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Copyrighted 1901, by The Nut Shell
AROUND the CAPITAL
WITH UNCLE HANK
RECORDED TOGETHER
WITH {M^INY TICTURES
BY
THOMAS FLEMING
tAuthor of "Around the 'Tan,' " etc., etc,
1902
PUBLISHED BY
The Nutshell Publishing Co., New York
Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1902, by
THE NUTSHELL PUBLISHING CO.,
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington,
Registered at Stationers' Hall, London, England.
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER I.
PAGK
A Characterization 1
CHAPTER II.
Uncle Hank 11
CHAPTER III.
The House of Representatives 19
CHAPTER IV.
The House Restaurant 37
CHAPTER V.
The Senate 45
CHAPTER VI.
An Interview 61
CHAPTER VII.
A Bit of the Capitol 71
CHAPTER VIII.
The Dome 91
CHAPTER IX.
An Adventure in the Supreme Court 101
CHAPTER X.
The Humorous Side of the Capitol Ill
CHAPTER XI.
A Talk with Uncle Sam 123
CHAPTER XII.
The Library of Congress 133
CHAPTER XIII.
A Walk Up Pennsylvania Avenue 163
CHAPTER XIV.
Inauguration Day 183
vi CONTENTS.
CHAPTER XV. „A„PAGE
Uncle Hank Gets Shaved in the Senate Barber Shop 191
CHAPTER XVI.
The Pension Building 201
CHAPTER XVII.
Invention's Home 209
CHAPTER XVIII.
Uncle Sam's Money Factory 225
CHAPTER XIX.
The Treasury Building 235
CHAPTER XX.
State, War and Navy 247
CHAPTER XXI.
The White House 257
CHAPTER XXII.
A Strenuous Walk 270
CHAPTER XXIII.
A Climb of Nine Hundred Steps 279
CHAPTER XXIV.
The World in Glass Cases 291
CHAPTER XXV.
The Curbstone Market Place 303
CHAPTER XXVI.
A Peep at the Hotels 309
CHAPTER XXVII.
A Visit to the Postal Cemetery 322
CHAPTER XXVIII.
Sculptures and Paintings 328
CHAPTER XXIX.
The Statues 335
CHAPTER XXX.
The Navy Yard 339
CHAPTER XXXI.
Adieu 345
FOREWORD.
"FRAME YOUR MIND TO MIRTH AND MERRI
MENT, WHICH BARS A THOUSAND HARMS AND
LENGTHENS LIFE." THUS SPOKE THE BARD
OF AVON WITH THAT RARE INSIGHT INTO HU
MAN NATURE THAT SEEMED TO BORDER ON
THE MIRACULOUS. IF THIS VOLUME— LARGE
LY PLAYING, AS IT DOES, UPON THE FOIBLES
AND VAGARIES OF PUBLIC LIFE IN WASHING
TON—SHOULD AWAKEN LATENT HUMOR IN
THE PUBLIC MEN OF TO-DAY, THEREBY SHOW
ING A NEW AND BETTER SIDE TO THEIR NA
TURES, THEN IT WILL HAVE RENDERED AN
ADDITIONAL SERVICE TO THAT FOR WHICH IT
WAS INTENDED— A PORTRAYAL OF THE HU
MOROUS SIDE OF LIFE AT THE CAPITAL.
THE AUTHOR.
THE INAUGURATION OP A PRESIDENT.
AROUND THE CAPITAL
WITH UNCLE HANK.
CHAPTER I.
A CHARACTERIZATION.
Wouldst thou be cured, thou silly, moping elf,
Laugh at her follies — laugh e'en at thyself;
To sum up all, be merry, I advise,
Arid as we're merry, may we still be wise! — Burns.
eVERY true American should have a pride in the
beautiful city of Washington. All that counts for
the glory of the only true republic on earth is cen
tered in this historic capital.
Replete with reminiscence, it affords numberless oppor
tunities for exuberant patriotism, and the American citizen
who is not thrilled with patriotic fervor on first viewing its
beautiful avenues and magnificent buildings is certainly de
void of that sense of pride of country supposed to exist in
the heart of every true citizen of this great latter-day re
public. She is most feminine, this queen of cities — fickle, capri
cious and coquettish.
^G^tsfZ^zjzlAj^rt^
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
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^•^OON.^.C.TE-^
Bejeweled with architectural gems, she is vain of her
attractions. Courted by all who have gifts to bestow, favored like a
spoiled child, she has become proud, haughty and arrogant.
You'll like her, nevertheless.
You should know her — this gay, high-colored, aristocratic
city, possessing many of the attributes of her monarchical
sisters of the Old World, rivaling the Rome of the Csesars in
her magnificent entertainments.
Yet, withal, there is a certain democratic atmosphere
about her that dispels this imperialistic tendency.
She is thoroughly feminine in her contradictions; while
her social leaders are most exclusive in their entertainments,
her most distinguished citizen, the President, can be ap
proached by the most humble.
In the matter of adornment, she shows the most pro
nounced inconsistencies, some of her public statues being
of the highest artistic excellence, while others are so de
ficient in merit as to almost border on the ridiculous.
She has the feminine characteristic of changing her mind
with each incoming Administration — smiling coquettishly
with the party in power to-day; to-morrow ardently flirting
with its successors.
"Thou art not false, but thou art fickle." — Byron.
Washington was named after the immortal "George,"
who had considerable of a reputation for probity, and the
2
MRS. SENATOR GTLT-MILLION occupies a very large place In Washington society. Being
a lady of considerable avoirdupois, it was predicted that when she started to climb the
social ladder, It was doubtful If it would withstand the strain; but the Senator's
experience with large corporations enabled him to succeed In pushing her up to the high
position she now occupies in society at the Capital.
3
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
new Capital, with its magnificent buildings and spacious
avenues, is surely a worthy and enduring monument to the
immortal George, who could not tell a lie.
There are those who assert that were George Washington
living to-day he would be considered decidedly a back num
ber, for, say they, the twentieth-century statesmen are surely
consummate masters of the dissembling art, in which he was
so conspicuously deficient. But always there are those who
howl calamity from the housetops and who refuse to believe
in the integrity of the present.
Modern methods, though less ostentatious of righteous
ness, are doubtless no less honest than was the old-fashioned
probity of the founders. In no age are all men virtuous ; in
no generation are they all degenerate. Humanity preserves
its own equilibrium. This is the law of the progress which
is its purpose. If there is more corruption now than in the
early days of the republic, there is also more honesty. The
proportion is the same.
To-day, in the full glare of the publicity of the modern
newspaper, few things can be hidden ; every public matter is
laid bare before the judgment of an argus-eyed investiga
tion. Wrong is and must be, but, in the words of Garfield,
"God reigns and the Government at Washington still lives."
Still it is well for the visitor to keep an eve on his Congress
man, so as to be sure that you will get all ''that is a-comin'
to you."
Often, however, the demands upon the time and money of
our national representatives are so great that they exclaim in
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
despair: "But where do I come in?" For theirs is no easy
life, and the pay is not at all commensurate with the worry.
Being a Mecca for office-seeking politicians and log-roll
ing lobbyists, Washington attracts hosts of eccentric charac
ters whose adventures in search of the spoils of office often
result in very.ludicrous situations.
It differs from all other cities in many essentials, having a
large "floating" population. The statistics of the liquor
trade will bear out the truth of this statement.
If one wishes to see how much fun there is in certain lines
of Washington life, the newly elected Congressman, when
he first arrives at the capital, wil'. fill the bill. He is usually
attired after the manner of statesmen, with closely buttoned
frock coat, highly polished boots, and, if from the West, a
wide-brim, slouch hat.
If he hails from an Eastern constituency his head is likely
surmounted with a bright, tall, silk hat.
He struts along Pennsylvania Avenue with head and
shoulders thrown well back, clearly conscious of his new
found importance, and woe betide the old-time friends who,
would dare to address him familiarly. All are held at arm's
length. This state usually lasts about a month. Then, as he
becomes familiarized with his high station, he gradually
unbends until at the end of the second month of his term he
is most likely to be seen accepting an invitation to the "bar"
of the House at the expense of some visiting constituent.
The atmosphere of the Capital has a peculiar effect on
local reputations when they are first brought within its in-
5
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AROUND THE CAPITAL.
W. CADAfUONNC, GA.
IND
fluence. Many a budding statesman, who at home could
blow a mighty trumpet blast, has found that he made no
more noise than a jew's-harp in a brass band when he
reached the Capitol.
A man must, indeed, be great to show above the crowd
where many eminent men abound. One cannot go about the
streets without running into a Supreme Court Justice, an
admiral, a general, a Pullman-car porter or some one equally
great; and it is not at all safe to address a stranger on the
street as colonel lest he should prove to be a general.
It is certainly disconcerting, when, after having been
seated next to a gentleman in a theatre, and having gone
out with him a couple of times between the acts for refresh
ments, or fresh air, and after having become quite familiar
with him, to have some one come up and address him as
"General." This is apt to take some of the conceit out of
one, especially if one should happen to be — merely a colonel.
A glance at the occupants of a Washington trolley car will
usually show them to be statesmen with massive brows and
all the appearances of overpowering intellect.
But these are merely surface indications. If one should
take the trouble to follow them to their destinations il
might be discovered that they were merely department
clerks. Everything in the city of Washington savors of states
manship. The people walk the streets like Roman Senators,
with stately tread and with an air of tremendous importance.
The letter-carrier, who in other cities goes his rounds with
6
REAR ADMIRAL ROBLEY D. EVANS, P. B. (Fighting Bob) has a great
reputation as a fighter, having no fear whatever of danger in any form,
be it in the shape of Cannon balls, Plsh balls or Inauguration balln.
Wears Cannon balls for buttons on his uniform and is never seen with
out a. chip on his shoulder.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
l7>t«y&&ktZZT*
MASS. M^r
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the heavy step of a hard-working man, in Washington hands
you your mail with all the aplomb of an ambassador deliver
ing a message of State; and your newsboy salutes you like
an aide-de-camp when you hand him a nickel.
It's in the air, and you can no more escape it than you can
the grippe when influenza abounds.
Washington is often referred to as the city of magnificent
distances. Whether this is a compliment or a stigma has
never been fully determined. One thing is certain — there is
a magnificent distance between the United States Senator
and the common citizen — in the estimation of the former.
This magnificent distance, however, does not exist between
the President and the sovereign people. It is erroneously
believed by many that he is elected to occupy a position
somewhat resembling that of the ruler of a great nation.
This is palpably a misconception. His ostensible position is
that of Chief Executive, but his real vocation is that of chief
handshaker at the White House.
To see the President standing in the East Room at the
Executive Mansion shaking hands with a long line of vis
itors from every section of our great and glorious republic,
comprising specimens of all grades of humanity, is a sight
never to be forgotten, and the way they beam on him with
a certain proprietary sort of air (as if to say, "My vote
helped to put you where you are") is replete with humor.
It was related of a great poet of the last century that "he
dearly loved a lord." It can truthfully be said of the great
American public that it dearly loves a President whose hand
8
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT.
A »ketch from life, In the White Hou»e.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
v — - ky. ?*£•
it can shake. Shaking and squeezing his hand is one of the
ways it has of showing its patriotism, and Washingtonians
are particularly patriotic. Flags are flown from the win
dows on the slightest provocation.
Periods of time are here reckoned by Administrations.
Washingtonians wishing to recall the date of some past
event always refer to it as having occurred during some
Administration, Anno Domini being completely ignored.
Washington is an American city — no city in the country
is more American — without the one characteristic that is
supposed to be most American. It has no business. There
is no commerce nor trade in the city at all commensurate
with its importance and population, and although the Capi
tal of a nation of people who love the theatre, is, in the
slang of the profession, only a "one-week stand."
These little incongruities show what an incongruous city
it is. However, with all its inconsistencies, the National
Capital is a gem of the first water — a jewel in Columbia's
crown of cities, of which every American should feel proud.
10
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER II.
UNCLE HANK,
W"^ ENRY SLOCUM was as fine a specimen of Yankee
m^k manhood as it was possible to find. His kindly
I ¦ intelligent face beamed with good nature and
* seemed incapable of a frown. Although his gait
was somewhat ungainly and his make-up savored of the
cornfield and potato patch, no one, who really knew him,
would think of underestimating his abilities. But occasion
ally some one would size up the old gentleman as an ordi
nary countryman and endeavor to measure wits with him,
and would find to his astonishment that he was no match
for the astute New Englander.
Uncle Hank, as he was familiarly known, possessed all
the traits of character peculiar to his race. Keenly alive to
the humorous aspects of every situation, he was nevertheless
a philosopher as well, and many a witticism was accom
panied by some sage allusion that rendered the humorous
observation more than ordinarily effective.
He had long wished for an opportunity to visit the Na
tional Capital, of which he had heard and read so much in,
his span of threescore and ten of existence.
His life had been spent largely on a typical New England
11
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AROUND THE CAPITAL.
farm about a dozen miles from Medford, Mass. Save for
a couple of trips to Boston he had never left home for an
extended visit until he had made a journey to the Pan-Amer
ican Exposition, and that experience just put his sight
seeing proclivities on edge and, as he expressed it to Salem
Sodgett, his neighbor, "He'd read so tarnal much abaout thet
Washington thet he guessed he'd hev tew go thar an' see
th' place thet th' noospapers hed so much tew say abaout." .
As he stood one bright morning in midwinter with his
"grip" in one hand and a bulky umbrella under his arm
while he carefully adjusted his spectacles to more accurately
survey the imposing structure known as the Capitol Build
ing, he suddenly burst out with an ejaculation of surprise
and merriment.
"Frum th' sublime tew th' ridickulus — 'tis but a step ! — ¦
Jest look at th' monkeyfied ackshuns of thet feller? I'll bet
he's a new Congressman hevin' his pictur took tew send
hum tew his constitooents tew show 'em he's th' only
statesman tew be seen on th' Capitol steps, an' he's got up
early tew do et."
Uncle Hank's sarcastic remarks were evoked by the
ridiculous spectacle afforded by the theatrical postures of
a presumably new member who had taken advantage of the
early hour of the day to get a photographer to take his
majestic figure standing on the steps of the Capitol. In
posing to get the best effect he had assumed every position
known to posturing statesmen, besides many which are not
known off the Comic Opera stage. It was the ridiculous
1»-
"A WISE DOG NEVER KILLS SHEEP NEAR TEW HUM— SUM OV TH' CONGRISSMEN
EN WASHINGTON EZ A THOUSAND MILES FRUM HUM."— UNCLE HANK.
lo
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j.^^u^:.
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appearance created by some of these postures that called
forth the amused ejaculation from the plain matter-of-fact
farmer who also had gotten up early to see the sights.
He had, in fact, just completed a jaunt around the stately
structure and was waxing enthusiastic in its praise when the
humorous spectacle of the "new member" posing for a
photograph caught his eye. It was too much for the risi
bilities of the witty Yankee —
"Shades ov Dan'l Webster! Ef thet's a sample ov a
Congressman I don't think much ov Congress — but I won
der ef et's like ez Salem Sodgett (who's a good bit ov a
politicianer up aour way) sez 'they ain't sendin' no good
men tew Congress naow'days — all th' brainy men ez
hired by th' Trusts.' An' ef th' one I see this mornin' be
a true sample ov th' lot I calkilate he's abaout right, by
ginger !"
As he ascended the Capitol steps he resolved to hunt
up his nephew, Harry Slocum, who was a newspaper corre
spondent at Washington and who, he rightly judged, could
aid him materially in seeing the sights at the Capital.
As he walked along the corridor towards the south wing
he stopped a page who was hurrying to his station in the
"House." "Sonny," exclaimed he, "kin ye tell me whar I kin find
Harry Slocum?"
"Has he got anything to do with the pages?" inquired
the boy,
U
ADJ.-GENERAL HENRY CLARK CORBIN has a fine record in the war office; having se
cured it by walking rough shod over Miles (of red tape). In military circles is known
as the autocrat of Washington D. C. (District of Corbln).
15
• H'O/
NY. MC-
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Pages ! Why, sonny, he knocks aout page after page
fer them Noo-England papers."
"He must be a scrapper," exclaimed the youth in amaze
ment. "I reckon he is, ef thet's what ye call them fellers thet
ketches every scrap ov noos thet's tew be ketched," replied
the old man.
"Oh, you mean he's a correspondent," exclaimed the
youth, with a smile. "I guess you'll find your friend in
the press gallery," and the young man pointed the way to
the stairs, up which Uncle Hank lost no .time in making his
way. Just as he was about -to enter the exclusive gallery
reserved for the newspaper fraternity, he was accosted by
a dapper young man who grasped him familiarly by the
hand. "Why, Uncle, I've been looking for you all the morning,"
he exclaimed. "Mother wrote me you were coming and
told me to be on the lookout for you, and to show you all
there was to be shown."
"Wall, ye see, Harry, I hed hearn so much abaout Wash
ington an' th' big men tew be seen hereabaouts thet I jest
thot I'd look an' see fer myself ef they waz ez big an' ez
great ez they sed they waz.",
"Well, Uncle, I- trust your expectations will be realized,"
remarked Harry with a smile.
"Ez th' poet sez — 'Distance lends incl.antment tew th'
view' — an' I reckon some ov them great men shrink con
ic
M TITTES CAMBON Ambassador from France has all the characteristic politeness of man-
ner pe^Hafr^'rat H!s motto is "In Washington do as they do in Pans-Be PoUte.
17
N ._ . ' M.t
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
siderbal when ye git 'em et short range," and the old gen
tleman's face broadened into a smile as he recalled the
amusing spectacle he had witnessed as he ascended the
Capitol steps that morning.
"Now, Uncle," exclaimed Harry, "I'll have to introduce
you as a journalist, as the press gallery is supposed to be
for newspaper men exclusively, and I'll trust to your
ready wit to answer all requirements." And with this the
pair entered the enclosure allotted to the press.
\NY;
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18
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER III.
THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.
•J BS Uncle Hank took his seat in the press gallery with
LM his nephew at his elbow to point out the celebrities
W ¦ on the floor and to explain the various methods
of parliamentary procedure, he noticed that the
Speaker's desk was directly beneath him and his first whis
pered question to his mentor was in reference to this
personage. "Ye call him th' Speaker?" he inquired. "Why, he
hain't doin' no speakin' ez I kin see ; et's them fellers on th'
floor thet's doin' all th' speakin'," and the old gentleman's
face bore a peculiar expression which his nephew was un
able to define as indicative of inquiry or mirth.
"They don't seem tew be payin' much attenshun tew thet
chap thet's speakin' over thar?" continued he.
"He's a new member, Uncle; they don't pay much atten
tion to new members."
A new member had secured the floor to divest himself of
his maiden speech, and he had fondly imagined that he was
the cynosure of all eyes. Had he not been so fully en
grossed in his subject he would have noticed that after a
few minutes' attention from his fellow members (due in a
19
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AROUND THE CAPITAL.
great measure to curiosity and a desire to "size up" a new
aspirant for Congressional honors) he was speaking to
empty chairs as far as the House was concerned. As
soon as he began to warm up to his subject the older mem
bers proceeded to settle back in their seats immersed in
newspapers, or began to chat with one another in so free a
manner that soon the Hall was filled with the hum of con
versation which was only partly subdued by the sharp
rapping of the Speaker's gavel.
Finally he began to realize that he was not being listened
to and he proceeded to raise his voice to a higher key.
This only served to raise the pitch of the conversation about
him until, in sheer desperation, he appealed to the "Chair"
for attention on the part of the "House."
Then the Speaker rapped loudly and persistently for
order, and the new member proceeded with his address with
a little better attention from a few members in his immedi
ate vicinity, while the rest of the members, being perfectly
indifferent as to what an unknown might have to say,
quietly, one by one, stepped out to the cloak rooms to
resume their story telling or taking advantage of a lull in
the proceedings (as they considered the new member's
allotment of time), adjourned to the House Restaurant to
allay a newly discovered hunger — or thirst.
Just as he was becoming used to the situation and was
beginning to believe that he was delivering an oratorical
masterpiece he was rudely brought to a sudden stop by the
pounding of the Speaker's gavel and, pausing to learn the
.20
THE NEW MEMBER.
21
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
OHIO M.C.
''•W.DAViS ^'t
cause, was coldly informed that his allotment of time was
exhausted. Then mopping the perspiration from his
fevered brow he resumed his seat, a sorely disappointed
and disillusioned man.
Uncle Hank's attention was now called to several mem
bers jumping to their feet and frantically waving their
arms, trying to get recognition from the Speaker, who
finally designated the "Gentleman from New York" as
being entitled to the floor.
"That is Sereno Payne, the leader of the majority," ex
plained Harry. "You see the Democrats are on the right
and the Republicans left."
"Republicans left — an' in th' majority? I reckon yer
wrong abaout thet, Harry," retorted the old gentleman,
poking him in the ribs to emphasize his little joke.
"Et's wonderful haow th' Speaker kin recollect th' State
each member comes frum th' moment he hops up," con
tinued Uncle Hank.
"Yes, it is wonderful," replied Harry. "Speaker Hen
derson is an adept in that line. That white-haired member
sitting about the center of the left is Galusha Grow, of
Pennsylvania, the Patriarch of the House. He was
Speaker before the Civil War. The tail, thin looking man
who is speaking to him is Joseph G. Cannon of Illinois,
the Chairman of the Committee on Appropriations — a
most important committee, as it practically has charge of
Uncle Sam's purse strings."
"Who's thet chap with th' round shoulders, talkin' tew
22
SPliAKGR HENDERSON IN ACTION.
23
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ten/*. " n.c.
th' little fat feller?" inquired Uncle Hank, indicating a
couple of members directly beneath them.
"That is Spencer Blackburn of North Carolina talking to
George B. McClellan of New York, the son of 'Little Mac,'
the famous Union General of the Civil War," replied
Harry, "and the two members coming down the aisle are
General Grosvenor of Ohio and General Harry Bingham of
Pennsylvania, and that distinguished looking man they've
stopped to talk to is Champ Clark of Missouri, one of the
best speakers on the Democratic side."
"Champ, did ye say, Harry?" inquired the old gentleman,
in a quizzical tone. "Ez thet short fer Champeen?"
"No, Uncle, but the name fits him — he's the champion
debater on the minority's side. Some of the member's
names are quite suggestive of their dispositions ; for in
stance, there is William Sulzer, whom the members have
nicknamed 'Seltzer,' on account of his tendency to pop
up at unexpected times ; and then there is R. R. Hitt, who
hit the railroads pretty hard on several occasions. Some
of the names, however, are not quite so appropriate —
Moody of North Carolina is not at all moody or morose,
and no one would think of intimating that H. C. Loudens-
lager was addicted to 'lager.' "
"I see ye've got them names down purty fine, Harry," re
marked the old man- when he had concluded his description.
"Naow, what might be th' name ov thet tall bean-pole
over yonder?"
"That is the tallest member of the House — Cyrus A.
24
GALUSHA GROW, M. C, from
Pa. Original discoverer of
Congress, the date of his dis
covery is not definitely
known, being far beyond the
memory of the present gen
eration. "Was elected speaker
in 1861, but managed to grow
Out of it-
25
MINN. "*
M.C
wis.
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Sulloway, and the little fellow he is shaking hands with
is the new member who beat Perry Belmont after a red
hot fight in New York — Montague Lessler, who has
already made himself very popular with his fellow mem
bers." "Wall, they look like a free an' easy lot, half th' time they
pay no attenshun tew th' speeches."
"Well, you see, Uncle, they do most of their work in
the committee rooms, and it is rarely that a bill is passed
on the strength of the speeches made in its favor on the
floor." "Whar's th' logs, Harry?" inquired Uncle Hank, after
a searching glance over the "House."
"The logs — what logs? I don't quite understand."
"Why, them logs th' logrollers use."
"Oh, I see!" ejaculated Harry, with a smile. "I think
you'll be apt to find them in the lobby — among the lobby
ists." "Ez thet cloak room, whar they go tew cloak ther
crooked work — er ez et th' room ther female friends hang
up ther cloaks when they call on ther members?"
"Well, Uncle," responded Harry, "the cloak room is
rather out of date — you see the name was adopted at the
time when it was the fashion for members to wear long
cloaks. Now, Uncle, I propose we go down to the 'floor,'
as there is little likelihood of anything of an interesting
character happening as long as that member has the floor,"
pointing to a member in the rear of the chamber, who was
20
MONTAGUE LESSLER, M. C, from New York; notable as the man who beat Perry Belmont
in a race for Congress. Mr. Belmont thinks more of Less-ler now.
27
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
* *"
droning out what seemed like an interminable discourse
on the legal phase of a certain bill before the House.
As they passed along the corridors, Harry chanced, to
meet one of the members who had just been elected to
represent the most aristocratic district in New York City,
and in introducing him to his uncle had mentioned the
fact that he was a "tenderfoot." This seemed to grate
rather harshly on the sensibilities of the new member, who
retorted with some asperity :
"I say," said he, addressing his remarks to Harry, "there
is something about the way you newspaper-men have of
referring to men like myself as 'new' and 'tender' when
they first appear in Congress that goes against the grain.
My father was in Congress, and I have been imbibing
principles of statecraft ever since I wore knickerbockers.
When I first entered politics they called me a 'silk stock
ing,' and sneered openly because I changed my shirt once
or twice a day, although I can't see what the texture of a
man's hosiery or the frequency with which he changes his
linen has to do with his political convictions. As a matter
of fact, I prefer lisle thread to silk for hosiery.
"One thing I found out rather quickly in Congressional
life," he continued, "is that gentility is not a geographical
question. It is as apt to come from one section of the
country as from another, and there are many ways of
defining a gentleman. There is a friend of mine in the
House who is so Southern in fibre that when he talks I
am strongly reminded of the famous hero of F. Hopkinson
2S
JOSEPH G CANNON, M. ft, from Illinois, is chairman of the Committee on Approprla-
^ons. in this cap'ac.ty his a m is to successfully pierce the stee, armor ot the United
States Treasury. The Democrats (economically inclined when out of office) threaten to
fire Cannon When they get control ol Congress again.
0
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
¦&S-A
H.An.(Vl,C-P£'jN'
Smith's novel, 'Colonel Carter, of Cartersville.' He is a
gentleman to the core ; in fact, a thoroughgoing aristocrat.
Yet, he thinks I'm 'the limit' of Northern aristocracy, but
concedes that I "mean well.' "
"Well, you must admit that is a saving clause in his
estimate of you," retorted Harry, with a smile, "and in
regard to this stigma of newness, as you seem to view it, it
doesn't last long — next session you'll be a veteran."
"Thet reminds me ov a story," interposed Uncle Hank,
who had been listening intently to the remarks of the
New Yorker. "Daown en Bostin a tipsy Irishman got
onto a street car, an ez he sot daown he happened tew
run up again a dood who muttered somethin' abaout
'drunken fool.' Th' Irishman fastened his onsteady gaze
on th' dood, ez he retorted, 'Oi may be d'hrunk an' all thet
— Oi'll git over thet— but you're a dood ! an' you'll never
get over thot !' "
"It isn't the aspersion of 'newness' that I object to," ex
claimed the New Yorker, laughingly, when Uncle Hank
had concluded his story, "it's this confounded patronizing
air assumed by the old members that I can't stand."
"Wall, jest rub et in on th' next batch ov new Con
gressmen thet's elected," rejoined Uncle Hank, with a good
natured grin.
The party had now reached the main entrance to the
House, around which was congregated a number of people
patiently waiting to see the members lo whom they had
sent in their names. Presently a member would appear
30
C. H. GROSVENOR, M. C, from Ohio, is all wool and a yard wide. His touching appeal in
behalf of the Anti-Shoddy Bill brought tears from all of the wool growers and many
of the clothing manufacturers of the country. The tears of the latter were caused by
the apprehension that they might be compelled to manufacture clothing from real wool
hereafter. 31
KAN.
GVV.trTEELE.M.C.
1ND,
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
at the door holding a card in his hand, then spying some
one in the crowd he would move over to an obscure corner
with his visitor to engage in an earnest conversation. If
the member spoke in loud, strident tones, rest assured his
caller's mission was merely in relation to some trivial claim
for damages to a haystack, or the loss of a mule during
the war. But if the consultation was carried on in whispers,
accompanied by furtive glances around, the chances were
that a lobbyist was pursuing some deep laid scheme that
would not stand too close a scrutiny.
The crowd that surrounded the door well repaid study.
There was the man of business, clearly a bank president or
manager of some large corporation — if that rotund figure
and florid complexion counted for anything. Then there
was the inevitable politician, with his shiny silk hat and
loud clothes, and a deep bass voice that can only be acquired
by years of experience at Congressional conventions, or
boisterous primary meetings. Here and there in the throng
could be discerned anxious faces, eager with expectancy.
Their frayed, well worn garments telling eloquently of
days of patient waiting for positions in the departments, that
were so hard to obtain.
Some of the people about the door, however, were un
mistakably curiosity seekers, waiting to get a glimpse of
some well known member. Harry told Uncle Hank that
they were known as "Congressional rubbernecks."
"Et's a free show, Harry, an' ye can't blame 'em, fer et's
32
JOHN J. FEELY, M. C, from
Illinois, being the youngest
member is called the baby of
the house, but he is consoled
by the older members w.th
the assurance that he will
soon grow out of it. His
speeches are printed in the
Congressional Record as
"Baby Talk."
33
N.Y.
M.C
AROUND THE CAPITAL
ez good ez a circus tew watch some ov them Congress
men strut abaout like turkey gobblers in a barnyard."
After strolling about the corridors for some time, the
old gentleman proposed that they had better get some
thing to eat, "ez thet gnawin' sensashun in his stummick
waz gittin' altogether too annoyin'."
"The restaurant is right below," replied Harry, making
his way to the stone stairway leading to the famous
refectory, followed closely by the hungry farmer, who was
used to getting his noonday repast promptly on the stroke
of the noon hour.
34
WILLIAM SULZER and H. M. GOLDFOGLE, members of Congress from New York, are
close friends. When Congressman Sulzer bursts forth In eloquence on the floor ex-
Judge Goldfogle is usually an appreciative listener. Mr. Sulzer fondly imagines that Henry
Clay looked like William Sulzer. Some of his friends have sought to console him by
assuring him that he would eventually grow out of it.
35
I
.^CN>,
%^v
,„„'"»<''"""""""y'"
„,„*„,„'»>'<""""'""'
-^^.MfComb^r. MKs.M.A.rUnr,*. ll|«(;»mU, ^p.O.H.P.Belmont. Mnt.BWm.oh
..NE IN THE SENATE GALLERY.
51
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
country schoolmaster would look over his country school
room when he first came in in the morning, to see whether
his scholars had all arrived and were properly in their seats.
This is the venerable Senator Stewart, the silver Senator
from Nevada.
"I can't understand et, Harry !" whispered Uncle Plank to
his nephew.
"Can't undersand what?"
"Why, they say thet seat daown thar cost th' Senitcr
twenty-five thousand dollars, an' I'll vow ye kin git a better
one in Bostin fer ten dollars," and the old man nudged
Harry with his elbow to emphasize his little joke.
"You must remember that this is called the 'Millionaires
Club.' They've made the seats expensive, and it is said
that it is easier for the proverbial camel to go through the
eye of a needle than it is for a poor man to enter the Sen
ate nowadays."
"Wall, them Southern Senitors don't look like millyun-
airs !" exclaimed the old man.
"No, the Southern members are, as a rule, men in very
moderate circumstances. Morgan, Pettus, Blackburn,
Pritchard, Tillman, Barry, Simmons and Carmack would
hardly be termed wealthy men, but what they lack in wealth
they make up in aggressiveness "
"Tillman, fer instance!" ejaculated Uncle Hank, remem
bering the passage at arms on the Senate floor a short time
previous, in which the South Carolinian had figured quite
prominently. 5-Z
Oi
AROUND THE. CAPITAL.
V...C r.-nV • ^9-
"Who's thet smart lookin' chap thet's jest takin' his seat
thar?" he inquired of Harry, at the same time pointing his
finger towards a neat, dapper little man in a closely buttoned
frock coat.
"That is Senator Clark, the multi-millionaire copper
king of Montana. He is said to have the largest income
of any man in the Senate."
"All them copper kings make money, Harry. Ther's
Devery in Noo York ; when he waz king ov th' 'coppers' he
waz reported tew hev made lots ov money. Naow thar's a
fine-lookin' Senitor !" he continued, designating an exceed
ingly well-built man, broad shouldered and straight as an
Indian, with clear-cut features.
"That's Senator Bailey, the young Texan, who, if he
could control his temper, would make his mark in the
Senate some of these days," replied Harry, in the easy going
vernacular of the newspaper man.
The young Texan Senator is one of the few men in the
Senate who are personally popular with the correspondents.
He is frequently seen in the corridors of the Capitol telling
some funny story or imparting some choice bit of news to
the eager correspondent of some out-of-town paper. In
debate he is the match of any man in Congress. On one
occasion, in championing the rights of the State of South
Carolina, he was interrupted by Senator Hoar with a few
legal questions. Suavely he replied :
"Of course when the venerable Senator from Massa
chusetts asks about the law, the question answers itself.
54
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
The venerable Senator from Massachusetts is so dis
tinguished a lawyer that even if I thought him wrong I
should hesitate to say so."
The Senator from Massachusetts flushed until his white
hair looked much whiter by contrast.
Then Senator Foraker tried to measure wits with the
youthful Texan.
"That may be the law in Texas," he said, "but it is not
in any other State I ever heard of."
"There is a great deal of law the Senator from Ohio has
not heard of," retorted Senator Bailey in the blandest tone
imaginable. But the Ohioan was rash. He came back again :
"Undoubtedly, and especially in Texas, from what the
Senator has said."
The Texan played with him.
"I had the misfortune once to try a case in Ohio, and I
learned some remarkable law there," said he.
"I have no doubt you learned something before you got
through with it," retorted Foraker, with some heat.
The Republicans laughed.
"Yes," replied Bailey, in his peculiar drawl, "if there is
so much to be learned there I commend the Senator from
Ohio to stay there as much as his Senatorial duties will
allow." And the Senator from Ohio took his seat amid the
laughter that followed.
As Uncle Hank became better acquainted with the Sen-
55
:.OLM5TED.M.C PE*N.
tf flit POf^te***
FLA. M.C.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
ators he became more interested in their speeches and, as
was usual with him, his comments often took a humorous
turn. A Senator from the West in the course of his speech
orated: "No man can say this hand ever took any money,"
and holding his right hand aloft, looked proudly over the
Chamber. "Plaow abaout th' left hand?" inquiringly asked the old
man of his nephew, with a wink.
"Uncle, it is a wise provision of nature that provides pol
iticians with two hands," responded Harry.
Rap ! rap ! rap ! went the presiding officer's gavel. The
Senator who had been addressing the Senate stopped in
the midst of his peroration.
"A message from the President of the United States !" ex
claimed a tall, dignified official in dramatic tones, holding
aloft a monster envelope bearing a huge red seal which was
promptly passed up to the clerk of the Senate.
There is no question about the Senate being a very digni
fied body. Every Senator looks as though he was sus
taining a very great lead, and as a result the majority of
them are exceedingly round-shouldered. Whether this is
due to the strain of bearing weighty legislative problems
or the effect of carrying obstreperous legislatures is hard
to surmise. Harry told his uncle that he thought it was due
to the constant "Alphonse and Gaston" genuflections of
courtesv that prevailed in this august body. Once in a
while, however, "senatorial courtesy" gets a rude shock,
5G
SENATOR WILLIAM PIERCE FRYE of Maine, President Pro-Tem. of the Senate, is no small-
fry statesman. He Is busily engaged in studying new rules for the Senate, which, were
invented by one, Marquis of Queensberry.
57
0 /»!¦<«.
M.C.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
as it did a short time ago when Senator Tillman handed
Senator McLaurin a neat right hand swing on the jaw,
which that gentleman countered with a short arm jolt on
the proboscis of his adversary according to the most ap
proved rules of the Marquis of Queensberry — a very foolish
proceeding in itself, as there had been no provision made
for "gate money." Such a contest, had it been properly
advertised, would have filled the galleries at twenty dollars
a head, and the moving picture privilege could have been
sold for thousands of dollars.
The word DIGNITY is a very portentous word in the
Senate wing of the Capitol. It permeates every action and
every sentiment of every Senator. Woe unto him who
would cause any infraction of the Senate's dignity — his
punishment is sure to be swift and severe.
No writing or sketching can be done in the galleries — not
even an entry in a diary, without calling clown the wrath of
the officers in charge ; and to be caught taking a snap shot
with a camera is a little short of a capital crime. Amateur
photographers with cameras concealed about their persons
are looked upon in the same light as anarchists with bombs
and similar malefactors.
In the House it is not unusual to hear a burst of ap
plause at some telling point in debate, but in the Senate — ¦
never. Senators are far too dignified to allow such ebulli
tions of feeling to disturb their deliberations. "Laugh and
grow fat" is an aphorism that has no place in Senatorial
58
SENATOR JOSEPH W. BAILEY of Texas, the strong man of the South. A fine orator or the
Roman school— also wrestler of the Greco-Reman school. In his flights of oratory 19
most expert in the use of the hands as an aid tp qratqflca) effect, Hgg a. Btrciris 9YPrSlA»
to "Beverages" ot ell sorts.
59
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
economy. There are very few fat Senators in consequence.
Julius Csesar knew his business when he exclaimed :
"Let me have men about me who are fat!"
Uncle Hank now concluded that he had spent as much
time as he cared to in the gallery, and, as his nephew had
promised to introduce him to some of the more important
Senators, he intimated that they had better take their de
parture. To this Harry at once assented. In passing along
the corridor the old gentleman noticed the different en
trances to the galleries.
"Harry !" exclaimed he, "I notice thar's th' Executive,
Diplarmatic Members', an' Gentlemen's Galleries, but I
don't see no People's Gallery."
"You're mistaken, Uncle," replied his nephew, "the Peo
ple have the finest and most exclusive gallery. It is
called the Press Gallery— where the Argus-eyed repre
sentatives of the people's watchdogs — the newspapers —
are installed and zealously note and report every proceed
ing to their masters — the People."
"An' ef th' Senitors don't behave themselves ?"
"It costs them twice as much to get re-elected," replied
Harry with a laugh.
&
Q>t|<3
00
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER VI.
AN INTERVIEW.
CHE corridors surrounding the Senate Chamber are
always thronged with visitors who are ever on the
alert to discover some celebrity — some prominent
man whom they have frequently seen pictured in
the magazines and newspapers.
The vestibules are well worth the attention they attract,
being very elaborately decorated. Entering from the east
ern portico through the Senate bronze doors, designed by
Thomas Crawford, the famous sculptor, you find yourself
at the Senate reception room, an apartment about sixty
feet long, but divided by an arch, where Senators receive
visitors upon business. It is gaudily decorated. The floor
is of Minton tiles, and the walls are covered with rococo
designs in stucco, in high relief and heavily gilded. The
panels are embellished with allegorical paintings by the
"wonderful" Brumidi — although the less said about them
the better.
In the Senate lobby, entering from the reception-room,
the first door at the right opens into the Vice-President's
room, where Henry Wilson died in 1875
The next door admits to the Marble Room, so called be^>
61
efrn.TiJIman of 5.(.,
V. e7 ,&~*-*hf.
N*.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
took his place in th' ranks tew keep up th' fight fer his coun
try. Not a bad idee fer some ov aour ex-Presidents tew fol
low naowdays."
The guides about the Capitol have a sing-song way of
describing the interesting features to be seen, suggesting
very strongly the idea that they have committed to memory
the long rigmarole they recite to their parties- of sight
seers ; and this guide was no exception to his class.
"In 1864 Congress invited each State," he continued, "to
send marble or bronze statues of two of her most illustrious
sons for permanent preservation."
Then followed a detailed description of the statues that
surrounded the chamber. This afforded Uncle Hank an
excellent opportunity to ventilate his unique views of the
various "works of art" as they appealed to his matter-of-
fact mind.
"Dan'el Webster," he exclaimed, "looks ez ef he'd slept
in his clothes a week afore he waz sculpted. I hain't much
ov a jedge ov art, but et seems tew me thet when a sculpter
undertakes tew sculpt a figger he hed ought tew make th'
clothes fit. Naow them pants thet Dan'el Webstei's got
on, looks ez ef they waz made fer a heap sight bigger man.
An' thet figger ov Senitor Kenna hez a head thet looks ez
ef th' Senitor hed bin on a lark th' night afore he waz
sculpted — th' head looks so swelled up."
"You don't seem to be much impressed by some of these
great men who look down upon you from their pedestals,"
remarked the guide. 84
SENATOR JOHN C. SPOONER, of Wisconsin, the "Badger State," is never so happy as when
badgering Senator Tillman and his associates on the Democratic side of the Senate Cham
ber. The habitual frown he wears upon his classic features is only "make believe," R3
he is personally considered very good-natured.
85
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Wall, et hain't th' great men I find fault with — et's th'
counterfeit representashuns thet I object tew — an' they air
counterfeits, tew. Naow thet statoo ov Tom Benton looks
ez ef he waz jest abaout tew walk off his base. An' thar's
pore George Washin'ton jest back ov him — he looks like
a high private in th' rear rank," and Uncle Hank pointed
his finger at the beautiful Houdon statue of Washington,
which, by being badly placed among larger figures, lost
much of its impressive beauty.
"Well, Uncle, what do you think of that figure of Ethan
Allen?" inquired one of the party from Vermont, who en
joyed the old man's comments more than he did the guide's
rendition of dry description.
"Ethan Allen's all right, but — don't ye see Roger Sher
man an' old Jonathan Trumbull ez p'intin' th' finger ov scorn
et him." As he made this observation his features relaxed
into a broad grin at the sight of the two statues apparently
lecturing one of their fellows.
"Naow, right here, I'd like tew make a suggestion tew
Uncle Sam tew remove them statoos tew some graveyard
whar they belong an' turn this place intew a real Chamber
ov Horrors."
"Well, what do you suggest, Uncle?" inquired the guide,
with some curiosity to know what the old man had to
propose. "Ye see, this moniment idee ez a good one. When a
man spends his hull life doin' good fer his feller-man, et'z
right an' proper tew put up a moniment tew him tew
86
THE HONORABLE MICHAEL HENRY HERBERT, British Ambassador to America, Is par
ticularly well equipped for his mission, having a bright American wir» and a level head.
This latter quality Is said to be largely due to the fact that he parts his hair in the middle.
8?
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
inspire th' young an' ambishus tew do likewise an' git ther
reward fer virtue, an' so forth. Wall, we hain't got no
place whar we kin put up statoos tew remember th'
national villains thet ought tew be held up ez horrible ex
amples tew all. We should hev a great Chamber ov Hor
rors containin' statoos ov all th' national scamps from Bene
dict Arnold daown tew th' fellers thet steal railroads an'
organize combines in food, ez well ez th' corrupt politicians
thet rob th' people !" and the old man looked around into the
faces of the surrounding party to see how they liked his
NY
"Your idea is a good one," observed the man from
Vermont. "Perhaps some of these big scoundrels that the
country is infested with would give up their nefarious
practices if they realized that examination of their deeds
after death by an unbribable jury would condemn them
to a resting place in a National Chamber of Horrors !"
"Thar's ghosts in this chamber ! Don't ye hear them
statoos speakin'?" exclaimed Uncle Hank, turning around
with an inquiring look' at the party. J
"That's- the echo," explained the guide. "Now, if you
will step over to the base of that statue of Benton and
turn your back to the party, every word spoken can be
heard distinctly, although only uttered in a low voice."
And placing his hand on Uncle Hank's arm designated the
spot on which he was to stand to try the experiment.
"Naow keep yer ears open fer th' ekko," dryly remarked
88
TRTING THE ECHO IN STATUARY HALL. UNCLE HANK-"WILL YE HEV A HIGH BALL?"
89
Md.
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the old man, winking his eye as he strode over to the
designated spot to try the effect of his voice.
"Kin ye hear me over thar?" he exclaimed as he turned
around to note the effect. Affirmative nods encouraged
him to proceed. Then, dropping his voice to a stage whis
per, he inquired, "Will ye hev a high ball?" A shout of
laughter assured him that the experiment was a decided
success. When he returned to the party the Vermonter
remarked that, but for the fact that they were all total
abstainers, that last question would have cost him dearly.
"Wall, temperance er no temperance, et's astonishin'
haow fer a' invitashun tew hev a drink kin be heard," dryly
retorted the old man.
Some of the party now wished to ascend the dome and
Uncle Hank concluded to accompany them, as he found their
company congenial and they in turn were highly appreciative
of the old man's wit.
90
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER VIII.
THE DOME.
^¦WLIMBING to the top of the Capitol dome is a most
m/ elevating pastime — in fact, it is three hundred and
Yi M seventy-six times as elevating as is standing on the
ground-floor and undertaking to view its beauties
with the aid of an opera-glass and a rubber neck.
It is no small achievement to climb those three hundred
and seventy-six steps and many are the inquiries for the
elevator from the numerous visitors who daily throng the
Capitol. As yet the only elevator available is the one fa
miliarly known as "Shank's Mare."
But the sight within the great dome, with its wonderful
skeleton of iron rising tier upon tier ; its great encircling ribs
supporting upwards of four thousand tons of metal, resem
bling a huge inverted basket of iron, is well worth the
exertion. "I never see sech a mass ov iron en all my born days !"
exclaimed Uncle Hank, as he stopped about half way up
to the top to get his breath. "Thar must hev bin a Steel
Trust en them days, tew." And he stroked his whiskers
meditatively as he contemplated the huge structure.
After resting awhile the party of sight-seers, led by Uncle.
91
Senior CocVreW
oi .Mo.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
FA
Hank, continued to climb until they reached the gallery at the
top where their eyes were greeted with the most exquisite
panorama conceivable. The beautiful public buildings of the
city were readily recognized notwithstanding the great height
at which the onlookers were placed. Stretching away to the
north could be discerned in the distance Arlington Heights,
with its multitude of monuments glittering white in the sun
light, while the winding Potomac river made an effective
background for the tall, majestic Washington monument, to
the right of which stood an imposing group of buildings —
the White House, the Treasury building, the Army and
Navy building and the Corcoran Art Gallery.
"Thar's Pennsylvanny Avenoo leadin' tew th' White
Haouse !" exclaimed Uncle Hank, pointing his finger at the
well-known thoroughfare. "I'll tell Kernel Bryan abaout
et th' next time I see him."
"He's not the only one looking for an avenue to the White
House," replied a member of the party.
"An' thet's not th' only road tew et — Roosevelt got thar by
way ov San Joo-an Hill," retorted the Yankee farmer.
After making a tour of the gallery, from which they got
an excellent view of the city, the party turned its attention to
the beautiful Congressional Library building, which ap
peared to lie at their feet.
This naturally led to the query as to the reason for building
the Capitol with its face to the east. Uncle Hank volun
teered the desired information. Said he :
"Et waz a case ov 'Biter got bitten,' Th' speculators
"THAR'S PENNSYLVANNY AVENOO LEADIN' TEW TH' WHITE HOUSE! I'LL TELL KERNEL
BRYAN ABAOUT ET TH' NEX' TIME I SEE HIM."
93
Mo.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
bought up all th' land tew th' east when they thought th'
city waz goin' tew grow an' when th' builders ov th' Cap
itol faced th' buildin' thet way they jest rigged up a com
bine an' put th' prices ov real estate so tarnal high thet people
jest hed tew buy en th' rear when they wanted tew build.
So it soon got tew be th' fashion tew build in th' west, an'
th' speculators got left, ez they usually dew when they git so
all-fired greedy an' overreach themselves."
"Is it true, Uncle, that George Washington was interested
in one of those land syndicates?" inquired the Vermonter.
"Thet's what th' report sez, an' I reckon et's true, fer
George hed a repootation ov bein' somewhat ov an' 'ristocrat,
an' waz let in on th' ground floor ov all th' good things
goin' them days," replied Uncle Hank, elevating his eye
brows in a manner that implied more than his words ex
pressed. "Why, you don't mean to say that the Father of His Coun
try was ever engaged in any dishonest scheme?" demanded
the man from Vermont, indignant at the idea of any dis
honest imputation being directed at the Immortal George.
"I didn't say so," promptly responded Uncle Hank. "I
hain't castin' no reflections on G. W., who hed sense enuf
tew see thar waz nothin' incompatibel with bein' a patriot
an' a bizness man et th' sarhe time. George Washin'ton waz
no demagogue."
It was now proposed by a young lady in the party that
they visit the inside gallery to view the Brumidi frescoes.
Uncle Hank saw at a glance that she was a young bride, for
94
ILL.
SENATOR MARCUS ALONZO HANNA, known as the American Warwick, who Is seeking to
turn his talents to his own benefit. A stanch friend of labor— so it is said. Upon being
shown a list of possible Republican candidates for the next Presidency, and asked to
designate the most likely cholc* of the party, without hesitation proceeded to mark
Hanna.
95
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
'¦ H-aG^u^ m
va.
never once did she release the arm of the shy young man who
was constantly at her side, and true to his jovial nature he
mentally resolved to have some fun at her expense. He had
been told of the wonderful acoustic properties of this gallery
by his nephew. Although sixty-five feet across, two per
sons standing on opposite sides may distinctly hear one an
other speaking in whispers. The old man so arranged mat
ters that the young couple was left on one side of the gallery
while he deftly led the rest of the party to view a section of
the fresco on the other. Enjoining silence by letting them
into the secret, they were soon amused by distinctly hearing
the endearing terms addressed to one another by the unsus
pecting pair opposite.
"Do you still love me?" came over in a tremulous female
voice. "Can you doubt me?" in a deep baritone.
"If I should fall over here to the pavement below, what
would you do?"
"If you fell over a dozen times I'd follow you, dearie,"
replied the man's voice in the reckless manner usual to
those deep in love.
This was too much for Uncle Hank, who exclaimed in a
loud voice :
"Thar's only one way tew fall thet distance mor'n once —
thet's with th' aid ov a par-a-shoot."
This let loose the suppressed merriment under which the
party was laboring, and the burst of laughter that followed
90
SENATOR WM. B. BATB ef Tenne««ee. A warrior bold of Ion* gtandins; havlne aerved
ag a private goidiar all throuEh the Mexican War. Thii, however, did not a-bate hlg
martial gplrlt, for he entered the Confederate Army a« private and emerged aa Major
General. Owlne to three dangeroug woundg he Is never geen without hlg cane; of which
the pages are la >• areas, ag he is very papular with them.
97
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AROUND THE CAPITAL.
caused the youthful couple to blush in the most violent
fashion. Uncle Hank now directed his attention to the frescoes on
the canopy above. Pointing his finger at the central group
in the painting which depicts George Washington seated on
a rainbow with Liberty on one side and Peace on the other,
surrounded by thirteen more or less beautiful maidens, rep
resenting the thirteen original States, he said :
"Jest look et th' angelic caountenances ov them figgers
representin' th' States — ye wouldn't think thet they could
hev hed sech a hair pullin' match in 1861," and the old man
nudged the Vermonter to emphasize his remark.
A member of the Capitol police force is stationed in this
gallery, presumably to prevent visitors from walking off
with the dome, piecemeal. Tourists in Washington, being
no different from those in other places, have a strong pen
chant for carrying off anything that is not fastened down.
This policeman's business being to watch visitors, pursued
his avocation with assiduity, keeping his eye on the Yankee
farmer as if apprehensive of damage to the frescoes from the
bulky umbrella which he continually poked at the painting
while elucidating some vague meaning hidden therein. But
the Yankee ignored the scrutiny, if he noticed it. Ap
proaching the officer he inquired in the blandest tone :
"Ez thet Columby with th' sword in her hand chasin'
Filipinos?" The policeman at first did not see the humor of the ques
tion and was inclined to resent the fancied affront to his
98
SENATOR MATTHEW STANLEY QUAY,
the Czar of Pennsylvania, who rules by
a divine right which has never been
questioned by anyone but John Wana-
maker of Philadelphia. Is the only man
In the Keystone State who does not trade
at "Wanamakers." It is rumored, and
generally believed, that the Senator car
ries the destinies of the State of Pennsyl
vania concealed in his coat-tall pocket.
99
Ml.'i. RUTH MASON
,ilGHTE» Of <,EN.r<\A4l)N
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
dignity, but the laughter of the crowd reassured him and he
joined in the merriment, and furthermore, being a good-
natured sort of policeman, he volunteered a lot of infor
mation respecting the allegorical representations.
"This canopy," said he, "is sixty-five feet in diameter and
was painted by Constantino Brumidi, an Italian artist, who
spent several years in painting the fresco. It cost Uncle
Sam fifty thousand dollars. It is entitled 'The Apotheosis
of Washington.' "
"Ye say et cost fifty thousand dollars?" inquired Uncle
Hank. "Purty high !"
"Yes — it is — one hundred and eighty feet above the ro
tunda floor," replied the officer, with a knowing wink. He
had evened up with the witty Yankee.
After inspecting the painting a little more in detail, the
party concluded to descend to the rotunda floor again in
search of further adventure.
100
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER IX.
AN ADVENTURE IN THE SUPREME COURT.
CHE Supreme Court of the United States is probably
the most dignified body in the world — at least that
is the impression made upon nine out of ten who
visit its august abiding place in the Capitol.
If there is any one place in this Republic where a sem
blance of royalty is maintained, it is within the chamber de
voted to the deliberations of that very eminent body of
jurists. To look upon that row of dignified legal luminaries for
the first time and not become awe-stricken is simply incon
ceivable. Gowned in sombre robes, each and every face wearing an
habitual frown, never for a moment relaxing to a smile;
taking a most serious view of every phase of life ; guarding
with the utmost vigilance every prerogative tending to up
hold their dignity; the very air of this Chamber seems sur
charged with oppressiveness, making one feel as though
convicted of some very serious crime and awaiting some
awful sentence in expiation thereof.
This was the feeling that possessed Uncle Hank the first
time he stumbled into the Chamber. Probably his experi-
101
-Set. of Ajr'"
More
,<.., vVilson.
fit.
^*£.— *
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
ence can best be told in his own words, as he afterward
related it to his nephew.
"Wall, ye see," said he, "ez I waz comin' 'long th' cor
ridor I happened tew look up an' then I see a sign over a
door thet made me stand stock still. Crackee ! sez I, after
readin' th' enscription — Th' Soup-reme Court — so I jest
slowly pushed open th' swingin' doors an' cautiously peeked
in, an' Great Hickory ! thar sot th' hull Soup-reme Court ov
th' U-nited Staits en ther gowns, lookin' ez solemn ez owls,
an' th' Chamber waz empty with th' excepshun ov a long,
lean, hungry lookin' lawyer who was leckturin' 'em on some
p'int ov law. An' they looked ez ef they waz bein' 'leck-
tured, tew, fur they never said a word back.
"So I pushed my way in ez quiet ez I could, but my tarnal
boots creaked so thet th' lawyer turned 'raound tew see who
waz creatin' all th' disturbance, an' this made me more keer-
ful than ever, an' in my anxiety tew git tew a seat without
bein' discovered, I stumbled over a low step I didn't see, an'
went ker-sprawlin' over th' floor, my umbrelly flew out ov
my hand, my bag rolled under th' seat an' my hat landed on
tother side ov th' rale. Wall, I jest lay thar a mmnit, I waz
thet 'fraid tew git up. Vishuns ov sentences ov death an'
th' like cum before me — I waz clearly en contempt ov court
— an' th' Soup-reme Court et thet. Bimeby I got up an'
then — th' look thet Soup-reme Court giv' me I'll never fergit
till my dyin' clay.
"The Court jest looked et me ez one man, with one eye. en
thet one eye expressin' th' utmost contempt. I tell ye, et
102
JUSTICE PECKHAM OVERWHELMS UNCLE HANK.
103
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^fid^r&u^v
M.C.
ILL.
OQKE.f
made me feel thet small an' contemptibel thet I jest sot thar
an' meditated an' meditated, thinkin' haow thankful I had
ought tew feel thet I wazn't hauled up before them jedges
an' git sentenced fer life fer contempt ov court.
"After a bit' my ixcitement died out an' I begin tew size
up th' jedges. En th' fust place I noticed they looked well
fed — th' self-satisfied look on th' faces ov several ov th' fat
ones waz good tew see ; but it looked like a sleepy job, settin'
thar listenin' tew sleepy lawyers — probably thet's why they
alius wear them black night-gownds.
"But thar's one thing, Harry, I like abaout thet Soup-
reme Court."
"What's that, Uncle?" cried his nephew, who had just
got over an immoderate fit of laughter at the ludicrous ad
venture of his uncle.
"When they go intew 'Xecutive Session they retire tew a
little room an' don't order everybody aout ov ther Chamber
ez th' Senit does," replied the old man as he thoughtfully
stroked his white whiskers.
"Uncle, you'll find the Supreme Court a remarkable body,
if you take the trouble to investigate," remarked Harry,
whose newspaper training had made him remarkably well
informed about the Capitol.
"Thar waz one thing I couldn't find, Harry," exclaimed
the old man, "an' I looked high an' low fer et."
"What was that, Uncle?"
"Thet bench I've hearn tell so tarnal much abaout; I
104
SENATOR ALBERT JEREMIAH BEVERIDGE, of Indiana, wears the toga with all the grace
of a Roman senator. Having personally visited the Philippine Islands, he is recog
nized authority on matters affecting the Filipinos. Has a line war record, having defeated
the Texan Fire Eater, Joe Bailey, In «. desperate encounter without removing his cigar
from his mouth,
105
tenn.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
couldn't see et nowhar, though I looked all over th' Chamber
fer et."
"Oh, you mean th 'Supreme Bench !' " laughed Harry.
"That is merely a colloquialism — the bench now in use is a
row of large, well cushioned chairs. As I said before, the
Supreme Court of the United States is invested with remark
able power. In no other country is there a Court that can
set aside a law of the land. Congress may pass a law and
the President may sign it, but it is null and void if the
Supreme Court holds that the law is not in accordance with
the Constitution."
"Wall, I never thought ov thet, Harry; th'ar some pump
kins arter all, be'ant they?"
"Every litigant," continued Harry, "no matter what his
station in life may be, has the opinion of every one of the
judges upon his case. After hearing the arguments each
judge studies it individually and all discuss it together on
conference clay. The Chief Justice assigns to his associates
the cases in which they are to write opinions and every Sat
urday night his special messenger visits the residences of his
associate justices, delivering sealed envelopes containing the
list of cases allotted to each. I merely relate this to you,
Uncle, to show you that their positions are far from
being sinecures."
"Who's th' small man thet sot in th' middle, Harry?"
"That is Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller, who was ap
pointed by President Cleveland. He was a prominent mem
ber of the Chicago bar, and, it is said, gave up an income of
106
SENATOR JOHN H. MITCHELL of Oregon
noted for his luxuriant whiskers which
"Old Boreas" never tires of agitating.
A little child in the Senate gallery one
day asked its mother why the senator
d'd not wear his whiskers on top of his
h"ad. This led to the discovery that he
was quite bald.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
OHIO^f m.C.
forty thousand dollars a year to take a position with a salary
of about one-fourth that amount."
"But four times th' honor, Harry."
"The seat on the right of the Chief Justice is always occu
pied by the Associate Justice longest in service, that on the
left by the next in the order of seniority, and so on from right
to left ; thus you will always find the last appointed judges
at the extreme ends of the bench — so called."
"Mebbe thet's th' reason they adopted large arm-chairs en
place ov a bench — so thet th' newcomers couldn't git pushed
off. By the way, Harry, who's got th' right hand seat
naow?" "Justice John Marshall Harlan of Kentucky occupies that
post of honor now. He is as fine a type of manhood as ever
the blue grass State produced. During the Civil War he
took a fearless stand for the Union cause at a time when
patriotism counted for something in a State that wavered in
its allegiance."
"He is wonderfully eloquent. His vehement protest
against the decision of the Court in the income tax cases
several years ago are still fresh in the minds of those who
were so fortunate as to hear it delivered."
"I'm beginnin' tew git mighty interested en them jedges.
Who was that jedge on th' left end?"
"The judge you refer to is Justice Oliver Wendell
Holmes, who has just been appointed to the bench by
President Roosevelt to succeed Justice Gray. He is
noted as a perfect walking legal encyclopedia, a perfect
108
SENATOR STEWART, OF NEVADA, RISES TO ADDRESS THE SENATE.
ME 6. M.C
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
storehouse of legal information. But I am afraid I would
tire you if I undertook to relate all the remarkable features
of this mine of legal intellectuality."
"Harry, ye can't tire aout a Yankee by givin' him informa-
shun — ye know we Yanks ez noted fer aour inquisitiveness.
Ef ye've got any more facts abaout thet Soup-reme Court,
let's hev 'em." And the old man slapped Harry on the
back in a way to express his satisfaction.
"There is something of a distinguishing character to be
said of every member of the Court," continued Harry.
"Justice Shiras is also a 'six footer.' In repose his face is
grave and sedate, but it masks a wit keen and original. His
father was a cousin of James G. Blaine. Justice Edward D.
White is a Roman Catholic, as is also Justice Joseph Mc-
Kenna. If you should meet Justice Brown at a dinner you
would wonder what his profession might be ; you would
certainly never discover it from his conversation, so thor
oughly does he abjure 'talk of the shop.' He has the happy
faculty of throwing aside business when business is done.
Justice Brewer, one of the ablest men on the bench, is a
nephew to those four famous brothers — David Dudley Field,
Cyrus Field, Rev. Henry M. Field and Justice Stephen J.
Field, and at one time a spectacle was witnessed that h?d
never happened before — an uncle and nephew sat on the
bench of the highest court in the land."
"Blood will tell," thoughtfully soliloquized the old man.
110
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER X.
THE HUMOROUS SIDE OF THE CAPITOL.
CHEY had just been married. You could see it in
their every action. Her fond, limpid eyes never
left his as she affectionately clung to his arm, and
his tender gaze into her beautiful orbs told of an
unutterable love that could never die. They had just been
wedded — there was no mistaking it. The merest tyro in
affairs of the heart could have seen it at a glance-
Wandering aimlessly through the beautiful park surround
ing the Capitol, they were so engrossed in each other that
they were perfectly oblivious of the attention they attracted
from passers-by.
If there had been no other indication, the bride's beautiful
lavender costume would have told the story. (Why do
brides always affect lavender tints in bridal tour costumes ?)
The Government clerks were just returning to their
homes in droves, and as they passed this couple, they would
squeeze each other's arms, and giggle — that is, if they hap
pened to be of the fair sex. There is a wondrous fellow
feeling among womankind for a bride — all the world loves
a lover — and all the daughters of Eve love a bride.
Washington surpasses Niagara Falls in its power to attract
111
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
mo. M£,
'^'.^OOiflBl.l*1'
the newly-wedded, for at least half of the bridal parties
of the land make the beautiful National Capital the objective
point of their long cherished and eagerly looked forward
to tours.
And this couple was no different from the average bride
and groom. They always imagine that being miles from
home they are free from observation, and that their lan
guishing looks, encircling arms and other manifestations
of undying love are free from the gaze of that part of the
world which is cold and unappreciative.
The Park was radiant in its spring-like beauty. The
birds were singing tunefully, and the air was fragrant with
the delicate perfume of the blossoms that come only with the
awakening of spring — in fact, it was perfect "bridal tour
weather." And the bride was happy — probably happier than she will
ever be again — for she did not know (poor, confiding girl)
that over in that low, brick building — just discernible
through the trees, called the Census Building — there are
cruel statistics that show that Dakota and Oklahoma di
vorce courts play havoc with love's young dream now-a-
days. "Does oo lub oo wifey?" cooed the innocent young wife
for the eleven hundred and sixty-seventh time.
"Ess me do, sweety," replied her mate for the eight
hundred and forty-third time.
This. apparent discrepancy in regard to the small number
of answers received, is due to the fact that the other three
112
CHAUNCEY MITCHELL DEPEW, New York's junior Senator, is an acknowledged wit.
His most famous witticism was the Joke he played on Cupid in getting married when
It was supposed he had passed the marriageable age. When he tackles Senator Ne'.son
W. Aldrich of Rhode Island, however, his witticisms fall on unsympathetic ears, for the
New England Senator is usually too deeply immersed in statecraft to indulge in humor.
113
>%9h„.
J-R.(viiCKflY. rA.d1-'-
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
hundred and twenty-four times the answer was an im
passioned kiss.
This had been going on for some time, when an old
gentleman with a particularly kindly-looking countenance
came down the walk towards them with an easy stride that
seemed to indicate that the individual was on good terms
with himself and all the world as well.
The reader will hardly fail to recognize in this descrip
tion the ubiquitous Uncle Hank Slocum, who was on his
way to the Capitol to spend another day among the law
makers and legislators.
As he approached the couple the bride whispered timidly
to her newly acquired husband :
"Dearie — ask him ?"
The old gentleman observing the trepidation of the pair,
politely asked if he could be of service to them?
"Well, you see," explained the bride (the bridegroom
was far too shy to ask questions so far away from home)
"we're total strangers here in Washington "
"An' ye want tew be directed?" replied Uncle Hank,
taking in the situation at a glance.
"Yes, that's it ¦" answered the young wife, looking
up into his face with her fawn-like eyes.
"Any perticular place ye want tew go tew?" further in
quired he.
"We thought, judging by your looks, you might be a
member of the Government, and as such might direct
us to the sights to be seen." 114
OFNATOR CLARENCE DON CLARK, of Wyoming, is a strenuous advocate of the "Water
Cure^for the arW regions of the great west, having spent the best years of his term In
the Senate to making tho opponents of his Irrigation Bill take water.
115
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
J . U. lilAA^h™*'
OHIO MC
JUSTICE RUFUSVvT>ECKHAM.
When this little speech was delivered, the bride shrank
close to her husband's side and blushed like an American
Beauty rose after a June shower.
"Wall, I hain't bin hyar long, myself, but I reckon I
kin show ye whar tew go," explained Uncle Hank, smiling
at the thought of being taken for a member of the Govern
ment. "Ye go right along this walk," continued he, "till ye
cum' tew th' bridal path — them ye follow et up till ye git
tew th' Capitol; go up th' steps till ye meet th' Dominie,
an' he'll show you th' Dome — then when ye cum' daown,
jest ask any ov th' guards tew show ye th' Soup-reme
Courtin' Chamber — an ef ye want tew spoon, jest ask Sen
itor Spooner tew show ye th' Congreshnal restyrant fer
spoons "
But he never finished. With a haughty stamp of her
little foot on the asphalt, the little bride dragged her husband
away. While he, seeing through the joke at once, took
it good-naturedly, regarding Uncle Hank in the same light
as he would his father, had he perpetrated such a witticism.
A broad grin suffused the old gentleman's countenance
that never left it until he reached the Capitol steps. He
was still chuckling to himself when his arm was lightly
touched from behind, and looking around he beheld his
nephew, Harry Slocum, standing at his elbow.
"Harry, ye're jest th' lad I want tew see. I had an experi
ence en th' Senit yisterday arternoon, an' I want tew tell
ye ov et." 116
When SENATOR JOSEPH SIMON of Oregon and ADDISON G. POSTER of Washington shake
hands in the Senate Chamber, the event is one of more than ordinary significance, as they
have come almost four thousand miles to do so. The Washington Senator is known as
an ardent Republican, having lent his best energies to foster the party In his State,
while his senatorial neighbor from Oregon is equally well-known as the Simon pur*
article of Republicanism. 117
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
MO.
M-C-
"Well, go ahead, Uncle," encouraged his nephew, always
ready to listen to his elder relative's adventures, on account
of their entertaining qualities.
"Ye see, Harry, I wuz tired ov trampin' 'raound th'
Capitol yisterday, an' thinkin' tew rest up a leetle, I jest
dropped intew th' Senit gallery tew watch th' perceedin's a
bit. Ez soon ez I sot daown 1 begin tew feel drowsy an'
sleepy like. One of the Senitors waz a-dronin' aout a
long peramble abaout th' legal aspict ov th' Cubean Sugar
Skedule, er somethin' like et. But et didn't interest me
no-how. En fact, I jest felt ez ef I'd go tew sleep right
then an' thar.
"Ez I remember et naow, I sot a long time, en shortly
after I faound myself talkin' tew Senitor Frye en th' corridor.
He waz glad tew see me, an' invited me intew th' Chamber
tew see haow he conducted perceedin's.
"Senitor Kean, ov New Jersey, waz occupyin' th' chair, ez
thar waz nothin' doin' en th' Chamber. When he seed
us comin' he vacated th' chair an' Senitor Frye invited me
tew set 'longside ov him.. Sez he, 'Things ez quiet naow,
but sometimes et keeps me jumpin' tew keep 'em en order,
specially when Tillman gits goin'.'
" 'Seems tew me thet gavel hammer ov yourn ez tew
small,' sez I. 'Naow, ef I was presidin' over this Chamber
I'd hev one ez big ez a sledge hammer, an' ef they didn't
behave I'd sling et et th' obstreprus breakers ov th' peace.'
"He laffed, an' sed 'I waz tew strenuous for th' dignified
position ov President ov th' Senit.'
118
<''j&sig^&@&ii?«&z&us».<
i
m
w
fa
t
•iv r
fI 5? F
SENATOR JOHN KEAN of New Jersey is considered one of Its most eminent citizens, being
known to every man, woman, child and mosquito in the State. In the Senate Chamber
is looked upon as being the politest member; being on good terms with everybody, includ
ing John Kean. 119
'kv'r'c-n.,=,NAB Ch»s. T>;
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
\y- r A '' _. rA.0-
ARK-
and dig it, but they have got into a snarl about it in
Congress, and my hands are tied. And, by ginger! some
thing's got to be done about those Trusts; they are getting
altogether too powerful — why, they're beginning to take
on the airs of feudal barons," and he dove both hands deep
into his trousers' pockets as he glared sternly at the dome
of the Capitol.
"Mebbe yer interests'd be better looked after ef th' Sen-
itors waz elected by th' people instid ov th' legislatoors ?"
suggested Uncle Hank.
"I'm not so sure of that. Political bosses can manage
conventions as well as they can handle legislatures."
"But th' convenshuns don't ellect," argued Uncle Hank.
"Ef th' state legislatoors voted by th' secret ballot system, I
reckon ye'd git a better brand of Senitors then ye naow
git" "By ginger ! that's a good idea !" exclaimed Uncle Sam.
"That's the next reform I'll have to have instituted."
"Haow d'ye like Teddy, yer new President?" inquired
Uncle Hank.
"He's honest, and means well, but — he doesn't seem to
get along with my General, and Admiral."
"Miles an' Dewey dew seem tew stick en his craw. I
s'pose th' Root ov th' difficult)- ez en th' War Department,"
replied Uncle Hank, with a grin.
"He also seems to have the knack of getting the South
erners angry," observed Uncle Sam, not noticing the com
ment made by his companion. "First, it was by dining a
124
SENATOR JOHN T. MORGAN, of Alabama, is so popular at home that he was elected to the
Senate by the combined vote of the Democrats, Republicans and Populists. Was a Brlga-
dier-Oeneral during the Civil War and noted for his fighting qualities, which he still re
tains; having repeatedly expressed his willingness to go to war with John Bull should the
latter attempt to interfere in any way with his pet scheme— The Inter-Oceanic Canal.
125
TENN. MC.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
black man in the White House ; then he made a speech that
fired them up again on the lynching question. If he don't
look out, Mark Planna will catch all those Southern delegates
again." "An' Teddy wants another engagement," interposed
Uncle Hank.
"Theodore's got some good qualities," continued Uncle
Sam. "He's a good fighter, and I need good fighters now.
I have another San Juan Hill to storm — a fortified hill, with
its artillery trained on my most valued institutions — Trust-
Monopoly Hill, with its intrenchments of money bags, will
be harder to subdue than a score of San Juans — and if
President Roosevelt wishes to cover himself with laurel,
he'll organize another troop of Rough Riders and lead
them to victory that will place his name far beyond the
reach of scheming politicians."
"Wall," replied the old man, reflectively, "th' Spanish
War'd be child's play tew thet — th' hardest fight en th'
world ez th' fight again money."
"I've never had occasion to fight it before," remarked
Uncle Sam, as he thoughtfully stroked his long chin
whiskers. "I wish ye luck en yer fight," replied Uncle Hank, "but
ye'll find yer enemy intrenched en every Wall Street bank's
vault, en yer most trusted jedges'll fly tew th' relief ov
yer enemy when ye least ixpect et. An' ez fer Congress —
thar's no tellin' what they'll do en sech a crisis."
"I'll win the fight, as I have every other," cried Uncle
126
ADMIRAL GEORGE DEWEY, hero of Man;la Bay. In honor thereof, was placed on top
of Dewey Arch by the grateful American people. Allowed to remain there for a short time,
when he was ruthlessly thrown down by the same people on being presented with a gift
house with -a string attached. 127
t^A
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
Sam, his voice ringing with determination. "And if Roose
velt is not equal to the occasion, there is always a man
suitable for the emergency when there is a call for one."
"A sort ov man ov destiny?" suggested the old man.
"Wall, et'll take a strong man ov th' people tew keep th'
Republic en th' right path, ef aour rich families keep on
makin' alliances with Earls en Counts — they'll be wantin'
tew start th' breed on this side ov th' ocean arter a bit."
"Then you think there's a likelihood of establishing a
line of nobility in this country?" laughingly questioned
Uncle Sam.
"Walldorf Astor's heirs ez likely tew be ov th' nobility
ef he keeps throwin' Ameriken dollars et th' foot ov th'
British throne, en then th' Noo York rent-payers tew th'
Astor estate'll be contributin' tew th' support ov th' nobility,
won't they?" shrewdly inquired the old man.
"Well, that is one phase of the question that is rather
unpleasant to contemplate," replied Uncle Sam.
"En ez th' Astors ez th' leaders ov th' four hundred th'
rest'll want tew imitate 'em, en we'll soon hev th' Prince
ov Standard He, en th' Earl ov Pig-Iron, th' Duke ov To-
baccy, th' Count ov Traction, en th' Sultan ov Sugar — with
a hull list of Knights ov th' Garters, Suspenders, en th'
like." "And I suppose the whole lot will swear allegiance to
the Field Marshal of Industry?" laughingly suggested
Uncle Sam, who did not take his companion seriously.
"Wall, yer father, George Washington, told ye tew beware
128
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
ov furrin intanglemints en alliances," retorted the old man.
"I see you are a true blue American, with no liking for
the gew-gaws and tinsel of royalty."
"Et's en th' blood — patryotic Yankee blood — thar's none
ov et flowin' en th' veins ov Walled-off Astor, I reckon."
And the old man's jaws set firm, like the jaws of a steel
trap. "Well, I like your sentiments, old man," responded Uncle
Sam. "It was the likes of you that enabled me to win in
my Revolutionary struggle."
"But haow ye hev riz up sense them days ! — ye desarve
a lot ov credit fer th' way ye treated Cuby. Ther isn't a
nation en Europe thet would hev given Cuby her freedom
ef they'd hed her in ther power ez you hed her," and Uncle
Hank looked admiringly at the figure in front of him.
"And the Filipinos will get as good treatment as Cuba
got, if they will only get sense enough to stop fighting, and
come in under the Stars and Stripes."
"Well, them Phillypines ez a good place fer ye tew
stand en look intew thet open door ov Chiny, so's tew see
what's goin' on inside," suggested Uncle Hank.
"Yes, and I propose to keep both eyes wide open," re
torted Uncle Sam. "With Russia, England and Germany
maneuvering for advantages in China there is likely to be
some scrapping before long, and as I'm more of a business
man than a brawler, it behooves me to keep my business eye
glued to that open door."
120
lA,f£0,
HflM.M.C-CA'"
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Thet's right," replied Uncle Hank, "runnin' mills cz
bctter'n standin' armies."
'And my mills and factories arc running on full time
now ; the sun of prosperity is shining brightly all over the
land," replied Uncle Sam, with evident satisfaction at the
thought. "But somehaow or other th' sunlight don't seem tew
shine any tew bright daown intew them coal mines," slyly
observed Uncle Plank, as he elevated his eyebrows.
"It does seem a pity that the men who dig and delve in
the mines should be compelled to strike for fair compen
sation." "Et's human natur' fer them ez haz plenty tew oppress
them ez haz nothin' —
'Man's inhumanity tczv man
Hez made countless thousan's mourn!
sed a poet, who most likely hed jest heard ov a coal miners'
strike when he rote them words."
"Corporations are soulless," was Uncle Sam's only com'
ment. "Wall, ye'll hev tew take th' manig'ment ov all publik
franchises intew yer own ban's," said Uncle Hank.
"Perhaps that is the only solution of the vexatious prob
lem," replied he.
"Yer Post Office ez maniged fer th' benefit ov th' people;
an' et's well managed, tew. Ef et waz run by a trust et
130
COMMITTEE
<0 IN
./n ii w i
L - _
SENATOR NATHAN BAY SCOTT, of West Virginia, is chairman of the committee on Mines.
Being a glass manufacturer, lie can see right through tile miner when lie undertakes to
strike. In Wheeling, W. Va., whore he resides he is known as "Great Scott!"
131
MRS LEJUEfl J.HAW-
yJIft nf 46CY SH#»w.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
would cost ten cents tew send a letter tew the Pacific Slope,
an' th' trust'd be declaren' big dividen's ev'ry year. An'
th' way ye run yer Departmints ez a credit tew yer bizness
manig'ment. Who ever hearn tell ov a Secritery ov th'
Treasury gittin' secretly rich off th' job, an' havin' folks
askin' 'where he got it?' Er a Postmaster Gineral skedad-
dlin' with th' money orders an' registered mail. No, Sir-
ree ! Ef yer big cities waz run en th' same economikel
way ez yer Departmints ez Noo York'd be Paradise an'
Cheecargo an' Phillydelfy'd be half-way haouses tew
heaven," and the old man raised his hand aloft to em
phasize his last remark. When he looked around his com
panion had vanished — had disappeared as completely as
though swallowed up by the earth. And when he looked
again at the Capitol, the flags were clown and he found
himself surrounded by scores of Congressmen emerging
from the exits of the great structure — Congress had ad
journed.
132
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XII.
THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.
The true university of these day's is a collection of books.
— Carlyle.
77 II HEN Admiral Cockburn, the cocky British Ad-
(L m i:! mira^> strutted up the steps to the chair of the
^¦^^r House of Representatives in 1814, and flam
boyantly ordered the destruction of the piles of
books which constituted the original Library of Congress,
George Washington had been dead some fourteen years, or
he might have paid dearly for his act of vandalism.
Established in 1802 by the purchase of three thousand
books, it now numbers over one million volumes, housed
in the finest building of its kind in the world, a beautiful
structure that cost Uncle Sam six million, six hundred and
twenty-seven thousand, one hundred and twenty-four dollars
and fifty-four cents.
These figures, being from official sources, are reliable.
In regard to the fifty-four cents, that is presumed to cover
the cost of the beautiful medal worn by the official guarding
the door at the entrance.
Eight years were consumed in its construction, and in
133
,M'i5V Kno* -
J WTICE DAVID J BREWER
' BURKE.TT. f"w<-
ne.©-
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
1896, when the building was declared finished, there was
on hand an unexpended balance of three hundred and
fourteen thousand, four hundred and fifty-two dollars and
two cents out of the amount appropriated by Congress for
its completion.
This reflects very seriously on its constructor, General
Thomas Lincoln Casey, Chief of Engineers of the Army.
According to the methods in vogue in many municipalities
such a structure would consume three times eight years
in construction, providing nice, fat jobs for scores of
political heelers, and instead of a balance of the original
construction fund being left at its completion, there would
be a deficit of a couple million of dollars.
The building is of the Italian Renaissance type of archi
tecture. There are about forty-five miles of shelving, with
a capacity of two million, two hundred and twenty-five
thousand volumes.
From the circular desk in the center of the rotunda a
perfect system of pneumatic tubes and telephones insures
the arrival of books inquired for, with marvelous prompti
tude. Books for Congressmen are conveyed to the Capitol
by a cable through an underground tunnel.
The dimensions of the library are four hundred and
seventy feet by three hundred and forty feet, covering three
and three-quarter acres of ground.
The material used in its construction is Concord granite
exteriorly, and enameled brick within the courts, while
134
S£Rtf*Q ClMY^of «*• WHEELER of KY-
Cahmo* of IJ.J,.
THE HOUSE TAKING A KE-' ffetrz^-A^
of its supporting pillars with semi-circular windows thirty-
two feet wide.
The eight sides of the hall are formed by two storied
loggias of Siena marble, the lower story consisting of three
arches divided by square pillars with Corinthian capitals,
the second story of seven lesser arches supported by small
pillars of Ionic style, and above all is carried an open gallery
protected by a heavy balustrade. These loggias and the
upper galleries run all around the rotunda. It was from
these upper galleries, overlooking the whole room, nearly
eighty feet from the floor, that Uncle Hank and his nephew
viewed the reading room and its busy workers.
Eight colossal emblematic statues adorn this gallery.
Sixteen portrait statues stand along the balustrade : they
are of bronze and in pairs.
Harry explained in detail each figure. "There is
Michael Angelo and Beethoven, representing Art," ex
claimed he. "Plato and Bacon, representing Philosophy,
and Homer and Shakespeare, standing for Poetry."
Then, walking further around the gallery, he stopped
to continue his description.
"Law," he continued, "is represented by Solon and Chan
cellor Kent, while Newton and Joseph Henry represent
Science ; further on are figures of Herodotus and Gibbon
to illustrate History, while Religion is shown by figures of
Moses and St. Paul ; all from authentic portraits, except
those necessarily idealized."
"Thar's one thing I never saw before — a collection of
140
' A BEAUTIFUL LIBRARY BUILDIN' EZ LIKE A HANDSUM' KIVER TEW A BOOK."— UNCLE HANK;,
141
^vrV^2^^^.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
statoos without a gineral en et," exclaimed the old man
when Harry had concluded his description.
"In the Congressional Library, 'the pen is mightier than
the sword,' " replied Harry, with a smile.
They now proceeded to descend to the second floor
pavilions, where they found a wealth of material to interest
them. Little groups of tourists were scattered here and there
examining the beautiful Mosaics and decorative paintings,
and they all acknowledged the wonderful beauty of the
Library. Uncle Hank sat down on one of the settees to rest awhile,
and incidentally read the many inscriptions accompanying
the decorative work, while his nephew took a stroll over to
a group of sightseers to hear what comment they were
making on the edifice. On his return to where the old
man was seated he proceeded to relate the individual
opinions expressed. Said he, "The man from Chicago com
pared it with the Auditorium in the 'Windy City,' and found
it sadly deficient in point of size ; and the New Yorker,
while admitting its great beautv, said it was too far from
Broadway, while the Philadelphian thought the decorations
were too loud — that a more restful scheme would have
been better. A St. Louis man deprecated the idea of so
much praise being given to the structure before seeing
what his city was going to do in the way of beautiful build
ings at their coming World's Fair. And a gentleman with
an exceedingly large proboscis, who would be taken any-
143
A WHISPERED CONFERENCE.
When SENATOR HAI'ON tells SENATOR TELLER a political secret It is with the assur
ance that he i.s no secret-teller. Senator Augustus Octavlus Bacon denies strenuously
that he .s the author of any of Shakespeare's plays, but acknowledges that Ham-let and
Bacon do seem to be related. Senator Henry Moore Teller, the Silver Republican, be
lieves that the blackest Republican cloud has a silver lining.
143
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
where for a Hebrew, took very little notice of anything
until he came to Elihu Yedder's 'Minerva,' which they
informed him was a mosaic ; and he became interested in
it at once."
"I reckon he thought Moses had som'thin' tew dew with
et," replied the old man.
"I suppose you've been studying those inscriptions up
there," remarked Harry, pointing up to the quotations inter
woven with the decorations that embellish the walls of the
pavilion. "Now, Uncle," he continued, "I admire the idea
of placing those inscriptions very much. They furnish
food for thought. Now what do you think of this ? 'E ead-
ing maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing
an exact man."
"Th' last part ez kerrect, Harry. I once writ' an indors'-
ment ontew th' back ov a note, an' et cost me 'xactly th'
hull amount ov th' note," replied the old man dryly.
"Well, here's another, in a different vein :
" 'Knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.' "
"A sort ov Santy Dumont airship, I reckon. Naow, thar's
a qwotation thet I've been studyin'," exclaimed the old
man, pointing his finger as he read : " 'Knollege cums, but
wisdom lingers.' Naow, thet's th' idee. When ye git
kicked by a mule ye git th' knollege ov et et once, but et's
wisdum thet keeps ye away frum his heels ever after."
"Those ceiling inscriptions are taken from Adelaide
Procter's poem, 'The Unexpressed.' No real poet ever
14-4
UNCLE HANK READING! THE INSCRIPTIONS IN THE CONGRESSIONAL LIBRARY.
145
4-MiS6^
PA. M.C
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
wove in numbers all his dreams. How do you like that
sentiment?" exclaimed Harry.
"Ef they did, then them opium jints'd turn aout th'
greatest poets."
"But they'd have to write before their pipes went out,"
replied Harry. "Now here's another:
" 'No great thinker ever lived and taught you all the
wonder that his soul received.' "
"Thet's very true, Harry. No lemon squeezer ever got
th' last drop ov juice aout ov a lemon," explained the old
man as he further elucidated the idea.
"Well, now we've examined the paintings and inscrip
tions, suppose we take a stroll in yonder room? Having
admired the cover, now let us examine the contents of the
book," suggested Harry to his uncle, who was now com
pletely rested, and ready for a tramp of investigation wher
ever his fancy might lead.
Ranged in a series of glass-covered cases was displayed
a large collection of books printed when the art of printing
was in its infancy ; old volumes printed in the sixteenth
and seventeenth centuries, when the printing of books was
rated among the high arts, and when many a volume was
constructed because of a love for the art rather than for
the hope of any profit in a pecuniary sense that might
accrue. To the real book-lover these old books, with their crude,
though artistic illustrations, and their quaint types and
146
ROBERT C. OGDEN, Chairman of the Board of Trustees of Hampton Institute and President
of the Southern Education Board, is one of the well-known figures of Washington. His
long assudation with John Wanamaker in the department store business has taught hlin
that Black Kids are always good to have in stock.
147
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
r\ . \p . J^C- ia.i.
file out into the corridor, thence to the rotunda and to the
Presidential stand.
The President, the President that is to be, and the Chief
Justice of the Supreme Court occupy the center of the stand,
facing the vast multitude which stands looking towards the
Capitol, eager with expectancy.
A Bible is handed to the Chief Justice, who, in a clear,
ringing voice, administers the oath of office to the new Pres
ident. A salvo of cheers mingled with the roar of cannon
follows, during which the new President advances to the
rail and commences the delivery of his inaugural address,
after which the President and the ex-President enter their
carriage and the parade to the White House begins. Cheer
after cheer greets the new Executive as the procession
slowly makes its way up Pennsylvania Avenue.
"The King is Dead — Long Live the King!" is the senti
ment, though the words used are more fitting to express the
exuberance of patriotism of the hordes of free-born Amer
ican citizens that greet their choice of a ruler as he passes
triumphantly on his way to the White House.
After a grand display of fireworks on the White Lot,
during which the Government buildings are illuminated,
cannon salutes fired and patriotic airs are played by the
bands, the Presidential party proceeds to the Pension build
ing, where the Inaugural Ball is in progress. Escorted by
the Chairman of the Ball Committee, the party makes a tour
of the immense hall. Here the utmost enthusiasm prevails.
Everyone is eager to see the new President, and a genera)
J88
...r^m «rnTT SCHLEY Hero of Santiago and inventor of the Loup de
ADMIRAL WINFIELD SCOTT SCHLK.X, n d, ered that the Brooklyn Bridge was
Loup, Eariy in "'f^*™''™ l£t V.Sd^.ttl. was the desperate engage-
rnfw;thC=;saHrryh0in8whfch the latter was riddled lore and alt with hot shot
and compelled to surrender.
w
'*"'«WftL
UCl.G.f^
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
hand-shaking takes place. After undergoing this ordeal he
realizes for the first time what is in store for him for the
next four years.
About midnight the Presidential party leaves the hall,
leaving" the revelers to continue their revelries, which they
do until the wee small hours of morning.
It is generally dawn of the next day and the sharp point
of the Washington Monument is tipped with the gold of the
rising sun when the last carriage is called and Washington's
big spree is over, till another four years have rolled around.
Azvake! for Morning in the Bowl of Night
Has filing the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight;
And Lo! the Hunter of the East has caught
The Sultan's Turret in a Noose of Light.
— Omar Khayyam.
190
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CHAPTER XV.
UNCLE HANK GETS SHAVED IN THE SENATE BARBER SHOP.
TSWAN tew goodness, I never see sech a lot of rooms
with funny names !" exclaimed Uncle Hank, as he
wandered through the corridors in the basement of
the Capitol. "Stationery Room ! — wall, et looks sta
tionary enuff ; I don't reckon et's goin' tew move off with th'
weight ov this big buildin' on top bv et. En look et thet —
Foreign Relashuns ! — th' idee ov settin' off a leetle room like
thet tew receive furrin relashuns ! Ef sum ov Uncle Sam's
furrin relashuns shud visit him, — 'Zar ov Rooshy, fur in
stance — et'd be a disgrace tew put him en a room like thet.
Thar's anuther — Five Civilized Tribes ov Injuns ! — didn't
know thar waz eny. Gineral Sheridan sed th' only good
Injun waz a ded Injun, an' I s'posed thet waz th' only way
th' Gov'mint hed ov civilizin' 'em."
A little further down the corridor his eye caught another
sign attached to a door. "Relashuns with Canady," he
read. "We hev a lot ov relashuns with Canady, but ther
mostly runaway bank officers an' defaulters, an' I can't see
what good thet room ez. What's this?" he exclaimed.
"Pertecshun ov Game! Thet room ought tew be over in
Noo York. Thar's whar ther pertectin' games right along."
191
4{jL*ah- 1h«juL
r. i
/8,y}ns no relative of
his namesake from New York-he Is a greater statesman.
197
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
et's stiffened th' beard tew." And his jaw so suddenly ex
panded into a grin that the barber's razor cut his chin.
"Thar, naow !" exclaimed the old man, "ther razor ketched
me thet time ; 'tain't th' fust time a man's got en trouble by
not holdin' his jaw."
"Dat's jes whad I thot when dat Sen'tor McLa'rin cum in
h'yar aftah dat scrap wid Tillman," replied the dusky bar
ber as he flourished the razor in dangerous proximity to the
old man's nose. He had now completed his great task of
removing the stubble and there was but one more operation
needed to complete the job. Reaching for the witch-hazel
bottle he drenched his victim in the peculiar smelling liquid,
then having, by a vigorous use of the towel, dried his face,
with a dab of powder on his chin and the tip of his nose, he
was told to sit up. This gave the old man a chance to look-
around and when he did so he observed that the other chairs
were empty.
"Sen'tor, yo'll be lait for de sesshun ef yo' doan hurry,"
remarked one of the other barbers.
"Wall, I reckon they kin run th' Senit 'thout yer Uncle
Hank," replied the old man thinking he had detected a
little joke at his expense.
"Unkel Hank ! !" exclaimed the barbers in chorus. "Den
yo' ain't no Sen'tor?" demanded his shaver as he whipped
the towel off his customer.
"Never sed I waz!" replied the old man as he drew on
his coat. "I thought this waz a publik barber shop. Haow
much dew I owe ye?" 198
REPRESENTATIVE COUSINS, SENATOR CTJLLOM AND REPRESENTATIVE LITTLBPIELD, LEAVING
THE CAPITOL.
199
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Yo' owe nothin' but a' apology, sah !" indignantly replied
the barber.
"Durn ef I'll pay sech a high price fer a shave," he ex
claimed as he strode from the shop. As he walked down
the corridor rubbing his hand over his nicely shaved chin
he laughed again and again at the thought of being taken
for a United States Senator in the most exclusive barber
shop in the country.
300
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XVI.
THE PENSION BUILDING.
HAIN'T gwine no furder."
T H "Wha's d' mattah wid yo' ? '
jjl "I hain't gwine ter be no voucher."
"Yo' promis' dat lawyer yo'd vouch fo' me !"
"Yes, niggah, 1 know I did, but ef yo' cud read dat sine
yo'd see why I kain't be no voucher."
"I kin read, niggah."
"Well, read dat sine, den."
"I hain't got mah glasses."
"Niggah, you kain't read, dat's a fac' ; else yo' read on
dat sine P-E-X-S-I-O-N— penshun, V-O-U-C-H-E-R-S—
vouchers, E-X-E-C-U-T-E-D, ex'cuted ! Heah dat, nig
gah? Penshun, vouchers, ex'cuted! I hain't gwine t' run
no risk bein' ex'cuted fo' bein' a voucher fo' dat measly Jjp
penshun." The speakers were two picturesque specimens of sable
humanity standing in front of a Pension Agent's window.
in which hung suspended a large sign with the announce
ment as deciphered by the more learned of the pair.
While this animated debate was in progress Uncle Hank
.urned the corner of the block on bis way to the Pension
201
-^«.Scc. Hny's rJ>2K,
¦$hlr,
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
^ w'niERS.M.C-'r"lC>
building. As he approached the disputants they instinct
ively appealed to him for information respecting the omi
nous sign.
"Marsa," exclaimed the elder of the pair, bowing very
low, with his old, tattered hat in his hand, "kin ye tole us
what dat sine means?"
"Why, sartinly," replied Uncle Hank, taking in the situa
tion at a glance. "Et means thet they'll hang ye ef ye don't
tell th' truth when ye pply fer a penshun."
The two old darkies looked significantly at one another
for a minute, then the elder, after scratching the bald spot
on his head, blurted out :
"Fo' de Lawd, I done told no lies !"
"'Stonishin' what simple minded folks them colored people
air," soliloquized the old man as he walked along to the big
brick structure known as the Pension building.
Soon he came to the park adjoining, through which were
passing groups of war veterans. It is easy to tell the vet
eran of a war. He never fails to display some insignia of his
service in bygone days, be it an army blouse, an army hat,
or a button.
"Beats all how good fat penshuns perlongs life," ex
claimed the old man on observing the remarkable number of
old men issuing from the building in the distance. "Et
beats life insoorance. Reminds me ov what Si Progitt, th'
postmaster up aour way sed tew th' agent thet insoored hiz
life. Sez he, 'Naow, I'll bet I'll live fifty years! ye kain't git
th' best ov them life insoorance cumpanies, by ginger !' "
203
THE PENSION BUILDINQ.
"Nothin'll perlong a sojer's life like a good fat penshun."
203
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
K
c jon7s m.c.^^
And he chuckled to himself at the memory of the humorous
episode. As he entered the enormous structure he took a keen sur
vey of its spacious interior, then walking over to the center
of the vast court he closely inspected one of the eight colos
sal columns which form the most conspicuous feature of the
great building. Turning to an attendant standing near he
questioned him in regard to the history of the building.
"A lot of fun has been poked at this building," said the
attendant, who was palpably an old soldier, and who was
very accommodating in the matter of giving information,
"but it is a grand old structure. It is the largest brick
building in the world, and those columns have no equal in
the world's architecture — they are seventy-five feet high
and eight feet in diameter and contain fifty-six thousand
bricks each."
"Whew !" exclaimed the old man at this recital, "they must
hev thot them penshuners waz never goin' tew die when
they built sech a substantial buildin'."
"Twenty thousand people assemble here on the night of
the Inaugural Ball," continued the attendant without notic
ing his comment.
"Et's a great dance en a barn," remarked the old man.
"In a barn?" inquiringly asked the attendant in a some
what puzzled manner.
"Yas," replied the Yankee, laughing, "they call et Gin
eral Meigs' barn."
"Well, sir, it's a noble edifice, devoted to a noble puroose,
201
Sen.PAR!5GIB50N being
ed arrpxperh in such mailers.
205
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
sir," and the soldierly attendant drew himself up to his full
height with a slight show of indignation that "the haven of
the old soldier" should be spoken of with such seeming
levity. "He's kinder crotchety abaout et," cried the old man as the
attendant walked off. "I reckon he wouldn't hev bin so
high strung ef he'd know'd thet yer Uncle Hank hed bin all
thru th' War — en never 'pplied fer a penshun nuther."
And the old man stiffened up as he looked about.
Undaunted, however, he soon tackled another attendant
for more information respecting the great bureau.
"What d'ye keep en them pigeon holes?" inquired he of an
officer standing by.
"Those are the repositories of hundreds of thousands of
documents relating to pensions," replied the officer politely.
"So perfect is the system that within five minutes after in
quiry the entire record of a pension case may be ascertained."
As Uncle Hank cast his eye along the long rows of cab
inets he remarked that the delay in securing pensions was
not due to any delay in this part of the governmental
machinery. Thinking he could get a better view of the interior by
ascending to the galleries he proceeded to the stairway,
which, he noticed as lie climbed, was constructed entirely of
brick. As he reached the top tier of galleries which com
pletely surround the interior of the building, he was much
impressed by the magnitude of the vast court with its lofty
roof of iron and ground glass. 206
EUGENE FITCH WARE, Commissioner of Pensions, Is a poet, but this should not be held
to his detriment, as he makes a very efficient Pension Commissioner notwithstanding.
Under the nom de plume of "Ironqulll," he has composed some very fetching poems,
one of the most beautiful of which Is entitled, "He'll never be broke while his Mother
draws her Pension," 207
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
Dif?£<.TOR af CENfUl.
"Et's like a bit ov aout-o'-doors 'tween four walls," he
exclaimed as he surveyed the scene.
It was the noon hour, and hundreds of clerks were hur
rying towards the eastern end of the court, where several
long tables were standing spread with a miscellaneous vari
ety of sandwiches, pies, cakes, fruit, etc., which formed the
staple much of the employees of the building. Those who
boarded near by (everybody seems to "board" in Washing
ton) hurriedly left the building, as Uncle Sam is a strict
disciplinarian and punishes severely all infractions of rules
in his "Departments ;" consequently they know that being
"late" in returning from lunch means a fine for the culprit.
There are two thousand clerks employed in this building,
and many an armless sleeve worn by an old soldier is among
the lot.
Uncle Hank made a tour of the galleries, examining
everything of interest as he went along. Finally, coming to
an old man leaning on a pair of crutches, he stopped to look
down on the rows upon rows of cabinets below.
"Those cabinets contain the records of thousands of deeds
of heroism," remarked the old man, who was evidently an
old soldier.
"En they also contain thousan's ov argvments ag'in war,"
replied the Yankee, philosophically.
208
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CHAPTER XVII.
INVENTION S HOME.
€F necessity's th' mother ov envenshun, then th' daddy
must live en th' United States, en th' Patent Offis
ez ther cradle; en jedgin' by the number ov chil
dren en th' cradle th' pair must be runnin' en in-
eoobator on full time en' over !" Thus spoke Uncle Hank
as he surveyed the wonderful collection of models displayed
in the Patent Office.
Uncle Sam's Patent Office is indeed a cradle of inven
tion, offering as it does the fullest protection to the offspring
of the inventor's brain. In granting an application our
government undertakes to be the protector of the inventor,
and before granting "letters patent," ascertains for him
whether his invention is absolutely new, thus establishing
His right to priority. If his application is granted he can
be reasonably sure of having acquired rights which can be
sustained in the courts. European nations do not render
any such service to their inventors. Their patent offices
only record inventions, issuing certificates for patents. The
government does not lend its assistance to the inventor to
ascertain his right of priority, as does the United States.
Many American inventors, not knowing foreign patent
209
pi me». PeWa.ll
-5.r^
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
laws, make haste to take out patents in Europe, and when
their certificates reach them fondly imagine that they are
fully as well protected as under the American system, when
the fact is, instead of a foreign patent certificate being a
protection it is frequently a source of danger, as unscrupu
lous men seize upon all new ideas of evident value and re-
patent them.
Uncle Sam's patent is a very different affair, being to all
intents and purposes a warranty deed to the inventor who
can feel secure that his ideas are not pirated from him and
incorporated in a later patent, and that he will not be under
the necessity of prosecuting expensive law suits to prove
title to his own property.
As a result of this perfect system the Patent Office Build
ing is a bewildering maze of patented devices. It would
seem from a cursory examination of the thousands upon
thousands of models exhibited in this building that the field
of invention was well-nigh exhausted and that there was
nothing left to patent, but the stream seems to be inex
haustible. The rows of glass covered cases containing the more valu
able models proved a source of infinite delight to Uncle
Plank, who being a true Yankee was himself ingeniously
inclined and ever ready to admire the inventive efforts of
others. "Thar's millyuns en et !" he ejaculated half aloud to him
self as he gazed long and curiously at a small model about
four and one-half inches in length. The small insignificant
210
WASHINGTON CURIOSITY.
'There goes Senator Elklns!"
ail
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
looking object that excited this remark was the original
model of the Bell Telephone, which was patented by Alex
ander Graham Bell, 1876. "Yas, ther's millyuns en thet
leetle telephone," he continued, "but 'tain't often th' en-
ventor gits th' millyuns though."
Walking over to another glass enclosed case he stopped
to examine the original model of the famous Whitney Cot
ton Gin which an affixed card announced as having been
patented in 1794.
"Naow, thar's a leetle envenshun thet didn't make so many
dollars fer et's enventor, but et's jest ez valooable — P'raps
cos 'twan't th' right kind ov gin," remarked the old man
addressing an attendant standing by.
"Gin mills as a rule are very profitable," laughingly re
plied the official, who took great pleasure in showing the
many curious exhibits among the models.
"If you will come with me," he continued, "I will show
you our greatest fighters." Then proceeding to two con
spicuous cases he directed the old man's attention to the
famous combatants, the National Cash Register and the
Hallwood Register.
"Wall, they don't look quarrelsum en thar," said the old
man whose face showed something of disappointmnet as he
evidently expected to see a model of Jeffries, Fitzsimmons,
Tillman or Bailey after such an announcement.
"There has been more litigation over those Cash Registers
than any other patent that has been granted for many
years."
SENATOR CHARLES W. FAIRBANKS of -
Indiana, is known famLfariy as the Fair
banks of the Wabash. The Senator is a
tall man from a State distinguished for
such tall timber as Ben Hur Wallace,
Monsieur Beaucaire Tarklngton and
others, including the answer to the fa
mous query — Hoosier (whose yer?) Poet—
Riley.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Anythin' consarnin' cash ez liable tew cause a ruction
any time," rejoined the old man with a grin.
After showing him the original Elias Howe Sewing Ma
chine and the McCormick Reader the pair proceeded to make
a tour of the galleries.
"This building contains upward of four hundred thou
sand patented articles," continued the accommodating at
tendant as they walked along, "and they accumulate so
rapidly that it has becorhe a serious question as to the best
means of storing them."
"En what a lot ov thinkin' et must hev took tew prodooce
sech a lot ov idees," replied the old man thoughtfully.
"And there seems to be no limit to the range of inventive
fancy. Here is a human hand, submitted as a model to
secure a patent for an embalming process in i860," con
tinued the guide, opening one of the cases and handing
Uncle Hank a perfectly preserved anatomical specimen
which he examined with great curiosity.
"When th' Angel Gabriel blows his trumpet on th' last
day this hand'll hev a great advantage over ets mate," dryly
remarked the old man.
"This was deposited here in 1875," continued the attend
ant, as he placed a large ham in the old man's hands. "As
you can plainly see it is perfectly preserved."
"Ye hevn't got no eggs tew go with et, hev ye?"
"No ; inventive genius hasn't reached that stage yet,"
laughingly replied the attendant.
214
HERR VON HOLLEBEN, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary from Germany, in a grand
tableau entitled "Under Two Flags," is very much attached to the flag in his right hand. Since the
termination of the Spanish-American War he sings "Die Waeht am Rhein" to the tuna of the "Star-
Spangled Banner" on all public occasions. 215
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Et th' rate th' envenshuns ez pilin' en ye soon will," said
the old man as his eye swept the galleries.
"There seems to be no end to the stream of ideas that
flow in here," pursued the attendant. "Over twenty-five
thousand patents were issued last year. During the Civil
War the number of patents fell off materially, but immedi
ately after, when the volunteer troops had returned to their
homes, a remarkable fertility of invention was displayed.
The dull routine of camp life seemed to develop the ideas
of the soldiers, and as soon as home was reached these
ideas were put into models and sent to the Patent Office.
In 1865 the number of patents issued was six thousand six
hundred and twenty-six, while in 1867 it had increased to
thirteen thousand one hundred and twenty-five. The Cen
tennial Exhibition also seemed to stimulate inventive genius ;
the number of patents granted during 1876 was seventeen
thousand and twenty-five, the highest yet attained. The
coming year, however, promises to eclipse all records."
"Thet's strange tew when ye cum tew consider et. These
air prosperous times en th' wail ov necessity ain't hearn
thruaout th' land," remarked Uncle Hank.
"What's that got to do with it?" sharply demanded the
attendant. "Necessity's th' mother ov envenshun, hain't she?"
"Oh," laughingly rejoined the attendant, "old mother
Necessity is always with us, only you are not apt to hear her
wail during good times."
216
SENATOR THOMAS MACDONALD PATTERSON, of Colorado, and SENATOR JOSEPH CLAY
STILES BLACKBURN, of Kentucky, are two Democratic statesmen who stand together on
all public questions. Senator PatterBon Is a fighter by birth; having been born in Ireland,
the land where all the good fighters come from. Senator Blackburn is not, (as might be
Inferred by his name) In favor of burning blacks, but U a true-blue grass statesman.
217
•Slij.ze.r.m.c.n-"'-
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"En I s'pose enventors envent becos they must, jest ez
artists paint en poets 'rite."
"Yes, the creative impulse must be satisfied," continued
the official. "There are many inventors known to the Patent
Office accountants who develop ideas with marked regularity
every year, but never take the trouble to introduce them to
the public. The Patent Office is burdened with inventions
that have never got further than the model room."
"Like en old hen leavin' her nest afore th' eggs ez hatched
aout," suggested the old man.
The official laughed at the homely illustration as he con
tinued. "These inventors," he said, "are not usually so dilatory.
We frequently have applicants who never rest until their
claims are passed upon and their patents are secured."
"I s'pose ye hear all sorts ov stories abaout th' profits ov
enventors?" inquired the old man who was getting tired of
dry detail.
"Oh, yes," replied the obliging official who seemed to be
as full of information as an encyclopedia is of facts, "the
rubber tip on lead-pencils is said to have yielded the inventor
a big fortune, and the man that devised the gimlet-pointed
screw is reported to have cleared one million dollars for the
company that manufactured it; yet he was so poor that he
was compelled to walk from Philadelphia to Washington
to secure his patent."
"En et wouldn't hev bin so hard ef he hed met th' enventoi
218
SENATORS DEPEW AND LODGE ON THEm WAY TO THE 8APIT0L.
319
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
-*:&¦&
'¦£"-¥ Z^M.1.
ov th' roller-skate on his way," interposed the old man with
a smile. "The roller-skate man had troubles of his own," replied
the guide. "After he had spent a long time in perfecting
his idea it cost him one hundred and twenty-five thousand
dollars in England to defend his claim from pirates, but he
eventually cleared over a million dollars. There is a great
amount of gossip around the Patent Office in regard to the
amount of money made in small patented articles ; for in
stance, the toy called the returning-ball, a small wooden ball
attached to an elastic string, is reported to have netted fifty
thousand dollars to its deviser. Another toy, the Dancing
Jim Crow, is reputed to have cleared eighty thousand dol
lars, and the spring-roller for window shades yields over
one hundred thousand dollars a year, while the copper tip
for children's shoes is credited with a profit of two million
dollars and the drive-well struck a gold mine containing
three million dollars.
"These are only a few examples of great profits accruing
from small ideas."
"Them's th' successes — haow abaout th' failures?" inter
rogated the old man.
"About one invention in twenty-five is counted a success,"
answered the guide.
Uncle Hank now directed his attention to the different
departments engaged in classifying and recording applica
tions for patents.
"Et takes a powerful sight ov book-keepin' tew keep tracl^
22Q
i/f g ¦ If !<
CONGRESSMAN JOHN DALZELL, OP PENNSYBVA NIA.
A Sketch from Life,
221
'"'O.H.MERCE*' NE.e
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
ov all th' idees that's hatched aout en this wonderful coun
try," he mused, as he contemplated the busy clerks filing
voluminous papers, making entries in bulky registers, and
classifying applications.
"An application passes through the hands of fifty- four per
sons in the course of its progress through the office," re
plied the official, "and the applicant pays for this service
fifteen dollars to have a claim examined, and when a patent
is granted an additional fee of twenty dollars is required."
"Haow about th' lawyer's fee?" inquired the old man.
"An inventor is not required to employ an attorney, but
probably nine out of ten do," responded the official. "In
simple cases where there is no infringement on prior claims,
an applicant can almost as well deal direct with the govern
ment, for every facility is offered to the ambitious inven
tor by the perfect system employed in examining and record
ing ideas."
"Haow long does a patent run ?" queried the inquisitive
Yankee, thirsty for information.
"Seventeen years," replied he. "Extensions are now sel
dom granted, and only by special acts of Congress, when it
can be shown that an adequate money return has been impos
sible." Uncle Hank was intensely interested in all the information
the accommodating official had to impart, and when he de
parted from the building he thanked him profusely. As he
passed down the long flight of granite steps leading to the
building he encountered a wild-eyed individual with long
222
"IT'S THE ONLY PERFECT PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINH EVER DEVISED.'
223
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
MONT.' ^9|
MONT.'
'HC.
flowing locks of hair that fell about the collar of his thread
bare coat. In his hand he held a large sheet of crumpled
paper, on which he intently gazed, examining minutely the
diagram depicted thereon. As the old man approached he
evinced a desire to enter into conversation.
"It's an outrage!" he exclaimed. "Here I have the
most wonderful device ever conceived by man, and they re
fuse to entertain its claim."
"What's et fer?" exclaimed the old man, examining the
chart curiously.
"It is the only perfect Perpetual Motion Machine ever
devised," he said. And then followed a confused technical
description of its complex mechanism which was all Greek
to Uncle Hank.
After listening patiently to the description of this won
derful machine, nodding affirmatively at intervals to indi
cate his acquiescence in its inventor's claims, he remarked:
"Ef ye'll jest run a concentrick journal with a leever
ettachmint geered up tew receeve a belt runnin' tew th' jaw
ov a life ensoorance agint jist tacklin' his first victim, ye'll
git nearer tew accomplishin' perpetooal moshun then any-
thin' I kin think ov." And the old man looked over the rims
Df his spectacles at the plan held in the inventor's hands.
But a look of disgust as he folded up his precious plan
choked off all further negotiations on the part of Uncle
Bank to perfect the invention of the "Jack o' Lantern" of
nventors — the Perpetual Motion Machine.
224
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XVIII.
UNCLE SAM'S MONEY FACTORY.
• A ¦ S Uncle Hank was striding along through the Mall
mjm on his way to the Bureau of Engraving and Print-
W B ing, he encountered an old colored man closely ex
amining a tattered piece of paper on which there
had once been some writing done in lead pencil, but which
was now almost entirely undecipherable. First he would
turn it one way and then upside down apparently. Finally,
as Uncle Hank approached, he deferentially touched his
hand to his hat as he exclaimed : "Marsa, k'n I ax yo' a
questshun ?"
"Sartinly ye kin, what ez et?" responded the Yankee in
the most agreeable manner.
"Well, den, whar's dat Senseless Burow ob 'gravin'?" he
inquired, in the tone of one who had tried to guess a par
ticularly hard conundrum and given it up.
"Wall, naow ye hev me," replied the old man, somewhat
nonplused ot this double-barrelled query. "Ef ye kin de-
tarmin' whether ve want tew go tew th' Census Burow, er
ye want tew go tew th' Burow ov Ingravin', I reckon I kin
direct ye, but tew send ye tew diff'rent places far apart — •
yc've got me stumped." 225
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
'5A"M0R M.C ^li
"Dat's a fac', Boss !" exclaimed the old darky, as he per
ceived the truth of Uncle Hank's remark. "Yo' kain't go
to two diff'rent plaices at de same time, nohow."
"Wall, et's sech a dern sens'less questshun thet I guess
I'll send ye tew th' Sens'less Burow fust, an' then ef ye find
thet hain't th' right place, ye kin hop over tew t'other."
And he directed the puzzler! old darky to the Census
Bureau, and then proceeded on his way.
"Them Burows, en Institoots, en Departmints ez puzzlin'
sumtimes en et's hard tew keep track ov 'em," he mused to
himself as he walked along.
"En thar's Unkel Sam's Money Fact'ry whar he many-
factur's th' root ov all evil," he continued as he approached
the Bureau of Engraving and Printing.
As he ascended the steps leading to the entrance of the
building he nodded familiarly to an official standing at the
door to whom he directed his request to be allowed to in
spect the interior of the "Money Factory," as he termed it.
As is usually the case in all the public buildings in Wash
ington, there was a party waiting to be shown about the
structure. "Yes, we show you how to make money here," replied the
official to the old man's facetious query, then turning to the
young lady who was to guide the party through the build
ing, he said :
"This gentleman wishes to know all about the making of
money — afford him every facility for learning the art, and
then furnish the secret service bureau with a perfect descrip-
226
SENATOR JETER CONNELLY PRITCHARD, who is about to gracefully retire from the list
of senatorial warriors, has proven himself a worthy successor to North Carolina's most
famous Senator, Zeb. Vance.
It will be observed that SENATOR SIMMONS is directing Uncle Sam's attention to candidates,
from any one of whose shoulders the toga would fall with exceptional grace.
227
KAHN.^v
a.c^
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
tion of him, together with as good a snap-shot photograph
as you can get of his suspicious looking countenance." As
the official got off this little pleasantry at Uncle Hank's ex
pense he grinned broadly.
But the old man took this bit of raillery good-humoredly ;
he was always ready to appreciate a joke, be it at his own
expense or not.
"There are twenty-eight hundred employees in this build
ing, two-thirds of whom are women," began the guide as
a preliminary. This guide, by the way, was a very pretty
young lady who, when she smiled, as she frequently did,
showed a gleam of perfect teeth.
"This room," she continued with a wave of the hand over
the room the party had just entered, "contains five hundred
employees engaged in the printing of the notes."
The large, spacious room seemed a perfect forest of hand-
presses. The operation of printing seemed to be very sim
ple. A printer stood on one side of the press with a small
hand-roller covered with a black, sticky looking ink, which
he rolled thoroughly over the steel plate lying in the bed of
his press, then he would wipe off all the surplus ink with
a cloth, completing the operation finally with his bare arm,
which he dexterously used to remove the smallest particles
of unnecessary ink remaining on the plate. Opposite to
him, on the other side of the press, stood a young girl hold
ing a thoroughly dampened sheet of paper which she care
fully placed on the now ready plate. With a quick move
ment the printer adjusted the tympan or cover, and with a
228
WHEN SEN. JOSEPH B. FORAKER RISES TO SPEAK IN THE SENATE CHAMBER, HIS COLLEAGUE,
SENATOR HANNA, SMILES UNTIL SOME SARCASTIC FLING IS AIMED AT HIM— AND THEN— HE
CONTINUES TO SMILE. 229
XJBAHNE.Y. M.C
-wis-.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
turn of the plate was run through the press and the printed
sheet closely inspected by the girl while the printer pre
pared the plate for another impression.
"These printers are expert in their work and get from six
to ten dollars a day," explained the guide.
"Et's good pay," remarks the old man.
"You see, it is very difficult work," said the guide. "The
printer has to perfectly remove all the surplus ink with his
bare arm and the palm of his hand ; and if this is not done
accurately, too much or too little ink will be left in the en
graved lines and a spoiled impression will be the result."
"Then et's all en th' touch ?" remarked Uncle Hank.
"Precisely," responded the guide with a smile.
"Thet's th' fust touch th' notes git — but I reckon 'tain't th'
last," rejoined the old man with a wink.
"The silk-fibred paper used in the printing of these
notes," continued the young lady, "is made at the Crane
Mills at Dalton, Massachusetts, and is a closely guarded
trade secret, and the law forbids any one to have such paper
in their possession. It is received at the Bureau in packages
containing one thousand sheets each, and to each of these
pressmen, one package is given at a time.
"I notis ye hev sum pretty gals workin' en this depart-
mint," remarked Uncle Hank.
"Handsome is as handsome does, — the notes turned out
here are considered the handsomest in the world," replied
the young lady as she now directed the party to another
230
SENATOR DEPEW S SMILE IS CONTAGIOUS.
231
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
W. d.OVERlN«.IM.f-
room, where the numbering machines were automatically
printing numbers on the notes.
"There are fourteen departments in this Bureau," ex
plained she, "and each piece of work passes through the
hands of thirty different people. A perfect system of re
ceipting and checking is in vogue, and at the close of the
day everything is delivered into the hands of the officials
of the Bureau, and every count is verified before the em
ployees are allowed to leave the building.
"This place reminds me ov one ov th' courts ov Europ',"
exclaimed the old man.
"How so?" inquired the guide.
"Ye hev so many Caounts," said he.
"But our 'counts' as a rule are more reliable," retorted the
guide. "Ye hev'n't showed us haow they ingrave th' plates yit,"
suggested the inquisitive Yankee.
"The engraving room is never shown to visitors. The
utmost care is taken to guard against the loss of the plates ;
they are closely watched day and night. The original plate
itself is never used in printing, a transfer is made to another
plate of softened steel, which is afterward hardened and
printed from. This is done to guard against the possibility
of accident to the original plate." When the guide com
pleted this little lecture she conducted the party to a glass
case, which contained a sample plate and roller used to make
a transfer from an original to a replica, from which the
notes are printed. And this ended the tour.
232
A GROUP OF FOREIGN MINISTERS.
233
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Wall, this money fact'ry ez a great institooshun," re
marked Uncle Hank as he left the building. "En et's a heap
sight more pertickler work printin' them notes then I
thought et waz — et kinder brings tew mind th' words ov
Bobby Burns :
" 'A chiel's ainang you takin' notes,
And, faith, he'll prcnt it!' "
"Not eggxactly th' same kind ov notes — en what's more
ef thet chap hed bin caught takin' notes en th' Burow ov
Ingravin' en Printin' I reckon 'twouldn't be long afore he
waz behind th' bars." And the old man chuckled at the
idea.
234
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XIX.
THE TREASURY BUILDING.
UNKEL SAM'S got a fine buildin' fer his Treasury,"
exclaimed Uncle Hank to an elderly gentleman
who stood on the corner of Pennsylvania Avenue
and Fifteenth Street, his head bent down apparent
ly in deep thought.
^ "Yes," replied he without looking up, "but not too fine
for the purpose intended. That building, sir, contains the
heart of the Republic ; its veins and arteries extend to every
part of the body politic, and if you interfere in the slightest
with its perfect action you are liable to paralyze the entire
system." The speaker was a spare man with shoulders rounded,
and form bent as if it had for years sustained a load too
heavy for its slight frame to sustain.
"I don't know but what yer abaout right," replied the
Yankee, meaning to sound this apparently well-informed in
dividual with the object of ascertaining some particulars of
the building he was about to inspect.
"The Treasury Department is a complicated system that
is liable to get out of order very easily, and when it does
there are always quacks ready with remedies for its relief."
235
X^/^W^.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"¦^OUiDAY^*0,
"Et's dangerous tew fool with quacks," ventured Uncle
Hank as a suggestion.
"Well, it's enjoying remarkably good health just now, and
I trust the financial charlatans will remain in seclusion."
"Th' pulse ez beatin' reg'ler en Wall Street," suggested
the old man.
"Which is an indication that the system is in good con
dition," retorted his companion with asperity.
"En th' Trusts ez payin' ther dividends reg'ler?" pursued
the old man with a chuckle.
"I believe so," was the reply.
"En th' American Eagle e-z screamin' with delight et th'
good times he's hevin' — even ef his corn ez cornered once
en a while."
"Good times invariably induce wild speculation," was the
answer. "Th' Treasury's full?" interrogated the old man.
"Never so full as now," assented the stranger.
"En th' Cubean sugar tariff en all t'other tariffs'll make
et fuller?" still further inquired Uncle Hank.
"Yes, I believe that will be the tendency," was the reply.
"Wall — right here I'd like tew remark thet yer Unkel
Sam'll git so full-blooded thet he'll be en danger ov a
stroke ov apperplexy, ef he don't look aout." And the old
man grinned broadly as he gazed over the rims of his spec
tacles at his companion, who, without replying, suddenly re
membered he had an important engagement to fill and has
tened towards the entrance of the big building.
236
LESLIE M. SHAW, Secretary of the Treasury, is from "Ioway," the Hawkeye State, which
probably accounts for the sharp eye he keeps on the Treasury Building where he is
known as a strict disciplinarian. It is said that the Shah of Persia is no greater
autocrat in his dominions than is this Shaw in the United States Treasury.
237
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"I guess thet waz a clincher," chuckled the old man to
himself on observing the departure of the stranger.
"Do you know who that gentleman was, you've just been
talking to?" inquired a policeman who had stood within ear
shot and had been much entertained by the conversation.
"I don't reckon ez I do," replied the old man.
"That was Secretary Shaw."
"Oh, pshaw ! I want tew kno' !" and the old man's
eyebrows elevated as he directed his steps towards the big
building he had come to inspect.
It was about eleven o'clock in the morning and groups of
tourists were beginning to arrive. As they ascended the
granite steps they were directed to take seats on the settees
in the corridor to await the arrival of a guide, who would
take them through the building on a tour of inspection.
Uncle Hank joined one of these parties and soon was on
intimate terms with the escort.
This guide was a colored man with a most accommodat
ing air who had learned all the particulars of the Treasury
building by heart and then reeled them off to the successive
parties of sight-seers, whom it was his duty to show around.
The tour usually starts at the big vaults in what might
be termed the basement of the building.
"Dese h'yar vaults contains eight hundred en sixty-seben
millyuns ob dollahs !" explained the guide with a wave of
the hand in the direction of a row of substantial looking
stone vaults. The money, however, was not in sight; the
238
"ET'S A PILE OV WEALTH THET'S STORED EN THAR-BUT ROCKYFELLBR'S GOT MORE."
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
rSl^U^ y&.&ft^Ou^
MD.
only evidence of anything valuable was the sight of some
silver bullion being transferred from one vault to another.
"Et's a pile ov wealth thet's stored en thar — but Rocky-
feller's got more," remarked Uncle Hank.
The colored guide looked incredulous.
"Dese yar gurls am countin' an' errangin' notes after dey
has de seals printed on em by dat press yo' sees ober dar in
de corner." As he spoke he halted the party before a
closely grated door. Through the grating could be seen
great quantities of bank notes which were being counted
with marvelous dexterity.
"Et looks ez ef everyone waz behind bars en jail," re
marked the old man as he pointed to the iron barred doors
and windows that lined the corridor.
"Dem bars ez tu keep vistahs out, sah," retorted the guide,
and a laugh followed at Uncle Hank's expense.
The macerator was the next thing to attract attention, to
the room containing which the party was now conducted by
the guide. This machine for the destruction of mutilated
currency consists of a huge spherical receptacle of steel,
containing water and fitted interiorly with one hundred and
fifty-six keen edged knives, which as they revolve cut the
enclosed notes into exceedingly minute particles. The lid
is securely fastened with strong locks, each with an indi
vidual key, one of which is held by the Secretary, one by the
Treasurer, and the third by the Controller of the Currency.
Every day at one o'clock deputies of these officials with a
fourth one appointed by the Secretary to represent the banks
240
THE MACERATOR.
"Dust Tew Dust— en Pulp Tew Pulp."
241
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
and the people meet at the macerator to deposit the money
to be destroyed. Each lock is opened by its respective key-
holder, the cover is raised and the various packages of cur
rency are thrust in. The cover is then securely fastened
down and as the multitude of knives revolve the work of
destruction begins. When this is finally accomplished the
committee unlocks a valve, the liquid pulp flows out, is then
screened into a pit below and transferred to the Bureau
of Engraving and Printing to be rolled out into sheets.
This is afterward sold for forty dollars per ton.
The capacity of the macerator is over one ton of pulp, but
it is rarely put to this test ; the largest amount ever de
stroyed at one operation was in 1894, when one hundred
and fifty-one million, dollars was rendered into pulp.
The colored guide described, in his sing-song dialect, a
few of the foregoing facts concerning the macerator, and
when he had concluded Uncle Hank remarked :
"Et's a verificashun ov th' scriptchurl enjunctshun — 'Dust
tew dust' — pulp tew pulp — don't ye see?"
As the party passed along the corridor the guide explained
that one of the doors of the vault containing the silver coin
is a solid sliding door of six tons' weight. Another has a
ton lock, which is wound up every afternoon at two o'clock,
when the vault cannot be opened until eleven o'clock the
next day, the time set.
"Ladies an' gemmen, dis am de Bon' Vault," explained the
guide, as the party ranged up before the wire screen,
through which could be seen the large steel vault containing
242
SENATOR GEORGE CLEMENT PERKINS and SENATOR EUGENE HALE, two sons of Malng, stand
very close together on all public questions. The former having hied to California in hla younger
days ia at present her senior Senator and her chief hope for Presidential honors, Senator Hale has.
thrashed the Democrats so often in Maine that three colleges have conferred the deeree of L.L.D,
upon him, which, being liberally Interpreted, means, "Lay-Low-Democrats!"
243
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
the United States Bonds deposited by the five thousand Na
tional Banks of the country to secure their circulation.
"Dis yere Bon' Vault contains two hundred an' fifty mill
yuns ob dollahs," cried the ebony guide, rolling the words
over his tongue like a rich morsel. "Dat small pahsel dar,"
continued he, pointing to a small package placed temptingly
just beyond reach, "contains foah millyun dollahs."
This package of bonds belonged to one of the National
Banks of New York. It was deposited in accordance with
the law that requires a national bank to deposit twenty-five
per cent, of its capital in United States bonds with the
Treasury. "Thet shows haow th' banks make money — fust they draw
int'rest on them bonds, en then they loan aout th' notes et
a good rate ov int'rest, tew. By crackee, et seems like ez
haow et ought tew be a good biz'ness."
"Dis am de cash room whar de notes am passed out fo
circelashun," warbled the guide, as the party entered a large,
handsome apartment on the main floor, walled with varie
gated marble and surrounded with a public gallery.' Here,
again, was the tantalizing wire screen that separated the
visitors from the tempting packages of beautiful new bank
notes that seemed to lie about in riotous confusion.
The guide now took leave of the party, allowing its mem
bers to wander at will over the big building, examining its
seemingly endless array of offices, of which there are two
hundred on each floor.
The Treasury Building is a most imposing structure, c©n-
244
BOMB SOUTHERN MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.
245
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
structed after the style of the Temple of Minerva at Athens.
Its colonnade of thirty-eight Ionic columns, fronting on
Fifteenth Street, gives it an appearance of enduring so
lidity that is not equalled by any other public building in
Washington, save that of the Capitol itself.
As Uncle Hank departed from the building he noticed in
a large lunch room opposite, a number of girls eating their
frugal noon-day lunch, whom he had witnessed a few min
utes before handling millions of dollars of Uncle Sam's cash.
"Et must be quite a drop frum hevin' millyuns en yer
possesshun, tew git daown tew eatin' a fifteen-cent lunch,"
exclaimed he as he requested the waiter to bring him "some
beans — Bostin style, please?"
246
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XX.
STATE, WAR AND NAVY.
UNCLE SAM has the largest and most pretentious
office building in the world. Notwithstanding this
fact, this building, large as it is, is not large
enough to contain the pugnacious heads of depart
ments without friction.
The corridors are wide and spacious, so wide in fact that
the Secretary of War and the General of the Army fre
quently pass each other without speaking, and on one occa
sion the Adjutant General of the Army did not recognize the
Lieutenant General as he passed by in the spacious vestibule.
Of course, this sort of thing has been variously miscon
strued by evil-minded persons, who have gone so far as to
suggest that the government should enlarge the building,
and that this enlargement should take the form of a twenty-
four-foot ring, such as is used by certain low-lived pugilists
to settle their disputes.
There are two miles of corridors and over five hundred
rooms in this colossal building. The granite stairways,
bronze balusters and entire construction make it entirely
fire-proof and well calculated to withstand the heated dis
putes that frequently break out between the departments.
247
AT c „ ¦ r +*'
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
The Navy Department occupies the east wing, the War
Department the west wing, and the State Department the
south. At present General Miles and Admiral Dewey are
allowed to communicate without restraint with their dif
ferent offices throughout the building when the secretaries
of their respective departments are present.
The Secretary of State occupies a sumptuous suite of
offices on the second floor overlooking the park. The Dip
lomatic room, a long and stately room assigned to confer
ences with representatives of foreign governments, is, per
haps, the most interesting, as it contains many attractive fea
tures. Fine oil paintings of Henry Clay, Daniel Web
ster, Hamilton Fish, and Lord Ashburton and others adorn
its walls. This room is said to have been arranged by Sec
retary Hamilton Fish.
The State Library is the most entertaining room in this
department, for it contains a precise fac simile of the Dec
laration of Independence, that much neglected document,
which is slowly disintegrating and fading away, notwith
standing the efforts to preserve it by hermetically sealing
it between heavy plates of glass.
Here may also be seen the sword of Washington (the
Father of his country must have had an armory of swords)
the identical sword he carried through all his campaigns,
and also the desk on which Jefferson drafted the Declara
tion of Independence.
Another curious exhibit of this room is a copy of the
Pekin Gazette, the oldest newspaper in the world, having
248
JOHN HAY, Secretary of
State and Poet, author of
"Little Breeches," and a suc
cessful mender of little
breaches in diplomatic rela
tions witft foreign govern
ments — Private secretary " to
President Lincoln and princi
pal secretary to Presidents
McKinley and Roosevelt.
Motto— "Make Hay while the
sun shines."
249
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
J USTICE JOHN H HARLAN.
been issued daily since the eighth century — the original yel
low journal.
Of course, Uncle Hank's inquisitive nature would not
permit him to overlook this interesting department. As he
entered the room his eye caught the framed Declaration
of Independence.
"Et makes tarnal good readin' noaw-days !" he exclaimed,
"en I'll swan ef thet portrait ov George th' third hain't
lookin' right at et — en et seems to make his eyes blink."
He examined the relics curiously until he came to Frank
lin's court dress, buttons and staff. "Old Ben waz very
diplermatic — when we needed ther help on t'other side."
This library is a very notable one, fully equal to that of
Great Britain's in importance. It includes over sixty thou
sand books on international law, history, biography and di
plomacy. The government has expended vast sums to secure
the valuable works comprised in this collection. Forty-five
thousand dollars were paid for the complete papers of
Washington, which are bound into three hundred and
thirty-six volumes. Twenty-five thousand dollars was the
cost of the Madison papers, comprising seventy-five
volumes. The records and papers of Jefferson, Monroe,
Hamilton and Franklin, aggregating about two hundred
and fifty-six volumes, cost over seventy-five thousand dol
lars. Uncle Hank noted the sword of General Andrew Jack
son hanging in a glass case, as he was about to leave the
room. 250
¦Wr$
GENERAL NELSON A. MILES, the intrepid hero of thousands of engagements— with pho
tographers, is a man of undoubted courage, facing the enemy unflinchingly whether In
trenched in strong fortlflcations or behind formidable cameras. His desperate encounter
during tho Spanish- American War with the Armour-Clad Beef Ring is remem.h.Qre.d, A3
oao oi tlie notable teats of that sanguinary chapter ol Anwtoflfl tfistory,
251
,yr*$,
The Navy Department, in the east of the building, next
engaged the old man's attention. Beautiful models of war
ships enclosed in glass cases, were to be seen in different
parts of the passage ways.
"Fine leetle boats, them," he remarked to an official, who
seemed to be taking life easy, and who, he rightly judged,
would talk.
"Very fine models, indeed," was the reply. "A ship has
to go through the ten bureaus presided over by the Sec
retary of the Navy, before it is a finished product."
254
SECRETARY MOODY of the Navy, is as fine a Tar as ever spliced a rudder or reefed a Jib-boom.
It la not true as has been asserted by some of his friends) that he is taking lessons from a promi
nent pugilist, to learn how to Box the Compass. p
255
"V,i-/rTAU£R.rA.C.r4*'
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
"Thet's wtiss then goin' thru a battle !" exclaimed Uncle
Plank. "Yes, she must have a good pilot to escape the reefs and
submerged mines of those different bureaus."
"Wall, I reckon th' harder they cannonade her, th'
stronger she'll be en battle."
"It is the most efficient system that could be devised
to strengthen a navy."
"Aour navy hez never failed us yit, so I guess th' sys
tem's all right. Haow's th' new Secretary, Moody?"
"Moody? — not at ali; he's the jolliest Secretary we ever
had." "Wall, thet speaks well fer th' new Secretary, consider-
in' he's not Secretary long."
As Uncle Plank proceeded on his way down the cor
ridor, the official scratched his head in an endeavor to as
certain just what the old man meant.
After inspecting the Naval Library, and after facetiously
inquiring for such national works as "Ships That Pass in
the Night," "Three Men in a Boat," and similar books,
he departed for pastures new, to the great relief of the
mystified attendants.
256
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XXI.
THE WHITE HOUSE.
CHE wind was blowing strenuously from the north
west; the great heavy boughs of the trees were
bleeding in response, and clouds of dust filled the
air when Uncle Hank reached the gate of the White
House grounds.
It was a strenuous day. Even the songs of the birds
seeemed to be imbued with more than ordinary energy.
As the old man walked up the asphalt path that leads
to the Executive Mansion, his tall hat was suddenly "ping-
ponged" with a pebble, and went sailing over the lawn ac
companied by a shrill war-whoop of exultation from a tree
branch above.
As he started to recover his hat, he was suddenly star
tled by the swish of a rapidly moving bicycle that just
escaped him, as he made a three-foot leap to one side.
Theodore Roosevelt, Junior, was on his way to school.
As the old man stooped to reach for his hat, it took an
other bounce, as it was struck by another pebble; and
another cry of exultation came from the youthful marks
man, who proved to be Kermit, the President's second son,
MUS SI6SBEE
DAUGHTER »f CAPT . 3HJM(
257
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
^R'YAN.n.c.r^'
who was safely ensconced in the tree, and who was an adept
in the use of his little sling-shot.
Uncle Hank, who was ever good natured, and ready
for a joke at another's expense, and equally ready to take
one at his own, looked up into the tree and shook his
finger warningly at the youngster who shouted with great
satisfaction and glee, at the success of his last shot.
When the old man recovered his hat, he lost no time in
getting beyond the range of the youthful marksman, but
he kept his eye wide open after this experience. It was
well he did so, for just as he reached the steps, off came
his hat again.
Quentin, the President's third son, had stretched a thread
from one of the columns of the portico to an adjacent
window, at such a height that it just intercepted the tall
hat of the old man and sent it scurrying across the as
phalt walk. Ethel, his sister, was standing close to the
window, her little nose pressed against the pane, eagerly
watching the outcome of Quentin's neatly set trap.
Once more the old man regained his hat, but this time
he retained it in his hand, as he entered the portals of the
mansion. Although Uncle Hank was quite ready to forgive the
pranks of the Roosevelt children, for he had heard all
sorts of stories in regard to their strenuousness, he was
not, however, prepared for the violent introduction to the
President's private secretary, which he received shortly
after he entered the spacious hall.
25S
" Tr ^Z t a'f ^ WheD ATT0ENEY GENERAL PHILANDER C. KNOX goes gunning
oenfa\^Stearetu1TSten1tly/UrnS h" h"4 'n the ™°™ '^^ "I T^
In tL J™ , , ^ alS° a T6ry Cartful lmnter- ana " ta 'B apparently looking
n the wrong direction for his game it is because he is careful'y surveying the fl„M
in search of other game that might be frightened oil at the sound of hTgun.
259
y
num.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
He stood with his back to the stairway leading to the
floor above, with his hat in his hand, awaiting an oppor
tunity to make inquiries of a gentleman who stood with
his back to him, whom, he concluded, from the conversa
tion which he inadvertently overheard between this gen
tleman and a rather neatly dressed colored gentleman,
whom he recognized as Booker Washington — having met
him before on another occasion — was the President's pri
vate secretary. Just as the latter was about to turn around,
a wild screech pierced the air of the quiet hall-way, and
the next instant the old man was hurled with great force
against the secretary, who, in turn, caromed against the
colored man, and the three, or rather four, were piled
in a heap near the door. Archie, the President's youngest
son, had slidden down the banister, and had landed in the
center of the old man's back. The Yankee farmer was
the first lo catch his breath; as he regained his feet after
dusting off iiis coat and trousers with his umbrella, and
punching out the rlents in his tall hat, he remarked:
" 'Tain't no use findin' fault with them kids ; what's bred
en th' bone'll cum aout en th' flesh." Then turning to the
colored gentleman, he inquired if he was hurt, bu that
gentleman had struck the wall with his head, and a rub
or two with his hand was all that was necessary to enable
him to again recover his composure.
As for little Archie, no one seemed to think it nec
essary to inquire how he had come out of the concussion;
260
IN THE BLUE EOOM OP THE WHITE HOUSE.
261
A>JOi L.AUEN ..M.C.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
he was like a rubber ball, and was soon scampering up the
stairs again for another slide.
The private secretary was at first inclined to re
buke, the youngster, but upon second thought, concluded
to laugh it off. At this juncture a well built man with
broad shoulders, surmounted by a large, well-shaped head,
approached the old man with an extended hand.
"How d'ye do, Uncle!" exclaimed .he, as he warmly
greeted the old man.
"President Roosevelt ! I'm right glad tew see ye," cried
the old man, as he seized the extended hand and shook it
warmly. "I haven't seen ye sence th' Pan-Ameriky Show.
ITaow d'ye like yer new job?"
"Oh, it doesn't differ materially from my life on the
plains," replied the Chief Executive. "Turning down a
Congressman is like 'throwing' a steer in the herd, while
a political Boss often reminds me forcibly of a bucking
broncho ; if you go the right way about it, you can easily
master him." This was said with no air of bravado, but
with a most apparent air of conviction born of experience.
"Yer ranch ez enfested with road agints," remarked the
old man, sardonically.
"How so?" inquired the President.
"The Trusts," replied he.
"Those obnoxious Trusts !" exclaimed the President, with
a look of annoyance on his countenance.
"Ef Atturney Gineral Knox'll roll up his sleeves en let
202
J f 0/ . h * UNA.
' .-¦r/r^U'y'i'SwWM'l
< faU r, g p c ..,.
A SOCIETY EVENT AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
Uncle Hank— "I see th' senitors hey th' floor.'
263
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
J'H'.
will make it more truly a home for the President, but a
new Executive Mansion Is a necessity that cannot much
longer be deferred. At present it is entirely inadequate
to the necessities of an ordinary Chief Executive, not to
mention a strenuous one. 268
THE WHITE HOUSE AT THE HEIGHT OF THE SEASON.
209
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XXII.
A STRENUOUS WALK.
^^icves.^'
CHERE was a great crowd of sight-seers congested
about the main entrance to the White House, bent
upon gaining admittance to the building, to idly
prowl about its interior in pursuance of idle curios
ity. Suddenly there was a great commotion in the center of
the mass, and immediately after a stalwart figure shot out,
hurling them right and left after the manner of a Brooklyn-
ite making his way through the mass of humanity which
usually congregates at the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge
during rush hours.
As the wellbuilt figure bounded along the asphalt, many
were the exclamations of admiration that emanated from
the crowd, as it proceeded to retrieve the various bits of
head-gear that had been unceremoniously dislodged by the
strenuous exit of the Chief Executive; for it was none
other than he, who was about to take his regular walk
into the bucolic regions, where the fields are broad and the
vista is unobstructed.
Uncle Hank, mindful of the request of the President to
take a walk with him into the country, was waiting in
readiness for his advent, and as soon as he perceived the
270
A CABINET OFFICER'S DAUGHTER AUTOMOBILING ON CONNECTICUT AVENUE.
271
*0-f.mo*r; w*$£"
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
athletic figure of the Chief Executive, he hastened to join
him. The wind was blowing sharply, so the old man took
a firm grip at his tall hat and pulled it down tighter on
his head to prevent it blowing off at the quick pace they
were now moving.
The old man's gait was somewhat ungainly, when com
pared with the elastic and springy stride of his companion,
and it was a rather difficult matter for him to keep step, as
he had an awkward habit of throwing his heavily booted
foot too high in the air, so that when it reached the ground
it did so with a resounding whack on the extreme end
of the heel, which seemed to jar the old man from stem
to stern at every step.
As the pair reached the gate, the President leaped grace
fully over the imbedded cannon that serves as a bulwark
to encroaching carriage wheels. Uncle Hank endeavored
to do likewise, but his effort ended in disaster ; the heel
of his boot catching on the rim of the cannon's mouth,
threw him unceremoniously in a heap on the sidewalk.
He soon gathered himself up, however, and they were
again on their way.
The President seemed to be in an abstracted mood : his
eyes were focused on distant objects and he seemed obliv
ious to his surroundings. He was evidently thinking of
some intricate matter of state. As for the old man, his
mind was chiefly concerned with the idea of how long
he would last if this gait was kept up.
272
"HE HAD AN AWKWARD HABIT OF THROWING HIS HEAVILY BOOTED FOOT TOO HIGH-IN
THE AIR."
THE WHITE HOUSE IN 1S14.
(From an old print.)
27
FROLICKING IN THE WHITE LOT.
275
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
^ADDOX IA-*- 0i"
Every one seemed to recognize the President as the
pair rushed by, and on one occasion an over-zealous police
man tried to arrest Uncle Hank, thinking that he was fol
lowing the Chief Magistrate for the purpose of doing him
bodily harm. But he successfully explained, that being un
able to keep up with his more lusty companion, he was
merely putting on more steam to enable him to accelerate
his pace.
The pedestrians were soon out in the country, and as
they dashed along the dusty roads, the farmers would
stop their work in the fields to watch them.
Suddenly, as they came to a bend in the road, the Pres
ident's eye caught sight of a herd of cattle being driven
to pasture. His eyes brightened perceptibly, as the lowing
herd approached.
Redoubling his steps, he was soon in the midst of the
scampering cows, and seizing the horns of one of the larg
est, he was soon astride of her back, yelling like an In
dian boy on his first pony.
Into the pasture field the thoroughly frightened cow
dashed with her unusual burden. After encircling the field
several times, she quieted down, when her rider dismounted
as gracefully as an expert circus equestrian would do on
the completion of a particularly graceful performance in
the ring.
This boyish prank seemed to please the President huge
ly, and he was all smiles when he regained the roadway.
"That's the best fun I've had since I was out in Yellow-
276
A REAR VIEW OF SENATOR MASON.
277
\D.iMtOetc6 Mc
MP.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
stone Park, chasing the mountain lions !" he exclaimed
with enthusiasm.
"Thet's the way tew handle th' publick questshuns ov
th' day — take em by th' horns en ride em daown till ye
master 'em !" replied the old man, joining in the enthusi
asm of the moment.
They now concluded to return to the city, as the clouds
were lowering for a storm. As they sped down the
avenue to the White House, it was all the old man could
do to keep up with his distinguished companion, and he
was thoroughly tired out, as their trip had extended sev
eral miles into the country.
Turning the corner of Seventeenth Street so as to enter
the Executive Mansion at the rear, they passed the White
Lot. Here they encountered a youthful equestrian on a
beautiful piebald pony, riding furiously around the cir
cular park. Occasionally he would stand erect in his stir
rups and emit a war-whoop as he chased another youth
on a bicycle.
"That boy, Ouentin, is going to make a fine rider!"
exclaimed the President in admiration at the fearless man
ner in which his little son managed the pony.
"Thar may be another San Juan Hill tew charge up
when he gits tew be a man," remarked the old man.
"And another troop of Rough Riders to organize some
day," rejoined the President.
"Like father, like son," commented the old man, as the
President disappeared in the direction of the White House.
278
AROUND TPIE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XXIII.
A CLIMB OF NINE HUNDRED STEPS.
RE had come all the way from California to scatter his
wife's ashes from the top of the Washington Monu
ment. He was tall and spare of frame and his prominent
nose was bridged with antique spectacles, over the rims of
which he had a curious habit of looking quizzically, when
spoken to. His countenance was of the mournful kind, like
unto one who saw naught but woe on this side of the grave.
And he had come thousands of miles to carry out the dying
wish of the partner of his life's joys — or was it woes?
As he approached the imposing shaft of white marble,
with his eyes uplifted to heaven, towards which the obelisk
eloquently pointed, he gave vent to a sigh that attracted
the attention of Uncle Hank, who was standing at the
base of the noble structure.
"My friend," exclaimed the old man after the manner of
one who was about to render a favor, "they won't let ye
carry yer lunch box tew th' top ov th' monnymint."
"My dear sir," replied the one from the Pacific slope,
"this is not a lunch box. It is all that remains of my dear
consort, who departed this life less than a month ago,
and whose request, that after cremation, I should scatter
279
'ND,
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
the resultant ashes to the four winds of heaven, from the
top of the Washington Monument, I am about to comply
with." This was said with an elevation of the eyebrows that
told more eloquently than his words expressed, the respon
sibility he felt for the faithful execution of his wife's
dying petition.
"My friend, ye kan't do et," sententiously remarked the
old man, shaking his head negatively.
"And why, might I ask?" he inquired, raising his eye
brows still higher.
"Ye see, et's agin th' rools," explained the old man.
"I was not aware there was any rule governing such
a case," replied the mournful one.
"In th' fust place," said the old man, "et's agin th' law
tew throw anythin' from th' top ov th' monnymint. En
th' next place, thar's alius lots ov peeple lookin' up et
th' monnymint, en ther so estonished et et, thet they alius
hev ther mouths wide open ; so thet ef ye shud throw yer
wife's remains daown frum th' top "
The man from California waited to hear no more, but
grasping his precious box with a firmer grip, he hastened to
the Potdmac river, where he could throw his affectionately
remembered wife's ashes into the water, and not risk the
danger of having them swallowed by a lot of open-mouthed
sight-seers. As for Uncle Hank, after quietly smiling to himself at
the man who wished to turn the park into a cemetery, he
280
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
proceeded to walk about the grounds to get a more com
plete view of the beautiful monument.
"Over five hundred en fifty-five feet high!" he said to
himself, "en th' highest structur' en the land — a fittin'
monnymint tew th' man thet stood higher en th' esteem ov
hiz fellowmen then eny man b'fore."
"Admiring the monument, uncle?" said a voice at his
elbow. On turning around, he beheld his nephew, Harry, who
had made an appointment with him to climb the stairs to
the top of the structure, to more leisurely examine the
interesting interior, which is lined with memorial stones
from various sources, as tributes to the immortal Wash
ington. "I waz jest thinkin', Harry," said the old man, "thet
et stands thar like a gauge tew measur' th' charactur' ov
th' greatest man that ever lived."
"Quite right, uncle ; and very fittingly expressed," re
plied his nephew. "Now for a climb to the top."
The pair then proceeded to the task of slowly mounting to
the top of the monument, by means of the nine hundred
steps within. As they passed through the entrance to the
interior, they were looked upon with wonder, by the crowd
in the elevator, as they started to laboriously climb the
iron stairs, ignoring the more comfortable means of reach
ing the top.
"Forty States and sixteen cities are represented in these
881
>.{
Smithsonian Institution, but is supported by Uncle Sam.
This museum is made, by law, the authorized place of
deposit for "all objects of art, archaeology, natural history,
ethnology and geology belonging to the United States when
no longer needed for investigation in progress."
Thus it happens that after every World's Fair, or Ex
position, a considerable number of exhibits, for which there
is no further use, finds its way to this unique collection
which has become so great, that to attempt to mention in
detail one in a hundred would be an almost impossible task.
The bulk of visitors are attracted to the museum building
in preference to the older Smithsonian, which is poorly
lighted and not so well fitted for exhibition purposes as its
more commodious neighbor.
As Uncle Hank appeared early one morning at the main
entrance to the museum, he deliberately surveyed the in
terior for some time. Running his eye rapidly over the
multitude of objects to examine, he nonchalantly exclaimed :
"Ye kan't see this museum en five minutes !"
Walking over to the first glass case on the right he ex
amined curiously the life and death masks of Lincoln.
Reading carefully the appended card, which contained the
words "MASK OF LINCOLN," he indignantly snorted:
'"Huh ! et's a mistake — he never wore a mask !"
A little farther along he came to some relics of President
Madison carefully arranged in a large case, which he scruti
nized closely. At length his face seemed to take on a serio-
292
THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION.
293
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
J».H.iMITH.M.C,
comic expression, as he gazed intently at one of the objects
within. "I alius hed a great respekt fer James Madison, but sum-
times aour ideels git a rude shock. He waz a great states
man, a great skollar an a man ov integritty, but — he played
a flute !" And the old man walked off like one who had
made a disagreeable discovery.
Several cases, devoted to the display of General Wash
ington's uniform and camp outfit, next attracted his atten
tion. "George Washington ! I'm ashamed ov ye," he exclaimed.
"Pewter dishes en sech common knives, en them clothes!
They wudden't bring much et a seckund-hand store."
He was, however, much better pleased at the showing
made by General Grant's relics, which included some beau
tiful swords, presents and testimonials received by the Gen
eral in his trip around the world.
Passing into the rotunda his attention was riveted to the
colossal plaster model of Crawford's statue of "Armed
Libert)'," which adorns the top of the Capitol Dome. This
statue is nineteen feet six inches high and looks very im
posing under the subdued light of the rotunda.
"Liberty emus high, but we must hev et," said the old
man, as he gazed up at the statue. "En they call et Armed
Liberty? Wall, thet's right. Et's armed with money. En
th' helmet hez a big dollar mark ontew et, en thet looks like
a money bag en th' left hand — en, by ginger ! she's winkin'
with thet left eye ! But p'r'aps et's all immaginashun, en my
294
"LIBERTY CUMS HIGH, BUT WE MUST HEV ET."
295
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
T S BUTLER JTC,
old eyes cz deceivin' me." And the old man laughed at the
idea. He then entered the hall devoted to mammals, some of
which are so remarkably well mounted that they simulate
life to an astonishing extent.
This department is also very rich in geological specimens,
as it is the depository of the United States Geological Sur
vey. "Sermons en Stones !" remarked the old man as he
stooped over a large rock on which were plainly to be dis
cerned the footprints of birds that must have lived thou
sands of years ago. "We think we're livin' fer tew-day,
only, en don't stop tew think we're leavin' aour tracks be
hind." Wandering into the next hall he noted with curiosity the
exhibition of cutting implements.
"Frum th' stone hatchit tew th' fine steel knife. Et's like
followin' th' progress ov th' human race."
And then the Egyptian mummies claimed his attention.
A long row of mummy cases, decorated with Egyptian
hieroglyphics, painted in all sorts of fancy colors, presented
anything but a funereal aspect. One particularly fine speci
men was stood on its feet, propped up against the wall, with
a small portion of its dried up visage showing through the
bandages. As the old man peered into the face of the
mummy, he pondered long as if in deep thought.
"Four thousand years ago," he said, "ye lived, en I reckon
ye waz a good church member, fer I see they giv' ye what
passed en them days fer a decent Christian burial. En I
290
SOME PROMINENT REPRESENTATIVES.
297
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
0.H.AULEN.HC. HY.
hain't no doubt ye waz a deekon, fer ye look like old Deeken
Snodgrass. En like ez not ye waz a member ov Congress
them days, fer thet looks like one ov yer speeches they've
buried 'long with ye."
So saying, he designated a roll of papyrus that was
fastened to one side of the sarcophagus. And carefully
adjusting his spectacles, he stooped over in an endeavor to
decipher the hieroglyphics.
"Et looks tew me like a speech on th' Trust questshun ;
fer thar's a row ov figgers standin' b'fore a man with a lot
er pots back ov him. Et's easy tew see thet means a strike
of a Labor Union agin a Trust — fer I reckon them jars ez
money jars, en th' man en front ez th' preserdent ov a
Trust en them days." And the old man ruminated over
what he considered the probable status of the man four
thousand years ago.
Then slowly walking along, carefully noting everything
of interest, occasionally stopping to examine some exhibit
of more than ordinary importance from his point of view,
he at length found himself in the midst of a fine display of
nautical craft, embracing everything that would float on
water, from a dugout canoe to the latest design of ocean
steamship. Of particular interest to his ingenoius Yankee
mind was the display of models, showing the evolution of
the propeller.
"Et's so simple en construcshun," said he, "thet et's hard
tew realize thet et waz only discuvered a few years ago, en
thet th' world hed tew do so long withaout et." And lean-
298
c4k
JOHN PIERPONT MORGAN, the Field Marshal of Tndustry. His wonderful grasp of public
affairs is marvelous. His hand can be seen in schemes that reach around the globe.
Like A'exander, his plans of conquest embrace the entire world, but where the Grecian
conqueror drew his sword, the American draws his check. It is rumored that he is en-
deavor'ng to form the thrones of Europe into a Trust, with offices in a Broadway sky
scraper.
299
R,I,,HENRY.M,C. TfcX.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
ing over, he ran his fingers over the fin-like model of the
first propeller. Then turning around, he espied a number of
skeletons in another hall. It was not long before he was
deeply immersed in the intricacies of skeleton lore.
"H'yars th' place fer bare facts. Thar's no conseelmint.
Ye' kin git inside infermashun en this departmint !" he ex
claimed, as he scanned the multitude of skeletons that filled
ti:e hall.
" V-E-R-T-E-B-R-A-T-E P-A-L-E-O-N-T-O-L-O-G-Y,"
read he, deciphering the large gilt sign designating the
contents of the room.
"Vertybrat Palintolegy? I kan't say ez haow I kno what
thet means — et's sun'thin' about 'brats' en palin'-fences,
I reckon." As he was about to leave this hall after having spent
considerable time in examining the curious little bones
that constitute the vertebrae of the reptile species, his at
tention was attracted to a series of skeletons ranging from
the small monkey to the human being.
Scrutinizing each skeleton carefully, he finally came to the
culminating example of the evolution of the species, man.
Standing before this product of the evolutionary scheme,
with his arms folded and his chin resting on his hand, he
gave vent to the train of thought that had been forming
in his mind. "Th' lord ov creashun ! Th' proud, hawty
en arrygant master ov th' world !" soliloquized he. "When
yer stripped tew th' bone, ye don't look tew hev sich a
great advantage over th' rest ov th' animal creashun."
300
W.T ZEi*Ofi.M.C, 1ND.
J.JJNOOR.M.C. O.
F.A.M?LAIN .M.C
Mlii.
CJ.COtHRAK.M.C. MISS.
CAPlTtfLLK. .M.C
.n.tc
J. HJTEPHENX M C.
TEX.
J.R.WILLI AMX.M.C.
ILL
JOUTH TRIMBLE.r-l.C. KY.
W.D.VANDIVER M.C.
.MO.
J. .r.WlLLLAMJ-. M.C.
MUX
. C.R. THOMAS .MX
KY.
M.AJIOODY.M.C. ORE.
C.N. FOWLER. M.C.
is. a.
R.B.-yC/NRBQROUC-H.M.C. -S.C.
AN INFLUENTIAL GROUP OF CONGRESSMEN,
301
J.J.FITZf.E-RAXD.M.C.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
The more the inquisitive Yankee investigated, the more
he found to interest him. There were cases filled with gems
and precious stones, Alaskan relics, ores, meteorites, Indian
pottery, idols, casts of reptiles and fishes, botanical speci
mens and geological curiosities.
Aiter he had exhaustively searched through the mass, he
repaired to the Smithsonian building close by. Here he
found practically the same sort of exhibition, only on a
much smaller scale.
It has, however, one feature that places it in the front
rank of the scientific institutions of the world. This is its
magnificent library of two hundred and twenty-five thou
sand volumes.
As the old man had about concluded his tour, and was
preparing to leave the building, a short fat man with a very
heavy beard and a very bald head stopped him to inquire
if he could direct him to the Entomological Department.
"What dew they hev en thet departmint?" he inquired.
"Insects, bugs, et cetera," replied the seeker after informa
tion. "Wall, right over yonder," answered the old man, point
ing his finger in the direction of the bug exhibit, "thar's
cverythin' en th' world en th' shape ov bugs, 'ceptin' one."
"Excepting one !" exclaimed his interrogator in surprise
at the thought that the famous collection should be found
incomplete in any particular. "What variety did you find
missing?" "Th' hum-bug," responded the practical joker.
302
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XXV.
THE CURBSTONE MARKET PLACE.
l.POWEBt M.C.
ME.
CWO barrels supporting a couple of wide boards
on which were placed sundry baskets of
eggs, apples, carrots and sweet potatoes,
comprised the nucleus of Abraham Lincoln
White's stand just outside of Center Market. Ranged
around this nucleus were several open boxes containing
corn on the cob. parsnips, onions and walnuts. In addition
to this was an old tub containing a small quantity of butter
in pound lumps.
Mr. White was black; so black, indeed, that it was diffi
cult to discern the intensely black pipe he held in his mouth.
Furthermore, he was an exceedingly picturesque personage
in many respects. His coat had been patched so often, that
the patches seemed to constitute the greater part of the
garment. In regard to his nether extremities, it was rather a hard
matter to tell where they started or where they left off,
as his feet were encased in coarse bagging secured in place
by pieces of twine wrapped round and round. This served
the double purpose of keeping Mr. White's feet free from
the snow that lightly covered the sidewalk, and also to
303
J..S.ROB!NvfOH.M.C. NEB.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
keep them warm ; for it was only in the mildest weather that
this son of Africa did not feel cold.
If Mr. White was picturesque, Mr. White's market wagon
was spectacular — repaired again and again until there was
not left a single stick of wood or iron, or a solitary stitch
of canvas that constituted its original make-up. In order
to ease the strain on some of the weaker parts of the
wheels, strips of wood were bound with wire diagonally
across the spokes, in such a manner that at every rotation
of the wheel the ends of the homely splint would strike
the ground with a jar that would momentarily threaten
disaster. The sidewalk along the Mall, fronting the market house
proper, was lined with similar ramshackle market vehicles
as far as the eye could reach, and, as it was Saturday
morning, business was brisk.
Uncle Hank — who had been advised to visit the "Mar
ket" on market day, if he wished to see one of the most
interesting sights of Washington — was sauntering along
this curbstone market place when he chanced to see the
unique Mr. White.
"Haow much ez butter this mornin' ?" inquired he, more
for the purpose of "drawing out," the darky, than with
any intention of purchasing.
"Buttah?""Yes."
"Well, they'se gittin' twenty-seben cents inside dar," in
dicating the Market Plouse across the way by a jerk
304
JAMES WILSON, Secretary of Agriculture, Is one of the we'1-known figures of
Washington Officta' life. Born in Scotland, he shares with that other great
Scotchman, Andrew Carneg'e, the distinction of being a great "give away" —
giving away great packages of seeds to needy farmers throughout the land
with as lavish a hand as his famous fellow countryman does libraries. Ia
author of many valuable works on agriculture, chief among which is his
great treatise entitled; "Do gold bricks make good building material?"
305
s.c
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
of his thumb over his shoulder, "but ah reckon ah kin let
yo' hab sum fo' twenty-foah cents."
As the old man did not make an immediate response
to this offer, the darky added : "Dar's anoder tub in de
'fix' dat p'haps yo'd like bettah !"
"En why d'ye call thet a 'fix'?" inquired the old man
with some curiosity.
"Ef yo' look right close yo' won't hab to ax dat ques-
t'shun," replied the proprietor.
"I guess ye'll hev tew 'xplain," replied the old man after
looking over the rig.
"Don't yo' see?" explained the darky, "we calls em
'fixes' cos we fixes 'em so often." And the grin that spread
over his black face was a revelation.
"Whar on airth did ye git thet hoss?" exclaimed the
old man, as his eye caught sight of the old nag that stood
with head bowed down almost to the ground — a most
dejected looking animal, with legs swollen by old age, and
hide roughened and toughened by exposure to rain and
wind. "Dat hoss am good fo' many yeahs yit," doggedly re
plied the colored farmer.
A little farther down the line the old man encountered
a rig so remarkable in make-up that he was forced to stop
and examine it. What had once been an old family coach
was now doing service for an old "mammy" who had just
arrived from Charles County, Maryland. As the old ne-
gress removed the baskets of vegetables, poultry, fruit and
306
fylr'^S '
DANIEL WEBSTER MARKETING.
307
..C . V5S a. dor
VonHolleb«n.
A SKETCH AT THE ARLINGTON HOTEL.
313
W.H.PRAPER.TT.C
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
At this juncture a neatly attired gentleman entered the
lobby. He was apparently known to everybody, as he
bowed to every one. It was Admiral Dewey ; and he was
soon the center of an animated group of acquaintances,
among whom could be discerned Senators Spooner, Fair
banks and Kean.
"This hotel," said Plarry, "is noted for the many elegant
entertainments given here during the season ; the one given
by Mrs. Planna, a few weeks ago, is said to have cost ten
thousand dollars."
"Thet's a lot ov money," commented the old man.
"Casting bread on the political waters," was the reply.
"Not bread, Harry — cake !" And the old man chuckled,
shooting a glance at the Ohio Senator over in the corner,
as they passed out of the corridor on their way to resume
their tour.
As they passed the "Shoreham," several florists' wagons
were seen unloading the most beautiful creations in the
florist's art.
"A big reception to-night," remarked Harry.
"Washin'ton ez sartinly a gay place durin' th' sesshun."
"This hotel is owned by ex-Yice-President Morton, who
named it after his birthplace in Vermont. Yonder is the
famous 'Chamberlin's,' and on the opposite corner is 'La
Normandie.' "
As they reached the corner, Plarry produced a couple
of cigars which they lighted, and, as they continued their
walk, talked "hotel" in all its phases.
314
Mi's* Susan Qu»y. Sen. John Ke*n. Sen. MllUrd. Mi« Jewel lUy. 5en.P|kH-. Mrs. John H»y.
A RECEPTION AT THB ARLINGTON HOTEL.
TL5
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
J .W.WAD^WORTl-I. M.C
"The average Congressman," said the nephew, "lives
at the best hotel during his first term — he is so elated
at his elevation. During his second term, (should he be
so fortunate as to be elected a second time,) he generally
selects an hotel with a high reputation, but not the usual
selects an hotel with a high reputation, but not the usual
ly at some boarding-house, where the expense of living
does not make such serious inroads into his salary.
" 'La Fetra's Hotel,' over there, on the next corner," said
he, "is the famous Temperance Hotel kept by Mrs. La
Fetra, the former president of the Woman's Christian Tem
perance Union."
As they approached the palatial Raleigh Hotel, Harry
gave a short sketch of its history. Said he : "This was for
merly the Kirkwood House, where the attempt was made
to assassinate Vice-President Johnson, on the night of April
14th, 1865. The next day, in this hotel, he took the oath
of office that made him President of the United States."
Entering the lobby, the pair selected a couple of easy-
chairs where they could readily survey the interior.
As soon as they were seated they noted a restless looking
individual seated on an adjacent chair, a wide-brimmed,
black slouch hat on his head, and a long black cigar in his
mouth. With an easy familiarity he leaned over to Har
ry, as he remarked :
"This place makes me tired. Everybody you meet is
either a Senator, or a General, or an M. C, — and gee-whiz,
what a dead slow town it is after dark ! My doctor told
316
a
»
^^a -.. l. ' J.. ,¦ .-. ,- ¦ '. ... .. '.TT-^ ^®1»4
317
F.rJ. KERN. M.C.
ILL
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
me to break away from business and take a trip to Washing
ton to see the fine buildings ; — why, there isn't a sky-scraper
in the lot. And theaters — you could put 'em all inside
of the Auditorium."
"You're from Chicago, I presume?" ventured Harry,
somewhat amused at his tirade.
"Yes, sir'ee ! the finest town in the country ! The very
air is charged with electric energy."
"En smoke," interjected Uncle Hank.
"The smoke is only an evidence of superabundant en
ergy." "Have you seen the parks?" inquired Harry.
"The parks ! bah — don't compare with She-cogo's parks.
"I'm going to leave on the next train, and when I get
back to 'God's country,' I'll never leave it again." And
he jumped up abruptly to search for a railway time-table
in the bar-room.
A broad smile suffused the faces of Uncle Hank and his
nephew, as he disappeared.
The scene in the "Raleigh" was closely akin to that of the
"Willard." The surroundings were as elegant as a lib
eral expenditure of money could make them ; and the soft,
tuneful music from a fine orchestra served to lend an air
of refinement to the large, brilliantly lighted lobby, that
was very pleasing.
"We will now walk down the avenue to see what the
older hotels have to offer in the way of attraction," said
Harry, as they emerged from the Pennsylvania Avenue
318
FORD'S THEATRE.
"Whar honest Old Abe waz assassinated.*
319
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
** JV.V-
exit, after having passed through the elegant dining room
which was filled to repletion — for it was the fashionable
dining hour.
"The 'St. James' opposite," said he, as they reached the
corner of Sixth Street, "is the stranger's hotel. Situated
opposite to the principal railway station, by reason of its
rather attractive make-up, it attracts many visitors, who
arrive without having any prearranged place to go to."
Grouped about, the entrance to the "New National" were
knots of men in frock coats and slouch hats that proclaimed
them to be Members of Congress — principally from the
South. As the old man . and his nephew walked up the long
corridor-like lobby, the latter remarked :
"This building is nearly one hundred years old. Here
Thaddeus Stevens, Henry Clay, James Buchanan, and many
other eminent men lived while in Washington. James
Buchanan went from here to be inaugurated President of
the United States, and in a room directly above us, on
the second floor, the great Henry Clav died."
"Hotel life en a great city ez very fine en ets way; but
ez fer me, giv' me th' leetle attic room tew hum en pref'r-
ence tew th' finest room en th' grandest hotel," remarked
the old man, as his thoughts reverted to his dear old
New England home.
3*0
,/BS? lovo.
/}£/?£VM/SO#,&/?.
JHx/>so/y Tim.
IN THE LOBBY OF THE NEW NATIONAL HOTEL.
321
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XXVII.
A VISIT TO THE POSTAL CEMETERY.
W.H.U ourt I as. M C
€T'S estonishin' haow they giv' everybody en every-
thin' a titel here en Washin'ton," exclaimed
Uncle Hank as he stood on the corner of Twelfth
Street and Pennsylvania Avenue and amusingly
contemplated the handsome building opposite. "Thar's th'
'Gineral' Post-Offis!"
The broad avenue was a mass of vehicles. It was ten
o'clock and the swirl of traffic was at its height and it was
all the old man could do to cross without being run over ;
finally after dodging a couple of automobiles going in differ
ent directions and barely escaping death from a swiftly mov
ing trolley car, he managed to reach the opposite sidewalk.
"Young man," said he as he finally reached the elevator
in the Post Office Building and caught sight of the youth
that manipulated the affair, "I've kum tew inspect yer
Buildin'." "Step right inside and I'll take you up to the top and then
you can walk down, inspecting as you go."
"Much obleeged," replied the old man as he stepped into
the cage. "Be yew one ov th' offishels?"
"Oh, yes," replied the youth as he gave the guide rope a
322
"ET'S ESTONISHIN' HAOW THEY GIV EVERYBODY EN EVERYTHIN' A TITEL HERE EN WASH-
IN'TON-TIIAR'S TH' 'GINERAL' POST OPPIS!"
3',?3
R.H.FOEROERER,>I.C PA.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
jerk and the elevator slowly ascended, "you see I'm the four
hundredth Assistant Postmaster General."
"I want tew kno' !" cried the old man looking quizzically
at him.
"Oh, yes," continued the youth, "I assist the Postmaster
General to his office on the Fifth floor ; and the Post Master
General has repeatedly assured me that while there are
other assistant Postmaster Generals in the department, my
position is by far the most elevating one."
"Yer a risin' young man," retorted Uncle Hank as he
stepped off the elevator at the top floor.
Walking around the gallery he came to the Dead-Letter
Museum. Here he found numbers of clerks busily engaged
in opening piles of misdirected letters and packages. A
little further along he noticed little piles of money which
had been taken from some of the letters. At another place
a lot of jewelry, and on one table was piled a lot of kid
gloves, lace collars, corsets, drawing instruments, telescopes,
opera glasses and manicure sets.
"Fifty thousand photographs go astray in the mails every
year," explained a polite official to the old man.
"Et's growed tew sech proporshuns thet ye hed ought tew
call et th' Postel Cemiterry," remarked the Yankee.
"It isn't as dead as it looks," replied the official. "The
other day we took out of one of the packages a live snake
and two crawling alligators."
"Sum folks ez mighty keerless abaout sendin' money en
3*4
&raMg&&^ *^*^«,':',r \---\-<^v'A^
«SS»p&fgg
-^^v^.* >> «isws>^i^w^»5
POSTMASTER GENERAL HENRY C PAYNE AT HIS DESK.
A Sketch from Life.
325
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
J.D.BEl,LAM?\.iv1 c
th' mails," observed the old man looking towards the con
stantly augmenting pile of money on one of the tables.
"Over fifty thousand dollars is found every year in these
letters," replied he.
After examining the curiosities in the museum, consist
ing of coins in frames, war time photographs, envelopes with
"blind" addresses which have been deciphered by experts,
Uncle Hank continued his rambles around the different gal
leries that surrounded the big open court in the center of
the building. Coming suddenly upon the Postmaster Gen
eral's Office his attention was directed to a large portrait
of former Postmaster General Wanamaker which adorned
the wall.
"There is the man who did more to make the Post-Offis
the perfect organization it is to-day than any chief it ever
had," exclaimed an old gray-headed official who had ob
served Uncle Hank looking at the portrait.
"Et's a tarnel shame thar's not more Wannymakers en th'
publick sarvace — ef th' people waz smart they'd send th'
polytishuns tew th' rear, en bizness men tew th' Senit en
tew th' Departmints."
"If they did there would soon be an end to the abuse of
the franking privilege that is now so prevalent," signifi
cantly replied the official.
"Haow so?" inquired Uncle Hank curiously.
"A well-known politician franked a book-case containing
his entire library the other day. The official looked indignant
at the thought that the Post office should be put to such use.
326
STORY'S MARSHALL.
"ET'S FACIN' TH' WRONG WAY— THEM LAW-MAKERS OVER YONDER NEEDS WATCHIN'
327
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
T. OTJEN.M.C. WIf,
CHAPTER XXVIII.
SCULPTURES AND TAIXTlNGS.
'For the Venus of Milo I do not care,
Though I ozvn, she may have charms,
The dearest girl beyond compare,
Is the girl zvith encircling arms."
CHUS warbled Harry who stood with his uncle in
the Corcoran Gallery in front of the reproduction
of the celebrated armless statue that was un
earthed on the island of Milo in 1820.
"I see ye've got an eye fer female beauty," laughingly
remarked his uncle.
"Well, that kind is perfectly 'armless," replied he.
At this juncture an antique specimen of femininity ap
proached. She was of the long, attenuated type, possess
ing none of the attractive features of her sex. After scru
tinizing the statue closely she was heard to murmur in sin
cere admiration : "How lovely is female beauty !"
Moving over to another part of the gallery Harry and his
uncle halted in front of Powers' "Greek Slave."
"Now contrast this statue with the 'Venus of Milo,' '' said
Harry. "How far the work of the Vermont sculptor falls
below that of the ancient artist who lived four hundred years
323
IN THE CORCORAN GALLERY.
ANTIQUE FEMALE— "How lovely is female beauty!"
329
C,'LONG. W-^
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
before Christ. How devoid of expression the face is; how
lightly she bears the chain of slavery which encircles her
wrists. And yet this statue created a great sensation in this
country fifty years ago, being exhibited in every large city
and extolled as one of the greatest masterpieces of sculpture
in the world."
"Wall, they didn't know much abaout Art en this country
fifty years ago, Harry."
"The American people know precious little about it to
day, or they wouldn't tolerate the monstrosities in Art that
pass for public monuments to their great men," replied
Harry as the pair moved along to another gallery.
"H'yar's whar they've got tew cum tew larn."
"Yes, and Banker Corcoran rendered the city a great serv
ice when he erected such a beautiful temple to Art," said
the nephew as he contemplated the elegant Art Gallery.
Entering the section devoted to modern paintings the
large canvas of Jerome's entitled "Caesar Dead" attracted
their attention.
An old colored man stood before this strikingly dramatic
picture, with an exceedingly puzzled countenance. Turn
ing around as Uncle Hank approached he appealed to him
for information respecting its meaning.
"Ye see, Joolius Ceesar waz a Roman statesman — th'
leader ov th' Senit — sum ov th' Senitors thot he waz gettin'
a swelled head an' abaout tew declare himself boss. So
they formed a conspiracy to block hiz game. One day ez
he waz goin' daown th' avenoo tew th' capitol he waz warned
330
WASHINGTON FROM ARLINGTON HEIGHTS.
UNCLE HANK— "Over yonder stands th' moniment orected tew th' man who couldn't tell a He, am*
H'8 high enuf fer everybody tew see tn' pint."
331
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
NICW.
tew beware ov th' fourth ov March — but he heeded not ; en
when he reached th' Senit Chamber he waz set upon by a
lot ov anarchists frum Paterson, Noo Jersey, en stabbebd
twenty-nine times. One ov th' anarchists he reckonized ez
Mr. Brutus en ez he did so very properly called him a brute.
Then after throwin' a double summersalt he expired et th'
foot of Pompey's pillar. Pompey waz a cullered white
washer frum daown South."
This vivid description impressed the old darky very
much and he examined the painting with redoubled interest.
As for Uncle Hank he held his head tightly over his
mouth to repress his feelings as he moved away.
This gallery was found to be very interesting from the
fact that it contained many originals made familiar by
popular engravings taken therefrom, among the more notice
able of which was Miller's "Charlotte Corday" — that pa
thetic face behind the prison bars. Also some very fine ex
amples of Corot and Troyon.
After wandering around the galleries for some time, stop
ping occasionally to scrutinize a particularly attractive sub
ject, the pair halted abruptly before the beautifully modelled
statue of Napoleon by Vincenzo Velas. This statue repre
sents the great soldier in his last days. Seated in a large
chair with his back propped up with a pillow and his lap
covered by a large map on which was outlined the scenes
of his memorable campaigns, the old commander was
fighting his battles over again. It is an exceedingly effec
tive bit of sculpture. 332
IN ARLINGTON CEMETERY.
333
H.BUBK-M.C. PENltf,.
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
Descending the broad stairway to the gallery containing
the Tayloe Collection, the pair came to a painting of an
other great soldier who did not end his days as an exile on
a lonely island the captive of a hated foe; but who ended
his days honored and" revered in his native land — George
Washington. This painting is by Gilbert Stuart and is cer
tainly a masterpiece.
As Uncle Hank and his nephew concluded their tour of
the beautiful building they voted the Corcoran Art Gallery
one of the very attractive features of Washington.
AL.M?DBRMOTT.nC> W.J.
334
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XXIX.
THE STATUES.
6.D.Wood^ji.<. CAJ>
SEE here, Harry ! I've bin standin' here half an
hour tryin' tew make aout who en thunder thet
statoo ez erected tew," said Uncle Hank to his
nephew as they stood on the corner of Sixteenth
Street and Massachusetts Avenue.
"That's the Hahnemann Statue."
"Thet's what th' policeman told me — Et waz th' Hanna-
man Statoo — but what Hanna Man?"
"Uncle," said Harry, detecting a smile on the old man's
face, "this statue is no joke. It is one of the finest specimens
of the plastic art in America. It was modeled by Niehaus,
and cost seventy-five thousand dollars."
"What's th' meanin' ov them Latin words on th' pedes
tal?" "Similia — Similibus — Curantur — Like cures Like."
"Er Thief tew ketch a Thief."
"Practically the same."
"What's thet statoo yoinder ?" inquired the old man point
ing to a large equestrian statue of the hero of the Mexican
War.
335
r.C..STE/tMJi.M,C,
STATUE OF GENERAL ANDREW JACKSON.
"ET WOULD AMOOSE TH' CHILDREN A HEAP SIGHT MORE EF THEY'D PUT ROCKERS UNDER
ET EN MAKE ET KNTO A HOBBY-IIOSS."
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AROUND THE CAPITAL
"That is the Scott statue which gives name to this circle;
suppose we walk over to examine it at closer range.
"Great Scott !" ejaculated the old man as they reached
the base of the majestic piece of sculpture.
"Great statue, too," replied Harry. "One of the most re
markable features of this monument is the fact that its
pedestal is composed of five of the largest blocks of stone
ever quarried in the United States."
"Thar's th' statoo ov an expoogilist," said Uncle Hank as
they approached the next piece of statuary on the circle.
"I don't know that it is," replied his nephew looking in
quiringly into his face for an explanation.
"Thar et ez on th' base — Ex-pounder an Defender ov th'
Constitooshun "
"That's Daniel Webster — and by the way, these three
statues are said to represent the three Departments — Web
ster the Department of State, Scott the Department o|f War,
and Hahnemann the Department of the Interior."
"Thar's one more statoo needed tew complete th' circle."
"What's that?"
"A figger ov Senitor Hanna et th' foot of Labor."
"And what would that signify?"
"Mark-Down.""And what Department?"
"Dep'artmint Store." And the pair laughed aloud as
they locked arms and marched away in search of other
statues.
337
J.P.K.HALL.M.C
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
After viewing the beautiful Logan monument in Iowa
Circle and Ward's Equestrian Statue to Gen. Geo. Thomas in
Thomas Circle, they finally arrived at the base of that won
derfully strenuous-looking piece of sculpture by Clark Mills;
the statue of General Andrew Jackson in Lafayette Square.
"The remarkable part of this statue is the way in which
the sculptor has maintained the center of gravity by making
the head hollow and the tail solid so that the horse is en
abled to stand on its hind legs without any other support,"
said Harry.
" 'Tain't a good idee — tew reprisent Gineral Jackson ez
an empty head. Et would amoose th' children en th' park
a heap sight more ef they'd put rockers under et en make et
ento a hobby-hoss." i
"Well, here is a far more artistic piece of work," said
Harry as they reached the Lafayette Memorial. Upon a
lofty pedestal a beautifully modeled figure of the graceful
Marquis de Lafayette stood with hand outstretched, while
at the base the figures of De Grasse, D'Estaing, R.ochambeau
and Duportail were posed as fitting auxiliaries ; the whole
constituting a very artistic monument.
"About every other statue in Washington should be taken
from its pedestal and remodeled by the more competent
artists of to-day," remarked Harry.
"We're tew busy makin' money," retorted the old man.
338
AROUND THE CAPITAL.
CHAPTER XXX.
THE NAVY YARD.
TT was early morning at Uncle Sam's Navy Yard.
Small groups of workingmen were coming in all
directions to engage in their respective tasks for
the coming day. As the hour for commencing ap
proached, the hurrying groups increased in size until ihe
streets leading to the entrances were crowded.
Iron workers, brass workers, wood workers, machinists,
moulders — bright, intelligent looking men, all.
These were the men who made it possible for the "Man on
the Bridge," and the "Man behind the Gun" to do the work
that evoked the applause and aroused the enthusiasm of the
nation in time of war.
As the stream of workers poured through the gateway, it
might have been noticed that there was one who was pal
pably not a worker — at least, not in this field. His step was
too leisurely and he evinced no particular desire to reach any
one of the numerous shops in a hurry, as did the others in
the skurrying throngs.
It was the figure of Uncle Hank that seemed so utterly
out of place amid these swarms of busy bees hastening to
their respective hives of industry — a drone among the work-
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J.'B.WHlTE.r»«