YALE UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY

ACQUIRED BY EXCHANGE

SELECTION

FROM THE

LETTERS AND PAPERS

OP THE LATE

JOHN BARCLAY.

" I thought it good to shew the signs and wonders that the high God hath
wrought toward me. How great are his signs ! and how mighty are his
wonders ! his kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion is from
generation to generation." — Daniel iv. 2, 13.

LONDON:
HARVEY AND DARTON, 55, GRACECHURCH STREET.
1841.

LONDON :
JOHNSTON AND BARRETT, PRINTERS,
13, MARK LANE.

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S303
INTRODUCTION.

This Selection from the Letters and Papers of
the late John Barclay, has been made partly from
accounts of his religious experiences and reflections,
recorded chiefly in early life, and partly from letters
written to his friends, which have come within the
reach of the Editor. From the state in which these
accounts were found, as well as from remarks made
during his life time, there is no doubt but that the
author intended the publication of a compilation of
them, as a narrative of his religious experiences, and
as a testimony or memorial of the Lord's goodness to
him : to this collection of rough materials or notes, he
had prefixed a title page, of which the following is
a copy ; — " Some Memorials of the Lord's goodness
to a poor creature ;" to which was subjoined the quo
tation from Scripture affixed to the title page of this
work.

VI INTRODUCTION.
The intentions of the Author in keeping a personal
record of this intimate description, are more parti
cularly set forth in his own words, as given at the
commencement of the first chapter of this volume ; to
which the reader is referred.
The latter portion of the materials of this Selection
consists more generally of the letters of the Author :
these are mainly of a religious character, and were
evidently written under a lively feeling of Christian
interest on behalf of his friends, as well as of earnest
concern for the best welfare and prosperity of the
religious Society of Friends, of which he was a mem
ber, and an acknowledged minister.
The letters which occur towards the close of this
volume, from about the year 1832, often refer to cir
cumstances and events of a period of deep trial and
affliction to the Society. It is naturally to be
expected that the well concerned mind would hardly
fail to be deeply affected by occurrences, involving
the vital welfare of the cause of Truth, and the
faithful maintenance of its principles. Some readers
may think, that it would have been preferable to
have withheld letters of this description from the
public eye, in the present less disturbed period : but
it should be seriously considered, that it is one of the
leading and most useful designs of biography, as well

INTRODUCTION. Vll
as of history, by means of faithful records to convey
instruction and the benefit of past experience, to the
present and succeeding generations. In the instance
before us, we have the warnings, the exhortations,
and the encouragement of a faithful follower of
his Lord, whilst under the provings and sufferings
of a dark and gloomy day to the militant church.
Considerations of a merely personal nature must com
paratively be soon lost or forgotten in the lapse of
a single generation : but the duty and trust of a
faithful historian or biographer should be uprightly
fulfilled; and whatever may tend to the religious
benefit or edification of his readers, should be
honestly and discreetly pourtrayed.
The Editor regrets that he has not been able to
present the reader with more of a connected biogra
phical sketch of the Author's life, than will be found
in this work, — a life which may perhaps be said
to afford but little variety of incident. He be
lieves, however, to those, whose minds delight to
, , trace the blessed and animating effects of Divine
grace in the heart, that the religious experiences of
the pious and devoted christian and fellow-professor,
which are to be met with even in his private
memoranda or correspondence, are often deeply in
structive ; and they may be felt to supply the place

Vlll INTRODUCTION.
of biographical variety to some readers, with real
interest and even more permanent satisfaction.
The following testimonial to the religious character
of the Author, drawn up by one of his early and most
intimate friends, now living, (J. F. Marsh, of Croydon,)
may, it is thought, be suitably introduced at this
place : —
1 ' He was one with whom I shared no common inti
macy and friendship, both at an earlier period of our
lives, and subsequently : we often took sweet counsel
together ; and, I may say, were many times permitted
to sit together as" "in heavenly places in Christ Jesus."
Our acquaintance commenced in the autumn of
1816, at a time when his mind was sweetly visited by
the day-spring from on high. Ah ! how fresh is my
remembrance of the state of his mind at that period ;
and how was my heart made to rejoice in the feeling
of the preciousness of the love of our heavenly Father
towards him, and the abundant shedding abroad
thereof in his heart. In this day of the Lord's power,
a willingness was wrought in him wholly to surrender
himself to the Divine disposal, and to count nothing
too near or too dear to part with, which was called for
at his hand. Thus by meekly bowing his neck to the
yoke of Christ, he found it to be made easy, and His
burden light ; and thus was he enabled to take up his

INTRODUCTION. IX
daily cross, and follow his Lord and Master in newness
of life. By yielding obedience to the tendering ope
rations of redeeming love and mercy, he experienced
an advancement in the way of holiness; and he became
valiant for the cause of Truth and righteousness in the
earth : — deep was his experience in the things of God.
' I write not to exalt the creature, but with desire to
magnify the riches of that grace, by which he was
what he was, and which on him was not bestowed in
vain. As he lived, so he died, in the Lord: his
memory is precious,— the savour of his life remaineth ;
and he being dead yet speaketh.
' And now, as I reverently believe, having fought
the good fight, and kept the faith, — having come out
of great tribulation, and washed his robes, and made
them white in the blood of the Lamb, — he has finished
his course with joy; and is gone to inherit the crown
of righteousness, laid up for all them that love the
appearing of Christ.'
The reader is referred to the annexed testimony of
Gracechurch Street Monthly Meeting, for a further
but brief memorial of my beloved departed brother.
A. R. BARCLAY.
Leytonstone, near London,
12th Month, 1841.

A TESTIMONY
From Gracechurch Street Monthly Meeting of
Friends, concerning JOHN BARCLAY, who died
on the llth of Fifth Month, 1838, and his remains
were interred at Winchmore Hill, Middlesex, on the
18th of the same.

BLESSED ARE THE PURE IN HEART, FOR THEY SHALL
SEE GOD. — Matt. V. 8.
This, our dear friend, was the son of Robert and Ann
Barclay, and was born at Clapham, in Surrey, in the
year 1797. His parents were members of our religious
Society : his mother died whilst he was very young.
From his own memorandums we find that he was
early visited with the convictions of divine grace ; but
becoming exposed to the influence of bad example at
a public school, the sinful propensities of the natural
mind were strengthened : yet the strivings of the Holy
Spirit were graciously continued, and he was often
brought into deep humiliation and sorrow on account
of his transgressions ; and his tears of repentance and
his prayers for preservation were poured forth in secret
places. In reference to the state of his mind at this
time, he says, — ' As the evil tree cannot but bring forth

Xll A TESTIMONY CONCERNING
evil fruit, as long as it is suffered to live and thrive
in the heart; so this being the case with me, the
fruits did show themselves abundantly indeed. Oh .
that all who have been injured by my evil example
could be shown a fiftieth part of the remorse and repen
tance, sorrow and trouble, which has been, through
unutterable mercy, experienced by me.' He was made
willing to abide under the judgments of the Lord, and
was favoured to know, that these chastisements from
his heavenly Father's hand were administered in love ;
in a sense of which, his heart was often made to over
flow with thankfulness ; and he was brought into a state
of submission to the Lord's will, and humble dedica
tion to his requirings. Alluding, some years afterwards,
to the circumstances of this eventful period of his life,
he writes thus : ' This I may say and leave upon
record, that though many almost indescribable tempta
tions and presentations of evil have been permitted to
come about me, sometimes like a mighty flood, so that
in hours of extreme weakness, I have been many and
many a time ready to give up the ' fight of faith ;' yet
to this day the Lord, strong and mighty, has been
pleased in his abundant compassion, to encamp around
me, and to give me songs of deliverance, songs of
triumph and of praise. In His name will I set up my
banner ; who is a rock of defence, and sure refuge to
my poor weary soul. O ! young man or young wo
man, to whom this may come, — my friend, my brother,
my sister, — who art seeking the better country, and Him
who is the way and the guide ; — oh ! though thou art
weary and heavy laden, — take courage : — there is a staff,
a stay, and strength, and succour with Him and in
Him, who hath gone before, and who leadeth on his
little ones gently and sweetly, as they are able to
follow. Take this as the counsel of one who writes

JOHN BARCLAY. XUI
from a sure and living experience, and who hath indu
bitably known His name (which is above every name)
to be a strong tower indeed. He will be with His,
even to the end of the world.'
His mind for several years after his father's decease,
was brought under much concern on the subject of
business ; and he felt it to be his duty to give up an
offer, which was considered to be very advantageous.
In a retrospective view of this step, he says, in a letter,
' I know not that I have taken any measure, that now
in seasons of calmness seems to afford the like peace
to me.' Alluding to this subject again, he adds, ' The
ground upon which I think it best for me to be not much
engrossed with the things of this life is, that having
experienced no small share of the forbearance and
mercy of the Lord, — having been delivered from the pit
of destruction, — having sincere, hearty, and very fervent
desires for my own preservation and salvation, as well as
for that of my poor fellow-creatures everywhere, — I have
inclined towards the belief, that the Lord will make
use of me, if I am faithful to his requirings, in the
way, time, and for the purposes which He sees best :
under this impression it is, and not to encourage or
give way to an apathy, or want of energy or exertion,
that I believe it right for me to sit loose to this world
and the anxieties thereof; lest I should be incapacitated
for performing that service, which may be shown to be
my duty. I believe it safest for me, if in any business,
that it should be one of moderate profit, and not in
volving much attention.'
He believed himself required to observe much simpli
city .and moderation in providing the needful accommo
dations of life ; and in reference to this subject, he says,
' I am clearly of the belief, that it is my duty to live
in such a humble, plain, homely, simple manner, as

XIV A TESTIMONY CONCERNING
that neither in the furniture, food, or clothing used,
any misapplication of the gifts of Divine Providence be
admitted or encouraged.'
About this time, which was in the twenty-second
year of his age, he writes thus : ' O ! the love that the
Lord hath shed abroad in my heart !— O ! the divine
joy, the unspeakable peace, the blessed presence ofthe
Most High, — how it seems to flow through me, making
up for all trials, and tears of disquietude and distress ! — ¦
O ! may this feeble testimony speak out His adorable
mercy, when this poor frail flesh shall be laid low in
the dust ; may it induce others to fear Him that made
the heavens and the earth, and to trust in Him for
ever ! Praises to the Lamb that liveth, yet was slain !
— Amen.'
Early in the year 1820, he believed it right for him
to remove from the family circle, and to reside for a
time at Poole in Dorsetshire ; and about the end of the
same year, he was married to Georgina Hill. Their
union was short, for in less than three years, his dear
companion was taken from him by death, at Marazion
in Cornwall ; whither they had removed for the benefit
of her health.
His mind had for several years been impressed with
an apprehension that he should be called to 'the work
of the ministry ; and in the prospect of it, he was
preserved in a waiting dependent state ; and fervent was
his concern to be entirely given up to serve the Lord
in the way of His holy requirings. At the interment
of his beloved wife, in the Sixth Month, 1823, he was
engaged in vocal supplication ; and in the autumn of
that year he spoke as a minister. In allusion to this
solemn and important work, after describing the fear
and caution with which he had entered upon it, he says,
'The weight and sweetness that dwelt on my mind

JOHN BARCLAY. XV
after this surrender, cannot be set forth. 0 ! how it
rested on my spirit all the day in an unutterable man
ner ! and yet such freedom of spirit, — so that nothing
seemed a trial, or that to which I was unequal. I shall
not easily forget how comfortable and at ease in my
mind I felt. O ! it was a heavenly feeling, and nothing
short of Him that is in heaven could give it.'
He was acknowledged a minister by his Friends
in Cornwall in 1825, and in the following year was
married to Mary Moates, and removed to Alton. After
a residence of three years at that place, he settled at
Croydon ; and in 1835, he removed to Stoke Newington,
within the compass of this Monthly Meeting, where he
resided during the remainder of his life.- In the course
ofthe before-mentioned period, he paid several religious
visits, with the unity of his Friends ; and in one of these
journeys he travelled into Scotland as far as Aberdeen.
He had been from his youth of a tender constitution,
and for the last few years of his life he had suffered
much from a disease in his knee, which rendered
walking or other active exertion difficult to him. He
was, however, very exemplary in his efforts to attend
our religious meetings; in which the exercise of his
dedicated spirit was strengthening to many. His
engagements in the line of ministry amongst us were
not frequent ; but he was at times led to address his
Friends in a weighty and feeling manner ; endeavouring
to turn their attention from a dependence on man, and
from all that is superficial in religion, to a single
reliance on the great Head of the Church, " the
Minister of the sanctuary and of the true tabernacle,
which the Lord pitched, and not man."
Our dear Friend was remarkable for integrity and
uprightness of heart; and in the private walks of life
his conduct was strikingly circumspect, and his con-

XVI A TESTIMONY CONCERNING
versation, whilst innocently cheerful, was instructive,
being seasoned with grace.
Notwithstanding he was, in the ordering of unerring
Wisdom, much confined at home from bodily infirmity,
yet his concern for the prosperity of our Society
remained unabated ; and his mind was actively em
ployed in endeavouring to promote the spiritual welfare
of its members. With this object, his time was
much occupied in editing a series of publications,
selected from the writings of our honoured predecessors
in religious profession.
In the Eleventh Month, 1836, he paid an acceptable
visit, in the love of the Gospel, to the families of Friends
at Brighton ; and in the Eleventh Month, 1837, he felt
attracted by the same precious influence, to a similar
engagement in his own particular meeting of Stoke New
ington. After going through nearly half the families,
wherein his service was much to the comfort of his
friends, finding his constitution increasingly enfeebled,
he returned to the Monthly Meeting its minute granted
him for that purpose, accompanying it with a letter,
replete with the expression of religious concern, from
which the following is extracted : ' On proceeding in
the weighty engagement before me, I may acknowledge
that although no wonderful outpouring of Divine
Power was my portion, I was mercifully favoured,
during the few days that I entered upon the work,
with such a sense that the Lord preserveth the simple
and the upright, that it was as my meat and drink to
be thus among my friends; hard things were made
very easy, and bitter things full of sweetness; a
gently flowing stream of heavenly goodness being
extended in every hour of need, though in a way
humiliating to the creature, and so as nothing of the
flesh could glory.'

JOHN BARCLAY. XVII
His health continuing to decline, he went to Brigh
ton; but there his indisposition increased, and on the
8th of the Fifth Month, he was, by medical advice,
removed to Tunbridge Wells ; after which he survived
but a few days.
On the evening of the 9th, when about to retire to
rest, on rising from his chair, and leaning on the couch,
and on the arm of his beloved wife, he supplicated
thus ; " 0 ! gracious Father ! if it please Thee, spare
us to each other a little ldnger, and make us more
entirely devoted to Thee, and thy precious cause of
Truth in the earth; nevertheless not our will, 0 Lord!
but thine be done.'
On the next day, which was the one immediately
preceding his decease, he uttered many weighty expres
sions ; amongst which were the following: fThe Truth
shall prevail. — Truth shall reign over all. — None that
trust in the Lord shall be confounded ; but they shall
be as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved. — You all
know my desire to be preserved near the Lord — to
be strengthened and upheld by the Lord; — to be
found in Him; — this is the way of peace. — I trust we
shall be strengthened and animated to go through
our day's work ; then we shall find mercy at the hands
of the Lord.— Let us look to the Lord for strength,
at all times, and under all circumstances.'
In the latter part of this day, his voice was lifted
up in a constant melody, and for many hours together,
like a song of praise ; during which, these words were
clearly distinguished ' 0 Lord ! — dear Lord ! — come.—
I bless the Lord. — I am the Lord's for ever.— Cleave
to Him, 0 ! cleave to Him, — love Him with all your
heart.' The name of Jesus was often to be heard,
and the word Hallelujah was frequently repeated.
About four o'clock in the afternoon of the 11th of

XV111 A TESTIMONY CONCERNING JOHN BARCLAY.
Fifth Month, 1838, he peacefully passed away, aged
forty-one years, a minister about fifteen years ; and is,
we reverently trust, united to the redeemed before the
throne, who sing the new song, " Worthy is the Lamb,
that was slain, to receive power, and wisdom, and
riches, and strength, and honour, and glory, and
blessing." Given forth by our Monthly Meeting, held at White
Hart Court, Gracechurch Street, the 10th of Tenth
Month, 1838, and signed by —
[Here follow the signatures of men and women
Friends.] Read and approved in our Quarterly Meeting for
London and Middlesex, held in London, this 25th day
of the Twelfth Month, 1838; and in and on behalf
thereof signed by George Stacey, Clerk.
Signed in and on behalf of the Women's Quarterly
Meeting, by
Mary Forster, Clerk.

SELECTIONS, &<

CHAPTER I.

"WE WILL NOT HIDE THEM FROM THEIR CHILDREN,
SHEWING TO THE GENERATION TO COME THE
PRAISES OF THE LORD, AND HIS STRENGTH, AND
HIS WONDERFUL WORKS THAT HE HATH DONE."
Psalm lxxviii. 4.
" THIS SHALL BE WRITTEN FOR THE GENERATION TO
COME ; AND THE PEOPLE WHICH SHALL BE CRE
ATED, SHALL PRAISE THE LORD." PSALM cii. 18.
I have been long settled in the persuasion, that it
may be well for many of those who desire the pro
motion of truth and righteousness, whether they may
have moved in a private or in a public sphere, to
leave behind them, when they go hence to be seen
no more here on earth, some written testimony, how
ever slight it may be, to the blessed cause. As an
individual, I confess that I have derived much instruc
tion, comfort, and strength, from the living memorials
left us by many Christian brethren and sisters now
removed from works to rewards ; not only from their
,1 B
» /.'

CHAPTER I.

Journals and from Memoirs of them, but even from
testimonies of Monthly Meetings. But especially I
have to notice, that the expressions of those who have
arrived near the confines of the invisible world, have
sunk deep in my remembrance : nor do I know any
other instrumental means, that have proved to me so
searching, softening, effectual and abiding, as that
last mentioned description of memorial. I believe
that the profitable impressions which are made, parti
cularly on the minds of well disposed children and
young persons, remain with them for the most part
through life; so that many amongst us, now grown up,
can testify, that incidents and sayings, which in child
hood they had heard or read, of truly excellent cha
racters, do even at this day continue to have a beneficial
effect on their minds : and even in cases where young
people have wandered far from the line of duty, these
things not unfrequently arise in their remembrance. I
speak from some degree of experience, however small
it may be, compared with that of some others : for I
have been a wanderer in my time, yet can testify that
even when most widely separated by wickedness from
the Author of all good, the recurrence of the wisdom of
the wise and of the sayings of the dying, to my thought
less heart, has not been either unfrequent or unseason
able. But the advantages, which my soul has received
in recent times, are still more decided. Many may
think themselves unfit to tell of the Lord's goodness to
them in their early youth, as well as under trials and
troubles, and great variety of circumstances, even to
their old age ; but such humble-hearted ones are the
very persons who are perhaps most fit, or most called
upon, to make mention in some form or other, of the
providences and mercies and many deliverances which
they have met with. Often when I hear of the death
bf eminent servants of the Lord, I long that their

1814.] CHAPTER I. 3
wisdom and the weight of their long experience may
not die with them ; but that some memorial may have
been left by them, for the instruction of those who are
still travelling on their wearisome way. And surely,
the very least of those who strive to follow the Lord,
have had something happen, or have made some
reflection worth leaving behind, for the encouragement
and benefit of such as survive them. I indeed feel this
practice of which I am speaking, to have been, and
still to be, the source of a renewed feast to me ; and I
seldom recur to some of the manuscripts and scraps
which I have written, without precious feelings of
gratitude, and desires after a patient continuance in
well doing unto the end. Some of these which have
been written in the very depth of affliction, seem to stir
up my faith in the Almighty power, and animate me
with fresh courage to endure all things, and to suffer,
even unto the death of all that within, which would have
its own way and will, and not the Lord's blessed will.
Indeed I have been so aware of the instruction to be
derived, both from writing such small pieces, and from
reading the productions of others in this way, that I
dare not refuse, however little I desire it, to allow of
these little scraps, the feeble tokens of Divine favour,
being made as public as any prudent person, after I
surrender them up and go hence, may see right.*
1814, May.
— Some of the following reflections and remarks
are taken from little books called ' Accounts of Time,'
in which the hours of every day were accounted for, and
the occupation which filled every individual hour of
each day was put down. This was at all events an
original design, if nothing better ; but indeed it was of
* Under date of 1817-
B 2

4 CHAPTER I. [1814.
use, and no doubt was the means of bringing me into
active and industrious habits, at a time when no sterl
ing inward principle seemed to have full rule, and
when I was left very much to my own direction, and
at my own disposal as to my pursuits. I have often
felt that it was a preservative at the time, and a
stimulus to exertion. I think I may add, of this little
contrivance for self-government, as well as of many
others which occupied my attention about the same
period, that they had their use, in awakening my
mind to see the importance of bringing self and sense
into subjection ; and however insufficient they were of
themselves to effect the same, they nevertheless urged
me forward to press after the knowledge and attain
ment of that, which is now, (blessed be the Lord, who
hath shewed this to me,) experimentally found to be
the only sure guide and leader. As far as these little
relics shew, how the wrestling seed struggled within
me, and how tender and gradual were the leadings of
the Shepherd of Israel, how the good seed seemed at
times almost crushed, and every desire after such
things as were truly desirable, was at seasons very
feeble and faint ; so far they are indeed interesting to
me, and excite feelings of gratitude as often as they
are examined. These 'Accounts of Time' were begun
in the 4th month 1814, [in the 11 th year of his age],
and were left off about the 8th or 9th month 1816.
The reason for preserving them, apply equally I think
to those weekly reports which I was in the habit of
drawing up ; from which extracts will also be inserted
in this book.
1814, August 8 th.
— I think I may say, that in proportion as I en
deavour to do well, I feel that I am enabled to do
so ; that there is something within me that stimulates

1814.] CHAPTER I. 5
to good, that encourages me to persevere in what is
good, and which even tells me what is good. 0 !
may I ever listen to its silent but most important
intimations, — may I indeed follow that secret monitor
within me, and both desire and walk worthy of its
reproofs and persuasions.
1814, October 16th.
— I have within me a fountain that sends forth
bitter and black waters ; which instead of nourishing,
tend to poison the signs of vegetation and fruitfulness
that may spring up within me. Lord ! make the
waters of Marah sweet !
1814, November 20th.
— I could wish to be able to discover those symp
toms of religious habits within me, which appear where
religion exists. I could wish that, as " out of the
abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh," so those
outward signs could be observed, which inevitably
follow a devotional spirit within. O ! that those
evidences of true religion were produced, — a sincere
desire to promote the glory of God and the good of
man, — a stimulating and energetic propensity to dis
courage vice and folly, though ever so disguised; —
dnd [that] my dispositions, affections, actions, words,
and thoughts, might more nearly conform to the pat
tern which is set before me, even to Jesus Christ !
No date, probably about the same time as the last.
— How inconsistent, how frail, how depraved, how
disposed to evil, and how unable to do right of himself
and by his own strength, is that fallen creature, man !
Every day, I see instances around me of inconsistency,
of weakness, of blindness, as well as of absolute wick
edness, though often disguised and palliated. But

6 CHAPTER I. [1814.
when I look to myself, when I examine my own heart,
I find sin mixing itself with almost everything I think,
or speak, or do: not merely do I see evil thoughts
lurking in my bosom, but I find them insinuating
themselves into very many good motives, resolutions,
and actions. How fully do I feel the force and truth
of the Apostle Paul's expression, when he says, " I
know, that in me, that is, in my flesh, dwelleth no good
thing ; for to will is present with me, but how to per
form that which is good, I find not : for the good that
I would, I do not; but the evil which I would not,
that do I." Rom. vii. 8. It is not at remote intervals,
that I perceive the effects of my own frailty, but at
most times. Nor is the presence of sin confined to
gay and giddy moments, or to hours of industry and
employment, but even in my solitary and thoughtful
periods ; even in times when the heart should be most
inclined to holiness, and devoted to the service of its
Maker, even then are the intrusions of evil very fre
quent, the imagination often under little control, and
the affections for the most part fixed on any thing but
their right object.
1814, December 18th.
— Be anxious and ever ardent in the work before
you, even your own eternal happiness, and that of your
fellow-creatures, to the glory of God. There is such
danger, such liability, whilst in these frail bodies and
in this wicked world, even to those seemingly the most
confirmed among us, to slacken and decline, that on
this head I cannot forbear suggesting a hint to myself,
who am but just setting out on the arduous journey
to Zion : — I cannot help urging myself to beware of
that destructive indifference and lethargy, which are
and have been the ruin of thousands, in a religious
sense ; which would palliate the guilt and error of

1814.] CHAPTER I. 7
others, and excuse our own, which damp and chill
any appearance of zeal in our neighbours, whilst they
effectually, though gradually, quench any like dis
position in ourselves.
No date.
— Domestic life presents many opportunities for
the exercise of virtue, as well as the more exalted sta
tions of honour and ambition. For though its sphere is
more humble, and its transactions are less splendid,
yet the duties peculiarly incumbent on it, constitute the
basis of all public character. Perfection in private
life is by far the more arduous attainment of the two ;
since it involves a higher degree of virtue, to acquire
the cool and silent admiration of constant and close
observers, than to catch the undistinguishing applause
of the vulgar. Men, accustomed to the business of
the world, may think it a mean occupation to be
engaged in the duties of a family. It is, however,
only by comparison that they are rendered to a super
ficial eye, petty and insignificant. View them apart,
and their necessity, their importance immediately rises.
How many daily occasions there are for the exercise of
patience, forbearance, benevolence, good humour, cheer
fulness, candour, sincerity, compassion, self-denial !
How many instances occur of satirical hints, of ill-
natured witticisms, of fretfulness, impatience, strife,
and envyings ; besides those of disrespect, discontent,
sloth, and very many other seeds of evil, the mag
nitude of which is perhaps small, but for the guilt of
which we shall most assuredly be judged. When we
consider that private life also has its trials, temp
tations, and troubles, it ought surely to make us vigi
lant, when around our own fire-side, lest we should
quiet our apprehensions, and cease from our daily
watchfulness.

8 CHAPTER I. [1815.
Prove your love and affection for your family, and
your friendship and attachment for all your connexions,
by using, not partial, hypocritical, momentary acts of
kindness, but one universal, constant, animated effort, —
one sincere desire of rendering others happy, united
with compassion for their sufferings, charity and can
dour for their errors, and forgiveness for their injuries.
Especially cultivate a benevolent disposition, an
inclination rather to think and speak well than ill of
those around, accompanied with that candour which
exposes not the errors, but rather the virtues of others
to view ; and which brings to light with regret their
failings, for no other end than their suppression.
1815, January.
— Business, in its proper sphere, is useful and be
neficial, as well as absolutely necessary ; but the abuse
of it, or an excess in it, is pernicious in many points
of view: I cannot approve, in very many respects, of
the intense degree of application and attention, which
seems often to be required of those that are in business.
There is one danger to which the man of business is
particularly exposed, and the more alarming, because
it is concealed, — I mean the danger of gaining a
worldly spirit, and of losing that tenderness of con
science, that love of religion, which is the ground of
all virtuous conduct. The person who is engaged in
worldly affairs, whether the sphere of his engagements
be large or small, should be most anxiously attentive
to his eternal interests, that they also may be kept in a
flourishing, profitable condition : if this be not the case,
the saying of W. Penn is true in regard to such a one — ¦
" He that loses by getting, had better lose than gain."
He should also be very jealous of his scanty leisure,
that he may not omit to employ some of it in his daily
duties to his Maker, and in the constant cultivation of

1815.] CHAPTER I. 9
that holy frame of mind, which, it is the slow though
sure tendency of the spirit of the world, silently to
counteract. For I own I tremble at the very idea of
any man's mainly pursuing his perishable interests,
when perhaps in one short moment he is gone. How
inconceivably terrible and exquisite must be that man's
anguish, whilst on the very brink of going he knows
not whither, to think that he has given up an eternity
of bliss, for the empty grasp of that which is not.
1815, January \5th.
— The following reflection is taken from a ' weekly
report,' and was penned just previous to my attend
ance [by way of initiation into business] at my father's
banking-house : —
What an eventful period is this, what an epoch in
my life ! When I look back upon the past, when
I review the calm and sequestered hours which have
been so graciously granted me, and which I have so
happily enjoyed, I cannot help concluding, that the same
Almighty hand, which has hitherto upheld me, will be
" stretched out still." And when I cast my eye forward
to the future, to that dark and dreary scene, that chaos
of troubles and perplexities, which human life for the
most part discloses, I remember with consolation the
expressions of the apostle, "We know that if our
earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have
a building of God, an house not made with hands,
eternal in the heavens." The time that has already
elapsed, seems to be a season of preparation mercifully
allotted to me, in order to qualify me for the part which
I am henceforth to act ; and those principles, which I
have stored, must now with assiduity be put in practice.
The greatest discretion employed at this first setting
out in life, will not be sufficient to direct and keep me
in the right path, unless accompanied with distrust in

10 CHAPTER I. [1815.
myself, and a corresponding confidence in Divine
assistance. 1815, January 29tfA.
— The very great benefit which may be (and which
I trust is) derived from the system of self-examination
that I have adopted, is more and more apparent to
me every week. Every week have I to reprove, to
exhort, to encourage, and to recommend ; as it were to
call in my accounts, and to ascertain the real state of
my heart ; whilst every week — yes, every day, give me
abundant cause for contrition and abasement. I am
thus led to a more intimate knowledge of the state of
my internal affairs, and of the filth which still lurks
within : whilst I am rendered less confident in my own
unassisted efforts, and more desirous to be strengthened
in obedience.
Same date.
— Though I feel myself but a novice in serious
subjects, yet further experience gives me fresh ardour
and eagerness to seek after and attain to that knowledge,
which alone " maketh wise unto salvation." The more
I study religion, and the more time and attention I
devote to it, the more I feel persuaded of its unspeak
able importance. There is no pursuit in life, whether
of a philosophical, literary, commercial, or worldly
nature, which can be compared with the pursuit of
religion, in respect to the peace and joy, the profit
and the pleasure, which it yields to the willing
student. The immediate good effects of it, are only
exceeded by its ultimate consequences. In prosperity
the true Christian is taught to be watchful and humble,
and to consider that " the Lord hath given, and the
Lord " can " take away." In adversity, how happy he
is, if he do but remember, that " this also is the Lord's

1815.] CHAPTER I. 11
doing." In all that he does, his design is ever to do
good, — his motive the glory of his Maker.
Same date.
— O ! Lord, thou hast been pleased to bruise me
with a sense of my own iniquity ; thou hast in some de
gree opened to me my own heart : deliver me in thine
own time and way, from under the burden of my trans
gressions : still continue to show me thy loving kindness,
and to direct me onward in ^the path that leads to
salvation. I know not, and it is better, O Lord ! that
I know not, in what condition or situation to-morrow's
light may find me ; nor can I see before me : — yet I
pray thee, if I do forget or forsake thee, O ! forsake
me not utterly, for thy mercy's sake.
1815, February 5th.
— 0 ! may I not neglect or delay to take such effec
tual measures, as may oertainly lead me to the attainment
of a firm belief in the salvation brought about by the
Saviour of men. May I not be satisfied with an
historical acquaintance with these things, nor be con
tent with what others may say, write, bear witness of,
or believe in, respecting a Redeemer ; but may I be
encouraged, like Thomas the Apostle, to see and feel
for myself; and may I make an availing use of every
opportunity, every appointed means to gain the excel
lency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus, and him
crucified, — that intimate knowledge and inward expe
rience, compared with which, Paul counted all things
else but as "loss" and dross. Surely, such as are
" kept by the power of God through faith unto salva
tion," are none but those, who have submitted them
selves to the government and dominion of Christ by
his Spirit in their hearts ; and these truly know Him to
be their Redeemer.

12 CHAPTER I. [1815.
1815, February 12th.
— O ! for that prevailing seriousness, that habitual
state of dependence, humility, and gratitude, as in the
sight of the Supreme Being ; — that disposition of mind
which inclines to " pray without ceasing," " in every
thing to give thanks," and to " avoid every appearance
of evil." These symptoms of a soul that " walks with
God," have been indeed greatly wanting. Although
the outward tokens of a religious life, may have con
tinued much the same as before ; yet have I to acknow
ledge and lament a general tendency to indifference
and coolness, with respect to religious matters, as well
as a neglect and forgetfulness of Him, whose right it
is supremely to reign in the hearts of His people. How
often is this half and half — this lukewarm temper, which
loves the Lord with divided affection, the beginning
of more flagrant transgression. But may I not be
discouraged, — rather may I remember that He, who
by his reproving witness has discovered to me this
evil, has done so that I should through His assistance
subdue it; and that he will by no means withhold
that strength, which will enable me to do so.
When I look back at the long course and succession
of blessings which have been experienced by me, —
when I review the opportunities which I have enjoyed
of making the attainment of vital Christianity my con
stant study ; and then see how very small has been my
advance in religious principle and practice, I cannot help
feeling extremely sensible of the long suffering and com
passion of that Being, who has not merely heaped
upon me, day after day, and year after year, innumerable
outward blessings, but has in much mercy been pleased
to rescue me from a state of hardened forgetfulness and
abandonment of Himself. He has opened a way to me,
whereby I might escape that bondage to sin, (which
did at one time nearly overwhelm me,) and that punish-

1815.] CHAPTER I. 13
ment which would otherwise have inevitably overtaken
me. He still continues his forbearance and his tender
mercies, though I so often decline from the path which
he has plainly pointed out. How long then, O ! my
soul, wilt thou despise the riches of his grace, and
reject his offered and extended salvation'? How long
wilt thou in words acknowledge, and in very deed deny
Him ? How long wilt thou in praises and in prayers
draw nigh unto Him, whilst in the particular conduct
of every day thou dost abuse His gifts, forget and
forsake the giver "?
1815, February 19th.
— 0 ! how transient is that momentary glimmer —
that faint and feeble spark, which at intervals seems to
rekindle and revive in this poor, frail tenement of
mine ! How soon is it quenched and smothered, — how
quickly does it disappear, and leave me cold and cheer
less ! What apathy, what indisposition and insen
sibility to the beauty of eternal things, does the
absence of this glorious light leave in the soul, which
longs for the arising of the Sun of righteousness — for the
appearance of that " which shineth more and more unto
the perfect day ! " *
1815, February 26th.
— Blessed be the Lord! I think that I am in some
small degree enabled to trust and believe, that there
has been some little growth and advancement in
lowliness and meekness, which are the ground work of
true wisdom. How shall I sufficiently express what I
feel, when I look upon myself, when I consider what
and where I have been, and who He is, that has lifted
me out of the mire, and rescued my soul from destruction.
* February 23rd, was the first monthly meeting I attended, it was
at "Wandsworth.

CHAPTER II.

1815, June.
— I have attended the Yearly Meeting this year
for the first time through all the sittings, and have had
very much satisfaction therein ; especially in observing
the consistency which seems to run through the con
duct of the business coming under the care of Friends.
This was to me a very favoured time, and my soul was
reached wonderfully by the visitations of the day spring
from on high. Though I have but little to remark,
either on the subject of Friends or their discipline, I
cannot help expressing how grateful I feel, for the
blessing of being in some degree alive to serious
impressions, and thirsting after a knowledge of Truth.
1815, June 2nd.
— How many are there who live in a state of sin,
of blindness as to their best interests, or of drowsy in
difference ! The more I seek to know the Lord and
to remember his mercies, the more plainly and clearly
does he graciously manifest himself; and the longer
I meditate on his attributes, the more firm is my con
viction, that the ardent and heavenly desires with
which he has favoured me, will not sleep in death,
but will pass uninjured by the wreck of nature to those
hallowed and happy regions, where nothing will inter
rupt their enjoyment for ever !
1815, September 5th.
— Surely one would think the bitter cup, of which
so many, so very many, of our fellow creatures have to

1815.] CHAPTER II. 15
drink, ought to be enough to stop the dissipation of
the gay, to check the extravagance and the avarice of
the rich, to make the heedless pause, and the wicked
consider. For my own part, when I hear and see
everywhere around me the affliction of the destitute,
the cry of penury, the groan of sickness, and every
extremity of anguish and trouble, both of body and.
mind, I cannot but exclaim — 'What am I, that I
should be blessed so abundantly above others in every
sense ? and what ought I not to be, who am so emi
nently favoured with almost every variety of earthly
comfort? How shall I dare to encourage or give
way to pride, envy, passion, intemperance of joy, or
levity of heart, when in one short day I may be
deprived of every thing in which I have outward
comfort and confidence, and in one poor moment may
be levelled in the dust from whence I came?'
1815, September 22nd.
— There is that to be met with and felt, in the
company of and intimacy with Friends, which is better
experienced than described, — a happy, serene, and calm
temper, full of forbearance and love, and affection to
all, and well seasoned with sober humility, — such as
elsewhere I have never been able to find.
1815, November.
— " Simon, sleepest thou? Couldst not thou
watch one hour ? Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into
temptation." I have been more than once strongly
reminded, of this short but very impressive expostu
lation of our Lord to his slumbering disciple, and of
the salutary exhortation that follows it. I have
thought how much need there is for every one of us,
often to apply the same language to ourselves. O !
how very few of us ever watch even one hour ! and

16 CHAPTER II. [1815.
although I am willing to believe many do remember
Him, on whose extended mercy they every moment
depend; yet this season is, I fear, but short, and the
impression but transient. I cannot therefore help ex
pressing my desire that every one of us may be enabled
to stand continually in the fear of the Lord, to bear in
mind our exceeding great liability to evil, and to de
pend not upon our strength, but upon the power of
Him, through whose strength alone we can do
valiantly. No date ; probably late in 1815.
— The first thing that I would recommend to any
one seriously inclined, is, that he should not quench or
stifle in any manner the precious spark, which the
Lord in infinite compassion, has kindled within him.
O ! let such an one do nothing which is likely to
impede the growth of this divine seed of grace within.
Let not any deny to his own soul the nourishment
which is to support it : for though the world esteem
him very lightly, and even ridicule him, yet " if his
own heart condemn him not, then has he confidence
towards God."
No date.
— I am much displeased when I see a person
accommodating his character and turn of mind to those
among whom he is cast, changing his appearance accord
ing to the situation he is placed in. I see little apology
for such persons in that saying of the Apostle, " I am
made all things to all men, that I might by all means
save some ;" because such persons omit the latter part
of that text, — " and this I do for the gospel's sake."
In those of whom I speak, there is no intention by this
variable conduct to serve others, but rather to save and
deliver themselves from the scandal, odium, and reproof,

1816.] CHAPTER II. 17
likely to be cast by serious people upon levity, folly,
or sin, and by the less sober upon any thing like
sobriety. There is a consistency of character, which,
whilst it does not bring on religion the charge of
moroseness and unyielding severity, yet does not deny
its Great Master ; and which though it does not
obtrude its opinions or practice upon the notice of
others, is not backward to shew decidedly, to which
standard it belongs, and under whose banner it ranks.
No date.
— The more I am among Friends, and see the prin
ciples and nature of the religion which they profess,
the more I feel convinced that true prayer is not that
of the lips, or of the mere unrenewed understanding,
but of the heart : — that it neither consists in, nor de
pends upon, a peculiar dress, an appointed form of
words, a particular posture of body, or what is termed
a consecrated place. But this is what it does essentially
and unequivocally require, — that the soul put on the
garment of faith, — that the expressions used (if there be
any) be those of the heart, — that the inward posture of
the mind be humble, — and that the heart be the sanc
tified temple, out of which prayer comes.
1815 or 1816.
 Surely I ought to thank and praise the Lord, for
his abundant mercy in thinking of me; and especially in
wounding !my vain confidence and self dependence :
surely I am highly favoured by His numerous and
heavy corrections. The worldly man, and the evil doer,
and the indifferent nominal Christian, go on ' fair and
softly ,' — they have perhaps few and slight troubles ; but
he whom the Lord visits and notices, — he whom the
Lord deigns to regard, and to prepare for himself, is
purified in the fire of affliction, as silver seven times
c

18 CHAPTER II. [1816.
tried. Why then should I be troubled and disquieted?
why not rather endeavour to co-operate with the Lord ?
since I know verily that it is for my good, to teach me
from the consideration of the brevity of life, the uncer
tainty and instability of earthly things the weakness
and wickedness of my own heart, and the frailty of
others to teach me, — I say, from these and other
considerations, to press forward to the attainment of
those things which will open unto me a way to peace
and joy eternal, through Jesus Christ.
1816, January.
— I am unexpectedly led at this time into much
inward exercise of mind, being earnestly desirous that I
may lay hold and keep hold of those things, which per
tain to life and salvation, — to run daily that race which
is set before me. Those who seek the Lord to serve
him, shall indeed find him and the knowledge of his
will : where the desire is, there is a favourable evidence ;
seeing that every good gift and every perfect gift
cometh down from the Author of all good. Divine
grace which begets this desire, though smothered in
many hearts, has freely been given without respect of
persons to all; and is sufficient, if obeyed, to work
out the salvation of all, to lead them in the way they
should go, and to give them strength to walk in it :
how then should we cherish this precious desire after
holiness, and that little seed, which if preserved and
fostered, will grow up and become a large tree,
bringing forth fruit abundantly; and what injures,
what nips the tender bud in its springing forth, but
those things that are evil, or that tend to encourage
evil. Oh ! how would this little spark, this divine fire,
if not quenched in its arising, burn up every piece of
straw and stubble within us, every thing that is not
durable ; and even such things as silver and gold would

1816.] CHAPTER II. 19
not escape the influence, but would be melted down,
refined, and seven times purified. Now this light with
in may not at all times be equally discernible, — we may
be deprived of the sense of it for a season : but when this
is the case, we ought especially to be very vigilant and
sober; for it is in these intervals, that the enemy most
generally finds the door open, and the sentinel not at
his post. Let us beware lest we forget ourselves during
this time of trial, when we do not sensibly experience
within us the presence of Him, in whose presence there
is fulness of joy. Let us then seek unto the Lord still
more earnestly, and patiently wait his coming, in silent
subjection of soul, desiring not our own will, way and
time, but His. Surely there is cause for thankfulness
in the midst of the dryest season, and even when to
our own apprehension we are forgotten and forsaken by
Him whom our soul desires : for we know that it is the
same Lord, who gave to us the gift of his grace,
that has himself permitted the sensible feeling of it to
be taken away, and all for our good, though we may not
think so. Let us then learn, in whatsoever state it
may please infinite wisdom and goodness to place us,
therewith to be content.
On the 24th of 1st Month, 1816, my dear father,
[who had been long an invalid,] got rapidly worse. I
attended him nearly all the day, and but little thought
of the event that followed. I sat up with him till
between two and three o'clock the next morning. He
died in much composure, at about a quarter past ten on
Thursday morning, the 25th of January, 1816. I
continued with the rest of our afflicted family to mourn,
and I trust humbly to submit to this severe dispensa
tion, lifting up my soul unto Him, who alone is able to
sanctify our troubles to us, day and night with tears
and sighs, until the day of the burial, when we accom-
c2

20 CHAPTER II. [1816.
panied the remains of the endeared object of our gra
titude, affection, and respect, to its resting-place.
1816, February Aih.
— I have been led to think that the only substantial
source of consolation in times of trouble, is a firm and
an abiding faith in our Maker and Redeemer. What
ever anguish a sincere Christian may groan, under,
whatever wretchedness is permitted to come upon him,
yet " let him trust in the name of the Lord, and
stay upon his God." David seemed to trust with
great energy, when he says, " God is our refuge and
strength, a very present help in trouble; therefore
will we , not fear, though the earth be removed," &c. :
— " the Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is
our refuge." Though man is born to trouble, and
every one of us must sooner or later suffer; yet a
simple and implicit reliance on him in whom we have
believed, will be found sufficient for our consolation
and support. We are allowed to mourn ; — a blessing
is attached to mourning ; — the effect of godly sorrow is
said to be repentance ; — Jesus himself wept ; and it
is said of him, that " he was a man of sorrows, and
acquainted with grief." But we are reminded not to
" sorrow, as those who have no hope." Let us then,
in the midst of the most acute and poignant grief,
never despair; but rather with upright Job, let us
endeavour to attain to that lowly, submissive frame
of soul, which leads us to commit ourselves to the
disposal of an Almighty Creator and merciful Father.
1816, February 8th.
— The deepest affliction which is caused by the pri
vation of outward objects and things, (however near
and dear those objects may have been to us,) cannot
be compared to that utter distress, and anguish of

1^16.] CHAPTER II. 21
spirit, which the pilgrim is permitted at times to
undergo on his journey towards Zion. Who can have
an idea of it, without having experienced this trying
situation ; when man, who is by himself a poor, weak,
helpless creature, dependent upon his Maker for
strength, encouragement, consolation, and ability to do
and to think anything aright, is thus left apparently,
and exposed to the attacks of a relentless enemy,
without guide or guardian, naked, hungry, blind,
diseased,— where shall poor man find shelter in this
stormy season of life ? Oh ! " let him trust in the Lord,
and stay upon his God." In this time of desertion,
when after " toiling in the midst of the sea," being
"tossed with the waves," and "the wind contrary," he
seems well nigh spent, and apparently no nearer " his
desired haven ;" then, if he cry unto the Lord in his
trouble, He will bring him out of his distresses : He
will make the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof
will be still ; and the troubled disciple shall see Jesus
coming unto him walking on the waves, and shall hear
him distinctly to say, " Be of good cheer, it is I, be not
afraid." 1816, February 18th.
— The Lord in his infinite mercy has been pleased
to strike me to the earth, like Saul, with a sense of
my sins, and to enable me sincerely and fervently to
inquire of him, " What wilt thou have me to do."
I can indeed testify that his forbearance and long
suffering towards me have been wonderful; and I
have great cause for daily thanksgiving, that I have
been taught in some small degree the knowledge of
myself, and in much mercy shewn the abominations
and gross evils, in which my heart was enveloped:
the coverings of self and sense that disguised the
real state of my mind from me, have been in part

22 CHAPTER II. [1816.
removed; and I have been permitted to discover a
glimpse of what I ought to be. My ardent desire
therefore is, that He who has helped, me thus far,
would be pleased to continue to extend his paternal
care over me ; that he would preserve in me an in
variable desire to do and abide by his will, at all times
and in all things ; that he would teach me the know
ledge ofthe Truth; and that I might be so strengthened
therein, as to be enabled to say in sincerity, — " I am
thine, — do with me what thou wilt."
1816, March 16th.
— O ! how exceedingly ought we to praise and to
bless the name of the Lord for all his dispensations
and gifts: my soul is at this time very much im
pressed with a sense of the bounty of that great
Giver, who in mercy educes blessings from those
things which least of all appear such. But of what
avail is such a sense of the goodness of the Almighty
— such a conviction that " the Lord is good to all, and
that his tender mercies are over all his works," —
unless this conviction leads us to put our whole trust
and reliance on Him in every circumstance and situa
tion, — unless we are induced with still greater firmness,
faith, and " patience, to run the race that is set before
us," to endure our appointed trials ; — in short, to take
up our daily cross and deny ourselves, out of pure love
to Him, who first loved us, and still doth love us.
1816, March 31st.
— I have thought that my state of mind much re
sembled the luxurious growth of some stripling plant,
which springs up quickly, but requires much pruning
and cutting back, sometimes even to the ground, in
order that its strength may be proportioned to its
height, and that it may, be brought into a bearing

1816.] CHAPTER II. 23
state. Why should I not then submitto the manage
ment of the great Husbandman at all times? Though
like the skilful vine-dresser, he rub off every bud that
does not shew fruit, though he bind me to the wall,
though he cut out the canker in the bark, and pierce
to the very pith ; yet do I most certainly know, that
he careth for me, and intends my purging unto fruit-
fulness and perfection.
1816, April 3rd.
— I can scarcely refrain from writing a few lines,
on the occasion of  's bearing open testimony to
those principles, which I believe he very sincerely has
espoused. It must indeed be a trying time with him,
not only just now, but perhaps henceforth through
life. The change of dress and address, though a
simple small thing in itself, must doubtless be a
pretty constant source of ridicule and contempt, both in
his presence and behind his back. I could say much
in favour of his sincerity, and I think his exercises
have not been few or slight, even as far as I have
seen. Though I have had but little direct communi
cation with him on religious subjects, yet, in his
deportment and conduct, in general so reasonable and
upright, there has been much instruction for me. I
have seen many evils and errors in him, evidently
brought under correction and government, and the
chords of his practice and daily conduct drawn tighter
and tighter into tune ; and in witnessing this process,
my admiration has been not a little excited, in the full
belief, that it evinces a power greater than his frailty,
under the influence of which he endeavours to live :
he has proved and does prove a living lesson and ex
ample to me, and I think to others. On looking again
at the matter which gave me occasion for writing this,
I am inclined to add, that the following considerations
seem of too much importance long to defer examining ;

24 CHAPTER II. [1816.
First, whether I am satisfied to continue as I am, in
respect of outward profession ; Second, if not, when is
the right time to make any alteration ; Third, what
precise change is to take place, in what particulars, and
on what grounds. And may He, who alone can pre
serve my soul from evil, be with me ; that so I may not
err on the right hand, or on the left.
1816, April 11th.
— Having a short reprieve of a week, before enter
ing into a business which is marked out for me, [at a
Solicitor's office,] I avail myself gladly of it to record
my heartfelt and sincere expressions of gratitude, that
amidst all my backslidings and omissions, during the
period of retirement which I have had of late, there
remain to me yet some small bright spots and points,
at which I can with satisfaction look back. For though
there have been many and great errors and failings,
and at times an almost total forgetfulness of that
Being, whose wisdom made me, and whose mercy is
still over me ; yet am I encouraged in the belief, that
at many seasons there has been a desire after, a search
ing for the living God, and for the knowledge of his
will, whom to know is life. I have indeed learnt by
reiterated and painful experience, the constant liability
to which poor man is exposed, of forgetting or for
saking the fountain of living waters, the Father of
infinite mercy, who is daily striving with bis self-willed
creature, man. O ! I have learnt, and may the lesson
be indelibly impressed on my soul, that it is good for
a man to watch — to watch and be sober, — to fear always,
— to abide in His love who loved us.
1816, April Uth.
— Uncertainty as to the time and manner of our
departure hence, and certainty as to the fact itself, seems
to be the limit of our knowledge in regard to this awful

1816.] CHAPTER II. 25
subject. We know indeed neither the day nor the
hour when we shall be summoned, by an all-righteous
Judge to render an account. Seeing then that such
is our case, may we yet more and more earnestly
strive after a state of preparation, — having " our loins
girded about and our lights burning ; " that, so when
ever the awful call shall go forth, whether at midnight,
in the morning, or at noonday, we may be found
amongst the trusty servants, " whom the Lord, when he
cometh, shall find watching."
1816, April.
— 0 ! how ardent at this moment is my desire and
prayer to the inexhaustible Fountain of transcendent
love and mercy, that it may please Him according to
his marvellous compassion, so to dwell in the hearts
of his poor dependent creatures, that through His
sanctifying presence and power, they may be preserved
from evil ; and not only this, but that the minds of men
may be more and more opened, enlivened, and enabled
to discover the beauty and the bliss inherent in the
Truth. O ! how largely I could dwell upon the wonderful
goodness of that Being, whose daily communication and
connexion with his creatures, by his providence and
by his more immediate influence, most clearly manifests
Him to be the all-seeing God. How do I long for that
period, when loosed from all earthly impediments, as
well from the necessities as from the frailties of the
body, I may be enabled to offer pure and acceptable
adoration and hallelujahs to the infinitely glorious
Source of love and mercy.
1816, April 16th.
— Went this day for the first time on trial to

Solicitors ; being at the office at nine in the morning,

26 CHAPTER II. [1816.
and leaving it at nine in the evening to return home
at Clapham. Did not attend a meeting in the middle
of the week on first going there ; but the third week
I went to Gracechurch Street Meeting, and regularly
afterwards to some one meeting, unless absolutely
impracticable.
1816, April 3Qth.
— Independent of all other considerations which
might induce me to court the company and intercourse of
Friends, (and many other reasons there are,) this one
would have much weight with me, namely, that into
whatever Friend's family I have gone, I have not as
yet failed to find them a happy set of people, — cheerful
yet sober, liberal yet strict, and above all things, sincere
and honest. I have not had much acquaintance with
Friends ; but I may truly declare, that I have seldom,
if ever, gone away from a Friend's house, without
carrying with me a temper and feeling of mind so
peaceable, so calm, contented and cheerful, full of
such warm desires of being and doing good, as are
by no means easily effaced.
1816, May 1st.
— Though pressed hard for time, I am constrained
to commemorate the admirable goodness of the Lord to
my soul this morning, in evidently answering my
petition, and affording me suitable instruction, which
was received (I trust) with benefit. At Gracechurch
Street Meeting this morning, being weary with my
own intruding imaginations, and earnestly desiring to
be rightly directed in the awfully important business
which I came about, and for which I had given up
much to obtain liberty of attendance, — a secret prayer
seemed to arise and run through me, that, if it were
best, I might, through some instrumental means be

1816.] CHAPTER II. 27
informed and instructed in the great duty of public
worship. No sooner had such desires presented them
selves, than M. S. [Mary Savory] rose, with nearly if
not exactly these words ; ' Look not unto man, whose
breath is in his nostrils, O thou of little faith ; but
look thou unto the Lord, who is mighty to deliver, and
able to save to the uttermost, them that trust in him.'
As if she had said, ' Look not for direction in this
matter to man, but to the Lord, who can best instruct
and incline thee when and how to worship himself
acceptably.' This instance of condescension was, and
still remains a memorable one with me, and is not
less gratefully remembered, on account of having ex
perienced many especial favours of a similar nature and
description ; some of which indeed have been still more
striking.
1816, May 8th.
— My birthday ; [nineteen years of age.] I con
trived to get one hour in the garden in the morning,
though so closely tied to business. Many reflections
appear to have been my companions in the midst of
much business at this time; indeed my mind was
greatly exercised and tried, yet also comforted, yes,
unspeakably, during this season.
Hitherto the Lord hath helped me ; hitherto has
he helped me exceedingly, — more than I could even
have thought or asked : and I can abundantly testify to
this truth, "no good thing will He withhold from
them that walk uprightly," or even from them that seek
to do so.
1816, May 27th.
— I cannot but believe, that the Lord will redeem
my soul from the depth of difficulty and distress, which
seem to encompass it ; though there seems no way, he

28 CHAPTER II. [1816.
will make one over the pit, which is dug about me by
my enemy. Thanks be to the adorable fountain of all
goodness, my faith is yet firm ; I know in whom I
have believed and trusted, and that He is still able
and willing, and shortly (in his own time) will make
bare His arm, which is indeed mighty to save and to
rescue. I read that the prayers of some formerly did
ascend even into the ears of the most High, and came
before him as a memorial ; now I do heartily and indu
bitably believe, that "He is the same yesterday, to-day,
and for ever;" that "his arm is not shortened that
he cannot save, nor his ear grown heavy, that he
cannot hear " the cries of such as seek his direction.
1816, May 29th.
— O ! Lord God of my fathers, the protector of
every one that putteth his trust in thee, be pleased in
thy unbounded compassion and unutterable mercy, to
look upon thine afflicted servant for good. • 0 ! Lord,
thou knowest my case and circumstances better than
I can possibly relate ; thou seest all my wants, my
troubles and my fears ; in thy abundant and over
flowing mercy, forsake me not in this time of trial
and deep exercise of spirit. 0 ! thou that art mighty
to save and to deliver, help me that I perish not in this
extremity ; but that aided by thee, I may be enabled to
do thy will whilst here, whatsoever it may be ; and be
prepared to glorify thee for ever hereafter.
1816,1% 30^.
— O Lord ! the Father of the fatherless, the helper
of the helpless, the friend of the afflicted; who hast
promised never to forsake them that seek thee, and
trust in thee ; receive the sigh and tear of one whose
spirit crieth unto thee day and night, — yea Lord,
thou knowest, through every hour of the day : I pray

1816.] CHAPTER II. 29
not that thou wouldst take me out of the world, or from
that station and place in it, which in thy infinite good
ness is appointed for me ; but this does my spirit crave
of thee with unspeakable fervency, even that in all
things, at all times, and in all places, thou mayst be
pleased to dwell with me, and to keep me on every
hand from all evil.
1816, June.
— According to my present feelings and expe
rience, I do verily believe that the business upon which
I have entered, is such, as requires much more time,
close study and attention, than I can conscientiously
give up thereto ; it does entail such entanglement and
engrossment in the things of time, as to leave to un
certainty and almost inevitable neglect the things of
eternity. I also am of the firm persuasion, that
business is not of that first importance, which is so
generally attached to it; but is and should be
secondary and subordinate to the first and greatest
object in life.
1816, June.
— If after all means and endeavours are made use
of, we believe that any thing is right to be done, surely
it is our duty to do it. We ought not to look at the
effects or consequences of thus having acted, but to
leave them to Divine wisdom, that He may overrule
or dispose of them as He sees best, — whether He is
pleased to give us satisfaction within and the appro
bation of others, or to withhold them. None can
tell us of our duty with certainty in every respect;
they can tell us of the great fundamental and indis
pensable rules of the moral law ; but in such actions
and steps, the omission of which are no breach of mo
rality, others can only recommend what they think is

30 CHAPTER II. [1816.
right; yet this is no infallible rule for us. Now who is
more likely to come to the knowledge of his duty in
any particular, than he who in sincerity and simplicity
is daily and hourly striving to conform himself to the
will of his Maker, as far as he knows it. Such a one
should not despair or grieve, if in every respect he does
not immediately and clearly discover his way cast up
before him ; but rather should join faith to his obedience ;
endeavouring to be content and thankful that he is per
mitted to know what little he does, and is enabled to
act up to that little; humbly hoping, and patiently
waiting for more, if necessary.
1816, June 12th.
— I have often been struck with the close analogy,
which many narratives in the Bible bear to the state
of our own minds. The manner in which Thomas
received the intelligence communicated by his fellow
apostles, of the resurrection of our Lord from the
dead, has more than once impressed my mind, whilst
I looked at myself and my own state. I have been
led to think, that any hesitation or delay on my
part to believe in and to receive the Lord of life and
light, who is striving with me day by day, who is
watching, waiting to be gracious, who is knocking at
the door of my heart almost every hour, who is calling
me, and running after me as a shepherd after his lamb
that is gone astray, — is somewhat like the tardy yet
deliberate conviction of Thomas, who, overpowered at
length by the abundant evidence which the Lord was
pleased to shower upon him, was unable in the fulness
of his heart to say more than " My Lord, and my
God." 0 ! I do indeed desire, not only to be firmly
convinced of what is right, but to be willing to sacrifice
every thing to the performance of the same, with
courage, resolution, and constancy.

1816.] CHAPTER II. 31
1816, June 13th.
— O ! Lord, make me still more and more entirely
devoted and dedicated, given up and surrendered
unto thee: teach me, I pray thee, still more per
fectly the way that I should walk in, each step that
I should every moment take whilst here; that so
through thy boundless mercy I may be safe on every
hand from every thing evil. 0 Lord ! if it so please
thee, I implore thee to take from me all vain confidence
in myself or others, — all my own strength and wisdom ;
and impress upon my soul an earnest sense of my own
nothingness and helplessness: that so through the
low vestibule of true humility, I may be enabled to
enter thy glorious temple, and therein to offer accept
able sacrifice and praise unto thee.
1816, June Uth.
— Upon very deep and solid consideration, I am in
duced to think that no outward change is yet required
of me, as to dress and address : but this I have been
led to believe is called for at my hand immediately,
and has been for some time, namely, a deportment
and conversation in all respects consistent with the
following texts of Scripture, and proceeding from a
deep sense of the importance of them. " Watch
and be sober ;" — " Watch and pray, that ye enter not
into temptation ;" — " Be thou in the fear of the Lord all
the day long." If we do not in this manner take up
our daily cross, and follow Him the Lord of life and
glory, how little are we taking heed to that direction
given, " Cleanse first the inside of the cup and platter,
that the outside may be clean also."
1816, June 28th.
— On considering the subject of the business pro
posed to me to enter upon, [that of a Solicitor's,] I can
acknowledge that I would this day sign the articles

32 CHAPTER II. [1816.
of clerkship, if I thought it right to do so: but
I feel too much given up and dedicated in heart and
mind to Him, who has all my life long blessed
and helped me, for me to undertake this proposed
occupation; and therefore I do trust, that though
my relations may not approve the decision, they will
respect the motives. It is, and has been day and
night, my most ardent desire to acquaint myself
thoroughly, in spite of every obstacle, with the will
of the Lord concerning me : and I may safely and
sincerely add, that there is and has been no fear,
no grief, no joy, so impressed on my soul, as the
fear of not doing, the grief at not having done, and
the joy at having done, what I know or believe to be
right. 1816, July 6th.
— Upon considering the Lord's extraordinary good
ness to my soul, and how he has blessed me more and
more, increasing my inward prosperity almost every day,
and especially of late in a remarkable manner, so that
though outwardly much occupied, my thoughts have
been almost constantly raised and directed to Him in
prayer or praise ; — upon these considerations my soul
has been humbled at this time, under the belief, that
the Lord's hand is in an awful manner upon me, to
mould me as it seems good to Him : the feelings of
this makes me fear and tremble before Him.
1816, July 10th.
— The longer I am surrounded by the vanity
and vice of this dissolute city, [London,] the more is my
mind vexed with the daily witnessing of such things ;
the less also do I get reconciled to the perverted and
depraved conduct and conversation, which abound so
deplorably in this place. O ! what a holy and diligent
watch should we maintain, who are placed in the

1816.] CHAPTER II. 33
midst of this vortex — this sink of filth and iniquity.
O ! Lord, thou alone canst make and keep clean our
garments, — thou only canst preserve in us a clean
heart, and renew a right spirit within us.
1816, July 25th.
— The customs, fashions, vanities, and ways of
the world, have very often come under my serious consi
deration. I have been, I may indeed say, oppressed
with a sense of the mass of folly (which is sin,) pre
valent among the children of men. I believe the evil
effects of these things are but little calculated by many
reflecting minds ; and that few look upon them in
that serious light in which they deserve to be regarded,
or esteem them worthy of reformation. It is in con
sequence of this lamentable remissness and weakness
on the part of those, who should stand up in resolute
opposition, that the torrent becomes stronger and
stronger, and the resistance of the few less and less
effectual. Under this impression, my soul has often
times mourned ; and my distress has been much ex
cited of late, whilst walking in the streets of this great
city ; many of whose inhabitants seem bound in fetters,
and enslaved by the caprice of pride, luxury, and
vanity. How frequent and fervent have been my
desires, that the little band of those who professedly
bear testimony against the fruits and effects of these
evils, wherever and in whatsoever degree they appear,
might be strengthened, by a diligent recurrence to that
principle which teaches a denial of self and a renounc
ing of the world with the lusts and vanities thereof,
— still to hold out against the enemy.
1816, August 3rd.
— 0 ! that I might be helped this day to do the
will of the Lord. O ! that I might be strengthened

34 CHAPTER II. [1816.
with inward might, patiently yet firmly and constantly
to persevere in what is right. Though assaulted
daily by the powerful enemy, yet may I be favoured
with unwearied fortitude to watch and pray, that he
may not finally overcome. How liable are we every
moment of each day of our lives, to fall or faulter in
our steppings ; and how blessed are they who are
kept by the power of God through faith unto salva
tion. My secret constant craving is, that in all things
and at all times, I may have such an awe and fear of
Him, whom all should fear, as to be preserved from
evil ; and that thus walking before Him, I may be
led into the way of peace.
I remember, when under great exercise long con
tinued on the subject of business, and amidst many
thoughts as to getting a livelihood in the world, with
my very restrained views every way, — -I opened a book
in great fluctuation and sore grief of mind, as it lay
near me, craving that I might be secretly informed in
this way, or in any way with certainty, as to the line
of duty prescribed to me by heavenly wisdom ; when,
to my astonishment, I found immediately to my hand
this passage from William Penn's No Cross No
Crown, — ' Whoever thou art that wouldest do the will
of God, but faintest in thy desires from the oppo
sition of worldly considerations, — remember, I tell thee
in the name of Christ, that he that prefers father or
mother, sister or brother, house, &c. to the testimony
of the light of Jesus in his own conscience, shall be
rejected of Him in the solemn and general inquest
upon the world, when all shall be judged, and receive
according to the deeds done, not the profession made,
in this life. It was the doctrine of Jesus, that ' if thy
right hand offend thee, thou must cut it off; and if thy
right eye offend thee, thou must pluck it out;' (Matt.
v. 29, 30.) that is, if the most dear, the most useful and

1816.] CHAPTER II. 35
tender comforts thou enjoyest, stand in thy soul's way,
and interrupt thy obedience to the voice of God, and
thy conformity to his holy will revealed in thy soul,
thou art engaged, under the penalty of damnation, to
part with them.' — Part I. Chap. i. Sect 21st. O !
here was a revelation indeed to me, if ever there
was one ; for as surely as there is a secret Divine
Power, it was manifested in my soul in the reading of
this passage ; and it so overcame me in gratitude to the
Father of mercies, that my knees were bowed, and my
heart was contrited before Him at that favoured season,
and tears fell in abundance.
There has indeed been a wonderful Providence all
along about me, too large to be fully set forth in order.
When the time for my decision and signing of the
articles of clerkship arrived, whereby I was to serve in
an attorney's office for five years, with every prospect
that a handsome income would succeed my application
to this line of business ; and when the draft of the deed
was about to be sent to be engrossed, and I was to take
it to the law-stationer's for that purpose ; — borne down
by hidden trials, my earnest fervent petition (in a secret
place, where I stepped aside to pour out my soul unto
God) was, that if the Lord was my guide and my leader,
he would make a way even now, when there appeared
none, to get out of the predicament in which I was so
closely confined : and speedily that day I was taken
ill, and obliged to see a physician, who ordered me to
Southampton as soon as I could go ; which was
accordingly effected in three days. I have cause to
remember to this day, how closely the Mighty Helper
was about my bed and about my path at that time ; so
that my tenderness of heart, and my cries and tears in
secret, were often remarkably answered, and were felt
even to prevail with God. My song also was unto him
d2

36 CHAPTER II. [1816.
in the night season; and living praises would ascend, in
very small intervals of time, when the soul had a few
seconds only to turn to its Comforter. When I returned
from Southampton I resumed my station at the desk ;
but my eye saw clearly that that place was not my lot,
though I did not even then think of giving up the pro
fession altogether : but that was also shewn me in due
season, when I was able to bear it. So that there is
indeed ground for me yet to trust and not be afraid, as
well as for others ; seeing that there is One, who can
make darkness light, and crooked things straight, and
hard things easy.
[He finally relinquished the pursuit of the law in
the latter end of this year.]
1816, September.
— What inexhaustible goodness and loving-kind
ness has the Lord in store for those of every age,
-class, and description, who strive to serve him in sin
cerity. 0 ! He sheds at times his refreshing presence
•and protection in a remarkable manner round about
his poor dependent little ones, showering down upon
;them the redundant dew of His grace. I have
thought indeed, that the inward consciousness of His
approbation attending us, is sometimes permitted to be
as strong and evident as we could desire. It has been
graciously allotted me during this day or two, to ex
perience such a degree of His favour attending me, and
to feel such a measure of His divine blessing shed upon
me, that I can scarcely forbear in this manner testifying
to the continuance of his care for his creatures, even
for those who have widely strayed from his flock, and
have been long wandering in the wilderness. Yes, 0
yes ! — " His hand is stretched out still ;" — praised be his
name evermore !

1816.] CHAPTER II. 37
1816, September \9th.
— Though I wish to be the last to find fault
with the innocent and natural sprightliness and live
liness of youth, yet I cannot but excuse myself from
joining in with what is commonly so termed, having
often felt thereby unsettled in mind, and indisposed
for reflection. I have found that by occasionally
relaxing in the discipline of watchfulness, the incli
nation to laughter, more particularly, gained much
ground upon me ; and there has been no small diffi
culty in restraining this habit, when much indulged ;
so that it strikes me to be a snare. Though religion
does not make a man gloomy, yet it never allows him
to be off his guard ; no, he must " watch and pray,
lest he enter into temptation," — taking up his daily
cross to all frivolous and foolish talking and jesting,.
besides other more evident and open evils.

CHAPTER III.
To W. F.
London, Oct. 10th, 1816.
Dear Friend,
— Whilst taking up my pen to address you, I
feel very desirous not to incur the sentence denounced
in Scripture, against him that "trusted in man, and
made flesh his arm, and whose heart departed from the
Lord:" for there is a disposition to regard the creature
more than the Creator, in whom alone is everlasting
strength. And yet a saying of the apostles Peter and
John, when brought before the Jewish council, has
often been comfortably remembered by me, after much
unreserved communication with some of my dear friends ;
and I trust I may safely adopt it as my own on this oc
casion: — "for we cannot but speak the things, which
we have both seen and heard." How shall I then be
silent concerning the dealings of Infinite Goodness, or
how shall I forbear to testify of Him who " delighteth
in mercy;" of whom it is said, and has been expe
rienced by thousands, as well as by myself, — " he will
subdue our iniquities, and will cast all our sins into the
depths of the sea." Indeed I have reason to say thus,
and much more ; for few suspect the depth of perdition
from which I have been rescued. Awfully appropriate
was that language twice repeated in the little company
I sat with, at our friend's house at S. — " Thou wert as
a brand plucked out of the burning :" I earnestly
desire that what follows may not equally apply, — " yet
hast thou not returned unto me, saith the Lord." How
strongly have I been encouraged, my dear friend, to

1816.] CHAPTER III. 39
believe, that even in these latter times the same arm of
everlasting mercy is still underneath, the same crook of
loving kindness is yet conspicuously stretched out to
reclaim and to restore. Though I have but little time
or space to spare, yet one circumstance attending my
former course of life, I may not omit to mention : — I
remember, my dear friend, (bear with me if you can,) a
season when my wickedness had arrived at such a
complicated and aggravated height, as to threaten (to
all appearances and all probability) inevitably im
pending consequences ; and these so encompassed me
round on every side, that, though a thorough adept, I
totally despaired of escaping that which was likely to
follow. At this eventful crisis, when my wretchedness
was more than I can describe, and almost more than I
could bear, there was a secret but fervent desire raised
in my very inmost soul, that if it were possible, I
might be delivered from this anguish of mind and
dilemma of situation, which were then owned [by me]
to have been brought on by my own sinfulness, and
much less than was deserved. There was also some
thing like a covenant [on my part,] that if I might be
thus rescued, no bounds should be placed to the dedi
cation of my future life. The sequel was as striking
as the fact itself; — each black cloud of this storm, from
that very day forward, rolled gradually away, and in a
surprising manner withdrew and dissipated. So that
in truth I have had, and still have most feelingly to
adopt a language, as literally and remarkably applicable
to myself, as it could perhaps have been to him that
used it, — " He brought me up also out of the horrible
pit, out of the miry clay :" and I think I may add,
it is equally my desire and belief, that the remainder
of this passage may and will be as nearly my expe
rience ; — " This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous

40 CHAPTER III. [1816.
in our eyes/' Yes, my dear friend, "I am as a wonder,
unto many," amongst those who knew me little more
than three years ago, then living in total forgetfulness,
or rather abandonment of Him, who notwithstanding
did not utterly abandon me ; but, as Fenelon says,
' who followed me in my ways, which were those of
sin ; who has run after me, as a shepherd in search of
his strayed sheep/ So that I cannot be silent on this
subject ; but am constrained to acknowledge, that in all
my various difficulties, distresses, and dangers, the
power and presence of One, " who is able to save to
the uttermost," has been with me and around me ;
bringing about seeming impossibilities, making a way
where no way was, and effecting deliverance " with a
mighty hand, and with an outstretched arm."
With respect to that share of affliction which has
been handed to me of late, I can truly say, it is my
desire, that others in their various trials, may be
equally enabled with myself to discover and acknow
ledge in them the hand of Him, who " is righteous in
all His ways, and holy in all His works." When pri
vations are permitted to attend, what a consolation, my
dear friend, to find a Father of the fatherless ; when
about to separate from those who have from childhood
shared the same mixed cup of joy and grief, what a
favour to feel, that wherever scattered, still each of us
is near that Fountain, to which we may all have
access; when a total revolution in our outward con
dition takes place, when luxury, delicacy, splendour
and vanity, together with all those objects endeared by
fond recollection, are to be relinquished, how sweet to
know " it is the Lord, — let him do what seemeth him
good:" and in taking up the cross— the daily cross,
denying ourselves, and following our Leader through
evil report and good report, through sufferings, con-

1816.] CHAPTER III. 41
flicts, and probation, — what a blessing will it be if we
" are kept by the power of God through faith unto
salvation." Your sincere friend, J.B.
1816, October 22nd.
— The farther I advance in my course along this
valley of mist and obscurity, the more evidently am
I permitted to discover — the more frequently am I
constrained to admire, the infinite condescension of
the Lord. 0 ! how sincerely can I exclaim with
the Psalmist, " What is man, that thou art mindful
of him, or the son of man that thou visitest him."
Fervent indeed have been my desires, and still more
and more so, as the visitations of condescending
mercy have been renewedly extended, — that my whole
heart may be prepared for the reception and further
manifestations of this great and gracious Guest. 0 !
• may there be in my inmost thoughts and imaginations,
as well as over my words and outward demeanour, such
a constant watchfulness, as may evidence a holy awe
and fear of giving Him offence, or occasioning a sepa
ration between Him and my soul.
0 '. thou who seest in secret, and to whom my
most secret petitions are thoroughly known, and known
to ascend even daily and hourly, — be pleased, in thy
exceeding great compassion and wonted mercy, to hand
me a little help. Grant that I may be made willing
to follow thee whithersoever thou leadest, and to be
come whatsoever thou wouldst have me to be.
1816, October 25th.
— I have been led to think that many are ready
to inquire with Pilate, "What is Truth?" but not

42 CHAPTER III. [1816.
being willing to wait long enough for an answer,
(or to wrestle for the blessing), have hastily gone
out like him from the presence of Jesus, who is
the only Way, Truth, and Life, even as it were unto
the Jews, the dark and outside professors ; and having
consented, or been prevailed upon to join hands with
those betrayers, have fallen away from, and become
opposers of the very Truth, both in themselves and
others. O ! that we may ever bear in mind the
excellency and preciousness of the Truth ; and thus be
made willing to encounter any thing that is, in the
smallest degree, an obstruction to our reception and
acknowledgment of it.
1816, November.
— Do not look at others, whether their example
seems to recommend one line of conduct or another,
no not even at such as are very industrious in
business, and yet accounted strictly religious cha
racters ; they are no guide for you : — stand on your
own ground ; nothing will justify what you are about
to do, or to forbear to do, but a full conviction of duty.
If you have that true peace which no man can give
or take away, it matters little what others may say or
think. Remember that the honest fishermen quitted
their lawful concerns, nay all, to follow Him that called
them, — but it was not till He called: the hundred
fold reward, and the everlasting inheritance were pro
mised, not to those who merely forsook all that they
had, but to those who did so for his name's sake. I
think it was W. Penn who said, ' it is not the sacrifice
(however great) that recommends the heart, but the
heart that gives the sacrifice (however mean) accept
ance.'

1816.] CHAPTER III. 43
1816, November 9th.
— 0 ! what shall I say, or what words shall I
make use of, to declare fully the Lord's goodness and
compassion to this poor frame of mine ! Day by
day, yes, all the day long, is his hand renewedly and
refreshingly turned upon me, for my .present and
everlasting welfare. Even when the power of the
wicked one came over my poor soul, when all desires
and endeavours after good — after " those things
that make for peace," were to appearance utterly ex
tinguished, even in that dismal hour, which was still
more darkened by the insensibility which benumbed
me, the gloriously great and gracious Giver of all good,
was pleased to pity me, and to revive the latent spark
within me, making it grow gradually brighter. Surely,
He is working a great work within me ; his hand, his
holy hand is upon me ; and if not through my own
default, he will by no means draw back or desist, until
he has made me all that he would have me to be.
What a multitude of obstructions as well as snares and
difficulties encompass me : how shall I put one foot
forward in the right way, except the Lord himself con
descend continually to "direct my steps." And O!
then, what a constant need there is of acknowledging
Him in all my ways ; that so this promise of safe and
sure direction may happily be fulfilled in my ex
perience ; — " The Lord, he it is that doth go before
thee ; he will be with thee ; he will not fail thee,
neither forsake thee."
1816, November 12th.
— O Lord God Almighty ! it is of thy exceeding
mercy that I am raised up, and enabled thus fer
vently thus solemnly to address thee, as the God
which hast led me unto this day. O! how clearly

44 CHAPTER III. [1816.
and comfortably hast thou, during this time of need,
revived the remembrance of what thou hast done
for them that have sought or desired to seek thee.
Where is not thy "mighty hand," and thy "out
stretched arm," to be discovered ? When I " look at
the generations of old, and see," through thy grace I
am enabled to silence every doubt, every discouraging
fear, by that feeling and forcible interrogation, — " Did
ever any trust in the Lord, and was confounded ; did
any abide in his fear, and was forsaken ; or whom did he
ever despise, that called upon him ?" Well might thy ser
vant say, "The earth, 0 ! Lord, is full of thy mercy;"
and thy prophet exclaim — " The whole earth is full of
his glory." " And now Lord ! what wait I for ? my hope
is in thee :" — in thee, in thee alone is my joy, my crown,
my confidence. I dare not ask of thee deliverance out of
trouble, except in thy time ; but Oh ! my very soul doth
crave of thee, that I may be kept from every thing like
evil ; — that I may be supported, and sustained by that
"hidden manna," which is promised "to him that
overcometh." O ! grant, Lord, unto him, who feels him
self at this time awfully humbled under thy mighty
hand, — that he may be made still more deeply sensible,
that " thou art God alone :" and as often as thou art
pleased, in thy very abundant compassion, to renew
within him that which constrains him to cry out, ." My
soul thirsteth for God, for the living God," — at such
precious seasons, may he be satisfied with nothing short
of Thee ; and strengthen thou him to endure patiently
through all, — waiting upon, hoping in, and watching
for thee !
1816, November 23rd.
— At the present favoured interval of retirement
and leisure, I am concerned to repeat an inquiry, more

1816.] CHAPTER III. 45
than once instituted before this time, whether I am
not now called upon to declare and profess before
men, the religious persuasion and principles which
I most surely hold ; and to adopt that course of
daily practice in conduct and conversation, of the
reasonableness and rightness of which I have not any
doubt. It does appear to my view highly and im
peratively necessary, that an internal change should
precede an external one. I believe that conversion is
that of the heart; that profession must follow, not go
before possession; and that an outward show and
appearance of peculiar seriousness is hypocrisy and
increased condemnation, if not accompanied by the
inward work of sanctification in the soul. Never
theless, it is certain to my mind that one invariable
evidence of true religion having entered and taken up
its abode in us, will always be, that we shall no longer
conform ourselves to this world in its vanity and folly ;
and that, in our dress, address and general conduct in
every particular, we shall not be governed by worldly
maxims or opinions, but by the law written in our
hearts. How far then is this the case with me ? How
far can I assuredly say, that this change of heart is my
experience ? O ! I feel indeed that I come short of what
ought to be my practice; that though I have given
up my name to serve the living God, even Him who
hath led me unto this day, — though I have withheld not
some things which were required of me to give up and
to forsake, — yet has not my heart fully, entirely, and
without reserve resigned my all. O ! there have been
those parleys and tamperings with sin, those secret
relapses, those connivances with the enemy, which the
Lord abhors. What a total surrender of self does our
pure and righteous Lord call for ; what an abandon
ment of every thing evil does He expect from his

46 CHAPTER III. [1816.
followers; what a daily and hourly watchfulness and
circumspection is required of those, who would be heirs
of a glorious mansion, where nothing impure can enter !
How very appropriately is it written, " Be ye holy, for
I the Lord your God am holy."
Same date.
— How beautiful, how glorious a sight is it, to
behold the sun in the morning when it issues from its
bed of crimson hue, when it gradually ascends the
horizon, dissipating the dusky gloom of fading night,
and tinging every object in nature with its golden rays.
And 0 ! may I not say, that through, the blessing of
a gracious Creator, I am enabled almost daily to wit
ness the spiritual arising of the " Sun of righteousness
with healing in his wings." Surely the day-spring
from on high, " through the tender mercy of our God,"
hath visited, and is visiting me ; and assuredly the
end and purpose of his arising is the same that it was
formerly, — even " to give light to them that sit in
darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide their
feet into the way of peace." I think I say not amiss,
when I declare my belief, that the light within me
seems to get brighter, and the fire warmer almost
every day. O ! that I may be content to remain in
the refiner's fire, that so I may become purified and
refined from everything evil.
1816, November 27th.
— I have been long in much trouble and difficulty
about changing my dress, as well as adopting those
other distinctions and testimonies which Friends uphold
and practice ; and my anxiety respecting these things
has been, lest I should take them up without good
ground, and without being clearly and indubitably

1816.] CHAPTER III. 47
sensible that these sacrifices are called for. Indeed,
I have gone mourning on my way, day after day and
night after night. Perplexity and discouragement,
darkness and distress, have at seasons clouded the
horizon of the morning of my days ; and mainly, be
cause I knew not certainly the Divine will, as to these
external observances, and as to many other sacrifices.
But I think that this subject has been cleared up
very satisfactorily to me this day, in much mercy,
both by what I felt, and by what was delivered
through a servant of the Lord, at meeting.
Same date.
— I see evidently, that " Jesus Christ came into
the world to save sinners," and that " unto them that
look for him, shall he appear the second time, with
out sin, unto salvation ;" — " the wages of sin is death,"
and consequently, that without repentance there is no
remission of sin; — that we must be in the way of
being redeemed from the power of evil, or the punish
ment will not be remitted ; — that we must be delivered
from sin itself, before we can be delivered from the
wages of it, which is condemnation; for it is aptly
expressed, " There is now no condemnation to them
that ai'e in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the
flesh, but after the Spirit. O ! then my soul, surely
there is required of thee a clean heart and a right
spirit to be renewed within, O ! how shall I bestow
pains and anxiety about cleaning the exterior, whilst
there lurks any filth in the interior. How shall I
garnish the outside with an appearance of the beauty
of holiness, and polish it after the similitude of a tem
ple dedicated to the Lord, when it stinketh within by
reason of the defilement there concealed. Surely it
was well said by the Lord to those hypocrites the Pha-

48 CHAPTER III. [1816.
risees, and it equally applies to many in these days as
to them ;— " Cleanse first that which is within the cup
and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also :"
and the latter part of this exhortation remains strik
ingly true, — for I am fully persuaded that all cleansing
of the exterior, to be sincere and not hypocritical,
must be the effect of a change of heart.
1816, December 4th.
— Is it not beyond a doubt, that the Lord will
make known his will to his poor dependent creatures,
who with sighs and tears both day and night seek
to serve him aright in all things ? Surely He is
no hard master, who does not evidently let his
servants see what is required of them ; nor, I am
persuaded, does he at any time call for more arduous
service, than he gives strength to accomplish. But
then He must and will be sought unto, both in ordei
that his will may be clearly known ; and when known,
that sufficient strength may be handed to enable to
perform the same. All my desire is before the Lord ;
and he knows, and I believe, hears my prayers, — he
sees my watchings and my weepings, and is witness to
all my woes. I do indubitably believe that the present
time is very precious to me, — that the hand, the mighty
hand of the Lord is upon me for good, — that he is ex
tending his gracious visitation to me his poor sinful
creature, who has been bound by the bond of dark
ness, by the power of the destroyer. O ! he is and
has been arising for my help, for my deliverance ; he
has assuredly in some measure, brought me as it were
out of the land of Egyptian and cruel bondage ; and it
appears to me impossible, unless by my own default,
that his promises should fail in the midst of the
fulfilment of them, and that he should leave me in the

1817.] CHAPTER III. 49
wilderness to die in my sins, to be destroyed by famine
and want : — no, he has a fountain of living waters in
store for me ; and though I know not whether I may
partake of that delicious and reviving consolation, out
of the bare and barren rock, or on the fruitful and
flowery banks ; "yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will
joy in the God of my salvation."
1817, January 27th.
— " Having food and raiment, let us be therewith
content," &c. I have admired the honest simplicity and
plain speech, which the first Christians, and espe
cially their great pattern, made use of to instruct
their hearers : the reasoning of the apostle in this
place is Unanswerable, and the process of his thoughts
appears to me so natural, as to be not easily mis
understood. The substance of that which he sets
forth, is, without any strained exposition, nearly as
follows : — the gain of riches is by no means godliness,
nor can it be a substitute for godliness in the end ; on
the contrary, godliness is profitable both here and
hereafter, and therefore is alone true gain. Wealth
and possessions last us only whilst we live : we had
them not when we came into the world, and it is
certain we can retain them no longer than whilst
we are here. Seeing then, that soon, very soon, we
must part with these things, let us provide "bags
which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens which
faileth not :" and as to every thing else, the riches,
the enjoyments of this vain and passing scene, let us
use these things as not abusing them ; let us not be
slaves to them, but rather render them of service to us.
If we are rich, let us not hide our talent in the earth,
but be rich in good works : and if we are in a middling
condition as to outward circumstances, let us endeavour
E

50 CHAPTER III. [1817.
so to act, as to be able strictly to adopt the apostle's
language,— " these hands have ministered unto my
necessities, and to them that were with me." Thus
we shall be enabled more fully to understand, and
more freely to accede to the text, " having food and
raiment, let us be therewith content."
To L. A. B.
Clapham, January 29th, 1817.
Dear Sister,
 1 am inclined to believe, that we are some
what similarly situated in a spiritual point of view, and
therefore that a few lines from one who desires to ac
company you [thee] hand in hand through this painful
pilgrimage, may not be unacceptable. On reading to
you the very reviving and refreshing Psalm which
occurred to me yesterday, I was ready to think that we
could hardly take with us too much courage on our
perilous journey through life. Some may look forward
at the commencement of their course, with no other
feelings than those of cool complacency and comfort, as
if our life whilst here was somewhat like a summer's
day ; others may view this state of being as a vivid and
glittering scene of continued enjoyment, and like the
gay and giddy butterfly, no sooner are they in existence
than their sport begins. But O ! the longer I am per
mitted to remain here, the truth of that view of life
which the Scriptures present, appears more and more
evident. Is it not there said to be a state of trial and of
trouble ? " Man is born unto trouble as the sparks fly
upward." When I look as far before me, as my im
perfect and short-sighted senses will enable me, I see
mountains of opposition and difficulty, wastes of deso
lation and desertion, floods of affliction, and rivers of
bitterness to wade through and to pass over, — the

1817.J CHAPTER III. 51
heavens above appearing black, and the horizon beyond
veiled in obscurity. Whatever you, or I, or any, may
think or say, be assured, that the Christian's path
through this state of being to a better, is no other than
that which it has always been, and will ever be ; as it
is said, " we must through much tribulation enter into
the kingdom." O ! the path for you and me, as well
as for all, is not such as the flesh could wish, it is
indeed a narrow path, too narrow for sense and self to
walk in ; there is in it but just room and that is all : it
is not wide enough for us to pass pleasantly along with
singing and with mirth ; but may rather be compared
to those narrow defiles between the snow-topped Alps,
through which the traveller is directed to pass quickly,
without trifling, without delay, and in silence, lest the
huge masses above him, or the parts on which he
stands, should in a moment consign him to destruction.
If this be true, then, how very much occasion is there
for us both to lay aside every weight, every thing that
is likely to entangle, to ensnare, or to impede, in the
race that is set before us. Is it not the case that we
are less disposed to remember our providential escapes,
and the many mercies that have been granted, than to
murmur at the scantiness of our fare, or the bareness
of our shelter. It does then appear to me especially
necessary, that we should take with us all the strength
and encouragement afforded. And where is this to be
found, but as it were in the very bosom of perfection,
in Him who alone is the true source of every good, and
the resource in every evil. Let us consider what is
said of Him in Scripture, that not one sparrow in his
vast creation escapes the protecting hand, and the ob
serving eye of its Maker. We have indeed a Parent,
who is nothing but love, who created us out of the
purest love, who preserves our natural lives every
e 2

52 CHAPTER III. [1817.
moment, whose love alone gave us immortal souls
fitted for immortal joys, and through his Son opened a
way, by which all might enter into the possession of
eternal life and glory: — and it is expressly said, "no
good thing will God withhold from them that walk
uprightly." So that there is help, and hope, and
happiness for all, whatever may be their condition or
situation, excepting only such as wilfully persist in re
fusing or abusing extended and continual mercy.
J. B.
1817, February 8th.
— The very important decision, as to the line of
life which I am to pursue, has often for this year past,
given me much anxiety and inward exercise, — it has
often been the cause of restless nights and anxious
days, and even (I have reason to believe) to the injury
of my health of body, as well as of mind. The anxiety
which it excited in me, seems however to have been
misplaced ; because I ought to have been desirous
to know what was right to be done in the case, and
how, and when, rather than to find out what could be
contrived or thought of, by my own skill and
management. There ought to have been more of that
simple reliance and dependence, that trust and confi
dence, which is the behaviour and feeling of a babe
towards its mother ; how quiet, how calm it slumbers
in her arms, — how safe and happy it is whilst there.
0 ! my soul, take heed, lest after having experienced
marvellous deliverances, — after having been, like the
Israelites of old, led in the day-time " with a cloud, and
all the night with a light of fire," — after having been
fed as with manna in the wilderness, and thy thirst
quenched with water as from the rock, — take heed lest
after all that has been done for thee, thou shouldst,

1817.] CHAPTER III. 53
through unwatchfulness or unbelief, in the least degree
doubt the strength of that hand that upholds thee,
the depth of that wisdom which is directing thee, the
providence of that eye which slumbers not, the extent
or continuance of that love, from which nothing but sin
can disengage thee.
Whatever is to be thy lot, whatever task is assigned
thee in the vineyard, wherever may be" the scene of thy
earthly tarrying, whether afflictions surprise thee as a
flood, or thy pleasures be as a full flowing fountain,
" hope thou only in God," for " from him cometh thy
salvation." Neither give place to doubt or disbelief,
nor to very much anxiety or disturbance of mind,
respecting what may befal thee : never fear, — there is
one that provideth for the sparrows, there is one to
whom every event is in subjection, — He is good: from
his hand " proceedeth not evil ;" and he hath said,
"there shall no evil happen to the just." In the mean
time, in all thy watchings and waitings, in all thy
wants and weariness, cease not to think of his mercies,
his goodness, his tender dealings with thee ; be mindful
of these things ; hide them not, be not ashamed of them ;
but to shew " to the generation to come, the praises ofthe
Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he
hath done." Surely, O ! my soul, if thou doest thus,
if thou rememberest that God has been and will be thy
rock, and thy redeemer, — if thou trustest in the Lord,
and makest him thy hope, — thou shalt " be as a tree
planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots
by the rivers ;" thou shalt prosper in thy day, and be
established. 1817, February 14th.
— O Lord ! thou who knowest all things, the
hearts of all men are open and bare in thy sight ;— thou

54 CHAPTER III. [1817.
canst not be deceived; — thou lookest upon the heart;
— thy regard is to the thought and intent of it, and thy
controversy and thy judgment only with the evil
thereof. O Lord ! no one but thyself fully knows, how
fervently and frequently my soul doth crave of thee,
that thou wouldst enable thy poor longing creature
to step forward with faith and firmness in the way
of thy requirings. Oh ! be present with me on this
troubled ocean ; — Oh ! take me, I beseech thee, by the
hand, saying, "fear not:" and if it be thy gracious
will, be pleased to guard and govern me day by day,
and hour by hour ; that so through thy sufficient and
availing help, I may be made willing and able to
become thy true disciple and servant, — to follow a cru
cified Redeemer, through the tossings and tempests of
this troubled scene, to a glorious and an immortal
inheritance. 1817, February.
i — I have been at this time, as at many others,
very seriously impressed with the belief of the im
mediate influence of the Spirit of that great and gra
cious Being, who promised by the mouth of Him whom
He sent into the world, that it should be, in his true
disciples, a teacher of all things, and a guide into
all truth. There has been felt this evening a still
small Voice, whispering in the secret of my soul, and
gently opening what would be required of me. It has
been given me to see with an unusual degree of clear
ness, that there will be an important post, — an honour
able station for me to hold, if I am but faithful to the
smaller discoveries of duty ; — that the track, which for
a short space I have been stepping in, though likely
to lead me in the way of usefulness, is not the track
appointed for me ; — but that way will be opened, in due

1817.] CHAPTER III. 55
time and manner, to engage in a more extensive occu
pation, even a high and holy calling. I speak not
here of a prospect of engaging publicly as a minister
among Friends, but of religious usefulness generally.
I desire not to be misunderstood, and thus to bring
disgrace on the Truth, or the true lovers of it: I
therefore can scarcely forbear to mention the view of
my mind, as it is and has been on this matter. I have
long mourned day and night, and have been grievously
affected with the rapid advances which the enemy of
souls is making, on the earth at large, on professing
Christians generally. Under this impression my soul
has been weighed down more or less, for the space of
above two years with little intermission, even before I
came into acquaintance with that Society, of which I
was born a nominal member. My very health, I believe,
has been at times injured, by this constant anxiety ;
which was not to be erased or smothered by close
application to business, or by society, or recreation.
My concern has been much increased, by a review of
the depth of perdition from which I have been plucked,
even as a brand from the burning : and by the deplor
able effects of sin on those, with whom in my vile
courses I kept company. Now I believe I may not
with innocency or impunity quench, or reject, or make
light of, such concerns and impressions as have their
foundation in Truth, and the end of which is the ad
vancement of Truth ; nor am I at liberty to treat such
thoughts as he did, who said, " Go thy way for this
time, when I have a convenient season I will call for
thee ;" for as much as I know not that another oppor
tunity may be afforded me. I therefore feel bound to
encourage and cherish good impressions by all means
and at all times. The oftener I have considered this
important and extensive subject, the more strongly

56 CHAPTER III. [1817.
have I been induced to believe, that sacrifices will be
called for at my hand ; and that I shall be constrained
to take up my daily cross in a peculiar manner, not only
as to things which are wrong in themselves, but as to
those which have a tendency to evil, and even in many
things which religious people account innocent and
allowable. O ! when I read in the Scriptures the very
excellent precepts and instructions given for us to follow ;
and when I examine closely the conformity of the lives
of those by whom the precepts are delivered,; my admi
ration at the coincidence in every minute particular, is,
as it were, swallowed up in mourning, at the declension
of the present professors of the same religious duties.
By such considerations and reflections, my soul is
stimulated very fervently and frequently to petition
Him, who is the fountain of all good, that He would, in
his own time and way, aid his own cause ; — that He
would be pleased to regard the sighs, the cries, and the
tears of His exercised people — " His own elect, which
cry day and night unto Him," for the advancement,
extension, and prosperity of every thing that is good.
1817, March.
— The subject of dress has very frequently come
under my serious consideration,— it has of late been still
more often and more deeply impressed on my mind;
and as I have kept quiet and calm, singly desirous to
know and to do whatever might be required, the
matter has opened more and more clearly before my
view ; and some things with regard to it, which had
been hitherto hid from me, whilst in a disposition to
follow my own reasonings and fleshly wisdom, or
concerning which I seemed then to be uncertain and
undecided, now brighten up into clearness, so as
to make me conclude that they are indisputably right

1817.] CHAPTER IV. 57
for me to adopt. And surely, I may add, no sooner
is a truth clearly manifested, — a duty distinctly marked
out, than it should without hesitation be obeyed.
With regard to my present dress, and outward appear
ance, it is evident there is much to alter. That dress,
from which my forefathers have, without good reason
and from improper motives departed, to that dress I
must return : — that simple appearance, now become sin
gular, which occasioned and still continues to occasion
the professor of the Truth suffering and contempt, the
same must I also take up, and submit to the conse
quences thereof. Some may object to this, as if it were
improperly "taking thought;'" but I differ from them,
not in the rule itself about the anxiety bestowed on cloth
ing, but about the application of that rule. It is right, .
if the vain customs, folly and fashion of this world,
have insinuated themselves into any branch of our daily
conduct, to eradicate them, with every one of their
useless innovations, whatever trouble, anxiety, or perse
cution it may cost us. But after we have once broken
our bonds, we shall find a freedom from anxiety, trouble,
or thought about our apparel, far surpassing the un
concern and forgetfulness, which seems to deaden the
spiritual eye and apprehension of the slave of custom.

CHAPTER IV.
1817, March 13th.
— I think it right at this time to set down my
opinions, or rather such opinions as I conceive to be
sound and good, relative to the subject of business:
I fear many of my near and dear friends have much
mistaken my ideas on this matter ; and perhaps I myself
have not entirely acted up in every respect to that
standard, into which the Truth leads those who follow
its dictates. I believe that it is good for man to earn
his livelihood by the sweat of his brow. If any one
has, or ever comes to have sufficient for the support of
himself or family, — (by a sufficiency, I do not mean that
which will satisfy all his desires, nor that which may
raise his family above the sphere in which they were
born, neither that which will furnish his children with
large capitals to enter lucrative or extensive concerns,)
— but if he has wherewith to support himself and family
in a moderate way of living, and to afford his children
an useful education, the knowledge of some honest
employ, and a little to begin with, — it is enough. I am
inclined to think, that such an one should consider,
whether it be not right for him to give up his business to
his children, to faithful dependents, or to relations that
want it ; unless he be of a disposition that can hardly
find occupation for his mind out of business, and in this
case, let him continue to employ himself in it, taking
only a small share of the profits. With respect to
charity, let not any in trade nicely glean their vine of
the fruit with which the Lord hath so abundantly
blessed them ; but let them gather sufficient, and the

1817.] CHAPTER IV. 59
rest let them leave for the portion of the poor. For
my own part, if way open for my going into business,
I believe it will be safest for me to engage in such
an one as is moderately profitable, yielding regular
returns, and tending to the general and substantial
Welfare of mankind, to the injury of none, and which
will not take up much attention or anxiety. But espe
cially I desire, that I may never sell to others any
article which has an evil tendency, or which evidently
and often is misapplied. With respect to this particular,
I have lamented to see that Friends, who are fearful
lest they should give way to the spirit of vanity,
pride, and extravagance, and who on that account
neither decorate their persons nor houses, nor even
allow their servants to dress gaily, — that these should
yet feel easy to deal to others, things which they
disapprove of for themselves ; — that they should not
hesitate to buy and sell such articles, as they well know
are inconsistent and incompatible with the pure teach
ings of that principle, by which they profess to be led.
This matter has impressed me much. I know that by
adopting this sentiment, I show my disapprobation of
the conduct of many sincere-hearted friends, and I am
also aware how few descriptions of occupation in life
are entirely free from this objection. Nevertheless, I
do believe that the sincere-hearted amongst us will not
hesitate to give up that in their outward concerns,
which they see and know to be an encouragement to
evil in any shape. That these may come to see this
matter, as clearly as I do at this present time, is the
warm desire of my soul !
But the ground upon which I think it best for me to
be not much engrossed in the things of this life, is this : —
having experienced no small share of the forbearance
and mercy of the Lord, having been rescued and

60 CHAPTER IV. [1817.
delivered from the pit of destruction, having sincere
and fervent desires for my own preservation and salva
tion, as well as for that of my poor fellow-creatures
every where, — I have inclined towards the belief, that
the Lord will make use of me, if I am faithful to his
requirings, in the way and time, and for the purposes,
which He sees best. Under this impression it is, that
I believe it right for me to sit loose to this world and
its anxieties, and not to be too much entangled in
them; lest I should be incapacitated for performing that
service which may be shewn to be my duty, or unable
from my situation in business to undertake it. Though
I scarcely think it my place to be out of business ; yet
I believe that it is good for some to be entirely released
from it ; and also, that well disposed persons should
devote a considerable portion of their talents, time,
and money, to visiting and relieving the poor, and
advancing and promoting the good of mankind in
various other ways, according to their several gifts.
1817, April 4th.
— Last Tuesday week, the 25th of March, was
our Quarterly Meeting ; at which precious opportunity
I was much favoured to feel refreshment and instruc
tion : the business of the meeting was conducted
pretty much to satisfaction, and the conclusion of the
last sitting, I have reason to remember. During the'
interval of ten days which has since elapsed, I have
frequently had on my mind an inclination to record the
awful and weighty posture, into which my soul was
brought on that occasion, by the merciful visitation of a
tender Father. Towards the latter part ofthe concluding
sitting, after the business of the meeting was transacted,
and a suitable pause had ensued, a minister got up with
this most impressive language of the apostle, — " Other

1817.] CHAPTER IV, 61
foundation can no man lay, than that is laid, which is
Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this founda
tion, gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble, —
every man's work shall be made manifest ; for the day
shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire ; and
the fire shall try every man's work, of what sort it is.
If any man's work abide which he hath built there
upon, he shall receive a reward." I believe nothing
was added to this by the Friend himself, though R.
Phillips carried forward the subject a little with much
force and vigour. After this another minister rose, and
in a solemn and earnest manner applied the foregoing
to the youth then present : he urged them in a power
ful manner to look to their foundation, and to examine
what hope they were laying up against the time to
come : he reminded them how soon and how suddenly,
even the young, the healthy, and the strong, were cut
off ; and desired them to recollect, that the Lord loved an
early sacrifice, a sacrifice of time, and talents, and trea
sure, — a sacrifice of every thing: and he recommended
to those who were ready to give up all and follow their
crucified Saviour, fully to ascertain, that what they
were about to offer, was required and called for at their
hands ; and in all their undertakings and designs,
thoroughly to try " the fleece." I cannot repeat what I
felt upon this awful occasion, especially as the remarks
came from one to whom I am not known, nor do I even
know him by sight. I could scarcely speak to any one,
after the meeting broke up; but walked home in fear
and trembling, under a renewed impression and be
lief, that the Lord is yet as mindful of his poor frail
creature as ever he has been. As I was returning to
Clapham in deep retirement of spirit, and in silent
waiting before Him, " who giveth us all things richly to
enjoy," these texts of scripture were revived in my

62 CHAPTER IV. [1817.
recollection, and sealed very firmly the instructive
communications which I had heard : — " Let every man
prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing
in himself and not in another:" — "Be not deceived,
God is not mocked : for whatsoever a man soweth,
that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his
flesh, shall of the flesh reap corruption : but he that
soweth to the Spirit, shall of the Spirit reap life ever
lasting." I had also occasion to remember, that he
it was, who came to Christ, heard his sayings, and did
them, that was likened to a man, who built upon a rock.
[It appears, that about this period, the author felt it
to be his duty to address his late school-master ; having
when under his charge been guilty of much irregular
and disreputable conduct : the reader may judge of his
feelings on this occasion, by the following extracts
from his letter to this person, after having left the
school about four years.]
To B. H. M.
10th of Fourth Month, 1817.
Esteemed Friend,
— Whilst taking up my pen to address thee, my
mind is deeply affected by the vivid occurrence of past
events, with all the crowd of feelings which spring up
on this occasion. The mass of sin and folly through
which I walked when under thy notice, — the exhorta
tions, the reproofs, the forbearance, and the warnings,
which I received and despised, — together with all the
flood of remorse and repentance which has since inter
vened ; and above all, the clear conviction, with
which I am to this day favoured, that it was
nothing short of " the mighty hand and the out-.

1817.] CHAPTER IV. 63
stretched arm," which brought about my deliverance ;
— these are a few, and but a few of the emotions that
throng me, whilst attempting to relieve myself of
a burden of duty which has long. been due. The
principal object in my view by this humiliating task,
seems to be, to procure from thee, for all these
numerous injuries which in time past have been offered
thee, such a free and full forgiveness, as I am en
couraged to believe, has been long since received from a
still more injured Master, who is in heaven. — Whatever
opinion or disposition thou mayst entertain towards
me, even if likely to be at all different from that
which I have every reason to expect; yet such is
the feeling of gratitude and respect, with which I
remember thy wholesome discipline and indulgent
attention to me when under thy protection, that it
seems as though I could receive with equal regard
the severest or the mildest reply, with which thou
mayst see best to make. Amidst all the discourage
ments, which in many ways attend the honourable and
truly important post in which thou art placed, from the
ingratitude, the perverseness, the corrupt and hardened
insensibility to what is good, so often prevalent in early
youth ; still is there much cause to believe, that many
more of this class are arrested in their perilous career ;
than return to acknowledge it, to such as have had the
charge of them : and it is probable, that even some, of
whom, after much solicitude and unwearied endeavours
on thy part, thou hast given up almost every hope, shall
yet live to fill up their various stations in society with
satisfaction and with credit. When I look back upon
my own past conduct, and take in all the various aggra
vating circumstances attending or connected with it,
many of which thou art not acquainted with, I find
myself able to express very little of what I feel, not

64 CHAPTER IV. [1817.
only towards thyself, but towards all whom I have in
any manner injured, whether more or less remotely. —
 With feelings of esteem for thyself and family,
Believe me to be thy friend, J. Barclay.
TO A FRIEND.
Clapham, 22nd of Fourth Month, 1817.
My dear 
— In the season of sore affliction, which has at
this time overtaken me, next to that consolation which
springs from Him who is the source of all good, I
know of nothing that affords such refreshment as the
sympathy of dear and valued friends. And that I have
thy tender sympathy and solicitude at this time of
trial and of tears, I feel too well assured to doubt.
How insignificant, how comparatively light did the
adoption of any alteration in appearance and behaviour
seem to my view, whilst they were looked upon at a
distance : how little did I suppose, that such trembling
and distress would have been occasioned, by so trifling
a circumstance as the discontinuance of some paltry
practices and habits, which were clearly seen to have had
their origin in evil, or tended to it : how far was I from
believing, that when the time should come for my
standing forth, and showing under whose banner I had
enlisted, in whose chosen regiment I served, there
could be any other feeling in my heart but joy, that I
was counted worthy to suffer whatever might be the
consequence. Well, dear  , we have that which is
better than words, by and through which we can com
municate ; why then need I add more. It may, however,
relieve thee a little of what I know thou feels for me,
to be assured, that in every respect as to this important
matter, whether I look at the time, the mode, or extent

1817.] CHAPTER IV. 65
of this act of dedication, I have nothing for which to
reprove myself as yet, — nothing that I could really and
truly wish to be otherwise than it is ; and that I have
abundant cause for thankfulness and encouragement.
Believe me, thy affectionate friend, J.B.
[In a letter to a Friend, dated about this time, he
writes : — ]
— We have truly witnessed the "mighty hand,"
and the " outstretched arm :" then let neither of us be
using in effect any other language, than — " the will of
the Lord be done." Let us beware, lest we be in any
wise counteracting the intention of Him, who intends
better for us, far better, than we can possibly provide
for ourselves. I believe there is a work assigned to
each of us ; that whilst to one is given a talent of one
kind wherewith to occupy, to another may be handed
one of a very different description ; and as long as we
are in our allotted stations, a blessing attaches to us.
That thou and I may both be found not blindly
choosing our own path, or laying down our own self-
willed plans and projects; for that which we may call
our welfare in life, is my earnest desire. For assuredly
it is not the estimated usefulness or service which we
may be rendering to ourselves and to society, by taking
up this or the other course of life ; but it is the being
in our right places, which is acceptable. Or, as
R. Barclay said, ' If Paul, when his face was turned
by the Lord towards Jerusalem, had gone back to
Achaia or Macedonia, he might have supposed he
would have done God more acceptable service, in
preaching and confirming the churches, than in being
shut up in prison in Judea ; but would God have been
pleased herewith? Nay, certainly. Obedience is

66 CHAPTER IV. [1817.
better than sacrifice : and it is not our doing that
which is good simply, which pleaseth God, but that
good which he willeth us to do.'
* LB.
To J. F. M.
Clapham, Fifth Month, 1817.
I could say much to thee at this time, and

could tell thee what a precious interval the present is
more and more felt by me ; how clearly matters seem
daily to open before me, as a calm, willing, watchful
state is abode under ; how hard things are made easy,
bitter things sweet, and how things that were expected
to have brought suffering, have yielded little else but
joy and rejoicing, as " a song in the night."
It must be an encouragement to thee, and a cause of
joy to see how very graciously and tenderly I am dealt
with day by day, — how the task is proportioned to the
measure of ability afforded, — and when the spark is
cherished by obedience, and every thing that tends to
damp or check is removed, how an increase in strength
is experienced — and especially what sweet peace is at
intervals the result. " What shall we render to Him,"
for all our blessings and benefits ; is there any thing
too great to sacrifice, or that any of us shall withhold ?
May we become more and more learned, more and more
deeply taught in that best of lessons, humility; for
without this seasoning virtue, the highest attainments
in religious knowledge, are likely to produce nothing
short of additional condemnation. Oh ! it is the
humbled and contrited spirit that is an acceptable
sacrifice, and said to be 'c precious in the sight of Him
with whom wTe have to do." Farewell, J.B.

1817.] CHAPTER IV. 67
1817, Fifth Month.
— I think I have heard a remark, made by some
amongst us, tending rather to the injury and prejudice
of them that give place to the sentiment, — namely, that
persons should not let their outward profession and
appearance outstep their inward and real condition and
character. This "sentiment sounds very well, and per
haps is sound with some qualifications. It is however
in the neighbourhood of error ; and therefore should be
cautiously received and acted upon. For, verily, the
reason why I or any others have adopted a strict ap
pearance in dress, address, or other particulars, is not
that we thought ourselves better than those who have
not found this strictness expedient for them ; nor is this
strictness of profession among men, any certain or safe
mark of taking up the cross of Christ. The cross that
we have daily to take up, as followers of a crucified
Saviour, is a spiritual cross, a cross to our appetites,
passions, affections, and wills. The crucifying power
will, no doubt, after cleansing us from all manifest
wickedness, cleanse also and purify our very thoughts
and imaginations, our very secret desires and latent
motives ; and amongst these, will it also destroy " the
lust of the eye and the pride of life," with all the fruits
and effects thereof, which have crept into, and are so
apparent, in the daily conduct of men of the world.
Thus, no doubt remains with me, but that if we, as a
Society, were more universally subject to the operative
and purifying power which we profess to believe in,
there would be found more strictness even in minor
matters than is now seen, and greater necessity for
circumspection, seriousness, and a continual standing
in awe.

f2

68 CHAPTER iv. [1817.
1817, Fifth Month 13th.
— I have been reading and have just finished
the journal of the life and religious labours of Mary
Alexander : I have not read very many of the journals
of deceased Friends, but from those which I have read,
there has been impressed upon me many an instructive
lesson. It is in such accounts that we gain that trea
sure of experience, which, without books or writings,
would be only attainable by the aged. We see from
these narratives, at one comprehensive view, the im
portance, the value, the. object, and the end of human
life. The travellers whose pilgrimages are described,
seem to traverse their course again under our inspec
tion : we follow them through their turnings and wind
ings, — through their difficulties, discouragements, and
dangers, — through the heights of rejoicing, and depths
of desolation, to which in youth, in age, in poverty, in
riches, under all conditions and circumstances, they
have been subject. From these accounts, we learn the
many liabilities which surround us, and we may (un
less through wilful blindness) unequivocally discover
where the true rest and peace is to be found ; and in
what consists the only security, strength, and sure
standing. Oh ! how loudly do the lives and deaths
of these worthies preach to us ; they being dead do
indeed yet speak, exhorting and entreating, that we
who still survive, may lay hold and keep hold of
those things, in which alone they could derive any
comfort in the end. I have accompanied this dear
friend, as it were, from place to place, and from time to
time; I have seen her as she passed through the
changing circumstances and events of each revolving
year ; and cannot but observe, that while she followed
the gentle leadings of Israel's Shepherd, giving up
her own to His will, she found such peace, as en-

1817.] CHAPTER IV. 69
couraged and strengthened her under every distress,
perplexity and darkness. Oh ! it was an unwearied,
unshaken belief in the being of an infinitely great and
gracious Master, that enabled her, as it ever has, and
as it does even now, enable all who rightly embrace it,
to encounter the buffetings of the enemy, the perils and
pains of the body, the exercises and conflicts of the
soul, the uncertainties and exigencies of time, with
the same calm confidence, and at seasons, even with
triumphant joy. Thou, dear fellow traveller, dear to
me in proportion as thou art near to Him who is very
tender to us all, I do affectionately salute thee, who
ever thou art that readest what is here written, whether
a relation or a stranger, young or old, born in a higher
or more humble station, — I affectionately entreat thee,
that thou wouldst weightily lay these things to heart,
whilst it is day unto thee, — whilst the light, which
makes manifest what things are reprovable and what
commendable, shines in thine heart, — whilst the Lord
is in exceeding mercy condescending to care for thee,
and to plead with thee, — Oh! lay these things to
heart. I testify as in the sight of Him who sees in
secret, who knows thy and my inmost thoughts, that
there is no other way to real rest amidst the contin
gencies of time, nor to an unfading reward, when this
earthly tabernacle is dissolved, but in obeying Him,
who said " I am the way, the truth, and the life :" — be
warned — be prevailed upon, dear reader, by one, who
acknowledges to thee that he himself has been in great
depths of wickedness, through disobedience to the
faithful unflattering monitor, and has found no peace,
no deliverance, but through the low portal of obedience
to the same. By this he has been from day to day
encouraged and strengthened to leave off one evil
practice and disposition after another, and has been

70 CHAPTER IV. [1817.
helped in some very small degree to put on a better
righteousness than his own : and he assures thee, that
thy repentance and thy faith are to be measured by
thy obedience to this appearance of Christ within,
" the hope of glory," as he is received in his secret
visitations, and obeyed in his manifested requirings.
1817, Fifth Month 16th.
— In what words shall I express thy tender
dealings, thy loving-kindness, O Lord ! to my poor
soul ? How shall I approach thee, how shall I speak
of thee, or speak to thee, 0 ! thou, the Giver of every
good gift ? Thou art far more gracious than any
language can commemorate, or than any tongue can
convey an adequate notion of. Thou hast wrapt me in
a garment of praise ; thou hast covered me with a sense
of thy compassion. I am swallowed up with love of
thee, with thy love towards me. Take pity upon the
poor dust, which thou hast been pleased to animate with
the breath of thy pure Spirit, and to make a living
soul ; — still condescend to continue thy fatherly protec
tion — thy very tender mercies and forbearance, hitherto
vouchsafed; — and enable me and all thy poor creatures,
to answer yet more and more thy end and purpose in
creating us, — still more and more to love and adore
thee, who art our all in all. O ! may thy kingdom,
thy power, and thy glory, yet more widely and trium
phantly extend over every thing within us and without
us ; — 0 ! may thy blessed will so come over all, that
the period may again be known, when " the morning
stars sing together, and all thy sons, 0 God, shout
for joy !"

CHAPTER V.

1817, Fifth Month 20th.
— O ! how fervently, how earnestly have my
cries and breathings ascended to Him, who is the
fountain and source of all good, that all the true well-
wishers to Zion's — welfare, all the hearty, zealous, living
labourers may be preserved at this season * on the right
hand and on the left ; that they may be kept in their
proper places, and in subjection to the Great Master of
our assemblies ; that their spiritual eye and ear may be
opened and enlivened by his healing hand ; that their
speech may be directed and their mouths filled in his
own time and way, to his glory ! May each one of
these be kept low under his almighty hand ; may that
which is of the creature within them be abased,
whilst that which comes from the source of life and
glory, is exalted above every obstacle or opposition.
0 ! thou, who art pleased at times to favour thy poor
dependent little ones, those who have no hope, or help,
or happiness, but in the smile of thy benignant coun
tenance, — be pleased at this time so to refresh their
hearts with the influence of thy paternal presence, so
to overshadow them with a sense of thy continued
protection and care, that they may be severally encou
raged and confirmed to serve thee with greater
diligence, to devote themselves afresh to thy service
and disposal, and more sincerely and unreservedly to
say and to feel, that thy will is best in all things !
* Yearly Meeting.

72 CHAPTER V. [1817.
1817, Sixth Month 1st.
— I have attended the sittings of this Yearly
Meeting, as well as those of its large • Committee on
Epistles, of which I was nominated a member ; and am
inclined in this manner to notice it. I think I never
saw the importance of our assemblies, or indeed of any
system of church government, in so strong a light, as
previously to this Yearly Meeting. For many days
before it commenced, my mind seemed engrossed with
a sense of the weighty act of duty, which we were
going to take in hand : I was encompassed with
earnest desires and great exercise of soul, that every,
individual attendant there, might be availingly in
structed and benefited, whether it should fall to his
lot to be more or less prominently engaged ; and that
thus whatever we might do in word or deed, we might
do all to the glory of the Lord, and for the promotion of
his great cause. I was favoured to continue in the same
tender feeling frame of mind, with but little diminution,
to the conclusion of our solemn engagement : at times,
the Lord did extend his precious gathering wing over
his poor dependent little ones, and enabled some to sing
in their hearts to his praise; — blessed be his holy name.
O ! what a privilege it is, to experience preservation on
every hand, to be each of us kept in our proper places,
and under our own fig tree, where none can make us
afraid, — each of us abiding under our particular exer
cises, and upon the watch-tower.
A FEW LINES AFFECTIONATELY OFFERED AND
ADDRESSED TO EVERY YOUNG PERSON WHOM THEY
MAY CONCERN. 1817, Sixth Month 10th.
Dear fellow traveller,
In a little of that love which has been extended
to me by Him, who " sheweth mercy unto thousands,"

1817.] CHAPTER v. 73
I send thee these few lines; sincerely desiring that the
eye of thy soul may be so effectually opened and
enlightened by the healing hand of the great physician,
Christ Jesus, as to enable thee clearly to see the
things which belong unto thy peace, before they are
hidden from thee.
Dear fellow traveller, dost thou not at times, when
thy mind is in some degree disengaged from the round
of sin and folly, or when thy natural flow of health
and spirits is somewhat broken, dost thou not feel
within thee convictions of thy wickedness, and condem
nation for the same ? Hast thou not intelligibly heard
at such intervals a language which whispers, ' all is not
right?' Hast thou not felt that the end of these
things, in which thy gratification is placed, can never
be peace, — can never be anything short of death, eternal
death to the soul that persists in them ? Be assured
then, that although these are thy secret feelings, thou
art still the object of infinite condescension and loving-
kindness ; He who desires not the death of the evil
doer, but the death of the evil, is still near thee,
notwithstanding all thy rebellion, — following thee in
thy ways which are those of sin, and running after
thee as a shepherd, in search of his strayed sheep.
These pleadings of Divine grace, these convictions of
the Spirit of Christ, which in spite of thy concealment
of them are pursuing thee, and in spite of thy endea
vours to appease them by partial reformations are
galling thy soul, — even these are the evidences of His
gracious hand upon thee ; who wounds only to heal,
and whose very judgments are in mercy. O! that
thou mayst come to see with undoubted clearness the
truth of this ; that thou mayst be . encouraged and
emboldened unreservedly to follow that, which is, as I
fully believe shewn thee to be right and acceptable

74 CHAPTER v. [1817.
in the sight of the great Judge of all the earth.
Assuredly He has shown thee, what He is requiring at
thy hands, and what his righteous controversy is with ;
He requires of thee nothing but that which has sepa
rated thee from Him, the only source and centre of
true joy, — nothing but that which, if not forsaken,
will embitter thy present life, and plunge thee into
utter darkness after it. Dear fellow traveller, it may
be that thou hast been, within these few years, my com
panion in the walk of wickedness ; that I have taken
thee by the arm, have helped thee forward in the broad
and beaten track which leadeth downwards ; that we
have taken delight to set at defiance the commandments
of a great Creator ; and have yielded ourselves, and all
that we possess, the ready instruments of Satan : — our
time, our talents, our means, our youth, our health, our
peace, have been freely sacrificed at the altar of our
soul's enemy. Be then entreated by one who has him
self- trod in this path ; who has hurried forward with
impetuosity down this fatal current, who, borne by the
rushing waters to the very brink of a tremendous
precipice, has been there snatched from the very mouth
of destruction. There is indeed, dear young person,
neither help, nor hope, nor happiness, even in this
state of existence, but in the favour of Him, (in whose
favour is life,) in implicit obedience to the Divine will
as far as it is made known to us. It is to no purpose
that we reckon ourselves, or are reckoned by others as
belonging to this sect or the other church, to this class
or the other division of professing Christians — if we
fall short of those unalterable marks and evidences of
true Christianity, by which we shall be known and
distinguished in that great day, when every gloss will
be removed, and every ceremony and shadow shall fade
before the eternal sun of truth. We read that at that

1817.] CHAPTER V. 75
awful crisis, there shall be but two names or classes,
by which the inhabitants of the whole world shall be
known, — the sheep and the goats, — the good and the
bad. Well, dear fellow traveller, it remains for each
of us, if we have any desire that this transient state of
being may terminate, in an unfading inheritance, to lay
aside all the false and foolish reasonings all the vain
suggestions, the cheating insinuations of an unwearied
adversary; and with sincerity and simplicity of soul, to
take up the holy resolution to seek and to serve the
Lord our God, during the few remaining days that may
be allotted us ; and to this end, that we be found daily
inquiring in his temple, the temple of our own hearts,
and waiting upon him there, where his kingdom must
come and his will be done ; that so we may feel his
presence and power, to direct and to guide us into the
saving knowledge of himself. That thou and I, as
well as all our poor brethren upon the face of the
earth, may be of that gloriously happy number, who
shall inherit an eternity of joy unspeakable in the
kingdom of heaven, is the earnest desire of one who
feels himself thy soul's true friend.
TO A FRIEND.
Clapham, 18th of Sixth Month, 1817.
 Whilst thinking of writing to thee, a part of

a beautiful meditation of the Psalmist, on the works
and wonders of Providence, occurs to me. After
dwelling much on the variety and immensity, the
order, the harmony, the excellent provision and ap
pointment of all things both in heaven and upon the
earth, the poor servant cries out, as if unequal to the
task, — "O Lord! how manifold are thy works! in
wisdom hast thou made them all ; the earth is full of
thy riches." I remember it is somewhere said, " all

76 CHAPTER v. [1817.
thy works shall praise thee, and thy saints shall bless
thee ;" and whilst we thus see that the heavens declare
his glory, and the firmament his handy work, — whilst
we see that all his works praise him, are we not con
vinced that his saints should likewise bless him ? Are
we not abundantly persuaded, that man also, — whom we
now see the only flaw, the only speck in this vast pro
duction, perverted in himself, and perverting the rest
of the creation, — was originally made pure and perfect
in his kind, and did then glorify his Maker. Oh !
how fully do I believe, how clearly do I see, that it is
only as we poor creatures come to be renewed in the
spirit of our minds, and to experience the putting on
of the new man, which after the image of Him that
made us, is created in righteousness and true holiness ;
that we can rightly worship, acceptably praise, and
truly give glory to so infinitely righteous, and holy a
Being, with whom we have to do. Thus alone are we
brought inexpressibly to feel, the beauty of those
scriptural or other writings, which dwell on the works
of the creation ; thus also are the faculties of our
mind opened, enlarged, and quickened to examine, to
perceive, and to adore, the great first cause of all.
What a blessed experience, when every thing within
us and without us, the stars above us, the dust under
our feet, seem all to join with us, and to show forth
that Power which has made them, and which supports
and sustains this system, this machinery of the universe.
Surely the revolutions and vicissitudes to which the
spiritual as well as the natural kingdom seem subject,
the turnings and overturnings, the storms and the
calms, the darkness and the brightness, the dreary and
the cheering prospects, the drooping and the delightful
seasons, are equally in the hollow of his hand, who is
said to be " all in all." He saith to the raging winds,

1817.] CHAPTER V. 77
" peace be still," and to the foaming billow, " thus far
shalt thou come, but no further." What then should
be the invariable language of our hearts, — what should
be the clothing of our spirits day and night, in all
extremities, and under all the circumstances to which
we are constantly liable, but — ¦" the will of the Lord
be done." 0 ! that we might be privileged to continue
from day to day> and all day long, in such a prostrated,
humbled, reverential frame of spirit, as would indubi
tably evince our belief in the presence, protection, pro
vidence, and power of Him, whom we profess to serve.
Thy affectionate friend, J. B.
1817, Sixth Month 24th.
— I think I have never felt in so reduced a con
dition, in so pitiable a state of mind, as during some
intervals of late ; at this time especially, it seems as
though I were at the very boundary where distress of
soul ends, and where utter darkness and desolation
begin. Still is there something like hope ; — still is
there, through the infinite mercy of Him, whose king
dom and whose power are far above the dominion of
the wicked one, something resembling the faintest
glimmer of a spark of light, through all the horror and
gloom which reigns. O Lord ! this once help me,
condescend to bless me, and be with me, and I will
follow thee whithersoever thou leadest. 0 ! Lord
God of my fathers, I have read of thy goodness towards
those who sought thee, towards those who trusted in thee,
in times that are past ; I have seen, and I have known,
and am sure, that it shalfeverbe well with those, who
have no help, or hope, or happiness, but in and by and
through thee, the source and centre, the spring and
the river of all consolation and refreshment.

78 CHAPTER v. [1817.
1817, Sixth Month 25th.
— I attended our Quarterly Meeting held this day,
under a weight of discouragement, without being able
to feel anything alive within me. It seemed to some,
however, to be an open time, a time of refreshment ;
the truly hungry and thirsty were shown what a blessed
condition they were in ; and they were directed to the
fountain of living waters, the living bread from heaven,
whereby they might be nourished up into eternal life.
There was also a supplication put forth on behalf of
some, who were under discouragement and doubting
whether they ought not to enter upon some important
duty ; and a desire for such, that they might " go forth
in this their strength," in the deep sense of their own
weakness; — which much reached me. The sittings
for business were no less trying to me, and I believe to
some others, who mourn at the untempered, (if I may
use that expression,) or rather perhaps unleavened
manner, in which these our meetings for the promotion
of good order, Christian conduct and conversation,
are sometimes held. Oh ! how little of an inwardly
gathered and retired disposition do we see, — how little
of that weighty concern and exercise of soul — that
abiding under the overshadowing canopy of pure fear,
which were witnessed by those amongst us in former
times, and spoken of in these words of William Penn :
' Care for others was then much upon us, as well as
for ourselves, especially the young convinced. Often
had we the burden of the word of the Lord to our
neighbours, relations, and acquaintances, and some
times to strangers also : we were in travail for one
another's preservation, treating one another as those
that believed and felt God present ; which kept our
conversation innocent, serious, and weighty. We held
the Truth in the spirit of it, and not in our own spirits,

1817.] CHAPTER V. 79
or after our own will and affection. We were bowed
and brought into subjection, insomuch that it was
visible to them that knew us ; we did not think our
selves at our own disposal, to go where we list, or say
or do what we list or when we list : our liberty stood
in the liberty of the Spirit of Truth ; and no pleasure,
no profit, no fear, no favour, could draw us from this
retired, strict, and watchful frame. Our words were few
and savoury, our looks composed and weighty, and our
whole deportment very observable. I cannot forget
the chaste zeal and humility of that day ; — oh ! how
constant at meetings, — how retired in them, — how firm
to Truth's life as well as to Truth's principles !'* Thus
far William Penn, and oh ! that we could say, that any
thing like all this, did really and truly pervade our
conduct now, as a religious body.
To THOMAS SHILL1TOE.
Clapham, 30th of Sixth Month, 1817.
Respected Friend, T. S.
 Having fulfilled the object which induced me
to send the preceding lines, I am inclined to add a few
more ; which I am ready to believe I should have done
well to communicate to thee, when last in thy company.
I faintly recollect, many years past, when but very
young and at school, hearing thee (I think I cannot
be mistaken as to its being thyself,) in a meeting for
worship at Wandsworth, largely and powerfully en
gaged in testimony. I also remember my own feelings
at that season, how ready I was to laugh thee to scorn,
and to despise thee. But I have been met with, like
poor Saul ; and am now brought to such a pass, that I
cannot find satisfaction or even safety, in any thing
* William Penn's Rise and Progress.

80 CHAPTER V. [1817.
short of a warm and unreserved espousal of that cause,
which I but lately made light of. The subjects to
which thou wast concerned to call the serious attention of
Friends at the last Yearly Meeting, have been deeply felt
by me ; and I may truly say, that nearly as long as I
have been privileged by an acquaintance with the houses
and families of Friends, (which though I was born
a member, is not long,) I have at times almost mourned
at the great relaxation from Gospel strictness, and sim
plicity of living, so evident amongst us. Surely I haye
thought if we were to cast out the crowd of opinions,
which have got the first place in our minds, — opinions
founded or cherished by custom, example, and educa
tion in the good, and by vanity, or something worse, in
the bad ; and if we were coolly and calmly to listen to
the silent dictates of best wisdom, we should clearly
see, that the holy principle which we profess, (to use the
words of John Woolman,) inevitably ' leads those, who
faithfully follow it, to apply all the gifts of Divine Pro
vidence to the purposes for which they were intended.'
I venture to say, we should then find a greater neces
sity laid upon us, to exercise self-denial in what we are
apt to think little matters, than is now often thought
of; we should have such a testimony to bear against
superfluity, extravagance, ostentation, inconsistency,
and the unreasonable use of those things which perish
with the using, as we now profess to have, against the
more flagrantly foolish customs and fashions of the
world. Whatever some may think in regard to these
things, I feel assured, that he, who in his outward
appearance or behaviour, bears any remnant of a testi
mony against the customs and fashions of the world,
ought to be ashamed of himself, if he belies his avowed
sentiments, by a departure from simplicity in the furni
ture of his house, and way of living. Wilt thou excuse

1817.] CHAPTER V. 81
my saying a little more, dear friend, on so important a
subject as this has long felt to me ? I have been
almost ready to blush for some, at whose houses I have
been, where pier-glasses with a profusion of gilt carving
and ornament about them, delicately papered rooms
with rich borders, damask table-cloths curiously worked
and figured extremely fine, expensive cut glass, and
gay carpets of many colours, are neither spared nor
scrupled at. Some indeed seem to be desirous of dis
guising and excusing their violation of the simplicity,
which their better feelings convince them they should
practice, by saying, that this or the other new or
fashionable vanity is an improvement on the old article,
— that this gay and gaudy trumpery will wear and keep
its colour better than a plainer one, — that this precious
bauble was given them by their relations. Thus are
they endeavouring to satisfy the inquiries of those who
love consistent plainness, and to silence that uneasy
inmate, the unflattering witness which is following
them. I have been much exercised and troubled on
my own account, and on that of others, as to these
matters ; and have been very desirous that we may all
keep clear of these departures.
Thus thou seest I have felt much freedom in
addressing thee, even like that of an old acquaintance ;
and hope I shall never want this honest openness to
wards such, as are examples in conduct and conver
sation ; for when there is a want in this respect, it
seems with me to indicate a want of that, which brings
with it boldness and confidence towards all men, even
a fear of One who is greater than man. With desires
that, in receiving and reading this communication from
one who is so young in years and experience, thou
mayst be encouraged in thy arduous labour, in which
I have felt much sympathy with thee ; and trusting it
G

82 CHAPTER V. [1817.
may be blessed by the reward of peace to thyself,
and by the return of many a backslider to the living
fountain ; I remain thy sincere friend, J.B.
1817, Seventh Month 4th.
— In reading the 13th chapter of the 1st book of
Kings, I have at this time been much instructed, and am
ready to take the lesson to myself as a warning or
special admonition. Herein we see, that it availed
nothing in respect to the future, that the prophet
had (though so lately,) been favoured with a divine
commission, and was hitherto upright in the faithful
discharge of that arduous duty which devolved upon
him from his Lord, — even that of openly proclaiming
the vengeance of the Almighty against the idolatry that
had overtaken the people, — and boldly asserting the
destruction of the priests even to their faces, and in the
presence of their king ; saying to him in reply to his
invitation, — " If thou wilt give me half thine house, I
will not go in with thee ; neither will I eat bread or
drink water in this place:" — yet after all, he was weak
enough to give up his own clear convictions of duty, as
revealed in and to himself, (the truth of which was
indubitably evinced and sealed by the miracle which
attended the partial performance of them,) and to prefer
obeying the old prophet before compliance with " the
word of the Lord." ¦ Oh ! how greatly have I longed
in a. peculiar and especial manner for myself, as I am
now situated and circumstanced, that I may stedfastly
adhere to no other law but the law written on the
heart; and closely to attend to the secret dictates of
best wisdom alone. For assuredly there is no safety,
but in implicitly giving up to the reproofs of instruc-

1817.] CHAPTER V. 83
tion, which are and ever will be the way to life. —
" Be ye followers of me," says the apostle Paul ; but
he adds, — " even as I also am of Christ ;" intimating
surely that the examples of others in life and conver
sation are to be followed, only so far as they accord
with the example and precepts of Him, who said, " I
am the light of the world," — " whilst ye have the light
believe in the light," — " walk while ye have the light."
So that in looking back at such acts of dedication, as
have been (according to my belief) required at my
hands, and in contemplating the peace which has
ensued after even the smallest surrender, when the
sacrifice has been offered out of a sincere and upright
heart; I have earnestly, and I may truly say above
every other earthly consideration, desired that nothing
may be suffered to hinder me — to turn me aside, even
in trifling as well as in great matters and concerns,
from carefully, closely, unremittingly attending to, and
abiding by, the counsels and teachings of that divine
principle, even the Spirit of Christ, which is given to
every one for his guide in the way of salvation. I have
found amongst many other acts and false suggestions
and temptations, which the enemy makes use of to
deter us from giving up ourselves to the guidance
of the Holy Spirit, one which is much talked of and
acted upon by many, through their own inexperience,
and the deceit of the prince of darkness; namely,
that these leadings and secret influences and inspi
rations, are not distinguishable from the workings
of our own mental or rational powers ; and if they
are distinguishable, that these persons have not felt
them or known them. .Now in answer to this, which
has been my own delusion, I may say, that every
one who has for a long season habitually stifled by
disobedience this divine monitor, cannot expect to
g2

84 CHAPTER V. [1817-
hear or fo understand so plainly its voice, as those do
who have for a long period listened to its secret
whispers, and surrendered themselves unreservedly to
its injunctions : these can testify, that they follow no
uncertain vapour or idle tale ; but that its reproofs are
to be plainly perceived, and its incitements early to
be felt ; and that the peace they witness cannot be
imitated, neither can it be expressed to the under
standings, or conceived by the imaginations of such, as
have none of this blessed experience. Nor let any
poor, seeking, sincere, or serious minds be discouraged,
that they do not upon submission immediately or very
quickly feel what they wait to feel, even the arising of
that secret influencing, actuating, constraining and
restraining power or spirit of the Lord. Let them not
be discouraged if this be their case, nor be dismayed
if even after some considerable sacrifices and trying
testimonies of sincerity, they find not that rich reward
of peace which they had expected. Let such remember,
it is written, — " he that endureth to the end, the same
shall be saved :" now where there is a moment's
enduring only, and that previous to or whilst in the
performance of what is required, this cannot be called
" enduring to the end;" but oh ! it is that " resistance
unto blood" (as it were,) in faith and faithfulness, that
"patient continuance in well doing," in defiance of
difficulties, discouragement, darkness, doubt, and dis
tress, which will give us the victory, and will make us
through the mercy of God in Christ Jesus, heirs of
that eternity of peace, and rest, and joy, which we know
is prepared for such as overcome.
1817, Ninth Month 6th.
— For more than a week past, I have been
plunged by the permission of best wisdom, into such a

1817.] CHAPTER V. 85
depth of darkness and discouragement, without any
perceptible glimmer of alleviation or ray of comfort,
that my poor, tossed, troubled soul seems on the very
point of giving up the contest, and losing hold of its
only support and security. Whilst the heavens are as
brass, and the earth as it were iron, what is frail, help
less man to do for himself? It seems to my view,
that there is nothing left for him to do to aid himself,
or to deliver himself out of his forlorn situation, but
to sink down into his own nothingness ; and there,
as in the dust, to remain all the Lord's determined
time, until He shall see meet to appoint unto him
" beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the
garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." When
I took my pen to write what has thus been written, I
did not expect to come to the preceding conclusion, or
that any such reflection would arise out of the subject.
The Lord grant that what I have written, may be more
than mere words; and that through and over all diffi
culty and distress, I may come forth the wiser and the
better, and more devoted to his disposal, and more
patient under his dispensations.
1817, Ninth Month 17th.
— I believe myself called upon to bear an open,
unequivocal, unflinching testimony, not only against
all pride, extravagance, ostentation and excess, but
also in a peculiar manner against all the secret insinua
tions and covered appearances, under which they are
creeping in, and growing up amongst us as a Society.
I have for years believed, that the declension amongst
Friends from the true standard of simplicity is great;
and I am of the mind, that if they had diligently
hearkened unto, and implicitly obeyed the dictates of
best Wisdom, they would have been led to ' apply all

86 CHAPTER V. [1817.
the gifts of Divine Providence to the purposes for
which they were intended.' I believe that it is my
duty to live in such a humble, plain, homely, simple
manner, as that neither in the furniture, food, or
clothing used, any misapplication of the gifts of
Divine providence be admitted or encouraged.
1817, Ninth Month.
— " Day unto day uttereth speech, and night
unto night showeth knowledge ;" and where is an end
to praising the Lord for his mercy, which " endureth
for ever," and which is abundantly shed abroad, to the
rejoicing of the hearts of those that seek to serve him,
and to the great comfort of their souls in the midst of
much tribulation. O ! that there may be more and
more reliance, unshaken, immoveable reliance on Him,
who thus daily scatters and profusely deals out tokens
of his loving-kindness. O! that there may be an
increase of faith experienced, an increase of resigna
tion proportioned to the nearer approach of perplexity
and difficulty and embarrassment on every hand.
And now when the waves of affliction run high, and
the floods seem irresistible, may the Lord Almighty,
who " is mightier than the noise of many waters," in
his own time lift up a standard against them, — saying,
' ' thus far, but no farther." O ! surely, He who remains
as ever to be the only sure " confidence of all the ends
ofthe earth," — He who can overrule events for the good
of those that sincerely seek him, will not overlook or
despise any of those, who desire to look unto, and who
lean upon Him alone in all their troubles.
" 0 ! Lord God of my fathers, art not thou God
in heaven? and rulest thou not over all the king
doms of the heathen ? and in . thy hand is there not
power and might, so that none is able to withstand

1817.] CHAPTER V. 87
thee?" Art not thou my God, art not thou my joy,
my delight, my glory, the crown of my rejoicing ?
Art not thou He, that hath hitherto helped me, that
hath brought me out of much evil, that hath inclined
my heart to seek thee, and my soul to love and fear
thee ? Wilt thou not arise for my help in the time of
trouble, of temptation, of darkness, of distress, from
whatever cause these may proceed, whether by thy
permission, or by thy appointment ? O ! Lord, thou
knowest perfectly, what are the causes of my present
disquietude, and how to dispose of all things for the
best, both as to the present and as to the future : thou
knowest how poor, and weak, and utterly incapable I
am to help myself in any exigency that may arise ; and
that without thee, nothing but confusion, and sorrow,
and desolation, is likely to be my portion : O ! make me
yet more deeply and lastingly sensible of this, and that
" I have no might against this great company that
cometh against me, neither know I rightly what to
do." I beseech thee, renew daily and hourly, my faith
and dependence, and watchfulness unto prayer, and
my love and fear of thee. O ! arm me with thy
gloriously impenetrable armour ; and make me strong
in thee and in the power of thy might; that through
thy abundantly sufficient grace and truth, I may be
fit for all occasions and trials, to which thou mayst
see meet to call me : that so, my eye being continually
upon thee, thy precious cause may prosper, and thy
name be exalted by me, in me, and through me, both
whilst my soul is confined in this frail body, and for
ever and ever. Amen.

CHAPTER VI.
1817, Ninth Month 20th.
— Truly do I rejoice in believing, that I find
myself losing more and more of that authority and
ability to do anything for the service of the blessed cause,
which proceeds from the creature ; and in this happy
experience, I see advancement as well as safety. 0 ! that
all shadow and appearance of confidence in the fleshly
part, may be still farther removed ; that there may follow
a yet more firm establishment on the Rock of sure
strength, the immoveable foundation of all true wisdom.
Man may possibly think in his reasoning that a smooth
path is best for the Christian pilgrim ; little knowing
how it is, that " we must through much tribulation
enter the kingdom," — except perhaps as it respects
outward affliction. Yet we do see, and some of us
feelingly know, that deep plungings with buffetings
and toilings and groanings of spirit, are the " bonds and
afflictions that await us," down to the final hour it may
be of our departure hence : and we can of a truth declare
at times, that such heavily distressing dispensations
are by the permission of the Author of all good in love
to our souls ; and we are sometimes enabled, in the
blessed moment, when we feel ourselves on the banks
of deliverance, to extol His holy name ; who hath made
us a path through the mighty waters, and sustained us
in the wilderness. 0 ! how shall my soul forbear to
sing aloud unto Him, who has preserved it in its
travel through a land of pits and of snares, through
unspeakable darkness, and an almost utterly disconso
late state ; and has given me this hour of rest and of

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 89
peace, this little interval of refreshment and joy and
great consolation. O ! that this precious season had
never been graciously given unto me, rather than that
I should after such tender mercies, turn away from
following the Lord in the " little moment," when he
may again be pleased to " hide his face."
To J. F. M.
London, 23rd of Ninth Month 1817.
My Dear Friend,
— There are some bright spots in this wilderness
journey, and I think thou wilt recognize them by
my faint description ; when as from an eminence we
are enabled to see to a considerable distance both
before and behind us; feeling ourselves as it were
removed into a purer atmosphere. We can even dis
tinguish the little stumbling-blocks that have impeded
our progress, the rough and rocky ground that has
sorely wounded our feet, the very brambles and briary
thickets that have jaded us, the narrow passes and
threatening precipices through which we have escaped,
and on the edge of which we have been preserved.
Here it is, on this interesting elevation, whilst
the eye of the mind is rapidly traversing over and
tracing the windings of the road by which we
have come, that we remember where and when " the
troubles of our hearts were enlarged ;" we call to mind
the perplexity that befell us, the secret conflicts that
attended, and the temptations that waylaid us ; — we
can precisely point out the spot where " we sat down
by the rivers of Babylon," where " we wept when we
remembered Zion," and " hanged our harps upon the
willows," and refused to be comforted; — we can tell
where it was that we "fell among thieves, who stripped
and wounded" us, and left us, as it were, half dead ;

90 chapter vi. [1817.
and we shall not easily forget where the good Samaritan
found us, and had compassion on us, and how tenderly
he treated us, how diligently he took care of us, and
provided for our wants. Oh ! which of us at such a
time can fail to discover, and to admire the hand that
is over us continually for good ; how seasonably it has
been stretched out for our deliverance, for our en
couragement, when there seemed no one near to help,
and nothing to do but to give up the tedious travel.
It is in such a season that we are truly enabled to
" praise Him, who is the help of our countenance and
our God;" and to repose anew in Him our confidence
and trust for the time to come. Thy very affectionate J.B.
1817, Ninth Month 28th.
— During the present and past fight of afflictions,
which the Lord has in wisdom appointed unto me, I
have at times, through the assisting grace of Him, who
has been pleased to fight for me, maintained a fierce
and desperate contest; and in degree have been enabled
to stand firm against the fury of the enemy. Yet at
other seasons, after having been a long time under
arms, and very weary with watching and fasting,
there has been a relapse or retreat experienced; and
the ground that had been gained by hard fighting,
has been lost or relinquished. Oh ! how difficult at
such a moment, when harassed and oppressed, faint
and ready to drop, to keep from utterly falling away,
and fleeing before the emboldened adversary ; who,
exulting in his success, is proudly pushing forward at
this critical juncture, to make the most of his ad
vantages. But firmly persuaded I am,, that with the
Lord there is sufficient strength and power to enable

1817.] chapter vi. 91
us to overcome all our enemies ; I do very earnestly
desire to trust in Him, and not be afraid, to repose
my reliance upon him afresh day by day, to keep
near to Him at all times, to be very faithful unto his
requirings, to be very patient in waiting for his aid
and counsel, and increasingly watchful against the
snares of the enemy. And may His blessing come
upon me, and prevent my utter destruction, which at
times seems fearfully impending. Oh ! where is there
hope, but in the Lord !
1817, Ninth Month 29th.
— Oh ! how shall words set forth the dispensa
tion of desolation as to anything like good, that seems
to have come over my soul ? Darker and darker, —
deeper and deeper, — what will be the termination of this
distress ? Yesterday, I attended Westminster Meeting ;
upon sitting down, my sorrows began to arise like a
whirlwind, and I was ready soon to burst into tears,
exclaiming in secret, " the Lord hath forsaken me, he
hath utterly forgotten and rejected me." After a time
of great trial and tossing, a young Friend got up with
these words, " Fear not, for I am with thee, be not
dismayed for I am thy God ; I will uphold thee by the
right hand of my righteousness." Soon after which,
F. Smith rose, and in a very tender manner addressed
the poor, afflicted, tossed, tried servants, whose conflict
he described as being so heavy, and their souls almost
in despair ; he expatiated on the number of promises
contained in Scripture for such as these, if they still
continued faithful and stedfast to the end,— if they still
persisted in hoping in, waiting for, and trusting to the
Lord alone. He said he believed there were some
present, whose language was, — " the Lord hath forsaken
and forgotten me :" — with much more for the encou-

92 chapter vi. [1817.
ragement of such to patience and perseverance under
suffering. As for me, I seemed utterly unable to
receive any comfort or hope, as if all hold was gone
and out of reach, and like poor Job, who refused to be
comforted. This evening, after a day of heavy exer
cise and tears, my brother read a portion of the Psalms.
Whilst he was preparing to read, my heart said, ' It
is all over with me, there is no good at all for me ; I
am rejected of the Lord, his presence and blessing is
departed :' — however, when he began to read, the first
words awfully ran through me, " My God, my God,
why hast thou forsaken me, why art thou so far from
helping me, and from the words of my roaring ? 0
my God ! I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not,
and in the night season I am not silent." Then I was
somewhat comforted in remembering that this was the
language of David in great distress ; yet he was not
forsaken, but was greatly helped every way by the
Lord in the appointed time.
1817, Ninth Month.
¦ — Oh ! it is good to trust in the name of the
Lord, to repose in his arm of strength, his parental
tenderness and compassion. It is good to have our
many strong holds invaded, our misplaced confidence
unhinged, our secret props struck away ; that we may
more closely cling unto that, which is not of ourselves,
nor of our brethren, but comes only from the source of
all might and of all mercy. Oh ! it is good to have
all sense of hope and of help withdrawn, — to be laid
low in the dust with all our pride and selfishness ;
that we may feel that which is good to flow in upon us
in the Lord's own time as an unmerited gift, and thus
be enabled to give the praise to Him alone, from whom
comes grace and glory, and every good thing. Oh!

1817.] chapter vi. 93
how great is my desire, that the Lord would rather
give me darkness and distress ; than that, enjoying his
favour and blessing, I should be unmindful of the
Giver, or grieve him by saying or doing anything
inconsistent with his blessed will concerning me.
1817, Date uncertain.
— My mind has been much burdened, and
weightily affected with the present aspect of things,
relating to the growth and prosperity of the ever
blessed truth ; and not only do I allude to the low
state of things within my own bosom, and in the circle
of our privileged Society, but also in the world at large.
Under a very humbling sense of the infinite condescen
sion, which still spares us from day to day, and from year
to year, and of the unfathomable compassion which still
pities, helps, preserves, and provides for us with pater
nal tenderness, I am ready to cry out, — ' Who will not
love, and fear, and obey thee, O ! Lord; and give them
selves up to be moulded into accordance with thy
blessed will ?' But Oh the ravages, the desolations,
which the enemy hath effected on the face of all the
earth ; how hath he blighted the blooming bud, and
blasted the richest grain, and parched up the fruitful
field ; so that the time of harvest is become the hour of
desolation and darkness ! Here and there, through the
gloom of this vast howling wilderness, a patch of green
revives the drooping eye, and cheers the desert scene ;
here and there, amidst the straw and stubble in this
great field, the earth, a few single ears are to be dis
covered raising their heads ; and is just sufficient to
show what the glory of the crop and of the harvest
would have been, had it escaped the destroyer's hand,
and not been trampled down by the wild beasts.

94 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
1817, Tenth Month 2nd.
— " When the Lord turned again the captivity of
Zion, we were like them that dream. Then was our
mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with
singing : then said they among the heathen, the Lord
hath done great things for them. The Lord hath done
great things for us, whereof we are glad. Turn again
our captivity, O Lord ! as the streams in the south.
They that sow in tears, shall reap in joy. He that
goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall
doubtless come again with rejoicing,' bringing his sheaves
with him." Oh ! the precious applicableness to my
present condition, which my soul perceives, and warmly
feels in the above written Psalm. I seem as though I
dare not omit testifying of the abundant riches of his
mercies and of his grace, which the Lord hath profusely
shed upon me to the joy of my heart, to the very light
ing up of my countenance. Weeping may endure in
the night season, but joy cometh in the morning, when
the Sun of righteousness ariseth with healing in his
wings, and gladdens the face of all things, making the
whole heritage of God shout for joy. My soul did,
during the several opportunities which were permitted
us through this Quarterly Meeting, earnestly crave
and wrestle for a blessing, even for the slightest token
of the Lord's compassionate regard ; and Oh ! how
sweetly he has condescended to answer my petitions,
my cries, my longings for a little of the living bread,—
that precious power and presence, which is only of and
from him, and is in his wisdom allotted or withheld.
Much instruction and comfort were also verbally con
veyed at this time; and I was rejoiced to see some young
persons, who appeared to have the cause of truth and
righteousness at heart, as well as their own individual

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 95
advancement and preservation in the strait and narrow
way in which they have happily set their feet. Yet
alas ! what a number of this class seem to be ready to
leave us ! I believe with some confidence, that but few
of those who do leave our religious Society, truly thrive
in a spiritual sense : — not that I confine true religion to
our own profession by any means ; but that I believe
that there is that grace and truth to be met with, in a
diligent and patient waiting for the teachings of the
heavenly Guide, which they who leave us are in great
measure unacquainted with, or do not much regard or
value. This I have found to be the case, even with some
of the few who profess to leave us on conscientious
grounds. But Oh ! if all left us only for something,
which, after solemn inquiry, they believed to be nearer
the Truth, how few should we have to lament the loss
of. I was very earnestly desirous for our dear young
Friends, during our sitting together in the Youths'
Meeting (appointed at the request of Mary Dudley,) as
well as during the first sitting for worship ; that they
might come up, in the strength and power of the living
principle of grace and truth, to the help of the great
cause ; — that they might in some measure make up for
the flagrant deficiency of standard-bearers apparent
among our sex ; even by such a steady, firm, consistent
life and conversation, — by such an abiding in the
blessed life and power and strength ofthe gospel, as
is now too rarely to be discovered amongst us.
1817, Tenth Month 2nd.
— I have been fearful of leaving any thing on
record behind me, but what upon clear conviction has
appeared to be right ; and have often seen the necessity
of looking as closely to what is thus committed to
paper, as to anything that may be said or done, it

96 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
being my earnest desire, that nothing may even in
secret be done or said, but what will bear the test of
being brought to light. It may seem to many, who
have not hitherto been much, if at all, brought under
the reducing and refining power of Truth, that such
heavy exercises as have been permitted to come
upon me, and as have come upon others, are nothing
but the effects of a weak mind and a bewildered
imagination ; and such may not enter into any under
standing or feeling of these trials, which are described
in such strong terms. These may be yet more surprised
when they read of such sudden changes and revolutions,
as some experience in their religious states. Yet in
the natural world, how often do we see the greatest
storm preceded, and at other times followed, by the
smoothest calmest weather. The analogy is striking,
and it may be safely concluded, that all these reverses
are designed to produce a beneficial effect.
1817, Tenth Month 17th.
— About a month ago I was at a young Friend's
house, concerning whose zeal and sincerity in the
blessed cause, I have not a doubt. He has appeared
in the ministry, I believe acceptably to Friends in
general, and is a promising, growing character. In
the course of much intimate conversation, we ap
proached the subject of prayer. Upon which he asked
me, whether I did not think that the end which Friends
had in view, by the practice of private retirement, was
vocal prayer, that is, the outward act and attitude of
kneeling down and using words. I felt very much at
this question; and an awfulness came over me, and
exercise, lest either this person or myself should be
adventuring, without taking off our shoes upon holy
ground. In replying to him, I could scarcely refrain

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 97
from using the language of William P'enn, ' Words are
for others, not for ourselves, nor for God, who hears
not as bodies do, but as spirits should.' It is the
heart or soul that can alone cry acceptably through the
drawings of that spirit, which inclines to good and to
the source of all good ; the mouth may speak out of
the very abundance of the heart: — there is nothing
however in words as such, nor in outward silence as
such. So that our prayers are none the better for
being clothed in words, nor the less likely to be
accepted when not clothed in words. There may be
words when none should be used, and there may be a
silence when words are called for ; and herein stands
the snare which should be carefully guarded against.
1817, Eleventh Month 10th.
— I think I have seen the danger of young
men or women dwelling anywhere else than in
the valley of humility. Human learning, human
attainments and excellencies, I mean all those things
• that are obtained by the memory, judgment, reasoning
powers, and mental abilities, separate from any imme
diate influence and assistance derived from the source
of all true wisdom, — these natural acquisitions and
talents are well in their places and are serviceable to
us, when kept in subjection to the pure teachings of
Him, "who teaches" by His Spirit "as never man
taught." But when any natural faculty or talent of
the mind, or acquisition by virtue of that talent or
faculty, usurps and domineers over the little seed of
the kingdom sown in the heart, it had been better that
such an enemy were cast as it were into the sea, or
utterly annihilated, than that such mischief should
be done. I have been in company with some young
H

98 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
, persons of our Society, who have been not a little
injured by giving way to pride and foolish talkative
ness, in respect to many matters, in which, though they
seemed well informed, yet not keeping in the little
ness and lowliness, they have acquitted themselves but
ill, through letting in a forward, prating spirit. Now,
the best light in which we can view true talents and
virtues, and in which they are set off to the best
advantage, is the sombre shade of humility. For the
more the frame-work is coloured, or gilt, or carved, or
ornamented, the more there is to take off the attention
of the eye from the picture itself. So that it seems to
me best for each of us to dwell in the littleness, in the
lowliness; always bearing in mind whence we are, even
from the dust, and whither we shall return even to
the dust ; and that we should not forget from whence
all that is good, either immediately or mediately comes,
even from the source of all good. This would make
us backward and timid at giving our judgment; it
would render us ready and willing to esteem others
better than ourselves, — quick to hear, slow to speak,
slow to wrath ; because we should be patient, humble,
forgiving one another, loving one another, pitying one
another ; — for we should then know how frail .man is.
TO A FRIEND.
London, Tenth Month 10th, 1817.
— This morning upon calling at J. S's., I found
Samuel Alexander within and alone, and spent about
twenty minutes pleasantly with him : upon inquirmg
after the American Friends, S. A. said, they were both
there, and that Hannah Field was unwell ; but that I
should see Elizabeth Barker. Upon this he left the
room, and soon returned, introducing E. B.twhom I

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 99
had felt dear to me, indeed before I saw her: — she
took my hand with the affection of a near relative, and
addressed me in as moving and affecting a manner as
I remember ever witnessing. She seemed to be speak
ing to one, whom she believed to be under the powerful,
refining, and preparing hand of the Lord, and with
whom she tenderly entered into sympathy, under His
necessary provings and purgings ; using several times
the words ' dear exercised child,' and speaking espe
cially of the overruling power that is to be regarded
and trusted to in all our affairs, both temporal and
spiritual : and these words, (as it were,) still ring in my
ears, — ' He can bless a little, and he can blast a great
deal.' Oh! that we may all keep in the littleness,
in the lowliness ; remembering what we are in the
absence of our Beloved ; how poor, how mean, how
unable to preserve ourselves from falling, or to keep
our souls alive to what is good ; that so we may truly
know wherein our strength lies, whence our qualifi
cations come, how we may be what we ought to be,
and how become instrumental to good in any way.
Thou knowest that I have wished, in regard to my
settlement in the world, far more earnestly to obtain
the blessing which maketh truly rich, than any other
acquisition; thou art also fully aware, that, as this
blessing is annexed to obedience, so the nearest way to
partake of it in our outward affairs, is to submit to that
which may be required of us. I am ready to think if
there be any thing for me to do in the line of business,
it will be in a very humiliating way : that I must,
whether in business or not, descend into a rank far
below the wishes of my dear relatives and friends, and
be subject to the wants of those poorer brethren and
sisters, who are often meanly esteemed and little re-
h2

100 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
garded;— that I must thus enter into their sufferings and
taste of their cup of bitters ; and thus also loudly testify
against the prevailing prejudices, pride, and luxury of
this age, but more especially against many notions and
opinions that are creeping in amongst us as a people.
Oh! how is the prosperity of the precious cause of
Truth obstructed and impeded ; — how grievously is it
suffering under some who call themselves its friends: —
"ye are my friends, said our Lord, if ye do that which
I command you ;" ye are the friends of Truth, who
obey the dictates of Truth : — But those would rob her
of her simplicity, and have her disguise the distinguish
ing features of her countenance, and cover her with
their own deceitful embellishments, their own vain
inventions. But I cannot express to thee the warmth
of feeling that prevails with me, when I look around
and consider the situation of that numerous class, the
full, the rich, and the gay ; nor can I convey to thee the
pity that I have in my heart for them : how are they
encompassed about by their own selfish, earthly satis
factions and comforts, — how are they snugly nestling
themselves, in that which is likely in the end to prove
to them a bed of briars ! May we be favoured to subject
our own fallible faculties and powers, our own reason
and natural understanding, which are ever apt to busy
themselves in things that cannot rightly be brought
under their decision ; that we may each (I repeat)
endeavour to sink down low and dwell low in that,
which sheweth indubitably the good from the evil in
all our undertakings and designs. Oh ! this is an
attainment that comes only by a diligent attention to
the voice of the true Shepherd.
Thy very affectionate friend,
J.B.

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 101
To L. A. B.
Tenth Month 31st, 1817.
My Dear L.
— Thou art very near to me in the best sense :
how' precious to feel one another to be under the con
tinual observation of One, who cares for us and watches
over us for good. Though I have passed over some
wild heaths and dry deserts since I last saw thy face,
and have been, as it were, parched with thirst and
panting for the water-brook, longing also for the
shadow of the great Rock in this weary land ; yet there
has met me the good Samaritan, whilst I lay by the
road-side, bruised and buffeted by him who way-laid
me. Oh ! what shall I say of all that has been done
for me, by Him who had compassion on me ; how pre
cisely can I point thee out the spot where he saw me
as I lay : it was even at that spot where every human
help forsook me, and every hope seemed to be taken
away ; — the priest and the Levite had passed by ! I
have, I think, seen by experience, somewhat of the
narrowness of the right path ; and in prospect (as
regards myself,) I see it more and more narrow : still
have I day by day the portion of encouragement that
is best for me, the good that is convenient, and such
timely support as enables me still to struggle forward,
still to journey on. May we both be aided to look over
and beyond our trials, to the inheritance laid up for those
who persevere in faith and patience to the end. Let
not thy feet slip insensibly from off the sure founda
tion, the Eternal Rock, the unchangeable Truth ; but
often be concerned to survey thy building, and upon
what it stands ; to examine whether it be firmly fixed
upon that which is immoveable, or whether it be in
any degree propped up by inferior dependence : also,

102 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
inquire whether, if outward means, aids and instru
ments were removed, thy building would still with
stand the inclemencies of the varied seasons. For
when the floods of affliction outwardly or inwardly
arise, — when the winds of opposition or of persecution
assail, and when the rains descend, — it may be too late
for any to lay to heart these things ; for their ruin may
be at the door. The approbation, the regard, the
sympathy of such as love what is good, have required
from me all the watchfulness, all the earnest desires
for preservation that I have been blessed with. How
needful then is it that our foundation be on that, in
which is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
Thus we may come to know in whom we have be
lieved, and to see who is our Teacher, and to feel Him
a present help in the time of need, — a shield, a tower,
a rock, a refuge, our joy and crown of glory. I have
longed that, amongst the many deceits of the enemy,
thou mayst not be taken by a very subtle one — dis
couragement. Oh ! how many have set out well, have
made some strait steps with firm foot and steady eye,
have begun to show forth by some sweet fruits, the
great and marvellous power which has visited them ;
yet through giving way to the wiles of the enemy, they
have let in discouragements like a flood, which has
borne down everything before them. All unprofitable
discouragement, all undue lamentation on account of
frailty, folly or disobedience may be considered to be
the work of him, who was a liar from the beginning.
We read that " godly sorrow worketh repentance ;" and
it is indeed nothing short of an ungodly sorrow that
induces despair. Oh ! that we may be content at such
times of discouragement to sink down with that which
suffers within us ; that we may there wait in patience,

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 103
in humility, in true prostration and silence of all flesh,
being determined to hope against hope, being resigned
to acquiesce in whatever may be called for.
We profess to believe, that that which is to be
known of God, is manifested within ; and that there,
is revealed or manifested what the Lord requireth at
our hands. I believe that we have need to exercise a
daily and hourly watching and waiting in the light, in
order to be favoured clearly to discover those things
that belong to our peace.
• 1817, Eleventh or Twelfth Month.
— The Lord ever hears and answers the prayers,
which he hath put into the hearts of those that desire
to fear him. As far as I can recollect, those daily
formal repetitions of words, in the practice of which I
was brought up, were but seldom accompanied with
that which is the essence of true prayer, viz. a reverential
breathing unto the Lord, and a longing of the soul
after those things that we need. There were times
too, in which my soul did ardently crave the attainment
of best things ; but then my prayers being confined to
certain times and certain words, and I being taught
this restricted notion of the act, it did not allow of the
springing forth of those secret desires, which the Lord
raised in my heart ; so that these seasons wherein true
prayer was begotten by Him, who teaches when and
how to pray, were not rightly availed of or profited by.
I remember that after I refrained from repeating
those forms of prayer, which were taught me in my
childhood, I was much in the habit of kneeling down
and repeating extempore prayers, by dint of my natural
abilities: this I did for some little time with great
fervour of youth and eloquence, even sometimes aloud,
both morning and evening ; until the Lord opened my

104 CHAPTER VI. [1817
eyes in this respect, and gave me clearly to see, that
these attempts in my own will, way, and time, were but
sparks kindled about me, and which availed nothing
with Him, whose own sacrifices (of his own preparing
and kindling) were alone acceptable. Thus in obe
dience, I was made willing to be silent and seek the
Lord ; who is nigh at hand, and dwells in the hearts of
his people, and is not far from any one of us, if we look
for and unto Him. This silence of all the creaturely
reasoning powers was very hard to something in me,
which would be judging and questioning, — very un
meaning, did it appear ; yet durst I not forbear to meet
with my Lord and Master, or to strive to meet with him,
day by day, and oftener than the day; and frequently
crying in the depth and sincerity of my heart unto
Him, that he would be pleased to shew me the way to
call upon him aright, and what to pray for. I was
often in tears and lay down my head in grief upon my
pillow, fearing I should never be made sensible of true
prayer, and partake of the privilege of " praying always."
The Lord did not long leave me without his blessing,
his blessed countenance and presence and comfort ;
no, — he showered at times of his merciful goodness into
my poor heart, and kindled such love towards Himself,
such earnest breathings after the further arising, the
glorious spreading, and increasing exaltation of His
name, and power, and truth, as enabled me truly to
praise and bless His holy name, engaged me still more
to cleave unto, obey, and follow Him in whatsoever he
might require. My soul was also filled with living
warmth of love and charity towards his creature man,
whom he created in his image ; with great pity
also towards such as had deviated from the path, in
which He would have had them to go, and who had thus
turned away from the Lord their leader : an unspeak-

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 105
ably sweet feeling of fellowship and sympathy arose in
me, towards those in whom the Lord had excited a
love or desire of Himself. Thus was true prayer in
and by the true Spirit, in measure raised in my heart,
not according to the way or time which man's wisdom
or inclination would lead and teach, but the very con
trary ; — for even to this time, I am often so situated, as
not to have any words for long seasons together to
utter, either audibly or in my heart; and still more
often am in dryness, distress, and apparent desolation :
yet through all I can praise the Lord.
1817, Eleventh Month 27th.
— I question whether they who go empty away
from our religious meetings, or from those gatherings
of two or three in the name of the Lord Jesus, where
He himself is in the midst, ready to heal each one of his
diseases and infirmities ; — I question much whether
such as go home none the better for meeting with
those thus gathered together, are not " rich," — are not
full, — are not satisfied, confident, " settled on the lees,"
sluggish and sleeping in security. We may remember,
there is a woe against "those that are at ease in Zion."
It is also worthy of remark, that all those that came
to Jesus, when personally oh earth, to be cured of their
maladies, were in a very opposite state to that of those
of whom I have spoken above ; these were destitute,
afflicted, forsaken, despised ; and, what is still more,
they were sensible of their lamentable situation, their
helplessness and distress ; and they knew or believed
who it was, that had power to stem the torrent of their
troubles, the tide of their calamities. " Speak the word
only," said one, "and my servant shall be healed."
" Believe ye that I am able to do this ?" said Jesus to

106 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
two, who answered — " Yea, Lord." " Lord I believe,"'
said another, " help thou mine unbelief." So that the
blessing which maketh truly rich, shall assuredly and
inevitably come down in abundance upon those, who
with a humble and a contrite heart, wait upon the Lord,
and are exercised and engaged in truth and earnestness
to seek Him. Oh ! what a rich reward of peace at
times flows into the hearts of these true disciples, these
poor publicans, these buffeted, bruised, broken-hearted
little ones ; whose help is placed, and hope fixed upon
Him that is mighty, the giver of glory and grace, and of
every good thing ; but whose hands are ready to hang
down, their knees to smite one against the other, and.
their hearts to fail, because they find not Him whom
their soul loveth, and feel not his aid " who is able to
save unto the uttermost." Oh ! these are the poor of
the everlasting kingdom, and are richer than the
richest in outward mammon, or even than the richest
in good works, (though these also will not be wanting
herein,) because they are the "rich in faith," whom
God hath chosen as heirs of the kingdom, which he
hath prepared for them that love him.
1817, Twelfth Month 10th.
— I can look back upon many a favoured season,
many an availing prayer, — sometimes a single sigh after
what was good,— sometimes the mental eye turned in
ward during a few spare minutes of intermission or
leisure from the hurry of business, when in my father's
banking-house ; sometimes as I went and returned to
and from town, but especially before dinner. At that
particular time, I was in the regular habit of secluding
myself for a short season in private, and either devoting
that opportunity to reading the Scriptures, or more

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 107
commonly to silently seeking the Lord, and waiting
upon him for support, strength, sustenance, and what
ever he saw needful for me. After this period, the
efficacy of the same spirit of dependence and reliance,
which the Lord had begotten and kept alive in me
was striking ; and it has been memorable to me since,
when I was engaged in the business of an attorney's
office, and lived at lodgings : there the same power,
as I was concerned to keep close to it, preserved me
through all the difficulties and trials that were strewed
in my path. Oh ! what sweet First days have I spent
at a disagreeable dull lodging ; what meetings have I
had, what sweet meetings in the middle of the week,
when I gave up everything that stood in the way, and
thus procured liberty to attend them. What sighs,
what cries unto the Lord in secret corners, when a
few minutes could be spared in the midst of the bustle
of worldly engagements : — when walking through the
noisy crowded streets, what songs unto the Lord God
of all tender mercies, who overshadowed me; — and
when occasionally an afternoon was allowed me, where
in to be absent from business, what sweet contem
plative walks in the meadows and country, a few
miles out of town !  But how shall I stop, or
where shall I end, in speaking of the merciful compas
sion of Him, who regards the prayer of the humble,
under many circumstances which I have not mentioned.
How has the Lord ever had his eye upon and over me,
to turn all to good, as long as I have regarded, trusted
in, resigned myself unto, his preserving power ; when I
have been enabled to say, " I am thine, do with me
what thou wilt." So that surely we may never doubt
but that " whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord
shall be saved."

108 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
1817, Twelfth Month 17th.
— In the midst of much drought and distress
and apparent desertion which have encompassed me for
a long season, I cannot forget the grievous sufferings
which the greater part of my poor fellow-creatures are
daily undergoing. Oh ! how my heart has been this
evening affected with the sight of a heap of human
creatures, nestling together under the shelter of a wall,
striving to cover each other's half bare limbs from the
piercing cold. Ah! ye rich, ye gay, ye proud, ye
professors of good words and good works, the charity
of this starving family will sooner be accepted of their
Maker than yours ; for ye of your abundance have cast
the paltry pittance, whilst theyhave in their wretched
ness sheltered each other from the piercing cold, and
wept over each other's woe. Surely, surely, (I have
been ready to exclaim in my heart at this, and at other
times,) the Lord Almighty will arise for the cry of the
poor and the sighing of the needy ;— surely, he will
take vengeance upon such as spend their lives in
fulness bf bread and abundance of idleness, — upon such
as abuse his gifts, and forget his creatures, and shut
up their bowels of compassion against their own flesh,
and do not remember the many good things which
the Lord has showered upon them. Oh ! how heavily
hath my soul been burdened, because of such who-
live in pleasure, in luxury, and extravagance ; and how
deeply have I felt for the poor and needy.
Date uncertain, perhaps Twelfth Month, 1817.
— It seems as if, after such exercise and trouble
as can scarcely be expressed to another, I had now at
length a glimpse of light thrown on the path before.
me, through the free extension of abundant mercy.

1817.] CHAPTER VI. 109
Yet what a spark, what a faint flash, what a slender
beam ! When I consider how easy it is, to mistake
the true shinings of the heavenly star, to listen to the
whisperings of the deceitful one, and to take them for
the manifestations and leadings of the best Counsellor,
the infallible Guide ; — my spirit is engaged in earnest
desire, that I may be preserved on every hand and
protected from the evil. Oh ! how strongly does the
instance of poor yet faithful Abraham, come to my
mind, whilst writing these lines ; and firmly am I
encouraged to believe, that He, of whom it is said,
" faithful is He that hath called you, who also will do
it," even the Father of faithful Abraham, whose tender
mercies are over all his works, and who remains even
now the same unfailing source of help and strength
that ever he was, — will be near to the very least of
his contrite little ones; even those that are bowed down
and bruised and buffeted. He knows indeed who these
are, though no one else may cast an eye upon them, or
esteem or regard them. He knows their sufferings,
their sighs, their tears ; and oh ! what a sweet savour,
what an acceptable incense, arises from the hearts of
these, even though no knee be bent or mouth be
opened. Surely under the shadow of His wings, under
the blessing of the strength of His extended arm, shall
these go forth through this vast howling wilderness ;
the floods and rivers shall be divided and dried up
before them, and the parched desert shall become a
fruitful field.
Date unknown.
— We are placed here on earth only for a season :
like travellers at an inn, we are permitted to take
shelter for a night in this frail habitation: — it is a
strange place, and has but temporary and middling

110 CHAPTER VI. [1817.
accommodations ; and all the comfort it affords, is far
inferior to the abundance, which we have to expect will
be dealt to us in our Father's mansion, our heavenly
home. None of those numerous objects which we see
around, rightly belong to us ; they are not our property,
strictly speaking; but are lent to us for the supply
of our necessities, for our comfort, for the right enjoy
ment of them. I have often wished that this view of
life might occasionally occupy our minds. Let us con
sider what would be some of the consequences of taking
such a view of life, as I have ventured to point out.
Let us see what ought properly to follow, from the
establishment of such a principle as this, that the earth
we inhabit is not our rest, that we are but pilgrims and
wanderers upon the face of it, that none of those
things which our senses can perceive, are our own;
but that we are only for a time permitted the use of
them : how could we, with this principle in sight,
abuse those innumerable blessings, which the great
Giver of every good and perfect gift, has been pleased
to bestow ; — how could we do otherwise than apply
all those natural things, which are in mercy pro
vided for us, to the purposes for which they were
intended. Then among many other good effects there
would be no servile and degrading obedience to custom
and fashion ; but such simplicity in our way of living,
such denial of whatever is superfluous, expensive,
useless, or productive of injury to the mind, as is
now scarcely thought of or understood.

CHAPTER VII.
1818, First Month 12th.
— The struggle which I have been enabled to
sustain against a flood of affliction and deep exercise,
still goes on, through unutterable mercy and con
descension ; but it is daily with me a question how
each succeeding day's conflict will terminate. It seems
sometimes as if there was no other language, in my
heart, but — ' If it be possible, forsake me not, O!
thou Most High !' again, when a little relieved, some
thing seems to arise like this, — ' Save me from myself,
leave me not to myself; spare not, neither pity, but
utterly destroy all that in me — which is not of and from
thee.' What to-morrow's light may bring forth, what
it may find me, or in what condition, I know not ; but
this do I desire to know and to be assured of, — that the
Lord is, and that he is good, and to feel his goodness
overcoming and taking the place of the evil, both in me
and in all the world. Oh ! that I might be delivered
from all looking out for release from this chastising and
purifying dispensation, which has been in an increasing
measure allotted me x ever since I was made willing
more fully to follow the Lord in the way of his requir
ings. Oh ! that I might be preserved from all desire
to take myself under my own care, or to walk in the
way which my own will approves .* and as to outward
matters, that I might be made more and more entirely
disposed to acquiesce in whatever is manifested
unto me, to be the will of the Lord concerning me.
The highest good that I or any can attain to in this
life, seems to me at this time to consist and centre in

112 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
the ability to say and feel always,—" Thy will, and not
mine, be done, 0 Lord."
1818, First Month 20th.
— Oh ! how much dross, how much evil is there
still lurking within me, how many and how deceitful
are the modes by which the enemy contrives to keep
up his kingdom, his seat in my soul ; when shall I,
through Him that fights for me, utterly expel, subdue,
and tread under foot, this unwearied enemy ! The
Lord, my strength, give me patience ; that I may quietly
confide in Him yet more and more ; and suffer all the
exercises, chastenings, withdrawings, judgments and
afflictions, which he is pleased in mercy and love to
bring upon me : for I think I see plainly that his
scourge and severity is not dealt out to his tender babe
like nature, but to that nature which is not of Him,
but of the wicked one, — even that selfish, unfeeling,
Egyptian spirit which is to be destroyed. Oh ! how
much of this do I feel continually within me, lurking
in secret under cover of many plausible pretences,
eating out any appearance of good with which the
Lord is pleased to favour me, appropriating to self any
good action, motive, or thought ; endeavouring, when
it cannot hinder the entrance of good, to make me
proud of it, and so convert it into evil: — thus the best
friends, the best books, the best feelings, the best
intentions with which I am at any time privileged,
these the wicked one endeavours so to pervert, as to
render them a snare to me. He cares not how busy I
am in reading good books, how fond I am of waiting
on the Lord, how great a lover I am of the Lord's
people and the Lord's cause ; if I will but fall down
and worship him in these, all shall be mine, — all the
honour and praise of being a great and good character,

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 113
a saint shall be mine, if I will but let him have a little
share, a little corner, in my heart. ' 0 Lord ! disap
point him, cast him down ; deliver my soul. Let not
thy hand spare, neither let thine eye pity, till all be
utterly purged away, which defiles and is unseemly in
thy sight.' When mine eye is opened rightly to see
these things, my heart craves that I may abide in
patience, under the operation of proving and refine
ment, -however severe it may seem, to wean me from
this world and the wickedness thereof; not only from
gross sins, but also from hidden and secret faults, and
from the deepest insinuations of the enemy in my heart,
in the semblance of an angel of light. I have had of
late such a time of this discipline, as had never before
befallen me in my life ; — such apparent desertion of every
thing like good, such distress in consequence of out
ward circumstances of various kinds, that at many
intervals, a deep conviction of the certainty of a future
judgment, seemed to prevent my choosing death, rather
than life. Yet through inexpressibly tender mercy, I
have been preserved to this day in earnest seeking after
the Lord, and with great desires after submission to his
will, cost what it may. And even in the hour of
desolation and darkness, I have often experienced such
a sweet cessation from suffering, and such an influx of
love from the inexhaustible fountain, as has enabled
me still to struggle and hold on my way, in a degree of
hope (almost imperceptibly small,) that all would be
well in the end, if I was concerned to look unto Him,
who is the author, and also the finisher of our faith.
To S. A.
1818, Second Month 1st.
— I have been apprehensive that our views of
these doctrines [of Immediate Revelation, and the

114 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
true and saving knowledge of God, and of his
Truth] which are closely accordant with those of the
holy penmen of Scripture, are but little known among
the many religious denominations. I have believed,
both as to those within and without the pale of our
own Society, that there is in this day, (as there ever
has been,) more need of leading people, in the first place,
to the fountain of truth, the foundation-stone, than of
laying much stress upon the building, the beautiful
harmonious superstructure of doctrines, which arises
from that base, and can stand only upon it. This
corner-stone we well know is Christ, not merely testi
fied of without us, but also manifested within ; and as
we closely attend to, and obey the manifestations of his
Spirit and power in our hearts, we come truly and
savingly to know something of Him and his holy
religion, according to our present ability and growth :
and in following him in his leading's, we are best able
to receive those true testimonies of him recorded in
scripture, and livingly to understand, as well as avail-
ingly to believe, what is there said of his appearance in
the flesh, with all that he said, did, and suffered. There
has been, and still continues to be a great deal said and
written, respecting correct and scriptural views, of the
doctrines and duties of Christianity ; but I believe until
men come to that, which can alone give the true discern
ment of these spiritual things, they will, they must
continue to grope as in the dark, not knowing the Scrip
tures, neither the power of God; and it is feared, resist
Him, who the apostle said, " hath shined in our hearts,
to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God
in the face of Jesus Christ." It seems to me, that under
the constraining influence of the love of Christ, we
should earnestly recommend people to believe in, and
obey his light in their hearts ; that by following him in

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 115
this manifestation, they may have the light of life, as he
himself has graciously promised. No pointing to the
written testimonies borne to the existence of this light
within* will avail, but as the mind is gathered (in some
measure, however small,) to that which witnesses those
testimonies to be true, and alone enables to receive
them. I cannot think that that scripture, " the letter
killeth," if rightly made use of, could hurt any, but
those who walk not closely in accordance with that
Spirit which gave it forth, and which is able to give
a true understanding thereof. No man can avail-
ingly know or follow the directions laid down in
Scripture, but as he bows to the appearance and open
ings of that Light, which enlighteneth every man more
or less in the day of his visitation. It seems to my
view, that the greatest thing which we all have to
guard against is, the leaving our heavenly guide ; and
this may easily be done, both in reading Scripture,
and in every other religious engagement : if this be
the case with us, we cannot but wrest them, some
way or other, to our own condemnation or even destruc
tion, whatever we may think or imagine ; it may be by
thinking to have life in them, as the Jews did, whom
Jesus reproved. It was not that the Jews did wrong
in diligently searching those writings, or that there was
any harm or noxious influence in Scripture, — it was not
in that sense that the letter killed, or doth kill; though
on the other hand, we know, that they cannot give faith,
and that all their authority, and excellence, and efficacy
in the work ofsalvation, are only from that power and life
whence they came. But it was by reading in the light
of their own reason, which is indeed darkness; — heaping
up a dead set of doctrines, in their own wisdom, which
is foolishness ; presuming to pry into things too high for
them, things into which the Spirit of Truth led them
i 2

116 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
not, but their own speculations and imaginations ; thus
they made the commandments of God. of none effect, as
many now do, by their own traditions, and expositions,
and interpretations, adding to, and diminishing from,
the true meaning of the Scriptures. Being unstable and
very unlearned in the Word, which spake forth the
scripture, though learned ever so much in the words,
they cannot reach the essence; but must stumble,
as Nicodemus and other learned Jews did, who knew
nothing of the new birth ; though they could easily tell
by the letter of the book, where Christ was to be born.
It is such in this day, who are crucifying unto them
selves the Son of God afresh, notwithstanding all their
high professions about the atonement,, &c; which they
have very clearly in the notion and dead apprehension,
but out of the life of these things : — the evil spirits
could testify of Christ, and say, " I know thee who
thou art, the holy one of God ;" and, " these are the
servants of the Most High God, which shew unto us the
way of salvation ;" — for even these had a knowledge of
God, and belief in him, — a knowledge of Christ, and
confession of him, — a knowledge also of scripture. The
enemy also himself was ready at quoting Scripture,
— witness the temptation of our Lord ; and he can put
men upon studying the Scriptures, so long as through
the carnal mind he may but interpret, and apply them to
their states ; for by all this he has the poor soul the
safer in his net. He is not deterred from prosecuting
his evil designs, by our holding the Scriptures in ever
so high estimation ; if, in studying them, we lean on
our own understanding, although with great and appa
rently laudable zeal : though we apply one part to con
firm another, — though we get them by heart,— though
we extract all the doctrines and duties that are testified
of therein, — though we are able by this skill to give an

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 117
expert answer to such as may inquire a reason of the
hope that we have adopted, and the faith which we have
formed out of the letter of the book, — though we even
set ourselves to do all that is commanded ; — yet all these
willings, and runnings, and strivings, do not overthrow
his government in the heart: nay, his snare is not
broken, but made more subtile and intricate. It is the
simple, and those that abide in the simplicity of the
Truth, that are kept by the Truth out of his beguiling
snares ; the Spirit of Truth is their shield and sure
defence on the right hand as on the left, and they lean
not unto their own understandings; so that the scriptures
and every other outward means are blessed to them, as
they keep to the anointing which they have of him ; by
which, whether with or without instrumental aid, they
know all things requisite for their present need ; having
" an understanding given them to know him that is true."
1818, Third Month 3rd.
— I believe if young persons were more fully
open, and implicitly given up to acts of dedication appa
rently small, and were willing to go, to stay, to do, or
to forbear in minor matters, as seemed best, that they
would thrive more vigorously in religious stature and
strength. One thing after another came gradually before
the view of my mind ; all that I had to do, or believed
was required at my hands, came not upon me at
once : for there was no hard task-master to obey, but
one who knew my weakness, and my inability to give
up even to the least matter of duty, without His special
aid. As I was concerned to keep my eye open, to
see whatever He might shew me was to be given up to,
, — and as my desire was from day to day unto Him,
an d the accomplishment of His will respecting me, —
first one thing, then another, at seasons opened, before

118 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
me with sufficient clearness : sometimes these appre
hended duties were very little matters, at other times
they were of fearfully great importance ; and often were
they of a nature and complexion, which the worldly-wise
part in myself and in others, could not bear or under
stand. Yet after having gone through and been favoured
to stand faithful in the performance of these things, I
have often seen the propriety of them ; and I have felt it
a precious thing to be " led about and instructed" so
suitably, so seasonably, so safely.
To E. H.
16th of Fourth Month, 1818.
Dear Edward,
— It is my belief, that, according to thy own
expressions, "the Master is come," and coming, (what
if I say,) to plead as in old time, with the modern
money-changers in the temple, who turn the holy house
of Him that is most holy, into " a den of thieves ;" — to
upset their tables and to scatter their silver and their
gold ; the " love" of which, is said to be, the " root of
all evil." His scourge is, as it were, in his hand ; and
the buyers and sellers being cast out, the blind and the
lame shall yet come to him in the temple, the house of
prayer for all nations, and he will heal them. The
little children shall yet cry in this temple, saying,
" Hosanna to the Son of David ;" and out of the
mouths of the very "babes and sucklings," whose
hearts he hath fed with " the milk of his Word,"
praises shall yet come forth unto Himself.
It is my belief, and I feel freedom to mention it to thee,
that there are or will arise, those who will, in some
sense, " build the old waste places." I live in the faith
that the Truth shall spread ; and the number of those
that are guided and governed by the teachings of that

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 119
Spirit, which leadeth into all truth, will be greatly
multiplied. Surely there are even now those that " are
left of the captivity," who " are in great affliction and
reproach ;" we may also say, that, in some acceptation
of the passage, " the wall of Jerusalem is broken
down, and the gates thereof are burned with fire."
May I not also add, that there are, even in this day,
those, who can in measure adopt a similar language
with that of Nehemiah, — " When I heard these things,
I sat down and wept, and mourned certain days, and
fasted, and prayed before the God of heaven." Surely
there are those that can say, " I arose in the night,
neither told I any man what my God had put in my
heart to do at Jerusalem : — then went I up in the night
by the brook, and viewed the wall, and turned back ; —
and the rulers knew not whither I went, or what I did:
neither had I as yet told it to the Jews, nor to the
priests, nor to the nobles, nor to the rulers, nor to the
rest that did the work." There are doubtless some that
are ready to laugh these to scorn, and to despise them ;
and to say, "what is this thing that ye do?" — and I
judge there are those that can reply, " the God of
heaven, he will prosper us : therefore we his servants
will arise and build." To such as endeavour to entice
the sincere hearted, and to take them off, by whatever
specious pretence, from their watch and work, their
unceasing concern and travail for the prosperity of the
great cause ; I am clearly of the mind that the reply
should be, " I am doing a great work, so that I cannot
come down ; why should the work cease, whilst I leave
it and come down to you?" Now the work that is
wanted, as far as I have in this and some other favoured
seasons had capacity to see, is, a sinking down and bowing
down yet lower and deeper than many of us have hitherto
humbled ourselves, — even under the government and

120 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
dominion of the holy seed, Christ Jesus; that so we
may, through' subjection to Him, be led to " cease from
our own works," and to let Him do and work all things
in us according to his own divine will. Wherever this
blessed work hath gone forward with strength and
beauty, wherever this constraining power has been fully
and faithfully given up to, I believe a necessity has been
sooner or later felt, to make a full surrender and sacrifice
of everything, which the law written in the heart may
call for. •
From one, who is much more often than otherwise,
plunged into the depths, and who finds himself yet
weaker and weaker in himself to will or to do anything
as of himself, but is at times favoured to see still greater
necessity for a daily waiting upon the Lord, that so his
will may be daily known and done through his Spirit,
which brings unto and preserves in a watchful, weighty
frame of mind at all times,— and who is, with feelings of
affectionate regard, Thy friend,
J.B.
To E. S.
Russell Square, 17th of Fourth Month, 1818.
Dear Edward,
The true authority as well as beauty of our
religious meetings, in which I cannot exclude those
for the right ordering of the affairs of truth, stands
upon and consists in that, without which the very form
is a mockery, though the best of forms. It.is not age,
it is not any station in the church, it is not an outward
knowledge or experience in the letter of those laws>
which the Spirit of Truth has led our forefathers to
adopt,— much less is it any repute among men, grounded
upon outward possessions, — which will make one living

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 121
stone for the Master's use, in the building up of his
beautiful city, the new Jerusalem. Now, if any man
build with the straw and stubble, or even with that
which appears like gold or silver ; — every man's work
shall be made manifest of what sort it is; for it shall
be revealed by fire, and the day shall declare it." How
much need then is there for all amongst us, who fill
any of the offices in the church, and even for such as
may be in the highest stations, and may have been
made of eminent service therein, yet again and again
to wait upon the Lord, yet again to bow down their
souls ; so that every high thing, that would exalt itself
within them, may be abased, under the humbling
influence of that power, which bruiseth and breaketh
in pieces, which bringeth us low, and keepeth us low,
even as children and babes, willing to be led about
and instructed, and ready to esteem another better
than ourselves. Now as individuals are brought into
such a feeling tender state as this, they become sweetly
qualified to take those places, which the master-builder
ordereth for them in his house, in his family, in his
vineyard. They thus receive capacity and authority to
labour for the great cause, and in the name and power
of their leader ; they have strength to bind and to loose,
to help and to heal the weak and the wounded ; and
they have the spirit of patience and of pity given them,
to plead with and to pray for the tempted, the tossed,
the tried. And 0 ! the tenderness that is shown by
such as these, on behalf of their poor fellow-creatures,
who may be overtaken or overcome of evil or error;
knowing that they themselves stand, only through the
mercy of the Most High.
J.B.

122 CHAPTER VII. [181b.
1818, Fourth Month 21st.
— How little do we know what is best for us : — O !
how good a thing it is, to be led about and instructed by
our tender Parent, even as little children ; seeing that
we, no more than they, can run alone with safety.
When I am ready to receive hurt from some precious
gift or other, which He has lent me ; — when I am likely
to be elated by seeing myself so favoured, or to assume
any thing to myself because the Lord showers upon me
his blessing ; — then in the abundance of his compassion
he taketh away that which I was ready to abuse, and
leaves me in darkness and in the deeps, it may be without
a shadow of comfort or a ray of his heavenly presence.
And then, in the bitterness of my soul, in the absence of
my Beloved, I cry out and weary myself with bewailing;
being in my own apprehension on the point of despair.
But He, even my Father, regards not my crying, nor
my weeping ; he knows best what is good for me, and
continues his dispensation of afflicting darkness and
drought, until in his wisdom he sees, that the set time
to favour me is come.
1818, Fourth Month 22nd.
— Was much instructed by looking over a Monthly
Meeting's early minute-book, dated about 1666. I
thought I clearly saw that our Friends in the beginning,
were a simple plain set of people ; and that they mostly
had but a very small proportion of learning or general
knowledge, — very many in early times not being able to
write legibly or even some to read. Divers advantages
have we above them in several respects; yet it has
seemed to me, that some of these very advantages have
proved our hurt and stinted our growth, so that we have
not arrived at their stature or strength. " The love of
other things," we read, choked the good seed; and this

1818. J CHAPTER VII. 123
seems to me, to be applied to our case, who have many
" other things," (some of them very good when kept in
subjection,) which draw away our minds from the sim
plicity of the Truth, and from a patient, humble, waiting
frame of mind, in which alone true safety can be wit
nessed. 1818, Fourth Month 26th.
— I desire greatly not to be led away and ensnared,
by coveting or looking for the esteem and notice of any,
even of rehgious characters ; I pray in my heart, that' I
may be preserved from liking to hear my own voice
and tongue in company, and from the least approach to
any thing like a love of showing off even good qualities.
If we are in the right spot, we shall forget ourselves,
and not esteem those things as our own, which are
wrought in us, or which we have been enabled rightly
to do or say.
I have also seen, that much care is needful not to be
endeavouring or presuming to correct the views and
sentiments of others, by our own strength and in our
own will and time; I see danger in this for all, but
especially for young people, who are so likely to get into
argument and much talking. Nothing is gained often
thereby; but the way to openness and conviction re
specting any matter, is much blocked up. But after long
patience and waiting, and much uneasiness has been
undergone, lest the right thing should by any means
suffer, — and after not a little exercise of mind on account
of the person who may hold such a wrong sentiment, —
then have I seen a word in season put forth in meek
ness, do more than all the ill-timed efforts of a man's
own will and strength.

124 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
1818, Fifth Month 10th.
— The day before yesterday, I completed my
twenty-first year. I may say, with some feeling, that
my breathing in secret is unto the Lord, that he would
in mercy continue near to me, to help in time of
need; for I am still unable to take one right step,
notwithstanding any thing already attained ; but have
need day by day to wait upon him again and again, for
a renewal of strength: for assuredly He alone, who
began the work, can safely carry it on, and bring it to
such a conclusion as will redound to his own praise.
1818, Fifth Month 19th.
— The day before yesterday, it seemed right for
me to give up to go and sit among Friends at their
Monthly Meeting at Kingston. I had no probable
means of conveyance but on my feet, and it was a
very rainy morning : but I cried unto the Lord that
he would direct me, and give me sufficient strength to
do whatever might be best. I got there (it being, I
suppose more than thirteen miles) some time after the
hour of assembling, much wearied in body, but sweetly
fresh and lively in mind, through the extendings of
mercy ; so that the driving rain and the length of my
walk had not much effect upon me, who am but a poor
weakly one. On my way thither, it rather vividly
came to my mind, — ' what if I should have to speak
in their meeting ?' But the Lord quieted that spirit
within me, which would be questioning and reasoning ;
and I was favoured to feel great composure and calm
ness, notwithstanding that suggestion. And 0 ! the
melting power and glorious influence which was en
joyed by me, and I believe by others, in the meeting
for worship! how precious an half-hour did I spend

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 125
among them ! so much so, that my heart was filled with
the song of praise unto that great Being, who remem
bers and cares for his poor little ones ; and who in his
own time fills his hungry ones with good things — yea,
with the choice dainties of his table, — so that their cup
runs over ! O ! the tears of joy that were shed ! may I
never forget the renewed mercies of the Lord my
God, while I have my being ! The next day, was
our Monthly Meeting at Westminster, where were
present some choice servants ; through whose min
istry the language of encouragement was held out
to the little ones, but especially to those young
in years, whose hearts the Lord had in measure
melted into a willingness to be conformed to his holy
will respecting them. O ! the unutterable conde
scension of Him, whose mercies are new every
morning! may the objects of his bounty be yet more
and more mindful of him, and of his goodness ; and
be induced yet more fully and faithfully to give up to
his requirings ; to bring all the tithe into the Lord's
treasury (as two dear Friends said in the meeting,) and
prove him therewith, and see if He will not open the
windows of heaven and pour them out a blessing, until
there be no room to contain. To E. J.
Isle of Wight, 30th Sixth Month, 1818.
Dear Edmund,
— I have felt so much dissipation of mind since
I arrived here, as to unfit me for a calm enjoyment of
the beauties of nature, so profusely mingled as they are
here. The cares devolving upon me, not a little tend
to lead away the mind from that ' retired, strict, and
watchful frame,' (as I think W. Penn calls it,) which
seems to be the safest and most profitable state for me

126 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
as an individual, and a soil most conducive to my pre
sent growth. I may truly say, that though I desire not
to prescribe for any, otherwise than seems to be my
especial duty; yet, I believe that few, very few there
are, to whom an approach to unwatchfulness or levity
is not dangerous — is not ensnaring. How often have
I been in different degrees unfitted thereby for that
sweet retirement of mind, which seems to be, as it
were, the element and atmosphere of the true Friend.
I think of you at your Quarterly Meeting this day. — I
long that the many Pharisees, who are in the formality,
and obtrude their services and ' much speaking ' in
meetings for discipline, and some even in those for
worship, may be kept under ; for, assuredly, the wisdom
that is from below, is at enmity with the pure lowly
seed of the kingdom, and will do only mischief to the
good cause ; its nature and tendency being to exalt
itself, whilst its pretension is, to forward the right
thing. But the foolish things of the world, and the
weak things, and the base things, are still preferred and
chosen, to confound the wise, and to bring to nought
everything else, but the power, the life, the wisdom, the
nobility of the Truth. Paul, the learned Paul, the
enlightened Paul, when he came from the feet of
Gamaliel the Pharisee, and sat at the feet of Jesus,
would not even speak in the words which • man's
wisdom .taught : he came not with enticing words or
excellency of speech, lest his hearers should admire
him or his words, rather than the power; and so their
faith should stand in the wisdom of man, and not upon
that foundation, than which no other can be laid, and
besides which Paul determined to know nothing, — even
Christ, the wisdom and power of God.
Dear E  , thou knowest all this, yet I long that
we both may keep to those things, which we have in

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 127
mercy been made sensible of; that so we may be
enabled to stand for the Truth and its simplicity, over all
that which looks like Truth, but is not, — being only an
image, which the enemy has patched up and embellished,
wherewith to deceive the simple ; and he would have us
worship this image, and highly esteem such as sacrifice
to it. But Truth wants no ornaments nor paint, — none of
the " vain philosophy" of the learned ; the polite airs
and customs which are in the world, she shrinks from
and avoids : the studied maxims, and gathered wisdom,
and logical conclusions, and distinctions of the schools,
only clog and impede our growth in the Truth. 0 ! how
little of the innocence, and artlessness, and openness, and
simplicity, and natural beauty of the Christian reli
gion, is to be seen and felt thriving amongst us at this
time ! The state of our Society not a little reminds me
of that of a large machine or mill, which was made
skilfully, and set a going admirably, and went well at the
first : and when one wheel broke, the master took it
away and supplied its place ; and when any part of the
machinery was worn away through much service, the
master took care the work should not suffer thereby,
but raised up other instruments. But at length the
dry rot or some terrible mischief gets in and spoils it,
so that the sound parts can hardly act or work, because
of the number of unsound members. In such case,
surely the machine must undergo a thorough repair ;
surely every member of the body must come under and
submit to the reforming and refining hand: even the
sound parts must, as it were, be taken to pieces for the
sake ofthe rest; that all may be re-established in their
several places, and according to their different capacities,
by the ordering of the great Workman, whose work
manship they are.

128 CHAPTER VII. [1818.
To J. F. M.
London, 29th of Eighth Month 1818.
I believe there may be much show and appear

ance of excellent dispositions in some, who have not
had any call to service in the line which they may have
set their feet in, as well as in some that have not abode
long enough under the refining hand, which was fitting
them for their allotted post. These may talk of the
degeneracy in the faith or practice of others who profess
with them, and may lament or seem to lament the inno
vations or backslidings of their fellows ; and they may
for a time keep within the limits of consistency, imitating
the actions of those, whom they apprehend to retain
something of primitive zeal and uprightness. Some
also of these may, in the heat and warmth of the sparks
which they have kindled, and with which they have
compassed themselves, begin the work of reformation,
or rather set about it in their own wills, and after
their darkened apprehensions; and when they see
their endeavours not owned nor seconded so readily
or quickly as they deem them worthy, (for the faithful
cannot own them,) then it sometimes happens that
these spirits burst out into open variance with the
body; and so manifest their foundation to the faithful, -
whose eyes the Lord openeth to see and to discern
the good, from that which only appears to be so.
Such an one, if he is ever favoured to see the error of
his way and to turn from it, will have to acknowledge,
that all his stirrings, strivings, willings, runnings, his
labours and services, even to promote good, were out
of that Spirit, whereby alone good can be discovered,
embraced, or promoted in his own heart, or in the
hearts of others. There is then great need for all, to
wait upon the Lord, to feel his power discovering the
evil and the good in us, raising up the one, and

1818.] CHAPTER VII. 129
enabling us to overcome the other : and as we continue
faithful to these discoveries, we shall be made par
takers of more of his gifts, and grow in a living
experience of his Truth, and in a Hvely understanding
as to such things as are best for us to know; until
it please the Lord to dispose of us in that part of his
vineyard, where he " hath need of us." Then as we
abide in Him, from whom we derive our strength
and vigour, we shall bring forth much fruit, not only
to his praise and our own peace, but to the edification
of the church, and to the comfort of its living
members.
J. B.

K

CHAPTER VIII.

[The subject of the religious instruction of our
youth, about this period attracted much attention in
the Society; upon which occasion the author felt a
lively concern, that so important a work might be
undertaken upon the right ground, and that a mere
formal knowledge of Scripture on the part of young
persons, might not take the place of a true spiritual
nurture in the Lord, and an inward growth in grace.
On this subject he expressed himself as follows, in a
letter to a Friend :] To R. B  tt.
Fifth Month 1st, 1818.
Dear R.,
 Bear with me, who am but a younger brother,
if in a little of that love, which is ever ready to esteem
another better than one's self, I should be bold to ex
press to thee my opinion, that any contrivances to
store and stock the memories of young persons with a
literal knowledge respecting religious matters, cannot of
themselves be productive of that true and living faith,
which we as a people profess to seek an establishment
in. I am in the full belief, that Scripture doctrines
cannot be really, rightly, and savingly known and
held by any, if they come not to have them written
in their hearts; so that, though they may be ever so
well initiated in something, which looks like a perfect
knowledge of these things, — though they may be able
by the exertion of their natural understanding, and by

1818.] CHAPTER VIII. 131
dint of their memory, skilfully and readily to reply to
those who may make inquiry of them, — though they
may be wise as Apollos in the words of Scripture, and
seem competent to explain and support our religious
principles ; — yet all this will avail nothing, if the wrong
wisdom be uppermost in them, and sit as an angel of
light, and rule and reign in their hearts; while the
babe, the seed, the very Truth in them, is crushed
and crucified. I desire therefore, that I myself and
all others might be engaged in patiently waiting upon
the Lord in the silence and subjection of the fleshly
wisdom; that so, that disposition which would be
setting us upon manufacturing for ourselves something
to believe in, or to profess a belief in, might be starved
and tired out : thus should we, in the Lord's own
time, be led into a true and saving knowledge of those
truths which are needful for us to understand. I well
remember what Robert Barclay's experience was, as
described in that part of his Apology which treats of
worship. He says, that he did not come to receive the
Truth, by strength of argument, or by a particular dis
quisition of each doctrine, and convincement of his
understanding thereby ; but by being secretly reached by
the life : — ' for,' says he, ' when I came into the silent
assemblies of God's people, I felt a secret power among
them, which touched my heart; and as I gave way
unto it, I found the evil weakening in me, and the
good raised up : and so I became knit and united
unto them, hungering more and more after the in
crease of this power and life, whereby I might feel
myself perfectly redeemed. And indeed this is the
surest way to become a Christian ; to whom afterwards
the knowledge and understanding of principles will not
be wanting, but will grow up so much as is needful,
as the natural fruit of this good root ; and such a know-
k2

132 CHAPTER VIII. [1818".
ledge will not be barren nor unfruitful. After this
manner, we desire therefore, all that come among us to
be proselyted ; knowing that though thousands should
be convinced in their understandings, of all the truths
we maintain, yet if they were not sensible of this
inward life, and their souls not changed from unrighte
ousness to righteousness, they could add nothing to us.'
It seems a very truth with me, that though for
good reasons we, as a people, account our children to
be our members, yet no one can be rightly and truly
our member, who comes into the fold by any other
way than by the door, Christ Jesus ; and that although
we may do all for our dear youth, which our wisdom
is competent to do, in the way of religious instruction,
yet nothing will supply the place of that earnest travail,
that patient exercise of spirit on their account, which
is indeed availing with our heavenly Father, and which
is much wanted among teachers and guardians amongst
us. So that the line of our labour, seems to me to he
more in endeavouring to direct them to the fear of the
Lord, — to engage them to self-examination, — to shew
them the place of true waiting, — to point out to them
where the Fountain is, where the treasure lies, — and to
prevail with them to come, taste and see, the goodness
of the Lord, and what he hath in store for them that
love and wait upon him.
Some may be disposed to lament over the little
acquaintance, which young persons in our Society
appear to have, with the reasons or grounds of our
peculiar religious profession. No one, I am ready to
think, laments it more than myself: but if such think
to patch up a remedy by the adoption of those creeds,
catechisms, and confessions of faith, which the worldly
professors adopt, and have adopted (as I believe,) ever
since the apostacy, and out of which Truth led our

1818.] CHAPTER VIII. 133
forefathers, — I lament this remedy, still more than the
disease. Because then we stand in danger of having
a set of young formalists rise about us ; whose heads
are likely to be more filled with notions, than with
that nothingness of self, which is as truly the introduc
tion to all right knowledge on these subjects, as the
other is a snare and a stumbling-block in the way of it.
I apprehend that the principal cause of the ignorance
above adverted to of our religious principles, and of the
reasons that may be rendered in support of them, is,
not so much the want of having examined such books
as have been written on these subjects, as of a serious
seeking unto Him, " in whom are hid all the treasures of
wisdom and knowledge ;" who said, " Seek, and ye shall
find," — and whose promise of finding was, and is, only to
the wrestling seed of Jacob, who, doing the will of the
Father, know of the doctrine of the Son ; and to whom
it is given in the very hour of need, what they shall
answTer, and what they shall say in defence of the Truth.
It seems well for me, (though very sensible of my
own state of childhood in religious growth,) here to
state how I came to believe and receive the Truth, and
the doctrines of it, as professed by us. When it pleased
an unutterably merciful Power to pluck my feet out
of the midst of mire and filth, and clearly to shew me
what I was, and what I should be, — then there sprang
in me living desires to know the way to the kingdom ; —
then it was, that the enemy, as a transformed angel, took
me into the wilderness of notional religion, and set me
upon examining different systems of religious belief,
in my own will, as well as upon judging of them by my
own wisdom: and I compared doctrine with doctrine,
text with text, and became by diligent study, wise in
notions, though truths in themselves ; and the enemy

134 CHAPTER VIII. [1818.
made me strong in argument, and potent in scripture.
But how shall I speak of His goodness, who broke the
net in which I was entangled, and delivered me from the
snare ; and who introduced me in measure into the saving
knowledge of Himself, even that which is revealed, as
in the cool of the day\ by the still small voice. Oh !
how plainly did I then see, that all which I had learned,
read, held, and believed in my own will, was to be
given up ; — how clearly did I see, that all knowledge,
faith, obedience, but that which the Father was pleased
to beget and raise in me in his own season, was good
for nothing, and must be cast out as salt that hath no
savour — as manna not fit for present use. And though I
have read many books, which treat of and support our
principles, believing that they are very comfortable and
confirming to him who hath come to the Fountain-head,
whilst his mind is turned inward in reading them, and
also useful in satisfying the simple-hearted inquirer,
whose simplicity the Lord regards, and of service in
stopping the mouths of gainsayers ; yet to this very day,
I dare not sit down and study Friends' opinions and
principles, as a science, but find myself constrained to
wait upon the Lord day by day, that so, as much strength,
as much knowledge, as much satisfaction in regard to
religious matters, as is best for me in my present con
dition, may be handed to me. And in truth, this is the
surest way, saith my very soul, from daily experience ;
for things have never been cleared up to my certain
satisfaction in such a wonderful manner, as since I have
been under this discipline of the cross to all selfish
wisdom. O ! the sweetness of being under the tuition
of Him, who verily teacheth as never man taught.
I am, thy affectionate friend,
J.B.

1818.] CHAPTER VIII. 135
[In a letter to another Friend upon the same subject,
he writes :J
 As to religious instruction, it consists, if I
mistake not, in bringing up children in that nurture
and admonition which is of the Lord, as saith the
Scripture. Now, how can any bring up children
in the Lord's nurture and admonition — in the Lord's
ordering, in his counsel, direction and teaching, — I say,
how can this be rightly and effectually done, except
the parent or teacher stand in this counsel himself, and
abide himself under this best direction ? how can he
be instrumental to instruct, help, and lead forward, if he
be himself out of this counsel, — if he be not under the
ordering of that which is meek and lowly in the heart
— of that pure principle, which is said to lead into all
truth, as it is heeded, waited on, and submitted unto,
in its simple silent instructions ? How needful it is
for a master or parent to be brought to see, that that
which is to be known of God is manifested in man; and
that there is no really knowing the things of God, but
by his light and Spirit in the heart, — as said an eminent
minister and messenger of the gospel, George Fox,—' no
knowing the Son, nor the Father, but by the revelation
ofthe Holy Spirit ; no knowing the Scriptures but by the
same Holy Ghost, that moved the holy men to give them
forth ; no calling Jesus, Lord, but by the Holy Ghost ;
no true wisdom, but from above; no true receiving it, but
in the fear of the Lord ; no true understanding of spiri
tual things, but what Christ gives ; and no true love to
God, but what he sheddeth abroad in the heart.'
I firmly beheve, that as the deficiency complained
of in our children, chiefly arises from a want of true
living Christian concern in the minds of parents
and masters for their religious welfare, so they ought

136 CHAPTER VIII. [1818.
not to be put upon, or to put themselves upon any con
trivances, which best wisdom does not lead them into,
and control them in the use of; but they must come to
that, which alone can quicken and raise up in them a
living concern for the religious welfare of their charge ;
and they must yield themselves as obedient children to its
teachings. Thus will they come to know something of
an establishment in the Truth, and a growth in living
experience and substantial knowledge of the principles
and precepts of the gospel, which is the power of God.
Thus furnished, thus fitted to take the charge of youth,
under a sense of duty, and above all inferior views,
the master will be a blessing to his little ones. He
will want no catechism to instruct them in, no creed
to examine them by ; he will not think of making
them give confession of their faith : but his watchful
eye will be continually over them for good, his patient
exercise will be great on their account, his prayers
will go up acceptably for them, not as a matter of
habit, but as it is put into his heart by his heavenly
Master, who knows what he has need of before he
asks. Opportunities will often occur of giving them
counsel or reproof, of opening and explaining the
Scriptures of Truth, of informing them respecting our
religious testimonies and principles ; but above all, of
directing them to turn and keep their minds inward
towards God, — shewing them the place of true waiting,
the source of true wisdom, and both by precept and
example, — as was conspicuous among our early Friends.
Oh ! here is the truly religious instruction ; a bringing
up young people in the fear of the Lord, and in
his new covenant of life ; wherein it is said, all
are to be taught of Him, — all are to know him from
the least to the greatest : and here is a building up in

1818.J CHAPTER VIII. 137
the true faith, of which the Lord, not man, is the
author and the finisher. Thy affectionate Friend, J.B.
1818, Tenth Month Uth.
— I have of late put but little to paper by way
of remark, as to the state of my mind, not having felt
much freedom this way ; yet I may here acknowledge,
that the same Power, that hath all along helped and
sustained me, is not, nor has been, wanting in the
needful hour ; of which the Lord is the best judge, and
not I. My feeble cry is yet unto him under all my
discouragements and exercising seasons. The little,
lowly tender seed, which he hath quickened, and in
measure raised in me, doth still look unto its Parent
for daily sustenance ; his ear is ever open, unto the cry
of his poor ; and his eye of pity and compassion is still
upon that birth which is of him, to cherish and to care
for it, and to provide all things needful. Oh ! for a
continuance of his fatherly goodness, and for the re
newed extension of his preserving arm of power
around me ; that so I may be restrained thereby from
all hurt and harm through this vale of tears and temp
tations, and sustained by the same through all the
depths of affliction, into which he may see it best for
me to be plunged, to my purification and peace. My
heart is much tendered and impressed, whilst writing
these lines ; for indeed I am not able sufficiently to
mention how good the Master is, — how worthy to
be glorified, trusted in, obeyed, and loved, by all his
servants and children.
1818, Tenth Month 15th.
— I thought I felt the tender mercies of the Most
High, renewedly extended at this time, to my great joy

138 CHAPTER VIII. [1818.
and refreshment; and that I could scarcely forbear thus
taking notice or making mention of the same, from
present feelings and impressions ; which have not been
self-kindled, but have arisen very sweetly and prevailed
in my mind, during this season of retirement by my
bedside ; as also from the close language of a favoured
messenger of the Lord at a late meeting for worship,
which has been sealed to me forcibly. From these
concurrent testimonies, I am induced to believe, that
the visitations, the tender calls, and merciful dealings,
and withdrawings, and provings, and refinings, which
I have experienced from time to time, ever since the
Lord was pleased to awaken me out of the sleep of
death, and to raise me out of the darkness of sin, — are
mercifully intended to purify and to perfect his gracious
work in me, and to bring about his design respecting
me; which I believe to be, to raise me up a living
instrument and chosen vessel in his holy hand, — to shew
forth the glory of his name, (which is his power,) to the
sons of men, — to exalt his eternal truth, and lead others,
by prevailing with them to submit themselves to this
power revealed in them ; that so they may live under
its influence, know this eternal truth in and for them
selves, abide under its teachings, and come to witness
an establishment therein, and to have an inheritance
thereby in that, which death cannot destroy, nor cor
ruption mar, nor sin defile, but which endureth for
ever ! Amen !
1818, Tenth Month 19th.
— O ! the sweet influx of the Father's peace, of
the Father's joy and comfort, with which he is pleased
at times to refresh and revive the hearts of his humbled
contrited ones, — those that are through his mercy pre
vailed upon, and through his heavenly help and strength

1818.] CHAPTER VIII. , 139
enabled to count all things but as nothing, that they
may be found in him, and to suffer for his name's sake
the loss of all things ! Oh ! what a blessed evidence
of his continued goodness have I been favoured with
this morning, during the short space of a few minutes,
in my retirement to seek the lifting up of the light of
his countenance, and to wait for the shedding abroad
of his love in my heart. What encouragement does
it afford me, to continue stedfastly looking unto Him,
the author of all my blessings, the director of all my
footsteps, the restorer of right paths to walk in. What
assurance have I had renewed at this season, that I
am (through his daily help and strength) in the way of
his leadings ; so that in a fresh feeling of his directing
and protecting power being about me for my preserva
tion on every hand, I may boldly say with the Psalmist,
— " Though an host should encamp against me, mine
heart shall not fear," the Lord being " my light and
my salvation." To  .

Twelfth Month 21st, 1818.
— I have often thought  to be, what our early
Friends would have called a 'tender spirited young
man ;' but oh ! how much must such go through,
who have been made willing to come to the Master,
in the full belief that he is the Way, the Truth, and
the Life. The Master looking upon such, loveth them ;
yet must these give up their all, as and when he calls
for all or any of their 'great possessions.' We read
that Zion was to be redeemed with judgment; and
with the spirit of judgment and of burning was her
filth to be purged away. O ! this fiery baptism !
few of us know enough the necessity of it ; — it is
hard coming under it, it is hard keeping under it:

140 . CHAPTER VIII. [1818.
— then and not until then, do we really know the
full import of these deep expressions, — "baptized into
his death," — " planted in the likeness of his death,"
— " crucified with him," " that I might, (as the apostle
says) know Him, and the power of his resurrection,
and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made con
formable to his death." There is, as thou knowest, a
refiner's fire ; where the things that are even the most
precious, the most pure metal, the most fine gold, are to
be put in, and to be again and again melted down and
softened, and rendered susceptible of the impression
that it is designed to receive : it must be passive as
the clay ; it cannot impress itself. No more can we as
creatures humble ourselves (truly and acceptably and
profitably) in or by our own will or way, or by the
voluntary exertion of any parts or powers of our own ;
no, — we must not choose our own way of being
good, neither do good according to our conceits and
conceivings, else another thing is exalted in reality,
than the principle and power of Truth. I have
been often instructed very deeply by these expres
sions ; — "but we have this treasure (that is, the
Light shining in our hearts) in earthen vessels ; that
the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of
us ;" — " always bearing about in the body the dying of
the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made
manifest in our body." I think Penington says, that
we are but vessels, wherein the pure excellent oil may
appear or disappear ; and some one says, these vessels
must be emptied, before they can be cleansed from any
dirt or sediment, which they may have contracted whilst
in use in this filthy world. I remember John Churchman
wrote, that the vessels in the potter's house were to be
set on the shelf to dry, after they had been formed on
the wheel ; and then to be baked in the fire. These

1818.] CHAPTER VIII. 141
things I write to thee, dear  , as they occur ; much
more of this nature often passes through me, unsought
and unstudied in times of retirement, which are
seasons of refreshment to me oftentimes ; and in them,
I think, I have learnt more effectually, and been
strengthened more availingly, than in any other way :
and though speaking of  seemed at first the occa
sion of them, yet it is not for me to cast a stone ;
though from the very little experience which I have
had of these things, I begin to see the necessity, and
somewhat of the beauty of those deep baptisms, and
desire greatly that dear —  may bear me company
in coming and keeping under them, — this being the
true way of the cross. For a cross that bears any
marks of being our own manufacture will never do, so at
least I have been favoured clearly to see ; it is no cross
at all in reality. The mind is a very active busy part ;
and if it be at any time quickened into a sensibility and
admiration of what is excellent, unless kept down in
the true subjection by that which quickened it, it will
speedily put itself forth and rush into such actions, or
words, or thoughts, as it apprehends to be of a good
tendency or nature, and is very ready to hope and
believe that these things are required ; forgetting that
that which quickens in us the first spark of good, and
raises up the least desire after it, the very same must
preside over all our steppings, the last equally with
the first stepping ; the very same must strengthen us
to choose the good and to follow it, which gives us
ability to refuse and shun the evil. In this way
self is cast out, and the principle and power of Truth
alone exalted, and then the Seed reigns and is over all,
as G. F. says; for that is to govern, guide, and go
before, in this gospel day, and that is to lead ; and
when it stops we are to stop and stand still, and when

142 CHAPTER VIII. [1818.
it goes forward, we are to move with it and in it, as
Israelites indeed.
1818, Twelfth Month 27th.
— At this time it lay upon me to set up my
Ebenezer, as decidedly as this perishable method with
paper and ink, and this feeble representation by words,
(which are at best but inadequate symbols) will allow
of. My soul has been hitherto helped by the immediate
handing forth of that power, wisdom, support and indes
cribable consolation, which comes from the holy sanc
tuary of the most High. My heart hath been sweetly
engaged at seasons to praise, honour, and glorify Him,
who lifteth up the poor out of the very dung-hill, setting
them among princes : verily, He giveth power to the
faint, " and to those that have no might, He increaseth
strength." And this is He, who Was called the God
of Abraham, and of Isaac, and of Jacob ; and who
continues to be to all His living Israel in this day, as
He ever was in old time. For the devil is the god of
tbe dead in trespasses and sins ; but the Lord hath
bruised his head by his seed, Christ Jesus, who hath
purchased life for those that are willing to be made par
takers thereof.
1818, Twelfth Month 30th.
— O Lord ! if David thy servant did say of the
love that prevailed between his fellow-servant Jonathan
and himself, that it was "wonderful," — if we may also
say of those whom thou hast knit and bound up toge
ther with us in the fellowship of thy Gospel, that they
are as nursing fathers and nursing mothers, as endeared
brothers and sisters in thy Truth ;-^-0 Father Almighty!
how shall we sufficiently commemorate thy loving-kind
ness towards us, thy poor creatures ; whom thou hast

1818.] CHAPTER VIII. 143
been pleased to gather into the heavenly relationship,
into the joyous fellowship, into the blessed flock of thy
family, and hast deigned to acknowledge as thy chil
dren. I thought I felt the sceptre of thy paternal love
stretched out, renewedly inviting me to partake of the
blessing that maketh truly rich, and addeth no sorrow
therewith,— inviting me to draw near, and to make my
request unto thee, and to plead with thee in the power
of thy love ; into which thou hast gathered me, and by
which thou mayst be prevailed with. I am emboldened
to ask of thee at this season the continuance of thy
holy help from time to time, under all the provings and
afflictions and chastenings, which may in thy wisdom
be allotted me. As all thy servants of old, even unto
this day, have shared in the cup of bitterness, and par
taken of the water of affliction, so 0 ! Lord, may I
also endure chastening, and partake of the evidence
of sonship ; remembering the language of thy servant,
" If we suffer with Christ, we shall also reign with
him." This accept and grant, if it please thee, O ! my
Father ; who hast never yet denied that which thou hast
put into my heart to offer unto thee in the prayer of
faith : and if I need at any hour any thing of thee, I
know that thou hearest me and art with me, whilst I
abide with thee, and am in submission to thy manifested
will. To thee, therefore, I desire at this time afr,esh to
commend and commit all that I have or am, and increas
ingly to become thy child.
1818, Twelfth Month.
— Does the best qualification, even that which
the true ministers have fresh from the fountain of all-
sufficient wisdom and strength, even the aid and
influence of the Holy Spirit, want any human help to
bear it out, or to assist the true ministers in the dis-

144 CHAPTER VIII. [1818.
charge of their gifts ? If human acquirements be of
use, and helpful to those that have best help, or advan
tageous to the cause they espouse, then the want of it
is a deficiency ; that is, the instrument is not of that
service that he might be, if he had learning. And
therefore the apostles, if they had had a good education
would have been more extensively useful, especially
among the rulers and great people. Why did not the
apostle Paul, who had much learning, and " man's
wisdom," use it in his preaching among the learned
Corinthians ? and why did he determine to lay it all
aside, and to know nothing among them, save Jesus
Christ and him crucified ? Why did Paul, in speak
ing of the things of God, speak then " not in the
words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the
Holy Ghost teacheth;" — if his learning was bene
ficial to him as a preacher? Was not his learning
one of those things, which before was " gain" to him,
a profitable and advantageous thing, and which now
he "counted loss for Christ?" Why did our God
choose foolish, weak, base, despised things, as his
instruments ; if wise, mighty, honourable ones would
have been more extensively useful, as long as they
were humble ? Why did Paul come among those of
Corinth " not with excellency of speech or of wisdom ?"
surely on this ground, would he have gained more con
verts to the Truth in that place ?
[To a person under convincement of our religious
principles.]
25th First Month, 1819.
 When the Master sent forth his chosen ones
to do the work which he had appointed for them, he
said, " Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst
of wolves ; be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harm-

• 1819.] CHAPTER VIII. 145
less as doves." These few words of Scripture sprung
up so forcibly in my mind, in the midst bf no little
anxiety for thy real welfare, and sympathy with thee
under thy various and peculiar trials, — that it appeared
right for me to convey them in this way, and to relieve
myself of some weight of solicitude on thy account ;
earnestly desiring that this little stepping-stone, thrown
in thy way, may not in any sense prove a stumbling-
stone, hurtful instead of helpful. First then, and first
and last, I would direct thy attention to the Comforter,
the heavenly Instructor, the Spirit of Truth ; under
whose precious teachings, I am persuaded thou hast
been already brought, and so, in that measure most
profitable for thee at present, art partaking of the
refreshment, peace, joy, faith, hope, strength, and holy
fortitude and wisdom, which are richly in store for all
such as submit themselves to its guidance. The apostle
John directed the minds of those whom he addressed,
to the anointing which they had from the Holy One,
whereby they " knew all things" necessary to their
growth in grace. Though I know but little of thee in
an outward sense, yet I am persuaded, that the hand of
the Lord is truly upon thee ; and greatly do I crave,
that thy continual care and caution may be, to keep
close to this anointing. That which anoints is Truth,
the Spirit of Truth, the Power of Truth : this is what
secretly works upon the soul, bruises our self-confidence,
breaks our false peace, awakens out of our dreams of
pleasure, riches, honour and acquirements, shews us
our real state, where we are, how far we have missed
the road, whether in principle or practice, and clearly
points the way to true and everlasting peace ; — giving us
also such full directions that we cannot possibly miss of
it, if we do but follow them, and not our own reasonings
and imaginations. What holy invincible armour does
L

146 CHAPTER VIII. [1819.
our great Captain clothe his little striplings with, — those
that are after his own heart, as young David was, — those
that lay aside all their own or other people's weapons
and strength, laying hold only of the hope set before
them. May thy desire be unto thy Lord, that He may
furnish thee with the sling, and give thee the smooth
stone, as thou art in the way to meet thine enemy ; and
may thy true dependence be, yet more than ever thou
hast known it to be, immoveably fixed on thy Rock,
thy Redeemer : and do not let the enemy put thee on
any improper leaning on books or men, but lean upon
Jesus, as all his beloved disciples ever have done. Oh !
it is a safe spot to be sitting at the feet of Jesus, rather
than at the feet of Gamaliel ; and be not cumbered
about many things, — remember one thing is needful;
and this one thing is a learning of Him who is meek
and lowly in heart, — that true learning which is not
merely a hearing, but a doing also his sayings ; who
speaks with such authority and power in the secret of
the soul, as to make us cry put, " He told me all that
ever I did ;" is not this the Christ within, the teacher,
who it was said should never be removed into a corner,
as the Gospel-day prevailed ? There is indeed a leaving
the pitcher of water, and going our way into the city,
to proclaim to others, by our life and conversation, the
name or power of Christ, as he has been pleased to
manifest himself unto us, opening in us the well of
water, which springs up into everlasting life. But how
seldom, (as Fenelon expresses it,) does the soul
keep silent enough to hear His voice, who speaketh
as never man spake; how seldom are we simple
enough to follow Him whithersoever he leadeth;
and when persecution or affliction ariseth because
of the word nigh in the heart, by and by we are
offended or afraid ;— forsaking our leader, when he

1819.J CHAPTER VIII. 147
leads in the straight and narrow way of the cross ; and
denying him, in whose name we may have done even
some mighty works, — saying with poor Peter, " I know
not the man." There is, as thou well knowest, a going
before our guide, a kindling of sparks and warming our
selves at them, an offering of sacrifice before the prophet
come ; and oh ! what burdens have the upright in heart
at times made hereby ; what a " lying down in sorrow,"
— what a close rebuke from our great prophet and high
priest, "Thou hast done foolishly." We may remem
ber Saul said, " the Philistines will come down upon
me, and I have not made supplication to the Lord;"
and he waited seven days for Samuel, and the people
were scattered from him and trembled for fear of the
enemy. Oh ! here was an offering of something good,
in the time and will of the creature ; but it was not
counted good nor accepted, because it was not prepared
of the Lord's prophet, neither offered in faith, but in
faithless fear. Truly I say not these things to cast any
thing like discouragement in thy way, but rather as an
encouragement for thee to look up for help, to steer
clear of all things that would hurt or hinder thy steady
progress and inward growth downward in the root and
life of religion. Be not very anxious about making
fruits appear : if thou art chiefly seeking to be grafted
into the true vine, the precious fruits of that righteous
ness, which He is the author of, will not be wanting
in their season. But there is a winter, when not
a leaf appears; insomuch that a superficial observer
would say, What good comes of this graft ? Of what
use has religion been to him ? Yet the husbandman
knows the times and the seasons, and that if even a
bud were to be put forth, it would be struck by the
frost. Oh ! there is a time to be empty, to be stripped,
to be poor, to be buffeted by the wintry winds, to be
l2

148 CHAPTER VIII. [1819.
deprived of all sense of life, any relish for, or savour
of good : and then I have found it safe to lie low in
the littleness, in patient poverty, in the true insig
nificance ; — waiting in the abandonment of self, in the
silence of all flesh, for His re-appearing, " in whose
presence there is fulness of joy" and abundance of
consolation, saith my soul from undoubted experience.
Then wait in the filial fear, in the living faith, though
it seem small as the grain of mustard-seed, though it
may lie very low : wait thus, I say, upon the Lord ;
occupy with this thy talent ; it is enough for thy pre
sent wants, — the master knoweth what things thou hast
need of, before thou ask for the food and raiment,
even the daily bread, the wine of the kingdom. He will
not withhold the oil and the wine from thy wounds or
weaknesses; neither dost thou know how much he has
in store for thee, as thou followest him in the way of
his leadings in faith and faithfulness. Keep not back
part of the price— part of the inheritance which thou
didst inherit from thy fallen father Adam, and camest
into possession of by actual transgression ; but give
up all, that thou mayst be clothed as his lilies are,
with his innocence, not with thy own righteousnesses,
which are but as filthy rags.* Be wise then as a ser
pent; be wiser than the serpent that beguileth, that
lieth in wait sometimes as an angel of light, to deceive
the hearts of the simple. He suits his baits with much
artful wisdom, according to the state and temper of
mind in which he finds people. Do they love what is
good ? he is ready with an appearance or. resemblance
of good to entice them : and how can any discover his
deceits, or keep out of his snares, but as they come to
that which alone can give the true discernment. What
is' that which enables us at any time to distinguish
between the good and the evil, to choose the one and to

1819.] CHAPTER VIII. 149
refuse the other, though ever so much gilded ? It is
the true wisdom, of which Solomon wrote in his Pro
verbs, which preserveth out of the snares of death.
How clear, how intelligible is her voice, in and unto the
awakened upright soul ; this word of wisdom is nigh
thee, as thou already knowest, — thou needest not go far
away to find it, thou needest not mind the " Lo ! here's,"
and " Lo ! there's" — the kingdom is within, the king's
laws are written in the heart. Receive not then for
doctrines the commandments of men : try all things by
this infallible touchstone, which never yet led any into
error, but out of all error " into all truth." And when
thou art examined concerning those principles or prac
tices, into which the Truth hath led thee, and which
nothing short of the same (I trust,) has given thee
strength to profess before men, be not dismayed, be
not discouraged, be not disturbed ; let the Truth plead
for thee, "for it is not thou that speakest;" nor canst
thou by any ability short of that which the Lord
giveth in the very hour of need, do any thing availingly
in support of the great cause. Remember those faith
ful valiants who replied to the king (Nebuchadnezzar,)
"We are not careful to answer thee in this matter:"
and remember how our great Master was silent, and as
one dumb before his accusers, though Pilate put a
very short question to him, — " What is truth ?" yet we
read not of any answer being given, to feed the subtle
ensnaring wisdom in him who made the inquiry.
I desire for thee an increase of the true strength and
stability ; and that is to be had by daily waiting on the
Lord in the closet of the heart. A humble weighty
deportment shows forth and best upholds the dignity
and beauty of the Christian religion ; it becomes and
adorns the gospel. A retired, calm, and watchful
frame of mind is, in many respects, a hedge and preser-

150 CHAPTER VIII. [1819.
vation about us, when thrown among those, who are not
acquainted with our high profession of a principle of
Truth sown in every heart as a seed; which is truly the
grace of God that appears unto and in all men, lead
ing them out of all evil into all good. We have perhaps
but few examples of what this heavenly influence would
do, for those who are passive as the clay under the
potter's hand. Look not out at the example of others,
so as to stop short where they do ; look rather to thy
Master, and follow with a simple, submissive, grateful
spirit, all his secret intimations, wheresoever He leads :
follow such only as they follow Him, not by imitation
but conviction ; for there are many services and sacri
fices into which others are led, which possibly thou
mayst never be called upon to evince thy love for the
Truth by engaging in ; and some requirings may not
be called for at thy hand, in the same way or time as
they were at the hand of others : it is also possible
thou mayst have a narrower path than any brother or
sister that thou knowest of. Keep then "thine eye
single" to the light of Christ ; let that lead thee
whithersoever and whensoever it will : then only is
the language of the heart, ' Thy will be done, O Lord,
in and by and through this poor earthly vessel.' Then
only do we availingly know and feel the blood of Jesus,
the Mediator, to cleanse from all sin, whilst we " walk
in the light, as God is in the light." For it is not the
outward name of Jesus, but his power revealed in us,
changing our hearts, that saves ; neither is it an historical
faith alone in what the Saviour did for us whilst on
earth, that will avail anything; for if we reject him
as our sanctifier, none of us can truly know him to
be our sacrifice, (as W. Penn wrote.) We read that
the very devils could acknowledge that Jesus was the
Christ : yet they did not submit to his government,

1819.] CHAPTER VIII. 151
but rebelled against him, or they would not have been
fallen angels. There are many that can talk about
the atonement, the intercession, the justification, the re
demption of Christ, and about baptism and the com
munion and heavenly union between the saints and
the King of saints, who nevertheless confess they are
' miserable sinners, bound and tied by the chains of
their sins,' — notwithstanding it is written, "let him
that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity."
My desire is for thee, and for all men, that they may
come to the true and saving knowledge of God and our
Saviour ; which is only to be attained unto, through
obedience to the manifestations of his Spirit in the
heart, given to every one to profit withal;" without
which none can fear him acceptably, or have true faith
in his Son : for the things of God knoweth no man,
but by his Holy Spirit.
Farewell ; keep to the Truth, and it will keep thee.
Remember, " He that dwelleth in the secret place of
the Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the
Almighty."
J.B.
1819, First Month 29th.
— This may I say, and leave upon record, that
though many almost indescribable temptations and
presentations of evil have been permitted to come
about me, sometimes like a mighty flood, so that in
hours of extreme weakness and infirmity, I have been
many and many a time ready to give up the fight of
faith ; — yet to this day, the Lord strong and mighty,
the Lord mighty in battle, has been pleased in his
abundant compassion to encamp around me, and to
give me songs of deliverance, songs of triumph and of
praise. In his name will I set up my banner ; who

152 CHAPTER VIII. [1819.
is a Rock of defence and sure refuge to my poor
weary soul in all her afflictions as there is a concern
to flee unto, abide in, and under the shadow of this
mighty rock in a weary land. O ! young man or
young woman, to whom this may come, — my friend,
my brother, my sister; — who art seeking the better
country, and Him who is the way, and the guide;
Oh ! though thou be weary and heavy-laden, — take
courage ! Oh ! there is a staff, a stay, and strength
and succour with Him and in Him, who hath gone
before ; and who leadeth on his little ones gently and
sweetly, as they are able to follow. Take this as fhe
counsel of one, who writes from a sure and living
experience, and who hath indubitably known His name
(which is above every name,) to be a strong tower
indeed. He will be with his, even to the end of the
world.

CHAPTER IX.

To

3rd of Second Month, 1819.
Dear  ,
— I have often believed that the blessing in store
for those who hand " the cup of cold water," may not
pass from thee and thine, as thou art yet concerned to
struggle on in the narrow way. I desire to be thy
companion therein, and an example in giving up faith
fully to all that is set before me, whether in the line
of doing, or of suffering; who am often sensible of
something still blotting out and wiping away many a
spot contracted through unwatchfulness. There is a
very precious feeling that seems to prevail with me,
whilst saying thus much ; and I may add, that though
nearly day by day bowed down and broken, under a
view of the low state of things at home (in the heart)
and abroad, and of many sacrifices and services for
the cause which are called for at my hand; yet I
may acknowledge the very windows of heaven have
been opened, and showers of refreshing help and
strength have descended, such as cannot be con
tained or expressed : so that the encouragement
is great for me and thee and all, yet to struggle
on; laying aside that which hinders. And I think
I may safely say to thee, dear — , there has already
been received by me an equivalent to the hundred
fold, — houses, brethren, sisters, with suffering ; though
I look for something still better in the end. 
From thy affectionate friend,
J.B.

154 CHAPTER IX. [1819.
To  .
1819, Fifth Month 4th.
— I have sometimes- remembered the language
or sentiment of a tried servant, who, by being re
signed to the Divine will through the tribulations that
were in wisdom handed, was enabled to comfort a
brother in words like these ; — ' if we be but clean
vessels, no matter how empty ;' and I may add, ' no
matter how long on the shelf,' and as one says, hke ' a
pitcher placed upside down, on its mouth,' — to keep
the dust out. The only danger I have found, when
counted worthy, or clean enough to be set in this
trying position, has been that of repining at the dispen
sation allotted, or not quietly seeking after acquiescence.
If we were but willing to abide the operation of the
Almighty hand, which would make all of us vessels fit
for a place in his holy temple, and a service in the
Lord's house ; and were but enough sensible of the
benefit of these turnings and overturnings, and of the
blessing that they are to those that are patient enough
to profit by them ; — surely some of us that are now ready
at seasons to give over struggling, and to think it is to
no purpose endeavouring to hold out in faith and faith
fulness any longer, (presuming the Lord hath forgotten
us,) would rejoice that we are counted worthy to drink
of the cup, and to be baptized with the baptism, which
alone can purify and prepare for a seat in the heavenly
kingdom. " It shall be given to those for whom it is
prepared," — " I go to prepare a place for you;" — and
did He not go through suffering; — was He not said to
be made perfect through the same ; — and shall we
find a safer path than in His footsteps, "who endured
the cross and despised the shame." Some of us in
this day of great profession and performance, have to
be renewedly baptized into, a deep sense ofthe state of

1819.] CHAPTER IX. 155
things, both without and within ; and to labour earnestly
after the pure and unshackled arisings of the seed, —
which is often very low, and burdened with much that
seems to be favourable, but yet greatly oppresses. I
desire for thee, dear J., that thou mayst not be without
thy full appointed share of such conflict of spirit, and
even apparent desertion of heavenly help and strength, as
is best for thee ; and that thou mayst have the grain of
faith renewed day by day, the hidden manna, the secret
sustenance wdiich enables quietly to wait and patiently to
hope, even through all things : so that if these dispen
sations should be in judgment or in mercy, thou mayst
be favoured through submission, to rise above all that
has stood in the way, steadily persevering in a course
of humble, dependent, watchful, innocent conduct. I
believe that marriage is often made a means of further
ing the religious growth, and strengthening the mind
in that which is good, as we look to the Lord in our
proceedings, having him in our eye, above and before
all idols. But few measures taken in life, perhaps, are
so likely to entrap the unwary, as an injudicious engage
ment therein ; it unsettles and uncentres the mind from
the great first object, if much care be not exercised,
and diligent watchfulness maintained.
To E. S.
1819, Seventh Month 22nd.
— The examination of religious tracts proposed
to be printed, is a weighty service. If it were only to
judge of words, the consistency of the sense and
meaning with the principles which we profess, as far as
human wisdom can distinguish, this would be easy, and
could be compassed by the spirit of a man : " but the
things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God ;"
so that man's spirit is unequal to it, but must be in

156 CHAPTER IX. [1819.
subjection, with all the vain reasonings which he can
muster up and contrive by the natural powers of his
understanding, or by his acquired learning and erudi
tion ; and he must wait to feel that raised up in him,
which is able rightly to discern and comprehend the
precious, and to distinguish it from the vile. I believe
a time may come, when the writings of many of our
early members, who shone bright in their generation,
may again rise into repute among us, and also among
others; notwithstanding the unfashionable garb in which
many of these writings are clothed, so unsuitable
(apparently) for these times. So that one would like
to see the avenues kept open, and the channels clear,
and the conduits clean ; that whatever is to flow in the
ordering of best Wisdom, may flow freely. As to what
thou sayest of the fear of some, about the style of our
early Friends' writings, I think this fear is a weakness,
and proceeds from a sort of doubting in the mind about
the writings themselves, and not merely about the lan
guage. I would ask these fearful ones, whether in
reading a peculiarly interesting history or travel, the
subject of it does not carry them above the style, so
that almost any style, however prosy and dull, is over
looked; and this is the case tenfold more strongly
with the humble seeking soul in religious matters,
by whom the words are overlooked in the earnest de
sires after the substance. Those who are admirers of
words, whether they be words printed or words preached,
are very unlikely to be benefited really and truly by
either, having gone from that which is beyond words,
and which alone can make words effectual.
1819, Sixth Month 5th.
— Great have been my temptations : yet abun
dantly manifest through all, have been the out-stretchings

1819.] CHAPTER IX. 157
of the ancient and eternal arm of power : so that to
this hour, it is alone through the Lord's eminent mercy
and long-suffering, and by bis preserving strength and
help daily extended toward me, that I am yet alive
in Him, and able to celebrate his name, and seek his
face, and wait for the fresh arisings of his holy heavenly
virtue ; by which alone I can do any thing acceptably
for his great and glorious cause in the earth, or be his
dutiful and faithful son and servant.
1819, Date uncertain.
— O holy blessed Father ! thy love shed abroad
in the heart, thy sweet refreshing influence, can make
up for all ; — thy softening, healing balm makes us forget
our wounds and weeping. O ! how' good thou art to
those who still struggle after resignation, and sigh after
submission to thy holy will ! Though they fall many
times, yet how is thy strength manifested for their
recovery and relief, for the renovation of their faith and
courage ; so that all their transgressions are blotted
out, and their unfaithfulness is wiped away. This is
precious indeed — to feel access to the fountain set open
for sin and iniquity ; and thus to be brought nigh
by the blood of the Lamb, and to feel its cleansing
virtue. 1819, Seventh Month 15th.
— O my Father ! how precious is thy love to my
soul at this time ! how glorious is the manifestation of
thy life-giving presence, in and unto my poor tabernacle !
How hath the sweetening, sustaining influence of thy
pure and Holy Spirit refreshed and animated my inward
man ! — how hath ft even invigorated the frail and
slender frame of this perishable body ! so that thou
hast, at this heavenly season, prevailed upon and re-

158 CHAPTER IX. [1819.
duced into true passiveness, every thing that is
within me ; and I am renewedly prepared, 0 Lord !
thou knowest, to offer unto thee all that I have, or
am ; and can say, in the holy confidence and courage
and ability which thou givest, — ' I am thine, and thou,
blessed Lord God of power and of everlasting praise
and of mercies infinite, art mine; and I live by thee,
and see, and know, and love, and glorify thee and thy
Son, the Lamb, Jesus my Saviour, through the eternal
Spirit ; — praises, praises to thy name for evermore.
Amen !
Written in a grove at Knapton, in Yorkshire.
1819, Eighth Month 25th.
, — O ! Thou that seest in secret, that knowest all
things, that searchest the hearts, and triest the inward
parts of all men, and in whose pure sight iniquity is dis
cerned and judged, — may it please thee yet once again
to regard and pity thy frail and faultering servant ; who
am not worthy to be accounted of thy household ; and
yet cannot rest satisfied, in anything short of a pure
and perfect surrender and sacrifice of my all unto thy
service. 0 ! thy presence, thy purifying, preserving
energy and virtue inwardly communicated to my soul,—
how has it helped me along in my earthly pilgrimage,
— how has it sustained me in the year of drought, and
in the hour of temptation and of trial! In all the
depths into which I have been, and may be, cast or
permitted to be plunged, Lord! thou knowest that
nothing has been able, or I trust shall be able, to
induce me to deny, that thou hast blessed me and done
me good. Though thou slay me, yet will I endeavour
after resignation and submission ; for, without thee
what am I? O my Father! is there yet a door of
hope for me, yet a little access left for me, before

1819.] CHAPTER IX. 159
I go hence, and of men am seen no more? May I
presume to plead with thee for forgiveness and pardon,
who am unworthy to hope for it ; having so often trans
gressed and offended by unfaithfulness and many back
slidings. Written in a wood at Yealand, near Lancaster.
1819, Ninth Month 5th. (First day.)
— What a mixed race we are, even the brightest
and best, — what a dwarfish set : — it is most true indeed
that we have not attained to the stature, strength, or
standing of our fathers. Yet oh ! how bright in the
horizon was the opening, the breaking forth of the
morning of the day of the Lord's everlasting power !
Verily his hand is not shortened, the glory of his excel
lency and of his strength will yet be manifested more
and more ; he will beautify his holy Church and pecu
liar people, and brighten up his jewels ; and they shall
shine as the stars for ever and ever. And many
nations shall flow together, and become one fold on
his holy mount ; and he, the Shepherd, shall feed and
lead them ; and they shall lie down in his green
pastures, and drink ofthe pure river of his eternally
satisfying pleasures : and as they abide where he
would, have them, nothing shall harm them, nor any
iniquity prevail against them; and they shall never
perish, neither shall any pluck them out of his holy
hand.
TO SAMUEL ALEXANDER. 21st Tenth Month, 1819.
I omitted to mention our Quarterly Meeting :

it was held to satisfaction. It is lamentable to think
how much harm is done, by the talkativeness that

160 CHAPTER IX. [1819.
sometimes manifests itself after such very solemn
occasions : and in Meetings for Discipline, there are
those, who knowing much of the outward rules which
Truth has led our Society to adopt, are not sufficiently
careful to act in the life, in the liberty, in the sweetness,
in the dignity of it ; but suffer their mere adherence to
rules, without subjection to the power in which they
were set. up, to mar at times the beauty, the benefit,
and the glory of these meetings ; which should be
religious meetings, and would often be made meetings
of worship, to those whose minds are rightly engaged.
Surely the authority of these meetings is not the mere
Book of Extracts ; nor does their excellency consist in
a mere mechanical compliance with what is there laid
down ; nor does much talking in favour of any point,
prove that the sense of Truth is that way, though it
may prove that the sense of the majority leans so. 
TO A FRIEND.
London, Eleventh Month 6th, 1819.
 My dear love has often been as fresh and warm

towards thee, amidst much sympathy and solicitude on
thy account as on my own ; that we might both be pre
served by the invisible, invincible power and principle
of Truth, through our patient seeking after, waiting
for, and following its pure and sure guidance : — amidst
earnest desires that this may be thy, (and also my)
experience, it has not seemed unpleasant nor unexpected
that little should hitherto have passed between us in
this way, which true friends have found and do yet find
to be but a feeble channel, though profitable and com
forting, when the reader can discern and read the
language of the heart of his friend.
It is a certain axiom, though a strange paradox to

1819.] CHAPTER IX. 161
such as have not yet come to witness the truth of it
in their own experience, that the true silence speaks
louder than the best words. I sometimes think that I,
for one, have enough to do to steer my own frail vessel
in the stormy sea of life, with the aid afforded ; being
willing often to leave others to the like engagement for
themselves. For one finds it is a good thing to mind
one's own business, — to endeavour to rule one's own
little house well in the first place ; then will there be
the better qualification to have charge over the house of
the Lord : and this latter is a duty, which all will find,
in some way or other, in due season to devolve upon
them, if they are faithful, and as they, through obe
dience, come into a capacity for usefulness. The useless
members are to be cut off, — nay, they drop off, as a
withered bough that receives not the sap of life. As
soon as any have grown to the stature and strength for
labour, they are undoubtedly put out to service, and
earn their livelihood, even that which nourishes to life,
and liveliness, and healthfulness, — even the heavenly
bread. And every son and daughter are to mind that
portion of work, which is set them by their parent to do
in his family ; and they are to do nothing else, but to
attend thereto cheerfully, handling the tools and imple
ments that he supplies them with, and at the seasons
of his appointment. To these diligent day-labourers,
the times of refreshment indeed come, when it is seen
to be needful, — in order that they faint not. But in the
Lord's family, those that will not work, must not eat, nor
sit at his table, nor have their penny of peace, nor the
reward of " well done." The domestic economy here
exercised, and the excellent discipline kept up, and the
comely order, and beautiful harmony of all the true
members of this spiritual house, I have seen and known
to be wonderful in all its bearings and branches : but
M

162 CHAPTER IX. [1819.
those that are not of it, cry out, " He is a hard master," —
and would exact the uttermost farthing. Yes, He is a
hard master to the rebellious, and terrible will they
find Him in the reckoning day ; but very tender and
pitiful is He found unto them, who are tender of his
honour, even before that day ; for they feel his unfailing
mercy still blotting out and wiping away ; and extend
ing afresh his hand of help, to such as are willing to
work out their own salvation with the true fear and
trembling. That thou, my dear friend, by diligent and
close attention to none other than the Shepherd's voice,
and by a co-operation therewith, even a simple subjection
to that which it makes manifest to be the duty of each
day, mayst come to have this and much more verified
with yet greater satisfaction to thee in thy measure, is
often my desire. The way of the Lord's coming, is even
as a refiner with fire, and a fuller with soap, — to melt,
and to purify ; and blessed are they that so receive him.
Thus the house of Saul will become weaker and
weaker, and that of David stronger and stronger:
though the latter may be hunted, as the partridge on the
mountains, for a long season, pursued yet escaping :
and the seed of David to this day, have often to " abide
in the wilderness in the strong-holds " and in the
mountains, and are ready sometimes to say, " surely I
shall one day fall by the hand of Saul." Oh ! this is a
sore conflict, yet a glorious and honourable warfare ; and
the victory is certain to all those that hold out unto the
end in faith and faithfulness.
I fondly trust, my dear friend, that by this time
many of thy soul's enemies, that have stalked their
forty days like a Goliah, are laid low ; and that many of
thy doubts and fears, are in measure done away ; that
with renewed vigour, courage, patience, and perseve
rance, thou art journeying onward, even with steady

1819.] CHAPTER IX. 163
pace, and simple eye ; not moved by the " trial of cruel
mockings," if that should be thy lot ; nor yet dismayed
by the many tribulations that are permitted to attend
the path of the righteous. Yet I trust, that an equal
if not a greater degree of care and caution will yet
mark thy every movement and stepping, as thou
goest along : I speak not of a silly slavish fear, which
keeps some far behind the footsteps of Christ and of
his companions ; or of that weakness which would let the
enfeebling reasoner prevail, to the hindering or even
stopping of a vigorous healthy growth. Some have I
known, who have suffered such an argument as this to
nip their bud, and so to check its putting forth, in the
due and appointed season, its natural blossoms and
fruit, — saying, ' others have professed great things, and
have come to nothing ; who am I, that I should pretend
or presume so high ? surely I shall disgrace the cause,'
&c. Such reasonings are, as we abide in the light,
clearly manifested to be of the enemy, though greatly
disguised : and he sometimes lays hold of good kind of
people, who, with upright intentions for the best, and
desiring our preservation from hurtful extremes, are
induced by a mistaken and blinded judgment, to advise
us against running risks (as they think,) by such a bold,
firm, and decided conduct, as we apprehend is required
at our hands. I have had to tread much alone ; and
I have found it safe, and conducive to my true growth, to
look mainly, and in the first place, to that which is
truly an infallible Teacher, and which leads out of all
error and evil, into all truth and goodness ; and after
sometimes great delay, (not through wilfulness nor
weariness, but an upright desire to be led by nothing
but the true guide,) I have been made willing to resign
myself to what has been cast up, 1 trust with some
thing of that singleness of heart and simplicity, which
m 2

164 CHAPTER IX, [1819.
the right thing does undoubtedly induce. O ! the
comfort and divine consolation, which such a procedure
has drawn upon my poor soul, even in the midst of
much trouble and suffering.
The Truth does undoubtedly lead into a oneness in
principle, and even in practice as to generals : yet in
regard to particular sacrifices and services, very various
are the allotments for each member ofthe church, — very
different are the gifts and dispensations which are meted
out to each, and the administrations of them also:
Blessed are those who know and keep their several
places in the body, always eyeing the Master, even the
holy Head thereof. These shall not be unduly moved by
the revolutions and convulsions, which may be permitted
to arise, and to surprise the hypocrites, whether from
within, or from without ; — these abide in their habitation
and safe shelter during the storms, nor are they supine
and confident in the day of ease and of calm weather,
but are prepared, nay are (if it' be best) forewarned
often of the judgments that may be impending or
ready to be poured out upon the head of the disobedient.
Well, my dear friend, be valiant for the Lord and his
precious Truth, while thou hast a day in mercy granted
thee ; joyfully and unreservedly yield thyself and all
that thou hast unto his disposal. Keep to the root of
righteousness ; and as the divine sap of life is suffered
to ascend, and to circulate in and through thy soul,
thou shalt in due season be clothed, or be strengthened.
to put on the excellent fruits of righteousness, to the
praise of Him who hath chosen and ordained us, that
we should go and bring forth much fruit, and that our
fruit should remain ; and who is ready thoroughly to
furnish us unto every good word and work required of us.
Farewell, and believe me to be thy affectionate friend,
J. B.

1820.] CHAPTER IX. 165
Falmouth, 17th of Twelfth Month, 1819.
Dear  ,

— My dear love is to thee, though from a low
spot, which has more or less been my experience of
late : but I can truly say, in the lowest seasons I have
longed for nothing more than for preservation through
all things ; even though there should be but little
going forward, or any vigorous growth in that which
is good. Yet should I be content in this the Lord's
will, who doeth all things well, could I find an assur
ance, that finally the eternal rest of the righteous might
be mine ; and that whilst buffeted and tempted here,
no reproach might be reasonably thrown on the blessed
Truth, through any unfaithfulness of mine. A degree of
sweet calmness seems to arise, whilst writing to thee ;
in which I feel thee near to me, and myself still bound
in a degree of tender love, and refreshing fellowship
unto the faithful everywhere. At such seasons how
strongly does the sentiment recur, — testimonies are
nothing (comparatively,) — words are nothing — outward,
perishable, changeable things are nothing; — but to
know our sustenance, standing, strength, and life, to
be in the only unfailing Source, and to feel that which
is immortal, invincible and unchangeable to bear up
our minds above the billows, — this is worth living for,
and suffering for, and dying for.
[In a letter to a friend, dated 6th of 1st mo. 1820, —
speaking of drawing up accounts for Piety Promoted,
which he had diligently taken in hand as a duty ever
since the year 1817, also collecting and copying letters
of Friends, — he says : — ]
 If these labours of love for the cause' sake
should ever come to much, or be made of extended
utility,— if they be rightly carried forward and intro-

166 CHAPTER IX. [1820.
duced to public view, — I trust I shall rejoice, who
ever may have it laid upon him to undertake this part
of the business. It is enough for me, quietly to devote
myself to the accomplishment of such share, in laying
the foundation and erecting the scaffolding, as seems
required at my hands ; leaving the completion thereof
to the disposal of the master-builder, who knows the
several abilities of his workmen, and portions out their
duty according to their day and strength : — He knows
how comparatively short and small mine are ; — yet He
withholds not the penny.
[And in another letter on the same subject, he says : — ]
My powers are very weak and small, I think, in com
parison to those of almost any one else, also shattered,
and partaking of my feeble frame of body : but there
is no knowing what the great " I AM," may choose to
do with such ; and those things are ever best left
with Him, who can do all things for me. I haye
had nothing in view in this work but the great cause,
and have sometimes thought, I should leave it as a
legacy among Friends ; but it is as my Master wills to
this day, as it was when I set a hand to it. If He
please to take me from it, or it from me, it is well.
1820, First Month 19th.
— I have had from one season to another, up to
the present time, many teaching intimations and timely
warnings, from within and from without, that there is
no trust to be had in length of days, nor dependence to
be placed on health or strength or youth, no nor yet
on any services or sufferings for Truth's sake; but
only upon the Rock, Christ Jesus, the Lamb slain
from the foundation of the world. To know that re
newed in us, which rightly gives an interest in his
blood, and in the salvation he purchased for us,— to

1820.] CHAPTER IX. 167
feel the spring of immortal, immaculate life and good
ness, bubbling up and breaking forth in and over
us, — to be assured by hearing, knowing, and following
the Shepherd of Israel, that we are his sheep, — to have
a sure and satisfactory evidence, that we are more and
more coming out of the world's spirit, into that of the
weaned child, — becoming more and more separated from
sin and self,— more and more seasoned with and leavened
into the nature of a child of God ; — this is sweet, and
a safe spot, saith my soul, for any poor mortal to be
found in, when the summons may be sounded forth.
" The time is short," said the apostle ; and it remains
for us all, whatever be our situation in this life,
or our station in the Church, or our standing in a re
ligious sense, to remember, that "the fashion of this
world passeth away.". These things that are mutable
must pass away, and shall be as though they had not
been ; yet shall the righteous stand and be established,
when the earth is removed out of its place, and the
firmament swept away as with a flood. Greatly do I
desire to be found amongst those, who stay themselves
upon the living, eternal, Almighty Father and Saviour ;
and to be increasingly concerned to pass the remainder
of my time in true filial fear and faithfulness.
1820, Fourth Month 15th.
— Surely my soul can praise and bless thy holy
name at this time, 0 Lord Almighty ! who art just and
faithful, and true to one of the least of the poor of thy
flock ; 0 ! thou art the compassionate Friend of those
who are prevailed upon to surrender up all unto thee, to
commit all into thy care and keeping. 0 ! thou Shep
herd of Israel, what can I render unto thee for all thy
benefits and sure mercies, which are new every morn
ing? How shall I exalt and extol thy goodness, thy

168 CHAPTER IX. [1820.
tenderness, thy long-suffering compassion, manifested
renewedly towards thine unworthy servant? Words
cannot celebrate thy Wonderful bounty ; but the hearts
of those that are concerned to yield themselves unto
thee, can sing unto thee of mercy, and of judgment, and
of truth, eternal, glorious and unspeakable. 0 ! thou
all-wise and Almighty one, bring to pass whatever is for
thy glory, thy honour, thy .majesty ; and overrule the rest.
Limit the rage and roaring of the enemy, who still
seeks to devour thy seed, and to cut up thy people.
O ! preserve thy poor dependent ones, wherever or
however gathered or scattered all the world over,
within the holy and sure enclosure of the hollow of
thy hand, from this time forth, even to the end of all
things here below : — still stretch out the arm of thy
power ; — still cover them with the wing of thy care and
protection, from the storms and from the blast ; — still
command deliverance for Jacob, and send forth salvation
for such as are thy people, who are seeking thy face,
and longing after thee. Still also, 0 Lord ! plead with
the rebellious, who indeed dwell in a dry land ; who
know not the unutterable sweets of thy holy religion.
If it be possible, yet lengthen out the day of thy. mercy
towards these, as thou didst unto me, 0 blessed God !
and give them yet to see the things that concern their
real peace and everlasting happiness. For what is equal
to the joy that thy righteous have even here ; in the
midst of all their trials, they are with thee, and thou
leadest and feedest them, and art their strong-hold in
the day of -trouble, sanctifying all their afflictions to
them; — adored for ever be Thy name ! In a sense of
thy living presence, and many mercies vouchsafed unto
me in an especial manner of late, I thus commemorate,
as it were, publicly, thy praise ; desiring to return thee
thanks, and to commit the keeping of my soul unto

1820.] CHAPTER IX. 169
thee henceforth ; and to crave of thee that I may be
preserved humble, holy and blameless unto the end,
— increasingly consecrated in heart and life to thy pure
service ; so that my soul may be fitted, at the end of all
things here, to enter into that rest, which our blessed
Saviour, thy beloved Son, promised he would give
unto those, who come unto Him and keep with Him.
Amen. [In a letter to a Friend, dated from Poole, 3rd of
Sixth Month, 1820, he writes :— ]
I may say that I have never considered it my place
to maintain that station in the world, or live in
that mode of life in which I have been brought up,
however mortifying to poor self, and contrary to the
habits and views of others. It was one of the
earliest convictions that settled on my mind, when
brought under serious impressions, that I must come
down and set an example of moderation and self-denial,
being content with such things as I have ; so that I
have been most easy to decline even sueh opportunities
of advancing my condition, as others, no doubt, may in
many instances, wisely and rightly seek for and im
prove. Some again may throw themselves into exten
sive channels of usefulness, by increasing their outward
means : I can only say, I am to do good in another
way, if my life be spared. I have looked, with much
solicitude, for best guidance in this matter : and the
comfort and peace with which, during my stay here,
I have been wonderfully favoured, has been such, as
to enable me at times even to sing for joy. I have also
been greatly broken down, under a sense of that hand,
which is so eminently over me for good, enabling me
to look the greatest of my difficulties, perplexities, and
discouragements in the face, as it were, with a degree

170 CHAPTER IX. [1820.
of calm confidence. My heart and life, and all that I
am and have, are to be surrendered up in such a way, as
may answer the Lord's holy will and purpose concern
ing me. On this ground-work, and on this principle,
I have not hesitated cheerfully to relinquish those
views of outward gain, and habits and station in
life, to which my education tended ; but which I have
clearly seen are not exactly such, as harmonize with
the Divine intention respecting me, and with that
sphere I should occupy. What I have expressed
herein, is not the feeling of yesterday or to-day, but
gradually confirmed and rooted in my mind, through
much secret conflict, and a long course of humbling
exercises, and such as some of my sympathizing
friends have been remarkably made sensible of from
time to time. With much affection, I am thy Friend, J. B.

TO

Poole, 24th Sixth Month, 1820.
 Oh ! it is a sweet thing to get into calmness,
— to that spot where all our cares, fears, and doubts are
swallowed up. — It is that which our sickened souls
often need as a cordial, to revive and to recover us
from the nausea of this world's joys and cares. I often
feel full occasion to press after a further purification,
from that which yet hangs about me, and which my
spirit loathes : to be released from the bondage is a
great matter, even to come into a degree of freedom
from the workings of evil. I wish many of our
reformers, and some youthful ones especially, knew
more of this great work; they would have shone
brighter as vessels in the house of the Lord, had they
gone through the seventh furnace ; they would have

1820.] CHAPTER IX. 171
taken a better polish, and the dust would not hang
upon them, as it now lamentably does. To feel some
thing good visiting us, is one thing ; — but patiently to
endure all the turnings of the holy Hand upon us, both
in breaking down the old nature, and building up the
new edifice on the sure foundation, is another matter.
I fear too many amongst us, content ourselves with
knowing but very little of the latter operation; and
even when that is partially begun, they are for taking
down the scaffolding and boarding in the front, in order
to shew others what is going on.
Since coming here, my mind is more thoroughly set
at rest on some points than ever, especially as to the
propriety of my not entering into business, a subject
which used to harass me much ; fearing sometimes, that
by this conclusion, I had given occasion for the cause to
be evil spoken of, and the testimony of Truth to be let
down. Oh ! the path is very narrow in many respects,
which I have to tread in, I have had glimpses of it for
several years; "the pride of life" must be laid low,
however mortifying to the poor creature, as well as to
those, whose eyes are outward. Thou seest how much
occasion there is for the help, the secret help, of those
who can intercede for me, and sympathize with me ;
there is that which can preserve on every hand, as
hitherto it hath marvellously done ; and as faithfulness
is abode in and watchfulness with patience, who can
doubt that the issue of all our movements will, through
holy help, be for the honour, and tend to the promotion
of the great cause ?
[In the Tenth Month of this year, he was married
to Georgina Hill, daughter of Major Hill, of Kings-
bridge, Devonshire : — she had joined the Society by
convincenient.]

172 CHAPTER IX. [1820.
1820, Tenth Month 28th.
— Seemed in this short illness to be brought near
to the gates of death : many awful reflections arose.
I longed exceedingly to become more meet to enter the
celestial country : but seemed to myself to have come
short of such a state. I have of late seen myself to have
been very unwatchful ; my zeal for God and devoted
ness to His cause, very greatly decayed. Oh ! how
often have my prayers been put up in sincerity to the
Father of mercies, for His continued goodness to such
an unworthy creature, and for His help against my potent
enemy. But it seems as though all was to little or no
purpose, and that my soul is sinking fast into the pit of
supineness and forgetfulness. This is surely for want
of more steady adherence to what is from time to time
seen to be right, and required of me. Thus hath
weakness crept over me, and great declensions in
several respects. Oh ! how have my idol and my
earthly outward delights run away with my heart and
affection, so that I forget or omit to lift up my soul as
I ought to do, with fervency and frequency of applica
tion to the Lord, my Redeemer, who daily loadeth me
with benefits. When shall I arise from this dust, in
which I am involved ? When shall I be aroused from
this bed of ease and sluggishness in which I have been
reclining : after all that I have seen, and known of
the Lord's dealings, is this declension to be the
consequence ? Surely, I had rather die than live, to
forget my good God ! I believe it would conduce
to my comfort, to be less fervent in outward though
lawful affections, and to be more fervent in spirit;
serving and loving my great Master more than any
other object, seeking Him more earnestly morning by
morning, and oftener than the day lifting up the heart
to Him. Earthly blessings should not so occupy the

1821.] CHAPTER IX. 173
mind, as to draw from the due attention to higher
duties and more lasting pleasures.
[To a much valued friend, he wrote : — J
Penzance, 13th of Third Month, 1821.
— Often have I thought on thee and thy endearing
friendship, as commenced in days that are past, and
strengthened in hours that are over and gone, though
not soon to be erased; for to those winter-evening oppor
tunities of comfort and favour I enjoyed with thee and
others, may -I not refer much of the benefit and instruc
tive growth my soul received instrumentally, at that
period of my pilgrimage, when it seemed to be a time
of espousals, and when it might be said truly, " Thy
time was the time of love." In reverting to such
seasons, I have often been sensible of many short
comings, many wanderings, and much unwatchful-
ness ; and I am sometimes ready to apply to myself the
language respecting Israel, " Of old time, I have broken
thy yoke, and burst thy bands ; and thou saidst, I will
not transgress ;" — though some consoling hope attends,
that the succeeding complaint of degeneracy does not
altogether belong to me. To be bowed down under a
sense of our infirmities, is profitable to the best, and
safe at seasons for all ; and whilst we may look upon
these dispensations, as some small proof that we are not
left without chastisement and fatherly correction : they
turn out not unfrequently,to be the forerunners of further
displays of mercy, and wholesome preparatives for use
fulness and enlargement. We often mar the benefits
that are in store for us, and the intended effects of
our trials, by too great eagerness for deliverance.
We have great occasion to stay ourselves upon
the holy Rock in the day of trial and affliction, having
known favours beyond many,— the high hand made

174 CHAPTER IX. [1821.
bare, and extended renewedly to deliver and protect.
That we may attend with vigilance to the fresh open
ings of duty in every respect, is my earnest desire,
amidst a deep consciousness of much to deplore, as
regards want of more steady adherence thereto.
I hear you are richly visited in the ministerial capacity.
O ! it is easy work to love them and their testimony
from the very heart, and to be attracted by the sweet
influence of that which they live in ; but it is hard to
labour in the desert for food and raiment, and to have
no intermediate helping-hand, to cheer and to animate
to constancy and endurance. Oh ! the extent of that
labour and daily exercise, which I feel needful for
myself to be found in, lest my soul lose its hold!
Farewell,
J.B.
1821, Fourth Month 18th.
— Quarterly Meeting at Exeter. Oh ! that my
soul may be moved effectually and permanently, to.
strive for further liberation from the borders and boun
daries of sin ; when shall I have a conscience void of
offence toward my good Lord, who daily heaps favours
upon me !
Paid a sweet and solemn visit at J. D.'s. Oh ! that
I may walk worthy of these renewed seasons of mercy
and favour ; may I double my diligence, fight the good
fight of faith, and strive earnestly for the hope of the
Gospel, whilst it is held out in unmerited goodness to
me, a poor backslider.
1821, Fourth Month 20th.
— Reached Poole. Blessed be the Lord who
hath preserved my soul and body through many tribu
lations and temptations and dangers, since I was last

1822.] CHAPTER IX. 175
here. 0 ! my hardness of heart, not to be overcome
by his abundant long-suffering and kindness, and con
strained to fall in with his designs respecting me, which
most assuredly are full of tenderness.
1821, Tenth Month 29th.
— I set out from Poole, for London, with my
beloved wife, who has of late been a greater sufferer from
illness, her complaint being thought inflammation of
the lungs. At one time she seemed brought near to the
gates of death ; but she was not taken from me, though I
fear, I deserved it. The Lord omnipotent preserve us
in faith and patience, and content under all the provings
He is pleased to permit. Oh ! how much have we to be
thankful for ! What great cause to live unto Him, who
hath thus spared the rod in pity, and heard our cry.
Many vicissitudes my poor soul has had; His dis
pensations towards me have been wonderful, past all
mention !
1821, Twelfth Month 25th
— Attended the London Quarterly Meeting, and
was comforted. The Lord will yet help and redeem my
poor spirit, if I earnestly look unto Him always. I
was dealt with in mercy this day, both publicly and
privately.
To SAMUEL ALEXANDER, of needeam.
Cheltenham, 18th Seventh Month, 1822.
 We have had an account of the decease of our
beloved and valued Friend, Charles Parker, — my fellow-
traveller, as I may call him, truly in more senses than
one ; having had, as thou mayst remember, the privilege
of his company through Hampshire last autumn: it
affected us considerably. Past events connected with

176 CHAPTER IX. [1822.
him, dear and faithful man, were much revived in my
own mind ; and I thought much of him on the day of
the burial. I bless the Giver of all good that I have
sat under his ministry ; and I remember that the tenor
of it often was, — the shortness and vanity of earthly
enjoyments and trials, the certainty and speed of death,
and the goodness and grace that visits and would
gather all unto God, the eternal excellency. My
soul is profitably instructed whilst I write ; and that
may be the best use of my writing to thee, my dear,
valued, and now ancient friend and brother, who
hast so often helped me to think of these things ; and
who, I fully trust and believe, art looking for, and
desiring at times the winding up of all things, that are
transitory and perishable. 0 ! that we who are young,
may so tread in the footsteps of the path of the just,
that we may be prepared to fill up the vacated seats in
the militant church, of those who are gone before,
and who have filled up their measure of enduring.
As to my poor self, if any thing may be said, it
should be but a middling account, — as hitherto, for a
long season past ; often surrounded with fears and fail
ings, sensible of short comings, and a pensioner on that
forbearance and pity, which is not enough (I fear)
regarded and remembered. Watchfulness unto that
which is good, seems to me the great thing in the
work ; I am sensible we can thus only walk worthy of
our vocation, and privileges.
TO 

Penzance, Ninth Month, 1822.
 My beloved partner's present state is com
paratively very free from suffering, or from symptoms
that cause uneasiness. After eight months of vicissitude
in London, she was removed to Cheltenham, where she

1823.] CHAPTER IX. 177
had some drawbacks from the climate, which was cold
and changeable, also at Clifton, where we rested.
But, through a merciful hand, by which she seemed
directed to a religious physician, she was soon so much
relieved, that we could set forward on our journey into
Cornwall, being very anxious to do so ; though from
the severity of the attack, it seemed as if we should
hardly be able to winter here.  1 trust we are
both holding on our way, and partaking at times
of the brook by the way, — blessed be the great Name,
the Giver of life, and of all our many blessings ! We
seem remarkably resigned and prepared for whatever
may be meted out ; though we have our trials, and
besetments, and infirmities.
On the 23rd of Sixth Month, 1823, my dearly
beloved partner passed away to her blessed eternal
rest in the Lord Jesus Christ, the beloved of her soul
and her Redeemer. On the 29th, the poor body was
committed to the earth, to return to the dust as it was.
(She died at Marazion, in Cornwall, and her remains
were interred in Friends' burying ground, at that
place.) At the grave's mouth, I was strengthened to
utter these words in public, on bended knees : —
' Blessing, glory, honour, thanksgiving, and praise, be
given unto thee, O ! Father of mercies, and God of all
consolation ! both for that thou hast given, and for that
thou hast taken into .thy resting place ; Amen, O !
Father, for so it seemed good in thy sight : — thy holy
will be done !' The Lord did marvellously regard and
strengthen me : He will be my guide and refuge,
even to the end ; surely he will, saith my soul. The
Lord doth daily help and comfort me ; he is with me
a poor creature, and his strength is manifested in my
abundant weakness : He is my portion, even for ever !
N

CHAPTER X.

16*A of Eighth Month, 1823.
— I resume this little book after a long interval,
and one marked, as perhaps no other part of my life
has hitherto been. O ! mighty is the Lord, and able
to sustain ; — able also to finish his own glorious work in
us, either by allowing us a longer continuance here, or
by taking us away to himself. The Lord be praised
for all ! — even in that dispensation which is still so
bitter to nature ; but through his own consolation and
strength it is wonderfully made tolerable. Yea, life is
pleasant ; and this world or earth is his footstool, — a
place He has glorified by his presence from age to age,
— a place where, at all times, and in all the parts of it,
we may see traces of his goodness to poor man, and
tokens of what he will do in a better place for those
that love and serve him. Come then, 0 ! my soul, take
thy blessed privilege on this earth, and serve him with
a joyful cheerful heart ; for He reigneth over all, and
nothing happens but by his gracious providence.
All is limited, even the evil one ; and all trials and
troubles are restrained by his permission, and con
verted to the good of his chosen ones, his children.
O! He has taken my dear companion into the rest
he had prepared for her ; I can bless his name, for I
believe he will never leave me, until he has consum
mated his glorious purpose and promise, in my heavenly
translation to eternal joy and peace unspeakable. Now
know I, that He, the Most High, is able to perfect that
which concerneth me, — is able to do all things for me,

1823.] CHAPTER X. 179
— able to prepare me for his glory, and to support me in
life and in death; — able also soon to cut short my
day's work, to give me a release, and to make good a
wonderful provision to those that shall come after me ;
turning their mourning into joy, as he has done my
sorrow for my beloved earthly friend. Thus, and
more also, will He do for them, and not forsake them.
Though He is invisible, yet He manifests himself
through his dear Son, even by the eternal Spirit ; He
is with his always, even to the end of the world ; and
his are those that choose him for their portion, falling in
with his offers and visitations. Even the wicked he
visits by his rebukes and judgments ; and when they
turn at his rebukes, he heals their backslidings, loving
them freely.
I thought I received something like a summons to
the eternal city two days ago ; when it may be con
firmed and accomplished, I know not : but a great
solemnity, and much sweetness have since prevailed in
my mind ; insomuch that it seems as if his wonderful
power had effected a willingness to go or to stay, as He
wills, who is the God of my life, and who can and does
make life sweet ; and who will also take away the bitter
ness of death itself, and no doubt will make up all, to
those that remain, as he has done to me. O ! that all
may be faithful to him ! He is wonderful in his dealings
to the children of men, not only by what are called
his providences, but also by his grace.
To E. J.
Marazion, 15th of Eighth Month, 1823.
My Dear Friend,
— As a proof that I think of thee, as of many,
other beloved Friends often, when it is well with
me,— I take my pen at the present season; being
n 2

180 CHAPTER X. [1823.
reminded of our fellowship in years that are past, and
wonderfully encouraged and confirmed as to the ground
of it; also fully believing that our progress in the
heavenly way, will not be suffered to be much impeded
by any of those things which are permitted to try and
discourage us. Oh ! the ancient, mighty Hand of
goodness is not shortened, is not withheld, in its
gracious dealings and dispensations towards us ; but is
able to lift us up above all the obstructions which may
dismay, — is able to save to the uttermost, — can give
the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise and
of salvation for the spirit of heaviness, — can do exceed
ing abundantly above all that the soul is capable of
asking or of thinking : and he will surely be our guide,
even unto the end.
Thy kind letter, dear E., was no intrusion, but a
comfort to me in my sore affliction. No one that has
not witnessed such a time, can tell, how welcome are
even a few lines from a dear friend : though they may
excite afresh the tear of affectionate sorrow, they serve
again and again, to remind one of, and to refer one
afresh to, that inexhaustible source of consolation and
of joy eternal, which can make up to us, all we can
suffer in our passing along through life.
I need not to thee enlarge on the bitterness of this
bereaving blow : thou knowest a little of my long and
heavy train of trials ; how acute was my sense of sym
pathy for my beloved earthly friend, under every increase
and variation of her sufferings. Well ! — the great
Disposer of all things has dealt very gently with us ;
he has cut the work short in righteousness and peace,
as respects the better part ; and has put a period to all
sorrow, sickness, and sin as regards herself; giving her
abundantly more than this world could afford, even in
the utmost prosperity : — He has likewise bestowed on

1823.] CHAPTER X. 181
me such resignation and strength and faith in Himself,
as I trust will carry me through, and enable me to lay
down my head, as my dear G., in peace. Sometimes
my assurance seems so strong and so clear that this will
be the case, even that " I shall go to her," (2 Samuel
xii. 20,) that every thing in life is rendered pleasant,
and every duty no longer a burden ; when I can bear in
mind, that every event, every trial, all my occasions of
sorrow, are not only " working for me" the " exceeding
weight of glory," but also as it were, bringing me
nearer to that blessed period.
When the mind is disposed to commune in this way,
a letter seems to afford but little space for it. It is not
however best for me to go into any of the circumstances
of the closing scene, except to say, that I know not
anything that then transpired, but what seemed in my
view, evidently ordered for good. Oh! I felt that
which I never could have supposed myself capable of
feeling, or fit to partake of, — so helped outwardly and
inwardly, so equal to all emergencies and all duties, —
directed in every thing, as if no further token of Divine
regard could be wanting. And O ! how peaceful was
the close, how clear and sensible was she to the last ;
though, dear soul, she had not many hours' notice of her
release, nor had she anything to spare in the awful time,
yet her expressions were all that could be wished.
I am ready to think, that nothing in life could have
happened to me so strengthening, so helpful to the
better part, as her removal ; it carries with it an inex
pressible weight of inducements, binding me afresh to
holiness, and lifting me, as it were, upward towards the
better country : — and what mighty evidence it affords,
none can tell but those that pass through it;— one's
own bosom friend, who has been as one's own soul,
so graciously dealt with, so blessed in the passage,

182 CHAPTER X. [1823.
and so rewarded, even eternally ! — I cannot declare
these things, as I feel them ; and I fear my broken way
of expression is almost unintelligible.
How precious a thing it is, to feel the blessing of
Divine regard extended towards us, strengthening to
our day's work both of duty and of trial ; O ! I would
not give up the sense I sometinies have of this, for any
thing on earth ; this is that which makes life and all
things therein sweet to me, at a time, when otherwise
all is indeed but vanity.
1823, Ninth Month 18th.
-—- The sweet incomes of Divine love to me this
day, were such as made me very contemplative, so as
unusually to absorb my mind, especially whilst engaged
in working in my garden. I betook myself to a retired
walk on the sea-shore, to enjoy the goodness of the
Lord more quietly : the outward beauty of the creation,
and the calmness and harmony of all things around,
seemed in sweet unison with the state of my soul. Oh!
how I longed to be fully prepared for, and wholly made
partaker of the joys of the blessed, — of them who live
to the Lord, and die in the Lord ! I have a hope that
I am journeying forward to this state.
1823, Tenth Month 9th.
— My poor mind has been much under exercise
since I left home, and more particularly on one account;
apprehending some pretty strong drawings to stand up
in a meeting and express a few words. This was the
case first at Truro, then at Falmouth Monthly Meeting,
and then in degree at the Quarterly Meeting. But I
trust it was not in disobedience that I forbore ; many
things seemed to stand in my way. I desire not to be
expecting great things, but I long for clearness ; and I

1823.] CHAPTER X. 183
believe I shall be favoured with it. The consideration
of many infirmities, and in some sense unfaithfulness,
and want of fitness for the work, affects me often ; but
I long that it may not hinder the setting of my hand to
what is laid upon me to do. I believe there is nothing
to be done, unless through a simple surrender and sub
mission. I can fully believe, that the Lord may call
to some, who may have had no previous expectation of
such a call to service ; which indeed is by no means
my case. One thing is worthy of commemoration, —
that whereas I besought the Lord to be assured that
such a thing was required at my hands, he gave me
evidently some strong signs, in the frequent testimonies
of his ministers from meeting to meeting ; even very
closely urging to faithfulness, so as almost literally to
say, — " Thou art the man." But though I could not
gainsay, yet I did not feel, as though I had any very
strong sense as to that being the right time : for this I
am now thankful ; for, when the constraint was laid upon
me afterwards, not by man nor of man, I knew it to
be of God, and beyond any man's appointment, but a
great cross to my own nature, and under a sense of the
Divine authority and presence. May the Lord God of
salvation and of mercy, be pleased to shew me the path
of peace and of joy; and may He lift up His counte
nance and light upon me, that I may see and do His will !
At several opportunities, in company with two dear
Friends in the ministry, who were visiting this meeting,
I had a distinct sense of what was to be the service,
and what were the wants of the parties visited ; espe
cially was this the case, in the public meeting held at
Redruth. At one family visit in this neighbourhood, I
was sensible of the evident call and requiring of the
Lord to utter a few words, in addition to what dropped
from others, to the young people present, on this wise :

184 CHAPTER X. [1823.
—'and then you will find fulfilled in your own expe
rience this language, as it hath abundantly been in
mine ; — " Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou
wilt revive me ; though I walk in darkness, Thou, 0 !
Lord, will be a light unto me ; — though I pass through
the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil."
The weight and sweetness that dwelt on my mind, after
this surrender, cannot be set forth : O ! how it rested
on my spirit all the day, in an unutterable manner ; I
felt so comfortable, and at ease in my mind ; 0 ! it
was a heavenly feeling, and nothing short of Him who
is in heaven, could give it ! At Wadebridge, in the
public meeting, I had to speak to the people, and in a
way remarkable to myself, for I felt at home in it, if I
may so express myself. Self-possession seemed to be
granted me, and self-abasement ; just as though it was
not I that had spoken, but my Father, which is in
heaven. In this and other service hereafter mentioned,
I had, (praise be to the Lord ! who turns the hearts,
and influences his own simple ones,) the countenance
and encouragement of those, who, I believe, know the
voice of the true shepherd from that of the stranger.
This often humbles me greatly ; for next to the answer
of peace from God in my own bosom, what I have
desired has often been, the unity of the church and the
love of the brethren.
I went into Devonshire, and on my return home, I
had something to say in the next meeting I attended
at Marazion : also at one Monthly Meeting held at
Falmouth, on the true church : and again, in the chamber
of a Friend, who had been long an invalid, — "Behold
we count them happy which endure ;" take, my sister,
the prophets, who have spoken unto us in the name
of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and
patience : thou hast heard of the patience of Job, and

1824.] CHAPTER X. 185
hast seen the end of the Lord, that he is very pitiful,
and of tender mercy. Behold, we count them happy
which endure. It is a blessed thing indeed, when flesh
and heart fail, to know God to be the strength of our
heart and our portion for ever. God shall redeem thy
soul from the power of the grave, for he shall receive
thee ! Thus my Master, my tender Father and Teacher
dealt with me ; and now, what should I wait for, but the
continuance of his mercy and his light to preserve and
sustain me henceforth, even for ever.
I may add, that it was evident to me, that he who
in simplicity surrenders any thing to the Lord, which
in any wise seems called for, will not lose his reward;
but will find his way open and enlarge, his peace ex
tend, and he will know more and more of the requirings
and business of the Lord consigned to him ; and the
evidence and motions will often increase after the will
is resigned. Wonderful is the Lord's goodness to me
from time to time, beyond words ! He filleth me
" with the finest of the wheat ;" and he revealeth unto
me " the abundance of peace and truth." O ! how
precious a season was our Quarterly Meeting (14th of
First Month, 1824,) held at Austle. Is there any
thing too hard for the Lord ? " Call unto me, and I
will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty
things, which thou knowest not."
1824, First Month 22nd.
— Under a feeling of great discouragement at both
meetings to-day, I trust my mind was sensible where all-
sufficient help for ever lies ; though so little of this seemed
manifested, or my soul so little capable of enjoying it.

23rd.

Found the overshadowing sweetness of Divine

186 CHAPTER x. [1824.
mercy renewed to me this morning, in a large degree ;
so that my soul seemed to receive it, as a token and
foretaste of a more full fruition in a better state of
being. Blessed be the Lord, who can raise out of the
dust !
 27th.

— I thought I saw very clearly, that it is through
obedience even in small matters, that our Society,
in some respects, has attained a standing beyond
most: obedience is indeed, a striking feature in the
Christian dispensation. To  •

Marazion, 12th of Eleventh Month, 1824.
Dear 
— I have heard scarce a word respecting thee
for a long time, but nevertheless I hold thee very
preciously before my view; and thy humble waiting
and walking is often encouraging. I should be much
pleased wast thou inclined, in the freedom of old
friendship, to salute me by letter at any time ; thou
knowest not of what service it might prove to me, and
be made instrumental to build me up in the most
holy faith, as heretofore used to be the case, when we
were nearer in the outward one to another, and at times
blessed in each other's society. I have a full persua
sion, however varied our habits and however distance
as to space may have operated, together with other
circumstances, that we are under the special keeping
of the heavenly Shepherd; who can feed, and lead,
and cause to lie down, and will permit nothing to make
afraid, or to scatter from his pasture of life and fold of
eternal rest. " My Father is greater than all," and
none shall pluck out of his hand those who keep near

1824.] CHAPTER X. 187
Him, and lean alone upon Him. For he restoreth the
soul, and leadeth in the paths of righteousness for his
name's sake. So that though we may have to walk
through the valley of the shadow of death we need
fear no evil, — He is with us, his rod and staff they
comfort us. And when he is pleased to anoint the
head as with oil, does not our cup flow over; and
are we not ready to cry out, — " Surely goodness and
mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will
dwell in thy house for ever ?" This is, I believe, at times
thy experience, as it is my own. Then for us the feeble
ones, who may, under discouraging apprehensions of our
own state, be walking fearfully along, as with our heads
often hanging down very low, and who may be said, in
some sense, to have answered the call of the Lord, (as in
Joel,) " Turn ye even to me with all your heart, and
with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning,"
— even to such the language will go forth, — "be glad
and rejoice, for the Lord will do great things," — " for the
pastures of the wilderness do spring, the fig-tree and the
vine do yield their strength : — and ye shall eat in plenty,
and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord
your God, that hath dealt wondrous with you : and
my people shall never be ashamed."
Truly in respect to these things that have happened
unto me, they have turned to the furtherance of the
work of His glory and grace, who doeth all things
well ; and up to this day, through heights and depths,
my experience is consistent with the language, " The
right hand of the Lord is exalted, — the right hand
of the Lord doeth valiantly;" for though he cause
grief, yet hath he compassion, such as will carry
through all. The manifestations of Divine goodness
and wisdom, are indeed very great to the willing
and attentive soul; and whilst there are seasons

188 CHAPTER X. [1824.
when we are not so sensible of them, others are
vouchsafed, in which we cannot doubt' or fear but that
as we continue the diligent and patient followers of our
crucified Master, we shall reign with him in a glorious
eternity of peace and joy. My mind has been of late
more or less, since the decease or release of my beloved
G., set on its treasure in the heavens, which will never
pass away ; and I have been assured, that if I continue
in faith to the end of my day, a place will be prepared
for me ; it seemed almost as if permitted by foretaste,
to lay hold of eternal life. Such views are very awful,
yet very sweet to me ; so that whether they are only
premonitory, or only admonitory, they have the effect of
quickening me in the duties of life, and of increasing
my true enjoyment therein. — " Work while it is day ;"
for " this is not your rest."
Believe me, with warmth of affection, Thy friend,
J.B.
1824, Third Month 22nd.
— I desire, when the hour of my departure draws
nigh, to be clothed with faith towards God, and with
resignation to commit my dear and only little one into
His hand, who gave him to me : — " leave thy fatherless
children unto me ;" — " let their widows also trust in
me," "the Father of the fatherless."
1824, Fourth Month 2nd.
— I was this day inclined to believe, as I have
been often of late, that the bereavement I have sustained
in the loss of my tender partner, was intended in a
peculiar manner for my good. I have been led to
think, that as my dear wife was given to me at a
time when I greatly wanted a help-meet ; and as she

1824.] CHAPTER X. 189
was one of a noble and capacious mind, inured to
trouble and difficulty, able to counsel and to assist me ;
so when the time for her was come, to show me how to
pass through the dark valley, she fulfilled the Divine
will in a wonderful degree, as I believe, by setting me
an excellent example through Him who strengthened
her, and who bore up her afflicted spirit through all that
was permitted to assail. Oh ! it is often wonderful to
me, to think how suddenly at the last, she was sum
moned to take her leave of all that was near and dear
in this life, and how this was accomplished ; so that
there seemed no agitation or disquietude, but a hoiy
magnanimity, a deep and solemn reflecting on her
condition, and a reverting to her only hope of glory.
And now I am left, with the image of a dear devoted
child of God, my soul's fellow, often brought before me;
to show me how to lay down these shackles, how to
put off this outward man, and yield up my spirit to
my God and her God ! — How strongly has the un
certainty of my continuance in life been before me ;
and strong have been my hope and humble assurance,
that mercy will compass me about, and that the rest
and portion of the righteous will be mine. I am ready
to say, that those that come after me, will be helped, as
I have been ; at least in proportion as they follow the
Lord's leadings : for this has truly been my inex
pressible desire and comfort ; and such will never be
forsaken. London, 1824, Fifth Month 11th.
— I have had many bright seasons, much assur
ance and earnest of a better state, as I have walked by
the way, and as I have been on my bed. " In all their
afflictions," it is said, " he was afflicted ; and the angel
of his presence saved them." This language has been

190 CHAPTER X. [1824.
fulfilled towards me, and towards my dear deceased
partner ; and those that come after me will find, to
their unspeakable support and consolation, that the
same Divine Being is, rich toward all that call upon
him: if faithful, "this God will be their God for
ever and ever; he will be their guide even unto
death."

To

Russell Square, 21st of Sixth Month, 1824.
,My dear Friend,
— It is pleasant to salute thee thus, and to
remember thee from time to time, as a brother and
companion in the heavenly way and warfare, striving
together with me for an increase of strength and
wisdom, to enable us to stand stedfast, immoveable, and
abounding in the work appointed us. I trust, that as
the circumstance of trial and distress, which were on
this very day last year, consummated in the release of
my dear wife, and of which my mind feels often keenly
sensible, were all turned to an unspeakable account
and benefit, especially with regard to myself; so the
precarious delicate state of my own health for some
time past, has operated, and does continue to operate
advantageously on the better ; and although in this
visit to London, I may have been deprived of many
seasons and showers of Divine good, there has been
no want of the care and safe guidance of that invisible
hand of Him, whose visitations uphold or preserve
the spirit, and whose comforts delight the soul.
1824, Seventh Month 16th.
— So far recovered (from illness in London) as to
go to C — . The Lord Almighty was eminently near
me, by support and help in the needful hour, and

1824.] CHAPTER X. 191
through days and nights of tedious ailing and irritation;
my situation often caused many tears in my retire
ment, but the Lord was near and comforted me, and
helped me to gratitude as well as acquiescence: my
tears were often turned into tears of joy. Much
have I thought in my distresses of that sweet answer
of my dear partner, which she quickly and smilingly
gave me, when in great depression, observing a spar
row on the house-top, opposite to her window, I said,
" Like a sparrow alone on the house-top ;" she replied,
— " Not one of them forgotten before God :" Oh ! I
find it so to my unspeakable consolation in low sea
sons. And I think, since my trials and bereavement,
that more of the consolations of Christ are poured into
my soul, than used to be the case. Many have been
the blessings shed on me abundantly in this tedious,
though short confinement. May the Lord have the
honour and praise, not only now, but for evermore !
 17th.

— Went out a ride with ¦  ; a sweet day!
What a change from my sick room and sofa and the
smoky city, to the extensive prospects on the Downs,
and the richness of nature's verdure. Was engaged
in conversation with ¦ — : I feel an interest in young
invalids. O ! that the ends of Providence may be
answered in them, and in me also ; then all will be
well. O ! these light afflictions ;— what a moment
do they last, when compared with the rich eternal
recompence, reserved for those that commit the keep
ing of their souls in patient well-doing unto a faithful
Creator.  18th.

— First day ; at Croydon meetings.— I had a sweet

192 CHAPTER X. [1824.
night of pouring forth of the heart unto the Most High.
" I will cry unto God Most High, unto God that per-
formeth all things for me !" Floods of tears, — tears of
joy, — because the Lord God sees me, and hath mercy
on me. I had reference to my forlorn state, and to
the circumstance of my late afflictive bereavement;
and I had a wonderful evidence that the Lord would
be all in all to me, as he had been to my beloved
partner. 1824, Seventh Month 25th.
— First day. Went to Gracechurch Street meet
ing, and had my mouth opened by the Lord. 0!
the peace — the rich flow of it in my bosom, at dear P.
B.'s, after dinner ; the Lord was with me : melting
sweetness came over me in again giving up to express
these and other words, " This God is our God for ever
and ever ; he will be our guide even unto death."
[In a letter to a person under serious convictions,
— be wrote :]
To M. B.
— In taking my pen to reply to thy letter, I
have felt the occasion to be no small trial of my little
measure of faith, and have desired greatly to be pre
served in that pure and precious fear, which is said to
be the very " beginning of wisdom," — to have my own
mind renewedly subjected to, and seasoned by, and
stayed upon that, which can alone enable me availingly
to lift up a finger in the cause of Truth. I may tell
thee, that I have had no little experience of the long-
suffering loving-kindness that has followed and been
with me, even as long as I can remember, unto this
day ; through many difficulties, discouragements, dan
gers, distresses, and what if I add deaths, (for he that

1824.] CHAPTER x. 193
liveth in pleasure is dead while he liveth.) When it
pleased Him, whom to know is life eternal, to reveal
his Son in me, (for " no man knoweth the Father but
the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal
him,") — when it pleased Him, in whom are hid all
the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, to give me an
understanding that I might know him that is true, then
it was I was given to see that " God resisteth the proud,
and giveth grace to the humble," — that " the secret of
the Lord is with them that fear him, and he will shew
them his covenant, — the meek also will he guide in
judgment, and the meek he will teach his way." But I
found that these things were and are hid from the wise
and prudent of this world, and that the Scribes and
Pharisees of this day, as in old time, are spoken unto
in parables ; because they looking see not, and listen
ing hear not, neither do they understand ; so also they
ask and receive not, for the same reason, even because
they ask amiss ; and they look with that eye of reason
which can never see, and listen with that ear of pride,
prejudice, or passion, which is shut out from any
capacity to hear the things which God hath prepared
for them that seek him. So that of all things I was
very solicitous, that I might have mine eye rightly
anointed with the eye-salve of the kingdom, and be
sent to the pool of Siloam ; for I met with many whose
eyes had been touched, and they seemed satisfied with
seeing men only as trees walking, and others who, not
having known the scales of mistaken zeal removed
from their eyes, were going about seeking some one
to lead them by the hand. But surely blessed
are the eyes that see things as they really are, in
regard to religious truths, and those ears that hear,
and who hearing, obey Him that speaketh from heaven ;
these I considered to be the babes, to whom these

194 CHAPTER X. [1824.
truths are revealed, and to whom it is given to know
the mysteries of the kingdom ; whose ears are not dull
of hearing, nor their eyes have they closed, neither
have they hardened their hearts ; nor are they the stiff-
necked generation, that do always resist the Holy
Ghost : but unto them is given the spirit of wisdom
and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus Christ,, the
eyes of their understanding being enlightened by Him,
who said, " I am the light of the world," and who told
his disciples that he would be with them even to the
end of the world.
Now mark, my friend, no sooner did the enemy of
my soul's peace arid welfare, perceive that his power
of darkness was broken in upon, by the dawning
of the day-spring from on high, and that he, the god
of this world, could no longer keep me in blindness
and bondage to himself, and thus prevent the light of
the glorious gospel of Christ from effectually and
availingly shining in my heart, — than he, as it were,
assumed the appearance of an angel of light ; and thus
he laid a more subtle snare and gilded bait for my poor
weary soul, than even I had known before. For
the unwearied adversary observing, that through the
precious powerful visitation of the Almighty, my mind
was quickened and awakened to a lively sense of the
exceeding sinfulness of sin, began himself to set me at
work to recover from it; which indeed can only be
begun, carried on, and accomplished by God, through
faith in the operation of the Spirit of his Son, Christ
Jesus; who remains to be the only sacrifice for sin,
and Saviour from sin, and sanctifier of sinners. And
now being little by little led and enticed to try, in
my own will, wisdom and way, to get to heaven ; and
having let in the reasoner, the serpent, in this his
refined transformation, I soon forgot that it is not to be

1824.] CHAPTER X. 195
attained by works of righteousness, which we can do
or have done in our own creaturely ability, strength
and activity, — but by an unreserved and simple sub
mission to the forming hand of Him, who made all
things good in the beginning, and who can alone restore
and bring back man,, into the holy heavenly image,
in which he was created. So that instead of being
created in Christ Jesus unto good works, I, having
the understanding darkened, and being alienated, in
some degree, from the life of God, became vain in my
imagination ; and my foolish heart would be exercising
itself in things too high for me in my present growtlr;
and busying itself and wearying itself with my own
conceivings, speaking evil, or at least thinking lightly
of things, which as yet I knew not. Thus, though I
professed myself wise in the knowledge of religious
truths, I became foolish. For all the fine show of
doctrines, and of duties, and of ordinances, and of
prayers in the market places, and as it were in the
corners of the streets, and in the synagogues, and the
giving of one's body to be burnt, and one's goods to
the poor, or such of these great performances as were
not the product of his holy aid and influence renewedly
extended in the time of need, — were found to be but at
best a hindrance to the free course of that well-spring
and water of life, which had been opened as in high
places within me. Although through the delusion and
deceit of the enemy, I was thus tempted to build a very
Babel of doctrines, heaping up scripture upon scripture,
text upon text, to support my fabric of confusion ;
and although I was very zealous in searching into these
things in my own spirit and strength, (notwithstanding
it is written," No man knoweth the things of God, but
by the Spirit of God," and no man can rightly and really
own Jesus to be the Lord, but by his Holy Spirit;)— yet
o 2

196 CHAPTER X. [1824.
in the midst of all this departure from the fountain of
living waters, and this hewing out broken cisterns,
that cannot receive or retain the water of life, I was
not altogether left desolate ; but the Lord regarded the
integrity of my heart towards Him, even in those very
performances and high profession, which displeased
Him. Again and again he was pleased in unutter
able mercy, to make known unto me that way, which
he would have his single-hearted, simple, lowly babes
to walk in : — no galley with oars, neither gallant ships
could pass that way ; — nothing that was high or lofty,
or lifted up, however secretly, in its own estimation, —
nothing of self, or of that wisdom which is foolishness
with God, and which he will utterly confound and
destroy, and by which the world never knew neither
can know Him. I found all my own strivings, and the
strugglings of the will of the creature, could not carry
me one step forward in the narrow way ; .neither was I
able by taking thought to add one cubit to my stature,
in a religious sense ; for I then saw it was not of him
that willeth, neither of him that runneth, but of God
and his grace, that cast up day by day the holy high
way before my view, — giving me the strength sufficient,
and the sustenance that was meet, and that degree of
satisfaction, in regard to religious truths, which was
best for me. And in that day, as also even to this
very hour, the language often was tome, — "I have yet
many things to say unto thee, but thou canst not bear
them now." But as I came from the feet of Gamaliel,
to sit with Mary at the feet of Jesus, and to be taught
by Him in his inward and spiritual appearance, (who
is said to be the wisdom of God, and teacheth as
never man taught, speaking with authority and not as
the Scribes,) — I found that this Minister of ministers,
did more for me as to the true and saving knowledge

1824.] CHAPTER X. 197
of Himself, and the things relating to his kingdom,
than any man or book whatever. He (as his servant
the apostle Paul said,) fed me with milk; and as
I grew to riper years, in a spiritual sense, he gave me
stronger meat. I found Him no hard master, or austere
man, requiring more of me than He had given strength
to perform. In this humble, simple state, resting in
the Lord, and waiting patiently for him, — not stirring
up or attempting to awake him whom my soul loved
before he pleased, — not desiring to have every thing all
at once cleared up before my view, — not seeking great
things for myself in any sense, — but only longing for a
seat, if it might be the very lowest, at his spiritual
supper, or even to partake of the crumbs that might
fall from his table, — willing also to fast long, if it so
pleased Him, until the times of refreshing should come
from his presence, — O ! how was and is my safety, my
sure standing, my strength, my salvation, known and
felt to be wrought out, even with fear and trembling.
For here in this lowly valley, where self was of no
reputation, and the bleak gales passed over, and cut
not the tender plant, the quiet habitation was known,
— the still small voice was distinctly heard, which said,
" This is the way, walk in it." Oh ! how I then
knew my peace made and daily kept; even a holy
assurance was given me, a holy confidence and repose,
as in the arms of a faithful Creator, — agreeably to the
language of the prophet, " Thou wilt keep him in
perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee." Here
was communion and union with the Father and Foun
tain of mercies experienced, — joy such as no man could
take from me, — a peace which passeth the natural
understanding, and a holy heavenly fellowship as with
the just of all generations. Here I could call God
Father, because he had sent forth the Spirit of his Son

198 CHAPTER X. [1824.
into my heart, and -I had received the spirit of adoption,
whereby I could cry, Abba, Father. For as many as
are led by the Spirit of God, they are his sons. Oh !
how precious is this passive, patient, submissive state
of mind, — a giving up of all into His holy care and
keeping, — a resigning of our own wills, wisdom, and
the workings of our own spirits and nature, to be melted
down, and moulded into accordance with His divine
and glorious nature and image. Thus are we alone
true witnesses and partakers of the first resurrection,
— over such the second death hath no power ; that part
in us which is to die, being crucified, dead, and buried,
according to the apostle's testimony, where he says,
" knowing this, that our old man is crucified with Him,
that the body of sin might be destroyed, that hence
forth we should not serve sin." Oh! how clearly,
even with unclouded clearness, were things opened to
me whilst in this state and condition ; or rather how
was my mind prepared and qualified (through a being
clothed with humility, and the meek and quiet spirit,
and by a daily waiting on the Lord for a renewal of
spiritual strength,) to comprehend, apply, and attain
unto the blessed commandments, injunctions, and
instructions left on record in the Scriptures of Truth.
The Psalmist said to this effect, — " Open thou mine
eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy
law;" — a proof he needed this best aid, or we may
suppose, he would not' have thus supplicated. Now the
divine law was to be written on the heart, and put into
the inward parts under the Gospel dispensation ; and
Solomon says, "The law is light;" and we read that
" whatsoever maketh manifest, is light :" so that
according to Scripture, we have light sown in the
heart, unto which if we attend, it will manifest
darkness, and the works of darkness, and reprove

1824.] CHAPTER X. 199
them ; and this we read is to be the law under the new
covenant. Then as I gave up, and was prevailed upon
to yield unto the enlivening, operative influence of this
inward principle, it came to work out the evil, and
leaven the heart more and more into its own pure
nature; so that instead of the light within me becoming
darkness, my path seemed like that of the just man,
which shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
Whatever profession we make among men, we must
serve the Lord in newness of life, and be born again,
born of the Spirit, for the carnal mind is enmity against
God; and without holiness no man can see God, or his
kingdom, {which is "righteousness, peace, and joy
in the Holy Ghost;") neither can he enter therein:
however high the profession, yet so much the greater
may be the condemnation. Oh ! I have felt it to be a
very awful consideration, my friend, that the enemy
of our soul's eternal welfare, hunts for the precious
life, the substance and root of religion ; if he can eat
that out, — if he can deprive us of that, though our
branches of profession be spread forth as Lebanon, we
shall be cut down, and cast into the fire, as a tree that
cumbereth the ground of God's vineyard. He, even
the enemy, cares not how busy and eager we are, in
what we may be pleased to think is religion, and to
call so ; and though we may hold the doctrines of
the very apostles and primitive Christians, yet he knows
very well that a man's creed being scriptural and
correct, is no certain criterion or proof whereby to
judge what spirit it is that rules him. For we read,
that the very devils believe and tremble; and they could
easily cry out, in the days of our Saviour's appearance
in the flesh, "Thou art Christ the Son of God;" —
and again, " I know thee who thou art, the Holy One
of God." But Jesus rebuking them, suffered them

200 CHAPTER X. [1824,
not to speak ; because, no doubt, their testimony of
him, though given in respect to the matter of fact
which they declared, was as it were a lie in their
mouths, — agreeably to what Jeremiah says, "Though
they (wicked men) say, the Lord liveth, yet verily they
swear falsely." And we see in the account of our
Saviour's temptation in the wilderness, how aptly Satan.
could quote scripture and bring texts to support his
own vile purposes. Now we may remember, that when
Peter confessed and said, " Thou art Christ, the Son
ofthe living God;" Jesus answered and said unto him,
— "Blessed art thou, — for flesh and blood hath not
revealed it unto thee, but -my Father which is in
heaven." Here was an acknowledgment and profession,
arising out of and flowing from a measure of the true,
living, operative faith, which works by love, to the
purifying of the heart and life. Here was something
more — something far beyond, a mere hewing out of
systems of faith, and holding them merely in the dead
notion in the will of the creature. Few follow or
feel after the spiritual guide and leader, which is
Christ Jesus in his inward and spiritual appearance ;
who said, " I will not leave you comfortless, I will
come to you ;" and who further promised, that he would
manifest himself unto such as loved him; and that
those who followed Him, (who is the Light of the
world,) should not walk in darkness, but should have
the light of life.
It is indeed the Spirit of Truth that can alone lead
us into all truth ; and it is the Spirit which quickeneth,
for the flesh, and all that the creature can do by its
own strivings and stirrings, profiteth nothing in the
work of God ; and the spirit of man as well as the
wrath of man, cannot work the righteousness of God,
but. hinders and obstructs it greatly. Now, the Lord

1824.J CHAPTER X. 201
Jesus Christ, the Lord from heaven, is that quickening
Spirit, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life; whom
the world cannot receive, (nor those that are in the
spirit of the world,) because it seeth him not, neither
knoweth him; but to those that leave all, and are
willing to deny themselves, and renounce this world's
spirit, and follow Him in the regeneration, the blessed
promise and assurance is, " He dwelleth with you, and
shall be in you." "I am the living bread," said
Christ; "he that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my
blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him :" such spiritual
' communicants know Christ in them their hope of
glory ; and thus are they built up and elected in Him,
the corner stone, elect and precious 
We also own all that the Scriptures speak of, respect
ing His most satisfactory sacrifice, and that he tasted
death for every man, purchased eternal redemption for
us ; and that " through this man is preached by us the
forgiveness of sins :" none are saved but by and through
Him ; for we are reconciled to God by the death of his
Son, and thereby put into a capacity to lay hold of that
salvation which is freely offered, on condition that we
repent and believe. 

CHAPTER XI.

[In the autumn of this year, 1824, he visited Malvern
for the benefit of his health.]
1824, Ninth Month 9th.
— At Worcester Meeting. The Lord gave me
some service in a private way these two days, though
at L  I was much shut up. There is cause to
remember, how my mind was opened and enlivened at
this time, in a feeling of the good Hand that had been
over me, in days that were long passed ; and how I
was enabled to recount to others the mercies that had
been granted, and many deliverances which the right
hand of the most High had wrought for me. Surely
He is ever worthy to be honoured and served!
In meeting this day, my poor soul was constrained,
in the powerful feeling of gospel love, to manifest by a
public exhortation and testimony, my allegiance to my
God : it was not in very few words. The peace that
flowed was very precious ; my soul would have been
content to praise Him the Giver in secret, had this
been all that was required. But no, — I must bow
down before the Lord, which I was enabled to do in
much resignedness, and holy fear ;. craving earnestly
the continued favour and preservation of the Almighty,
on behalf of the visited ones ; — with much which I now
forget ; though the savour of the precious life vouch
safed, remains freshly with me. Thus did my visit
close in this part of the heritage, to my humble admi
ration at the goodness of the Lord.

1825. J • CHAPTER XI. 203
1824, Twelfth Month 20th.
— This day, as during many others of late, the
gospel light has risen in me with much and indescri
bable strength ; so that my poor vessel has seemed too
full to contain, and I have been ready to pray, that the
oil might be stayed. 1 have thought much of the
language uttered by a worthy ancient, — 'The Spirit that
now rules in me, shall yet break forth in thousands.'
I have fully seen and been assured, that the gospel day
shall rise higher and higher upon the faithful; and
with regard to my poor soul, that the Lord, whom I am
concerned to serve and trust in, will carry me through,
even to the end. The Lord be magnified, and He only,
— whether by life or death. To J. F. M.
Marazion, 24th of First Month, 1825.
My Beloved Friend,
— The hearing of your late bereavement has
affected my heart, but to hear that you are, or have
been, supported in calmness, is no surprise. Nor do I
think to add any thing to this gift and qualification, — a
resignedness to do and suffer whatever is, in the order
ing of the Divine will, meted out as your lot in life.
But as we may be animated and comforted by the
mutual faith one of another, it seemed as though it
would be so to me, to address thee at this time, even in
the love of our common Father ; who brought us ac
quainted with each other, and who knit us together in His
blessed fellowship, and hath preserved us in the Truth
to this day, so that we are members one of another. I
am persuaded, that nothing shall be permitted to shake
our faith, or separate us from his love, as we continue
to be concerned to cleave to it, in the heights as in the
depths ; but that in the end we shall be more than

204 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
conquerors through Him, who gave himself for us, and
is very tender of us. And though we are appointed
unto such afflictions, there is a time when the eye of
the soul can see in these, far more of the compassions
that fail not, and of the gentle leadings of the Shepherd
of Israel, than in seasons of prosperity and ease. It
is in these afflictions, that we see how in love and
in pity He redeems, bearing the lambs as ever in
His bosom ; so that under a sense of these things, we
are constrained, like the prophet, to " make mention
of the loving-kindnesses of the Lord and his praises,
according to all that the Lord hath bestowed on us,
and His great goodness." (Isaiah lxiii. 7.) Dearly
beloved, what a fine thing it is to be able to look beyond
all outward things, and to feel that our rest is not in
this frail passing scene ; but that we are bound for a
glorious state, and are continually wrestling for an ad
vancement in the way which leads to it : none of the
tribulations we meet with, can then move us away from
the joyful hope set before us, nor deprive us of that,
upon which alone we can place our hearts. This is the
language and experience of the faithful in all ages, and
what is taught the least scholar in the school of Christ.
And though there may be many, many seasons, when
we cannot sensibly get at this measure of experience ;
yet the lowest smallest grain of true faith, that was ever
yet permitted or dispensed to the upright, brings with
it a sufficient " evidence of things not seen," to support
and preserve from condemnation and despair.
Many, no doubt, continue to be thy discouragements,
independent of this late source of trial; 0! dear brother,
be animated, — put on strength in the name ofthe Most
High God ; who is surely with thee, and will help thee
in every hour of need, and enable thee to rise over all
that would keep thee down, — over all that would oppress

1-825.] CHAPTER XI. 205
his own precious life in thee. There is work for such
as thou art, up and down in the earth, and in this part
too, where there is much seed sown, and in ground
prepared for its reception. I hope you and others, often
strengthen one another's hands in the Lord, and in his
work and service; for the time is but short, at the
longest ; and it is good to work while the day lasts,
and to glorify the great Name in the way of his own
leadings ; on which his blessing abundantly rests as
ever ! Ah ! what can we render unto, or do for Him,
who hath done so much for us !
With my dear love, from thy old and true friend, J.B.
1825, First Month 27th.
— At Penzance Meeting ; a very solemn 'time, as
I thought, in the silent part of it : I trust also the King
Immortal and Almighty, was glorified in my breaking
the silence by vocal adoration. Three times the strength
of the Most High seemed to rush through me as a
mighty stream, and had I more simply given way at
the first, the incense might have risen up more thickly
from the altar. To  .
Marazion, 8th of Second Month, 1825.
Dear tried souls,
 Cast down, but ' yet not forsaken, nor for
gotten, but rather highly favoured, and under the pecu
liar care and preservation of the Shepherd of the flock,
— my soul salutes you. Oh ! think you in' any hour of
deep plunging, that a hair of your head, (figuratively
speaking,) shall be singed in the fiery furnace, — or that
they are not all numbered, — or that your tears are not
treasured up in His bottle — put into his book, — that

206 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
they do not come up continually before Him as a me
morial ! Surely His wonderful, unsearchable purposes
and wisdom, shall "be all duly accomplished ; and his
dealings will be found to have been in loving-kindness,
in tenderest mercy. Be then animated afresh to commit
all into his hands, to resign yourselves again and again
most unreservedly ; retaining nothing but the desire to
do and to be, what He would have you, and to suffer
all that He has or may permit, or purpose for you
to pass through. 0 ! then, with what invincible
meekness and patience and long-suffering, will you be
endued ; then nothing will be impossible to you, all
things will be made sweet; your goings forth be even
prepared like the morning, and all the way cast up clear
before you; and abundance of peace will be your
crown and portion for ever. But do I only say this ; do
you not know it at times ; and are not his promises
stedfast, and his covenant sure ? Will he forsake those ,
that seek to serve and to please him, or forget the cry
of the afflicted and the bowed down soul ? — " I am the
Lord ; I change not ; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not
consumed." Whatever may be the turnings or over-turn
ings of His holy hand, may He have all the glory in
your entire dedication ; and then no heights nor depths
will be able to separate you, or to shake your faith; nor
will you in any hour rest unduly by the way in any
attainments, but aspire after the further manifestations
of His holy will and power ; that so you may prove a
blessing to many upon His earth, while ripening and
brightening for a better world. I know not whether
we may meet, yea or nay, in this state of being ; if not,
be it so : but let us struggle on, let us be willing to
endure all things. Be valiant in suffering; it is far
beyond all service, to be made willing to partake of
deaths oft, as a great Apostle ; and to be conformed to

1825.] CHAPTER XI. 207
the image of the dear Son— the Lamb that was slain,
to suffer with him, that we may be clothed and crowned
with his glory. J. B.
To E. H.
Truro, 25th of Second Month, 1825.
Dearly beloved Friend,
— Thou hast named several precious instruments
and vessels, that seem about to be made use of up and
down, and the mention of their names and prospects
did me good; who am, through wonderful dealing,
more and more knit and tied to the good cause, and
united to those who are endeavouring to walk with their
Master, and to serve him. It will then be no surprisal
to thee to hear, that (as I have apprehended) a weighty
matter in the shape of a gospel errand, has been spread
before me, and now seems fast ripening. O ! the
sweetness and even the blessedness, which have from
time to time attended my poor mind, as there has been
an endeavour after pure passiveness under this prospect :
so that indeed I am ready to say, let come what will,
should it please Infinite Wisdom to take me into his
rest, or his work into his own hands, so as altogether
to release me from this requiring, I have no will in it.
I know it has been abundantly good for me to yield to
these impressions, and to have been exercised and
proved this way hitherto ; and as to the future, I am
wholly at his disposal, to be, to do, or to suffer, what
ever may be prepared for me. In conversing with my
dear sister one day on the subject, I was induced to say,
that if a small part of this engagement, namely to visit
the meetings of this county might be taken first, and
way should open for me therein, it would be a great
comfort to me : and in allusion to my present situation,

208 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
as not being acknowledged a minister, I said, we must
not look for signs and wonders, it is at least a weak
ness to do so ; yet that if any thing might turn out like
encouragement to me at our ensuing Monthly Meeting,
it would be a favour. " Shew me a token for good,
and let thy work appear unto thy servant," — was my
secret breathing at the first meeting ; and after that
was concluded, the women Friends being desired to
stay, dear A. T., was led to lay before Friends
her desire to sit with the several meetings of this
Quarterly Meeting : and when I was looking for
something further, she said that if any Friend in the
station of minister or elder should feel his mind drawn
to accompany her, it would be quite satisfactory to her.
Thus I was induced to expose myself by saying, that
though not standing in the acknowledged or appointed
stations alluded to, this thing had been before me, &c. ;
leaving it wholly to Friends to do what they thought
best about it. So here I am on my way to the Eastern
Monthly Meeting, hitherto helped, and henceforth
longing to trust more and more my Master. Truly I
cannot tell whether my life may be spared to accom
plish what is before me, or whether the concern may
not be wholly removed from me. In health I am just
above water ; exceedingly delicate, but ailing little,
liable any day to have my health utterly broken up.
But I am not anxious, longing only to be prepared and
ready to give in my account with joy, whenever called
upon. It is often a glorious time with me, dear E— .,
and if it were not for this prospect of a little labour of
love, I should be ready to take what I have received,
as an earnest of an early departure for a better country;
and it may be so notwithstanding. Well, whatever may
be in store for us, 0! let us give up fully to honour
and magnify the adorable Name, by life or by death,

1825.] CHAPTER XI. 209
by suffering or rejoicing ; for we know it to be as
ointment poured forth, and we have been anointed with
it, and it teacheth us of all things,— even the everlasting
Truth ;
In the love of it, I dearly bid you farewell, J. B.
[It was in the 4th month of this year 1825, that he
was acknowledged a Minister by the Monthly Meeting
of the West Division of Cornwall.]
To L. A. B.
Bradpole, 29th of Fourth Month, 1825.
My Dear Lydia,
— When we think what unworthy creatures we
are, even at the best, and how goodness and mercy fol
low us, sustaining us under our trials, and turning them
all to our good, we have surely great occasion to lay
hold of hope, to take fresh courage, to put on strength,
and be armed with patience, cheerful submission, and
full assurance of faith for the time to come. My mind
seems equal to very little beyond my more immediate
calling, and when not so engaged, it feels as poor, weak,
and empty, as ever I have known to be the case. O !
what a comfort from time to time to feel the Lord with
me, strengthening me, and prospering his work in my
hands, again and again, to my humbling admiration at
the power of his might, the excellency of his loving-
kindness and his grace. It has more than once struck
me forcibly, that if this work be of the Lord, and I be
engaged in it according to his will, some that have
been concerned to strengthen my weak hands, will
participate in the division of the spoil, that is, in the
earnest of the reward of the faithful. These who have
given the cup of cold water, have done what they

210 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
could; and what they have done in simplicity, on behalf
of the poor servant, it is esteemed as done to the Master
himself; though they may be ready to say, " When saw
we thee in prison," &c.
To L. A. B.
2nd of Fifth Month, 1825.

— Having been helped to get over another mountain
in the attendance of this meeting yesterday, and having
been favoured to wrestle and struggle with the powers
of darkness, and to suffer with a suffering seed in
this desolate region, my heart feels comparatively
light, hoping that I stand acquitted of the blood of
some, and that through deep suffering, — yea, wading
of spirit, the good cause has been espoused in some
sort, however feebly, and the way of life set forth ; in
abundant condescension, I was favoured to get along
safely, without, I trust, stumbling ; though truly it was
hard work. O! the lethargy, the lifeless, lukewarm
condition of many : no hunger or thirst, no sense of
eternal things, no relish for heavenly goodness ; and
such as are otherwise, sunk into a low, discouraged,
dying state. Yet even here, the spark of Divine love
is not wholly extinct and taken away ; but the Lord is
waiting to be gracious, his repentings kindled together,
and his pleading voice to be heard, " Why will ye die V
I conclude, if it be his good pleasure, that this place be
favoured with those professing the pure spiritual way
of Truth, there will yet be preserved a hidden remnant,
who will not be utterly given over, nor give over the
pure Truth to utter reproach ; but in their measure, or
according to the light received, will glorify, however im
perfectly, the great Name !
Thou wilt feel tenderly for me; but I have been
helped, so that I can say, the Lord has been sufficient

1825.] CHAPTER XI. 211
for me in this great time of need and stress upon my
mind and feelings. I know not, in the retrospect and
amidst all the reflections that have been brought before
me, that there has been any other than a peaceful
satisfaction respecting the past, mixed with much
occasion for gratitude, in considering how bountifully
and wonderfully I have been dealt with, led about and
instructed, kept from utterly perishing, amply provided
for and sustained hitherto ; favoured also with ability
at times to trust, that all will be well with me
and mine, so long as we continue to seek and serve
so good a Master, who will never try us above our
strength, nor afflict us willingly. At  , I called
on a Friend, and had a refreshing little opportunity of
handing encouragement to himself and wife ; heavenly
goodness seemed near us. Oh ! the work is very
weighty, and the trials thereof are many ; but the
Lord is sufficient, as he is trusted in. I have not
an anxious thought about you at home; I know who
will watch over you, and help you every way : only let
not the tempter discourage you; for it is the Master
that says, — " Fear not little flock ;" — " Be of good
cheer ;" — " Be strong," yea, be strong.
Thy very affectionate brother,
J. B.
TO P. H. GUBNEY. Sixth Month, 1825.
— After a considerable space of intervening time, I
take - my pen to salute thee, though scarce knowing in
what circumstances this may find thee. If the best of us
are but in the land of the living, partakers of life invi
sible and divine, how much have we to be thankful for,
— how much to answer for ! Whenever I address thee,
my dear cousin, in this way, the slender tenure we each
p2

212 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
have of all things here below, seems to recur to my
thoughts ; with earnest desires that my own state of mind
and conduct, may increasingly be moulded to the image
of the heavenly Pattern,, and so be prepared to meet
Him at His coming : who cometh in one sense as
a thief in the night. But seldom have I known the
evidences of Divine peace and favour so veiled from
me, I think, as at times since publicly engaged in this
awful line of the ministry. To thee, I need not expand
my views by much expression hereon ; no doubt, thou
hast known for many years, the dealings of inscrutable
Wisdom, and the discipline of heavenly love and mercy,
in strippings, in tossings, in wadings of the poor spirit ;
nor will it surprise thee, should I say, that sometimes it
is so with me, that I seem pressed out of measure, so as
to despair of even the outward life, as well as that
which is described as being " hid with Christ in God."
Marvellous goodness however hath provided all things
well for me outwardly and inwardly, especially during
my deeply proving prospects and journey ; I have, as I
suppose thou hast heard, taken meetings in Devon,
Dorset, and Hants, on my way to the Yearly Meeting,
and being likely to take the remaining ones in those
counties with one or two in Surrey, as I return, after
attending the sixth London Monthly Meetings. This
last is to me in prospect crucifying, beyond what I can
express, especially as I have believed it best to go
single-handed. 
10th of Sixth Month, 1825.
— At night under great anguish of spirit, I
wrote as follows, my heart being turned towards the
Lord :
O ! God, most holy, and almighty, all wise and gra
cious, — regard me with thy pitying eye; spare rne,

1825.] CHAPTER XI. 213
help me, save me in this depth of need, which thou
only knowest, is beyond words. 0 ! deliver and pre
serve me to the end, through all that which may in thy
wisdom be permitted. Haste thee to help me, 0 ! my
God — my all ! O ! let not my cruel enemy devour me ;
let not thy Truth be dishonoured by me ; O ! conduct
me safely, and, if it be best, speedily, to my everlasting
rest with thee and with thy Son. Amen ! Amen !
To L. A. B.
15th of Sixth Month, 1825.
— On the 7th, I attended Devonshire House
Monthly Meeting, and on the 8th that of Gracechurch
Street; in both which I had to declare the excellency
of that spiritual dispensation committed to us. 0! what
arduous work it is to minister, where the attention and
desire of those present is very outward after words.
The extent of my wadings and exercises no one knows
but the great Master; they have been various and
abundant indeed, since the Yearly Meeting; the dis
couragements of the day I have never seen so deeply
before, though I am not blind to the encouraging
features : O ! how short are we of what the Lord
would do for us as a people, were we only simple,
sincere, plain, humble enough ! If we go on but as we
do, I fear, notwithstanding all that is stirring, we shall
as a Society be weaker than we now are.
On First day evening, after due deliberation, (which
indeed had been going on in my mind many days,
being much exhausted in powers, both of body and
mind,) I concluded it best to suspend all further pro
ceeding, with regard to visiting meetings in this city.
As my mind settled under this act of resignation, I
was confirmed in its being of the Lord's ordering, and
of his abundant mercy ; who trieth not any beyond

214 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
what he sees good, and whose service is a reasonable
service. I wish greatly to be preserved on all hands,
and in all things from hurting the good cause, which is
dearer to me than my life. I am very feeble, and
obliged to use the sofa very much, taking frequent
nourishment, &c. I propose going with my brother to
Bognor, in the hope of being better able (after ten days
there) to undertake the journey home. I desire for
thee as for myself, that endeavouring to live in Chris
tian faith and simplicity, we may have our minds
deeply centred and set upon nothing short of the
unerring and Divine will in all things ; then .nothing
that can happen to us will any way move us, but all
will work together for our good, and for the honour of
the great name. Thou must be sensible that this turn
in my course, though by no means one previously
calculated upon, was no great surprise to me ; the
wonder was, that I should be enabled to go through
any part of the prospect set before me on quitting
home, indeed that I was strengthened to entertain it at
all, considering my weakly condition. — Give my love
to Friends. — I am a poor creature, but I trust not out
of the reach of the infinite compassion of the Shepherd
of Israel. Farewell !
Carshalton, 20th of Sixth Month, 1825.
My dear  ,
— I may state to thee, that on Sixth day and
Seventh day week, my powers of body and mind
were so exhausted and enfeebled, as clearly to excuse
me, in my judgment, from any further proceedings) in
my engagement for the present. I saw I had no hard
master, nor unreasonable service, — that He knew what
had been given up and undergone for his pure name's
sake ; and, were it called for, that I was ready to give

1825.J CHAPTER XI. 215
up my natural life, rather than shrink from suffering
or from shame. Deep indeed have been the conflicts
and the baptisms,— crucifying yea mortifying have been
the often silent labours of my soul before Him, on
account and on behalf of this people, and especially in
this great city, since coming to it : — whether I may
ever complete what was presented to my mind, as
a religious obligation, I know not; but I am very
comfortable in an entire relinquishment of that part
which respects London.
To L. A. B.
Bognor, 24th of Sixth Month, 1825.
— I am favoured indeed in being able to say, how
greatly the change of air, and the suspension of mental
exercises have revived me. Truly, I felt both in mind
and body, failing beyond the usual vicissitudes or ups
and downs that attend. It was a great convulsion to
my faith, though relieving to my poor frame, to have
to resign what had been received as clear duty ; and I
trust," that if in any wise there was occasion for me at
that crisis to remember Jonah's case, when he was
angry, because his Master's will declared through him
was reversed, the feeling was nothing worse than a
jealousy for the honour of the great name, and the
high vocation professed by me, lest the Truth should
suffer, or any cause of offence be given. I am alto
gether in the hands of One, who can see if I have gone
down to Joppa, and paid the fare to Tarshish. It is
an awful thing in this day, as ever it was in any other,
to take the name of the Most High into our lips, and
to declare his commands ; but if so, how awful is the
situation of those who reject these messages, — who do
not, like "that great city" of old, " cry mightily,"
and turn from their evil ways. 0! the longer I

216 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
was in that great city, the more was I baptized, (as
I thought,) into a sense of that which is wanting, in an
especial manner in our favoured Society ; until the
burden became more than I could sustain : and yet for
a time, I could not see any way rightly to get from
under it. When we consider what must be, and ever
is, the condition of those who follow not the Lamb in
the leadings of his pure light, and that it is said of
them that love the world, and the things of it, that the
love of the Father is not in them, — that the friendship
of the world is enmity against Him, — with many other
such truths ; — what shall we think the fair profession
of many is worth, in the sight of the Searcher of
hearts. How glorious a thing, to be daily growing in
grace, daily receiving heavenly bread, daily partaking
of the Divine blessing, and in that, moving and acting
towards others in our several duties. It is wonderful
to me, how my constitution seems in so short a time
to have rallied. To a Friend.
Bfognor, Sussex, 30th Sixth Month, 1825.
My Beloved Friend,
— What a wonderful course have believers to
tread in ;— how led about, and in all things instructed,
— how wonderfully and wisely dealt with ! What a pro
cess it takes to purify us from self, and completely to
redeem.. Nothing less than an infinite Hand can do it
for us, — both as to mercy, wisdom and power, and that
continually exerted on our behalf. Oh ! I feel these
things more than ever I did, and feel that I am yet but
a child in the experience of them; because that which
is attained, is as nothing compared with the fulness
that is set before us. I trust we are companions in this
path, wherein we are through many tribulations and

1825.] CHAPTER XI. 217
chastenings and even apparent desertion and death,
taught that we are poor creatures, able of ourselves
to do nothing, neither to keep ourselves alive in a
spiritual sense. 0 ! it is hard work to endure patiently
ill that is needful for this purpose, and to accept all
ihe painful operations of the Holy and High One for
our good : yet there is no safety for us, but in sub
mitting thus to what may be called the death of the
cross ; and, " if we be dead with Him, we believe that
we shall also live with Him ; if we suffer we shall reign
with Him." I continue to feel peace of mind in the
step taken or concluded on, when under thy roof.
What a shelter, dear friends, it felt to me to be with
you ; I wish often to be with you in spirit, and to par
take of that which refreshes you, and which animates
to hold on to stedfastness. My situation since I left
you, has been one calculated to discourage ; but I trust
the Lord is my stay, though little evidence seems
extended of that sensible support which poor nature
.ooks for. It has been a sifting, searching time with
ne ; the being thus suspended, shall I say thrown on
ny back, and my purposes turned aside, causes much
crutiny; but I cannot find that I have missed the
vay, — nay, the language presents, " It was well it was
n thy heart;" yet as regards the future, I am earnest
or clearness, though remembering that we are to " be
careful for nothing." Alton Quarterly and Monthly
Meetings are to be on the Fifth and Sixth days next
week ; in being at these, I may see further what is
best. My health is certainly better for being here, the
bracing sea air has been very beneficial ; but while
this is the case, every day shows me proofs of my
exceeding delicate state. A religious meeting costs
me much travail, much wrestling of spirit: so does
going about among Friends occasion much suffering

218 CHAPTER XI. [1825.
and watching, though often with a cheerful counte
nance. If we are but kept simple, humble, patient,
resigned to do or suffer, nothing can harm us, nor will a
hair of our heads be singed or fall to the ground ; all that
can happen to us will only turn to our benefit, and not
one of our sacrifices but will accomplish that for which
it is designed by Him, who worketh in us and for us.
1825, Ninth Month 15th.
— I got well home, with a peaceful mind, empty
and low enough, though not so as to be insensible of
the powerful hand that had been over me for good,
and over all things else, to make them good to me.
In the midst of much bitter conflict, which has since
been in wisdom dispensed, it is a favour to have
nothing to look back upon greatly to grieve or con
demn the poor tried spirit, ready as it has been to
halt, and to drink in discouragement ; and in the feel
ing of it, one is ready to exclaim, how wonderful is the
preservation and condescension handed to the poor
instrument, when it has thus given up all for the name
of the Lord ! — and yet on the other hand, what weak
ness in any of the Lord's people can be greater than
that which such feel ; so that every day and every way
they would err and fall, and do evil, were it not that
an omnipotent power was ever near, to uphold, to pre
vent and to restore !
The Monthly Meeting soon occurring, I returned
my certificate to my own satisfaction, and I believe
that of my Friends.
1825, Tenth Month.
— Low times often : but out of the depths did I
cry, and He made these " depths of the sea a way;" —
He led me through them as on dry ground, and shewed

1826.J CHAPTER XI. 219
me His wonders in them : so that I have been enabled
to pass on, leaving them behind, yea, leaving every
thing past and to come in his hands, who can do all
things for me.
New duties, new and arduous paths not cast up, no
mark, no trace, no footing, but just in His footsteps,
who putteth forth and goeth before. 0 ! for a free,
simple, entire throwing myself into His care and keep
ing and disposal in all things, now and evermore ! for
no one else can deliver or preserve, or carry through,
or enable to glorify Him, or bring about things, that so
they shall all redound to His praise.
[In the Third Month, 1826, he quitted his residence
at Marazion, and in the Fifth Month following, he again
entered into the married state, settled at Alton, in
Hampshire.] 1826, Sixth Month 22nd.
— I have at times been almost ready to conclude
it a vain thing, to attempt in this way to commemorate
the innumerable blessmgs and mercies from day to
day, from week to week, from month to month, which
have been heaped upon me ; and yet pure desires, I
trust are at times known to arise, that others may be
induced to come, taste, and see, how good the Lord
is, — how wonderful are his dealings to the poorest, most
unworthy of his creatures. Words cannot set forth what
He is, and will ever remain to be, towards those that
trust in Him, and hope in his mercy ; and who still en
deavour, through all that may happen to them, — through
all weaknesses, repulses, temptations, and exercises, to
strive with a true heart to serve the God of their lives.
Oh ! what hath he wrought for me, more than in past
times, — if possible, more than in years that have long

220 CHAPTER XI. [1826.
passed over ! My removal out of Cornwall, my settle
ment in this allotment (Alton,) my many, many com
forts, a beloved and loving partner given me in the
place of her, that has been safely landed from this sea of
troubles! how shall my soul ever repeat all that
God hath wrought for me in these matters ? Yea, how
hath he preserved my goings out and my comings in,
my up-rising and my down-sitting ; so that notwith
standing the many haltings, stumblings, slippery and
exceedingly difficult places, the Lord hath in good
measure been my confidence, and kept my foot from
being taken, and my life from being smitten to the
ground by the enemy. Oh ! he hath made for me a
way, where I could see none ; he hath made that to be
possible, — yea, brought it to pass, which seemed im
possible, — yea, brought me safely through ; so that I
can indeed yet praise him for his goodness.
To E. S.
Alton, Fifth Month, 1826.
My dear Friend,
— To say that my soul doth tenderly and deeply
sympathize with thee under thy sore bereavement, is
saying little at such a time as this ; and yet well knowing
how wonderfully the Divine compassions are extended
in such an hour, I cannot be anxious that my pen should
be made helpful to thee. It is indeed a season when
" the powers of the world to come," and the " hea
venly gift " are to be tasted and deeply drunk of; for
whatever be the nature of man's extremity, it is then
the Lord is most inclined to draw near, and manifest
the excellency of his never-failing arm ; inviting, nay,
urging the sons of men to take refuge under his healing
wing. My belief is firm, that it is not only possible but
easy, through submission to this inward operation and

1826.] CHAPTER XI. 221
aid, for the soul to be raised above the outward, and
settled in a holy calm, where it can bless, and praise,
and magnify through all, the name of Him, who doeth
all things well, and nothing in vain. It will no doubt
be thy concern, as it is our duty, to dwell on the various
blessings connected with this painful dispensation ; that
thy dear wife should have reached her home, is one
that strikes me forcibly. But there is much of tender
ness and gentleness in the Lord's severest dealings, and
in those which seem darkest or bitterest. We know
not the end and meaning of many designs, but they are
developed by and by, even to our own astonishment
and satisfaction. Yet in respect to these, and all other
indirect alleviations or abatements to the acuteness of
feeling, it may be said, at least for a time, in the
language of Jeremiah, " When I would (thus) comfort
myself against sorrow, my heart is faint in me."
Thy dear little eldest child will often, I trust, beguile
away a heavy hour of musings and of mourning, and
take thee from too selfish an indulgence in what has
been termed, ' the luxury of grief,' — help thee also to
cast an eye on the future, rather than to dwell too much
or unduly on the past, — and lift thy tried spirit out of
the unprofitable depths of sorrow ; and her little prattle
may sound like a call — ' lead me to follow her thou
mournest.' O ! what a spur to diligence, to increased care in all
the allotment of duty, does such a loss as thou hast sus
tained, if rightly borne, bring with it. If thus I have
been favoured to see " the end of the Lord, — that he is
very pitiful and of tender mercy," and that "blessed
are the dead who die in him," — what shall I render,
and how shall I live, and what shall I not endure for
the sake of " so great salvation," so excellent a Saviour.
Truly, dear E., I look for something out of all this ; for

222 CHAPTER XI. [1826.
the Lord hath done great things for thee, as for her, thy
precious partner ; and I cannot but think, thou mayst
lift up thy head in hope, and go on in the strength of
the Lord. For though many may be and must be our
remaining tribulations, before it be said to us, " Thy
warfare is accomplished;" yet while our dependence and
surrender of soul is maintained in even a small degree
of simplicity, He whom we serve will never leave nor
forsake us, nor fail to make good all that He hath
promised. May the consolations of God be abundant with thee ;
and may nothing of this transitory world, whether
heights or depths, come between Him and thee, to
deprive thee of the richness and fulness of his blessing,
yet poured on them that mourn.
My dear love attends thee. May we abound in
grace, and every good fruit, even by abiding in the
vine, being often purged as fruit-bearing branches,
and chastened as dear children.
Farewell, I remain thy affectionate friend,
J. B.

CHAPTER XII.

[In the Eighth Month, 1826, he informed his
Monthly Meeting (Alton) of a religious concern to visit
the meetings of Friends in Scotland ; also, some other
meetings in his way thither and in returning : a certi
ficate was granted, and he left home on the 19th of
that month, taking the meetings of Newcastle and
Edinburgh in his way; he then proceeded to Aberdeen,
and there attended the half-year's meeting. The fol
lowing are extracts from his letters written during this
journey.] 25th of Eighth Month, 1826.
— [From Edinburgh he writes :] — How poor do I
feel, and yet an engagement of heartin this line of duty
—how humbling is it ! What but the power of Truth,
livingly and fresh communicated can preserve, much
more enable to do any thing to the glory of God.
Oh ! I feel my own childish growth, as well as that
inability we all share as men and creatures; and I
long that the Lord would be pleased to endue me with
more skill and capacity to advocate His cause, as well
as with simplicity to lay aside every weight, and keep
clear of every snare. Do often think of me for my
good, and help me with thy most earnest fervent desires
to the fountain thereof, that I may be thoroughly fur
nished for every needful time, — endued with wisdom and
an understanding heart, with clearness also of spiritual
sense, and with might in the inner man. The Lord

224 CHAPTER XII. [1826.
direct my way and prosper it, for He knows that in
integrity I have sought His will only to do it.
Ury, near Stonehaven, 9th Month.
— Our meetings (the General Meeting,) have been
pretty large, and much favoured with the manifestation
of the ancient arm of power ; so that in the strength
thereof a remnant could say, — " one generation shall
praise thy works to another, and declare thy glorious
name and goodness." I had, on First day morning,
my time of silent admiration at this, which is the
Lord's doing; but in the afternoon meeting, which
was very largely attended by strangers, I was led to
stand up and open that great mystery, but to us most
true ordinance, of waiting on the Lord, — with the
excellent benefits to be derived from this practice in
respect to spiritual attainments. The people were very
quiet and attentive, though still flocking in. There
were many Friends in the ministry who confirmed these
things, and further set forth the Christian life and
doctrine. Second day, the General Meeting was held,
when the Lord was pleased to appear amongst us to
our great refreshment : much instrumental labour was
bestowed, especially on the unfaithful, who were warned
in a solemn manner again and again.
 On Fifth day, I was at the Aberdeen meeting, in
which I had under a sweet feeling to encourage the
little flock to hold on their way. Oh ! how preciously
did the Lord work that day ; I shall not easily forget it.
 This place (Ury) has for some years been sur
prisingly improved, especially of late, the walks and
woods planted by the father of the present proprietor,'
are beautiful; a bold rushing stream winds not far
from the house, through a bed of rocks; and the
inequality of the ground is pleasing indeed. It is a

1826.] CHAPTER XII. 225
sweet spot. The proprietor, Robert Barclay, received
me very kindly, and welcomed me. I am made very
comfortable here, but must get through my business
and be gone : accordingly, I have this morning ex
amined the library throughout, and found already
several interesting things; but the correspondence is
what I want, and hope to see.
On Second day, I completed my business here to my
satisfaction, having brought with me what was valuable.
 16^, 4th Day.
— Was at Dunfermline, where a little solid com
pany sit together: none of them are yet acknowledged
members. The Lord was good to us, in bowing our
hearts together low before him, and I trust it was a
favoured time ; pretty much counsel was handed. I
thought there was evidently to be felt a good work
upon some, and I trust it will stand, even in the face
of a crooked and perverse generation of professors of
the Christian name, among whom, living, powerful,
operative religion is much wanted. On Fifth day, I
attended the meeting at Edinburgh in course ; I took
my seat, hardly knowing any besides the family in
which I was received ; but the Lord gave me to labour
abundantly, for their arising out of their present low
state : I rose early in the meeting, going into things
very particularly, laying before them the causes of
weakness, under which I apprehended they laboured ;
with much more respecting the only sure foundation
and resting place, and what a building on this would
make them: The Lord was near to help, — blessed be
his Name !
 At Carlisle, I attended the meetings on First
day ; wherein the great heavenly Shepherd's crook was
extended, and his care was over us. O ! wonderful
Q

226 CHAPTER XII. [1826.
is the help handed to me, to do whatsoever I find to do.
Many hearts were I trust humbled that day ; for the
Lord was surely among us. I met with some young
plants, and made a call on a precious family, and my
heart was refreshed in the hope that they are bowing
under the yoke of Christ. Isometimes feel a temporary
disadvantage in my youthful appearance, until my
Master makes way for me in the hearts of my friends.
I went to the Monthly Meeting held at Pardshaw, a
country meeting mentioned in George Fox's Journal
as ' Pardshaw Cragg :' here, as I went, my friends
pointed out the rock, where he preached among the
mountains: they also showed where John Burnyeat,
John Banks, James Dickinson, and others lived. At
this meeting at Pardshaw the Lord was pleased this
day to manifest his name, and glorify it, which is as
ointment poured forth: O! he worked marvellously,
giving His blessing and presence amongst us, who
were a large company ; so that the flow of exhortation
was as a mighty stream. I felt the Lord to be very •
near, and my poor spirit was greatly refreshed ; and
my soul somewhat filled with their company: but I
find day by day, that former things must be left, and
not rested in, that the mind may be free and un
shackled against the next service.
To E. H.
Edinburgh, 14th of Ninth Month, 1826.
My Beloved Friend,
— On the receipt of thy account respecting our
endeared companion, who is gone before to his rest
and reward, my heart was wonderfully helped to a
degree of quiet acquiescence in the blessed purposes of
Divine wisdom and goodness ; so that though few, very
few were nearer to me than he among the flock of the

1826.] CHAPTER XII. 227
faithful in Christ Jesus, I could not hold him on this
side the grave ; but seemed entirely prepared and re
signed to lose him, as to the outward ; well knowing our
oneness was not to be destroyed by death. Ah ! dear
 , when we can look with anointed eyes on these
things, and are permitted to enter into the purposes and
will of our heavenly Father, whose ways are higher
than ours, who doeth all things well, nor anything in
vain, — what a favour, what a mercy is it, that the mes
sage is given to the quickened soul, " Time to thee here
is no longer," — " Come up hither." O ! what a re
lease, what a dismissal, what an enlargement to the
poor tribulated spirit, labouring amidst temptations and
the assaults of the prince of darkness, yea amidst many
infirmities, afflictions and doubtings : but how unutter
ably awful is the voice of warning conveyed in this
dispensation to others, among whom that dear servant
has gone testifying in his life-time of the powers of
the world to come, and of the terms on which alone
the gates of heaven are opened. Surely, my soul said,
on first hearing of his illness, this was a seal to his
testimony, and a crown to his labours of love, which
the Lord hath set ; and let his will be done. And now
how is such a circumstance calculated to bind us who
remain, one unto another, and above all, to the great
Head ofthe church, — to stimulate us to an earnest heed
to the things that make for such peace as our beloved
Edmund had, and is centred in ; — for here is a fresh
and indisputable evidence, that "these things are faithful
and true,"— that " the Lord is at hand," and watches over
us for good, — that " verily there is a reward for the
righteous," — that " in due season even we shall reap, if
we faint not." My heart flows in gratitude to the
fountain of good, in remembering all that He wrought
for our dear E. ; for truly the Lord was with him, what-
q2

228 CHAPTER XII. [1826.
ever were his snares or infirmities in common with
many of us: my prayer is, "let my last end be like
his ;" let me only get to the end of this appointed
warfare safely as he has ! There is a blessing upon those'
who hold fast the beginning of their confidence in
the Lord stedfast to the end ; who mourn not as those
that have no hope : for as certainly as he who is taken
from us, hath " received the end of his hope, even
the salvation of his soul," so in due season they also
shall surely reap, who faint not ; their tribulation will
work patience; and though they cannot as yet go to
him, yet those who follow the Lamb whithersoever He
goeth, after their measure and testimony for Him is filled
up, we well know, will have of Him a place prepared
for them. — Wherefore the language runs in me, "let
not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
My mind is often raised secretly in supplication, that
this dispensation may prove the raising of some from
their graves in a spiritual sense, to glorify the God of
their lives, (in whose hands their very breath is,) both
in body, soul and spirit. For the Lord hath spoken to
them by his servants as yet much in vain ; and he hath
now given them a sign and token of what He can do,
by even snatching them from the earth, it may be in
anger and not in mercy, unless they repent and turn
speedily, yea wholly unto Him.
I have been to the meetings in Scotland with certi
ficate. The Good Master is tender to me a poor
creature ; and while sufficient strength seems to come
in every needful hour, I have nothing to spare, being
borne along through heavy conflicts and deep baptisms. J.B.
[He returned home the 6th of Tenth Month, 1826,
having attended the meetings in Cumberland, York

1827.] CHAPTER XII. 229
Quarterly Meeting, and some meetings in Northampton
shire.] 1827, Third Month.
— Attended our Spring Quarterly Meeting at
Poole, and the Monthly Meeting there ; also our own at
Andover in course. At the latter, we had the company
of dear H. and M. M., who had then completed a visit
to the families of Friends in our Monthly Meeting; in
which engagement, as far as regards the sittings with
the families in this place, I joined them, and had
comfort therein, it being remarkably brought about,
agreeably to my anticipation. How gracious and tender
towards me was my heavenly Father, the Head of
his church, in this opening ; making a way where no
way appeared, and safely leading me forth ; so that I
trust in this little, but to me arduous service, I could
acknowledge that the Lord was near and helped.
1827, Fifth Month.
— I was favoured to attend all the sittings of the
Yearly Meeting. We had very agreeably the company
of dear W. and R. Byrd, on a religious visit to the
families of Friends in our Quarterly Meeting : — they
stayed with us some days, and the opportunity in
our family may my soul ever remember, and take
encouragement from, and bless with reverence and
humility the name of the Lord.
1827, Eighth Month.
— My mouth, as a minister, has been so laid in
the dust, that I know not what to think of it ; my soul
has been now a long time plunged into varied dis
couragements respecting my spiritual condition, so that
I know not where this dispensation will end. O Lord !
preserve and sustain and redeem my poor soul !

230 CHAPTER XII. [1827.
1827, Ninth Month 17th.
— Left home with certificate granted me by our
Monthly Meeting, to visit the meetings in Berkshire,
Bedfordshire and Herts, Buckinghamshire and North
amptonshire. [Extracts from his letters written when on this
service, are here subjoined.]
Wycombe, 20th Ninth Month, 1827.
— We reached Reading in time for the Select Meet
ing, where was T. B. I was favoured to my unspeak
able comfort, to break through the load by which I have
seemed to be enveloped for a long season, and had to
declare of the goodness of the Lord, in I trust some
thing of the simplicity of the gospel, greatly to my peace
of mind ; that season appearing like an earnest of future
help and guidance. J. P. was there, and he and I went
hand-in-hand, being greatly favoured in being so one
in our Hne of labour. The next day, I had in some
degree to take the lead ; others confirmed the word, to
my humbling admiration at the condescension and wis
dom of our Holy Head. On sitting down in the second
meeting, a sudden exercise came over me about going
into the women's meeting, which endeavouring well to
sift, I thought it might be passed by, unless some other
had a similar feeling ; when presently after, J. P. rose,
and said he had such a concern, though without a
certificate ; he knew not why, but wished to leave it
with Friends : they fell in with it, and then I named
how it had been with me ; when it was fully united
with. We went ; and I trust the work of the Lord
prospered by our giving up thereto. I have been
favoured to get along very simply, without reasonings,
forethought, or after reckonings ; all is made good to

1827.] CHAPTER XII. 231
me, and my soul dwells in a calm easy way, not over
careful about anything. The Lord does all things well
in and for me, and I have no lack ; though nothing to
boast of, yet nothing to complain of, — blessed be the
name of the Lord : and may thy soul continue in this
acknowledgment, yea more and more ; for what can we
render ? Time would fail me to say all I could of his
mercy to me, even these few days back ; so that I hope
I may humbly say, all is well, and that I am in the
line of duty.  My prayer is, that when favoured to
meet again, we may be enabled to build one another
up in every thing good ; and more and more abound
therein, to our mutual comfort, to the animating of
others, and to the praise of Him, who has done great
things for us, in helping and sustaining; so that we
have not been utterly consumed, though deserving
nothing short of it. Farewell.
To J. B.
Wellingborough, 3rd of Tenth Month, 1827.
My Dear Friend,
— Truly the feeling of love towards my many
dear friends in Cornwall is so expanded, that I thought
nearly impossible to confine my address to any one
in particular ; thence discouragement ensued, — general
epistles being much out of date now-a-days. But 0 !
how often do I think of some in particular in your
district; yet longing for the preservation, yea, the
growth of all. What a noble company is the Captain of
our salvation seeking to gather ; how glorious would be
his arising among you, designed indeed to form part
of his " army with banners," and called to be more
than conquerors through Him. The Lord remains to
be to his devoted servants the same yesterday, to-day,
and for ever, unless they withdraw from his service :

232 CHAPTER XII. [1827-
the Lamb and his followers shall now, as ever, have
the victory. But some are ready to say with one of
old, even to the mothers in Israel, "Except thou
go with me, I will not go down ;" and the answer
to such must be expected to prove not altogether to
their honour: for such look too much to the poor
prophetesses, instead of diligently setting themselves
about their" own business,— which is, indeed, to fight
the good fight of faith. The example of dedication
set by many in Cornwall, oftentimes refreshes me;
and the more I think of them in this way, the more I
long that they may " abound more and more ;" for yet
these many privileges and surely gracious visitations,
are to be improved accordingly.
I may now tell thee how wonderfully the Lord's-
mercy has encompassed me about, and his aid been
afforded me in every hour of need ; enabling me to do,
I trust, his will in some small measure, while in this
awful engagement of visiting the churches in the love
of the great Head thereof. O ! my heart overflows,
when I think how great has been the condescension
vouchsafed; whereby preservation has been hitherto
known in good degree from the devices of the enemy,
and under all the discouragements and provings of the
day, which are very many ; yea, strength has been
known at times boldly and largely to advocate the good
and great, cause, and to testify of that grace by which
we must be saved through faith in its operation in the
soul. I have been at all the meetings in Scotland, and
at several of them more than once, and have taken
some others both in going and returning : they have
generally been to my great relief and comfort, and, I
trust, lasting benefit ; so that my soul is in degree
qualified to utter the language, 'Oh! how great is
Thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that

1827.] CHAPTER XII. 233
desire to fear, serve, suffer for, and trust in Thee !'
How thankful ought we to be, dear friend, for all the
mercies still handed to us, even day by day ; and 0 !
how ought we to walk before Him, who thus deals
with us !
To M. B.
Berkhamstead, 25th of Ninth Month, 1827.
— I feel oftentimes a very poor creature ; but we
are not our own, nor have we any real occasion of
regret or discouragement, that we have given up all for
the sake of Him, by whom we enjoy all things. It is
a great favour that I am enabled to say, the Lord has
helped me on my way.
On Sixth day, I went to Chesham meeting : I trust
the Lord was amongst us there in an eminent degree ;
nor do I recollect often being so enlarged in the heavenly
gift. Oh ! may the word have entrance and prosper,
among a backsliding and halting generation. That
evening we returned as far as Amersham, having a
meeting there with Friends.
On Seventh day, we went by Jordan's meeting
house ; it is well known as the burial place of William
Penn, Isaac Pennington, and Thomas Ellwood; — a
secret solitude in the midst of a woody and hilly
district. I saw some original letters of Isaac Pen
nington, &c.
On First day morning, I attended Wycombe meeting,
and was favoured to declare the Truth without fear of
man. That evening, we reached this place (Berk
hamstead,) a newly settled meeting, and were com
forted, I hope, together: Yesterday, we went to Hemel
Hempstead, an appointed meeting, and returned hither.
My health is preserved, but at the end of some
days' work, I feel much wearied ; it is a comfort to

234 CHAPTER XII. [1827.
have some evidence, that, however small my measure
of labour, it is nearly as much as my frame is equal
to ; yet the Lord makes up all.
182*7, Tenth Month 7th.
— First day, I attended the meetings at Devon
shire House ; was silent in both : glory be to the great
name ! 

First day, the 14th.
— Attended the meetings at Uxbridge; on the 17th,
the Monthly Meeting, and on Second day following, I
reached our comfortable home at Alton, through the
matchless condescension, goodness, and forbearance of
my Maker, Preserver, and Redeemer !
To  .

Alton, 15th of Twelfth Month, 1827.
— Be assured thou hast my very tender sympathy
under the important circumstances thy letter unfolds ;
and that my best, though feeble desires are, and will be
for thy best welfare. I cannot doubt but preservation
and sufficient help will be extended, while a simple,
upright, unreserved surrender of the will is sought after
and abode in. I have thought, in a case of this kind,
there is always abundant condescension, gentleness, for
bearance, and long-suffering, manifested towards us poor
fallible creatures. He that putteth forth and goeth
before us, knoweth our frame, and himself took our in
firmities : when we take a step a little awkwardly, or
with too much forwardness, or mistakingly, mercy is near
to hold us up and restore us, so long as we are not wilful,
but singly desire to be right in our movements. We
may be, and some of us know we have been, long borne
with, in much that borders on, and indeed proves to be

1827.] CHAPTER XII. 235
little better than thorough unbelief and disobedience.
We read that "rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft: "
we may have held back on different grounds, very
reasonable as we have thought; but we have been
chastised for this, — leanness and feebleness have come
over us, so that when we would afterwards have given
up, the Divine sense, strength, and blessing has receded;
— neither have we enjoyed the answer of, "Well done."
Our situation perhaps has somewhat resembled that of
the Israelites, who after refusing, attempted to enter the
promised land : there is, nevertheless, forgiveness with
Him, that he may be rightly feared, — and also plenteous
redemption. I believe we are safe in resting under a
holy simple fear and caution, as to so awful a proceeding
as the first exercise of the ministry ; but how far this
should be carried, cannot well be defined for another ;
vessels are variously moulded, and variously dealt with
or used ; — there may be too much of this as well as too
little, for our snares and our tendencies differ. Even
though we wait for what we may suppose only adequate
strength and clearness for the occasion, this may stand
in the way of our having that degree of it, which was
intended for us, had we used more self-renunciation, or
been more disinterested in our service. It is plain, we
are not to expect to have just what evidence would
please or satisfy our own feelings, which may have
become somewhat morbid by dwelling on things too
much. Ah ! the simplicity of a true babe in Christ is
what we want most, far more than that kind of assurance
we covet thus greatly : a little of this goes a great way;
it is the faith which pleases God, and removes the moun
tains ; and by which we are to walk, rather than by
sight : it leads to look not at self with anxiety, how we
shall be provided either with discernment, courage, or
what else is needed; but to rest in the Lord, and cast

236 CHAPTER XII. [1827-
our burden on him, knowing he is ready to sustain such,
so that they shall lack nothing ; nor are they much
moved by what arises to perplex, discourage or prove
them, trusting over all in never-failing goodness.
I hope if what is now handed, should .feel to thee
to be as a word in season, and in any wise coming
from the right source, thou wilt not hesitate to accept
it through the fear of leaning on man. I consider that
when instruments are rightly engaged for the help of
others, they act not in their own name : such are
ordained and needful in the church ; and if our eye be
single to the great Head, the giver of every good and
perfect gift, and to his inward appearing and sense as
to what comes through others, we shall not be in danger
of hurt, — bearing always in mind his injunction, " Take
heed how ye hear."

CHAPTER XIII.

1828, Second Month 9th, (Alton.)
— Thus far brought on my way, through the gra
cious condescending care and preservation of my God.
Since I last wrote in this rough Memorial, how much
do I owe for all the mercies poured upon me every
day ! Disease has prevailed all around ; some of our
acquaintance cut down in the midst of youth and health ;
why are we so dealt with, even in this one respect ; and
why in all others so blessed ? O ! is it that we walk
more acceptably before the Lord, than those that may
have been less privileged than ourselves ? No, far
from it ! who so worthless, so graceless, in proportion
to the talent bestowed as myself, — in dedication either
in my family or in the church ! 0 ! how the enemy
wounds and smites my life down to the ground ! so that
my faith is ready to fail, and mine eye in looking
upward. To whom shall I go, to whom flee in every
conflict, if not to the only resource and refuge? O !
that my poor cry may be regarded, — ' Let not the
enemy vaunt and triumph over me; — let not that which
thou hast begun in me, 0 Lord ! the author and giver
of all good, be evil spoken of; and they that hate me
rejoice when I am moved.' 0 God! the strength,
the power, the victory are thine ; let me at this time
return thee thanks out of an humbled and honest
heart, for what thou hast hitherto effected, in draw
ing me out of darkness into thy marvellous light. 0 !
let me hope, that thou wilt henceforth preserve, guide,
and uphold my poor soul, amidst the sea of temptation

238 CHAPTER XIII. [1829.
and conflict, in which thou mayst permit me again and
again to be plunged. Let me trust thee for mercy, re
newed pardon, — and plenteous' redemption, yea, for
victory over all my besetments and weaknesses ; so that
I may put on strength in thy invincible name, and
under thy holy banner make war in righteousness,
against the world, the flesh, and the devil. O Lord !
thus undertake and overcome for me, who cannot do
anything without thee. Thou hast been my help;
leave me not, neither forsake me, O ! God of my sal
vation. Break my bonds, I beseech thee, and loose
my captive spirit, which through thy grace longs for
deliverance more and more ; — nothing can satisfy my
cravings, but thy unbounded goodness.
1828, Fifth Month 18th.
— First day, during the Yearly Meeting : — every
meeting day, yea, every day, every hour of my life do
I stand in the presence of Him, who is the God of
the spirits of all flesh, the Master of the assemblies
of the faithful, King of saints, the Judge of all the
earth ! " Fear ye not me ? saith the Lord !"
To  .

Alton, 29th of Fifth Month, 1829.
— Our Quarterly and Monthly Meetings were
seasons of sadness and depression, as thou mayst sup
pose : but some of us were given, through and over
all dismay and affliction, to trust and to cling to that,
which yet remains an immovable rock and refuge;
and therein to rejoice and be thankful on many
accounts, though in tribulation. Surely, the effect of
such shakings and provings of the foundation, whether
it be the- true one, and whether we be rightly
established and preserved on it, must be ultimately

1830.] CHAPTER XIII. 239
strengthening and beneficial, at least to a remnant in
our poor Society, who desire in some degree of sin
cerity to be searched and tried, and to be purified.
even seven times.
[In the Ninth month of this year, 1829, he removed
to Croydon, within the compass of London and Mid
dlesex Quarterly Meeting : he had been much engaged
in the preparation of works for the press, and he
believed the neighbourhood of London would afford
him great facilities for such engagements. One work
which occasioned him great labour about this period,
was the Diary of Alexander Jaffray, the original
manuscript of which he had discovered at Ury in
Scotland; — the decyphering of this manuscript, as
well as its preparation for the press, called for much
laborious exertion : — memoranda frequently occur in
his private note book, of his being engaged ' at
Jaffray,' 'seven' to even 'nine hours' a day. And
though it may be feared such close application was
prejudicial to his health and delicate constitution,
nevertheless he would often say, that he believed it
to be a line of service marked out for him by the
Divine hand.]
[In the Eighth Month, 1830, he obtained a certificate
from his Monthly Meeting (Kingston,) for religious
service, in the Quarterly Meeting of Dorset and Hants,
his concern being to visit the meetings, as well as the
families generally; with liberty to include the counties of
Kent, Sussex and Surrey, if Truth should open the way.
In the First Month, 1831, he returned the certificate,
at the same time acknowledging the gracious dealings
of the Lord, in supporting him through this engage
ment, and in granting the sweet incomes of peace.

240 CHAPTER XIII. [1830.
The following are brief extracts from some of his
letters, written during this engagement.]
Alton, 22nd of Eighth Month, 1830.
 Having now got through this part of our m>
miliating path* and being about to depart on the morrow,
I thought I might attempt a few lines to tell thee that we
got well here; and we have been so closely engaged, as
indeed hardly to leave time for conversation with Friends,
or for relaxation of any sort. It is humbling work indeed,
and I have been so low, that it seemed as if I should
not have held out ; but the water seems turned into
wine, beyond all expectation. I have not been silent
in any sitting, though nearly so in both meetings this
day. Oh ! may the Lord continue unto us strength
and wisdom ; and, if it be His will, may He enlarge
my poor soul a little, to testify and sing of his power.
Southampton, 25th of Eighth Month, 1830.
Though I cannot say anything of heights or

of abundance, yet sufficient strength and ability seem
vouchsafed to my poor soul, to raise it to a degree of
cheerfulness, and of reverent thankfulness. I find won
derful condescension and support administered in all
times of need, though the path is a very humiliating one.
Poole, 30th of Eighth Month, 1830.
O ! the good Master, whom we are longing to

serve, though in abundant weakness, is not wanting to
extend his help in every needful season ; so that from
time to time, He raises the acknowledgment of gratitude,
and renews the desire to be entirely resigned to His will
and disposal. We have been kindly received every-
* He was united with his friend J. F. Marsh in the service.

1830.] CHAPTER XIII. 241
where, and I trust have been preserved from hurting
the good cause, or those that love it. My health and
spirits are tolerable ; and though the weight of things
feels awful, yet eyeing the Lord's mercy, I seem lifted
over selfishness in some degree, and am careful .for
nothing. Horsham, 1st of Tenth Month, 1830.
— I trust I do feel, however inadequately, that it
is through renewed mercy and' favour I am here, and
again made willing to do and to suffer, whatever may
be meted out for me, if it be but for the Lord's precious
cause and to His glory. O ! saith my soul, that the
dwelling of each one of us may be so near the right
spot, that we may not only truly and fully discern, but
appreciate, what may make for our own peace, and our
progress heavenward. However heavily the hand of
the Lord may in any wise be laid upon us, is it not for
good, and should we not even kiss it, as well as bear
and submit ? It is but little, very little, that we can
give up, and but for a short season, unto Him, who
hath given us all things that we hold dear : 0 ! then,
that we may prize and cherish the privilege of lending
to the Lord ; who will assuredly love the cheerful giver,
and restore and enhance his own gifts to such with
increase. We have had a sweet, precious, uniting season
together this day, not only in meeting, but since ; and
though with myself it has not been a high day, yet
I have been sensible of that which has stayed and
sustained, and even animated my soul to run on with
patience. I am intending to be on First day at Godal-
ming, at the interment of a Friend, whose awfully
sudden removal will be affecting to thee: — when sitting
at dinner with her family, she was smitten as it were in
R

242 CHAPTER XIII. [1830.
a moment, and was a corpse in a very few minutes : I
understand a striking silence prevailed with them, from
the time they sat down at table.
Guildford, 6th of Tenth Month, 1830.
 Since I wrote last, I have been favoured to

get along comfortably, having been well in health and
spirits, cheerful in mind, and wound up in some good
degree, I humbly trust, to my business, from hour
to hour. I have been enabled to go through what has
come before me as duty, even with alacrity; so that
often the acknowledgment has arisen, — " By thee I
have run through a troop, and leaped over a wall."
Do not, however, suppose that I am unduly elevated ;
but am rather preserved in a calm, steady trust, and in
•resignation to the Lord and to His disposal ; desiring only
to do all his good pleasure, or that it may be fulfilled
and accomplished in me ; ever bearing in mind, that I
am not yet (so far as I can see of the future) putting
off the armour or harness, but have still to fight and
to labour, still to keep under this poor frail body ; and
in soul and spirit, also to seek to be sustained and
subjected in all things unto the end.
I attended the Monthly Meeting at Horsham, on
Seventh day, and was (notwithstanding the flow of
doctrine and exhortation we had had the day before)
led pretty largely to testify among Friends. I proceeded
to Godalming on First day morning, where the inter
ment was to take place. I concluded to join the
mourners at dinner, and attended their evening meeting.
We commenced the next morning visiting the families,
which we have now concluded, much to my relief and
satisfaction: after much exercise and endeavour for .a
long season to know what might be best as to this
service, and as to the time, I believe that I have been

1830.*] CHAPTER XIII. 243
well directed thus far. I feel that the Lord will fulfil
his precious promises, and be unto me all I stand in
need of, while I look unto Him in simplicity and faith,
striving to obey Him.
Folkstone, 13th of Twelfth Month, 1830.
 We have now completed at Dover, and have

entered this day into our labour here. 0! surely the
Lord is no hard master, and sendeth not any forth at
their own charges ; but is very graciously disposed to
fit out according to his own purposes : thus are removed
all sufficiency or dependence on any thing short of the
fresh and humbling ability that He gives. We have had
some precious seasons, reviving to our drooping spirits,
when even at the lowest ebb ; and we are bound to
rejoice and give thanks, and go on our way in faith,
with alacrity, and patience of soul, come what may.
Canterbury, 18th of Twelfth Month, 1830.
I hope I may again say, notwithstanding low

and trying seasons, we are favoured to proceed com
fortably on our errand; feeling where our anchorage
is, and what we have alone to lean upon. We have
been led into some strait places; but have always
found in the hour of extremity that which has carried
us through. O ! it is a comfort, beyond what I can
set forth, to be quitting a place, and feeling there is
nothing to regret having done or not done. We have
had some very precious times, and some have been
remarkably melted down, in I trust true contrition.
[He was favoured to return home from this close
and laborious service in peace, the 25th of Twelfth
month, 1830.]
r 2

244 CHAPTER XIII. [1831
To  .
Second Month, 1831.
— Whilst writing, I cannot well forbear express
ing something of the sense I often have, of thy deep
unremitted interest in the welfare of our Society, and
the sympathy which I believe, very many besides
myself, feel towards and with thee, under the many
exercises and engagements that are thy portion, and
which may be said nearly to absorb the whole man.
I trust it will not prove unwelcome, if I venture to
say how I have longed that thy hands may be
strengthened according to all thy need. No doubt
thou hast at times occasions of dismay and discourage
ment on various accounts: but it is consoling and
animating, to have the truth of the declared decree
sealed afresh to our wearied spirits, — " yet have I set
my king upon my holy hill of Zion;" and again, — " the
enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs, into
smoke shall they consume away." Be assured there
are many with thee, (and with others that desire to be
true-hearted labourers,) when and wherein thou little
thinkest this to be the case : and though the fathers and
mothers in our Israel be removed, without any doubt, it
is the same almighty, all-wise hand, who removes these,
that is able of the stones to raise up children. It is
often remarkable, how from time to time the Head of
the church, possibly after a time of treading down and
humiliation, raises up instruments and aids in all the
different offices, one here and another there ; even so,
that we cannot find any cause to murmur against "the
good man of the house," although it be according
to His own purposes, grace, and goodwill, and not
according to our mere human apprehensions of what
would be best. Thus he renews the face of bis earth
spiritually, and brings forth a song in the hearts of his

1832.] CHAPTER XIII. 245
children, somewhat similar to those beautiful words in
Psalm lxxxix. 6, 7, 8, 16, 17 verses. — "Who in the
heaven can be compared unto the Lord," &c.
1831. — 0 ! the glory, the excellency of the power and
wisdom and truth of our God and Saviour! How
was he manifested, and his grace and goodness, and
plenteous redemption, when the groans and cries of
some of his poor oppressed and exercised ones went
up as mingled clouds of incense ! " For the sighing
of the poor, for the cry of the needy now will I arise,
said the Lord." When things are apparently at the
lowest, — when our prayers seem to return into our own
bosom, — when the heavens are wrapt in thick folded
curtains of darkness, then the coming of the Lord
on high is often as the vivid lightning, enlightening
the skies, from the east to the west ; in effect declaring
to poor mortals, that it is He alone who can create
light and darkness, — can cause the light to shine in
and out of darkness, — and can turn the night season
spiritually into the noon-day.
1832, 14th of First Month.
— Employed on Jaffray nine hours. Some days
this week, I was exceedingly stripped, low, and tempted,
almost beyond measure: but on Fourth day, had a
good meeting, and a sweet silent opportunity with a
young person who has applied for membership. These
words were impressed on my mind, " If ye abide in
me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye
will, and it shall be done unto you."
1832, 21s* of Fifth Month.
— I resume these notes, and it is under a sense,

246 CHAPTER XIII. [1832.
greater if possible than ever, of my incompetency to
set forth my many feelings and exercises, either in
reference to my own condition, or that of the gathered
church with whom I associate. I cannot recur in this
place to what has transpired, since I last wrote in
this little book ; suffice it to say, my soul does feebly
desire to bless the great name of the Lord, my Saviour,
for the very thought and hope now presented before
me— that because He lives, I live also. To be preserved
alive in the Truth unto this day, and once more to
meet with and recognise my friends in the Truth, in
the life of it, — this is indeed a favour. And to be given
to know, in any measure, what has aimed at the life,
and is yet seeking to devour, leads to some hope of a
complete deliverance from the snares of death. Ever
since I have attended this Yearly Meeting, my mind
has been deeply exercised according to my capacity
for the welfare of this people. As I proceed in my
pilgrimage, I trust my confidence is increasing, that
the great " I Am," the King of Zion, still reigns, and
will reign to the overthrow of all his enemies ; and
that He alone is equal to take care of his church, and to
overrule all things for the good of his little dependent
ones. Yet, 0 ! how awful do the times appear in which
we live ; and how awfully critical is our standing
among the various professions around us. Doubtless, it
always has been so, perhaps more so, than those of any
particular age may have thought. Every period has
had its dangers, its temptations, its responsibilities.
Yet surely ours are, if not new, very specious snares ;
and when I look around, I am ready to think, who,
even among the highest in knowledge, in faith, or in
gifts, is not fearfully liable to fall into some of these
snares. 0 ! I have this day seen, as I think, in the
light of the Lord, the eneniy endeavouring to deceive,

1832.] CHAPTER XIII. 247
if it be possible, the very elect. There are baits already
laid, golden baits, which, if they are not seen and
shunned, will even devour those who devour them.
I see not how some, who now take the lead amongst
us, will or can escape being carried away, as with a
sweeping flood, by that which they are now swim
ming in ; unless the Lord prevent, I see not how this
Society can escape being landed, yea stranded, on a
rock. Every day, every fresh occasion of witnessing
the spirit and proceedings of these times, convinces me
beyond all hesitation, that we are fast verging to a
crisis, — an alarming crisis, and a shaking sifting crisis,
— when every foundation will be discovered,— every
covering removed. And though many will say, " Lo
here is Christ, and lo there ! is he not with us, and do
we not own him and follow him? Yet a clean
separation will take place between the chaff and the
wheat, and nothing will be able to endure the refining
heat of that day, beside the beaten gold. 0 ! how
loose, how crude, how mixed are the views of many ;
how accommodating, how shifting is the ground they
stand upon ; how lofty and superficial is their edifice,
though beautiful, and apparently solid also. O ! for
more humiliation fasting, waiting ! O ! for less acti
vity, less self-conceit, less taking of the name of Christ
in vain ! May such a view of things conduce to drive
and keep me yet nearer to the Source of all safety and
of all succour ; that I may abide in Him, and grow up
in Him in all things, who. is the Head ! *

* These remarks will doubtless appear the more striking to those
readers, who can recal to mind the circumstances of the Society in
the next and the succeeding three or four years more especially :
the publication of the work, called the Beacon, which occasioned so
much painful excitement in the Society, occurred about the
beginning of 1835.

248 CHAPTER XIII. [1833.
[In the spring of 1833, he was first attacked with
an inflammatory complaint in the knee-joint, brought
on by a longer walk than usual, but aggravated it was
believed by a depressed state of constitution consequent
in some degree on his too close application to the Diary
of Alexander Jaffray, &c.,— this left a weakness upon
him so as never after to be able to take his former
portion of exercise, on which he had felt his general
health so much depended; the limb was kept for
some time under surgical care, and many means were
resorted to for its restoration, but without success.]
To E. J.
Croydon, 17 th of Eighth Month, 1833.
My dear Friend,
I must not longer omit assuring thee of the
acceptance of thy letter, which was truly cordial to
me; evincing that thy mind through all changes has
remained, as I trust, firmly anchored on that Rock
which cannot be removed ; and comfortably proving
to me, what I sometimes seem almost unable to
assume, that my own poor tossed bark is yet
preserved on the top of the waters, and this by the
skilful hand of the unerring pilot. Truly it is reviving
to know, that we have companions in this wilderness
and warfare; that we do indeed mutually desire Jo
walk together by the same rule, and to mind the same
thing ; and that no temptation or strange thing has
happened, or is happening to us, but what is common
to men, yea, even the best ; and that above all, He
is with us who can alone do all things for us, and
enable us to endure all things through faith, of
which He is the author and the finisher.
I earnestly trust, that thy mind is too much one with
the wrestling seed of Christ, to suffer thee to be in any

1833.] CHAPTER XIII. 249
wise moved away, from the humbling engagement of
filling up thy measure of usefulness, in whatever way
may yet remain for thee, or be pointed out ; even
that thou art endeavouring to be looking right on,
turning neither to the right hand, nor to the left;
suffering nothing overmuch to absorb, disquiet, perplex,
or divert thee from that which makes for peace ; and
pursuing the simple path of duty, wherever it may
lead. Ah ! how easy to prescribe all this, — how diffi
cult to get to that spot and to keep there, where the
yoke, the burden, the commandment are known and
felt to be easy, light, and most pleasant.
I rest as ever thy affectionate friend,
J.B.

To

Croydon, Tenth Month, 1833.
Thy letter, my dear friend, I believe I have
never acknowledged ; but be assured it was in all its
parts very acceptable, although it conveyed tidings of
a truly mournful aspect. These things, however, must
be expected, and those who are entering into disciple
ship, must bear to hear of what the Master forewarns
them they must endure. Though they " hear of wars,
and rumours of wars, men's hearts failing them for
fear, and for looking after those things" that await, &c,
yet " see that ye be not troubled ;" and " in your
patience possess ye your souls," is still the watch word
of perfect and divine Wisdom, coincident with the
.blessed experience of the Psalmist, — " My heart is
fixed, trusting in the Lord ;" by whom the very hairs of
the head are numbered, and everything overruled for the
good of his chosen, now as ever! And they are directed
in all their movements, so far as the Master has need of
them, in steadying the ark, or bearing it aright, with-

250 CHAPTER XIII. [1834.
out over much anxiety ; trusting themselves and their
cause, which is his, to his own keeping. We have
signs of the times enough to assure us, that tliere is
that at work in our poor Society, which if not averted,
may beguile and corrupt, if not shake us as in a sieve,
till we be reduced to a little remnant. O ! that we
may individually be concerned to know the will of our
Master ; doing neither more nor less, acting only in the
obedience of faith, making faith perfect, as saith the
apostle James.
Farewell, my dear friend : think of me for good, that
I may hold out to the end safely.
To John W  r.
Croydon, 5th of Tenth Month, 1834.
 Most fully do I and many more unite in all
thou hast conveyed in thy last ; and especially in those
clear views thou hast received to give forth (as I
believe) relative to the state of the church. My heart
salutes thee, and bids thee God speed on thy journey,
travail, and service ; desiring that no man, nor thing,
may hinder thee from doing all that thou hast to do,
in thy measure and in thy day, for Him and his glory,
for his cause and people, while life and strength are
graciously vouchsafed. O ! how often have I remem
bered thee, and thought of thee, as one whom the
Lord has made use of in an eminent manner, to uncover
and bring out to view the working of the wily enemy,
as it is this day ; and to manifest the path of the Just
One, and the work of God in and among his people.
As surely as I believe the views, which we have ever
held, to be according to Truth,— so I believe, that many
up and down are preparing to acknowledge and embrace
them ; and that the old fashioned testimonies which are
upheld in our early Friends' writings, will come to be

1834. J CHAPTER XIH. 251
admired and sought out. O! surely, there is a goodly
company without our pale, who may even take the
places and the crowns of those, (be they who they may
within the camp,) that desert the cause, which once
was dear to them, and which they honoured ; but who
now seek to undermine, lay waste, or make of none
effect ; endeavouring also to lower the standard, and
make it square with their own notions and practice. It
seems to me, that the snares and temptations are more
and more seen through by Friends at large, especially
the lowly, contrite, little, teachable ones — the poor of
the flock.
I have been absent from home three months this sum
mer in Cornwall, &c, having liberty for religious service
among Friends, as way might open ; and found myself
obliged to join hands with a beloved Friend, in visiting
the families of Falmouth Monthly Meeting. I have
had much occasion to notice, that, though the standing
of many seems in slippery places and on shifting ground,
and many of understanding may yet fall, there is
nevertheless a worthy remnant, whose hands, though
hanging down, I trust will not let go their hold of that
which they have truly handled, and which they know
to be their only hope, strength and safety. No con
vulsion apparently awaits us, it might be better for us
if it were so ; — no, no ; the enemy is wiser than to
foment this : — only let us be induced to give up the
true foundation for another, and he promises so gently
and peaceably to glide us on it, that we shall not know
it ; except that it will be less rugged and hard to flesh
and, blood, without any cross or struggle ; and there
shall be nothing taken from us that we may affect to
prize, such as our customs and traditions, our church
system, and so forth, — nothing shall be disturbed of all
this; and all the professors, and the world too, shall

252 CHAPTER XIII. [1834.
love us the better.  How instructive it is to see,
that the most eminently gifted instruments are only
really useful, while in the Divine hand and ordering;
and that the Almighty is not bound to work by them,
but as he sees meet: and he can raise up striplings,
that no flesh should glory ! It is the distinguishing
feature of this heresy, that it runs among the rich, and
the great, and learned, and the eloquent, and the gifted, '
and experienced. O ! that all who are not with us
would ' even go out from us, and show their true
colours; it would be more honourable, than to be
endeavouring to insinuate something else among us,
which our fathers could not, neither can we adopt, — nay,
which we have protested against, and came out from,
when we became a people. 
Thy affectionate remembrance of us is very precious;
and it is our sincere desire, that thou wilt continue to
think of us for good, who often feel very sensible
what poor unworthy unprofitable things we are, and
how we are borne with and favoured ! Farewell, my
beloved friend ; may the Most High be our shield and
exceeding great reward, and a very present help in
trouble !
J.B.

CHAPTER XIV.

To C. P. A.
Croydon, Tenth Month, 1834.
My Beloved Friends,
— I am ready to believe you would not attribute
my silence to neglect or want of feeling, were I even
longer to forbear to communicate by pen and ink. I
trust we are too much like epistles written in one
another's hearts, that this should have place. Be
assured, however, that it is very pleasant to me to salute
you from my home.
I visited dear W. Byrd, and found him comfortable
in mind ; he had lately been taken into the garden,
and was placed by the grave of his wife for a short
time. I thought him more bright, and clear, and
collected in his faculties and memory, than when
his wife was living. The retrospect of my journey,
leaves me nothing but peace hitherto ; and my only dis
quietude is, lest I should not duly estimate this bless
ing, with those also that have attended me throughout.
I think nothing has failed, of what it seemed given me
to expect beforehand would be allotted and meted out.
It has been an instructive humbling time ; and in this I
rejoice greatly, for there is no state, I so desire to be
preserved in, as that of pure dependence, fear, and
tenderness of spirit. I gave in my report to our
Monthly Meeting, and endeavoured to stir up the poor
flagging mind to faith, zeal, and love ; but things are
flat now-a-day : sometimes under a sense of it, one is
ready to say, " My soul is sick with sighing," and

254 chapter xiv. [1834,
" Oh ! that I had in the wilderness a lodging place,"
&c. Yet at other times, when favoured to rise above
a selfish interest and anxiety, one cannot but see it is
very needful there should be a falling away first, that
the man of sin may be revealed, and more and more
discovered, and that Zion may be more and more
redeemed through judgment, and saved as by fire. 0 !
may nothing in low and trying seasons be permitted to
intervene and trouble us unprofitably, either as to our
individual lot and state, or as regards our precious fellow
ship and unity in that which is unchangeable, or as
to the state of the church or the world ; but may we
continue in faith and patience to the end. J.B.
[In a letter to another friend about the same date,
alluding to his late journey, he says ;] — ' Though the
humiliations have been frequent and great, a sense of
preserving help has never been withheld in the needful
measure, and at the needful time. I have found no
wonderful enlargement; but in my little way, have
endeavoured to sympathize with the suffering seed, the
wrestling remnant, who are concerned above all things
to maintain the testimony of Jesus, by dying daily to
themselves. And the Lord will still keep these in the
hollow of his hand; and, amidst all exercises and tribu
lations, such will grow. May we ever be counted
worthy of taking our lot among this number, drinking
into one spirit.' To 

16^ of Twelfth Month, 1834.
— Unless we have forfeited our privileges as
Christians, and are utterly lost to all right feeling of
Divine help, is it not natural and likely, and consistent

1835.] chapter xiv. 255
with the provisions of Divine wisdom, that as our day
is, so should our strength be. And 0 ! the invincible,
the unutterable strength of the true faith, even but a
grain ;— it is calculated to overcome the world and the
transient things of it; as embraced and laid hold of,
and cleaved unto, it makes us heirs of life, and gives
victory over death. 0 ! then, what cause, and also
what ability may we find, even to " rejoice evermore,
and in every thing to give thanks," as poor J. Wool-
man told his attendant, — for this is, indeed, the will and
purpose of God in Christ Jesus concerning us, — that
thus we should ' glorify him in the fires.' Our busi
ness is to stay ourselves upon the Lord, and fully to
realize the truth, — that all things will be found to work
together, and to have happened, for the very best, to those
that above all things desire to love and serve Him. May
we more and more exercise ourselves in these views, that
we may in no wise be moved by these or any afflictions ;
but that the further we go, the more we may witness
of the Lord's wonders in the deeps, and be confirmed
in the experience of his mercy, faithfulness, and strength;
though it should be continually made manifest and
made perfect in our abundant weakness. 0 ! the times
and the seasons are weU left in his hand, who ordereth
or overruleth all things well. And in the present low
and trying state of things, it is not to be wondered at,
that oppression and obstruction are permitted to be felt,
to the bowing down of the very souls of some !
TO  .

Croydon, 5th of First Month, 1835.
Thy communication of the 6th ult. was very
welcome and refreshing to us. O ! how remarkable
are the ways of omnipotent Wisdom, infinite love !
As Penington somewhere says,— if its outgoings are

256 CHAPTER XIV. [1835-
stopped in one direction, it will break out with propor
tionate beauty and force in another. O ! what can
the enemy do, to hinder the glorious arising and irre
sistible spread of the gospel of Truth and salvation ?
He may vaunt and do great things for awhile, such as
may, if it were possible, delude and carry away the
very elect; and all the world may wonder at the beast:
— but the Lamb and his followers must and shall have
the victory ; and the kingdom and dominion are given to
the saints, even the tribulated witnesses and partakers
of that power and faith of Jesus Christ, against which
the gates of hell itself shall never be able to prevail.
Though it would be very pleasant to be personally near
to thee, and to the numerous company whom thou and
I have seen coming forth of the barren wilderness of
professions into the green pastures of life, and into the
quiet habitation where none can make afraid, — yet it
seems as if my right allotment for the present might be
far otherwise; and with that and every condition, I am
desirous to be well content, in the hope and assurance,
that while in this state of resignation, nothing can be
better for me, and all things shall turn to my good, and
tend to His honour, who is all worthy for ever.
It seems indeed as if the Lord was mustering his
host for the battle, — his little remnant, whom he ever
delights to hide in the hollow of his hand, while they
are singly given up to serve Him in true-heartedness :
sometimes also he signally commands deliverances for
them, though the enemy may seem to be coming in as
a flood, and ready to devour all before him. But
what, as thou writest, shall we say to these things ?
Is there not occasion for us, through all that we meet
with here, in everything to rejoice and to give thanks.
" The Lord liveth, and blessed be our Rock ;" " because
He liveth," whose mercies are so renewed to us, do

1835.] CHAPTER XIV. 257
we ' live also' from day to day, and have at times a
precious degree of hope given to us, that we shall
outlive all that can happen to us here, and be safely
landed in the end, where joy and peace abound for
evermore. O ! then, may we each in our allotment of
labour, suffering, or rejoicing, fill up our measure; and
work with a good heart, while it is day, — while we see
the way open before us, — in full assurance of faith and
love ; turning neither to the right hand nor to the left,
and endeavouring (for we cannot always succeed herein,)
to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of sound and
true peace. I rejoice in every opening and appearance
of good among any people; but I cannot rejoice in
finding a falling short of that, in which Divine grace
would establish all who know its teachings. Some
of us seem to be made more use of, in the way of
inviting, attracting, grafting and gathering, — others
in proving, confirming, settling and furthering those,
who are brought into the fold or planted in the
enclosure. I long that none of the labourers among
you more particularly, may interfere in their own will
and wisdom with the services of others, that our
comfort in the Lord, and one in another, may not be
marred. May we all be builded together, and seek
also to build up one another, in the main thing — our
holy faith, which stands in power, in truth, in love, in
peace, and in the abasement of the creature. O ! may
this blessed work, with you and everywhere else, go
forward, notwithstanding all opposition or misgivings ;
and may all that would let, with every weight, be laid
aside, and removed out of the way, saith my soul !
Whatever may be the good pleasure of Him, who
raised us up by the breath of his word, with regard to
our undisturbed enjoyment of those sweet privileges of
fellowship together,' as a visibly distinct body, of which
s

258 CHAPTER XIV. [1835.
we have so long and so unworthily partaken, it is
more and more clear to me, that the faithful, and
those that humble themselves in the dust before Him,
will never be utterly forsaken or forgotten ; — that these
will never be altogether disappointed of their confi
dence, though they have the bread of affliction and
water of adversity administered for a long season
and in large measure: — the Lord will still have a
people peculiarly formed for Himself, who shall purely
show forth his praise, and be enabled to lift up His
standard to the nations. Those who love our Lord
Jesus Christ in very truth, not feignedly,— and who in
proof thereof are given up to follow him in the regene
ration and daily cross, I trust will not be permitted to
be moved by afflictions, nor carried away by delusions,
nor exalted by abundance of revelations, nor turned
aside by the business or the pleasures, the cares or the
riches of this life, or by love of other things : but these
are concerned to lie low before the Lord, and to be
crucified with Christ; that so they may say in truth,
" I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth" and moveth and
reigneth " in me."
J.B.
To  .

12^ of First Month, 1835.
— I understood  to say, that she believed,
from the extensive opportunities she had had of
judging among all kinds of churches and professions,
that the enemy was busily at work to scatter and
divide ; and that, therefore, we had great need of care,
that we do not his work, by giving way to unfounded
or unnecessary surmisings, or misgivings, or apprehen
sions as to the existence of defection in doctrine among
us. So far from uniting with this sentiment in an
unqualified manner, it seems to nie, that though the

1835.] CHAPTER XIV. 259
enemy is busily at work, as has been said, this is not
all ; but that the Lord also is at work, breaking up
the false rests and old formal settlements of people ;
and saying to many, " Why seek ye the living among
the dead?" and his design in all these shakings, and
siftings, and overturnings is, that that which cannot
be shaken may be manifested and may remain ; that
men may see, that it will not do any longer to go
after the Lo ! here's, or Lo ! there's, in this or that
system of observations ; but that the kingdom and
power are to be found within. And so is Christ's own
language fulfilling, — " I came not to send peace, (that is
a false peace,) but rather division :" he is separating,
and will make a clean separation, between the precious
and the vile ; and is purging away all old leavens, of
refined error as well as open evil ! And we, who look
for all things being made and kept new, pure, and of
God, and who desire all old things to be done away
that are not wrought in God, should not shrink or be
afraid. We that desire to be searched and tried, also
to prove all things, and to be wholly given up to the
Lord and his guidance, should not give way to unrea
sonable or unwarrantable fears, lest we be doing the
enemy's work ; but simply to eye our Captain : — and if
He show us the enemy at work, attempting to insinuate
poison into the church, and put us upon resisting and
withstanding him and those deluded by him, — this is
not the work of the enemy which thus engages us .-—for
Satan never yet did cast out Satan. The giving place
to such fears, would lead us to esteem the guidance and
instructions of our holy Head by his Spirit uncertain
and questionable : whereas the way of the Truth is a
plain way, so that the wayfaring man, though a fool,
is not to err therein ; that is, as he looks to the Lord
alone, and does not lean to his own understanding.
s 2 J. B.

260 CHAPTER XIV. [1835.
To  .

8th of Second Month, 1835.
 May the blessing of heaven above and of
the earth beneath attend you and yours, — the blessing
which makes most truly rich, and adds thereto no sting
of sorrow ! This has been my secret petition in some
of my best moments, when thinking of you ; and surely
I shall be excused for telling you so. There is that,
which crowns all other blessings, as you well know :
— there is that, (let the thoughtless, the unfeeling heart
say what it may,) without which our very blessings
are of no benefit to us, and every gift of Divine pro
vidence and grace is liable to be perverted and abused ;
instead of being faithfully held in trust, and duly appre
ciated and applied, to the enduring good of ourselves,
and of all with whom we have to do. This is nothing
less than a sense of the presence, counsel and aid of
Him, who giveth us all things richly to enjoy, and will
graciously condescend to show us how we may use
these things as not abusing them, — how we may no
longer live to ourselves; but whether we eat or drink,
or whatever we do, may do all to His glory. May
this, my dear  , be the first object in our eye, the
very business of our lives, in all we undertake, in all
we have to pass through. Then shall we not fail of
that inheritance, which our dear Lord and Saviour .
purchased for us by his coming and by his death;
then shall we* be Christians indeed; and when our
little moment of probation is over, then the eternal
weight of unmingled joy and. glory shall follow !
J.B.
To Thomas E  s.
Croydon, Sixth Month, 1835.
No sooner was my eye opened to see the

excellency there is in the Truth, now just above twenty

1835.] CHAPTER XIV. 261
years ago, than I began to appreciate the blessed expe
rience recorded by those worthies, (our early Friends ;)
who in the same line of testimony were counted wor
thy, as it were, afresh to cast up the way and revive the
ancient simplicity of the gospel. Since that time, poor
and feeble as I feel myself, and unworthy to bear the
precious name by which we are called, — in the midst of
blushing at my own dwarfishness and abundant occa
sion of humiHation and of exercise, — I may say, that this
feeling and love to the pure cause of Truth, as professed
by our poor Society, has never slackened. How animat
ing it is, and comforting to believe, — as I have done at
this time, in the reading of thy letter, and observing your
exercises and efforts [in America] on account of this most
precious cause, — that the Lord hath not forsaken those,
who desire to cleave to him, with full surrender of them
selves ; that He is still near to help in the needful time,
to limit the power of the enemy, and lift up a standard
against him, and to overrule all for the good of those
that fear Him. O ! how little do we know of the
designs of His wisdom and goodness to his church : —
His people are permitted to be bowed down, afflicted,
oppressed ; — He chastens them, and minishes them ; —
and then (as the history of the church sets forth,) He
raises them up by his own arm of power, beyond all ex
pectation; — He even works by poor, little, feeble in
struments, and in unlikely ways ; till he has effected,
through suffering, the enlargement, strengthening, and
glorifying of the house of his glory. Isaiah lx. lxi., &c.
It is remarkable, that there is a numerous body of
scattered and hidden seekers, who have tried all other
ways, and retired from them more or less ; and who are
sincerely looking to the spirituality of religion, and to
us as holding up this view. By these the most primitive
productions are increasingly sought and prized. 

262 CHAPTER XIV. [1835.
With regard to cutting down some of our Journals,
&c, I have always looked upon this as a delicate or
difficult matter to do unobjectionably. We are too apt,
unconsciously to ourselves, to choose that which in our
present state and turn of mind we are impressed with, or
that which the present tendencies and exigencies of the
times seem to us to call for; and possibly (for often it has
been so,) to the unequal upholding of divine truth, or a
partial exhibition of the character and line of testimony,
which a Friend in his life-time maintained. This, doubt
less, can be much guarded against by a judicious hand,
and under best direction : but still I have been afraid
of paraphrasing upon, or extracting the experience of
others ; we may so readily give an aspect or colouring
different from the original document. There has been,
in my opinion, ever since the creeping in of degeneracy,
a correspondent endeavour to refine upon, to remodel,
and soften down the rugged plain truths delivered by
these ancients ; and I think I see this in many of the
publications that have of late years issued from the
press.  The more pure days of the church yield to
me much the most interesting and impressive expe
rience. 0 ! how is the simplicity overborne, even in
dedicated minds, now-a-days ; how refined, how self-
indulgent, and full of reasonings are we ! At what
a low ebb in many places is our ministry ; even
strangers noticing the change, and the approach to
their pulpit eloquence : Scripture words indeed there
are, yet often attended with but little of that authority,
weight, savour and life, which tends to baptize and
bow down the spirits of all, and to humble the creature
under the mighty hand of Him, who worketh all in
all. Surely, among many causes, our being so mixed
up with all sorts of people, sometimes for purposes very
good in themselves, has contributed to this state of

1835.] CHAPTER XIV. 263
things:— "strangers" to the life of Christ inwardly
revealed, have " devoured our strength." — Hosea vii. 9.
 1 must conclude with saying, may the Lord by
his power interpose, and show us whence we have
fallen, and preserve us from falling still more generally
and utterly !
Farewell! I shall be pleased to hear from thee,
whenever thou hast occasion or liberty to address me ;
and sometimes, at least, think of me as one that longs
to endure to the end, to hold fast faith and patience,
till the Lord say, it is enough.
I remain a poor and weak brother, J.B.
[In the third month of this year he became very
ill with a severe attack of influenza, and was reduced
to such a feeble state of health, as to afford little hopes
of his recovery, either to himself or to those around
him. In this very weak condition, he was desirous of
being removed to the Isle of Wight for change of air,
which was accomplished by slow degrees and great
care ; and at the end of ten days the improvement was
surprising. During the summer of this year, by fre
quent change of air, he was favoured to regain nearly
his former state of health ; but in the Ninth Month,
in returning with his wife from a journey in the west
of England, he was again attacked with inflamma
tion in the knee joint, which was so severe, that he
became from that time almost wholly deprived of
further use of the limb : great pain and suffering came
on, and it was not until many weeks after, that he
could be removed home. During this afflicting dis
pensation, whilst laid up at the house of a Friend at
Melksham, who with his wife, were very kind and
most attentive to him, he wrote thus : — ]

264 CHAPTER XIV. [1835.
I hope there is no cause for discouragement

on my account up to this time : 0 ! I trust I have some
sense of the tender mercies of Him, who deals gently
with me ! But I think, there is no need to express
much to thee, as to my feelings and state of mind, in
reference to this dispensation of Providence. Thou
knowest I wish to hope the best, and to prepare for
what may seem the worst, — to be prepared for all that
may be in store for me : and this is what I long for all
who are near and dear to me. — 0 ! how much occasion
there is to possess, as though we possessed not, and as
those that are liable to be cut off from any of these
enjoyments at a moment ! May we be strengthened to
take every cup as at the Lord's hand, and he will not
fail to sweeten it.
J. B.

To

26th of Eleventh Month, 1835.
— — " Day unto day uttereth speech ;" and while
every day brings with it its peculiar duties and trials,
there is enough of mercy and help manifested, to give
abundant occasion for the engagement — " While I live
will I praise the Lord ; I will rejoice and give thanks
while I have any being." Oh ! that you may have
found, and may always find, the Lord near to you
in the time of need, as your bow and battle axe,
your shield and refuge! I feel persuaded the Lord
would do wonderfully for you, and make you a blessing
to many ; that he waits and watches over you for good,
to build you up, and to enable you to build one another
up in the most holy invincible faith, — to animate and
strengthen each other in the good work, — to hold the
beginning of your confidence stedfast unto the end, — to
endure hardness— run with patience — war a good
warfare, and win the unspeakable prize of salva-

1835.] CHAPTER XIV. 265
tion. Faithful is He that hath called, who also will
accomplish aU that He hath promised, if we do but
cleave close to Him, and trust in Him at all times,
pouring out our hearts before Him, and giving up all,
even what is most near and dear to flesh and blood.
How much hath He brought about, how great things
hath He wrought ; — the strong men, the high towers
and fenced walls, and pleasant pictures hath He marred,
and the lofty city laid low. He hath in exchange given
to apprehend the simplicity, the excellency there is in
the Truth. 0 ! what a high calling, what a talent is
consigned to us! See that thou magnify His work,
said one : and O ! that our desires may be from day
to day renewed, that Christ and his thorough work
may be exalted over all, in and by us, — come life or
death, — come wintry storms or genial sunshine across
our path.
J. B.
To  .
13th of Twelfth Month, 1835.
 I hope you both live in a thorough willing
ness to come up to the help of the good cause. O !
what . a self-saving, self-serving spirit is abroad ; —
shrinking and skulking, instead of exposing all, life
and reputation, — laying down all for the brethren, for
the church, for the Truth, for the Lord ! May you be
strengthened and animated to know what is your part
and duty ; for some are to be saviours on mount Zion,
to turn the battle to the gate. He that saveth his
life shall lose it,— he that hateth not father and mother,
&c, yea and his own life also, cannot be Christ's
disciple ; — how awful ! Why have we not that holy
zeal, and weighty concern, and true call, to break down
the altars of Baal,— to wam, to rebuke sharply, to cut

266 CHAPTER XIV. [1836.
down deceit ?— 0 ! that I may be found, during my few
remaining days, fulfiling this course ; and through all,
dying daily !

J. B.

To Thomas E-

Stoke Newington, First Month, 1836.
My dear Friend,
I have delayed, longer than I wished, to answer
thy brotherly communication of Eighth Month last:
one indirect cause of which, perhaps I may say, has
been my own invalid condition ; which has laid me by
on the sofa for more than three months, a cripple
reduced to crutches ; and suffering some considerable
pain at times, but far more from restlessness, help
lessness, and various feelings of infirmity, not readily
enumerated. Inflammation which had attacked my
knee-joint near three years ago, and by which I had
been greatly tried, was renewed upon me ; and notwith*
standing all means used, I have not been able to bear
any weight upon the leg, nor to lift it off the other,
when lying across it, except by hand. Thus situated,
wearisome days and nights having been my portion ;
attentions to the poor body have much taken me up,
and perhaps shut me out from much active participa
tion in many things that have been passing. Yet this
only in a certain way ; — for never have I had a livelier
interest, and as I think a clearer sense of the state of
things up and down. As ' the tidings ' reach me in
my chamber, of different movements and circumstances
that transpire, my mind seems permitted to travel on
into the future, and to see what some are contriving
and concerting to strengthen their cause, and to pos
sess themselves as it were of the strong-holds and the
passages. O ! the deceit and the workings of that spirit,

1836.] CHAPTER XIV. 267
in those that despise and forsake the light of Christ in
their own consciences ! Yet through all, though I have
sorrowful cause to believe some of understanding must
and will fall, yea, many tall and beautiful cedars, — I
never felt more strongly confirmed in the ground taken
by our early Friends, and in the belief that all will be
made (as thou expressest it) to work together for the
good of the poor little remnant, who are concerned
through all sufferings to keep to this ground. O ! I
often feel inwardly cheered and animated, in the midst
of the most gloomy prospects : for the power of Truth
is the same that ever it was ; and the Lord can con
found, even by feeble instruments and unlikely means.
It matters not through whom help comes, so that it
comes from Him that made heaven and earth, and has
set a bound to the roaring waves. Ah! I often think
of the language of one of our ancients on his death
bed, — ' The Spirit that now lives and reigns in me,
shall yet break forth in thousands :' — and this is my
full belief, even if the number of active and influen
tial members in our Yearly Meeting, were greatly
diminished or even swept away. O ! the Lord can
turn the fruitful field into barrenness, and make the
desert to blossom as the rose.
J. B.

To

Stoke Newington, 2nd of Second Month, 1836.
• I can truly say, that with me often there has

been no want of feeling and sympathy, where I have
been but little drawn forth into expression, perhaps
checked in myself from it : not that there are in the
mind unpleasant reserves in such cases; but on the
contrary, this course naturally leads to great plainness,
undisguised simplicity, and honesty towards all. It is

268 CHAPTER XIV. [1836.
in my view of much importance, to endeavour to main
tain entire the " uncorruptness," the genuineness, the
unsophisticated artlessness, which is of the Truth.
Every little habit, every compliance with custom in
things that are thought indifferent, and which trenches
upon these, endangers the tender principle of life ; and
indirectly, perhaps almost imperceptibly, lands us in
bondage, impedes us in a straight forward, unaffected
course of acting, thinking, and judging. Thus the
mind and character becomes involved and prejudicially
affected. The character of George Fox is as good
an illustration as I can give, of what I desire in this
respect for myself and for my friends.  If I might
venture to throw in a little counsel, who am sensible
that I also am not above the need of it most certainly,
— I would say, in a very tender feeling with thee,
under whatever occasion of disquietude, — ' Look not
so much at them, as for the poor mind to be much
taken up therewith ; endeavour to look over them up
to Him, who orders all things that concern us, and
will not lay any thing out for us to pass through, but
what is really needful for us. Do not let us dwell too
much upon anything that happens to us ; but let us
simply seek to be conducted through the circumstances
that attend us, and our allotted conflicts, with fiHal sim
plicity of submission, and in a cheerful surrender of
our all into the hands of our tender Shepherd and Pre
server, our Father, and ever constant Friend. When we
reflect upon the low condition we are in, it is seen to
be a great mercy, that we are not left to ourselves ; but
are led about and instructed by many painful dispen
sations. And when we look at the trials of the faithful
in all ages, bitter almost in proportion to their faithful
ness, — also at the sufferings of the Church as well as of
the Head of the Church; what are we that we should

1836.] CHAPTER XIV. 269
be spared, — or rather what are we, that we should be
honoured with them ? How light are our grievances,
how great are our privileges and mercies, how gently
are we dealt with : we are as way-ward children, that
are ready to complain, if aught be taken from us, with
which we might have injured ourselves. Ah! like
as a father or a mother pitieth her babe, so doth He,
who watcheth over us for good !  J.B.
To  .
8th of Second Month, 1836.
— "I will show him how great things he must
suffer for my name's sake;" — and great tribulations
must be passed through, in order to have our gar
ments washed and kept clean, in and by the blood
of the Lamb : — and these have often the sentence
of death in themselves, that they should not trust
in themselves, nor in any other, but in the Lord
Jesus Christ. Bonds and afflictions may, and must
await them ; yet none of these things move them, for
they know they are appointed thereunto, even as it was
appointed unto their Captain to be made perfect through
suffering. Indeed it is by these dispensations they live ;
that is, through their submission and faithfulness in
them ; and in all these things, the spiritual life is exer
cised, maintained, and even raised; though they, as
poor worms, may be trampled upon and be very low in
their own estimation, and may be ready often to say,
' Surely I shall go softly all my days, in the bitterness
of my spirit.' Well, I long greatly for thee, as for my
own soul, and for every one that is raised up, to stand as
a monument of mercy, truth, and righteousness, in and
unto the church, — that neither heights, nor depths, prin
cipalities, nor powers, things present, nor things to
come, may ever be able to separate us from that clear

270 CHAPTER XIV. [1836.
manifestation of Divine love, in which we have felt near
to Him, who has visited our souls, and one to another.
May we, my dear friend, and all that are near and dear
to each of us in the covenant of light and life, go
onward in that faith which gives the victory ; laying
aside every weight, every hindering thing, every dis
couragement ; enduring and holding out to the end of
all these bonds, trials, temptations, humiliations, fast
ings, bruises, or occasions of disquietude, that may
attend ; esteeming nothing strange, which may prove
even as a fiery trial; but rather counting it all joy, that
we are found worthy to suffer in anywise for His cause,
who suffered so much before us and for us, that He
might open us a way out of this prison-house and place
of proving. O ! my dear friend, my mind is en
larged, and my eye opened to see something of the
excellency of that quiet habitation, where none can
make afraid ; where the Lord is " our peace," having
ordained peace for us, and being the portion of our
cup : though the earth be removed, and the mountains
carried away, our hearts are then fixed and stayed;
though a host encamp against us, — " though thou thy
self slay me, yet will I trust in thee ;" — " though I
walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me ;" —
" though I pass through the valley of the shadow of
death, I will fear no evil," for even there shall thy right
hand lead me, and help me, and save me. It is in my
best moments, when such considerations as these weigh
duly and fully upon my poor weak spirit, that I feel that
the present afflictions are comparatively light indeed.
However dark may appear to be the heavens above,
— however inclement the elements around, — though
the proud waters may seem to come in unto our own
souls as individuals, — and the church labouring and
tossing like a little vessel in the mighty deep ; — yet the

1836.] CHAPTER XIV. 271
Governor being on board, the Controller of winds and
waves, He is engaged to conduct her safely through
all that He permits or appoints ; and not one of those
who commit themselves to Him, is made desolate.
Doubtless many will fall on the right hand, and on the
left ; for it seems a time of sifting and shaking, and
but only just begun. But I must not distress thee, —
no, no, — cheer up ; for if Jerusalem become as heaps,
our holy invincible Head can raise up the stones of the
street to be children, can comfort all her waste places,
and make the streets thereof full of boys and girls
playing, as the prophet says: — "therefore," adds he,
" love the Truth and peace ;" — so will I save you, and
ye shall be a blessing : " fear not, but let your hands
be strong." 
J. B.

To

Stoke Newington, 19th of Second Month, 1836.
My dear Friend,
It is a pleasure to greet such as thyself and dear
husband, with others in your parts, who retain, or are
endeavouring to maintain, your integrity uncorrupted,
uninfluenced by the changeable principles, and shifting,
manoeuvring, unworthy motives, and line of action, so
manifestly prevalent in our day, and in our borders.
Ah ! I have thought, (and the thought springs up afresh
while I write,) — what made them what they were, and
what alone can preserve any ? If they deny and turn
away from this holy principle of light and life, what must
they not come to, whoever they be ; — whatever station,
gifts, &c. they may possess, or have possessed. And is
it anything very strange, that the consequences should
be commensurate with the cause ; and that wherever a
wrong spirit is let in, it should eat as doth a canker,

272 CHAPTER XIV. [1836.
and spread as a leprosy ? Well, these things are come
to pass, as some foresaw and foretold ; and unless stopped
or limited by an overruling hand, they seem likely yet
to extend. It is not Beaconism merely, any more than
it was Hicksism alone, that the enemy has a preference
for, as if he had no other forms of delusion, or removes
from the Truth, and semblances of it, wherewith to
tempt the church. When discovered in one shape, he
will put on another, — any thing, it matters not how
refined, beautiful, and apparently excellent, — if it but
be not the very " Truth as it is in Jesus."— But I trust
and believe you know this ; and are perfectly and suf
ficiently taught, according to your need and according
to your measure, to be aware of his devices. Ah ! no
divination can prevail against the humble, teachable
followers of our Lord : they are preserved in the hollow
of his hand, and under his wing ; and he delights to
tabernacle with them.  0 ! that nothing may turn
these aside from following on to know the Lord in the
way that he leads, the good old way, in the footsteps of
the flock ; whose faith they may safely follow.
J.B.
To 
19th of Third Month, 1836
Thy last called forth many a fervent aspira

tion for our mutual preservation, support, and advance
ment. Ah! we must cleave to our only sure refuge,
our strong-hold, our very present helper, — and then all
will be well ; and we shall be conducted through all
our exercises and strait, places, receiving the end of our
faith. 0! it is sweet to be permitted in travelling
along this weary land, — to give and receive a greeting in
spirit, — to be refreshed together as before the Lord, and
to be made to feel that we are members one of another;
— that we are not without companions in warfare and

1836.] CHAPTER XIV. 273
suffering; and cheered up by the countenance of a
friend, by even a few lines, or by a hearty extension of
the right hand of fellowship. It reminds me of David,
and of his friend Jonathan, who " strengthened his
hand in God ;" and we may instructively, and without
presumption, refer to the circumstances of these indi
viduals, with some degree of application to our own
case. 0 ! the trials and strait places, in which some
of us are placed in the present day : — and how clear
does it appear, that if we flinch not, but are faithful
to all that the Lord requires of us, to be, to do,
and to suffer for his cause and people, we shall be
made instruments, in our measure, to carry forward
his good work, to stand in the breach, and to be (what
ever we may think of ourselves) as saviours on mount
Zion, to judge the mount of Esau, yea, to turn the
battle to the gate. The Lord will assuredly, in his own
time and way, send deliverance for his little ones, for the
Lamb and his followers must have dominion and victory.
Those who are engaged on the Lord's side, and bound
to stand by and uphold his pure cause, cannot escape
the peculiar notice of the all-seeing eye of the Cap
tain of salvation; who will not fail to promote, to
honour, to make use of, and to dignify, His true-hearted,
firm-handed soldiers. So look ye to it,— and O ! my
soul, look thou to it, — that we lose not any portion of
that weight of glory, which the Lord designs for us;
—any portion of that line of usefulness, or of suffering,
which should devolve upon us. Let us not plead any
excuses, whether it be trade, family, our own mean
ness or insignificance; nor yet like one of old, say to the
servant ofthe Lord, " If thou wilt go with me, then I
will go;" &c— lest it be said, " the joumey," or the
proceeding " shall not be for thine honour." 0 ! for
an unreserved sacrifice, and a going on in the strength
T

274 CHAPTER XIV. [1836.
of the Lord, which is made perfect in weakness ; — and
also a standing still in the true faith, to see and to
wait for his salvation revealed, and his arm made bare
for our help. I may assure thee, my dear friend, that
thy exercises and self-humiliating baptisms are only
such as are common to us all, and no more than need
ful for the best of us, — to drive us home to the pre
serving power, to lay us low and keep us there ; and
are rather marks, how tenderly and closely our holy
Head and High Priest, our keeper and shade upon the
right hand, hedges us about, as Satan said was Job's
favoured lot; not leaving us to ourselves, as we are
ready to suppose; but constantly interposing with His
fatherly chastenings and stripes ; — because He loves us,
and hath a purpose of his own glory in our close prov
ing and refining, as his choice jewels and gold of Ophir.
Dear  , believe it is even so, in all thy overturnings
and tossings. Ah ! would He have received a burnt-
offering at our hands, and would He have shown us all
these things, if He were displeased and ready to reject
us ? as Manoah's wife pleaded. Yea, though He slay
thee, trust in Him ; — humble thyself low before him, and
in due season all wUl work together for thy exceeding
good, — for thy great enlargement in the things of God.
Therefore, be patient unto the coming, and through all
the dispensations, of thy wonderful Counsellor.  1
believe the little ones have no cause unduly to fear, or to
let in discouragement and doubts. However, though
we may be permitted to be trampled upon and broken
to pieces, yet the blessed Truth will outlive it all.
To J. B  , Cornwall.
Stoke Newington, 29th of Third Month, 1836.
My beloved Friend,
— It, is a blessed privilege to be given to drink

1836.] chapter xiv. 275
into one Spirit, and to be renewedly baptized together ;
so that, whatever apparent occasions of interruption
come between, or clouds of temptation, floods of afflic
tion, mountains of opposition, wild wastes and howling
wildernesses, — we know that the Lord is over all ;— we
know in whom we have believed; — we know we
have passed from death unto life, because we love the
brethren ; and we know that He is able to keep that
which we have committed unto Him. Although since
thou wrote, I have had my portion of trial in many
respects, more than my outward allotment seemed to
bring with it ; in looking back, however, although my
tears have at times been as it were my meat day and
night, yet the Lord hath not been wanting to com
mand His loving-kindness in the day time, and in the
night season too ; His song has been with me, and my
prayer has been to the God of my life. I am even
ready to think, that it is through the prayers of many,
more fit to plead prevailingly than myself, that I am
now in the land of the living, bodily and spiritually
too ; — and as earnest and as willing at least, if not as
able as ever I was, to wield the weapons of our warfare,
in a cause dear to me as life itself, because crowned
with immortality and blessedness. I cannot say, " I
shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the
Lord;" — but I can say, "while I live, will I praise
the Lord ; I will sing unto my God, while I have my
being." My general health is wonderfully upheld, and I have
no suffering in my knee, apparently nothing but de
bility from disuse and disease ; yet this I am continu
ally sensible of, that my times are in His hand, and
He who has laid low, can do as it seems good in
His sight, even "raise up and confirm the feeble
knees." O! what encouragement to present and commit
t 2

276 chapter xiv. [1836.
ourselves to Him under every dispensation, and thus to
be allowed to feel, that whether we live or die, we are
the Lord's. Under precious feelings like these, when
unable to attend meetings, I have longed to be pre
served, but as one ofthe wrestling seed of worm Jacob;
who, when he had rested on the pillow of stone, did
not forget to place it up as a pillar and a testimony to
the Lord, who appeared unto him, and spake com
fortably to him ; — even that He was with him, and
would keep him in all places whither he went ; and
would not leave him, but would fulfil all He had
spoken to him of. But what shall I say, "Though
bonds and afflictions " abide ; yet through all, some of
us are encouraged beyond expectation, and are obliged
to hope against hope. — " I will leave in the midst of
thee an afflicted and poor people, and they shall trust
in the name of the Lord:" — " a deceitful tongue shall
not be found in their mouth ; for they shall feed and lie
down, and none shall make them afraid." " It is enough
for the servant to be as his master:" — "where I am,
there shall also my servant be," whether in tribulation
or otherwise. It is a fine lesson to learn, in whatsoever
state we are permitted to be, therewith to be content, —
everywhere and in all things to be instructed.
The only time of late that I have beeD out to meeting,
was last First day week, when I had a sweet time ; my
mind was clothed with grateful and humbling feelings,
to which I had to give utterance ; — " O how great is thy
goodness," &c. There may be, thou knowest, a great
door and an effectual one opened, where there are many
adversaries. I am privileged with many visits from
Friends, visitors or strangers, and sometime have to
speak very plainly to them on our duty in these times,
which I believe is, to be honest, firm, and uncompro
mising. I have nearly exhausted my paper, and a

1836.] chapter xiv. 277
person would hardly know from it that I had so
many near and dear to me in your county ; yet they
know it, whether they see these lines or not, and
whether I expressly address them or not : we are as
living epistles to one another, while and so long as
the ministration of the Spirit is impressed upon our
hearts. Ah ! I cannot easily forget how my poor, dull
heart was made to yearn towards your dear family,
from one end to the other.
Parents peculiarly have to plough and sow with tears,
often feeling their own infirmities, and how little they
can do: but the Lord often interferes for their help;
and perhaps> when they are laid in the dust, brings
about and fulfils all their petitions, even to the letter.
My love to Friends, and to the poor of the flock, who
wait upon the Lord for mercy; grace and peace be
renewed unto them at all times.
Farewell ; thy affectionate friend,
J.B.

To

22nd of Eighth Month, 1836.
 Thy last seemed to convey a low account.
" Behold we count them happy that endure ;"— the
spirit of glory and of consolation is specially provided
for these : and however bitter the chastening may be
at the time, yet afterward it cannot but yield peaceable
and blessed fruits, to those rightly exercised, and
endeavouring to be given up thereto. The furnace is
even made and heated for the gold, and for nothing
else but that which is worth refining : therefore what a
blessed thing to be counted worthy to be chastened, as
a dear child of the Lord, and not to be left to one's self.
0 ! thou knowest not what are the all-wise, all-merciful
intentions of our Wonderful Counsellor towards thee,

278 chapter xiv. [1836.
and how he would work in, and for, and also through
thee. Nothing is too hard for Him ; and all things are
possible unto his simply obedient children who believe,
— He is able to do all things for them : these He will
never leave nor forsake, but keep in the hollow of his
hand, and as the apple of the eye. Not one trial, not
. one pang will such have to pass through, more than
there is a ' need be' for, or more than will be made to
work for good unto them, both here and for ever. 
My secret petition is, tHat you may each discern what
his good pleasure is concerning you, and concerning
each other, lest in any wise you mistake it ; and thus
miss of any thing that did really belong to you. May
you be wholly given up, and give up each other freely
to His ordering and service, whose gifts you are to one
another ; lest if there be even the shadow of a with
holding and drawing back, the Lord should withdraw
his hand so full of blessings temporal and spiritual.
We may easily reason away the tender gentle touches
of his hand, so as to doubt, whether they are the
requirings of the Lord; and those who are very
jealous of his honour, or clear in their discerning
respecting the standing and steppings and outgoings
of others, have the greater occasion to beware of
placing so strong a guard against all outgoings, as
to cramp or cripple either themselves, or those with
whom they have influence. These are days in which
the enemy would persuade some of us, that we had
better do nothing, lest we should do wrong, or in
our attempts to aid the cause, only give pain and
trouble to the rightly exercised by our meddling.
But O ! how otherwise is the fact ! what preservation,
what help,' what direction, and qualification, have
the simple hearted received, whose strength is made
perfect in an humbling sense of their own weakness •

1836.] CHAPTER XIV. 279
— out of weakness they are made strong. My beloved
friend, I must go further, and urge on thee to weigh
well, (but without undue carefulness, discouragement
or distrust,) whether there is not a call upon you
to double diligence in coming up, in a noble, dis
interested, unbending, and unblushing way, to the
help of the Lord and his church, — to stand in the
breach, and fill up your ranks, as those that are
deeply concerned for the spreading, as well as the
upholding ofthe testimonies of Truth. Ah ! it is high
time that all who have been awakened to a sense
of the state of things in our poor church, were ' up,' to
retrieve and turn the battle to the gate. The enemy
and his willing instruments are busy indeed; we see
the fruits springing forth on every hand ; and there are
few given up to withstand him in a true-hearted, un
compromising plainness and boldness. May we then join
in an unqualified surrender of our all, to the disposing
of Him, who would work in us and for us, and also
through us mightily, to the subduing of all within us
that would choose, or refuse, or chalk out our own line
for ourselves, entrenching ourselves in the rectitude of
our own wills and counsels : whereas, we should be
tender as the growing vine, and teachable as the
weaned babe, — no fretting, — but with mortified wills
even slain and nailed to the cross.  The time is
verily come, when men shall be, and are, lovers of
their own selves, I know ; but the time is also coming,
when, if I have any true vision of what shaU be the
end and issue of these shaking times, men shaU not
love their lives unto death ; but lay down their lives for
the brethren, forego their ceiled houses, their " plea
sant bread," and their couches of ivory, their boats
and their nets, and their father, to become fishers of
men, and count all things but loss. 

CHAPTER XV.

[In the course of the summer and autumn of 1836,
J. B. passed some time by the sea-side, with benefit to
his general health. Whilst at Brighton in the
Eleventh Month, under an apprehension of religious
duty, he addressed his Monthly Meeting as follows :]
To Gracechurch Street Monthly Meeting of
Friends.
Brighton, Ninth of Eleventh Month, 1836.
Dear Friends,
— In the love of our heavenly Father, my soul
at this time salutes his faithful children among you of
all degrees, who love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity,
and can call him "Lord," and bow before Him:
desiring that an increase of all spiritual blessings may
be known amongst us through Him, our Head and
High Priest, and only hope of glory.
It seems best for me to acquaint you, that while at
this place for the benefit of my health, a weighty
feeling of duty has revived and fastened on my mind,
to pay a religious visit to the Friends in this place from
house to house ; a work which, as regards a considerable
portion of this Quarterly Meeting, I was enabled to
perform some few years ago, but did not then see my
way further, so as to embrace this particular meeting,
and a few others. Should you, on a solid consideration
of my concern and situation, think it right to make
way at this time for the relief of my mind herein, it

1836.] CHAPTER XV. 281
may be safest for me to request the liberty to extend
the family visit, should this seem required, to a few
small meetings in this Quarterly Meeting.
Desiring we may all be kept patiently and diligently
attentive to the voice of the true and tender Shepherd,
I bid you affectionately farewell. J.B.
[In the Twelfth Month, he returned to his Monthly
Meeting the certificate granted for the above service ;
acknowledging the goodness of the Lord in helping
and sustaining him on his way, and in favouring him
with the reward of peace on his return home. He paid
visits to nearly all the families of the particular meeting
of Brighton, under circumstances as regarded his
infirm state of health, calculated to excite much sym
pathy on the part of his friends of that place; he
entered house after house, supported by his crutches,
and it is believed his visits were peculiarly acceptable
generally.] To  .
Stoke Newington, 3rd of Twelfth Month, 1836.
 Ah ! dear  -, as thou well knowest,
home is home, after such engagements and causes of
absence from what is dear to us in this outward state
and lower region : and home is home, in a higher and
better sense, blessed be His name, who maketh heaven
a home ; for without Him, where is the rest, where is
the refreshing to the poor, craving, immortal part?
These feelings, and such as these, while they moderate
or sanctify the use of earthly objects, heighten and
refine. There is truly nothing here worth living for,
without the good presence of our " Everlasting Father;"
but with that, and in subjection and resignation to

282 CHAPTER XV. [1836.
Him, every thing is to be received with thanksgiving,
and used with joyfulness, — come pain of body, or
conflict of mind, loss of wife or children, or dearest
friends, or house, or food. This is our calling, — this is
our privilege ; and O ! that we may hold it up to
others as such, both in life and in death ! J. B.
To a Young Friend.
24th of Twelfth Month, 1836.
 Rely upon it, my dear  , these associates
of thine, whoever they be, even if they stand high in
general estimation, are no friends to thy true interests,
thy best welfare, however plausibly they reason. The
very circumstance of their endeavouring to undermine,
or upset the almost unformed views of so young and
artless a person, is a proof of their unworthy purposes.
By thy own account, they are in "the seat of the
scornful," as David said ; and when the subtle poison
that is under their tongue, is in danger of being
rejected and exposed, they can turn off the conversation
with a laugh. But if thou art favoured to withstand
their crooked twisting arguments, be also very careful
lest their ridicule move thee in any wise from the serious
ground, the safe because lowly abiding place of the
real Christian. My advice to thee is, avoid such com
pany, shun such associates, trust not thyself to dispute
with them ; thou wilt not be likely to get good by it,
nor to do them good, but to receive harm in ways little
suspected. Thou art not to be supposed, nor shouldest
thou for a moment presume thyself, competent to enter
the lists of controversy ; it requires one to be well
grounded, rooted and settled in the right way, to meet
all the objections and cavils, that may be urged by
persons of more or less corrupt and uncontrolled

1836.] CHAPTER XV. 283
minds, who despise the Truth and its simplicity ; yet
who would, even with the semblance of truth, beguile
others from the reality of it.
" Be not conformed to this world," said the Apostle,
who knew that the fashions and customs of it are vain,
and pass away. To a mind disposed to avoid the very
appearance and approaches to evil, this text is alone
sufficient to induce a hesitation, a scrupulousness or
tenderness ; knowing that for every idle word he must
give an account, and that every thought must be
brought into subjection to Christ. But these liber
tines, who would think their own thoughts, and choose
their own ways and words, and also wear their own
apparel, must needs have things so cleared up to their
blinded and darkened understandings, that, like the
lawyers, no express (much less implied) prohibition
of Scripture, would have satisfied them : they would
shuffle from it and fritter it away, bending it to
their own wills. Whereas the spirit of Christianity
testifies, and has ever testified against such things, not
only among Friends, but more or less, and in different
ways and degrees, wherever sufficient clearness has
been arrived at, even from the earliest ages.
Picture to thyself any set of people raised up to a
deep sense of religion, and carrying out their watch
fulness and self-denial to all branches of their conduct,
and endeavouring to follow that exhortation, " Be ye
holy in all manner of conversation," — and whatsoever ye
" do in word or deed, do all to the glory of God," &c.
Would they not soon come to be distinguished from
other people, who follow the course of this world, or
who secretly yearn after their own heart's lusts, and
comfort themselves with trying to think there is nothing
in this and the other little thing, and that religion does
not consist in these things? Would they not soon

284 CHAPTER XV. [1836.
find themselves to be "a peculiar people," a singular
people, a very simple people; — their outward appearance,
their manners, their very gestures, restrained and regu
lated after a mode totally contrary to the generality of
those around them ? According to that striking pas
sage in one of the Apocryphal writings, setting forth
the language of the ungodly respecting the righteous,
so will it be respecting such a people or person as I
have described ; — " He is not for our turn, he is clean
contrary to our doings ; he was made to reprove our
thoughts ; he is grievous unto us even to behold; for his
life is not like other men's, his ways are of another
fashion."* Indeed it has never been any wonder with
me, that a people gathered and settled and preserved,
as I have hinted at, — or as Friends were, when they
found themselves estranged from the world at large, and
eccentric through this process of following their con
victions of duty, — should value this their privilege, and
these outward badges, which tend to keep up this
desirable distinction and separation from the world's
spirit. But they never set up a rule as to dress, or
any particular colour, cut or fashion, on the same foot
ing as the livery of the Monks, or religious orders of
the Papists, &c. ; they only left off their ornaments,
and such things as were a burden to them, as unne
cessary and unsimple :— it was the ever changeable
tide of fashion, which did the rest, and in time caused
their dissimilarity and strangeness to appear. But as
to the bare assertion, that George Fox and the early
Friends, would have changed with the times, it is a
conjecture which has its origin in the mere caprice
and inclination of those who say so ; and the contrary
may be as flatly and broadly asserted upon far stronger
* See Wisdom of Solomon, ii. 12, 14, 15, 16.

1836.] CHAPTER XV. 285
grounds, even upon the actual facts of the whole
tenor of their dissent, as exhibited in their lives, and
especially in their writings. The common consent
spoken of, is the very conformity they objected to,
— a consent of worldly men, upon worldly principles, —
not the consent of men redeemed from the earth. On
the other hand, all that have ever rightly given up to
make a plain appearance, and to speak the plain
language, &c, have done it on the very same sound
ground, and not merely because George Fox and others
did it. They, the truly convinced, have continued to feel
on the subject, as he did; and though the instances are
rare, as the mercy is great, and the work marvellous,
and no light and superficial one ; — such instances are
yet from time to time occurring ; they are the result of
cleansing the inside of the cup, that the outside may
become clean also. My case is, I trust, one of these,
and, perhaps, rather an unusual one : for I was
brought up, as thou knowest, in the entire disuse of, and
I even cherished a real contempt for, such singularities ;
until I came to see that there was " no peace to the
wicked," — and that " great peace have all they who
love" — " the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus."
Then as I yielded my mind to be in all things led and
guided thereby, nothing offended me but evil ; — nothing
seemed too hard to give up unto, nor anything to. be
slighted as insignificant, which in anywise contributed
to this heavenly peace and progress in what was
esteemed so supremely excellent. The cross of Christ,
that yoke he puts upon his disciples, was very easy and
sweet ; and peace was the reward of being faithful in ever
so little. It is in this way, I have been made ruler over
more, and not by " despising the day of small things ;"
which is the sure way, (as the Bible tells us) of falling
" by little and little :" of this we have most painful

286 CHAPTER XV. [1837.
instances now around us ; and even some, who have
deservedly stood high in our Society, as teachers and
examples to the flock, but who have even come to ques
tion, or have lost, all their former impressions and tender
ing convictions, — these are, it seems all gone, and almost
forgotten, as the early dew that passeth away, — and they
have turned, as the dog or the sow, to that which they
once loathed and rejected. And truly it is a striking
and unanswerable fact, that there has not been one
individual, who has risen to any eminence for religious
dedication in our Society, but has had to tread the
narrow and strait path ; and has had to attribute his
progress to giving up, in the ability received, to obey
the secret monitions of the Spirit of Christ, even inlittle
things : nor has there I believe, been one who has swerved
from this course, that has ultimately turned out better
than the salt that has lost its savour. " The fashion
of this world," my dear  , does indeed pass away ;
and as thou sayst, custom is capricious and changeable :
but Truth is the same that ever it was — unchangeable,
and never faileth ; and it will always stand by and bear
out those, who are of it, and who keep to it. " Wis
dom," we read, "is justified of her children," and of
few or none else ; and the natural man cannot under
stand or receive the things that relate to the Spirit
and kingdom of God, they are mere foolishness unto
him, while in that state ; for they are ever hid from the
wise and prudent of this world, and revealed unto babes.
Therefore, may I not fitly wind up, by subjoining to
that scripture with which I commenced, the language
which follows it, — " Be "not conformed to this world,
but be ye transformed by the renewing of your minds,
that ye may prove what is that good, acceptable, and
perfect will of God."
I would earnestly urge thee to press through any

1837.] CHAPTER XV. 287
indisposition or inertness of mind, and to sit down at thy
vacant moments to readPenn's, No Cross, No Crown; —
redeeming thy time from idle gossip, avoiding occasions
of exposure to unsuitable conversation, and either retire
and go aside, or boldly and simply take up such a book,
and go through it perseveringly ; entering into the
spirit of the writer, and bending thy mind to the sub
ject. The latter part of Jaffray, which contains the
history of Friends in Scotland, is another book which
would really interest thee. But after all the helps to
be derived from books or instruments, I trust, my dear
 , thou needst not to be reminded of the inexhaust
ible unfailing source of all strength and goodness ; who
alone, if applied to, and the mind truly turned to Him
in secret exercise and breathing desires, is able to solve
aU our difficulties, to relieve us of our doubts, to deliver
us from temptation, to aid our drooping resolutions,
and quicken our souls to run with patience the race set
before us, and to hold out to the end in well doing.
J.B.

To

6th of Second Month, 1837.
 When the will is slain, — when we can say,
" It is no more I," — then how easy is the task of
dedication, and how clear are the pointings, how light
the burden of the cross of Christ. Then self is of no
reputation indeed, and all crowns are laid down ; nor
does any snare of the enemy prevail.
The most unanswerable arguments, we of this day
can give to the gain-sayers, is, to live down their mis
representations : and the best argument perhaps for
the early Friends, as was the case with the primitive
Christians, is their life and conversation. At times,
the low standing and feeble state of those that have a

288 CHAPTER XV. [1836.
love for the cause of Truth, and the short-comings of
most of us, depresses me. Those who live within
the hearing of the shouts of the Philistines, are taken
and perhaps disturbed by them. I trust, such as  ,
however, know better than to give up to every " Lo
here " and every hue and cry, or to be afraid with any
amazement. We must keep low, — keep quiet; — minding
our particular calling, our inward condition, and feel
the Lord inwardly as the Rock and Sanctuary, where
none can make afraid. Undoubtedly it is a trying day,
a sifting time, — and I think must be yet more so ; for
though a few leaders of faction and of error have left
us, and have swept away a number of followers, whom
they have deluded, and who were not settled in the
faith, and some of these hardly knowing why they
belonged to us ; — yet of those who remain, 0 ! what a
remnant really are one ivith us ! And unless wonderful
mercy, wisdom, and strength, be manifested towards
the unstable, as towards all of us, — what can hinder
their being scattered and driven away.  Though
the Society seems somewhat relieved, yet grievous
exercises remain to be borne, — and a great deal to be
worked through and worked out, before this once self-
denying and redeemed people, can be reinstated to
their former brightness and ancient purity. The Lord
waits to be gracious, and I believe will hasten this
work in his time. And 0 ! that we may be so
preserved and strengthened, as to be made willing,
through all baptisms, to be instrumental in our day, in
ever so little a way or degree, to bring about the
period, when the salvation of Zion shall go forth, as a
lamp that burneth ! J. B.

1837.] CHAPTER XV. 289

To

Stoke Newington, Third Month, 1837.
 Time rolls on, and manifests things and
persons apace. So many matters have transpired, even
since I replied to thy letter of Eleventh Month, that I
can hardly recur to circumstances : but may we not say,
dear friend, that all our views and feelings have been
fulfilled and realised, or are fulfilling, as to the state of
our poor Society. The. conflict and contest is pretty
well over, with what was called Beaconism ; but there
are those still remaining,  who occasion the true
Friends great exercise ; being unwilling to go the whole
length with our ancient primitive worthies, but can
readily find them in fault. 0 ! I trust this also shall
in due season be broken up, and the testimony of Truth,
in all its completeness and simplicity, rise and shine
over all opposition.  Modified Quakerism cannot
stand the fire.
May we, or such of us as are permitted to con
tinue in the warfare, be preserved firmly and truly
bound to the good cause, as we have ever received it
from the beginning ; and may we be perfectly knit and
united together in the same mind and in the same
judgment ; even though we be left as a little remnant,
and as spectacles to the world.  ¦
J.B.

To

Stoke Newington, 31st of Third Month, 1837.
How many and awful have been the warn

ings and the tender chastenings of the all-wise hand
of Divine Providence of later times ; all (I sometimes
think) concurring with, and bearing upon, and bespeak
ing somewhat in relation to the spiritual aspect of
u

290 CHAPTER XV. [1837.
things in the church and in the world. " The wine of
astonishment," indeed, is given us to drink, in various
ways; yet the meek and patient followers of the
Lamb, who know in whom they have believed, and
that He is able to keep their all, which they are engaged
to commit to his keeping, are not left desolate, — are not
suffered to be swallowed up of over much emotion of
any kind ; they cannot be unduly " afraid with any
amazement :" — nay, truly, " all these things," they well
know, "must needs be, or come to pass;" and they are
so far from saying with one, " This evil cometh from
the Lord, why should I wait for the Lord any longer,"—
that they rather feel, "It is the Lord, — let him do what
seemeth good to him ;" and so in patience are .engaged
to possess their souls. May then the peaceable and
peaceful fruits of righteousness, be more and more
brought forth in us, my dear friend, through and by
means of all the losses, crosses, over-turnings and
humiliations; so that not only we "may be rendered
more meet for, and more earnest after, that fruition of
the end of our faith, which is endless, uninterrupted,
and perfect, — but even here below may be the better
qualified to fill up our measure of service, and glorify
the good cause and blessed name of our holy Redeemer.
There is indeed great occasion to believe, though the
evidences and tokens are, now as ever, sufficiently
obscure to try the faith of God's dear children,— that
His glorious cause is, through all discouraging circum
stances, still going forward ; and that His wonderful
and all-righteous purposes are fulfilling in the earth.
That this is substantially the case, should and must
be matter of joy to us ; and even make us at times,
when we are given to see and appreciate it, — exceed
ingly "joyful in all our tribulation ;" even though we
should be pressed almost out of measure, beyond

1837.] CHAPTER XV. 291
strength or hope, having fightings and fears without
and within. This has been the portion of the faithful,
more or less in all ages ; and I believe it will be so, till
the end come. 
Be assured, my dear  , I do much sympathize
with, and have often thought of thee in several respects,
both before and since we heard of thy bereavement. I
cannot doubt thou feelest thy loss greatly, at times
perhaps too much, though I hope not so. Surely suf
ficient support and consolation will not be wanting, if
thou dost not " refuse to be comforted." I want thee,
my dear friend, to endeavour as much as may be, to look
beyond thy loss, at the tribulated state of the church,
stript of many a son and daughter, — promising and once
thriving branches, but now withering and corrupt,
more or less dying and dead, yea, twice dead !

J.B.

To

Tunbridge Wells, 16th of Ninth Month, 1837.
 May you be strengthened and animated
from time to time, and your drooping faith sustained
and increased, to run with all patience and quiet con
fidence, the wearisome journey that is yet before us.
In due season our reaping time and shouting time will
come, for which we have sown in tears ; laying down
as it were our all, (0 ! that it may be our very all, — )
surrendering every thing that the Lord calls for at our
hands,— casting into the treasury even our mites, of our
penury, — being content to see ourselves to be very poor,
helpless, worthless, fit to be pitied, mere pensioners,
and dependents on the Lord's free mercy and renewed
blessing. 0 ! this is the state that draws down the
Divine regard, and, as it were, commands the rich out
pouring of those good and perfect gifts, which dignify
u 2

292 CHAPTER XV.

[1837. •
and adorn poor fallen human nature ;— which raise up
the brother and the sister of low degree, from lying
among the pots, among the things that perish with the
using, yea, from the dunghill of pollution; — and from
sitting like poor Job among the ashes of despondency,
to reach forth, to mount up towards that inheritance.
incorruptible, undefiled, and which never fades away.
It is prepared, it is reserved, it is laid up in store, for
those that are faithful unto death, who are kept by
the power of God through faith, and are not moved
away from the blessed hope of the gospel; continuing
stedfast, immovable, not soon shaken in mind, nor
shrinking from suffering, nor afraid of temptations or
v abounding tribulations ; — but enduring to the end.
I have been much comforted, while from home, in
reading many precious letters of our primitive worthies
of the first rank, who loved not their lives unto death,
but gave up all, that they might keep a conscience
void of offence, and be clear of the blood of all. I
hope (if life be spared, and strength given,) to hand
some, yea, many of these for the perusal of such as
can receive and profit by them. J. B.
To 
Stoke Newington, 27th of Eleventh Month, 1837.
My Beloved Friend,
— My poor and often tribulated spirit does salute
thine, even as deep answers to deep ; for I am ready to
think, thou hast from time to time to drink into that
cup of suffering, which the livingly exercised every
where up and down, in this day of treading under, of
rebuke, and of scattering, have more or less to partake
of. For, indeed, how can it be otherwise, when those
who have been as leaders and way marks to the flock,

1837.] CHAPTER XV. 293
and have seemed to be pillars in the house of the Lord,
are ready to stagger and to stumble, to be snared, and to
be broken. But I must not herev expatiate on my feelings,
as to the state of things in regard to our still favoured
Society ; but I will refer thee to my Preface to Pike's and
Oxley's Journals, to other parts of J. Pike's Journal,
but especially to his letters, and some of Deborah
Bell's, which show that times of trouble have befallen
our poor Society before nowT, in rather a similar way
and degree. Ah ! the same power can rescue his tri
bulated remnant, and restore the waste places ; nor will
He ever own proceedings, which are not according to
Truth and uprightness. I am inclined to think that
many have been, and are, endeavouring uprightly to
retrieve their outgoings ; seeing the palpable extremes
and consequences of the track they have been on : but
others seem not sufficiently warned and instructed to
return, in honesty and in earnest, to original principles
and practice, but are feignedly, and in part only, doing
so; retaining so much ofthe wisdom ofthe flesh, and
so much of self in a refined form, as they think will
make the Truth more palatable to our own people and
to others; thus shunning the shame of the cross, and the
humiliating process thereof. It will not do :— our all-
conquering Captain will discover and make bare all
coverings, and find out all his enemies, and pursue and
overtake them in all their retreats in the precincts of
and backways to Babylon.
J.B.

To

29th of Eleventh Month, 1837.
¦ — I may truly and sincerely say, that we parti
cipated in a sense of the loss, which many (doubtless)
even among the more distant connexions and friends of

294 CHAPTER XV. [1838.
the deceased, feel they have sustained. Do I say loss,
do I speak of deprivation, when those who have humbly
endeavoured to love and follow their dear Redeemer on
earth, are taken from suffering and probation, as we
trust, to their resting place in glory ? Ah ! we have
them still, if the Apostle's language applies to us, if
we are indeed come to Mount Zion, the heavenly
Jerusalem, to the innumerable company, to the spirits
of the just made perfect, to Jesus our Mediator. May
we then not sorrow as those, who have no such sub
stantial enjoyment of things hoped for, and evidence
of things not seen. May we be quickened on our way,
and animated by the cloud of witnesses with which
we are encompassed, still to persevere and run with
patience; looking unto Jesus, learning of him, leaning
on him in pure dependence and childlike simplicity,
— loving no one, nor any one thing better than him.
Being thus made willing to lose all, in and for him,
we may be assured of the fulfilment of his gracious
promise, of the hundredfold even in this life, besides
the heavenly inheritance.
J.B.
TO ONE OF ANOTHER PROFESSION AND A ZEALOUS
MINISTER'. 26th of First Month, 1838.
My Dear Friend,
It is time I acknowledged thy favour of the
21st ult., which has not been lost upon me. I accept
thy kind and sincere notice of me, and also of my books,
with, I trust, the like genuine Christian feeling. That
we have been made somewhat acquainted one with
another has been cheering to me, as one of those many
providential marks of favour shed upon us, through our
whole lives by the Author of mercies. It has seemed to

1838.] CHAPTER XV. • 295
me sometimes, as though our dear Lord and Saviour, in
condescension to our frequent breathings to him, the
Head of his own church, for the spread of his blessed
gospel of peace, truth, and righteousness in the earth, and
our jealousy for his honour, (according to our measure of
light and discernment,) — had caused us to come across
each other's path ; that he might renewedly show us, that
he has other sheep who are not of this fold, where we
have been accustomed with joy and comfort to feed and
lie down. That we should find, on near inspection of
each other's views on sacred things, many and impor
tant shades of difference, will not assuredly either stum
ble or surprise us. The ways of God in his works of
creation are higher than our highest thoughts of them,
as are also the acts of Providence ; how much more then
must we expect them to be so, in his dealings and dis
pensations with the soul of man individually, and with
his church collectively. Truly the workings of his
grace and power in and towards us, are infinitely diver
sified. But through all, what He looks for in us all,
however variously situated, dealt with, and gifted, is,
— that our hearts being quickened and renewed by
Him, should be turned towards Him, and knit to Him in
faithfulness, in true uprightness, to serve and to trust in
Him, with a perfect heart, and with a willing mind.
Ah ! how He touches, softens, humbles these proud, hard
hearts of ours, these fallen, but aspiring natures, these
froward, wayward tendencies ; and wooes us to be wise
indeed, by learning of Him how to be simple as little
children, — submitting, bearing, and taking His yoke
upon our spirits. How prone we Still are, to take back
the government into our own hands, by leaning to our
own understanding, by consulting with flesh and blood,
< — while we profess to be asking counsel of God and of
Christ ; and thus practically we shrink back, and shun
to offer up our all, as a whole burnt-offering ; but even

296 CHAPTER XV. [1838.
keep back the best part of that, which is often called
for unequivocally at our hands. Alas! in reference
to divine things, who is there that follows the Lamb
whithersoever he leads, or looks to the puttings forth
of the Shepherd's hand, and waits to hear his voice ?
Who is there, that, in all his proceedings and his
speculations, or opinions, says,—" That which I know
not, teach thou me;" "lead me in thy Truth and teach
me, for thou art the God of my salvation, on thee
do I wait all the day ?" Who is there, that takes up
the daily cross in religious points,— casting down ima
ginations and selfish reasonings, despising the shame
with the fear and favour of man? — who is not conformed
to this world even in little things, but transformed by the
renewing of the mind, and in this way proving what is
the Divine will ? These effusions, which arise whilst
responding to thy communication, I trust, will not be
deemed obtrusive, if they are superfluous.
After all, my dear friend, how near one to another are
all those, who being once afar off, are brought nigh by
the blood of Christ; who love him and his appearing, and
who follow him in the regeneration. They are brought
near to each other in Him ; they are baptized by one
Spirit into one body, and are given at times to drink
into one cup. Have these not abundant occasion to
forbear one another in love, if they do not wilfully trans
gress against knowledge and beyond faith ; for whatso
ever is not of faith is sin. Surely those that are zealous
for the fulfilment of what they understand to be the
command of Christ and his apostles, have great need to
see that they follow up all that is commanded — such as
to resist not evil, to respect not the persons of the rich,
as in the epistle of James ; — and many other precepts,
that are very generally made of none effect by religious
professors, and reasoned away.
 Ah ! to be able to say with the apostle, " I am

1838.] CHAPTER XV. 297
crucified with Christ ; nevertheless I live ; yet not I,
but Christ liveth in me; and the life that I now live
in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who
loved me, and gave Himself for me," &c. ; how full, —
how supremely desirable ! Then the wisdom of man
becomes fully subjugated, where the gospel, the power
of God, has free course.
Farewell! the Lord be between us, and with us,
henceforth and for ever. With Christian love to thee
and thy wife, and sister. I remain thy friend, J.B

CHAPTER XVI.

[In the Eleventh Month 1837, he laid before his
Monthly Meeting, a religious concern which had rested
a considerable time on his mind, to pay a visit to the
families of Friends of his own particular meeting at
Stoke Newington: much sympathy and unity prevailed
on this occasion, and he received the encouragement of
his friends. Under his very infirm bodily condition, he
could proceed but slowly in this service. In the Second
Month following, he believed it right to address his
Monthly Meeting : a copy of his communication will
best explain his views and feelings on this occasion.]
To Gracechurch Street Monthly Meeting of
Friends.
Beloved Friends, Brethren and Sisters,
Having now held a minute, granted me by the
Monthly Meeting for above three months, setting
me at liberty to visit the families of Friends at Stoke
Newington, it seems to be upon me as a duty to com
municate with you on it. In the movement I made
towards obtaining it, by an application rather unusually
sudden, and in that respect unexpected by myself, I
had, and up to the present time have had, sweet peace,
— an ample reward, (however unworthy,) for a sacrifice
which cost me no small degree of resignation of my
own will. I endeavoured to give up "in simplicity
and godly sincerity," to that which seemed to be mani
fested as present duty in the Divine sight ; and dared
not look outward in any sense or manner ; and therein
I desired, if a spectacle, to be also an ensample to the

1838.] CHAPTER XVI. 299
whole flock : for not one among us can, in my appre
hension, do better under any circumstances. On pro
ceeding in the weighty engagement before me, I may
acknowledge, that, although no wonderful outpouring
of Divine power was my portion, I was mercifully
favoured, during the few days that I entered upon the
work, with such a sense that the Lord preserveth the
simple and the upright, insomuch that it was as my
meat and drink, to be thus among my friends : hard
things were made very easy, and bitter things full of
sweetness ; a gently flowing stream of heavenly good
ness being extended in every hour of need, though in
a way humiliating to the creature, so that nothing of
the flesh could glory.
Endeavouring to look closely to my steppings and to
my Master's pointings as to them, I did not see it my
place to join any brother or sister, fellow-labourers in
the ministry, similarly exercised ; yet truly rejoicing,
that the Lord of the vineyard should be pleased to lay
his hand upon any, and open their way before them.
With regard to myself, the burden seemed greatly
withdrawn, and removed from me, even before I was
wholly laid by with indisposition ; and ever since, my
mind' has been altogether released from any further
obligation to pursue the visit, and now at length in a
way that makes me believe it safest for me to inform
the meeting to this effect, and to return the minute to
your hands. I cannot place this conclusion to any out
ward account, though my health and constitution seem
more than usually affected, so as for a long time entirely
to prevent my getting out to meetings ; but in my best
moments, I have the comfortable persuasion, and trust,
that He, who is no hard master, and lays no more than
is meet on any of his poor exercised children, has an
equal right to call in as to put forth,— to bring out his

300 CHAPTER XVI. [1838.
own purposes in his own ways, which are higher than
ours ; and none of us should demur against his good
pleasure, or say "what doest thou?" and the wonder
and the mercy is, that any are made use of.
In conclusion, it seems with me, my dear Friends, to
express to you my belief, that we have from time to
time ample encouragement, as a meeting, in patience
to possess our souls, to hold on our way steadily, and
to lift up the head in hope. Although occasions of dis
couragement and deep conflict have attended, and may
yet await the faithful and the honest hearted, these
keeping the daily watch unto prayer, will be preserved
and sustained, abiding in Christ, and being under
his peculiar notice : after they have suffered awhile, he
will stablish, strengthen, and settle them more and
more ; and will give them to reap in due season
the fruit of their often hidden exercises, both on their
own account, and on account of others. Thus, those
that hold the beginning of their confidence stedfast
unto the end, are made indeed partakers of Christ;
and the remnant who escape the tempter's crooked
Leviathan, again take root downward, and bear fruit
upward. Isaiah xxxvii. 31.
Desiring we may truly cease from man, and lean
wholly on the Beloved of souls, with the salutation
of love in our Lord Jesus Christ, I remain your friend,
J.B.
Second Month 19th, 1838.
P.S. — Should this concern return upon me with
weight and clearness, Friends may believe, I shall not
hesitate to cast myself upon them again.

T838".] CHAPTER XVI. 301

To

First or Second Month, 1838.
 Ah ! it is little we can do for one another ;
yet let us be willing to do that little which offers. I
often think how short may be the season, wherein we
may be permitted, or may have occasion for, the comfort,
aid, and support, one of another. Many opportunities
for giving a hand of help or a cup of cold water, we do
not embrace ; but we suffer them to go by unimproved,
or fritter them away in our intercourse one with another,
even with those nearest and dearest to us in an outward
or inward sense. Everything indeed proves what poor
creatures we are, and what a low, mixed, imperfect state
the present is ; — at times favoured with a few drops of
comfort, of strength, — a little grain of faith, of hope, of
qualification to struggle on, administered in the hour
of need, and in such a way, as utterly to hide pride,
and take away all occasion of boasting on the one
hand, or repining on the other !  0 ! if we did
enough cultivate our intercourse with heaven and
heavenly ones and heavenly things, and avail of
our privileges, remember our heirship and calling ! —
Why need we tarry here, — why should we grovel
below? instead of lifting up the soul, and resting
in the beloved !
• Farewell ! onward, onward, — the time is short, my
-brother and my sister ; — we linger for one another : —
let us press forward ; — and in due season we shall reap,
if we faint not.
J. B.

302 CHAPTER XVI. [1838.
To J. Jaffray, Scotland.
1st of Fourth Month, 1838.
Dear Friend,
Thy letter of the 13th seems, in conjunction
with my own feelings in reading it, to encourage me to
salute thee in Christian freedom. It was animating in
this wilderness to read such lines from one unknown,
trusting that we have but one object in view, and are
endeavouring to be found running the same race;
though occupying possibly very different posts, accord
ing to what has seemed to be committed to each,
respecting the things of the blessed gospel, and
spiritual kingdom of our Lord and Saviour. Ah ! my
dear friend, thou knowest not what a poor thing
thy correspondent is every way, — enfeebled in powers
and constitution, though but forty years old, — a cripple
on crutches these three or four years, by a disease of
the knee joint, and still longer disabled by the same
disorder, at times threatening amputation, and always
bearing about a most delicate shattered frame in
other respects. O! may I not say in every sense,,
' By Thee have I been upholden from my birth,' — " My
times are in Thy hand ! " — therefore, while I live will I
praise the Lord, and by his help keep my heart and
order my conversation ; and all my bones shall say, who
is like unto thee, who hast abundantly, and art yet
restoring, renewing, and redeeming my life, my best
life, from destruction.
Ah! if we do but hold fast the beginning of our
confidence stedfast unto the end, cleaving to the Lord,
who first loved, and quickened, and had mercy upon us ;
He will never leave nor forsake us ; but will perfect all
that which concerns us : and He will enable us to hold
out to the end, in faith, patience, and well-doing. I
have had for a long season a strong persuasion, that our

1838.] CHAPTER XVI. 303
dear Lord has a precious people in your country ; and
though many may be the impediments and snares and
discouragements, how do I long that there, and in every
place, " a pure offering" may be rendered, with as little
of creaturely policy or worldly wisdom intermixed as
may be.
But as to the chief occasion of thy letter, I am able
to give thee scarcely any information as to the Jaffray
family, beyond what my book with its notes sets forth.
 1 have from circumstances, and perhaps by
Providential ordering, got into a channel which I often
indulge in, to search out primitive zeal, — primitive faith
fulness unto death, — the path of the just, of whom the
world was not worthy. I do not love old things
because they are old, but because they are often more
intrinsic, less superficial. I delight to restore the
ancient way-marks, the foundations of many genera
tions, — to hold up the scattered and obsolete testimonies
to ancient purity under every name; many of which
are purposely put into the background, slurred over,
distorted, and destroyed by historians and the theo
logians of these degenerate days. I have a common
place book for my collections, but my bodily and mental
ability is growing less and less, and my opportunities
are few indeed. 0 ! that Christendom might return
to that state she once knew, — might recur to first
principles ; then would her reformation and salvation
go forth with brightness, she would be fair as the
moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with
banners ; and all iniquity and infidelity should stop
their many mouths.
Whether we ever meet, or write again, or are as
epistles in one another's hearts in certain respects and
to a certain extent,— may we, " whereto we have already
attained, walk by the same rule, and mind the same

304 CHAPTER XVI. [1838.
thing," and follow the things that make for peace ; and
if anything be further needful, I believe God will reveal
even this to us, supplying all our needs by Jesus
Christ; who is with his faithful followers, delighting
to reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth,
but in his own way and time, and as we bow to his
yoke and deny ourselves. I remain sincerely thy friend,
J. B.
To Peter Bedford.
Stoke Newington, 10th of Fourth Month, 1838.
My Dear Friend,
— I am on the eve of leaving home for Brighton,
if able; for I am very poorly, " feeble, and sore broken"
outwardly ; though I trust alive in my spirit as ever,
and resigned to all that may be in store for me. The
enclosed packet came to my hand; so I take this oppor
tunity of conveying my dear love to thee, in that which
changeth not — the everlasting Truth.
Though unable to mingle with my Friends in person,
when they come together for the sake of this blessed
cause, to endeavour to strengthen one another's hands
in God, and to build up one another in that holy faith
once and still delivered to the saints, — my poor mind is
as deeply, as strongly concerned as ever, that every
part and parcel thereof, with all its genuine accompani
ments and fruits in practice may be maintained inviolate, '
and that nothing be foreborne, or let fall, or slighted,
through our degeneracy, and dimsightedness of that
which our worthy ancients upheld through suffering.
 What has our refinement, religious or civil, done
for us ? and what has an approach or a condescending
affinity thereto done for us ? — weakness has inevitably
followed, and even the strongest and the wisest have

1838.] CHAPTER XVI. 305
been utterly laid waste. Some are not sufficiently
warned and humbled by these things ; and if they are,
they should openly acknowledge their error, and forsake
the very appearance of this track.
I am cheerfully confident, that if those, to whom
we somewhat look, as watchers, as seers, as standard-
bearers, as counsellors, are removed, (and they are
removing,) to their rest, — or, if any of these that
remain, should not keep their habitations firm and
undeviating, but turn aside in any respect from the
ancient testimony, — that He who raised up such a
people as we were at the first, will never cease
to raise up others, and put forth some into the
foreground — into the very seats of the unfaithful. I
have seen it wonderfully in my short day, — I have
read it of those that have gone before : and therefore,
let none ever throw away their shield, and weakly com
promise the trust devolving on them.
Farewell, my beloved friend; may the Lord pre
serve us purely to his praise.
With love from thy affectionate friend, J.B.

He left home on the 11th of Fourth Month, reached
Brighton without much difficulty, and seemed revived
by the change. Soon after his arrival, he consulted a
physician, who gave a somewhat encouraging opinion
of his state, thinking that with the returning spring
his bodily strength would increase.
During his residence at Brighton, he occasionally
appeared to rally; and at times seemed so animated
and cheerful about himself, that his near relatives, long
x ,

306 CHAPTER XVI. [1838.
accustomed to the sight of his crippled condition, were
little prepared to suspect that deceptive disease, con
sumption, (as it afterwards appeared,) was making
its sure and rapid inroads upon his delicate con
stitution. Our beloved friend, Daniel P. Hack, of that place,
who evinced to the last the kindest and most tender
solicitude and care respecting him, thus wrote at a
subsequent period concerning him : —
' When our beloved friend came to Brighton, it was
evident to his friends, who had not seen him for a
considerable time, that his general health was much
impaired ; and it soon became so much so, as to excite
apprehensions in their minds, that the life and labours
of this devoted servant were fast drawing to a close.
His mind, however, still retained its vigour ; and the
precious savour which was to be felt in his company
was instructive and sweet, to those who had the
privilege of -sharing in it.
' His concern for the cause of his dear Lord and
Master, which had so long shewed itself in fruits of
self-denying dedication, continued unabated. It was
evident to those who had the most frequent opportunity
of observing, under the pressure of rapidly increasing
bodily ailments, that the object nearest to our dear
friend's heart was, the spread of the kingdom of our
Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ ; — even of that king
dom, which is not meat and drink, but righteousness,
and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost, — and which
stands not in word, but in power.' — (1839).
He continued to decline, and very rapidly so during
the latter part of his stay at Brighton ; and on the
8th of the Fifth Month at his own urgent request, and
with the approval of his physician, he was removed to
Tunbridge Wells ; where he survived but three days.

1838.] CHAPTER XVI. 307
The day after his arrival, in the course of some
conversation with his kind friend, D. P. Hack, it was
evident that he believed his day's work was nearly
accomplished ; and in the evening, on retiring to rest,
his wife alone being with him, under a precious sense
of the overshadowing of the Divine presence, he sup
plicated thus : ' 0 gracious Father ! if it please Thee,
spare us to each other a little longer, and make us
more entirely devoted to Thee, and to thy precious
cause of Truth in the earth : nevertheless not our will,
0 Lord ! but thine be done.'
He continued to sink, but apparently without much
bodily suffering. On the 10th, he repeated these pas
sages, — "I am the light of the world;" — "That was
the true light, that lighteth every man that cometh into
the world ;" — and then remarked, — ' it does not say, that
we shall all at once know all things, but as we can
bear. 0 ! it is because they want to know all at once,
not as children learn, that the Hght is taken away !'—
And again, — ' They say there is no revelation; — but
that which is made manifest to us as our duty, as the
Lord's will, is revelation : — this is my belief, — I am
sure of it.' — 'They slight revelation; but it shall pre
vail ; and the Spirit of the Lord shall reign over all ;'
—(often repeated, with) 'the Truth shall prevail, — the
Truth shall reign over all.' — 'None that trust in the
Lord, shall be confounded ; but they shall be as Mount
Zion, which can never be moved, — for the mouth of
the Lord hath spoken it. — Praise, where it is due, and
thanksgiving, and melody !'
At another time he said, — ' You all know my desire
to be preserved near the Lord, — to be strengthened and
upheld by the Lord, — to be found in Him ; — this is
the way of peace.'
Again he said, — ' Simple texts of Scripture contain

308 CHAPTER XVI. [1838.
a great deal : "Walk before Me, and be thou perfect ;"
— beautiful language ! Such texts involve much, —
comprehend the whole of a religious walk, — the whole
of what we are in the habit of referring to in a re
ligious life. We must be faithful to what is made
known, — to the smallest discoveries of the light of
Truth.  1 trust we shall be animated and
strengthened to go through our day's work ; then we
shall find mercy at the hands of the Lord.'  ' Let
us then look to the Lord for strength at all times, and
under all circumstances.'  ' The Lord will be your
Lord, and a sure refuge and hiding-place.' 
' Cleave unto the Lord. O ! cleave unto Him ; love Him
with all your heart.'
To his sister, who was seated beside his couch, he
remarked, — ' The quiet habitation ! dear Lydia, thou
looks as if thou loved the quiet habitation : O ! how
desirable ! with an allusion also to faithfulness and
greater dedication.
His difficulty of articulation was great : — he often
spoke of the great thickness he felt upon him, that he
could not express himself clearly: and once he was
heard to say, k This shackled state ! ' and — ' ready to
be offered ! '
The latter part of this day his voice was lifted up
in a constant melody, and for many hours together,
like a song of praise ; during which these words were
clearly distinguished, and often repeated ;— ' O Lord !
dear Lord! come;' — 'I bless the Lord,' — 'I am the
Lord's for ever.' The name of ' Jesus' was often to be
heard; and the word ' Hallelluiah ! ' was for a long
time uttered.
He many times said, ' Let us all be still and quiet.
Let us be retired in our minds.' And again, after some
little attention to his comfort, — ' Now, shall we have

1838.] CHAPTER XVI. 309
the Lord with us ? if not, we shall have Him by and
bye;' and again sunk into the same sweet melody. 
On Sixth day, about an hour before his departure,
he roused a little from dozing : on receiving some
nourishment from his affectionate wife, he took the
cup ; and she asked him, if he knew her ? — he replied
with a sweet smile, ' Yes, my Mary.' She then asked
him, — had he any pain? — 'No, not any:' — was he
happy ? — ' Yes ; very ! ' He then lay down again, and
gently drew his breath shorter and shorter, till he
quietly and peacefully breathed his last, about four
o'clock in the afternoon of the 11th of Fifth Month,
1838; and we reverently believe, is, through redeem
ing love and mercy, entered into the everlasting joy of
his Lord.

London : Johnston and Barrett, Printers, 13, Mark Lune, London.