YALE UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY
Presented by
John Petheram, Esq.
1845

$urttmt ©ferfpWne Cractsf.

1 u

AN ALMOND FOR A PARROT;

A REPLY

MARTIN MAR-PRELATE.

32U.jiviutrtr from the 3SI»dt lUitcr ©Btttan,
WITH
AN INTRODUCTION AND NOTES.

LONDON:
JOHN PETHERAM, 71, CHANCERY LANE.
1846.

INTRODUCTION.

Although I cannot at this time bring together positive
and undoubted evidence of the authorship of the follow
ing tract, (because the materials are at present inac
cessible to rae,) at some future period, in the Intro
duction to one of his accredited productions, I hope to
place the fact beyond the reach of cavil or question,
that Thomas Nash, to whom public fame has given it,
was the author.
Nash was of St. John's College, Cambridge, and
took his degree of B.A. in 1585. He is supposed to
have quitted the university in some disgrace about
1586, but of the cause we are entirely ignorant. The
anonymous author of a tract called " Polymanteia, '
printed in 1595, thus alludes to it : "Cambridge, make
thy two children friends; thou hast been unkind to
one [Nash], to wean him before his time, and too fond
a 2

IV

INTRODUCTION.

upon tlie other [Gabriel Harvey], to keep him so long
without preferment; tlie one is ancient and of small
reading; the other is young and full of wit." Nash
himself speaks of his beardless years, in Pierce Penni
less; and Gabriel Harvey, in his Pierce's Supererogation,
1592, calls him " a gosling ofthe printing house;" and
in another place "a proper young man;" and elsewhere,
"a young man of tlie greenest spring, as beardless in
judgment as in face :" so that he must have taken his
degree of B.A. early in life, and we know that he never
proceeded Master of Arts.

It would appear from the Introduction to the follow
ing tract that Nash had visited Italy. Mr. Collier, in
his Introduction to Nash's Pierce Penniless [Shakspeare
Soe. 1842], says, "We find him [Nash] in London in
1587, in which year he wrote a very amusing and clever
introductory epistle to a tract by the celebrated Robert
Greene, called 'Menaphon,' afterwards better known
by the name of 'Greene's Arcadia,' the title it bore
in the later impressions. This seems to have been
Nash's earliest appearance in the character of an author"
[p. x. xi.], then adding in a note, "We take the date of
'Greene's Menaphon,' 1587, from the edition of that
author's 'Dramatic Works,' by the Rev. A. Dyce."
Mr. Collier apparently had forgotten that he had

INTRODUCTION. V
himself stated some years before the fact of the Arcadia
having been printed in 1587, "because in Greene's
Euphues, his Censure to Philaulus, of the same date, it
is mentioned as already in print." [Hist. English
Dramatic Poetry, vol. iii. p. 150.]
Whatever may be the date of the first edition of
Greene's Menaphon, we have here only to do with
Nash's Preface to that work, and, though Sir E.
Brydges, in his reprint of it in 1814, mentions 1587,
in which he is followed by the Rev. A. Dyce in 1831,
[Greene's Works, n. c. iii], by Mr. Collier above, in
the same year, and again in 1842, all agreeing to fix
the date of Nash's Preface in 1587; yet there is, if I
mistake not, internal evidence that it could not have
been written before the date of the first known edition,
which is in 1589.
Of the accuracy of the extraordinary facts which
Nash relates in the Introduction to the Almond for
a PaiTot [pp. 5, 6], I had expected to find confirma
tion in some book of travels of the time, but in this
have not succeeded.

Nash, in his Preface to Menaphon, addressed "To
the Gentlemen Students of both Universities, evidently

a 3

VI

INTRODUCTION.

referring to the Puritans, mentions, " tlie most poi
sonous Pasquils any dirty-mouthed Martin or Momus
ever composed;" oftheir "spitting ergo in the mouth
of every one they meet;" and, unless I am mistaken,
the following refers to Penry: "But when the irre
gular idiot, that was up to the ears in divinity before
ever he met with probabile in the university, shall leave
pro et contra before he can scarcely pronounce it, and
come to correct commonweals that never heard of the
name of magistrate before he came to Cambridge, rt
is no marvel if every alehouse vaunt the table of the
world turned upside down, since the child beateth his
father, and tlie ass whippeth his master." [Reprint of
Menaphon, in Archaica, Pref. xiii., 4to, 1814.] The
allusions in the whole sentence can only be explained
by referring them to Martin Mar-Prelate's " Epistle,"
"Epitome," &c, which were printed in 1588.

Secondly, Nash says, " It may be my Anatomy of
Absurdities may acquaint you ere long with my skill in
surgery." Now, the Anatomy of Absurdities came out
in 1589, and the expression " ere long " would scarcely
apply had this been written in 1587.
Thirdly, he says, " If I please, I will think my ig
norance indebted unto you that applaud it, if not, what

INTRODUCTION.

VU

rests but that I be excluded from your courtesy, like
Apocrypha from your Bibles ? "
This passage appears to refer to a fact which Martin
Mar-Prelate states in his Epistle to the Terrible Priests.
[Reprint, p. 4.] "The last lent [he is writing in 1588]
there came a commaundement from his grace into
Paules Church Yard, that no Byble should be bounde
without the Apocripha." Strype, in his Life of Arch
bishop Whitgift, admits the order, and takes some pains
to justify the Archbishop in issuing it, [See Strype's
Whitgift, i. 590. — Cooper's Admonition, 1589.]
The foregoing inferences, however, are confirmed by
the fact that there is an allusion in this Preface to a
work which did not appear until 1589. Nesh, in
giving the roll of English Worthies, introduces the
following passage: "I will not say but we had a
H addon, whose pen would have challenged the laurel
from Homer; together with Car, that came as near4
him as Virgil to Theocritus. But Thomas Newton,
with his Leiland, and Gabriel Harvey, with two or
three other, is almost all the store that is left us at this
hour." [Pref. to Menaphon, xviii.]

As Newton's Leiland is a work of unfrequent occur-

vln INTRODUCTION.
rence, I subjoin the title at length: "Principum, ac
illustrium aliquot & eruditorum in Anglia virorum,
Encomia, Trophasa, Genetliliaca & Epithalamia. A
Joanne Lelando Antiquario conscripta, nunc primum
in lucem cdita. Quibus etiam adiuncta sunt, Illustris-
simoruin aliquot Heroum, hodie viventium, aliorumq ;
hinc inde Anglorum, Encomia et Evlogia: a Thoma
Newtono Cestreshyrio, succisiuis horulis exarata. Lon-
dini, apud Thomam Orwinum, Typographum. 1589,"
in 4to. This work may also contain internal evidence,
in addition to the statement in the title-page, that it was
first published in 1589. There is a poem at p. 122,
"Ad Chr. Oclandum de'Elizabetheide sua," which
may refer to the first part of Ocland's Elizabetheis,
which came out in 1582, but most probably refers to
the second part, printed by Thomas Orwin, in 1589.
I should not have taken the trouble to investigate
the contents of this Preface of Nash, "the firstlings of
my folly," as he calls it himself [p. xxi], with such
minuteness, but that it establishes beyond question the
fact that Nash commenced his literary career in 1589,
and not, as is generally supposed, in 1587.

In the following Introduction, Nash says, "For
comming from Venice the last summer, and taking

INTRODUCTION. 1X
Bergamo in my waye homeward to England." Now as
he afterwards alludes to the appearance of Martin
Mar-prelate in England, and also to the defeat ofthe
Spanish Armada, "neither Philip by his power," this
most probably was the latter part of thc summer of
1588, and if he arrived in England towards the end
of 1588, there would be both time and opportunity
for him to write the various works, which, published in
1589, are attributed to him. There is every proba
bility, therefore, that Nash did visit Italy, that he was
there in 1588, and that, returning to England with his
mind enlarged by travel, he commenced his short, but
remarkable career in literature, which, after he had
undergone the painful vicissitudes to which authors by
profession have so often been subjected,
"Since none takes pitie of a scholler's neede,"
was terminated by his death in 1601.
I shall not here enumerate the various works which
Nash wrote, because an opportunity will offer, in the
Introduction to one of his publications, to notice the
whole of them.

Whatever was the origin of the long and bitter
quarrel between Nash and Gabriel Harvey, from this

X INTRODUCTION.
passage in the Preface to Menaphon, 1589, "and
Gabriel Harvey, with two or three other, is almost all
the store that is left us at this hour," we may reason
ably infer that it was not in existence then. The
origin, progress, and effect of this quarrel, which
included Lyly, Greene, Nash, and the three Harveys,
and the right understanding of which is necessary to
elucidate the progress of the Martin Mar-Prelate Con
troversy, I hope to give in the Introduction to "Plaine
Percevall the Peace-Maker of England," a tract uni
formly attributed to Nash; but which he, in one of his
publications, not only utterly disclaims, but charges it
.upon one of his most hated antagonists.

The internal evidence in favour of Nash, as the
author of the Almond for a Parrot, is very strong ; and
cannot but appear to any one who is conversant with
his "Christ's Tears over Jerusalem," a work con
taining more remarkable passages than any publica
tion of the time that has ever fallen in my way. The de
scription of Penry, at p. 39, beginning, " Where, what his
estimation was," &c. ; but more especially the paragraph
at p. 2 1 , beginning, "Talke as long as you will ofthe
Ioyes of Heaven,'' &c, may be compared with several
passages in "Christ's Tears" wherein Nash describes

INTRODUCTION. xl
the horrors endured by its inhabitants during the siege
of Jerusalem. With respect to the title "An Almond for a Parrat,"
the meaning appears obvious; it is evidently a cant
term, and like "A Sop to Cerberus," means a stopper
for the mouth. Mr. Halliwell, in his Dictionary of
Archaic and Provincial Words, calls it "a kind of
proverbial expression," but does not attempt to trace
its origin. It is used by Skelton [Works by Dyce,
ii. 4], by Webster [Works, iii. 122], and by Mid
dleton [Works, iii. 112].
The original, from which die present tract is re
printed, is a small 4to, printed in black letter, consisting
altogether of 28 pages. The "Protestation" is referred
to at p. 11, "Pap with a Hatchet," at p. 12, and "Hay
any worke for a Cooper," at p. 15, by which it is cer
tain that its publication was subsequent to them, and
may perhaps be referred to the latter end of the
year 1589.

J.P.

London,
Nov. 28th, 1845.

An Almond for a Parrat,
Or
Cutbert Curry -knaues
Alines.
Fit for the knaue Martin, and the
rest of those impudent Beggers, that
can not be content to stay their stomakes
with a Benefice, but they will needes
breake their fastes with
our Bishops.
Rimarum sum plenus.
Therefore beware (gentle Reader) you
catch not the hicket with laughing.

Imprinted at a Place, not farre from a
Place, by the Assignes of Signior Some-body, and
are to be sold at his shoppe in Trouble-knaue
Street, at the signe of the
Standish.

DEDICATION.

as the vsuall scome of the other, I haue made choise ol
thy amorous selfe to be the pleasant patron of my
papers. If thou wilt not accept of it in regard of tlie
enuy of some Citizens, that can not away with argu
ment, He preferre it to the soule of Dick Tarlton, who
I know will entertaine it with thankes, imitating herein
that merry man Rablays, who dedicated most of his
workes to tlie soule of the old Queene of Nauarre
many yeares after her death, for that she was a main
tainer of mirth in her life. Marry God send vs more
of her making, and then some of vs should not line so
discontented as we do : for now a dayes, a man can not
haue a bout with a Balletter, or write Midas habet aures
asininas in great Romaine letters, but hee shall bee in
daunger of a further displeasure. Well, come on it
what wil7, Martin and I will allow of no such doings
wee can cracke halfe a score blades in a backe-lane
though a Constable come not to part vs. Neither
must you thinke his worship is to pure to be such a
swasher, for as Scipio was called Africanus, not for
relieuing and restoring, but for subuerting and destroying
of Africa : so he and his companions are called Puri
tans, not for aduancing or supporting of puritie, by
their vnspotted integritie, but of their vndermining and
supplanting it by their manifold heresies. And in deed
therein he dotli but apply himselfe to that hope which
his holinesse tlie Pope and other confederate forriners,

DEDICATION.

haue conceiued of his towardnesse. For comming from
Venice the last Summer, and taking Bergamo in my
waye homeward to England, it was my happe soiourning
there some foure or flue dayes, to light in felowship
with that famous Francattip' Harlicken, who perceiuing
me to bee an English man by my habit and speech,
asked me many particulars, of the order and maner of
our playes, which he termed by the name of represen
tations : amongst other talke he enquired of me if I
knew any such Parabolano here in London, as Signior
Chiarlatano Kempino. Very well (quoth I,) and haut'
beene oft in his company. He hearing me say so.
began to embrace me a new, and offered me all the
courtesie he colde for his sake, saying, although he-
knew him not, yet for the report he had hard of his
pleasance, hee colde not but bee in loue with his per
fections being absent. As we were thus discoursing.
I hard such ringing of belles, such singing, such
shouting, as though Rhodes had beene recouered, or the
Turke quite driuen out of Christendome, therewithal
I might behold an hundretli bonefiers together, tables
spied in the open streetes, and banquets brought in of
all handes. Demaunding the reason of him that was
next me, he told the newes was there (thankes be to
God,) that there was a famous Schismatike one Martin
newe sprung vp in England, who by his bookes, libels.
and writings, had brought that to passe, which neither

DEDICATION.

the Pope by his Seminaries, Philip by his power, nor
all the holy League by their vnderhand practises and
policies could at any time effect : for wheras they liued
at vnitie before, and might by no meanes be drawne
vnto discord, hee hath inuented such quiddities to set
them together by tlie eares, that now the temporaltie is
readie to plucke out the throtes of the Cleargie, and
subiects to withdraw their allegeance from their Soue-
rayne : so that in short time, it is hoped they will bee
vp in armes one against another, whiles we aduantaged
by this domesticall enuy, may inuade them vnawares,
when they shall not be able to resist. I, sory to heare
of these triumphes, coulde not rest till I had related
these tidinges to my countrimen. If thou hast them at
the second hand, (fellow Kempe) impute it to the inter
cepting of my papers, that haue stayed for a good
winde, euer since the beginning <jf winter. Now they
are arriued, make much of them, and with the credit of
thy clownery, protect thy Cutbert from Carpers.

Thine in the way of brotherhood,
Cutbert Cnrry-knaue.

3n almon* tor a parrat.

Welcome Mayster Martin from the dead, and much
good ioy may you haue of your stage-like resurrection.
It was told me by the vndanted purseuants of your
sonnes, and credibly beleeued in regard of your smnes,
that your grout-headed holinesse had turnd vppe your
lieeles like a tired iade in a medow, and snorted out
your scornefull soule, like a mesled hogge on a mucke-
hill, which had it not beene false as the deuill woulde
haue it, that long tongd doctresse Dame Law. muste
haue beene faint (in spite of insperation) to haue giuen
ouer speaking in the congregation, and employ her
Parrats tong in stead of a winde-clapper to scarre the
crowes from thy carrion. But profound Cliff e the
ecclesiasticall cobler, interrupted from his morning
exercise with this false alarum, broke vp his brotherly
loue-meeting abruptly, when tlie spirite had but newly
moued him, and betooke him to his solitary shoppe,
abutting on the backe side of a bulke. Nor was his
souterly sorrow so hippocritically ingratefull, but he
determined in the aboundance of his teares, that made a
ful tide in his blacking tubbe, to haue stitcht vp your

g AN ALMOND
traytourshippe a tumbe of vntand leather, wherein tan-
auam culeolo insutus, hee mought haue sought lus tor-
tune in the seas. But I know not how this parrac.des
exequies were prorogd, in so much as a brother in
Christ of his at Northampton, fctcht a more tlintt.er
president of funcralls piping hot from the pnmitme
church, which including but a few words and those
passing well expounded, kept his wainscot from waste
Ld Ws linnen from wearing, sufficeth he tombled lis
wife naked into the earth at high noone, without sheete
or shroud* to couer her shame, breathing ouer her m
an audible voice : Naked came I out of my mothers
wombe, and naked shall I return* againe. Tut, tut, a
thousand of these pranks make no discord in my young
maisters discipline, whose reformed fraternity, quoa
Scripture so confidently, as if they had lately purest
a commission of cu,n priuilegio ad interpreted™ solum,
from Christ and his twelue Apostls. And in deede who
knowes whether Maister Martin being inspired as earst
,mc of his faction, who hearing the waites play vnder
hi. window very early, insulted most impudently, tha
in the midst of his morning praiers, he was presented
with the meUKly of Angels, so bee in like manner
sh0Ulde vaunt of some reuelation, wherein d e frd
sinode of Lucifer, ministers angells assembled, did par
lament all their enuy to the subuersion of our esta-
Sll ministry, and then comes forth ^ some ^ more
subtile spirite of hipocrisie, which offers himself o be
Tfalse prophet in the mouths of our- MarUmsts to
lorn the whole sedition house of hei contending,

, FOR A PARRAT. 9
break vp their sessions, and send this seducer into the
world, where finding no such mutinous seate, as the
heart of our seconde Pilate Marprelate, lie chose it in
steade of a worscr, to bee vnto England as Zidkiah son
of Chenaanah was vnto Ahab. Beare with me good
Maister Pistle-monger, if in comparing thy knauery,
my full points seeme as tedious to thy puritane perusers,
as the Northren mans mile, and a waybitte to the
weary passenger, for I tell thee troth, till I see what
market commission thou hast to assiste any mans sen
tences, I will neuer subscribe to thy periode prescisme.
And hearest thou old Martin, did all thy libells iointly
shroude so much substance of diuinity in their out
landish letters, as that one periode of vniforraity in
T. C. directing to obedience, I would thinke God had
bin mercifull to thee in inspiring thy soule with some
one separate motion, from reprobation, but when whole
reames of paper are blotted with thy huperbolical blas
phemies and religious matters of controversy more then
massacred by thy prophane scurrility, I ca but suppose
thy hart y house swept and garnished, into the winch
the foule spirit returned with other 7. spirits worse
then h.mself. Malicious hipocryt, didst thou so much
mahgn the successeful thriuings of the Gospell, that
thou shouldst filch thy selfe, as a new disease into our
gouernement? wert thou the last instrument of Sath-ms
enuy, that as the abhortiue childe of a Chaos of heresies
thou sholdst adorne thy false dealing with the induments
of d,scipline ? Me thinks I see thee smile from vnder
thy double-fact hood, to thinke howe craftily thou ban

10

AN ALMOND

o if , °Tces: but wou,dst d,o»
cars that make no more breach into our state, then
a SOf ;rerf those hony t5*d *°*°* »- <£
a.ra es of the Aramites, Chro. 2. and tenth Chap, thou
ouldest w.th AeUtophell return to thy house ( 2
; - hast any) md hang % ^ £ , ^ £
«' that thy counsade was turned to follye. When J
£ » thy books, I asci,bed thy impudence to h
Calabnan wonders of 88. but when 89. beheld thee in
LTtT* lm;-sined the excesse of ~> «tTh«
fe. th to ge«c raihng sentence against vs, as Sintei against
*W m the 2. of Ki„gs. Yet seely sophister wo^les
*°« return the sobrietie of thy morning wittes to
—worne Snnile, that the rodde which was made I
orrect post destinatum finem, is cast into ^ fin? *
mto^l 7Uld d,T- ^^ d3rke h°,e' the ent~
-to hell thy soule being the cittie, whereof the deuill
s made free by endenture. And be it true which pit-
tying report hath auouched, Herostratus desire to be
famous, made ,hee to seale him a conueiance of it many
yeares smce so that now thy notorious pamphlets hauing
--*e Presse.it is to be feared he will come one!
tlue for couenantes ere many yeares to an end. It
>-y bee thou hast reddeFo.es Monuments more idlely
"«- hghtmg on the example of Luther, that by Z
praters nnportumtie, made the deuil to deliuer vp the
obhgafon of his dSnation, that sold tlie ioies of Heaue
or the inherence of earth, thou hopest in hke manner^
«n the age of tlnne iniquities to bee restored to eternity

ron A PARRAT.

11

by thc vnccssant inuocation of thc Church which thou
termest Antichristian. Deceiue not thy selfe thou man
of security, for the enemy of Adam is no poeticall
Argus, that his eies should be put out by thy arguments.
I tell thee troth, he wil be-pistle thee so peuishly, with
allegations of vnuenidall sinnes, as though hee were
borne within two houses of Battle bridge. It is not thy
despairing protestations, can make thy peace with God,
whose church thou hast sought to deuide, as did Herods
souldiers his garmentes : wele geue thee leaue to tell vs
a smooth tale of the intercepting of thy treasons, and
curry fauour like a crafty foxe, with the ciuill magis
trate in politique termes of feare and reuerence, but thy
heart is no more disguised in this hypocriticall apparel,
then a trenchour Aristippns in the coate of a Parasite.
Why discourse I so soberly, with the mortal enemy of
modesty, when as the filth of the stewes, distild into
ribauldry termes, cannot confectionate a more intempe
rate stile then his Pamphlets. Thou calst our Bishops
wicked by comparison, whereas (wert thou strooken as
thou protests with the vntoward euents of thy villanies)
thou shouldst find the defilings of the 7. deadly sins, to
haue broght thee by a pleasant pollution, within the
possitiue degree of damnation. What talk I to him, of
hei or damnation, whom Lucifer hath furnisht to infec
tion, with the painted poison of snout-holy deuotion,
and all the powers of darknesse, haue adorned as an
intelligencer to their kingdome, of the infirmities in our
flourishing Church of England. To this purpose haue
they inspired him with a most scurrile spirite of lying,

12

AN ALMOND

that when his eagle-sighted enuy can trucly atract no
argument of infamy, his poetica licentia, may haue a
fresh supply o.f possibilities, that encrease by cotinuance
to a compleat libell of leasings. All you that be schol
ars, read but his last challenge, wherein he laics about
him so lamely, as though of his limping brother Pay.
lice had lately learned to play at cudgels. But how
eucr his crazed cause goes on crutches, that was carst
so brandy encountered by Pasquin and Marphorevs,
and not niany moncths since most wittily scofte at by
the extcmporall endeuour of the pleasant author of
Pap with a hatchet : yet is not the good olde creeple
vtterly discouraged, or driuen cleane from his dounghill,'
but he mcanes to make the persecuted Coblers once
more merrie. Yet by your leaue his other dayes daun-
ger is not so fully disgested, that he shuld forget the
sanctified martyrs his brethren, those runagate Printers,
to whose reuenge he bequeatheth a large Pistle of
rayling Epithites, and mistearmeth our Bishoppes
authoritie, with a whole Textor of tyrannie. A few of
whose milder tearms are of this making, wicked Priests,
presumptuous Priests, proude Prelates, arrogant Bi
shops, horseleeches, butchers, persecutors of the truth,
Lamhethical whelps, Spanish Inquisitours. Thinke
you this myrie mouthed mate, a partaker of heauenly
inspiration, that thus aboundes in his vncharitable rail
ings : yet are these nothing in comparison of his aun-
cient burlibond adiunctes, that so pester his former
edition with their vnweldie phrase, as no true syllo-
gisme can haue elbowe roome where they are. In

FOR A PARRAT.

13

wliich Alphabet these that followe may bee placed:
bounsing Priests, terrible Priests, venerable Maisters,
proud and pontificall Patripolitians. Gentle reader, I
giue you but a tast of them by the waie, that you may
knowe them the next time you meete them in your
dish, and learne to disceme a poysonous scorpion from
wholesome fish. Martin you must thinke, was moude,
when his gun-poudcr papers were fired aboute his eares,
and the spendthrift his Printers, haled to the prison
their patrimonies. Wherefore I cannot blame him
though he sends abroade his Letters of supplication, in
behalfe of his seruants that did but his bidding. The
Church, the Churcli is persecuted amongst you my
maisters, and Martin gcttes nere a superintendentship
by the shift, but let not Meg Law. crie once more to
the Churchwardens for her foode, least shee bring with
her a campe royall of scoldes, to scratch out your eyes.
Oh she will declaime brauely ouer a Cuckstoole, and
plaie the gyant in a narrowe lane with her distaffe.
Maister Cooper shall haue his stipend still at Paules
chaine, or else shee will sweat for it. I lyke such a
wench that will stande to her tackling, why Bishoppes
are but men, and she will carrie a Martin in her plac-
karde in despite of the proudest of them all. Learne of
her you London Matrones, to make hodie-peeles of your
husbandes, and leade them like good soules up and
downe the streetes by the homes, let it be seene by
your courages in scolding, that women haue soules, which
a balde eloquent brother of yours, denide not long since
in his Sermon at Lichfielde. I, I, my maisters, you

11

AN ALMOND

may mocke, on as you see cause, but I warrant you the
good olde true-pcnnie Marprelate is not so mcrrie, hee
sits ruminating under an oake, or in the bottome of a
haystacke, whose bloud shall be first spilte in the
reformation of the Church. And not without cause,
for hee that hath so lately felte the paine of worming
and launcing, cannot but stande in awe of Buh slicing
tooles one two moneths after. O it is a hairebrande
whooresonne, and well scene in Phlebotomie, if a but
once take knife in hande, cha will as soone let out tlie
seditious humours forth a Martinistcs bodie, as the best
he in England, that hath bin twentie yecres practioners
in Surgeric. Good munckie face Machiucll, shew but
thy head once, and trie him at my request, and if he
doe it not more handsomely, then those whom thou
callest Butchers and Horseleeches, then neuer trust an
olde ladde whilest thou liuest. How euer it happens,
thou bearest thy resolution in thy mouth at highe
midnight, and hast Scripture enough to carrie thee to
heauen, though thou wert hangde to morrowe. We
feare not men that can kill the bodie, quoth Martin,
because we feare God, who can cast both bodie and
soule into vnqnenchable fire. Doest thou feare God in
deede, I prnie thee good hedge-creeper how shall we
knowe that ? What, by the smoothing of thy face, the
simpering of thy mouth, or staring of thy cics? AVhy if
that be to feare God, He haue a spare fellowe shall
make mee a whole quest of faces for three farthinges.
But thou wilt pcraduenture saie, by thy obedience vnto
him. Then will I catechise thee more kindly with a

FOR A PARRAT.

15

fewe more Christian questions : the first whereof shall
be this, wherein thou placest obedience, which if thou
aunswerest, by doing that which God hath commaunded
in his worde: then would I knowe of thee, whether
that of Paul be Canonicall or Apocripha, He that
resisteth the magistrate, resisteth the ordinaunce of God.
And here I am sure to be had by the eares with a
Geneua note of the distinction of magistrates, but all
that shall not serue your tumes, for He driue you from
your Die Ecclesia ere I have done, ware the vnmasking
of Martin, when it comes tis lyke to bee a shrewde
Pistle, I can tell you. Prepare your argumentes as
you will, for Mar-Martin Iunior, meanes to make such
hauocke of you in that his next peece of seruice, as all
your borrowed weapons of simple T. C. shall not bee
able to withstande. For your olde soaking Demon-
strationer, that hath scrapie vp such a deale of Scripture
to so lyttle purpose, He leaue his confusion to the
vacaunt leasure of our grauer Diuines, who I knowe,
did they but once sette penne to paper, woulde grinde
his discipline to powder. Thou art the man, olde
Martin of Englande, that I am to deale withall, that
striues to outstrip all our writers in witte, and iustle
our gouernement forth of doores with a iest. What, wee
must not let you passe with such fauourable tearmes,
as our graue Fathers haue done, your Bookes must bee
lookt ouer, and you beaten lyke a dogge for your lying.
I thinke, I thinke I shall haue occasion to close with you
sweetlie in your Hay anie worke for a Cooper, and
cutte off the traynes of your tedious syllogismes, that
c 2

16

AN ALMOND

nowe haue no lesse then qeauen or eight Termini wait
ing on them. Fortifie your ruinous buildinges betimes,
and saie hee was your friende that badde you : for I
can tell you thus much, a whole hoast of Pasquils are
comming vppon you, who will so beleaguer your paper
walles, as that not one idle worde shall escape the edge
of their wit. I giue thee but a brauado now, to let thee
knowe I am thine enemie, but the next time you see Mar-
Martine in armes, bidde your sonnes and your familie
prouide them to God-warde, for I am eagerly bent to
revenge, and not one of them shall escape, no not T. C.
himselfe as full as he is of his myracles. But to pur
sue maister Protestationer in his common place of per
secution. I remember we talkt euen now of a dudgen
destinction from which my Bedlam brother Wig. and
poltfoote Pag. with the rest of those patches, striue to
deriue theyr discipline disobedience. Our Ecclesiasti-
call gouernment and gouernours say they, are wicked
and vnlawfull. Why? because Sir Peter nor Sir Paul
were neuer Archbishoppes of Canterbury, London, or
Yorke. They were Fisher-men, and were not able.
When Ctrsars Officers demaunded their tribute to make
fiue groates amongst them, then what reason is it our
Bishoppes should inioy their five hundreds, nay, that
which is more, their thousand and two thousands?
They were none of these Cartercaps, Graduates nor
Doctors, therfore why should we tie our Ministrie
to the prophane studies of the Vniuersitie. What is
Logicke but the highe waie to wrangling, contayning
in it a world of bibble babble. Neede we anie of your

FOR A PARRAT.

17

Greeke, Latine, Hebrue, or anie such gibbrige, when
wee haue the word of God in English? Go to, go to,
you are a great company of vaine men, that stand vpon
your degrees and tongues, with tittle tattle, I cannot
tell what, when as (if you looke into the matter as you
ought) the Apostles knew neare a Letter of the booke.
I wis it were not two pins hurt, if your Colledges wer
fired ouer your heades, and you turnde a begging forth
your fellowshippes, like Fryers and Monkes vp and
downe the Countrie. I marie sir, this is somewhat like,
now Martin speakes like himselfe, I dare saie for him
good man, he could be contented there were nere a
maister of Art, Bachelour of Diuinitie, Doctor or
Bishop in England, on that condition he prest Fishermen,
scullers, Coopers, Stitchers, Weauers and Coblers into
theyr places. You talke of a Harmonie of the
Churches, but heere would be a consort of knauerie
worth the publishing to all posteritie. Would you not
laugh to see Cli. the Cobler, and New. the souter, Jerk
ing out theyr elbowes in euerie Pulpit. AVhy, 1 am
sure Ladie Law. would fast mans flesh a whole moneth
together, but slice woulde giue either of thein a gowne
cloth on that condition. My self doe knowe a zealous
Preacher in Ipswich, that beeing but a while a goe a
stage player, will now take vpon him to brandish a Text
agaynst Bishoppes, as well as the best Martinist in all
Suffolke. Why, I praie you goe no farther then Batter.
haue wee not there a reuerent Pastour of Martines
owne making, that vnderstands not a bit of Latine, nor
neuer dyd so much as looke towards the Vniuersitie in
c 3

18

AN ALMOND

his life, yet you see for a needc he can helpe discipline
out of the durt, and come ouer our Cleargie verie hand
somely with an heere is to bee noted. Oh he is olde
dogge at expounding, and deade sure at a Catechisme,
alwayes proiiided, that it bee but halfe a sheete long,
and he be two yeeres about it. And well too my
maisters, for such a one that vauntes himselfe to bee as
hee is, as good a Gentleman eucrie inch of him, as anie
is in all Stafford sheere. tiee what he will, one thing
I wote, hee is seldome without a good Cheese in his
studie, besides apples and nuttes, although his wife can
neuer come at them. I hearde not long since of a
stoute conference hee had with a yong scholer, who
taking my Dcske-man somewhat tardie in his disputa
tions, told him hee was inspired with too much Logrque.
Where vnto hee replyed with this soleropne protestatio,
I thank God, al the vujrld cannot accuse me of that
arte. I hope anon maister Martin, T shall bee meetelie
euen with you for your knauerie, if I goe but two mile
further in your Ministrie. It is not the Primitiue
Church shall bcare out the Vicar of little Down, in
Norfolke, in groaping his owne hennes, like a Cot-
queane, I am to come ouer him when I have more
leasure, for his tenne shillings Sermons at Thetforde :
wherein if he raue as hee was wont to doe, He make
him wishe that hee had been still Vsher of Westminister.
Well, to thc purpose^ You saie Bishoppes are no
Magistrates, because they are no lawfull Magistrates.
Is it euen so brother Timothie, will it neuer be better,
must I euer lcade you vp and downe antiquitie by the

FOR A PARRAT.

19

nose lyke an Asse. May neither Scriptures nor Fathers
goe for paiment with you, but still you will bee reducing
vs to the president of the persecuted Church, and so
confounde the discipline of warre and peace? If you
will needes make vs the apes of all their extremities,
why doe not you vrge the vsc of that communitie
wherein Ananias and, Saphira were vnfaythfull. Per-
swade Noble men and Gentlemen to sell theyr landes,
and laie the money at your feete, take awaie the title
of mine and thine from amongst vs, and let the worlde
knowe you heereafter by the name of Anabaptistes.
Admit that the authoritie of Bishoppes were as vnlaw-
full as you woulde make it, yet since it is imposed vnto
them by the Princes owne mouth, and ratified by tlie
approbation of so many Kings and Emperours, as well
in their particular Parliamentes as generall counsayles,
you are bounde in conscience to reuerence it, and in all
humilitie to regarde it, insomuch as Christ denide not
tribute to Caesar an vsurper, nor appealde from Pilate
a Pagan, who occupied that place by the intrusion of
tyrannie. Were the Israelites in captiuitie, anie whit
exempted from the obedience of subiectes, in that they
lined vnder the scepter of Nabuchodoncsor an Idolater,
who had blasphemed their God, defaced their Temple,
and defiled their holie vesselles. Nay, are they not
expresslie commaunded by the Lordes owne mouth, to
honour him as their King : Howe can they then escape
the dampnation of contempte, that beeing priuate sub
iectes to such a vertuous Soueraigne, as is zealous of
Gods glorie will controll her, disposing of honours, and

20

AN ALMOND

oppose vnto publique derision, those the espcciall pillers
and ornamentes of her state, whome shee hatli graced
•from their infancie, with so many sundrie ascentes of
dignities. But were this all, then sliouhle not treason
bee such a braunche of your religion as it is. Haue
not you and your followers vndermincd her Graces
Throane, as much as traytours might: call to minde
tlie baddc practise of your brother the Booke-binder
and his accomplishes at Buric, who beeing as hotte
spirited as your worshippes, in the schismaticall subiect
of reformation, and seeing it wouhle not come of halfe
kindlie to theyr contentment, made no more a doe, but
added this newe Posic to her Majesties amies. Those
that bee neither hotte nor colde, He spue them out of
my mouth, sayth the Lorde. Denie this, and He bring
a whole. Assizes, as Obsignatos testes of your trecherie.
To come neerer to thee Brother Martin. Hast not thou
in thy firste booke agaynst Doctour Bridges, as also in
Hay anie worke for Cooper, • excluded her Highnesse
from all Eeclesiasticall gouernement, saying she hath
neythcr skill nor commission, as slice is a Magistrate, to
substitute anie member or minister in the Church. And
in an other place, that there is neither vse nor place in
the Church for members, ministers or officers of the
magistrates making. If this wyll not come in compasse
of treason, then farewell the title of Supremacie. and
welcome agayne vnto Poperie. By this time I thinke,
good-man Puritan, that thou art perswaded, that I knowe
as well as thy owne conscience thee, namely Martin
Makebate of Englande, to bee a moste scuruie and

FOR A PARRAT.

21

beggerlie benefactor to obedience, and per consequent, to
feare neyther men, nor that God who can cast both bodie
and soule into vnquenchable fire. In which respect I
neyther account you of tbe Cliurchc, nor esteeme of
your blonde, otherwise then the bloud of Infidclles.
Talke as long as you will of the ioyes of heauen, or
paines of hell, and turne from your selues tlie ter
rour of that iudgement howe you will, wliich shall
bereaue blushing iniquitie of the figge lcaues of hypo
crisie, yet will the eie of immortalitie discerne of your
painted pollutions, as the euer-liuing foode of perdition.
The humours of my eies are the habitations of foun-
taines, and the circumference of my heart the enclosure
of fearefull contrition, when I thinke howe many soules
at that moment, shall carrie the name of Mar-tine on
their foreheads to the vale of confusion, in whose inno
cent bloude thou swimming to hell, shalt haue the tor-
mentes of tenne thousande thousande sinners at once,
inflicted vppon thee. There will enuie, mallice and
dissimulation bee euer calling for vengeance agaynst
thee, and incite whole legions of deuilles to thy death-
lesse lamentation. Mercie will saie vnto thee, I knowe
thee not, and Repentaunce, what have I to doe with
thee. All hopes shall shake the head at thee, and saie,
there goes the poyson of puritie, the perfection of im-
pietie, the serpentine seducer of simplicitie. Zeale her
selfe will crie out vppon thee, and curse the time that
euer shee was maskte by thy mallice, who lyke a blinde
leader of the blinde, sufferedst her to stumble at euerie
steppe in Religion, and madest her seeke in the dimnesse

22

AN ALMOND

of her sight, to murthcr her mother the Churchc, from
whose pappes thou lyke an enuious dogge but yesterdaie
pluckest her. Howe euer proude scorner, thy whoor-
islie inipudoncie, may happen hecrcafter to insiste in the
derision of these fearfull dcnuntiations, and sporte thy
iesters penne at the spcach of my soule, yet take heede
least despayre bee predominant in the daie of thy death,
and thou in stcade of calling for mercie to thy Iesus,
repcate more oftner to thy selfe, Sic morior damnatus vt
ludas ! And thus much Martin, in the way of compas
sion, haue I spoke for thy edification, moued therto by
a brotherly commiseration, which if thou bee not too
desperate in thy deuilish attempts, may reform thy heart
to remorse, and thy pamphletes to some more profitable
theame of repentance. But now haue at thee for the
goodnesse ofthe cause, of which thou saist: We must
not reason from the successe.
Trust me therein thou hast spoke wiser then thou art
aware of, for if a man should imagine of fruite by the
rottennesse, of garmentes by the moath frets, of wine
by the sowrncsse, I warrant him for euer being good
costerd-monger, broker, or vintner whiles he liues.
Therefore we must not measure of Martin as he is
allied to Eldcrton, or tongd like Will Tong, as he was
attired like an Ape on ye stage, or sits writing of
Paphlets, in some spare out-house, but as is Mar-Prelat
of England as he surpasseth King and collier, in crying,
So ho ho, brother Bridges. Wo ho ho, Iohn a London.
H a ha he, Doctor Copecotes. Doe this and I warrant
you, for sauoring of the fleshe, though you take the

FOR A PARRAT.

2.)

oportunity of thc spiritc, with cucry sister in Christ.
Beholde thc state of the low Countryes, since your
Plaintife Pistlcr, will needs make the comparison, sup
pose Martin to be the map of Bchjia dilacerata, whose
chicfe prouinccs as they are wholye possessed with
Spaniards, so thinke his hart and soule enhabited with
spiet, they Romists in the matter of Religion, and he a
Papist in supremacies contradiction, her inward partes
possessed with Anabaptists, and Lutherans, and his
more priuate opinions polluted with the dregs of them
both, her farthest borders of Holland and Zeland,
peopled God wot with a small number of vnperfite
Protestants, and the furthest and fewest of his thoughts,
taken vppe with some odde true points of Religion,
How now Father Martin, haue not I hit your meaning
patte in this comparison. Say, wil you haue any more
such interpretations, if you say Amen to it. He also
reconcile your allegoricall induction of France, to the
present constitutio of your frowardnes: but that shal
not neede, since the misery of the one is the mirrour of
the other, and the Reader must suppose that Martin
would neare haue compared himselfe to Flaundcrs nor
France, but as they reflect by allusion tlie distraction
of his factions faith. Howe euer you take him at the
worst, yet is his welchnes perswaded, that the Lord
hath some speciell purpose, by preucntinge of his prcsse,
to try who they be that are hipocrites, and what they
be y' are innocent : And not vnlike too, for hauing inter
rupted' the trafique of honestye, so long as thou hast
with thy couterfet knauery, tis more the hie time thy

21

AN ALMOND

vnder-had treachery, were broght to the touchstone of
authority. You think we know not how pretily your
Printers were shrouded vnder the name of salt-peter-
men, so that who but Hodgkins, Tomlins and Sina, at
the vndcrniining of a house, and vndoing of poore men,
by diggyng vp their floars, and breaking down their
wain No, no, we neuer heard how orderly they
pretended the printing of Accidcnces, when my L. of
Darbies men came to see what they were a doing, what
though they damned themselues about the deniall of
the deede, is pcriury such a matter amongst puritans.
Tush they account it no sin as long as it is in the way
of protestation, being in the mind of a good old fellow
in Cambridge, who sitting in S. Iohns as Senior at
the fellowes election, was reprehended by some of his
betters, for that hee gaue his voice with a dunce like
himself, contrary to oath, statute and conscience: why
quoth hee, I neither respect oath, statute, nor conscience,
but only the glory of God. Men are but men and may
erre, yea goodman Spe. himselfe in Paules church-yard,
although he saith he hath no sinne, what maruaile is it
then, though some corruption cleaue vnto our aged
Gentleman^ by his owne confession. Learne of me to
iudge charitably, and thinke that nature tooke a
scouring purgation, when she voided all her imperfections
in the birth of one Martin: which if it be so, hee is
not to be blamed, since as Arist. sayes, vitia natura
,w sunt rvprchendenda. Gibe on, gibe on, and see if
your father Mar-martin will beare you out in it or no,
you thinke the good sweet.faced prelate, Masse Martin,

FOR A PARRAT.

25

hath neuer broke sword in ruffians hai, yes that he hath
more then one or two, if the truth were known, and
fought for his wench as brauely as the best of them all,
therefore take liecdc how you come in his way, least
hee belabour you with his crabtree stile for your lus-
tines, and teache you howe to looke into a Martins
neaste againe while you live. Alas you are but young,
and neuer knewe what his Bumfeging ment, for if you
did, you woulde thinke fine hundreth fistes about your
eares, were more then Phisicke in a frosty morning.
Write or fight which you will, our champion is for you
at all weapones, whether you choose the worde or the
sworde, neither comes amisse to him, he neuer took his
domesticall dissention in hand to leaue it soone. All
England must bee vp together by the eares, before his
penne rest in peace, nor shall his rebellious mutinies,
which he shrouds vnder the age of Martinisme, haue
any intermedium, till religions prosperity and our
Christian libertye, mis-termed of him by the last yeare
of Lambethisme, doe perishe from amongst vs, and
depart to our enemies : then shall you see, what seditious
buildinges will arise on the vnfortunate foundations of
his folly, and what contentious increase will come from
the schoole of contempt.
If they will needes ouerthrotve mee
let them goe in hand with the
exploite Sj-c.
Holla, holla brother Martin, you are to hasty, what,
Winter is no time to piake warres in, you were best
D

20

AN ALMOND

stay til summer, and then both our brains wilbe in a
better temperature, but I think ere that time your
witte wilbe welny worn thredbare, and your banquerout
inucntion, clcanc out at thc elbowcs, then are wc well
holpen vp with a witnesse, if the aged champion of
Warwicke, doe not lay to his shoulders, and support
discipline ready to lie in the dust, with some or other
demonstration. I can tell you Phil. Stu. is a tall man
also for that purpose. What his Anatomy of Abuses
for all that, will serue very fitly for an Antipast, before
one of Egertons Sermons, I would see the best of your
Trauerses write such a treatise as he hath done, against
short hecld pantoffles. But one thing it is great pitty
of him, that being such a good fellow as hee is, lice
shoulde speake against dice, so as he doth: neuerthe-
lesse ther is some hope of him, for as I heard not log
since, a brother of his, meting him by chance (as
theeues meete at the gallowes) after many christian
questions of thc well fare of his persecuted brethren,
and sistcrn, askt him when they should haue a game at
tables together, by the grace of God the next Sabaoth,
quoth Phil, and then if it shal so seeme good to his
prouidence, haue at you for ames ase and the dise.
I forgette to tel you what a stirre he keepes against
dumbe ministers, and neuer writes nor talkes of them,
but hee calleth them minstrels, when his mastershippe
in his minority, plaide the Reader in Chesshire, for fiue
marke a yeare and a canuas dublet, couenanted besides,
that in consideration of that stipend, he make cleane the
patrones bootes euerye time lice came to towne. What

FOR A PARRAT.

27

need more words to proue him a protestat, did not he
behaue himselfe like a true Christian, when hee went a
wooing for his friend Clarke, I warrant you hee saide
not God sauc you, or God speed you, with good euen
or good morrow, as our prophane woers are wont, but
stept close to her, with peace bee with you, very de
murely, and then told her a long tale, that in so much
as widowhoode, was an vncleane lyfe, and subiect to
many temptations, shee might doe well to reconcile her
selfe to the Church of God, in the holy ordinance of
matrimony. Manye wordes past to this purpose, but I
wotte well the conclusion was this, that since she had
hitherto conuerst with none but vnregenerate persons,
and was vtterly carclesse of the communion of Saints,
she would let him that was a man of God, put a new
spirite into her, by carnall population, and so engraft
her into the fellowshippe of the faithfuU, to which that
shee might more willingly agree, hee offered her a
spicke and spanne new Geneua Bible, that his attendant
Italian had brought with him to make vp the bargaine.
But for all the Scripture he could alledge, it should not
bee, Phil. Stu. was no meate for her tooth, God wote
he could not get a penyworth of leachery on such a
pawne. as his Bible was, the man behinde the painted
cloth mard all, and so O griefe, a good Sabaoths day
work was lost. Stand to it Mar-martin Itininr and
thou art good inough for ten thousand of them, tickle me
my Phil, a litle more in the flanke, and make him
winche like a resty iade, whereto a dreaming deuine of
Cambridge, in a certain priuate Sermon of his, com-
d 2

28

AN ALMOND

pared the wicked. Saist thou me so good heart, then
haue at you Maister Compositor, with the constructio
of Sunt oculos clari qui cernis sydera tanquam. If you
be remembred you were once put to your trumpes
about it in Wolfes Printing-house, when as you would
needes haue clari the infinitiue moode of a verbe
passiue, which determined you went forwards after this
order. Sunt there are, oculos cies, qui the which, cernis
thou doest see, clari to be cleare, tanquam sydera as the
Stars. Excellent well done of an old Maister of Arte,
yet why may not hee by authority challenge to himselfe
for this one peece of worke the degrees hee neuer tooke.
Learning is a iewel my maisters, make much of it, and
Phil. Stu. a Gentleman euery haire of his head, whom
although you doe not regard according as he deserues,
yet I warrant you Martin makes more account of him
then so, who hath substituted him long since (if the
truth were well boulted out) amongst the number of
those priuy Martinists, which he threatens to place in
euery parish. I am more then halfe weary of tracing too
and fro in this cursed common wealth, where sinfull
simplicitye jmfte vppe with the pride of singularity,
seekes to pcrucrte the name and methode of magistracy.
But ap the most of tlieir arguments, are drawn from our
graue fathers infirmities, so al their outrageous endeuors
haue their ofspring from affected vainglory. Agreeing
Hug. lib. with the saying of Hug. " Innobedientiaj mor-
de duob. ,.
abusio. bus ex superbise tumore proceuit, sicut sanies
ex vlcere." The disease of disobedience proceeds from
the swelling of pride, as madnesse from some vntollera-

FOR A PARRAT.

29

bie vlcer. The cause whereof Gregory thus expresseth.
"Dum plus exquirunt" saith he, " contemplando quam
capiunt, vsque adperuersa dogmata erumpunt, Greg. lib. «.
etdum veritatis discipuli esse ncgligunt, humiliter magis-
tri erroris fiunt." Whiles by study they search out more
then they vnderstand, they breake forth into peruerse
opinions, and whiles they neglect to be the schollers of
truth, they most basely become the schoolemaisters of
error. For such is the boldnesse of our boyish deuines,
that they will leape into the pulpet, before they haue
learned Stans puer ad mensam, and talke very despe
rately of dicipline, before they can construe, Qui mihi dis-
cipulus. "Qui venit institui" saith Cassiodorus, " ante
quam instituatur, alios instituere cupit,' &c. 7'he nouice
that comes to be informed, desireth to enforme others,
before he bee enformed himselfe, and to teach before hee
bee taught, to prescribe lawes before he hath redde Lille-
ton, and play the subtile Philosopher, before he knowes
the order of his sillables : he wil needes haue subjects,
before he can subiugate his affections, and couets the
office of a commander, before he hath learned tr/ stoupe
to the admonitions of his elders, and beginneth to
instruct and perswade, before he bee instructed and
perswaded in any kind of art, which their folly once
fuelled with ye frowardnesse of blind zeal, makes the
cofound cotempt with gods true worship, and open
their mouths against his ordinance, as did the Prophets
against Ieroboams hil altars. T. C. in Cambridge first
inuented this violent innouation, when as his mounting
ambition, went through euery kinde of Ambitus, to
d 3

30

AN ALMOND

compasse tlie office of tlie Viccchauncelour-ship. But
after he saw himselfe disfauourd in his first insolence,
and that tlie suffrages of the vniucrsity, would not
discend to his dissentious indignityes, his seditious
discontent dcuiscd the meanes to discredite that gouer-
nement, which he througli his il behauiour might not
aspire to. The began his inueterat malice, to vnder-
mine the foundations of our societies, and reduce our
Colledges to the schooles of the Prophets, to discard all
degrees of art as antichristian, to condemne all decency
in the ministery as diabolicall, and exclude all ecclesias-
ticall superiority forth the Church as Apocripha. No
sooner had these new fangled positions entred the tables
of young students, but Singularity the eldest childe of
heresy, consulted with male-conted melacholy, how to
bring this misbegotte scisme to a monarchy. To which
purpose hipocriticall zeale, was addrest as a pursuiuant
into all places of Suff. Norff. Essex and Midlesex,
with expresse commandement from the sinod of Saints,
to proclaime T. C. supreme head of the Church. This
past on thus, whiles the sworde of iustice, slept in his
scaberd, whose vnprouident eie neglecting the beginning
of such burnings, hath added a more confirmed fury to
the flame, which hath now taken hold on ye buildings
of our bishopricks. How it hath raged in those quar
ters before mentioned to ye vtter impouerishing of the
allegeance of the communalty, and lamentable vndoing
of the estimation of diuers other knights and gentlemen,
the whole course of the high commission may testify.
Nether was this plague of apostacy vndeserued of their

FOR A PARRAT.

31

inconstancy, who forsook ye true service of God, to
worship the idoll of Warwicke. Put case his reading be
gret and his malice more, that he hath plodded through
ten cart loade of paper, and bin the death of ten thousand
pound of candels, yet as Gregory saith, " perit omne
qtiodagitur, si non humilitate custodiatur." Greg.lib.mor.
Whatsoeuer is done doth vanish to^ infamy, if it be not
vpholden by humility: What childe doth not see into
the pride of his heart, that first entertained the impu-
dency of controlling antiquity, and preferd the poison of
his owne peruerse opinions, before the experience of so
many Churches, counsails and fathers. "Quae Ber. 2. ser.
maior superioria, ' saith Bernarde, "quam vt resur-
vnus homo toti congregationi judicium suum preferat tan-
qua ipse solus habeat spiritu Dei. What greater pride
then that one man should aduance his iudgement, aboue
the sentence of a whole congregation, as if he alone had
the spirit of God. Pride ouerthrew the towr oi Bab ell,
prostrated Golias, hug vp Haman, kild Nichanor,
consumed Herod, destroied Antiochus, drowned Pharao,
subuerted Senacherib, and I hope will also confound
arrogant T. C. and all his accomplishes in tlie Lords
good time. And now that I haue vnburdened my
shoulders of the weight of his learning, He ribroste my
brother Martin a litle, for obiecting to my Lord Arch
bishop, the not answering of his bookes. Therefore
first would I know of sweete M. sauce malapert whether
he would haue the care of the common-wealth, and
forseing consultation of domestical and forreine affaires,
resigned to the retorting of T. C. his vnreuerent railings.

32

AN ALMOND

Next what such equall proportion his mastership finds
in their places, that the grauity and mildnes ofthe one,
should stoupe his attention so low, as the iangling leuity
of the other. AVere there no other thing to refrayn his
grace, from combating with a common barretour then
this, that in discordia nemo benedicit Dominum, it were
sufficient to pleade his absence from this inferiour fight.
But when he considers thatsaiyng ot Augustine, "Nullus
est modus inimicitiis, nisi ob tempus obteperemus iratis,"
ther is no mcane of mallice, vnles for a time we giue
place to thc furious, and that wliich another sais, "Sicut
nihil est deformius quam respondere furiosis ita, nihil
vtilius quam tacere prouocatis." As there is nothing
more vnsecmely then to aunswere the froward, so there
is nothing more profitable then scilence to such as are
prouokt. Let him vse tlie libertye of his speache as
hee please, and detracte from his learninge in what
tearmes hee see cause, yet will all Christendome admire
his perfection, when T. C. his singularitie shall go „
begging vp and downe the low Countries. I will not
gainsaie but your reucrend Pastor may haue as knauish
a vaine in writing as your selfe, and fasten a slander on
the Saintes of heauen, as soone as anie of your sect, for
Ierome su- "ml tam facile est," as Ierom sayth, "quam
per Oseam. Ociosum etdormientem de aliorum labore et
vigiliis disputare." There is nothing so easie for a man
that is sluggish and idle, as to call in question others
mens watchings and labours. "Mens praua," sayth Gre-
Greg. 15. goric, " semper in laboribus est, quia aut moli-
tur mala quae inferat, vel metuit ne sibi ab aliis infeant,

FOR A PARRAT.

33

et quicquid contra proximos cogitat, hoc contra se, a
proximus cogitari formidat." A wicked mind liues in
continuall toile, because it eyther meditates the injuries
which he is about to inferre, or feares some reproch to
be inferred by others, and whatsoeuer hee pretendes
agaynst his neighbor, the same he mistrusts to be pre
tended against himselfe. If T. C. hath made thee his
atturney, to vrge the not answering of his bookes, then
I praie thee bee my Mercurie this once, and tell him
thus much from Mar-Martine, that he hath vndone
more Printers with his py-bald pamphlets, then his
dish-clout dicipline will sette vp agayne this seauen
yeeres. Much inkehorne stuffe hath hee vttered in a
larring stile, and intruded a greate deale of trashe to
our eares by a daintie figure of idem peridem, but for
anie new peece of arte he hath shewed in those idle
editions, other then that his famous aduersary liath
before time confuted, he may wel enough bequeth it to
Dunce or Dorbel, whece his blundering capacity is
lineally descended. What maister T. C. you think
that no man dare touch you, because you haue plaid the
scuruie scolde anie time these twentie yeeres, but He
so hamper your holynes for all the offences of your
youth, as all geering puritans shall haue small cause to
insult and reioyce at my silence. Then see whether I
dare stand to the defence of your defame or no. Take
heede good-man Howlyglasse, that I make not such a
hole in your coate the nexte Tearme, as Marline and
his sonnes shall not sowe vp in hast, I tel you I am a
shreud fellow at the vncasing of a fox, and haue cats

3-1

AN ALMOND

eyes to looke into euerie corner of a Puritans house. I
warrant you my brother Pag. will saie so, by that time
I haue talkte with him a little, who although hee bee
none of the straightest men that euer God made, yet
hath he as good skill in milche bullocks, as anie huswife
within fortie miles of his head. Let him alone, and if
he doe not know by a cowes water, how many pintes of
milke she will give in a yeere, then wyll he neuer help
his wife to make cheese agayn whiles hee Hues: and
without offence to his Pastorshippe bee it spoken, hee
will saie pretyly well to a henne, if shee bee not too
olde, alwayes prouided, shee haue a neaste of cleane
strawe in his studic, and bee groape her with his owne
handes cuening and morning. Then see if hee doe not
make three pounds a yeere of her ouer and aboue all
costes and charges. I marie sir, is not this a husbande
in deede, that besides the multiplying of the Church of
God, in his householde ministerie, will keepe his wife
and familie by crosse bargaines a whole twelue moneth.
What woulde he doe my maisters, if he had two good
legges, that wil thus bestirre him in his vocation with
one and a stump. The world may saie he is lame,
and so forth, but hee that had seene him runne from
Houns. the other daie, for getting his maide with childe,
woulde neuer thinke so. I meruaile with what face
our Bishoppes could depriue such a man of God, that
beeing knowen to bee a most heauenly whooremaister,
a passing zealous worldling, and a most mortified
schismatiquc, was fitter iwis to teache men then boyes.
Bee ruled by Martine, and send him home into Deuon-

FOR A PARRAT.

35

sheere, or else hee will wrappe all your Cleargie once
agayne in Lazarus winding sheete. Which fauour ;'<
hee obtayne contrarie to desert, I woulde wishe him as
a friend, neare more to vrge Fathers to sweare at the
Funt, that the children that are brought thether to be
christned, are of none but their owne begetting, lest
olde Ragdale plie him as he did in times past, about
the shoulders with his plowe staffe. Haue with you
Giles Wig. to Sidborough, and let us haue you make
another Sermon of Sedgwickes pack-prickes : or such
another Prayer as you did of three hours long, when
as a friend of yours (that best knew your armes) cast
in the Rammes homes at your windowe. If you be
remembred, it was the same time, when you cride,
Come wife, come seruants, let vs fall on our knees, and
praie to the Lorde God to deliuer vs from all euill
temptation, for the deuill is euen new gone by, and looke
where he hath throwne in his homes at the windowe.
Giles, Giles, I haue to talke with you for your sau-
cinesse with the right Honorable the Earle of Hunting
ton, in whose presence you (though of all other vnwor-
thie) then beeing, when conuersant with other Gentle
men, hee calde for a boule of Beere, which brought,
and set downe by him, and he yet busie in talke, you
tooke verie orderlie from before him, and trilled it off
without anie more bones, bidding his man if he would,
goe fill him another. And what of all this I praie you,
was that such a wonderous matter, doth Giles care for
anie of your Lordes, Earles, Barons or Bishops. No,
no, no barrell better herring with him : we are all made

3G

AN ALMOND

of one and the selfe same molde, and Adam signifieth
but red earth. I could tell you a tale worth the hear
ing, that would counteruaile Glib, of Haustead, were it
not that it woulde make M. Wig. as cholerike, as when
he burst in thc Church maugre excomunication, and
knockt the keics about yc Sextens head, for not opening
vnto him. Come on it what wil, in spite of midsumer
moone, you shal haue it as it is, tlierefore attend good
people to the vnfortunate sequele. G. W. of Wig. house,
in the land of little Wittam, chosen to the place and
function of a pastor, by those reuerend elders of the
Church, Hicke, Hob and John, Cutbert C. the Cobler,
and New. the broomseller cum multis aliis que nunc
prescribere longum est, at length seased (after many
yeeres stragling on the superintendentship of Sidborough,
wlier bailing worn out three or four pulpits with the
vnreasonable bounsing of his fistes, it was his chance on
a time to haue one quarrell more to another of them :
so that no sooner mounted on her backe, but he began
to spurre her with his heeles, to boxe her about the
eares with his elbowes, and so pittiously misuse her in
euerie part, as would haue greeued anie heathen Ioyner
to the heart, to beholde. Nor coulde his Text containe
him in this choler, or pleade anie pardon or pittie for
this poore pulpit, but he wold needes ride her to death
from one Dioccsse to another, from Yorke to London,
from London to Canterbury, from Canterburie to Win
chester, and all without a baite, insomuch, that tyred in
his waie homeward to his Text, he had stucke in the
myre for anie more matter hee had, had not Iohn a

FOR A PARRAT.

37

Borhead come into the church as he did. Whom he
espying in good time, crost the midwaie of a sentence 'to
let flic at him in this manner. As for the discipline
which those wretches doc hinder, looke, looke good
people where that vile whooremaster Iohn a Bor
head comes in piping hot from Clayphams wife.
Whose verie sight put him so cleane besides himselfe,
that he could neyther goe forward nor backward, but
stil repeated, Iohn a Borhead, Iohn a Borhead, that
vild whooremaister Iohn a Borhead: to whom with the
Father, the Sonne, and the holy Ghost, be al honor and
praise both now and for euer. Ah hah maister Martine,
what get you nowe by your red cap ? Whether was
Clayphams wife or Iohn a Borhead more in fault, for
marring this good sermon. If I. a Borhead, then is it
not best for him to come in my brother Wig. waie,
least he stabbe him, as hee did the Drumme once for
playing after seruice. How euer it was, may it please
you Lordes of the spiritualtie, in consideration of these
laudibh premises, to sende him home to his charge,
that hee may once more preache in the yewe tree. My
brother Vd. of Kingston thinkes He spare him for his
wiues sake, that is reported to be as good a wench as
euer playde her prises at Pancredge, although she is
not altogether such a gyantesse, as my brother Wig.
female, but forma fragulis, and Ale is not worth a
button, if it be too stale. Wherefore prepare you good
neighbour V. to vnder-goe the crosse of persecution.
Martine hath vaunted you to be a venterous knight, and
I doe meane to breake a launce with you, ere you and
E

38

AN ALMOND

I part. Whcrfore what saie you nowe to the matter,
is Christ descended of bastardisme or no, as you gaue
out in the pulpyt? Would you not haue your tongue
cut out for your blasphemie if you wer wel serued?
Are you a notable preacher of the word of God, and a
vehement reprouer of sin, that thus seeke to discredit
the fleshly descent of our Sauiour, I thought you such
another, when I first sawe you emblazoned in Martins
bookes. Tis you that are so holy, that you wil not
forsooth be seene to handle anie monie, nor take golde
though it shoulde filch it selfe into your purse, but if
God moued the heartes of anie of your brethren or
sistren in the Lord, to bring in pots, beds or houshold
stuffe into your house, you would go out of doores of
purpose whiles it was brought in, and then if anie man
aske you, how you come so well storde, your answere
is that you know not how, but only by the prouidence
of God. I must belabour you when all is done, for
your backbiting and slandering of your honest neigh
bours, and open inueighing against the established
gouernment in your sermons. Helpe him Martin, or
else his vpbraided absurdities will make thee repent
that euer thou belyedst or disgracedst Hone, Cottington
or Chatfeld in his cause. May it please you therefore
that are in authoritie, considering how reuerently hee
hath abused Christs birthright, to restore him to preach
that the blockes and stones of Kingstone, do not crie
out against you. I followe the riuers of folly, whiles
the fountaincs of infection do propagate their poison.
Martin all this while thinkes himself in league with

FOR A PARRAT.

39

obscuritie, whiles Phebus the discouerer of Mars and
Venus adultery, hath streamed his bright day light into
the net where he daunceth. Blush squint-eied caitife,
since thy coucrt no more wil contain thee. Caelum te
contegit non habes vrnam. Therfore let al posteritie
that shall heare of his knauerie, attend the discouery
which now I will make of his villanie. Pen. I. Pen.
welch Pen. Pen. the Protestationer, Dcmonstrationer,
Supplicationer, Appellationer, Pen. the father, Pen. the
sonne, Pen. Martin lunior, Martin Martinus, Pen. the
scholler of Oxford to his friend in Cambridge, Pen.
totum in toto, et totum in qualibet parte, was somtimes
(if I be not deceiued) a scholler of that house in Cam
bridge whereof D. Per. was maister. Where, what his
estimation was, the scorn wherin he liued can best relate.
For the constitution of .his bodie, it was so cleane con-
trarie to all phisiognomie of fame, that a man wold haue
iudged by his face, God and nature deuising our dis
grace, had enclosde a close stoole in skinne, and set a
serpentine soule, like a counterfet diamond, more deepe
in dong. Neither was this monster of Cracouia
vnmarkt from his bastardisme to mischiefe: but as he
was begotten in adultery and conceiued in the heate of
lust, so was he brought into the world on a tempestuous
daie, and borne in that houre when all planets wer
opposite. Predestination yl foresaw how crooked he
should proue in his waies, enioyned incest to spawne
him splay-footed. Eternitie, that knew how aukward
he shoulde looke to all honesty, consulted with Con
ception to make him squint-eied, and the deuill that
e 2

40

AN ALMOND

discouered by the heauens disposition on his birth-day,
how great a lim of his kingdom was comming into the
world, prouided a rustie superficies wherinto wrapt him,
as soone as euer he was separated from his mothers
wombe : in euerie part whereof these words of blessing
were most artificially engrauen, Crine ruber, niger ore,
breuis pede, lumine lustus. To leaue his natiuitie to
tlie Churcli porch, where the parish found him, and
come to his riper yeres, that now had learnd Puerilis,
of the poore mans boy, and nere as pretily entred in
Aue Marie English, as any parish clarke in those parts.
I am to tel you how laudibly he behaued himselfe in
Peterhouse, during the time of his subsistcrship. First
therfore he began with his religion at his first comming
thether, Hoc scitote viri, that he was as arrant a papist
as euer came out of Wales. I tell you /. a P. in those
daies, would haue run a false gallop ouer his beades
with anie man in England, and helpt the Priest for a
shift to saie Massse at high midnight, which if need
were, I doubt not but he would do at this houre. It
was not for nothing my masters, that he so be-baitcd his
betters, for shewing the people the relique of our Ladies
smock in his sermon, and open detecting of all their
other blind superstition. Say what you will, he is a
close lad, and can carrie a ring in his mouth, though all
the world see it not: what though bee now dissemble
with the time, and disguise his Spanish heart in a Pre
cisians habit. May not he hereafter proue a necessarie
meber in conspiracies common wealth, and aduantage
the holy league as much in this meanes of sedition, as

FOR A PARRAT.

41

all Philips power by inuasion. Simple English men,
that cannot see into pollicie before it supprise your
peace, nor interrupt the ambition of trechery, before
it hath besieged your prosperitie. Doe you beholde
whiles innouations bud, and do not you feare lest your
children and family be poisoned with the fruit. The
Scythians are barbarous, yet more fore-seeing then you,
who so detested al forren innouations, teding to the
derogation of theyr ancient customes, that they kild
Anacharsis for no other cause, but for y' he performed
the rights of Sibil after the manner of the Grecians.
What should I vpbraide your simplicitie with the
Epidaurians prouident subtiltie, who fearing least their
Countrie men shoulde attract innouations from other
nations, and especially from their riotous neighbors the
Illirians, interdicted theyr merchants from al trafick
with them, or trauaile vnto them, but least they should
be vtterly destitute of their commodities, they chose a
graue man amongst them, knowen to be of good gouern-
ment and reputation, who dealt continually for the
whole Countrie in the waie of exchange, and meruail-
ously augmented their wealdi by the reuerence of his
wisedome. But you fond men, as in garments so in
gouernment continually affecting new fashions, thinke
no man can be saued y' hath not bin at Geneua. Your
beleefe forsooth must be of that Scottish kinde, and
your Bibles of the primitiue print, else your consciences
God wot, are not of the cannonical cut, nor your
opinions of the Apostles stamp. Pen. with Pan, hath
contended with Appollo, and you lyke Midasses, haue
e 3

42

AN ALMOND

ouerprised his musick. Good God, y' a Welch harpe
should inchant so many English harts to their confusio,
especially hailing nere a string belonging to it, but a
treble. Had a syren sung, and I drownd in attending
her descante. I would haue bequeathed my bane to
her beautie, but when Cerberus shall barke and I turne
back to listen, the let me perish without pittie, in the
delight of my liuing destruction. Deceit hath tooke vp
his seat in a dunce, and you thinke him a saint, because
he comes not in the shape of a deuil. We know M.
Pen. intus et in cute, first for a papist, then for a
Brownist, next for an Anabaptist, and last for ye blas
phemous Martin, whose spirite is the concrete com
pound of all these vnpardonable heresies. But had not
the frantike practise of his youth throughly founded his
confirmed age in this furie, I woulde haue imagined his
vpstart spite, a woder aboue usual speech, whereas now
the coniectures drawen from his cradles, detract fro hisA
mallice all marucls. For whiles hee was yet a fresh
man in Peterhouse, and had scarce tasted, as we say,
of Sctons modalibus, he began to affect factions in
art, and shew himselfe openly a studious disgracer of
antiquitie. Who then such an vnnatural enemie to
Aristotle, or such a new-fagled friend vnto Ramus.
This one thing I am sure of, hee neuer went for other
then an asse, amongst his companions and equalles, yet
such a mutinous block-head was he alwaies accounted,
that through town and Colledge he was comonly called
the seditious dunce. Fof one while he would be
libelling against Arist. and all his followers he knew,

FOR A PARRAT.

43

another while hee would all to be-rime Doctour Perne,
for his new statutes, and make a by- word ~f his bald
pate, yea had the Dean, President, or any other officer
neuer so litle angerd him, they were sure ere the
weeke went about to haue hard of it, in some libell or
other. This humour helde him at that time, when, by
conucrsing with French men neare Christes Colledge, of
a Papist hee became a Brownist, how afterwards from
a Brownist hee fell to bee an Anabaptist, I referre it to
those that knewe his after behauiour in Oxford. But
for his last discent, a malo in peius from an Anabaptist
to be that infamous Martin, impute it to the age of
his heresies, that are now in there Harvest. Neither
would I haue you thinke there was no more heades in
it then his owne, For I can assure you to the contrary,
that moste of the Puritane preachers in Northampton
shire, Warwick shire, Sufolke and Northffolke, haue
eyther brought stone, strawe or morter to the building
of this Martin. Only Pen. found nothing but ry, which
the last part of his name, affordeth sufficiently, you may
see what it is for a nest of hornets to hiue together, oh
they wil make braue combes to choake bees withal, if
they be let alone but one quarter, not so much as T. C.
himselfe, but will haue the helpe of his fellow Brethren,
if he hath any thing to write against Bishops, were not
al the elected in Cambridge, assembled about the shaping
of the confutation of the Remish Testament, O so
deuoutly they met euery Friday at Saint Laurence his
Monastery, wher the counsails and fathers, were distri
buted amongst seueral companies, and euery one of the

44

AN ALMOND

reformed society sent there combined quotations weeke
by weeke in a Capcase, to my brother Thomas, yet
wandring beyond sea, such a Chaos of common places,
no apothegmatical Lycosthenes euer conceited. Bishops
were the smallest bugs, that were aimed at in this
extraordinary beneuolence, God shield, the court haue
escapt their collectios. Some thing it would proue in
the end if it wer published, that is pouldred with the
brains of so many Puritan springols, and polluted with
the pains of such an infinite number of Asses. Much
good do it you M. Martin, how like you my stile, am
not I old Ille ego qui quondam at ye besleeuing of a
sichophant. Alas poore idiot, thou thinkest no man
can write but thy selfe, or frame his pen to delight,
except he straine curtesie with one of thy Northren
figures, but if authority do not moderate, the fiery
feruence of my enflamed zeale, ile assaile thee from
terme to terme with Archiloehus, in such a compleat
armour of Iambicks, as the very reflexcye of my fury,
shall make thee driue thy father before thee to the
gallows, for begetting thee in such a bloody houre. O
God that we two might bee permitted but one quarter,
to try it out by the teeth for the best benefice in
England, then would I distill my wit into incke, and
my soule into argumentes, but I would driue this
Danus from his dunghill, and make him faune like a
dog for fauour at the magistrates feete. But it is our
English policy to aduautage our enemies by delaies,
and resist a multitude with a fewe, which makes
sediton seede before the haruesters of our souls

FOR A PARRAT.

45

suppose it in the blade: it is not the spirite of
mildenesse y' must moderat the hart of folly, dogs must
be beaten with staues, and stuborn slaues cotrolled
with stripes. Authority best knows how to diet these
bedlamites, although Segnior Penry in his last waste
paper hath subscribed our magistrate infants. Repent,
repent thou runnagate lozill, and play not the Seminary
any longer in corners, least thy chiefest benefactors
forsake thee, and recouer the pouerty of their fines,
by bringing the pursiuants to thy forme. I heare some
vnderhande whisperers, and greeneheaded nouices
exclaime against our Bishops, for not granting thee
disputation. Alas alas brother Martin it may not be :
for thou art known to be such a stale hackster, with
thy welch hooke, that no honest man wil debase
himselfe in buckling with such a braggar. But sup
pose we should send some Crepundio forth our schools
to beat thee about the eares with ergo. Where should
this sillogistica concertatio be solemnized: what in our
Vniuersity schooles at Oxford, or in puluere Philo-
sophico at Cambridge. No thev were erected in time
of Popery, and must be new built againe before they
can giue any accesse to his arguments. Truly I am
afraide y' this Generall counsaile, must be holden at
Geneua, when al is done, for I know no place in
En[g]land holy inough for their turne, except it be some
barne or out-house about Bury, or some odde blind
cottage in the hart of Warwicke shire, and thither
peraduenture, these good honest opponents would
repaire without grudging. Prouided alwaies that they

40

AN ALMOND

haue ther horse-hire and other charges allowed them
out of the poor mans box, or els it is no bargain. All
this fadges wel yet, if we had once determined who
shold be father of the act. Why what a question
is that, when we haue so many persecuted elders
abroad. The blinde, the halt, or die lame, or any
semes the turn with them, so he hath not on a cloak
wth sleucs, or a cap of the vniuersity cut. Ima<Wn
that place to be furnished, where shall we finde
moderators, that may deale indifferently twixt both
parts Machiucll is dead many a yeare agoe, or els he
had bene a fit man for this may-game, therefore whom
shal we haue now, since it must be neither yours
nor ours. Some vpstart countrey Gentleman, that
hath vndone all his tenants by oppression, euen such
a one as Scar, of Warwicke shire, that being a noted
Martinist, be frinded his poor coppi-holder Criar,
and turnd him out of all that ere he had very orderly.
How thinke you my lay brethren ? is not here a trim
conuocation towards. But mark the end of it,T and
then you may haps see odde buffeting with the
buttond bookes, and battring down of bishopricks.
Giles of Sidborough wil off his gown at least, and
make demonstrations of Logique with his fists like
Zeno, what though he be low and cannot reach so
hie as an Archbishop, may not he stad like a
iackanapes on his wiues shoulders, and scold for the
best game with all that come. He is sauing a
reuerence a spritish dispu[t]er, and a pestilent felow at
an vnperfect sillogisme. Nay mark me well, and

FOR A PARRAT.

47

take me at my words, he shal spcake false Latine,
forge a text, abuse a Bishop, or make a lie of
reuelation for more then I speak off with any man in
Englad. Neither do I flatter him herin for he hears
me not, if I did, it were no matter, considering that
virtus laudata crescit.
From jest to ernest, I appeale to you Gentlemen,
how ridiculous in pollicy this disputation would prone
if it were granted. First for there Bibles, the
touchstone of all controuersies, they must bee of their
fouorites translation, or els they will deny there
authority as friuolous. Admit they go to the original
(which but few of them vnderstand) they wil haue
euery man his sundry interpretation. Let our deuines
alledge any text, they will exriound it as they list,
say the fathers or other auncient writers what they
will. For such is the growth of their arrogancy,
that they are not ashamed to compare themselus
with Ierome or Austen, and in their tedious sermons
preach against them as prophane. If this the bee
any betraying of the wretchednesse of our cause (as
they call it) not to dispute with them that deny all
principles, not to contend with the that wilbe tride by
none but themselus, I refer it to all considerate
iudgementes, that haue no more experiece in the
actions of peace then a reasonable soule may afford.
The more pacified sort of our Puritans, would needs
perswadc the world, that it is nought but a learned
ministry which their chapion Martin endeuors : were
it no otherwise his pardon were easely sealed, but

48

AN ALMOND

those that know the treaso of his books, can report
of his mallice against Bishops. One thing I am
perswadcd, that he neidier respects the propagation
of the Gospel, nor the prosperity of the Church, but
only die benefite that may fall to him and his
boulsterers, by the distribution of Bishoprickes.
Beshrewe mee hut those Church-liuings would come
well to decayed courtiers. O howe meerilye the
Dice would runnc, if our lustye laddes might goe
to hazard for halfe a dozen of these Dioses[es]. Not
a page but woulde haue a flinge at some or other
impropriation or personage: and in conclusion, those
linings wliich now maintaine so many schollers and
students, would in two or three yeares be all spent
in a Tauerne amongst a consort of queanes and fidlers,
that might carouse on their wine-bench to the confusion
of religion. Well, to proceede in this text of
reformation: is not this thy meaning Martin, that
diou wouldest haue two and fiftie thousand Pastors,
for two and fiftie thousand Parish churches in England
and Wales. If thou saicst the word, we will haue a
place in both Vniucrsities, begin in Oxford first with
die fresh-men, and so go vp to the heades of the
Vniuersitie, and then count how many thou canst
make. Our Beadles that know the number best,
would needes pcrswade vs, that of all sortes, there
is not full three thousand: in Cambridge they say
there is not so many by a thousand, then call thy
wits together, and imagin with thy selfe, out of these
three thousand, and two thousand of all gatherings,

FOR A PARRAT.

49

how many good preachers may be mustered, some
foure hundreth as I gesse, peraduenture thou maist
rebate them to some fiftie or threescore, because there
is no more open-mouthes of thy profession in both
Vniuersilies: How farre this fiftie is from fiftie
thousand, a farthing worth of Arithmetike will teach
you: where wilt thou haue then a competent number
to fill vp those defects of dum ministers : inspiration
I perceiue must helpe to patch vp your knauerie,
and then welfare the cobler of Norwitch, that being
one morning somthing earelie at Saint Androwes,
and the Preacher not come before the Psalme was
ended, stept vp into the pulpet verie deuoutly, and
made me a good thriftie exhortation in the praise
of plaine dealing. If this bee not true, aske the
Maior that committed him to prison for his labour.
Such another Doctour would he proue, that standing
in election for a liuing that was then in her Maiesties
bestowing, came to be examined by men of grauitie
in the circumstance of his sufficiencie, who discending
eft soones into his vnschooled simplicitie, gaue him
this litle English to be made in Latin. There be
three Creedes, the Nycen Creede, Athanatius Creede,
and the Apostles Creede, all which ought to be
belieued vpon paine of damnation. The good simple
superintendant, that saw himselfe so hardly beset,
craued respite to compasse this vulgar, which graunted,
after some deliberation he began thus to go forward,
"Tria sunrCreda, vnum Niceni, alterum Athanasii,
tertium Apostolorum, quae omnes debent esse creditum,

50

AN ALMOND

sub poena! condemnationis." 1 marrie Sir, here is
apeece of scholershippe of the new cut, which for
the goodnesse of the Ladn might haue borne a part
in. the Pewteres paggeant. I keepe a register of ten
thousand sucTT knacks. Why, there is not a Presician
in England that hath abused arte, ov mistoken a
metaphor but I haue his name in blacke and white,
what say you to that zealous sheepebyter of your
owne edition in Cambridge, that saide the wicked
had a scabbe, a braune, and a crust on tlieir conscieree,
being so full of their wilie gilies, that we that are
the true children of God can not tell how to concerne
them: or was not hee a sound carde, that talking
of the maiestie and authoritie of the scriptures, said
they were die sweete meates of Saintes, the houshold
stuffe of heauen, and the home spunne cloth of the
Lords own loombes, being deliuered from the stonebow
of his mouth, when he appeared in glory on mount
Sinay: But this is nothing to the good sport of that
is behinde. What, I must tell you of a fellow that
trolles in his rethorike like Martin in his riddles.
This hors-holy father preaching on a time in Saint
Maries at Oxford, came off with this mannerly
comparison : There is an vglie and monstrous beast
in our tongue called a hogge, and this vgly and
monstrous beast in boistrous and tempesteous weather
lifts vp his snoute into the ayre, and cryes wrough,
wrough : euen so (deare people) tlie children of God
in the troublesome time of temptations, cry, Our helpe
is in the name of the Lord. Such another woodcocke

FOR A PARRAT.

.51

was he of Yarmouth, that said openly in the pulpet
whosoeuer weares a vayle, is an whore without ex-
cept.on, and on an other time, two women commim,
to be churched, whereof the one wore a vaile, the
other went without. He began his thankesgiuing
<n th.s forme: Let vs giue God thankes for the
safe dehuery of one of our sisters, for the other let
vs not giue God thankes, for she is a straunger, and
we haue nothing to doe with her, I take her to be
Dinah the harlot, that sat by the high way side, for
she hath a vayle ouer her face. In the next place
to him, shall he be put that railing on the Papists
>n h.s Sermon, alledged .this argument to confute
their religion, Nay (saith he) you may ^ther what
a wicked and spotted religion this papistrie is, for
Campion himselfe that was accounted their chiefest
pdler, was reported to haue had the poxe. I haue
another in my tables, that handling that place of
Iosua where Rahab entertained his spies, would
needes conclude all Inkeepers to be harlots, because
Rahab the harlot was an Inkeeper. I shall run
mypenne out of breath, if I articulate all the examples
of their absurdeties that I could. Haue not Trinitie
Hall men in Cambridge a preaching brother in
Bury yet in sute, for saying al, ^j,^ ^
pap,sts. To let him passe for a patch, that bein.,
maister of none ofthe meanest Colledges in Cambridge"
and by the oth of his admission, bound to take no
money for preferments, made answere to one that
offered him fortie markes to make his sonne fellow :
i- 2

52

AN ALMOND

God forbid I should take any money for it is against
my oth, but if you will giue me it in plate, He
pleasure him in what I may. This is the dreamer
if you be aduised, that is indebted aboue two
thousand houres to the Vn[iu]ersitie, which he hath
borrowed by three and foure at a time vpon seuerall
sundayes preaching as it came to his course: it is a
shame for him, that he doth not pay them, professing
such puritie as he doth. Martin, thou seest I
come not abruptly to thee like a rednosde ieaster,
that in the pride of his pottle-pots curries oiler a
reuelling riffe raffe of Tapsterly tauntes, and course
hempen quippes, such as our brokerly wits doe filsh
out of Bull the Hangmans budget, but I speake
plaine English, and call thee a knaue in thine owne
language. All the generation of yCa are Hipocrites
and belli-gods, that deuoure as much good meat
in one of your brotherly loue meetings, as would
wel-nye victuall the Queenes ships a whole moneth.
It is a shame for you to exclame so against Cardes,
and play thus vnreasonably at Maw as you do.
Gaffe Martin, doe you remember whom you vpbraided
by Primero? well let not me take you at Noddy
anie more, least I present you to the parish for a
ganger, this the ninth set that you haue lost, and
yet you will not leaue off. Beware Anthony Munday
be not euen with you for calling him Iudas, and lay
open your false carding to the stage of all mens
scorne I maruell Pasquill comes not away with his
legends, considering that the date of his promise is

FOR A PARRAT.

53

more then expired. It seemes he stayes for some
Saintes that are yet to suffer, and wants none but
Martin to make vp his legend of Martyres, if it be
so I woulde thou wouldest come aloft quickly, that
we might haue this good sport altogether, and not
liue euer in expectation of that which is not. O I
could furnish him to the proofe with such a packet
of male and female professors, as the world might
not patterne. A good old dunstable doctor here in
London, should be the formost of them, that saide
his wife was as good as our Ladie: and another time
quarrelling with one of his neighbours that was a
sa'dler, about setting vp of the. Organs, in a good
zeale he lift vp his fist, and stroke out two of his
fore teeth, like a right man of peace: where haue
you lived my brethren, that you haue not heard of
that learned Presbiter, that talking how Adam fell
by eating of the Apple, discourst thus: Adam eate
the Apple and gaue it to his wife, whereby is to be
noted that the man eate and the woman eate, the
man eate, but how, a snap and away: the woman
eat, but how, she laide her thumbe on the stalke, and
her finger on the coare and bitte it ouerthwart, in
which byting it ouerthwart, she broke all the
cominaundements, insomuch as vnder ten greene spots
the ten commandments in euery Apple are comprised :
and besides that corrupted her flue senses. From
whence wee may gather this obseruation, that a
woman alwaies eates an Apple ouerthwart. Why,
this is sound diuinitie, and apt for to edify, Sed

54

AN ALMOND

aheundum est mihi, and from the Cleargie must I
leape to the Laytie. Wherefore God euen good
man Dauy of Canterbury, and better lucke betide
thee and thy limbes, then when thou dauncedst a
whole Sunday at a wedding, and aftcrwardc-s repent
ing they selfe of thy prophane agilitie, thou entredst
into a more serious meditation against what table
thou hadst sinned, or what part was the principall
in this antike iniquitie. The eyes they were the
formost in this enditement, but the legs, (O those
leude legs,) they brought him thither, they kept
him there, they leapt, they daunced, and 1 leualted
to the Vials of vanitie : wherefore, what didst thou
but like a true christian chastised them accordingly.
The scripture saith, if thine eye offend thee, plucke
it out, Dauy saith, my hose and shoes haue
offended nice, therefore will I plucke them off.
This text thus applyed, off went the wollen stockings
with a trice, and they with the good neates leather
shoes were cas'- both into thc bottom of a well.
The sinners thus punished, and all parties pleased,
home went the pilgrim Dauy barefoote and barelegge.
And now since wind and tide serues, now I care
not ifl cut ouer to Ipswitch: there is- a Cowdresser
there that I am sure will, entertaine me if she be
not dead, great lane of Ipswitch they call her, one
that hath beene a tender mother to many a Martinist
in her time, and hath a very good insight in a
canne of strong wine. A good vertuous Matrone
is she and a wise, hauing no fault but this, that

FOR A PARRAT.

55

she will be drunke once a day, and then .she lyes
her downe on her bedde, and cryes, O my God,
my God, thou knowest I am drunke, and why I
should offend thee my God by spuing thus, as I
do. I haue not beene in Essex yet, but lie set
in my staffe there as I go home, for 1 haue a petition
for my brother that made the Sermon of Repentance
to deliucr vp forme to the Councell: but it must
not be such a one as he deliuered for liim selfe
to my Lord Treasurer, beginning with O sweet
Margery, could thy eyes see so fare, thy hands
fecle so farre, or thy eares heare so farre &c. for
then euerie seining man will mocke vs, but it must
be of another tune, with most pitifully complaining,
that a man can not call an Asse, asse, but he shall
be had coram nobis. In this vaine enough, because
actions of the case are chargeable, and Guilde
men vncharitable. If die dogge Martin barke againe,
lie hold him tugge for two or three courses, and
then beware my blacke booke you were best,
for I haue not halfe cmboweld my register. Amend,
amend, and glorie no more in your hipocrisie, least
your pride and vaine glory betray our prosperitie
to our cnimies, and procure the Lords vengeance to
dwell in the gates of our citie. The simple are
abused, the ignorant deluded, and Gods truth most
pitifully peruerted, and thou art that most wretched
seducer, that vnder wolues raiment deuourest widowes
houses. Visions are ceast, and all extraordinarie
reuelation ended, although a good fellow in Cambridge,

5G

AN ALMOND FOR A PARRAT.

liearing all thinges might be obtained by prayer,
prayed two dayes and two nightes for visions:
wherefore broach no more heresies vnder colour
of inspiration: if thou doest, diou art like to heare
of me by the next Carrier. And so bon nute to
your Noddishippe. Yours to command as your owne
for two or three cudgellings at all times.
Culbert Curriknaue the yonger.

NOTES.

Paob 9, line 28. induments] from induo, Latin, to put on ;
cover over. The word, as a noun, does not occur in Todd's
Johnson nor in NSres.
" Diana's shape and habit them indued." —Sandys' Ovid, b. ii.
"One first matter all
Indu'd with various forms."— Millon, Par. Lost.
P. 11, 1.6. unuenidall sinnes] Unvenial 1 it seems used in
contradistinction to venial.
P. 11, 1 8. despairing protestations] This is an allusion to
"The Protestatyon of Martin Mar-Prelat, wherein notwith
standing the surprizing of the printer, he maketh it known vnto
the world that he feareth, neither proud priest, Antichristian
pope, tiranous prellate, nor godlesse catercap."
P. 12, 1. 28. burUbona") Todd, in his edition of Johnson, has
adduced one illustration of the word burly, which approximates
to the meaning here, that of loud, boisterous; derived, ashe sup
poses from borlen, Teut, to make a noise. Though neither in
Nares nor Todd, it will be found in Nash's Pierce Penniless [Re
print, Shaksp. Soe, p. 25] : "The most grosse and senseless
proud dolts are the Danes, who stand so much vpon their
vnweldie burlibound souldiery, that they account of no man that
G

58

NOTES.

hath not a battle-axe at his girdle to hough dogs with, or weare*
not a cock's fcthcr in a thrumb hat like a oaualier: briefly, he is
the bestfoole bragart under heaven."
P. 13, 1. 25. hodic-perles] Nash, in his Anatomie of Absurdities,
uses the word hoddy-pekc, there implying cuckold, which is the
meaning it bears in this place.
"Who under her husband's that hoddy-peke's nose must have1
all the distilling dew of his delicate rose."
P. 14, 1. 2. trttc-pennie] See the Notes to the Reprint of
"Hay any Worke for Cooper," p. 79.
P. 14, 1. 7. Buls slicing.'] Bull was the name ofthe common
hangman j he is quoted some two or three times in "Pap with a
Hatchet," and in many of the Dramas of the time.
P. 15, 1. 21. Old Martin of England.] An allusion to the " lust
censure and reproofe of Martin lunior, by his reuerend and elder
brother Martin Senior."
P. 16, 1. 14. dudgen distinction.] I am unable to explain this.
P. 16, last line, bibble -babble.] Idle talk.
"Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heaven restore! endeavour
thyself to sleep, leave thy vain bibble babble." Shakspeare, TwelfthNight.
P. 17, 1. 1. gihbrige] Gibberish.
P. 17, 1. 19. Cli. the Cobler, Sfc.] ClifTe, Newman, Lawson.
P. 22, 1. 25. Will Tong.] I cannot give any account of this
worthy, unless Will. Kempe, who succeeded the celebrated
Tarlton, is mraiit. Elderton's name is well known, his rimes
and ballets arc tlie subject of frequent allusion in thc dramas and
pamphlets of the time. See " Pap with a Hatchet," [Reprint,
p. 14]. Harvey's "Pierce's Supererogation." [Reprint, p. 181.]
P. 23, 1. 25. his Welchnes.] An allusion to Penry.
P. 24, 1. 4. Hodgkins, Tomlins and Sims.] Hodgkins, and his

NOTES.

59

two men, Tomlyn and Symms, who were employed to print the
Mar-Prelate Tracts after Waldegrave' s press had been broken
up, were seized at Manchester in printing "More work for the
Cooper." Their examination will be found in Strype's Annals,
vii. 602-5.— See also much information in Sutclifle's Answer to
Job Throckmorton, p. 72, 4to, 1595.
P. 25, 1 8. Bumfeging.] i. e. belabouring. The word does
not occur in Nares. In "Hay any Worke for Cooper," Martin
says, "For ise so bumfeg the Cooper," &c. [Reprint, p. 24.]
P. 26, 1 5. the aged champion of Warwicke.] i. e. Thomas
Cartwright. P. 26, 1. 8. Phi. Stu.] Philip Stubbes, the brother-in-law of
Cartwright. His "Anatomy of Abuses," was printed in 1589.
P. 31, 1. 24. ribrost.] To belabour, to beat soundly.
"I have been pinched in flesh, and well ribramlcd under my
former masters; but I'm in now for skin and all." — V Estrange.
P. 35, 1, 26. anie more bones.] i. e. without scruple.
"Perjury will easily donne with him that hath made no bones of
murther." — Bp. Hall, Cases of Conscience.
P. 39, 1. 6. Pen. $c] Nash is evidently mistaken in attributing
all the Mar-Prelate Tracts to him. The description which fol
lows powerfully reminds us of Nash's characteristic portrait of
Gabriel Harvey.
P. 44, 1. 2. Capcase.] A small travelling case, according to
Nares, 72.
P. 50, 1. 8. sheepe byter.] A petty thief.
" There are political shcepbiters as well as pastoral, betrayers
of publick trusts as of private."— L' Estrange.
•• May it please Gentle Pierce in the divine fury of his ravished
spirit, to be graciously good unto his poor friends, who would
be somewhat loth to be silly sheep for the wolf, or other sheep-
Uter."—G. Harvey's Pierce's Supererogation.

YALE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY

3 9002 03741 2989

m

y ;: