matters.
These, of course, are obviously not matter for
quotation here. I cannot, however, refrain from
copying the fohowing — relating to the treatment
of a nervous hypochondriac.
(xv) " May I suggest that the one fatal thing —
or rather the two or three — in dealing with people
with nerves are : (1) Ever to ' answer back.'
Simply say nothing at all. Refuse to argue or
even speak while ' nerves ' are in the air. (2)
Ever to show the slightest concern at such things
as a refusal to eat. Be simply dispassionate and
detached. People with nerves love to sway
others. Don't be swayed. Shake yourself, men
tally, as a man caught in an avalanche. You
can only do this by having a very real religious
life of your own. Continually shrug your mental
shoulders, and go your own way.

92 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
" As for sharp things said, shame yourself into
not minding. You wouldn't mind if they were
said in delirium. Well, they are.
" I think this is all I can offer as a contribu
tion. You must put it into the cauldron and let
it mix up with the rest, and then see what kind
of a calf comes out. Above all, for goodness'
sake, be DELIBERATE, whatever you do."
But even the letters which, on first opening
them, seem to be entirely filled with advice
(greatly needed) on temporal matters, contain
each at least one sentence — perhaps only a tiny
phrase — which throws a supernatural light on
the most matter-of-fact details ; or a scrap of
description, like the frontispiece to a book.
Speaking of the prayers which had been pro
mised him by a Religious who had received for
her convent a copy of the Book of the Love of
Jesus, Father Benson writes :
(xvi) " Such prayers are like wings : please add
some more feathers."
In other letters :
(xvii) " You know one's feelings really are un
important. As soon as you see that you will be
so happy. I believe it is the keystone to your
arch, and that it isn't yet in its place."

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 93
(xviii) "I am sure you are putting yourself
into the Hands of God ; and that is the only
thing that matters."
(xix) " [To be peaceful and quiet] is more worth
while than anything else. We can neither know
nor do the wih of God if we are fretful and
upset." Speaking of a choice between several openings :
(xx) " God gives His people an embarras de
richesses sometimes — that they may learn to
refuse as well as to assent."
(xxi) " When Providence takes matters into
His own Hands, and withdraws and refuses
means to do what one wants, there is an end of
it : and it is a great comfort."
Here is a delicate water-colour sketch of Cam
bridgeshire, at the end of March :
(xxii) " This country has an extraordinary
charm of its own, I think. I went to  on
a bicycle to-day . . . through miles of flat
country, with an enormous vault of blue sky
and white clouds overhead, and a racing wind,
and things like almonds and japonica out here
and there — a most exhilarating day."

96 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
think, however, that the remedy lies in that
immense effort of cessation of effort. I wonder
whether you ever take attributes of God, and set
them before you, excluding everything else :
saying the word — e.g. peace ; over and over
again — and then imaging it in a quiet sea, a
space in air, a summer garden, and so on. . . .
For people with strong imaginations I do believe
it is often infinitely more useful than elaborate
' points,' and ' resolutions,' and ' bouquets.'
" I cannot tell you how sorry I am you are
having a depressed time. I am doing my very
best for you, and said Mass for you this morning.
But frankly, I should have been very much sur
prised if, under the circumstances, you did not
have a good deal of temptation that way. It is
exactly like the convalescence of the body after
an operation. You have had the fiercest of all
operations in the cutting of so many ties ; and
your soul has to he still in a strained position,
until our Lord heals it. So I do not feel any
dismay at it, although all the sympathy that my
poor little soul is capable of."
The following letter, written at a difficult
crisis, has always seemed to me as one of the
most perfect messages of encouragement which a
soul acutely conscious of continued failure could
possibly receive :

LETTERS OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION 97
(xxvi) " You have got on the wrong road,
somehow. I think it is what I said to you a
good while ago — that God means you to be lonely
and you don't want to be. . . . Don't bother
about the past. We all make mistakes. . . .
Thank God that you have learnt [a real lesson]
instead of lamenting over the fact that you had
not learnt it previously.
" To sum up, then : Don't bother yourself.
You have the whole of eternity, after all. This
is only a rehearsal, with the Prompter con
tinually saying, '  , you didn't do that right !
Do it again, please.'
" Look forward rather to the night when no
man can work ; but when he can enjoy what
he has learnt during the day. And may the
' Prompter ' bless you always."

TO ONE BEGINNING A LITERARY
CAREER
Probably more than one contemporary Cathohc
writer has been encouraged to perseverance and
an ultimate measure of success by Monsignor
Benson's generous help and advice, never with
held, at whatever cost to himself. Others, perhaps
too unselfish to trouble him for counsel and criti
cism, may be interested to learn from these pages
a few of his own methods of teaching a beginner.
The first letter, written many years ago, refers
to the first article I published ; revised by him,
as was indeed everything I wrote for several
years, by his own wish.
(i) " Here is the paper. I thought it best to
send it back to you as there were a few criticisms
that certainly need your consent. But I have
written to  , warning him of its arrival.
" I think it excellent — skilful and moving. As
I said I would do, I have only criticised it from
your standpoint, so to speak. It is never the
slightest use to attempt to make a paper which
expresses the character of its writer, express the

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 99
character of another writer. Therefore, although
there are phrases that / should not use, that
would only be because they would not harmonise
with my manner. These I have left untouched.
" Won't you spell * Saint,' St, not 5 ; "
The following, written about the same time,
refers to a letter of my own :
(ii) " Your description is beautiful. I wonder
why you don't write — really, as a kind of pro
fession. I feel sure that you could. If you are
at ah drawn to it, I should be happy to give you
the benefit of my very small experience : and
the first thing I would say is, Prune your reading,
and read what you do read with an eye on the
style, and as to why certain things are effective—
e.g. epithets, gaps, rhythm. I should read no
magazines ever — no, none. And never leading
articles. I should use Latin devotions in pre
ference to English — for English Catholic devo
tions are really lethal to style. I should also,
quite deliberately, read a novel of Stevenson's
continually at odd times ; any Ruskin you can
find. . . . Well, so on. Then, slowly, I should
keep an extremely careful diary, regarding it as
the public would regard it. . . ."
I make no apology for publishing what has
always seemed to myself, and obviously to others,

ioo SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
Father Benson's extraordinarily generous view of
one's first feeble attempts at authorship. Many,
who deserved it better than I, have doubtless
received the same kindly encouragement.
Supreme artist himself, he was great enough to
see the merits of a painstaking piece of work, or
of a few pages of mere description, before its
obvious faults. And his artistic sympathies
showed him that to praise the merits was the
surest way to help a certain type of beginner,
keenly conscious of shortcomings of ah sorts, and
intensely aware of his own mistakes.
At the same time, criticism was always forth
coming when necessary ; but it was criticism
that stimulated and spurred, not depressed and
annihilated. (iii) " Now as to the article : (I shall neither
flatter nor spare, but say the simple truth as I
believe it).
" Without the shghtest doubt you have got
the ' seeing eye ' and the power of expression.
These are the only two things that matter in
the least. All the rest is simply technique and
hard work. Without these (' eye and hand ')
technique and work are useless.
" But you want lots of hard work. First,
generally, you must read carefully and intelli
gently, and only the best authors. Don't corrupt
your taste by anything else. Avoid third-rate
novels like poison ; read first-rate novels greedily.
And above all, read Stevenson again and again ;

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 101
and a certain amount of Ruskin, Walter Pater,
and Newman. These are the people for style.
" Next, you must carve and re-carve for the
present — being perfectly willing to go over a MS.
again and again in all moods, especially in the
moods when you feel alert and intuitive.
" Next, you must write a lot. I should strongly
recommend a diary of description — putting down
tiny phrases too at odd times ; tiny similes ;
perfect epithets. (Consider this simile of Steven
son's. A man hiding in fear of his life behind
sandhills sees a windmill turning its sails beyond
other sandhills ' like some foolish person holding
up his hands.' Do you see the gorgeousness of
that ? Yet every word is absolutely common.)
" Now your paper in particular. You say many
beautiful things beautifully. But here are some
criticisms. " (i) You use sometimes the conventional
words instead of the exactly right words. You
describe distant plains as green. They are never
green, except once in a hundred years. If you
mean green you must draw attention to that
fact. " (2) Your article is the wrong ' shape.' Tenny
son once said that a poem was like an apple-rind,
curving in a particular kind of way, ending in a
final kind of way." [Here follows a little drawing

102 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
of an apple-rind.j " Do you see that ? A pic
ture, too, must have a focus. Your paper hasn't
a focus : it is a yard of canvas painted beauti
fully ; but there is no reason why it should stop
at a particular moment. The remedy for this
is to shape an outline first.
Introduction.
Point I (bang), flowing out of this
is Point II (bang), and thence
follows Point III (BANG !)
with a kind of ripple flowing away into silence
(if it is of that kind).
" (3) You repeat yourself too much. For ex
ample, you let your climax — Bethlehem and
Calvary — peep out too noticeably, too soon. You
must remember that a reader is thinking as he
reads. When I read of the crucifix I saw your
climax full-armed : you shouldn't have let me
do that. You should have said that the screen
was there with half-seen gigantic shapes . . .
and then passed on like lightning to the altar
and Bethlehem. Then you should have made
me look up again and see for the first time the
Cross and the Blood.
" (4) Touches of humour enliven a descrip
tion, of course. But be fearfully careful. For
example, the ' insecure ladder ' on which the

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 103
novice is standing is literally irreverent. One
sees in an instant a novice tumbling from it in
a halo of white habit and green leaves — whereas
your note there is peace and security ! ! So too
in lesser degree with your muddy road in the
valley. One isn't thinking of the muddy road at
ah, but of the peaceful valley.
" So too again two or three times you are too
reflective in the wrong place. You are like a
person who is pointing out a snow-peak and then
says : ' Isn't it extraordinary to think that that
beauty is caused by a mixture of H20 ' (or what
ever it is) ' at a certain temperature ? ' Do you
see what I mean ?
" Now of course I have exaggerated all those
points violently — underlined them in red pencil.
What I recommend is this. Put this MS. in
stantly into a drawer. Take paper and pencil
and write down a skeleton on this subject, with
points and sub-points : so that it makes a curve
and ends inevitably. Then write a first para
graph. Then take the MS. out of a drawer, take
it to pieces, and fit it into the skeleton.
" I dare say lots of papers would take the MS.
as it is ; I dare say after correction they won't.
But they would be entirely wrong in both cases ;
and you will be right. And that is what matters
in a literary life.

164 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
" Now if I didn't think highly of your powers I
wouldn't say ah this. I would say instead, per
fectly truthfully, that it is beautiful ; that some
paper certainly ought to take it, and that I
congratulate you.
" The books I recommend first are :
Kidnapped. Master of Ballantrae. Across
the Plains. (Stevenson.)
Marius the Epicurean. (Pater.)
The Apologia. (Newman.)
Sesame and Lilies. (Ruskin.)
" Finally, do study alliteration, both of con
sonants and vowels. It is a trick, of course,
and becomes a vice if you aren't careful. But
it adds extraordinary polish if used in modera
tion. " No — don't be afraid of adjectives, so long as
they are exactly right ones.
" God bless you always."
Six months later Father Benson wrote :
(iv) " I do not see why God has developed in
you a desire to write, and has given you success,
unless He means you to do something with it.
Of course He may mean you to sacrifice it ; but
one has to have strong reasons for thinking that,
and I don't see them."

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 105
(v) "A hundred congratulations. I am so
glad. A Pen-Name is a hard thing to think of.
I think  is as good as anything. It is inter
esting, somehow."
(vi) " I think this is very touching and beau
tiful : the descriptions are exquisite, and gain
enormously by being set into a shape.
" Two comments only :
" (1) I should say ' I ' instead of ' one ' as
often as possible.
" (2) I should lay stress all through on your
sense of leaving home and feeling strange : and
on your perception that Catholics are at home
everywhere. A sentence or two would do it.
" Such a hurry. God bless you."
The next letter is dated nearly a year later.
(vii) " An idea has come to me which I may as
weh suggest — about your writing.
" Mere scenic writing is not popular, though
people love it if it is illustrative of a story. Now
why don't you try a novel of which a large part
is laid in  ? I don't mean that it is to be
autobiographical, actually, but that it should
follow the lines that you know.
" The first thing is to get the central character
and the development. . . . The next thing is to

106 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
plan the book. Take, for example, three ' parts.'
Each part must have a theme, and must have a
defined end — a step forward in character or
circumstances. . . . Then you must take extra
ordinary pains with the side-characters, and
weave in small developments in them. They
too must progress ; not merely be straw-people
who are moved about to bring out [the
heroine]. " Or again, you might weave the whole thing
on the frame of the World, the Flesh, and the
Devil. " But the important thing in a novel, as in a
sermon, is to have an object so clear that it can be
described in one sentence. It must be a ' curve,'
not a strip. You will find this gives an extra
ordinary vividness and significance to back
grounds. You need not trouble about them;
you wih do them admirably without any trouble.
What you will have to take extreme pains with
is the ' curve ' and the characters. You must
not, as all of us are tempted to do, label char
acters, especially side-characters, as ' villain,'
' adventurer,' ~ devot ' . . . because all characters
are mixed.
" If you do it you must first make your scheme
— the three parts — the chapters. Each part ends
with a moderate ' bang ' ; each chapter with a

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 107
smaller ' bang ' ; each paragraph with a tiny
' spit ' ; the whole thing with a loud ' bang.'
" Another thing you must guard against is too
much pictorial religion. That is a temptation
for all with liturgical minds. If you care to do
this, and to send me the frame, I shah be charmed
to criticise. I am quite sure you can write. I
think this may be the solution. Authors have a
real chance now [1907] if they happen to hit the
target ; and there is lots of money to be made."
To a suggestion I made regarding this advice,
Father Benson replied :
(viii) " When you do your scheme, will you
draw it out in printed handwriting — very terse,
e.g. : " Chapter I. Jane at home. General situa
tion and characteristics.
" Chapter II. Jane meets John. John's
characteristics.
" Chapter III. John's meditations. He
goes for a walk. . . .
" I don't like your end. . . . People will see
it coming and whl snort. Leave her in the
country, with a garden : and him dead. (This
is only the vaguest suggestion.) And leave her
serene and supernatural. And please don't for

108 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
an instant ever run Divine Love and human love
into one. (Yes ; there is a retort to that ; and
another to that.) But that is what I think."
(This letter, which goes on to deal with private
matters, concludes : "I have written this be
tween preaching and supper ; hence its didactic
and discontented tone.")
I have omitted all the finely-wrought details
in the above scheme ; for, as the novel in ques
tion, though written and rewritten, has not yet
seen the light of day, it would be unfair to one
self, as weh as impossible for another obvious
reason, to do otherwise. Publishers, unfortu
nately, were more difficult to convince of the
merits of unknown writers than was this generous
Master of his craft !
Some months earlier, when I was about to
travel to places and among people of rather
unusual interest, Father Benson had renewed
his advice to me to keep a diary. It was to be
written for a circle of friends, who had asked to
see it ; it was to be descriptive, and illustrated
with sketches and photographs. Above all it
was to be " the right shape. Not a flat exercise
book," he begged ; " they are so depressing."
It was to be a thick, oblong volume. I found
exactly the thing in a shop in Cambridge, and
he gave the blank pages his Imprimatur ! I was
to send it first to him ; and I mention this in
order to explain the next letter.
(ix) " First I want to congratulate you more
than I can say upon your diary. It is simply
admirable. I read it straight through, absorbed :

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 109
I read extracts to Father  , who roared with
delight, aloud, again and again.
" Do you know I really think it would make a
book very nearly as it stands ? I am no longer
in the least doubtful as to the one thing I did
doubt about — viz. your delineation of character.
But you have got it ! even in your smallest
touches.  and  and  are all alive.
" Now please consider this :
" Wih you think over a slight story and then
work it into the diary ? I think it should be a
trifle tragic, as a foil to the humour." (Here the
plot — a delightful one — is outlined at some
length.) " It will be a poignant book.
" You would have to write a careful preface
and an epilogue, and edit the diary. But the
mass of the book can stand as it is. If you
agree, then please let me deal with a publisher
for you. If you are in doubt, will you let me
send a volume of the diary first to a publisher
for his opinion — or better still, take it with me
to-morrow week when I lunch with one ? . . .
It is really difficult for me to believe that your
book won't be a success. Of course I may be
wrong. Things are fearfully subtle on the pub
lishing point. But that is my opinion. The
sketches and photographs will have to come
out."

no SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
But again the publisher was hard-hearted !
Father Benson, enclosing his letter, wrote :
(x) " Be prepared for a disappointment. Here
is  's opinion. I told him what I thought,
and asked for a perfectly candid judgment. It
was silly of him to think that you meant to
publish the diary practically as it stood. I was
quite explicit with him.
" Now the question is, what do you think
yourself ? You have an expert's opinion. Do
you think that a story on the lines I have suggested
is in your power ? The point, as I see, is Construc
tion. All depends upon that. And I haven't
the slightest idea whether you have that gift or
not. Certainly you have the gifts of descrip
tion and humour. But those, according to this
opinion, are not sufficient. . . . You must decide.
... I am overwhelmed with work. God bless
you." One thing wih surely strike even the least
sympathetic reader — the generous unselfishness
shown by one of the busiest men in England as
to the affairs of a perfectly insignificant person,
whose name as a writer was practically unknown.
Father Benson at that time was at Cambridge.
Not only was he preaching regularly every Sun
day — sometimes twice — to say nothing of his
enormous correspondence, and the daily increasing
number of personal calls upon his time, but he

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER in
was writing one of his best-known books, Lord
of the World. The mental and physical strain
can be imagined. Yet he found time for every
one who needed his help.
It was in the little room at the end of the
passage, in the Catholic Rectory, Cambridge, that
he gave me many an unforgettable lesson in
style and construction. I was writing a book —
not the novel — which appeared shortly after.
As I wrote, he read the chapters, and criticised.
Sunday night, after his sermon, between Bene
diction and the Rectory supper-time, was the
hour he usually spared me ; and once, for some
reason, supper was laid in the little room.
" What," asked Father Benson, in the course
of an instruction on the perfect selection of the
adjective, "is, for instance, the difference be
tween ' gleaming ' and ' glittering ' ? You've
got both in this paragraph, and I want to know
how you differentiate." The supper-table, hap
pily for me, supplied half the answer. " Silver —
polished silver — gleams, and diamonds glitter,"
I ventured, for this was a serious matter !
" Right," he said ; " I just wanted to see if
you knew why you used them."
The greater part of the instructions Father
Benson so generously gave me were viva voce,
and I shah not, naturally, attempt to reproduce
them here. But the fact accounts for certain
lacunce in his letters upon this subject. One
thing, however, I must say. With such a
teacher it was a foregone conclusion that his
pupil should be considered to have attempted
to plagiarise him ! If so, it was unconsciously.
" What does it matter ? " he asked. " ' They
say. What do they say ? Let them say ! '

112 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
You and I both understand, and that is the only
thing of importance. If the same words mean
the same thing to both of us, it merely proves
our minds are alike." He never seemed to
understand or value his own generosity.
(xi) " If you get unpleasant letters," he wrote
at this time, " I should burn them instantly,
after one reading. I always do. It is the only
way not to be distracted."
In the same letter he says :
" You must follow your own feelings through
out, and not take advice unless you honestly
and absolutely agree with it. Otherwise the
book wih be patchwork."
A year later Father Benson sketched the fol
lowing notes, which form a useful guide to anyone
undertaking biographical work.
(xii) " What you need is a journey to a library.
Then look out (the name) in a ' Dictionary of
National Biography.' Then read through the
article to get the general proportions, and make
notes. Then write down :
" (i) The names of all biographies of him
published since 1870.
" (2) The names of ah big biographies (2 vols.
or more) ever published.

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 113
" Then, if the books are in the library, take out
as many as you can, and read them all, fast,
making notes. Then map out your own, by
chapters . . . allotting incidents and character
istics to each chapter.
" Then begin to write, hard."
At the close of 1908 he wrote :
(xiii) " What is quite certain is that you are
meant to write ; and if that is incompatible with
circumstances these must be changed. ... I
wonder what you will think of the Conven
tionalists ? Personally I like it, if I may say
so ! I actuahy don't want to rewrite it. But
I shah in a year, I imagine. Just now I am at
the dismal labour of rewriting a dreary book on
Charles II, which I loathe. It is the sixth
time." This book, of course, is Oddsfish, of which
Father Benson wrote to me from Rome in the
spring of 1904 that he was working at a his
torical novel on Charles II, but had been " ad
vised for the present to keep it back." He
waited, as we know, just ten years ! It is this
wonderful patience — the " infinite capacity for
taking pains," the long delays in order that work
may ripen — which is so eminently characteristic
of his genius. And though no living writer has
produced so much work of the same kind and
H

114 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
quality in so short a time as he, his books never
show signs of haste — a proof of supreme crafts
manship. (xiv) " You wih have to learn how to ' cut,' "
he wrote in 1909. "It is a literary equipment
as much as anything can be. One can always
reduce if necessary. . . . Please sign no agree
ments without letting me see them."
Two other letters return once more to the
novel, of which he never gave up hope. I think
I may honestly say he was more interested in it
than I, to whom it never seemed convincing.
(xv) "It is excellent. . . . The thing you will
have to toil at is the framework and the story.
" My main criticism is that the personal
element is not nearly strong enough. ... I
really think that a little hard, careful, absorbed
work on this point might make the whole differ
ence to the entire book. You have so much
excellent stuff, skin and flesh and blood, that it
is worth rebuilding the anatomy. At present
it is evident that the love-interest is shoved in
through the skin from outside. You must give
the impression that the bones were built up
first. " You will have to cut — but never cut con
versations. They are Heavenly 1 "

BEGINNING A LITERARY CAREER 115
A year later he said, at the end of a letter fuh
of advice on literary matters :
(xvi) " Yes : my new book's out. It's called
None other Gods. ... I think it's going to do
weh, but I haven't yet had time to look at it in
its published form. And I began yet another
two months ago ; and haven't touched it for six
weeks. " Don't mind about your feelings. Go on
' doing the Pieces,' as Father  said ; and say,
' Lord, Thou knowest how exceedingly busy I
must be (and how exceedingly fractious I feel !).
If I forget Thee, do not Thou forget me ! ' I
say that continuously, just now."
(xvii) " I daren't prophesy about [your novel],"
he wrote some time later. " I am clear (a) that
it is a good book ...(b) that it is worth work
ing at and publishing. But as to whether the
B.P. wih rally round it in their thousands I
haven't an idea. I don't think you ought to incur
any . . . expenses on its security. It would be
a real gamble. Gambles sometimes succeed, but
that doesn't justify them. That's what I think."
It is impossible to quote more of these de
lightful letters. But enough has been said to
show, in his own words, the sort of friend Father
Benson was — even in temporal matters — to any

n6 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
one of his children who needed his help. No
words of anyone else, however grateful, could
have the same effect ; just as no one else, how
ever ready, could have helped in the same way.
Yet, though one cannot take up a pen, much less
begin to write, without remembering him — re
membering his patience, his courage, his gener
osity to the correspondents, many of them
strangers, who overwhelmed him with letters ;
remembering the long list of books he has left
us, books at which, too often, he toiled with
weary brain and wearier fingers ; remembering,
above ah, his indomitable will, which carried
him on to the very end : the infinite pathos of
it all brings its own mystical consolation. No
living writer has so given of himself in his books
as Monsignor Benson : his learning and experi
ence, his trained faculties of observation and
description — himself — the very depths of his soul,
the breadth of his mind, and the heights of his
soaring spirit — he has given us all, and at what a
cost ? But his sacrifice is not in vain, for in
the heritage he has left to us he, " being dead,
yet speaketh."

VI
TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION
The following extracts from Monsignor Benson's
letters to one of his converts desirous of entering
Religion wih be. quoted without comment of any
kind. This, indeed, is the only possible way to
present them. They are not even arranged
seriatim, for this would serve no purpose in further
ing the intention with which they are now pub
lished — namely, the help and comfort of those
who are seeking and finding their vocation in the
Rehgious Life. At the same time, there is little
or nothing in these letters which is not — on
another plane — equally applicable to devout
Cathohcs living " in the world."
(i) "I thought I would let a month or so elapse
before writing, so that you could settle in, and
have time to know what the great change means
to you before being troubled by the outside
world. " I do much wonder how you are finding it
all ; and hope that every day confirms you in
your resolution to follow our Lord in the Re
ligious Life. It is such a magnificent call, and
117

n8 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
given to so few. Our Blessed Lord has so taken
you at your word, and allowed you to give up
everything for Him ; and very soon He wih
begin to give it all back, transformed and glori
fied — as He alone knows how to do it.
" I hke to think of you too in that beautiful
country, with the hills round you, as round
Jerusalem. I wonder whether you ever have
that sensation that the Altar is the centre, not
only of grace but of nature — that a sort of radia
tion comes out from it, and sanctifies the hihs
and the sky ; and then, to one's feeble spiritual
sense, shrinks back again and is concentrated
once more on the Altar, like a spot of light that
alternately focusses and spreads from a centre.
So that it is true that ' all things are yours ' —
that you are not deprived, essentiahy, of the
beauties of the world, because you have them
ah in the Altar.
" It is rather a comforting thought, I think,
when one's love of nature is constrained for any
reason ; and also when spiritual things become
dim, and one longs passionately for nature. In
whichever mood one is, one has a kind of essential
grasp on both.
"... I heard a touching story the other day.
(By the way, it wasn't you who told it me, was
it ?) An old Irishwoman came to a priest, not

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 119
long ago, and gave him a stipend to say Mass for
the soul of Ohver Cromwell. She said that all
Cathohcs abused him, and none seemed to wish
to pray for him. . . .
" God bless and keep you, and give you courage
and grace and consolation."
(ii) " It is quite plain that God has something
else waiting for you. He does not act so clearly
without purpose, though it is hard to see it some
times. And it is plain, too, that He means you
to wait a little and rest. . . . Indeed, there is
nothing in the world to be depressed or anxious
about. We need only be anxious when we have
not made the surrender of the wih : and that
you have done and are doing. This incident
purifies anything that may have been left to
purify, by the hardest of all processes — and the
most thorough — a slow fire. . . . But I am
confident that a new door will open soon,
and that physical and mental peace whl come
back. I believe you have already spiritual
peace. " After ah, optimism is true, and pessimism is
utterly and fundamentally false. I know you
know that in your wih, if not in your heart ; and
the whl is the only thing that matters. And
God is good, not bad : and just, and not capri-

120 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
cious : and careful, and not careless. And
once one has hold of that, nothing else really
matters. " As for melancholia . . . that too depends on
the wih. Doctors tell us that now — and that
thousands of the mentally-afflicted only become
so through consent of their will : so just do
nothing, and do not fret or be anxious. Hold
on, and say your prayers as ' deadly ' as you
please, and sleep and eat and bear noise as weh
as you can : and remember that God is good.
God bless you and keep you.
" Tell me if I can do anything more than pray
and remember you at the Altar. And do teh
me as soon as a door begins to open, even by a
chink." (iii) " Indeed I do agree with all my heart that
you have a Religious Vocation. I have no doubt
about that at ah. The only question is, where ?
And even that God will answer for you when the
proper time comes.
" May I suggest something, that you certainly
know already — and that is that, when that kind
of incapacity for prayer comes on, you are not
meant to pray. I have often found in my own
experience, that those times are the most fruitful
of all, and the most full of consolation ; if you

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 121
will just sit still before the Tabernacle and
say: " ' Now, Lord : I can do nothing.
You must do it all.'
" If one whl be steady at that ; and simply
drop, not struggle with, anxiety and distraction,
He will speak ; and in the most marvellous way.
Not always — but again and again. Then He
draws back and waits : then comes forward
again : until at last one has one irresistible
impulse of adoration and love, that lasts just a
moment. " When that is over, if it is near the end of the
time that one had fixed, it is as well to get up and
go away at once. I believe that one makes the
greatest progress of all at such times : not merely
because it is unpleasant, but because one real
word from our Lord, and one real word back,
is worth more than ah the intricate fuss one makes
about points and preludes and pictures, when
there is no real movement at all.
" Forgive me for reminding you of all this. I
am sure you know it all : only the devil makes
us forget sometimes."
(iv) " Here is a Vocation driving you, in spite
of likes and dislikes, and here is an open door.
You can certainly do nothing but go through."

122 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
(v) " I hope you have not let yourself be in
the least discouraged as regards the Religious
Life. It is difficult to imagine you, permanently,
as anything but a Religious. Do you know the
way in which people's circumstances represent
themselves to one's mind, pictoriahy ? I can
see you now, plainly, in the hall of a sort of
palace, which is the Catholic Church, safe out of
the storm outside — knocking and listening and
waiting at inner doors that lead to the Throne-
Room. " Of course you will [enter Religion] : the only
question is, where ?
" Above all, I congratulate you on the prospect
of the Retreat. I hope you will let me know
when it begins, that I may say Mass for you on
the first morning."
(vi) " Now that you have got your Vocation
clear, the rest does not matter. When God puts
a principle into our hands, we can trust Him for
the details.
"... Weh there is not much in this letter.
But it gives me more happiness than I can say
to know that you are seeing your way clear at
last. Everything whl sort itself. I knew it
would ; because your will was right ; and intel
lectual and emotional difficulties cannot stand

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 123
long against that. God bless you now and
always." (vii) " To-morrow I shall say Mass for you
here. It is the greatest joy to think of you
at  ; and that your great Vocation is be
ginning, please God, to dawn. It is hard to
think you can be making a mistake this time ;
when everything human is against it ; and
nothing but an inner conviction for it.
" I know you wih remember me in your
prayers. I think one ought to value the prayers
[of a Rehgious] more than anything. If anyone
can merit grace, they can.
" Your dream has the true mystical ring.
Sometimes that ring is terrifying and sometimes
inspiring — one always feels that such dreams are
not like others, simply echoes of one's waking
thoughts. . . .
" And now you are beginning again, like a
little child ; taking as they come, not only the
great things, but the little things as weh : re
ceiving them all equally from authority ; and I
suppose that it is there that perfection lies. It
is easy enough to take great events as from God —
death, catastrophe, joy — but it is so infinitely
harder to take the time you get up, and the
sound of a bell, and a rebuke — also from God.

124 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
Yet reason as well as Faith tells us that they are
from Him, and no one else.
" And so, please God, you wih go on now
bringing ' every thought into subjection ' as well
as every action : but the first will come last,
when the habit of the second is established.
" It does seem to me so shallow for people to
call the minutia of the Religious Life, little
things, and to despise them. Thought cannot
be under the dominion of the will — still less
emotion — unless action is there first. And how
is one to train action, except by a thousand tiny
acts ?
" Well — you know all this much better than
I do. I certainly can't give you advice : but
I can give you prayers, and those I will with all
my heart.
" God bless you again, and give you your
heart's desire ; and all the desires of the Sacred
Heart for you ! And what more can one say ? "
(viii) " How hard it is to know how to say ah
that one wishes in answer to your letter this
morning ! The whole situation is just the old
paradox, ' Love one another,' and ' Whoso hateth
not father and mother '
" I have no sort of doubt that you feel with
me that in this case it is the second clause that

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 125
you have to act on. In our Lord's paradoxes
we have perpetually to oscillate ; acting on each
limb of it as if there were no other ; and then
back again to the other.
" It seems to me that the object of a novice-
ship — primarily — is to develop one's own rela
tions with God ; and secondarily with man.
Once the first is right, the second will fohow.
I should advise, then, with all my power, that you
should set up before yourself at meditation,
Mass, prayer ... an ideal relation between your
soul and God, in which you are dependent on
nobody for inspiration or happiness. And then
make deliberate acts of welcome of every incident
that illustrates or enforces that ideal relation
ship : — that is to say, concentrate your grip on
your wih, and deliberately lay hold — in spite of
sorrow or humiliation — on every misunderstand
ing or grief that comes. The secret of ah pro
gress in religion, art, learning, and everything
else, is to have an ideal towards which one
works. It is that, surely, that is meant by the
Kingdom of God being within us : it is within
us as an Idea, before it becomes without us as
a Reality. " I am saying ah this most obscurely : — I still
say, make no plans except as regards this rela
tionship between your soul and God ; but as

126 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
events come up one by one, seize them and
assimilate them.
" As regards what you fear in the future, it is
the same thing. The fact that you have not got
those trials at their intensest now, is a sign that
you cannot bear them yet ; but the penalty of
possessing an imagination is that one is con
tinually falling into depression through being
able to foresee. Refuse to foresee. You are not
in the future, but the present tense. Say to
yourself, ' My whole world lies here and now.
I have nothing whatever to do with anything
but my present state and place. God has taken
me out of the secular world in order that I may
be free from the anxieties of the secular world,
to serve Him in quietness. I must not bring
them here, with me.'
" Let me say this, too. Your letter shows
quite plainly that God has let you see your work
that is to be done in your own soul. If He had
given you nothing but joy it would mean, with
out the shadow of a doubt, that He had not
opened to you the depths of the Religious Life ;
and that He was allowing you to live upstairs.
But He has taken you not only into a [Religious
House], but into the Religious Life.
"So be perfectly confident and courageous :
and remember with ah your might that you are

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 127
not in this world any longer ; that human re
lationships in the Religious Life are entirely
different to human relationships in the world —
that they are thinner and purer and finer — like
a higher atmosphere ; and that they must be
kept free from any feverish heat of attraction or
repulsion. . . . There is a wonderful freedom
that follows that lesson : it gives one a new idea
altogether of the mystical union of the faithful
in the Body of Christ. ... If all this seems a
series of elementary platitudes, you must forgive
me. "I think, however, that I see from far off,
that the same transformation of relationship is
true as regards that between God and the Soul.
In the world one is feverish, and dependent on
signs of His favour, and sensible devotion. In
the Religious Life it is not so. Our Lord shows
His favourites not His Sacred Heart only, but
the Crown of Thorns surrounding it. One cannot
embrace that Heart in the Religious Life without
embracing the Crown of Thorns as well.
" Of course the transition is bitterly hard.
One runs forward to clasp God and souls, and is
instantly pierced.
" You have now to leave all external things —
all signs of affection — to welcome all apparent
hostility. God is teaching you that now, with

128 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
regard to other people. If you learn that well,
He wih teach you the same thing as regards
Himself. I shall be very much surprised if, in
six months from now — more or less — you do
not find the same sorrows in your internal devo
tion to our Lord. ' Touch me not — I am not
yet ascended to My Father.' . . .
"God bless you always, and give you your
heart's desire."
(ix) " What can I say — except that God knows
better than you and I ? It is very hard to
understand why you should suffer like this ; but
the very elaborateness of the process shows that
there is some elaborate result that we cannot
possibly understand.
"There is no need to tell you not to be dis
heartened. From your letter I know that you
are doing all in your power not to be. There is
nothing in the world to do but to wait on God.
One thing, at any rate, you will have learned,
even if you have not learned it before (and for
which I envy you), that God will not be dictated
to even in the most loving way. He has His
Own Perfect Wih ; and He will do it. The only
thing we have to do is to wait until we know
what it is.
"lam preaching to-night on ' This is the Will

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 129
of God, your Sanctification ' ; and what is hap
pening to you will be an additional comment in
my mind on one point I want to make — that the
result of every detail — even the most bewildering
whether large or smah — is the production of the
holy character ; that circumstances and events
are not the essence but the accidents of life —
character alone is the essence. This is the only
possible key to hfe ; and the encouragement is
that it is not our will that is the chief element
in sanctification, but God's.
"We have no right to call things 'failures.'
The only failure possible is to fail to meet
circumstances with acquiescence. An ' event '
cannot be a failure. I know you believe this ;
and wih be brave in remembering it.
"... God bless you always, and show you
His Wih plainly. I know you wih send me a
line to-night or to-morrow. You will be in my
thoughts ah day. Again, God bless you ! "
(In this connection a sentence of Monsignor
Benson's in a sermon preached, years ago, on
Good Friday, at the Carmelite Church, Ken
sington, may be recalled. " We are all Failures —
and the best of us are those that know it ! ")
(x) "It seems to me that, with a sorrow of
this kind, the difficulty is to get it into one's
I

130 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
heart. It is so apt to hammer and beat on it
from the outside, so that sensation goes, and one
is aware of nothing. As soon as one has suc
ceeded in drawing it reahy into one's heart, its
work is done, and it becomes a fire within, instead
of simple and unintelligible pain without. But
that cannot happen at once. I pray that it
may happen soon with you.
" Of course I am as puzzled as you are — on the
intellectual understanding of it all. But it does
not at all interfere with my faith that you have
a Religious Vocation. In fact, it is hard to
imagine any event (external) that could interfere
with it. I can only grant that it has postponed
the fulfilment of that Vocation."
(xi) " It is very hard to advise indeed ! But
on the whole this seems to me the natural solu
tion. " You have left everything in God's Hands ;
and He has answered by giving you a Religious
Vocation. This is the primary thing. Every
thing else, such as the kind of life, the saying of
the Office, the habit, &c, are all secondary.
Therefore, so soon as an open door comes, into
the Religio s Life, I think that you should go
through it, and leave what you whl find there
to God entirely.

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 131
" I am not sure whether this is what you
thought I should say, but I don't see any other
answer. At the same time I think you are
perfectly right to write to  ; and if the
result is that two doors open, then you have the
right to look through and choose. . . . Have you
read Heaven Opened? If not, read it. It is
astonishing. It is by a Trappist."
(xii) " You have asked me an extraordinarily
hard thing : and I do pray I may not say any
thing contrary to God's Will.
" It seems to me that the only thing is sim
plicity. May I sum up my thoughts in
sections ?
" (1) In complications such as yours the only
thing to do is to take the first open door, unless
there are strong reasons against it, in which case
it ceases to be an open door.
" (2) The  Order is the one to which you
have always felt strongly drawn ; therefore you
are justified in looking first to see whether this
is impossible. But I agree with  that to
demand it, by going to Australia or America, is
not simple waiting upon God. It is rather like
trying to force His hand. . . .
" (3) 
" (4) Supposing  remains closed, then I

132 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
should consider this [other alternative]. You
must find out whether . . . the life is possible
for you, in point of hardness, &c. ... If so, I
do not say that it is impossible for you to go . . .
but I do think that it is unlikely to be God's
Will for you. . . .
" A thing like this would be ' heroic' In
interior drawings towards an heroic action, one
has to be very much on one's guard against a
peculiarly subtle form of presumption. It is
extremely hard to distinguish, in that third depth
of the soul, between God's Voice and its counter
feit ; and the Voice has to be tested severely by
common light. If it will stand the common
hght, it is good : if not, it must be resisted. . . .
One thing is certain : you must not do it at all
in a hurry. If God means you to do it, He will
(i) close other doors; (2) open this one wide;
(3) leave it standing open, and beckon you not
only in interior feelings, but in external circum
stances. " Do I make myself clear ?
" I shah say Mass for you on Sunday here ;
and pray that I may know what advice to give.
It is extraordinarily hard and comphcated ; and
we must both keep quiet and simple in dealing
with it : and above all, patient. I hope you
wih prevent yourself from using your imagination

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 133
in the question. It will not be truly solved by
that."

(xiii) " I have been overrun with various things
since coming back here last week. Also I wanted
time for my ' subjective self ' to answer. Your
letter and enclosure this morning makes it clear.
You must not go to the  ; at least it seems
to me the wrong sort of madness to think of it.
(I am aware there is a divine madness which
must be obeyed.) . . .
" It seems to me rather that you should try
other Houses than  now. I do not say,
enter them. But try the doors gently and see
if they open. . . . One cannot say that the
Divine Office is an essential : it is only a con
siderable accident : and Perpetual Adoration
surely can be set against that ? ... It seems to
me, things that may be ' accidents ' should not
be allowed to weigh against the ' substance '—
i.e. the Rehgious Life. It is not as if you had
not given due weight to the ' accidents.' But
don't let them fetter you.
" It also seems to me that you should not say
' I should not like this or that Order because it
is not old.' On your side you offer yourself to
God as a Religious — that is the simple, bare
fact. You add, as in a petition, ' If it is Thy

134 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
Wih I should like an old Order.' It is perfectly
right to do that ; but you cannot insist. You
are giving to God, not receiving from Him. This
is becoming clearer and clearer, so far as I have
sight to see or right to speak. That is what I
meant by ' trying other doors now.' How if the
Renunciation lies in the renunciation of the
spiritual romance that lies round the old Orders ?
I do not say that it does, but that it may.
"I am thinking in ink now ; or rather, am
putting down the kinds of thoughts that have
come to me this last week. Wih you consider
them, and see what you think ? If you say you
are sure I am wrong, I shall accept that whole
heartedly. I dare say I am. . . . Behave as a
Saint. That is surely the secret : and I know
you are trying with ah your might."
(xiv) " Indeed you must not be in the least
discouraged ! You are not responsible, and
Almighty God is ! . . .
"As to  , I can only say that my feelings
are strongly against it. And that I may be
wrong. But you want to know what I think,
after all.
" It seems to me that it would be trying to
make God give you St.  's habit. And the
worst of it is that He might do it, and you would

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 135
regret it ever afterwards. He sometimes does
give us things we demand, and we are sorry all
the rest of our lives.
" I reahy think it is far more trustful to try
these other [places]. If the doors don't open,
we can see. But if they do  !
"... And do not be in the least cast down.
What can we do but repeat over and over again
the alphabet of Faith — which is that God is
Good, and Almighty ? That holds all possible
consolation in a trouble of this kind."
(xv) " You must not be unhappy for a moment.
It is God's doing, not yours. Take it from His
Hand, and be absolutely content. Nothing in
the whole world can separate you from Him ;
and if He wishes you to serve Him in the world,
you cannot be happy in a cloister. If He wishes
you to serve Him in a cloister, the whole world
cannot stop you. So be perfectly content, and
wait on Him. . . .
" I feel nothing but the most intense sympathy
with the struggle against rebellion that I know
you must be going through, and complete confi
dence that you whl win the victory.
" If God's Whl is ' continual failure ' for you,
then embrace that gladly and cheerfully: After
all, that kind of ' failure ' is the only success

136 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
worth having ; since it is what our Lord Himself
achieved on the Cross.
" Do not care what people say.
" Dicunt 1 Quid dicunt ? Dicant 1
"Meanwhile I can say nothing at ah, except
God bless you, guide you, and finish His good
work in you."
(xvi) " Don't lose heart for an instant. Al
mighty God is arranging all this : in fact, He
has ananged it : do not forget that : only keep
watch on His Wih.
" May He bless you always, and show it to you
soon." (xvii) " I can't agree with you at all, of course,
that if you are not to be a Religious your life
even resembles a delusion. What alone really
matters was your wih to serve God as perfectly
as possible in whatever circumstances He may
direct. That is the reality : all the rest depends
on Him only. That is why a novitiate is neces
sary — to find out whether those circumstances
are what He intends.
" Please do not make up your mind about
anything except your entire willingness to please
God. ...

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 137
"... As regards the Religious Vocation alto
gether, one must take God's actions as signs.
Remember, He does control or permit every
detail that happens ; and health is one of
them. . . . Please think about this ; and
'hearken what the Lord God will say concern
ing you.'
" God bless you again, now and always."
(xviii) " I am more sorry than I can say. You
know that : and how I do feel it is terribly hard.
But that must not prevent me from saying what
I think in other respects. ... It is absolutely
necessary that you should be resigned to God's
Whl fundamentally : and that you should in
ternally embrace that Wih. There is a real
danger for you, as for all of us, that you should
say : ' I will accept God's Will enthusiastically,
wherever it should lead me, except in one single
direction.' We must not make conditions of this
sort. It seems to me possible — I cannot say
more — that Almighty God has allowed obstacles
in the way of your Religious Life, for this very
reason — that He is determined to win you en
tirely and fundamentally ; and when that is
done He may have some tremendous gift. Grant
even the * worst ' — that you should break down
at home in health, and die — before you are able
12

138 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
to enter Religion — weh ! that after ah is not
unlike Calvary, where every single scheme seemed
to break down and fail in pitch darkness. After
all, this life is only a very tiny fragment of
Eternity. " Really, platitudes are the sum of wisdom.
We are always trying to escape from them, and
to embroider, and soar, and swoop ; but God
is always melting our wings and bringing us
down again, flat — until we perceive that lying
flat is about the highest achievement we can
possibly attain, and that being broken to little
bits is the greatest result of Divine Art.
" Do let yourself go — into God's Hands. Don't
let yourself say, even in a whisper to yourself,
'I can't bear it.' Because you know, you can
bear it. To resist always hurts. To yield, never
does. " Everything seems to point to all this. . . .
It seems that God will have His way ! Recog
nise that then ; and be at peace. And thank
God that He is giving you next week not only the
splendid tragedy, but the squalor and sordidness
of His Passion — and above all, the loneliness
of it.
" God bless you always. You must not think
me hard. I am trying with all my might to
learn these things myself."

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 139
(xix) "In the meantime I do entreat you to
look at the whole matter from the standpoint of
'the first five minutes after death.' What wih
you then wish to have done — to have accepted
God's arrangements cordially, or not ? Because
don't you think that it really does come to
that? . . .
"  is absolutely serene and happy. He
says he understands at last that the one and only
thing that matters is that God's Will should be
done in him. ... He has learnt, too, one other
lesson, that ' the Kingdom of God is within ' ;
and that in the Kingdom of God are ah his
friends ; and that therefore he possesses them
ah for ever so long as he conforms himself to
God's Wih, and does not struggle or rebel. Well,
there he is ! I envy and admire him enormously.
God bless you always."
(xx) " You know that God has all these things
in the palm of His hand ; and if it is not to be,
it must not be. . . . Does it not seem, with all
these tantalisations, that God is simply giving
you test after test until the last traces of wilful
ness are exhausted ? So it seems to me. He is
doing exactly the same thing to me in another
way. . . . We had much better give in at once,
and say ' I wih be guided by inevitable circum-

r4o SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
stances, not by unrealisable desires.' The moment
one's whole heart absolutely says that, and one's
whole mind says Amen, probably He will let one
do what He really wishes us to do.
" I haven't told you about myself, for a number
of reasons : (i) there is very little to tell ; (2) it
is bad for egotism ; (3) there is no time to do
anything . . . (4), (5), (6), (7) ! . . ."
(xxi) " Since it is so, it is so. What I partly
meant when I wrote was that perhaps suffering
was meant to be your vocation, and therefore to
be welcomed. But it seems not. It cannot be
meant so by God unless He conveys the con
viction of it to you. I shall pray that it may be
so. I am so glad that you have seen Tremans.
It is a lovely place."
(xxii) " There are two ways of knowing God —
as He is in Himself or through His creatures —
and if the second is your vocation, so be it.
There is no question of ' disappointment.' I am
only glad that you know what God wants of you."
(xxiii) " As you say, solitude shows one's
weakness. I think that a tendency to resent
little things — ' trifles,' as you say — so very much,
is not promising for the Religious Life, which

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 141
consists so largely of significant trifles. However,
I dare say I'm wrong again."
(xxiv) " It seems to me that the letter . . .
which you enclosed, and which I re-enclose, ought
not to be neglected.
" Your desire for the  Order was so strong
that I do not think you ought to pass by a possible
opening on account of what is, after all, only a
detail. The teaching may seem utterly repug
nant ; but it is no more than an accident. . . .
Wih you think it over for twenty-four hours and
go to Holy Communion with an intention of
getting guidance ? The letter seems to me reahy
hopeful. I beheve you wih think with me that
so long as a chink of the  door shows itself,
you ought not to pass on to another. ... I whl
say Mass for you on Tuesday morning with the
same intention. God bless you."
(xxv) " Just a line, in the most terrible haste,
to congratulate you with ah my heart. It seems
just perfectly arranged : I knew it would be :
God never shuts one door without opening an
other of some kind. . . . Simplicity is every
thing, as our Lord tells us again and again. It
is when we become elaborate and ' careful ' that
things go wrong."

142 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
(xxvi) " I was so much delighted to hear from
you ; though I had always taken, as you said,
no news for good news. But now it is news that
is good news. I haven't had a letter that gave
me such pleasure for a long while. It is quite
plain that you know the worst, and can stand
it ; and that you know the best, and can ap
preciate it. To find poverty and saints together
is an enormous blessing ; and to understand them
both is even greater.
" The only thing that I can say is to advise
you to take both these things right down into
your wih. We can bear almost anything when
we embrace it ; it is when pain or anxiety fret
away at our emotions or intehect, that they be
come intolerable. So take this Poverty right
into your arms, and make yourself prefer, not
like, the darkness and the cold and the food, and
every other single detail that hurts. It is when
we resist the Crown of Thorns, or have the Cross
put upon us, instead of taking it, that we are
wounded and bruised. But I am quite sure that
you know this. . . . Only go on doing it. Par
ticularly do that about ' loneliness in a crowd.'
Reahy, solitude is one of the greatest things in
the world. ' In solitude Christ speaks to the
heart, as a modest lover, who embraces not His
beloved before all the world.' The lover of Jesus

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 143
'sits apart from the noise, but glorying in
Christ.' There is another thing, too. Use the
externals that are unfamiliar to you as a means
of realising the internal fact behind them. Our
Lord stands in a kind of Tower, with windows
all round. One window is Gothic and severe ;
another is Renaissance and filled with sham pink
flowers ; another is the grimy window of a cot
tage ; and it really does not matter in the least
through which window you look. In fact, the
more windows you look through the more you
see of Him. There is a view of Him through the
Renaissance window that is unique. And take
the ash-tree outside your window as a kind of
rehef, through which you can catch a glimpse,
from your old life in the world. Take the dark
passages . . . — everything — in the same way ; like
St. Patrick in his Breastplate ; remembering that
there is not one single thing in the whole world,
including even sins or stupidities of other people,
which God does not use for teaching you some
thing which you cannot otherwise learn.
" Work out too that ideal relation with God.
Exactly as in Society one has to be courteous
though one may not feel it, so there is an etiquette
in spiritual things. The Little Office is a case
in point ; it really does not matter whether you
like it or not ; the thing to do is to conform.

144 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
" Never mind about the extra-direction or the
Rule that appears to forbid it. You are not
responsible for the Rule : they know it, and you
cannot yet. Don't be ashamed at having been
' expansive ' ; but remind yourself that your
highest ideal is to lie flat and ridiculous before
God and His servants, until every flicker of pride
is stamped out. . . .
" ' Desire for foreign travel.' Please reflect on
this point, which is a platitude of platitudes, that
in possessing Christ you possess the Lord and
Creator of Heaven and Earth ; and that when
you are in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament
you are in the presence of Him Who thought and
loved the world into being. There is no sight or
sound that you do not possess in chapel.
"The thought that you would do better in
another convent, you must just resist like a
temptation. It is a symptom of accidib, diagnosed
centuries ago. No ; there you are at  ; you
went there without the help of ' desire,' and you
must not let ' desire ' speak one word on the
subject. Nothing at all but the Hand of God,
acting independently of yourself, must take you
away. Remember that He can take you away
to-morrow, if He wills it.
" In everything, then, live by the Will, not the
emotions. Remember that your Will is sovereign,

TO ONE ENTERING RELIGION 145
that the emotions are only extremely untrust
worthy councillors : you must teach them their
place. Snub them if they fret : don't let them
interfere in what is not their business. Don't
let the mind formulate the stammering of the
emotions : the moment you ahow that they
become formidable. Just live like an autocrat,
remembering that you are a vassal of God.
" Lastly, I beheve you have found your Voca
tion there. The more I read your letter the more
I think it. . . .
" And please at all times remember me before
God ; it wih be a real strength to think that 1
have an intercessor in a Religious, besides the
objective good your prayers will do me.
"God bless you always, and give you perse
verance." Nothing could bring this series of perfect letters
to a close more touchingly than the following
exquisite message of comfort and hope, which
wih come home to every heart which knew the
writer :
"This must only be a hne to tell you what
sympathy I feel for you in your great sorrow.
Yet it does seem more and more — I was going to
say almost more every day — that death is after
all the supreme blessing of life — at least, such a

146 SPIRITUAL LETTERS TO A CONVERT
death as that. It is the turning over of the
seamy side, and showing the true silk and em
broidery in place of the ragged ends. May God
grant her great happiness as she looks upon
that, and above all when she sees how every
effort she made has been wrought up into the
robe of Jesus Christ.
" And may He comfort you, too, and let you
see it."

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